May 27, 2024 • 55 mins
When impact meets intention, anything is possible. Even a wealth beyond comprehension...though not the kind you might expect.
Devin welcomes Ryan Nelson, the family man and entrepreneur behind Circle of 5 Coaching, to the show for a poignant discussion on the value of something far greater than finances: relationships.
Tune in as they unpack the concept of relational wealth and how to build it, including the importance of authentic connections, honoring tension and the key to cultivating your own all-important inner circle.
It's a reminder of the richness that is always within reach when we choose to invest in a legacy that endures. Listen now, available wherever you get your podcasts.
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Guest website: https://circleof5coaching.com/
Thompson Tees: https://thompsontee.com/?ref=154&_utm_campaign=affiliate
For the full experience, check us out on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DevinHendersonSpeaker
Download and listen to The Possibility Mindset Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.
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A special thanks to our sponsor, Eggtc. Shawnee: https://eggtckc.com/eggtc-shawnee/
Sound and Audio Technician: Zack Midyett
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, what's going on everybody?
Welcome to the PossibilityMindset Podcast.
I'm Devin Henderson, I am yourhost and I believe that
something greater is alwayspossible for you All.
Right, ryan, what's going on?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hey man, it is great to be here, fun to be at Excedra
and enjoy their food and theircoffee.
This has been a blast, isn't itgreat to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Fun to be at Etcetera and enjoy their food and their
coffee.
This has been a blast, Isn't it?
Great Love it, the food and theatmosphere, and Sonia, our
server, and Shannon, the manager.
They are so good here atEtcetera.
We're grateful that they stillhave us, you know, giving us
this space, feeding us breakfast, this wonderful.
You know you're drinking thecoffee.
Yeah Right, my guests know I'm192 days off coffee right now,
so it's getting serious finallyover the half year point.
(00:47):
But yeah, their coffee isstellar.
So if you're into that kind ofthing which I still am
undecided- yeah.
We'll see.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I am enjoying it and I remember one time coming here
on the 4th of July with myfamily.
We were trying to think whereshould we go for a good place to
eat breakfast and we don't goout to eat a whole bunch?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
And we came here and it's just as good now as it was
then.
So that is so funny.
Like people have just likeorganically endorsed this place.
The guests have over and overagain, without me prepping them
and being like hey, just makesure you say something good.
I mean cause Brad Ellis, it'shis favorite breakfast spot, he
said you know, and other peoplehave mentioned it too, so that's
so cool.
I'm glad you said that Allright.
Well thank you, etcetera, foryour sponsorship.
We appreciate that.
And, by the way, remember to goto YouTube, watch the full
(01:32):
experience, check out what'sgoing on.
Who knows, I don't know howphysical it's going to get that
you're going to want to watch it, but I don't know.
He may punch, punch me, right,I'm just making up stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Now I don't know how hard hitting this yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Oh, there you go, how hard it is.
Well, now you have to punch me,because now they're like oh,
let's get to YouTube.
All right, cool, um, so yeah.
And then, if you, you know ifyou are listening on Apple, just
give us a five-star review, ifthat's, if that's what, uh,
you're feeling?
Yeah, but just leave us acomment, because we do want to
extend our reach and give morehope to more people.
So there it is.
(02:07):
Okay, let's do one productplacement.
Okay, we're going to talk todayabout Thompson Tees.
We've talked about it before.
They are.
You know, if you sweat profuselyfrom your armpits and you feel
like you can't wear light colorsbecause it's like like bleeding
through and it's embarrassingand you have to keep your arms
down, thompson tees are the wayto go.
(02:28):
Okay, it's been a game changerfor me.
I wear these on stage and I canwear whatever I want to now
Pinks, fuchsias, lime greens,whatever.
It's awesome.
They were called the bestundershirts for men to control
armpit sweat.
So, spoiler alert, you stillsweat, but you're just
controlling the fact that peopledon't know about it, right?
So that's what's great.
(02:49):
So if you have hyperhidrosis orsweat heavily, you've probably
tried everything to stop orconceal that armpit sweat.
So this is the answer for you,okay, so all you have to do is
go to the affiliate link.
We'll put in the show notes,because it's one of those really
long ones with a bunch of hashlike equal signs and question
marks.
So, seriously, go to the link,check it out if this is
(03:09):
something you deal with.
Um, this, this was a gamechanger for me.
I was able to like update mywardrobe with all kinds of fun
clothes because of this.
So so, thompson, t's check itout.
All right, that's that goodstuff.
Let's uh let's introduce myfriend, friend Ryan Nelson.
I am so excited to have youhere, and over breakfast we got
to kind of catch up a little bit.
So this was one of thosemornings where I was.
(03:31):
I kind of came here like, okay,I'm just showing up to work.
I mean, I was excited you werehere, but I wasn't really in the
zone yet.
And then, once you startedtalking about what your passion
is and what's possible in yourlife, my emotions kind of woke
up and I was like I am now gotmy game face on, ready for
podcasting.
No kidding, that's the kind ofzone you put me in.
So that's where we are.
So let's introduce our friendRyan.
(03:53):
All right, when faith and familyintersect, anything is possible
, even a wealth beyondcomprehension, though not the
kind you might expect.
I'm joined today by Ryan Nelson, my friend, a family man,
pastor and entrepreneurialmastermind behind Circle of Five
Coaching.
In this relational community,members are engaged, equipped
(04:15):
and empowered to cultivaterichly authentic connections.
By leveling up relationships,they invest in their future and
get intentional about where andwith whom to spend their time,
the most valuable resource ofall.
So here it is, ryan.
That's it.
This is great man, so I loveyou know you were talking about
(04:37):
emotional and relational wealth,right.
That really caught my attention, and what I want to hear about
is what's you know in terms of apossibility mindset, what's
possible from here forward?
But can you catch us up alittle bit on, like all of the
necessary backstory pieces, sothat as we move forward with
your story, it all makes sense,and how far back do we need to
(04:58):
go?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Yeah, man, I, I love it.
So to share this in perspective, you know I'm not going to go
all the way back to childhood,but there were pieces in
childhood where I was broken andneeded to wrestle through some
things.
But in this journey that I'vehad, I discovered my own
community through being a smallbusiness owner and I was part of
(05:21):
a networking group and theyplugged us into these
communities.
We called pods and, honestly,not podcasts, but pods.
And honestly, in this community,probably 85% of the pods
weren't really connecting, butour pod was really connecting
and I was in this pod for abouttwo or three months and then I
(05:44):
ended up getting sick in 2021,ended up being in the hospital
for 27 days.
Life was falling apart.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Let's not glaze over the cake.
Is it okay if we just camp outhere?
On this for a minute, becauseyou shared in much more detail
over breakfast about this.
Now, first of all, Ryan and Iknew each other before today.
We actually go way back.
We go back to 2010.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I was thinking it was about that time.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Well, and the reason I know the year is because
here's how we met.
At the time I was part of theMagic Ring of Magicians here in
Kansas City.
So the InternationalBrotherhood of Magicians Ring
129 is Kansas City's ring, andevery year they have a
competition, a magic competition.
There's two of them there's aclose-up contest and then
there's a stage contest, and Ientered both that year and you
(06:27):
were one of the randomlyselected.
What's it called when it's notwith you?
Layman, Layman judges, right?
So I think there were threejudges total Two were magicians,
One was a layman.
I don't even know how you gotselected for that?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
How did that happen?
So I was in a networking groupwith Mr Goodhart, one of your
members.
Oh, alan Goodhart, yeah, yeah,cool, cool and he knew of me and
he's like hey, we need someone,Would you consider doing this?
And so he invited me to comeand I brought my son that night.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
You brought Reed.
Who was?
How old would he have been in2010?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
At that point, he would have been seven years old.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, and that was a turning point for his interest
in magic.
He started taking up magic andgoing to the magic shop and
stuff Awesome.
And yeah, that was a blast andI was like why are they picking
me to do this?
I don't know anything aboutmagic and I think I was just the
one that was easiest to impressin the group.
And you did impress me thatnight, and not only with your
(07:21):
trick, but afterwards, um, Iread, came up and met you and
you bent a.
You did the mental bending ofthe fork, which was
extraordinary, and you actuallygave that to read.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
And he was like testing it, trying to figure out
how did he do that stuff anddoes he still have the fork?
I didn't.
I'll have to ask him.
I know he had it for a longtime.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
A lot of people keep it for a long time.
I was just curious.
But that's so cool that justbeing around that whole magic
atmosphere, it just fired him upand gave him a new interest.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yep, and then our kids ended up playing in the
same basketball league a fewyears later.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
And I kept running into you at Upward.
That's true.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
And then our kids ended up in the same homeschool
co-op and stuff like that, andso, yeah, our paths keep
connecting.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
They do, they do keep connecting and in fact, right
now your wife, sarah, is mydaughter Eva's teacher.
They're just wrapping up firstgrade.
And then Ashton, your daughter,works at the school and, as I
was telling you, she's all overthe place there, beloved by
everyone, and just walks aroundlike she's in charge, not in an
arrogant kind of way, but kindof like I know more than anyone
(08:31):
else here knows about everythingthat's going on.
So if you have any questionsyou can ask me.
But she comes across with suchhumility and gentleness at the
same time, so it's like a reallyunique presence in that school.
We're so blessed to have herthere.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
She has been a joy to raise and I'm really proud to
be sending her off to schoolthis fall.
She's on an adventure that'sgonna be amazing.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, that's awesome.
Where's she going, by the way?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
She's going to Ozark Christian College.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
And she's pursuing teaching and getting a Bible
degree as well, and she'sthinking about middle school
teaching and getting a Bibledegree as well, and she's
thinking about middle schoolteaching middle school.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
She is brave yeah, she just has a heart for the
shapeability of that age group.
Wow, that's so great.
And then Reed, the 10-year-oldwe were talking about.
He's on his way out of college.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, he's got one semester left and he's going to
be a middle school youth pastor.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
What's it with this middle school thing?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Your family is just a bunch of brave people, man.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's the way our church structures service.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
High schoolers get to be coaches for middle school
and our kids just have fallen inlove with that stage.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
That's so great.
That's great.
And then we don't want tooverlook Landis, who is.
How old is he now?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
He is 15, and he's passionate about disc golf.
He's currently working threejobs to try to uh support his
disc golf habit, habit huh, youcalled it a passion at breakfast
.
Now it's a habit.
And um, and then we've got a uh, 12 year old, uh, bennett,
who's coming along, who is justa um, he's a social butterfly.
(10:00):
Wherever he can connect, hewill, and creativity, and also a
passion for disc golf andawesome.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
So it's fun to be a dad.
He's in sixth grade, right?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
yeah, he and my daughter camber, you're in the
same class, so that's greatgetting ready to head into that
seventh grade level and stuffand it's wild to see that.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
But that's wild.
Well, that's, it's good to getthe end.
And I was telling you, yourwife sarah, just such a great,
just such a calming presence,like what, what we need there.
You know, your family justbrings just this essence of calm
I think that was like the oneword I would use to describe you
all just a good, healthy,contagious calm.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
So well, you know and that brings me and I know we
need to get back to the hospitalstory at some point, but I want
to just talk about that isthere have been.
One of the things that I getreally passionate about is we
talk about financial wealth andstuff like that, but there's so
many other types of wealth thatexist and relational wealth is
(10:57):
one of those and that's reallykind of my niche, that's my
passion, and for a number ofyears our families created some
choices where we're choosing toinvest in that relational health
over investing in the financialhealth side of things.
And that's a really key part ofmy story is I dealt with guilt
over not being as successful asI should be as a business owner,
(11:18):
and I worked in nonprofits fora number of years and didn't
make a lot of money and didn'thave a lot of access to invest
in retirement and all thosethings that go along with it.
But as we look back through ourstory, the reality is that our
future we've invested in alegacy through relationships, as
(11:39):
opposed to try to collect asmuch money as we can so we can
hand money down.
And that's really been part ofmy journey is just to realize
that while I was in the hospital, I needed relationships to help
me get through that.
While I was in a dad, I neededto invest in those relationships
because my greatestcontribution to this world is
really my kids and what they'regoing to offer and what they're
(12:02):
doing.
