Episode 19: Misalignment, Not Rejection

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We explore what happens when those around us don't understand our passion or goals, and why this isn't rejection but simply misalignment. Rather than draining our energy trying to convince others to see our vision, we can focus on those who are already listening and growing alongside us.

• Not everyone will see your vision, and that's okay – it's misalignment, not rejection
• Focus your energy on who's listening rather than those who don't understand
• The story of the broken ceramic bowl and the young man who crushed his pieces into dust
• How even what feels like complete brokenness can become soil for new growth
• The value of reframing "wasted time" as investments in wisdom
• Redirect your limited daily energy toward purpose rather than seeking approval

If you have a story where a small step, a tiny choice, or a "plus one" moment helped shift something big in your life, submit it through my website, pamdwyer.com on the contact page. We'll honor your story whether it's published with your name or anonymously.

Be a Guest on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

Are you someone who believes in the power of kindness, resilience, and intentional growth? Do you have a story about how small, meaningful steps have made a difference in your life or career?

I’d love to invite you to share your journey on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

This podcast is all about exploring how we can apply the Plus One Theory to create ripples of positivity and purpose in our personal and professional lives. I’m especially excited to feature guests who work in heart-centered careers—nurses, teachers, counselors, nonprofit leaders, caregivers, or anyone who dedicates their energy to helping others.

Your story could inspire listeners who are navigating their own challenges and looking for ways to take that next small step forward. Whether you’ve used kindness to overcome adversity, found strength in vulnerability, or applied intentional action to make an impact in your community, I want to hear from you!

Interested? Here’s How to Reach Out:

• Email me with a brief introduction about yourself and your story.
• Let me know how the Plus One Theory has played a role in your life or career.

Let’s work together to inspire others and create a ripple effect of kindness and resilience. I can’t wait to hear your story!

Share this with someone who inspires you...

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Hey friends, welcome back to the Plus One Theory
podcast.
I'm your host, Pam Dwyer, andI'm so grateful you're here
today.
If you're tuning in for thefirst time, here's what this is
all about.
The Plus One Theory is amindset, a way of approaching
life that says do your best andthen add just one small

(00:36):
intentional step more, one smallact of kindness, one better
choice, one pause beforereacting.
That's it.
And a quick note I'm not adoctor or a mental health
professional.
I'm someone who's walkedthrough deep valleys and I've
learned to use my experiences togrow forward and bring others

(00:59):
with me.
So if someone shared thisepisode with you, you've come to
the right place.
Let's talk about something thatmost of us have felt at one
time or another.
What happens when the peoplearound you friends, family, even
coworkers just don't get yourpassion, your goals?

(01:19):
Your message Is that rejection?
No, it's just what's the word?
Oh, misalignment, that's whatI'm going to use.
That's all.
Not everyone's going to seewhat you see, and if we spend
all our energy trying toconvince them or earn their
approval, we're drainingourselves of the fuel we need to

(01:43):
keep growing.
On my journey writing the PineyWoods and now working on the
Plus One Theory book.
I've had to learn this the hardway.
Some people just didn'tunderstand why I wanted to tell
my story or why kindness andsmall steps meant so much to me.
But when I started focusing onthe reader, on the person who

(02:06):
needed to hear it, the messagechanged.
It got clearer, it became lessabout me and more about service.
So here's the shift Don't pouryour energy into what isn't.
Don't measure yourself bysomeone else's scale and focus
on what is on.

(02:28):
Who's listening, who's showingup, who's growing alongside you.
That's your network, that'syour lane and that's where the
purpose is.
Let me share a story from whenI was working in youth ministry.
I don't think that I've shareda lot of these stories, but
there's many.
It was one of the most powerfullessons I ever taught and,

(02:55):
honestly, it taught me just asmuch as it did the kids.
We were doing a lesson onbrokenness.
I brought in this beautifulceramic bowl gorgeous, polished,
perfect and then I shocked themall, which I like to do.
I like to do that a lot.
I like to shock people.
Anyway, I shocked them all byplacing the bowl in a bag, tied

(03:16):
up the bag and took a hammer andI smashed it.
Right there in the middle ofthe lesson, the room went dead
silent.
Then I dumped all the brokenpieces onto the table and gave
them glue, markers, string,glitter, boxes, jars, lids, you
name it and I asked them tocreate something new out of the

(03:40):
broken pieces.
And let me tell you, they madesome amazing pieces of artwork.
It was beautiful to see howsomething so shattered could
become something even moremeaningful.
And here I was thinking okay,this is the perfect lesson.
I'm going to show them how theycan rebuild after being broken.

(04:00):
But then we had this one youngman.
He was fairly new to the youthgroup and he walked up with his
pieces in his hand and he saidwell, he asked me, he said Can I
use the hammer, miss Pam?
And I said Well, if you'recareful.
In my mind I was thinking hejust wanted to make his pieces
smaller, you know.
So I handed it over, he tookthe bag, he put his pieces in

(04:22):
there, but instead of gentlybreaking anything, he demolished
the pieces.
He crushed them into dustpowder, basically, and then he
poured them into a little smalljar with a lid and he put the
lid on.
And then he looked at me and hesaid something that broke my
heart.
He said this is what I feellike.

