February 10, 2025 • 44 mins
Remember when you went all out to impress your new girl/boy friend? Maybe it was a thrilling jet skiing adventure or an unexpected grand gesture that made their heart race. Join Trisha Jamison, Dr. Jeff Jamison, and Tony Overbay as they take you on a nostalgic journey of love and laughter, exploring those early days of marriage. Alongside our vibrant newlywed guests, Cody and Hannah, we unpack the secrets to keeping that initial excitement alive even amidst life's pressures. From their adorable "meet cute" to the ways they stay intentional and curious about one another, Cody and Hannah's story is sure to inspire couples of all ages.
A new Q&A files question from Ashley and Jake help us all navigate the complexities of modern life. Ashley and Jake find themselves yearning to reconnect. Hear their journey and the sage advice from our newlyweds on rekindling romance in long-term relationships. It's all about being present, sharing activities, and finding joy in each other's evolving stories. And let's not forget to touch upon the lighthearted mishaps of online dating, where a canceled first date and a questionable Thai dish turned into a lasting connection, highlighting the power of humor and resilience in love.
With insights from relationship coach, Trisha Jamison and marriage and family therapist Tony Overbay, the episode deepens with discussions on sustaining love through shared growth and communication. Discover the transformative power of making the choice to love your partner daily, embracing changes, and seeking new reasons to say “yes” to each other. As Tony shares tools and strategies to fortify relationships against life's challenges, the heartwarming tales from Cody and Hannah remind us that love is a journey filled with unexpected connections, sacrifices, and continuous growth. Tune in for practical advice and heartfelt stories that illuminate the path to maintaining vibrant, evolving partnerships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hello and welcome to the Q&A file, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
So welcome, wellness warriors,to another episode of the Q&A
Files.
I'm your host, fisher Jamison,a functional nutritionist and
lifestyle practitioner and alife coach.
(00:50):
And, as always, I'm so glad tohave my two co-hosts with me
today Dr Jeff Jamison, our boardcertified family physician, and
Tony Overbay, who is a licensedmarriage and family therapist.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Hi, everybody.
Hey, and I'm a what am I?
A botanist, a horticulturist?
I just water my plants, what?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
would that make me you are definitely a
horticulturist?
No, you're not, cause you killyour plants.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Hey, one plant one out of two, it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, 50%.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
So, tony, I'm letting you off the hook again, cause
we're not doing celebrations.
I've been practicing this, notdoing celebrations.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Oh man, because I know you have so many.
I've been practicing thisreaction like oh, come on.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Oh, yeah, okay.
No, if we could do it next time, though, I would really
appreciate it, and I don't knowwhy I keep making life so easy
for you.
It's just yeah, growth isthrough the discomfort.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
So Exactly, but it's uncomfortable for me not to
share.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Well, if you want to go ahead.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
No, no, no, no, we're not making this about me.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Okay, but this time instead I have a fun question.
Would you say, jeff?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I said this time.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Right, hey, we're playing.
We're having a good timealready.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But I have a fun question to set the stage for
our topic and introduce ourspecial guest today.
So, jeff and Tony, we're goingto take a little trip down
memory lane and I want you tothink back when you were
newlywed, newly married you werenewly married to me and Tony
was newly married to Wendy.
You were newly married to meand Tony was newly married to
(02:24):
Wendy.
What's something you did backthen to impress myself and Wendy
that you definitely don't dotoday?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Oh boy.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And Jeff.
I'm going to know if what yousay is true or not.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, that's easy, I know that.
Okay, so I know one thing thatI don't knew, that I did to
impress that I don't do now, andthat's take you jet skiing?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh yes, well we don't have a test game anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So it qualifies.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
And I think it worked .
Speaker 1 (03:02):
It did.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, we went jet skiing on our first date and it
was really fun.
We had a great time and it justI don't think we stopped
talking after that.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Well, I think that that's a good one.
Okay, Tony, you're up.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Okay.
Now suddenly the show takes adramatic turn as Tony goes
serious and says I know backthen in my emotionally immature
days I would maybe bend thetruth a bit to try to get her to
think how cool I was.
Maybe exaggerating a story ortwo, that is something.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
I do not do yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
There we go, the good old confabulation.
Thank you, and I might bestretching the truth a little
bit with that, if I'm beinghonest.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Oh, awesome.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Okay, you've got it yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Well, I just said confabulation.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yeah, so I got it too .
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So we have a fantastic Wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
What is something you did?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Oh I, I stopped trying to get you to run with me
because when we were dating, heled me to believe that he was a
runner, because I was runnerand he ran until the day we said
I do, and it was over, and Idon't think he's run since.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I thought this was supposed to be something nice
about it, right?
Wait, but it is because besomething nice about each other,
right?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Wait, but it is because what Dr Jeff told me one
time was that he realized atthat moment that he would easily
be able to run faster andfarther than you, and it was so
difficult at that time.
But he made a choice then togive up running for the rest of
his life, Right?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Dr Jeff, you are so good Tony.
You are so good at this?
Yeah, no, but that's why it'ssuch a good thing, because I
stopped asking you to run withme because I knew you hated it,
so it's good.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
True, so okay, let's move on.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Okay, we have a fantastic show for you and one
that I've been so excited about.
Today we're talking about love,marriage and how to hold on to
that dreamy heart-racingcan't-wait-to-be-with-you
feeling long after you say I do.
And what better way to do thatthan by bringing on a newlywed
(05:17):
couple to remind us all of thatfresh, exciting love, that fresh
, exciting love.
Now, before we dive into ourspecial guests, I have to say
this episode is extra specialfor Jeff and I.
We have known one of our guests, cody, since he was a wee
little lad.
Our son, chase, and Cody werereally great friends growing up,
(05:40):
and Cody's mom and I, barbara,were also great friends, so
we've known this family for avery long time.
And by Barbara, we're alsogreat friends, so we've known
this family for a very long time.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
And then we're still good friends.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And then we're still good friends, yes, and then,
almost a year ago, we met Hannah, and let me tell you we just
knew from the start she was akeeper.
So here they are with us todayand they're going to share some
magical secrets about love thatsome of us may have forgotten.
Hello Cody and Hannah Benefiel,we are so glad to have you here
(06:13):
with us.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 5 (06:16):
We're excited to do this.
We've been looking forward toit.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Good, good.
So now, before we jump into allthe newlywed magic, good, good.
So now, before we jump into allthe newlywed magic, I want to
share a question from one of ourlisteners that I know so many
of us will resonate with.
Relationships, as we know,change over time and while that
deep, steady love is beautiful,a lot of couples find themselves
wondering how do we hold intothat spark we once had?
(06:42):
And that brings us to today'squestion from Ashley, which I
think so many can relate to.
Ashley asks she says hello,tricia, dr, jeff and Tony.
Thank you so much for yourpodcast.
I love it and I'm finallyfeeling brave enough to ask a
question.
I wish I could focus on thereason I said yes to my spouse,
(07:06):
but after 12 years of marriage,three kids and the challenges of
everyday life, it feels so faraway when we're engaged.
I remember feeling so sure, soin love, that nothing could
shake us.
But now life is heavy.
My husband, jake, is anaerospace engineer and he works
(07:26):
long hours, sometimes late intothe night.
I work part time as a neonatalnurse, but most of my time is
spent running our home, keepingup with the kids, busy schedules
, managing meals and trying tokeep everything from falling
apart.
We have student debt that we'restill chipping away at and
(07:47):
we're trying to save for a homethat actually will fit our
growing family.
Some nights, we barely havetime for a real conversation
before we crash into bed.
I know we're a team, but I missthe feeling of why we said yes
in the first place, the laughter, the excitement and the dreamy
(08:08):
way we used to look at eachother.
How do we hold onto the love andexcitement we once had when we
first started this journey?
How do we remember the versionof us that couldn't wait to be
together forever?
So, first of all, ashley, thankyou so much for being brave
enough to share this with us,and I think your words capture
(08:28):
exactly what so many couplesfeel after years of marriage,
kids and the weight of everydaylife.
It's not that the love is gone.
It's that it gets buried underresponsibilities and schedules
and exhaustion.
So today we get to explore howto reconnect with that yes
(08:48):
moment, even when life getscrazy and out of control.
That's exactly why we haveHannah and Cody with us today.
You two are still in thathoneymoon phase, you know, when
even folding laundry togethersomehow feels romantic and you
still text each other.
I miss you when you've been outof sight for five minutes, so
(09:09):
we need your help.
Remind us what that newlywedmagic feels like.
What is it about marriage rightnow that feels the most fun,
the most exciting, the most?
Oh, my gosh pinch me.
I can't believe we're togetherat this moment and forever, so
help us with bringing that sparkback.
(09:33):
What can you share with usright now?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Well, I can definitely say everybody's
situation is different, but Ithink the thing that keeps us,
you know, in that honeymoon kindof phase moment for our
relationship is just despite usbeing busy and not being able to
see each other for most of theday and just seeing each other
at night is just choosing tohave time for each other, is
(09:56):
just choosing to have time foreach other With the moments that
we do have.
Instead of choosing it to be onyour phone or play video games
or, you know, watch something,instead just choosing it to have
a conversation, watch a movietogether, going to the store
together, and so there's a lotof things that you could be
doing by yourself, but justchoosing to do it with your
partner is something that reallyhelps me keep that magic alive.
(10:20):
When, you know, stresses ofwork and school and everything
get in the way.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Yeah, and I'll just add, I think, what Cody said
about being a hundred percentpresent when you're doing it,
because I think it's it'srealistic to just say that there
are so many demands on yourtime and life just gets busy.