And so my wife and I havereally prioritized that and
we've made some sacrifices forit.
But I wouldn't trade it for theworld, because it's just been
in the last couple of years evenmore so in the last few months,
that I've realized how wealthyI am, even though it may not be
in the measure that's as easy asa bank account or stuff like
(12:25):
that.
But when I look at who I havearound me, I'm just realizing,
man, I am blessed and this isgoing to carry me for a long,
long time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, I mean just hearing you explain that.
It explains a lot about yourfamily and how you all are, the
way you are and why you're sorelational.
Because I mean, like youmentioned, we kept crossing
paths over the years and everytime I would see you it was
always like hey, you took thetime to come over, go out of
your way, say hi, spend sometime talking to me, whether it's
in the hallway at the schoolplace or, you know, at Upward at
(12:57):
a game.
And so many times we're hurriedin life and how many times are
you at a meeting or church orwherever and you just pass
someone?
They don't even look at you,right, it's someone you know and
you're kind of okay, you knowand just don't take the time.
But you clearly I meanrelational wealth.
That is to me, that's yourbrand, that is what you are all
about.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
So absolutely, and I think that the season in the
hospital was really the catalystto get me there.
Just, I was in isolation.
It was dealing with COVID, sonobody could come in and see me
and even the medical staff wouldonly come in so often because
every time they came in they hadto be all robed up and it was a
big process to come in and seeme.
(13:37):
And just in the isolation ofthat space, the highlight of my
day was a nurse coming in andsqueezing my foot to check my
temperature and blood flow andstuff like that, and that was
the closest thing to connectionand and to affection that I felt
.
It wasn't affectionate but itwasn't poking with needles or or
(13:59):
the blood pressure cuffclamping on your arm and just
really the two things that Icame out of my 27 day at the
hospital with 27 days, fourweeks, which you were supposed
to help me out with some kind ofI was trying to do virtual
presentations.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You were going to come on and be part of my beta
testing.
And you're like I'm not feelingwell, I can't do it.
Next thing we know Ryan's inthe hospital going through four
weeks of it.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, and part of the challenge of that that was
after my son's senior year,before he was leaving to college
.
So, we missed our last familyvacation before he was going off
to college.
We missed a lot of thosememories and so, all of a sudden
, everyone on the floor, thestaff was, like, focused on we
(14:46):
got to get him home before hisson leaves.
And he left on a Friday and Igot home on Monday, so I, like,
had three full days home withhim before he left to college.
But you know, in that season,the, you know there's a blessing
in those curses, and theblessing I experienced there is
I learned two things.
When you can't do anything else, you find out a lot about what
(15:07):
matters.
And the two things that reallymattered to me is I needed to be
a teacher.
Every time something new wouldhappen, a new staff member would
come on and I'd say, hey,here's what's happening and
here's how this is working forme, and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're educating the staff as a patient, basically.
As to my story?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
yeah, and advocating for myself.
But, Even when I couldn't doanything else, I had to just
share what I did know.
And then the other piece is Iwas an encourager Just by nature
.
I encourage.
Hey, doctor, thank you forhelping me.
Man person delivering my food.
Thank you so much.
That makes a big difference.
(15:44):
I really appreciate you and Icouldn't stop doing those two
things finding a way to teachand finding a way to encourage.
And that's when I startedthinking wait, is this small
business that I'm a part of,which was a home inspection
company?
Is that my future?
Because even when I couldn't doanything else, I still had to
do those things, and so I had myinner circle of relationships,
(16:09):
my circle of five, and thoseguys were there for me, and one
of the people in that group sheactually brought up a few months
ago.
The reason I knew that I wantedto be in the group with Ryan
was when he showed up at one ofour weekly online meetings from
his hospital bed.
She's like I want to be withthat guy for a long time to come
.
And here we are, three plusyears later, and that group is
(16:32):
still thriving, and it's beenamazing.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah.
So the crazy thing to thinkabout is in society, in life,
you know, I think about thatsqueeze on the foot was a
highlight of your day.
I think a lot of us are justliving, going through life
relationally, with just thesqueeze on the foot, thinking
that's enough, not reallyinvesting in daily relationships
and while that you know it cankeep you alive, but it's not
going to keep you living rightIf all you're getting is that
(16:57):
squeeze in the foot.
We need so much more than thatright, which is what I'm excited
to hear more about and theteacher, the encourager part, is
huge of it.
I'm really curious how youcreated that inner circle.
How do you choose the fivepeople and how do you filter
people out who maybe want to bein the group or maybe you're
tempted to invite in?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yeah, those are great questions and I think the key
here is starting with the factthat it's going to look
different for each person, andyou've got to cultivate a
community around you that ispursuing the same things that
you're trying to pursue.
So I talk about the four typesof relationships.
There's proximity, that's thepeople you run into at the store
(17:39):
, your cashier that you seeevery day, your server at the
restaurant, the other parents atthe ball game.
You see them, but really thequestion being asked there is
where are you?
All we have in common is wherewe are, and that's what I call
proximity.
And then the next level isconnection, and at that level
the question is how are you?
We're starting to connect andwe all need that sense of being
(18:04):
known and knowing someone else,and so you start getting that at
this connection level, andyou've got to be intentional
about asking questions andfollowing up and creating
systems where you consistentlycheck in with each other.
For some of you, it's going tobe a text every day.
For some it's going to be hey,I'm too busy for a small talk,
we're just going to meet once aweek or a couple times a month
(18:25):
or whatever.
But you set a rhythm where wecheck in with each other just to
say, hey, how are you doing?
Last time you told me this wasgoing on in your family, is
everything okay?
And then the next layer in weget into an accountability level
where we start asking morespecific questions on what are
you becoming, and so it might bework-related.
(18:45):
Hey, I need to make sure I do20 sales calls a week.
Okay, how'd you do on your goal?
And now I get to askspecifically about the things
that you've told me.
You want help, and that's thatwhat conversation.
And then you get into thatinner circle.
I call that the transformationlevel and that's the who are you
?
And that who question.
All gloves are off.
(19:07):
At that point, this might bethe point I hit you.
That who question is about.
You told me your goal was this,but I'm going to ask about this
because I feel like there'ssome incontinuity here.
So you said you wanted to be abetter dad, but it sounds like
you worked 75 hours last week.
How's your fatherhood going?
Because now it's not just thewhat questions that you give me
(19:31):
permission to ask, it's thewhole life picture, and so we
all need a level of connection,a level at that connection level
or deeper.
But if you have someone who'slooking at that transformation
level, they want that and thentheir inner circle has someone
who just wants that, how are youlevel inner circle as someone
(19:54):
who just wants?
that how are you level, thatconversation becomes filled with
friction because the connectionlevel person they just want to
laugh together, they just wantto check in with you.
But this person's like so how'syour marriage, How's your Bible
study, How's your this, thatand the other thing?
And it's like way invasive forthat person.
And so those relationships endup blowing up over time because
(20:15):
they have different expectations.
That's why a lot of smallgroups in churches don't work.
That's why a lot of times whenbusinesses try to cultivate, hey
, we're going to create socialgroups within your department or
across departments, a lot oftimes they don't work.
Because they come into thosenetworking experiences with
different expectations and so itmight start with a bang but
(20:37):
then it fizzles because they'renot having the same hope.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, so so the four levels now are proximity, and
the second one was connection,and then accountability and
transformation.
So at some point you have to getto the point where you're
having a conversation about whatthe relationship is.
When's that?
Is it accountability?
Is that where it's like hey,what are we like?
Let's define the relate,because if you start holding
someone accountable to somethingor asking about who are you,
(21:03):
what's your deeper why, it'skind of like Whoa, like I
haven't really let you in, soyou have to have an agreement.
I'm guessing right.
What's that look like?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
You're right, and that's.
It's interesting.
You ask that because that's themoment at which I started
realizing I need to go all in.
I was telling my inner circleyou know what running this
company man it's?
We're basically rebuilding.
While I was in the hospital,our revenue dropped 49% over the
previous year.
And then my two guys that wereworking for me because volume
(21:35):
was down, they got side hustlesand because I hired such amazing
people, those side hustles werelike, hey, would you consider
working for us full time?
And so I went from, at onepoint, having three inspectors
and an admin plus myself, tobeing a one-man shop again, plus
myself, to being a one man shopagain.
And it was like this moment ofokay, are you going to rebuild
(21:57):
this from the ground up, or areyou going to pour yourself into
something else, or are you goingto go get a job and just get a
steady paycheck?
Because that entrepreneur grind, it's a grind.
And I started processing thiswith my inner circle and they
kind of said I told them hey,I'm going to do some job
interviews this week.
They were like two of themcalled me up that day and said
(22:19):
you need to become a coach.
I'm like, no, no, no.
Then the second one called upyou need to become a coach.
I'm like, why are they sayingthis?
I had to relook at it.
But the compelling thing aboutyour question is that we had a
guy in our inner circle who wasvery clear that man, I just want
to show up and talk about theindustry and talk about what's
(22:41):
happening.
And we had to invite him toleave because we were trying to
go further.
And I describe it like a rubberband.
Your inner circle is thatrubber band thing and if
someone's holding back here andfour of you are trying to move
forward, you can only go as faras that band will stretch before
(23:03):
the community is going to break.
And in that aha moment for meit wasn't that we were firing
this person from our group, itwas that we were saying you need
something different and we needsomething different and we want
to set you free to pursue thatso that we can be set free to do
(23:25):
this.
And it wasn't this big uglydramatic thing.
It was kind of clear that, hey,we have different expectations
and so we kind of had to letsomeone go from our inner circle
and, ironically, at the sametime we'd already been working
to add to our community and itwas just a really interesting
(23:47):
process and that brought a lotof clarity on why it matters,
because most of us just acceptwho we're given and very few of
us actually curate the peoplethat we let into that inner
circle.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
How did that person deal with the you know letting,
inviting them to leave.
I like your wording there.
We're inviting you to get outof here.
Here's your invitation to getlost hit the road.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I think there was a.
I mean there was definitelysome hurt because that was part
of the routine Sure, but I thinkthere was also some freedom,
because he wasn't comfortable inour group anymore, because we
were going to those deeper levelof questions and he was showing
up less and less.
For that I would say that thatperson is still a friend of mine
.
We still check in with eachother from time to time.
So it wasn't a divorce Sure, itwas just a parting of hey,
(24:33):
we're on different tracks, let'snot keep fighting to keep in
the same mode, because neitherof us are going to be content in
that.
And that's when it became realclear we need to give people
permission to say you arelooking for connection and that
is perfectly fine, but I'mlooking for this
(24:53):
transformational level ofrelationship and I need to
realize that I'm going adifferent direction.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
And I think that it was really healthy the way we
navigated it.
Yeah, and again, that's when Istarted realizing more people
need to be equipped for this.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, okay.
So then give us a quick sort oflike tutorial on how do we
build our inner circle.
What's the right number ofpeople, how close in proximity
should they be, or can they liveanywhere in the world?
And what's that invite looklike?
How do you set expectations?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
How do you the Circle of Five Network, which is a
membership group of people thatare pursuing, and there's three
different levels based on yourintensity, and those are all
things that we're talking aboutthere, and so first of all,
(25:44):
let's talk about where theconcept comes from.
It's attributed to Jim Rohn,although no one actually has him
on record saying it.
He was just quoted in one ofthose Chicken Soup for the Souls
books or something like that.
But he said you are the averageof the five people you spend the
most time with and if youreally want to read a great
story to help illustrate this,there's a book called Tribe of
(26:07):
Millionaires and they reallytalk a lot about this developing
your inner circle concept inthat book.
It's more of a story that hasteaching points in it.
It's an easy short read.
I highly recommend it.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Tribe of Millionaires .
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Tribe of Millionaires and in it they start talking
about hey, look at your people,what do you think the average
income of all the people in yourgroup are?
And he's like, oh, that's myaverage income too.
And what's the health rate ofall the people in your closest
five people?
Oh, that's kind of I'moverweight, like them too.
Or I'm I'm fit, like they aretoo.
We kind of realize we startlooking like those people that
(26:45):
we spend the time with.
