February 17, 2025 • 45 mins
Have you ever wondered if portraying a facade on dating apps could be holding you back from finding true love? Tune into this week's episode of the Q&A Files, where we sit down with newlyweds Hannah and Cody Benefil. They share their heartfelt journey through the world of online dating, offering insights on the importance of authenticity when swiping and matching. By being true to themselves, even at the cost of fewer matches, Hannah and Cody found a deeper connection that transcends the superficiality often present in dating app culture.
We'll explore how the dating app Hinge can be a game-changer, allowing users to express their personalities through unique features like voice recordings and creative prompts. Cody reveals how his playful take on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme attracted Hannah, proving that humor and authenticity can indeed lead to finding the right match. Beyond the initial connection, the couple shares how they nurture their bond with simple yet meaningful rituals, like grocery shopping together and enjoying sweet treats, creating a foundation of teamwork and shared experiences.
Communication plays a pivotal role in any relationship, and Hannah and Cody are no exception. They offer a refreshing perspective on expressing emotions with empathy and clarity, addressing the challenges of different communication styles. As they navigate their demanding career paths, the couple emphasizes the importance of gratitude, intentional choices, and daily affirmations of love to keep the spark alive. Join us as we uncover the secrets of choosing love every day, and learn how these mindful practices can reignite the magic in any relationship. Remember, "Love isn't just a feeling, it is something we choose." -Trisha Jamison.
"It's not about the nail" men/women communication video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
Tony Overbay's 4 Pillars are: 1) Assuming good intentions, 2) Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them, 3) Ask questions BEFORE making comments, and 4) Stay present, lean in, do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode."
Does this episode strike a chord? Do you have a question or a comment? If so, email us at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com. We want to hear from you!
Please leave us a review! And if you like us, hit that 5-star button! It helps us a lot!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hello and welcome to the Q&A File, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention to nutrition
, exercise, mental health andbuilding strong relationships,
all spiced with diverseperspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, wellness warriors,to part two of our special
series, our Newlywed Love andholding on to your.
Yes, if you haven't listened topart one yet, please go back
(00:52):
and check it out.
We had an incredibleconversation with Hannah and
Cody Benefill about their lovestory and the magic of those
early days of marriage, buttoday we're taking things a step
further because, while thebeginning of a relationship is
full of excitement, love doesn'talways stay alive on its own.
It takes intention, effort andthe choice to keep showing up
(01:15):
for each other, even in themiddle of everyday life, whether
you've been married for oneyear or 20,.
This episode is all aboutkeeping that spark alive, not
just by waiting for love to feelmagical, but by creating the
magic together.
So let's dive in and continueHannah and Cody's love story.
(01:36):
So, tony, are there anyquestions that you would like to
ask Cody and Hannah?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, there's one that I think.
And the online dating thing isfascinating and yes, we didn't
have computers back when we were, when we were all going through
this, and you would send acarrier those old people, right,
you would take the stage overthat sort of thing.
And what I think is reallyinteresting is even when the I
remember I've been doing thisabout 20 years and I remember
early on, the advent of onlinedating was things like matchcom
(02:03):
or these ones where you filledout a 30 page questionnaire and
the magic was in the algorithmand it would match you and then,
if they, you know, 90 percentof the couples then got married.
And the world of online datingnow and I am probably going to
end this with, hey, kids, getoff my lawn.
Like an old man speech, but itseems like it's you know three
pictures.
You got to have one with a goldretriever wearing a bandana.
(02:24):
You, it's you know threepictures.
You got to have one with a goldretriever wearing a bandana.
You got one by a waterfallholding your niece and you got
like a movie quote and thenthat's all one puts out and you
guys said something that wasreally I like when you were
getting together and Hannah, youtalked about not needing that
first date energy, and butanyway, do you find I guess I'm
wanting to make a statement andturn it into a question?
(02:44):
So that might be the challenge,but it seems to me that this is
where people show up and italmost is a recipe for
immaturity for someone to figureout.
Who do I need to be right nowto get this person to like me,
versus this is who I am, youknow, and now I like you.
So was that a challenge at all,or what is that?
Do you see where I'm going withthis?
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Yeah, no, I totally see where you're going with it.
For sure and I feel like that'sa problem that comes out in
online dating is because youmake these profiles and it's not
necessarily who you are.
Okay, right, you're trying tobe the most popular and because
there's an algorithm that goeswith the dating apps and some
people are more popular thanothers.
You have to put on certainpictures or certain check
(03:26):
certain boxes and so you'retrying to portray this person
that you'll get a lot of likesfrom people rather than who you
are as a person.
And I realized that if you want, you could go on a thousand
dates with a thousand peoplewith that kind of profile that's
catered to popularity, butyou're not going to find
(03:51):
somebody that you click withfrom that.
To be totally upfront and putwho you are out there, and you
might not get as many likes, youmight not get as many matches,
but those people that do end upswiping on you or choosing you
(04:11):
or messaging you are going to bepeople that you know, choose
you as you are and you don'thave to put up this first day
energy.
That isn't you.
It's facade.
Facade, it's just who you areand that and that I think is.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I mean, that's so important is that I, what I find
in most couples and and I'msaying this is a it makes sense,
nothing wrong with people thatget into the relationship this
way, but I got to figure out howto get this person to like me.
So then I and I like giving thisexample of, uh, if let's just
say the, the girl doesn't reallyenjoy sports.
But the guy says I love sports,but she likes him, and I really
(04:49):
believe it comes from a goodplace of her saying I mean, I
don't, I don't not like sports,and I'm sure the more we get to
know each other, the more I willlike sports.
So then if he says what sportsdo you like?
And if she's like oh man, I boy, tell me, tell me what, what do
you like?
I mean, and I love that one too, and we're both almost like
well, I don't want to make herfeel uncomfortable, and did you
guys have any of those kind ofvibes or cause?
(05:09):
I think that's where couples go.
And then now it's like oh, Igot to pretend now that I'm I
like sports, and at what pointcan I admit that I don't?
But I like you, so I'm willingto learn.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, I mean I love baseball, like I'm very
passionate about baseball, Ihave a team so good at it, yeah,
yeah we could play sometime.
Um, but I love the dodgers andI just talk about it.
My social media feed isinundated with dodgers media and
news and updates on the seasonand everything, and so I follow
it very religiously.
But hannah didn't really playsports.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
She never had any interest in sports.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
She's very much violent.
That is her specialty.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Well, it's not like you said, violent cody, and I
was like, oh, is she in the may?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
she is she's really violent.
She's violent um violin.
Violin so good at it butdefinitely sports was not a part
of her world growing up, and sovery different worlds that we
come from in that perspective,and how was that?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah, exactly what did you think when you hear
about baseball?
Did you have any part of youthat said I am, I love baseball
and thinking I must go figureout what this is?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I must like the baseball.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I mean I?
I will say that I, yes, but notfrom like a point of like.
I want him to like me, so I'mgoing to pretend like I like
baseball.
It was more so of like a.
Wow, he's really into it, andthat makes me curious about like
why.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I like that.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
And so I started.
I don't know.
He's also very good atexplaining it and very like,
patient and kind of like, havingthis teaching mentality of like
.
Okay, well, I'm going to helpyou understand it so you can
enjoy it as well.
And I will say that, like now,I am a genuine fan of baseball.
I think one of the like, rightafter we got married and came
(06:54):
back from our honeymoon, it wasthe Dodgers Yankees world series
that was going on and Cody andI, two days before game one,
bought tickets to the worldSeries, drove to LA and, like,
just like, decided to go.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Mind you, this was I wasn't the one who brought this
up.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
It was my idea.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
She wanted to do it and I was like of course, it was
her idea.
Expensive.
We don't have to drive downthere.
It's a lot of money and she'slike we should just do it look
how that impressed.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
You though it did, I was like wow she's investing in
my passions.
That is amazing yes, so I havea question.
So what was it on both of yourprofiles that caught your eye?
Speaker 4 (07:35):
oh yeah, oh, on the hinge profile yeah, well, a cody
is so cute, he's so handsome,but B his profile was hilarious.
So how Hinge works is you canchoose, you can select some
photos.
It's very flexible, which iswhat I really like about Hinge.
I think some of the otherdating apps kind of have like a
(07:57):
more rigid like it is only likethree pictures and you make a
choice based off of that.
But Hinge it's very versatilein like you can choose pictures.
You can do like a off of that.
