August 7, 2025 • 24 mins
TRIGGER WARNING: This is a Ha'penny Horrid 'Hursday episode. "Horrid" as in "horror." Thursday is the day we do all the grimdark, grisly, horrifying stories. If murders, war crimes, parricides, and other awful stuff are not something you are interested in hearing about, even 200 years later — feel free to skip this episode and circle back this coming Sunday for the regular Penny Dreadful Variety Hour, when this podcast will be back to being a bright, sunny romp through Penny Dreadful stories!
A half-hour- long 'Hursday Horrid Minisode IN WHICH —
0:02:00: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY for August 7:
- A melancholy account of four small children who in 1855 fell in the River Tame, the swift current of which ill-named river swept them mercilessly away. Only three were saved.
0:03:15: THE MARINE SPECTRE (from The Terrific Register):
- Eager to teach his friend the folly of supernatural dread, a man faked his own death so that he could return, wrapped in a bedsheet, and play ghost. What could possibly go wrong?
0:10:10: THE LAST MOMENTS OF JOHN A. SIMPSON, FOR MURDERING HIS SWEETHEART (a broadsheet ballad).
- John Simpson, 21, had gotten his girlfriend, Annie Ratcliffe, pregnant; and the couple had agreed to get married. On her wedding morning, in a public house, John reached into his pocket for a straight razor, and ....
0:16:40: HORRORS OF A GUILTY CONSCIENCE (from the Terrific Register).
- A short account of the experience of Joseph Le Bon in both meting out and receiving what passed for justice during the French Revolution.
Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!
GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:
- High gloak: A well-dressed highwayman.
- Arch doxy: High-ranking female canter, gypsy-band leader, or criminal mastermind
- Tears of the tankard: Strong ale.
- Scandal-broth: Tea.
- Cat lap: Another term for tea.
- Scragging: Hanging.
- Kiddies and kiddiesses: Flash lads and lasses
- Sherry off: To leave, in a tolerable hurry. A corruption of "sheer off."
- Flats: Suckers.
- Chaffing: Talking and bantering while taking a glass or two.
- Knight of the brush and moon: Drunken fellow wandering amok in fields and ditches trying to stagger home.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
As I was walking on London St. 1, misty morning early, I heard
a very young maid, the right Lord, save me the life of
Georgie. Good evening to all you high
Gloaks, archdoxies and nights ofthe brush and the moon.
(00:26):
I'm your host Finn JD John welcoming you back to the
Chafing Crib for a Hepony HorridHers Day half Hour episode on
the Penny Dreadful variety show.The Hepony Horrid Hers Day Half
Hour is a shorter show designed to tide you over till next
Sunday. And it is the show in which we
do all the horrid blood soaked, gore spattered stories so that
(00:51):
our more squeamish friends and those with functioning mirror
neurons can skip over the blood and guts bits.
Well, it's a work night, so go easy on the tiers of the tankard
tonight. Maybe a nice saucer cup full of
catlap or a scandal broth. Here's what we've got in store
(01:13):
for tonight. First, of course, we'll hear all
about today's terrible tidbit from Dickens Dreadful Almanac.
Then we'll be tucking into one of the longer and grizzlier
stories from the Terrific Register.
Brace for some pretty vivid wordpictures of Spanish Inquisition
tortures and Hwy. robber executions and similar
(01:34):
atrocities. Then we'll try to find a
broadsheet ballad celebrating the bloody career or bloodier
finale of some highway robber orwar criminal from the first half
of the 1800s. Finally, we'll have a little
something. Maybe another nasty story from
the terrific Register, Maybe a spot of gallows humor from a 200
(01:56):
year old comedy magazine or jokebook.
Something. But let's get to it.
We'll start the festivities off with an appetizer in the shape
of today's terrible Tidbit of the Day.
These were actually written by Charles Dickens during the nine
years in which he was editing Household Words magazine.
(02:17):
Each terrible tidbit of the day is taken from a delightful book
titled Dickens Dreadful Almanac,a history press title edited by
Kate Ludlow. It is subtitled Terrible Event
for Every Day of the Year. Today is a day of the year, so
here is today's terrible tidbit.August 7th.
(02:39):
A very melancholy accident happened at Staley Bridge on the
7th inst. Four children, between the ages
of seven and ten, were playing on a bulk of timber which had
been thrown over the river Tang.The youngest fell in the river,
dragging his three companions after him, and they were all
immediately carried away by the strength of the stream.
(03:01):
Immediately on the accident taking place, several persons
promptly and courageously rushedinto the river.
In various places, three were saved, but the youngest, named
David Armitage, was never seen after he fell into the river.
Now let's move on to a horrible article from the Terrific
(03:22):
Register. This one will be less grim and
dark and gnarly than is usual for the Terrific Register, but
it kind of makes up for it in a certain other sense.
Here we go, the Marine Spectre. When Mr. Walker was setting out
(03:43):
on his second cruise in the Boscawen private ship of war, in
1745, a report made by the French officers, when the ship
was taken, that a gunner's wife had been murdered on board,
began now to be looked upon by the men as ominous of the
misfortunes which would attend the cruise.
One of the seamen, remarkable for his sobriety and good
(04:03):
character, one night alarmed theship by declaring that he had
seen a strange appearance of a woman, who informed him, among
other particulars, that the shipwould be lost.
The story spread among the crew,and laid such hold of the
imagination as would have been attended with the most serious
consequences, had not Mr. Walkercontrived a device for turning
it all into ridicule, and with great presence of mind related
(04:26):
the following anecdotes to the assembled ship's crew.