What's the morning routine ofthe five people you spend the
most time with?
Oh, it looks very similar.
Well, is that good or is thatbad?
So I think, first of all, asyou're curating who that is,
you've got to start looking forpeople who are aspiring to
things that you respect.
You've got to look for peoplewho are what I would call
(27:08):
persons of peace, that when youapproach them, they receive you
and they engage you and you'reyou're able to connect with them
easily and they shareinformation there and they open
their network of relationshipsto you.
Hey, it's funny, you mentionedthat I know someone.
Can I connect you with that guy?
And it's not just businessnetworking, it's I want to
(27:29):
invest in you, I want to, I wantto help you, I want to invest
in you, I want to, I want tohelp you, I want to serve you,
and so I think you're lookingfor those people that are
building their lives in atrajectory that you're building
your life.
They might be ahead of you insome areas.
You might be ahead of them inother areas, but you're creating
a conversation where you caninvest mutually in each other
and you can move forwardtogether.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Okay, yeah, that's interesting because you know
it's.
I think it'd be so easy to getcaught up on wanting to really
experience like wealth as wethink of in terms of finances,
like I want this group to reallyboost my business, because I
mean, a lot of times you do wantthat, you do want peers who are
doing similar things to you sothat you can grow and learn from
each other.
A lot of times we call it likemastermind groups.
(28:13):
So do we need multiple groupsthen, for the multiple facets of
our lives?
You?
know, is that possible?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, and that's that's problematic for me.
To man.
How many?
How many things do we need inour lives?
Right, the truth is, if you'rewith a group of healthy people
pursuing full lives, that groupbecomes your board of advisors,
they become your coach, theybecome the people that help you,
and one of the things for me,this is driven in part by mental
(28:41):
health.
We are in a mental healthcrisis in our country.
The Surgeon General hasdeclared that there is a
loneliness epidemic in ourcountry.
Well, that's not a goodepidemic.
We know epidemics are nevergood to be dealing with, but
that's a real crisis and theability to turn the tide.
I don't think the government'sgoing to offer the solution for
(29:03):
how to overcome loneliness.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
And this podcast just done, got political.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
And I'll just say this it doesn't matter if it's a
Republican administration orDemocrat administration or
anything in between Governmentdoesn't build healthier
relationships in your home.
That's not their function.
And so we've got to grab controlof that and we've got to take
ownership for that ourselves.
And so the importance of thisconversation is that if you have
(29:36):
a circle of people around youand they start seeing you
withdrawing because it's theearly signs of depression,
they're asking you hey, what'sgoing on?
Why are you pulling away?
Because these people know you,they know how you behave on a
given day and they can draw youback in before it becomes a
spiral out of control.
(29:56):
You quit your job, you'reisolating from your family and
things are falling apart becauseyou've got this inner circle.
So this inner circle is peoplethat know you, they know what
you're pursuing, they know whoyou're becoming and they get to
invest in all of those areas.
And my goal isn't to createpeople that are reliant on me
for coaching.
(30:16):
My goal is to help createpeople so that they can, as soon
as possible, have a built-incoaching network in their
relationships.
It doesn't mean that they don'toccasionally need to reconnect
for a series of something thatthey're trying to overcome,
whether it's in their group orin their career or family.
We can still reconnect forcoaching, but I don't want
(30:37):
people to sign up for a 12-monthcontract just so that I can get
a check yeah.
The goal is build a communityaround you that can help you
build your whole life.
So you've got to curate whothose people are to move your
life forward.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Okay okay, does that answer?
It does absolutely.
I have like a thousandquestions I feel like right now,
so before we go on with thequestion the Circle of Five
movement is that what it'scalled?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Circle of Five Network.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Circle of Five Network.
Is this something that'sreadily available to people who
want to join something like this, or is it still in creation, or
where are we with that?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
This is the beauty of where this podcast rests in the
conversation is that this is abrand new launch.
In fact, I did a soft launchnot long ago and it failed
miserably.
And in the past that mindsetthing would be like oh, maybe
this isn't what's needed, maybewhatever.
(31:27):
And what I began to realizebecause I started getting some
feedback, particularly from myinner circle, my circle of five
what I realized is my messagingwas wrong.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
From years of working in the nonprofit space.
I was a pastor for a lot ofyears.
Yeah, I was almost appealing topeople as though would you help
me by becoming a member to thisgroup.
Okay, I was almost appealinglike this was a charity effort,
right, and we were using theword subscription when really
what it was was a charity effort.
And um, and we were using theword subscription when really
what it was was a membership, um, and they're like, hey, what's
(31:57):
my value?
And why are you charging solittle money?
I know other groups that are500 bucks a month for this type
of thing.
Why are you doing this?
And so the, the launch, thesoft launch, that was a fail,
was actually catalytic becauseit brought great clarity.
And so we are in the earlylaunches of this.
But there's there's threelevels to it, and that, that
(32:19):
earliest level, it's like 10bucks a month.
The point of that level is tohelp people who are just looking
for that connection level to beknown.
How are you?
And then the next level ofinvestment is going to be more
of that accountability level.
So, how do you get to that levelof really building a community
of accountability?
And then the top level, thattransformation level.
(32:41):
How do you have that authenticcommunity where you're building
that, because you don't justjump into transformation?
You got to build your network.
You got to build trust througheach of these steps.
You got to build your network.
You got to build trust througheach of these steps.
You got to make sure, hey, do Ifeel safe telling you how I am?
Um, do I feel safe telling youthe information I want you to
hold me accountable for?
And then do I really feel spaceletting you go outside the
(33:04):
boundaries of that informationand moving into?
Hey, you're welcome to ask mewhatever question you need to
ask if you see a blind spot, andso just guiding people through
those hard conversations andhelping them to manage their
expectations along the way.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Okay, Well, you use that word, failure with the soft
launch, which to me is abeautiful word, we think like,
oh, it didn't work.
Well, I don't see it like that,and I know you don't either,
and my audience is when I'mgiving keynote presentations.
It's riddled with examples offailure.
On my you know my part, likewith SOC, with my America's Got
Talent story, Failure just meansyou're really trying something
(33:42):
you know and, of course, we'regoing to learn from it.
Michael Jordan said I failedover and over and over again in
my life and that is why Isucceed.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
So it's just beautiful that you've gone out
and taken that step, people,that when, when you're
defaulting to old ways ofthinking okay that they're
championing you to keep driving,to keep going, to keep
succeeding, and that's soimportant.
I my son, was recently in a discgolf tournament.
With like seven holes left, hewas down by five strokes and um,
and disc golf has become apassion of mine.
(34:38):
I haven't had a hobby for yearsand I discovered disc golf and
it's something I love.
But I just told him hey, listen, you're way behind.
The guy behind you is behindyou by two strokes.
You just play your game and ifthe guy in front of you makes
some mistakes and you makeprogress, then exploit that, but
don't try to win the tournamentright now.
(35:00):
Just play your game.
Well, I think we need peoplelike that in our lives, that
when we fall behind, they're thepeople that remind us stay with
your plan, stay with your game,adjust what you can, but don't
go after something you didn'tcome prepared to go after.
And that's what the inner,that's what a healthy inner
circle circle does, becausethey're on the same journey
(35:21):
you're on.
They're wanting the same thingsyou're wanting, even if it's in
a different industry or, um, adifferent pursuit.
In their personal life.
They're on the journey oftrying to improve their life and
champion the best life thatthey can have.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, that's great.
So after that initial launch,did your group, your inner
circle, how did they encourageyou in that same way to keep you
in the right mental space tokeep going?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Well, first of all, they kept saying, dude, there's
a change in how you're thinking.
And they kept reminding me ofmy own growth, even though it's
not showing up in the business.
And again, that's where I startrealizing man, I am rich.
I am rich in relationship.
The three and a half years ofinvestment in this inner circle
(36:05):
community is paying off now,because in the past I might've
given up, I might've been like,well, that didn't work, let's
move on to something else.
But they helped me to realizeand it's showing up in other
places in my life.
I was for my daughter'sgraduation party.
I was building this deck comingoff of our deck, so that people
could come down the other side.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
A temporary one?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
No, like a platform leading down to stairs so that
we could go off both sides ofour deck.
Okay, all right.
Never built anything like thatbefore.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
This was a journey.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And I was cutting the stringers, which are the pieces
that the stairs sit on goingdown.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
We all know what stringers are.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Come on.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
No dude, I don't build anything, Okay.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
So I was cutting the stringers and my wife came out
and I said I'm trying to remindmyself that I don't suck at
cutting stringers, I'm new atcutting stringers and she's like
whoa, that's a differentmindset, because she could see
all right that I was fighting tonot let that voice in my head
take over something that I'dnever done before, and she
(37:09):
championed that for me to say.
I see that change.
That would not have happened ifI hadn't surrounded myself with
people who are challenging my.
And.
Ed Milet talks about resettingthe thermostat.
I don't know if you've heardthat or not, but he talks about
we all have the default thethermostat returns back to 72
degrees.
So every time our life startsheating up, man, things are
(37:32):
going well.
I'm at 75 degrees, I made it to78 degrees, I'm pushing 85
degrees.
We often just have that reset.
That feels like man impostersyndrome.
They're going to discover me,it's all going to fall apart and
we start self-sabotaging and wecool the thermostat back to 72.
My thermostat would be set at 72if it weren't for the fact that
(37:55):
I had a cheering section that Imeet with virtually every week
my inner circle.
There's a guy from North Dakota, a gal from North Carolina, two
guys from Florida and one fromCincinnati.
So that's my inner circle andwe meet every Wednesday morning
online for about an hour and 15minutes.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
And when you meet with those people I mean, then
things like a mindset shiftbecomes habitual, because when
you have someone constantlyspeaking truth to you that way,
then you start speaking lovinglyto yourself right and it's not
always great, because my guy,chris, in that group, chris,
played college football.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
He was a firefighter running a successful inspection
company.
We go on an annual retreattogether where we all get
face-to-face and we go into adeep dive and we share whatever.
Two years ago we just went deepin our personal story in the
background and we all poured outour stories and just to give us
(38:56):
understanding of where we'recoming from.
And in one of thoseconversations Chris started
pushing on me and Chris and Igot into a back and forth that
was raising voices and sayingbut you're not listening to me
and I mean we were getting, wewere getting, we were getting
fired up.
It's not all warm fuzzies,because we realize what's at
stake.
We challenge each other and wepush each other to realize
(39:23):
you're settling.
And Chris was basically sayingto me you're settling for
something I don't think youshould be settling for and I
don't think you like it either.
I mean he was calling me out andwe went back and forth for
several minutes, and so thisisn't about.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
So the boxing glove thing is like legit the punch
thing might be coming here.
It's your voice, you're gettingpassionate, you're getting loud
.
I like this.
I feel like I'm ready for agood slug and hey, welcome back.
So much for being seamless withthis.
Our camera overheated, so we'rejumping back in.
So I'm just going to go back towhere I think we were, because
I know I had a question about.
You were talking about conflict.
(39:57):
So in a group like this, how doyou get to the point where
you're able to give permissionfor conflict?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, you know, relationships have to go through
a maturing cycle and so jumpinginto transformational
relationship is tough.
You've got to build trust toget to that point.
So your relationships have tostart with how are you?
And then go through the whatare you, the how are you?
(40:26):
Questions that may be for weeks, it could be for months, but
you got to see, hey, how doesthis respond to hard times?
How does this person respond togood times?
How does this person engagewith what's actually happening
in their life?
And then when you start holdingaccountability, one another to
accountability, then you see andone of the reasons five people
(40:50):
to me is important is when I'vedone accountability with one
other person or two other people, if I'm struggling, I'm not
going to ask the hard questionsbecause I don't want the
questions coming back to me.
And so when you're in acommunity of just one or two
people or other people, you tendnot to hold people accountable
to the level, especially ifyou're not all driven at a very
(41:10):
high level, which most of usaren't.
Those type A personalitieshardcore, get it done, mark it
off the list, move on.
So we need to make sure thatwe've got enough people that
someone's willing to ask thoseaccountability questions.
