May 14, 2025 • 25 mins
Last week, my daughter graduated from Loyola University Chicago. After years of watching her build a life—on the field, on the sidelines, in the center of the action—she’s stepping into the real world. And like so many graduates right now, she’s walking in with drive, uncertainty, and a digital footprint that started long before her first job offer.
This episode is a message to her—and to every graduate who needs a little direction that’s not sugarcoated. It’s a life list. The same one I’ve given my own kids (sometimes more than once). The same one I use with clients in crisis.
In this episode:
- The top three questions students (and parents) ask me after every keynote
- Why your degree matters less than how well you can read a room
- The habits and mindsets that actually keep reputations intact
- What to say in your first “I don’t know what to do” moment at work
- And the one thing every Gen Z grad needs to hear—especially those shaped by the pandemic years
This is not motivational filler. It’s a real list for the real world. Send it to your grad. Save it for your kid. Or come back to it when your own clarity runs low.
Read the entire list here on my PR Breakdown Substack: What No One Tells New Grads About Crisis Communication (And Life)
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Episode Transcript
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Molly McPherson (00:00):
Last week my daughter, Kathleen, graduated
from Loyola University, chicago.
I found out on campus with manya student I encountered.
They would give me that lookand say are you?
I knew what was coming nextKate's mom.
So, like a lot of proud parentsout there, I've been thinking a
(00:20):
lot about what it means to stepinto the world right now,
especially if you're a student,heading into journalism, pr,
advertising or communication ornot.
It could be any profession, but, kate, she's not just walking
into the workforce, she'swalking into the real world.
She needs her eyes open and,like so many of her fellow
(00:43):
graduates, they don't quite knowwhat they're going to end up
seeing.
In this episode I'm sharing alife list of sorts the things
that no one tells new gradsabout when it comes to managing
life and managing crisis Pssthint, it's preventing them in
the first place.
Kate, this list is for you, butit's also for every recent
(01:07):
graduate stepping into life oranything that involves managing
your reputation in the post-gradworld.
These are the things I tell myclients in crisis, and these are
also the same things I've toldKate's siblings, Rory, Conor,
and Quinn.
Time and time again, this listhas been dubbed in my household
Mom's Life List.
(01:28):
Here it comes, and there'salways rolled eyes for a fact,
but I'm not wrong and now I'mputting the list out there
because I believe that this listwill help someone else's new
graduate.
I'm going to share the topthree questions I get from
students or their parents whenI'm on the road speaking,
particularly when I'm exitingthe stage.
(01:49):
The list I gave Kate and hersiblings on repeat.
The list they never asked for,but a list that I believe every
young person should hear andwhat to say when you feel
unprepared or overwhelmed inyour first real world moment of
crisis.
Parent, send this list to yourgrads Grads.
Save it for when you need it,because you will need it If
(02:13):
you're hearing this list for thefirst time, welcome.
Yes, I am that PR lady you mayhappen to see on social media
commenting on trending newsstories that feel more like PR
car crashes, but I'm also afull-time crisis manager as well
as a keynote speaker.
At every event, as soon as Iexit the stage, people ask me
questions.
I'm going to share with you thetop three questions I get from
(02:36):
students or their parents atpractically every event.
The number one question how doyou get into crisis management?
When I hear this question.
I often suspect people feelthis way because it looks like
fun and you know what it is.
Anyone can be a content creator.
You want to talk about PRcrises online?
(02:57):
Go ahead, have at it, enjoy it.
It is fun.
But to do it as a profession isnot necessarily a linear path.
So my answer no one applies forwork in crisis management.
You get pulled in when it hits.
It's a skill set within thecommunication industry, in any
sector.
When I started labeling myselfas a crisis manager, it was an
(03:20):
industry made up of older whitemales.
Those were my contemporaries.
It was an industry made up ofolder white males.
Those were my contemporaries.
It was more commonplace for amale to be in a trusted position
during some crisis event,because men see other men as
trusted advisors.
As a female Gen Xer, I had togain credibility in my work as
someone known to be able tohandle a crisis under pressure.
(03:44):
As someone known to be able tohandle a crisis under pressure,
I didn't wait for the validationfor people to hire me at a
company as a crisis manager.
I did it by way of being adirector of communication.
I worked in the cruise lineindustry.
I didn't work in the hey, doyou want to come party poolside
on this cruise ship?
That wasn't my job.
(04:04):
My job was to draft an answerwhen there was a crisis,
typically at sea, not when weran out of daiquiri mix, but
more the phone call that says,hey, we have people in our
buffet lines who are throwing upand then they're going back for
food.
Now that problem became myproblem because I knew that the
norovirus was sweeping thecountry and it wasn't just
(04:28):
affecting the cruise lineindustry, but the crisis was
only impacting the cruise lineindustry.
It was my job to strategicallyfind a way for reporters to
connect the dots, thatpassengers were boarding
airplanes sick and the symptomswould happen when they were on
(04:49):
the cruise ship.
It's understanding how to managethe message around a growing
crisis or one in full swing.
If you want to work in crisisPR, then be the trusted person
when things go sideways.