In June, 1734, Mr. Walker was lying at anchor at Cadiz, on his
ship, the Elizabeth. A gentleman of Ireland, whose
name was Burnett, was then on board, going to take passage to
Ireland. This gentleman was a particular
acquaintance of Mr. Walker, and he was extremely fond of him,
being a man of great good sense,and very lively in conversation.
(04:50):
The night before the affair we speak of happened, the subject
turned upon apparitions of deceased friends, in which this
person seemed very much to believe, and told many strange
stories as authorities for them,besides giving some metaphysical
arguments, chiefly that the natural fear we had of them
proved the soul's confession of them.
But Mr. Walker, who was entirelyof another way of thinking,
(05:12):
treated all his arguments with ridicule.
Mr. Burnett, who was bred A physician, was curious to try
how far fancy might be wrought on an unbeliever, and resolved
to prove the power of this natural fear over the senses.
The strange way, you will say, to convince the mind by
attacking the imagination. Or if it was curiosity to see
the operations of fear work on fancy, it was too nice an
(05:34):
experiment to anatomize a friend's mind for information
only. Or perhaps the humor of the
thought was the greatest motive,for he was a man of a gay temper
and frolicsome. About noon, as they were
standing with some more of the ship's company upon deck near
the Foxle, looking at some of the Governor's guard boats
making fest to a buoy of a ship in the Bay, in order to watch
(05:54):
the money that it might not be carried out of the country, Mr.
Burnett proposed as a plan for awager, he being a remarkable
swimmer, to leap off the gundl of the ship and dive all the way
quite underwater from the ship to the boats at that distance,
and so rise upon them to startlethe people that watch in them.
A wager being laid, he undressed, jumped off, and dived
entirely out of sight. Everybody crowded forward,
(06:17):
keeping their eyes in the distance where he was expected
to come up, but he never rising to their expectation, and the
time running past their hopes ofever seeing him more.
It was justly concluded that he was drowned, and everybody was
in the greatest pain and concern, especially those who,
by laying the wager, thought themselves in some measure
accessory to his death. But he, by skillful diving,
(06:38):
having turned quite the other way behind the ship, and being
also very active, got up by the quarter ladder in the cabin
window, whilst everybody was busy and in confusion at the
forward part of the ship. Then concealing himself in a
linen nightgown of Mr. Walker's evening coming on, the whole
ship's company being very melancholy at the accident, Mr.
(06:58):
Walker retired with a friend or two to his cabin, where, in
their conversation, they often lamented the sad accident and
loss of their friend and dear companion.
Speaking of every merit he had when living, which is the
unenvied praise generally given to our friends, when they can
receive nothing else from us. The supposed dead man remains
still quiet, and heard more goodthings said to his memory than
(07:21):
perhaps he would else have ever in his lifetime heard spoken to
his face. As soon as it was night, Mr.
Walker's company left him, and he, being low in spirits, went
to bed, were lying still pensiveon the late loss of his
companion and friend, and the moon shining direct through the
windows, he perceived the folding doors of his closet to
open, and looking steadfastly toward them, saw something which
(07:43):
could not fail, starting him as he imagined it was a
representation of a human figure.
But recalling his better senses,he was fain to persuade himself
it was only the workings of his disturbed fancy, and turned
away. His eyes, however, they soon
again returned in search of the object, and seeing it now
plainly advance upon him in a slow and constant step, he
(08:04):
recognized the image of his departed friend he has not been
ashamed to own. He felt terrors which shook him
to the inmost soul. The mate who lay in the steerage
at the back of the cabin, divided only by a bulkhead, was
not yet a bed, and hearing Mr. Walker challenge with a loud and
alarmed voice, what are you, Ranto him with a candle, and
meeting Mr. Burnett in the linengown down, drops the mate
(08:27):
without so much as an ejaculation.
Mr. Burnett, now beginning himself to be afraid, runs for a
bottle of smelling spirits he knew lay in the window, and
applied them to the nose and temples of the swooning mate.
Mr. Walker, seeing the ghost so very alert and good-natured,
began to recover from his own apprehension, when Mr. Burnett
cried out to him. Sir, I must ask your pardon.
(08:48):
I fear I have carried the jest too far.
I swam around and came in at thecabin window.
I meant, Sir, to prove to you the natural awe the bravest must
be under at such appearances, and have, I hope, convinced you.
And yourself, Sir, says Mr. Walker, glad of being awakened
from a terrible dream and beliefof his friend's death.
You have given me a living instance.
There needs no proof. But pray take care you do not
(09:10):
bring death amongst us in real earnest.
He then lent his aid in the recovery of the poor mate who
has he retrieved. His senses still relapsed at the
sight of Mr. Burnett, so that Mister Walker was obliged to
make him entirely disappear, andgo call others to his
assistance, which took up some considerable time in doing.
Everybody, as Mr. Burnett advanced upon them, being more
(09:31):
or less surprised. But they were all called to by
him, and told the manner of the cheat, and they were by degrees
convinced of his reality, thougheveryone was before thoroughly
satisfied of his death. I, being persuaded that this
story carries a lesson in it which speaks for itself, shall
conclude, by mentioning this circumstance, that the poor mate
never rightly recovered the use of his senses.
(09:51):
From that hour. Nature had received too great a
shock by which reason was flung from her seat and could never
again regain it. Afterwards a constant stupidity
hung around him as he could never be brought to look direct
at Mr. Burnett Afterwards, though he was as brave a man as
ever went in all his senses to face death by daylight.
(10:13):
Next, let's grab an example of one of the broadsheet ballads
that were sold on the streets tocommemorate especially memorable
or horrible crimes, executions, etcetera.
