March 21, 2025 • 60 mins
A captivating conversation with Andy Reid, a renowned auctioneer, coach, and author of the book "Success Curious." Their discussion dives into the intricacies of defining success, understanding personal identity, and the power of authenticity in both professional and personal realms.
What You'll Learn:
- Embracing Authenticity and Success: Andy shares his journey of understanding what it truly means to be successful. He emphasises the importance of self-awareness and authenticity in achieving and defining personal success.
- The Impact of challenging experiences: Both Paul and Andy reflect on how significant experiences have shaped their paths, offering insights into how adversity can become a catalyst for positive change.
- The Existential Vacuum and Identity: The conversation delves into how the breakdown of religion and traditional value systems have led to a quest for identity and meaning in modern society.
- Self-Exploration Techniques: Andy provides practical exercises for self-discovery, such as identifying core values to better understand and navigate one's life purpose.
Key Takeaways:
- Success is a personal journey best defined by one's own values and authenticity.
- Understanding and embracing one's identity is crucial for personal and professional fulfillment.
- Life's challenges often serve as catalysts for immense personal growth.
- It's vital to remain open to learning and evolving in the pursuit of a meaningful and successful life.
Resources:
For those seeking more insights, Andy Reid can be reached through his website, and his book "Success Curious" is available for readers eager to delve deeper into these transformative concepts.
Support and share:
If you found this discussion insightful, subscribe, rate, and leave a review on your preferred podcast platform to help us continue bringing vital conversations to light.
Share this post with someone who may be seeking insight into how understanding oneself can lead to a more fulfilling and successful life.
00:17 Discussing the PhD Journey
01:59 Life in Australia vs. Britain
03:41 Career Journey: From Engineering to Hospitality
05:42 Transition to Real Estate and Auctioneering
09:49 Success and High Performance
21:09 The Concept of Authenticity
28:05 Existential Vacuum and Religion
31:02 The Influence of Social Media on Identity
31:46 A Conversation About Faith
33:59 The Role of Leaders in Shaping Identity
37:37 Political Polarization and Empathy
39:44 Self-Exploration and Knowing Thyself
42:35 Defining Personal Success
48:25 The Impact of Trauma on Personal Growth
55:41 Looking Forward: Excitement for the Future
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Andy Reid, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Thank you so much for having me. Paul. How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I am very good.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I will be all the better in about a week
when I submit my pH d.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Finally, how long has that taken you?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
For four years.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
But I've had a bit of a false start because
I started doing and something else and the end that,
for certain reasons didn't happen, so I then started again.
So I've got a made of mind, who goes, fucking hell,
you've been doing a PhD forever?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Seems to be the way right with that PhD carry on?
I mean, look, it's far too educated for me, for
the likes a little of me, but for the consistence, persistence,
I think you should get one, just for persisting with it. Man,
it's so impressive to see people that have just got
the have just the resolve to survive it, right, It's
very impressive.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Well, often, you know, people take a long time. I
know people have taken seventy eight years, but now UNIS
and UNIS used to be quite happy with that, but
now I think there's pressure a lot of pressure to
finish on time, and I think the government has tied
funding to that, which then drives behavior. Of course, I
(01:24):
officially have a month left, but I want to get
it in before then. No, I mean, we're not here
to talk about my PhD, you and your book. But
we before we get into that, we were just chating beforehand.
We were both dragged here, kicking and screaming by our
(01:47):
better halves, right.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, clearly against clearly against our will, clearly.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And held here against our Jesus and blight. He's having
a bit of a shocker at the minute, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Honestly, But I'm so glad to be this far away.
To be honest, I went back in July to visit family.
I had a grandparent of that sort of run her
time in the sun and passed away, and it was
I don't get attached to places that much, but when
I went home and walked around where I was brought
(02:26):
up and where I grew up, you know, played football
as a kid or soccer in Australia as a kid,
you know, in the park, local park, and that to
see the state that it's gotten to, I just could
feel myself getting tangibly upset. It's just it makes me
feel so grateful, even with the ridiculous amounts of traffic
(02:47):
that we have to copy here in Melbourne, and it
still makes me feel so so grateful to be here.
It makes me feel incredibly grateful to have kids that
are getting brought up here as opposed to there. You know,
it's it's never lost on us, right, how lucky we are.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Really absolutely, And look I often say that in workshops
actually when we talk about gratitude, and I say most
most immigrants like us who live in Australia are like, Okay,
the hell this place is just amazing. Honestly, when I
hear when I hear Australians complaining, I think to myself,
fuck off to a third world country for a year,
(03:25):
and or I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Live in or go or go or go visit Derby
for a week and see what it's really all about,
you know, Western civilization apparently not indeed.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
But anyway, let's let's get back. Now you've had a
wide and varied career.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
There's a potential suggestion there may be a bit of
idiotsy going on there, but talk, what do.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
You mean potentially I might as well have it tattooed
across my forehead.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
To be honest, it's only because I see overtones of myself.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
And yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
So to talk us through your career and then we
will start to talk about the book and your podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Yeah sure. So I originally engineering educated, so I've got
a degree in mechanical manufacturing engineering, but it was boring
as batshit, so I decided to get people drunk for
a living instead. I made the conscious not a lot
of people fall into hospitality. I actually made the conscious
decision to leave engineering and go into hospitality full time,
(04:36):
and so ran bars and restaurants and big venues. So
I'll let you know, before I was a Newcastle supporter,
I actually ran the the alcohol side and the drink
side of Sir James's Park for a time, which was incredible.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Really, so just for our just for our listeners, the
uneducated park is Newcastle United, which is a big football
club soccer club for the Aussies, a big one in
the UK. It's a massive club actually, and they just
we were talking about this before we come on. They
just won their first domestic trophy in over seventeen years.
(05:15):
And there's been Jordan's all around the worded and floods
of tears.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Me included, man, me included. I had lots of people
in Sydney kind of wondering if I'd had a mental
breakdown when I was crying into my porridge or my
oats or whatever it was at breakfast in restaurants and
things like that. It was an emotional time. But anyway,
so yeah, so around the bars I ran. I was
a bar manager there for a while and then looked
(05:39):
after a couple of hotels, ran a vocabar in London,
and then like yourself man met an Australian lady who
who swindled me over here kicking and screaming, and fell
in love with fell in love with Melbourne, fell in
love with Australia. And her father was a director of
a real estate firm. So I was actual approcess of
(06:00):
getting sponsored by a telecommunications firm. But he said, look,
I think you'd be good in real estate. And that
was over dinner. So I said, all right, well, if
I'm shit, been me and there'll be no hard feelings,
and discovered quite quickly, I'll say quite quickly. It took
a little while, but eventually discovered that life can be
really easy if you're just, if you're just true to
(06:23):
who you are, and and so off the back of that,
I ended up being quite successful in the real estate space,
sort of selling sixty to ninety homes a year and
going really quite well. But then fell in love with
the craft of auctioneering and again my father in my
former father in law, who I owe a lot too,
threw me into an auction as the auctioneer with two
weeks notice and it became an addiction straight away, not
(06:47):
for the attention, but just for the freedom that the
pressure brought into my mind. It was just that spot
they're nowhere to hide, complete spontaneity situation that I just
fell in love with, and off the back of that,
became obsessed with the craft of auctioneering. In twenty seventeen
started my own auctionineering business which is still running today.
(07:10):
I do between sort of four to five hundred options
a year in Melbourne real estate options that is what
the auctions and one of the most statistically one of
the most active auctioneers in Melbourne. In twenty twenty two,
was lucky enough, was fortunate enough to be named the
number number one auctioneer in Australia. Which big mouth, my
(07:32):
big mouth and an accent. You knows it covers all
sorts of inadequacies. It really really does, and.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
You've you've just summed up my career essentially.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Honestly, if people actually listen paid attention to what it
is that I'd say that, I said, I'd have very
little credibility. I think so. But the accent just lets
me get away with all sorts, which is so much fun. Yeah,
So twenty twenty two was fortunate to win that. I've
been into the sales and coaching and whatnot. Originally I
didn't want to because I came out of real estate
(08:04):
sales because my auctioneering business sort of really kicked on.
And then in twenty twenty actually, ironically, when I couldn't
do any auctions, my career really sort of kicked on.
Because it was a couple of days after mister Morrison
locked us all away in Melbourne in the March, when
(08:27):
I just woke up at two thirty in the morning
and said to her, then, why it's probably one of
the reasons why she's not my wife anymore. I woke
up at two thirty in the morning and woke her
up and just said, look, I've got to I've got
to do a live show. And then I created this
little show during COVID called The silver Lining, which was
which had a purpose of maintaining connection in a disconnected society,
(08:48):
and just did live interviews three times a day, seven
days a week. And yeah, and then yeah, which was interesting.
When I had to go back to England not long after,
I decided to kick off with it for some family reason,
so I was doing it in different time zone for
a little while as well. And yeah, and off the
back of that, just gained a whole bunch of notoriety
(09:09):
within the real estate space and as a result went
into the coaching side. Was a national head of training
for a major franchise group across Australia and New Zealand
for a couple of years. And now I run a
podcast and help people to help make success more accessible
for more humans. That's that's my whole purpose for being.
(09:30):
And and I'm very very fortunate that off the back
of my hospitality, my engineering, my real estate, my sales,
my networking career, it's just all sort of come together
and helped me to help a load of people, which
is which is really cool. I find myself to be
really fortunate.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Very cool. And you've now I written a book.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, and we actually share share a publishers. Who's awesome,
Leslie Yes? And your books success aious? So why the focus?
And you've got a podcast called High Performance People? Why
the focus on success and high performance?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Because what I've discovered, especially over the last couple of years,
but it really has come into a massive focus when
this whole book writing process came into being. I've written
the podcast as well. I've really discovered that the majority
of the world really has a problem with the whole
(10:33):
concept and feeling of success because it's not I don't
blame social media. I blame the way in which humans
are using social media in the way that this human
highlight reel. But it's it's really created a chasm between
the haves and the perceived have nots, and the perception
(10:55):
of success is becoming so bastardized, for want of a
better word, to the point where someone needs to try
and simplify all of this for people, right, And that's
what I've decided to try and take on. Whenever you
look at things like personal development and professional development courses
(11:15):
and all these things, you know you get rich quick
courses and all that sort of jazz that you see
banding around all the time, and even when you look
at some incredible literature, like you know, really world renowned literature.
You know your for hour work weeks, your atomic habits,
all those sorts of things, all those books, all your
Tony Robins stuff. For a lot of people, they get
(11:35):
inspired for a very short period of time and then
they just sort of drift back to the norm. And
I don't think that it's necessarily their fault. I feel
that the information hasn't been made to feel relatable enough
two individuals, or if you're looking at it the other way,
(11:56):
I don't feel that individuals have been given the the
knowledge and the awareness and the artillery to be able
to consume any personal development information in a way that
befits their life. So this success curious book that I
put together, which was harder than climbing a mountain for
(12:17):
someone who is riddled with ADHD, that was so difficult,
and god knows how you're doing it with a PhD.