And so I think, just making surethat when you are together,
that you are focused on oneanother a hundred percent, and
like asking each other how yourday was and how you're feeling
(10:48):
and things like that, I thinkmaybe after a while you can
start to assume those thingsabout your significant other,
your partner or spouse, and Ithink, just staying curious and
like asking them how they'redoing and how life is going and
how they're feeling aboutsomething or some life event or
something going on in the world.
You know, I think that we'reconstantly changing and I think
(11:10):
that discovery is constantlyhappening and can happen even
throughout your marriage, evenif you have been married for
many years even.
I think that's something thatwe still try to do is just
discovering new things abouteach other.
We have plenty to learn abouteach other, still for sure, just
being newlyweds, but I thinkthat that process happens even
over time as well.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Well, that's awesome.
So let's start from thebeginning.
How did you both meet and atwhat point did you know you
wanted to marry each other?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Hey, can I ask too?
I just learned this term nowand I hear it everywhere.
I feel like confirmation bias.
Did you have a meet cute story?
Do you know that term, thatphrase?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
I've heard, meet cute .
I don't necessarily know thedefinition, as you may be asking
it.
Yeah, I just.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I learned it three weeks ago and I swear, I hear it
everywhere now, so okay, Iappreciate it.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
You probably had a meet cute.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Chris.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Jeff, do you guys know what that is?
What does it mean?
I have no idea.
I've never heard it before.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
It's your adorable, cute origin story.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, it's what I just asked them.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Well, it's like yeah out, so that's not a very cute a
meet cute.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
That's when you make up a story.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
That's exactly right.
That's when you turn into.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Tony, and you confabulate it.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Thank you.
Yeah, mine was amazing.
No, I'm kidding, yeah, we metin Dubai.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
It was pretty.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
We're skydiving.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
That's it, cody, there we go.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
No, yeah, I guess you could say we had a meet queue.
In a sense, I guess, becausewe're newlyweds, our story is a
bit different from probably yourguys' story, because we met
online and I'd say that's themajority of people nowadays is
they meet on an app or online.
And so we met on an app calledHinge and we were trying.
(13:00):
Honestly, it's funny becauseour first date at a thai
restaurant, or it was supposedto be at a restaurant, and I
totally bailed on her becausethere was an emergency at work
where one of the guys had to goto the er well, it was so funny
because we had a date set forlike our first date set for
friday night, I remember, and Ijust like had this sense at like
3 pm.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
I like got all ready, I was looking cute, feeling
good, and I get this sense atlike 3 pm that he's going to
cancel on me.
And I was like, okay, that'skind of weird.
I checked my phone and in thatmoment he sends me a text
canceling on me and it was likeso elaborate.
He's like Hannah, I'm so sorryI had this emergency at work.
Someone has to go to theemergency room and get stitches.
(13:41):
And in my mind I'm like, look,dude, like if you wanted to
cancel, all you had to do wassay so.
You know like your lie didn'tneed to be that elaborate.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Because he did want to cancel.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Did he reschedule?
Speaker 5 (13:54):
Yes, yes, he did See, that's the difference.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
I rescheduled.
I reread that text.
It did seem quite elaborate.
Speaker 5 (14:00):
It was, it was, but he rescheduled for the next day
and, just like for his one lunchhour, it was a Saturday
lunchtime and we were going tomeet at a Thai restaurant and
Cody showed up 25 minutes late,but he kept me.
He told me that he was going tobe late, and so that's
communicative.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
There you go.
Yes, he was communicative.
Speaker 5 (14:20):
So I knew, oh, important Anyway.
So by the time he shows up atthe restaurant, I have just like
scoured the entire menu.
I know exactly what I want.
He sits down and I was like,well, I'm ready.
And he was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
So what did you both order that day?
Speaker 5 (14:36):
So I ordered the orange chicken and then he was
like well yes, yes, and so hewas like well, since you've been
here for a while, why don't youorder for me?
And I was like no problem, andso I ordered something for him.
What did I order?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
for you Was it a five star thing?
Speaker 5 (14:56):
It was a negative two star thing, mine was so good,
my food was so good and he ateall of his and then told me he
didn't like it and I felt soit's probably the worst pet suit
I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
It's okay oh, that's so funny.
Well, I'm glad you didn't holdthat against her yeah well, and
she didn't hold it against him.
It was 25 minutes late true,it's true, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's how you got that foodcody yeah, who paid?
Speaker 3 (15:25):
I'm curious, cody paid I think I paid.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Yeah, yeah, good man, there you go, yeah but it was
so short, it was only an hourbecause it was over Cody's lunch
break from work and I don'tknow.
I just I knew that I needed tosee him again, Like I just felt
so comfortable.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
What made that happen ?
What was it about Cody that youwent?
Hmm, this is somebody I want toknow more about.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Was there a moment or a connection that you remember
that really clicked?
What was it?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Yes, yeah, great question.
So to get a little personal, Ihad been struggling with a
pretty bad medical issue duringthat time when Cody and I met,
and that morning wasparticularly bad.
I remember writing in myjournal how desperate and how
sad and just how frustrating mymedical situation was.
(16:21):
And I remember I was with afriend the morning that Cody and
I were going on our first dateand she was like, oh well, have
fun on your day.
As I was walking out the doorand I literally remember telling
her I'm not going to have fun,I'm in the worst mood this
morning, I'm just going to gobecause it's a hinge date.
So I'm just going to go,because you know it's a hinge
date, so I'm just going to goand get it over with.
But I just remember showing upand seeing Cody and just like
(16:45):
everything just like melted away, like it was so easy to be with
him.
I didn't need to have likefirst date energy because I just
didn't at that time.
I was just so exhausted and soweak and like it was just easy
to be around him.
He made me feel comfortable, hemade me feel safe.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I could laugh.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
And.
I was just starving, but it wasjust so easy to be around him
and I just felt like I could bemyself and I didn't need to, I
didn't need to be someone else,that I didn't have the energy to
be at that time, and and likewe were having a good time with
that, you know.
And and he could tease me.
(17:23):
Something that really stood outto me was he just had such high
emotional intelligence, like Iremember sharing with him some
of the details of of my medicalthing that I was going through
and and he knew when to listenand to be gentle with it, and
then he knew when to tease me alittle bit about it and and
laugh at kind of like thehysterics of of how awful the
(17:43):
situation could be sometimes,and and that just really stood
out to me as like he knew how to, how to be there for me in in
the right ways you know whetherthat was laughing with me or you
know being kind of somber andlistening to this story a little
bit and just he was sointeresting, there were so many
facets and layers to him and Idon't know at first I was like,
(18:04):
is this guy for real?
Like he's just, he just has itall.
And so and I remember at thevery end of the date he
mentioned.
I wish I had it all oh he does.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
You have it all now.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
I love your face when she said that, cody, you didn't
have it all before, but now youhave it all because you got it,
yeah.
But yeah, I just remember at thevery end of the day, like last
couple of minutes, he mentionedthat he goes on two
international trips a year and Iwas like whoa, like how is this
just coming out now?
And that was the moment where Iwas like, okay, I need to know
a little bit more about him.
I was already so impressed andjust felt so comfortable.
It was so easy from thebeginning and that was just
(18:43):
something I needed to hear moreabout.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Had you just gotten back from Egypt about that time,
Cody?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
No, when was that?
I think we went to Japan thetime before, I think.
Think where were we?
I forget, I need to ask.
I need to ask my friend who Iwent with.
I go on.
I went on all these trips withmy roommate and so I'll have to
check my photos yeah, but yeah,I just went on so many trips you
don't even know I know.
(19:11):
Yeah, that's what happens,that's the problem and I so I
insisted that for our honeymoonwe went to an international
location.
So we ended up going to Rome.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Oh, wow, that is so fun.
That is so fun, okay, so what'sone moment from your love story
that you hope never fades frommemory?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
That's a great question.
I have a good answer to this,okay.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
It's the moment that we said I love you to each other
for the first time, Okay surethat we said I love you to each
other for the first time.
Okay, sure, we were two, threemonths into being like
officially dating as likeboyfriend and girlfriend, and it
was so funny.
So Cody and I were both inschool at the time, so I had
just finished a long school day,he had finished class and we
(19:53):
had decided to go to acandlelight concert.
Have you guys heard of one ofthose?
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, yes, yeah, tell us more.
What's that?
Speaker 5 (20:00):
Okay, yeah, so it's basically they fill this stage
with candle lights and they'reelectric, you know, so there's
no fire hazards.
But they fill this stage withelectric candle lights and they
turn off all the lights and thenin the middle of the stage is a
string quartet and there's,like usually, a theme to the
performance.
So I've been to like a TaylorSwift one.
(20:20):
They just played a bunch ofstring quartet versions or
arrangements of Taylor Swiftsongs, um, but Cody and I went
to a Studio Ghibli one wherethey were playing a bunch of
arrangements of the StudioGhibli movies.
They're Japanese animatedmovies and we love them.
Um, they're just fantastic andbeautiful music, like incredibly
(20:41):
beautiful scores, and so Codyand I had decided to go to that.
But it was in Salt Lake and wewere in Provo because of school,
and so Cody gets out of school,we have like 30 minutes until
it starts, but it actually takeslike 45 minutes to drive to
Salt Lake.
So he picks me up and we'relike in a rush to get there.
It's super cold and snowing andwe it's Salt Lake, so it's a
(21:04):
city kind of hard to findparking, so we have to park like
a block and a half from theplace and we're like, oh, we're
already late, like we need torun, so, hand in hand we're just
like running through the snowstorm and running to this place.
