July 3, 2025 • 58 mins
What happens when childhood challenges, unresolved pain, and a long battle with alcoholism collide? Ivy Perez, author, marathoner, triathlete-in-training, transformational life coach, and founder of Ivy’s Cleaning & Organizing LLC, discovered firsthand, and what followed set her on a powerful path toward healing and wholeness. In this awe-inspiring conversation, Ivy opens up about the winding road to sobriety including the personal wake-up calls that forced her to confront what she’d long tried to numb and how a serious health scare became the unexpected catalyst for emotional healing and self-rediscovery. Whether she’s coaching clients, organizing spaces with intention, or going live for her morning “Cawfee Tawk Time,” Ivy’s message is clear: Recovery isn’t a straight line and it’s never too late to return to yourself.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Alethea Felton (00:07):
It brings me such joy today to be able to
interview Ivy Perez, because Iknow her beyond just this
podcast, and she is someone whobrings such sunshine and light
to everybody's world, includingmine.
So welcome to the PowerTransformation Podcast, ivy Well
(00:29):
thank you, ms Alethea.
Ivy Perez (00:32):
It's so great to be here.
I'm so excited, and you knowwhat I get most excited about,
because I don't know what'sgoing to come out of this mouth.
So let's find out.
Alethea Felton (00:42):
You certainly have a story of transformation,
a story of resiliency and somuch more that you're going to
share your insights and yourwisdom with our audience.
But before we dive into that,let's just have a little fun.
So let's start with some funand, ivy, tell us something that
(01:03):
perhaps most people now ofcourse, people who are
intimately close with you wouldknow.
But what is something that mostpeople don't know about you?
That might actually totallysurprise us.
What's a fun fact about you,ivy?
Ivy Perez (01:29):
thing that came to mind is I don't know what the
name of it is called, because weall like I shouldn't say we all
, we, a lot of us have, like, afear of something.
There could be a fear of snakes, a fear of heights, a fear of
closed spaces, and sometimes Ihave this fear of going out in
public don't know yep, don'tknow where that's come from.
Um, every, it doesn't.
It used to happen a bit morewhen I was younger, and not so
(01:52):
much now, but every so often Iget this kind of feeling and I'm
like, nope, I'm not, I'm notgoing out today, nope, I'm going
to stay inside.
It's just kind of weird, but Iremember the first time it
happened I was in high schooland I forget what I needed to do
.
I lived because we were in welived in Brooklyn at the time so
a lot of the apartments wereabove stores, so we lived above
(02:16):
an insurance agency, so we werea few stores up so I had to do
something.
Maybe I had to do laundry,because, of course, laundromat
was outside and I think that wasthe case, and I couldn't like.
I looked out the window, I go,I can't.
Like I felt this, I can't goout, I can't.
I paced, I paced for six hoursand I'm looking outside and I'm
(02:41):
like I can't do it, I can't doit.
And then it got to the Ivy.
You could do it, ivy, you coulddo it.
I'm like I can't do it.
So for six hours, and then Iforced myself to go to the
corner store to get a milk andthen come back home and that's
it.
And then, once I did, I'm like,oh my God, oh my God, I did it,
oh my God, I did it, yeah.
(03:06):
So every so often I get thislike I don't know what it's
called, and it's like this fearof going outside, fear of the
public fear of.
Alethea Felton (03:10):
I don't know Is it?
Is it more of a fear, or do youget a premonition or an ominous
feeling?
Ivy Perez (03:19):
No, I think.
I think it's more on the fearend of the spectrum.
Alethea Felton (03:22):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting for me, and every
time it like surfaces, I'mlike's more on the fear end of
the spectrum.
Ivy Perez (03:25):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting for me and every
time it surfaces I'm like that'sweird.
But of course now I canrecognize it Exactly, talk
myself through it and like, allright, ivy, just come on, let's
go.
Yeah, yeah, very strange, soyeah.
Alethea Felton (03:38):
Or maybe it could be.
If it's not necessarily fear,it could be.
You just don't want to bebothered with anybody's nonsense
that day.
Thank you for sharing You'relike, I don't want to be
bothered nonsense, but no, thereason that I'm so impressed by
that in a shocking way isbecause of how social you are
(04:06):
and because and we'll talk aboutthis later but with the type of
business you have, you have togo out into the public and to
know that that's something thatyou've had a challenge with, but
at least you recognize it.
That's really interesting.
And this leads me to the nextquestion.
You can answer it any way thatyou choose.
It's very open-ended, but yougo with your gut.
Who is Ivy Perez?
Ivy Perez (04:30):
Ivy Perez.
Well, she is complex, she is,she's kind, she's thoughtful,
she's very considerate.
She is careful with her words,especially when she's in a
(04:54):
situation whether it's family orfriends or anyone where you get
this underlying sense of youhave to really be careful with
how you speak to someone,because it could be just that
little shift that's going tomove them in a direction that
could make them feel better ormove them in a direction that's
going to like send themspiraling.
So I'm very careful with how Ichoose my words.
(05:16):
I like to laugh.
I like to laugh.
I'm always smiling.
I look at the brighter side ofthings.
I'm always the silver liningkind of person.
I'm not the red flag kind ofperson.
I just kind of take things asthey come.
(05:38):
Sometimes, yes, sometimes I getblindsided.
I'm like, oh, I didn't see thatcoming, because I don't look.
You know there.
I'm like all right.
So I just kind of like go withthe flow, go with the punches.
I used to go with the flow alot more when I was younger,
just kind of fluttering aboutuntil I realized I needed to
like reel myself in.
(05:58):
And you know, hope is not astrategy.
I was the hope.
Well, I hope that if I'm just,you know, a good person and I
work hard and I do all the rightthings for me, right by people,
things, good things will happento me, which is true, which is
true.
But when there isn't a sense ofstrategy and I always thought
(06:18):
of strategy as manipulation, andmaybe that can't yes, I always
thought of strategy asmanipulation, and maybe that
can't.
Yes, I always thought ofstrategy as manipulation, and
that's just maybe how I grew up.
It was just more about a lot ofjudgment that I heard, you know
, from family members.
So whenever I don't know, Ijust really thought that, you
(06:39):
know, strategy and sales was aform of manipulation, and I
think that's relatively common.
But uh, but yeah, I, I like tohave a fun.
I think more so now.
I'm such a homebody, I lovebeing home.
I love being home.
I could be home all the time,but I have a 12 year old
(07:01):
daughter, so she forces me tolike all right, I would get out
this, go for a bike ride, let'sdo something, but I could stay
home all the time, yeah.
Alethea Felton (07:11):
I like staying home too, and, and my uh
boyfriend, we, we don't live togather, but I think that's one
of the reasons why we enjoyhaving our weekends together or
time spent, because when we wereyounger, you know, in our
respective lives we, we did alot outside of the house, but,
(07:36):
um, and this was prior to usgetting together, but now, with
us being in our 40s, we're bothlike being home is great and we
may go out to dinner or do a fewfun things here and there, but
home is so comforting.
And I say that because of thefact, ivy, it's such a beautiful
(08:00):
thing to be able to say you'refine staying home, which means
home is a place of love, it's aplace of comfort, it's a place
of safety, it's truly where theheart is.
And that leads me to wondering,ivy, if we could go back to
just a bit of your beginnings,of when home was that place of
(08:26):
refuge.
And so tell us about whereyou're from, a little bit about
your family upbringing, but howyour upbringing, ivy, shaped you
or helped to shape you becomethe woman that you are today.
Ivy Perez (08:43):
This is a juicy one.
This is deep Because, as youwere asking, I immediately
thought of my childhood in thewhole safety thing, because I
didn't have that.
So, yeah, I did not.
So when I was younger, we movedon average every three to four
(09:04):
years, and it wasn't because ofmilitary, you know, I jokingly
say, oh, my mom was a gypsy.
But it was because, of course,as a child you don't know these
things, what your parents aredealing with.
But my dad was into drugs, somy mom would move to get him
away from the elements and so,but it doesn't matter, you can
(09:33):
go to like the wilderness and aperson that is addicted to
whatever it is, we'll find thatone person, you know the needle
in the haystack, that one person, there's this, this sense, that
sixth sense, and so you know,wherever we went, I guess you
know he would find the peopleand we'd move again.
So my childhood was a lot ofmoving.
There was no communication.
So it wasn't as if okay,because I had two younger
(09:55):
siblings.
It wasn't as if it was like,okay, we're going to move and so
we're going to start a newschool and that kind of thing.
It wasn't that, it was justlike, oh, we're moving, that's
it.
You know you wake up and you'rein another town, you know I have
to go to another school, and soit was a lot of the start and
(10:15):
stop in my life.
So there was, you know,speaking of school.
You know I started, you know,going to a new school.
So now I clam up, I'm quiet,I'm just trying to like blend in
quietly.
It took me time, probably a fewyears, and then I start to open
up and have some friends, andthen there we go, we move again,
(10:36):
so clam up again.
So it was this open up, close,oh close, oh close, my whole
life.
So that just became somethingthat I took with me, even as an
adult, in and I moved, I, when Iwas about 30, I moved to
Arizona and I was there for 10years and in those 10 years I
probably moved about 12 times.
Wow, yes, and it wasn't, it wasjust, it was natural, exactly.
(11:02):
It didn't feel like I thinkabout that now and you think
about packing and unpacking andI don't remember any of that, I
just don't.
It was just something that Idid.
So, um, so yeah, as far as likestability, I didn't have it.
Uh, security, I didn't reallyfeel it.
Um, we always had a roof overour head, there was always food,
(11:24):
things like that.
My mom was always working, mydad he was off.
They separated.
When I was about I don't evenknow six-ish, six, eight, which
is kind of like the time when alot of parents tend to separate,
he just kind of poof, he wasgone, like one day he was gone
and that was a whole big, awhole big deal.
(11:46):
So just quick, quickly, becauseof drugs.
And I think my mom had a uh,like a card store, like a
Hallmark card store, and she hada full-time job.
So she's working the jobbecause you know there was the,
was the um, the health benefitsand all the things and his job.
(12:06):
He had some side jobs but hisjob was to take care of the card
shop and one day she said thata little old lady in the
neighborhood went up to her andsaid to her one day like when is
your store ever going to beopen?
And she's like what are youtalking about?
It's open every day.
No, it's never open.
Every time I come down becauseyou know how, I don't know like
where you're from, or in thechildhood, there was the gates,
(12:26):
the metal gates that came downyeah, so she was like no the
gate was always down and sobasically he was taking the
things, selling it for his habit, things like that.
so I think it was right aroundthat time when she was done you
know, she was done, she had itand I remember waking up in the
middle of the night and it waspitch black and I just hear like
(12:48):
walkie-talkies and lights andthere were cops inside our
apartment because she, I thinkshe kicked him out and she
called the cops and she's wellbefore then or whatever she told
them she goes, if you don'tcome and get him, I'm gonna kill
him, that kind of thing.
So it was.
And then all of a sudden thecops are there and I'm like, huh
, what, what's going on?
You know, little kid you're,you don't, you don't know what's
(13:09):
going on, and then that's it.
I didn't see my dad.
He was gone and there was notalk about it.
There was no like why doesn'tdad come around or why does he
fall?
Yeah?
So there was a lot of that.
And I did see him years laterand he was with someone else and
(13:31):
he had a child or whatever.
My, my, yeah, my stepbrother.
And it took me a long time tokind of just even want to have
anything to do with him, becausehe was the other child, kind of
thing we're close, haveanything to do with him because
he was the other child, kind ofthing.
We're close, we're close today,and so, yeah, so there were a
lot of craziness and so, as amom now, it is very, very
(14:02):
important to me to have thatstability for her.
So I I was from the time thatshe was little I didn't, and I
purposely chose not, to have afull-time job.
I didn't want them because mymom had the full-time and she
was gone all the time.
So I was the latchkey kid.
