The Penny Dreadful Variety Hour: An Early Victorian Feast of Crammers and Moonshine!

IN WHICH —

0:04:15: ARTICLE from the TERRIFIC REGISTER, Page 14:

• The prince of Saxony, we are told, asked a student of magic to raise the spirit of his rich deceased uncle so he could ask him where he hid his treasure. It did not go quite as the prince had hoped ...

0:14:00: THE BLACK BAND, Ch. 15:

• We see Lolota Vizzini, the Star of the Ballet, relaxing at her Arlington Street house, being sad because Lord Lionel (who,...

IN WHICH —

0:06:50: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 53:

• In this chapter, Johanna grows maudlin and overwrought and starts wallowing in self-pity, and is nearly unbearable, even for her best friend Arabella. Arabella suggests they go for a walk; Johanna insists that it be in Fleet-street, and that they walk back and forth past Sweeney Todd’s shop door the whole time. Will he notice? What will happen?

0:26:50: ARTICLE from the TERRIFIC REGIS...

IN WHICH —

0:05:30: MYSTERIES OF LONDON, Ch. 3:

• In this chapter, we see this interesting youth having determined on a desperate attempt to flee the house when when one of the ruffians spots him, as you’ll recall from the last chapter. The youth knows he must flee for his life; but, can he? What will be his fate? Also, is he really a boy, or a woman in boy's clothes? If the latter, why?

0:17:00: ARTICLE from the TERRIF...

IN WHICH —

0:07:30: SPRING-HEEL'D JACK, Ch. 14:

• We return to Spring-Heel’d Jack plunging into the dark filthy waters of the Thames, in a quest to save poor Ellen Folder from the consequences of her rash act in leaping to her death. He comes to the surface and finds the tidal current is fierce, and strikes out in search of the girl. He sees her about to get sucked under a barge that’s moored in the stream, but he reaches her a...

IN WHICH —

0:06:30: SPONSORED BY HONEYBUNNY!

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0:10:00: BLACK BESS (feat. Highwayman Dick Turpin), Ch. 14:

• Dick bring...

IN WHICH —

0:07:00: THE MYSTERIES OF LONDON, Ch. 2:

• Having ducked into a strange house to escape the rain just before someone came home, the well-dressed youth scampers upstairs ahead of the newcomers and ducks into the farthest room. Luckily the newcomers enter the other room, and light a candle, and start taking some refreshments; but then the lad overhears them talking of burglaries, and murders, and a trap-door in the house t...

IN WHICH —

0:6:00: BLACK BESS (Highwayman Dick Turpin), Ch.13:

• This week in Black Bess, we’ll finally get to see Dick Turpin do his legendary “stand and deliver” thing! The fellow he robs, though, will turn out to be a bit of a handful, even for Dick. But the upshot is, Dick has a guest to present to the banquet of the "family" of outlaws and criminals ... a very, very reluctant guest!

0:21:00: THE BLACK BAND, C...

IN WHICH —

0:13:00: THE MYSTERIES OF LONDON, Prologue and Ch. 1:

• We are introduced to a very young, delicate youth in riding attire, trying to find his way home across Smithfield Market as a terrible storm threatens. Ducking into a doorway to escape the rain, he finds himself inside an abandoned house. Then he hears footsteps – someone is coming in after him …

0:35:20: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE, Ch. 13:

• Henry Bannerworth cal...

PART 3 OF 3 PARTS ... IN WHICH we finish our exploration of a fascinating little guidebook for all aspiring Swell Coves, from 1840. It’s titled “Hints to Men-About-Town,” and was written by an anonymous knight of the lancet and bleeding-cup who identifies himself only as “The Old Medical Student.”

THIS EPISODE is crammed with 185-year-old tips on how to prevent the many social, emotional, and especially medical issues that can...