And then we get in and thefront desk person like wouldn't
let us in, but we could hear itthrough the door, and so we were
like can we just sit on thiscouch and listen through the
(21:26):
door?
And she was like yeah, sure, goahead.
And then, after like sittingthere for five minutes, cody was
like how much can I pay you tolet us in?
And she was like, ah, nevermindguys.
Guys like just go ahead and slipin wow, and so we so we slip in
and we catch the last like halfhour of this concert and it was
(21:49):
beautiful, like so lovely, andit was just kind of like a dream
, you know, being there and tooksome pictures.
Um, and then we, we walk outand it's still snowing and still
freezing.
So we're like, hey, let's runback.
And so, once again, hand inhand, we just like ran back as
fast as we could, back to thecar and we were just laughing
and laughing and like I justfelt so strong.
(22:11):
I was like I love him, I really, really love him.
And Cody, every night he woulddo this thing where he'd be like
what are you thinking about?
And so he asked me thatquestion.
He's like what are you thinkingabout?
And I just, I was like I justreally really love you.
And he just, I don't know, hesaid it back to me.
(22:34):
I didn't say it back, he did,yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
I was a little nervous about that.
You didn't say ditto did you?
Speaker 5 (22:36):
I don't know.
You said it back to me.
I didn't say it back you did.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Yeah, I was a little nervous about that.
You didn't say ditto, did you?
I don't think so.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
Oh, yes, can confirm, did not.
But yeah, it was just like areally special moment where it
was one of those things where Iwas like I just can't like
contain anymore how I feel abouthim, like I need him to know
that I love him and I know thatI love him, and so that's one of
my favorite memories that Ialso want to remember.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I love that.
So, cody, what is aprerequisite that you had when
you were dating for all girls?
Speaker 4 (23:10):
For all girls that did not apply to Hannah.
That did not apply to Hannah.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
That did not apply to .
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Hannah.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
That's a good turn.
Yeah, Okay oh man.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Yeah Well, that's the problem, because all the
prerequisites that I had she metand so I didn't really have
like I didn't have anything thatturned me on.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
There's one I can think of.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yeah, go for it the time frame.
We know you too well.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Oh no, oh, you're right, you're right.
So that's that ended upchanging later.
Yeah, so originally I I hadthis rule in my mind that, no
matter who I start dating, thatI need to wait a year before I
get married, preferably getengaged and so that was a hard
(23:51):
set rule.
I told everybody I've datedthat I I just cannot break this
rule to set expectations.
And after we started dating, Ithink a few months went by and I
was like dang it, I'm alreadythinking about it.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I can't wait a year.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah, exactly.
So I think it ended up beinglike 10 months and but yeah, I
just couldn't wait.
So it was was.
It was so weird that you havethis rule for yourself, but once
you meet the right person, youknow that rule it doesn't apply.
We already know.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
It's just so much surety and so yeah, so how did
you know she was the rightperson for you?
Speaker 4 (24:33):
I've dated a lot.
I've had a lot of experiencewith different kinds of people,
different stages of life, a lotof different goals, that people
have, personality types and Ijust realized the kind of person
I want is individualistic.
They're really big onself-determination, hard workers
(24:54):
.
They are just kind, genuinepeople and I've gotten really
good at just telling that withinthe first date or two, if
someone is just a good personand I could just tell that about
Hannah from the beginning thatshe met all those criteria and
that she's not someone I need toworry about.
Do our values match?
(25:15):
Is she a kind person to peoplearound me?
I didn't have to worry aboutanything.
Honestly, I just knew and as westarted dating, you know, it
just kind of came to fruitionthat all of that was actually
correct.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
So we knew too, when we met her and you still had
months left.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
We're like no way he's not going to make a year.
You right we told you at thetime too I know you did tell me
I didn't want to believe youbecause I wanted to stay
steadfast in my decision to waita year don't even know you too
well.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
That is not going to happen.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
But timelines are arbitrary, everyone's different
I guess timelines are notarbitrary when it's the wrong
person oh yes, you're so rightno, I love it.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Okay.
So if you had to describe yourlove story in one sentence, what
would it be?
Speaker 5 (26:07):
that's a good question I think it would be
that we always have and alwayswill be meant to be oh, that's
beautiful I love that.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
Okay, robert Frost, I thought about this.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
This is great.
Do you have anything you'd liketo share, Cody?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, he was going to say that, but I guess you had
to come up with a new one.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
I would say two winding paths that met up and
never diverged from then.
On, sticking with the RobertFrost theme, it was very much
two people on their own pathswasn't really looking for love
and we just joined paths afterthat and it found you anyway,
(26:55):
yeah, it was crazy yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:58):
I will.
I'll take this moment to give ashout out to Cody about the
sacrifices he made to make surethat our paths stay together.
Like when we met, cody hadalready accepted an offer to a
medical school out in Virginiaand I still had one more year
left of law school here, or twomore years, two more years left.
(27:22):
But when we met, two more yearsleft of law school here in Utah
and Cody chose to reject hisoffer and to stay here with me
while I finished school so wecould be together physically and
get married and all thesethings, and he made a huge
(27:42):
sacrifice for me to finish myschooling.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
I don't think it was a very big sacrifice.
I think it was the right move.
He knew he needed a Q peel.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Yeah, but I don't know.
I'll just always remember that,like I, no one's ever done that
something that big or thatlife-altering for me and that's
just always meant so much to me,you know, and was just like wow
, he's serious about this a butb.
Like he, he really cares aboutus together, you know, and I
(28:17):
think it just keeps everythingin perspective of, like, what
really matters in the choicesthat we make, and putting us
first is always the top priority.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Well, there's a big lesson right there.
Yep, true love, but that'ssomething.
Keeping it in perspective ofthe ongoing relationship is
putting each other first, of theongoing relationship is putting
each other first and I knowthat sometimes you know careers,
(28:47):
children, other things get inthe way and remembering to do
that, keeping each other firstand making choices that make
that happen, it's a huge part ofit of keeping these together.
I would think Now I know that'ssomething that in my
emotionally immature way,sometimes I was putting myself
and my career ahead of ourmarriage, and that's something
that I think everybody has doneor will do at some point.
(29:09):
But you know, keeping thisalive by listening to what Cody
and Hannah are saying is justamazing.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Well, in fact that's a great segue into my next
question and I want to kind ofcircle back to Ashley's question
.
She talks about she and herhusband had been married for 12
years and she wants to reconnectwith that early love.
So, hannah and Cody, let's lookahead.
What do you believe will helpyou keep this magic alive in the
(29:40):
next 10, 20, or 50 years fromnow?
Speaker 5 (29:44):
I mean, I'm a big believer that love is a choice,
and so, as you continue everysingle day to choose to love
your spouse and to make thatconscious choice, I think that
changes things and can flipthings, because I totally agree
that it's so important to thinkback to the original reason why
(30:05):
you said yes, but in reality,every single day that you stay
married is another day that youcontinue to say yes, and so I
think Cody and I were talkingabout this yesterday.
But you change, you know,because life circumstances
change, or you personallyexperience some growth, or maybe
there's a hardship that you'regoing through that teaches you
all these new lessons or isextremely difficult to get
(30:27):
through, and all those thingschange who you are as a person.
But your spouse is goingthrough the exact same thing.
You know all these changesgoing on through their lives,
and so I feel like, as you'regoing through those things
together and you have thatconnectedness and that
togetherness A it brings youcloser, but B you get to find
(30:49):
new reasons to say yes.
I feel like, even the last fewmonths that Cody and I have been
married, I've learned so muchabout myself, but I've also
learned so much about ustogether, and those are my new
reasons.
You know, the new reasons thatI continue to say yes to Cody
every single day and choose tobe with him and have him as my
(31:10):
husband is because of all thethings that we're going through
and learning together.
And so I think, while it'simportant to remember why you
said yes when you first gotmarried, or 20 or 10, five years
ago, it's also important tothink like why do I say yes
today?
And like what is it about thislast week or yesterday?
(31:32):
Or like what is it today that Ilike?
Why am I saying yes today?
And I think that you can alwaysfind those reasons and that'll
make you even more grateful forthe marriage that you have and
the journey that you've traveledon.
You know, like that's no smallfeat to be married and to have
gone through careers andchildren, raising children and
all these things, and like allthat together is so beautiful
(31:55):
and amazing.
But you did it together.
You know, and I think thattogether is so beautiful and
amazing, but you did it together.
And I think that that issomething to always keep in mind
in remembering how to keep themagic alive, so to speak.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
So that's awesome.
And, cody, I want you to thinkabout what you're going to say
here for a second.
But, tony, I want to re-involveyou about what advice you would
give them to keep that alive asa marriage and family therapist
.
So, cody, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Yeah, everything that Hannah said is true.
Definitely needed all of that.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Good answer.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
Yes, she's always right.
I would definitely say I don'thear this too often.
I've definitely seen it a fewplaces, but I think one of the
exciting things about datingsomebody, or the early stages of
marriage, is that there's a lotyou don't know about them and
there's a lot going in life thatis very new.
And sharing new things withyour partner, learning new
(32:51):
things about your partner it'sso exciting because you've never
experienced that before andyou're experiencing it from
their perspective for the firsttime.
And sometimes I feel like withlife, if you're working the same
job for 30 years if you're, youknow you both have been working
the same perspective withraising the kids you get into
this, this lull in life whereyou're just doing the same
(33:12):
things.
And how can you keep thatcuriosity alive?
And I think sometimes itrequires you to invest more into
yourself.