I was the one that had to cleanthe house.
Now, granted, I was the oldest,with two younger sisters, so I
had to take care of them, makesure their homework was done,
make sure the house was clean, alot of responsibility, because
(14:28):
my mom was like yeah and uh, andI just was like.
I never consciously thought likeoh, I never want to have kids.
And but there was a part of methat was like I don't, I lost my
childhood, I don't want to tohave that as an adult.
Alethea Felton (14:37):
And of course you know, I went through cancer
and then I had my child and it'sjust I and Ivy just real quick,
in thinking about what you saidearlier about sometimes not
wanting to leave the house or goanywhere.
I'm definitely not a therapistbut as a life coach and just
hearing that, it'sunderstandable how there may be
(15:01):
some subconscious trauma therethat all influenced that.
Ivy Perez (15:07):
And so that's very possible and I never, I never
put those two together.
Alethea Felton (15:11):
Very possible, that's really incredible, and so
your your journey has had somany layers.
But one thing that we agreethat we talk a lot about and I
want to hone in on is thisjourney that you've had, because
you do something every day.
That's called coffee talk, andwe'll talk more about that as
(15:35):
well.
But coffee talk is absolutelyincredible.
It's a live platform on socialmedia, specifically on Facebook,
where you do some type ofinsightful, engaging talk, a
chat straight from the heart.
It can be more scientificallybased one day, or it can be more
(15:55):
opinion perspective.
It differs, but I love coffeetalk and we'll talk more about
exactly what that is in a minute.
But you recently, ivy, did someof your coffee talk series on
alcohol awareness and things ofthat nature, and a big core of
(16:16):
your journey has been based onyou being very open and
transparent about living withalcoholism and we knowing that
it's more than just a personthat just can't control drinking
.
It's deeper than that.
It's a disease, and you arerecovering, which is so
(16:37):
beautiful, and you are sober.
But take us back a bit andwe'll lead up to coffee talk,
all of that.
But when you think about evenall of the trauma, in a sense,
that you went through inchildhood.
How did you imagine Ivy as akid, that your adult life would
(17:02):
be Ivy?
Ivy Perez (17:06):
as a kid I didn't think about the future
Interesting Okay At all.
So it was kind of like, youknow I I've said at times you
know the question, like when yougo for an interview, when you
first starting your job search,and they ask you the question
where do you see yourself infive years?
I needed that question.
(17:28):
I gave something that soundedreally good for the job.
Oh, I see myself doing thishere, whatever.
It sounded good, which ofcourse they probably knew it was
just kind of whatever.
But I had no vision and I thinkit was because there was that
constant stop and start and stopand I just didn't know.
I didn't know where I was goingto end up.
I didn't know.
(17:49):
Just I just didn't know whattomorrow was going to be and
even the family dynamics wasvery dysfunctional and it was
more like, well within my ownhome, like my dad was gone, my
mom was always working, thatkind of thing, so I didn't see
them fighting at all, but likemy mom and her siblings, that
(18:09):
was a different story.
So that kind of thing it waslike fights and arguing and
cursing and all the things.
And I'm a kid.
I'm like what is going on?
I hear the judgment from likeyou know family members, even
you know immediate familymembers.
I'm like don't get it.
Like we're not perfect, so whywould we judge?
(18:31):
Like who are you to judge?
And this is me as a child.
So as I grow up into adulthood,what I do, you know that saying
, you know be careful, you knowpointing the finger because
there's three back at you kindof thing Like I've always known
that.
Like how can you judge Likethere's there's more about you?
Always known that, like how canyou judge Like there's there's
(18:52):
more about you?
And so I don't.
I don't, I mean, sure we havethat little sense of you know,
judging and prejudice, and it'sjust human nature.
It isn't bad, but for me I'mlike I'm not perfect, I we're
all trying to do the same thing.
So I always had that within me,just as as a child, I couldn't
verbalize it.
I know how to verbalize it and Iwouldn't verbalize it, that
kind of thing you know, you keepit to yourself.
(19:13):
So yeah, looking back, as achild, I never thought of oh
well, when I grow up I want tobe this, when I grow up, I'm
going to do this differently.
Never once I can't remember, Ican't remember.
Never once I can't remember, Ican't remember.
Alethea Felton (19:28):
It was just kind of like live for the now.
Ivy Perez (19:37):
Now, that's powerful in itself, being present.
Live for the now.
But there's a difference withliving for the now because
you're almost in survival.
You just don't know what's goingto happen.
And now, as an adult, it's moreabout being present and living
in the now and just observing.
You know the landscape of whereyou are and what you do, kind
of noticing and checkingyourself in a good way so that
(19:57):
you do good for you, and it'sthe boomerang, and then you know
you give out good and it comesright back to you and teaching
others that as well, just byyour actions, others that as
well, just by your actions.
You know it's not necessarilygoing out and like scolding
people, like, well, do you know,whenever you say that that
that's not going to be, that,that that that I like I don't do
that People do that I don't dothat, just kind of like, just by
(20:20):
me being me, I've always said Idon't know where it came from,
but I always said I just want tobe an example of possibility, I
just want to be an example ofpossibility, that's it.
So how that transpires, you know, or where that was going to go,
wasn't like I thought I'm goingto be an example of possibility
in the future when I grow upand when I do this.
(20:41):
It was just like, please, god,I just want to be an example of
possibility, because I did notsee that growing up at all
possibility, because I did notsee that growing up at all.
Alethea Felton (20:54):
Wow, and that is so powerful, being an example
of possibility, because that'swho you have become.
Even though you were affirmingit then you didn't realize the
power that it would have.
And I asked you about thosechildhood dreams and visions if
you had any, because I think itbecomes really important to your
lessons in coffee talk that youmay not even be aware of it,
(21:16):
but you do open up the idea forpeople to think and be more, to
be open to those possibilitiesand the dreams of their life.
And, like I said, you're veryopen about your journey.
And there came a point Ivy,even prior to these coffee talks
and you having your ownbusiness that alcohol became
(21:37):
more than just a drink.
So take us there and describehow that drinking of the alcohol
began to shape or control yourlife.
Ivy Perez (21:52):
Oh, I love these questions.
They're so deep.
So alcohol the first time thatI drank.
I didn't know it was alcohol.
I think it was like 10 yearsold, really Okay.
Yes, so it was a New Year's Eveparty.
My mom went to a friend's houseand it was kind of like the
adults are downstairs, the kidsare upstairs, kind of thing.
(22:15):
It's like go go upstairs, gohang out with the kids.
Now I was shy so I remembergoing up and there was like
three girls there and they'refriends, so they're talking.
I just sat there all quiet, Ijust kind of like looking around
, and then they offered me adrink and it was these big
bottles.
They had three of them and theywere two liter, which of course
I know now or later.
(22:35):
Calvin coolers, do you rememberthose?
Yeah, I know what you'retalking about.
Yeah, it was like fruit punch.
So they were like do you want?
Do you want some?
And I'm like, okay.
So they were the red solo cupsand they filled it to the top.
I'm like, oh, this is good,this is tasty.
Alethea Felton (22:51):
Yeah.
Ivy Perez (22:53):
And so I had one, and then I had two, and then I had
three, and then I was sick as adog and then I was sick, sick,
sick as a dog.
So that was the first time thatI had, you know, had consumed
alcohol, and I did it for yearsafter that.
The next time was right aroundseventh grade.
Now in that time, so 10th gradeI think about my daughter.
(23:14):
She's 12 and she's in sixthgrade.
So 10th grade, fourth grade,like I was little, you know,
like when we really think aboutit, like I was tiny.
And so here it is I had alcoholat 10.
I got drunk, I got sick, andthen the next time it happened I
was, I think I was in sixth orseventh grade and I got drunk.
(23:36):
But the difference was I, Iliked it.
I was like I felt this sense ofand and a lot of people who you
know like, whether it's alcoholor anything else there's this
sense of escaping, there's thissense of numbing and feeling
nothing and, at the same time,feeling free, and it's such,
(24:00):
it's such a wonderful feeling,especially if you come from
trauma, if you come from chaosand dysfunction.
There's this sense of oh my God, I don't have to think about
anything, I don't have to worryabout anything, I'm just, I'm
just like light, you know.
So that was right aroundseventh grade and then nothing
(24:21):
until college.
And then in college it was justmore of oh, this is what
everybody does.
They drink to excess and youblack out and you fall on your
face and you laugh about it, andthe next day everybody's joking
about it and you go about it,and then the next day you do it
again, and every weekend is so.
What happened for me was Istarted to enjoy it.
(24:44):
It became the norm in college,but I thought that that was the
norm.
So after college, I continueddrinking to excess, blacking out
and all the things, because Ithought it was normal.
So I had in my 20s, I had twolong term relationships and you
(25:06):
know, I don't know just drinkinga lot.
The second relationship, in theum, the latter part of my
twenties, he was a little more.
It was just, it's justinteresting.
You know, when we date, youknow the, the dynamics in it.
The first one, he was coolabout it and everything was fine
, it was fun.
But I think I felt safer withhim.
In the second relationship itwas a little.
(25:28):
Now, thinking back, I think hewas and probably still is, but I
think he was a narcissistic man.
But I didn't know that.
I just thought, like God he'sso mean, like I don't deserve
that, and he would put me downand he would say things to me to
a point where now I started tosay that about myself.
Alethea Felton (25:48):
Ooh, that's deep .
Ivy Perez (25:49):
Yes, and I remember one time I was out to dinner
with my mom and some friends andI remember verbally that was
just kind of casual Like yeah,I'm really selfish, I'm a
selfish person.
My mom shot me a look and shewas like it was like 15 people,
she's like don't you ever saythat about yourself?
And I was like oh, like italmost like woke me up, like oh,
(26:09):
because he would say that to meall the time.
You're so selfish, you're soselfish.
And I'm like why would you saythat?
Like I'm not doing anythingkind of thing.
So obviously that didn't goanywhere.
But with him the drinking was alittle different.
It was more to escape.
First one drinking having fun,I felt safe.
(26:30):
This one drinking I didn't carewhat you said, I didn't care if
you yelled at me, kind of thing.
And then now I move into mythirties and that's when, uh,
just a lot of the stuff.
You know there was abuse for meas a child.
I don't even, honestly, I think, anybody who has gone through
any kind of trauma.
The timeline is always fuzzy.
I think it occurred for a fewyears.
(26:52):
It could have been half a year,I don't even know, but I think
it was a few years.
There was abuse there, so Iknow, but I didn't at the time
that men and so I used it as atool to get back at at guys
(27:16):
whether I was dating them.
Typically, if I was dating them, it was almost as if I will
hurt you before you hurt me.
Alethea Felton (27:25):
But the whole thing is, you were the one
hurting yourself, wouldn't you?
Ivy Perez (27:29):
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
I was hurting myself, but Ididn't know that Exactly, so
like I was using it.
And then you know, the drinkingjust got, you know, worse and
worse and I and I had fun withit, I enjoyed it.
I enjoy drinking andsocializing and all the things.
But it got to a point where Ihad a DUI and, okay, I went to
(27:54):
Catholic school fromkindergarten to high school.
I was the good kid, never gotin trouble, respected my elders.
I still respect my elders.
You don't speak ill or talkback to elders, police officers
or whatever.
You just respect.
Whether you agree or not, yourespect.
Though I was a good kid.
And so here it is.
(28:15):
Now I'm in my 30s, thedrinking's gotten out of control
.
I have like a little fenderbender.
Thankfully no one was hurt, butI was arrested and I was
charged with DUI and I lost mylicense for two years.
Oh Lord.
Alethea Felton (28:30):
I know that was a challenge, so it was huge.
How old were you then I?
Ivy Perez (28:37):
think I was no.
Alethea Felton (28:39):
I was.
Ivy Perez (28:40):
I want to say about 35, 37.
Alethea Felton (28:43):
Oh, you need your license.