I have no idea. I just feel that because at
first I was always trying to be a thought leader,
this whole thought and being in this notion of being
a thought leader. Man, it used to do my head
in because I'm like, I believe that I'm intelligent and
(12:40):
believe I believe that I can simplify things in a
really good way for people that they can understand and consume.
But I had no original ideas, like the ideas that
I came up with. It was a little bit like
there's a million people that came up with Uber before
Uber came up with Uber, right, and I was one
of them, And it used to put a chip on
my shoulder where now I've discovered my purpose for being
(13:03):
on this planet is not to be the person that
sings a brand new idea from the rooftops, because I
haven't got enough of an ego to be able to
do that. But I'm the guy that's got enough brain
power to be able to make it feasible for people
to understand.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
That's a very interesting that you say that, right, because
I am I call myself a pro academic, which means.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
That I like to read all.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
The geeky academic research and then turn it into tools
and solutions that normal people can use on a daily basis.
And my space just happens to be around the resilience
and hardiness and well being space, right, But very interesting
some of your observations because you know that whole drive
(13:51):
to be a thought leader and to come up with
original stuff, right. But then you realize that a lot
of the in inverted commas thought leaders are just reparroting
other people's stuff and often.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Not crediting them with it right time.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
And that pisss me off because I will always reference
people in my talks. You know, part part of that
is having that academic background where you say this person
and then you interpret it right.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
But the amount of people are particularly influencers.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
In my space that I see talking about concepts that
are clearly from someone else, but having complete ownership of
those concepts is just.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And it really infuriates because I'm like, you've just.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Ripped that person right off, given them no credit whatsoever,
and you're building yourself up.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
On a lie.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh it's mad man. And you could take it a
couple of steps further and argue that the poor ancient
Greek stoics and philosophers would be turning in their graves
if they saw how many people were commoditizing their their stuff, right,
like realistically, right, you look at your Aristotles, your Plato's,
(15:14):
your senecas and all those all those insanely intelligent minds
that that are just being translated and put into something
that's got some sexy packaging around it and then and
then fed out there for the masses to consume. You know,
it's just I couldn't agree with you more. I'm I
(15:36):
and I don't. I didn't do it on purpose. I
didn't do it intentionally at first. It was just something
that I did. I just like to give people their
their their their flowers right to quote a modern day
sort of parlance, like Rick Rushton, who's one of my mentors.
It was one of my He was my original mentor.
Like I talk about him in the book more, he's
(15:59):
you know, I talk about some of my stories and
he's the second he's like the second most mentioned person
in my book because of what he's taught me. And
I know and when he's taught me. He's been telling
me about the fact that Jim Roan was him his
mental right, yeh. And he quote any and he references
Jim Ron's stuff and he always credits you back to
(16:19):
Jim Ron. So I guess he's sort of conditioned me
to do that. And I refer to myself as one
of his disciples, right, you know, And I'm happy to be.
I'm happy to be because realistically, man, is there's could
you argue that there's no such thing as an original idea?
Could you argue.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
That, yeah, that that is that is that is a
very interesting concept, right, because that there's so much stuff
that people come up with that has been thought about before.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Because and and you know.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Particularly in that spiace of psychology and psychology well being,
that whole space, like you know, people can up with stuff. Actually,
cognitive behavior therapy to to take a point, right, which
is one of the third way of therapies, and and
and and a pretty successful one.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
But when you look at the.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Origins of cognitive behavior therapy, it was created by Ellison
Beck in the fifties and the sixties, and a lot
of it was based on Stoic philosophy, right, historics popping
up again but again not credited to the Stoics, right,
which is the little thing that annoys me. But that
(17:33):
that's let's circle back.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Into your your book.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
And so with that success curious, is there anything I'm
sure there are lots of things, right, but the stuff
that you have noticed consistent traits of successful people or
or our habits or behaviors that seem to be reasonably
consistent that normal human beings can take can run with.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Well. The serial box answer for that is consistency and
hard work and all those sorts of Like I said,
I refer to a serial box words you get a
free gift in a box of cereal, right, And it's
generally one of them. The one the one trait that
(18:23):
screams out to me, and it's been a lot of
the time it's been with the podcast as well, is
that successful human beings they know who they are, like
to their DNA like, they know exactly who they are,
and they are comfortable with who they are. Right. And
it kind of relates to something a theory that I love,
(18:47):
I fell in love with when I did some research
around it for the book. It's called Self Determination Theory.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
AH by Jackie and Ryan. The second the second guest
my podcast was Professor Richard Ryant, and I made I
kid you not, and I disclosed on her that I
have a man crush on him. So much stuff about
self determination theory has massively influenced.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And me personally.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
But a lot of the work that I do with
with with people that's just a little little aside, right, Yeah,
and brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I was very sorry, lucky to
do a four hour workshop with him and and managed
to get a photograph with him afterwards, which in very
per but he was he was great on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
That is so very happy to come on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
That is so cool. Well, So, the way that I've
sort of related it to or interpreted interpreted it to
the people that I've met, is that the autonomy piece
and the competence piece are pretty straightforward. It's that word element.
It's that relatedness that a lot of people, as far
(20:03):
as what I can see, have really really can't manage
to get. They don't manage to achieve, they don't manage
to understand and realize, right because I think that and
I think a lot of it is to do with
the fact that the world has become so noisy, that
people are being influenced by all sorts of different things
so much of the time. And you could, and it's
(20:25):
becoming so apparent now that your gen zs and your
gen alphers they're really struggling to discover their own identity
because there's so much noise that they're not being not
able to create the space around themselves to figure out
who the hell they are and and a lot of
that boils down to the fact that people talk about
values and nauseum, and you see it especially in a
(20:45):
corporate in the corporate landscape where like I said, values
are seen as sales pictures as opposed to DNA understanding
as to who one is and how one rolls. And
I feel that the people that are a genuinely successful
they are successful because of the fact that they know
(21:05):
to the core who the hell they are. And I think.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
The word that jumps into my mind when you were
talking about that is authenticity. And I think people can
smell authenticity, and they can smell when people are being inauthentic.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
After sometimes after a while. Yeah, but but I do.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Agree with you that those the people who are really
successful like they are authentic. They know who they are
and they behear in a way that's consistent.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, but you said that, you said that you can
smell authenticity. I personally feel that that that term has
been completely ripped to shreds by the by the corporate landscape,
and because a lot of people have now turned that
into something that they sell, like, if you are authentic,
(21:59):
then by definition, you should not need to sell it.
It's a bit like in a sales analogy, right, It's
a bit like the challenge between confidence and convincing. Right,
So if you're not being authentic, then you feel that
you have to convince people of who you are, what
you're about, your wares, if you're selling or whatever. I
(22:22):
actually said this in a talk yesterday in Adelaide that
I actually believe that if you are confident in who
you are, right ergo authentic in who you are, then
you should never need to convince anyone about anything, because
it just is is a statement of fact, right And
in the real estate space, which is inherently one of
(22:43):
the least trusted professions in the world, right, you know,
and by reputation, one of the least authentic, I actually
found it to be very very easy because I didn't
have to make an excuse as to who I was.
I was who I was, and just by doing that,
and again it wasn't by any any major level of intention.
(23:07):
I just did it because it seemed to work, and
people couldn't question me because it was just so obvious
that I was just being who I was who I was,
and I happened to have the information that helped people
to make big steps, make a step forward.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Right, And I think that that plays into relatedness, right,
I'll see that that that and especially I think in
any seals environment, people who naturally relate to others and
can build relationships and rapport with others naturally tend to
(23:42):
do very very well in seals environments because it's not forced.
It's it's it is more it's authentic rather than than
forced or or are are created. And again you can
fucking smell like you know what I love is when
I'm talking to you, and I've done this with real
(24:04):
estate agents and other seals people, is that I'll just
notice that they're starting to mimic my and then I
and then I'll start to funk around with it.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Stop and stuff.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I'll sort of cross my arms and then stand a certain.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Way and then just then do and then moving and.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
I'm just thinking, you fucking you, honestly, that's just a
complete misunderstanding of of of basically CBT all right and
and and n LP.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It just yeah, they learn it, like like I said,
they learn it off a back of a cereal box
and think that that's correct, and without really understanding what
it's about. And and and that's and the and the
problem is when it comes to sales based industry is
that because unfortunately or fortunately unfortunately, depending on how you
(25:05):
look at it, the one true barometer for success is
financial gain, right, it's commissioned, right. That's the only realistic
barometer for success in a sales BUSI is ultimately I'll
be sold enough, right. And for a lot of people
that creates so much fear that they fear being who
they are because if they are who they are, then
(25:27):
they're concerned that people are going to judge them for
who they are and as a result of that not
give them the business. It was really interesting when COVID.
I hate referring back to it, but it's a really
significant point when we think about how our identities are
attached to our jobs and our roles. When the lockdown
officially started or officially kicked into gear, I was on
(25:50):
the phone till like three am with real estate agents
who until that point you would have thought they were
made a teflon rights. Nothing stuck right. There were smooth
as silk, and they were calling me in a panic
because all of a sudden, they had their identities ripped
away from them, and it made it very very It
(26:10):
made a very very interesting dynamic out of nowhere where
all of a sudden, everyone's going, shit, I don't know
who I am, and it was really interesting. So and
that sort of actually that's where the idea of the
book actually started. The seed was planted at three, you know,
in that sort of two three am in the morning,
when I'm having this conversation constantly with agent after agent
(26:32):
after agent saying Andy, like, what do we do? How
do we And it wasn't a case of what do
we do in terms of logistics, it was like what
do I do with myself? What am I supposed to like?
And it was just so weird some of these people
that you'd thought were emotion less that were crying down
the phone, right, very very strange, very very strange. So yeah,
(26:55):
so that's that's essentially some elements of the book that
I really sort of like to dig into, and what
I've discovered having written it is because of where I
like to see myself, you know, much like much like
yourself in the work that you do. It's been the
books that it's been really cool the books sort of
being described as the is the precursor to any personal
(27:17):
development that anyone wants to do, and it sort of
gives people that extra degree of a foundation that allows
them to actually understand who the hell they are before
they go womening into any of this personal development stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
That I'm going to take this conversation in a way
and a place that I didn't think that I was
going to take this conversation. Right well, I'm going to
talk about religion right nice, nice, with the backdrop of
I am a self confessed recovering Catholic. It's been in
recovery for thirty years and forty years actually, I've been
(27:54):
in recovery. But and I'm not a fan of religion. Actually,
let me qualify that I'm not a fan of religious institutions.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Okay, but.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I would say, and I've been thinking about this more
and more, and this existential vacuum that seems to be
accelerating around us and with people with loss of meaning
and purpose, and and just doing a number of workshops
in the last couple of weeks and and on the
(28:28):
topic of meaning and purpose and asking people you know.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Who has a clearly defined sense.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Of meaning and purpose in their lives, and just how
little hands actually go up.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
I actually think.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
And then again, this is not my idea, but I
can't I can't remember where I read it, but it
was quite recently, and I actually agree with it that
the breakdown of religion has actually caused this existential vacuum.
