February 22, 2025 • 43 mins
Unlock the secret to a fulfilling career and life as we explore the transformative power of an inward journey. Ever wondered why you feel stuck in midlife despite all your achievements? This episode promises to guide you through five actionable strategies to reignite your sense of purpose and satisfaction, proving that true change starts from within and not just by switching jobs or relationships.
Our discussion takes a deep dive into the pivotal role of self-image in shaping our success. We challenge the notion of self-perception as a fixed truth and reveal how you can actively reshape your identity to align with your aspirations. By adopting a more empowering perspective, and possibly seeking professional guidance, you can forge new neural pathways that not only enhance your career but also enrich your personal relationships.
Balance is key, and nurturing passions outside of work is a crucial step toward holistic well-being. We emphasize the undeniable benefits of engaging in hobbies, from boosting happiness to staving off burnout. Hear personal stories and practical advice on overcoming the fear of judgment, so you can confidently pursue your dreams and passions alongside even the most demanding careers. Embark on this journey with us to achieve a more balanced and satisfying life.
Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast,
episode number 220.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach.
Whether you're on the corporateor entrepreneur track, or maybe
both, decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
happens from the inside out.
(00:20):
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how Well.
Hello, my friend.
I hope you had an amazing week.
(00:41):
Today, we're going to talk aboutsomething that I think is
really important, especially atmidlife, which is what do you do
when you feel like you're in aplace where you're stuck or
stalled or your life is lackinghappiness, meaning fulfillment?
A lot of times, when we're inour career and we're in that
(01:05):
phase and we feel like that, wethink that it's because of our
job or because of issues thatmight be going on at home, and
so a lot of people will wallowdown in the misery, and the
other most frequent thing peopledo is try to change the thing,
(01:25):
change the relationship, changethe job.
Today, though, I wanted tooffer you up something different
.
What if it wasn't aboutchanging the thing?
What if it was about changingyourself?
And what were five things thatyou could do today, and what
were five things that you coulddo today, no matter what the
(01:46):
situation is, where you're notchanging the situation, but
you're changing yourself.
These are five things that youcan do that I promise you.
You don't have to do all five.
Even if you just did one, itwould change your life every day
and how you feel about it andwhat you think your
(02:08):
possibilities are, and theenergy you put into it and the
satisfaction that you get out ofevery day.
So that's really at the centerof what my business is all about
.
I really just want people tofeel great in their career and
their life, and that, to me, iswhat a purposeful career is.
(02:28):
It's not just about climbingthe ladder.
Yes, we all want to achieve thelevels of success that we want,
because that enables our life.
It's important and it alwayshas been important to me.
So I'm not going to lecture youon that, but what I'm going to
say is that actually, apurposeful career is about so
much more than that.
It's about you being at yourbest in your personal life and
(02:54):
in your career, because thosetwo things feed each other, and
you being at your best is thekey to the whole thing, and so
when you're not feeling great,instead of looking at things
outside of yourself your boss,the work culture, the things
going on in your day pull yourfocus in and focus on one or all
(03:19):
of these five things, all ofwhich you are 100% in control of
, and I can promise you it willchange how you feel every day in
your career and your life,feeling actualized in every part
of it.
So enjoy this episode on fiveways to find happiness and
(03:40):
fulfillment and meaning everyday and fulfillment and meaning
every day.
Today we're going to talk abouthow to get more happiness and
fulfillment and a sense ofmeaning in our career and our
life, and it's interestingbecause, when I think about the
people that I coach privatelyand in my group, what I hear a
(04:03):
lot is that they believe ahundred percent that the things
that are standing in their wayat mid career and midlife are
the obligations that they havein their career, and that it's
just incredibly demanding and itsucks all their time and
attention.
And a lot of people believethat it's their job that's
(04:27):
keeping them from having thesense of happiness and
fulfillment, and today I want tooffer up an alternative to that
, because you can't change jobsall the time, and in the United
States right now it's a bit morechallenging to find a new job,
(04:48):
and that can lead people tofeeling stuck or trapped, and I
don't like to leave people there, because changing your mindset
is not going to change thehiring environment.
That's the truth.
But there are many things thatyou can do, that you can control
, that will completely reorienthow you feel every day, not only
(05:12):
at work but in the rest of yourlife.
So that's what we're going totalk about today, and we're
going to talk about five thingsthat get in our way, and a lot
of times when we're not happy orfulfilled in our career, we
think it's the work stuff that'sin our way.
It's too much work, it's notenough hours in the day to do it
(05:34):
all.
It's too much hard things atwork, it's too much politics,
it's too much stirred up thingsin the culture at work.
Maybe it's a boss that'schallenging, and I'm not going
to say that those pressuresdon't exist.
But what is important to knowis that you can't control those
(05:54):
things.
I think we all know that, butwe forget it, and so a lot of
times we focusdisproportionately or only on
those things, and so we staystuck and unhappy because we
think there's just all of theseissues pushing against us.
And today, what I want to offeryou up is there are actually
five things that you can dotoday and every day that will
(06:19):
make you not only happier on thejob and more productive and
more energized and adding morevalue for your employer which,
of course, directly impacts yourprogression in your career and
how you're rewarded financiallybut it can make you so much
happier in the rest of your life, which we all want.
(06:41):
We all want that balance, andthat, to me, is a purposeful
career.
It's not just about beingcareer focused.
It's about having it all andstriking that right balance so
that the things you're doing inyour personal life enable you at
work and the things you do atwork enable you in your life.
That, to me, is the perfectbalance, and it's hard to get it
(07:01):
right all the time, but what Iwant to give you today are some
strategies and some perspectivesthat you can use to take a
different approach to how you'redoing things and how you're
thinking about things.
If you find yourself in a seasonwhere you've just had it, where
(07:22):
it's just difficult and hardevery day and you're thinking,
oh, you know, what I need isjust something new, I need a new
job.
And yet you look at thelandscape and think, oh, there's
all these people laying off.
It's not a great time to look.
Whether it is or isn't variesby geography and industry.
But I want to just take it outof that for a minute and say,
okay, if you're not totallyhappy and fulfilled, let's
(07:53):
forget about a job change.
Let's look at ourselves and ourperspectives and how we're
approaching our life every day,inside and outside the confines
of business hours, and let'sthink about resetting that and
doing it a little bitdifferently, so that we can
control the output of our lifeand how we're thinking about it,
(08:14):
and that the emotions that wefeel every day are feelings of
empowerment and passion andexcitement and fulfillment.
And you find that in yourself.
A boss can't give you that.
A good one can inspire you, butyou've got to find those
lasting feelings of beingenergized and passionate and
(08:37):
determined and focused andfeeling like you've got life by
the tail.
That comes from you.
So let's talk about the fivethings, because these are five
things that are 100% in yourcontrol and if you reorient
yourself around these fivethings.
This can truly change not onlyhow you look at your career and
(09:01):
your current job, and even yourcurrent boss and the culture of
the place and the whole thing.
It can change how you feelabout the rest of your life as
well.
So let's go ahead and dive in.
So the first thing this will beno surprise for anyone who
follows this podcast or isinvolved in any part of my
business the first thing isabout your identity, your
(09:27):
self-image.
That is core to what I teachhere.
So we don't just work on apositive mindset or changing how
you think about things.
We do work on that but at thecenter of it all, we get down to
the nucleus, which is how areyou thinking about yourself and
(09:48):
is that serving you?
So, for example, at mid-career,midlife, you want to see
yourself in a way that doesn'tlimit you but instead empowers
you.
And that might sound great, itmight sound like common sense,
but here's the truth of it.
By the time we get tomid-career which in my business,
(10:11):
I define mid-career as the timebetween like 39, 40 and your
early sixties, that period oftime is when there's a lot of
things happening in our life andwe've been through a lot.