If you're a new grad, tellsomeone my age how to read the
room on the internet.
Your generation knows onlineculture.
(05:09):
My generation doesn't.
I've had to work very, veryhard at it.
Be the trusted person in theroom Two.
What's the worst crisisresponse you've ever seen?
My answer open the newspaper.
There's one happening every dayin every sector, which is why
anyone can get a job in crisismanagement.
Read the news every day.
(05:31):
Social media is not a primarynews source.
It is a selectively curatedtechnology that delivers news
through an app that it thinksyou might be interested in.
It's serving as your secondarynews source.
And three what's the best majoror degree for this line of work
(05:51):
?
My answer it's not the degree,it's how learn to read the words
, the room, people and know howto write.
(06:12):
Next, the list that no oneasked for, at least not my kids,
but this is the list thatthey've heard dozens of times
because it's a list that matters.
They've heard dozens of timesbecause it's a list that matters
.
Number one don't let emotiondrive the car.
Defensiveness ruins gooddecisions.
The calmer person wins.
(06:33):
Every time, the clients whostruggle in a crisis are the
ones who are the most defensive.
As soon as I spot it with aclient, I triage the emotion
Same for life.
When my kids come to me with anissue, whether it's their own
(06:53):
or for a friend, I'm alwaysdissecting how people act under
pressure.
When I hear a story, whetherit's from a client, my kids'
friends or my friends telling mea story about people who
they're interacting with.
It could be their spouse,someone they're dating, someone
in their life, whatever it iswhen I hear defensiveness or
when I hear them say but theydid this and then it makes me
(07:15):
feel I say stop, do not letanyone else hold you emotionally
hostage because they areinsecure, because they are
defensive.
That's their baggage to carry,not yours.
Two keep your hands clean.
The honest, ethical person winsevery time.
Work hard.
(07:37):
Shortcuts backfire.
Always.
Breaking rules for speed or egowill always cost you more later
.
The internet has receipts.
People who cut corners in workand in life always pay at some
point.
Three know what makes youmagnetic.
(07:59):
If you're a grad trying tofigure out what you want to do
in life, or if you're mid-careerand you don't like your job and
you want to change, the firstplace to look is inward.
Figure out why people are drawnto you.
Then build from there.
Don't define your future bywhat job.
(08:19):
Define it by what makes youlight up, what makes you special
.
Listen when people tell youwhat they see in you, when they
compliment you.
That's your leverage.
People in life don't comment onyour work skills.
When they meet you like huh,you look like you'd be very good
at Excel.
You look like you would be goodat doing my taxes.
(08:40):
No, they notice your softskills, the ones that you're
just naturally good at.
When Kate was at a careercrossroads, she needed to pick
an internship.
She didn't know where to turnfor work because she was looking
at it as a career.
I can tell you this was onetense phone call because I could
feel the panic set in.
(09:02):
She felt like she had to decideher fate by picking one
internship.
And I understand that, becausea lot of internships in junior
year set you up for a job downthe road.
But it's not locked in stonethat you have to do that.
It's just an option for you,for Kate.
The first question I asked herwas this is it fair to say that
(09:25):
you eventually want a careerwhere you're quote in the mix?
I knew Kate was not bound for acubicle.
She's drawn to people, toactivity.
She's highly social.
She just likes people andconnecting with people.
She is an extrovert.
She gets energy from people.
Also, if it's a no, it's a no.
(09:47):
I found this out the hard waywhen we were on a recruiting
visit to a college for soccerKate.
She was an all-star soccerplayer Her junior year of high
school.
She was the leading scorer onher team and in the state
championship which they won.
But when we were on recruitingtrips for soccer, a soccer coach
(10:10):
said to me on the tour hey,I'll find more money for Kate if
she plays for us.
I was, oh, thank goodness, I'mlike yes.
But then when it was time towalk back to the car, I said
Kate, what did you think?
And Rory, her sister who playedcollege soccer, said to her oh
my gosh, kate, wouldn't theschool be great?
And Kate said, no, I don't wantto play soccer anymore.
(10:31):
Not only did she say no to theschool, she was saying no to
playing soccer.
I died inside because all Icould think about was the money
and the time and the miles I puton my car going to soccer
tournaments, soccer games.
I was her travel soccer coachfor years.
(10:51):
So of course I was onlythinking about myself, because
that's what parents do.
But I stopped and I said I haveto respect her answer and I'm
glad that I did.
I'm not going to say it waseasy, but I did it and I did it.
At the moment she was also apandemic kid.
She lost her senior year.
She lost her senior year ofschool and friends and soccer.
(11:13):
She lost all of that.
So I think that had somethingto do with it.
She just wanted to start life.
I wasn't surprised that shepicked Loyola Chicago at all.
She made the decision when wewere watching the Final Four, as
a matter of fact, and I wastelling my kids about applying
to Catholic schools,particularly Jesuit schools, and
I was thrilled with the choice.
She played club soccer.
(11:35):
She played club hockey.
She was huge into intramurals.
As a matter of fact, herintramural soccer team won the
championship Loyola intramurals.