And so let's let me add some color to that.
And what I mean by that is that you know,
(29:03):
when you were a kid, I don't know if you
went to church at all, whether the real but I
remember I remember going to church, right, and you know
you'd sit and listen to the gospel or whatever it
may be, whatever your church is. But what all organized
religions do is there's a number of things.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
It's the number one.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
They give a sense of hope, right, But they also
give a set of values for people and a guide
for how to behave and a sense of collective identity
which can be very very powerful.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Right.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
And my my younger brother is still religious, and it's
that that is actually drawing them in not so much, and.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Some people will will will talk about that.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
But when you take that away, when people are a
there's a fir amount, particularly with Casolicism, of fear and
brimstone and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
But let's let's let's keep that out of it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Let's let's keep it. Let's let's not go that heavy
with all that carry on. Let's start talk apocalypse any time.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
But for me, the positives of any organized religion are
that sense of collective identity and giving people's values for
how to behave right and and then that people then
will tend to behave.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Like that, a lot of them.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
And but then you take that away, and what that
does is that's created an existential vacuum that people now
have to do the work to think about who am I,
what sort of a person do I want to be?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
What are my values? What do I want to be
known for? And and just with the work that I do.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
There's so many people who those questions are actually quite
foreign to them. They actually haven't sat down and given
that any thought. And then sorry, and I will throw
over to you to then play it back to social media.
In that existential vacuum, people get hooked into.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
These sets of values.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Whether actually see this playing out the United States Republicans
versus Democrats, and we see a lot of young men
and nigh being sucked into the world of Andrew Tit
and stuff like that because they don't have that other
sense of identity. And then they get sucked in, and
then they get given a set of values and through osmosis,
(31:35):
almost through social media and the echo chamber.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Commentary on that.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It is such a good topic. I love this, So
I'll start with a little story. So my daughter who's
ten and is scarily emotionally intelligent for ten, right, and
as a single dad, it does make me nervous for
various reasons. And she asked me one time because there
(32:05):
were she goes to a Christian school and she but
she's really into science. She likes asking me stuff about
space and all the sub jobs, right, And she goes, dad,
you know, and I say yeah. She goes, you know,
at the Big Bank, we were talking about the Big
Bang theory and I'm like yeah, and you go. She goes,
so was it the Big Bang theory that created the Earth?
(32:26):
Or was it God? Right? And I went that' said
bloody interesting question, that kid, And I said, and I
love having these conversations. She's amazing. It's such a good
human And I said, well, realistically, Darling, it all boils
down to the word faith, and she goes, what do
you mean? And I said, because whether it is God
(32:50):
that you have faith in, or whether it is science
that you have faith in, Ultimately, every sort of belief system,
whether it's science, religion, whatever, it all starts with an
element of faith. Right. Science has had has got proof
to a certain point. But then ultimately all proof is
(33:13):
formed on theory, right or for you know, and in
order to form a theory, you have to have faith
in something before you can form a theory, right so.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
And and with science, proof is not absolute. There's confidence levels.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Exactly how many, how many, how many things did did did?
Did we believe in until it was proved otherwise? Right,
you know? So so everything, So I said, look at
irrespective whether you whether you go down science track or
whether you go down the Bible track, or whatever the
case may be. Ultimately, the amazing, the beautiful thing is
is that you get to select your own faith, what
(33:48):
your what you your faith is. But the one of
the things that makes us inherently human is the ability
to have faith in something whatever that whatever that thing
may be. Now well, when you talk about lack of
identity and lack of purpose, the example that I've been
giving has been there's been an increasing volume of protests
(34:10):
going on in the world, right, and take the Palestine protests. Now,
I am confident and I am hopeful, and I have
optimism in society that a lot of people that do
these protests are all very very well intentioned, right. But
because they've, like you said, because they've really struggled to
form their own identity, they are hooking themselves into the
(34:31):
identity of being part of a pack, right, which is
an inherently human thing. And like I said, I'd like
to think that they've all got the best intentions for it. However,
if you were to take a map of the world
into a group of Palestinian protesters and ask them to
point out where Palestine is on a map, they couldn't
(34:53):
tell you. They would not be able to tell you
where the gaza strip is on a world map, right.
And And my point I'm making with that is the
fact that, like you said, we as leaders, as people,
not thought leaders, but as people that are comfortable enough
to own their universe and own who they are and
(35:15):
own their position in the world and what have you
and their map of the world, we have a real
responsibility a massive level of accountability to help people to
understand their own identity in the world. And if we don't,
and if we just accept that people are who they are,
then we've only got ourselves to blame really as leaders.
(35:39):
Now you can say that you can't change the world
as one person, You're right, But there are enough people
that do know and own who they are to be
able to make some sort of a dent in the
way that the world's going. But the problem is the
fact that at the minute, a lot of us, if
we're being honest, we're really sitting on the sidelines because
ultimately we are human beings, and we see people that
(36:01):
do try and make a difference get shot down via
a million you know, Andrew Tates supporters who are all
up for toxic masculinity and all that sort of jazz, right,
you know, all the big loud, shouty people. Yeah, And
I just feel that, like your kids are the best
teachers sometimes. And when Eliza was questioning that, and I
(36:22):
mentioned the fact that you get to pick your faith.
As long as you've got faith in something, you'll be
sweet as are not right whatever that faith is, and
she's just sat back in a chair because we're in
the car and the way back from school, and she
just sat back in a chair and she went, hmmm, so,
so I can believe in God and science And I went,
(36:45):
of course she can. Of course she can. And that's
the beautiful thing about being human is the fact that
you can. You don't have to. Yes, religion has helped
people to stay on the straight and narrow, depending on
your map of the world, right, because there's certain religions
that people think send you down the wrong path and
depending on your orientation. But in a world that has
(37:07):
got so much noise and so much choice, and I
think we're paralyzed by choice these days, right, Whereas back
in the day, yeah, the Good Book and that was
about oh yeah, right, because you didn't have TVs and stuff.
So I think that as long as I think that
the topic of faith needs to be discussed, but it
needs to be discussed in a holistic way where it's
(37:29):
not just religious text. Yeah it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
No, No, I totally agree, and that that you can
do this and this right. So, just to come back
to and we're walking a political type route here, but
the whole Palestine thing, it's really interesting because I make
a point of when I read read the news or
go online, I will go on to The Australian, which
(37:53):
is quite right wing, and I will then go on
to the Guardian, which is left wing, and I always
do that right and I'll be on CNN, I'll go
to the algaze Era or.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Go to Fox News just to fucking see how different
the world is.
Speaker 5 (38:07):
Oh yeah, But for me it's like you read the
Australian or Guarantee you you go back almost every single
day there's something about anti Semitism, and.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Then you go on to the Guardian and almost every
single day it's about what's happening to the Palestinians. When
did it ever become that your political leanings determined which
group that you could have empathy for. Why can't we
go fucking hell those attacks that have master did were
horrendous and have massive empathy for them, and at the
(38:42):
same time have massive empathy for the Palestinian people and
all the suffering that's actually happening.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Because of that, Like what why? Is everything?
Speaker 3 (38:52):
And this is my point about the world, with that
existential vacuum and with social media and becoming more and
more polarized around this that it almost has to be Hey,
if this is your political leaning, this is what you
have to believe, right, Yeah, if you're in the United
States and you're a Republican, you have to believe that
(39:16):
you shouldn't be supporting the Ukraine War and that all
of a sudden, fucking Putin is not the horrendous fucking.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Individual that he is.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yeah, man, but it's just for me.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
And but it comes back to this conversation that you
were talking about about knowing thyself, and you know was
unscribed in the article at Delphi know thyself, right, Yeah,
that's the biggest thing. So in your book, Ard, the
stuff that you've come across, what are some tips that
(39:52):
you think that people could do for that self exploration.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
To know thyself.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
One of the first things that we should do that
I that worked really well for me was when I
had a bit of an identity crisis. It was a
couple of days after my old man passed away, and
I did an exercise around values right where there was
like a huge, huge, however, many hundreds of values and
(40:21):
it took me hours to wild it down to sort
of three or four. I whiled it down to three,
and and every time every round your job is to
cut out half of the values that are on that list, right,
and and and and the three that I said beforehand,
the ones that I had involved things like ambition and
(40:42):
determination and all this sort of crap. The three that
I came up with when I was in a very
vulnerable space, having just lost my old man. We're connection,
fun and simplicity, right, which is not very corporate. Now.
The thing that I've been saying to people is if
is that if you if, if you put your values
(41:04):
on a on a line on a bit of paper,
and the exercise that you need to do that I
think works quite well is put your values on one
line and then put five or so other sets of
values on lines above them below and go a bit
usual suspects, right, and go to your loved ones and
see if they can pick out who you Which one
(41:25):
is you? Right?
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Ah? Nice? Okay?
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Because if you because if you do that, if you
do that, and and and you love ones, the people
that truly know who you are can't pick you out,
then you've got a question whether they're your values.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Yeah, or whether they're just things that you would like
to have exactly.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
There, yeah, exactly. They're the projection of where where you
would love to be, But they are not who you
are now.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Or where you think you should be. The tyranny of
the Huldes.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
So now know that we are into this existential conversation.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yes, we would have thought there's people of our accents
for using the word existential seriously, like ask our old
schoolmates would be like going, who are these two.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Faster?
Speaker 4 (42:19):
Come on?
Speaker 1 (42:19):
That'd be going, what the fuck are you on about?
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Yeah? Stop talking? Stop talking so foreign, I'm speaking English please.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
But anyway, So, the ultimate existential question I'm going to
throw at you, and I know you talked about this
in your book, is why do you exist?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
I exist to make success more accessible. I exist because
I'm good at making things simple for people, right. I
exist because I have a I have a purpose. My
reason for being is my DNA is to make people
feel that there that success can exist in their lives.
(42:57):
And I know that sounds at the cold face of it,
it sounds very corporate, and it sounds very white collar.
The whole notion of success does feel very white collar.
But success, for me is applicable to any element of
your life. Right, So, for someone success might be defined
by the way that their kids end up. Right. It
(43:20):
could be defined by their parenting, you know. It could
be defined by their health. It could be defined by
their spirituality. Success for someone talk religion. Success for someone
could be to be absolute in their behaviors around the
Ten commandments for example, right, you know so? Or twelve?
You know what I mean? So it's success holds so
(43:42):
many forms. And my purpose, my reason for being, is
to help people to get cool with that and to
be and to actually go follow what success, how success
is defined for them. No, I can't change the world,
but I can change I can change the world for
one person potentially. And if we were all to own
who we were and to own what success looks like
(44:03):
for us, because success, you know, from the iteration of
success going back to Rome and Greece and whatnot, is
the definition of the origin. The original derivative was to progress, right,
And I think a lot of humans that get upset,
cranky and end up kicking off is because they don't
feel like they're moving forward in life. So therefore they
(44:25):
have to make a lot of noise in order to
be heard in order to move forward, whether that is
through because they're feeling oppressed. Because there are people or
they're a sect or whatever it is. Right, So yeah,
so that's my that's my I mean, it's taken me
a long time to get there. I was, I was
really struggling with that for a long long time, I
have to say.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
But very interesting. So I'll tell you it's given it.