So by the time you get to age40, post-college, you probably
have 18-ish years in thecorporate arena.
(10:35):
So you've had your experiencesthat have shaped the early part
of your career.
And now here you are, in themiddle part of your career and
the culmination of all of thosethings that you've experienced
and that people have told youabout yourself good and bad and
the things that you'veinterpreted, based on the
(10:56):
experiences you've had, whatyou've made that mean about you
and your potential.
It's all started to shape yourself-image in the professional
arena.
And then we have the personalyou, because it's like we're one
person experiencing both ourpersonal life and our corporate
life and it's like, personally,you've got the same thing.
(11:17):
You're, you know, 18, 20 yearsinto adulthood by the time you
get to your 40th birthday andyou know you've experienced a
lot of life.
You've had relationships thathave worked and not worked.
You've had successes in thecareer arena or not.
You have your family of originthat you were born into and all
(11:40):
the things that that has createdinside you in terms of how you
think about yourself.
And now here you are and, ifyou're not careful, that default
self-image.
So the net effect of all thosethings that got stored away in
the personal life and theprofessional life over those 18
or 20 years or, if you're older,those additional years.
(12:04):
It's like that can limit you.
Very rarely is someone'sself-image exactly aligned or
fully empowering them.
That is something you have towork on, you have to decide and
you do get to decide yourself-image.
Your self-image just isn't trueand I think a lot of times we
(12:28):
think that it's like no, this isjust who I am.
It's like no, that's who youare.
If you, that's who you decideto be.
If you choose.
You can take a string offailures.
You can take a lifetime ofchallenged relationships or
whatever the issue is thatyou're dealing with.
You can take all of that andyou can just decide that go
(12:48):
forward.
It is completely different.
You can decide to see yourselfin a completely new way.
That takes work.
That's about from aneuroscience perspective.
That's about forming new neuralpathways.
There are ways to go aboutdoing that.
There are purposeful ways tokind of gain awareness into the
(13:14):
limiting thoughts you have aboutwho you think you are in the
world and identifying those gapsand deciding to think something
entirely new and going aboutbuilding that.
That is a very purposeful,psychologically empowered,
(13:35):
neuroscience empowered approachto doing that, and we're not
taught this in school.
So we think that the way we seeourselves is just the truth of
us and that either empowers us,if it's a positive thing, or
screws us.
We think if it's not and I'mtelling you it's a choice.
It's a choice you can maketoday if you want to Now.
(13:57):
This takes work and to do thisdepending on the issues you've
had in your past.
If there's trauma there, Ialways tell people it's best to
go to a therapist whospecializes in cognitive
behavioral therapy or thingslike that.
But if it's more of a just alimiting thought base and
(14:18):
there's no trauma in your past,it's just more about a limiting
set of beliefs that you havebased on either your family of
origin or the experiences thatyou've had to date, a coach can
help you with that, and that'swhat I do inside my business is
I help people let go of thelimiting parts of who they think
(14:41):
they are and form a verypositive and proactive and
empowered new way of looking atthemselves and aligning their
goals and interests with thatand starting to pivot themselves
into that new, empowered future.
That is about identity shiftand it's critically important.
(15:06):
It is the foundation ofeverything.
If you want to lose weight, ifyou want a different approach to
your career, if you want tojump a level or two, if you want
a different type of arelationship than you've ever
had in your life, it's like thatstarts with the relationship
that you have with yourself andhow you look at yourself.
(15:27):
All of those things are notabout your boss or your spouse
or anything else.
It starts with you, and that issomething you can control.
If that's of interest to you, Ido encourage you to.
If that's of interest to you, Ido encourage you to.
If you'd like to set up sometime to chat, you can go out to
(15:52):
my Instagram at the purposefulcareer and click in the link in
my bio and there's a link to.
You can set up a free 30minutes if you just want to talk
.
If you don't want to do that,there are other things that you
can do inside of my business.
You can um are other thingsthat you can do inside of my
business.
You can um join a masterclassUm.
You can join my monthlymembership and I do have um some
(16:13):
new courses coming out thatwill help with this as well.
So you know I'm here to help.
That is what I specialize inand it will change your life if
you change your self image.
So that's number one.
Number two is something thatmight surprise you, and that is
about if you are not feelingyour best and most fulfilled.
(16:34):
Sometimes that isn't actuallyabout your job.
It's about what you're doingoutside of your job to feed the
rest of yourself, because yourjob isn't your whole life.
It enables your life, itempowers your life, and I think
it's a great place to becomeactualized.
I've really enjoyed my career,but it's also very important
(16:58):
that you're doing things outsideof your career that feed your
spirit, and that's different forall of us.
So number two is about if yousuppress your interests and your
passions, you are not going tobe fulfilled in your life and it
will leach in to how you thinkabout your career.
(17:21):
Versus if you're somebody whohas a handful or even one area
of interest in something you'retruly passionate about and you
carve out time in your work week, during the work week, on the
weekend, to pursue that.
To give that some time,attention, care and feeding the
(17:42):
emotions that you derive fromthat.
To give that some time,attention, care and feeding.
The emotions that you derivefrom that, the satisfaction that
you get from that will bleedpositively into your career and
it will change how you thinkabout the hours between eight
and five, right?
So here's some interestingthings to think about.
A study in Nature Medicinefound that individuals who
(18:06):
engage in hobbies have betterhealth, more happiness, less
depression and higher lifesatisfaction.
So that's one stat, a couple ofstats from the Harvard Business
Review on the subject.
It highlights that people whopursue passions outside of work
benefit in both career andpersonal life.
(18:28):
It makes you more creative, ithelps make you a better problem
solver and it makes you happierand more fulfilled in your work
every day.
And lastly, a study by theJournal of Occupational and
Organizational Psychology foundthat employees who have hobbies
outside of work are more likelyto experience higher levels of
job satisfaction and lowerlevels of burnout, because
(18:54):
hobbies provide a sense offulfillment and relaxation and
meaning, which in turnpositively impacts your attitude
towards your job.
So it's interesting to thinkabout.
Like a lot of times, I think,what we think is we're in a job
that's truly challenging, maybeit's a very intense period
(19:15):
during the work, and so, insteadof coming home and
disconnecting to the extent thatwe can sometimes work bleeds in
a little bit, but you know,disconnecting a bit and allowing
ourselves to completely removeourselves from the focus of the
day and get ourselves intoanother area of passion.
We don't do that and instead wehave all these other behaviors
(19:37):
where we overeat and weoverdrink to numb our feelings
from the day.
Eat and we over drink to numbour feelings from the day.
But if, instead of doing that,you said no, like whatever
you're interested is I'm goingto go to the gym tonight or I'm
going to go to this potteryclass or whatever it is that
you're interested in and youallow yourself to do that, it
(19:57):
completely dissolves theremnants of the difficult day
because you're now focused onsomething intensely that you
actually care about.
And when you go into work thenext day, you've reset, it's a
completely new day and you'reattacking the day with renewed
energy and passion.
(20:17):
So I know it can sound a littletough to do during an intensive
work period, but it's actuallyreally important to not divorce
yourself from the things thatyou actually enjoy and care
about outside of work.
Your whole life can't just beabout obligations and
(20:37):
appointments and things that youhave to do.
Give yourself some space in thecourse of your life the weekend
, the weekday, whatever it isand allow yourself to have some
enjoyment, experience some joyand lose yourself in those
things that you're passionatelyengaged in or care about,
(21:00):
because that will positivelyimpact your career.
Like you'll go in the next dayre-energized, and how you go
about doing things and eventhinking about how to solve some
of the problems that come upduring your workday.
Well, it might be completelydifferent, because you have kind
of cleared the slate in yourmind.