As a matter of fact, herintramural soccer team won the
championship.
Loyola intramurals posted it ontheir Instagram page.
She was also an orientationleader.
She was the arena host at gamesat Gentile.
She was at the center courtannouncing things on the
Jumbotron.
She was also the camera personfor the Jumbotron.
(11:58):
If I were to watch Loyola men'sbasketball, I could see her on
the sidelines.
In fact, when she came homefrom Christmas, we were watching
a replay of the game and thereshe was, courtside with her
camera talking to Sister Jean.
There were so many clues thereto Kate's future.
So, knowing this, when it cameto figuring out her path.
(12:19):
We just looked at the cluesthat were there that told us
what she liked to do.
She liked being in the mix, sheliked interacting with people,
she liked events.
I asked her how about eventplanning?
How about working in sports?
How about sales?
So she got a paid internship insales and she did great.
She really liked it and shemade a lot of money.
(12:39):
Really liked it and she made alot of money.
That internship led to jobinterviews and I can proudly say
that Kate landed a highlycoveted position in the sales
development program with MLB.
She is going to learn all aboutsports, sales and service.
And hint, she's going to bedoing this in Wrigleyville and I
(13:01):
am thrilled, not just becauseI'm a baseball fan, but more
importantly because I know she'sgoing to crush it, because it's
where she shines.
Four be seen, but stay real.
There's nothing wrong withattention.
Gen Z, you're the social mediageneration, the millennials they
ushered it in.
But you, gen Z, you are thisgeneration.
(13:23):
Go ahead, be online, soak inthe attention, but just don't
fake it.
Audiences can smell it,colleagues can smell it.
Be you, and if that means beingonline, great, do it.
Knock yourself out, but don'tfeel pressure to have an online
presence that actually makes youunique, and that's one of the
other things I admire about Kate.
(13:44):
She doesn't post Instagram.
Look at me, her Gen X motherposting on social media, but
Kate, she doesn't have time forit and, honestly, I respect it.
Five discretion is power.
If you can keep a secret,people will trust you.
If you're going to gossip,gossip selectively, gossip is a
venting tool.
(14:04):
Find a friend who is going tobe your gossip friend.
It is a mutual, beneficialrelationship where you both dump
each other's gossip onto eachother and you get it out of your
system.
And you may have multiplefriends for multiple categories,
but just keep it between thetwo of you.
Don't be a gossip spreader.
(14:26):
Don't look at gossip as an actof malice with this friend.
Just look at it as an act offriendship.
It's something that the two ofyou share.
And don't select your partneras your gossip partner, whether
dating or in marriage, becausedeep down, they're judging you
and in the end, if therelationship doesn't work out,
it may come back to bite you.
(14:47):
Six ask for help strategically.
People like to help people, butpeople really like to help
people when it helps them.
Give credit publicly where youcan.
That's currency.
Again, it's that mutuallybeneficial relationship.
But don't ask for help and makeit a one-way relationship,
(15:08):
because eventually someone isgoing to resent it.
There are a lot of people outthere.
I'm one of them.
I used to be the pleaser ofpleasers.
Now I'm much better at sayingno.
Side note one of the areaswhere I did it is when students
would reach out to me asking forhelp.
I know at the end of every fallsemester and at the end of
every spring semester I getrequests from students asking
(15:30):
for interviews because there's alot of professors out there who
have an assignment in their PRclass that says find someone who
works in PR and ask them onemillion questions about their
jobs.
You can imagine, as someonewho's on TikTok, how many
requests I get.
When I first started online, Iwould sit down and do these
interviews, but I recognized itwas chewing up a lot of my day.
(15:52):
I could not help my paidclients, the people who are in
crisis, because I was workingwith so many people.
I wanted to do it the policeare in me but I learned that I
needed to say no.
By the way, if you are astudent who needs this type of
help, you don't need to get itfrom me one-on-one.
Just go to my content.
You can find answers to yourquestions just by looking at it
and I'm happy to help you.
(16:13):
Or if we're at a conference andyou see me there, stop me.
I always love talking tostudents.
Seven help others, but not atyour own expense.
Give generously, but protectyour energy.
Mutual benefit isn't selfish,it's just sustainable.
Be okay with saying no, explainwhy and let them know in the
(16:37):
future.
If you can help, you will, andthen if you can do it, but if
it's taking too much from you,then feel comfortable saying no.
Eight, outsmart, don't outrage.
Revenge feels good, but it onlyfeels good in the short term.
The long game wins every time.
(17:00):
Trust me.
The long game wins every time.
Trust me, toxic people willshow you who they are.
Whether you are dating someone,you are roommates with someone,
you married someone and now youwant to divorce someone,
someone out there has hurt you.
The instinct is to hurt themback.
(17:21):
It's reflexive, it's verynormal.
But you need to outsmart thatfeeling.
Revenge whether it's callingsomeone out online, sending a
text online to friends, whateverit is, putting people on full
blast only feels goodmomentarily.
Feels good momentarily.
The long game wins every singletime.
(17:43):
Wait it out because, trust me,toxic people eventually end up
poisoning themselves.
