Mojo Mondays: Becoming Mentally Fit Part 4 - Strengthening Mental Fitness through Meaningful Relationships

This episode discusses the importance of connection as the fourth pillar of mental fitness. It explores how modern lifestyles and digital interactions have led to increased loneliness and less genuine human connection. Through personal anecdotes, carly emphasises the value of real-life interactions over digital connections and encourages listeners to actively seek out 'micro connections' in their daily lives. A suggested journaling exercise based on the Japanese practice of Naikan helps reflect on received and given connections to improve well-being. The episode concludes with a call to ramp up meaningful connections and engage children in similar practices.

00:00 Introduction to the Fourth Pillar of Mental Fitness

00:36 The Decline of Genuine Human Connection

01:51 Personal Anecdotes on Connection

03:17 The Importance of Micro Connections

04:41 Encouraging Real-World Interactions

05:24 Reflecting on Daily Connections

07:16 Conclusion and Weekly Challenge

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Today we are talking about the fourth pillar of mental fitness,
and that is all about connection. One of the most
powerful things we can do for our mental health is
also one of the most natural, and that is just
simply bang with another human being. And yet we seem
to be doing less and less of this. Loneliness isn't

(00:30):
an all time high. We aren't connecting in meaningful ways,
at least not often enough. We're living in a time
where connection often means followers and likes or belonging to
a social media tribe, and this is confusing us with
the real thing. We're working harder. We're striving for success, money, recognition, influence,

(00:53):
but in prioritizing those things, we're sometimes forgetting what actually
sustains us, and that is people, not digital versions of people,
but real, embodied, honest relationships. And we need these relationships.
We need these connections to survive. And that's a big

(01:14):
part of why so many people feel disconnected right now,
even while we're constantly digitally connected, because too often the
screen that we're staring at has become more important than
the person in front of us. And I think we're
all guilty of that. But the good news is there
seems to be a bit of a shift happening. More

(01:36):
people are waking up to the fact that strong relationships
are imperative to their lives, and they are a foundation
or one of the foundations to mental fitness, and we
can choose, we can choose to lean into them. So
I grew up in the seventies and eighties, and I
remember my mum would go on a Saturday morning and

(01:58):
she'd gone knock on the door of her friends' houses unannounced.
As far as I know, it was unannounced, and she'd
just rock up for a coffee, and I'd go with
her and we'd be welcomed in like family. Now. I
don't know if many of you have your friends just
knock on the door randomly to see if you're around
for a coffee, but I know somebody did that. Now

(02:20):
I would probably think it was a bit strange, but
that's what was normal back then. And the other one
I was thinking of is my brother would every practically
every time he came home from school, he would then
be out the door and he'd be meeting the neighborhood boys.
They'd jump on their bikes and they'd disappear for hours.

(02:41):
And that we would walk to the local milk bar
and we'd chat to the owners and we'd spend twenty
cents on mixed lollies and they waited patiently for us
to decide which ones we were going to choose. And
if you're the same as man you grew up in
that ear, you would know what I'm talking about. There
were a lot of these micro connections, so they weren't

(03:01):
big moments, but they were moments of connection, and whether
we knew it or not at the time, they really mattered. Well,
we seem to be losing that. And it's not just
about family and friends. I think it's about community. So
this morning I went to the local market and I

(03:21):
decided intentionally to create a few meaningful micro connections. So
I made a conscious decision as to how I was
going to show up at the markets. I was on
my own, so I started with chatting to the man
who was collecting the gold coins for who was raising
money for Rotary, and we just chatted for just even

(03:44):
like it was ten seconds. If that just about the weather,
and I could have just thrown in the coin and
kept walking, but we had just chitchat about how good
the weather was and the fact that he had the
prime position sitting in the sun. And then I asked
the guy selling the sourdough bread that we always get,
and I will take this opportunity to give a shout

(04:05):
out to Flinda's sourdough because if you're ever in Flinder's,
you've got to go there on the morning to Peninsula.
It's the best sourdough bread. But I knew that he
had a newborn, so I was asking how his baby was.
And then I smiled and I said hello to a
few people just I was walking by. And these micro connections,
they really matter. They have a physiological effect. So we

(04:29):
release oxytocin and dopamine and serotonin and it literally boosts
our mood and regulates our stress. And so it's a
win win for everyone involved. But to create those we
need to do something simple, but something that seems to
be really hard at the moment, and that is to
put our phones away. And we need to encourage our

(04:52):
kids to put their phones away. I often see kids
walking or at the bus stop with their heads downstairs
at their mobile phones. And I even say, I've even
seen a boy around this neighborhood who walks his dogs
staring at his phone. And this isn't a criticism. I
don't know what their situation is, but it's just a
general example of what could be a missed opportunity for

(05:15):
them if they put their phones away and just looked
up a moment to connect, connect with others, connect with
the world around them. So I'm going to suggest a
journaling exercise to reflect on your daily connections. And this
is based on a Japanese reflection exercise called n I Can.

(05:36):
It does have three questions, but for now, I'm going
to suggest that you just ask two of these three questions,
and if you do decide to do this, you'll be
able to notice as you go about your day the
small and big, meaningful connections that you make. So the
questions are the first one is what did I receive

(05:58):
from others? And the question is what did I give
to others? So don't just focus on your inner circle here.
So like your inner circle stuff could be like your
husband made a cup of tea for you, or your
children gave you a hug, but also focus on the
wider community. So for example, you may have received a

(06:18):
warm hello from the person who took your coffee order,
or someone may have let you in the queue before them,
or maybe somebody just simply smiled at you, and then
the question what did I give? Maybe you put down
your device when your child started talking to you about
something that they considered really important and you gave them
your full attention. Or maybe you were playful with your

(06:41):
partner and you made them smile. Or maybe you smiled
at a stranger or told your barista that they make
the best coffee in town. It doesn't matter how big
or small. You just write down these little micro connections
of what you gave someone else. So it's a really
good way to reflect on how much you connect with

(07:04):
others during the day and how it made you feel
Meaningful connections make us feel good, and knowing that it
also makes other people feel good makes it even more meaningful.
So that's it for this week. Let's ramp up our
meaningful connections and encourage our kids to do the same.
And I hope you all have a great week and

(07:25):
I'll catch you next week. Sia