But to get to the point ofconflict, it's this conversation
of trust.
How am I building trust?
(41:32):
Throughout this journey, thisperson has proven they cared
about me.
As we've gone through the howare you stage, this person has
shown up consistently whenthey've been asking what are you
becoming?
And I'm asking them what arethey becoming?
And there's this back and forthdialogue and then we get to
this transformation stage whoare you becoming?
Forth dialogue, and then we getto this transformation stage
(41:54):
who are you becoming?
Chris was so passionate aboutme building the life he sees I
have the potential to be.
He couldn't shut up anymore.
So Chris had to pour into thatout of that trust that we built
up.
I didn't like it and it madethe other three people sitting
in the room pretty uncomfortableat that moment because it's
like what do we do?
They're yelling.
This is awkward and I just hadto say, chris, let's ask someone
(42:19):
else's take, and someone elsespoke into it who'd been on the
whole journey with us.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
And that person was able to say well, this is what I
see has happened.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
And they've spoken into it.
So that community conversation.
If you've got five people whobuilt trust with each other and
one sees a conflict, you havethose other three people that
can offer some perspective on.
Here's what we're seeing.
We're going to validate theconcern or we're going to.
We're going to object to thatconcern and we may not all agree
(42:52):
, but we've developed enoughlove and trust in the
relationships we have with eachother that we're moving forward.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Wow, that that's awesome.
I, I, I feel that I've been ina situation recently where there
was like a uh, it wasn't as itwasn't a five people, but there
was at least an extra party ortwo involved that could speak
truth and give some perspective.
So I can see the value in that.
And this is just like amplifiedwhen you have the group of five
, you know, with people who havebeen on the entire journey, and
the trust is built.
And I know that you know, in mymarriage I have conflict, but
(43:21):
those that's what bring us tothe next, to the transformation
level, and bring us even closer.
So, really, conflict forhealthy relationships at the
transformational level.
It Really conflict for healthyrelationships at the
transformational level.
It's necessary, right, it hasto happen.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Well, any area that we want growth in, we have to go
through struggle for it to moveforward, whether it's building
more muscle, you've got to hurton Tuesday after you lift on
Monday, which I don't have a lotof experience in, but that's
how they tell me it works.
But we've got to go throughstruggle to be able to grow.
And I think in your businessyou've got to go through the
(43:55):
grind in order to get the payout.
In your relationships you gotto go through the conflict in
order to enjoy the fruit of thatrelationship.
And I mean, even if you go backto creation, the seed has got
to die, it's got to break openbefore something can flourish
out of it.
And I think relationshipsrequire that breaking open in
(44:15):
order for stuff to grow.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, man, that's great.
So I'm so many questions abouthow this works and we don't have
time for it to answer all myquestions today, but what the
possibilities for you.
You know what, what are youexcited about for you in this
and where this is going, andwhat's your vision for it?
Like, what gets you up rightnow and makes you go, man, you
know, is it this whole the innercircle network or what is it?
(44:41):
What else is possible, as welike to ask here?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Yeah, so the inner circle, the circle of five
network is what we call it.
That's really where I'm pouringmy energy in to, because I just
believe we need it.
On my, on my vulnerable days, Idream of what if we had a
million people that were a partof this network, which which
sounds absurd to even say rightnow, because we're still trying
to get our, we're still tryingto launch which it should sound.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
I'm all about seemingly impossible goals,
because if you know you, you canachieve it.
It ain't big enough, right?
And what if?
What if I don't hit a million?
Speaker 2 (45:14):
people.
And what if I only hit 120,000people?
Man, only 120,000 people builta network of relationship around
them.
Yeah, that's a win.
And so that's really where mypassion is is to pour into
people, and I like to be aninnovator.
I used to think that that was acurse.
I had someone very close to meone time say I am jealous at how
(45:38):
entrepreneurial you are,because I need more security
than that, and this is anentrepreneurial effort.
I mean, it's scary to launchinto this, but I have such deep
conviction and that we need thisbecause we are in a crisis in
our culture and so, really, thethe being intentional about at
(45:59):
least even if even if you can'tafford to be in this
transformational level ofcoaching that we offer, if, if
your desire is just to be knownfor $10 a month, you can be a
part of this community.
Get some reminders, get aprompt on a regular basis on
here's questions to ask yourinner circle, just to keep a
(46:21):
dialogue going.
We're trying to create valuethat you can use on a regular
basis, and so, really, wherethis is going is man, what if,
by the end of the year, we had500 people to be a part of this
community?
And I've got goals of where I'dlike to be and what's different
?
I read a book by Darren Hardycalled the Entrepreneurial
(46:43):
Rollercoaster, and in it he wasmeeting with his friend.
They got together and hestarted talking about our number
as well, our subscription forthis, magazines are up to this
and that, and I got this houseand that and his friends like
why are you talking to me aboutthis?
You don't even keep your owncheckbook, you don't care about
money.
And his friend helped himrealize that his passion was to
(47:06):
impact people.
And that was huge for me,because now I'm thinking, not
how do I make this much money,but how do I impact this many
lives?
And so I get to pursue havingimpact and not make it about
dollars and cents at this point.
And that's really set me free tobe able to pour into.
I mean, there's, the logisticsof things cost money to do, but
(47:30):
to be able to just go afterinvesting in people and helping
them to figure out how to thrivetogether and helping them to
realize that they don't have tohire a coach every month for the
rest of their life, they canbuild a network of people where
they're reciprocating thatinvestment in each other.
That's what fires me up.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I love it, and what you were saying actually reminds
me of the last episode of thepodcast with Lauren Schieffer
Salute to Significance.
She talks about her father.
The colonel told her if you aresignificant, you will be
successful.
You know significance beforesuccess and that's exactly what
you're saying.
Like let's make that impact,let's reach just however many
people we're meant to reach andsuccess follows in the way that
(48:10):
it's supposed to.
So I love that.
Focus on relational wealthbefore financial wealth.
It kind of feels the same wayIf you're healthy, relationally,
things are just going to followWell before we talk about how
they can connect with you andkeep up to date on the I've
tried to say it like three orfour times the circle of five
network.
Did I finally get it right?
Speaker 2 (48:27):
You nailed it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Okay, boom by the end , I got it I keep wanting to say
inner but Circle of FiveNetwork.
Before we talk about how youcan follow that, one of the
things you talked about was youdidn't call it this, but it's
like an upper limit problem.
I just read the Big Leap by GayHendricks and you talk about
how we get.
The thermostat is set at 72,and things start to heat up 85
and we're like we start tosabotage ourself and it
(48:50):
manifests itself in weird waysand illnesses and injuries, and
he calls it an upper limitproblem.
Like we don't think we deservethat next level of greatness and
so we even if it's arelationship you know we start
to like, start an argument tobring things back down to 72.
Is that what I'm saying?
Like that's not good to comeback down, or you want to keep
heating things up, right?
Speaker 2 (49:10):
We literally self-sabotage we.
We do it to ourselves becausewe don't feel like we're we're
deserving, we don't feel like wecan sustain it, we don't feel
like man.
I don't know if I can start arelationship again, or I don't
know if I can, um, start up thisbusiness again, and we start
doubting our capacity to achieve.
(49:32):
And so we, we all of a suddenturn it back down and that's, I
go back to my thing.
That's why we need people tosay yeah you're doing it again.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
And I the I can't tell you how many times the
people in my circle of fivecan't tell you how many times
they've said you're going backinto that mode again wow, yeah
and they're calling me out of itbecause I'm I have to reprogram
the software sure, and I keep Ikeep uninstalling the new
software and installing the oldsoftware because it's so
(50:05):
ingrained in my naturalbehaviors and it doesn't just
change in a few months.
It can sometimes come back yearslater and I've got to.
When I was going throughtherapy after being in the
hospital, I had to trust mytherapist.
When I was walking down thehallway gasping for air, he was
watching my vitals, he waswatching my signs and he was
(50:28):
telling me you can go 10 morefeet.
And when I think back to thegoal of trying to walk 10 feet
it's like how was it thatprimitive in my life.
And I needed to trust the personwho was looking at the other
signs to make sure that I wasgoing to be safe, so I had to
rely on his assessment, not mine.
(50:50):
That's the same thing with thisinner circle.
Those people are watching thesigns in my life and they're
telling me this is where I'm atand they're championing for me
that I can go further than Ithink I can.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
Yeah, that's so great .
That's so great.
Thanks for being here.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
It's been great.
I love this.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
I want the listeners to be able to like find this
when it's ready to go and likemaybe even follow you on your
journey, or whatever that lookslike.
What's the best way for them tofollow you, to kind of keep in
touch with the Circle of FiveNetwork at this point?
Speaker 2 (51:29):
So our website, circleoffivecoachingcom slash
network would be where you canlearn more about the Circle of
Five Network.
And then LinkedIn is anotherplace that I'm fairly invested
in, and you can find me at theusername would be Circle of Five
on LinkedIn.
So yeah, connect with me.
I'd love to connect with you,learn your story and continue to
invest in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
Awesome.
What else is possible, right?
Speaker 2 (51:52):
What else Great things ahead.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
That's right, man, awesome.
Well, hey, just as we wrap andI do have one final question for
you, but just want to saythanks again to Excedera Shawnee
for allowing us this space Alsowant to give a shout out.
I meant to do this at the topand I breezed over things too
quickly.
My new podcast producer, ashleyStare, is a dream.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
Man, she made this process easy for me.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
I'm telling you, a few weeks ago I didn't have her
yet when I had Jesse read on andwe talked about who, not how,
and how you find your who's andI found her like just after that
, and I'm telling you that, likethe work that it has taken off
my plate that someone else cando more efficiently and more
effectively has been such avalue.
So, ashley, thank you so muchfor making my process so much
(52:36):
smoother and freeing up moretime for my family.
So, thank you, appreciate that.
Hey, also, don't forget aboutThompson Tees.
Go to the notes, click on it.
I'm telling you, if you're asweaty armpit person, like some
people I know, point at myselfit's going to change your life.
So check that out, okay, watchon YouTube.
If you're listening, you know,give us that review comments and
(52:58):
let us, you know, listen.
If you're seeing a clip onsocial media, let us know.
How has this inspired you, youknow, to maybe start building
your inner circle even right nowand start thinking about who
those people that you'll reachout to once you have the tools
and resources through the Circleof Five network to actually
take action on that, okay.
So last question I have for you, ryan could you just give me,
(53:20):
as an experienced father, justone piece of advice for my
daughters.
One piece of advice for yourdaughters A little on the spot
here.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
For you or for your daughters.
Speaker 1 (53:30):
For them, for them because I'm perfect, I don't
need.
I don't need any workwhatsoever you know what I'll
say this?
Speaker 2 (53:37):
um, as parent-child relationships go, there's a
natural tendency for conflict todevelop over time.
And I always liken it to theidea of a bow and arrow that we
as parents are the bow and ourkids are the arrow.
And if there's not tension inthat relationship, when we let
(53:59):
go of the arrow it falls off andit stays home.
So, as you're, you're aimingyour kids.
While there's not tension,that's that's the zero.
Through eight, nine, 10 yearsold.
You're aiming those kids, but asthose kids end into those
teenage years, that bow you'restarting to put tension on that
and now you're just fine tuningit because their trajectory is
(54:21):
set.
And that tension, kids, thatyou're feeling with your parents
, that's a natural thing tohappen.
And there's going to come apoint where they're going to
release you and you're going tolaunch and we pray as parents
that you hit the target.
And so I guess I would justtell kids that that tension
isn't dysfunctional.
It doesn't mean go off the endand be a jerk and be obnoxious,
(54:43):
but it means don't feel likethat's your relationship falling
apart.
That's actually preparing bothmom and dad and you for that
launch, so that you can go intothe world and accomplish what
you're set out to do.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Wow, you just blew my mind, man.
That is such a good analogy andthat should be a TED Talk, if
it's not already.
That's so good, Because youknow we all feel that.
I mean I feel that tension inall of our relationships at
times you know, but wow, that'sso good.
Thank you for that, man.
I'm going to share that with mywife.
That's going to be helpful forus, thank you.
