May 16, 2024 • 45 mins
Unearth the mysteries, marvels, and legacy of one of the iconic film franchises - The Planet of the Apes. This episode presents a detailed review, spanning from the first 1968's Planet of the Apes to the contemporary reboot, 'Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes'. Get ready to delve into the unique aspects of each movie spanning plotlines, characters, and cinematography.
Not just the films, we explore their cultural impact and how the distinct settings, innovative filming techniques, and profound themes influenced the cinematic world. From the mastery of Dr. Zaius to the skillful performance of Andy Serkis, indulge in lively, humor-filled discussions and insightful comparisons that extend beyond the franchise.
The journey doesn't end here. Enjoy a spirited critique of the 2016's "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" and peek into our take on the character sketches and plot details. The indulgent hilarity takes a surprising detour to the Planet of the Apes series, raising intriguing questions about its present-day relevance.
Finally, live through our concluding review on "Beneath the Planet of the Apes." Journey with us as we express our mixed opinions on different aspects of the film and raise curiosity about the subsequent sequels. Does it ignite a keen eagerness, or merely prompt a wish to part with this simian cinematic indulgence? Tune in to discover!
In an added bonus, walk with us through a broad spectrum of topics revolving around art, philosophy, and real-life dynamics. Be a part of conversations that oscillate between the reel world of the Apes and the real world encompassing cinema, music, personal anecdotes, and more. Grab your headphones and dive in for a blend of film criticism, pop culture discussions, and an invigorating look into the exciting world of Planet of the Apes.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I took the plunge and had the time of my life. I finally took the plunge.
You know what? Just break.
Music.
(00:30):
Take it up, up, up.
(01:00):
That was pretty good The number one wheel podcast That's in the spin zone The
number one skyscraper podcast That's what Riley?
It's in the trees What's up dude? What's up?
Today's the day Yeah we don't have headphones That's alright No cans Don't need
them The debut of the headband,
Headband Riley HBR goes crazy I kind of like it You're not Dude HBR could also
(01:24):
be Heartbreak Riley No I can't You're like the HBK I'm a lover boy No,
you're a lover boy. I'm a lover boy. Your show name?
Forever a lover boy. Don't even put those bad omens on me, brother.
I'm a lover boy. You hear me, and you hear me good.
HBK was a lover boy in and of itself. He was a sexy boy. He was not a lover
(01:45):
boy. But you're a sexy boy, too.
Look at that fucking... He's just a boy toy, brother. I'm not a boy toy. I'm a lover boy.
He's just a sexy boy. C-B-L-B-R.
I'm not your boy toy. joining me as always Shawn Michaels had the horniest intro
of all time dude I kinda like being here for WWE weekends WWE weekends I got
(02:09):
two weekends in a row of it,
dude Shawn Michaels had the horniest intro of all time is it just called sexy boy?
I don't know sexy boy Shawn Michaels.
I think I'm cute I know I'm sexy I got the looks,
(02:30):
We'll be right back.
Give me the move I said chill I'm down there I'm just a sexy boy Sexy boy,
I'm not your boy Toy Why
does that feel like just like the rock version Of a Toby Keith song Dude I'm
not a sexy boy You are a sexy boy You're my sexy little boy You're my sexy boy
(02:55):
I'm not gonna add the little in there I'm a lover boy dude How are you gonna
tell me that you're not a sexy boy Boy, when I just watched you groom yourself in the...
My hair is so much that I have to constantly... It's the biggest nuisance at work.
Can you, instead of doing a mullet, just grow it out for a man bun?
Lauren would kill me and I'm a lover boy. I can't do that to my lovely woman. Dude.
(03:16):
I can't even say. He says the bandana's a good... Joe B. gave me a compliment.
He's trying to do damage control.
Listen, Joe B. called me fat for like nine weeks. Now he's trying to do some damage control.
It's a lot of hair. It's so much hair. Does that make up for one of the weeks?
It makes up for one hidden fat.
Do you know why this carried on? It's because the first one he sent,
I still don't know the language because it didn't translate when I looked it
(03:39):
up. So then I thought he was just sending me gibberish.
So then I just didn't look into any of the further ones after the first.
The only reason that I did was because I was on my computer when we did a remote episode.
Caught him red-handed. You were like, let me see what this is about.
Listen, Joe's Mr. Fitness. We're no ones to talk. I'm a lover boy. He's a sexy boy.
He's just a sexy boy. boy you're the
(04:00):
hunt damn you're a boy i'm just a
boy dude drake would love you drake would not love me
drake would i'm not a cd cb wait no clb you're not a certified lover boy no
i am a certified lover you are am i taking the title from drake no he's a certified
baby lover boy i'm just a certified lover boy clb yeah i'm a certified lover boy i am your clb,
(04:25):
biker boy hunt is what joey says you are you are a biker boy now i am a biker
boy i rode my bike for like two hours on tuesday you're gonna die and it's gonna
make me sad it's okay the farewell episode of the plunge is gonna be such a
bummer dude is that the last episode is just when i die yeah dude and it's gonna
be two years from now hey guys.
(04:45):
That's not the hunt it's never gonna be the hunt,
crashed into a tree plunges over he
plunged into that tree it's not my fault that saying
that i have a date with a tree at 90 miles an hour is
a funny joke it's the funniest shit it's it's not
a lot of people don't like when i say that me included but
i do i do laugh i can acknowledge it's
(05:08):
funny while not liking it one of my co-workers not
my co-workers he's my employee he sent me a scene from
brokeback mountain of when heath ledger and jake gyllenhaal finally get reunited
after a time and it's it's when your friend finally buys a bike and gets licensed
and then they just start kissing it's like that's the funniest shit ever also
(05:31):
do not send me that stuff ever again.
What don't send me memes of us kissing that
was a good phase what where i was just making memes of
us kissing actually you can do it because we're
married that's different okay i'm not married your mom posted the most wholesome
photo of just you you're you and your dad on your bikes can i need to say your
(05:54):
dad looked like he was about to drop the hardest i'm not gonna say country album
he was gonna drop the most like god-fearing country album like he's a he was
He was about to drop a Jason Aldean. He was about to go mer.
Yeah, he was about to rile up the pubs. Yeah, dude.
The pubs were about to go crazy. I have two things to say. Your dad was about
(06:14):
to drop a Try That in a Small Town Ass album, and there was nothing anyone can do about it.
So one, I do want to acknowledge, you have the picture, I imagine.
It's somewhere. It's on Facebook. It's on Facebook. I can send it to you.
But one, the picture of that, my bike is not small by any means.
Cause like, I don't know, it looks like you got any little bit,
(06:36):
any bitty little bike boy compared to his, his is a fucking boat.
It's also really loud. I was in front of him when we went for a ride and I could
still hear him behind me.
But two, this is a little soft, but I did get to have a cool full circle moment
with my dad because I used to ride on the back of his bike when I was like seven or eight.
And now at 25, I got to go on like an independent bike from him and just go for a ride.
(07:02):
That shit was cool as hell. That's nice. That's a nice full circle moment.
It was. Thank you for not making fun of that.
You're just a sexy pussy. I can't believe how horny Shawn Michaels was.
He just got away with it. He wore chain mail.
His nipples. Yeah, dude. Shawn Michaels may have been the horniest man alive
(07:23):
for a while. I don't know.
Yeah, but you know what's fucked up? He's like 13-year-old's idols.
Not anymore. more. Probably still.
The WWE games? The legacy stuff? He does go crazy. He's cool as hell.
Yeah. He's a sexy boy. I watch so many fucking ape movies.
Do we just jump into it? I need to tell... So I would like to thank you as Keeper
(07:46):
of the Wheel. You're welcome.
I asked... So right now, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is in theaters.
K-O-T-P-O-P? K-O-T-P-O-T-P.
There are some movies where it's like...
For background, I've never seen a single Planet of the Apes.
Of the ten. I've seen zero.
But I know that it's a it's a movie theater movie.
(08:10):
It's meant for the big screen. So I asked you permission. I said, Monsieur Godhunt.
What? May I watch Kingdom? May I watch Planet of the Apes so I can go watch
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes theaters? And you said, yes.
It is decided. I said, it is done. You said, yes.
So I went in reverse order, though. The new trilogy of Planet of the Apes It's
(08:33):
really fucking good, I hear.
It's maybe one of the best trilogies I've ever seen.
Really? I think it... I haven't put it... You mean like Bill and Ted?
I haven't... I think it outscores Bill and Ted. So it's a top five.
It's for sure a top five, because it's a four, a four, and a four and a half.
And they're all high fours.
Damn. In the grading scale. Damn. With a B. Add a B to the end of that shit. Planet of the Apes.
(08:58):
Planet of the Apes brings to light the Lincoln Memorial.
Have you seen that yet? Okay It's fucking hysterical So I did go in reverse
order because I was like If I don't get to the old ones I don't wanna If I get
into a movie rut where I don't watch movies I wanna be able to watch the new one,
So I watched the trilogy that was the 2011, 14, and 17 ones. The Andy Serkis ones.
(09:22):
Yeah. Dawn, Rise, Dawn, and War of the Planet of the Apes. They go so crazy.
They go- It's bananas. No pun intended.
Apes don't like bananas. That isn't true. It's true. No, it's not.
I watched Escape from the Planet of the Apes this morning.
