How to Survive a SHART Attack in Public

Like Jeremy Wade says, you have to be cautious of what lurks below because at any moment one can attack if provoked, and before you know it, you're attacked by a shart at your company work party.   Although there is no way to truly prevent a shart attack, you can learn these defensive moves.... according to the internet.  
Hey, don't blame us; we didn't write this garbage, we just discuss it.