Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hey there, welcome
back to the Plus One Theory
Podcast.
I'm your host, pam Dwyer, andif this is your first time
tuning in, I'm so glad you'rehere.
Let me explain what the plusone theory is all about.
It's the idea that when youthink you've reached your limit,
there's always one moreintentional step.
(00:34):
You can take One more act ofkindness, one more breath, one
more choice that pulls youforward instead of keeping you
stuck.
And when you stack those littlesteps consistently, they create
real change, without pressure,without perfection and without
burnout.
And since May is Mental HealthAwareness Month, we're
(00:57):
dedicating this month's episodesto exploring health and
well-being, not just physically,but emotionally, mentally and
even spiritually.
That includes leadership,relationships, energy and
self-care.
Today we're digging into a topicthat gets overlooked far too
often, especially in businessteams and family life life how
(01:22):
to lead without ego.
Let's start with this.
We all have egos.
That's not a bad thing.
It's how we protect ourselves,advocate for ourselves and take
up space in the world.
But when we let ego run theshow, when we lead from a place
of fear, control or needing tobe right all the time, we lose
(01:47):
connection, we lose trust and,worst of all, we lose our
ability to grow.
Humility is not weakness.
It's actually one of thestrongest tools a leader can
develop.
And, like anything else,humility is a discipline, it's a
practice.
You're not born humble and youdon't stay humble just because
(02:10):
you had one moment of grace.
It's a choice to step back andsay Maybe I don't have all the
answers and maybe this isn'tabout me.
Maybe someone else needs thespotlight today about me.
Maybe someone else needs thespotlight today.
That kind of leadership well,it's rare, but it's powerful.
(02:31):
Let me give you an example ofwhat ego and leadership can look
like, because I've been theretoo.
My husband says I don't likebeing told what to do, but it's
just my ego getting in the way.
When I first started writing mybook From the Piney Woods, I
poured all my creativity, mytime, my energy into writing it.
I felt deeply invested.
(02:52):
And when someone I knew offereda suggestion to change
something, I immediately feltdefensive, not because they were
wrong, but because my ego feltthreatened.
That moment taught me somethinghard but necessary Feedback
isn't failure.
Letting others contributedoesn't make your role smaller.
(03:15):
It actually makes yourleadership stronger.
That's humility in action.
And let me tell you, that takespractice.
I still have to practice itevery single day.
This is where I had to applythe plus one theory.
I asked myself what's one way Ican respond with openness
instead of defensiveness, andjust that one shift changed how
(03:40):
I finished writing my storygoing forward.
Ego isn't just about pride.
It's also about pressure.
When you feel like you have tobe everything to everyone or
like your value is tied toperformance or productivity, ego
steps in to push you harder,and that leads straight to
(04:03):
burnout.
I used to believe that unless Iwas pushing myself to the limit
, I wasn't working hard enough,but I've learned that growth
happens in the gaps, the quietmoments, the breath between the
busy.
If you're leading in yourfamily, your job, your business
and your energy is drained everysingle day where you feel
(04:25):
exhausted, it might be time tocheck your ego.
Am I trying to prove somethingor am I trying to build
something?
That's a question you shouldask yourself.
That's how you know if it'syour ego or not.
Am I trying to prove somethingor am I trying to build
(04:46):
something, because one leads toburnout and the other leads to
purpose.
I had to ask myself thisquestion a lot when I was in
youth ministry.
Am I trying to prove somethingor am I trying to build
something?
It kept me grounded, thatquestion.
Now, with my book, I have toask the same question Am I
(05:08):
trying to prove something or amI trying to build something?
You know the why.
You must ask yourself all thetime why am I doing this?
What's really behind it?
When we constantly lead fromego, always needing to prove
ourselves, win every argument,outshine everyone, we exhaust
(05:30):
ourselves emotionally.
It creates burnout, comparisonand disconnection from others
and from our real selves, whoyou really are.
But when we operate fromhumility, we lead with honesty
and we create safe spaces forothers to do the same.
That's exactly what the plusone theory is about Creating
(05:52):
these intentional shifts, onesmall moment at a time, to
become who we were really meantto be.
Let's be clear Humility isn'tthinking less of yourself.
It's thinking of yourself lessoften.
It's listening more than youspeak.
It's getting credit when it'snot required.
It's being open to feedback,even when it stings.
(06:15):
And you know what Humilitytakes courage.
It's like when people say, oh,she's so fearless.
Well, no, she's not.
She's scared to death, but shedoes it anyway, and that's
called courage.
It's very courageous andhumility is the same.
(06:35):
It's not that humble leadersdon't have egos.
Everybody has egos.
They just practice keeping theego in check.
It's a discipline.
Let's pause here for a second.
I want you to think about atime recently when you were
leading something or in chargeof something you know a
(06:56):
conversation, a family decision,a work project.
Ask yourself did I listen morethan I spoke, or did I assume
the best in others and did Imake space for someone else to
shine?
That's how you know if ego isrunning the show or if you're
(07:19):
leading from humility.
If every parent could askthemselves these types of
questions, then children wouldlearn so much better.
It might even stick.