I've asked you the question.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
I will give you my tombstone statement. Nice which and
I do this in workshops and get people to ride.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
A tombstone statement.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
And mine, excuse me, is military man turned educator to
help others be better versions of themselves. Right, And look
that that actually came from a pretty negative event where
he friends of mine get killed in a helicopter crash.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Two very very good means.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
But the point was that then set me on a
path that ended up with this. But it's only about
thinking about it that that it actually comes that.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
As I often say.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
To people, there is no purpose fairy, there's no faurry
that's going to come along and give you the purpose.
And you have to think about this. But I tell
you there's a quote that I came across that I
now use in workshops to set this up because I
think it's pretty from Seneca the Stoic philosopher. And you
mentioned the story you started this ship.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Everybody who lists, everybody who listens.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
To my podcast goes, fuck it, he's going to talk
about the Stoics again.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
But you started it unprompted, right.
Speaker 3 (46:02):
But it's Seneca, and he said, every individual birds the
responsibility to be of value to humanity, possible to benefit
a large number, if not to benefit a smaller group,
and if that too seems unattainable, then to benefit their
immediate community. But above all else, they must prioritize self
(46:24):
growth and personal well being. And the reason I love
that is that it just simplifies it. It's the stuff
that you talked about. It's not about having a success.
It's not about being a multi millionaire creating this startup
and running an orphanage in Nepal at the same time.
It's just about how can you affect.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Your little corner of the universe.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
But the thing that I love that Seneca brings to
it is that you.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Must prioritize yourself growth and personal.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
Well being because if you sort your own shit out
and are healthy, then you are going to be much
more eable to deliver that and benefit to other people.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Absolutely man and I actually had this battle when it
came to being a parent because I really really struggled
to set boundaries with my kids because I felt that
I wasn't allowed I didn't think I was allowed to.
I thought my kids would have should have complete one
hundred percent unadulterated access to me. And it was only
(47:25):
when I finally realized that I needed to set a
boundary around my physical exercise that allowed me to feel
so much more free to be a parent in the
best way I possibly could be because they know now
for the thirty minutes or forty five minutes that I'm
doing the workout in my garage or whatever, they we've
(47:46):
got an agreement that that is the one time where
unless someone's arms falling off, you know, you know, if
it's a debate over the bloody TV remote and they're.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Not blood exactly right, exactly exactly, there's no blood involved,
do not interrupt.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
Exactly if there's if there's blood or no breathing, then
you're allowed.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
Okay, So another big question. I'm going to ask you
the last big question because you also talk about this
is what broke you.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, man, I look, you know what I was actually
thinking about then when you mentioned about your your eight
colleagues and friends who died in a helicopter acc numberfore
and it's ship right that a lot of the best
versions of people are made through trauma. It's always been,
(48:48):
There's always been something that really annoys me. And I'm like,
how can we get around this? Is there any way
of us as human beings that is there anywhere us
being able to get around this whole thing of we
have to suffer trauma in order to become more evolved
in better versions of ourselves. Right now, the thing that
broke me was the realization that I wasn't the perfect
(49:13):
dad that I thought I was going to be. And
that was really the straw that broke the camel's back
because I've been running, I've been sort of existing on
the convey about the life without really understanding who I was.
And I just turned thirty and when my daughter was
or recently turned thirty, when my daughter was born, and
a few months after that, and when this automatic love
(49:36):
that I've got told I was supposed to feel for
this kid and all this sort of stuff just wasn't there,
And I thought that was you know, what's the point,
like if I can't even love my own child. What's
the point, like, what's the point of existing? And in
that started a chain reaction from a mental you know,
(49:57):
I refer to it as my as my trip down
or health lane, which is ten years. In a week's time,
it will be ten years since I started on that
trip of understanding that in order to evolve, you have
to become a student of yourself, because if you can't,
if you don't become a student of yourself, And it
(50:18):
relates to what you said before, what Seneca said. If
you're not a student, if you can't be a student
of yourself, then you can never learn. You can never
learn the things that are going to help you become
a better person. Right. And so the thing that broke
me was that realization that the life that I was
living was not the life I was designed to have.
(50:39):
And that was a massive kick in the pills, man,
And it took me on a trip that nearly resulted
in me you staring at my own mortality a couple
of times and going through various ubsections and whatnot. But
I always referred to it as the best bad thing
that's ever happened to me.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I love that term.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Right, the best bad thing that's ever happened to me. Now,
would I wish it on anyone else? No? And will
I continue to try and figure out how to help
people have this evolution without having to go through the shit.
Of course I'm going to keep trying. But as we're
both pointed out over the course of this conversation, inevitably
something has to test you to an extreme in order
(51:21):
for the diamond to come out of the pressure, right,
and which is shit, But it's just it, just it
would none of us have been able to work out
how we can avoid it. So yeah, man, that's the
thing that broke me was when I realized that I
wasn't the dad. I genuinely felt that that was the
thing that I was designed to do, and that was
(51:43):
the one thing that was I was essentially, if I'm
being honest with myself, it was the one thing that
I was clinging onto in life was the fact that right,
at least then I'm going to be a good dad
when the kid turns up, at least then I'm going
to be a good dad. So when I wasn't, I
was like, shit, well i've got nothing. I've got nothing,
And it was a prick of a thing to get
go through. But I'm grateful that the mother and my kids,
who I'm not with anymore, but I have so much
(52:04):
respect for I'm grateful that she had the bottle, the
nerve to actually fade, to actually square up to it
in me, you know. And if it wasn't for her,
I probably, I say probably inevitably, I probably wouldn't still
be on the planet having a conversation with you right now.
(52:25):
So I owe her a hell of a lot, not
just for the kids she's provided for me, but the
fact that she's given me. She gave me the opportunity
to continue my existence. And yeah, and that discovery of
the fact that I needed to learn who the hell
I was at thirty was an interest in an interesting realization,
(52:46):
but one I'm ultimately glad I've had.
Speaker 3 (52:51):
And how long did it tick before you could and
what And was there a point where you felt that
you were turning the corner or was it just slow
sort of chrysalis or did you actually was there are
a few waypoints along the line where you went Actually
(53:11):
I'm on an upwards trajectory and I can feel it
in the tear step.
Speaker 2 (53:14):
It was. It was it was. It's very cyclical, and
it's something that I will always be a student of
because when I was initially going through it, those first
few years that I was going through it, I was
I'd feel like I was going well, and then then
I would crash and burn, right, And each time I
crashed and burned, you know, once I had made it
(53:36):
out the other end, and sometimes I nearly didn't. I
every single time I learned something new about myself, I learned,
like I found, I discovered a fundamental building block off
the back of each one, and and as I went
through each one, those building blocks sort of grew, and
the foundation got stronger, and the frame, the mental framework
(53:57):
became a lot more structured and solid, and you know,
felt more by design as opposed to by default. And yeah,
and then now, you know, like I said, we're nearly
a decade into it, and you know, I'm still you know,
I'm still learning stuff about myself, right, and I always
will do. And and it's an amazing thing to be
(54:20):
able to be aware of that, because it means that
I've you know, while there's always time, While there's always
time in the game of life, there's always chances to
score more goals and advance further forward and all the
rest of it. But I think it was actually, I
think if there was a watershed moment when I could
when I sort of took a breath and thought, you
(54:40):
know what you're going all right now? It was after again,
it was after my old man passed away. And the
way that I processed the grief was it was one
of immense gratitude as opposed to immense sadness. I was
grateful for the dad that I had, as opposed to
the being sad for the man that I lost. And and
(55:04):
when I when I and that, when that naturally happened
all of a sudden, and once the dust had settled,
I was like, you know what, I could have a
bit of faith in my own mental framework. Now now's
the time for me to now grow as opposed to
build from scratch, right, and the foundations looking pretty solid,
how can we now make this thing really pop? For me? Also? Yeah, man,
(55:26):
So that was it, I guess.
Speaker 3 (55:29):
Very cool, And to me it were no more big, hard,
curly questions. Well, I actually I want to give you
what what excites you about the future.
Speaker 2 (55:41):
The fact that I know I've got so much to learn,
but I am very much in control of my own
existence now. After the first book, it's weird. After the
first book, it felt like I downloaded the first version
of myself and all of a sudden, I had all
this space in my brain to think of about the
second version of myself. Right, It's like I got rid
(56:02):
of all the clutter. It's like I've done a big
spring clean, a big garage sale and put it into
a book. And now I've got all this space in
my brain, which is wonderful. It's fabulous. So that excites
me for the future. The direction that my kids are
going in, I'm super excited for. Like, they are just
two very very awesome and I know I'm biased, but
(56:24):
they are. They're brilliant individuals in their own right. So
I'm very very lucky that I get to have a
very special relationship with them. And I know how lucky
I am in that respect. Yeah, And I just feel
that it's it's like I have an opportunity, and we
all have opportunities. I know this is going to sound
very patronizing. We all have opportunities moving forward as long
(56:48):
as we understand and accept that there is still time
in the game. Of life to be played. I used
to have this big problem with satisfaction. I used to
be chasing satisfaction and never got there, right and Alan
Watts right, by the time you get there, it becomes here,
so ergo there never exists, yes, And once I really
come to understand that, and it allowed me. And this
(57:10):
is one thing I am really working on, is the
ability to stay present more often, which you know, when
you have the interesting little bits of wiring that I've
got there, it makes it a little bit of a challenge.
But I'm really starting to own that. And as soon
as I feel like I own the being present, man,
the world gets cool, gets really really cool. So yeah, man,
that's the opportunity is to be present more often and
(57:32):
with the people that I have unfortunate to have in
my life.
Speaker 1 (57:35):
Lucky boy, Yeah, yeah, lucky boy. Yes, aren't we all?
Speaker 3 (57:41):
So where can people go to find more about you?
Speaker 4 (57:46):
And a.
Speaker 1 (57:48):
A procademics guide to success?
Speaker 3 (57:52):
Curious and somebody who's actually had that lived experience, right,
it's not just that you're parenting, are reparroting a heap
of ship that other people have said, which which is cool.
And this is a conversation that went down roots that
I was not expecting. But I'm actually very glad that
(58:12):
it did. But so, where can people go to find more.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
About you your book? They want to book? It's an auctioneer.
Speaker 2 (58:20):
Yeah, man, Yeah, well that that that's.
Speaker 3 (58:23):
Just my I have a conversation on the side about
existential crisis.