Ivy Perez (28:45):
You need to drive.
Yeah, yes, and the job that Ihad at the time, I had to drive
people around.
So it was, it was very, it wasa very challenging time, very
challenging time.
But I had friends around methat rallied and just helped me.
And then I had a girlfriend.
She grabbed me by the shouldersbecause I was just a mess and
(29:06):
she was like we will help you.
Alethea Felton (29:09):
Whatever?
Ivy Perez (29:10):
you need, we will help you, and I didn't know how
to ask for help.
I didn't know how to receivehelp.
They helped me, which I wasgrateful, but I didn't ask for
it, and I think at the timepeople saw that I was it's
interesting just like a lost kid, and I was in my 30s.
I was just all over the place,and so when that happened, that
(29:33):
was very defining, but it stillwasn't the thing that stopped me
.
I stopped for a year.
I stopped for a year, andthat's when I started to do
personal development and justtry.
I'm just who am I?
Alethea Felton (29:47):
And also audience for clarity and just to
give timeline and it's neitherhere nor there, but I wanna make
this clear she had not yet hadher daughter.
So this was a different time inIvy's life because her daughter
really changed a lot of herlife.
(30:08):
I mean, she just really did.
But this particular situationof when she was hitting those
rock bottom phases were prior tothat.
And a question out of curiositythat I have for you is we all
know someone, and if we don't'twe might just have a smaller
(30:29):
circle, but a lot of us knowsomeone who's an alcoholic, who
who battles with alcoholism.
Were you what you wouldconsider putting aside the dvi,
but would you have consideredyourself as what they call a
functional alcoholic?
Ivy Perez (30:49):
I did not think of myself as an alcoholic at all.
Alethea Felton (30:53):
Ah, at all, Thank you for saying that Tell
us about that.
Ivy Perez (30:57):
Yeah, I was, and I am the type of person I don't like
labels Got you.
Sometimes labels are helpful,like if we're dealing with
something and medically, and wego to doctor and finally they
tell us what it is.
Alethea Felton (31:09):
You know like yeah, you're gonna yeah.
Ivy Perez (31:12):
Yeah.
So like you're dealing withsomething, the doctor says, oh,
you have this.
And you're like, oh, thank God,I'm not going crazy.
So there's a label there.
So sometimes it works in yourfavor.
But for me, I always knew andmaybe this had to do with the
foundation of you know, I was inCatholic school.
I always knew that I, thespiritual side of me, was bigger
(31:34):
than it.
That's right.
I just always knew it.
I just didn't know how toverbalize it.
I didn't know how to tap intoit.
I was just all over the place.
I was, I was lost, I wasfloundering big time for a long
time.
And so, uh, yeah, it wasn'tuntil and you bring up my
daughter too she, she wasn't thereason I stopped either.
(31:55):
So I had that.
That's that happened in my lifelate thirties, and then I
stopped for a year and then itwas one of those oh well, it's,
it's been about a year so Icould control it.
And then one led to two, led tothree, and there you go.
I'm back at it again.
But then I realized during thattime I'm like okay, was it?
(32:18):
It was during the time of theDIY, when I was like I think I
have a problem.
Alethea Felton (32:23):
And.
Ivy Perez (32:23):
I said it.
I was at the, at the office Iwas working at the time.
There was no one there exceptone of my coworkers and I set it
really low.
Well, I was loud enough for himto hear because nobody was
there.
But I was like I think I have aproblem.
He spun around his chair sofast.
He's like oh, my God Ivy, thisis so wonderful.
The first thing is justacknowledging that you have a
problem, and I was like whoa,whoa whoa, whoa.
(32:45):
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa.
Like no, I don't have a problem,you know like no, so it was the
seed that I planted, that, okay.
And then that's when I was justjust a little, just a little
open, just a little open.
So, yeah, we all know somebodythat is dealing with it and you
(33:07):
could, you could tell them totheir you're blue in the face,
that you know what they're doingis harming them, but you have
to just let them find their way.
You know, sometimes you canspeak life into them, you can
speak love and all these thingsinto them and it does.
It plants a seed, but for somepeople it takes them time.
For me it took a long time.
Alethea Felton (33:25):
So this is a great segue, because for the
fact for you to say quietly, Ithink I have a problem, what was
going on in my mind was wasthere a specific moment that
became your personal rock bottomor a wake up call, when you
said I think I have a problem?
(33:47):
Maybe it didn't happeninstantaneously, but recovery,
as we know, is not a straightline and that can go with
anything that we are battlingany addiction, because it can be
someone who has an issue withalcohol, someone who could be
(34:07):
addicted to sex, someone who canbe addicted to eating,
overeating, someone who can beaddicted to just toxic people,
or having to give, give, give,give, give right.
Everything can be an addictionin a way, but recovery isn't a
straight line.
Iv, and so what were some ofthose harder inner battles that
(34:31):
you had to face?
Not just with alcohol, but withyour own identity and your
worth, during the healingprocess?
Ivy Perez (34:39):
Well, it actually goes back to and I love these
questions.
These are like really deep,deep questions.
This is really good, becauseI've been on a lot of podcasts
and they're they're greatquestions, but it keeps it here,
I like to go deep.
Alethea Felton (34:56):
I've always been like that, even prior to the
podcast.
I was like that even in theclassroom as a teacher.
Yeah, this is so wonderfulbecause I it just it goes
another level deep that I thinkpeople need to hear people need
to hear this, because this iswhy I like coffee talk and I
might not always comment, butlet's be real, girl, we are
(35:19):
living, we got.
Take politics out of it, takereligion out of it.
We are living in a timeglobally, just just not in our
country where people are I don'tlike to use the word broken,
but so many people are puttingup facades and appearing that
(35:41):
hey, I've got it all togetherand are screaming internally and
need to hear conversations likethis to say, yo, you're a human
being, you can also bespiritual, like your faith is a
big part of it.
And it could be a person who,whether they're Catholic or not,
could really have a strongfaith and say I'm struggling
(36:05):
with this and, as much as I loveGod, I don't know how to
reconcile this.
And so, with your recovery,take us to those inner battles.
How did it shape your identityand your worth?
Ivy Perez (36:22):
Well, like I said, it goes back to when I was in it.
So the battle in my mind when Iwas, you know, during those
times drinking, there were timeswhen it got to a point when I
was aware of the fact that I hada problem.
Now I'm aware I can't stop it.
I tried, I tried talking myself, you know, into doing things a
(36:46):
little differently.
Okay, I've been.
You're going to go to thisparty.
There's going to be a lot ofalcohol.
So when you get there, do youknow, try this first, drink
water first, and then then go toSprite or whatever, like I just
would, just, and then sometimesI would be sitting in a group
and we're just chit chatting.
Now, of course, I'm smiling andshit, but in my head I'm
(37:12):
looking and I'm going oh my God,she just ordered a drink and
she just took one sip and she'sbeen talking for about 50.
How do you do that?
How do you do that?
How do you just take a sip andnot?
I would have been two drinks inwhich I would, you know, and it
was that constant cost.
And I said that to a friend ofmine and he was like, really,
and I'm like, you don't evenknow, like I am sitting there
while everyone's talking and Ican have a conversation, but in
(37:33):
my head I'm like, oh my God, Ijust had three and and you just
had one.
Like how do you do that?
How do you just have a drinkand you could put it down?
Like how do you have that kindof control?
So it was a lot of that a lot ofpre talk before going to an
event, post talk and all thethings, just constant, constant.
So there was that and it wasexhausting.
(37:54):
Exhausting and then fastforward.
So now I'm out of I don't wantto use the states, but now I'm
not in Arizona, I'm back Eastand I thought it would get
better and it really didn't, andso, and it's just interesting,
so with friends you're justsocializing and you're just
(38:17):
having some drinks, but for meit was just more like I'd have a
few and I would tell myself,okay, ivy, you're done, like I
could feel it, like I know whenit's just one more, it's going
to put me over the top.
Like, ivy, you're done, you'redone.
And it's almost as if I have nocontrol and I'm grabbing the
bottle and I'm pouring, likepouring, and I'm like that's too
(38:38):
much, that's too much Like I'mtelling my hand that's too much,
but I'll drink it.
So I'm like, just so many timesthere were times I had to sleep
over friend's house because Icouldn't, you know, drink I mean
drive or anything like that soso many times, and so there was
that constant battle I'm like Ican't do this, I can't do this.
Then, oh gosh, there's so much.
(39:01):
There was in my late 30s.
I was going into the service ohthaties I was going into the
service.
Alethea Felton (39:07):
Oh, that's right , I was going into the.
Ivy Perez (39:09):
I was going into the army.
I would say it was like 40years old, so that's a whole
different story.
So I started the process inArizona, um, and it didn't work
out.
Man upstairs had differentplans for me, so move on.
Now I'm back East, so I havethis pull to go into the
military again.
I'm like this is crazy.
Like now, and it's not even ayear later, it's almost a year
(39:31):
later I'm thinking to myselfthis, this is nuts.
Now I think I'm crazy becauseeveryone was saying that's,
that's just crazy, a girl atyour age.
And I'm like, ah, I got thepull.
I can't, you know, I just haveto like go with it.
So I go through the wholeprocess again.
I'm diagnosed with breast cancer.
I remember interviewing with acaptain and we had this
conversation and he was likeI'll let you come in because we
(39:54):
don't look too kindly on peoplewho quit.
And I was like I'm all in andthe only way I don't go in is if
something completely out of mycontrol stops.
Why I said that I do not know.
But then within a few months Iwas diagnosed with breast cancer
.
There you go.
I can't go in.
So I don't go in.
I go through this long as ayear and a half year, eight
(40:17):
months, of this cancer journeythat I call it.
And I remember one time goingto a cancer support group and
there was like all these womenthere and we were going around
and they would ask the questionof something along the lines of
I don't even remember thequestion, but I remember saying
this I look forward to theperson that I become when all
(40:41):
this is said and done.
That's it.
It's just something that wasgiven to me.
I was like, all right, god, Igot cancer, I got to deal with
it, I got to go to doctors likethree, four or five times a week
.
That I wasn't you know.
I prided myself on beinghealthy and just going to that
yearly exam kind of thing.
Now, all of a sudden I'm seeing, you know, the breast doctor,
(41:02):
the breast surgeon, theoncologist and all these doctors
, radiologists, and I'm like, ohmy God, but I went through it
and it's done, put it behind me.
And then it was the question ofdo you want to have children?
And I'm like no.
But then I thought of it and Iwas like, well, I don't want to
(41:23):
grow old and not have a family.
I didn't even think I wanted tohave a family when I was
younger and taking care of mytwo young siblings, I'm like, no
, I do not want kids, I don'twant to.
No, no, no.
So here I was, as I was thefork in the road.
You know, it's either yes or no.
And so, and it wasn't evenplanned, it just happened to
(41:47):
happen.
And so I got pregnant and I waslike, all right, this, this is
my journey.
Now I didn't think I was gonna,you know, have a child.
But what's interesting aboutthat?
About, I want to say, withinthe decade prior, maybe five
(42:08):
years prior to when she was born, when I was doing the soul
searching and diving into person, like who am I?
And I did a vision board.
Never heard of a vision board.
I did a vision board.
I remember cutting out picturesand I swear it was an out of
body thing Cause I don'tremember physically cutting this
photo.
It was an out-of-body thingbecause I don't remember
physically cutting this photo,but I cut a photo of a little
(42:28):
girl and I put it on my visionboard and I wish I still had it,
because it was a little girland she was looking down and
there was this light that shoneon her.
She had dark brown hair.
It was the cutest little photoand I remember putting it up and
going, huh, well, that'sinteresting.
And then didn't think about it.
There is a photo and I don'thave it, but there was a photo
(42:52):
that I took of my daughter whenshe was like maybe one.
