Episode 35: Burp the Alphabet, Pass the Caviar

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Personal growth doesn't have to be perfect—it just needs to be honest. Pam shares the humorous and poignant story of her two vastly different weddings as evidence of her transformation and personal journey.

• Running away at 15 with a boy who became her first husband, living paycheck-to-paycheck and making questionable financial decisions
• Getting married for tax breaks and having a simple courthouse wedding followed by cake at mom's house
• Becoming a single mother after being sent back to Texas on a bus with her young son
• Meeting Tim, her husband of 30 years, and navigating the clash between his high-society background and her country roots
• Having an elegant winter wedding where the cultural differences between families were painfully apparent
• Understanding that shame makes us believe lies about ourselves and recreate chaos because it feels familiar
• Reconnecting with yourself by writing thoughts before bed, taking phoneless walks, speaking truth aloud, and creating quiet time
• Learning that growth doesn't erase your past but shows what it prepared you for
• Discovering that belonging comes from bringing your full authentic self, not from fitting in

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hey friends, welcome to the Plus One Theory podcast,
where we talk about finishingstronger than you started.
I'm your host, pam Dwyer,speaker, storyteller and a firm
believer that personal growthdoesn't have to be perfect, but
it should at least be honest.
Today's episode is a littledifferent.

(00:31):
We're keeping it light, alittle funny and very real,
because if you've ever neededproof that you're not the same
person you were 10 or 20 yearsago, just look at your wedding
photos.
Y'all.
I've been married twice and ifthere's one thing both weddings
taught me, it's that you can'toutgrow your roots, but you can

(00:54):
absolutely outgrow your past.
So let me tell you a littlestory.
I'm going to call it Burp theAlphabet or Pass the Caviar A
Tale of Two Weddings.
So when I was 15 years old, Iran away to Florida with a boy
from school and somehow bycodependency, survival instinct

(01:17):
or sheer teenage stubbornnessthat relationship lasted.
Somehow we were broken souls,enabling each other in all the
ways we didn't understand.
Yet We'd spend the weekendblowing our rent money at
amusement parks, and then wewould pack our meager belongings
into black trash bags and sneakout of the apartments in the

(01:39):
middle of the night because wecould not pay the rent.
We didn't have it, we blew it.
We quit jobs like we were,changing outfits, played house
like kids from a brokenchildhood.
Because, guess what?
That's exactly what we were.
Eventually we found out you getbetter tax breaks when you're

(02:00):
married.
So naturally we thought, hey,let's do this.
That's a great reason to getmarried.
Right, I bought a white dress,we went down to the courthouse,
said our I do's and came back tomy mama's house where she'd
baked a cake and invited ahandful of family to celebrate
with us.

(02:20):
It was country thrown together,chaotic and kind.
We even got a few pictures.
Fast forward a few years.
We had a baby boy andeventually that boy that I ran
off with.
Well, he put me and our son ona bus back to Texas.

(02:41):
That story, well, it's in Fromthe Piney Woods if you want to
read all about it in detail.
What I'll tell you here is thatbecoming a single mom was not
in the plan, but it became thebeginning of who I am today.
Years later, I met Tim, my nowhusband of forever, of 30 years,

(03:03):
and let me just say our worldcould not have been more
different.
He came from a family born intohigh society, so to speak
Manners elegance, grace, napkinsfolded like origami.
Meanwhile I could burp thealphabet and make fart noises

(03:24):
with my armpits.
His mom was so gracious, truly,but I was constantly afraid of
doing something wrong.
I believed this lie, that Ididn't belong there, that they
saw me as a single mom lookingfor a paycheck.
They didn't, of course, but Ibelieved it because that's what

(03:44):
shame does?
It whispers nonsense whenyou're trying to find peace.
My therapist would later tellme you grew up with rejection
and chaos so subconsciouslyyou're trying to recreate it.
Because drama feels safe, feelscomfortable.

(04:04):
Let's talk about our wedding,shall we?
I had to pay some of myrelatives to dress the part
because it was formal.
My family is East Texas, rowdy,big hearts, big mouths and no
need of table etiquette.
Tim's family, reserved,cultured, silently stunned.

