March 10, 2025 • 27 mins
This episode is a deeply personal glimpse into my forthcoming book that reframes singleness from a societal curse to a catalyst for self-discovery and creative flourishing. I share why I'm writing about the single experience and read selections that explore how women can thrive independently while society pushes partnership.
- Singleness among women is on the rise, whether by choice or circumstance
- My journey from creating a simple guide to writing a full book about thriving while single
- The freedom singleness provides for creative pursuits and self-discovery
- How our creative energy connects to our life force and personal power
- The importance of seeing singleness as a season of possibility, not merely waiting
- How this book will include journal prompts for deeper personal reflection
- Creating work that builds legacy and connects past, present and future
If this episode resonated with you, please leave a five-star rating and positive written review, and be sure to share this episode with a friend.
Other Resources:
-- Lovers by Shan: For Women Terrified of Being 30+, Single, and Career-Driven featuring @Deepica
-- Khloé in Wonderland: The Science of Swiping Right ft. Dating Expert Logan Ury
Theme Music:
She No Dull Beat by Nana Kwabena
Festivities in Belize by RAGE Productions
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Aliya Cheyanne (00:00):
I had already planned to record this episode
and have this conversation and Irecorded like half of it and
put it down and then came backto do the rest and in the span
of that time, like this pastweekend, an elder in my
community and a family friendpulled me aside quietly to ask
me if I had a boyfriend and toshare some words of wisdom
(00:23):
around that boyfriend and toshare some words of wisdom
around that, and the only thingI could think about in the back
of my head was damn.
This is confirmation.
This is a sign there's a reasonwhy I'm writing this book, so I
hope this resonates withsomeone.
Hey friend, welcome back to theshow.
(00:56):
I'm so glad that you're hereand that you're tuning in for
another episode.
This episode is going to be alittle bit different and a
little bit special.
I have been alluding to thefact that I've been working on
some other projects over thelast several months, and today I
want to share a little piece ofthat project with you.
So, as many of you know, I'mthe author of Guided Journal
(01:19):
Writing Prompts for Growth andEmotional Wellness, which, if
you are interested in a copy,the link to purchase the journal
is always in the episodedescription, so be sure to check
that out.
But I've also been in my authorbag.
I have been working really hardto craft a new project.
(01:39):
I have been in my single seasonfor a very, very long time and
throughout the course of thesingle season I've either been
completely single and detachedfrom dating or even engaging or
entertaining connections, orI've dabbled in dating and
(01:59):
entertained some connections butnever saw anything as serious
enough to continue with, and Ihave been in and out of that
space for years.
It's been a really long timeand there have always been
single women.
There will always be singlewomen.
But I especially feel likewe're in an era now where a lot
(02:21):
of women are reclaiming theirsingleness, either by choice or
by force, because the datingpool has been a struggle for
many.
Or a lot of women are choosingto focus on themselves because
they're not meeting or findingpartners that mirror them at the
same emotional or mental depthor financial depth or whatever
(02:41):
the case may be.
It varies for everyone.
Or there are many women whohave been in relationships for a
long time and maybe they'rerealizing that the relationships
that they've been in are nolonger aligned.
There are countless others whoare becoming single because of
loss or divorce or a number ofdifferent things that they may
(03:02):
not have anticipated or plannedfor.
Whatever the reason, singlenessamong women is on the rise and,
as someone who has been in thisplace for a very long time and
for however much longer I wantedto write about that.
I wanted to write about myexperience, I wanted to share my
perspective, I wanted to shareinsight and I wanted to show and
(03:27):
support other women in knowingthat they are seen and they're
not alone and that, althoughthere are moments of loneliness
and singleness, you don't haveto be alone or lonely all the
time.
There are ways to have abeautiful, rewarding and
fulfilling life, even in placeof partnership.
(03:48):
Initially, when I set out to dothis project, I had only
imagined doing a cute littleguide in Canva, and since then
this project has turned into afull-fledged book that I am
still working on editing andrefining and finalizing before
it is published out into theworld.
(04:11):
But I wanted to share a littlepiece of it today.
I had this whole intention forthe month of February to do
episodes that were centeredaround love and singleness and
dating, and it just didn't panout that way.
Not saying that thoseconversations won't come up on
(04:31):
the podcast, because there aresome incredible people doing
really powerful and creativework In the space of love and
dating and relationships that Iwould love to have on the show.