IN WHICH —

0:07:30: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 50:

• Johanna Oakley is forced to take her brave but not overly smart cousin Big Ben the Beefeater into her confidence — to tell him she is dressing in boys’ clothes to spy on the barbershop where, she thinks, Mark Ingestrie was murdered. Now, what do you think Big Ben will do with this information? Why, go check it out by getting Sweeney Todd to shave him, of course. Will he survive such a foo...

PART 2 OF 3 PARTS ... IN WHICH we continue to explore a fascinating little guidebook for all aspiring Swell Coves, from 1840. It’s titled “Hints to Men-About-Town,” and was written by an anonymous knight of the lancet and bleeding-cup who identifies himself only as “The Old Medical Student.”

Not all of this is good medical advice, I'm sorry to say. There have been a few updates to the basic book of physic in the 185 years since thi...

FIVE NEW FLASH-CANT WORDS AND PHRASES —

• "On the Mace"
• "Angelics"
• "Misstopper"
• "Bone" and "Bank the swag"
• "Arch doxies, ack pirates, pigmen, rum quod culls, laced women and flowers of society"

Plus a chapter each from our five vintage Penny Dreadfuls!

0:04:20: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 49 —

• Poor barber’s apprentice Tobias Ragg remains in a state of temporary insanity. But ...

IN WHICH we explore a fascinating little guidebook for all aspiring Swell Coves, from 1840. It’s titled “Hints to Men-About-Town,” and was written by an anonymous knight of the goosefeather who identifies himself only as “The Old Medical Student.”

It's a series of three, starting with this episode. In it, we'll learn how to gracefully recover from the visible effects of getting involved in a drunken riot, or a street brawl, or mayb...

A THIEVES' SONG TRANSLATED —

• The beak looked big, and shook his head, heigh-ho the beak!

• He wished those family coves were dead, that honest folk might get their bread; heigh-ho the beak!
• The family cove, he grinned a grin, heigh-ho the cove!
• He said 'to prig I think no sin, for sure a Romany must have tin'; heigh-ho the cove!

Plus a chapter each from our five vintage Penny Dreadfuls!

0:04:30: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 48 —

• ...

FIVE NEW FLASH-CANT WORDS AND PHRASES —

• "Autem bawler"
• "Cat's meat shop"
• "Bulldogs"
• "Cross-crib"
• "Hoister mots, high tobers, and Moabites"

Plus a chapter each from our five vintage Penny Dreadfuls!

0:04:30: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 47 —

• Johanna Oakley’s mother is on a rampage, trying to persuade her to consent to marry Pastor Lupin. Luckily, Big Ben the beefeater stops by with...

*stands for "A Fate Worse Than Death." We'll be seeing a lot of this!

FIVE NEW FLASH-CANT WORDS AND PHRASES —

• "Lawful Blanket"
• "Gunpowder"
• "Timber merchant"
• "Swill Tub"
• "Philistines"

Plus a chapter each from our five vintage Penny Dreadfuls!

0:05:00: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 46 —

• The ostler from a hotel across the way arrives just in time to save Hector, the dog, from...

FIVE NEW FLASH-CANT WORDS AND PHRASES —

• "Academician"
• "Tog and kicks"
• "Shooting the cat"
• "Jobber knot"
• "Knife it"

Plus a chapter each from our five vintage Penny Dreadfuls!

0:04:10: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 45 —

• Major Bounce steps into Sweeney Todd’s shop and asks to have his mustache shaved off ... will Sweeney Todd “polish him off,” do you think? We’ll see.

0:18:00: BLACK BESS (Dick Turpin) Ch. 7 —

• Highwayman Dick Turpin is...

FIVE NEW FLASH-CANT WORDS AND PHRASES —

• "Glim"
• "Bolt the moon"
• "Nubbing"
• "Flat-catchers"
• "The holy land"

Plus a chapter each from our five vintage Penny Dreadfuls!

0:03:45: SWEENEY TODD, Ch. 44 —

• Mrs. Lovett, disappointed at learning the truth about her new beau, Major Bounce, plots to avenge her wounded pride by getting him made into pies ...

0:20:00: BLACK BESS (D...