You haven't stayed mired downin the problems of yesterday,
(21:24):
you've reset.
You're pursuing your passionsat night, outside of work, and
you're coming in the next dayfully recharged.
So I know it can seem a little.
I don't know how I'm going tofind time for that, but I would
say we'll talk about time in aminute, because that's one of
the five Challenge yourself onhow you think about time and how
you think about your time.
(21:44):
That's all I'll say here, causewe're gonna talk about it later.
But find some time, put it onyour calendar.
Like you do a meeting andpursue something you enjoy and
that you really care about.
And if you don't know what thatis, and if you don't know what
(22:06):
that is.
Start making a list of thingsthat you used to enjoy and, just
one by one, do it.
Join a book club If you'd liketo read.
Join a writer's group If youlike to write.
You know, take a pottery classIf that's always been something
of interest.
Take a painting class, like.
Do something at some pointduring the week.
Give yourself something to lookforward to.
Thing at some point during theweek, give yourself something to
(22:27):
look forward to, and in doingso, you're honoring the things
that you actually truly careabout and you're allowing
yourself to be more holistic interms of a person.
You're not just the careerperson or the bomb or the dad or
the whatever.
You're a whole person who isinterested in all of it.
So that's number two.
Number three is knowledge, andall I'm going to say about this
(22:51):
one is most people that I havecoached, of every age, across
the career spectrum lots of newgraduates, tons of people at
midlife all say the same thing.
I don't know how, when it comesto pursuing something new or
allowing themselves to try newthings or experience new things,
(23:15):
the number one thing I hear isI don't know how.
And what I will say to you is.
We live in an age ofunprecedented availability of
information.
You can find out how if youdon't know how.
So, and don't let the lack ofknowledge about something keep
(23:38):
you from pursuing something new,whether it's a new job or
whether it's a new.
You know interest outside ofwork.
You can learn how you can allowyourself to be new at something
.
Allow yourself to not be themaster of the thing.
And that, I think, at midlifecan be a little more challenging
for some of us, because we areused to having a level of
(24:00):
competence at the things that wedo and unlike, I think, earlier
in our life or our career,where we're just learning it all
and so we kind of giveourselves a pass on having to
know how to do it.
A lot of us, by the time we getto midlife, are like oh, I
don't really feel great aboutbeing a beginner again, and I
(24:23):
would challenge that.
I would say, first of all, ifyou don't know how to do
something, great, read a book,take a course, just dive in, you
know and start learning, likethat's how you do it with
anything.
But I would also say, when itcomes to not knowing how you
feel about trying something newor, you know, allowing yourself
(24:47):
to not be good at something new.
I would actually challenge youthat, instead of it feeling bad,
I actually think it reignitesyour passion.
There's something about tryingsomething you've never done
before that brings you back tothose emotions and the feelings
(25:08):
about yourself that you hadearlier on in your life.
I actually think it's a, if youfeel like you're lacking
inspiration or motivation,picking something new to do and
just diving in and allowingyourself to not be good at it
but to start to learn, it is ahuge way to press the reset
(25:33):
button on feelings of, you know,inspiration Like you can
literally recharge your batteryby trying something new.
So, instead of draining you andfeeling hard, if you let it
just be about, hey, this istotally fine, that I might even
sort of suck at it for a while.
Great, you're new.
(25:54):
You don't have to master thatthing yet.
You can master it over time.
And that journey from being abeginner to becoming great at
something that's the journey youwent on so many times earlier
on in your life and I think it'sa really great way if you're
feeling a little stalled, alittle stuck, a little
(26:17):
beleaguered about life, tryingsomething new and allowing
yourself to not be good at it isa really great way to find your
passion again.
So you know, whatever it is andit doesn't have to be something
earth shattering it can belearning how to knit.
It can be learning how todesign clothing, if that's what
(26:38):
you're interested in.
It could be learning how to uh,you know, if that's what you're
interested in.
It could be learning how to uh,you know, do things around the
house.
I have a friend who can doanything she can.
She can, like, use electricsaws and, like you know, put
things together.
I'd cut off a finger if I wasdoing that, like I can't do that
, but it can be anything that'sof interest to you.
Learn how to cook, learn a newlanguage, it doesn't matter what
(27:01):
it is to you.
Learn how to cook, learn a newlanguage, it doesn't matter what
it is.
Dive in and find a renewedpassion and inspiration, because
you will.
That's number three.
Number four this is a oldie buta goodie.
Letting how other people mightthink about you stop you from
doing something that you want todo, so other people's opinions,
(27:25):
that is.
The OG of problems in midlifeis that we don't allow ourselves
to pursue things because we'revery concerned about what the
people in our personal life orwhat the people in our
professional life are going tothink about us doing this new
thing or putting ourselves outin the world or trying something
(27:46):
new that we've never reallydone before.
And I just want to share acouple of stats here.
One is from the AmericanPsychology Association that says
over 60% of people report thatthey often worry about how
others perceive them.
And the other piece of researchI found is from something
(28:08):
called talker research, and thisis sort of the other side of it
.
As you age, 35% of Americansregret not pursuing their dreams
because they were concernedabout what other people might
think about them.
So here's the truth of that, andI will refer you to a really
(28:29):
great book that I'm halfwaythrough if this is a problem for
you and I will say this hasbeen a problem for me, so I'll
give you a couple examples herein a minute but allowing what
you think people will think, oreven if they do say mean
judgmental things, and to allowthat to keep you from doing
something that you want to do,is pointless, because the truth
(28:54):
of the matter is people aregoing to have an opinion no
matter what you do, whether youdo it or you don't do it,
they're going to have an opinionand I would challenge you to
keep reminding yourself that itactually doesn't matter.
Let them have the opinion.
And this is the book I'll referyou to.
If you haven't already read it,I would encourage you to pick
(29:16):
up the book Let them by MelRobbins.
I got exposed to it on the Oprahpodcast.
She actually interviewed herand Oprah was saying she thinks
it's the issue of our time, likeeverything, because of social.
Everything is so transparentand people are so conscious
about putting out this curatedimage of themselves into the
(29:40):
world and so concerned about thejudgment of others that they
might get reflected back to them.
And the truth of the matter ispeople are going to judge and,
yes, it is a social world andpeople are going to see and
people are going to say what areyou doing?
And the truth of the matter isthey're going to say that anyway
, whether you do or you don't doit.
So what would you rather have?
Would you rather pursue yourpassions and let people say what
(30:03):
is she doing, or would yourather not pursue passions and
still have people judge you?
I would rather pursue mypassions right, and I'll give
you an example, because thisbusiness is an example of that
for me.
I have wanted to do thisbusiness for a very long time.
I've never actually shared thisbefore, but the first time I
(30:26):
actually thought about doing abusiness like this was a very
long time ago.
It was 20, I think it was 2011.
So it was 14 years ago.
Not necessarily like thecoaching thing, but just taking
everything I'd learned in mycareer and like trying to kind
of just package that up intosolutions and stuff that other
(30:49):
people could find and make theirway easier.
It's just been something I'vewanted to do for a very long
time.
I did not do anything with itZero, zero until 2019, when I
actually formed the purposefulcareer, and, if I'm being very
honest with you, it's reallyonly been in the last two years
(31:12):
that I've really started to putmyself out there, and this year
will be the big year that Iactually break out.
And the reason why it took mefive years I think it was five
years is because I kept thinkingwhat are people in my corporate
career going to think?
Because I'm very in it.
(31:34):
I'm very in my corporate careerand it is where I spend most of
my time.
It is these two things.
Don't bleed.
I do this on the weekends andin a very structured way at
night, and so it's a balancethat I strike, and my career is
(31:54):
not easy.
It's demanding and it's veryfast paced.
It's in the entertainmentbusiness, so we're launching two
or three movies a weekend andit's a relentless pace.