So okay, we're going to saygoodbye with our favorite
question that you ask when youembrace a possibility mindset,
(55:18):
which is what else is possible?
So I'll say what else you sayis possible and we'll sign out.
Are you ready?
Let's do it Okay.
Let's do it Okay.
Thanks for joining us andremember to never stop asking
the question what else?
Speaker 2 (55:30):
is possible.
Speaker 1 (55:31):
See you next time.
Hey, what's going on everybody?
Welcome to the PossibilityMindset Podcast.
I'm Devin Henderson, I am yourhost and I believe that
something greater is alwayspossible for you All.
Right, ryan, what's going on?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Hey man, it is great to be here, fun to be at Excedra
and enjoy their food and theircoffee.
This has been a blast, isn't itgreat to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Fun to be at Etcetera and enjoy their food and their
coffee.
This has been a blast, Isn't it?
Great Love it, the food and theatmosphere, and Sonia, our
server, and Shannon, the manager.
They are so good here atEtcetera.
We're grateful that they stillhave us, you know, giving us
this space, feeding us breakfast, this wonderful.
You know you're drinking thecoffee.
Yeah Right, my guests know I'm192 days off coffee right now,
so it's getting serious finallyover the half year point.
(00:47):
But yeah, their coffee isstellar.
So if you're into that kind ofthing which I still am
undecided- yeah.
We'll see.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I am enjoying it and I remember one time coming here
on the 4th of July with myfamily.
We were trying to think whereshould we go for a good place to
eat breakfast and we don't goout to eat a whole bunch?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
And we came here and it's just as good now as it was
then.
So that is so funny.
Like people have just likeorganically endorsed this place.
The guests have over and overagain, without me prepping them
and being like hey, just makesure you say something good.
I mean cause Brad Ellis, it'shis favorite breakfast spot, he
said you know, and other peoplehave mentioned it too, so that's
so cool.
I'm glad you said that Allright.
Well thank you, etcetera, foryour sponsorship.
We appreciate that.
And, by the way, remember to goto YouTube, watch the full
(01:32):
experience, check out what'sgoing on.
Who knows, I don't know howphysical it's going to get that
you're going to want to watch it, but I don't know.
He may punch, punch me, right,I'm just making up stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Now I don't know how hard hitting this yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Oh, there you go, how hard it is.
Well, now you have to punch me,because now they're like oh,
let's get to YouTube.
All right, cool, um, so yeah.
And then, if you, you know ifyou are listening on Apple, just
give us a five-star review, ifthat's, if that's what, uh,
you're feeling?
Yeah, but just leave us acomment, because we do want to
extend our reach and give morehope to more people.
So there it is.
(02:07):
Okay, let's do one productplacement.
Okay, we're going to talk todayabout Thompson Tees.
We've talked about it before.
They are.
You know, if you sweat profuselyfrom your armpits and you feel
like you can't wear light colorsbecause it's like like bleeding
through and it's embarrassingand you have to keep your arms
down, thompson tees are the wayto go.
(02:28):
Okay, it's been a game changerfor me.
I wear these on stage and I canwear whatever I want to now
Pinks, fuchsias, lime greens,whatever.
It's awesome.
They were called the bestundershirts for men to control
armpit sweat.
So, spoiler alert, you stillsweat, but you're just
controlling the fact that peopledon't know about it, right?
So that's what's great.
(02:49):
So if you have hyperhidrosis orsweat heavily, you've probably
tried everything to stop orconceal that armpit sweat.
So this is the answer for you,okay, so all you have to do is
go to the affiliate link.
We'll put in the show notes,because it's one of those really
long ones with a bunch of hashlike equal signs and question
marks.
So, seriously, go to the link,check it out if this is
(03:09):
something you deal with.
Um, this, this was a gamechanger for me.
I was able to like update mywardrobe with all kinds of fun
clothes because of this.
So so, thompson, t's check itout.
All right, that's that goodstuff.
Let's uh let's introduce myfriend, friend Ryan Nelson.
I am so excited to have youhere, and over breakfast we got
to kind of catch up a little bit.
So this was one of thosemornings where I was.
(03:31):
I kind of came here like, okay,I'm just showing up to work.
I mean, I was excited you werehere, but I wasn't really in the
zone yet.
And then, once you startedtalking about what your passion
is and what's possible in yourlife, my emotions kind of woke
up and I was like I am now gotmy game face on, ready for
podcasting.
No kidding, that's the kind ofzone you put me in.
So that's where we are.
So let's introduce our friendRyan.
(03:53):
All right, when faith and familyintersect, anything is possible
, even a wealth beyondcomprehension, though not the
kind you might expect.
I'm joined today by Ryan Nelson, my friend, a family man,
pastor and entrepreneurialmastermind behind Circle of Five
Coaching.
In this relational community,members are engaged, equipped
(04:15):
and empowered to cultivaterichly authentic connections.
By leveling up relationships,they invest in their future and
get intentional about where andwith whom to spend their time,
the most valuable resource ofall.
So here it is, ryan.
That's it.
This is great man, so I loveyou know you were talking about
(04:37):
emotional and relational wealth,right.
That really caught my attention, and what I want to hear about
is what's you know in terms of apossibility mindset, what's
possible from here forward?
But can you catch us up alittle bit on, like all of the
necessary backstory pieces, sothat as we move forward with
your story, it all makes sense,and how far back do we need to
(04:58):
go?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Yeah, man, I, I love it.
So to share this in perspective, you know I'm not going to go
all the way back to childhood,but there were pieces in
childhood where I was broken andneeded to wrestle through some
things.
But in this journey that I'vehad, I discovered my own
community through being a smallbusiness owner and I was part of
(05:21):
a networking group and theyplugged us into these
communities.
We called pods and, honestly,not podcasts, but pods.
And honestly, in this community,probably 85% of the pods
weren't really connecting, butour pod was really connecting
and I was in this pod for abouttwo or three months and then I
(05:44):
ended up getting sick in 2021,ended up being in the hospital
for 27 days.
Life was falling apart.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Let's not glaze over the cake.
Is it okay if we just camp outhere?
On this for a minute, becauseyou shared in much more detail
over breakfast about this.
Now, first of all, Ryan and Iknew each other before today.
We actually go way back.
We go back to 2010.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I was thinking it was about that time.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Well, and the reason I know the year is because
here's how we met.
At the time I was part of theMagic Ring of Magicians here in
Kansas City.
So the InternationalBrotherhood of Magicians Ring
129 is Kansas City's ring, andevery year they have a
competition, a magic competition.
There's two of them there's aclose-up contest and then
there's a stage contest, and Ientered both that year and you
(06:27):
were one of the randomlyselected.
What's it called when it's notwith you?
Layman, Layman judges, right?
So I think there were threejudges total Two were magicians,
One was a layman.
I don't even know how you gotselected for that?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
How did that happen?
So I was in a networking groupwith Mr Goodhart, one of your
members.
Oh, alan Goodhart, yeah, yeah,cool, cool and he knew of me and
he's like hey, we need someone,Would you consider doing this?
And so he invited me to comeand I brought my son that night.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
You brought Reed.
Who was?
How old would he have been in2010?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
At that point, he would have been seven years old.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, and that was a turning point for his interest
in magic.
He started taking up magic andgoing to the magic shop and
stuff Awesome.
And yeah, that was a blast andI was like why are they picking
me to do this?
I don't know anything aboutmagic and I think I was just the
one that was easiest to impressin the group.
And you did impress me thatnight, and not only with your
(07:21):
trick, but afterwards, um, Iread, came up and met you and
you bent a.
You did the mental bending ofthe fork, which was
extraordinary, and you actuallygave that to read.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
And he was like testing it, trying to figure out
how did he do that stuff anddoes he still have the fork?
I didn't.
I'll have to ask him.
I know he had it for a longtime.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
A lot of people keep it for a long time.
I was just curious.
But that's so cool that justbeing around that whole magic
atmosphere, it just fired him upand gave him a new interest.
That's awesome.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yep, and then our kids ended up playing in the
same basketball league a fewyears later.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
And I kept running into you at Upward.
That's true.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
And then our kids ended up in the same homeschool
co-op and stuff like that, andso, yeah, our paths keep
connecting.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
They do, they do keep connecting and in fact, right
now your wife, sarah, is mydaughter Eva's teacher.
They're just wrapping up firstgrade.
And then Ashton, your daughter,works at the school and, as I
was telling you, she's all overthe place there, beloved by
everyone, and just walks aroundlike she's in charge, not in an
arrogant kind of way, but kindof like I know more than anyone
(08:31):
else here knows about everythingthat's going on.
So if you have any questionsyou can ask me.
But she comes across with suchhumility and gentleness at the
same time, so it's like a reallyunique presence in that school.
We're so blessed to have herthere.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
She has been a joy to raise and I'm really proud to
be sending her off to schoolthis fall.
She's on an adventure that'sgonna be amazing.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, that's awesome.
Where's she going, by the way?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
She's going to Ozark Christian College.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
And she's pursuing teaching and getting a Bible
degree as well, and she'sthinking about middle school
teaching and getting a Bibledegree as well, and she's
thinking about middle schoolteaching middle school.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
She is brave yeah, she just has a heart for the
shapeability of that age group.
Wow, that's so great.
And then Reed, the 10-year-oldwe were talking about.
He's on his way out of college.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, he's got one semester left and he's going to
be a middle school youth pastor.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
What's it with this middle school thing?
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Your family is just a bunch of brave people, man.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's the way our church structures service.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
High schoolers get to be coaches for middle school
and our kids just have fallen inlove with that stage.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
That's so great.
That's great.
And then we don't want tooverlook Landis, who is.
How old is he now?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
He is 15, and he's passionate about disc golf.
He's currently working threejobs to try to uh support his
disc golf habit, habit huh, youcalled it a passion at breakfast
.
Now it's a habit.
And um, and then we've got a uh, 12 year old, uh, bennett,
who's coming along, who is justa um, he's a social butterfly.
(10:00):
Wherever he can connect, hewill, and creativity, and also a
passion for disc golf andawesome.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
So it's fun to be a dad.
He's in sixth grade, right?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
yeah, he and my daughter camber, you're in the
same class, so that's greatgetting ready to head into that
seventh grade level and stuffand it's wild to see that.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
But that's wild.
Well, that's, it's good to getthe end.
And I was telling you, yourwife sarah, just such a great,
just such a calming presence,like what, what we need there.
You know, your family justbrings just this essence of calm
I think that was like the oneword I would use to describe you
all just a good, healthy,contagious calm.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
So well, you know and that brings me and I know we
need to get back to the hospitalstory at some point, but I want
to just talk about that isthere have been.
One of the things that I getreally passionate about is we
talk about financial wealth andstuff like that, but there's so
many other types of wealth thatexist and relational wealth is
(10:57):
one of those and that's reallykind of my niche, that's my
passion, and for a number ofyears our families created some
choices where we're choosing toinvest in that relational health
over investing in the financialhealth side of things.
And that's a really key part ofmy story is I dealt with guilt
over not being as successful asI should be as a business owner,
(11:18):
and I worked in nonprofits fora number of years and didn't
make a lot of money and didn'thave a lot of access to invest
in retirement and all thosethings that go along with it.
But as we look back through ourstory, the reality is that our
future we've invested in alegacy through relationships, as
(11:39):
opposed to try to collect asmuch money as we can so we can
hand money down.
And that's really been part ofmy journey is just to realize
that while I was in the hospital, I needed relationships to help
me get through that.
While I was in a dad, I neededto invest in those relationships
because my greatestcontribution to this world is
really my kids and what they'regoing to offer and what they're
(12:02):
doing.
And so my wife and I havereally prioritized that and
we've made some sacrifices forit.
But I wouldn't trade it for theworld, because it's just been
in the last couple of years evenmore so in the last few months,
that I've realized how wealthyI am, even though it may not be
in the measure that's as easy asa bank account or stuff like
(12:25):
that.
But when I look at who I havearound me, I'm just realizing,
man, I am blessed and this isgoing to carry me for a long,
long time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Yeah, I mean just hearing you explain that.
It explains a lot about yourfamily and how you all are, the
way you are and why you're sorelational.
