Episode 21: Your Truth is the Filter That Shows Who Really Loves You

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Speaking your truth is the foundation of who you are, especially when you've spent years trying to be what everyone else wants you to be. Being authentic filters out people who don't truly love you while attracting those who appreciate you for who you really are.

• Growing up performing to be accepted is exhausting and disconnects you from your true self
• When you stop performing, some people will leave, revealing they didn't love the real you
• Rejection teaches us that people who truly love you stay even through disagreements
• My five-year-old granddaughter's experience with rejection reminded me to find people who value you
• The Plus One Theory encourages taking one small step toward authenticity each day
• Stop pouring energy into people who don't show up and start asking where you can be more yourself

Join our book giveaway for May featuring "S.H.E. Share, Heal, Empower" by Shannon Hogan Cohen - head to PamDwyerspeaker.com and click the book giveaway link to enter. Share with friends for extra entries!

Be a Guest on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

Are you someone who believes in the power of kindness, resilience, and intentional growth? Do you have a story about how small, meaningful steps have made a difference in your life or career?

I’d love to invite you to share your journey on The Plus One Theory Podcast!

This podcast is all about exploring how we can apply the Plus One Theory to create ripples of positivity and purpose in our personal and professional lives. I’m especially excited to feature guests who work in heart-centered careers—nurses, teachers, counselors, nonprofit leaders, caregivers, or anyone who dedicates their energy to helping others.

Your story could inspire listeners who are navigating their own challenges and looking for ways to take that next small step forward. Whether you’ve used kindness to overcome adversity, found strength in vulnerability, or applied intentional action to make an impact in your community, I want to hear from you!

Interested? Here’s How to Reach Out:

• Email me with a brief introduction about yourself and your story.
• Let me know how the Plus One Theory has played a role in your life or career.

Order "From the Piney Woods" 2nd Edition today!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello, friends, and welcome back to the Plus One
Theory podcast.
I'm your host, pam Dwyer, andif you're new here, welcome.
I'm so glad you're listeningwith us today.
Before we dive in, here's whatthis podcast is all about.
The plus one theory is thebelief that when you feel like
you've reached your limit,there's always one more step you

(00:35):
can take.
One more act of kindness, onemore choice to keep going and
one more way to show up foryourself or someone else Small,
intentional steps that changeour lives over time.
Also, a quick disclaimer I'mnot a doctor or therapist.
I'm just a real person who'slived a lot of life, made a lot

(00:58):
of mistakes, healed through evenmore, and wants to walk this
journey with you.
Today, we're talking aboutspeaking your truth, even when
it's difficult.
What is your truth?
Well, it's not a buzzword.
It's the foundation of who youare, and the truth is.
Sometimes it's hard to evenknow what our truth is,

(01:22):
especially if you've spent years, maybe even decades, trying to
be what everyone else wants youto be.
For me, growing up, I felt likeI had to perform in order to be
accepted, like I could just bethe funny one, the helpful one,
the dependable one, and thenmaybe I would be loved, maybe

(01:45):
I'd finally belong, andsometimes it worked, but a lot
of the times it didn't.
I just didn't want todisappoint anyone that I cared
about, especially Really anyone.
It was sort of like myguarantee of them liking me,
allowing me to be in theircircle.
But that performance, it'sexhausting.

(02:06):
You keep twisting yourself intosomeone else, someone else's
idea of what acceptable is,until one day you realize that
you don't even recognizeyourself anymore.
You have no idea who you arebecause you're so busy being
someone else.
That's not true to yourself.
It's not your truth.

(02:29):
Let's talk about the pain thatcomes with living your truth,
though, because here's the partno one tells you.
When you stop performing andstart showing up as your real
self, some people will leave,the people that don't really
love you for who you are, and ithurts.

(02:49):
It still hurts until you starttelling yourself you know these
people didn't really love me inthe way I thought they did.
There are people I love deeplyfriends, family, people I
laughed with, cried with, sharedlife with who simply left my
life over things that felt,honestly, sort of trivial, and

(03:11):
what I've learned is this Ifsomeone walks away over one
disagreement or because youfinally stood in your truth.
They probably didn't love youto begin with.
I mean the real you.
They loved the version of youthat made them comfortable.
Let's just be honest myex-husband didn't really love me

(03:33):
the way I thought he did.
I mean, how could he have leftso easily?
He left me and our son withouta second thought, only to
replace us with another family.
It shattered me and it remindedme of my childhood, my own dad,