And so I think that if you wantto develop a new hobby,
something that you're passionateabout, pursue a new I wouldn't
necessarily career, but sidehustle, hustle, you know just
(33:34):
something that's different, thatyou know reinvigorates you as
an individual.
It gives you things at the endof the day that gets you excited
to tell your spouse about that.
You haven't told them before,like, hey, I was trying out
crocheting and there's thisreally cool knot that I learned
how to do and I made this coolhat.
Check it out.
Or you know I started runningto bring it back to what we were
(33:56):
talking about before.
And you know I started runningto bring it back to what we were
talking about before.
And you know I ran this manymiles and it's a new milestone
for me and I'm super excitedabout that.
You know, sometimes I feel likeit takes an individual effort
to try and improve yourself.
That indirectly improves themarriage.
It just gives you somethingmore to talk about, that you're
excited about, that you canshare together.
(34:17):
That's brand new and I thinksometimes that might be helpful.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
So I love your insights.
I think that's fabulous, but itreminds me of something I tell
my couples all the time, andthat is love isn't something you
have, it's something you do,and I feel like that.
That's what you're talkingabout right now it's the doing
of it.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
So, tony, what are some insights that you have as
well?
If I knew that time wasn't anissue and I would try to make my
phone camera show my desktopwhile you guys have been talking
I have no fewer than sevensticky notes full of, like, all
the things you've been saying,and, because there's so much
here that I just wanna say okayto our listeners, there will be
a bonus episode on the virtualcouch.
I wanna break down all of thesefrom a marriage therapist lens,
(35:00):
because and but you guys seemalmost I want to say did.
Did Tricia give you a script?
Like, are you reading off of ascript of here's?
Speaker 4 (35:07):
what the?
Speaker 3 (35:08):
young emotionally mature people would say, I mean,
I would just, I put a couple ofstars by things that I think
are pretty phenomenal.
And it's a, Hannah, early onyou said being curious and that
we're going to be constantlychanging.
And then I like, later on yousaid again you change, your
spouse is going through that too.
You find new reasons to staymarried.
That's phenomenal because Ifind that, being a couples
(35:29):
therapist now for 20 years, it'swild that down the road,
couples, I think, lose sight ofthat, and so they often find it.
It's their insecurities comeout because their partner
changes.
And when you look at whatimmaturity looks like, it's that
if you're changing and this iswhere I like what you said, cody
, about finding something thatreinvigorates you as an
individual, and I wrote downthis note that says and that it
(35:52):
doesn't threaten my partnerbecause they aren't doing things
, because that's where you getinto that role of oh wow, if you
are doing something, then youare going to leave me.
You must think that you'reimportant right, and I think so.
There's so many things here,and what is fascinating to me is
I've been doing morepre-marriage and early
relationship counseling, andit's typically with people that
maybe I've worked with long ago.
(36:12):
They now have kids that areabout to get married, and I have
this battle in my head of Iwant desperately for people in
your position, or newly orpremarital couples, to know what
the tools are, because I alwayssay that nobody knows the right
way to communicate effectively,because you have to find those
tools, and typically couplesdon't find those tools until
they've gone through and Triciaknows like they're really
(36:34):
difficult things where now Ihave to go get help and even
then most people don't, so theones that do then you have to
find the right tools and youhave to put them into action.
Then you're still two differentindividuals that are going to
be trying to put these toolsinto practice, and here comes
our insecurity, and so I justthought why can't we just cut
this off at the head?
Or, yeah, cover it early, butwhen you don't know what you
(36:55):
don't know, I just love what youguys are saying about when
somebody brings something up Ifthe other person feels like, oh,
why did you say that?
Or well, then you must thinkthat you are better than me, or
that you think I am wrong.
And this all or nothing, blackor white thinking comes in, and
that's where I, you know, myinitial thing that I wrote was
that it's easy to talk about thethings that are easy when
you're in that early part of therelationship, but you don't
(37:17):
know what it's going to be likewhen you're going to move, or
there's financial considerationsto make, or what happens when
the first kid comes, or you knowwe have these decisions to make
.
And that's where, when lifejust starts lifing all over you,
that now, oh, I realize I havea different opinion, but I don't
even really know how to shareit.
Or if I share it, will theother person take offense?
And so we start, we start justholding things back, or we'll
(37:40):
kick the can and we'll do itlater.
Now it's not a good time.
I don't really feel like it.
He seems like he's in a badmood, so I just and I've got
that's five other sticky notesfull of things, so I forgot the
question, which is always a goodthing, but I think is that the
uh, the advice is to keep doingwhat you're doing here and if we
think about this one.
So I was sitting in a Sundayschool class and this was a
(38:00):
couple of years ago and I'm 55.
Why did it take me how long to?
When I heard seek and you shallfind that I was like, oh man,
that's this expectation effect.
I mean I will find the badthings in my partner, or Hannah,
like I love what you're saying,or find a reason every day to
choose your partner.
I think that's so important.
So then, seek and you will findalso the good things.
(38:20):
Now, and Tricia and Dr Jeff andI we talk often about, I think
sometimes when we've been, we'reI don't know old, what cogity,
that's not a word anymore.
Focrocity, is that the word?
But we're these seasonedveterans that have seen a lot of
difficult relationships andthings that it's.
(38:40):
It's just fascinating sometimesto to assume that then that's
where every couple is going togo.
And you know, in my opinion,but then also, as a marriage
therapist, I assume that anybodythat's not seeing me is not out
there doing the work or gettingthe tools.
But it's it's so refreshing tohear that that you have this
basis now tools, but it's it'sso refreshing to hear that that
you have this basis now.
(39:01):
And so now I'm thinking, if Ihad to do it, but I give advice,
it's it's literally write thesethings down and make those
choices every day, because whenlife just starts happening and
time is, is is difficult, it'sso easy to just we'll do it
later, and I think so manycouples just have these great
intentions but they don't knowwhat it's going to feel like yet
to have kids and jobs, and sothen you get in that position,
and now it's when it's difficultto talk or you're exhausted,
(39:23):
and and so often I can think oftimes where, oh man, I should
say this tonight, but I'mexhausted, or she is, or she.
You know it's late, and if I dothe conversations and then go
late and have to get up earlyand so we can come up with all
these yeah but, and have to getup early and so we can come up
with all these yeah buts to justnot do the things that you guys
are talking about doing rightnow.
We had that last night, did you?
Yeah?
But I really want to sayhonestly, I mean I don't think
(39:44):
I've ever felt and maybe it'sthe riddle in talking but
feeling so unmotivated right now.
So I want to just record assoon as I can and comment, not
to say because I was, of courseI'm thinking of jokes this early
on where, oh, this is adorableway to life, kicks your teeth in
.
But I'm not that guy.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
I think that the or wait until you get to experience
these things, and and then uh,what a joy thing also that they
that they'll have is thispodcast and look back on and say
, oh, this is how we were backthen.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Well, look how cool and adorable we were in a year
going to have him on in a yearOkay.
Well, I'm going to.
I'm going to, literally, I wantto do this episode, and I will
be a little.
I'm going to own the fact thatI will do it from a here's where
things start, and then let's go20 years down the road and see
what happens when people taketheir eye off the ball or they
aren't doing these things,because I love what you're
(40:32):
saying and I think the challengemaybe we can all agree on is
that motivation or the what isit being intentional?
And to continue to do thesethings.
And the part, though, you guysare saying it is wild.
Dr Jeff and Trisha, I'm sureyou guys have heard this too.
Or I should ask you have youwhere the one partner will say
this is not who I married,you've changed.
(40:53):
And when they're in my office Isay isn't that great?
But and that's where you startto- see, maybe some immaturity,
yeah.
Where then it's like well, thisisn't what I signed up for.
Well, you signed up for anadventure, not a man.
If I had a line right here,this would be one Hold on, I
can't thank you I didn't sign upfor I don't know.
Edit that in post.
Richie, give me something goodthere.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Well, well, I think it's amazing that these two are,
you know, just watching them onour video cameras here.
Look at each other and the waythat they smile and remember the
things that have happened, andthose glances, those looks.
Those are things that cancontinue and to remember how you
feel now so that you canproject them for the future.
Oh, look at that.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
I tried, I had to do it.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Wow, you've got notes everywhere.
That's impressive, tony.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
I had to try the camera thing.
It was worth a shot, yes.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
Yes, this is going to go on our YouTube channel so
we'll be able to post that.
Yes, yes, this is going to goon our YouTube channel, so we'll
be able to post that.
Well, when I saw Cody andHannah, they were actually at
our son's Chase and Desiree andMichaela and Russ they had a
baby blessing for both of theirlittle babies and they came and
I loved talking to them andHannah and I just connected like
(42:19):
we just completely clicked andI thought we have got to get
them on our podcast because Ilove the energy that they bring.
So often, you know, when we'redoing these podcasts, it's on
problems and lack incommunication and conflict
resolution and all the thingsthat happen in marriages, and so
(42:39):
I just loved the feeling that Ihad from the two of you and I
just wanted to bring that hereso we could focus on the I do,
you know, the yes and bring usback to that place that is just
so powerful.
So we're gonna end this here.
(43:01):
This conversation with Hannahand Cody has been such a
beautiful reminder of why we sayyes to love in the first place.
Whether you're a newlywed oryou've been married for years,
there's something special aboutlooking back and remembering
those early moments theexcitement, the laughter and the
belief that you were startingsomething incredible together.
(43:22):
But we also know that loveisn't just about the beginning.
It's about the journey.
In part two, we're diving evendeeper with our special guests
Hannah and Cody.
We'll talk about the habits,traditions and intentional
choices that help couples holdonto that spark over time.