But Hinge it's very versatile inlike you can choose pictures
you can do like a voicerecording, so people who play
instruments or sing, they canlike put some of their talents
on there.
They also have prompts that youcan answer and a whole bunch of
different kinds of prompts.
(08:17):
And so Cody's was so funnybecause he had three prompts in
a row and the answer for eachprompt was a continuation of the
song from the prince of bel-air.
And so like you didn't realizeit from like the first prompt,
like you were like this kid iskind of interesting, you know,
(08:39):
just because it's like that verybeginning, I don't know, do you
know what?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
yeah, it was just.
I chose.
I made prompts that would goalong with the Fresh Prince of
Bel-Air song, which is like inwest philadelphia born and
raised on the playgrounds, whereI spent most of my days and
then it's it talks about how hegot into a fight with a bunch of
guys and so his aunt sent himto bel-air to be with his uncle
and aunt, and then the end ofthe song is where he shows up in
la and got into a taxi and madeit to his aunt and uncle's
(09:05):
place, and so it's very.
If you read it and you don'tknow what Fresh Prince of
Bel-Air is, you'd be like thisguy is so weird.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
And it's not for you.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It's not for you, and I think that's kind of what I
was talking about.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
What a cool selection process you did.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
I thought it was so clever, I was so impressed, I
was like I can tell that thisguy doesn't take himself too
seriously, but he's sointelligent, like that to me is
like so funny and witty in andof itself that it indicates to
me that he's very intelligent tobe able to like think of that
and put it together, choose theright prompts for the answers,
(09:40):
and I just loved that and Ithought it was so funny and I
just yeah, I had to saysomething.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Okay, Cody, same question to you.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Perfect, oh yes.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Oh sorry.
Yeah, I was just gonna say Iwas gonna go.
It goes back to what Tony wastalking about with.
I've been on so many datesonline before that I just was
done meeting people that Ididn't have a connection with,
and so I'm just going to putmyself out there.
If someone understands thesecultural references, if they
like me, for me great, and Idon't really care if I'm not
(10:12):
going to get a lot of likes onthis one and so.
But she liked it, so you gotthe right like yes.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Oh, that was beautiful, that was fun, thank
you.
So just another couple ofquestions.
What small habits or traditionshelp you feel connected each
other at night and for shortperiods at night.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
And so I think, doing the small things, like we need
to get groceries hop in the carI'm going to pick you up, you
know and we go to the grocerystore together and spend, you
(10:53):
know, 45 minutes perusing aroundWalmart, you know, and making
jokes at the food that we findor the boxes.
We see crazy, weird ads andit's just things like that, you
know.
Doing the things that you needto do anyways, but making a
conscious decision to do it withyour partner.
It might be more inconvenient,honestly, to do it with them.
However it's, it's going theextra mile and choosing to
(11:17):
schedule time to do the littlethings with them that make
memories and make them feel likethey're wanted and that you
guys are a team doing ittogether.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Well, and I appreciate you sharing that,
because I was just going to askabout grocery shopping and what
do you do to make or makingdinner and what do you do to
turn that into something special.
So you just shared thatFantastic.
So, Hannah, what are somethoughts that you have about
that?
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Well, I'll just say that Cody and I just like have
our things and that's like sogeneral and vague.
But I feel like every coupleover time just like develops
things that are like insidejokes to them or things that
they do.
So, like Cody and I, our thingis sweet treats.
So like we will try and get asweet treat, if not every day,
(12:02):
maybe every other day, and justlike something super small.
We'll like go down toMcDonald's and get an ice cream
cone, a soft serve ice creamcone.
We love those, but like it'sjust our thing.
So like at the end of a nightor even in like during the
middle of the day or after ahard day or whatever, we'll just
like give each other the eyeand we're like sweet treat, and
then the other obviously alwaysagrees sweet treat, and so like
eye and we're like sweet treat,and then the other obviously
(12:23):
always agrees sweet treat, andso like we just have like little
things that we've likedeveloped that we love.
Another thing is we just thinksome some of the like online
memes and reels are so funny andso we'll just send them to one
another and then we can likelaugh about it, cause those
aren't things that wenecessarily need to do together,
(12:43):
but we will have seen the samemedia.
Because of that, and because wehave seen the same things, we
can talk about them or laughabout them or reference them in
an inside joke next week orwhatever it is.
And so we just have like thelittle things that we can do to
stay connected throughout theday.
Like we'll send things to eachother that remind us of the
other.
We'll like send little textsthroughout the day, checking in
(13:06):
on each other.
We both have kind of longcommutes and so we'll call each
other during those commutes,even though we're about to see,
like we're heading, drivingliterally to see each other.
Right, then We'll just hop onthe phone and just like talk to
each other during our commutes.
And, yeah, like going to bedtogether, when we can waking up
together, when we can going tothe gym together, like that's
(13:27):
something that helps us bothfeel healthy and even though
we're doing separate things,we're there together and then we
end and we play basketballtogether at the end play might
be a strong term.
I don't really play basketball,but I'm going to shoot some
hoops um and so yeah, just likethe little things that are our
things.
I think we do those prettyconsistently.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I love that I love that Our things.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
So tell me a little bit, tell us about your current
career directions and how you'rebalancing them in order to make
those things work together.
In order to make those thingswork together, because I think
you probably have different oreven maybe opposing career paths
that might at some point make aproblem.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Not anymore.
Well, yeah, well, there's.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
You know, cody did make the sacrifice of saying,
okay, I'm going to choose Hannahover medical school, which, as
a doctor, I can say great choice.
Medical school and medicalprofession is really hard, so
yeah.
So tell us what you're doingnow.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
He's got something exciting.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah well, I don't know if I chose something a lot
better for the work-life balance, but I have decided to do a
jdmba program and so gonna alsobe an attorney jdmba yes, yes,
oh boy, I know I was looking atmdmba programs and I was like
(14:57):
I'll just keep the mba in there.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
But yeah, I, I do okay so wait a minute for our
listeners.
What does that stand for?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
oh, jurist, juris Doctorate and Master of Business
Administration, and so prettymuch it's just law and business,
and so I've always wanted toget an MBA.
Anyways, studied internationalbusiness at school and since I'm
not doing medicine now.
She's currently in law schoolLast year.
She's going to be headed out toNew York soon for her job in
(15:25):
big law, and so that's going tobe very time.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
And when does she leave.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
Hannah, when do you leave?
Yeah, so I'll start this fall,so probably August or September.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Yeah, and I currently am working as a paralegal at
Affirm Salt Lake and so I'mstarting that law journey and
will be applying this fall toschools, and so, honestly,
people might think that it'sbecause you're on a similar
career path that it'll be better.
It might just be really bad,considering how many hours we'll
(15:56):
have to be working.
But we'll be doing.
We'll be working at the sametimes, it's going to be similar
schedules and something thatwe're both passionate about.
So we have conversations aboutthe law and everything going on
all the time.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
But I think that is something that's going to be
difficult going forward,considering the time constraints
.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Well, the thing is is that you, you know that and you
can plan for it, and you canprepare for it, and so that's
going to make a big differencefor the two of you, and you guys
are just dynamite.
Hannah, what kind of law areyou going to be working in?
Speaker 4 (16:32):
So I'm going to do corporate law, so I'm thinking
capital markets or finance.
I have a accounting master's ofaccounting background and so I
really love business ofaccounting background and so I
really love business similar toCody, anyway and so, yeah, so
(16:52):
I'll be going into transactionallaw and going to a New York
firm, and the reason I kind ofwant to go to New York is they
just have exceptional trainingout there in the legal and also
the business financial world.
So kind of want to go there,start out there and we'll see
where we go from there, causeCody will have to go to school
somewhere and so we're lookingat various geographic locations
for that and considering that aswell.
(17:13):
So, yeah, but that's, that'swhat I'm planning to go into.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
And Cody, you're planning on heading to New York
with her in August or you staywhere.
Yeah, that's, that's thequestion that still stands.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Okay, we're deciding Either she goes out there and I,
you know, stay here, or I goout there at the end of the year
.
We're still trying to figure itout.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
But definitely yeah.
So that is going to bechallenging.
It's going to be interesting.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
It's not the most linear path, for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
It never is.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
It never, is it never ?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
is it never is.
Yeah, okay, I just have acouple other questions.
So what's one weird orunexpected thing you've learned
about each other since gettingmarried, so we're going to kind
of go off a little differentpath here.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yeah, you go.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Whoa.
I want to hear how weird I am.
Oh goodness, that's a goodquestion.