(04:25):
Kyle, my son, was four at thetime and throwing a full-on
meltdown tantrum during ourphotos.
Those pictures, they'rehilarious now, but it was pretty
painful and embarrassing.
Then the reception wasbeautiful it was in December, so
it was like a and embarrassing.
Then the reception wasbeautiful it was in December, so
it was like a winter wonderland.

(04:47):
It was so elaborate becauseTim's mother created it, but
when my people arrived they satquietly.
Believe it or not, it wasn'tthe kind of party they knew.
It was elegant and awkward.
Two worlds, one wedding.

(05:07):
Let's be real for a minute.
It's easy to tell these storiesand laugh about it now, but at
the time I wasn't laughing.
I was trying to survive, tryingto fit in, trying to figure out
who I was.
And maybe you're in that placeright now.
Maybe you're still trying tofigure out who you are, outside

(05:31):
the labels, the roles, theexpectations, and maybe you've
spent so long trying to be whatothers needed you forgot what
you need.
Here's what I want you to thinkabout when you lay your head on
the pillow at night and yourbrain finally quiets those
thoughts before sleep.

(05:51):
That's who you are, not theroles you play, not the act you
put on, but that voice inside.
That's the real you.
But if your head is so full ofnoises, worry, pressure, you'll
never hear it.
So here's your next move Get itout of your head and onto paper.

(06:12):
You write it all down.
Dump every task, worry,insecurity and random should
that's been riding your brainlike a bad roommate?
And then you circle the thing,the one thing that actually
matters.
One circle, one step.
You know where we're going withthis right, because it's easier

(06:35):
to believe the lies aboutyourself when you're exhausted
and tired and worn out, and it'seasier to feel exhausted when
you've lost your sense ofdirection.
So here are a few ways that youcan pause and get back to
yourself.
You can write your thoughtsbefore bed.

(06:56):
Just have a tablet and a pencilor a pen next to the bed and if
you're having trouble sleepingbecause of everything roaming
around in your head, just write,let your real thoughts surface.
You can take a five-minute walkno phone, no agenda, just
breathe.
You can say out loud one truthabout yourself, even if it's

(07:22):
hard to believe it could be I'mworthy of good things, or I
belong, or I'm still becoming.
And finally, you can turn downthe noise.
Even 10 minutes of quiet canhelp you hear what matters.
Noise, even 10 minutes of quietcan help you hear what matters.
You don't have to have it allfigured out.

(07:42):
You just have to create enoughspace to hear yourself again and
listen.
You're still in thereUnderneath the noise.
Let's go find her.
Here's the thing.
Both weddings were true to who Iwas at the time, and I don't
regret either one of them,because one showed me how much
pain I had to work through, andthe other showed me how far I

(08:06):
had come.
I used to think I didn't belonganywhere.
Now I know I belong wherever Ibring my full self.
I can toast with champagne ordrink from a red solo cup.
I can sit at the fancy table ordance barefoot in the backyard.
Growth doesn't erase your past.

(08:29):
It just shows you what itprepared you for.
And now I laugh.
I own my story.
I can look at those weddingphotos and see not just
awkwardness or fear, butevidence of transformation.
Whether your wedding hadchampagne, toast or solo cups,

(08:49):
it's not about where you start.
It's about who you become.
If this episode made you smilejust a little bit, share it with
a friend who's lived a littlelife and learned a little humor
along the way.
And don't forget to subscribe tothe Plus One Theory podcast.
You can also visit me atPamDwyerpeakercom to catch all

(09:13):
the stories, episodes andupcoming events.
Be sure to join my email listto stay updated on my upcoming
book, delay the Binge.
I am so excited about it.
Y'all Big things are comingwith this, big big things, and I
want you to be part of it.
So sign up on that email listso you can know first.

(09:34):
Until next time friends laughoften, love deeply and remember
you can burp the alphabet andpass the caviar.
We call that growth.
Thanks for listening.