Take it from someone who's beenthere.
It happens.
Nine look for accountability,but offer it too.
People who admit mistakes arestrong people.
People who deflect are weak.
(18:05):
Accountability is my ethos, myindestructible PR framework.
Own it, explain it, promise itI use with all my clients, that
I use in all my strategiccommunication plans.
That I use in all my strategiccrisis plans.
That I use in all my strategiccrisis plans.
That I use in all my strategicmessaging.
My ethos of accountability wasbuilt from life, not from career
(18:31):
.
I learned it in life.
People who do not takeaccountability are weak.
People who do are strong.
People who recognize strengthare less likely to go after that
person.
Trust me on this.
I know what I'm talking about.
(18:53):
Ten fear is the root of everybad.
Behind arrogance, cruelty,ghosting, mean, widespread
gossip is fear.
Spot it, name it, sidestep it.
11.
Your brain runs in sprints.
(19:15):
Do your work in 90-minutespurts.
Your brain is no longereffective at 91 minutes.
Block your time, block yourstudying, block your life.
That's how long you can trulyfocus.
Use it, then rest it.
You're not lazy, you're humanTwelve.
(19:38):
Don't settle anywhere Not inlove, not in work, not in how
you're treated.
Boundaries are not pricklybarriers, they're guardrails for
your worth that you do not likehow they are treating you.
(20:05):
That is a boundary and you haveevery right to that boundary.
If a person punishes youbecause you set a boundary, they
are holding you emotionallyhostage.
Don't let anyone do that.
Everyone has a right to set aboundary and everybody should
respect that boundary.
And if they don't call them onit, 13, lucky 13.
(20:32):
This is for the new grads.
Remember you are the pandemicgeneration and that makes you
resilient.
You lost the payoff years, thejoy, the celebration.
Don't let older people labelyou as weak.
It makes you undercreditedconversations.
(20:58):
I've been in the rooms wherepeople my generation, elder
millennials, baby boomers theyare putting Gen Z on full blast.
I cannot believe that they'redemanding to work remote.
I cannot believe the demandsthat they're making.
Watch what is labeled becauseof the pandemic compared to you
(21:19):
actually being lazy.
There is a difference.
Now, if a job has an in-officepolicy, then follow it.
If you don't want to work in anoffice, then don't.
If they are demanding that youcome in, well, then you have to
fulfill that demand.
Just find a job where you canwork remote, but maybe give the
(21:41):
office a try, because yourgeneration is struggling with
dating, finding people to settledown, with finding people to
get married A big reason why somany of you don't work in an
office.
You're not meeting anyone.
So many bars and restaurantswent out of business.
All these opportunities tomingle with people are gone.
So if you can find a way tomingle with people, I encourage
(22:03):
you to do so, but don't take thelabel of the lazy generation.
You have energy, but show themwhere you have energy.
But also don't be lazy anddon't be entitled, because this
is where my generation has itright, because sometimes you can
be, and as a mom who's donemultiple dorm moves, it's not
okay to leave food in therefrigerator.
(22:24):
It's not okay to leave garbageor stuff in your dorm for
someone else to move.
Don't be that person, but leaninto your culture.
Tell people of othergenerations that you understand
it.
You wanna move up the ranks?
Then understand internetculture.
You grew up in the call-outculture, the cancel culture.
You speak reputation fluently.
(22:44):
That's not just valuable, it'srare and very specific to your
generation and your generationalone.
So let's bring this home.
One crisis work isn't abouthaving all the answers.
It's about knowing how torespond when no one else does.
Two, the most powerful skillsin this field are calm, clarity
(23:06):
and control.
Not necessarily charisma, butif you have it, use it.
And three, the smartest peoplein the room are always still
learning.
Don't be the person who alwayshas the answers, because not
everyone has the answers.
People are drawn to people whoare learning and who share what
they learn.
It's a natural energy thatpeople are drawn to.
(23:29):
Just keep your head up, keepyour ears open, read, look to
learn.
You've graduated from textbooks, but don't stop learning.
If you're a recent graduate,welcome to the world.
You are exactly where you needto be.
And if you're a parent, passthis along, because I know some
(23:49):
parents.
Your kids don't want to listento you and this great list that
I put out there.
Do not think for a moment thatmy kids are sitting there
wrapped saying, mom, tell meanother life lesson.
No, sometimes I'm shoving itdown their throats, but
eventually they will come to you, like one of my kids did
yesterday and said mom.
Kids did yesterday and said Mom, I need your advice.
(24:11):
I pulled the car over and Ilistened.
You can find this list in a blogpost on my sub stack.
Find me at Molly McPherson.
I also have a publication, thePR Breakdown that you can find
at prbreakdownmedia.
Feel free to send questions myway.
I read every one, Even if Idon't have the mental shelf
(24:33):
space to answer them all.
Know that I read them all.
If you don't mind, go ahead andrate my podcast or share this
episode with someone that youthink might be helped by it.
To Kate, my Kathleen well,really, my kitty, but I'm no
longer allowed to call her that.
I called her that when she waslittle.