Just the timing just didn'tquite work out, but it's right
on time to be doing this now.
I just want to briefly read foryou the introduction and one
(04:56):
small section of part one of thebook, and I hope you enjoy it.
And if you are someone who isin your single season or maybe
you have friends who are intheir single season, whatever
the case may be, if this episoderesonates with you, please be
sure to share it with a friendand stay tuned because when the
(05:17):
book drops, you will be thefirst to know.
This book is written through mylens and my experience.
Therefore, it primarily speaksto single women navigating
hetero dating experiences.
However, I think there are anumber of really valuable
lessons in the book thattranscend even that.
(05:39):
So this conversation and thisepisode also feels right on time
, because I had already plannedto record this episode and have
this conversation and I recordedlike half of it and put it down
and then came back to do therest and in the span of that
time, like this past weekend, anelder in my community and a
(06:03):
family friend pulled me asidequietly to ask me if I had a
boyfriend and to share somewords of wisdom around that, and
the only thing I could thinkabout in the back of my head was
damn.
This is confirmation.
This is a sign.
There's a reason why I'mwriting this book, so I hope
this resonates with someone.
(06:24):
So with that, let's start withmy love letter to women in their
single season.
Hey girl, I see you.
I know exactly how you feel, solet's talk about it Cis to cis.
(06:47):
When I first set out to writethis book, I wasn't thinking
about a full-fledged project.
I had a simple vision a fun,affirming and beautifully
designed guide to help womencome home to themselves,
something light, filled withpowerful quotes, gentle
reminders and practical steps tosupport women in their single
(07:08):
season.
I had no idea that I had anentire book inside of me, and
yet here we are.
What started as a simple guideturned into a slow, often
painful, yet deeplytransformative journey, one that
forced me to be honest withmyself in ways I never expected.
(07:29):
I wrote this book with you inmind, but in the process I had
to confront me.
I had to sit with my ownfeelings of inadequacy.
I had to battle impostersyndrome, the little voice that
kept telling me who are you towrite this?
I had to face the truth thatfor so long I had been
(07:53):
protecting myself from love, notbecause I didn't want it, but
because I was afraid of losingmyself in it, afraid that
romance would somehow overshadowmy creativity, my ambition and
my commitment to putting myselffirst.
Had to admit that in the past Istruggled to balance my passion
and relationships, oftensacrificing one for the other.
(08:16):
Writing this book, unearthedtruths I had buried truths I
wasn't sure that I was ready toface again just yet.
Buried Truth I wasn't sure thatI was ready to face again just
yet.
The early stages of this bookwere rough.
In my professional life I'vealways aimed to position myself
as an expert, as an authority.
Naturally, I brought that sameenergy here.
(08:38):
I thought I had to teach, butwhat I quickly realized is that
we are all in this together.
I'm not here to be your teacher.
I'm honored to be yourcompanion in singleness.
As I write this, and likelyeven as you read it, I'm still
in my single season.
(08:59):
I'm still navigating it, stilllearning, still growing, and
what has helped me most, both inwriting this book and in
embracing the single season ofmy life, is slowing down.
I've learned that singlenessisn't about rushing to the next
phase, it's about taking my time.
So many things surfaced whilewriting this book.
(09:21):
I kept feeling this urgency,this pressure to be a finished
product myself before I couldshare my thoughts with you, that
perfectionism.
It nearly stopped me in mytracks.
Every time I overanalyzed mywords, every time I questioned
if I was qualified to write this, I had to remind myself that I
(09:42):
don't have to be perfect.
I don't have to have all of theanswers.
None of us do.
Surviving singleness is notabout me being an expert.
It's a testament to what I'velearned and what I'm still
learning, and all that's yet tocome.
So here's to the past and thelessons that shaped us.
Here's to the present and thegrowth we're embracing and the
(10:06):
lessons that shaped us.
Here's to the present and thegrowth we're embracing.
Here's to the future and thewisdom still unfolding.
Welcome to the gift thatsociety has too often called a
curse, sacred, solo andsovereign reframing singleness
(10:30):
from curse to catalyst.
I thought I was in love a fewtimes.
There was the grade schoolcrush who kept me on the phone
for hours, making me count downthe minutes until nightfall, so
we could pick up where we leftoff where we left off.