Speaker 2 (58:29):
Which I probably could do while I'm selling a house
to be fair now. But Andy Reid dot com dot
au that's my that's my site. I'm a very easy
guy to find because obviously with the work that I
do in auctioneering, I'm a very out there sort of public,
public facing sort of guy. So you know on Instagram
at Andy Reid Coaching, very very easy guy to hit
(58:51):
up there if you want to d m me. The
books available on Amazon and again super lucky that it's
available in the US, Canada, UK about to be available
in India as well, which is pretty cool. God helped
them with some of the words that are in that book.
There's going to be some interesting Google searches in India.
I'll tell you that for him for nothing. And so
(59:12):
but yeah, you're absolutely right. A lot of the book
is very self deprecating. You know. My old man used
to say if you can't laugh at yourself, you shouldn't
laugh at anyone else, which.
Speaker 1 (59:22):
I think is absolutely amen. There is my nod to
religion to that one for sure. Andy.
Speaker 3 (59:34):
This has been awesome, So thank you for making the
time to have the conversation and thank you for being
vulnerable enough to share your story with authenticity.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
Mate, Thank you so much for having me. Man, it's
been It's an absolute pleasure to be to connect it
to someone that I have as much respect for as yourself,
So thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (59:56):
Well, thank you, Cheers, Met
Andy Reid, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Thank you so much for having me. Paul. How are you?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I am very good.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
I will be all the better in about a week
when I submit my pH d.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Finally, how long has that taken you?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
For four years.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
But I've had a bit of a false start because
I started doing and something else and the end that,
for certain reasons didn't happen, so I then started again.
So I've got a made of mind, who goes, fucking hell,
you've been doing a PhD forever?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Seems to be the way right with that PhD carry on?
I mean, look, it's far too educated for me, for
the likes a little of me, but for the consistence, persistence,
I think you should get one, just for persisting with it. Man,
it's so impressive to see people that have just got
the have just the resolve to survive it, right, It's
very impressive.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Well, often, you know, people take a long time. I
know people have taken seventy eight years, but now UNIS
and UNIS used to be quite happy with that, but
now I think there's pressure a lot of pressure to
finish on time, and I think the government has tied
funding to that, which then drives behavior. Of course, I
(01:24):
officially have a month left, but I want to get
it in before then. No, I mean, we're not here
to talk about my PhD, you and your book. But
we before we get into that, we were just chating beforehand.
We were both dragged here, kicking and screaming by our
(01:47):
better halves, right.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, clearly against clearly against our will, clearly.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And held here against our Jesus and blight. He's having
a bit of a shocker at the minute, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Honestly, But I'm so glad to be this far away.
To be honest, I went back in July to visit family.
I had a grandparent of that sort of run her
time in the sun and passed away, and it was
I don't get attached to places that much, but when
I went home and walked around where I was brought
(02:26):
up and where I grew up, you know, played football
as a kid or soccer in Australia as a kid,
you know, in the park, local park, and that to
see the state that it's gotten to, I just could
feel myself getting tangibly upset. It's just it makes me
feel so grateful, even with the ridiculous amounts of traffic
(02:47):
that we have to copy here in Melbourne, and it
still makes me feel so so grateful to be here.
It makes me feel incredibly grateful to have kids that
are getting brought up here as opposed to there. You know,
it's it's never lost on us, right, how lucky we are.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Really absolutely, And look I often say that in workshops
actually when we talk about gratitude, and I say most
most immigrants like us who live in Australia are like, Okay,
the hell this place is just amazing. Honestly, when I
hear when I hear Australians complaining, I think to myself,
fuck off to a third world country for a year,
(03:25):
and or I couldn't.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Live in or go or go or go visit Derby
for a week and see what it's really all about,
you know, Western civilization apparently not indeed.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
But anyway, let's let's get back. Now you've had a
wide and varied career.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
There's a potential suggestion there may be a bit of
idiotsy going on there, but talk, what do.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
You mean potentially I might as well have it tattooed
across my forehead.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
To be honest, it's only because I see overtones of myself.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
And yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
So to talk us through your career and then we
will start to talk about the book and your podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Yeah sure. So I originally engineering educated, so I've got
a degree in mechanical manufacturing engineering, but it was boring
as batshit, so I decided to get people drunk for
a living instead. I made the conscious not a lot
of people fall into hospitality. I actually made the conscious
decision to leave engineering and go into hospitality full time,
(04:36):
and so ran bars and restaurants and big venues. So
I'll let you know, before I was a Newcastle supporter,
I actually ran the the alcohol side and the drink
side of Sir James's Park for a time, which was incredible.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Really, so just for our just for our listeners, the
uneducated park is Newcastle United, which is a big football
club soccer club for the Aussies, a big one in
the UK. It's a massive club actually, and they just
we were talking about this before we come on. They
just won their first domestic trophy in over seventeen years.
(05:15):
And there's been Jordan's all around the worded and floods
of tears.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Me included, man, me included. I had lots of people
in Sydney kind of wondering if I'd had a mental
breakdown when I was crying into my porridge or my
oats or whatever it was at breakfast in restaurants and
things like that. It was an emotional time. But anyway,
so yeah, so around the bars I ran. I was
a bar manager there for a while and then looked
(05:39):
after a couple of hotels, ran a vocabar in London,
and then like yourself man met an Australian lady who
who swindled me over here kicking and screaming, and fell
in love with fell in love with Melbourne, fell in
love with Australia. And her father was a director of
a real estate firm. So I was actual approcess of
(06:00):
getting sponsored by a telecommunications firm. But he said, look,
I think you'd be good in real estate. And that
was over dinner. So I said, all right, well, if
I'm shit, been me and there'll be no hard feelings,
and discovered quite quickly, I'll say quite quickly. It took
a little while, but eventually discovered that life can be
really easy if you're just, if you're just true to
(06:23):
who you are, and and so off the back of that,
I ended up being quite successful in the real estate space,
sort of selling sixty to ninety homes a year and
going really quite well. But then fell in love with
the craft of auctioneering and again my father in my
former father in law, who I owe a lot too,
threw me into an auction as the auctioneer with two
weeks notice and it became an addiction straight away, not
(06:47):
for the attention, but just for the freedom that the
pressure brought into my mind. It was just that spot
they're nowhere to hide, complete spontaneity situation that I just
fell in love with, and off the back of that,
became obsessed with the craft of auctioneering. In twenty seventeen
started my own auctionineering business which is still running today.
(07:10):
I do between sort of four to five hundred options
a year in Melbourne real estate options that is what
the auctions and one of the most statistically one of
the most active auctioneers in Melbourne. In twenty twenty two,
was lucky enough, was fortunate enough to be named the
number number one auctioneer in Australia. Which big mouth, my
(07:32):
big mouth and an accent. You knows it covers all
sorts of inadequacies. It really really does, and.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
You've you've just summed up my career essentially.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Honestly, if people actually listen paid attention to what it
is that I'd say that, I said, I'd have very
little credibility. I think so. But the accent just lets
me get away with all sorts, which is so much fun. Yeah,
So twenty twenty two was fortunate to win that. I've
been into the sales and coaching and whatnot. Originally I
didn't want to because I came out of real estate
(08:04):
sales because my auctioneering business sort of really kicked on.
And then in twenty twenty actually, ironically, when I couldn't
do any auctions, my career really sort of kicked on.
Because it was a couple of days after mister Morrison
locked us all away in Melbourne in the March, when
(08:27):
I just woke up at two thirty in the morning
and said to her, then, why it's probably one of
the reasons why she's not my wife anymore. I woke
up at two thirty in the morning and woke her
up and just said, look, I've got to I've got
to do a live show. And then I created this
little show during COVID called The silver Lining, which was
which had a purpose of maintaining connection in a disconnected society,
(08:48):
and just did live interviews three times a day, seven
days a week. And yeah, and then yeah, which was interesting.
When I had to go back to England not long after,
I decided to kick off with it for some family reason,
so I was doing it in different time zone for
a little while as well. And yeah, and off the
back of that, just gained a whole bunch of notoriety
(09:09):
within the real estate space and as a result went
into the coaching side. Was a national head of training
for a major franchise group across Australia and New Zealand
for a couple of years. And now I run a
podcast and help people to help make success more accessible
for more humans. That's that's my whole purpose for being.
(09:30):
And and I'm very very fortunate that off the back
of my hospitality, my engineering, my real estate, my sales,
my networking career, it's just all sort of come together
and helped me to help a load of people, which
is which is really cool. I find myself to be
really fortunate.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Very cool. And you've now I written a book.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, and we actually share share a publishers. Who's awesome,
Leslie Yes? And your books success aious? So why the focus?
And you've got a podcast called High Performance People? Why
the focus on success and high performance?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Because what I've discovered, especially over the last couple of years,
but it really has come into a massive focus when
this whole book writing process came into being. I've written
the podcast as well. I've really discovered that the majority
of the world really has a problem with the whole
(10:33):
concept and feeling of success because it's not I don't
blame social media. I blame the way in which humans
are using social media in the way that this human
highlight reel. But it's it's really created a chasm between
the haves and the perceived have nots, and the perception
(10:55):
of success is becoming so bastardized, for want of a
better word, to the point where someone needs to try
and simplify all of this for people, right, And that's
what I've decided to try and take on. Whenever you
look at things like personal development and professional development courses
(11:15):
and all these things, you know you get rich quick
courses and all that sort of jazz that you see
banding around all the time, and even when you look
at some incredible literature, like you know, really world renowned literature.
You know your for hour work weeks, your atomic habits,
all those sorts of things, all those books, all your
Tony Robins stuff. For a lot of people, they get
(11:35):
inspired for a very short period of time and then
they just sort of drift back to the norm. And
I don't think that it's necessarily their fault. I feel
that the information hasn't been made to feel relatable enough
two individuals, or if you're looking at it the other way,
(11:56):
I don't feel that individuals have been given the the
knowledge and the awareness and the artillery to be able
to consume any personal development information in a way that
befits their life. So this success curious book that I
put together, which was harder than climbing a mountain for
(12:17):
someone who is riddled with ADHD, that was so difficult,
and god knows how you're doing it with a PhD.
I have no idea. I just feel that because at
first I was always trying to be a thought leader,
this whole thought and being in this notion of being
a thought leader. Man, it used to do my head
in because I'm like, I believe that I'm intelligent and
(12:40):
believe I believe that I can simplify things in a
really good way for people that they can understand and consume.
But I had no original ideas, like the ideas that
I came up with. It was a little bit like
there's a million people that came up with Uber before
Uber came up with Uber, right, and I was one
of them, And it used to put a chip on
my shoulder where now I've discovered my purpose for being
(13:03):
on this planet is not to be the person that
sings a brand new idea from the rooftops, because I
haven't got enough of an ego to be able to
do that. But I'm the guy that's got enough brain
power to be able to make it feasible for people
to understand.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
That's a very interesting that you say that, right, because
I am I call myself a pro academic, which means.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
That I like to read all.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
The geeky academic research and then turn it into tools
and solutions that normal people can use on a daily basis.