If you're listening, I knowyou're not, but I'm proud of you
(24:54):
for how hard you worked, forhow much you've grown and for
how clearly you see the worldalready my middle.
Yes, I'm crying and yes, I'membarrassing you right now.
I know I am, but I am so proudof you.
You crushed college.
I loved walking around thatcampus and having so many people
(25:16):
know you, particularly Joe whopicked us up in the golf cart
when it was freezing on the quad.
But I loved meeting everyonewho knew you and I'm so proud to
be your mom.
You're going to have a greatlife because you've got
everything you need and if youever forget that, you just come
back to this episode.
Last week my daughter, Kathleen, graduated
from Loyola University, chicago.
I found out on campus with manya student I encountered.
They would give me that lookand say are you?
I knew what was coming nextKate's mom.
So, like a lot of proud parentsout there, I've been thinking a
(00:20):
lot about what it means to stepinto the world right now,
especially if you're a student,heading into journalism, pr,
advertising or communication ornot.
It could be any profession, but, kate, she's not just walking
into the workforce, she'swalking into the real world.
She needs her eyes open and,like so many of her fellow
(00:43):
graduates, they don't quite knowwhat they're going to end up
seeing.
In this episode I'm sharing alife list of sorts the things
that no one tells new gradsabout when it comes to managing
life and managing crisis Pssthint, it's preventing them in
the first place.
Kate, this list is for you, butit's also for every recent
(01:07):
graduate stepping into life oranything that involves managing
your reputation in the post-gradworld.
These are the things I tell myclients in crisis, and these are
also the same things I've toldKate's siblings, Rory, Conor,
and Quinn.
Time and time again, this listhas been dubbed in my household
Mom's Life List.
(01:28):
Here it comes, and there'salways rolled eyes for a fact,
but I'm not wrong and now I'mputting the list out there
because I believe that this listwill help someone else's new
graduate.
I'm going to share the topthree questions I get from
students or their parents whenI'm on the road speaking,
particularly when I'm exitingthe stage.
(01:49):
The list I gave Kate and hersiblings on repeat.
The list they never asked for,but a list that I believe every
young person should hear andwhat to say when you feel
unprepared or overwhelmed inyour first real world moment of
crisis.
Parent, send this list to yourgrads Grads.
Save it for when you need it,because you will need it If
(02:13):
you're hearing this list for thefirst time, welcome.
Yes, I am that PR lady you mayhappen to see on social media
commenting on trending newsstories that feel more like PR
car crashes, but I'm also afull-time crisis manager as well
as a keynote speaker.
At every event, as soon as Iexit the stage, people ask me
questions.
I'm going to share with you thetop three questions I get from
(02:36):
students or their parents atpractically every event.
The number one question how doyou get into crisis management?
When I hear this question.
I often suspect people feelthis way because it looks like
fun and you know what it is.
Anyone can be a content creator.
You want to talk about PRcrises online?
(02:57):
Go ahead, have at it, enjoy it.
It is fun.
But to do it as a profession isnot necessarily a linear path.
So my answer no one applies forwork in crisis management.
You get pulled in when it hits.
It's a skill set within thecommunication industry, in any
sector.
When I started labeling myselfas a crisis manager, it was an
(03:20):
industry made up of older whitemales.
Those were my contemporaries.
It was an industry made up ofolder white males.
Those were my contemporaries.
It was more commonplace for amale to be in a trusted position
during some crisis event,because men see other men as
trusted advisors.
As a female Gen Xer, I had togain credibility in my work as
someone known to be able tohandle a crisis under pressure.
(03:44):
As someone known to be able tohandle a crisis under pressure,
I didn't wait for the validationfor people to hire me at a
company as a crisis manager.
I did it by way of being adirector of communication.
I worked in the cruise lineindustry.
I didn't work in the hey, doyou want to come party poolside
on this cruise ship?
That wasn't my job.
(04:04):
My job was to draft an answerwhen there was a crisis,
typically at sea, not when weran out of daiquiri mix, but
more the phone call that says,hey, we have people in our
buffet lines who are throwing upand then they're going back for
food.
Now that problem became myproblem because I knew that the
norovirus was sweeping thecountry and it wasn't just
(04:28):
affecting the cruise lineindustry, but the crisis was
only impacting the cruise lineindustry.
It was my job to strategicallyfind a way for reporters to
connect the dots, thatpassengers were boarding
airplanes sick and the symptomswould happen when they were on
(04:49):
the cruise ship.
It's understanding how to managethe message around a growing
crisis or one in full swing.
If you want to work in crisisPR, then be the trusted person
when things go sideways.
If you're a new grad, tellsomeone my age how to read the
room on the internet.
Your generation knows onlineculture.
(05:09):
My generation doesn't.
I've had to work very, veryhard at it.
Be the trusted person in theroom Two.
What's the worst crisisresponse you've ever seen?
My answer open the newspaper.
There's one happening every dayin every sector, which is why
anyone can get a job in crisismanagement.
Read the news every day.
(05:31):
Social media is not a primarynews source.
It is a selectively curatedtechnology that delivers news
through an app that it thinksyou might be interested in.