(10:52):
Then there was the boy fromhigh school the one my family
would never approve of whotaught me the language of
affection through soft kissesand lingering touches, and later
, the young man in my earlyadulthood who became my homie,
lover and best friend, even ifonly for a season.
Each of them left a mark,shaping the way I saw love,
connection and commitment.
(11:13):
But here's the thing the realcommitment wasn't to someone
else, it was to myself.
Singleness gave me the space torealize that before I could
truly commit to another person,I had to commit to me.
It was in this season ofsolitude that I found the
freedom to create, to heal andto step into the fullness of who
(11:37):
I am.
Still, we live in a world thattreats singleness like a problem
to be solved.
You've heard the comments,maybe even been on the receiving
end of them You're still single, no boyfriend.
Still, if you're not married,you're single.
Your career won't matter whenyou're alone, she'll be alone,
(12:00):
forever, burden, cursed,leftover, disposable.
Why does singleness get such abad rap.
In a society that puts romanticrelationships on a pedestal,
the idea that a woman can behappy, whole and thriving on her
(12:20):
own is almost unthinkable.
But I don't buy into thatnarrative.
More and more I see womenstrong, brilliant, vibrant women
, choosing themselves, choosingpeace over performative
partnership and findingfulfillment on their own terms,
(12:40):
and that deserves to becelebrated.
Now, I'm not here to dismissromantic love.
It's beautiful and wanting, itis natural.
But two things can be true atonce.
Love is a gift, and so issingleness.
It's a rare chance to trulyknow yourself, so that when or
(13:01):
if you do choose to welcomesomeone into your life, they
meet you at the level of loveand understanding you've already
given yourself.
My singleness isn't a curse.
It's liberation, it's wisdom,it's strength.
It's a time of truth-tellingand growth.
(13:22):
While relationships can bepowerful spaces for healing,
that healing starts from within.
Powerful spaces for healing,that healing starts from within.
Singleness gives us theopportunity to reflect, to heal
old wounds and to understandwhat truly makes us feel whole
and, when embraced, it equips uswith the tools to build not
(13:43):
just strong romanticrelationships but deeper
connections with friends, familyand, most importantly,
ourselves.
This book isn't about rejectinglove.
It's about redefining it.
It's an invitation to seesingleness as a season of
self-discovery, self-mastery andevolution.
A 2019 Rise of the she Economyreport by Morgan Stanley
(14:06):
projects that by 2030, 25% ofwomen aged 25 to 44 will be
single and childless.
That's millions of womennavigating a path that society
has long told us should befeared, yet finding joy, purpose
and community along the way.
This book isn't exhaustive.
(14:29):
There's so much more I wish Icould include, but it's a
starting point for aconversation, a conversation
about thriving in singleness,embracing who you are and
remembering that love startswith you.
Whether your single seasonlasts a few months or a lifetime
(14:50):
, this is your time, your timeto heal, your time to grow, your
time to flourish, thriving inyour single season.
(15:21):
Singleness has given mesomething invaluable Space.
Space to explore who I am, pourinto what lights me up and
create without compromise,whether I'm writing this book,
producing my podcast or buildingmy consulting business.
(15:41):
This season has given me thefreedom to lean fully into my
creative pursuits without theweight of someone else's
expectations.
Into my creative pursuitswithout the weight of someone
else's expectations.
It's been a gift, a time toflourish unapologetically, live
on my own terms and honor therhythm of my own soul.
(16:07):
I firmly believe that women aremeant to create and that
creation isn't just aboutbringing life into the world.
It's about birthing ideas,projects, new realities and new
versions of ourselves.
We are living, breathingportals of possibility.
When we say we containmultitudes, it's not just poetic
, it's truth.
(16:27):
Rumi said it best you are not adrop in the ocean, you are the
entire ocean in a drop.
We are closest to the divinewhen we create, shaping new
worlds with our vision and voice.
Many of my favorite creativesLaVon Briggs, ebony, janice
Moore, vanessa Aldrich, ccb andothers speak on the idea that
(16:50):
there is no separation betweenthe creator and our ability to
create.
Women have always been healers,mystics, visionaries and
storytellers.
We carry the wisdom of ourforemothers, their fears, dreams
and desires woven into our DNA.
Dreams and desires woven intoour DNA.
(17:10):
What we imagine we can bring tolife.
What we speak we have the powerto manifest.