(04:43):
Every time I try to fix myself,it doesn't work.
Oh goodness, it still makes metear up.
Anyway, he said every time Itry to fix myself, it doesn't
work.
I just ended up back here,closed off alone, and nothing
left.
Oh, my goodness y'all.
At first I didn't know what tosay to that, but then I had an

(05:04):
idea.
God was at work there.
I said sit here for a secondand I'm going to show you
something, something that'sgoing to help you feel better
about this.
So I ran into the kitchen and Igrabbed a spoon and an apple
and I ran outside and I dug up alittle bit of dirt, brought it
back in, I cut open the appleand pulled out a few seeds and I

(05:36):
poured the dirt into his jar ofdust you know broken ceramic
pieces and I added the seeds anda tiny splash of water and I
said right now it feels likeyou're dust but you're not done.
This may look like a jar ofnothing, but it's the beginning
of something.
It's soil, and soil growsthings.
It takes time, it takes careand you've got to surround it

(05:58):
with the right things, the rightstuff to make it grow.
And one day this will grow andit won't be just any plant, it's
going to be a tree.
It's going to grow into abeautiful tree and then even
more years will pass before itcan actually bear fruit, but it
will.
If you feed it the right stuff,you get a lot of healthy soil

(06:25):
and plenty of water and sunshine.
You surround it with all ofthat and you will be better than
you were before.
He just nodded.
And well, that jar.
I know that he kept it.
We talked about that jar for along time and I try to.
You know I retired from youthministry and I try to remember

(06:46):
things like this all the time.
And I try to.
You know I retired from youthministry and I try to remember
things like this all the time.
And I like to think that heplanted that tree in his
backyard and has watched it growand he's nurtured it, taken
care of it, and now he's gettinglots of apples from his tree.
I pray and hope that all of theyouth that I was blessed with,

(07:10):
you know, has taken somethingaway from when I was with them.
Sometimes we don't feel likethat glittery, broken bowl
masterpiece everyone else isshowing off.
Sometimes we feel like the dustin that jar.
But guess what?
Even that has purpose.
Even you, in your most brokenmoments, can still grow

(07:32):
something beautiful, and itstarts with surrounding yourself
with the right people, theright energy and the right
mindset.
You know, like the plus onetheory, your plus one might be
reaching out instead ofisolating yourself.
Your plus one might be reachingout instead of isolating
yourself.

(07:53):
It might be journaling insteadof spiraling, and it might be
smiling at yourself in themirror instead of picking
yourself apart.
Whatever it is, it's a step, aseed, a beginning.
Okay, do you ever feel likeyou're spinning your wheels?
Have you heard that sayingbefore?
It's where you're doing all thethings, trying all the
strategies, reading all thebooks and checking every box,

(08:20):
and then you realize none of itworked the way you thought it
would.
Well, me too, and, let's behonest, it's frustrating.
You think I wasted all thattime.
I should have known better.
But here's the truth.
Sometimes, the long way aroundis the only way we really
understand the lesson.
You didn't fail, you learned,you gained awareness, you got

(08:43):
clarity and, most of all, younow know what doesn't work for
you.
You now know what doesn't workfor you.
That's powerful, powerfulinformation.
So instead of beating yourselfup, reframe it.
I didn't waste time.
I invested it in wisdom.
I can give you an example.
I'm not sure if I've talkedabout this before, but when I

(09:06):
was in my 20s, I guess, I hadthe worst teeth.
They were crooked and Icouldn't even chew well because
they wouldn't go together Right.
So I knew I needed to go andget some dental work done, but I
just didn't have the money andor the resources to get the
money to do it.
I tried lots of ways to find,you know work extra for the

(09:29):
money, but it just was neverenough.
It was expensive, and so I Ienrolled in this school for
dental assisting.
I got a grant so that I couldgo, and I became a certified
dental assistant, went to workfor a dentist office, and guess
what?
Most dental offices not all ofthem will either give you a

(09:53):
discount or do the work for free.
They're like a walkingbillboard for them.
So of course they want yourteeth to be as nice as possible,
and I knew this.
I knew it.
So I I've got the certification, went to work for dentists for
many years.
I loved the work, but I figuredout how to get that work done.

(10:14):
And so my teeth were fixed andI could chew like everyone else
and my teeth look good.
I was so happy that I did thatTo this day.
I'm so happy I did it because Iraised both of my kids, telling
them that they only floss theteeth they want to keep their
dental hygiene.

(10:35):
You know was driven in hard, butI want to wrap this up today
with a shift in our perspective.
Every single one of us has alimited amount of energy each
day, and if you're like me,you've wasted more than a few
days pouring it into the wrongplaces, trying to be understood
by the wrong people, trying tofix situations you didn't break,

(10:57):
or trying to force your purposeinto spaces that weren't made
for it.
But what if you redirected thatenergy?
What if, instead of chasingapproval, you focused on purpose
?
What if, instead of reacting torejection, you respond with
curiosity, boundaries andself-respect?

(11:18):
That's the plus one theory inaction.
It's not about working harder.
It's about living smarter,choosing the next right step
with kindness, with grace, withheart.
Here's what I know.
Not everyone will get yourgoals, your growth, your journey
, and that's okay.
They're not supposed to.

(11:39):
But your people, they're outthere, the ones who are also
walking the long road, figuringit out day by day, and that's
why I'm writing the plus onetheory to gather those stories.
I've already met some amazingpeople and I can't wait for you
to read how they used pain forpurpose and grew into something

(12:01):
stronger, wiser and morecompassionate.
If you have a story like that,where a small step, a tiny
choice, a plus one moment helpsshift something big, I'd love to
hear it.
You can submit your storythrough my website, pamdwyercom,
and just go to the contact pageand fill that out and we'll

(12:22):
honor your story, whether it'spublished with your name or
anonymously.
Until next time, let's stopspinning, let's stop explaining
and let's start growing, andwhatever you do, always add a
little more.