And I was concerned that peoplewould either think I wasn't as
committed to my career as I amand or I was also equally
(32:16):
concerned with people sayingshe's like a brand person, like
why is she talking about thisother stuff?
Like why who does she think sheis?
You know, like be doing talkingabout mindset and other stuff.
And so I just kept gettingcredential after credential so I
could prove to myself that Iwas qualified to talk about it,
when, in actuality, I have thecredentials of my career as well
(32:39):
that entitle me to give thesekinds of advice and perspective.
I started in a very unusual way,as I've shared on this podcast,
and it's like I didn't comefrom an entitled family and I
didn't have anyone opening doorsfor me or even able to give me
advice.
Like all of this journey hasbeen my journey and I'm like a
(33:01):
first generation person who hasgone to college.
So you know, I didn't grow upwith a silver spoon in my mouth
and I didn't know what I wasdoing and I worked really hard
to get here.
And I guess what I'm tellingyou is that, even with that like
and I am very passionate abouthelping people have a better
(33:24):
career and a better life andjust trying to share things that
I've either learned in mycertifications or things that
I've learned, you know, as I'veclimbed the ladder myself um, it
took a long time to convincemyself, to give myself
permission to actually do it andto put myself out there because
I was concerned about whatpeople would think.
And now I really don't care.
(33:46):
Like, I know why I'm doing itand you know, if I go back to
number two on, like passions andhobbies, this is that for me,
this is time where, when I dothis and I'm giving to you guys
or anyone out there who needs,is having a bad day and needs a
(34:07):
perspective reset, that chargesme, that's meaningful to me and
it makes me better on my jobduring the day and it's a
demanding pace, you know.
It makes me a better problemsolver, like even this business
uh, doing it myself, cause it'sit's very bootstrappy.
I can build a website.
Now I I've taught myself how towork with email.
(34:30):
You know service platforms,like in my corporate job I have
other people that do that stuff.
I don't do that, but it's likeI do brand strategy, which sort
of sits at the top of thepyramid and it's really
strategically directing things.
But here I do all of it.
I'm the copywriter, I'm theadvertising person, I'm in the
business manager buying the ads,I'm writing the emails like it
(34:52):
is me and that has made me abetter marketer.
So all I'm telling you is don'tlet what anyone else thinks
about you stop you from doingsomething that you care about,
because they're going to judgeyou anyway.
It doesn't matter.
Like I get, it feels icky.
(35:12):
You don't.
Nobody wants people to belooking at them thinking who
does she think she is?
But the truth of the matter isthey're probably going to think
that anyway, no matter what youdo like you go on the big
vacation, who does she think sheis?
You, you know, show a pictureof yourself and your significant
other out on a romantic night.
It's like there's jealousythere, like it's the world we
(35:33):
live in.
So I'm just telling you, nomatter how small you try to make
yourself or how much you try toshrink yourself down, other
people are going to judge you.
So just let them get the MelRobbins book, read it.
It's very free to just, and notfrom an ugly place, but just to
(35:53):
say you know what, let themjudge me, it's totally fine,
doesn't matter, you know I'mgoing to do what I'm going to do
and that fuels me and I knowwhy I'm doing it and that will
set you free.
And you do not want to be thatperson who kills your own dreams
because you're worried whetherpeople will think it's not worth
it, because they're going tothink it anyway.
(36:14):
And the last one is number fivetime.
This is a good one.
So 48% of Americans feel thatthey are too busy with work and
other obligations to pursueanything new or interesting in
the rest of their life.
And I am here to tell you I'vetalked about time a lot on this
(36:37):
podcast.
The truth of the matter is thisI don't have enough time.
I get we're all busy and I getif you've got kids and a career
and a spouse and you knowparents I had the aging parent
thing and, um, you know, takingcare of them Like I get.
I get that there's very realtime pressures.
(36:58):
I'm not saying it's all in yourhead.
What I am saying, though, isyou need to carve out time to
give to yourself.
That is just as important aslice of the time pie as what
you do at work, what you do totake care of your spouse, what
you do to take care of your kidsall of it.
You are equally important.
(37:20):
You deserve a slice of that pie.
How you fill that slice is upto you, but it should include
things like taking care ofyourself, feeding yourself well,
clothing yourself while puttingyourself together, and so you
project to the world the imageyou want to convey.
Finding a little time forinterest and passions, and
(37:42):
finding some time for friends.
That's a lot, but you have alot of time.
We all do.
We just don't always spend itas wisely.
And listen, I'm right therewith you.
Like I've told you before,there are times when I'm like,
oh, I can't possibly go to thegym tonight because I don't have
enough time, and yet I willsomehow magically, on that same
(38:07):
evening, find an hour and a halfto watch, you know, the Real
Housewives or Selling Sunset orsomething ridiculous on Netflix.
So you know, I get it.
There's something nicesometimes and that can be a form
of self-care, like losingyourself in an enjoyable show.
I'm not saying you should neverdo that, but I'm just saying
(38:29):
make sure you're filling yourtime with the things that you
care about.
That's the key.
So I think a lot of times wedon't use our time well because
by the time we get through theobligations that are scheduled
and we haven't scheduled ourselfin, it's like we're so
exhausted that it's about theglass of wine and the selling
(38:50):
sunset thing, which isn't theend of the world but it's like
if you're doing that all thetime instead of actually
pursuing some other thingsyou're interested in, that's not
living the fullest life thatyou could.
And so those are the thingsthat I wanted to share.
The perspective, so number onejust to go through them again is
(39:10):
about your self-image.
How you look at yourself andhow you think about yourself
matters to what you allowyourself to go and do in your
life, and that is up to you.
That isn't just the truth ofyou.
How you see yourself.
It's a choice and you canchange it If you're not happy
with where you're at or ifyou're not happy with how you
see yourself.
You can change that and I canhelp you.
(39:32):
Number two if you suppress yourinterests and passions and you
don't allow yourself to pursuethem, you are missing out on a
significant source of joy inyour life, and I would challenge
you to take that time, pie, andput something in it and allow
yourself some time every week.
It doesn't have to be a ton oftime.
(39:53):
An hour or two that you'regiving truly just to yourself.
That's not selfish, that'sactually incredibly important,
especially midlife when you haveall these things pressing on
you.
Number three knowledge.
Do not let your lack of knowinghow to do something keep you
from doing the thing.
Allow yourself to be bad atsomething new, allow yourself to
(40:15):
begin again.
That is a great way to rechargeyour battery and to honestly
develop new confidence inyourself, to realize you can
learn something new at any age,and it is a great way to stay
passionate about life.
So that's number threeknowledge.
Number four other people'sopinions.
Other people will always haveopinions about you.
You will probably usually notlike those opinions and you can
(40:39):
just let them have theiropinions.
It doesn't matter, and this isvery important to cultivate as a
mindset, not from a negative orhateful perspective, but just
they're going to have theopinion.
There's nothing you can doabout it.
You're just going to have todeal with it and allow them to
have the opinion and just do thething anyway.
Doesn't matter what they thinkabout you that's number four and
(41:00):
number five is time.
What they think about you,that's number four and number
five is time.
We all have a set amount oftime.
Make sure you're scheduled intoit.
You get a slice of that pie too.
It isn't just about yourobligations.
So those are the five thingsand five perspectives.
You are 100% in control of allof them, and that, I hope, feels
(41:23):
empowering.
There's something you can dotoday, no matter how miserable
you feel, and it does notinvolve changing your job,
changing your spouse or anythingelse.
You can literally change howyou approach these five things
and completely change how youthink about where you're at in
(41:43):
your life and how you feel aboutthat, and when you change that,
what you give to your life andthe others around you and to
your career really explodes withpossibility.