This one was published in 1881, considerably later than we
usually like to go. But tale as old as time, song as
old as rhyme, as they say. It's a broadsheet printed in the
(10:37):
wake of a brutal murder of the bride by the groom on the eve of
a planned wedding. 21 year old John Aspinall Simpson of Preston
in Lancashire had been dating a 16 year old named Annie
Ratcliffe for over a year, secretly.
Now, this isn't Ann Radcliffe, obviously, but 16 year old
(10:57):
Annie's parents didn't approve. But in June of 1881, John went
to Annie's father and told him that things had gotten serious
and Annie was now pregnant and would he approve a marriage Even
though Annie was still underage?The father consented.
A date was set August 4th at Saint Paul's Church.
Bride and groom met up at the Sir Walter Scott pub on North
(11:20):
Road, where the barmaid served them each a lemonade and left
them alone in the parlor. Then there was the sound of
breaking glass. The barmaid rushed back to the
room and was met by Annie, bloodgushing from her neck.
Annie then collapsed to the floor.
John sat in the corner of the room, his hands covered with
blood. On the table next to him was an
(11:41):
open straight razor of the cutthroat Sweeney Todd type.
John made no attempt to leave ordeny the ACT.
Annie's throat had been cut wideopen.
Jugular and windpipe alike were cut through.
John's defense argued that she had cut her own throat after
John told her he wasn't going tomarry her after all.
The jury didn't buy it. He was hanged on November 28th,
(12:02):
1881 at Strange Ways Jail. To this day, rumor has it that
the Bluebell Inn in Church St. which was owned by Annie's
parents, is haunted by her ghost.
OK, that's the back story. Here's the broadsheet headline
is the last moments of John A Simpson for murdering his
sweetheart at 8:00 this Monday morning.
(12:26):
The youth John Aspinall Simpson was executed at Strange Ways
Prison, Manchester for murderinghis sweetheart Anne Ratcliffe at
Preston on the 3rd of August last.
The final interview with his heartbroken relatives was of a
most painful description, and one that will not soon be
forgotten by those who witnessedit.
(12:46):
Marwood, the executioner, arrived at the jail on Saturday
afternoon, and after inspecting the scaffold and testing the
working of the drop, he took up his quarters convenient to the
jail. A large crowd of persons
assembled near the jail this morning, and sympathy was
manifested for the unfortunate youth.
At 5 minutes past 8 the Black Flag was hoisted, and the crowd
(13:09):
then gradually dispersed. There has not been so much
interest taken in an execution at Manchester for some time.
By the order of the High Sheriff, no reporters were
permitted to witness the execution by John Aspinall's
Simpson's sad and terrible death.
Young men take a most solemn warning on the gallows.
(13:30):
At strange ways he yielded his breath on a most drear November
morning For murder he died, and he never denied the justice of
his awful sentence. Ere he went to the grave he
forgiveness did crave and wept in the deepest repentance.
He murdered his sweetheart, a girl good and true, who always
had loved and adored him. He had blighted her life, and to
(13:53):
make her his wife, and to save her from shame, she implored
him. But for murder we find he had
made-up his mind, or the razor he ne'er would have carried, and
like a base man, he murdered poor Anne on the morn that she
thought to be married. His repentance we hear, for his
crime was sincere. He prayed night and day to be
forgiven. His sentence from the first he
(14:15):
acknowledged to be just. He hoped to be pardoned in
heaven. No unmanly ways brought an end
to his days. No one in his troubles to
befriend him. In his miserable state he was
left to his fate. When the law to the gallows did
send him, when they told him thetime he must suffer for crime,
twas no more than he hourly expected.
(14:35):
Each fast, fleeting day, the time he passed away, miserable,
forlorn, and dejected to pass from the world to eternity,
hurled to his comrades, be a solemn warning to hang till he
was dead, and no bitter tears beshed except by his relatives.
That morning, at the tolling of the bell, he left the dismal
cell. The dark scaffold stood there
(14:57):
before him, with the hangman by his side.
Lord have mercy on me, he cried.Twas a sight that was almost
deploring. With the fatal beam of wood on
the platform he stood the chaplain, the burial service,
reading the bolt. It was drawn, and poor Simpson
was gone. His soul to its maker was
speeding At the late Manchester Assizes.
(15:18):
John Aspinall Simpson was found guilty of murdering his
sweetheart at Preston, and when asked if he had anything to say
why sentence of death should notbe passed upon him, he remarked
that he was perfectly satisfied with the verdict of the jury.
After entering the condemned cell, the wretched convict was
never left alone, being guarded night and day by two warders.
(15:39):
He was supplied with writing materials, and everything was
done to promote his comfort and body and mind.
A photograph of the deceased girl occupied A prominent
position on the table in his cell, and it was his dying
request that the portrait shouldbe buried with him.
And whenever any conversation turned upon his victim he never
spoke of her except in terms of the greatest affection.
(16:02):
It was inferred from this behavior and the disjointed
observations that he occasionally let fall in the
subject, that his motive for thecrime was not jealousy, as has
been reported, nor it's commissioned the impulse of a
moment, but a premeditated act, the result of a morbid feeling
that he would be releasing his victim of a life of almost
certain misery if the marriage had been consummated.
(16:23):
There is every reason to believethat he intended to commit
suicide, and it is stated that at one time he contemplated
drowning himself. John White, Printer, Rose Place,
Scotland Road, Liverpool And now, before we mizzle off into
the sunset, let's hit one more Shorty from the terrific
(16:45):
register. Here it comes, horrors of a
guilty conscience. It was in the city of Amia that
the hand of justice overtook Joseph the Bone.