Because I mean, like youmentioned, we kept crossing
paths over the years and everytime I would see you it was
always like hey, you took thetime to come over, go out of
your way, say hi, spend sometime talking to me, whether it's
in the hallway at the schoolplace or, you know, at Upward at
(12:57):
a game.
And so many times we're hurriedin life and how many times are
you at a meeting or church orwherever and you just pass
someone?
They don't even look at you,right, it's someone you know and
you're kind of okay, you knowand just don't take the time.
But you clearly I meanrelational wealth.
That is to me, that's yourbrand, that is what you are all
about.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
So absolutely, and I think that the season in the
hospital was really the catalystto get me there.
Just, I was in isolation.
It was dealing with COVID, sonobody could come in and see me
and even the medical staff wouldonly come in so often because
every time they came in they hadto be all robed up and it was a
big process to come in and seeme.
(13:37):
And just in the isolation ofthat space, the highlight of my
day was a nurse coming in andsqueezing my foot to check my
temperature and blood flow andstuff like that, and that was
the closest thing to connectionand and to affection that I felt
.
It wasn't affectionate but itwasn't poking with needles or or
(13:59):
the blood pressure cuffclamping on your arm and just
really the two things that Icame out of my 27 day at the
hospital with 27 days, fourweeks, which you were supposed
to help me out with some kind ofI was trying to do virtual
presentations.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
You were going to come on and be part of my beta
testing.
And you're like I'm not feelingwell, I can't do it.
Next thing we know Ryan's inthe hospital going through four
weeks of it.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Yeah, and part of the challenge of that that was
after my son's senior year,before he was leaving to college
.
So, we missed our last familyvacation before he was going off
to college.
We missed a lot of thosememories and so, all of a sudden
, everyone on the floor, thestaff was, like, focused on we
(14:46):
got to get him home before hisson leaves.
And he left on a Friday and Igot home on Monday, so I, like,
had three full days home withhim before he left to college.
But you know, in that season,the, you know there's a blessing
in those curses, and theblessing I experienced there is
I learned two things.
When you can't do anything else, you find out a lot about what
(15:07):
matters.
And the two things that reallymattered to me is I needed to be
a teacher.
Every time something new wouldhappen, a new staff member would
come on and I'd say, hey,here's what's happening and
here's how this is working forme, and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
You're educating the staff as a patient, basically.
As to my story?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
yeah, and advocating for myself.
But, Even when I couldn't doanything else, I had to just
share what I did know.
And then the other piece is Iwas an encourager Just by nature
.
I encourage.
Hey, doctor, thank you forhelping me.
Man person delivering my food.
Thank you so much.
That makes a big difference.
(15:44):
I really appreciate you and Icouldn't stop doing those two
things finding a way to teachand finding a way to encourage.
And that's when I startedthinking wait, is this small
business that I'm a part of,which was a home inspection
company?
Is that my future?
Because even when I couldn't doanything else, I still had to
do those things, and so I had myinner circle of relationships,
(16:09):
my circle of five, and thoseguys were there for me, and one
of the people in that group sheactually brought up a few months
ago.
The reason I knew that I wantedto be in the group with Ryan
was when he showed up at one ofour weekly online meetings from
his hospital bed.
She's like I want to be withthat guy for a long time to come
.
And here we are, three plusyears later, and that group is
(16:32):
still thriving, and it's beenamazing.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah.
So the crazy thing to thinkabout is in society, in life,
you know, I think about thatsqueeze on the foot was a
highlight of your day.
I think a lot of us are justliving, going through life
relationally, with just thesqueeze on the foot, thinking
that's enough, not reallyinvesting in daily relationships
and while that you know it cankeep you alive, but it's not
going to keep you living rightIf all you're getting is that
(16:57):
squeeze in the foot.
We need so much more than thatright, which is what I'm excited
to hear more about and theteacher, the encourager part, is
huge of it.
I'm really curious how youcreated that inner circle.
How do you choose the fivepeople and how do you filter
people out who maybe want to bein the group or maybe you're
tempted to invite in?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yeah, those are great questions and I think the key
here is starting with the factthat it's going to look
different for each person, andyou've got to cultivate a
community around you that ispursuing the same things that
you're trying to pursue.
So I talk about the four typesof relationships.
There's proximity, that's thepeople you run into at the store
(17:39):
, your cashier that you seeevery day, your server at the
restaurant, the other parents atthe ball game.
You see them, but really thequestion being asked there is
where are you?
All we have in common is wherewe are, and that's what I call
proximity.
And then the next level isconnection, and at that level
the question is how are you?
We're starting to connect andwe all need that sense of being
(18:04):
known and knowing someone else,and so you start getting that at
this connection level, andyou've got to be intentional
about asking questions andfollowing up and creating
systems where you consistentlycheck in with each other.
For some of you, it's going tobe a text every day.
For some it's going to be hey,I'm too busy for a small talk,
we're just going to meet once aweek or a couple times a month
(18:25):
or whatever.
But you set a rhythm where wecheck in with each other just to
say, hey, how are you doing?
Last time you told me this wasgoing on in your family, is
everything okay?
And then the next layer in weget into an accountability level
where we start asking morespecific questions on what are
you becoming, and so it might bework-related.
(18:45):
Hey, I need to make sure I do20 sales calls a week.
Okay, how'd you do on your goal?
And now I get to askspecifically about the things
that you've told me.
You want help, and that's thatwhat conversation.
And then you get into thatinner circle.
I call that the transformationlevel and that's the who are you
?
And that who question.
All gloves are off.
(19:07):
At that point, this might bethe point I hit you.
That who question is about.
You told me your goal was this,but I'm going to ask about this
because I feel like there'ssome incontinuity here.
So you said you wanted to be abetter dad, but it sounds like
you worked 75 hours last week.
How's your fatherhood going?
Because now it's not just thewhat questions that you give me
(19:31):
permission to ask, it's thewhole life picture, and so we
all need a level of connection,a level at that connection level
or deeper.
But if you have someone who'slooking at that transformation
level, they want that and thentheir inner circle has someone
who just wants that, how are youlevel inner circle as someone
(19:54):
who just wants?
that how are you level, thatconversation becomes filled with
friction because the connectionlevel person they just want to
laugh together, they just wantto check in with you.
But this person's like so how'syour marriage, How's your Bible
study, How's your this, thatand the other thing?
And it's like way invasive forthat person.
And so those relationships endup blowing up over time because
(20:15):
they have different expectations.
That's why a lot of smallgroups in churches don't work.
That's why a lot of times whenbusinesses try to cultivate, hey
, we're going to create socialgroups within your department or
across departments, a lot oftimes they don't work.
Because they come into thosenetworking experiences with
different expectations and so itmight start with a bang but
(20:37):
then it fizzles because they'renot having the same hope.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, so so the four levels now are proximity, and
the second one was connection,and then accountability and
transformation.
So at some point you have to getto the point where you're
having a conversation about whatthe relationship is.
When's that?
Is it accountability?
Is that where it's like hey,what are we like?
Let's define the relate,because if you start holding
someone accountable to somethingor asking about who are you,
(21:03):
what's your deeper why, it'skind of like Whoa, like I
haven't really let you in, soyou have to have an agreement.
I'm guessing right.
What's that look like?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
You're right, and that's.
It's interesting.
You ask that because that's themoment at which I started
realizing I need to go all in.
I was telling my inner circleyou know what running this
company man it's?
We're basically rebuilding.
While I was in the hospital,our revenue dropped 49% over the
previous year.
And then my two guys that wereworking for me because volume
(21:35):
was down, they got side hustlesand because I hired such amazing
people, those side hustles werelike, hey, would you consider
working for us full time?
And so I went from, at onepoint, having three inspectors
and an admin plus myself, tobeing a one-man shop again, plus
myself, to being a one man shopagain.
And it was like this moment ofokay, are you going to rebuild
(21:57):
this from the ground up, or areyou going to pour yourself into
something else, or are you goingto go get a job and just get a
steady paycheck?
Because that entrepreneur grind, it's a grind.
And I started processing thiswith my inner circle and they
kind of said I told them hey,I'm going to do some job
interviews this week.
They were like two of themcalled me up that day and said
(22:19):
you need to become a coach.
I'm like, no, no, no.
Then the second one called upyou need to become a coach.
I'm like, why are they sayingthis?
I had to relook at it.
But the compelling thing aboutyour question is that we had a
guy in our inner circle who wasvery clear that man, I just want
to show up and talk about theindustry and talk about what's
(22:41):
happening.
And we had to invite him toleave because we were trying to
go further.
And I describe it like a rubberband.
Your inner circle is thatrubber band thing and if
someone's holding back here andfour of you are trying to move
forward, you can only go as faras that band will stretch before
(23:03):
the community is going to break.
And in that aha moment for meit wasn't that we were firing
this person from our group, itwas that we were saying you need
something different and we needsomething different and we want
to set you free to pursue thatso that we can be set free to do
(23:25):
this.
And it wasn't this big uglydramatic thing.
It was kind of clear that, hey,we have different expectations
and so we kind of had to letsomeone go from our inner circle
and, ironically, at the sametime we'd already been working
to add to our community and itwas just a really interesting
(23:47):
process and that brought a lotof clarity on why it matters,
because most of us just acceptwho we're given and very few of
us actually curate the peoplethat we let into that inner
circle.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
How did that person deal with the you know letting,
inviting them to leave.
I like your wording there.
We're inviting you to get outof here.
Here's your invitation to getlost hit the road.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I think there was a.
I mean there was definitelysome hurt because that was part
of the routine Sure, but I thinkthere was also some freedom,
because he wasn't comfortable inour group anymore, because we
were going to those deeper levelof questions and he was showing
up less and less.
For that I would say that thatperson is still a friend of mine
.
We still check in with eachother from time to time.
So it wasn't a divorce Sure, itwas just a parting of hey,
(24:33):
we're on different tracks, let'snot keep fighting to keep in
the same mode, because neitherof us are going to be content in
that.
And that's when it became realclear we need to give people
permission to say you arelooking for connection and that
is perfectly fine, but I'mlooking for this
(24:53):
transformational level ofrelationship and I need to
realize that I'm going adifferent direction.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
And I think that it was really healthy the way we
navigated it.
Yeah, and again, that's when Istarted realizing more people
need to be equipped for this.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Yeah, okay.
So then give us a quick sort oflike tutorial on how do we
build our inner circle.
What's the right number ofpeople, how close in proximity
should they be, or can they liveanywhere in the world?
And what's that invite looklike?
How do you set expectations?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
How do you the Circle of Five Network, which is a
membership group of people thatare pursuing, and there's three
different levels based on yourintensity, and those are all
things that we're talking aboutthere, and so first of all,
(25:44):
let's talk about where theconcept comes from.
It's attributed to Jim Rohn,although no one actually has him
on record saying it.
He was just quoted in one ofthose Chicken Soup for the Souls
books or something like that.
But he said you are the averageof the five people you spend the
most time with and if youreally want to read a great
story to help illustrate this,there's a book called Tribe of
(26:07):
Millionaires and they reallytalk a lot about this developing
your inner circle concept inthat book.
It's more of a story that hasteaching points in it.
It's an easy short read.
I highly recommend it.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Tribe of Millionaires .
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Tribe of Millionaires and in it they start talking
about hey, look at your people,what do you think the average
income of all the people in yourgroup are?
And he's like, oh, that's myaverage income too.
And what's the health rate ofall the people in your closest
five people?
Oh, that's kind of I'moverweight, like them too.
Or I'm I'm fit, like they aretoo.
We kind of realize we startlooking like those people that
(26:45):
we spend the time with.
What's the morning routine ofthe five people you spend the
most time with?
Oh, it looks very similar.
Well, is that good or is thatbad?
So I think, first of all, asyou're curating who that is,
you've got to start looking forpeople who are aspiring to
things that you respect.
You've got to look for peoplewho are what I would call
(27:08):
persons of peace, that when youapproach them, they receive you
and they engage you and you'reyou're able to connect with them
easily and they shareinformation there and they open
their network of relationshipsto you.
Hey, it's funny, you mentionedthat I know someone.