Let me think for a second.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Okay, I'll go.
If you have an answer, yeah,Weird things about Hannah is
that she doesn't know any popculture references that I make.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
And so it's weird because, like with my friends or
other people like I and like Igrew up in a family where a lot
of my siblings are older and soI know a lot of cultural pop
references to things going backto the 70s, all the way up till
now, and so I'll make referencesto things.
I'll talk about things like hey, in the news, this thing just
(18:40):
happened.
You know, all my friends willbe on the way and like we'll
have conversations about it.
I'll bring it up to hannah.
She has no idea what I'mtalking about ever.
I'll reference a song, I'llreference a movie no idea but I
hear you're a great teacher yeah, apparently.
So I have a list of movies thatI'm trying to show her, but it's
getting so long.
At this point, I think everyevery minute of free time we
(19:02):
have is just going to bewatching movies and listening to
music.
Um, but that's just a weirdthing that I I think it honestly
it's so funny at this pointthat I just love it that I get
to, because there's that thingwhere you have the this
knowledge of cultural referencesor something, and you just want
to share it with them, and soyou might not have it in common,
(19:22):
but I can share it with you,and then we do have it in common
, and so it's kind of fun tolike what, what do you know,
what do you not know, and and soit's fun to share the those
things with each other.
Well, yeah, that was.
That was an interesting thing.
I I realized I can't talk a lotabout a lot of different things
with you, so like, so now I canshare it with you all right,
(19:42):
all right, I thought of one,okay.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
So cody has this insane talent I don't know, is
talent the right word?
Maybe you can help me decide.
Talent for seeing one picturefrom a geographical location and
then knowing what thatgeographical location is, so
(20:05):
like there's a guy's brain.
Well, we were watching a movielike a rom-com you know those
Hallmark rom-com movies and theonly image that showed on the TV
was this field and it had likea Christmas tree farm on it.
So they weren't even like pinetrees that were native to the
(20:27):
land, like it was a pine treefarm with like a rolling grass
hill, just like a grass hill,but behind it, excuse me.
And Cody was like Hmm, thatlooks like Georgia.
And then it pans to the cityand it's Atlanta, georgia.
And I was like how did you knowthat?
And then he was like well, ifyou think that's cool, watch
(20:48):
this.
And then he like pulled up hisapp and it shows you just like a
random street corner of a placeanywhere in the world and he
could identify where it was.
He was like I think that's thisspot, wow.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
That looks like Sweden to me.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
And he'd be right.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And I was like you're a national international
traveler.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
You know, anyway, but he just had like this knack for
geography and just knowingwhere things are in the world
and anyway, it's amazing, it'spretty cool.
I think that that also tiesinto his love of traveling and
seeing the world andexperiencing all these different
cultures.
But I didn't know that part ofthat was knowing exactly where
(21:33):
things are and what the land,the grass, looks like.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I pride myself on that.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
That's impressive.
I'm impressed.
It's very impressive.
It's weird.
Can you do that?
Can you do that, honey?
No, maybe that's not a malebrain.
Weird, can you do that, honey?
No, maybe that's not a malebrain thing.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
He can do a lot more than me.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
I do other things, but that is not one of them.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
It's not a necessary skill, I will say it depends If
you're traveling, you're goingto want to know where you are at
all times.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
That's a good point, okay.
Are at all times, that's a goodpoint, okay.
So if you guys are having adisagreement, how do you go
about having?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
that conflict resolution.
What does that look like forthe two of you?
Great question.
So I will say I'll throw myselfunder the bus and say that
before we started dating, beforewe got married, like I just
very much so never talked aboutmy inner emotions or feelings
with like anyone, Not because Iwas particularly being
protective or secretive aboutthem, but just because it wasn't
(22:39):
something that I was used to.
It wasn't something that I did.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
It didn't come up.
Yeah, I did, it didn't come up.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
Yeah, yeah, it just didn't come up.
And then also, just like I feltlike so many things were like,
okay, well, I need to work onsomething and if I work on this
then it will resolve the issue.
So I just felt like a lot of itwas internally something that I
had to work on myself.
And so when we got married andI kind of mentioned this, but
even while we were dating, codywould always ask me like what
(23:06):
are you thinking about?
And like my mind is justconstantly going, like I'm
always thinking about something,and so I had to start getting
used to just like answering thatquestion Like what am I
thinking?
This is what I'm thinking about.
And so I think, as we've gottenwhen we got married and as
we've had more important andserious and like real
(23:27):
conversations about some actuallike conflicts and having to
resolve those, it's been one ofthe harder things that I've had
to get used to or do and justchoose to do it.
But I will say that one of thethings that has helped the most
is and Cody has helped with thisis just like reframing why
(23:48):
you're talking and like why Ineed to express what's inside of
what I'm feeling, how thingsimpact me all these things.
And it's because we value ourrelationship, because I think in
my mind I was like, oh, if Isay this, value our relationship
.
Because I think in my mind I waslike, oh, if I say this, like
in my mind, I feel like it'sgoing to negate to him, like how
much I love him, or like allthese things that are so good
(24:11):
and happy and you know, allthese great things about our
marriage and our dating and allthese things about our lives,
like I feel like this onenegative thing if I say it, it's
going to negate them.
And one thing that I've just hadto get over is kind of shifting
that mindset and that mentalityto like, no, we're talking
about this because we love eachother and because we value our
(24:33):
relationship coming first beforeany insecurities or before any
conflicts.
And that's why we need to talkabout them is because we need to
.
We love each other enough totalk about the hard things and
we love each other enough tohave those conversations and to
work through them so that we arebetter and stronger on the
other side.
And so I think for me it's beenjust like a lot of like making
(24:58):
that mental shift in my mindsetand I will just say, every
single time we do, every singletime we have the hard
conversation, like it is so muchrelief, you know, and I'm like
you're right, like I feel closerto you, like that was a very
like vulnerable thing to do forme and very vulnerable
conversation to have, but it'salways better when we talk about
(25:22):
it and when we resolve it andthings like that.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
So, yeah, yeah, oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 5 (25:27):
You know why us guys say what are you thinking?
You know why we say that.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Why.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Because when we're saying that we're not thinking
of anything and we don't knowwhat to do.
And we have this empty spot inour brain that we're going okay,
now we got to keep theconversation going somehow, and
I got nothing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I've got to quick think of something fast.
Speaker 5 (25:51):
And so if, if, hannah , you say that to Cody, Cody's
going to have to rewind in hisbrain.
Okay, did I even have somethingin my mind?
I was thinking at the time.
Is there something there at all?
Oh, it's baseball, baseball.
Okay, it was baseball.
There you go, yes, yes, and soit's one of those things that if
(26:13):
he says, oh, I'm not reallythinking of anything, it's
because he isn't.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
It's so true she marvels at the fact that I can
say I'm not really thinking ofanything.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yeah blows my mind.
How does that?
Even we can't even comprehend,what that even means.
Yeah, cannot fathom.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
No, I like to think that a woman's brain is like a
10 lane each direction superhighway with clover leaves
everywhere, and a male brain islike a two-lane dirt road.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
No, it's a one-lane.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
Yeah, very positive.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
It goes one direction .
It gets you where you need togo, you know, there you go,
that's all you need.
Speaker 5 (26:56):
And what I mean by two lanes is that one's going
one direction, one's going theother way, and so you're either
going forward or you're goingbackward, and you're not really
sure at any one moment whatyou're doing.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
So, Cody, do you have some thoughts about that
question?
Speaker 3 (27:11):
I definitely would say so.
I would say in previousrelationships, I think the
biggest thing for me wascommunication.
Like I was not used to talkingabout my feelings or, you know,
being open about them and beinglike forthcoming with it too,
not just like when asked aboutit, then I'll talk about it, but
like, hey, I'm having thisthought, I could be totally
(27:33):
wrong in how I interpreted thissituation or anything, but I
just need to bring it up to youso you can clarify with me, so
we can talk about it.
And so usually I'll initiatethat with like hey, I noticed
something's up, what's going on?
Or if I have something going on, I usually bring it up there.
It's just like, I think, withcommunication it's just don't be
(27:57):
afraid of offending the otherperson, but say it in a way that
you know that they love you.
You know like, because I feellike, especially when you're
dealing with something reallyhard and you feel like the other
person's offended you or theydid something to spite you, you
have this feeling in your heartthat you want to get back at
them.
But you have to, you know, takea step back.