He was executed amidst the curses of that very populace,
who, a few weeks before, had received him with shouts of
(17:07):
applause and loaded him with caresses.
While he was on mission, a poor harmless priest happened to fall
under his displeasure. Le Bon issued an order for his
arrest, but the priest obtained intelligence of his danger and
fled into the woods. This circumstance aroused the
fury of the vindictive tyrant. He wrote instantly to the
committee of Public Safety denouncing a great conspiracy,
(17:29):
declared that he had discovered all the conspirators, and that
an agent of Pitt had fled into the woods.
But from the vigorous measures he had adopted, he had no doubt
whatever the criminals would be brought to justice, he kept his
word. Vigorous measures were adopted
with a vengeance. The generale was beaten, and all
the armed citizens were ordered to scour the woods in order to
(17:50):
seize the agent of Pitt. On the unsealing day, the poor
creature, exhausted with fatigue, half famished and
haunted like a wild beast, returned to the city and
surrendered himself up to his tormentors.
He was carried on that same night before the Revolutionary
Tribunal. He was asked his name, and he no
sooner replied than the jury, without hearing either the
(18:10):
indictment or the evidence, pronounced him guilty and
sentenced him to die. He was then remanded to prison.
The whole of the night he spent in prayer, and on the next
morning, when the gendarme arrived to attend him to the
place of execution, the fears which had prompted him to take
shelter in the woods instantly forsook him.
He became resigned and courageous, fortified by his
(18:32):
religious sentiments and conscious innocence.
He proclaimed that he preferred death to living in a society in
whose breasts every spark of justice was extinguished.
That the very circumstance of his having been condemned
unheard, without even the forms of a trial, proved that the time
was come when good men should nolonger desire to live, and that
as death was now the object of his highest ambition, he would
(18:55):
show his fellow citizens in how calm a manner an innocent man
could die. On these considerations he
refused to get into the cart, but stated his resolution to
walk to the place of execution, the firm countenance and steady
step. Surrounded by the Cherie of Le
Bon and the miscreants who delighted in the blood of men,
he walked to the scaffold, whichhe mounted with joy.
(19:18):
But even in the moment of death the bloody tyrant continued to
torment him. He desired the execution to be
delayed until his women appearedat the corridor of a house that
was opposite, and when these unfeeling wretches, with a
ferocity unusual in their sex, waved their handkerchiefs as
symptoms of exultation, the fatal knife was permitted to
fall, and released the victim from a world that was unworthy
(19:41):
of him. This melancholy event is
mentioned merely to contrast it with the conduct of the bone at
the place of his execution. The night before he suffered the
most excruciating agonies of mind.
His conscience, like a devouringvulture, preyed upon all his
faculties, and awakened the horrors of futurity in his
breast. At intervals he attempted to
(20:02):
destroy himself, but fear and hope withheld his hand, and he
was heard to give loud shrieks, not such as are given by those
who suffer from bodily pain, butthe tremendous yell.
A demon implying many agitated passions, rage, disappointment,
terror, and despair. When he was brought out of the
prison to be seated in the cart,the shout that rent the air
(20:24):
could not be described. A person who was present assured
me that the howls of cannibals are nothing compared with it.
The populace spit upon him. They asked him, as it was a fine
day, why he did not walk to the guillotine as the priest had
done, and die like a man. He was goaded with 1000 terrible
questions, and as the processionmoved, women and children danced
(20:44):
in the streets, clapping their hands and reproaching him with a
number of bitter recollections. Yet these were the very persons
who, but a few days before, danced and clapped their hands
when an inoffensive minister of religion was led to be
slaughtered. The ball was silent, but
convulsed with passion, and sometimes he cried, but when he
reached the scaffold he gave a horrible shriek, which produced
(21:06):
no other effect than peels of laughter from the spectators.
He was taken out of the cart, for fear had completely deprived
him of strength, and during the short period that elapsed before
the knife descended, 1000 different voices wished him a
good voyage and a happy meeting with all his friends in hell.
Thus accursed, this ferocious monster expired, leaving a
(21:27):
terrible example to guilty minds.
That concludes this hapony, horrid Hers day episode of the
Penny Dreadful variety show. I hope you'll join me again 3
days from now, same Spring Hill time, same Spring Hill channel
for next week's Penny Dreadful Story, our main show in which
(21:50):
we'll have Chapter 55 of SweeneyTodd, The Barber of Fleet Street
by James Malcolm Reimer from 1846, and Chapter 17 of The
Black Band or The Companions of Midnight by Mary Elizabeth
Bratton from 1860. One in Sweeney Todd, the tailor
comes into John Mundell's room and recognizes Todd.
(22:12):
He's the same chap who made the clothes for Todd.
How did the pompadour colored coat in the velvet smalls do,
eh? He cries fit well.
Lord, what a rum start for a Barber to have a suit of clothes
fit for a Duke. Todd kicks him out, but Mondell
now looks like he's getting wise.
Is Sweeney Todd busted? How will he get out of this one?
(22:34):
Well, he'll murder his way out, of course.
Will he get away with it? We shall see.
In the Black Band in this chapter, we cut to a new scene.
A heavily veiled woman is meeting a user named Mr. Lucas
to borrow money, but something is going on.
She's clearly not what she seems.
Then we learn that this user is Lucas Clavering, Ellen
(22:55):
Clavering's father, who has not heard a word from Ellen in six
months and feeling betrayed by her, no longer cares if he lives
or dies. Well, that's probably a good
thing, because it's pretty soon obvious that the woman is an
agent of the Companions of Midnight and Colonel Bertrand is
this night planning his destruction.