It's serving as your secondarynews source.
And three what's the best majoror degree for this line of work
(05:51):
?
My answer it's not the degree,it's how learn to read the words
, the room, people and know howto write.
(06:12):
Next, the list that no oneasked for, at least not my kids,
but this is the list thatthey've heard dozens of times
because it's a list that matters.
They've heard dozens of timesbecause it's a list that matters
.
Number one don't let emotiondrive the car.
Defensiveness ruins gooddecisions.
The calmer person wins.
(06:33):
Every time, the clients whostruggle in a crisis are the
ones who are the most defensive.
As soon as I spot it with aclient, I triage the emotion
Same for life.
When my kids come to me with anissue, whether it's their own
(06:53):
or for a friend, I'm alwaysdissecting how people act under
pressure.
When I hear a story, whetherit's from a client, my kids'
friends or my friends telling mea story about people who
they're interacting with.
It could be their spouse,someone they're dating, someone
in their life, whatever it iswhen I hear defensiveness or
when I hear them say but theydid this and then it makes me
(07:15):
feel I say stop, do not letanyone else hold you emotionally
hostage because they areinsecure, because they are
defensive.
That's their baggage to carry,not yours.
Two keep your hands clean.
The honest, ethical person winsevery time.
Work hard.
(07:37):
Shortcuts backfire.
Always.
Breaking rules for speed or egowill always cost you more later
.
The internet has receipts.
People who cut corners in workand in life always pay at some
point.
Three know what makes youmagnetic.
(07:59):
If you're a grad trying tofigure out what you want to do
in life, or if you're mid-careerand you don't like your job and
you want to change, the firstplace to look is inward.
Figure out why people are drawnto you.
Then build from there.
Don't define your future bywhat job.
(08:19):
Define it by what makes youlight up, what makes you special
.
Listen when people tell youwhat they see in you, when they
compliment you.
That's your leverage.
People in life don't comment onyour work skills.
When they meet you like huh,you look like you'd be very good
at Excel.
You look like you would be goodat doing my taxes.
(08:40):
No, they notice your softskills, the ones that you're
just naturally good at.
When Kate was at a careercrossroads, she needed to pick
an internship.
She didn't know where to turnfor work because she was looking
at it as a career.
I can tell you this was onetense phone call because I could
feel the panic set in.
(09:02):
She felt like she had to decideher fate by picking one
internship.
And I understand that, becausea lot of internships in junior
year set you up for a job downthe road.
But it's not locked in stonethat you have to do that.
It's just an option for you,for Kate.
The first question I asked herwas this is it fair to say that
(09:25):
you eventually want a careerwhere you're quote in the mix?
I knew Kate was not bound for acubicle.
She's drawn to people, toactivity.
She's highly social.
She just likes people andconnecting with people.
She is an extrovert.
She gets energy from people.
Also, if it's a no, it's a no.
(09:47):
I found this out the hard waywhen we were on a recruiting
visit to a college for soccerKate.
She was an all-star soccerplayer Her junior year of high
school.
She was the leading scorer onher team and in the state
championship which they won.
But when we were on recruitingtrips for soccer, a soccer coach
(10:10):
said to me on the tour hey,I'll find more money for Kate if
she plays for us.
I was, oh, thank goodness, I'mlike yes.
But then when it was time towalk back to the car, I said
Kate, what did you think?
And Rory, her sister who playedcollege soccer, said to her oh
my gosh, kate, wouldn't theschool be great?
And Kate said, no, I don't wantto play soccer anymore.
(10:31):
Not only did she say no to theschool, she was saying no to
playing soccer.
I died inside because all Icould think about was the money
and the time and the miles I puton my car going to soccer
tournaments, soccer games.
I was her travel soccer coachfor years.
(10:51):
So of course I was onlythinking about myself, because
that's what parents do.
But I stopped and I said I haveto respect her answer and I'm
glad that I did.
I'm not going to say it waseasy, but I did it and I did it.
At the moment she was also apandemic kid.
She lost her senior year.
She lost her senior year ofschool and friends and soccer.
(11:13):
She lost all of that.
So I think that had somethingto do with it.
She just wanted to start life.
I wasn't surprised that shepicked Loyola Chicago at all.
She made the decision when wewere watching the Final Four, as
a matter of fact, and I wastelling my kids about applying
to Catholic schools,particularly Jesuit schools, and
I was thrilled with the choice.
She played club soccer.
(11:35):
She played club hockey.
She was huge into intramurals.
As a matter of fact, herintramural soccer team won the
championship Loyola intramurals.
As a matter of fact, herintramural soccer team won the
championship.
Loyola intramurals posted it ontheir Instagram page.
She was also an orientationleader.
She was the arena host at gamesat Gentile.
She was at the center courtannouncing things on the
Jumbotron.
She was also the camera personfor the Jumbotron.
(11:58):
If I were to watch Loyola men'sbasketball, I could see her on
the sidelines.
In fact, when she came homefrom Christmas, we were watching
a replay of the game and thereshe was, courtside with her
camera talking to Sister Jean.
There were so many clues thereto Kate's future.