So that is what I wanted toleave you with today.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand wishing you a very great
(42:05):
week.
Do you have a life coach?
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
(42:26):
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
called Next Level.
Inside we take the material youhear on this podcast, study it
and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Don't forget the thepurposefulcareercom backslash
(42:50):
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career in life everything
you dream of.
We'll see you there.
This is the Purposeful Career Podcast,
episode number 220.
I'm Carla Hudson, brandstrategist, entrepreneur and
life coach.
Whether you're on the corporateor entrepreneur track, or maybe
both, decades of experience hastaught me that creating success
happens from the inside out.
(00:20):
It's about having the clarity,self-confidence and unstoppable
belief to go after and geteverything you want.
If you'll come with me, I'llshow you how Well.
Hello, my friend.
I hope you had an amazing week.
(00:41):
Today, we're going to talk aboutsomething that I think is
really important, especially atmidlife, which is what do you do
when you feel like you're in aplace where you're stuck or
stalled or your life is lackinghappiness, meaning fulfillment?
A lot of times, when we're inour career and we're in that
(01:05):
phase and we feel like that, wethink that it's because of our
job or because of issues thatmight be going on at home, and
so a lot of people will wallowdown in the misery, and the
other most frequent thing peopledo is try to change the thing,
(01:25):
change the relationship, changethe job.
Today, though, I wanted tooffer you up something different
.
What if it wasn't aboutchanging the thing?
What if it was about changingyourself?
And what were five things thatyou could do today, and what
were five things that you coulddo today, no matter what the
(01:46):
situation is, where you're notchanging the situation, but
you're changing yourself.
These are five things that youcan do that I promise you.
You don't have to do all five.
Even if you just did one, itwould change your life every day
and how you feel about it andwhat you think your
(02:08):
possibilities are, and theenergy you put into it and the
satisfaction that you get out ofevery day.
So that's really at the centerof what my business is all about
.
I really just want people tofeel great in their career and
their life, and that, to me, iswhat a purposeful career is.
(02:28):
It's not just about climbingthe ladder.
Yes, we all want to achieve thelevels of success that we want,
because that enables our life.
It's important and it alwayshas been important to me.
So I'm not going to lecture youon that, but what I'm going to
say is that actually, apurposeful career is about so
much more than that.
It's about you being at yourbest in your personal life and
(02:54):
in your career, because thosetwo things feed each other, and
you being at your best is thekey to the whole thing, and so
when you're not feeling great,instead of looking at things
outside of yourself your boss,the work culture, the things
going on in your day pull yourfocus in and focus on one or all
(03:19):
of these five things, all ofwhich you are 100% in control of
, and I can promise you it willchange how you feel every day in
your career and your life,feeling actualized in every part
of it.
So enjoy this episode on fiveways to find happiness and
(03:40):
fulfillment and meaning everyday and fulfillment and meaning
every day.
Today we're going to talk abouthow to get more happiness and
fulfillment and a sense ofmeaning in our career and our
life, and it's interestingbecause, when I think about the
people that I coach privatelyand in my group, what I hear a
(04:03):
lot is that they believe ahundred percent that the things
that are standing in their wayat mid career and midlife are
the obligations that they havein their career, and that it's
just incredibly demanding and itsucks all their time and
attention.
And a lot of people believethat it's their job that's
(04:27):
keeping them from having thesense of happiness and
fulfillment, and today I want tooffer up an alternative to that
, because you can't change jobsall the time, and in the United
States right now it's a bit morechallenging to find a new job,
(04:48):
and that can lead people tofeeling stuck or trapped, and I
don't like to leave people there, because changing your mindset
is not going to change thehiring environment.
That's the truth.
But there are many things thatyou can do, that you can control
, that will completely reorienthow you feel every day, not only
(05:12):
at work but in the rest of yourlife.
So that's what we're going totalk about today, and we're
going to talk about five thingsthat get in our way, and a lot
of times when we're not happy orfulfilled in our career, we
think it's the work stuff that'sin our way.
It's too much work, it's notenough hours in the day to do it
(05:34):
all.
It's too much hard things atwork, it's too much politics,
it's too much stirred up thingsin the culture at work.
Maybe it's a boss that'schallenging, and I'm not going
to say that those pressuresdon't exist.
But what is important to knowis that you can't control those
(05:54):
things.
I think we all know that, butwe forget it, and so a lot of
times we focusdisproportionately or only on
those things, and so we staystuck and unhappy because we
think there's just all of theseissues pushing against us.
And today, what I want to offeryou up is there are actually
five things that you can dotoday and every day that will
(06:19):
make you not only happier on thejob and more productive and
more energized and adding morevalue for your employer which,
of course, directly impacts yourprogression in your career and
how you're rewarded financiallybut it can make you so much
happier in the rest of your life, which we all want.
(06:41):
We all want that balance, andthat, to me, is a purposeful
career.
It's not just about beingcareer focused.
It's about having it all andstriking that right balance so
that the things you're doing inyour personal life enable you at
work and the things you do atwork enable you in your life.
That, to me, is the perfectbalance, and it's hard to get it
(07:01):
right all the time, but what Iwant to give you today are some
strategies and some perspectivesthat you can use to take a
different approach to how you'redoing things and how you're
thinking about things.
If you find yourself in a seasonwhere you've just had it, where
(07:22):
it's just difficult and hardevery day and you're thinking,
oh, you know, what I need isjust something new, I need a new
job.
And yet you look at thelandscape and think, oh, there's
all these people laying off.
It's not a great time to look.
Whether it is or isn't variesby geography and industry.
But I want to just take it outof that for a minute and say,
okay, if you're not totallyhappy and fulfilled, let's
(07:53):
forget about a job change.
Let's look at ourselves and ourperspectives and how we're
approaching our life every day,inside and outside the confines
of business hours, and let'sthink about resetting that and
doing it a little bitdifferently, so that we can
control the output of our lifeand how we're thinking about it,
(08:14):
and that the emotions that wefeel every day are feelings of
empowerment and passion andexcitement and fulfillment.
And you find that in yourself.
A boss can't give you that.
A good one can inspire you, butyou've got to find those
lasting feelings of beingenergized and passionate and
(08:37):
determined and focused andfeeling like you've got life by
the tail.
That comes from you.
So let's talk about the fivethings, because these are five
things that are 100% in yourcontrol and if you reorient
yourself around these fivethings.
This can truly change not onlyhow you look at your career and
(09:01):
your current job, and even yourcurrent boss and the culture of
the place and the whole thing.
It can change how you feelabout the rest of your life as
well.
So let's go ahead and dive in.
So the first thing this will beno surprise for anyone who
follows this podcast or isinvolved in any part of my
business the first thing isabout your identity, your
(09:27):
self-image.
That is core to what I teachhere.
So we don't just work on apositive mindset or changing how
you think about things.
We do work on that but at thecenter of it all, we get down to
the nucleus, which is how areyou thinking about yourself and
(09:48):
is that serving you?
So, for example, at mid-career,midlife, you want to see
yourself in a way that doesn'tlimit you but instead empowers
you.
And that might sound great, itmight sound like common sense,
but here's the truth of it.
By the time we get tomid-career which in my business,
(10:11):
I define mid-career as the timebetween like 39, 40 and your
early sixties, that period oftime is when there's a lot of
things happening in our life andwe've been through a lot.
So by the time you get to age40, post-college, you probably
have 18-ish years in thecorporate arena.
(10:35):
So you've had your experiencesthat have shaped the early part
of your career.
And now here you are, in themiddle part of your career and
the culmination of all of thosethings that you've experienced
and that people have told youabout yourself good and bad and
the things that you'veinterpreted, based on the
(10:56):
experiences you've had, whatyou've made that mean about you
and your potential.
It's all started to shape yourself-image in the professional
arena.