His own father-in-law, Colonel Bertrand is quite a choice
(23:17):
spirit. All of that plus more flash,
can't words and some other fun stuff are coming your way this
Sunday night, all at Dick Turpin.
Scragging hour, 5:37 PM. That's 1737 military time.
This Sunday eve. Our hapney, horrid Hersday theme
(23:39):
music is a version of Geordie, an old English folk ballad about
a convicted poacher of royal blood who was hanged sometime
back in the 1600s. This version is by Seattle old
Time band $4.00 Shoe. For more of their music, just
Google $4.00 Shoe and it will pop right up.
No matter how you spell it, the Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is a
(24:00):
creation of pulp lit productions.
For more details, see pulp-lit.com.
To get in touch with me, hit me up at finn@pulp-lit.com.
Thanks again for joining me Kitties and Kitty s s.
It's time for us to Sherry off before the flats catch on for
the Penny Dreadful Variety Show.I'm Finn, JD, John signing off
(24:20):
and now go fill up the rest of the week with tip top stuff.
Bye now.
As I was walking on London St. 1, misty morning early, I heard
a very young maid, the right Lord, save me the life of
Georgie. Good evening to all you high
Gloaks, archdoxies and nights ofthe brush and the moon.
(00:26):
I'm your host Finn JD John welcoming you back to the
Chafing Crib for a Hepony HorridHers Day half Hour episode on
the Penny Dreadful variety show.The Hepony Horrid Hers Day Half
Hour is a shorter show designed to tide you over till next
Sunday. And it is the show in which we
do all the horrid blood soaked, gore spattered stories so that
(00:51):
our more squeamish friends and those with functioning mirror
neurons can skip over the blood and guts bits.
Well, it's a work night, so go easy on the tiers of the tankard
tonight. Maybe a nice saucer cup full of
catlap or a scandal broth. Here's what we've got in store
(01:13):
for tonight. First, of course, we'll hear all
about today's terrible tidbit from Dickens Dreadful Almanac.
Then we'll be tucking into one of the longer and grizzlier
stories from the Terrific Register.
Brace for some pretty vivid wordpictures of Spanish Inquisition
tortures and Hwy. robber executions and similar
(01:34):
atrocities. Then we'll try to find a
broadsheet ballad celebrating the bloody career or bloodier
finale of some highway robber orwar criminal from the first half
of the 1800s. Finally, we'll have a little
something. Maybe another nasty story from
the terrific Register, Maybe a spot of gallows humor from a 200
(01:56):
year old comedy magazine or jokebook.
Something. But let's get to it.
We'll start the festivities off with an appetizer in the shape
of today's terrible Tidbit of the Day.
These were actually written by Charles Dickens during the nine
years in which he was editing Household Words magazine.
(02:17):
Each terrible tidbit of the day is taken from a delightful book
titled Dickens Dreadful Almanac,a history press title edited by
Kate Ludlow. It is subtitled Terrible Event
for Every Day of the Year. Today is a day of the year, so
here is today's terrible tidbit.August 7th.
(02:39):
A very melancholy accident happened at Staley Bridge on the
7th inst. Four children, between the ages
of seven and ten, were playing on a bulk of timber which had
been thrown over the river Tang.The youngest fell in the river,
dragging his three companions after him, and they were all
immediately carried away by the strength of the stream.
(03:01):
Immediately on the accident taking place, several persons
promptly and courageously rushedinto the river.
In various places, three were saved, but the youngest, named
David Armitage, was never seen after he fell into the river.
Now let's move on to a horrible article from the Terrific
(03:22):
Register. This one will be less grim and
dark and gnarly than is usual for the Terrific Register, but
it kind of makes up for it in a certain other sense.
Here we go, the Marine Spectre. When Mr. Walker was setting out
(03:43):
on his second cruise in the Boscawen private ship of war, in
1745, a report made by the French officers, when the ship
was taken, that a gunner's wife had been murdered on board,
began now to be looked upon by the men as ominous of the
misfortunes which would attend the cruise.
One of the seamen, remarkable for his sobriety and good
(04:03):
character, one night alarmed theship by declaring that he had
seen a strange appearance of a woman, who informed him, among
other particulars, that the shipwould be lost.
The story spread among the crew,and laid such hold of the
imagination as would have been attended with the most serious
consequences, had not Mr. Walkercontrived a device for turning
it all into ridicule, and with great presence of mind related
(04:26):
the following anecdotes to the assembled ship's crew.
In June, 1734, Mr. Walker was lying at anchor at Cadiz, on his
ship, the Elizabeth. A gentleman of Ireland, whose
name was Burnett, was then on board, going to take passage to
Ireland. This gentleman was a particular
acquaintance of Mr. Walker, and he was extremely fond of him,
being a man of great good sense,and very lively in conversation.
(04:50):
The night before the affair we speak of happened, the subject
turned upon apparitions of deceased friends, in which this
person seemed very much to believe, and told many strange
stories as authorities for them,besides giving some metaphysical
arguments, chiefly that the natural fear we had of them
proved the soul's confession of them.
But Mr. Walker, who was entirelyof another way of thinking,
(05:12):
treated all his arguments with ridicule.
Mr. Burnett, who was bred A physician, was curious to try
how far fancy might be wrought on an unbeliever, and resolved
to prove the power of this natural fear over the senses.