You're trying to tell me that going to- brother zero zero the chimpanzee does
(09:46):
not like bananas brother that's right i've seen videos of bananas and gorillas
well those are uneducated apes we're talking you're talking about fictional
cgi to apes and you're like no they don't like brother i'm not talking cgi apes i'm talking.
Terrifying 1968 masked apes thank you very much have you seen the old ones i've
(10:07):
seen the back half of the one where the guy ends on the beach and he's like why?
Keep your hands off of me you damn dirty ape. Yeah.
Brother they look crazy. I'm through three of the so I watched the new trilogy
which is like a foundation for Kingdom. You know what I can't allow you to do?
(10:30):
And I know that it's your thing that you do. I can't allow you to rape the whoa.
Go ahead. the new trilogy outside of the old trilogy.
I really want to. But you can't because it's all the same IP.
I really want to. You can't. I was thinking about doing it and not telling you
so I'm glad we've had this discussion. Yeah.
Because it I was going to put the new four.
(10:53):
Because that's what I mean is like that's a bracket buster. If you don't include
the full discography of an IP like this.
We just had a moment. I didn't know we were touching figures there.
The issue is the old ones are actually pretty good what i
think is going to tank it is mark walberg's 2001 piece of garbage i didn't know
(11:13):
that he was in tim burton's tim burton's planet of the apes 2001 real thing
yeah does it look like coralline nope it looks it's just a bad movie so i've heard.
You're going to watch it and be like, that was the best shit.
No, no. But yeah, so the original trilogy, no, this new trilogy, unbelievable.
(11:37):
It's one of those franchises, they're all just really good. There's no lulls.
It's all fire. Just all action all the time.
And watching War of the Planet of the Apes, I was mad I didn't watch it earlier
because there are certain moments where you could feel like IMAX moments
that would have like i i would have
(11:57):
left war of the planet of the apes me like that's a five-star movie if
i saw it in imax like i could tell from some of the like
visual and sound really i just thought of something really good and i'm not
gonna say it out loud now okay that's okay so i watched those three i watched
rise the planet of the apes dawn of the planet of the apes war of the planet
of the apes then i started to the beginning because i think i'm gonna go on
(12:20):
On Thursday and watch Kingdom.
So I had some time. So then I watched 1968 Planet of the Apes.
1970 Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Which is just Planet of the Apes again
and then a weird cult movie.
Very cool. Yep. And then I watched. Are the cult apes or like humans?
They're humans. Alien things from the future and past.
(12:44):
Okay. And then I watched Escape the Planet of the Apes. I still have Conquest and. How do you escape?
Do you just go to the moon? You'd be surprised.
Yeah, then I have Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, still from 1972.
They made all these in five years. They made the five Planet of the Apes movies
in five years. What was the budget on these? I think they're super cheap.
(13:05):
Yeah, I believe it. You just go into the woods somewhere, and you're like, all right, action.
They went to Zuma Beach in California.
Damn. I know that because I've been there before, and in my movie chat,
I went, I've been here and Nick went, do you want a cookie? And it made me upset.
I was like, damn, I didn't know I couldn't talk about movies in the movie chat
(13:25):
where we talk about movies.
Hey, you talked about vacation in the movie chat, which is strictly prohibited.
No, I said I've been on one of these sets.
Yeah, and then I have Battle for the Planet of the Apes, 1973.
And then to close out, I'm going to ruin my apes by watching 2001 Tim Burton Planet of the Apes.
That's the funniest poster I think I've ever seen. Yeah. That is a Mark Wahlberg
(13:47):
movie though Yeah It might not be bad I took some screenshots,
This is the orangutan I've seen him before That's Dr.
Zaius Him and some gorillas Those are gorillas they're just humans But with a mask on Yep,
This is in Beneath when they find the atomic bomb who is the god.
(14:13):
Just very funny. All on my treadmill. This is just Fallout New Vegas,
but you're just in Megaton.
Yeah. The posters for Beneath did go crazy.
Look at that one. Those are kind of nutty. Look at that one,
dude. There's a cage of humans as his head.
That looks like Kill Bill. Yeah.
But, yo, they should just remake really cult classic movies,
(14:37):
but with, like, the old school Planet of the Apes.
Imagine Kill Bill with just monkey masks. That would go crazy.
I kind of want one. It was one of those where I was watching,
I was like, I want one of these masks. A movie quality mask?
Yeah, a movie quality mask.
What would you rather, movie quality? No, I'm not going to say it.
I almost spoiled what I was going to say. I'm also through one and a half Fantastic Beasts.
(14:59):
You're not making good progress on those They're bad I'm aware I will say Planet
of the Apes because it's in theater Is the last exception I will make Oh no.
For this current round For this current set of movies,
That's fair Do you want to read my one Fantastic Beasts review And then I'll
(15:20):
give you it for Planet of the Apes I feel like we need to hold off Until you
finish Planet of the Apes No I think we're at a good point Are we?
Yeah all right fantastic beast and where to find
them 2016 two and a half stars i don't remember
this movie but i remember it was okay it's okay which i think is fair yes i'm
(15:41):
drunk and these movies are ass you said having only seeing one movie yeah i
have a crush on tina and eddie red mane might be the ugliest man on the earth
eddie red mane's so fucking ugly i can't believe it Which one is he?
He's the lead. That guy? Yeah.
He's like if A-Rich was ugly.
I think you got a bad lens. Nah, dude, that's a good lens for him. He's ugly as hell.
(16:05):
I hate Eddie Redmayne. This podcast hates Eddie Redmayne. You either on the
ship or you can get the fuck off.
I do like the idea of 45-year-old Jacob being a first-year at Hogwarts.
Let's make it happen. I would like Jacob as the saving great.
He's the fat bread maker who's not a wizard, but he rolls with the wizards.
(16:28):
They call him a no- Dan Fogler? maybe they call
them a nomadge that's what they call muggles in america
because this movie takes place in america not
london that's the dumbest shit i've ever seen
so there's no hogwarts there's whatever the america marmalade marmalade's
just a movie i watched paddington oh i thought it was a paddington movie it's
(16:50):
not it should be i did is my comment a paddington would love this movie yes
paddington would love this movie the plot twist though that was not it was it
was good Do you want to finish Godzilla with Godzilla Minus One? Did we already do that?
That's a different franchise, so that won't be going on. Didn't you already have Godzilla, though?
I do. So I have to watch Godzilla X-Kong A New Empire.
(17:10):
That's a different movie. That's part of the wheel. Did you never stop or never
start Godzilla because of the wheel you just started them?
No, I got it on the wheel. I got Godzilla X-Kong, that whole Godzilla monster universe.
Godzilla Minus One's not part of it. Okay.
Yes, that's independent. I'm going to backtrack one movie, The Idea of You.
Yeah, Anne Hathaway's rom-com.
(17:32):
And then his member released.
Yeah. My Harry Styles pussy is throbbing. Yeah. This should have ended at the cut to black. Correct.
That is a new movie that is a Harry Styles fanfic that got turned into a movie
starring Anne Hathaway.
Anne Hathaway is hot as fuck. Anne Hathaway is hot. She plays a mom who goes
to Coachella with her daughter and meets the singer of a boy band and falls
(17:58):
in love with him. And the world creates chaos.
How old is Anne Hathaway? Because this 22-year-old is fucking this 40-year-old.
18 plus 24, 40. It's called the band is August Moon, and their songs keep showing
up on Lauren's For You page, even though they're a fictional band.
But it's a Harry Styles fanfic. I feel like I knew that. Yeah.
Not great. All right. Here we go. Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Banger.
(18:22):
Rage. Rage. Fucking rage.
Absolutely. I can't believe they let the monkey who wears clothes be their king.
I'd like to redact something on that. Is he wearing clothes? Apes aren't monkeys.
That's fair. They're primates. Yeah. Monkeys have tails.
Yes. Yeah. They've made it very well known in these new movies,
(18:42):
the original movies, that an ape is not a monkey.
This goes absolutely crazy, I fear.
Movies, post-credits, low-key predict COVID. They did. They created the simian
flu, which fucking took out the planet. That's incredible.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Four and a half stars. These two both got the
(19:05):
coveted golden heart. They did. I like that.
The consensus in the world is that each one gets better. I think it goes one, two is...
Second best and best i think so war is really fucking
good no qualms about war it's the
biggest budget like biggest spectacle of the
(19:25):
franchise but i like the storytelling a lot more in the first two back to you
for dawn of the planet of the apes 2014 four and a half stars coveted golden
heart as we just saw yeah if there's one thing that cunty little monkey cobra
does it's stand And on motherfucking bidness, okay?
That's right. That is fucking... Dude, I... I like that I read these and then
(19:47):
you agree with me, but you're really just agreeing with yourself. My own opinion. Yeah.
If we're getting our dog this week, if we were getting a boy,
I would have fought tooth and nail to name him Koba.
Yeah. That's sick. Because Koba stands on motherfucking business. He's the man.
Caesar would get canceled in today's political climate for his association with
(20:10):
James Franco. That's true. What does that mean?
What did James Franco do? James Franco's canceled as hell. What did he do?
I don't know. I think he's probably inappropriate.
He's a... He's a toucher?
He's a non-consensual lover boy.
He's a toucher. He's a toucher. He's just a sexist. There are three kinds of people.
(20:31):
Touchers, terrorists, and teachers. I thought you were reading my review.
I was like, I don't know where I'm going with this. There's more human in these...
There's more human... Were you drunk during this? No.
There's more human in these than I would have ever imagined.
Yeah. Would follow my king, Caesar, into the fire.