(28:17):
Third person perspective I stilllove this person.
This person is so important tome.
I would never want to hurt them.
However, I still need to conveythe importance of how I'm
feeling in the situation to them.
So how can I do that and phrasethat?
You know, and take, take acouple minutes and think about
how do I want to phrase this inthe heat of the moment, and I
(28:38):
think that's kind of the biggestthing for me is how can I say
this to Hannah in a way that sheunderstands why I'm feeling
this way and know that I'm notmad.
I want to continue on in thisjourney with you, but how are we
going to fix this together?
Speaker 4 (28:55):
And I think what he mentioned about the immediacy of
addressing it is reallyimportant.
So just like talking about itimmediately, because I think
sometimes, like I thinksomething's too small to address
in the moment, but we've talkedabout how, like there's no such
thing, like there's no suchthing as something, that's too
small, so true.
Talk about it immediately.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
And it just I don't know, because then it doesn't
fester and it doesn't like growinto something bigger or
something that it doesn't needto be, and then you can address
it right then, and there and Ithink that that's really
important is just talking aboutit immediately.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Have you ever seen the video clip called it's Not
About the Nail?
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
Totally.
Go show her that sometime, cody, I will, I will, and that is
something that kind of addressesthis whole thing and the gist
of it is that men and womencommunicate a little bit
differently Well, okay, a lotdifferently and so being able to
(29:58):
understand each other and whatthe other needs in that
communication exchange, and thisdemonstrates it in a really
funny way, but it also is reallytrue.
So go look up and maybe we'llput it in the show notes.
Also a link to the YouTubevideo.
It's not about the nail.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
And Hannah.
See if you recognize the girl.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Okay, I will.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
And you'll have to let us know if you recognize the
girl.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Okay, sounds good If you've seen a recent movie.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
She's in it.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
All right.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I will say that's probably been the hardest thing
for me is not trying to fix theproblem, but rather just be
there and listen and listen.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
How do?
Speaker 3 (30:35):
you feel?
Yeah, listen, that's beenreally hard for me as a man.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
And I love what you said to pause.
So, tony, if he was here, hewould be talking about his four
pillars of a connectedconversation.
So, jeff, do you want to justrun through those just super
fast.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
Oh gosh, you know we do them all the time, but I
think that if you've got it infront of you, please just talk
about it.
So let's go ahead and just talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
The first one is to validate, and if you are having
a conversation, you want tofirst of all give the person the
benefit of the doubt, and itdoesn't necessarily mean you're
telling the person that they'reright or wrong, you are just
trying to.
When you have that attitude,you are open, you are allowing
(31:26):
yourself to be open by givingthe person the benefit of the
doubt.
The second one is validatingand to be curious.
And so you again aren't tellingthe person that you're not
telling them they're wrong,because so often that's a
defense mechanism that we haveand we want to quickly give our
(31:48):
side.
And so validating is you'relistening.
If somebody's like I'm reallystruggling with a certain
behavior, you can help them byhey, I really appreciate you're
really having a hard day today,but you're not necessarily
saying that behavior is okay.
(32:09):
It's your understanding, you'reappreciating that they're
struggling, they're having ahard time.
The third is being curious andask questions and the more that
we can have curiosity and,hannah, you use that word a lot
throughout this interview is youjust really talked about being
curious, staying curious, and ifyou can continue that, that's
(32:32):
going to be really powerful inyour marriage is to continue
that curiosity.
And then fourth is not to be avictim.
Don't slam the door, don'tstonewall.
You want to make sure thatyou're present and you lean in,
you lean into the relationship,even when it's uncomfortable.
(32:52):
When you're uncomfortable, thatmeans you're growing, that
means you are allowing yourspouse to be able to share
things that are hard, but you'relistening.
And that pause is throughoutall four of those steps.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
One of the things that I do, admittedly that's I
talk about throwing myself underthe bus like you did, anna, but
what I do often, and sometimesI get myself in trouble doing it
, and that's that I will sayinto myself.
I don't want to bring that up orthis thing because that's going
(33:29):
to trigger or make Tricia mador it's going to be something
that she's not going to want tohear, and I don't want to talk
about it because I'muncomfortable with going through
that process, and so I'm tryingto manage her emotions and mine
at the same time by just sortof not doing it, and that can be
(33:52):
interpreted as I don't careabout her feelings about it.
I don't want to involve her inthe conversation or the
decision-making process.
Don't want to involve her inthe conversation or the
decision-making process, thenthat can be interpreted in those
many ways, but it can be alsoway better if you get to the
(34:14):
bottom of it quickly.
So I appreciate what you'resaying about starting now, when
there's even a little thing,just saying it so that it
doesn't become a big thing.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Because it will be a big thing, because we call that
piggybacking.
Yeah, so I've got two morequestions.
I know this has been sodelightful to have you guys on.
We've learned so much.
You both are just so infectious.
I just love how you just haveso much like I said earlier, so
much fun energy together andit's just been really great and
(34:47):
I hope that our listeners havebeen able to feel that as well.
But I've got just two morequestions.
So if you had to describe yourpartner using only three words,
what would they be?
And I want our listeners to bethinking about that same
question about their partner.
And is it different than whatCody and Hannah are going to be
sharing?
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Great question, Three words.
I'd say definitelyself-determined.
Speaker 5 (35:12):
That's two words.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
No, it's fine.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
I'm going to still go with self-determined, that's
one she, she, just so she knowswhat she wants, she's she's
gonna do that thing, she's gonnaget that.
And I just, I just love that,that direction, because I I need
that in my life and so I needsomeone who is on that path and
if we're gonna have a familytogether, then that means that
(35:40):
we're gonna need that directionall together, especially when
things get hard.
But I love her honesty and Ilove that she is just such a
kind person, like she doesn'thave malice in her bones, uh,
like genuinely.
She might get mad at somebodyfor her being rude, but uh, but
(36:01):
she just genuinely wantseverybody to be happy.
She just treats people withrespect and that's something
that I always look for insomebody and she just embodies
kindness and truth and I lovethat about her.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
Thanks Okay, so I would say that kind is also on
my list for Cody.
He's just a very he cares aboutpeople you know and he makes it
obvious and I think that whenyou're around him you can feel
how much he loves you and caresabout you.
(36:34):
One of my favorite things to dois to be around Cody when he's
around his nieces and nephewsand his family and you can just
like sense the love you know andyou can see just like how
kindly he he treats everyonearound him and that's just very
impressive to me.
I would also say that he isauthentic and I love that.
(36:56):
He is so true to himself, heknows who he is and he knows
what he loves.
He knows that he doesn't like heknows what he wants to do, he
knows.
He just knows himself so welland he stays true to who he is
through his entire life and Ithink that that has integrity in
it, it has authenticity in itand it makes it.
(37:17):
It makes it so easy for me tolove him, you know, because I
know exactly who he is and hejust shows up as himself 100%.
And then, lastly, he, he's verydriven, I think.
He, he goes out and he, he hasall these.
(37:37):
You know what?
Speaker 3 (37:37):
I'm changing that.
He's very intelligent.
I mean I love that he's driven.
He's also driven.
If I only get three words.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
I want to change it.
He Because I think theintelligent, the drivenness,
comes in with the intelligence,like he's very, very smart in so
many ways I mentioned earlierfrom his hinge profile.
He's so witty, but he's alsovery good at studying and
getting what he wants and goingafter what he is going for in
(38:02):
his life, and I think that'swhere the drivenness comes in.
And he just has this emotionalintelligence too, and so, just
like in so many facets, he justhas this intelligence that makes
it fun to do life with him andto be with him and learn with
him, and so he brings thatnatural curiosity and affinity
(38:22):
towards learning, towardseverything in our lives and in
his, and it's really fun to bewith him.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
I'm glad it's fun.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh, you guys, this is so fun.
This is so fun.
Okay, so our last question iswhat would you like to leave
with our listeners?
That's one lasting thought thatyou both have.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
You know, I will just say that I'm sensitive to the
fact that probably a lot of yourlisteners have had so much, so
much more life experience thanwe have, and I just want to
preface everything that we'vesaid with that understanding.
But I feel like probably thebiggest thing that I want to
(39:06):
leave is just like to staygrateful and to like just stay
grateful for like the littlemoments and for the fact, like I
, I'm just grateful every daythat Cody chose me and you chose
him, yeah, and I chose him and,like I just I'm so filled with
(39:27):
gratitude for that, um, and Ithink, like sometimes it's easy
to forget that, thatgratefulness or that gratitude,
but just like staying gratefulfor, for the little things and
noticing the little ways thatthey show up and the little
things that they do to tell youthat they love you, and to just
(39:49):
like sit in that gratitude, youknow, and to be intentional and
remembering and acknowledgingand accepting those things.