The strange way, you will say, to convince the mind by
attacking the imagination. Or if it was curiosity to see
the operations of fear work on fancy, it was too nice an
(05:34):
experiment to anatomize a friend's mind for information
only. Or perhaps the humor of the
thought was the greatest motive,for he was a man of a gay temper
and frolicsome. About noon, as they were
standing with some more of the ship's company upon deck near
the Foxle, looking at some of the Governor's guard boats
making fest to a buoy of a ship in the Bay, in order to watch
(05:54):
the money that it might not be carried out of the country, Mr.
Burnett proposed as a plan for awager, he being a remarkable
swimmer, to leap off the gundl of the ship and dive all the way
quite underwater from the ship to the boats at that distance,
and so rise upon them to startlethe people that watch in them.
A wager being laid, he undressed, jumped off, and dived
entirely out of sight. Everybody crowded forward,
(06:17):
keeping their eyes in the distance where he was expected
to come up, but he never rising to their expectation, and the
time running past their hopes ofever seeing him more.
It was justly concluded that he was drowned, and everybody was
in the greatest pain and concern, especially those who,
by laying the wager, thought themselves in some measure
accessory to his death. But he, by skillful diving,
(06:38):
having turned quite the other way behind the ship, and being
also very active, got up by the quarter ladder in the cabin
window, whilst everybody was busy and in confusion at the
forward part of the ship. Then concealing himself in a
linen nightgown of Mr. Walker's evening coming on, the whole
ship's company being very melancholy at the accident, Mr.
(06:58):
Walker retired with a friend or two to his cabin, where, in
their conversation, they often lamented the sad accident and
loss of their friend and dear companion.
Speaking of every merit he had when living, which is the
unenvied praise generally given to our friends, when they can
receive nothing else from us. The supposed dead man remains
still quiet, and heard more goodthings said to his memory than
(07:21):
perhaps he would else have ever in his lifetime heard spoken to
his face. As soon as it was night, Mr.
Walker's company left him, and he, being low in spirits, went
to bed, were lying still pensiveon the late loss of his
companion and friend, and the moon shining direct through the
windows, he perceived the folding doors of his closet to
open, and looking steadfastly toward them, saw something which
(07:43):
could not fail, starting him as he imagined it was a
representation of a human figure.
But recalling his better senses,he was fain to persuade himself
it was only the workings of his disturbed fancy, and turned
away. His eyes, however, they soon
again returned in search of the object, and seeing it now
plainly advance upon him in a slow and constant step, he
(08:04):
recognized the image of his departed friend he has not been
ashamed to own. He felt terrors which shook him
to the inmost soul. The mate who lay in the steerage
at the back of the cabin, divided only by a bulkhead, was
not yet a bed, and hearing Mr. Walker challenge with a loud and
alarmed voice, what are you, Ranto him with a candle, and
meeting Mr. Burnett in the linengown down, drops the mate
(08:27):
without so much as an ejaculation.
Mr. Burnett, now beginning himself to be afraid, runs for a
bottle of smelling spirits he knew lay in the window, and
applied them to the nose and temples of the swooning mate.
Mr. Walker, seeing the ghost so very alert and good-natured,
began to recover from his own apprehension, when Mr. Burnett
cried out to him. Sir, I must ask your pardon.
(08:48):
I fear I have carried the jest too far.
I swam around and came in at thecabin window.
I meant, Sir, to prove to you the natural awe the bravest must
be under at such appearances, and have, I hope, convinced you.
And yourself, Sir, says Mr. Walker, glad of being awakened
from a terrible dream and beliefof his friend's death.
You have given me a living instance.
There needs no proof. But pray take care you do not
(09:10):
bring death amongst us in real earnest.
He then lent his aid in the recovery of the poor mate who
has he retrieved. His senses still relapsed at the
sight of Mr. Burnett, so that Mister Walker was obliged to
make him entirely disappear, andgo call others to his
assistance, which took up some considerable time in doing.
Everybody, as Mr. Burnett advanced upon them, being more
(09:31):
or less surprised. But they were all called to by
him, and told the manner of the cheat, and they were by degrees
convinced of his reality, thougheveryone was before thoroughly
satisfied of his death. I, being persuaded that this
story carries a lesson in it which speaks for itself, shall
conclude, by mentioning this circumstance, that the poor mate
never rightly recovered the use of his senses.
(09:51):
From that hour. Nature had received too great a
shock by which reason was flung from her seat and could never
again regain it. Afterwards a constant stupidity
hung around him as he could never be brought to look direct
at Mr. Burnett Afterwards, though he was as brave a man as
ever went in all his senses to face death by daylight.
(10:13):
Next, let's grab an example of one of the broadsheet ballads
that were sold on the streets tocommemorate especially memorable
or horrible crimes, executions, etcetera.
This one was published in 1881, considerably later than we
usually like to go. But tale as old as time, song as
old as rhyme, as they say. It's a broadsheet printed in the
(10:37):
wake of a brutal murder of the bride by the groom on the eve of
a planned wedding. 21 year old John Aspinall Simpson of Preston
in Lancashire had been dating a 16 year old named Annie
Ratcliffe for over a year, secretly.
Now, this isn't Ann Radcliffe, obviously, but 16 year old
(10:57):
Annie's parents didn't approve. But in June of 1881, John went
to Annie's father and told him that things had gotten serious
and Annie was now pregnant and would he approve a marriage Even
though Annie was still underage?The father consented.
A date was set August 4th at Saint Paul's Church.
Bride and groom met up at the Sir Walter Scott pub on North
(11:20):
Road, where the barmaid served them each a lemonade and left
them alone in the parlor. Then there was the sound of
breaking glass. The barmaid rushed back to the
room and was met by Annie, bloodgushing from her neck.
Annie then collapsed to the floor.
John sat in the corner of the room, his hands covered with
blood. On the table next to him was an
(11:41):
open straight razor of the cutthroat Sweeney Todd type.