Caesar's the best. There's so many humans in this. Moving right along to...
(20:55):
I would like to say the end of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the first movie.
There's a battle on the Golden Gate Bridge.
It's peak cinema. I've seen that. I've seen that out of context.
It's peak fucking cinema. we have war
for the planet of the apes 2017 woody harrelson
plays hitler okay yeah like
(21:17):
voice acting no he's just he's hitler
okay he's colonel mccullough and they
send the apes to fucking ape auschwitz ran by woody
harrelson okay we got
rambo six manky yeah literally
caesar just goes fucking they kill
(21:37):
his family and he goes hold my beer
and he fights the united states military
he sends his his tribe off and goes i got some business to handle does he do
it solo john wick style he tries to solo john wick style and then his boys maurice
and cobra and no cobra's big Big dead at the end of two. Coba could not be more dead.
(22:03):
Coba went full heel turn. It was a whole thing. That's sick as hell. No, Coba died big time.
No, he got his boys Maurice and Rocket to come with him, and they found Bad Ape along the way.
Bad Ape. I think it's probably the weakest of the trilogy, but it still goes crazy.
It does for certain go crazy. Bad Ape was funny until he wasn't,
(22:26):
but he remained dripped out from head to toe the entire film.
I'll look him up in a second. Bad Ape does go crazy. It's Stewie's favorite character.
He just goes, Bad Ape. They find him just...
In a ski cabin. Just hanging out? He's just hanging. He's surviving.
Surviving and thriving. He's like, I'm Bad Ape. They just called him Bad Ape
(22:47):
so much that he thought that was his name. That's very interesting.
And he's dripped head to toe. He's wearing puffy vests at all times. Ski pants.
All the apes, not wearing clothes. Except in the first movie,
Caesar's also dripped out in dress pants and hoodies.
That's sick as hell. Second movie, no clothes on chimps.
(23:09):
Third movie, bad ape is dripped out head to toe.
Visually, this movie looks so damn good. I wish so badly I could have seen it in theaters.
Yeah. At the end of the day, it always has been, always will be,
always was about building a wall. You gotta build a wall.
(23:31):
Any final thoughts? Gotta build a wall.
Dude, you gotta build a wall. Now we're moving on to what I think is going to
be my more preferred section, because I like when you watch shit movies.
They're not shit. I don't have much to say on these, because I'm watching them
with a grain of salt, because they are from 1968.
(23:53):
You know, you are defeating the purpose.
You watch them for what they are, not for what they were.
Yeah but these are my issue with these are non-issue with these my issue with
rating these is they're super culturally significant it's time to take the headband
off it's riding out doesn't look good anymore you either got to fix it or commit to it,
(24:16):
audio podcast by the way keep fucking talking i'm doing i'm kind of fucking.
Okay planet of the apes 1968 three and
a half stars i mean i for sure should have
watched these these first before watching the new trilogy that being said the
set pieces are hilarious but awesome and it's fun storytelling fun seeing the
(24:37):
origins of pop culture references 60 years too late but that's okay the ending
actually shocked me and it wasn't surprising at all so there's that,
you ever get surprised by something that's not surprised with the statue of
liberty it's with the statue of liberty and the whole plot to it i'm i'm gonna
spoiler alert i'm gonna spoil I'm going to spoil the movie He thinks he's on
(24:59):
a different planet The plot twist is the whole time he's expected He's 2000
light years in space He's back on earth,
That's the plot twist He's got a horse too Should have seen so many horses Also
A horse can't hold a gorilla The lead woman,
Is hot You talking Nova?
(25:20):
Maybe I posed the question because the more you look at her the more it's it's
she's interesting looking i pose a question is she the hottest ugliest person
or the ugliest hot person.
She's got dumb face. She does. She kind of looks like a Neanderthal.
Yeah. I mean, she crushes her whole.
(25:42):
She's also, she's given a certain kind of. Yeah. But yeah.
Should have seen it coming. Did not. I was like, whoa. She's back on Earth. Whoa.
Next up, Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Beneath the Planet of the Apes is fucking hilarious.
(26:02):
1970. Not in the good way. Three star. It was not trying to be hilarious for the ref for the record.
That sure was something. Yup. The high frequency noise they shoved down your
throats and do holes made me want to rip my fucking head off.
I had to read that as I saw your mom like the stream.
Oh, my mom liked the stream. That's what's up. That's not my fault for swearing.
(26:25):
That's not. It's my words. I'm sorry.
What if we had planet of the apes, but we used a super hot guy and then made it super weird.
Yeah. Yeah. Is that a quote? No, that's me.
It's in quotes. That's quoting you. Yeah, I'm quoting myself in my own review.
You could have just put that in there. That's me, yeah.
(26:45):
Cannot possibly fathom where we go from here, but I'm well aware there are three
more films, so let's find out. I'm going to spoil more movie.
Can I just, let me finish and then I'll let you spoil. Yep.
The hymns, spelled wrong by the way, about the almighty bomb did in fact go crazy, I fear.
They did. i did let out an audible laugh when taylor
(27:07):
went through that rock man is using glitches to get
onto the map i need you to look up on your get off mine i'm not what you just
don't want me to know what you're googling look up taylor goes through rock
beneath the planet of the apes it's the it's it should be worse cgi than the mummy returns.
(27:29):
Because it was 1970. Movie clip. The human, see human do?
This? No. Let me see.
He punches a rock with the butt of a gun, and then he just warps through the wall.
Taylor disappears. Yeah, that should be it.
(27:51):
You got it? Yeah, see, she's got dumb face.
Let out right at the beginning of the movie it's pretty early so charlton heston.
Was like he was like the 1960s leo big star who's that guy yeah he was the star
of the first movie apparently he just didn't believe in sequels and thought
(28:13):
it was like a cash grab but he was he wanted to help out this is all from kyle
so you know no idea did zero research myself
apparently because like they brought
in a guy who for the second one who just looks identical to
him he's just a younger hotter straight teeth
diversion because heston had heston had
(28:33):
those 1960s yellow teeth those those choppers
yeah they brought in just charlton heston walmart
but better somehow and the beginning
the entire beginning of the movie they just run back the plot
of the first movie in speed run version that's funny
so an additional rocket lands on earth he
(28:54):
goes and explores finds the apes gets captured by
the runs the whole plot of the whole gambit in but in like 45 minutes and then
they got 45 minutes to play with and then they get beneath the planet of the
apes right there so underneath the planet is old new york city it's just futurama
it really is they're living in new york city but it's just not futuristic.
(29:15):
Well, I guess it is, because it's monkeys, but... Watching it,
I did actually, I did a bunch of Futurama research from watching the first one,
because the captain, who is Charlton Heston... Can I guess? Yeah.
You'll get it. Is it Xavier Howard? No, he sounds exactly like Zap Brannigan.
Like, verbatim. So I was like, he has to be the motivation behind Zap Brannigan's
(29:36):
voice, right? Oh, probably.
And I couldn't find anything, but like, it's a lot of the same shit,
so... Do they wear the same, like, outfits? Kind of.
Like the miniskirts for the men? Yes. That's hysterical. Oh,
but he didn't believe in cash grabs, so he did a few scenes...
To help them. Were they good? No, he just fell through the fucking rock. You watched it.
(29:59):
He warped through the rock. What do you mean? You laughed at it.
That's a good scene. I did laugh. It's not comedy. That makes it a good scene. That's true.
It was one of those where I had to rewind. You know a scene's good when you...
It's like the Predator pink scene from fucking... You go, excuse the fuck me?
You rewind, you go, what? What was the most recent one?
(30:21):
In the was it the baby from blade there was a scene in blade that we had to rewind to,
there's a lot of scenes in play the baby blade was pretty crazy there was this high frequency noise,
it's called tinnitus it was tinnitus
times 100 do you know the sound like when
(30:42):
they do like the oh what so how what age
is your hearing like type tests it was
like that but fucking juiced up volume
wise i wanted to rip my fucking head off i
almost turned the movie off because they
were so pretty much beneath the planet they
find that there's this species of humans who can talk
(31:02):
because the whole thing is in the future the roles are reversed where humans
are the like ape no talking yeah i'm regressed yes but there's this intellectual
mind reading batch of humans underneath Earth in a destroyed New York City.
And they talk by going, and it's just this hum to infer to the viewer at home,
(31:28):
instead of using words, they go, oh, they're using telekinesis, don't worry.
And they just go, and they're like,
And it made the most irritating noise. And then they used that.
How much of the movie, like the, I keep letting your phone lock.
I'm just going to. They used that, like, so then they would use that as like
interrogation and it would just be even louder, but for like 40 seconds at a time, nonstop.
(31:50):
I wanted to. Sounds like they just didn't want to write dialogue.
Yes. But under the planet of the apes, there was this big bomb.
And then at the end of the movie, because the apes were planning war on the
humans because they finally found them, the humans set off the mega nuclear bomb.
It's literally just Megaton from Fallout New Vegas. Well, so the thing was the Earth got destroyed.
(32:13):
Now you might be wondering... How do you make a sequel? Where do we go from here?
And this is where Escape from the Planet of the Apes comes in.
I don't think I reviewed this much. 1971, three stars. Yeah, it was fine.