She was sitting on the floor bythe front door with her head
looking down and the lightshining down, and I remember
looking at this photo and I'mlike down and the light shining
down and I remember looking atthis photo and I'm like oh my
God, I got the chills.
Alethea Felton (43:12):
Oh my God, yeah, I just got chills.
I believe that.
I believe you, even though youdon't have the like quote,
unquote proof of it.
I believe you 10,000%, becausethat's real.
That is absolutely.
Wow, girl.
Yeah, I mean our mind things inimages.
Ivy Perez (43:30):
I didn't know that at the time, knowing that now it's
very powerful to put picturesup and just look at it,
especially if you consciouslywant something like at the time
I was like, well, that'sinteresting.
I don't remember cutting it out, and when I put it up I went
you know, but now I'll cut outpictures on purpose.
(43:51):
I want this, I want that for mylife, kind of thing.
Alethea Felton (43:55):
So yeah, yeah, that's incredible.
B, because I do what's called avision book.
So I have a book.
I know that people who arelistening aren't going to be
able to see it, but I literallyhave a vision book.
And what's amazing is I don'tnecessarily do these every year,
but it's wild and I'll have totalk to you offline one day
(44:19):
about how much and a map here, aword map, of how much has come
to pass just off of this sincedoing it.
It's absolutely unreal, but Icould talk to you for hours, Ivy
.
But I know that our time iscoming to a close, but I wanted
to at least touch on this partis while it's still so layered
(44:44):
and you all can read about moreof her journey and hear her
talks and things of that nature.
But you turned your life into aplatform for purpose coffee
talk and, yes, you all.
I'm emphasizing coffee because,with my mother being from
Jersey and things like that andfamily up in New York, I
(45:04):
understand Ivy's play on wordsin terms of coffee C-A-W-F-E-E
talk.
You have turned your life intoa platform for purpose coffee
talk, multiple best-sellingbooks and a business.
And so tell us, though briefly,about Coffee Talk specifically.
(45:28):
Where did you come up with thatidea, what's its purpose and
how can people tune into that?
Ivy Perez (45:35):
OK, so Coffee Talk.
So it's Coffee Talk time, oh OK.
Alethea Felton (45:41):
I'm sorry, no, no, no, coffee Talk time OK.
Ivy Perez (45:43):
Because there is Coffee Talks out there.
I didn't look into it, I justdid it, and then, like six
months later.
I thought is anyone doing this?
And I look it up, there's a lotof people doing it.
Oh, okay, okay, there's a lot ofpeople doing it and it's
spelled the same way C-A-W-F-E-E.
Yes, okay, yeah, so I'm like Ididn't know.
So, um, I did coffee talk time.
Now I had done being in thisonline space lives before, and
(46:10):
lives are not easy.
Going live is not easy.
Pressing that button initiallyis like that light goes on.
You're like, oh my God, oh myGod, everybody's watching me
Meanwhile nobody's watching you.
You know what I mean.
Like maybe a few people.
I understand that now, at thetime you get this, and then I
got to make sure on the back endoften.
Yeah, yes, and you know, makesure the hair is right and the
makeup and this and that, and Ijust got to a point whatever.
(46:32):
But so I started, stopped,started, stopped along the way,
and it was about eight monthsago.
It was in a community breakoutroom and one of the gals in
there was saying how in hercommunity she was doing a 21 day
live challenge and I was likeI've done those before.
(46:52):
I said I should do it again.
I'm going to do it, you know,kind of like my own thing, but
I'll, I'll kind of keep youposted so you can hold me
accountable.
I did it for three days, I felloff.
I did it for four days, I felloff.
And I did it for four days, Ifell off.
And I'm like, okay, what can Ido to stay consistent?
Because what I was doing wasthinking about well, let me just
(47:14):
go about my day and see ifsomething strikes me, maybe I
hear something, and then I'll golive.
And then, of course, the dayhappens and then my daughter
comes home and then there'sdinner and I'm like, forget it,
I'm not going live.
I'm like I got to do it firstthing in the morning.
I got to do it first thing inthe morning.
If I don't get it done, it'snot going to get done.
So I started doing it and itstarted.
(47:35):
I started to, you know, buildthat habit of consistency.
I'm like, okay, well, I alwayshave my coffee, you know, with
me.
So I thought, hmm, coffee talk.
And then I thought of my cousin, a cousin of mine, when I lived
in Arizona, so I was North in,like Phoenix, scottsdale, and
she was in Tucson, so it wasabout an hour and a half away,
but we were the only familymembers.
(47:56):
So we grew stronger and shewould call me and she'd be like
Ivy, you need to come a bit, weneed to have coffee talk, we
need to have coffee.
She would always say that weneed, and I would hear coffee.
And I'm like, oh, you know,like.
But then I thought about it andI was like you know what?
It was almost like an ode to herand because I think of her with
(48:18):
coffee and I just called itcoffee talk time.
And and for me I think ofRussell Brunson where he said
just do it for a year and findyour voice.
I tried that before.
It didn't work.
But I thought about that againand I was like, well, if I just
keep on, I don't know what I'mgoing to talk about.
I talk about whatever you know.
And I look at things.
I'm like, oh, that's a goodtopic.
(48:38):
Whatever lands on my heart,sometimes I pray about it.
I'm like, can you please giveme something?
I don't know what to talk aboutand I'll talk about it.
But then I got into themes.
You know, maybe that'll help mestick to a topic.
And that's how I got into likelittle themes.
Like last month, April wasalcohol awareness month.
So, I talked about that and andthen I play around and I play
(49:05):
around with it, but it really isa lot of little things that
have helped me and and I hopethat it helps other people this
morning.
Perfect example.
I was talking about justfinding the strength there's,
there's tools, if we recognizethem within ourselves, that, if
we just tap into it, it's thatstrength that helps us forge
forward even more, because canfeel broken, like I did many
(49:29):
years ago, and we have thosetimes in our lives where we just
feel like we're overwhelmed anddrowning.
Sometimes it's, you know, justa little period and some people
have that underlying every day.
They're drowning, kind of thing.
But I talked about because whathad helped me is just to say
thank you.
It sounds weird.
I talked about because what hadhelped me is just to say thank
you.
It sounds weird, it soundscounterintuitive to, like you
(49:50):
know, be betrayed, you know,have a life altering experience,
and say thank you.
And it's not the oh, thank youso much.
God.
This is so exciting.
I'm going to be strongerbecause I'm going through this.
No, it's more like I don't likethis.
This is scary.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm like, I feel like I'm goingto scream You've got something
(50:10):
for me, you've got something forme.
I don't know what it is, I justdon't like it right now.
But thank you, thank you forwhat's to come.
I don't, you know, that kind ofthing.
We have it within us and ittakes time to tap into it.
But once we do, it kind of putsus in a higher frequency of
abundance, because now we startto feel we can do this, we can
(50:32):
get through this.
So I share a lot of things likethat.
Alethea Felton (50:34):
Wow, thank you for that, ivy.
And how can people follow that?
How can people get your books?
We didn't even touch on thefact you've been in so many
anthologies.
You do speaking and yourbusiness that could be a show in
and of itself.
You have your own cleaningcompany, housekeeping business.
(50:59):
I'm so sorry that we didn'teven touch on that aspect, but
how can people learn more aboutyour journey in terms of
following you, in terms ofsaying, hey, I want to learn
more about her.
How can I get her books?
How can people connect with you.
Ivy Perez (51:15):
Yes, thank you.
So basically I'm mostly onFacebook.
I'm slowly transitioning toYouTube, but I'm really just
right here on Facebook.
You can reach me on Messenger.
I live in Messenger.
It's the easiest way to contactme.
I do have a book coming out.
It's an anthology called TakingOff the Shades and it really is
, I think, my best work as faras sharing my story, and it's
(51:40):
about that proverbial momentwhere you take off the shades to
see clarity in your life,because we all have a moment.
Sometimes we have many, manymoments, and I share my story of
sobriety and that moment when Isaid I'm done.
Alethea Felton (51:55):
Wow, I love that Now, as we start to come to a
close and I also have yourFacebook link in the show notes
and all of that I do have oneclosing question that I'll clump
into.
No, I have two questions thatI'll clump into one question for
(52:16):
time's sake, and it's reallypiqued my curiosity about this.
It's twofold.
What would you say Ivy tosomeone right now who is either
struggling with addiction, ofalcohol specifically or don't
believe they can change theirlife?
(52:37):
And then, on the flip side, onthe opposite side, for those of
us who may not be in recovery,those of us who may not be in
recovery, what's something thatwe often misunderstand about
addiction or sobriety?
Ivy Perez (52:58):
And how can we be better allies to those who are
on that path?
Alethea Felton (53:12):
OK, how much time do we have?
Okay, so, um, so let's firsttalk directly to the person
going through the recoveryprocess, or even addiction.
What can you say to them,especially if they're really
struggling right now?
Ivy Perez (53:18):
Yeah, I would say to them, especially in this world
now with social media, ifthere's someone that you come
across that is has gone throughit, it's best to reach out to
someone who has gone through it,because there's it's a
different speak and they cankind of tap into the things that
(53:39):
have that they've gone through,that you can talk about and
then they can kind of help youwith what has worked for them.
So it's either reaching out tosomeone that you're following,
someone you respect, Maybe it'ssomeone that you know in your
community, and believe me when Itell you that you may not even
(54:01):
know them, but you know of them,you know what they've been
through.
Let's say me, for example, andyou don't know me, but you know
that I've gone through whatyou're going through reach out
because that person, like myself, it's almost as if, oh my God,
I, absolutely I want to help you.
I've been there, I know whatyou're going through and they
(54:22):
will help you in any little way,and it still might take you
time before you let it go.
Or it takes you to figure outwho you are, what you like,
what's your purpose and allthese things.
It's a it's, it's this inbetween you let it go or you're
struggling and then you finallylet it go, and then it's like
this, finding yourself, and it'sa, it's a journey, and then you
(54:45):
get to a point you're like, ooh, I feel I feel good about
myself for the first time, andthat happened to me not too long
ago, like not too long ago.
And here it is I'm in myfifties.
Alethea Felton (54:56):
I finally felt like I feel good in my skin for
the first time in my life, andthat took years, after I let it
go and then for someone and forthose of us who say a person who
might not have had thatexperience what do we often
(55:18):
misunderstand about addiction oreven sobriety, and how can we
become better allies?
All right, so Ooh, that's atoughie, Um and it's okay if you
don't have all of them.
Ivy Perez (55:37):
Yeah.
Alethea Felton (55:38):
Yeah, and I don't have cause there's so many
layers there.
Ivy Perez (55:41):
But with regard to that, it is just under trying to
understand that there is asense of they can't control it.
Some people think like, oh, youknow what you're doing.
Or like I've talked about theblacking out, and someone will
say, well, it's no excuse, youknow what you've done.
(56:04):
And some people say like, no, Idon't remember what I did.
I don't remember that happening.
That's a thing.
That's a thing Not everybody,but that is a thing, and I've
said it where I can have fullblown conversation.
I could drive myself home andwake up and not have any idea of
any of it, and that could havebeen hours, a stretch of hours.
(56:28):
So, understanding that it issomething, that it's very
difficult and it's a struggleand it's a battle, and it's just
to be compassionate and havejust like a little understanding
and just I don't know, justkind of, just be kind.
I think kindness goes a long wayand, yeah, it just goes along.
(56:54):
Just letting someone know like,hey, you ever want to talk, I'm
here for you.
You don't have to mention thealcohol or anything.
It's like dude, let's, let's gofor coffee.
And maybe it's just a littlebit, because there's a sense of
there's that wall, the armor,like I'm not going to share
anything, keep everything closeto my heart.
But if you can get to a pointwhere someone is, they get to a
(57:16):
point where they get just a tadbit comfortable.
They start to open up a littlebit, and that's that.
Who knows where that can leadif they're open that.
So I think kindness andcompassion it really goes a long
, long way, and understandingthat it's a battle.