And my space just happens to be around the resilience
and hardiness and well being space, right, But very interesting
some of your observations because you know that whole drive
(13:51):
to be a thought leader and to come up with
original stuff, right. But then you realize that a lot
of the in inverted commas thought leaders are just reparroting
other people's stuff and often.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Not crediting them with it right time.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
And that pisss me off because I will always reference
people in my talks. You know, part part of that
is having that academic background where you say this person
and then you interpret it right.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
But the amount of people are particularly influencers.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
In my space that I see talking about concepts that
are clearly from someone else, but having complete ownership of
those concepts is just.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
And it really infuriates because I'm like, you've just.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
Ripped that person right off, given them no credit whatsoever,
and you're building yourself up.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
On a lie.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Oh it's mad man. And you could take it a
couple of steps further and argue that the poor ancient
Greek stoics and philosophers would be turning in their graves
if they saw how many people were commoditizing their their stuff, right,
like realistically, right, you look at your Aristotles, your Plato's,
(15:14):
your senecas and all those all those insanely intelligent minds
that that are just being translated and put into something
that's got some sexy packaging around it and then and
then fed out there for the masses to consume. You know,
it's just I couldn't agree with you more. I'm I
(15:36):
and I don't. I didn't do it on purpose. I
didn't do it intentionally at first. It was just something
that I did. I just like to give people their
their their their flowers right to quote a modern day
sort of parlance, like Rick Rushton, who's one of my mentors.
It was one of my He was my original mentor.
Like I talk about him in the book more, he's
(15:59):
you know, I talk about some of my stories and
he's the second he's like the second most mentioned person
in my book because of what he's taught me. And
I know and when he's taught me. He's been telling
me about the fact that Jim Roan was him his
mental right, yeh. And he quote any and he references
Jim Ron's stuff and he always credits you back to
(16:19):
Jim Ron. So I guess he's sort of conditioned me
to do that. And I refer to myself as one
of his disciples, right, you know, And I'm happy to be.
I'm happy to be because realistically, man, is there's could
you argue that there's no such thing as an original idea?
Could you argue.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
That, yeah, that that is that is that is a
very interesting concept, right, because that there's so much stuff
that people come up with that has been thought about before.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Because and and you know.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Particularly in that spiace of psychology and psychology well being,
that whole space, like you know, people can up with stuff. Actually,
cognitive behavior therapy to to take a point, right, which
is one of the third way of therapies, and and
and and a pretty successful one.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
But when you look at the.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Origins of cognitive behavior therapy, it was created by Ellison
Beck in the fifties and the sixties, and a lot
of it was based on Stoic philosophy, right, historics popping
up again but again not credited to the Stoics, right,
which is the little thing that annoys me. But that
(17:33):
that's let's circle back.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Into your your book.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
And so with that success curious, is there anything I'm
sure there are lots of things, right, but the stuff
that you have noticed consistent traits of successful people or
or our habits or behaviors that seem to be reasonably
consistent that normal human beings can take can run with.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Well. The serial box answer for that is consistency and
hard work and all those sorts of Like I said,
I refer to a serial box words you get a
free gift in a box of cereal, right, And it's
generally one of them. The one the one trait that
(18:23):
screams out to me, and it's been a lot of
the time it's been with the podcast as well, is
that successful human beings they know who they are, like
to their DNA like, they know exactly who they are,
and they are comfortable with who they are. Right. And
it kind of relates to something a theory that I love,
(18:47):
I fell in love with when I did some research
around it for the book. It's called Self Determination Theory.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
AH by Jackie and Ryan. The second the second guest
my podcast was Professor Richard Ryant, and I made I
kid you not, and I disclosed on her that I
have a man crush on him. So much stuff about
self determination theory has massively influenced.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And me personally.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
But a lot of the work that I do with
with with people that's just a little little aside, right, Yeah,
and brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I was very sorry, lucky to
do a four hour workshop with him and and managed
to get a photograph with him afterwards, which in very
per but he was he was great on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
That is so very happy to come on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
That is so cool. Well, So, the way that I've
sort of related it to or interpreted interpreted it to
the people that I've met, is that the autonomy piece
and the competence piece are pretty straightforward. It's that word element.
It's that relatedness that a lot of people, as far
(20:03):
as what I can see, have really really can't manage
to get. They don't manage to achieve, they don't manage
to understand and realize, right because I think that and
I think a lot of it is to do with
the fact that the world has become so noisy, that
people are being influenced by all sorts of different things
so much of the time. And you could, and it's
(20:25):
becoming so apparent now that your gen zs and your
gen alphers they're really struggling to discover their own identity
because there's so much noise that they're not being not
able to create the space around themselves to figure out
who the hell they are and and a lot of
that boils down to the fact that people talk about
values and nauseum, and you see it especially in a
(20:45):
corporate in the corporate landscape where like I said, values
are seen as sales pictures as opposed to DNA understanding
as to who one is and how one rolls. And
I feel that the people that are a genuinely successful
they are successful because of the fact that they know
(21:05):
to the core who the hell they are. And I think.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
The word that jumps into my mind when you were
talking about that is authenticity. And I think people can
smell authenticity, and they can smell when people are being inauthentic.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
After sometimes after a while. Yeah, but but I do.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
Agree with you that those the people who are really
successful like they are authentic. They know who they are
and they behear in a way that's consistent.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Yeah, but you said that, you said that you can
smell authenticity. I personally feel that that that term has
been completely ripped to shreds by the by the corporate landscape,
and because a lot of people have now turned that
into something that they sell, like, if you are authentic,
(21:59):
then by definition, you should not need to sell it.
It's a bit like in a sales analogy, right, It's
a bit like the challenge between confidence and convincing. Right,
So if you're not being authentic, then you feel that
you have to convince people of who you are, what
you're about, your wares, if you're selling or whatever. I
(22:22):
actually said this in a talk yesterday in Adelaide that
I actually believe that if you are confident in who
you are, right ergo authentic in who you are, then
you should never need to convince anyone about anything, because
it just is is a statement of fact, right And
in the real estate space, which is inherently one of
(22:43):
the least trusted professions in the world, right, you know,
and by reputation, one of the least authentic, I actually
found it to be very very easy because I didn't
have to make an excuse as to who I was.
I was who I was, and just by doing that,
and again it wasn't by any any major level of intention.
(23:07):
I just did it because it seemed to work, and
people couldn't question me because it was just so obvious
that I was just being who I was who I was,
and I happened to have the information that helped people
to make big steps, make a step forward.
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Right, And I think that that plays into relatedness, right,
I'll see that that that and especially I think in
any seals environment, people who naturally relate to others and
can build relationships and rapport with others naturally tend to
(23:42):
do very very well in seals environments because it's not forced.
It's it's it is more it's authentic rather than than
forced or or are are created. And again you can
fucking smell like you know what I love is when
I'm talking to you, and I've done this with real
(24:04):
estate agents and other seals people, is that I'll just
notice that they're starting to mimic my and then I
and then I'll start to funk around with it.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Stop and stuff.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I'll sort of cross my arms and then stand a certain.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Way and then just then do and then moving and.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
I'm just thinking, you fucking you, honestly, that's just a
complete misunderstanding of of of basically CBT all right and
and and n LP.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It just yeah, they learn it, like like I said,
they learn it off a back of a cereal box
and think that that's correct, and without really understanding what
it's about. And and and that's and the and the
problem is when it comes to sales based industry is
that because unfortunately or fortunately unfortunately, depending on how you
(25:05):
look at it, the one true barometer for success is
financial gain, right, it's commissioned, right. That's the only realistic
barometer for success in a sales BUSI is ultimately I'll
be sold enough, right. And for a lot of people
that creates so much fear that they fear being who
they are because if they are who they are, then
(25:27):
they're concerned that people are going to judge them for
who they are and as a result of that not
give them the business. It was really interesting when COVID.
I hate referring back to it, but it's a really
significant point when we think about how our identities are
attached to our jobs and our roles. When the lockdown
officially started or officially kicked into gear, I was on
(25:50):
the phone till like three am with real estate agents
who until that point you would have thought they were
made a teflon rights. Nothing stuck right. There were smooth
as silk, and they were calling me in a panic
because all of a sudden, they had their identities ripped
away from them, and it made it very very It
(26:10):
made a very very interesting dynamic out of nowhere where
all of a sudden, everyone's going, shit, I don't know
who I am, and it was really interesting. So and
that sort of actually that's where the idea of the
book actually started. The seed was planted at three, you know,
in that sort of two three am in the morning,
when I'm having this conversation constantly with agent after agent
(26:32):
after agent saying Andy, like, what do we do? How
do we And it wasn't a case of what do
we do in terms of logistics, it was like what
do I do with myself? What am I supposed to like?
And it was just so weird some of these people
that you'd thought were emotion less that were crying down
the phone, right, very very strange, very very strange. So yeah,
(26:55):
so that's that's essentially some elements of the book that
I really sort of like to dig into, and what
I've discovered having written it is because of where I
like to see myself, you know, much like much like
yourself in the work that you do. It's been the
books that it's been really cool the books sort of
being described as the is the precursor to any personal
(27:17):
development that anyone wants to do, and it sort of
gives people that extra degree of a foundation that allows
them to actually understand who the hell they are before
they go womening into any of this personal development stuff.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
That I'm going to take this conversation in a way
and a place that I didn't think that I was
going to take this conversation. Right well, I'm going to
talk about religion right nice, nice, with the backdrop of
I am a self confessed recovering Catholic. It's been in
recovery for thirty years and forty years actually, I've been
(27:54):
in recovery. But and I'm not a fan of religion. Actually,
let me qualify that I'm not a fan of religious institutions.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Okay, but.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I would say, and I've been thinking about this more
and more, and this existential vacuum that seems to be
accelerating around us and with people with loss of meaning
and purpose, and and just doing a number of workshops
in the last couple of weeks and and on the
(28:28):
topic of meaning and purpose and asking people you know.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Who has a clearly defined sense.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Of meaning and purpose in their lives, and just how
little hands actually go up.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
I actually think.
Speaker 3 (28:41):
And then again, this is not my idea, but I
can't I can't remember where I read it, but it
was quite recently, and I actually agree with it that
the breakdown of religion has actually caused this existential vacuum.
And so let's let me add some color to that.
And what I mean by that is that you know,
(29:03):
when you were a kid, I don't know if you
went to church at all, whether the real but I
remember I remember going to church, right, and you know
you'd sit and listen to the gospel or whatever it
may be, whatever your church is. But what all organized
religions do is there's a number of things.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
It's the number one.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
They give a sense of hope, right, But they also
give a set of values for people and a guide
for how to behave and a sense of collective identity
which can be very very powerful.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Right.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
And my my younger brother is still religious, and it's
that that is actually drawing them in not so much, and.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Some people will will will talk about that.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
But when you take that away, when people are a
there's a fir amount, particularly with Casolicism, of fear and
brimstone and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
But let's let's let's keep that out of it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Let's let's keep it. Let's let's not go that heavy
with all that carry on. Let's start talk apocalypse any time.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
But for me, the positives of any organized religion are
that sense of collective identity and giving people's values for
how to behave right and and then that people then
will tend to behave.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Like that, a lot of them.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
And but then you take that away, and what that
does is that's created an existential vacuum that people now
have to do the work to think about who am I,
what sort of a person do I want to be?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
What are my values? What do I want to be
known for? And and just with the work that I do.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
There's so many people who those questions are actually quite
foreign to them. They actually haven't sat down and given
that any thought. And then sorry, and I will throw
over to you to then play it back to social media.