Oh, so that's how they're still alive. Can't
believe Taylor or Brent never tried hitting the return to
(32:34):
sender button that a button in their spacecraft not exactly
but this was funny for a while rip my
man big corn or a bit cornelius is
the monkey lead he's the monkeys stop calling
i'm so sorry monkey doesn't wear any pants
so this movie opens with the
(32:54):
same spaceship from the the first movie just appearing
on earth and what happened they went
back in time and now they're in modern which in this
time is like 1970 modern earth and what who comes out the three main monkeys
from the first two movies and they went yeah we just jumped in this spaceship
(33:16):
and then we turned around and the earth was getting blown up that's crazy yeah
that is crazy davis is kissing and his brother. He's smooching.
Smooching him right on the neck.
So yeah, that's how... So now...
Actually don't really they killed up can i
interrupt yeah that's a handsome family the clarks are
a very handsome batch shout out our first graduate
(33:38):
of the plunge athletics department yeah shut up evan many borgs
will be poured out in your honor but yeah
everyone keeps fucking dying in these movies i don't know so i have two
more three more the main characters once again
have died um i bet there's
gonna be a rogue panda no what they did is they had
a baby in the past which
(34:00):
is the future a monkey human baby
but it's an advanced baby so it's a monkey that can talk so
nice and they planted it in a zoo nice to oh and this is sets the seeds for
rise of the planet of the eight not quite yet eventually the seeds have been
sown sort of they're kind of separate they kind of create it's separate a parallel
(34:23):
timeline they are but they They create,
I don't think they are because they pay like homage.
It's weird. I don't, I'll have to follow up because we're getting close to where
the timelines would meet.
But they created the talking monkey all themselves in the entire, starting at Rise.
Okay. So it's not like they would have had one from the past.
This is just Jurassic Park sequel series where they just remake talking monkey
(34:46):
and think, yeah, this will go better this time.
Maybe, but there is a lot of homage. So I don't know what level of homage or
if it's actual true, like. Spell homage.
H-o-m-a-g-e okay i was gonna it
bothers me that you just use that twice in two sentences the
pain homage my brother stop continue homage yeah
i like the monkey movies a lot i also like the monkey movies i saw a thing that
(35:11):
was like the holy trinity of monkey right now is in theaters you have monkey
man dev patel's monkey man it's the father the son is gorilla x kong and the Holy Spirit,
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. You just unlocked a memory deep in my head.
Tell me, brother. Do you know the Wild Thornberries?
Do you know that the band Real Big Fish? I do.
(35:34):
Did you know that Real Big Fish has a song in Wild Thornberries.
The very first Wild Thornberries movie?
No. Do you know that that song is called Monkey Man? is it similar to ocean
man by me by weem ween kind of it is monkey man take me by the hand hold on i'm not i'm just gonna.
(35:59):
Music.
This goes crazy You know whose song this is?
It's Donnie's It's Donnie's song It's not Donnie It's when Donnie gets Yeah
(36:21):
When Donnie gets introduced.
He fucking comes out to monkey man That's nice Yeah we're talking Talking about
the big monkey man It's alright It's alright It's kinda like Ocean Man But for
monkey man But for monkeys yeah Yeah.
Well, we're not talking monkeys, though. We're talking apes, so.
(36:41):
You literally just called the monkeys for like five minutes. Play the tape. Nope.
Nope. Run it back. I think right about now, my Bruins should be getting eliminated from the playoffs.
Do you see some guy got kicked out of the league for cocaine use? That's sick.
My app won't update. That's a problem. I'm going to say cocaine NHL.
(37:03):
It's still two to one. I hope your dowdy doesn't come up.
Which? No, not Kuznetsov No, he's too big Who's the guy that just got kicked out?
I don't know You brought it up, brother I'm pretty excited It's dog weekend.
Nechushkin Okay He's a Canucks player Got kicked out for doing For cocaine use?
(37:24):
Yeah, apparently it's rampant Apparently they think it makes them better Yeah,
no shit It's hockey I don't know Drew Dowdy got fucking arrested at the Canadian
border for having cocaine He wasn't using it.
He was carrying it for a friend. It was when they won the Stanley Cup.
It was when he was on the Kings. He's still on the Kings.
He's still in the league? Yeah. I thought he got kicked out over that.
(37:46):
I don't think so. I was back in like 2015, I think. I think he's still in the league. Let's see.
It's dog weekend. We've decided on a name.
Let's hear it. It is Winnie the Doo.
D-O-O-H. D-O-O-H.
You know, like Winnie the Pooh? Winnie the Golden Doo? He's a golden doodle?
(38:07):
Dumb as hell. You're dumb as hell. No dog having ass?
You won't name him Bimgus because you're scared. I want to name it Bimgus,
but we're getting a girl. Yeah,
but you're too afraid to stand up to your lady. We're getting a girl.
Bimgisa? What do you want from me? Bimga? Yeah. Bimga goes crazy.
Bimga does kind of go crazy.
(38:27):
Don't get me wrong. I love Lauren. Me too. I'm a certified lover boy.
You will not stand up to her for the things that need to be right in the world.
And naming your dog Bimgus or Bimga is one of those things. That's a hill you need to die on.
And you will. I can hear your blood pressure rising because she's going to come
down if she hears me say Bimga too loud.
(38:49):
She's long in bed, brother.
What is it? 9.20? Yeah, she's been in bed. 9.20. When do we start this podcast?
I guess 40, she's been in bed for 40 minutes and 30 seconds.
Yeah. Listen, I did, I did put up a fourth quarter fight for the boy, for the boy. Yeah.
For what? There was a, we had three, we had three options.
(39:13):
You gotta get it fixed ASAP. So it doesn't period all over your house. Very strong. Agree.
Yeah. We had three options.
Oh God. Jackie just texted a good podcast question.
What's the good pop? She said, if you and your significant other found out you
were related to each other, what would you do?
Pretend that I didn't just read that text and keep pumping. What level of relation are we talking?
(39:40):
Let's go through them. You've been dating a month. Easy breakup, right? Yes. A year.
Yes. Five years. That's where it gets into relation.
That's an easy breakup. Nothing is permanent.
What? You're not, like, engaged? Do I have any... Oh, these are all dating, no kids. Yeah.
(40:03):
No, it depends on the relation. It shouldn't. Third cousin? No.
First cousin slash separated twin. I think any first cousin you have to.
Second cousin. We'll split the difference. Second cousin's difficult too.
Cutting it off. At five years dating, I'm cutting it off. I don't want my kids
having three legs. Yeah, I think you're, yeah.
(40:24):
Engaged. How long?
We're going to go six years. Do we have a dog? You have a cat. Do we have a dog?
I said what I said. I don't have cats. You have a cat.
Second cousin? is it like
a distant second cousin or is it like it's the second cousin
no because there's so many different second cousins there's so
(40:47):
many different second cousins i don't think you're asking me is the second cousin
hot or not no i'm asking you like is this my cousin's daughter or is this my
dad's cousin's the closer one the closer one i think you end it that's the right answer yeah,
(41:07):
Married Dual income no kids.
Cause I think you know where this is headed Second cousin Same thing I'm staying
married I'm cutting it off Same situation Two kids,
You're in it You're fucking in it now brother I'm still leaving And having two late term abortion,
(41:33):
You're murdering two children i'm leaving okay i'm out no.
We're going back to my question the question you accused me of are they hot yeah yeah,
I was already in, brother. You're like, everything else, just gravy, baby.
(41:57):
What you have to consider is I already have like eight. I don't want to keep
talking about this. I have like 99 first cousins.
Lauren could be my second cousin at that rate.
You're probably my second cousin. Liam Harris is my second cousin.
I don't even know Liam Harris.
Put it into that perspective. You are full government naming him.
(42:19):
Yeah, who cares? I love Liam. Yeah.
Same he's family he's just he's my
best friend from like sixth grade to freshman year and then we started
hanging out with different crowds mostly because i hung out with you and all
the guys and he hung out with like nick philibert and yeah and i'm full government
you did it that makes it okay should i start going hide your kids hide your wife style bandanas.
(42:49):
I think we should wrap it up on that oh yeah
i need to go eat my food that's probably gonna make me
sick for science i need to go home
and just not be here would you eat the food would you
give it one more run i would okay i'm not crazy no
okay could have just been a bad sauce on it i'm gonna put more extra i'm gonna
put some chipotle uh tapatio on there as you should yeah yeah yeah let's get
(43:13):
out of here then you can blame it on that and have it a third night bingo i
need to i need to eat some of it bingo bingo bingo i'm gonna call your dog bingo you can,
lauren's gonna yell at me for doing that correct i'm gonna call it winton winton's
still in play now because it's winnie.
True yeah so shout out winnie the golden doodle she surely will
(43:35):
be on the next podcast so unless she's not
here yet because that's pretty sick oh i can
hang out with winnie all week and i'll be like it's uncle
hunter good good yes yes yeah we are getting her a little earlier than we would
have liked i thought you're getting there like next month yeah we wanted when
(43:56):
lauren's summer three weeks again but you know what we'll take it now if you
need anything like for watching the dog next week.
I can come by. Okay.
Does someone have, what is your plan for the dog? I don't know.
Talk to Lauren. Okay. I go to work.
True. So does Lauren. We're gonna put in a crate. That's fine. Yeah. He's gotta learn.
(44:20):
Is he gonna be a crate dog or are you gonna let him eat in the doggy door?
He'll be a he'll be a roam dog. Roam dog?
Doggy door? You putting a doggy door in the back? Got a crate train. Crate train.
You gonna sleep in bed with you? Eventually. Once he's crate trained.