Now let's talk about how thisconnects to well-being on a
deeper level, especially when itcomes to your physical health.
For years I struggled withsymptoms no one could explain.
(07:40):
I had extreme fatigue and thekind of migraines that sent me
to bed.
For hours, sometimes days.
I went from specialist tospecialist.
I even had a hysterectomy,thinking hormones were the
culprit or at least my doctordid, but nothing really helped.
One doctor even told me Icouldn't believe this, but he
(08:02):
said maybe, pam, you just needsome therapy.
Let me tell you that felt likea punch in the gut, but I didn't
stop searching Deep down.
I knew something was wrong.
Eventually, I found a doctorwho believed in me and believed
me and ran more tests thatrevealed a methylation issue.
(08:23):
Basically, I couldn't absorbB12, which was a big
breakthrough, because maybethat's what was making me tired,
that and a thyroid issue, Ithink.
But anyway, it was a while backand still I kept gaining weight
.
I was tired, inflamed andfrustrated.
We also discovered I had Hpylori, which is a very tough
(08:48):
gut bacteria.
It's very hard to kill and alot of people have it, believe
it or not, but it was resistantto whatever treatment the doctor
was giving me.
He tried all differentcombinations of antibiotics.
It was resistant to any form oftreatment, so we would just
monitor it year after year tomake sure that it wasn't causing
(09:09):
havoc, wreaking havoc in my gut.
And after countless diets, gymmemberships and health fads, I
finally made the decision to dosomething I never thought I
would do, and I'll be sharingmore about this in an upcoming
episode where I'll comparebariatric surgery with weight
loss and those injections thatare so popular right now, and
(09:35):
we're going to talk about thereal pros and cons of both for
my own personal experience.
So stay tuned for that one.
It's going to be a good one.
So what does all of this have todo with ego?
When you're struggling mentally, emotionally, physically, your
ego will often say you shouldhave figured this out by now.
(09:57):
Or why can't you just do whateveryone else does?
And the worst one is you'reweak.
You are weak and your humblevoice, the one rooted in truth,
says I'm not broken.
I just need a different path,or one step at a time is enough
(10:19):
and my journey is valid.
The plus one theory invites usto lead ourselves first, with
gentleness, curiosity anddiscipline.
That's how we lead without ego.
That's how we change from theinside out.
So what does a plus one looklike when it comes to leadership
and humility?
(10:40):
Here's a few simple steps Iwrote down for y'all.
There's four different ones.
Number one you pause.
You pause before reacting.
Next time you feel that littleego flare up maybe someone
challenged your idea or gavesomeone else the credit Just
pause, take a breath and thenrespond from a place of humility
(11:02):
.
Number two ask questionsinstead of making statements,
instead of here's what we'regoing to do.
Try what do you all think isthe best path forward, and
genuinely listen to the answers.
That small shift empowersothers and it will help you
(11:23):
learn.
Number three is admit whenyou're wrong, even just a little
.
This one is hard, but it'spowerful.
Saying you're right I didn'tthink of it that way is one of
the most effective trustbuilders out there.
And number four celebrateothers loudly and often your
(11:47):
team, your family, yourcoworkers-workers, your kids
speak life into them.
That's the kind of leaderpeople follow and listen to, not
because they have to, butbecause they want to.
Leadership isn't about title orauthority.
It's about influence andpresence.
(12:07):
And the people who influence usmost.
They usually lead with love,kindness, consistency and yes,
humility.
So ask yourself where am Iletting ego lead right now?
Or what would it look like topractice humility instead?
Or what's a plus one I can takethis week to become the leader
(12:32):
I most admire?
So this week, your challenge isthis Pick one moment and
practice stepping aside.
Let someone else lead themeeting.
Let your partner or child sharetheir solution with you.
Celebrate someone else's wininstead of trying to one-up them
.
That's your plus one this week.
So, as we continue our healthand well-being series, let this
(12:56):
be your reminder.
The strongest leaders are theones who ask for help, who
listen and who learn.
They don't show up perfect,they show up honest.
Next week, I'll be sitting downwith an amazing massage
therapist from Oak Haven Massagein San Antonio.
He's a Tier 4 guru who's goingto share how physical healing,
(13:19):
touch and intention all play arole in your overall health.
You won't want to miss it, sostay tuned for that one.
So stay tuned for that one.
And before we close, just aquick reminder my crowdfunding
campaign to publish the Plus OneTheory and its workbook is
officially live.
There are some amazing rewardtiers in there, from $10 up.
(13:40):
So whatever is comfortable foryou, I'd love your support.
Head to PamDwyercom orPamDwyerSpeakercom to learn more
.
Please sign up on my email listif you can.
That way, you can stay in touchwith all the things I am doing
to bring awareness to doing yourbest.
Plus one more.
Also.
(14:00):
Last week we celebratedMother's Day, and I just wanted
to say thanks again to all theincredible women out there who
keep showing up with one moreounce of love, strength or
patience every single day.
You are what this podcast isall about.
Until next time, stay strong,stay kind and remember.
(14:23):
When you lead with humility,everybody wins, including
yourself.