We'll also tackle real lifechallenges because, let's be
(43:45):
honest, love isn't alwayseffortless, but it's always
worth it.
So take a moment after thisepisode, maybe even grab your
partner and think back to yourown yes moment, and then meet us
back here for part two, wherewe'll explore how to keep
choosing love every single day.
But before you go, don't forgetto hit subscribe so you never
(44:07):
miss an episode.
If you love this conversation,please leave us a review.
It helps more people find theshow, and if you have a burning
question you'd love for us totackle, please send it our way
at trishajamesoncoaching atgmailcom.
We'd love to hear from you.
Thank you so much, wellnessWarriors.
We'll see you in part two.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, delighted to share
(44:28):
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
(44:49):
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A file, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
So welcome, wellness warriors,to another episode of the Q&A
Files.
I'm your host, fisher Jamison,a functional nutritionist and
lifestyle practitioner and alife coach.
(00:50):
And, as always, I'm so glad tohave my two co-hosts with me
today Dr Jeff Jamison, our boardcertified family physician, and
Tony Overbay, who is a licensedmarriage and family therapist.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Hi, everybody.
Hey, and I'm a what am I?
A botanist, a horticulturist?
I just water my plants, what?
Speaker 1 (01:07):
would that make me you are definitely a
horticulturist?
No, you're not, cause you killyour plants.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Hey, one plant one out of two, it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, 50%.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
So, tony, I'm letting you off the hook again, cause
we're not doing celebrations.
I've been practicing this, notdoing celebrations.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Oh man, because I know you have so many.
I've been practicing thisreaction like oh, come on.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Oh, yeah, okay.
No, if we could do it next time, though, I would really
appreciate it, and I don't knowwhy I keep making life so easy
for you.
It's just yeah, growth isthrough the discomfort.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
So Exactly, but it's uncomfortable for me not to
share.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Well, if you want to go ahead.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
No, no, no, no, we're not making this about me.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Okay, but this time instead I have a fun question.
Would you say, jeff?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
I said this time.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Right, hey, we're playing.
We're having a good timealready.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But I have a fun question to set the stage for
our topic and introduce ourspecial guest today.
So, jeff and Tony, we're goingto take a little trip down
memory lane and I want you tothink back when you were
newlywed, newly married you werenewly married to me and Tony
was newly married to Wendy.
You were newly married to meand Tony was newly married to
(02:24):
Wendy.
What's something you did backthen to impress myself and Wendy
that you definitely don't dotoday?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Oh boy.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And Jeff.
I'm going to know if what yousay is true or not.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, that's easy, I know that.
Okay, so I know one thing thatI don't knew, that I did to
impress that I don't do now, andthat's take you jet skiing?
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Oh yes, well we don't have a test game anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
So it qualifies.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
And I think it worked .
Speaker 1 (03:02):
It did.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, we went jet skiing on our first date and it
was really fun.
We had a great time and it justI don't think we stopped
talking after that.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Well, I think that that's a good one.
Okay, Tony, you're up.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Okay.
Now suddenly the show takes adramatic turn as Tony goes
serious and says I know backthen in my emotionally immature
days I would maybe bend thetruth a bit to try to get her to
think how cool I was.
Maybe exaggerating a story ortwo, that is something.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
I do not do yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
There we go, the good old confabulation.
Thank you, and I might bestretching the truth a little
bit with that, if I'm beinghonest.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Oh, awesome.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Okay, you've got it yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Well, I just said confabulation.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Okay, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yeah, so I got it too .
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
So we have a fantastic Wait a minute.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
What is something you did?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Oh I, I stopped trying to get you to run with me
because when we were dating, heled me to believe that he was a
runner, because I was runnerand he ran until the day we said
I do, and it was over, and Idon't think he's run since.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I thought this was supposed to be something nice
about it, right?
Wait, but it is because besomething nice about each other,
right?
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Wait, but it is because what Dr Jeff told me one
time was that he realized atthat moment that he would easily
be able to run faster andfarther than you, and it was so
difficult at that time.
But he made a choice then togive up running for the rest of
his life, Right?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Dr Jeff, you are so good Tony.
You are so good at this?
Yeah, no, but that's why it'ssuch a good thing, because I
stopped asking you to run withme because I knew you hated it,
so it's good.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
True, so okay, let's move on.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Okay, we have a fantastic show for you and one
that I've been so excited about.
Today we're talking about love,marriage and how to hold on to
that dreamy heart-racingcan't-wait-to-be-with-you
feeling long after you say I do.
And what better way to do thatthan by bringing on a newlywed
(05:17):
couple to remind us all of thatfresh, exciting love, that fresh
, exciting love.
Now, before we dive into ourspecial guests, I have to say
this episode is extra specialfor Jeff and I.
We have known one of our guests, cody, since he was a wee
little lad.
Our son, chase, and Cody werereally great friends growing up,
(05:40):
and Cody's mom and I, barbara,were also great friends, so
we've known this family for avery long time.
And by Barbara, we're alsogreat friends, so we've known
this family for a very long time.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
And then we're still good friends.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And then we're still good friends, yes, and then,
almost a year ago, we met Hannah, and let me tell you we just
knew from the start she was akeeper.
So here they are with us todayand they're going to share some
magical secrets about love thatsome of us may have forgotten.
Hello Cody and Hannah Benefiel,we are so glad to have you here
(06:13):
with us.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 5 (06:16):
We're excited to do this.
We've been looking forward toit.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Good, good.
So now, before we jump into allthe newlywed magic, good, good.
So now, before we jump into allthe newlywed magic, I want to
share a question from one of ourlisteners that I know so many
of us will resonate with.
Relationships, as we know,change over time and while that
deep, steady love is beautiful,a lot of couples find themselves
wondering how do we hold intothat spark we once had?
(06:42):
And that brings us to today'squestion from Ashley, which I
think so many can relate to.
Ashley asks she says hello,tricia, dr, jeff and Tony.
Thank you so much for yourpodcast.
I love it and I'm finallyfeeling brave enough to ask a
question.
I wish I could focus on thereason I said yes to my spouse,
(07:06):
but after 12 years of marriage,three kids and the challenges of
everyday life, it feels so faraway when we're engaged.
I remember feeling so sure, soin love, that nothing could
shake us.
But now life is heavy.
My husband, jake, is anaerospace engineer and he works
(07:26):
long hours, sometimes late intothe night.
I work part time as a neonatalnurse, but most of my time is
spent running our home, keepingup with the kids, busy schedules
, managing meals and trying tokeep everything from falling
apart.
We have student debt that we'restill chipping away at and
(07:47):
we're trying to save for a homethat actually will fit our
growing family.
Some nights, we barely havetime for a real conversation
before we crash into bed.
I know we're a team, but I missthe feeling of why we said yes
in the first place, the laughter, the excitement and the dreamy
(08:08):
way we used to look at eachother.
How do we hold onto the love andexcitement we once had when we
first started this journey?
How do we remember the versionof us that couldn't wait to be
together forever?
So, first of all, ashley, thankyou so much for being brave
enough to share this with us,and I think your words capture
(08:28):
exactly what so many couplesfeel after years of marriage,
kids and the weight of everydaylife.
It's not that the love is gone.
It's that it gets buried underresponsibilities and schedules
and exhaustion.
So today we get to explore howto reconnect with that yes
(08:48):
moment, even when life getscrazy and out of control.
That's exactly why we haveHannah and Cody with us today.
You two are still in thathoneymoon phase, you know, when
even folding laundry togethersomehow feels romantic and you
still text each other.
I miss you when you've been outof sight for five minutes, so
(09:09):
we need your help.
Remind us what that newlywedmagic feels like.
What is it about marriage rightnow that feels the most fun,
the most exciting, the most?
Oh, my gosh pinch me.
I can't believe we're togetherat this moment and forever, so
help us with bringing that sparkback.
(09:33):
What can you share with usright now?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Well, I can definitely say everybody's
situation is different, but Ithink the thing that keeps us,
you know, in that honeymoon kindof phase moment for our
relationship is just despite usbeing busy and not being able to
see each other for most of theday and just seeing each other
at night is just choosing tohave time for each other, is
(09:56):
just choosing to have time foreach other With the moments that
we do have.
Instead of choosing it to be onyour phone or play video games
or, you know, watch something,instead just choosing it to have
a conversation, watch a movietogether, going to the store
together, and so there's a lotof things that you could be
doing by yourself, but justchoosing to do it with your
partner is something that reallyhelps me keep that magic alive.
(10:20):
When, you know, stresses ofwork and school and everything
get in the way.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Yeah, and I'll just add, I think, what Cody said
about being a hundred percentpresent when you're doing it,
because I think it's it'srealistic to just say that there
are so many demands on yourtime and life just gets busy.
And so I think, just making surethat when you are together,
that you are focused on oneanother a hundred percent, and
like asking each other how yourday was and how you're feeling
(10:48):
and things like that, I thinkmaybe after a while you can
start to assume those thingsabout your significant other,
your partner or spouse, and Ithink, just staying curious and
like asking them how they'redoing and how life is going and
how they're feeling aboutsomething or some life event or
something going on in the world.
You know, I think that we'reconstantly changing and I think
(11:10):
that discovery is constantlyhappening and can happen even
throughout your marriage, evenif you have been married for
many years even.
I think that's something thatwe still try to do is just
discovering new things abouteach other.
We have plenty to learn abouteach other, still for sure, just
being newlyweds, but I thinkthat that process happens even
over time as well.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Well, that's awesome.
So let's start from thebeginning.
How did you both meet and atwhat point did you know you
wanted to marry each other?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Hey, can I ask too?