Nice. We're doing it right. No, I know. I'm just asking questions. Lauren's a dog person.
That's a dog family. Lauren's a dog. Lauren's a dog family. They got four dogs,
(44:42):
three dogs right now. Damn. I bet she could train a dog like a motherfucker. Two Rottweilers.
Damn. You're going to have the best trained fucking dog? The best Rottweilers
on the planet. Munson and Ruby.
Hey, I have a Ruby. You do. She's not very well trained, and she's kind of an asshole. Yeah.
I like, they're the same color, too. Well, yeah, because I think she has a bit of Rottweiler in her.
(45:04):
You think? You think you're? My dog, son, has a little bit of Rottweiler.
Yeah, you think she's got that dog in her? Yeah, we'll see you next week.
I took the plunge and had the time of my life. I finally took the plunge.
You know what? Just break.
Music.
(00:30):
Take it up, up, up.
(01:00):
That was pretty good The number one wheel podcast That's in the spin zone The
number one skyscraper podcast That's what Riley?
It's in the trees What's up dude? What's up?
Today's the day Yeah we don't have headphones That's alright No cans Don't need
them The debut of the headband,
Headband Riley HBR goes crazy I kind of like it You're not Dude HBR could also
(01:24):
be Heartbreak Riley No I can't You're like the HBK I'm a lover boy No,
you're a lover boy. I'm a lover boy. Your show name?
Forever a lover boy. Don't even put those bad omens on me, brother.
I'm a lover boy. You hear me, and you hear me good.
HBK was a lover boy in and of itself. He was a sexy boy. He was not a lover
(01:45):
boy. But you're a sexy boy, too.
Look at that fucking... He's just a boy toy, brother. I'm not a boy toy. I'm a lover boy.
He's just a sexy boy. C-B-L-B-R.
I'm not your boy toy. joining me as always Shawn Michaels had the horniest intro
of all time dude I kinda like being here for WWE weekends WWE weekends I got
(02:09):
two weekends in a row of it,
dude Shawn Michaels had the horniest intro of all time is it just called sexy boy?
I don't know sexy boy Shawn Michaels.
I think I'm cute I know I'm sexy I got the looks,
(02:30):
We'll be right back.
Give me the move I said chill I'm down there I'm just a sexy boy Sexy boy,
I'm not your boy Toy Why
does that feel like just like the rock version Of a Toby Keith song Dude I'm
not a sexy boy You are a sexy boy You're my sexy little boy You're my sexy boy
(02:55):
I'm not gonna add the little in there I'm a lover boy dude How are you gonna
tell me that you're not a sexy boy Boy, when I just watched you groom yourself in the...
My hair is so much that I have to constantly... It's the biggest nuisance at work.
Can you, instead of doing a mullet, just grow it out for a man bun?
Lauren would kill me and I'm a lover boy. I can't do that to my lovely woman. Dude.
(03:16):
I can't even say. He says the bandana's a good... Joe B. gave me a compliment.
He's trying to do damage control.
Listen, Joe B. called me fat for like nine weeks. Now he's trying to do some damage control.
It's a lot of hair. It's so much hair. Does that make up for one of the weeks?
It makes up for one hidden fat.
Do you know why this carried on? It's because the first one he sent,
I still don't know the language because it didn't translate when I looked it
(03:39):
up. So then I thought he was just sending me gibberish.
So then I just didn't look into any of the further ones after the first.
The only reason that I did was because I was on my computer when we did a remote episode.
Caught him red-handed. You were like, let me see what this is about.
Listen, Joe's Mr. Fitness. We're no ones to talk. I'm a lover boy. He's a sexy boy.
He's just a sexy boy. boy you're the
(04:00):
hunt damn you're a boy i'm just a
boy dude drake would love you drake would not love me
drake would i'm not a cd cb wait no clb you're not a certified lover boy no
i am a certified lover you are am i taking the title from drake no he's a certified
baby lover boy i'm just a certified lover boy clb yeah i'm a certified lover boy i am your clb,
(04:25):
biker boy hunt is what joey says you are you are a biker boy now i am a biker
boy i rode my bike for like two hours on tuesday you're gonna die and it's gonna
make me sad it's okay the farewell episode of the plunge is gonna be such a
bummer dude is that the last episode is just when i die yeah dude and it's gonna
be two years from now hey guys.
(04:45):
That's not the hunt it's never gonna be the hunt,
crashed into a tree plunges over he
plunged into that tree it's not my fault that saying
that i have a date with a tree at 90 miles an hour is
a funny joke it's the funniest shit it's it's not
a lot of people don't like when i say that me included but
i do i do laugh i can acknowledge it's
(05:08):
funny while not liking it one of my co-workers not
my co-workers he's my employee he sent me a scene from
brokeback mountain of when heath ledger and jake gyllenhaal finally get reunited
after a time and it's it's when your friend finally buys a bike and gets licensed
and then they just start kissing it's like that's the funniest shit ever also
(05:31):
do not send me that stuff ever again.
What don't send me memes of us kissing that
was a good phase what where i was just making memes of
us kissing actually you can do it because we're
married that's different okay i'm not married your mom posted the most wholesome
photo of just you you're you and your dad on your bikes can i need to say your
(05:54):
dad looked like he was about to drop the hardest i'm not gonna say country album
he was gonna drop the most like god-fearing country album like he's a he was
He was about to drop a Jason Aldean. He was about to go mer.
Yeah, he was about to rile up the pubs. Yeah, dude.
The pubs were about to go crazy. I have two things to say. Your dad was about
(06:14):
to drop a Try That in a Small Town Ass album, and there was nothing anyone can do about it.
So one, I do want to acknowledge, you have the picture, I imagine.
It's somewhere. It's on Facebook. It's on Facebook. I can send it to you.
But one, the picture of that, my bike is not small by any means.
Cause like, I don't know, it looks like you got any little bit,
(06:36):
any bitty little bike boy compared to his, his is a fucking boat.
It's also really loud. I was in front of him when we went for a ride and I could
still hear him behind me.
But two, this is a little soft, but I did get to have a cool full circle moment
with my dad because I used to ride on the back of his bike when I was like seven or eight.
And now at 25, I got to go on like an independent bike from him and just go for a ride.
(07:02):
That shit was cool as hell. That's nice. That's a nice full circle moment.
It was. Thank you for not making fun of that.
You're just a sexy pussy. I can't believe how horny Shawn Michaels was.
He just got away with it. He wore chain mail.
His nipples. Yeah, dude. Shawn Michaels may have been the horniest man alive
(07:23):
for a while. I don't know.
Yeah, but you know what's fucked up? He's like 13-year-old's idols.
Not anymore. more. Probably still.
The WWE games? The legacy stuff? He does go crazy. He's cool as hell.
Yeah. He's a sexy boy. I watch so many fucking ape movies.
Do we just jump into it? I need to tell... So I would like to thank you as Keeper
(07:46):
of the Wheel. You're welcome.
I asked... So right now, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is in theaters.
K-O-T-P-O-P? K-O-T-P-O-T-P.
There are some movies where it's like...
For background, I've never seen a single Planet of the Apes.
Of the ten. I've seen zero.
But I know that it's a it's a movie theater movie.
(08:10):
It's meant for the big screen. So I asked you permission. I said, Monsieur Godhunt.
What? May I watch Kingdom? May I watch Planet of the Apes so I can go watch
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes theaters? And you said, yes.
It is decided. I said, it is done. You said, yes.
So I went in reverse order, though. The new trilogy of Planet of the Apes It's
(08:33):
really fucking good, I hear.
It's maybe one of the best trilogies I've ever seen.
Really? I think it... I haven't put it... You mean like Bill and Ted?
I haven't... I think it outscores Bill and Ted. So it's a top five.
It's for sure a top five, because it's a four, a four, and a four and a half.
And they're all high fours.
Damn. In the grading scale. Damn. With a B. Add a B to the end of that shit. Planet of the Apes.
(08:58):
Planet of the Apes brings to light the Lincoln Memorial.
Have you seen that yet? Okay It's fucking hysterical So I did go in reverse
order because I was like If I don't get to the old ones I don't wanna If I get
into a movie rut where I don't watch movies I wanna be able to watch the new one,
So I watched the trilogy that was the 2011, 14, and 17 ones. The Andy Serkis ones.
(09:22):
Yeah. Dawn, Rise, Dawn, and War of the Planet of the Apes. They go so crazy.
They go- It's bananas. No pun intended.
Apes don't like bananas. That isn't true. It's true. No, it's not.
I watched Escape from the Planet of the Apes this morning.
You're trying to tell me that going to- brother zero zero the chimpanzee does
(09:46):
not like bananas brother that's right i've seen videos of bananas and gorillas
well those are uneducated apes we're talking you're talking about fictional
cgi to apes and you're like no they don't like brother i'm not talking cgi apes i'm talking.
Terrifying 1968 masked apes thank you very much have you seen the old ones i've
(10:07):
seen the back half of the one where the guy ends on the beach and he's like why?
Keep your hands off of me you damn dirty ape. Yeah.
Brother they look crazy. I'm through three of the so I watched the new trilogy
which is like a foundation for Kingdom. You know what I can't allow you to do?
(10:30):
And I know that it's your thing that you do. I can't allow you to rape the whoa.
Go ahead. the new trilogy outside of the old trilogy.
I really want to. But you can't because it's all the same IP.