(57:36):
There's different levels tothat battle, but it's a battle.
Alethea Felton (57:41):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the
Power Transformation Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to follow or subscribe,
leave a five-star rating andwrite a review.
It helps us inspire even morelisteners.
And don't keep it to yourself.
Share it with someone who coulduse a little power in their
(58:06):
transformation.
Until next time, keep bouncingback, keep rising and be good to
yourself and to others.
It brings me such joy today to be able to
interview Ivy Perez, because Iknow her beyond just this
podcast, and she is someone whobrings such sunshine and light
to everybody's world, includingmine.
So welcome to the PowerTransformation Podcast, ivy Well
(00:29):
thank you, ms Alethea.
Ivy Perez (00:32):
It's so great to be here.
I'm so excited, and you knowwhat I get most excited about,
because I don't know what'sgoing to come out of this mouth.
So let's find out.
Alethea Felton (00:42):
You certainly have a story of transformation,
a story of resiliency and somuch more that you're going to
share your insights and yourwisdom with our audience.
But before we dive into that,let's just have a little fun.
So let's start with some funand, ivy, tell us something that
(01:03):
perhaps most people now ofcourse, people who are
intimately close with you wouldknow.
But what is something that mostpeople don't know about you?
That might actually totallysurprise us.
What's a fun fact about you,ivy?
Ivy Perez (01:29):
thing that came to mind is I don't know what the
name of it is called, because weall like I shouldn't say we all
, we, a lot of us have, like, afear of something.
There could be a fear of snakes, a fear of heights, a fear of
closed spaces, and sometimes Ihave this fear of going out in
public don't know yep, don'tknow where that's come from.
Um, every, it doesn't.
It used to happen a bit morewhen I was younger, and not so
(01:52):
much now, but every so often Iget this kind of feeling and I'm
like, nope, I'm not, I'm notgoing out today, nope, I'm going
to stay inside.
It's just kind of weird, but Iremember the first time it
happened I was in high schooland I forget what I needed to do
.
I lived because we were in welived in Brooklyn at the time so
a lot of the apartments wereabove stores, so we lived above
(02:16):
an insurance agency, so we werea few stores up so I had to do
something.
Maybe I had to do laundry,because, of course, laundromat
was outside and I think that wasthe case, and I couldn't like.
I looked out the window, I go,I can't.
Like I felt this, I can't goout, I can't.
I paced, I paced for six hoursand I'm looking outside and I'm
(02:41):
like I can't do it, I can't doit.
And then it got to the Ivy.
You could do it, ivy, you coulddo it.
I'm like I can't do it.
So for six hours, and then Iforced myself to go to the
corner store to get a milk andthen come back home and that's
it.
And then, once I did, I'm like,oh my God, oh my God, I did it,
oh my God, I did it, yeah.
(03:06):
So every so often I get thislike I don't know what it's
called, and it's like this fearof going outside, fear of the
public fear of.
Alethea Felton (03:10):
I don't know Is it?
Is it more of a fear, or do youget a premonition or an ominous
feeling?
Ivy Perez (03:19):
No, I think.
I think it's more on the fearend of the spectrum.
Alethea Felton (03:22):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting for me, and every
time it like surfaces, I'mlike's more on the fear end of
the spectrum.
Ivy Perez (03:25):
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting for me and every
time it surfaces I'm like that'sweird.
But of course now I canrecognize it Exactly, talk
myself through it and like, allright, ivy, just come on, let's
go.
Yeah, yeah, very strange, soyeah.
Alethea Felton (03:38):
Or maybe it could be.
If it's not necessarily fear,it could be.
You just don't want to bebothered with anybody's nonsense
that day.
Thank you for sharing You'relike, I don't want to be
bothered nonsense, but no, thereason that I'm so impressed by
that in a shocking way isbecause of how social you are
(04:06):
and because and we'll talk aboutthis later but with the type of
business you have, you have togo out into the public and to
know that that's something thatyou've had a challenge with, but
at least you recognize it.
That's really interesting.
And this leads me to the nextquestion.
You can answer it any way thatyou choose.
It's very open-ended, but yougo with your gut.
Who is Ivy Perez?
Ivy Perez (04:30):
Ivy Perez.
Well, she is complex, she is,she's kind, she's thoughtful,
she's very considerate.
She is careful with her words,especially when she's in a
(04:54):
situation whether it's family orfriends or anyone where you get
this underlying sense of youhave to really be careful with
how you speak to someone,because it could be just that
little shift that's going tomove them in a direction that
could make them feel better ormove them in a direction that's
going to like send themspiraling.
So I'm very careful with how Ichoose my words.
(05:16):
I like to laugh.
I like to laugh.
I'm always smiling.
I look at the brighter side ofthings.
I'm always the silver liningkind of person.
I'm not the red flag kind ofperson.
I just kind of take things asthey come.
(05:38):
Sometimes, yes, sometimes I getblindsided.
I'm like, oh, I didn't see thatcoming, because I don't look.
You know there.
I'm like all right.
So I just kind of like go withthe flow, go with the punches.
I used to go with the flow alot more when I was younger,
just kind of fluttering aboutuntil I realized I needed to
like reel myself in.
(05:58):
And you know, hope is not astrategy.
I was the hope.
Well, I hope that if I'm just,you know, a good person and I
work hard and I do all the rightthings for me, right by people,
things, good things will happento me, which is true, which is
true.
But when there isn't a sense ofstrategy and I always thought
(06:18):
of strategy as manipulation, andmaybe that can't yes, I always
thought of strategy asmanipulation, and maybe that
can't.
Yes, I always thought ofstrategy as manipulation, and
that's just maybe how I grew up.
It was just more about a lot ofjudgment that I heard, you know
, from family members.
So whenever I don't know, Ijust really thought that, you
(06:39):
know, strategy and sales was aform of manipulation, and I
think that's relatively common.
But uh, but yeah, I, I like tohave a fun.
I think more so now.
I'm such a homebody, I lovebeing home.
I love being home.
I could be home all the time,but I have a 12 year old
(07:01):
daughter, so she forces me tolike all right, I would get out
this, go for a bike ride, let'sdo something, but I could stay
home all the time, yeah.
Alethea Felton (07:11):
I like staying home too, and, and my uh
boyfriend, we, we don't live togather, but I think that's one
of the reasons why we enjoyhaving our weekends together or
time spent, because when we wereyounger, you know, in our
respective lives we, we did alot outside of the house, but,
(07:36):
um, and this was prior to usgetting together, but now, with
us being in our 40s, we're bothlike being home is great and we
may go out to dinner or do a fewfun things here and there, but
home is so comforting.
And I say that because of thefact, ivy, it's such a beautiful
(08:00):
thing to be able to say you'refine staying home, which means
home is a place of love, it's aplace of comfort, it's a place
of safety, it's truly where theheart is.
And that leads me to wondering,ivy, if we could go back to
just a bit of your beginnings,of when home was that place of
(08:26):
refuge.
And so tell us about whereyou're from, a little bit about
your family upbringing, but howyour upbringing, ivy, shaped you
or helped to shape you becomethe woman that you are today.
Ivy Perez (08:43):
This is a juicy one.
This is deep Because, as youwere asking, I immediately
thought of my childhood in thewhole safety thing, because I
didn't have that.
So, yeah, I did not.
So when I was younger, we movedon average every three to four
(09:04):
years, and it wasn't because ofmilitary, you know, I jokingly
say, oh, my mom was a gypsy.
But it was because, of course,as a child you don't know these
things, what your parents aredealing with.
But my dad was into drugs, somy mom would move to get him
away from the elements and so,but it doesn't matter, you can
(09:33):
go to like the wilderness and aperson that is addicted to
whatever it is, we'll find thatone person, you know the needle
in the haystack, that one person, there's this, this sense, that
sixth sense, and so you know,wherever we went, I guess you
know he would find the peopleand we'd move again.
So my childhood was a lot ofmoving.
There was no communication.
So it wasn't as if okay,because I had two younger
(09:55):
siblings.
It wasn't as if it was like,okay, we're going to move and so
we're going to start a newschool and that kind of thing.
It wasn't that, it was justlike, oh, we're moving, that's
it.
You know you wake up and you'rein another town, you know I have
to go to another school, and soit was a lot of the start and
(10:15):
stop in my life.
So there was, you know,speaking of school.
You know I started, you know,going to a new school.
So now I clam up, I'm quiet,I'm just trying to like blend in
quietly.
It took me time, probably a fewyears, and then I start to open
up and have some friends, andthen there we go, we move again,
(10:36):
so clam up again.
So it was this open up, close,oh close, oh close, my whole
life.
So that just became somethingthat I took with me, even as an
adult, in and I moved, I, when Iwas about 30, I moved to
Arizona and I was there for 10years and in those 10 years I
probably moved about 12 times.
Wow, yes, and it wasn't, it wasjust, it was natural, exactly.
(11:02):
It didn't feel like I thinkabout that now and you think
about packing and unpacking andI don't remember any of that, I
just don't.
It was just something that Idid.
So, um, so yeah, as far as likestability, I didn't have it.
Uh, security, I didn't reallyfeel it.
Um, we always had a roof overour head, there was always food,
(11:24):
things like that.
My mom was always working, mydad he was off.
They separated.
When I was about I don't evenknow six-ish, six, eight, which
is kind of like the time when alot of parents tend to separate,
he just kind of poof, he wasgone, like one day he was gone
and that was a whole big, awhole big deal.
(11:46):
So just quick, quickly, becauseof drugs.
And I think my mom had a uh,like a card store, like a
Hallmark card store, and she hada full-time job.
So she's working the jobbecause you know there was the,
was the um, the health benefitsand all the things and his job.
(12:06):
He had some side jobs but hisjob was to take care of the card
shop and one day she said thata little old lady in the
neighborhood went up to her andsaid to her one day like when is
your store ever going to beopen?
And she's like what are youtalking about?
It's open every day.
No, it's never open.
Every time I come down becauseyou know how, I don't know like
where you're from, or in thechildhood, there was the gates,
(12:26):
the metal gates that came downyeah, so she was like no the
gate was always down and sobasically he was taking the
things, selling it for his habit, things like that.
so I think it was right aroundthat time when she was done you
know, she was done, she had itand I remember waking up in the
middle of the night and it waspitch black and I just hear like
(12:48):
walkie-talkies and lights andthere were cops inside our
apartment because she, I thinkshe kicked him out and she
called the cops and she's wellbefore then or whatever she told
them she goes, if you don'tcome and get him, I'm gonna kill
him, that kind of thing.
So it was.
And then all of a sudden thecops are there and I'm like, huh
, what, what's going on?
You know, little kid you're,you don't, you don't know what's
(13:09):
going on, and then that's it.
I didn't see my dad.
He was gone and there was notalk about it.
There was no like why doesn'tdad come around or why does he
fall?
Yeah?
So there was a lot of that.
And I did see him years laterand he was with someone else and
(13:31):
he had a child or whatever.
My, my, yeah, my stepbrother.
And it took me a long time tokind of just even want to have
anything to do with him, becausehe was the other child, kind of
thing we're close, haveanything to do with him because
he was the other child, kind ofthing.
We're close, we're close today,and so, yeah, so there were a
lot of craziness and so, as amom now, it is very, very
(14:02):
important to me to have thatstability for her.
So I I was from the time thatshe was little I didn't, and I
purposely chose not, to have afull-time job.
I didn't want them because mymom had the full-time and she
was gone all the time.
So I was the latchkey kid.
I was the one that had to cleanthe house.
Now, granted, I was the oldest,with two younger sisters, so I
had to take care of them, makesure their homework was done,
make sure the house was clean, alot of responsibility, because
(14:28):
my mom was like yeah and uh, andI just was like.
I never consciously thought likeoh, I never want to have kids.
And but there was a part of methat was like I don't, I lost my
childhood, I don't want to tohave that as an adult.