And yeah, I just, I don't knowI'm very grateful for Cody and
for our marriage and that hechooses me every day and that I
choose him, and so I would justthat would just be my last
(40:10):
parting thoughts just to staygrateful for all the reasons
that that you chose your spouseand continue to choose your
spouse.
Speaker 5 (40:18):
Oh that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
That was so beautiful .
All right, Cody, top that one.
Speaker 3 (40:23):
I can't.
That's the problem.
I was, yeah, beautiful.
All right, cody top that one.
I can't.
That's the problem.
Um, I will.
Yeah, I also preface that weyou know we're newlyweds like we
do not have all these thingswith 20 kids running around the
house and you know, crazycareers.
I know someone one of yourlisteners might have 20 kids who
knows um, but uh sorry and I inthe future you know who knows,
(40:47):
uh, how it will be but I thinkthese principles are universal
and if we ever want to staystrong, then these are things
that we're gonna have to do.
But I really think that for me,going forward, it's gonna be
making the inconvenient choices.
To put them first.
Nice Kind of talked about itearlier.
(41:07):
But you know, it might even besmall, it might not even seem
inconvenient to your partner,but there are things that in
your day you're like I'd rathernot do.
That that's out of the way,that costs money, or I have to
take time out of like 10 minutes, that I don't have to do this
thing to make something specialfor them.
Just do it, just.
Speaker 5 (41:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Cookies might be 10 minutes out of your way, and
what are you going to go do?
Go get her that sweet treat.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
Yeah, you're going to get a sweet treat.
Yeah, I get it To sacrificesome of your time, make the
inconvenient choices andoccasionally do something that
they're going to love.
Do it together, and I thinkdoing that consistently will
show them that you are choosingthem over everything else, and
(41:56):
that will definitely help keepthe love and the spark alive.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (42:03):
Wonderful.
I think that it's so cool.
I mean, it really comes down tochoosing each other.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
And that's the word that I love that you used is the
together and gratitude.
Those two words are just sopowerful, jeff, do you have any
thoughts that you'd like to endwith?
Speaker 5 (42:20):
I just did.
I think that these two youngpeople are amazing.
It's been my privilege to be apart of Cody's life for a really
long time, both in our son'slife and also just when he was
looking into medical school.
He spent some time with meworking on you know if this was
(42:43):
something he really wanted to do, and I'm grateful he made the
choice.
He did Medicine, I think istough, and I'm grateful that he
chose Hannah and not medicine.
Okay, me too.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
Well, this has been such a fun and insightful
conversation and we are sograteful to have the two of you
here with us.
It has been just a blast and Ihope Ashley and anyone listening
who feels that they've lostthat early spark can take away
some real hope and practicalideas.
(43:18):
So here's our challenge to youWe'd like you to find one way
this week to reconnect with thatversion of the first said yes
to your partner.
Maybe it's looking at oldphotos recreating your first
date, or simply taking a momentto tell them something you love
about them.
(43:39):
Whatever it is, be intentionalabout it and remember why you
choose each other.
So, no matter how long you'vebeen married, you can always
choose to fall in love again.
The couple you were with whenyou said yes is still in there,
and sometimes you just have tofind them again.
So, hannah and Cody, thank youso much for being here and
(44:02):
sharing your love story with us.
It's been again such a joyhearing about your journey and
the ways you're holding ontothat newlywed magic.
And again to our listeners, ifyou love this episode, don't
forget to subscribe, share itwith a friend or please leave us
a review.
But, most importantly, takewhat you heard today and put it
into action.
Love isn't just a feeling.
(44:23):
It's something we choose,something we nurture, something
we create every single day.
So again, don't forget.
If you have questions orthoughts or suggestions for a
future episode, we love to hearfrom you too.
Send them attrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Until next time, take care andkeep saying yes to love.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, delighted to share
(44:46):
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
(45:07):
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A File, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention to nutrition
, exercise, mental health andbuilding strong relationships,
all spiced with diverseperspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, wellness warriors,to part two of our special
series, our Newlywed Love andholding on to your.
Yes, if you haven't listened topart one yet, please go back
(00:52):
and check it out.
We had an incredibleconversation with Hannah and
Cody Benefill about their lovestory and the magic of those
early days of marriage, buttoday we're taking things a step
further because, while thebeginning of a relationship is
full of excitement, love doesn'talways stay alive on its own.
It takes intention, effort andthe choice to keep showing up
(01:15):
for each other, even in themiddle of everyday life, whether
you've been married for oneyear or 20,.
This episode is all aboutkeeping that spark alive, not
just by waiting for love to feelmagical, but by creating the
magic together.
So let's dive in and continueHannah and Cody's love story.
(01:36):
So, tony, are there anyquestions that you would like to
ask Cody and Hannah?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, there's one that I think.
And the online dating thing isfascinating and yes, we didn't
have computers back when we were, when we were all going through
this, and you would send acarrier those old people, right,
you would take the stage overthat sort of thing.
And what I think is reallyinteresting is even when the I
remember I've been doing thisabout 20 years and I remember
early on, the advent of onlinedating was things like matchcom
(02:03):
or these ones where you filledout a 30 page questionnaire and
the magic was in the algorithmand it would match you and then,
if they, you know, 90 percentof the couples then got married.
And the world of online datingnow and I am probably going to
end this with, hey, kids, getoff my lawn.
Like an old man speech, but itseems like it's you know three
pictures.
You got to have one with a goldretriever wearing a bandana.
(02:24):
You, it's you know threepictures.
You got to have one with a goldretriever wearing a bandana.
You got one by a waterfallholding your niece and you got
like a movie quote and thenthat's all one puts out and you
guys said something that wasreally I like when you were
getting together and Hannah, youtalked about not needing that
first date energy, and butanyway, do you find I guess I'm
wanting to make a statement andturn it into a question?
(02:44):
So that might be the challenge,but it seems to me that this is
where people show up and italmost is a recipe for
immaturity for someone to figureout.
Who do I need to be right nowto get this person to like me,
versus this is who I am, youknow, and now I like you.
So was that a challenge at all,or what is that?
Do you see where I'm going withthis?
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Yeah, no, I totally see where you're going with it.
For sure and I feel like that'sa problem that comes out in
online dating is because youmake these profiles and it's not
necessarily who you are.
Okay, right, you're trying tobe the most popular and because
there's an algorithm that goeswith the dating apps and some
people are more popular thanothers.
You have to put on certainpictures or certain check
(03:26):
certain boxes and so you'retrying to portray this person
that you'll get a lot of likesfrom people rather than who you
are as a person.
And I realized that if you want, you could go on a thousand
dates with a thousand peoplewith that kind of profile that's
catered to popularity, butyou're not going to find
(03:51):
somebody that you click withfrom that.
To be totally upfront and putwho you are out there, and you
might not get as many likes, youmight not get as many matches,
but those people that do end upswiping on you or choosing you
(04:11):
or messaging you are going to bepeople that you know, choose
you as you are and you don'thave to put up this first day
energy.
That isn't you.
It's facade.
Facade, it's just who you areand that and that I think is.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I mean, that's so important is that I, what I find
in most couples and and I'msaying this is a it makes sense,
nothing wrong with people thatget into the relationship this
way, but I got to figure out howto get this person to like me.
So then I and I like giving thisexample of, uh, if let's just
say the, the girl doesn't reallyenjoy sports.
But the guy says I love sports,but she likes him, and I really
(04:49):
believe it comes from a goodplace of her saying I mean, I
don't, I don't not like sports,and I'm sure the more we get to
know each other, the more I willlike sports.
So then if he says what sportsdo you like?
And if she's like oh man, I boy, tell me, tell me what, what do
you like?
I mean, and I love that one too, and we're both almost like
well, I don't want to make herfeel uncomfortable, and did you
guys have any of those kind ofvibes or cause?
(05:09):
I think that's where couples go.
And then now it's like oh, Igot to pretend now that I'm I
like sports, and at what pointcan I admit that I don't?
But I like you, so I'm willingto learn.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Yeah, I mean I love baseball, like I'm very
passionate about baseball, Ihave a team so good at it, yeah,
yeah we could play sometime.
Um, but I love the dodgers andI just talk about it.