The beauty of singleness is thatit gives us uninterrupted time
to nurture that creative power.
It's a time to ask who am Iwhen I'm not performing for
anyone else?
What do I want to create?
(17:32):
Who do I want to become?
The answers are ours todiscover, free from external
influence.
If you want to write a book,write it.
If you want to start a podcast,start it.
If you want to paint, sing,travel or pick up a new craft,
this is your time.
(17:53):
Singleness is an open invitationto explore every creative whim,
every wild idea, every dreamthat's been waiting to be
nurtured.
Nothing makes me feel morealive than being in my creative
bag, fully immersed, invigorated, inspired.
There's a reason creativeenergy and sexual energy are
(18:16):
linked.
They both come from the samesource our sacral energy, the
seat of passion, desire andcreation.
There have been moments whenthe excitement of what I'm
creating has stirred somethingprimal in me, reminding me that
pleasure and creativity areintertwined.
Me that pleasure and creativityare intertwined.
(18:41):
Just as we honor our need forintimacy and passion, we should
also honor the deep pleasurethat comes from making something
that didn't exist before.
Both are expressions of lifeforce, energy, both are sacred
and both have the power to shapethe lives we desire.
Beyond creativity, singlenessoffers another kind of freedom
(19:01):
the freedom to live on our ownterms.
It's the ability to travelwithout having to compromise on
destinations or timelines, towake up in your own space,
decorate it however you pleaseand move through your days
exactly as you choose.
It's the joy of reclaiming yourtime, whether that means
(19:23):
indulging in solitude, divinginto a passion project or simply
choosing rest without having toconsider anyone else's needs.
This autonomy is a gift.
It's a time to get clear aboutwhat you want, to fill your life
with what brings you joy, andto prioritize your well-being.
(19:43):
Singleness isn't a waitingperiod.
It's real life, full ofinfinite potential.
It's a time to dream withoutlimits, create without
permission and live withoutapology.
This is the nature of thefeminine creative spirit.
It's boundless, powerful anddeeply worthy of being nurtured.
(20:06):
And in this freedom we don'tjust exist, we flourish.
All right, friend.
(20:27):
So that was a quick glimpse intothis project.
I am so excited to becompleting it very soon and you
will be the first to know when.
It's out in the world and youcan grab a copy.
If you are in your singleseason or if you know someone in
their single season, feel freeto share this episode with them
to let them know to look out forthe book.
I'm so excited about it.
So far it has five parts filledwith chapters and I'm just
(20:53):
super excited about it.
I think one thing that's beenreally fun for me about creating
this book and doing it my ownway is that I'm writing freely.
I'm also including journalprompts that accompany each
chapter and each relevantsection, so that anyone who is
interested in doing deeper work,beyond just reading, to
(21:15):
actually process their ownstories and narratives and
experiences, is able to dive alittle bit deeper after each
section, and I think that'sreally powerful.
I have been working with acoach on this project for a
while.
She will actually be writing myforward for this book.
She is an author herself and Iam just so excited.
(21:35):
So, yeah, that was a smallglimpse into this project, and
the next time you hear about itit will be out into the world,
and I think that's reallybeautiful.
So many conversations have beencoming up about legacy and my
world lately, and I think aboutthat a lot with everything that
(21:57):
I create, whether it be thispodcast, whether it be the
journal I created in the past,whether it be this book
Surviving Singleness, or whetherit be other projects to come,
because there are so many otherthings that I'm working on and
I'm so grateful to also be aprolific creator and to be
sharing a bit of my work withyou and to be building my legacy
(22:23):
in real time, created in thepast, that we are still able to
access or learn from or hear orsee or read now, and how their
(22:44):
work continues to transform us.
And as I think about the thingsthat we are all creating today
in the here and now, the thingsthat I am creating today in the
here and now, and how that willnot only impact people of today
but also people of the future,that feels just so powerful to
(23:04):
me.
That feels like Afrofuturism inaction, that feels like time
travel in action, and in thisway I feel like I am continuing
to craft and shape and build myown legacy.
In this way, I feel soconnected to the past, present
and the future and I just lovethe feeling.
(23:27):
I love the feeling of creatingand creation and sharing these
things that are in my mind andon my heart and putting them out
into the world.
So, thank you for spending thistime with me and, as I said,
you will be the first to knowwhen this project drops and is
officially out into the world.
