Size Matters: How to Stop Shrinking and Start Taking Up Space | Ep. 87

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In this episode, Aliya Cheyanne explores the theme of self-worth and the tendency to play small in various aspects of life. She shares personal anecdotes about her experiences with shrinking herself in social and professional settings, emphasizing the importance of recognizing one's value and charging appropriately for services. The conversation also touches on the dynamics of working with nonprofit versus for-profit organizations, and concludes with a mental wealth tip encouraging listeners to reclaim their space and worth.

Related Episode:

• Faith & Freedom on the Creative Journey ft. Chimdi Ihezie | Ep. 54

HelloCreator Weekly Community Sessions: Creative Coaching with Chimdi Ihezie

• Liberating the Money Shadow
• Liberating the Money Shadow (continued)
• Aligned Pricing as a Creative Entrepreneur
• Aligned Pricing as a Creative Entrepreneur (continued)

Theme Music:
She No Dull Beat by Nana Kwabena
Festivities in Belize by RAGE Productions

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Episode Transcript

Aliya Cheyanne (00:00):
Hey friend, welcome back to the show.
Today's episode is going to bean audio only experience.
It's a solo episode.
I'm super excited to jump intothis conversation and this topic
, so thank you so much for beinghere.
So before we jump into today'sYAP session, I want to read a

(00:21):
review that the show receivedfrom Cody Mars that says
inspiring, relatable and suchbrilliance with the interviewing
and guest selection.
Cody paired that review with afive-star rating.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you so much, cody Mars.
I just want to take a minute tosit with that review.

(00:45):
Thank you for seeing me.
I feel so, seen your review isso deeply affirming.
Thank you for taking a momentout of your day to rate and
review the show.
It's free, quick and easy to do, but it makes such a huge
difference for the show.
Your review has already helpedothers to discover this podcast

(01:08):
and, in addition to that, it'sreally, really important and
meaningful to me because ithelps me to know that I'm not
just having these conversationsin vain or speaking into the
void, and that someone out there, like you and others, are
receiving the message and theshow is having a positive impact

(01:28):
.
So thank you for listening,thank you for tapping in.
Thank you for telling me whatyou think.
I'm so grateful for you.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
If you've been listening to theshow for some time or dabbled in
episodes here and there, pleasetake a moment to leave me a
review.
You can even do it while you'relistening right now.

(01:49):
You can leave a rating andreview on Apple Podcasts or a
rating and comments on yourfavorite episodes on Spotify,
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Leave a comment there as well.
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Leave a review wherever you'relistening to the show right now.

(02:12):
But, most importantly, don'tforget to tell a friend.
To tell a friend or to drop alink to the podcast or your
favorite episode in the groupchat.
Okay, friends, so let's kick offwith a question of the week.
In what ways have you madeyourself small At home, at work,

(02:33):
in public spaces, emotionally,physically, intellectually?
I've been thinking about waysI've played small, ways I've
shrunken myself, eitherprofessionally or personally.
What got me thinking about thetopic was because recently I was
on a flight home and it was aconnecting flight.

(02:55):
I had a window seat for thefirst flight but a middle seat
for the second, and I keptliterally shrinking myself to be
less in the way of the folksseated next to me.
I had to stop and say to myselflike girl, fix your posture.
You don't unclench your jawright now.

(03:15):
Put your arms back, bro,stretch out a little on the
armrests.
Why do you have to be overlyaccommodating?
Why do you have to be theuncomfortable one?
It's a tight space already.
They're prioritizing theircomfort in their space.
Loosen up, and so I did, andeach time I noticed myself

(03:41):
shrinking again.
After that, because it wasnormal and natural and what I'm
used to, I did my best to remindmyself to unwind and to relax a
bit and to take up space.
This moment was a reminder tostop playing small, to stop

(04:03):
being so timid, to stop playingsmall, to stop being so timid.
Personally, I recently wentthrough an experience where I
tried to minimize my emotionsand my feelings about an
incident, to bury it, to keep itquiet so that it wouldn't
become a bigger issue, butinstead of creating room for it
to be expressed like it neededto be, instead of something

(04:24):
small staying small, it becamesomething huge and unnecessary.
It's now a raw issue thatrequires a season of space,
healing, repair and rebuilding.
I even realized recently thatI'm playing small in my work too
.
Something I've struggled withbranching out on my own as a

(04:46):
consultant is my pricing theconstant struggle of
undervaluing myself, not knowingmy worth or my value when it
comes to pricing my services andcontracts, or accepting less
because I'm afraid to lose orupset a client.
I've been guilty of this, butnot anymore.
You know, my word for 2024 wasaudacity and my word for 2025 is

(05:13):
devotion.
I have to be bold enough,audacious enough and so deeply
devoted to myself that I honorthe energy of money and the
value of my labor.
I've gone back and forth aboutpricing on so many levels.