My social media feed isinundated with dodgers media and
news and updates on the seasonand everything, and so I follow
it very religiously.
But hannah didn't really playsports.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
She never had any interest in sports.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
She's very much violent.
That is her specialty.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Well, it's not like you said, violent cody, and I
was like, oh, is she in the may?
Speaker 3 (05:51):
she is she's really violent.
She's violent um violin.
Violin so good at it butdefinitely sports was not a part
of her world growing up, and sovery different worlds that we
come from in that perspective,and how was that?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yeah, exactly what did you think when you hear
about baseball?
Did you have any part of youthat said I am, I love baseball
and thinking I must go figureout what this is?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I must like the baseball.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I mean I?
I will say that I, yes, but notfrom like a point of like.
I want him to like me, so I'mgoing to pretend like I like
baseball.
It was more so of like a.
Wow, he's really into it, andthat makes me curious about like
why.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I like that.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
And so I started.
I don't know.
He's also very good atexplaining it and very like,
patient and kind of like, havingthis teaching mentality of like
.
Okay, well, I'm going to helpyou understand it so you can
enjoy it as well.
And I will say that, like now,I am a genuine fan of baseball.
I think one of the like, rightafter we got married and came
(06:54):
back from our honeymoon, it wasthe Dodgers Yankees world series
that was going on and Cody andI, two days before game one,
bought tickets to the worldSeries, drove to LA and, like,
just like, decided to go.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Mind you, this was I wasn't the one who brought this
up.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
It was my idea.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
She wanted to do it and I was like of course, it was
her idea.
Expensive.
We don't have to drive downthere.
It's a lot of money and she'slike we should just do it look
how that impressed.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
You though it did, I was like wow she's investing in
my passions.
That is amazing yes, so I havea question.
So what was it on both of yourprofiles that caught your eye?
Speaker 4 (07:35):
oh yeah, oh, on the hinge profile yeah, well, a cody
is so cute, he's so handsome,but B his profile was hilarious.
So how Hinge works is you canchoose, you can select some
photos.
It's very flexible, which iswhat I really like about Hinge.
I think some of the otherdating apps kind of have like a
(07:57):
more rigid like it is only likethree pictures and you make a
choice based off of that.
But Hinge it's very versatilein like you can choose pictures.
You can do like a off of that.
But Hinge it's very versatile inlike you can choose pictures
you can do like a voicerecording, so people who play
instruments or sing, they canlike put some of their talents
on there.
They also have prompts that youcan answer and a whole bunch of
different kinds of prompts.
(08:17):
And so Cody's was so funnybecause he had three prompts in
a row and the answer for eachprompt was a continuation of the
song from the prince of bel-air.
And so like you didn't realizeit from like the first prompt,
like you were like this kid iskind of interesting, you know,
(08:39):
just because it's like that verybeginning, I don't know, do you
know what?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
yeah, it was just.
I chose.
I made prompts that would goalong with the Fresh Prince of
Bel-Air song, which is like inwest philadelphia born and
raised on the playgrounds, whereI spent most of my days and
then it's it talks about how hegot into a fight with a bunch of
guys and so his aunt sent himto bel-air to be with his uncle
and aunt, and then the end ofthe song is where he shows up in
la and got into a taxi and madeit to his aunt and uncle's
(09:05):
place, and so it's very.
If you read it and you don'tknow what Fresh Prince of
Bel-Air is, you'd be like thisguy is so weird.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
And it's not for you.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It's not for you, and I think that's kind of what I
was talking about.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
What a cool selection process you did.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
I thought it was so clever, I was so impressed, I
was like I can tell that thisguy doesn't take himself too
seriously, but he's sointelligent, like that to me is
like so funny and witty in andof itself that it indicates to
me that he's very intelligent tobe able to like think of that
and put it together, choose theright prompts for the answers,
(09:40):
and I just loved that and Ithought it was so funny and I
just yeah, I had to saysomething.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
Okay, Cody, same question to you.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Perfect, oh yes.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Oh sorry.
Yeah, I was just gonna say Iwas gonna go.
It goes back to what Tony wastalking about with.
I've been on so many datesonline before that I just was
done meeting people that Ididn't have a connection with,
and so I'm just going to putmyself out there.
If someone understands thesecultural references, if they
like me, for me great, and Idon't really care if I'm not
(10:12):
going to get a lot of likes onthis one and so.
But she liked it, so you gotthe right like yes.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Oh, that was beautiful, that was fun, thank
you.
So just another couple ofquestions.
What small habits or traditionshelp you feel connected each
other at night and for shortperiods at night.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
And so I think, doing the small things, like we need
to get groceries hop in the carI'm going to pick you up, you
know and we go to the grocerystore together and spend, you
(10:53):
know, 45 minutes perusing aroundWalmart, you know, and making
jokes at the food that we findor the boxes.
We see crazy, weird ads andit's just things like that, you
know.
Doing the things that you needto do anyways, but making a
conscious decision to do it withyour partner.
It might be more inconvenient,honestly, to do it with them.
However it's, it's going theextra mile and choosing to
(11:17):
schedule time to do the littlethings with them that make
memories and make them feel likethey're wanted and that you
guys are a team doing ittogether.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Well, and I appreciate you sharing that,
because I was just going to askabout grocery shopping and what
do you do to make or makingdinner and what do you do to
turn that into something special.
So you just shared thatFantastic.
So, Hannah, what are somethoughts that you have about
that?
Speaker 4 (11:39):
Well, I'll just say that Cody and I just like have
our things and that's like sogeneral and vague.
But I feel like every coupleover time just like develops
things that are like insidejokes to them or things that
they do.
So, like Cody and I, our thingis sweet treats.
So like we will try and get asweet treat, if not every day,
(12:02):
maybe every other day, and justlike something super small.
We'll like go down toMcDonald's and get an ice cream
cone, a soft serve ice creamcone.
We love those, but like it'sjust our thing.
So like at the end of a nightor even in like during the
middle of the day or after ahard day or whatever, we'll just
like give each other the eyeand we're like sweet treat, and
then the other obviously alwaysagrees sweet treat, and so like
eye and we're like sweet treat,and then the other obviously
(12:23):
always agrees sweet treat, andso like we just have like little
things that we've likedeveloped that we love.
Another thing is we just thinksome some of the like online
memes and reels are so funny andso we'll just send them to one
another and then we can likelaugh about it, cause those
aren't things that wenecessarily need to do together,
(12:43):
but we will have seen the samemedia.
Because of that, and because wehave seen the same things, we
can talk about them or laughabout them or reference them in
an inside joke next week orwhatever it is.
And so we just have like thelittle things that we can do to
stay connected throughout theday.
Like we'll send things to eachother that remind us of the
other.
We'll like send little textsthroughout the day, checking in
(13:06):
on each other.
We both have kind of longcommutes and so we'll call each
other during those commutes,even though we're about to see,
like we're heading, drivingliterally to see each other.
Right, then We'll just hop onthe phone and just like talk to
each other during our commutes.
And, yeah, like going to bedtogether, when we can waking up
together, when we can going tothe gym together, like that's
(13:27):
something that helps us bothfeel healthy and even though
we're doing separate things,we're there together and then we
end and we play basketballtogether at the end play might
be a strong term.
I don't really play basketball,but I'm going to shoot some
hoops um and so yeah, just likethe little things that are our
things.
I think we do those prettyconsistently.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I love that I love that Our things.
Speaker 5 (13:51):
So tell me a little bit, tell us about your current
career directions and how you'rebalancing them in order to make
those things work together.
In order to make those thingswork together, because I think
you probably have different oreven maybe opposing career paths
that might at some point make aproblem.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Not anymore.
Well, yeah, well, there's.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
You know, cody did make the sacrifice of saying,
okay, I'm going to choose Hannahover medical school, which, as
a doctor, I can say great choice.
Medical school and medicalprofession is really hard, so
yeah.
So tell us what you're doingnow.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
He's got something exciting.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah well, I don't know if I chose something a lot
better for the work-life balance, but I have decided to do a
jdmba program and so gonna alsobe an attorney jdmba yes, yes,
oh boy, I know I was looking atmdmba programs and I was like
(14:57):
I'll just keep the mba in there.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
But yeah, I, I do okay so wait a minute for our
listeners.
What does that stand for?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
oh, jurist, juris Doctorate and Master of Business
Administration, and so prettymuch it's just law and business,
and so I've always wanted toget an MBA.