I just learned this term nowand I hear it everywhere.
I feel like confirmation bias.
Did you have a meet cute story?
Do you know that term, thatphrase?
Speaker 4 (11:47):
I've heard, meet cute .
I don't necessarily know thedefinition, as you may be asking
it.
Yeah, I just.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I learned it three weeks ago and I swear, I hear it
everywhere now, so okay, Iappreciate it.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
You probably had a meet cute.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Chris.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Jeff, do you guys know what that is?
What does it mean?
I have no idea.
I've never heard it before.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
It's your adorable, cute origin story.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Yeah, it's what I just asked them.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Well, it's like yeah out, so that's not a very cute a
meet cute.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
That's when you make up a story.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
That's exactly right.
That's when you turn into.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Tony, and you confabulate it.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
Thank you.
Yeah, mine was amazing.
No, I'm kidding, yeah, we metin Dubai.
Speaker 4 (12:26):
It was pretty.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Oh, there you go.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
We're skydiving.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
That's it, cody, there we go.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
No, yeah, I guess you could say we had a meet queue.
In a sense, I guess, becausewe're newlyweds, our story is a
bit different from probably yourguys' story, because we met
online and I'd say that's themajority of people nowadays is
they meet on an app or online.
And so we met on an app calledHinge and we were trying.
(13:00):
Honestly, it's funny becauseour first date at a thai
restaurant, or it was supposedto be at a restaurant, and I
totally bailed on her becausethere was an emergency at work
where one of the guys had to goto the er well, it was so funny
because we had a date set forlike our first date set for
friday night, I remember, and Ijust like had this sense at like
3 pm.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
I like got all ready, I was looking cute, feeling
good, and I get this sense atlike 3 pm that he's going to
cancel on me.
And I was like, okay, that'skind of weird.
I checked my phone and in thatmoment he sends me a text
canceling on me and it was likeso elaborate.
He's like Hannah, I'm so sorryI had this emergency at work.
Someone has to go to theemergency room and get stitches.
(13:41):
And in my mind I'm like, look,dude, like if you wanted to
cancel, all you had to do wassay so.
You know like your lie didn'tneed to be that elaborate.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Because he did want to cancel.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Did he reschedule?
Speaker 5 (13:54):
Yes, yes, he did See, that's the difference.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
I rescheduled.
I reread that text.
It did seem quite elaborate.
Speaker 5 (14:00):
It was, it was, but he rescheduled for the next day
and, just like for his one lunchhour, it was a Saturday
lunchtime and we were going tomeet at a Thai restaurant and
Cody showed up 25 minutes late,but he kept me.
He told me that he was going tobe late, and so that's
communicative.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
There you go.
Yes, he was communicative.
Speaker 5 (14:20):
So I knew, oh, important Anyway.
So by the time he shows up atthe restaurant, I have just like
scoured the entire menu.
I know exactly what I want.
He sits down and I was like,well, I'm ready.
And he was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
So what did you both order that day?
Speaker 5 (14:36):
So I ordered the orange chicken and then he was
like well yes, yes, and so hewas like well, since you've been
here for a while, why don't youorder for me?
And I was like no problem, andso I ordered something for him.
What did I order?
Speaker 2 (14:50):
for you Was it a five star thing?
Speaker 5 (14:56):
It was a negative two star thing, mine was so good,
my food was so good and he ateall of his and then told me he
didn't like it and I felt soit's probably the worst pet suit
I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
It's okay oh, that's so funny.
Well, I'm glad you didn't holdthat against her yeah well, and
she didn't hold it against him.
It was 25 minutes late true,it's true, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's how you got that foodcody yeah, who paid?
Speaker 3 (15:25):
I'm curious, cody paid I think I paid.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Yeah, yeah, good man, there you go, yeah but it was
so short, it was only an hourbecause it was over Cody's lunch
break from work and I don'tknow.
I just I knew that I needed tosee him again, Like I just felt
so comfortable.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
What made that happen ?
What was it about Cody that youwent?
Hmm, this is somebody I want toknow more about.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Was there a moment or a connection that you remember
that really clicked?
What was it?
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Yes, yeah, great question.
So to get a little personal, Ihad been struggling with a
pretty bad medical issue duringthat time when Cody and I met,
and that morning wasparticularly bad.
I remember writing in myjournal how desperate and how
sad and just how frustrating mymedical situation was.
(16:21):
And I remember I was with afriend the morning that Cody and
I were going on our first dateand she was like, oh well, have
fun on your day.
As I was walking out the doorand I literally remember telling
her I'm not going to have fun,I'm in the worst mood this
morning, I'm just going to gobecause it's a hinge date.
So I'm just going to go,because you know it's a hinge
date, so I'm just going to goand get it over with.
But I just remember showing upand seeing Cody and just like
(16:45):
everything just like melted away, like it was so easy to be with
him.
I didn't need to have likefirst date energy because I just
didn't at that time.
I was just so exhausted and soweak and like it was just easy
to be around him.
He made me feel comfortable, hemade me feel safe.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I could laugh.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
And.
I was just starving, but it wasjust so easy to be around him
and I just felt like I could bemyself and I didn't need to, I
didn't need to be someone else,that I didn't have the energy to
be at that time, and and likewe were having a good time with
that, you know.
And and he could tease me.
(17:23):
Something that really stood outto me was he just had such high
emotional intelligence, like Iremember sharing with him some
of the details of of my medicalthing that I was going through
and and he knew when to listenand to be gentle with it, and
then he knew when to tease me alittle bit about it and and
laugh at kind of like thehysterics of of how awful the
(17:43):
situation could be sometimes,and and that just really stood
out to me as like he knew how to, how to be there for me in in
the right ways you know whetherthat was laughing with me or you
know being kind of somber andlistening to this story a little
bit and just he was sointeresting, there were so many
facets and layers to him and Idon't know at first I was like,
(18:04):
is this guy for real?
Like he's just, he just has itall.
And so and I remember at thevery end of the date he
mentioned.
I wish I had it all oh he does.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
You have it all now.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
I love your face when she said that, cody, you didn't
have it all before, but now youhave it all because you got it,
yeah.
But yeah, I just remember at thevery end of the day, like last
couple of minutes, he mentionedthat he goes on two
international trips a year and Iwas like whoa, like how is this
just coming out now?
And that was the moment where Iwas like, okay, I need to know
a little bit more about him.
I was already so impressed andjust felt so comfortable.
It was so easy from thebeginning and that was just
(18:43):
something I needed to hear moreabout.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Had you just gotten back from Egypt about that time,
Cody?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
No, when was that?
I think we went to Japan thetime before, I think.
Think where were we?
I forget, I need to ask.
I need to ask my friend who Iwent with.
I go on.
I went on all these trips withmy roommate and so I'll have to
check my photos yeah, but yeah,I just went on so many trips you
don't even know I know.
(19:11):
Yeah, that's what happens,that's the problem and I so I
insisted that for our honeymoonwe went to an international
location.
So we ended up going to Rome.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Oh, wow, that is so fun.
That is so fun, okay, so what'sone moment from your love story
that you hope never fades frommemory?
Speaker 4 (19:28):
That's a great question.
I have a good answer to this,okay.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
It's the moment that we said I love you to each other
for the first time, Okay surethat we said I love you to each
other for the first time.
Okay, sure, we were two, threemonths into being like
officially dating as likeboyfriend and girlfriend, and it
was so funny.
So Cody and I were both inschool at the time, so I had
just finished a long school day,he had finished class and we
(19:53):
had decided to go to acandlelight concert.
Have you guys heard of one ofthose?
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Yeah, yes, yeah, tell us more.
What's that?
Speaker 5 (20:00):
Okay, yeah, so it's basically they fill this stage
with candle lights and they'reelectric, you know, so there's
no fire hazards.
But they fill this stage withelectric candle lights and they
turn off all the lights and thenin the middle of the stage is a
string quartet and there's,like usually, a theme to the
performance.
So I've been to like a TaylorSwift one.
(20:20):
They just played a bunch ofstring quartet versions or
arrangements of Taylor Swiftsongs, um, but Cody and I went
to a Studio Ghibli one wherethey were playing a bunch of
arrangements of the StudioGhibli movies.
They're Japanese animatedmovies and we love them.
Um, they're just fantastic andbeautiful music, like incredibly
(20:41):
beautiful scores, and so Codyand I had decided to go to that.
But it was in Salt Lake and wewere in Provo because of school,
and so Cody gets out of school,we have like 30 minutes until
it starts, but it actually takeslike 45 minutes to drive to
Salt Lake.
So he picks me up and we'relike in a rush to get there.
It's super cold and snowing andwe it's Salt Lake, so it's a
(21:04):
city kind of hard to findparking, so we have to park like
a block and a half from theplace and we're like, oh, we're
already late, like we need torun, so, hand in hand we're just
like running through the snowstorm and running to this place.
And then we get in and thefront desk person like wouldn't
let us in, but we could hear itthrough the door, and so we were
like can we just sit on thiscouch and listen through the
(21:26):
door?
And she was like yeah, sure, goahead.
And then, after like sittingthere for five minutes, cody was
like how much can I pay you tolet us in?
And she was like, ah, nevermindguys.
Guys like just go ahead and slipin wow, and so we so we slip in
and we catch the last like halfhour of this concert and it was
(21:49):
beautiful, like so lovely, andit was just kind of like a dream
, you know, being there and tooksome pictures.
Um, and then we, we walk outand it's still snowing and still
freezing.
So we're like, hey, let's runback.
And so, once again, hand inhand, we just like ran back as
fast as we could, back to thecar and we were just laughing
and laughing and like I justfelt so strong.