Can I connect you with that guy?
And it's not just businessnetworking, it's I want to
(27:29):
invest in you, I want to, I wantto help you, I want to invest
in you, I want to, I want tohelp you, I want to serve you,
and so I think you're lookingfor those people that are
building their lives in atrajectory that you're building
your life.
They might be ahead of you insome areas.
You might be ahead of them inother areas, but you're creating
a conversation where you caninvest mutually in each other
and you can move forwardtogether.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Okay, yeah, that's interesting because you know
it's.
I think it'd be so easy to getcaught up on wanting to really
experience like wealth as wethink of in terms of finances,
like I want this group to reallyboost my business, because I
mean, a lot of times you do wantthat, you do want peers who are
doing similar things to you sothat you can grow and learn from
each other.
A lot of times we call it likemastermind groups.
(28:13):
So do we need multiple groupsthen, for the multiple facets of
our lives?
You?
know, is that possible?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Yeah, and that's that's problematic for me.
To man.
How many?
How many things do we need inour lives?
Right, the truth is, if you'rewith a group of healthy people
pursuing full lives, that groupbecomes your board of advisors,
they become your coach, theybecome the people that help you,
and one of the things for me,this is driven in part by mental
(28:41):
health.
We are in a mental healthcrisis in our country.
The Surgeon General hasdeclared that there is a
loneliness epidemic in ourcountry.
Well, that's not a goodepidemic.
We know epidemics are nevergood to be dealing with, but
that's a real crisis and theability to turn the tide.
I don't think the government'sgoing to offer the solution for
(29:03):
how to overcome loneliness.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
And this podcast just done, got political.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
And I'll just say this it doesn't matter if it's a
Republican administration orDemocrat administration or
anything in between Governmentdoesn't build healthier
relationships in your home.
That's not their function.
And so we've got to grab controlof that and we've got to take
ownership for that ourselves.
And so the importance of thisconversation is that if you have
(29:36):
a circle of people around youand they start seeing you
withdrawing because it's theearly signs of depression,
they're asking you hey, what'sgoing on?
Why are you pulling away?
Because these people know you,they know how you behave on a
given day and they can draw youback in before it becomes a
spiral out of control.
(29:56):
You quit your job, you'reisolating from your family and
things are falling apart becauseyou've got this inner circle.
So this inner circle is peoplethat know you, they know what
you're pursuing, they know whoyou're becoming and they get to
invest in all of those areas.
And my goal isn't to createpeople that are reliant on me
for coaching.
(30:16):
My goal is to help createpeople so that they can, as soon
as possible, have a built-incoaching network in their
relationships.
It doesn't mean that they don'toccasionally need to reconnect
for a series of something thatthey're trying to overcome,
whether it's in their group orin their career or family.
We can still reconnect forcoaching, but I don't want
(30:37):
people to sign up for a 12-monthcontract just so that I can get
a check yeah.
The goal is build a communityaround you that can help you
build your whole life.
So you've got to curate whothose people are to move your
life forward.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Okay okay, does that answer?
It does absolutely.
I have like a thousandquestions I feel like right now,
so before we go on with thequestion the Circle of Five
movement is that what it'scalled?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Circle of Five Network.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Circle of Five Network.
Is this something that'sreadily available to people who
want to join something like this, or is it still in creation, or
where are we with that?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
This is the beauty of where this podcast rests in the
conversation is that this is abrand new launch.
In fact, I did a soft launchnot long ago and it failed
miserably.
And in the past that mindsetthing would be like oh, maybe
this isn't what's needed, maybewhatever.
(31:27):
And what I began to realizebecause I started getting some
feedback, particularly from myinner circle, my circle of five
what I realized is my messagingwas wrong.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
From years of working in the nonprofit space.
I was a pastor for a lot ofyears.
Yeah, I was almost appealing topeople as though would you help
me by becoming a member to thisgroup.
Okay, I was almost appealinglike this was a charity effort,
right, and we were using theword subscription when really
what it was was a charity effort.
And um, and we were using theword subscription when really
what it was was a membership, um, and they're like, hey, what's
(31:57):
my value?
And why are you charging solittle money?
I know other groups that are500 bucks a month for this type
of thing.
Why are you doing this?
And so the, the launch, thesoft launch, that was a fail,
was actually catalytic becauseit brought great clarity.
And so we are in the earlylaunches of this.
But there's there's threelevels to it, and that, that
(32:19):
earliest level, it's like 10bucks a month.
The point of that level is tohelp people who are just looking
for that connection level to beknown.
How are you?
And then the next level ofinvestment is going to be more
of that accountability level.
So, how do you get to that levelof really building a community
of accountability?
And then the top level, thattransformation level.
(32:41):
How do you have that authenticcommunity where you're building
that, because you don't justjump into transformation?
You got to build your network.
You got to build trust througheach of these steps.
You got to build your network.
You got to build trust througheach of these steps.
You got to make sure, hey, do Ifeel safe telling you how I am?
Um, do I feel safe telling youthe information I want you to
hold me accountable for?
And then do I really feel spaceletting you go outside the
(33:04):
boundaries of that informationand moving into?
Hey, you're welcome to ask mewhatever question you need to
ask if you see a blind spot, andso just guiding people through
those hard conversations andhelping them to manage their
expectations along the way.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Okay, Well, you use that word, failure with the soft
launch, which to me is abeautiful word, we think like,
oh, it didn't work.
Well, I don't see it like that,and I know you don't either,
and my audience is when I'mgiving keynote presentations.
It's riddled with examples offailure.
On my you know my part, likewith SOC, with my America's Got
Talent story, Failure just meansyou're really trying something
(33:42):
you know and, of course, we'regoing to learn from it.
Michael Jordan said I failedover and over and over again in
my life and that is why Isucceed.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
So it's just beautiful that you've gone out
and taken that step, people,that when, when you're
defaulting to old ways ofthinking okay that they're
championing you to keep driving,to keep going, to keep
succeeding, and that's soimportant.
I my son, was recently in a discgolf tournament.
With like seven holes left, hewas down by five strokes and um,
and disc golf has become apassion of mine.
(34:38):
I haven't had a hobby for yearsand I discovered disc golf and
it's something I love.
But I just told him hey, listen, you're way behind.
The guy behind you is behindyou by two strokes.
You just play your game and ifthe guy in front of you makes
some mistakes and you makeprogress, then exploit that, but
don't try to win the tournamentright now.
(35:00):
Just play your game.
Well, I think we need peoplelike that in our lives, that
when we fall behind, they're thepeople that remind us stay with
your plan, stay with your game,adjust what you can, but don't
go after something you didn'tcome prepared to go after.
And that's what the inner,that's what a healthy inner
circle circle does, becausethey're on the same journey
(35:21):
you're on.
They're wanting the same thingsyou're wanting, even if it's in
a different industry or, um, adifferent pursuit.
In their personal life.
They're on the journey oftrying to improve their life and
champion the best life thatthey can have.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, that's great.
So after that initial launch,did your group, your inner
circle, how did they encourageyou in that same way to keep you
in the right mental space tokeep going?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Well, first of all, they kept saying, dude, there's
a change in how you're thinking.
And they kept reminding me ofmy own growth, even though it's
not showing up in the business.
And again, that's where I startrealizing man, I am rich.
I am rich in relationship.
The three and a half years ofinvestment in this inner circle
(36:05):
community is paying off now,because in the past I might've
given up, I might've been like,well, that didn't work, let's
move on to something else.
But they helped me to realizeand it's showing up in other
places in my life.
I was for my daughter'sgraduation party.
I was building this deck comingoff of our deck, so that people
could come down the other side.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
A temporary one?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
No, like a platform leading down to stairs so that
we could go off both sides ofour deck.
Okay, all right.
Never built anything like thatbefore.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
This was a journey.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And I was cutting the stringers, which are the pieces
that the stairs sit on goingdown.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
We all know what stringers are.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Come on.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
No dude, I don't build anything, Okay.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
So I was cutting the stringers and my wife came out
and I said I'm trying to remindmyself that I don't suck at
cutting stringers, I'm new atcutting stringers and she's like
whoa, that's a differentmindset, because she could see
all right that I was fighting tonot let that voice in my head
take over something that I'dnever done before, and she
(37:09):
championed that for me to say.
I see that change.
That would not have happened ifI hadn't surrounded myself with
people who are challenging my.
And.
Ed Milet talks about resettingthe thermostat.
I don't know if you've heardthat or not, but he talks about
we all have the default thethermostat returns back to 72
degrees.
So every time our life startsheating up, man, things are
(37:32):
going well.
I'm at 75 degrees, I made it to78 degrees, I'm pushing 85
degrees.
We often just have that reset.
That feels like man impostersyndrome.
They're going to discover me,it's all going to fall apart and
we start self-sabotaging and wecool the thermostat back to 72.
My thermostat would be set at 72if it weren't for the fact that
(37:55):
I had a cheering section that Imeet with virtually every week
my inner circle.
There's a guy from North Dakota, a gal from North Carolina, two
guys from Florida and one fromCincinnati.
So that's my inner circle andwe meet every Wednesday morning
online for about an hour and 15minutes.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
And when you meet with those people I mean, then
things like a mindset shiftbecomes habitual, because when
you have someone constantlyspeaking truth to you that way,
then you start speaking lovinglyto yourself right and it's not
always great, because my guy,chris, in that group, chris,
played college football.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
He was a firefighter running a successful inspection
company.
We go on an annual retreattogether where we all get
face-to-face and we go into adeep dive and we share whatever.
Two years ago we just went deepin our personal story in the
background and we all poured outour stories and just to give us
(38:56):
understanding of where we'recoming from.
And in one of thoseconversations Chris started
pushing on me and Chris and Igot into a back and forth that
was raising voices and sayingbut you're not listening to me
and I mean we were getting, wewere getting, we were getting
fired up.
It's not all warm fuzzies,because we realize what's at
stake.
We challenge each other and wepush each other to realize
(39:23):
you're settling.
And Chris was basically sayingto me you're settling for
something I don't think youshould be settling for and I
don't think you like it either.
I mean he was calling me out andwe went back and forth for
several minutes, and so thisisn't about.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
So the boxing glove thing is like legit the punch
thing might be coming here.
It's your voice, you're gettingpassionate, you're getting loud
.
I like this.
I feel like I'm ready for agood slug and hey, welcome back.
So much for being seamless withthis.
Our camera overheated, so we'rejumping back in.
So I'm just going to go back towhere I think we were, because
I know I had a question about.
You were talking about conflict.
(39:57):
So in a group like this, how doyou get to the point where
you're able to give permissionfor conflict?
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, you know, relationships have to go through
a maturing cycle and so jumpinginto transformational
relationship is tough.
You've got to build trust toget to that point.
So your relationships have tostart with how are you?
And then go through the whatare you, the how are you?
(40:26):
Questions that may be for weeks, it could be for months, but
you got to see, hey, how doesthis respond to hard times?
How does this person respond togood times?
How does this person engagewith what's actually happening
in their life?
And then when you start holdingaccountability, one another to
accountability, then you see andone of the reasons five people
(40:50):
to me is important is when I'vedone accountability with one
other person or two other people, if I'm struggling, I'm not
going to ask the hard questionsbecause I don't want the
questions coming back to me.
And so when you're in acommunity of just one or two
people or other people, you tendnot to hold people accountable
to the level, especially ifyou're not all driven at a very
(41:10):
high level, which most of usaren't.
Those type A personalitieshardcore, get it done, mark it
off the list, move on.
So we need to make sure thatwe've got enough people that
someone's willing to ask thoseaccountability questions.
But to get to the point ofconflict, it's this conversation
of trust.
How am I building trust?
(41:32):
Throughout this journey, thisperson has proven they cared
about me.
As we've gone through the howare you stage, this person has
shown up consistently whenthey've been asking what are you
becoming?
And I'm asking them what arethey becoming?
And there's this back and forthdialogue and then we get to
this transformation stage whoare you becoming?
Forth dialogue, and then we getto this transformation stage
(41:54):
who are you becoming?
Chris was so passionate aboutme building the life he sees I
have the potential to be.