I really want to. You can't. I was thinking about doing it and not telling you
so I'm glad we've had this discussion. Yeah.
Because it I was going to put the new four.
(10:53):
Because that's what I mean is like that's a bracket buster. If you don't include
the full discography of an IP like this.
We just had a moment. I didn't know we were touching figures there.
The issue is the old ones are actually pretty good what i
think is going to tank it is mark walberg's 2001 piece of garbage i didn't know
(11:13):
that he was in tim burton's tim burton's planet of the apes 2001 real thing
yeah does it look like coralline nope it looks it's just a bad movie so i've heard.
You're going to watch it and be like, that was the best shit.
No, no. But yeah, so the original trilogy, no, this new trilogy, unbelievable.
(11:37):
It's one of those franchises, they're all just really good. There's no lulls.
It's all fire. Just all action all the time.
And watching War of the Planet of the Apes, I was mad I didn't watch it earlier
because there are certain moments where you could feel like IMAX moments
that would have like i i would have
(11:57):
left war of the planet of the apes me like that's a five-star movie if
i saw it in imax like i could tell from some of the like
visual and sound really i just thought of something really good and i'm not
gonna say it out loud now okay that's okay so i watched those three i watched
rise the planet of the apes dawn of the planet of the apes war of the planet
of the apes then i started to the beginning because i think i'm gonna go on
(12:20):
On Thursday and watch Kingdom.
So I had some time. So then I watched 1968 Planet of the Apes.
1970 Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Which is just Planet of the Apes again
and then a weird cult movie.
Very cool. Yep. And then I watched. Are the cult apes or like humans?
They're humans. Alien things from the future and past.
(12:44):
Okay. And then I watched Escape the Planet of the Apes. I still have Conquest and. How do you escape?
Do you just go to the moon? You'd be surprised.
Yeah, then I have Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, still from 1972.
They made all these in five years. They made the five Planet of the Apes movies
in five years. What was the budget on these? I think they're super cheap.
(13:05):
Yeah, I believe it. You just go into the woods somewhere, and you're like, all right, action.
They went to Zuma Beach in California.
Damn. I know that because I've been there before, and in my movie chat,
I went, I've been here and Nick went, do you want a cookie? And it made me upset.
I was like, damn, I didn't know I couldn't talk about movies in the movie chat
(13:25):
where we talk about movies.
Hey, you talked about vacation in the movie chat, which is strictly prohibited.
No, I said I've been on one of these sets.
Yeah, and then I have Battle for the Planet of the Apes, 1973.
And then to close out, I'm going to ruin my apes by watching 2001 Tim Burton Planet of the Apes.
That's the funniest poster I think I've ever seen. Yeah. That is a Mark Wahlberg
(13:47):
movie though Yeah It might not be bad I took some screenshots,
This is the orangutan I've seen him before That's Dr.
Zaius Him and some gorillas Those are gorillas they're just humans But with a mask on Yep,
This is in Beneath when they find the atomic bomb who is the god.
(14:13):
Just very funny. All on my treadmill. This is just Fallout New Vegas,
but you're just in Megaton.
Yeah. The posters for Beneath did go crazy.
Look at that one. Those are kind of nutty. Look at that one,
dude. There's a cage of humans as his head.
That looks like Kill Bill. Yeah.
But, yo, they should just remake really cult classic movies,
(14:37):
but with, like, the old school Planet of the Apes.
Imagine Kill Bill with just monkey masks. That would go crazy.
I kind of want one. It was one of those where I was watching,
I was like, I want one of these masks. A movie quality mask?
Yeah, a movie quality mask.
What would you rather, movie quality? No, I'm not going to say it.
I almost spoiled what I was going to say. I'm also through one and a half Fantastic Beasts.
(14:59):
You're not making good progress on those They're bad I'm aware I will say Planet
of the Apes because it's in theater Is the last exception I will make Oh no.
For this current round For this current set of movies,
That's fair Do you want to read my one Fantastic Beasts review And then I'll
(15:20):
give you it for Planet of the Apes I feel like we need to hold off Until you
finish Planet of the Apes No I think we're at a good point Are we?
Yeah all right fantastic beast and where to find
them 2016 two and a half stars i don't remember
this movie but i remember it was okay it's okay which i think is fair yes i'm
(15:41):
drunk and these movies are ass you said having only seeing one movie yeah i
have a crush on tina and eddie red mane might be the ugliest man on the earth
eddie red mane's so fucking ugly i can't believe it Which one is he?
He's the lead. That guy? Yeah.
He's like if A-Rich was ugly.
I think you got a bad lens. Nah, dude, that's a good lens for him. He's ugly as hell.
(16:05):
I hate Eddie Redmayne. This podcast hates Eddie Redmayne. You either on the
ship or you can get the fuck off.
I do like the idea of 45-year-old Jacob being a first-year at Hogwarts.
Let's make it happen. I would like Jacob as the saving great.
He's the fat bread maker who's not a wizard, but he rolls with the wizards.
(16:28):
They call him a no- Dan Fogler? maybe they call
them a nomadge that's what they call muggles in america
because this movie takes place in america not
london that's the dumbest shit i've ever seen
so there's no hogwarts there's whatever the america marmalade marmalade's
just a movie i watched paddington oh i thought it was a paddington movie it's
(16:50):
not it should be i did is my comment a paddington would love this movie yes
paddington would love this movie the plot twist though that was not it was it
was good Do you want to finish Godzilla with Godzilla Minus One? Did we already do that?
That's a different franchise, so that won't be going on. Didn't you already have Godzilla, though?
I do. So I have to watch Godzilla X-Kong A New Empire.
(17:10):
That's a different movie. That's part of the wheel. Did you never stop or never
start Godzilla because of the wheel you just started them?
No, I got it on the wheel. I got Godzilla X-Kong, that whole Godzilla monster universe.
Godzilla Minus One's not part of it. Okay.
Yes, that's independent. I'm going to backtrack one movie, The Idea of You.
Yeah, Anne Hathaway's rom-com.
(17:32):
And then his member released.
Yeah. My Harry Styles pussy is throbbing. Yeah. This should have ended at the cut to black. Correct.
That is a new movie that is a Harry Styles fanfic that got turned into a movie
starring Anne Hathaway.
Anne Hathaway is hot as fuck. Anne Hathaway is hot. She plays a mom who goes
to Coachella with her daughter and meets the singer of a boy band and falls
(17:58):
in love with him. And the world creates chaos.
How old is Anne Hathaway? Because this 22-year-old is fucking this 40-year-old.
18 plus 24, 40. It's called the band is August Moon, and their songs keep showing
up on Lauren's For You page, even though they're a fictional band.
But it's a Harry Styles fanfic. I feel like I knew that. Yeah.
Not great. All right. Here we go. Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Banger.
(18:22):
Rage. Rage. Fucking rage.
Absolutely. I can't believe they let the monkey who wears clothes be their king.
I'd like to redact something on that. Is he wearing clothes? Apes aren't monkeys.
That's fair. They're primates. Yeah. Monkeys have tails.
Yes. Yeah. They've made it very well known in these new movies,
(18:42):
the original movies, that an ape is not a monkey.
This goes absolutely crazy, I fear.
Movies, post-credits, low-key predict COVID. They did. They created the simian
flu, which fucking took out the planet. That's incredible.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Four and a half stars. These two both got the
(19:05):
coveted golden heart. They did. I like that.
The consensus in the world is that each one gets better. I think it goes one, two is...
Second best and best i think so war is really fucking
good no qualms about war it's the
biggest budget like biggest spectacle of the
(19:25):
franchise but i like the storytelling a lot more in the first two back to you
for dawn of the planet of the apes 2014 four and a half stars coveted golden
heart as we just saw yeah if there's one thing that cunty little monkey cobra
does it's stand And on motherfucking bidness, okay?
That's right. That is fucking... Dude, I... I like that I read these and then
(19:47):
you agree with me, but you're really just agreeing with yourself. My own opinion. Yeah.
If we're getting our dog this week, if we were getting a boy,
I would have fought tooth and nail to name him Koba.
Yeah. That's sick. Because Koba stands on motherfucking business. He's the man.
Caesar would get canceled in today's political climate for his association with
(20:10):
James Franco. That's true. What does that mean?
What did James Franco do? James Franco's canceled as hell. What did he do?
I don't know. I think he's probably inappropriate.
He's a... He's a toucher?
He's a non-consensual lover boy.
He's a toucher. He's a toucher. He's just a sexist. There are three kinds of people.
(20:31):
Touchers, terrorists, and teachers. I thought you were reading my review.
I was like, I don't know where I'm going with this. There's more human in these...
There's more human... Were you drunk during this? No.
There's more human in these than I would have ever imagined.
Yeah. Would follow my king, Caesar, into the fire.
Caesar's the best. There's so many humans in this. Moving right along to...
(20:55):
I would like to say the end of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the first movie.
There's a battle on the Golden Gate Bridge.
It's peak cinema. I've seen that. I've seen that out of context.
It's peak fucking cinema. we have war
for the planet of the apes 2017 woody harrelson
plays hitler okay yeah like
(21:17):
voice acting no he's just he's hitler
okay he's colonel mccullough and they
send the apes to fucking ape auschwitz ran by woody
harrelson okay we got
rambo six manky yeah literally
caesar just goes fucking they kill
(21:37):
his family and he goes hold my beer
and he fights the united states military
he sends his his tribe off and goes i got some business to handle does he do
it solo john wick style he tries to solo john wick style and then his boys maurice
and cobra and no cobra's big Big dead at the end of two. Coba could not be more dead.