Alethea Felton (14:37):
And of course you know, I went through cancer
and then I had my child and it'sjust I and Ivy just real quick,
in thinking about what you saidearlier about sometimes not
wanting to leave the house or goanywhere.
I'm definitely not a therapistbut as a life coach and just
hearing that, it'sunderstandable how there may be
(15:01):
some subconscious trauma therethat all influenced that.
Ivy Perez (15:07):
And so that's very possible and I never, I never
put those two together.
Alethea Felton (15:11):
Very possible, that's really incredible, and so
your your journey has had somany layers.
But one thing that we agreethat we talk a lot about and I
want to hone in on is thisjourney that you've had, because
you do something every day.
That's called coffee talk, andwe'll talk more about that as
(15:35):
well.
But coffee talk is absolutelyincredible.
It's a live platform on socialmedia, specifically on Facebook,
where you do some type ofinsightful, engaging talk, a
chat straight from the heart.
It can be more scientificallybased one day, or it can be more
(15:55):
opinion perspective.
It differs, but I love coffeetalk and we'll talk more about
exactly what that is in a minute.
But you recently, ivy, did someof your coffee talk series on
alcohol awareness and things ofthat nature, and a big core of
(16:16):
your journey has been based onyou being very open and
transparent about living withalcoholism and we knowing that
it's more than just a personthat just can't control drinking
.
It's deeper than that.
It's a disease, and you arerecovering, which is so
(16:37):
beautiful, and you are sober.
But take us back a bit andwe'll lead up to coffee talk,
all of that.
But when you think about evenall of the trauma, in a sense,
that you went through inchildhood.
How did you imagine Ivy as akid, that your adult life would
(17:02):
be Ivy?
Ivy Perez (17:06):
as a kid I didn't think about the future
Interesting Okay At all.
So it was kind of like, youknow I I've said at times you
know the question, like when yougo for an interview, when you
first starting your job search,and they ask you the question
where do you see yourself infive years?
I needed that question.
(17:28):
I gave something that soundedreally good for the job.
Oh, I see myself doing thishere, whatever.
It sounded good, which ofcourse they probably knew it was
just kind of whatever.
But I had no vision and I thinkit was because there was that
constant stop and start and stopand I just didn't know.
I didn't know where I was goingto end up.
I didn't know.
(17:49):
Just I just didn't know whattomorrow was going to be and
even the family dynamics wasvery dysfunctional and it was
more like, well within my ownhome, like my dad was gone, my
mom was always working, thatkind of thing, so I didn't see
them fighting at all, but likemy mom and her siblings, that
(18:09):
was a different story.
So that kind of thing it waslike fights and arguing and
cursing and all the things.
And I'm a kid.
I'm like what is going on?
I hear the judgment from likeyou know family members, even
you know immediate familymembers.
I'm like don't get it.
Like we're not perfect, so whywould we judge?
(18:31):
Like who are you to judge?
And this is me as a child.
So as I grow up into adulthood,what I do, you know that saying
, you know be careful, you knowpointing the finger because
there's three back at you kindof thing Like I've always known
that.
Like how can you judge Likethere's there's more about you?
Always known that, like how canyou judge Like there's there's
(18:52):
more about you?
And so I don't.
I don't, I mean, sure we havethat little sense of you know,
judging and prejudice, and it'sjust human nature.
It isn't bad, but for me I'mlike I'm not perfect, I we're
all trying to do the same thing.
So I always had that within me,just as as a child, I couldn't
verbalize it.
I know how to verbalize it and Iwouldn't verbalize it, that
kind of thing you know, you keepit to yourself.
(19:13):
So yeah, looking back, as achild, I never thought of oh
well, when I grow up I want tobe this, when I grow up, I'm
going to do this differently.
Never once I can't remember, Ican't remember.
Never once I can't remember, Ican't remember.
Alethea Felton (19:28):
It was just kind of like live for the now.
Ivy Perez (19:37):
Now, that's powerful in itself, being present.
Live for the now.
But there's a difference withliving for the now because
you're almost in survival.
You just don't know what's goingto happen.
And now, as an adult, it's moreabout being present and living
in the now and just observing.
You know the landscape of whereyou are and what you do, kind
of noticing and checkingyourself in a good way so that
(19:57):
you do good for you, and it'sthe boomerang, and then you know
you give out good and it comesright back to you and teaching
others that as well, just byyour actions, others that as
well, just by your actions.
You know it's not necessarilygoing out and like scolding
people, like, well, do you know,whenever you say that that
that's not going to be, that,that that that I like I don't do
that People do that I don't dothat, just kind of like, just by
(20:20):
me being me, I've always said Idon't know where it came from,
but I always said I just want tobe an example of possibility, I
just want to be an example ofpossibility, that's it.
So how that transpires, you know, or where that was going to go,
wasn't like I thought I'm goingto be an example of possibility
in the future when I grow upand when I do this.
(20:41):
It was just like, please, god,I just want to be an example of
possibility, because I did notsee that growing up at all
possibility, because I did notsee that growing up at all.
Alethea Felton (20:54):
Wow, and that is so powerful, being an example
of possibility, because that'swho you have become.
Even though you were affirmingit then you didn't realize the
power that it would have.
And I asked you about thosechildhood dreams and visions if
you had any, because I think itbecomes really important to your
lessons in coffee talk that youmay not even be aware of it,
(21:16):
but you do open up the idea forpeople to think and be more, to
be open to those possibilitiesand the dreams of their life.
And, like I said, you're veryopen about your journey.
And there came a point Ivy,even prior to these coffee talks
and you having your ownbusiness that alcohol became
(21:37):
more than just a drink.
So take us there and describehow that drinking of the alcohol
began to shape or control yourlife.
Ivy Perez (21:52):
Oh, I love these questions.
They're so deep.
So alcohol the first time thatI drank.
I didn't know it was alcohol.
I think it was like 10 yearsold, really Okay.
Yes, so it was a New Year's Eveparty.
My mom went to a friend's houseand it was kind of like the
adults are downstairs, the kidsare upstairs, kind of thing.
(22:15):
It's like go go upstairs, gohang out with the kids.
Now I was shy so I remembergoing up and there was like
three girls there and they'refriends, so they're talking.
I just sat there all quiet, Ijust kind of like looking around
, and then they offered me adrink and it was these big
bottles.
They had three of them and theywere two liter, which of course
I know now or later.
(22:35):
Calvin coolers, do you rememberthose?
Yeah, I know what you'retalking about.
Yeah, it was like fruit punch.
So they were like do you want?
Do you want some?
And I'm like, okay.
So they were the red solo cupsand they filled it to the top.
I'm like, oh, this is good,this is tasty.
Alethea Felton (22:51):
Yeah.
Ivy Perez (22:53):
And so I had one, and then I had two, and then I had
three, and then I was sick as adog and then I was sick, sick,
sick as a dog.
So that was the first time thatI had, you know, had consumed
alcohol, and I did it for yearsafter that.
The next time was right aroundseventh grade.
Now in that time, so 10th gradeI think about my daughter.
(23:14):
She's 12 and she's in sixthgrade.
So 10th grade, fourth grade,like I was little, you know,
like when we really think aboutit, like I was tiny.
And so here it is I had alcoholat 10.
I got drunk, I got sick, andthen the next time it happened I
was, I think I was in sixth orseventh grade and I got drunk.
(23:36):
But the difference was I, Iliked it.
I was like I felt this sense ofand and a lot of people who you
know like, whether it's alcoholor anything else there's this
sense of escaping, there's thissense of numbing and feeling
nothing and, at the same time,feeling free, and it's such,
(24:00):
it's such a wonderful feeling,especially if you come from
trauma, if you come from chaosand dysfunction.
There's this sense of oh my God, I don't have to think about
anything, I don't have to worryabout anything, I'm just, I'm
just like light, you know.
So that was right aroundseventh grade and then nothing
(24:21):
until college.
And then in college it was justmore of oh, this is what
everybody does.
They drink to excess and youblack out and you fall on your
face and you laugh about it, andthe next day everybody's joking
about it and you go about it,and then the next day you do it
again, and every weekend is so.
What happened for me was Istarted to enjoy it.
(24:44):
It became the norm in college,but I thought that that was the
norm.
So after college, I continueddrinking to excess, blacking out
and all the things, because Ithought it was normal.
So I had in my 20s, I had twolong term relationships and you
(25:06):
know, I don't know just drinkinga lot.
The second relationship, in theum, the latter part of my
twenties, he was a little more.
It was just, it's justinteresting.
You know, when we date, youknow the, the dynamics in it.
The first one, he was coolabout it and everything was fine
, it was fun.
But I think I felt safer withhim.
In the second relationship itwas a little.
(25:28):
Now, thinking back, I think hewas and probably still is, but I
think he was a narcissistic man.
But I didn't know that.
I just thought, like God he'sso mean, like I don't deserve
that, and he would put me downand he would say things to me to
a point where now I started tosay that about myself.
Alethea Felton (25:48):
Ooh, that's deep .
Ivy Perez (25:49):
Yes, and I remember one time I was out to dinner
with my mom and some friends andI remember verbally that was
just kind of casual Like yeah,I'm really selfish, I'm a
selfish person.
My mom shot me a look and shewas like it was like 15 people,
she's like don't you ever saythat about yourself?
And I was like oh, like italmost like woke me up, like oh,
(26:09):
because he would say that to meall the time.
You're so selfish, you're soselfish.
And I'm like why would you saythat?
Like I'm not doing anythingkind of thing.
So obviously that didn't goanywhere.
But with him the drinking was alittle different.
It was more to escape.
First one drinking having fun,I felt safe.
(26:30):
This one drinking I didn't carewhat you said, I didn't care if
you yelled at me, kind of thing.
And then now I move into mythirties and that's when, uh,
just a lot of the stuff.
You know there was abuse for meas a child.
I don't even, honestly, I think, anybody who has gone through
any kind of trauma.
The timeline is always fuzzy.
I think it occurred for a fewyears.
(26:52):
It could have been half a year,I don't even know, but I think
it was a few years.
There was abuse there, so Iknow, but I didn't at the time
that men and so I used it as atool to get back at at guys
(27:16):
whether I was dating them.
Typically, if I was dating them, it was almost as if I will
hurt you before you hurt me.
Alethea Felton (27:25):
But the whole thing is, you were the one
hurting yourself, wouldn't you?
Ivy Perez (27:29):
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
I was hurting myself, but Ididn't know that Exactly, so
like I was using it.
And then you know, the drinkingjust got, you know, worse and
worse and I and I had fun withit, I enjoyed it.
I enjoy drinking andsocializing and all the things.
But it got to a point where Ihad a DUI and, okay, I went to
(27:54):
Catholic school fromkindergarten to high school.
I was the good kid, never gotin trouble, respected my elders.
I still respect my elders.
You don't speak ill or talkback to elders, police officers
or whatever.
You just respect.
Whether you agree or not, yourespect.
Though I was a good kid.
And so here it is.
(28:15):
Now I'm in my 30s, thedrinking's gotten out of control
.
I have like a little fenderbender.
Thankfully no one was hurt, butI was arrested and I was
charged with DUI and I lost mylicense for two years.
Oh Lord.
Alethea Felton (28:30):
I know that was a challenge, so it was huge.
How old were you then I?
Ivy Perez (28:37):
think I was no.
Alethea Felton (28:39):
I was.
Ivy Perez (28:40):
I want to say about 35, 37.
Alethea Felton (28:43):
Oh, you need your license.
Ivy Perez (28:45):
You need to drive.
Yeah, yes, and the job that Ihad at the time, I had to drive
people around.
So it was, it was very, it wasa very challenging time, very
challenging time.
But I had friends around methat rallied and just helped me.
And then I had a girlfriend.
She grabbed me by the shouldersbecause I was just a mess and
(29:06):
she was like we will help you.
Alethea Felton (29:09):
Whatever?
