Mojo Monday - The Surprising Upside of Caring What People Think With Carly Taylor

Worrying about what others think is a completely human experience—we all do it.

In today’s Mojo Monday, Carly Taylor explores when the fear of judgment can actually support your growth, and how to recognise when it’s holding you back. She shares practical ways to shift your focus, so you can use that worry as a guide—not a barrier—on the path to living more authentically.

Carly Taylor is a Mental Fitness Coach and speaker passionate about helping people tame their mind so they can live a rich, meaningful and fulfilled life. She is trained in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), Japanese Psychology, is an IIN qualified Health Coach and is currently undergoing a Masters of Counselling.

Connect with Carly:

Website: www.carlytaylorcoaching.com.au
Instagram: carly_taylor_coaching
Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/carly-taylor-61134bb9/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi everyone, Carlie Taller here for this week's Mojo Monday.
So I'm going to start with a question, how much
do you worry what other people think of you? And
how much does what other people think of you affect
what you do or don't do. So the second question
is important because so often we will make a choice

(00:31):
based on what other people's judgment of us is, or
at least the perceived judgment, which is totally normal, but
also it can become the thing that stops you from
doing what matters to you. It stops you from living
your life to the fullest, It stops you from reaching

(00:51):
your potential, and it stops you from doing the things
that deep down you really want to do. And it
can become a fault for so many people, not realizing
that they are basing their choices on what other people
may think. So we're all wired to want connection and

(01:12):
belonging and that is not a weakness, that's biology. But
sometimes that healthy desire for connection turns into people pleasing
or what we'll call self silencing, where we can make
ourselves small. And the problem is that we think we
know what other people are thinking, but at the end

(01:33):
of the day, we don't because there's no crystal ball,
there's no mind reading. There's just our assumptions, and they're
usually shaped by self doubt or past experiences. But here's
something to consider. Not everybody's feedback or not everybody's judgment

(01:53):
of us is equal.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
So there are people.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Whose opinions or thoughts about our actually do matter to us,
and then there are opinions of people who don't really matter,
but for some reason, our minds make it out that
it does matter.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
And I think it's really important to get clear on that.

Speaker 1 (02:14):
And there's this Bob Dylan quote in a song which
I really love, and I will admit that I am
a bit of a worrier what people think of me.
And when I have spoken to or talked to Paul,
my husband about it and host of this podcast, he
will often quote this line to me, so's it doesn't

(02:37):
mean that much to me to mean that much to you.
So I'll say that again, it doesn't mean that much
to me to mean that much to you.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
So maybe that's a question.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
To ask ourselves, does the judgment of this person mean
anything to me? And here's another perspective on this. What
if the discomfort you're feeling about being judged by this
person is actually an opportunity, an opportunity to develop a
really powerful life skill, and that is focusing rather than

(03:14):
focusing on what they're thinking and worrying about what someone
else is thinking, you focus on what actually matters to you,
and you commit to what matters to you. You do
what's important to you despite those noisy thoughts, despite what
others may or may not be thinking about you. And

(03:35):
that's a real skill to keep moving forward even when
that worry shows up, because it's so easy to retreat
back and go, oh, no, that person's thinking this of me.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
I can't do that.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
So that's where the real work is, not getting rid
of those thoughts and not going into battle with them,
but learning to walk alongside them and still move in the.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Direction that matters to you.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
And the thing is is you actually get to choose
whose opinion matters. And I think that's where where we
can take a step back and look at this just
from a bit of a distance, because if the person
you are worrying about actually does share your values or
is on a similar path to you, or somebody that
you admire, then maybe your perception of their judgment or

(04:28):
what they're thinking of you is actually going to be helpful.
So let those possible opinions guide you, so you can
ask yourself, if they were thinking these things, is that
helpful to me? Is there anything that I can do
in response to that? So don't be guided by the
random critic in your head of people whose opinions are

(04:48):
actually not relevant to you unless you choose.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
To make them relevant.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
So for me, it does matter to me what my
friends think of me and I approach this is feedback,
and that's often helpful for growth and improvement. But at
the end of the day, unless they are telling you
outright what they are thinking, you don't really know.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's all just in your head. It's not reality.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
But the thoughts in your head they could be helpful.
They may or may not be helpful, but there could
be a message there. And there's no harm in reflecting
on the choices that you're making right now and whether
there are alternative choices. So here are the takeaways from this.
You can't control what people think, but you can choose

(05:36):
what you focus on and what actions you take, So
don't let the perceived judgment.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Of others stop you in your tracks.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
You can move through it and focus.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
On what you need to do.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
And you can also approach these worried thoughts as whether
they're helpful to you or not helpful, and if they
are helpful, then you can do some problem solving there,
but if they're not helpful, then you put your attention
onto what matters and worrying about the judgment of others.
It isn't a floor, so there's no need to fight it.

(06:10):
It's a moment to practice living more in alignment with
what really matters to you, and you can take that
worry discomfort along for the ride.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
So that's all for this week.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Thank you for tuning in again and as always, keeps
showing up for yourself even when they're in a credit
is allowed, or even when you're unsure of what others
may or may not be thinking. I will catch you
next week. See ya,