(22:03):
Coba went full heel turn. It was a whole thing. That's sick as hell. No, Coba died big time.
No, he got his boys Maurice and Rocket to come with him, and they found Bad Ape along the way.
Bad Ape. I think it's probably the weakest of the trilogy, but it still goes crazy.
It does for certain go crazy. Bad Ape was funny until he wasn't,
(22:26):
but he remained dripped out from head to toe the entire film.
I'll look him up in a second. Bad Ape does go crazy. It's Stewie's favorite character.
He just goes, Bad Ape. They find him just...
In a ski cabin. Just hanging out? He's just hanging. He's surviving.
Surviving and thriving. He's like, I'm Bad Ape. They just called him Bad Ape
(22:47):
so much that he thought that was his name. That's very interesting.
And he's dripped head to toe. He's wearing puffy vests at all times. Ski pants.
All the apes, not wearing clothes. Except in the first movie,
Caesar's also dripped out in dress pants and hoodies.
That's sick as hell. Second movie, no clothes on chimps.
(23:09):
Third movie, bad ape is dripped out head to toe.
Visually, this movie looks so damn good. I wish so badly I could have seen it in theaters.
Yeah. At the end of the day, it always has been, always will be,
always was about building a wall. You gotta build a wall.
(23:31):
Any final thoughts? Gotta build a wall.
Dude, you gotta build a wall. Now we're moving on to what I think is going to
be my more preferred section, because I like when you watch shit movies.
They're not shit. I don't have much to say on these, because I'm watching them
with a grain of salt, because they are from 1968.
(23:53):
You know, you are defeating the purpose.
You watch them for what they are, not for what they were.
Yeah but these are my issue with these are non-issue with these my issue with
rating these is they're super culturally significant it's time to take the headband
off it's riding out doesn't look good anymore you either got to fix it or commit to it,
(24:16):
audio podcast by the way keep fucking talking i'm doing i'm kind of fucking.
Okay planet of the apes 1968 three and
a half stars i mean i for sure should have
watched these these first before watching the new trilogy that being said the
set pieces are hilarious but awesome and it's fun storytelling fun seeing the
(24:37):
origins of pop culture references 60 years too late but that's okay the ending
actually shocked me and it wasn't surprising at all so there's that,
you ever get surprised by something that's not surprised with the statue of
liberty it's with the statue of liberty and the whole plot to it i'm i'm gonna
spoiler alert i'm gonna spoil I'm going to spoil the movie He thinks he's on
(24:59):
a different planet The plot twist is the whole time he's expected He's 2000
light years in space He's back on earth,
That's the plot twist He's got a horse too Should have seen so many horses Also
A horse can't hold a gorilla The lead woman,
Is hot You talking Nova?
(25:20):
Maybe I posed the question because the more you look at her the more it's it's
she's interesting looking i pose a question is she the hottest ugliest person
or the ugliest hot person.
She's got dumb face. She does. She kind of looks like a Neanderthal.
Yeah. I mean, she crushes her whole.
(25:42):
She's also, she's given a certain kind of. Yeah. But yeah.
Should have seen it coming. Did not. I was like, whoa. She's back on Earth. Whoa.
Next up, Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Beneath the Planet of the Apes is fucking hilarious.
(26:02):
1970. Not in the good way. Three star. It was not trying to be hilarious for the ref for the record.
That sure was something. Yup. The high frequency noise they shoved down your
throats and do holes made me want to rip my fucking head off.
I had to read that as I saw your mom like the stream.
Oh, my mom liked the stream. That's what's up. That's not my fault for swearing.
(26:25):
That's not. It's my words. I'm sorry.
What if we had planet of the apes, but we used a super hot guy and then made it super weird.
Yeah. Yeah. Is that a quote? No, that's me.
It's in quotes. That's quoting you. Yeah, I'm quoting myself in my own review.
You could have just put that in there. That's me, yeah.
(26:45):
Cannot possibly fathom where we go from here, but I'm well aware there are three
more films, so let's find out. I'm going to spoil more movie.
Can I just, let me finish and then I'll let you spoil. Yep.
The hymns, spelled wrong by the way, about the almighty bomb did in fact go crazy, I fear.
They did. i did let out an audible laugh when taylor
(27:07):
went through that rock man is using glitches to get
onto the map i need you to look up on your get off mine i'm not what you just
don't want me to know what you're googling look up taylor goes through rock
beneath the planet of the apes it's the it's it should be worse cgi than the mummy returns.
(27:29):
Because it was 1970. Movie clip. The human, see human do?
This? No. Let me see.
He punches a rock with the butt of a gun, and then he just warps through the wall.
Taylor disappears. Yeah, that should be it.
(27:51):
You got it? Yeah, see, she's got dumb face.
Let out right at the beginning of the movie it's pretty early so charlton heston.
Was like he was like the 1960s leo big star who's that guy yeah he was the star
of the first movie apparently he just didn't believe in sequels and thought
(28:13):
it was like a cash grab but he was he wanted to help out this is all from kyle
so you know no idea did zero research myself
apparently because like they brought
in a guy who for the second one who just looks identical to
him he's just a younger hotter straight teeth
diversion because heston had heston had
(28:33):
those 1960s yellow teeth those those choppers
yeah they brought in just charlton heston walmart
but better somehow and the beginning
the entire beginning of the movie they just run back the plot
of the first movie in speed run version that's funny
so an additional rocket lands on earth he
(28:54):
goes and explores finds the apes gets captured by
the runs the whole plot of the whole gambit in but in like 45 minutes and then
they got 45 minutes to play with and then they get beneath the planet of the
apes right there so underneath the planet is old new york city it's just futurama
it really is they're living in new york city but it's just not futuristic.
(29:15):
Well, I guess it is, because it's monkeys, but... Watching it,
I did actually, I did a bunch of Futurama research from watching the first one,
because the captain, who is Charlton Heston... Can I guess? Yeah.
You'll get it. Is it Xavier Howard? No, he sounds exactly like Zap Brannigan.
Like, verbatim. So I was like, he has to be the motivation behind Zap Brannigan's
(29:36):
voice, right? Oh, probably.
And I couldn't find anything, but like, it's a lot of the same shit,
so... Do they wear the same, like, outfits? Kind of.
Like the miniskirts for the men? Yes. That's hysterical. Oh,
but he didn't believe in cash grabs, so he did a few scenes...
To help them. Were they good? No, he just fell through the fucking rock. You watched it.
(29:59):
He warped through the rock. What do you mean? You laughed at it.
That's a good scene. I did laugh. It's not comedy. That makes it a good scene. That's true.
It was one of those where I had to rewind. You know a scene's good when you...
It's like the Predator pink scene from fucking... You go, excuse the fuck me?
You rewind, you go, what? What was the most recent one?
(30:21):
In the was it the baby from blade there was a scene in blade that we had to rewind to,
there's a lot of scenes in play the baby blade was pretty crazy there was this high frequency noise,
it's called tinnitus it was tinnitus
times 100 do you know the sound like when
(30:42):
they do like the oh what so how what age
is your hearing like type tests it was
like that but fucking juiced up volume
wise i wanted to rip my fucking head off i
almost turned the movie off because they
were so pretty much beneath the planet they
find that there's this species of humans who can talk
(31:02):
because the whole thing is in the future the roles are reversed where humans
are the like ape no talking yeah i'm regressed yes but there's this intellectual
mind reading batch of humans underneath Earth in a destroyed New York City.
And they talk by going, and it's just this hum to infer to the viewer at home,
(31:28):
instead of using words, they go, oh, they're using telekinesis, don't worry.
And they just go, and they're like,
And it made the most irritating noise. And then they used that.
How much of the movie, like the, I keep letting your phone lock.
I'm just going to. They used that, like, so then they would use that as like
interrogation and it would just be even louder, but for like 40 seconds at a time, nonstop.
(31:50):
I wanted to. Sounds like they just didn't want to write dialogue.
Yes. But under the planet of the apes, there was this big bomb.
And then at the end of the movie, because the apes were planning war on the
humans because they finally found them, the humans set off the mega nuclear bomb.
It's literally just Megaton from Fallout New Vegas. Well, so the thing was the Earth got destroyed.
(32:13):
Now you might be wondering... How do you make a sequel? Where do we go from here?
And this is where Escape from the Planet of the Apes comes in.
I don't think I reviewed this much. 1971, three stars. Yeah, it was fine.
Oh, so that's how they're still alive. Can't
believe Taylor or Brent never tried hitting the return to
(32:34):
sender button that a button in their spacecraft not exactly
but this was funny for a while rip my
man big corn or a bit cornelius is
the monkey lead he's the monkeys stop calling
i'm so sorry monkey doesn't wear any pants
so this movie opens with the
(32:54):
same spaceship from the the first movie just appearing
on earth and what happened they went
back in time and now they're in modern which in this
time is like 1970 modern earth and what who comes out the three main monkeys
from the first two movies and they went yeah we just jumped in this spaceship
(33:16):
and then we turned around and the earth was getting blown up that's crazy yeah
that is crazy davis is kissing and his brother. He's smooching.
Smooching him right on the neck.
So yeah, that's how... So now...