Ivy Perez (29:10):
you need, we will help you, and I didn't know how
to ask for help.
I didn't know how to receivehelp.
They helped me, which I wasgrateful, but I didn't ask for
it, and I think at the timepeople saw that I was it's
interesting just like a lost kid, and I was in my 30s.
I was just all over the place,and so when that happened, that
(29:33):
was very defining, but it stillwasn't the thing that stopped me
.
I stopped for a year.
I stopped for a year, andthat's when I started to do
personal development and justtry.
I'm just who am I?
Alethea Felton (29:47):
And also audience for clarity and just to
give timeline and it's neitherhere nor there, but I wanna make
this clear she had not yet hadher daughter.
So this was a different time inIvy's life because her daughter
really changed a lot of herlife.
(30:08):
I mean, she just really did.
But this particular situationof when she was hitting those
rock bottom phases were prior tothat.
And a question out of curiositythat I have for you is we all
know someone, and if we don't'twe might just have a smaller
(30:29):
circle, but a lot of us knowsomeone who's an alcoholic, who
who battles with alcoholism.
Were you what you wouldconsider putting aside the dvi,
but would you have consideredyourself as what they call a
functional alcoholic?
Ivy Perez (30:49):
I did not think of myself as an alcoholic at all.
Alethea Felton (30:53):
Ah, at all, Thank you for saying that Tell
us about that.
Ivy Perez (30:57):
Yeah, I was, and I am the type of person I don't like
labels Got you.
Sometimes labels are helpful,like if we're dealing with
something and medically, and wego to doctor and finally they
tell us what it is.
Alethea Felton (31:09):
You know like yeah, you're gonna yeah.
Ivy Perez (31:12):
Yeah.
So like you're dealing withsomething, the doctor says, oh,
you have this.
And you're like, oh, thank God,I'm not going crazy.
So there's a label there.
So sometimes it works in yourfavor.
But for me, I always knew andmaybe this had to do with the
foundation of you know, I was inCatholic school.
I always knew that I, thespiritual side of me, was bigger
(31:34):
than it.
That's right.
I just always knew it.
I just didn't know how toverbalize it.
I didn't know how to tap intoit.
I was just all over the place.
I was, I was lost, I wasfloundering big time for a long
time.
And so, uh, yeah, it wasn'tuntil and you bring up my
daughter too she, she wasn't thereason I stopped either.
(31:55):
So I had that.
That's that happened in my lifelate thirties, and then I
stopped for a year and then itwas one of those oh well, it's,
it's been about a year so Icould control it.
And then one led to two, led tothree, and there you go.
I'm back at it again.
But then I realized during thattime I'm like okay, was it?
(32:18):
It was during the time of theDIY, when I was like I think I
have a problem.
Alethea Felton (32:23):
And.
Ivy Perez (32:23):
I said it.
I was at the, at the office Iwas working at the time.
There was no one there exceptone of my coworkers and I set it
really low.
Well, I was loud enough for himto hear because nobody was
there.
But I was like I think I have aproblem.
He spun around his chair sofast.
He's like oh, my God Ivy, thisis so wonderful.
The first thing is justacknowledging that you have a
problem, and I was like whoa,whoa whoa, whoa.
(32:45):
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa.
Like no, I don't have a problem,you know like no, so it was the
seed that I planted, that, okay.
And then that's when I was justjust a little, just a little
open, just a little open.
So, yeah, we all know somebodythat is dealing with it and you
(33:07):
could, you could tell them totheir you're blue in the face,
that you know what they're doingis harming them, but you have
to just let them find their way.
You know, sometimes you canspeak life into them, you can
speak love and all these thingsinto them and it does.
It plants a seed, but for somepeople it takes them time.
For me it took a long time.
Alethea Felton (33:25):
So this is a great segue, because for the
fact for you to say quietly, Ithink I have a problem, what was
going on in my mind was wasthere a specific moment that
became your personal rock bottomor a wake up call, when you
said I think I have a problem?
(33:47):
Maybe it didn't happeninstantaneously, but recovery,
as we know, is not a straightline and that can go with
anything that we are battlingany addiction, because it can be
someone who has an issue withalcohol, someone who could be
(34:07):
addicted to sex, someone who canbe addicted to eating,
overeating, someone who can beaddicted to just toxic people,
or having to give, give, give,give, give right.
Everything can be an addictionin a way, but recovery isn't a
straight line.
Iv, and so what were some ofthose harder inner battles that
(34:31):
you had to face?
Not just with alcohol, but withyour own identity and your
worth, during the healingprocess?
Ivy Perez (34:39):
Well, it actually goes back to and I love these
questions.
These are like really deep,deep questions.
This is really good, becauseI've been on a lot of podcasts
and they're they're greatquestions, but it keeps it here,
I like to go deep.
Alethea Felton (34:56):
I've always been like that, even prior to the
podcast.
I was like that even in theclassroom as a teacher.
Yeah, this is so wonderfulbecause I it just it goes
another level deep that I thinkpeople need to hear people need
to hear this, because this iswhy I like coffee talk and I
might not always comment, butlet's be real, girl, we are
(35:19):
living, we got.
Take politics out of it, takereligion out of it.
We are living in a timeglobally, just just not in our
country where people are I don'tlike to use the word broken,
but so many people are puttingup facades and appearing that
(35:41):
hey, I've got it all togetherand are screaming internally and
need to hear conversations likethis to say, yo, you're a human
being, you can also bespiritual, like your faith is a
big part of it.
And it could be a person who,whether they're Catholic or not,
could really have a strongfaith and say I'm struggling
(36:05):
with this and, as much as I loveGod, I don't know how to
reconcile this.
And so, with your recovery,take us to those inner battles.
How did it shape your identityand your worth?
Ivy Perez (36:22):
Well, like I said, it goes back to when I was in it.
So the battle in my mind when Iwas, you know, during those
times drinking, there were timeswhen it got to a point when I
was aware of the fact that I hada problem.
Now I'm aware I can't stop it.
I tried, I tried talking myself, you know, into doing things a
(36:46):
little differently.
Okay, I've been.
You're going to go to thisparty.
There's going to be a lot ofalcohol.
So when you get there, do youknow, try this first, drink
water first, and then then go toSprite or whatever, like I just
would, just, and then sometimesI would be sitting in a group
and we're just chit chatting.
Now, of course, I'm smiling andshit, but in my head I'm
(37:12):
looking and I'm going oh my God,she just ordered a drink and
she just took one sip and she'sbeen talking for about 50.
How do you do that?
How do you do that?
How do you just take a sip andnot?
I would have been two drinks inwhich I would, you know, and it
was that constant cost.
And I said that to a friend ofmine and he was like, really,
and I'm like, you don't evenknow, like I am sitting there
while everyone's talking and Ican have a conversation, but in
(37:33):
my head I'm like, oh my God, Ijust had three and and you just
had one.
Like how do you do that?
How do you just have a drinkand you could put it down?
Like how do you have that kindof control?
So it was a lot of that a lot ofpre talk before going to an
event, post talk and all thethings, just constant, constant.
So there was that and it wasexhausting.
(37:54):
Exhausting and then fastforward.
So now I'm out of I don't wantto use the states, but now I'm
not in Arizona, I'm back Eastand I thought it would get
better and it really didn't, andso, and it's just interesting,
so with friends you're justsocializing and you're just
(38:17):
having some drinks, but for meit was just more like I'd have a
few and I would tell myself,okay, ivy, you're done, like I
could feel it, like I know whenit's just one more, it's going
to put me over the top.
Like, ivy, you're done, you'redone.
And it's almost as if I have nocontrol and I'm grabbing the
bottle and I'm pouring, likepouring, and I'm like that's too
(38:38):
much, that's too much Like I'mtelling my hand that's too much,
but I'll drink it.
So I'm like, just so many timesthere were times I had to sleep
over friend's house because Icouldn't, you know, drink I mean
drive or anything like that soso many times, and so there was
that constant battle I'm like Ican't do this, I can't do this.
Then, oh gosh, there's so much.
(39:01):
There was in my late 30s.
I was going into the service ohthaties I was going into the
service.
Alethea Felton (39:07):
Oh, that's right , I was going into the.
Ivy Perez (39:09):
I was going into the army.
I would say it was like 40years old, so that's a whole
different story.
So I started the process inArizona, um, and it didn't work
out.
Man upstairs had differentplans for me, so move on.
Now I'm back East, so I havethis pull to go into the
military again.
I'm like this is crazy.
Like now, and it's not even ayear later, it's almost a year
(39:31):
later I'm thinking to myselfthis, this is nuts.
Now I think I'm crazy becauseeveryone was saying that's,
that's just crazy, a girl atyour age.
And I'm like, ah, I got thepull.
I can't, you know, I just haveto like go with it.
So I go through the wholeprocess again.
I'm diagnosed with breast cancer.
I remember interviewing with acaptain and we had this
conversation and he was likeI'll let you come in because we
(39:54):
don't look too kindly on peoplewho quit.
And I was like I'm all in andthe only way I don't go in is if
something completely out of mycontrol stops.
Why I said that I do not know.
But then within a few months Iwas diagnosed with breast cancer
.
There you go.
I can't go in.
So I don't go in.
I go through this long as ayear and a half year, eight
(40:17):
months, of this cancer journeythat I call it.
And I remember one time goingto a cancer support group and
there was like all these womenthere and we were going around
and they would ask the questionof something along the lines of
I don't even remember thequestion, but I remember saying
this I look forward to theperson that I become when all
(40:41):
this is said and done.
That's it.
It's just something that wasgiven to me.
I was like, all right, god, Igot cancer, I got to deal with
it, I got to go to doctors likethree, four or five times a week
.
That I wasn't you know.
I prided myself on beinghealthy and just going to that
yearly exam kind of thing.
Now, all of a sudden I'm seeing, you know, the breast doctor,
(41:02):
the breast surgeon, theoncologist and all these doctors
, radiologists, and I'm like, ohmy God, but I went through it
and it's done, put it behind me.
And then it was the question ofdo you want to have children?
And I'm like no.
But then I thought of it and Iwas like, well, I don't want to
(41:23):
grow old and not have a family.
I didn't even think I wanted tohave a family when I was
younger and taking care of mytwo young siblings, I'm like, no
, I do not want kids, I don'twant to.
No, no, no.
So here I was, as I was thefork in the road.
You know, it's either yes or no.
And so, and it wasn't evenplanned, it just happened to
(41:47):
happen.
And so I got pregnant and I waslike, all right, this, this is
my journey.
Now I didn't think I was gonna,you know, have a child.
But what's interesting aboutthat?
About, I want to say, withinthe decade prior, maybe five
(42:08):
years prior to when she was born, when I was doing the soul
searching and diving into person, like who am I?
And I did a vision board.
Never heard of a vision board.
I did a vision board.
I remember cutting out picturesand I swear it was an out of
body thing Cause I don'tremember physically cutting this
photo.
It was an out-of-body thingbecause I don't remember
physically cutting this photo,but I cut a photo of a little
(42:28):
girl and I put it on my visionboard and I wish I still had it,
because it was a little girland she was looking down and
there was this light that shoneon her.
She had dark brown hair.
It was the cutest little photoand I remember putting it up and
going, huh, well, that'sinteresting.
And then didn't think about it.
There is a photo and I don'thave it, but there was a photo
(42:52):
that I took of my daughter whenshe was like maybe one.
She was sitting on the floor bythe front door with her head
looking down and the lightshining down, and I remember
looking at this photo and I'mlike down and the light shining
down and I remember looking atthis photo and I'm like oh my
God, I got the chills.
Alethea Felton (43:12):
Oh my God, yeah, I just got chills.
I believe that.
I believe you, even though youdon't have the like quote,
unquote proof of it.
I believe you 10,000%, becausethat's real.
That is absolutely.
Wow, girl.
Yeah, I mean our mind things inimages.