Anyways, studied internationalbusiness at school and since I'm
not doing medicine now.
She's currently in law schoolLast year.
She's going to be headed out toNew York soon for her job in
(15:25):
big law, and so that's going tobe very time.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
And when does she leave.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
Hannah, when do you leave?
Yeah, so I'll start this fall,so probably August or September.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Yeah, and I currently am working as a paralegal at
Affirm Salt Lake and so I'mstarting that law journey and
will be applying this fall toschools, and so, honestly,
people might think that it'sbecause you're on a similar
career path that it'll be better.
It might just be really bad,considering how many hours we'll
(15:56):
have to be working.
But we'll be doing.
We'll be working at the sametimes, it's going to be similar
schedules and something thatwe're both passionate about.
So we have conversations aboutthe law and everything going on
all the time.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
But I think that is something that's going to be
difficult going forward,considering the time constraints
.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Well, the thing is is that you, you know that and you
can plan for it, and you canprepare for it, and so that's
going to make a big differencefor the two of you, and you guys
are just dynamite.
Hannah, what kind of law areyou going to be working in?
Speaker 4 (16:32):
So I'm going to do corporate law, so I'm thinking
capital markets or finance.
I have a accounting master's ofaccounting background and so I
really love business ofaccounting background and so I
really love business similar toCody, anyway and so, yeah, so
(16:52):
I'll be going into transactionallaw and going to a New York
firm, and the reason I kind ofwant to go to New York is they
just have exceptional trainingout there in the legal and also
the business financial world.
So kind of want to go there,start out there and we'll see
where we go from there, causeCody will have to go to school
somewhere and so we're lookingat various geographic locations
for that and considering that aswell.
(17:13):
So, yeah, but that's, that'swhat I'm planning to go into.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
And Cody, you're planning on heading to New York
with her in August or you staywhere.
Yeah, that's, that's thequestion that still stands.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Okay, we're deciding Either she goes out there and I,
you know, stay here, or I goout there at the end of the year
.
We're still trying to figure itout.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
But definitely yeah.
So that is going to bechallenging.
It's going to be interesting.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
It's not the most linear path, for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
It never is.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
It never, is it never ?
Speaker 1 (17:44):
is it never is.
Yeah, okay, I just have acouple other questions.
So what's one weird orunexpected thing you've learned
about each other since gettingmarried, so we're going to kind
of go off a little differentpath here.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yeah, you go.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
Whoa.
I want to hear how weird I am.
Oh goodness, that's a goodquestion.
Let me think for a second.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Okay, I'll go.
If you have an answer, yeah,Weird things about Hannah is
that she doesn't know any popculture references that I make.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
And so it's weird because, like with my friends or
other people like I and like Igrew up in a family where a lot
of my siblings are older and soI know a lot of cultural pop
references to things going backto the 70s, all the way up till
now, and so I'll make referencesto things.
I'll talk about things like hey, in the news, this thing just
(18:40):
happened.
You know, all my friends willbe on the way and like we'll
have conversations about it.
I'll bring it up to hannah.
She has no idea what I'mtalking about ever.
I'll reference a song, I'llreference a movie no idea but I
hear you're a great teacher yeah, apparently.
So I have a list of movies thatI'm trying to show her, but it's
getting so long.
At this point, I think everyevery minute of free time we
(19:02):
have is just going to bewatching movies and listening to
music.
Um, but that's just a weirdthing that I I think it honestly
it's so funny at this pointthat I just love it that I get
to, because there's that thingwhere you have the this
knowledge of cultural referencesor something, and you just want
to share it with them, and soyou might not have it in common,
(19:22):
but I can share it with you,and then we do have it in common
, and so it's kind of fun tolike what, what do you know,
what do you not know, and and soit's fun to share the those
things with each other.
Well, yeah, that was.
That was an interesting thing.
I I realized I can't talk a lotabout a lot of different things
with you, so like, so now I canshare it with you all right,
(19:42):
all right, I thought of one,okay.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
So cody has this insane talent I don't know, is
talent the right word?
Maybe you can help me decide.
Talent for seeing one picturefrom a geographical location and
then knowing what thatgeographical location is, so
(20:05):
like there's a guy's brain.
Well, we were watching a movielike a rom-com you know those
Hallmark rom-com movies and theonly image that showed on the TV
was this field and it had likea Christmas tree farm on it.
So they weren't even like pinetrees that were native to the
(20:27):
land, like it was a pine treefarm with like a rolling grass
hill, just like a grass hill,but behind it, excuse me.
And Cody was like Hmm, thatlooks like Georgia.
And then it pans to the cityand it's Atlanta, georgia.
And I was like how did you knowthat?
And then he was like well, ifyou think that's cool, watch
(20:48):
this.
And then he like pulled up hisapp and it shows you just like a
random street corner of a placeanywhere in the world and he
could identify where it was.
He was like I think that's thisspot, wow.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
That looks like Sweden to me.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
And he'd be right.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
And I was like you're a national international
traveler.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
You know, anyway, but he just had like this knack for
geography and just knowingwhere things are in the world
and anyway, it's amazing, it'spretty cool.
I think that that also tiesinto his love of traveling and
seeing the world andexperiencing all these different
cultures.
But I didn't know that part ofthat was knowing exactly where
(21:33):
things are and what the land,the grass, looks like.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I pride myself on that.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
That's impressive.
I'm impressed.
It's very impressive.
It's weird.
Can you do that?
Can you do that, honey?
No, maybe that's not a malebrain.
Weird, can you do that, honey?
No, maybe that's not a malebrain thing.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
He can do a lot more than me.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
I do other things, but that is not one of them.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
It's not a necessary skill, I will say it depends If
you're traveling, you're goingto want to know where you are at
all times.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
That's a good point, okay.
Are at all times, that's a goodpoint, okay.
So if you guys are having adisagreement, how do you go
about having?
Speaker 4 (22:16):
that conflict resolution.
What does that look like forthe two of you?
Great question.
So I will say I'll throw myselfunder the bus and say that
before we started dating, beforewe got married, like I just
very much so never talked aboutmy inner emotions or feelings
with like anyone, Not because Iwas particularly being
protective or secretive aboutthem, but just because it wasn't
(22:39):
something that I was used to.
It wasn't something that I did.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
It didn't come up.
Yeah, I did, it didn't come up.
Speaker 4 (22:45):
Yeah, yeah, it just didn't come up.
And then also, just like I feltlike so many things were like,
okay, well, I need to work onsomething and if I work on this
then it will resolve the issue.
So I just felt like a lot of itwas internally something that I
had to work on myself.
And so when we got married andI kind of mentioned this, but
even while we were dating, codywould always ask me like what
(23:06):
are you thinking about?
And like my mind is justconstantly going, like I'm
always thinking about something,and so I had to start getting
used to just like answering thatquestion Like what am I
thinking?
This is what I'm thinking about.
And so I think, as we've gottenwhen we got married and as
we've had more important andserious and like real
(23:27):
conversations about some actuallike conflicts and having to
resolve those, it's been one ofthe harder things that I've had
to get used to or do and justchoose to do it.
But I will say that one of thethings that has helped the most
is and Cody has helped with thisis just like reframing why
(23:48):
you're talking and like why Ineed to express what's inside of
what I'm feeling, how thingsimpact me all these things.
And it's because we value ourrelationship, because I think in
my mind I was like, oh, if Isay this, value our relationship
.
Because I think in my mind I waslike, oh, if I say this, like
in my mind, I feel like it'sgoing to negate to him, like how
much I love him, or like allthese things that are so good
(24:11):
and happy and you know, allthese great things about our
marriage and our dating and allthese things about our lives,
like I feel like this onenegative thing if I say it, it's
going to negate them.
And one thing that I've just hadto get over is kind of shifting
that mindset and that mentalityto like, no, we're talking
about this because we love eachother and because we value our
(24:33):
relationship coming first beforeany insecurities or before any
conflicts.
And that's why we need to talkabout them is because we need to
.
We love each other enough totalk about the hard things and
we love each other enough tohave those conversations and to
work through them so that we arebetter and stronger on the
other side.
And so I think for me it's beenjust like a lot of like making
(24:58):
that mental shift in my mindsetand I will just say, every
single time we do, every singletime we have the hard
conversation, like it is so muchrelief, you know, and I'm like
you're right, like I feel closerto you, like that was a very
like vulnerable thing to do forme and very vulnerable
conversation to have, but it'salways better when we talk about
(25:22):
it and when we resolve it andthings like that.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
So, yeah, yeah, oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 5 (25:27):
You know why us guys say what are you thinking?