He couldn't shut up anymore.
So Chris had to pour into thatout of that trust that we built
up.
I didn't like it and it madethe other three people sitting
in the room pretty uncomfortableat that moment because it's
like what do we do?
They're yelling.
This is awkward and I just hadto say, chris, let's ask someone
(42:19):
else's take, and someone elsespoke into it who'd been on the
whole journey with us.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
And that person was able to say well, this is what I
see has happened.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
And they've spoken into it.
So that community conversation.
If you've got five people whobuilt trust with each other and
one sees a conflict, you havethose other three people that
can offer some perspective on.
Here's what we're seeing.
We're going to validate theconcern or we're going to.
We're going to object to thatconcern and we may not all agree
(42:52):
, but we've developed enoughlove and trust in the
relationships we have with eachother that we're moving forward.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Wow, that that's awesome.
I, I, I feel that I've been ina situation recently where there
was like a uh, it wasn't as itwasn't a five people, but there
was at least an extra party ortwo involved that could speak
truth and give some perspective.
So I can see the value in that.
And this is just like amplifiedwhen you have the group of five
, you know, with people who havebeen on the entire journey, and
the trust is built.
And I know that you know, in mymarriage I have conflict, but
(43:21):
those that's what bring us tothe next, to the transformation
level, and bring us even closer.
So, really, conflict forhealthy relationships at the
transformational level.
It Really conflict for healthyrelationships at the
transformational level.
It's necessary, right, it hasto happen.
Speaker 2 (43:33):
Well, any area that we want growth in, we have to go
through struggle for it to moveforward, whether it's building
more muscle, you've got to hurton Tuesday after you lift on
Monday, which I don't have a lotof experience in, but that's
how they tell me it works.
But we've got to go throughstruggle to be able to grow.
And I think in your businessyou've got to go through the
(43:55):
grind in order to get the payout.
In your relationships you gotto go through the conflict in
order to enjoy the fruit of thatrelationship.
And I mean, even if you go backto creation, the seed has got
to die, it's got to break openbefore something can flourish
out of it.
And I think relationshipsrequire that breaking open in
(44:15):
order for stuff to grow.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, man, that's great.
So I'm so many questions abouthow this works and we don't have
time for it to answer all myquestions today, but what the
possibilities for you.
You know what, what are youexcited about for you in this
and where this is going, andwhat's your vision for it?
Like, what gets you up rightnow and makes you go, man, you
know, is it this whole the innercircle network or what is it?
(44:41):
What else is possible, as welike to ask here?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Yeah, so the inner circle, the circle of five
network is what we call it.
That's really where I'm pouringmy energy in to, because I just
believe we need it.
On my, on my vulnerable days, Idream of what if we had a
million people that were a partof this network, which which
sounds absurd to even say rightnow, because we're still trying
to get our, we're still tryingto launch which it should sound.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
I'm all about seemingly impossible goals,
because if you know you, you canachieve it.
It ain't big enough, right?
And what if?
What if I don't hit a million?
Speaker 2 (45:14):
people.
And what if I only hit 120,000people?
Man, only 120,000 people builta network of relationship around
them.
Yeah, that's a win.
And so that's really where mypassion is is to pour into
people, and I like to be aninnovator.
I used to think that that was acurse.
I had someone very close to meone time say I am jealous at how
(45:38):
entrepreneurial you are,because I need more security
than that, and this is anentrepreneurial effort.
I mean, it's scary to launchinto this, but I have such deep
conviction and that we need thisbecause we are in a crisis in
our culture and so, really, thethe being intentional about at
(45:59):
least even if even if you can'tafford to be in this
transformational level ofcoaching that we offer, if, if
your desire is just to be knownfor $10 a month, you can be a
part of this community.
Get some reminders, get aprompt on a regular basis on
here's questions to ask yourinner circle, just to keep a
(46:21):
dialogue going.
We're trying to create valuethat you can use on a regular
basis, and so, really, wherethis is going is man, what if,
by the end of the year, we had500 people to be a part of this
community?
And I've got goals of where I'dlike to be and what's different
?
I read a book by Darren Hardycalled the Entrepreneurial
(46:43):
Rollercoaster, and in it he wasmeeting with his friend.
They got together and hestarted talking about our number
as well, our subscription forthis, magazines are up to this
and that, and I got this houseand that and his friends like
why are you talking to me aboutthis?
You don't even keep your owncheckbook, you don't care about
money.
And his friend helped himrealize that his passion was to
(47:06):
impact people.
And that was huge for me,because now I'm thinking, not
how do I make this much money,but how do I impact this many
lives?
And so I get to pursue havingimpact and not make it about
dollars and cents at this point.
And that's really set me free tobe able to pour into.
I mean, there's, the logisticsof things cost money to do, but
(47:30):
to be able to just go afterinvesting in people and helping
them to figure out how to thrivetogether and helping them to
realize that they don't have tohire a coach every month for the
rest of their life, they canbuild a network of people where
they're reciprocating thatinvestment in each other.
That's what fires me up.
Speaker 1 (47:48):
I love it, and what you were saying actually reminds
me of the last episode of thepodcast with Lauren Schieffer
Salute to Significance.
She talks about her father.
The colonel told her if you aresignificant, you will be
successful.
You know significance beforesuccess and that's exactly what
you're saying.
Like let's make that impact,let's reach just however many
people we're meant to reach andsuccess follows in the way that
(48:10):
it's supposed to.
So I love that.
Focus on relational wealthbefore financial wealth.
It kind of feels the same wayIf you're healthy, relationally,
things are just going to followWell before we talk about how
they can connect with you andkeep up to date on the I've
tried to say it like three orfour times the circle of five
network.
Did I finally get it right?
Speaker 2 (48:27):
You nailed it, that's it.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
Okay, boom by the end , I got it I keep wanting to say
inner but Circle of FiveNetwork.
Before we talk about how youcan follow that, one of the
things you talked about was youdidn't call it this, but it's
like an upper limit problem.
I just read the Big Leap by GayHendricks and you talk about
how we get.
The thermostat is set at 72,and things start to heat up 85
and we're like we start tosabotage ourself and it
(48:50):
manifests itself in weird waysand illnesses and injuries, and
he calls it an upper limitproblem.
Like we don't think we deservethat next level of greatness and
so we even if it's arelationship you know we start
to like, start an argument tobring things back down to 72.
Is that what I'm saying?
Like that's not good to comeback down, or you want to keep
heating things up, right?
Speaker 2 (49:10):
We literally self-sabotage we.
We do it to ourselves becausewe don't feel like we're we're
deserving, we don't feel like wecan sustain it, we don't feel
like man.
I don't know if I can start arelationship again, or I don't
know if I can, um, start up thisbusiness again, and we start
doubting our capacity to achieve.
(49:32):
And so we, we all of a suddenturn it back down and that's, I
go back to my thing.
That's why we need people tosay yeah you're doing it again.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
And I the I can't tell you how many times the
people in my circle of fivecan't tell you how many times
they've said you're going backinto that mode again wow, yeah
and they're calling me out of itbecause I'm I have to reprogram
the software sure, and I keep Ikeep uninstalling the new
software and installing the oldsoftware because it's so
(50:05):
ingrained in my naturalbehaviors and it doesn't just
change in a few months.
It can sometimes come back yearslater and I've got to.
When I was going throughtherapy after being in the
hospital, I had to trust mytherapist.
When I was walking down thehallway gasping for air, he was
watching my vitals, he waswatching my signs and he was
(50:28):
telling me you can go 10 morefeet.
And when I think back to thegoal of trying to walk 10 feet
it's like how was it thatprimitive in my life.
And I needed to trust the personwho was looking at the other
signs to make sure that I wasgoing to be safe, so I had to
rely on his assessment, not mine.
(50:50):
That's the same thing with thisinner circle.
Those people are watching thesigns in my life and they're
telling me this is where I'm atand they're championing for me
that I can go further than Ithink I can.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
Yeah, that's so great .
That's so great.
Thanks for being here.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
It's been great.
I love this.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
I want the listeners to be able to like find this
when it's ready to go and likemaybe even follow you on your
journey, or whatever that lookslike.
What's the best way for them tofollow you, to kind of keep in
touch with the Circle of FiveNetwork at this point?
Speaker 2 (51:29):
So our website, circleoffivecoachingcom slash
network would be where you canlearn more about the Circle of
Five Network.
And then LinkedIn is anotherplace that I'm fairly invested
in, and you can find me at theusername would be Circle of Five
on LinkedIn.
So yeah, connect with me.
I'd love to connect with you,learn your story and continue to
invest in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
Awesome.
What else is possible, right?
Speaker 2 (51:52):
What else Great things ahead.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
That's right, man, awesome.
Well, hey, just as we wrap andI do have one final question for
you, but just want to saythanks again to Excedera Shawnee
for allowing us this space Alsowant to give a shout out.
I meant to do this at the topand I breezed over things too
quickly.
My new podcast producer, ashleyStare, is a dream.
Speaker 2 (52:12):
Man, she made this process easy for me.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
I'm telling you, a few weeks ago I didn't have her
yet when I had Jesse read on andwe talked about who, not how,
and how you find your who's andI found her like just after that
, and I'm telling you that, likethe work that it has taken off
my plate that someone else cando more efficiently and more
effectively has been such avalue.
So, ashley, thank you so muchfor making my process so much
(52:36):
smoother and freeing up moretime for my family.
So, thank you, appreciate that.
Hey, also, don't forget aboutThompson Tees.
Go to the notes, click on it.
I'm telling you, if you're asweaty armpit person, like some
people I know, point at myselfit's going to change your life.
So check that out, okay, watchon YouTube.
If you're listening, you know,give us that review comments and
(52:58):
let us, you know, listen.
If you're seeing a clip onsocial media, let us know.
How has this inspired you, youknow, to maybe start building
your inner circle even right nowand start thinking about who
those people that you'll reachout to once you have the tools
and resources through the Circleof Five network to actually
take action on that, okay.
So last question I have for you, ryan could you just give me,
(53:20):
as an experienced father, justone piece of advice for my
daughters.
One piece of advice for yourdaughters A little on the spot
here.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
For you or for your daughters.
Speaker 1 (53:30):
For them, for them because I'm perfect, I don't
need.
I don't need any workwhatsoever you know what I'll
say this?
Speaker 2 (53:37):
um, as parent-child relationships go, there's a
natural tendency for conflict todevelop over time.
And I always liken it to theidea of a bow and arrow that we
as parents are the bow and ourkids are the arrow.
And if there's not tension inthat relationship, when we let
(53:59):
go of the arrow it falls off andit stays home.
So, as you're, you're aimingyour kids.
While there's not tension,that's that's the zero.
Through eight, nine, 10 yearsold.
You're aiming those kids, but asthose kids end into those
teenage years, that bow you'restarting to put tension on that
and now you're just fine tuningit because their trajectory is
(54:21):
set.
And that tension, kids, thatyou're feeling with your parents
, that's a natural thing tohappen.
And there's going to come apoint where they're going to
release you and you're going tolaunch and we pray as parents
that you hit the target.
And so I guess I would justtell kids that that tension
isn't dysfunctional.
It doesn't mean go off the endand be a jerk and be obnoxious,
(54:43):
but it means don't feel likethat's your relationship falling
apart.
That's actually preparing bothmom and dad and you for that
launch, so that you can go intothe world and accomplish what
you're set out to do.
Speaker 1 (54:56):
Wow, you just blew my mind, man.
That is such a good analogy andthat should be a TED Talk, if
it's not already.
That's so good, Because youknow we all feel that.
I mean I feel that tension inall of our relationships at
times you know, but wow, that'sso good.
Thank you for that, man.
I'm going to share that with mywife.
That's going to be helpful forus, thank you.
So okay, we're going to saygoodbye with our favorite
question that you ask when youembrace a possibility mindset,
(55:18):
which is what else is possible?
So I'll say what else you sayis possible and we'll sign out.
Are you ready?
Let's do it Okay.
Let's do it Okay.
Thanks for joining us andremember to never stop asking
the question what else?
Speaker 2 (55:30):
is possible.
Speaker 1 (55:31):
See you next time.
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