So, knowing this, when it cameto figuring out her path.
(12:19):
We just looked at the cluesthat were there that told us
what she liked to do.
She liked being in the mix, sheliked interacting with people,
she liked events.
I asked her how about eventplanning?
How about working in sports?
How about sales?
So she got a paid internship insales and she did great.
She really liked it and shemade a lot of money.
(12:39):
Really liked it and she made alot of money.
That internship led to jobinterviews and I can proudly say
that Kate landed a highlycoveted position in the sales
development program with MLB.
She is going to learn all aboutsports, sales and service.
And hint, she's going to bedoing this in Wrigleyville and I
(13:01):
am thrilled, not just becauseI'm a baseball fan, but more
importantly because I know she'sgoing to crush it, because it's
where she shines.
Four be seen, but stay real.
There's nothing wrong withattention.
Gen Z, you're the social mediageneration, the millennials they
ushered it in.
But you, gen Z, you are thisgeneration.
(13:23):
Go ahead, be online, soak inthe attention, but just don't
fake it.
Audiences can smell it,colleagues can smell it.
Be you, and if that means beingonline, great, do it.
Knock yourself out, but don'tfeel pressure to have an online
presence that actually makes youunique, and that's one of the
other things I admire about Kate.
(13:44):
She doesn't post Instagram.
Look at me, her Gen X motherposting on social media, but
Kate, she doesn't have time forit and, honestly, I respect it.
Five discretion is power.
If you can keep a secret,people will trust you.
If you're going to gossip,gossip selectively, gossip is a
venting tool.
(14:04):
Find a friend who is going tobe your gossip friend.
It is a mutual, beneficialrelationship where you both dump
each other's gossip onto eachother and you get it out of your
system.
And you may have multiplefriends for multiple categories,
but just keep it between thetwo of you.
Don't be a gossip spreader.
(14:26):
Don't look at gossip as an actof malice with this friend.
Just look at it as an act offriendship.
It's something that the two ofyou share.
And don't select your partneras your gossip partner, whether
dating or in marriage, becausedeep down, they're judging you
and in the end, if therelationship doesn't work out,
it may come back to bite you.
(14:47):
Six ask for help strategically.
People like to help people, butpeople really like to help
people when it helps them.
Give credit publicly where youcan.
That's currency.
Again, it's that mutuallybeneficial relationship.
But don't ask for help and makeit a one-way relationship,
(15:08):
because eventually someone isgoing to resent it.
There are a lot of people outthere.
I'm one of them.
I used to be the pleaser ofpleasers.
Now I'm much better at sayingno.
Side note one of the areaswhere I did it is when students
would reach out to me asking forhelp.
I know at the end of every fallsemester and at the end of
every spring semester I getrequests from students asking
(15:30):
for interviews because there's alot of professors out there who
have an assignment in their PRclass that says find someone who
works in PR and ask them onemillion questions about their
jobs.
You can imagine, as someonewho's on TikTok, how many
requests I get.
When I first started online, Iwould sit down and do these
interviews, but I recognized itwas chewing up a lot of my day.
(15:52):
I could not help my paidclients, the people who are in
crisis, because I was workingwith so many people.
I wanted to do it the policeare in me but I learned that I
needed to say no.
By the way, if you are astudent who needs this type of
help, you don't need to get itfrom me one-on-one.
Just go to my content.
You can find answers to yourquestions just by looking at it
and I'm happy to help you.
(16:13):
Or if we're at a conference andyou see me there, stop me.
I always love talking tostudents.
Seven help others, but not atyour own expense.
Give generously, but protectyour energy.
Mutual benefit isn't selfish,it's just sustainable.
Be okay with saying no, explainwhy and let them know in the
(16:37):
future.
If you can help, you will, andthen if you can do it, but if
it's taking too much from you,then feel comfortable saying no.
Eight, outsmart, don't outrage.
Revenge feels good, but it onlyfeels good in the short term.
The long game wins every time.
(17:00):
Trust me.
The long game wins every time.
Trust me, toxic people willshow you who they are.
Whether you are dating someone,you are roommates with someone,
you married someone and now youwant to divorce someone,
someone out there has hurt you.
The instinct is to hurt themback.
(17:21):
It's reflexive, it's verynormal.
But you need to outsmart thatfeeling.
Revenge whether it's callingsomeone out online, sending a
text online to friends, whateverit is, putting people on full
blast only feels goodmomentarily.
Feels good momentarily.
The long game wins every singletime.
(17:43):
Wait it out because, trust me,toxic people eventually end up
poisoning themselves.
Take it from someone who's beenthere.
It happens.
Nine look for accountability,but offer it too.
People who admit mistakes arestrong people.
People who deflect are weak.
(18:05):
Accountability is my ethos, myindestructible PR framework.
Own it, explain it, promise itI use with all my clients, that
I use in all my strategiccommunication plans.
That I use in all my strategiccrisis plans.
That I use in all my strategiccrisis plans.
That I use in all my strategicmessaging.
My ethos of accountability wasbuilt from life, not from career
(18:31):
.
I learned it in life.
People who do not takeaccountability are weak.