The working title right now isSurviving Singleness.
(23:50):
The Gift Society Calls a Curseand I think that will stay the
title, but again, if thatchanges or anything changes, you
will also be the first to know.
And, yeah, stay tuned.
I'm so excited about this.
So, all right, friend.
Well, I appreciate you fortuning into this week's episode.
(24:10):
Thank you so much for lendingme your time, your energy and
your ears.
If this episode resonated withyou, please leave a five-star
rating and positive writtenreview.
Be sure to share this episodewith a friend and I'll catch you
back here on the next episode.
Bye.
I had already planned to record this episode
and have this conversation and Irecorded like half of it and
put it down and then came backto do the rest and in the span
of that time, like this pastweekend, an elder in my
community and a family friendpulled me aside quietly to ask
me if I had a boyfriend and toshare some words of wisdom
(00:23):
around that boyfriend and toshare some words of wisdom
around that, and the only thingI could think about in the back
of my head was damn.
This is confirmation.
This is a sign there's a reasonwhy I'm writing this book, so I
hope this resonates withsomeone.
Hey friend, welcome back to theshow.
(00:56):
I'm so glad that you're hereand that you're tuning in for
another episode.
This episode is going to be alittle bit different and a
little bit special.
I have been alluding to thefact that I've been working on
some other projects over thelast several months, and today I
want to share a little piece ofthat project with you.
So, as many of you know, I'mthe author of Guided Journal
(01:19):
Writing Prompts for Growth andEmotional Wellness, which, if
you are interested in a copy,the link to purchase the journal
is always in the episodedescription, so be sure to check
that out.
But I've also been in my authorbag.
I have been working really hardto craft a new project.
(01:39):
I have been in my single seasonfor a very, very long time and
throughout the course of thesingle season I've either been
completely single and detachedfrom dating or even engaging or
entertaining connections, orI've dabbled in dating and
(01:59):
entertained some connections butnever saw anything as serious
enough to continue with, and Ihave been in and out of that
space for years.
It's been a really long timeand there have always been
single women.
There will always be singlewomen.
But I especially feel likewe're in an era now where a lot
(02:21):
of women are reclaiming theirsingleness, either by choice or
by force, because the datingpool has been a struggle for
many.
Or a lot of women are choosingto focus on themselves because
they're not meeting or findingpartners that mirror them at the
same emotional or mental depthor financial depth or whatever
(02:41):
the case may be.
It varies for everyone.
Or there are many women whohave been in relationships for a
long time and maybe they'rerealizing that the relationships
that they've been in are nolonger aligned.
There are countless others whoare becoming single because of
loss or divorce or a number ofdifferent things that they may
(03:02):
not have anticipated or plannedfor.
Whatever the reason, singlenessamong women is on the rise and,
as someone who has been in thisplace for a very long time and
for however much longer I wantedto write about that.
I wanted to write about myexperience, I wanted to share my
perspective, I wanted to shareinsight and I wanted to show and
(03:27):
support other women in knowingthat they are seen and they're
not alone and that, althoughthere are moments of loneliness
and singleness, you don't haveto be alone or lonely all the
time.
There are ways to have abeautiful, rewarding and
fulfilling life, even in placeof partnership.
(03:48):
Initially, when I set out to dothis project, I had only
imagined doing a cute littleguide in Canva, and since then
this project has turned into afull-fledged book that I am
still working on editing andrefining and finalizing before
it is published out into theworld.
(04:11):
But I wanted to share a littlepiece of it today.
I had this whole intention forthe month of February to do
episodes that were centeredaround love and singleness and
dating, and it just didn't panout that way.
Not saying that thoseconversations won't come up on
(04:31):
the podcast, because there aresome incredible people doing
really powerful and creativework In the space of love and
dating and relationships that Iwould love to have on the show.
Just the timing just didn'tquite work out, but it's right
on time to be doing this now.
I just want to briefly read foryou the introduction and one
(04:56):
small section of part one of thebook, and I hope you enjoy it.
And if you are someone who isin your single season or maybe
you have friends who are intheir single season, whatever
the case may be, if this episoderesonates with you, please be
sure to share it with a friendand stay tuned because when the
(05:17):
book drops, you will be thefirst to know.
This book is written through mylens and my experience.
Therefore, it primarily speaksto single women navigating
hetero dating experiences.