In that existential vacuum, people get hooked into.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
These sets of values.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Whether actually see this playing out the United States Republicans
versus Democrats, and we see a lot of young men
and nigh being sucked into the world of Andrew Tit
and stuff like that because they don't have that other
sense of identity. And then they get sucked in, and
then they get given a set of values and through osmosis,
(31:35):
almost through social media and the echo chamber.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Commentary on that.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It is such a good topic. I love this, So
I'll start with a little story. So my daughter who's
ten and is scarily emotionally intelligent for ten, right, and
as a single dad, it does make me nervous for
various reasons. And she asked me one time because there
(32:05):
were she goes to a Christian school and she but
she's really into science. She likes asking me stuff about
space and all the sub jobs, right, And she goes, dad,
you know, and I say yeah. She goes, you know,
at the Big Bank, we were talking about the Big
Bang theory and I'm like yeah, and you go. She goes,
so was it the Big Bang theory that created the Earth?
(32:26):
Or was it God? Right? And I went that' said
bloody interesting question, that kid, And I said, and I
love having these conversations. She's amazing. It's such a good
human And I said, well, realistically, Darling, it all boils
down to the word faith, and she goes, what do
you mean? And I said, because whether it is God
(32:50):
that you have faith in, or whether it is science
that you have faith in, Ultimately, every sort of belief system,
whether it's science, religion, whatever, it all starts with an
element of faith. Right. Science has had has got proof
to a certain point. But then ultimately all proof is
(33:13):
formed on theory, right or for you know, and in
order to form a theory, you have to have faith
in something before you can form a theory, right so.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
And and with science, proof is not absolute. There's confidence levels.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Exactly how many, how many, how many things did did did?
Did we believe in until it was proved otherwise? Right,
you know? So so everything, So I said, look at
irrespective whether you whether you go down science track or
whether you go down the Bible track, or whatever the
case may be. Ultimately, the amazing, the beautiful thing is
is that you get to select your own faith, what
(33:48):
your what you your faith is. But the one of
the things that makes us inherently human is the ability
to have faith in something whatever that whatever that thing
may be. Now well, when you talk about lack of
identity and lack of purpose, the example that I've been
giving has been there's been an increasing volume of protests
(34:10):
going on in the world, right, and take the Palestine protests. Now,
I am confident and I am hopeful, and I have
optimism in society that a lot of people that do
these protests are all very very well intentioned, right. But
because they've, like you said, because they've really struggled to
form their own identity, they are hooking themselves into the
(34:31):
identity of being part of a pack, right, which is
an inherently human thing. And like I said, I'd like
to think that they've all got the best intentions for it. However,
if you were to take a map of the world
into a group of Palestinian protesters and ask them to
point out where Palestine is on a map, they couldn't
(34:53):
tell you. They would not be able to tell you
where the gaza strip is on a world map, right.
And And my point I'm making with that is the
fact that, like you said, we as leaders, as people,
not thought leaders, but as people that are comfortable enough
to own their universe and own who they are and
(35:15):
own their position in the world and what have you
and their map of the world, we have a real
responsibility a massive level of accountability to help people to
understand their own identity in the world. And if we don't,
and if we just accept that people are who they are,
then we've only got ourselves to blame really as leaders.
(35:39):
Now you can say that you can't change the world
as one person, You're right, But there are enough people
that do know and own who they are to be
able to make some sort of a dent in the
way that the world's going. But the problem is the
fact that at the minute, a lot of us, if
we're being honest, we're really sitting on the sidelines because
ultimately we are human beings, and we see people that
(36:01):
do try and make a difference get shot down via
a million you know, Andrew Tates supporters who are all
up for toxic masculinity and all that sort of jazz, right,
you know, all the big loud, shouty people. Yeah, And
I just feel that, like your kids are the best
teachers sometimes. And when Eliza was questioning that, and I
(36:22):
mentioned the fact that you get to pick your faith.
As long as you've got faith in something, you'll be
sweet as are not right whatever that faith is, and
she's just sat back in a chair because we're in
the car and the way back from school, and she
just sat back in a chair and she went, hmmm, so,
so I can believe in God and science And I went,
(36:45):
of course she can. Of course she can. And that's
the beautiful thing about being human is the fact that
you can. You don't have to. Yes, religion has helped
people to stay on the straight and narrow, depending on
your map of the world, right, because there's certain religions
that people think send you down the wrong path and
depending on your orientation. But in a world that has
(37:07):
got so much noise and so much choice, and I
think we're paralyzed by choice these days, right, Whereas back
in the day, yeah, the Good Book and that was
about oh yeah, right, because you didn't have TVs and stuff.
So I think that as long as I think that
the topic of faith needs to be discussed, but it
needs to be discussed in a holistic way where it's
(37:29):
not just religious text. Yeah it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
No, No, I totally agree, and that that you can
do this and this right. So, just to come back
to and we're walking a political type route here, but
the whole Palestine thing, it's really interesting because I make
a point of when I read read the news or
go online, I will go on to The Australian, which
(37:53):
is quite right wing, and I will then go on
to the Guardian, which is left wing, and I always
do that right and I'll be on CNN, I'll go
to the algaze Era or.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Go to Fox News just to fucking see how different
the world is.
Speaker 5 (38:07):
Oh yeah, But for me it's like you read the
Australian or Guarantee you you go back almost every single
day there's something about anti Semitism, and.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Then you go on to the Guardian and almost every
single day it's about what's happening to the Palestinians. When
did it ever become that your political leanings determined which
group that you could have empathy for. Why can't we
go fucking hell those attacks that have master did were
horrendous and have massive empathy for them, and at the
(38:42):
same time have massive empathy for the Palestinian people and
all the suffering that's actually happening.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Because of that, Like what why? Is everything?
Speaker 3 (38:52):
And this is my point about the world, with that
existential vacuum and with social media and becoming more and
more polarized around this that it almost has to be Hey,
if this is your political leaning, this is what you
have to believe, right, Yeah, if you're in the United
States and you're a Republican, you have to believe that
(39:16):
you shouldn't be supporting the Ukraine War and that all
of a sudden, fucking Putin is not the horrendous fucking.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Individual that he is.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
Yeah, man, but it's just for me.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
And but it comes back to this conversation that you
were talking about about knowing thyself, and you know was
unscribed in the article at Delphi know thyself, right, Yeah,
that's the biggest thing. So in your book, Ard, the
stuff that you've come across, what are some tips that
(39:52):
you think that people could do for that self exploration.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
To know thyself.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
One of the first things that we should do that
I that worked really well for me was when I
had a bit of an identity crisis. It was a
couple of days after my old man passed away, and
I did an exercise around values right where there was
like a huge, huge, however, many hundreds of values and
(40:21):
it took me hours to wild it down to sort
of three or four. I whiled it down to three,
and and every time every round your job is to
cut out half of the values that are on that list, right,
and and and and the three that I said beforehand,
the ones that I had involved things like ambition and
(40:42):
determination and all this sort of crap. The three that
I came up with when I was in a very
vulnerable space, having just lost my old man. We're connection,
fun and simplicity, right, which is not very corporate. Now.
The thing that I've been saying to people is if
is that if you if, if you put your values
(41:04):
on a on a line on a bit of paper,
and the exercise that you need to do that I
think works quite well is put your values on one
line and then put five or so other sets of
values on lines above them below and go a bit
usual suspects, right, and go to your loved ones and
see if they can pick out who you Which one
(41:25):
is you? Right?
Speaker 1 (41:26):
Ah? Nice? Okay?
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Because if you because if you do that, if you
do that, and and and you love ones, the people
that truly know who you are can't pick you out,
then you've got a question whether they're your values.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Yeah, or whether they're just things that you would like
to have exactly.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
There, yeah, exactly. They're the projection of where where you
would love to be, But they are not who you
are now.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Or where you think you should be. The tyranny of
the Huldes.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
So now know that we are into this existential conversation.
Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yes, we would have thought there's people of our accents
for using the word existential seriously, like ask our old
schoolmates would be like going, who are these two.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Faster?
Speaker 4 (42:19):
Come on?
Speaker 1 (42:19):
That'd be going, what the fuck are you on about?
Speaker 2 (42:22):
Yeah? Stop talking? Stop talking so foreign, I'm speaking English please.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
But anyway, So, the ultimate existential question I'm going to
throw at you, and I know you talked about this
in your book, is why do you exist?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
I exist to make success more accessible. I exist because
I'm good at making things simple for people, right. I
exist because I have a I have a purpose. My
reason for being is my DNA is to make people
feel that there that success can exist in their lives.
(42:57):
And I know that sounds at the cold face of it,
it sounds very corporate, and it sounds very white collar.
The whole notion of success does feel very white collar.
But success, for me is applicable to any element of
your life. Right, So, for someone success might be defined
by the way that their kids end up. Right. It
(43:20):
could be defined by their parenting, you know. It could
be defined by their health. It could be defined by
their spirituality. Success for someone talk religion. Success for someone
could be to be absolute in their behaviors around the
Ten commandments for example, right, you know so? Or twelve?
You know what I mean? So it's success holds so
(43:42):
many forms. And my purpose, my reason for being, is
to help people to get cool with that and to
be and to actually go follow what success, how success
is defined for them. No, I can't change the world,
but I can change I can change the world for
one person potentially. And if we were all to own
who we were and to own what success looks like
(44:03):
for us, because success, you know, from the iteration of
success going back to Rome and Greece and whatnot, is
the definition of the origin. The original derivative was to progress, right,
And I think a lot of humans that get upset,
cranky and end up kicking off is because they don't
feel like they're moving forward in life. So therefore they
(44:25):
have to make a lot of noise in order to
be heard in order to move forward, whether that is
through because they're feeling oppressed. Because there are people or
they're a sect or whatever it is. Right, So yeah,
so that's my that's my I mean, it's taken me
a long time to get there. I was, I was
really struggling with that for a long long time, I
have to say.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
But very interesting. So I'll tell you it's given it.
I've asked you the question.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
I will give you my tombstone statement. Nice which and
I do this in workshops and get people to ride.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
A tombstone statement.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
And mine, excuse me, is military man turned educator to
help others be better versions of themselves. Right, And look
that that actually came from a pretty negative event where
he friends of mine get killed in a helicopter crash.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Two very very good means.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
But the point was that then set me on a
path that ended up with this. But it's only about
thinking about it that that it actually comes that.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
As I often say.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
To people, there is no purpose fairy, there's no faurry
that's going to come along and give you the purpose.
And you have to think about this. But I tell
you there's a quote that I came across that I
now use in workshops to set this up because I
think it's pretty from Seneca the Stoic philosopher. And you
mentioned the story you started this ship.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Everybody who lists, everybody who listens.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
To my podcast goes, fuck it, he's going to talk
about the Stoics again.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
But you started it unprompted, right.