(22:11):
I was like I love him, I really, really love him.
And Cody, every night he woulddo this thing where he'd be like
what are you thinking about?
And so he asked me thatquestion.
He's like what are you thinkingabout?
And I just, I was like I justreally really love you.
And he just, I don't know, hesaid it back to me.
(22:34):
I didn't say it back, he did,yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:35):
I was a little nervous about that.
You didn't say ditto did you?
Speaker 5 (22:36):
I don't know.
You said it back to me.
I didn't say it back you did.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Yeah, I was a little nervous about that.
You didn't say ditto, did you?
I don't think so.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
Oh, yes, can confirm, did not.
But yeah, it was just like areally special moment where it
was one of those things where Iwas like I just can't like
contain anymore how I feel abouthim, like I need him to know
that I love him and I know thatI love him, and so that's one of
my favorite memories that Ialso want to remember.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I love that.
So, cody, what is aprerequisite that you had when
you were dating for all girls?
Speaker 4 (23:10):
For all girls that did not apply to Hannah.
That did not apply to Hannah.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
That did not apply to .
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Hannah.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
That's a good turn.
Yeah, Okay oh man.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Yeah Well, that's the problem, because all the
prerequisites that I had she metand so I didn't really have
like I didn't have anything thatturned me on.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
There's one I can think of.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yeah, go for it the time frame.
We know you too well.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Oh no, oh, you're right, you're right.
So that's that ended upchanging later.
Yeah, so originally I I hadthis rule in my mind that, no
matter who I start dating, thatI need to wait a year before I
get married, preferably getengaged and so that was a hard
(23:51):
set rule.
I told everybody I've datedthat I I just cannot break this
rule to set expectations.
And after we started dating, Ithink a few months went by and I
was like dang it, I'm alreadythinking about it.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
I can't wait a year.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah, exactly.
So I think it ended up beinglike 10 months and but yeah, I
just couldn't wait.
So it was was.
It was so weird that you havethis rule for yourself, but once
you meet the right person, youknow that rule it doesn't apply.
We already know.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
It's just so much surety and so yeah, so how did
you know she was the rightperson for you?
Speaker 4 (24:33):
I've dated a lot.
I've had a lot of experiencewith different kinds of people,
different stages of life, a lotof different goals, that people
have, personality types and Ijust realized the kind of person
I want is individualistic.
They're really big onself-determination, hard workers
(24:54):
.
They are just kind, genuinepeople and I've gotten really
good at just telling that withinthe first date or two, if
someone is just a good personand I could just tell that about
Hannah from the beginning thatshe met all those criteria and
that she's not someone I need toworry about.
Do our values match?
(25:15):
Is she a kind person to peoplearound me?
I didn't have to worry aboutanything.
Honestly, I just knew and as westarted dating, you know, it
just kind of came to fruitionthat all of that was actually
correct.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
So we knew too, when we met her and you still had
months left.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
We're like no way he's not going to make a year.
You right we told you at thetime too I know you did tell me
I didn't want to believe youbecause I wanted to stay
steadfast in my decision to waita year don't even know you too
well.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
That is not going to happen.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
But timelines are arbitrary, everyone's different
I guess timelines are notarbitrary when it's the wrong
person oh yes, you're so rightno, I love it.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Okay.
So if you had to describe yourlove story in one sentence, what
would it be?
Speaker 5 (26:07):
that's a good question I think it would be
that we always have and alwayswill be meant to be oh, that's
beautiful I love that.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
Okay, robert Frost, I thought about this.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
This is great.
Do you have anything you'd liketo share, Cody?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, he was going to say that, but I guess you had
to come up with a new one.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
I would say two winding paths that met up and
never diverged from then.
On, sticking with the RobertFrost theme, it was very much
two people on their own pathswasn't really looking for love
and we just joined paths afterthat and it found you anyway,
(26:55):
yeah, it was crazy yeah.
Speaker 5 (26:58):
I will.
I'll take this moment to give ashout out to Cody about the
sacrifices he made to make surethat our paths stay together.
Like when we met, cody hadalready accepted an offer to a
medical school out in Virginiaand I still had one more year
left of law school here, or twomore years, two more years left.
(27:22):
But when we met, two more yearsleft of law school here in Utah
and Cody chose to reject hisoffer and to stay here with me
while I finished school so wecould be together physically and
get married and all thesethings, and he made a huge
(27:42):
sacrifice for me to finish myschooling.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
I don't think it was a very big sacrifice.
I think it was the right move.
He knew he needed a Q peel.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Yeah, but I don't know.
I'll just always remember that,like I, no one's ever done that
something that big or thatlife-altering for me and that's
just always meant so much to me,you know, and was just like wow
, he's serious about this a butb.
Like he, he really cares aboutus together, you know, and I
(28:17):
think it just keeps everythingin perspective of, like, what
really matters in the choicesthat we make, and putting us
first is always the top priority.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Well, there's a big lesson right there.
Yep, true love, but that'ssomething.
Keeping it in perspective ofthe ongoing relationship is
putting each other first, of theongoing relationship is putting
each other first and I knowthat sometimes you know careers,
(28:47):
children, other things get inthe way and remembering to do
that, keeping each other firstand making choices that make
that happen, it's a huge part ofit of keeping these together.
I would think Now I know that'ssomething that in my
emotionally immature way,sometimes I was putting myself
and my career ahead of ourmarriage, and that's something
that I think everybody has doneor will do at some point.
(29:09):
But you know, keeping thisalive by listening to what Cody
and Hannah are saying is justamazing.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Well, in fact that's a great segue into my next
question and I want to kind ofcircle back to Ashley's question
.
She talks about she and herhusband had been married for 12
years and she wants to reconnectwith that early love.
So, hannah and Cody, let's lookahead.
What do you believe will helpyou keep this magic alive in the
(29:40):
next 10, 20, or 50 years fromnow?
Speaker 5 (29:44):
I mean, I'm a big believer that love is a choice,
and so, as you continue everysingle day to choose to love
your spouse and to make thatconscious choice, I think that
changes things and can flipthings, because I totally agree
that it's so important to thinkback to the original reason why
(30:05):
you said yes, but in reality,every single day that you stay
married is another day that youcontinue to say yes, and so I
think Cody and I were talkingabout this yesterday.
But you change, you know,because life circumstances
change, or you personallyexperience some growth, or maybe
there's a hardship that you'regoing through that teaches you
all these new lessons or isextremely difficult to get
(30:27):
through, and all those thingschange who you are as a person.
But your spouse is goingthrough the exact same thing.
You know all these changesgoing on through their lives,
and so I feel like, as you'regoing through those things
together and you have thatconnectedness and that
togetherness A it brings youcloser, but B you get to find
(30:49):
new reasons to say yes.
I feel like, even the last fewmonths that Cody and I have been
married, I've learned so muchabout myself, but I've also
learned so much about ustogether, and those are my new
reasons.
You know, the new reasons thatI continue to say yes to Cody
every single day and choose tobe with him and have him as my
(31:10):
husband is because of all thethings that we're going through
and learning together.
And so I think, while it'simportant to remember why you
said yes when you first gotmarried, or 20 or 10, five years
ago, it's also important tothink like why do I say yes
today?
And like what is it about thislast week or yesterday?
(31:32):
Or like what is it today that Ilike?
Why am I saying yes today?
And I think that you can alwaysfind those reasons and that'll
make you even more grateful forthe marriage that you have and
the journey that you've traveledon.
You know, like that's no smallfeat to be married and to have
gone through careers andchildren, raising children and
all these things, and like allthat together is so beautiful
(31:55):
and amazing.
But you did it together.
You know, and I think thattogether is so beautiful and
amazing, but you did it together.
And I think that that issomething to always keep in mind
in remembering how to keep themagic alive, so to speak.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
So that's awesome.
And, cody, I want you to thinkabout what you're going to say
here for a second.
But, tony, I want to re-involveyou about what advice you would
give them to keep that alive asa marriage and family therapist
.
So, cody, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Yeah, everything that Hannah said is true.
Definitely needed all of that.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Good answer.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
Yes, she's always right.
I would definitely say I don'thear this too often.
I've definitely seen it a fewplaces, but I think one of the
exciting things about datingsomebody, or the early stages of
marriage, is that there's a lotyou don't know about them and
there's a lot going in life thatis very new.
And sharing new things withyour partner, learning new
(32:51):
things about your partner it'sso exciting because you've never
experienced that before andyou're experiencing it from
their perspective for the firsttime.
And sometimes I feel like withlife, if you're working the same
job for 30 years if you're, youknow you both have been working
the same perspective withraising the kids you get into
this, this lull in life whereyou're just doing the same
(33:12):
things.
And how can you keep thatcuriosity alive?
And I think sometimes itrequires you to invest more into
yourself.
And so I think that if you wantto develop a new hobby,
something that you're passionateabout, pursue a new I wouldn't
necessarily career, but sidehustle, hustle, you know just
(33:34):
something that's different, thatyou know reinvigorates you as
an individual.
It gives you things at the endof the day that gets you excited
to tell your spouse about that.
You haven't told them before,like, hey, I was trying out
crocheting and there's thisreally cool knot that I learned
how to do and I made this coolhat.
Check it out.
Or you know I started runningto bring it back to what we were
(33:56):
talking about before.
And you know I started runningto bring it back to what we were
talking about before.
And you know I ran this manymiles and it's a new milestone
for me and I'm super excitedabout that.
You know, sometimes I feel likeit takes an individual effort
to try and improve yourself.
That indirectly improves themarriage.