John made no attempt to leave ordeny the ACT.
Annie's throat had been cut wideopen.
Jugular and windpipe alike were cut through.
John's defense argued that she had cut her own throat after
John told her he wasn't going tomarry her after all.
The jury didn't buy it. He was hanged on November 28th,
(12:02):
1881 at Strange Ways Jail. To this day, rumor has it that
the Bluebell Inn in Church St. which was owned by Annie's
parents, is haunted by her ghost.
OK, that's the back story. Here's the broadsheet headline
is the last moments of John A Simpson for murdering his
sweetheart at 8:00 this Monday morning.
(12:26):
The youth John Aspinall Simpson was executed at Strange Ways
Prison, Manchester for murderinghis sweetheart Anne Ratcliffe at
Preston on the 3rd of August last.
The final interview with his heartbroken relatives was of a
most painful description, and one that will not soon be
forgotten by those who witnessedit.
(12:46):
Marwood, the executioner, arrived at the jail on Saturday
afternoon, and after inspecting the scaffold and testing the
working of the drop, he took up his quarters convenient to the
jail. A large crowd of persons
assembled near the jail this morning, and sympathy was
manifested for the unfortunate youth.
At 5 minutes past 8 the Black Flag was hoisted, and the crowd
(13:09):
then gradually dispersed. There has not been so much
interest taken in an execution at Manchester for some time.
By the order of the High Sheriff, no reporters were
permitted to witness the execution by John Aspinall's
Simpson's sad and terrible death.
Young men take a most solemn warning on the gallows.
(13:30):
At strange ways he yielded his breath on a most drear November
morning For murder he died, and he never denied the justice of
his awful sentence. Ere he went to the grave he
forgiveness did crave and wept in the deepest repentance.
He murdered his sweetheart, a girl good and true, who always
had loved and adored him. He had blighted her life, and to
(13:53):
make her his wife, and to save her from shame, she implored
him. But for murder we find he had
made-up his mind, or the razor he ne'er would have carried, and
like a base man, he murdered poor Anne on the morn that she
thought to be married. His repentance we hear, for his
crime was sincere. He prayed night and day to be
forgiven. His sentence from the first he
(14:15):
acknowledged to be just. He hoped to be pardoned in
heaven. No unmanly ways brought an end
to his days. No one in his troubles to
befriend him. In his miserable state he was
left to his fate. When the law to the gallows did
send him, when they told him thetime he must suffer for crime,
twas no more than he hourly expected.
(14:35):
Each fast, fleeting day, the time he passed away, miserable,
forlorn, and dejected to pass from the world to eternity,
hurled to his comrades, be a solemn warning to hang till he
was dead, and no bitter tears beshed except by his relatives.
That morning, at the tolling of the bell, he left the dismal
cell. The dark scaffold stood there
(14:57):
before him, with the hangman by his side.
Lord have mercy on me, he cried.Twas a sight that was almost
deploring. With the fatal beam of wood on
the platform he stood the chaplain, the burial service,
reading the bolt. It was drawn, and poor Simpson
was gone. His soul to its maker was
speeding At the late Manchester Assizes.
(15:18):
John Aspinall Simpson was found guilty of murdering his
sweetheart at Preston, and when asked if he had anything to say
why sentence of death should notbe passed upon him, he remarked
that he was perfectly satisfied with the verdict of the jury.
After entering the condemned cell, the wretched convict was
never left alone, being guarded night and day by two warders.
(15:39):
He was supplied with writing materials, and everything was
done to promote his comfort and body and mind.
A photograph of the deceased girl occupied A prominent
position on the table in his cell, and it was his dying
request that the portrait shouldbe buried with him.
And whenever any conversation turned upon his victim he never
spoke of her except in terms of the greatest affection.
(16:02):
It was inferred from this behavior and the disjointed
observations that he occasionally let fall in the
subject, that his motive for thecrime was not jealousy, as has
been reported, nor it's commissioned the impulse of a
moment, but a premeditated act, the result of a morbid feeling
that he would be releasing his victim of a life of almost
certain misery if the marriage had been consummated.
(16:23):
There is every reason to believethat he intended to commit
suicide, and it is stated that at one time he contemplated
drowning himself. John White, Printer, Rose Place,
Scotland Road, Liverpool And now, before we mizzle off into
the sunset, let's hit one more Shorty from the terrific
(16:45):
register. Here it comes, horrors of a
guilty conscience. It was in the city of Amia that
the hand of justice overtook Joseph the Bone.
He was executed amidst the curses of that very populace,
who, a few weeks before, had received him with shouts of
(17:07):
applause and loaded him with caresses.
While he was on mission, a poor harmless priest happened to fall
under his displeasure. Le Bon issued an order for his
arrest, but the priest obtained intelligence of his danger and
fled into the woods. This circumstance aroused the
fury of the vindictive tyrant. He wrote instantly to the
committee of Public Safety denouncing a great conspiracy,
(17:29):
declared that he had discovered all the conspirators, and that
an agent of Pitt had fled into the woods.
But from the vigorous measures he had adopted, he had no doubt
whatever the criminals would be brought to justice, he kept his
word. Vigorous measures were adopted
with a vengeance. The generale was beaten, and all
the armed citizens were ordered to scour the woods in order to
(17:50):
seize the agent of Pitt. On the unsealing day, the poor
creature, exhausted with fatigue, half famished and
haunted like a wild beast, returned to the city and
surrendered himself up to his tormentors.