Speaker 3 (46:02):
But it's Seneca, and he said, every individual birds the
responsibility to be of value to humanity, possible to benefit
a large number, if not to benefit a smaller group,
and if that too seems unattainable, then to benefit their
immediate community. But above all else, they must prioritize self
(46:24):
growth and personal well being. And the reason I love
that is that it just simplifies it. It's the stuff
that you talked about. It's not about having a success.
It's not about being a multi millionaire creating this startup
and running an orphanage in Nepal at the same time.
It's just about how can you affect.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Your little corner of the universe.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
But the thing that I love that Seneca brings to
it is that you.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Must prioritize yourself growth and personal.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
Well being because if you sort your own shit out
and are healthy, then you are going to be much
more eable to deliver that and benefit to other people.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Absolutely man and I actually had this battle when it
came to being a parent because I really really struggled
to set boundaries with my kids because I felt that
I wasn't allowed I didn't think I was allowed to.
I thought my kids would have should have complete one
hundred percent unadulterated access to me. And it was only
(47:25):
when I finally realized that I needed to set a
boundary around my physical exercise that allowed me to feel
so much more free to be a parent in the
best way I possibly could be because they know now
for the thirty minutes or forty five minutes that I'm
doing the workout in my garage or whatever, they we've
(47:46):
got an agreement that that is the one time where
unless someone's arms falling off, you know, you know, if
it's a debate over the bloody TV remote and they're.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Not blood exactly right, exactly exactly, there's no blood involved,
do not interrupt.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
Exactly if there's if there's blood or no breathing, then
you're allowed.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
Okay, So another big question. I'm going to ask you
the last big question because you also talk about this
is what broke you.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, man, I look, you know what I was actually
thinking about then when you mentioned about your your eight
colleagues and friends who died in a helicopter acc numberfore
and it's ship right that a lot of the best
versions of people are made through trauma. It's always been,
(48:48):
There's always been something that really annoys me. And I'm like,
how can we get around this? Is there any way
of us as human beings that is there anywhere us
being able to get around this whole thing of we
have to suffer trauma in order to become more evolved
in better versions of ourselves. Right now, the thing that
broke me was the realization that I wasn't the perfect
(49:13):
dad that I thought I was going to be. And
that was really the straw that broke the camel's back
because I've been running, I've been sort of existing on
the convey about the life without really understanding who I was.
And I just turned thirty and when my daughter was
or recently turned thirty, when my daughter was born, and
a few months after that, and when this automatic love
(49:36):
that I've got told I was supposed to feel for
this kid and all this sort of stuff just wasn't there,
And I thought that was you know, what's the point,
like if I can't even love my own child. What's
the point, like, what's the point of existing? And in
that started a chain reaction from a mental you know,
(49:57):
I refer to it as my as my trip down
or health lane, which is ten years. In a week's time,
it will be ten years since I started on that
trip of understanding that in order to evolve, you have
to become a student of yourself, because if you can't,
if you don't become a student of yourself, And it
(50:18):
relates to what you said before, what Seneca said. If
you're not a student, if you can't be a student
of yourself, then you can never learn. You can never
learn the things that are going to help you become
a better person. Right. And so the thing that broke
me was that realization that the life that I was
living was not the life I was designed to have.
(50:39):
And that was a massive kick in the pills, man,
And it took me on a trip that nearly resulted
in me you staring at my own mortality a couple
of times and going through various ubsections and whatnot. But
I always referred to it as the best bad thing
that's ever happened to me.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I love that term.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Right, the best bad thing that's ever happened to me. Now,
would I wish it on anyone else? No? And will
I continue to try and figure out how to help
people have this evolution without having to go through the shit.
Of course I'm going to keep trying. But as we're
both pointed out over the course of this conversation, inevitably
something has to test you to an extreme in order
(51:21):
for the diamond to come out of the pressure, right,
and which is shit, But it's just it, just it
would none of us have been able to work out
how we can avoid it. So yeah, man, that's the
thing that broke me was when I realized that I
wasn't the dad. I genuinely felt that that was the
thing that I was designed to do, and that was
(51:43):
the one thing that was I was essentially, if I'm
being honest with myself, it was the one thing that
I was clinging onto in life was the fact that right,
at least then I'm going to be a good dad
when the kid turns up, at least then I'm going
to be a good dad. So when I wasn't, I
was like, shit, well i've got nothing. I've got nothing,
And it was a prick of a thing to get
go through. But I'm grateful that the mother and my kids,
who I'm not with anymore, but I have so much
(52:04):
respect for I'm grateful that she had the bottle, the
nerve to actually fade, to actually square up to it
in me, you know. And if it wasn't for her,
I probably, I say probably inevitably, I probably wouldn't still
be on the planet having a conversation with you right now.
(52:25):
So I owe her a hell of a lot, not
just for the kids she's provided for me, but the
fact that she's given me. She gave me the opportunity
to continue my existence. And yeah, and that discovery of
the fact that I needed to learn who the hell
I was at thirty was an interest in an interesting realization,
(52:46):
but one I'm ultimately glad I've had.
Speaker 3 (52:51):
And how long did it tick before you could and
what And was there a point where you felt that
you were turning the corner or was it just slow
sort of chrysalis or did you actually was there are
a few waypoints along the line where you went Actually
(53:11):
I'm on an upwards trajectory and I can feel it
in the tear step.
Speaker 2 (53:14):
It was. It was it was. It's very cyclical, and
it's something that I will always be a student of
because when I was initially going through it, those first
few years that I was going through it, I was
I'd feel like I was going well, and then then
I would crash and burn, right, And each time I
crashed and burned, you know, once I had made it
(53:36):
out the other end, and sometimes I nearly didn't. I
every single time I learned something new about myself, I learned,
like I found, I discovered a fundamental building block off
the back of each one, and and as I went
through each one, those building blocks sort of grew, and
the foundation got stronger, and the frame, the mental framework
(53:57):
became a lot more structured and solid, and you know,
felt more by design as opposed to by default. And yeah,
and then now, you know, like I said, we're nearly
a decade into it, and you know, I'm still you know,
I'm still learning stuff about myself, right, and I always
will do. And and it's an amazing thing to be
(54:20):
able to be aware of that, because it means that
I've you know, while there's always time, While there's always
time in the game of life, there's always chances to
score more goals and advance further forward and all the
rest of it. But I think it was actually, I
think if there was a watershed moment when I could
when I sort of took a breath and thought, you
(54:40):
know what you're going all right now? It was after again,
it was after my old man passed away. And the
way that I processed the grief was it was one
of immense gratitude as opposed to immense sadness. I was
grateful for the dad that I had, as opposed to
the being sad for the man that I lost. And and
(55:04):
when I when I and that, when that naturally happened
all of a sudden, and once the dust had settled,
I was like, you know what, I could have a
bit of faith in my own mental framework. Now now's
the time for me to now grow as opposed to
build from scratch, right, and the foundations looking pretty solid,
how can we now make this thing really pop? For me? Also? Yeah, man,
(55:26):
So that was it, I guess.
Speaker 3 (55:29):
Very cool, And to me it were no more big, hard,
curly questions. Well, I actually I want to give you
what what excites you about the future.
Speaker 2 (55:41):
The fact that I know I've got so much to learn,
but I am very much in control of my own
existence now. After the first book, it's weird. After the
first book, it felt like I downloaded the first version
of myself and all of a sudden, I had all
this space in my brain to think of about the
second version of myself. Right, It's like I got rid
(56:02):
of all the clutter. It's like I've done a big
spring clean, a big garage sale and put it into
a book. And now I've got all this space in
my brain, which is wonderful. It's fabulous. So that excites
me for the future. The direction that my kids are
going in, I'm super excited for. Like, they are just
two very very awesome and I know I'm biased, but
(56:24):
they are. They're brilliant individuals in their own right. So
I'm very very lucky that I get to have a
very special relationship with them. And I know how lucky
I am in that respect. Yeah, And I just feel
that it's it's like I have an opportunity, and we
all have opportunities. I know this is going to sound
very patronizing. We all have opportunities moving forward as long
(56:48):
as we understand and accept that there is still time
in the game. Of life to be played. I used
to have this big problem with satisfaction. I used to
be chasing satisfaction and never got there, right and Alan
Watts right, by the time you get there, it becomes here,
so ergo there never exists, yes, And once I really
come to understand that, and it allowed me. And this
(57:10):
is one thing I am really working on, is the
ability to stay present more often, which you know, when
you have the interesting little bits of wiring that I've
got there, it makes it a little bit of a challenge.
But I'm really starting to own that. And as soon
as I feel like I own the being present, man,
the world gets cool, gets really really cool. So yeah, man,
that's the opportunity is to be present more often and
(57:32):
with the people that I have unfortunate to have in
my life.
Speaker 1 (57:35):
Lucky boy, Yeah, yeah, lucky boy. Yes, aren't we all?
Speaker 3 (57:41):
So where can people go to find more about you?
Speaker 4 (57:46):
And a.
Speaker 1 (57:48):
A procademics guide to success?
Speaker 3 (57:52):
Curious and somebody who's actually had that lived experience, right,
it's not just that you're parenting, are reparroting a heap
of ship that other people have said, which which is cool.
And this is a conversation that went down roots that
I was not expecting. But I'm actually very glad that
(58:12):
it did. But so, where can people go to find more.
Speaker 1 (58:16):
About you your book? They want to book? It's an auctioneer.
Speaker 2 (58:20):
Yeah, man, Yeah, well that that that's.
Speaker 3 (58:23):
Just my I have a conversation on the side about
existential crisis.
Speaker 2 (58:29):
Which I probably could do while I'm selling a house
to be fair now. But Andy Reid dot com dot
au that's my that's my site. I'm a very easy
guy to find because obviously with the work that I
do in auctioneering, I'm a very out there sort of public,
public facing sort of guy. So you know on Instagram
at Andy Reid Coaching, very very easy guy to hit
(58:51):
up there if you want to d m me. The
books available on Amazon and again super lucky that it's
available in the US, Canada, UK about to be available
in India as well, which is pretty cool. God helped
them with some of the words that are in that book.
There's going to be some interesting Google searches in India.
I'll tell you that for him for nothing. And so
(59:12):
but yeah, you're absolutely right. A lot of the book
is very self deprecating. You know. My old man used
to say if you can't laugh at yourself, you shouldn't
laugh at anyone else, which.
Speaker 1 (59:22):
I think is absolutely amen. There is my nod to
religion to that one for sure. Andy.
Speaker 3 (59:34):
This has been awesome, So thank you for making the
time to have the conversation and thank you for being
vulnerable enough to share your story with authenticity.
Speaker 2 (59:46):
Mate, Thank you so much for having me. Man, it's
been It's an absolute pleasure to be to connect it
to someone that I have as much respect for as yourself,
So thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (59:56):
Well, thank you, Cheers, Met
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