However, I think there are anumber of really valuable
lessons in the book thattranscend even that.
(05:39):
So this conversation and thisepisode also feels right on time
, because I had already plannedto record this episode and have
this conversation and I recordedlike half of it and put it down
and then came back to do therest and in the span of that
time, like this past weekend, anelder in my community and a
(06:03):
family friend pulled me asidequietly to ask me if I had a
boyfriend and to share somewords of wisdom around that, and
the only thing I could thinkabout in the back of my head was
damn.
This is confirmation.
This is a sign.
There's a reason why I'mwriting this book, so I hope
this resonates with someone.
(06:24):
So with that, let's start withmy love letter to women in their
single season.
Hey girl, I see you.
I know exactly how you feel, solet's talk about it Cis to cis.
(06:47):
When I first set out to writethis book, I wasn't thinking
about a full-fledged project.
I had a simple vision a fun,affirming and beautifully
designed guide to help womencome home to themselves,
something light, filled withpowerful quotes, gentle
reminders and practical steps tosupport women in their single
(07:08):
season.
I had no idea that I had anentire book inside of me, and
yet here we are.
What started as a simple guideturned into a slow, often
painful, yet deeplytransformative journey, one that
forced me to be honest withmyself in ways I never expected.
(07:29):
I wrote this book with you inmind, but in the process I had
to confront me.
I had to sit with my ownfeelings of inadequacy.
I had to battle impostersyndrome, the little voice that
kept telling me who are you towrite this?
I had to face the truth thatfor so long I had been
(07:53):
protecting myself from love, notbecause I didn't want it, but
because I was afraid of losingmyself in it, afraid that
romance would somehow overshadowmy creativity, my ambition and
my commitment to putting myselffirst.
Had to admit that in the past Istruggled to balance my passion
and relationships, oftensacrificing one for the other.
(08:16):
Writing this book, unearthedtruths I had buried truths I
wasn't sure that I was ready toface again just yet.
Buried Truth I wasn't sure thatI was ready to face again just
yet.
The early stages of this bookwere rough.
In my professional life I'vealways aimed to position myself
as an expert, as an authority.
Naturally, I brought that sameenergy here.
(08:38):
I thought I had to teach, butwhat I quickly realized is that
we are all in this together.
I'm not here to be your teacher.
I'm honored to be yourcompanion in singleness.
As I write this, and likelyeven as you read it, I'm still
in my single season.
(08:59):
I'm still navigating it, stilllearning, still growing, and
what has helped me most, both inwriting this book and in
embracing the single season ofmy life, is slowing down.
I've learned that singlenessisn't about rushing to the next
phase, it's about taking my time.
So many things surfaced whilewriting this book.
(09:21):
I kept feeling this urgency,this pressure to be a finished
product myself before I couldshare my thoughts with you, that
perfectionism.
It nearly stopped me in mytracks.
Every time I overanalyzed mywords, every time I questioned
if I was qualified to write this, I had to remind myself that I
(09:42):
don't have to be perfect.
I don't have to have all of theanswers.
None of us do.
Surviving singleness is notabout me being an expert.
It's a testament to what I'velearned and what I'm still
learning, and all that's yet tocome.
So here's to the past and thelessons that shaped us.
Here's to the present and thegrowth we're embracing and the
(10:06):
lessons that shaped us.
Here's to the present and thegrowth we're embracing.
Here's to the future and thewisdom still unfolding.
Welcome to the gift thatsociety has too often called a
curse, sacred, solo andsovereign reframing singleness
(10:30):
from curse to catalyst.
I thought I was in love a fewtimes.
There was the grade schoolcrush who kept me on the phone
for hours, making me count downthe minutes until nightfall, so
we could pick up where we leftoff where we left off.
(10:52):
Then there was the boy fromhigh school the one my family
would never approve of whotaught me the language of
affection through soft kissesand lingering touches, and later
, the young man in my earlyadulthood who became my homie,
lover and best friend, even ifonly for a season.
Each of them left a mark,shaping the way I saw love,
connection and commitment.
(11:13):
But here's the thing the realcommitment wasn't to someone
else, it was to myself.
Singleness gave me the space torealize that before I could
truly commit to another person,I had to commit to me.
It was in this season ofsolitude that I found the
freedom to create, to heal andto step into the fullness of who
(11:37):
I am.