And then we have the personalyou, because it's like we're one
person experiencing both ourpersonal life and our corporate
life and it's like, personally,you've got the same thing.
(11:17):
You're, you know, 18, 20 yearsinto adulthood by the time you
get to your 40th birthday andyou know you've experienced a
lot of life.
You've had relationships thathave worked and not worked.
You've had successes in thecareer arena or not.
You have your family of originthat you were born into and all
(11:40):
the things that that has createdinside you in terms of how you
think about yourself.
And now here you are and, ifyou're not careful, that default
self-image.
So the net effect of all thosethings that got stored away in
the personal life and theprofessional life over those 18
or 20 years or, if you're older,those additional years.
(12:04):
It's like that can limit you.
Very rarely is someone'sself-image exactly aligned or
fully empowering them.
That is something you have towork on, you have to decide and
you do get to decide yourself-image.
Your self-image just isn't trueand I think a lot of times we
(12:28):
think that it's like no, this isjust who I am.
It's like no, that's who youare.
If you, that's who you decideto be.
If you choose.
You can take a string offailures.
You can take a lifetime ofchallenged relationships or
whatever the issue is thatyou're dealing with.
You can take all of that andyou can just decide that go
(12:48):
forward.
It is completely different.
You can decide to see yourselfin a completely new way.
That takes work.
That's about from aneuroscience perspective.
That's about forming new neuralpathways.
There are ways to go aboutdoing that.
There are purposeful ways tokind of gain awareness into the
(13:14):
limiting thoughts you have aboutwho you think you are in the
world and identifying those gapsand deciding to think something
entirely new and going aboutbuilding that.
That is a very purposeful,psychologically empowered,
(13:35):
neuroscience empowered approachto doing that, and we're not
taught this in school.
So we think that the way we seeourselves is just the truth of
us and that either empowers us,if it's a positive thing, or
screws us.
We think if it's not and I'mtelling you it's a choice.
It's a choice you can maketoday if you want to Now.
(13:57):
This takes work and to do thisdepending on the issues you've
had in your past.
If there's trauma there, Ialways tell people it's best to
go to a therapist whospecializes in cognitive
behavioral therapy or thingslike that.
But if it's more of a just alimiting thought base and
(14:18):
there's no trauma in your past,it's just more about a limiting
set of beliefs that you havebased on either your family of
origin or the experiences thatyou've had to date, a coach can
help you with that, and that'swhat I do inside my business is
I help people let go of thelimiting parts of who they think
(14:41):
they are and form a verypositive and proactive and
empowered new way of looking atthemselves and aligning their
goals and interests with thatand starting to pivot themselves
into that new, empowered future.
That is about identity shiftand it's critically important.
(15:06):
It is the foundation ofeverything.
If you want to lose weight, ifyou want a different approach to
your career, if you want tojump a level or two, if you want
a different type of arelationship than you've ever
had in your life, it's like thatstarts with the relationship
that you have with yourself andhow you look at yourself.
(15:27):
All of those things are notabout your boss or your spouse
or anything else.
It starts with you, and that issomething you can control.
If that's of interest to you, Ido encourage you to.
If that's of interest to you, Ido encourage you to.
If you'd like to set up sometime to chat, you can go out to
(15:52):
my Instagram at the purposefulcareer and click in the link in
my bio and there's a link to.
You can set up a free 30minutes if you just want to talk
.
If you don't want to do that,there are other things that you
can do inside of my business.
You can um are other thingsthat you can do inside of my
business.
You can um join a masterclassUm.
You can join my monthlymembership and I do have um some
(16:13):
new courses coming out thatwill help with this as well.
So you know I'm here to help.
That is what I specialize inand it will change your life if
you change your self image.
So that's number one.
Number two is something thatmight surprise you, and that is
about if you are not feelingyour best and most fulfilled.
(16:34):
Sometimes that isn't actuallyabout your job.
It's about what you're doingoutside of your job to feed the
rest of yourself, because yourjob isn't your whole life.
It enables your life, itempowers your life, and I think
it's a great place to becomeactualized.
I've really enjoyed my career,but it's also very important
(16:58):
that you're doing things outsideof your career that feed your
spirit, and that's different forall of us.
So number two is about if yousuppress your interests and your
passions, you are not going tobe fulfilled in your life and it
will leach in to how you thinkabout your career.
(17:21):
Versus if you're somebody whohas a handful or even one area
of interest in something you'retruly passionate about and you
carve out time in your work week, during the work week, on the
weekend, to pursue that.
To give that some time,attention, care and feeding the
(17:42):
emotions that you derive fromthat.
To give that some time,attention, care and feeding.
The emotions that you derivefrom that, the satisfaction that
you get from that will bleedpositively into your career and
it will change how you thinkabout the hours between eight
and five, right?
So here's some interestingthings to think about.
A study in Nature Medicinefound that individuals who
(18:06):
engage in hobbies have betterhealth, more happiness, less
depression and higher lifesatisfaction.
So that's one stat, a couple ofstats from the Harvard Business
Review on the subject.
It highlights that people whopursue passions outside of work
benefit in both career andpersonal life.
(18:28):
It makes you more creative, ithelps make you a better problem
solver and it makes you happierand more fulfilled in your work
every day.
And lastly, a study by theJournal of Occupational and
Organizational Psychology foundthat employees who have hobbies
outside of work are more likelyto experience higher levels of
job satisfaction and lowerlevels of burnout, because
(18:54):
hobbies provide a sense offulfillment and relaxation and
meaning, which in turnpositively impacts your attitude
towards your job.
So it's interesting to thinkabout.
Like a lot of times, I think,what we think is we're in a job
that's truly challenging, maybeit's a very intense period
(19:15):
during the work, and so, insteadof coming home and
disconnecting to the extent thatwe can sometimes work bleeds in
a little bit, but you know,disconnecting a bit and allowing
ourselves to completely removeourselves from the focus of the
day and get ourselves intoanother area of passion.
We don't do that and instead wehave all these other behaviors
(19:37):
where we overeat and weoverdrink to numb our feelings
from the day.
Eat and we over drink to numbour feelings from the day.
But if, instead of doing that,you said no, like whatever
you're interested is I'm goingto go to the gym tonight or I'm
going to go to this potteryclass or whatever it is that
you're interested in and youallow yourself to do that, it
(19:57):
completely dissolves theremnants of the difficult day
because you're now focused onsomething intensely that you
actually care about.
And when you go into work thenext day, you've reset, it's a
completely new day and you'reattacking the day with renewed
energy and passion.
(20:17):
So I know it can sound a littletough to do during an intensive
work period, but it's actuallyreally important to not divorce
yourself from the things thatyou actually enjoy and care
about outside of work.
Your whole life can't just beabout obligations and
(20:37):
appointments and things that youhave to do.
Give yourself some space in thecourse of your life the weekend
, the weekday, whatever it isand allow yourself to have some
enjoyment, experience some joyand lose yourself in those
things that you're passionatelyengaged in or care about,
(21:00):
because that will positivelyimpact your career.
Like you'll go in the next dayre-energized, and how you go
about doing things and eventhinking about how to solve some
of the problems that come upduring your workday.
Well, it might be completelydifferent, because you have kind
of cleared the slate in yourmind.
You haven't stayed mired downin the problems of yesterday,
(21:24):
you've reset.
You're pursuing your passionsat night, outside of work, and
you're coming in the next dayfully recharged.
So I know it can seem a little.
I don't know how I'm going tofind time for that, but I would
say we'll talk about time in aminute, because that's one of
the five Challenge yourself onhow you think about time and how
you think about your time.
(21:44):
That's all I'll say here, causewe're gonna talk about it later.
But find some time, put it onyour calendar.
Like you do a meeting andpursue something you enjoy and
that you really care about.