(03:56):
my dad.
He left his seven children andwife to go and be with another
wife and another family.
He didn't want us.
That rejection has stayed in myheart and soul for my entire
life.
It's something I've battled,that rejection, and that
shattered me too.
But now, looking back, I cansee that the pain taught me

(04:17):
something pretty powerful thepeople who love you for you.
They stay, they show up.
Even when it's difficult, evenwhen you don't agree and have a
horrible argument, they're stillthere at the end of the day
because you work it out.
If you truly love someone, true, true love is when you work

(04:39):
together through the difficulttimes and accept each other for
who you are.
Last week, my five-year-oldgranddaughter reminded me of
this very thing in the mosttender way.
We were at my grandson'sbaseball game and she was
playing with some older kids.
She was laughing and runningand having the best time, until

(05:04):
suddenly she came to me cryingBig crocodile tears rolling down
her cheeks, and she said theytold me they didn't want to play
with me, grammy, they told meto go away, to quit following
them.
Oh man, my heart just broke.
I saw her little face trying toprocess this feeling of

(05:26):
rejection that I've spent myentire life trying to make sense
of.
I looked her in the eye and Isaid sweetie, if they don't want
you in their circle, then youfind someone who does.
You don't waste your energybeing sad about people who don't
see how amazing you are.

(05:46):
That moment wasn't just for her,it was for me too, a reminder
that about being willing to showthe whole you, your strengths,

(06:13):
your scars, your soft spots andyour weaknesses, and letting the
right people love you for allof it, just as you are.
And, I'll be honest, it's scarysometimes, but here's what I
know when you live your truth,you don't have to keep trying to

(06:34):
make people like you.
And, I'll be honest, it's scarysometimes, but here's what I
know when you live your truth.
You don't have to keep tryingto make people like you.
Your truth does the filteringfor you.
The right people will stay, theothers will fade, and that's
okay.
I mean, why do we waste so muchenergy in trying to fit in
where we, where people don'twant us?
Or you know just the all thehealing that has to be done when

(06:56):
someone stops loving you.
But I, again, I just say ifthey stop loving you, I don't
think they really loved you tobegin with, not the way you
deserve.
So this is where the plus onetheory comes in.
Maybe you're not ready to shareeverything of yourself.
Maybe you're still figuring outwhat your truth even is, and

(07:20):
that's okay too.
You don't have to overhaul yourlife.
You just take one step today,one moment of clarity, one
breath where you can say I'mallowed to be me, because that's
how healing begins, that's howstrength builds and that's how
your life starts to reflect thetruth of who you really are.

(07:40):
So here's my challenge for youthis week Stop pouring your
energy into the people who don'tshow up.
Start asking yourself where canI be a little more me today.
Give yourself permission tostop performing and start living
your life, your real truth, andif someone doesn't understand

(08:02):
your truth, well, that's theirpath, not yours.
You keep walking your own pathBecause the people who matter,
they'll walk beside you, withyou.
No performance necessary.
Before we wrap up today, Iwanted to give all of you a
reminder about the book of themonth giveaway that I've started
doing Last month.

(08:22):
I started it out with my bookfrom the Piney Woods and it
ended at the end of April and wehave a winner.
I reached out to her and shesent me her address and I'm
going to send her a beautifulpackage with my From the Piney
Woods book signed and abeautiful journal to go
alongside it, and I hope sheuses it.

(08:43):
I really do so.
This month, the month of May,we're featuring the powerful
collection Share, heal, empower,and the author, shannon Hogan
Cohen has written three volumes.
This one is volume one.
It's her first one.
It's a chorus of 24 incrediblewomen's voices, from a teenage

(09:06):
YouTuber recovering from aneating disorder to a 90-year-old
Holocaust survivor, thank you.
Every story is paired withoriginal artwork created just
for her, and every page isfilled with heart, truth and the
unshakable power of women whoturn pain into purpose.

(09:26):
It's my favorite thing Allproceeds from Volume 2 of the
she Series supports the sheFoundation, helping empower and
educate women across cultures,no matter their background, race
or religion, and I have metShannon.
She is an incredible person andshe writes the most beautiful

(09:51):
stories.
I really hope that you enter sothat you can win a copy, but
you can also find her on Amazon,so give her a, give her a look
up and if you're anxious tostart reading it, you can read.
Start reading it volume one,then volume two and then volume
three.
I'm on volume two, so if youwant to win your own copy, you

(10:11):
just head to Pam Dwyerspeakercom and click the book
giveaway link to enter.
Share it with your friends andyou'll get extra entries too, as
always.
Thank you for tuning in, forshowing up and for continuing to
grow right alongside me.
Keep your heart open, your feetsteady and always, always, add

(10:35):
a little more.