Still, we live in a world thattreats singleness like a problem
to be solved.
You've heard the comments,maybe even been on the receiving
end of them You're still single, no boyfriend.
Still, if you're not married,you're single.
Your career won't matter whenyou're alone, she'll be alone,
(12:00):
forever, burden, cursed,leftover, disposable.
Why does singleness get such abad rap.
In a society that puts romanticrelationships on a pedestal,
the idea that a woman can behappy, whole and thriving on her
(12:20):
own is almost unthinkable.
But I don't buy into thatnarrative.
More and more I see womenstrong, brilliant, vibrant women
, choosing themselves, choosingpeace over performative
partnership and findingfulfillment on their own terms,
(12:40):
and that deserves to becelebrated.
Now, I'm not here to dismissromantic love.
It's beautiful and wanting, itis natural.
But two things can be true atonce.
Love is a gift, and so issingleness.
It's a rare chance to trulyknow yourself, so that when or
(13:01):
if you do choose to welcomesomeone into your life, they
meet you at the level of loveand understanding you've already
given yourself.
My singleness isn't a curse.
It's liberation, it's wisdom,it's strength.
It's a time of truth-tellingand growth.
(13:22):
While relationships can bepowerful spaces for healing,
that healing starts from within.
Powerful spaces for healing,that healing starts from within.
Singleness gives us theopportunity to reflect, to heal
old wounds and to understandwhat truly makes us feel whole
and, when embraced, it equips uswith the tools to build not
(13:43):
just strong romanticrelationships but deeper
connections with friends, familyand, most importantly,
ourselves.
This book isn't about rejectinglove.
It's about redefining it.
It's an invitation to seesingleness as a season of
self-discovery, self-mastery andevolution.
A 2019 Rise of the she Economyreport by Morgan Stanley
(14:06):
projects that by 2030, 25% ofwomen aged 25 to 44 will be
single and childless.
That's millions of womennavigating a path that society
has long told us should befeared, yet finding joy, purpose
and community along the way.
This book isn't exhaustive.
(14:29):
There's so much more I wish Icould include, but it's a
starting point for aconversation, a conversation
about thriving in singleness,embracing who you are and
remembering that love startswith you.
Whether your single seasonlasts a few months or a lifetime
(14:50):
, this is your time, your timeto heal, your time to grow, your
time to flourish, thriving inyour single season.
(15:21):
Singleness has given mesomething invaluable Space.
Space to explore who I am, pourinto what lights me up and
create without compromise,whether I'm writing this book,
producing my podcast or buildingmy consulting business.
(15:41):
This season has given me thefreedom to lean fully into my
creative pursuits without theweight of someone else's
expectations.
Into my creative pursuitswithout the weight of someone
else's expectations.
It's been a gift, a time toflourish unapologetically, live
on my own terms and honor therhythm of my own soul.
(16:07):
I firmly believe that women aremeant to create and that
creation isn't just aboutbringing life into the world.
It's about birthing ideas,projects, new realities and new
versions of ourselves.
We are living, breathingportals of possibility.
When we say we containmultitudes, it's not just poetic
, it's truth.
(16:27):
Rumi said it best you are not adrop in the ocean, you are the
entire ocean in a drop.
We are closest to the divinewhen we create, shaping new
worlds with our vision and voice.
Many of my favorite creativesLaVon Briggs, ebony, janice
Moore, vanessa Aldrich, ccb andothers speak on the idea that
(16:50):
there is no separation betweenthe creator and our ability to
create.
Women have always been healers,mystics, visionaries and
storytellers.
We carry the wisdom of ourforemothers, their fears, dreams
and desires woven into our DNA.
Dreams and desires woven intoour DNA.
(17:10):
What we imagine we can bring tolife.
What we speak we have the powerto manifest.
The beauty of singleness is thatit gives us uninterrupted time
to nurture that creative power.
It's a time to ask who am Iwhen I'm not performing for
anyone else?
What do I want to create?
(17:32):
Who do I want to become?
The answers are ours todiscover, free from external
influence.
If you want to write a book,write it.
If you want to start a podcast,start it.
If you want to paint, sing,travel or pick up a new craft,
this is your time.
(17:53):
Singleness is an open invitationto explore every creative whim,
every wild idea, every dreamthat's been waiting to be
nurtured.