Actually don't really they killed up can i
interrupt yeah that's a handsome family the clarks are
a very handsome batch shout out our first graduate
(33:38):
of the plunge athletics department yeah shut up evan many borgs
will be poured out in your honor but yeah
everyone keeps fucking dying in these movies i don't know so i have two
more three more the main characters once again
have died um i bet there's
gonna be a rogue panda no what they did is they had
a baby in the past which
(34:00):
is the future a monkey human baby
but it's an advanced baby so it's a monkey that can talk so
nice and they planted it in a zoo nice to oh and this is sets the seeds for
rise of the planet of the eight not quite yet eventually the seeds have been
sown sort of they're kind of separate they kind of create it's separate a parallel
(34:23):
timeline they are but they They create,
I don't think they are because they pay like homage.
It's weird. I don't, I'll have to follow up because we're getting close to where
the timelines would meet.
But they created the talking monkey all themselves in the entire, starting at Rise.
Okay. So it's not like they would have had one from the past.
This is just Jurassic Park sequel series where they just remake talking monkey
(34:46):
and think, yeah, this will go better this time.
Maybe, but there is a lot of homage. So I don't know what level of homage or
if it's actual true, like. Spell homage.
H-o-m-a-g-e okay i was gonna it
bothers me that you just use that twice in two sentences the
pain homage my brother stop continue homage yeah
i like the monkey movies a lot i also like the monkey movies i saw a thing that
(35:11):
was like the holy trinity of monkey right now is in theaters you have monkey
man dev patel's monkey man it's the father the son is gorilla x kong and the Holy Spirit,
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. You just unlocked a memory deep in my head.
Tell me, brother. Do you know the Wild Thornberries?
Do you know that the band Real Big Fish? I do.
(35:34):
Did you know that Real Big Fish has a song in Wild Thornberries.
The very first Wild Thornberries movie?
No. Do you know that that song is called Monkey Man? is it similar to ocean
man by me by weem ween kind of it is monkey man take me by the hand hold on i'm not i'm just gonna.
(35:59):
Music.
This goes crazy You know whose song this is?
It's Donnie's It's Donnie's song It's not Donnie It's when Donnie gets Yeah
(36:21):
When Donnie gets introduced.
He fucking comes out to monkey man That's nice Yeah we're talking Talking about
the big monkey man It's alright It's alright It's kinda like Ocean Man But for
monkey man But for monkeys yeah Yeah.
Well, we're not talking monkeys, though. We're talking apes, so.
(36:41):
You literally just called the monkeys for like five minutes. Play the tape. Nope.
Nope. Run it back. I think right about now, my Bruins should be getting eliminated from the playoffs.
Do you see some guy got kicked out of the league for cocaine use? That's sick.
My app won't update. That's a problem. I'm going to say cocaine NHL.
(37:03):
It's still two to one. I hope your dowdy doesn't come up.
Which? No, not Kuznetsov No, he's too big Who's the guy that just got kicked out?
I don't know You brought it up, brother I'm pretty excited It's dog weekend.
Nechushkin Okay He's a Canucks player Got kicked out for doing For cocaine use?
(37:24):
Yeah, apparently it's rampant Apparently they think it makes them better Yeah,
no shit It's hockey I don't know Drew Dowdy got fucking arrested at the Canadian
border for having cocaine He wasn't using it.
He was carrying it for a friend. It was when they won the Stanley Cup.
It was when he was on the Kings. He's still on the Kings.
He's still in the league? Yeah. I thought he got kicked out over that.
(37:46):
I don't think so. I was back in like 2015, I think. I think he's still in the league. Let's see.
It's dog weekend. We've decided on a name.
Let's hear it. It is Winnie the Doo.
D-O-O-H. D-O-O-H.
You know, like Winnie the Pooh? Winnie the Golden Doo? He's a golden doodle?
(38:07):
Dumb as hell. You're dumb as hell. No dog having ass?
You won't name him Bimgus because you're scared. I want to name it Bimgus,
but we're getting a girl. Yeah,
but you're too afraid to stand up to your lady. We're getting a girl.
Bimgisa? What do you want from me? Bimga? Yeah. Bimga goes crazy.
Bimga does kind of go crazy.
(38:27):
Don't get me wrong. I love Lauren. Me too. I'm a certified lover boy.
You will not stand up to her for the things that need to be right in the world.
And naming your dog Bimgus or Bimga is one of those things. That's a hill you need to die on.
And you will. I can hear your blood pressure rising because she's going to come
down if she hears me say Bimga too loud.
(38:49):
She's long in bed, brother.
What is it? 9.20? Yeah, she's been in bed. 9.20. When do we start this podcast?
I guess 40, she's been in bed for 40 minutes and 30 seconds.
Yeah. Listen, I did, I did put up a fourth quarter fight for the boy, for the boy. Yeah.
For what? There was a, we had three, we had three options.
(39:13):
You gotta get it fixed ASAP. So it doesn't period all over your house. Very strong. Agree.
Yeah. We had three options.
Oh God. Jackie just texted a good podcast question.
What's the good pop? She said, if you and your significant other found out you
were related to each other, what would you do?
Pretend that I didn't just read that text and keep pumping. What level of relation are we talking?
(39:40):
Let's go through them. You've been dating a month. Easy breakup, right? Yes. A year.
Yes. Five years. That's where it gets into relation.
That's an easy breakup. Nothing is permanent.
What? You're not, like, engaged? Do I have any... Oh, these are all dating, no kids. Yeah.
(40:03):
No, it depends on the relation. It shouldn't. Third cousin? No.
First cousin slash separated twin. I think any first cousin you have to.
Second cousin. We'll split the difference. Second cousin's difficult too.
Cutting it off. At five years dating, I'm cutting it off. I don't want my kids
having three legs. Yeah, I think you're, yeah.
(40:24):
Engaged. How long?
We're going to go six years. Do we have a dog? You have a cat. Do we have a dog?
I said what I said. I don't have cats. You have a cat.
Second cousin? is it like
a distant second cousin or is it like it's the second cousin
no because there's so many different second cousins there's so
(40:47):
many different second cousins i don't think you're asking me is the second cousin
hot or not no i'm asking you like is this my cousin's daughter or is this my
dad's cousin's the closer one the closer one i think you end it that's the right answer yeah,
(41:07):
Married Dual income no kids.
Cause I think you know where this is headed Second cousin Same thing I'm staying
married I'm cutting it off Same situation Two kids,
You're in it You're fucking in it now brother I'm still leaving And having two late term abortion,
(41:33):
You're murdering two children i'm leaving okay i'm out no.
We're going back to my question the question you accused me of are they hot yeah yeah,
I was already in, brother. You're like, everything else, just gravy, baby.
(41:57):
What you have to consider is I already have like eight. I don't want to keep
talking about this. I have like 99 first cousins.
Lauren could be my second cousin at that rate.
You're probably my second cousin. Liam Harris is my second cousin.
I don't even know Liam Harris.
Put it into that perspective. You are full government naming him.
(42:19):
Yeah, who cares? I love Liam. Yeah.
Same he's family he's just he's my
best friend from like sixth grade to freshman year and then we started
hanging out with different crowds mostly because i hung out with you and all
the guys and he hung out with like nick philibert and yeah and i'm full government
you did it that makes it okay should i start going hide your kids hide your wife style bandanas.
(42:49):
I think we should wrap it up on that oh yeah
i need to go eat my food that's probably gonna make me
sick for science i need to go home
and just not be here would you eat the food would you
give it one more run i would okay i'm not crazy no
okay could have just been a bad sauce on it i'm gonna put more extra i'm gonna
put some chipotle uh tapatio on there as you should yeah yeah yeah let's get
(43:13):
out of here then you can blame it on that and have it a third night bingo i
need to i need to eat some of it bingo bingo bingo i'm gonna call your dog bingo you can,
lauren's gonna yell at me for doing that correct i'm gonna call it winton winton's
still in play now because it's winnie.
True yeah so shout out winnie the golden doodle she surely will
(43:35):
be on the next podcast so unless she's not
here yet because that's pretty sick oh i can
hang out with winnie all week and i'll be like it's uncle
hunter good good yes yes yeah we are getting her a little earlier than we would
have liked i thought you're getting there like next month yeah we wanted when
(43:56):
lauren's summer three weeks again but you know what we'll take it now if you
need anything like for watching the dog next week.
I can come by. Okay.
Does someone have, what is your plan for the dog? I don't know.
Talk to Lauren. Okay. I go to work.
True. So does Lauren. We're gonna put in a crate. That's fine. Yeah. He's gotta learn.
(44:20):
Is he gonna be a crate dog or are you gonna let him eat in the doggy door?
He'll be a he'll be a roam dog. Roam dog?
Doggy door? You putting a doggy door in the back? Got a crate train. Crate train.
You gonna sleep in bed with you? Eventually. Once he's crate trained.
Nice. We're doing it right. No, I know. I'm just asking questions. Lauren's a dog person.
That's a dog family. Lauren's a dog. Lauren's a dog family. They got four dogs,
(44:42):
three dogs right now. Damn. I bet she could train a dog like a motherfucker. Two Rottweilers.
Damn. You're going to have the best trained fucking dog? The best Rottweilers
on the planet. Munson and Ruby.
Hey, I have a Ruby. You do. She's not very well trained, and she's kind of an asshole. Yeah.
I like, they're the same color, too. Well, yeah, because I think she has a bit of Rottweiler in her.
(45:04):
You think? You think you're? My dog, son, has a little bit of Rottweiler.
Yeah, you think she's got that dog in her? Yeah, we'll see you next week.
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