(05:33):
In fact, one of our formerguests on the podcast, chimdi
Ihezie, has helped me to processthis in a former Hello Creator
creative roundtable session.
I'll link to our episode of thepodcast, as well as that
roundtable session in the shownotes for anyone who wants to
check them out.
But I've been working on thissince then.

(05:57):
Two experiences recently showedme that I'm still playing small
.
Okay, so I'll be transparentabout my rate, because I know
someone out there could use anexample on their own journey.

(06:23):
At the time of this recordinghas a decade of policy
communications and programexperience with nonprofit
organizations, my hourly rate is250.
That means that when I executea contract with an organization,
based on the number of hours inthat contract as low as 20, as
high as 300 or more that's whatI get for the job.
If a contract is for a certainamount, my work plan and

(06:45):
proposal will break down howthat budget is being spent, in
phases, by allocations of timeand as per my rate, although I
do process everything through mybusiness.
I am a sole proprietor andstill a team of one.
At this stage the terms vary.
Sole proprietor and still ateam of one.
At this stage the terms vary.

(07:05):
I prefer monthly retainers overthe course of a set of months
so that I have guaranteed incomefor the duration of the
contract that does not fluctuate.
I've done other models wheremaybe I get 50% up front and 50%
at completion.
I've done 25% splits or 50-, 25, 25.
It depends on the contract, theclient and the budget.

(07:26):
I often have multiple contractsrunning simultaneously,
depending on the hours requiredper job and how I can balance my
week and months.
But I've also had severalinstances where I've just
focused on one contract becauseit pays more than enough for me
to have my needs met.

(07:48):
I largely work with nonprofits,but I have and will work for
for-profit organizations too.
Now, to some people my rate ishigh, to others not so much.
It's not high at all.
While some organizations can'tafford my rate, others have
deemed my rate a complete steal.

(08:09):
And here's where the example ofplaying small comes in.
I recently connected with awoman a white woman, and this is
important who works as aconsultant we're in similar
fields and she shared that herhourly rate is $400.
Hourly rate is 400.

(08:32):
On a separate occasion Ilearned about a male marketing
consultant who charges 600 perhour for the first 40 hours and
1,000 per every hour over 40hours where he has to put in
overtime in a given week.
I share these rates andidentities to share not only the
disparities when it comes toconsulting in related fields and
the dynamics at play, but toalso demonstrate how much more

(08:55):
audacious and devoted to my bagI could be and I should be Now.
Nonprofits can be tricky when itcomes to funding.
Every grant dollar has to beaccounted for.
Many are being stripped ofcrucial resources in this
current political climate andunder this horrid administration

(09:17):
.
So my rate will likely stay myrate in that regard.
Not all, but many nonprofitsbring on consultants in the
short term because occasionallythey may not have the budget to
cover the overhead costs ofhiring a new staff member
full-time.
Not true all the time, butsometimes it's true for some.

(09:38):
Now, as for the for-profitorganizations who oftentimes
have more unlimited,unrestricted funds, please know
I'll be charging my worth fromhere on out and blame them,
folks, for not gatekeeping theirrates and helping a sister

(09:59):
understand the dynamics at playa bit better.
No more playing small, here'sto being boldly and audaciously
devoted to me and my bag.
Now.
I ideated and mapped out thisentire episode on that flight
that I referenced at the top ofthe episode.

(10:20):
We boarded and were stuck atthe gate for about an hour while
the airline pilot and crewsorted through an issue on the
plane.
I'm home safe and sound at thetime of this recording and I
really hope this episode washelpful to you in some way,
shape or form.
And don't forget to tell afriend, to tell a friend about

(10:40):
this episode and the show.
Thank you, friend.
I want to leave you with amental wealth tip of the week
Learn to take up space, in thewords of the incomparable Levon
Briggs.
You're worthy, beloved, and ifyou're someone who journals

(11:01):
write this down, in what wayshave I dimmed my light to make
others more comfortable?
And how can I reclaim my spaceemotionally, professionally,
spiritually and beyond All?
Right, friend, thanks fortuning in to another short but
sweet episode of the show.

(11:22):
If this episode resonated withyou, please be sure to tell a
friend, to tell a friend and torate and review the show
wherever you're listening to itright now.
Thank you for lending me yourtime, your energy and your ears.
I appreciate you for being here.
Have a great rest of your dayor night and I'll catch you on

(11:44):
the next episode.
Bye.