Nothing makes me feel morealive than being in my creative
bag, fully immersed, invigorated, inspired.
There's a reason creativeenergy and sexual energy are
(18:16):
linked.
They both come from the samesource our sacral energy, the
seat of passion, desire andcreation.
There have been moments whenthe excitement of what I'm
creating has stirred somethingprimal in me, reminding me that
pleasure and creativity areintertwined.
Me that pleasure and creativityare intertwined.
(18:41):
Just as we honor our need forintimacy and passion, we should
also honor the deep pleasurethat comes from making something
that didn't exist before.
Both are expressions of lifeforce, energy, both are sacred
and both have the power to shapethe lives we desire.
Beyond creativity, singlenessoffers another kind of freedom
(19:01):
the freedom to live on our ownterms.
It's the ability to travelwithout having to compromise on
destinations or timelines, towake up in your own space,
decorate it however you pleaseand move through your days
exactly as you choose.
It's the joy of reclaiming yourtime, whether that means
(19:23):
indulging in solitude, divinginto a passion project or simply
choosing rest without having toconsider anyone else's needs.
This autonomy is a gift.
It's a time to get clear aboutwhat you want, to fill your life
with what brings you joy, andto prioritize your well-being.
(19:43):
Singleness isn't a waitingperiod.
It's real life, full ofinfinite potential.
It's a time to dream withoutlimits, create without
permission and live withoutapology.
This is the nature of thefeminine creative spirit.
It's boundless, powerful anddeeply worthy of being nurtured.
(20:06):
And in this freedom we don'tjust exist, we flourish.
All right, friend.
(20:27):
So that was a quick glimpse intothis project.
I am so excited to becompleting it very soon and you
will be the first to know when.
It's out in the world and youcan grab a copy.
If you are in your singleseason or if you know someone in
their single season, feel freeto share this episode with them
to let them know to look out forthe book.
I'm so excited about it.
So far it has five parts filledwith chapters and I'm just
(20:53):
super excited about it.
I think one thing that's beenreally fun for me about creating
this book and doing it my ownway is that I'm writing freely.
I'm also including journalprompts that accompany each
chapter and each relevantsection, so that anyone who is
interested in doing deeper work,beyond just reading, to
(21:15):
actually process their ownstories and narratives and
experiences, is able to dive alittle bit deeper after each
section, and I think that'sreally powerful.
I have been working with acoach on this project for a
while.
She will actually be writing myforward for this book.
She is an author herself and Iam just so excited.
(21:35):
So, yeah, that was a smallglimpse into this project, and
the next time you hear about itit will be out into the world,
and I think that's reallybeautiful.
So many conversations have beencoming up about legacy and my
world lately, and I think aboutthat a lot with everything that
(21:57):
I create, whether it be thispodcast, whether it be the
journal I created in the past,whether it be this book
Surviving Singleness, or whetherit be other projects to come,
because there are so many otherthings that I'm working on and
I'm so grateful to also be aprolific creator and to be
sharing a bit of my work withyou and to be building my legacy
(22:23):
in real time, created in thepast, that we are still able to
access or learn from or hear orsee or read now, and how their
(22:44):
work continues to transform us.
And as I think about the thingsthat we are all creating today
in the here and now, the thingsthat I am creating today in the
here and now, and how that willnot only impact people of today
but also people of the future,that feels just so powerful to
(23:04):
me.
That feels like Afrofuturism inaction, that feels like time
travel in action, and in thisway I feel like I am continuing
to craft and shape and build myown legacy.
In this way, I feel soconnected to the past, present
and the future and I just lovethe feeling.
(23:27):
I love the feeling of creatingand creation and sharing these
things that are in my mind andon my heart and putting them out
into the world.
So, thank you for spending thistime with me and, as I said,
you will be the first to knowwhen this project drops and is
officially out into the world.
The working title right now isSurviving Singleness.
(23:50):
The Gift Society Calls a Curseand I think that will stay the
title, but again, if thatchanges or anything changes, you
will also be the first to know.
And, yeah, stay tuned.
I'm so excited about this.
So, all right, friend.
Well, I appreciate you fortuning into this week's episode.
(24:10):
Thank you so much for lendingme your time, your energy and
your ears.
If this episode resonated withyou, please leave a five-star
rating and positive writtenreview.
Be sure to share this episodewith a friend and I'll catch you
back here on the next episode.
Bye.
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