And if you don't know what thatis, and if you don't know what
(22:06):
that is.
Start making a list of thingsthat you used to enjoy and, just
one by one, do it.
Join a book club If you'd liketo read.
Join a writer's group If youlike to write.
You know, take a pottery classIf that's always been something
of interest.
Take a painting class, like.
Do something at some pointduring the week.
Give yourself something to lookforward to.
Thing at some point during theweek, give yourself something to
(22:27):
look forward to, and in doingso, you're honoring the things
that you actually truly careabout and you're allowing
yourself to be more holistic interms of a person.
You're not just the careerperson or the bomb or the dad or
the whatever.
You're a whole person who isinterested in all of it.
So that's number two.
Number three is knowledge, andall I'm going to say about this
(22:51):
one is most people that I havecoached, of every age, across
the career spectrum lots of newgraduates, tons of people at
midlife all say the same thing.
I don't know how, when it comesto pursuing something new or
allowing themselves to try newthings or experience new things,
(23:15):
the number one thing I hear isI don't know how.
And what I will say to you is.
We live in an age ofunprecedented availability of
information.
You can find out how if youdon't know how.
So, and don't let the lack ofknowledge about something keep
(23:38):
you from pursuing something new,whether it's a new job or
whether it's a new.
You know interest outside ofwork.
You can learn how you can allowyourself to be new at something
.
Allow yourself to not be themaster of the thing.
And that, I think, at midlifecan be a little more challenging
for some of us, because we areused to having a level of
(24:00):
competence at the things that wedo and unlike, I think, earlier
in our life or our career,where we're just learning it all
and so we kind of giveourselves a pass on having to
know how to do it.
A lot of us, by the time we getto midlife, are like oh, I
don't really feel great aboutbeing a beginner again, and I
(24:23):
would challenge that.
I would say, first of all, ifyou don't know how to do
something, great, read a book,take a course, just dive in, you
know and start learning, likethat's how you do it with
anything.
But I would also say, when itcomes to not knowing how you
feel about trying something newor, you know, allowing yourself
(24:47):
to not be good at something new.
I would actually challenge youthat, instead of it feeling bad,
I actually think it reignitesyour passion.
There's something about tryingsomething you've never done
before that brings you back tothose emotions and the feelings
(25:08):
about yourself that you hadearlier on in your life.
I actually think it's a, if youfeel like you're lacking
inspiration or motivation,picking something new to do and
just diving in and allowingyourself to not be good at it
but to start to learn, it is ahuge way to press the reset
(25:33):
button on feelings of, you know,inspiration Like you can
literally recharge your batteryby trying something new.
So, instead of draining you andfeeling hard, if you let it
just be about, hey, this istotally fine, that I might even
sort of suck at it for a while.
Great, you're new.
(25:54):
You don't have to master thatthing yet.
You can master it over time.
And that journey from being abeginner to becoming great at
something that's the journey youwent on so many times earlier
on in your life and I think it'sa really great way if you're
feeling a little stalled, alittle stuck, a little
(26:17):
beleaguered about life, tryingsomething new and allowing
yourself to not be good at it isa really great way to find your
passion again.
So you know, whatever it is andit doesn't have to be something
earth shattering it can belearning how to knit.
It can be learning how todesign clothing, if that's what
(26:38):
you're interested in.
It could be learning how to uh,you know, if that's what you're
interested in.
It could be learning how to uh,you know, do things around the
house.
I have a friend who can doanything she can.
She can, like, use electricsaws and, like you know, put
things together.
I'd cut off a finger if I wasdoing that, like I can't do that
, but it can be anything that'sof interest to you.
Learn how to cook, learn a newlanguage, it doesn't matter what
(27:01):
it is to you.
Learn how to cook, learn a newlanguage, it doesn't matter what
it is.
Dive in and find a renewedpassion and inspiration, because
you will.
That's number three.
Number four this is a oldie buta goodie.
Letting how other people mightthink about you stop you from
doing something that you want todo, so other people's opinions,
(27:25):
that is.
The OG of problems in midlifeis that we don't allow ourselves
to pursue things because we'revery concerned about what the
people in our personal life orwhat the people in our
professional life are going tothink about us doing this new
thing or putting ourselves outin the world or trying something
(27:46):
new that we've never reallydone before.
And I just want to share acouple of stats here.
One is from the AmericanPsychology Association that says
over 60% of people report thatthey often worry about how
others perceive them.
And the other piece of researchI found is from something
(28:08):
called talker research, and thisis sort of the other side of it
.
As you age, 35% of Americansregret not pursuing their dreams
because they were concernedabout what other people might
think about them.
So here's the truth of that, andI will refer you to a really
(28:29):
great book that I'm halfwaythrough if this is a problem for
you and I will say this hasbeen a problem for me, so I'll
give you a couple examples herein a minute but allowing what
you think people will think, oreven if they do say mean
judgmental things, and to allowthat to keep you from doing
something that you want to do,is pointless, because the truth
(28:54):
of the matter is people aregoing to have an opinion no
matter what you do, whether youdo it or you don't do it,
they're going to have an opinionand I would challenge you to
keep reminding yourself that itactually doesn't matter.
Let them have the opinion.
And this is the book I'll referyou to.
If you haven't already read it,I would encourage you to pick
(29:16):
up the book Let them by MelRobbins.
I got exposed to it on the Oprahpodcast.
She actually interviewed herand Oprah was saying she thinks
it's the issue of our time, likeeverything, because of social.
Everything is so transparentand people are so conscious
about putting out this curatedimage of themselves into the
(29:40):
world and so concerned about thejudgment of others that they
might get reflected back to them.
And the truth of the matter ispeople are going to judge and,
yes, it is a social world andpeople are going to see and
people are going to say what areyou doing?
And the truth of the matter isthey're going to say that anyway
, whether you do or you don't doit.
So what would you rather have?
Would you rather pursue yourpassions and let people say what
(30:03):
is she doing, or would yourather not pursue passions and
still have people judge you?
I would rather pursue mypassions right, and I'll give
you an example, because thisbusiness is an example of that
for me.
I have wanted to do thisbusiness for a very long time.
I've never actually shared thisbefore, but the first time I
(30:26):
actually thought about doing abusiness like this was a very
long time ago.
It was 20, I think it was 2011.
So it was 14 years ago.
Not necessarily like thecoaching thing, but just taking
everything I'd learned in mycareer and like trying to kind
of just package that up intosolutions and stuff that other
(30:49):
people could find and make theirway easier.
It's just been something I'vewanted to do for a very long
time.
I did not do anything with itZero, zero until 2019, when I
actually formed the purposefulcareer, and, if I'm being very
honest with you, it's reallyonly been in the last two years
(31:12):
that I've really started to putmyself out there, and this year
will be the big year that Iactually break out.
And the reason why it took mefive years I think it was five
years is because I kept thinkingwhat are people in my corporate
career going to think?
Because I'm very in it.
(31:34):
I'm very in my corporate careerand it is where I spend most of
my time.
It is these two things.
Don't bleed.
I do this on the weekends andin a very structured way at
night, and so it's a balancethat I strike, and my career is
(31:54):
not easy.
It's demanding and it's veryfast paced.
It's in the entertainmentbusiness, so we're launching two
or three movies a weekend andit's a relentless pace.
And I was concerned that peoplewould either think I wasn't as
committed to my career as I amand or I was also equally
(32:16):
concerned with people sayingshe's like a brand person, like
why is she talking about thisother stuff?
Like why who does she think sheis?
You know, like be doing talkingabout mindset and other stuff.
And so I just kept gettingcredential after credential so I
could prove to myself that Iwas qualified to talk about it,
when, in actuality, I have thecredentials of my career as well
(32:39):
that entitle me to give thesekinds of advice and perspective.