It just gives you somethingmore to talk about, that you're
excited about, that you canshare together.
(34:17):
That's brand new and I thinksometimes that might be helpful.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
So I love your insights.
I think that's fabulous, but itreminds me of something I tell
my couples all the time, andthat is love isn't something you
have, it's something you do,and I feel like that.
That's what you're talkingabout right now it's the doing
of it.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
So, tony, what are some insights that you have as
well?
If I knew that time wasn't anissue and I would try to make my
phone camera show my desktopwhile you guys have been talking
I have no fewer than sevensticky notes full of, like, all
the things you've been saying,and, because there's so much
here that I just wanna say okayto our listeners, there will be
a bonus episode on the virtualcouch.
I wanna break down all of thesefrom a marriage therapist lens,
(35:00):
because and but you guys seemalmost I want to say did.
Did Tricia give you a script?
Like, are you reading off of ascript of here's?
Speaker 4 (35:07):
what the?
Speaker 3 (35:08):
young emotionally mature people would say, I mean,
I would just, I put a couple ofstars by things that I think
are pretty phenomenal.
And it's a, Hannah, early onyou said being curious and that
we're going to be constantlychanging.
And then I like, later on yousaid again you change, your
spouse is going through that too.
You find new reasons to staymarried.
That's phenomenal because Ifind that, being a couples
(35:29):
therapist now for 20 years, it'swild that down the road,
couples, I think, lose sight ofthat, and so they often find it.
It's their insecurities comeout because their partner
changes.
And when you look at whatimmaturity looks like, it's that
if you're changing and this iswhere I like what you said, cody
, about finding something thatreinvigorates you as an
individual, and I wrote downthis note that says and that it
(35:52):
doesn't threaten my partnerbecause they aren't doing things
, because that's where you getinto that role of oh wow, if you
are doing something, then youare going to leave me.
You must think that you'reimportant right, and I think so.
There's so many things here,and what is fascinating to me is
I've been doing morepre-marriage and early
relationship counseling, andit's typically with people that
maybe I've worked with long ago.
(36:12):
They now have kids that areabout to get married, and I have
this battle in my head of Iwant desperately for people in
your position, or newly orpremarital couples, to know what
the tools are, because I alwayssay that nobody knows the right
way to communicate effectively,because you have to find those
tools, and typically couplesdon't find those tools until
they've gone through and Triciaknows like they're really
(36:34):
difficult things where now Ihave to go get help and even
then most people don't, so theones that do then you have to
find the right tools and youhave to put them into action.
Then you're still two differentindividuals that are going to
be trying to put these toolsinto practice, and here comes
our insecurity, and so I justthought why can't we just cut
this off at the head?
Or, yeah, cover it early, butwhen you don't know what you
(36:55):
don't know, I just love what youguys are saying about when
somebody brings something up Ifthe other person feels like, oh,
why did you say that?
Or well, then you must thinkthat you are better than me, or
that you think I am wrong.
And this all or nothing, blackor white thinking comes in, and
that's where I, you know, myinitial thing that I wrote was
that it's easy to talk about thethings that are easy when
you're in that early part of therelationship, but you don't
(37:17):
know what it's going to be likewhen you're going to move, or
there's financial considerationsto make, or what happens when
the first kid comes, or you knowwe have these decisions to make
.
And that's where, when lifejust starts lifing all over you,
that now, oh, I realize I havea different opinion, but I don't
even really know how to shareit.
Or if I share it, will theother person take offense?
And so we start, we start justholding things back, or we'll
(37:40):
kick the can and we'll do itlater.
Now it's not a good time.
I don't really feel like it.
He seems like he's in a badmood, so I just and I've got
that's five other sticky notesfull of things, so I forgot the
question, which is always a goodthing, but I think is that the
uh, the advice is to keep doingwhat you're doing here and if we
think about this one.
So I was sitting in a Sundayschool class and this was a
(38:00):
couple of years ago and I'm 55.
Why did it take me how long to?
When I heard seek and you shallfind that I was like, oh man,
that's this expectation effect.
I mean I will find the badthings in my partner, or Hannah,
like I love what you're saying,or find a reason every day to
choose your partner.
I think that's so important.
So then, seek and you will findalso the good things.
(38:20):
Now, and Tricia and Dr Jeff andI we talk often about, I think
sometimes when we've been, we'reI don't know old, what cogity,
that's not a word anymore.
Focrocity, is that the word?
But we're these seasonedveterans that have seen a lot of
difficult relationships andthings that it's.
(38:40):
It's just fascinating sometimesto to assume that then that's
where every couple is going togo.
And you know, in my opinion,but then also, as a marriage
therapist, I assume that anybodythat's not seeing me is not out
there doing the work or gettingthe tools.
But it's it's so refreshing tohear that that you have this
basis now tools, but it's it'sso refreshing to hear that that
you have this basis now.
(39:01):
And so now I'm thinking, if Ihad to do it, but I give advice,
it's it's literally write thesethings down and make those
choices every day, because whenlife just starts happening and
time is, is is difficult, it'sso easy to just we'll do it
later, and I think so manycouples just have these great
intentions but they don't knowwhat it's going to feel like yet
to have kids and jobs, and sothen you get in that position,
and now it's when it's difficultto talk or you're exhausted,
(39:23):
and and so often I can think oftimes where, oh man, I should
say this tonight, but I'mexhausted, or she is, or she.
You know it's late, and if I dothe conversations and then go
late and have to get up earlyand so we can come up with all
these yeah but, and have to getup early and so we can come up
with all these yeah buts to justnot do the things that you guys
are talking about doing rightnow.
We had that last night, did you?
Yeah?
But I really want to sayhonestly, I mean I don't think
(39:44):
I've ever felt and maybe it'sthe riddle in talking but
feeling so unmotivated right now.
So I want to just record assoon as I can and comment, not
to say because I was, of courseI'm thinking of jokes this early
on where, oh, this is adorableway to life, kicks your teeth in
.
But I'm not that guy.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
I think that the or wait until you get to experience
these things, and and then uh,what a joy thing also that they
that they'll have is thispodcast and look back on and say
, oh, this is how we were backthen.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Well, look how cool and adorable we were in a year
going to have him on in a yearOkay.
Well, I'm going to.
I'm going to, literally, I wantto do this episode, and I will
be a little.
I'm going to own the fact thatI will do it from a here's where
things start, and then let's go20 years down the road and see
what happens when people taketheir eye off the ball or they
aren't doing these things,because I love what you're
(40:32):
saying and I think the challengemaybe we can all agree on is
that motivation or the what isit being intentional?
And to continue to do thesethings.
And the part, though, you guysare saying it is wild.
Dr Jeff and Trisha, I'm sureyou guys have heard this too.
Or I should ask you have youwhere the one partner will say
this is not who I married,you've changed.
(40:53):
And when they're in my office Isay isn't that great?
But and that's where you startto- see, maybe some immaturity,
yeah.
Where then it's like well, thisisn't what I signed up for.
Well, you signed up for anadventure, not a man.
If I had a line right here,this would be one Hold on, I
can't thank you I didn't sign upfor I don't know.
Edit that in post.
Richie, give me something goodthere.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Well, well, I think it's amazing that these two are,
you know, just watching them onour video cameras here.
Look at each other and the waythat they smile and remember the
things that have happened, andthose glances, those looks.
Those are things that cancontinue and to remember how you
feel now so that you canproject them for the future.
Oh, look at that.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
I tried, I had to do it.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Wow, you've got notes everywhere.
That's impressive, tony.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
I had to try the camera thing.
It was worth a shot, yes.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
Yes, this is going to go on our YouTube channel so
we'll be able to post that.
Yes, yes, this is going to goon our YouTube channel, so we'll
be able to post that.
Well, when I saw Cody andHannah, they were actually at
our son's Chase and Desiree andMichaela and Russ they had a
baby blessing for both of theirlittle babies and they came and
I loved talking to them andHannah and I just connected like
(42:19):
we just completely clicked andI thought we have got to get
them on our podcast because Ilove the energy that they bring.
So often, you know, when we'redoing these podcasts, it's on
problems and lack incommunication and conflict
resolution and all the thingsthat happen in marriages, and so
(42:39):
I just loved the feeling that Ihad from the two of you and I
just wanted to bring that hereso we could focus on the I do,
you know, the yes and bring usback to that place that is just
so powerful.
So we're gonna end this here.
(43:01):
This conversation with Hannahand Cody has been such a
beautiful reminder of why we sayyes to love in the first place.
Whether you're a newlywed oryou've been married for years,
there's something special aboutlooking back and remembering
those early moments theexcitement, the laughter and the
belief that you were startingsomething incredible together.
(43:22):
But we also know that loveisn't just about the beginning.
It's about the journey.
In part two, we're diving evendeeper with our special guests
Hannah and Cody.
We'll talk about the habits,traditions and intentional
choices that help couples holdonto that spark over time.
We'll also tackle real lifechallenges because, let's be
(43:45):
honest, love isn't alwayseffortless, but it's always
worth it.
So take a moment after thisepisode, maybe even grab your
partner and think back to yourown yes moment, and then meet us
back here for part two, wherewe'll explore how to keep
choosing love every single day.
But before you go, don't forgetto hit subscribe so you never
(44:07):
miss an episode.
If you love this conversation,please leave us a review.
It helps more people find theshow, and if you have a burning
question you'd love for us totackle, please send it our way
at trishajamesoncoaching atgmailcom.
We'd love to hear from you.
Thank you so much, wellnessWarriors.
We'll see you in part two.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, delighted to share
(44:28):
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
(44:49):
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
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