People who do are strong.
People who recognize strengthare less likely to go after that
person.
Trust me on this.
I know what I'm talking about.
(18:53):
Ten fear is the root of everybad.
Behind arrogance, cruelty,ghosting, mean, widespread
gossip is fear.
Spot it, name it, sidestep it.
11.
Your brain runs in sprints.
(19:15):
Do your work in 90-minutespurts.
Your brain is no longereffective at 91 minutes.
Block your time, block yourstudying, block your life.
That's how long you can trulyfocus.
Use it, then rest it.
You're not lazy, you're humanTwelve.
(19:38):
Don't settle anywhere Not inlove, not in work, not in how
you're treated.
Boundaries are not pricklybarriers, they're guardrails for
your worth that you do not likehow they are treating you.
(20:05):
That is a boundary and you haveevery right to that boundary.
If a person punishes youbecause you set a boundary, they
are holding you emotionallyhostage.
Don't let anyone do that.
Everyone has a right to set aboundary and everybody should
respect that boundary.
And if they don't call them onit, 13, lucky 13.
(20:32):
This is for the new grads.
Remember you are the pandemicgeneration and that makes you
resilient.
You lost the payoff years, thejoy, the celebration.
Don't let older people labelyou as weak.
It makes you undercreditedconversations.
(20:58):
I've been in the rooms wherepeople my generation, elder
millennials, baby boomers theyare putting Gen Z on full blast.
I cannot believe that they'redemanding to work remote.
I cannot believe the demandsthat they're making.
Watch what is labeled becauseof the pandemic compared to you
(21:19):
actually being lazy.
There is a difference.
Now, if a job has an in-officepolicy, then follow it.
If you don't want to work in anoffice, then don't.
If they are demanding that youcome in, well, then you have to
fulfill that demand.
Just find a job where you canwork remote, but maybe give the
(21:41):
office a try, because yourgeneration is struggling with
dating, finding people to settledown, with finding people to
get married A big reason why somany of you don't work in an
office.
You're not meeting anyone.
So many bars and restaurantswent out of business.
All these opportunities tomingle with people are gone.
So if you can find a way tomingle with people, I encourage
(22:03):
you to do so, but don't take thelabel of the lazy generation.
You have energy, but show themwhere you have energy.
But also don't be lazy anddon't be entitled, because this
is where my generation has itright, because sometimes you can
be, and as a mom who's donemultiple dorm moves, it's not
okay to leave food in therefrigerator.
(22:24):
It's not okay to leave garbageor stuff in your dorm for
someone else to move.
Don't be that person, but leaninto your culture.
Tell people of othergenerations that you understand
it.
You wanna move up the ranks?
Then understand internetculture.
You grew up in the call-outculture, the cancel culture.
You speak reputation fluently.
(22:44):
That's not just valuable, it'srare and very specific to your
generation and your generationalone.
So let's bring this home.
One crisis work isn't abouthaving all the answers.
It's about knowing how torespond when no one else does.
Two, the most powerful skillsin this field are calm, clarity
(23:06):
and control.
Not necessarily charisma, butif you have it, use it.
And three, the smartest peoplein the room are always still
learning.
Don't be the person who alwayshas the answers, because not
everyone has the answers.
People are drawn to people whoare learning and who share what
they learn.
It's a natural energy thatpeople are drawn to.
(23:29):
Just keep your head up, keepyour ears open, read, look to
learn.
You've graduated from textbooks, but don't stop learning.
If you're a recent graduate,welcome to the world.
You are exactly where you needto be.
And if you're a parent, passthis along, because I know some
(23:49):
parents.
Your kids don't want to listento you and this great list that
I put out there.
Do not think for a moment thatmy kids are sitting there
wrapped saying, mom, tell meanother life lesson.
No, sometimes I'm shoving itdown their throats, but
eventually they will come to you, like one of my kids did
yesterday and said mom.
Kids did yesterday and said Mom, I need your advice.
(24:11):
I pulled the car over and Ilistened.
You can find this list in a blogpost on my sub stack.
Find me at Molly McPherson.
I also have a publication, thePR Breakdown that you can find
at prbreakdownmedia.
Feel free to send questions myway.
I read every one, Even if Idon't have the mental shelf
(24:33):
space to answer them all.
Know that I read them all.
If you don't mind, go ahead andrate my podcast or share this
episode with someone that youthink might be helped by it.
To Kate, my Kathleen well,really, my kitty, but I'm no
longer allowed to call her that.
I called her that when she waslittle.
If you're listening, I knowyou're not, but I'm proud of you
(24:54):
for how hard you worked, forhow much you've grown and for
how clearly you see the worldalready my middle.
Yes, I'm crying and yes, I'membarrassing you right now.
I know I am, but I am so proudof you.
You crushed college.
I loved walking around thatcampus and having so many people
(25:16):
know you, particularly Joe whopicked us up in the golf cart
when it was freezing on the quad.
But I loved meeting everyonewho knew you and I'm so proud to
be your mom.
You're going to have a greatlife because you've got
everything you need and if youever forget that, you just come
back to this episode.
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