He was carried on that same night before the Revolutionary
Tribunal. He was asked his name, and he no
sooner replied than the jury, without hearing either the
(18:10):
indictment or the evidence, pronounced him guilty and
sentenced him to die. He was then remanded to prison.
The whole of the night he spent in prayer, and on the next
morning, when the gendarme arrived to attend him to the
place of execution, the fears which had prompted him to take
shelter in the woods instantly forsook him.
He became resigned and courageous, fortified by his
(18:32):
religious sentiments and conscious innocence.
He proclaimed that he preferred death to living in a society in
whose breasts every spark of justice was extinguished.
That the very circumstance of his having been condemned
unheard, without even the forms of a trial, proved that the time
was come when good men should nolonger desire to live, and that
as death was now the object of his highest ambition, he would
(18:55):
show his fellow citizens in how calm a manner an innocent man
could die. On these considerations he
refused to get into the cart, but stated his resolution to
walk to the place of execution, the firm countenance and steady
step. Surrounded by the Cherie of Le
Bon and the miscreants who delighted in the blood of men,
he walked to the scaffold, whichhe mounted with joy.
(19:18):
But even in the moment of death the bloody tyrant continued to
torment him. He desired the execution to be
delayed until his women appearedat the corridor of a house that
was opposite, and when these unfeeling wretches, with a
ferocity unusual in their sex, waved their handkerchiefs as
symptoms of exultation, the fatal knife was permitted to
fall, and released the victim from a world that was unworthy
(19:41):
of him. This melancholy event is
mentioned merely to contrast it with the conduct of the bone at
the place of his execution. The night before he suffered the
most excruciating agonies of mind.
His conscience, like a devouringvulture, preyed upon all his
faculties, and awakened the horrors of futurity in his
breast. At intervals he attempted to
(20:02):
destroy himself, but fear and hope withheld his hand, and he
was heard to give loud shrieks, not such as are given by those
who suffer from bodily pain, butthe tremendous yell.
A demon implying many agitated passions, rage, disappointment,
terror, and despair. When he was brought out of the
prison to be seated in the cart,the shout that rent the air
(20:24):
could not be described. A person who was present assured
me that the howls of cannibals are nothing compared with it.
The populace spit upon him. They asked him, as it was a fine
day, why he did not walk to the guillotine as the priest had
done, and die like a man. He was goaded with 1000 terrible
questions, and as the processionmoved, women and children danced
(20:44):
in the streets, clapping their hands and reproaching him with a
number of bitter recollections. Yet these were the very persons
who, but a few days before, danced and clapped their hands
when an inoffensive minister of religion was led to be
slaughtered. The ball was silent, but
convulsed with passion, and sometimes he cried, but when he
reached the scaffold he gave a horrible shriek, which produced
(21:06):
no other effect than peels of laughter from the spectators.
He was taken out of the cart, for fear had completely deprived
him of strength, and during the short period that elapsed before
the knife descended, 1000 different voices wished him a
good voyage and a happy meeting with all his friends in hell.
Thus accursed, this ferocious monster expired, leaving a
(21:27):
terrible example to guilty minds.
That concludes this hapony, horrid Hers day episode of the
Penny Dreadful variety show. I hope you'll join me again 3
days from now, same Spring Hill time, same Spring Hill channel
for next week's Penny Dreadful Story, our main show in which
(21:50):
we'll have Chapter 55 of SweeneyTodd, The Barber of Fleet Street
by James Malcolm Reimer from 1846, and Chapter 17 of The
Black Band or The Companions of Midnight by Mary Elizabeth
Bratton from 1860. One in Sweeney Todd, the tailor
comes into John Mundell's room and recognizes Todd.
(22:12):
He's the same chap who made the clothes for Todd.
How did the pompadour colored coat in the velvet smalls do,
eh? He cries fit well.
Lord, what a rum start for a Barber to have a suit of clothes
fit for a Duke. Todd kicks him out, but Mondell
now looks like he's getting wise.
Is Sweeney Todd busted? How will he get out of this one?
(22:34):
Well, he'll murder his way out, of course.
Will he get away with it? We shall see.
In the Black Band in this chapter, we cut to a new scene.
A heavily veiled woman is meeting a user named Mr. Lucas
to borrow money, but something is going on.
She's clearly not what she seems.
Then we learn that this user is Lucas Clavering, Ellen
(22:55):
Clavering's father, who has not heard a word from Ellen in six
months and feeling betrayed by her, no longer cares if he lives
or dies. Well, that's probably a good
thing, because it's pretty soon obvious that the woman is an
agent of the Companions of Midnight and Colonel Bertrand is
this night planning his destruction.
His own father-in-law, Colonel Bertrand is quite a choice
(23:17):
spirit. All of that plus more flash,
can't words and some other fun stuff are coming your way this
Sunday night, all at Dick Turpin.
Scragging hour, 5:37 PM. That's 1737 military time.
This Sunday eve. Our hapney, horrid Hersday theme
(23:39):
music is a version of Geordie, an old English folk ballad about
a convicted poacher of royal blood who was hanged sometime
back in the 1600s. This version is by Seattle old
Time band $4.00 Shoe. For more of their music, just
Google $4.00 Shoe and it will pop right up.
No matter how you spell it, the Penny Dreadful Variety Hour is a
(24:00):
creation of pulp lit productions.
For more details, see pulp-lit.com.
To get in touch with me, hit me up at finn@pulp-lit.com.
Thanks again for joining me Kitties and Kitty s s.
It's time for us to Sherry off before the flats catch on for
the Penny Dreadful Variety Show.I'm Finn, JD, John signing off
(24:20):
and now go fill up the rest of the week with tip top stuff.
Bye now.
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