I started in a very unusual way,as I've shared on this podcast,
and it's like I didn't comefrom an entitled family and I
didn't have anyone opening doorsfor me or even able to give me
advice.
Like all of this journey hasbeen my journey and I'm like a
(33:01):
first generation person who hasgone to college.
So you know, I didn't grow upwith a silver spoon in my mouth
and I didn't know what I wasdoing and I worked really hard
to get here.
And I guess what I'm tellingyou is that, even with that like
and I am very passionate abouthelping people have a better
(33:24):
career and a better life andjust trying to share things that
I've either learned in mycertifications or things that
I've learned, you know, as I'veclimbed the ladder myself um, it
took a long time to convincemyself, to give myself
permission to actually do it andto put myself out there because
I was concerned about whatpeople would think.
And now I really don't care.
(33:46):
Like, I know why I'm doing itand you know, if I go back to
number two on, like passions andhobbies, this is that for me,
this is time where, when I dothis and I'm giving to you guys
or anyone out there who needs,is having a bad day and needs a
(34:07):
perspective reset, that chargesme, that's meaningful to me and
it makes me better on my jobduring the day and it's a
demanding pace, you know.
It makes me a better problemsolver, like even this business
uh, doing it myself, cause it'sit's very bootstrappy.
I can build a website.
Now I I've taught myself how towork with email.
(34:30):
You know service platforms,like in my corporate job I have
other people that do that stuff.
I don't do that, but it's likeI do brand strategy, which sort
of sits at the top of thepyramid and it's really
strategically directing things.
But here I do all of it.
I'm the copywriter, I'm theadvertising person, I'm in the
business manager buying the ads,I'm writing the emails like it
(34:52):
is me and that has made me abetter marketer.
So all I'm telling you is don'tlet what anyone else thinks
about you stop you from doingsomething that you care about,
because they're going to judgeyou anyway.
It doesn't matter.
Like I get, it feels icky.
(35:12):
You don't.
Nobody wants people to belooking at them thinking who
does she think she is?
But the truth of the matter isthey're probably going to think
that anyway, no matter what youdo like you go on the big
vacation, who does she think sheis?
You, you know, show a pictureof yourself and your significant
other out on a romantic night.
It's like there's jealousythere, like it's the world we
(35:33):
live in.
So I'm just telling you, nomatter how small you try to make
yourself or how much you try toshrink yourself down, other
people are going to judge you.
So just let them get the MelRobbins book, read it.
It's very free to just, and notfrom an ugly place, but just to
(35:53):
say you know what, let themjudge me, it's totally fine,
doesn't matter, you know I'mgoing to do what I'm going to do
and that fuels me and I knowwhy I'm doing it and that will
set you free.
And you do not want to be thatperson who kills your own dreams
because you're worried whetherpeople will think it's not worth
it, because they're going tothink it anyway.
(36:14):
And the last one is number fivetime.
This is a good one.
So 48% of Americans feel thatthey are too busy with work and
other obligations to pursueanything new or interesting in
the rest of their life.
And I am here to tell you I'vetalked about time a lot on this
(36:37):
podcast.
The truth of the matter is thisI don't have enough time.
I get we're all busy and I getif you've got kids and a career
and a spouse and you knowparents I had the aging parent
thing and, um, you know, takingcare of them Like I get.
I get that there's very realtime pressures.
(36:58):
I'm not saying it's all in yourhead.
What I am saying, though, isyou need to carve out time to
give to yourself.
That is just as important aslice of the time pie as what
you do at work, what you do totake care of your spouse, what
you do to take care of your kidsall of it.
You are equally important.
(37:20):
You deserve a slice of that pie.
How you fill that slice is upto you, but it should include
things like taking care ofyourself, feeding yourself well,
clothing yourself while puttingyourself together, and so you
project to the world the imageyou want to convey.
Finding a little time forinterest and passions, and
(37:42):
finding some time for friends.
That's a lot, but you have alot of time.
We all do.
We just don't always spend itas wisely.
And listen, I'm right therewith you.
Like I've told you before,there are times when I'm like,
oh, I can't possibly go to thegym tonight because I don't have
enough time, and yet I willsomehow magically, on that same
(38:07):
evening, find an hour and a halfto watch, you know, the Real
Housewives or Selling Sunset orsomething ridiculous on Netflix.
So you know, I get it.
There's something nicesometimes and that can be a form
of self-care, like losingyourself in an enjoyable show.
I'm not saying you should neverdo that, but I'm just saying
(38:29):
make sure you're filling yourtime with the things that you
care about.
That's the key.
So I think a lot of times wedon't use our time well because
by the time we get through theobligations that are scheduled
and we haven't scheduled ourselfin, it's like we're so
exhausted that it's about theglass of wine and the selling
(38:50):
sunset thing, which isn't theend of the world but it's like
if you're doing that all thetime instead of actually
pursuing some other thingsyou're interested in, that's not
living the fullest life thatyou could.
And so those are the thingsthat I wanted to share.
The perspective, so number onejust to go through them again is
(39:10):
about your self-image.
How you look at yourself andhow you think about yourself
matters to what you allowyourself to go and do in your
life, and that is up to you.
That isn't just the truth ofyou.
How you see yourself.
It's a choice and you canchange it If you're not happy
with where you're at or ifyou're not happy with how you
see yourself.
You can change that and I canhelp you.
(39:32):
Number two if you suppress yourinterests and passions and you
don't allow yourself to pursuethem, you are missing out on a
significant source of joy inyour life, and I would challenge
you to take that time, pie, andput something in it and allow
yourself some time every week.
It doesn't have to be a ton oftime.
(39:53):
An hour or two that you'regiving truly just to yourself.
That's not selfish, that'sactually incredibly important,
especially midlife when you haveall these things pressing on
you.
Number three knowledge.
Do not let your lack of knowinghow to do something keep you
from doing the thing.
Allow yourself to be bad atsomething new, allow yourself to
(40:15):
begin again.
That is a great way to rechargeyour battery and to honestly
develop new confidence inyourself, to realize you can
learn something new at any age,and it is a great way to stay
passionate about life.
So that's number threeknowledge.
Number four other people'sopinions.
Other people will always haveopinions about you.
You will probably usually notlike those opinions and you can
(40:39):
just let them have theiropinions.
It doesn't matter, and this isvery important to cultivate as a
mindset, not from a negative orhateful perspective, but just
they're going to have theopinion.
There's nothing you can doabout it.
You're just going to have todeal with it and allow them to
have the opinion and just do thething anyway.
Doesn't matter what they thinkabout you that's number four and
(41:00):
number five is time.
What they think about you,that's number four and number
five is time.
We all have a set amount oftime.
Make sure you're scheduled intoit.
You get a slice of that pie too.
It isn't just about yourobligations.
So those are the five thingsand five perspectives.
You are 100% in control of allof them, and that, I hope, feels
(41:23):
empowering.
There's something you can dotoday, no matter how miserable
you feel, and it does notinvolve changing your job,
changing your spouse or anythingelse.
You can literally change howyou approach these five things
and completely change how youthink about where you're at in
(41:43):
your life and how you feel aboutthat, and when you change that,
what you give to your life andthe others around you and to
your career really explodes withpossibility.
So that is what I wanted toleave you with today.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand wishing you a very great
(42:05):
week.
Do you have a life coach?
If not, I'd be so honored to beyour coach.
(42:26):
I've created a virtual coachingprogram and monthly membership
called Next Level.
Inside we take the material youhear on this podcast, study it
and then apply it.
Join me at thepurposefulcareercom backslash
next level.
Don't forget the thepurposefulcareercom backslash
(42:50):
next level.
Join me and together we'll makeyour career in life everything
you dream of.
We'll see you there.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com