Ivy Perez (43:30):
I didn't know that at the time, knowing that now it's
very powerful to put picturesup and just look at it,
especially if you consciouslywant something like at the time
I was like, well, that'sinteresting.
I don't remember cutting it out, and when I put it up I went
you know, but now I'll cut outpictures on purpose.
(43:51):
I want this, I want that for mylife, kind of thing.
Alethea Felton (43:55):
So yeah, yeah, that's incredible.
B, because I do what's called avision book.
So I have a book.
I know that people who arelistening aren't going to be
able to see it, but I literallyhave a vision book.
And what's amazing is I don'tnecessarily do these every year,
but it's wild and I'll have totalk to you offline one day
(44:19):
about how much and a map here, aword map, of how much has come
to pass just off of this sincedoing it.
It's absolutely unreal, but Icould talk to you for hours, Ivy
.
But I know that our time iscoming to a close, but I wanted
to at least touch on this partis while it's still so layered
(44:44):
and you all can read about moreof her journey and hear her
talks and things of that nature.
But you turned your life into aplatform for purpose coffee
talk and, yes, you all.
I'm emphasizing coffee because,with my mother being from
Jersey and things like that andfamily up in New York, I
(45:04):
understand Ivy's play on wordsin terms of coffee C-A-W-F-E-E
talk.
You have turned your life intoa platform for purpose coffee
talk, multiple best-sellingbooks and a business.
And so tell us, though briefly,about Coffee Talk specifically.
(45:28):
Where did you come up with thatidea, what's its purpose and
how can people tune into that?
Ivy Perez (45:35):
OK, so Coffee Talk.
So it's Coffee Talk time, oh OK.
Alethea Felton (45:41):
I'm sorry, no, no, no, coffee Talk time OK.
Ivy Perez (45:43):
Because there is Coffee Talks out there.
I didn't look into it, I justdid it, and then, like six
months later.
I thought is anyone doing this?
And I look it up, there's a lotof people doing it.
Oh, okay, okay, there's a lot ofpeople doing it and it's
spelled the same way C-A-W-F-E-E.
Yes, okay, yeah, so I'm like Ididn't know.
So, um, I did coffee talk time.
Now I had done being in thisonline space lives before, and
(46:10):
lives are not easy.
Going live is not easy.
Pressing that button initiallyis like that light goes on.
You're like, oh my God, oh myGod, everybody's watching me
Meanwhile nobody's watching you.
You know what I mean.
Like maybe a few people.
I understand that now, at thetime you get this, and then I
got to make sure on the back endoften.
Yeah, yes, and you know, makesure the hair is right and the
makeup and this and that, and Ijust got to a point whatever.
(46:32):
But so I started, stopped,started, stopped along the way,
and it was about eight monthsago.
It was in a community breakoutroom and one of the gals in
there was saying how in hercommunity she was doing a 21 day
live challenge and I was likeI've done those before.
(46:52):
I said I should do it again.
I'm going to do it, you know,kind of like my own thing, but
I'll, I'll kind of keep youposted so you can hold me
accountable.
I did it for three days, I felloff.
I did it for four days, I felloff.
And I did it for four days, Ifell off.
And I'm like, okay, what can Ido to stay consistent?
Because what I was doing wasthinking about well, let me just
(47:14):
go about my day and see ifsomething strikes me, maybe I
hear something, and then I'll golive.
And then, of course, the dayhappens and then my daughter
comes home and then there'sdinner and I'm like, forget it,
I'm not going live.
I'm like I got to do it firstthing in the morning.
I got to do it first thing inthe morning.
If I don't get it done, it'snot going to get done.
So I started doing it and itstarted.
(47:35):
I started to, you know, buildthat habit of consistency.
I'm like, okay, well, I alwayshave my coffee, you know, with
me.
So I thought, hmm, coffee talk.
And then I thought of my cousin, a cousin of mine, when I lived
in Arizona, so I was North in,like Phoenix, scottsdale, and
she was in Tucson, so it wasabout an hour and a half away,
but we were the only familymembers.
(47:56):
So we grew stronger and shewould call me and she'd be like
Ivy, you need to come a bit, weneed to have coffee talk, we
need to have coffee.
She would always say that weneed, and I would hear coffee.
And I'm like, oh, you know,like.
But then I thought about it andI was like you know what?
It was almost like an ode to herand because I think of her with
(48:18):
coffee and I just called itcoffee talk time.
And and for me I think ofRussell Brunson where he said
just do it for a year and findyour voice.
I tried that before.
It didn't work.
But I thought about that againand I was like, well, if I just
keep on, I don't know what I'mgoing to talk about.
I talk about whatever you know.
And I look at things.
I'm like, oh, that's a goodtopic.
(48:38):
Whatever lands on my heart,sometimes I pray about it.
I'm like, can you please giveme something?
I don't know what to talk aboutand I'll talk about it.
But then I got into themes.
You know, maybe that'll help mestick to a topic.
And that's how I got into likelittle themes.
Like last month, April wasalcohol awareness month.
So, I talked about that and andthen I play around and I play
(49:05):
around with it, but it really isa lot of little things that
have helped me and and I hopethat it helps other people this
morning.
Perfect example.
I was talking about justfinding the strength there's,
there's tools, if we recognizethem within ourselves, that, if
we just tap into it, it's thatstrength that helps us forge
forward even more, because canfeel broken, like I did many
(49:29):
years ago, and we have thosetimes in our lives where we just
feel like we're overwhelmed anddrowning.
Sometimes it's, you know, justa little period and some people
have that underlying every day.
They're drowning, kind of thing.
But I talked about because whathad helped me is just to say
thank you.
It sounds weird.
I talked about because what hadhelped me is just to say thank
you.
It sounds weird, it soundscounterintuitive to, like you
(49:50):
know, be betrayed, you know,have a life altering experience,
and say thank you.
And it's not the oh, thank youso much.
God.
This is so exciting.
I'm going to be strongerbecause I'm going through this.
No, it's more like I don't likethis.
This is scary.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm like, I feel like I'm goingto scream You've got something
(50:10):
for me, you've got something forme.
I don't know what it is, I justdon't like it right now.
But thank you, thank you forwhat's to come.
I don't, you know, that kind ofthing.
We have it within us and ittakes time to tap into it.
But once we do, it kind of putsus in a higher frequency of
abundance, because now we startto feel we can do this, we can
(50:32):
get through this.
So I share a lot of things likethat.
Alethea Felton (50:34):
Wow, thank you for that, ivy.
And how can people follow that?
How can people get your books?
We didn't even touch on thefact you've been in so many
anthologies.
You do speaking and yourbusiness that could be a show in
and of itself.
You have your own cleaningcompany, housekeeping business.
(50:59):
I'm so sorry that we didn'teven touch on that aspect, but
how can people learn more aboutyour journey in terms of
following you, in terms ofsaying, hey, I want to learn
more about her.
How can I get her books?
How can people connect with you.
Ivy Perez (51:15):
Yes, thank you.
So basically I'm mostly onFacebook.
I'm slowly transitioning toYouTube, but I'm really just
right here on Facebook.
You can reach me on Messenger.
I live in Messenger.
It's the easiest way to contactme.
I do have a book coming out.
It's an anthology called TakingOff the Shades and it really is
, I think, my best work as faras sharing my story, and it's
(51:40):
about that proverbial momentwhere you take off the shades to
see clarity in your life,because we all have a moment.
Sometimes we have many, manymoments, and I share my story of
sobriety and that moment when Isaid I'm done.
Alethea Felton (51:55):
Wow, I love that Now, as we start to come to a
close and I also have yourFacebook link in the show notes
and all of that I do have oneclosing question that I'll clump
into.
No, I have two questions thatI'll clump into one question for
(52:16):
time's sake, and it's reallypiqued my curiosity about this.
It's twofold.
What would you say Ivy tosomeone right now who is either
struggling with addiction, ofalcohol specifically or don't
believe they can change theirlife?
(52:37):
And then, on the flip side, onthe opposite side, for those of
us who may not be in recovery,those of us who may not be in
recovery, what's something thatwe often misunderstand about
addiction or sobriety?
Ivy Perez (52:58):
And how can we be better allies to those who are
on that path?
Alethea Felton (53:12):
OK, how much time do we have?
Okay, so, um, so let's firsttalk directly to the person
going through the recoveryprocess, or even addiction.
What can you say to them,especially if they're really
struggling right now?
Ivy Perez (53:18):
Yeah, I would say to them, especially in this world
now with social media, ifthere's someone that you come
across that is has gone throughit, it's best to reach out to
someone who has gone through it,because there's it's a
different speak and they cankind of tap into the things that
(53:39):
have that they've gone through,that you can talk about and
then they can kind of help youwith what has worked for them.
So it's either reaching out tosomeone that you're following,
someone you respect, Maybe it'ssomeone that you know in your
community, and believe me when Itell you that you may not even
(54:01):
know them, but you know of them,you know what they've been
through.
Let's say me, for example, andyou don't know me, but you know
that I've gone through whatyou're going through reach out
because that person, like myself, it's almost as if, oh my God,
I, absolutely I want to help you.
I've been there, I know whatyou're going through and they
(54:22):
will help you in any little way,and it still might take you
time before you let it go.
Or it takes you to figure outwho you are, what you like,
what's your purpose and allthese things.
It's a it's, it's this inbetween you let it go or you're
struggling and then you finallylet it go, and then it's like
this, finding yourself, and it'sa, it's a journey, and then you
(54:45):
get to a point you're like, ooh, I feel I feel good about
myself for the first time, andthat happened to me not too long
ago, like not too long ago.
And here it is I'm in myfifties.
Alethea Felton (54:56):
I finally felt like I feel good in my skin for
the first time in my life, andthat took years, after I let it
go and then for someone and forthose of us who say a person who
might not have had thatexperience what do we often
(55:18):
misunderstand about addiction oreven sobriety, and how can we
become better allies?
All right, so Ooh, that's atoughie, Um and it's okay if you
don't have all of them.
Ivy Perez (55:37):
Yeah.
Alethea Felton (55:38):
Yeah, and I don't have cause there's so many
layers there.
Ivy Perez (55:41):
But with regard to that, it is just under trying to
understand that there is asense of they can't control it.
Some people think like, oh, youknow what you're doing.
Or like I've talked about theblacking out, and someone will
say, well, it's no excuse, youknow what you've done.
(56:04):
And some people say like, no, Idon't remember what I did.
I don't remember that happening.
That's a thing.
That's a thing Not everybody,but that is a thing, and I've
said it where I can have fullblown conversation.
I could drive myself home andwake up and not have any idea of
any of it, and that could havebeen hours, a stretch of hours.
(56:28):
So, understanding that it issomething, that it's very
difficult and it's a struggleand it's a battle, and it's just
to be compassionate and havejust like a little understanding
and just I don't know, justkind of, just be kind.
I think kindness goes a long wayand, yeah, it just goes along.
(56:54):
Just letting someone know like,hey, you ever want to talk, I'm
here for you.
You don't have to mention thealcohol or anything.
It's like dude, let's, let's gofor coffee.
And maybe it's just a littlebit, because there's a sense of
there's that wall, the armor,like I'm not going to share
anything, keep everything closeto my heart.
But if you can get to a pointwhere someone is, they get to a
(57:16):
point where they get just a tadbit comfortable.
They start to open up a littlebit, and that's that.
Who knows where that can leadif they're open that.
So I think kindness andcompassion it really goes a long
, long way, and understandingthat it's a battle.
(57:36):
There's different levels tothat battle, but it's a battle.
Alethea Felton (57:41):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the
Power Transformation Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, besure to follow or subscribe,
leave a five-star rating andwrite a review.
It helps us inspire even morelisteners.
And don't keep it to yourself.
Share it with someone who coulduse a little power in their
(58:06):
transformation.
Until next time, keep bouncingback, keep rising and be good to
yourself and to others.
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