You know why we say that.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Why.
Speaker 5 (25:33):
Because when we're saying that we're not thinking
of anything and we don't knowwhat to do.
And we have this empty spot inour brain that we're going okay,
now we got to keep theconversation going somehow, and
I got nothing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I've got to quick think of something fast.
Speaker 5 (25:51):
And so if, if, hannah , you say that to Cody, Cody's
going to have to rewind in hisbrain.
Okay, did I even have somethingin my mind?
I was thinking at the time.
Is there something there at all?
Oh, it's baseball, baseball.
Okay, it was baseball.
There you go, yes, yes, and soit's one of those things that if
(26:13):
he says, oh, I'm not reallythinking of anything, it's
because he isn't.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
It's so true she marvels at the fact that I can
say I'm not really thinking ofanything.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yeah blows my mind.
How does that?
Even we can't even comprehend,what that even means.
Yeah, cannot fathom.
Speaker 5 (26:30):
No, I like to think that a woman's brain is like a
10 lane each direction superhighway with clover leaves
everywhere, and a male brain islike a two-lane dirt road.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
No, it's a one-lane.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
Yeah, very positive.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
It goes one direction .
It gets you where you need togo, you know, there you go,
that's all you need.
Speaker 5 (26:56):
And what I mean by two lanes is that one's going
one direction, one's going theother way, and so you're either
going forward or you're goingbackward, and you're not really
sure at any one moment whatyou're doing.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
So, Cody, do you have some thoughts about that
question?
Speaker 3 (27:11):
I definitely would say so.
I would say in previousrelationships, I think the
biggest thing for me wascommunication.
Like I was not used to talkingabout my feelings or, you know,
being open about them and beinglike forthcoming with it too,
not just like when asked aboutit, then I'll talk about it, but
like, hey, I'm having thisthought, I could be totally
(27:33):
wrong in how I interpreted thissituation or anything, but I
just need to bring it up to youso you can clarify with me, so
we can talk about it.
And so usually I'll initiatethat with like hey, I noticed
something's up, what's going on?
Or if I have something going on, I usually bring it up there.
It's just like, I think, withcommunication it's just don't be
(27:57):
afraid of offending the otherperson, but say it in a way that
you know that they love you.
You know like, because I feellike, especially when you're
dealing with something reallyhard and you feel like the other
person's offended you or theydid something to spite you, you
have this feeling in your heartthat you want to get back at
them.
But you have to, you know, takea step back.
(28:17):
Third person perspective I stilllove this person.
This person is so important tome.
I would never want to hurt them.
However, I still need to conveythe importance of how I'm
feeling in the situation to them.
So how can I do that and phrasethat?
You know, and take, take acouple minutes and think about
how do I want to phrase this inthe heat of the moment, and I
(28:38):
think that's kind of the biggestthing for me is how can I say
this to Hannah in a way that sheunderstands why I'm feeling
this way and know that I'm notmad.
I want to continue on in thisjourney with you, but how are we
going to fix this together?
Speaker 4 (28:55):
And I think what he mentioned about the immediacy of
addressing it is reallyimportant.
So just like talking about itimmediately, because I think
sometimes, like I thinksomething's too small to address
in the moment, but we've talkedabout how, like there's no such
thing, like there's no suchthing as something, that's too
small, so true.
Talk about it immediately.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
And it just I don't know, because then it doesn't
fester and it doesn't like growinto something bigger or
something that it doesn't needto be, and then you can address
it right then, and there and Ithink that that's really
important is just talking aboutit immediately.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Have you ever seen the video clip called it's Not
About the Nail?
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Yes, yes.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
Totally.
Go show her that sometime, cody, I will, I will, and that is
something that kind of addressesthis whole thing and the gist
of it is that men and womencommunicate a little bit
differently Well, okay, a lotdifferently and so being able to
(29:58):
understand each other and whatthe other needs in that
communication exchange, and thisdemonstrates it in a really
funny way, but it also is reallytrue.
So go look up and maybe we'llput it in the show notes.
Also a link to the YouTubevideo.
It's not about the nail.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
And Hannah.
See if you recognize the girl.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
Okay, I will.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
And you'll have to let us know if you recognize the
girl.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Okay, sounds good If you've seen a recent movie.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
She's in it.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
All right.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
I will say that's probably been the hardest thing
for me is not trying to fix theproblem, but rather just be
there and listen and listen.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
How do?
Speaker 3 (30:35):
you feel?
Yeah, listen, that's beenreally hard for me as a man.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
And I love what you said to pause.
So, tony, if he was here, hewould be talking about his four
pillars of a connectedconversation.
So, jeff, do you want to justrun through those just super
fast.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
Oh gosh, you know we do them all the time, but I
think that if you've got it infront of you, please just talk
about it.
So let's go ahead and just talkabout it.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
The first one is to validate, and if you are having
a conversation, you want tofirst of all give the person the
benefit of the doubt, and itdoesn't necessarily mean you're
telling the person that they'reright or wrong, you are just
trying to.
When you have that attitude,you are open, you are allowing
(31:26):
yourself to be open by givingthe person the benefit of the
doubt.
The second one is validatingand to be curious.
And so you again aren't tellingthe person that you're not
telling them they're wrong,because so often that's a
defense mechanism that we haveand we want to quickly give our
(31:48):
side.
And so validating is you'relistening.
If somebody's like I'm reallystruggling with a certain
behavior, you can help them byhey, I really appreciate you're
really having a hard day today,but you're not necessarily
saying that behavior is okay.
(32:09):
It's your understanding, you'reappreciating that they're
struggling, they're having ahard time.
The third is being curious andask questions and the more that
we can have curiosity and,hannah, you use that word a lot
throughout this interview is youjust really talked about being
curious, staying curious, and ifyou can continue that, that's
(32:32):
going to be really powerful inyour marriage is to continue
that curiosity.
And then fourth is not to be avictim.
Don't slam the door, don'tstonewall.
You want to make sure thatyou're present and you lean in,
you lean into the relationship,even when it's uncomfortable.
(32:52):
When you're uncomfortable, thatmeans you're growing, that
means you are allowing yourspouse to be able to share
things that are hard, but you'relistening.
And that pause is throughoutall four of those steps.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
One of the things that I do, admittedly that's I
talk about throwing myself underthe bus like you did, anna, but
what I do often, and sometimesI get myself in trouble doing it
, and that's that I will sayinto myself.
I don't want to bring that up orthis thing because that's going
(33:29):
to trigger or make Tricia mador it's going to be something
that she's not going to want tohear, and I don't want to talk
about it because I'muncomfortable with going through
that process, and so I'm tryingto manage her emotions and mine
at the same time by just sortof not doing it, and that can be
(33:52):
interpreted as I don't careabout her feelings about it.
I don't want to involve her inthe conversation or the
decision-making process.
Don't want to involve her inthe conversation or the
decision-making process, thenthat can be interpreted in those
many ways, but it can be alsoway better if you get to the
(34:14):
bottom of it quickly.
So I appreciate what you'resaying about starting now, when
there's even a little thing,just saying it so that it
doesn't become a big thing.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Because it will be a big thing, because we call that
piggybacking.
Yeah, so I've got two morequestions.
I know this has been sodelightful to have you guys on.
We've learned so much.
You both are just so infectious.
I just love how you just haveso much like I said earlier, so
much fun energy together andit's just been really great and
(34:47):
I hope that our listeners havebeen able to feel that as well.
But I've got just two morequestions.
So if you had to describe yourpartner using only three words,
what would they be?
And I want our listeners to bethinking about that same
question about their partner.
And is it different than whatCody and Hannah are going to be
sharing?
Speaker 3 (35:06):
Great question, Three words.
I'd say definitelyself-determined.
Speaker 5 (35:12):
That's two words.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
No, it's fine.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
I'm going to still go with self-determined, that's
one she, she, just so she knowswhat she wants, she's she's
gonna do that thing, she's gonnaget that.
And I just, I just love that,that direction, because I I need
that in my life and so I needsomeone who is on that path and
if we're gonna have a familytogether, then that means that
(35:40):
we're gonna need that directionall together, especially when
things get hard.
But I love her honesty and Ilove that she is just such a
kind person, like she doesn'thave malice in her bones, uh,
like genuinely.
She might get mad at somebodyfor her being rude, but uh, but
(36:01):
she just genuinely wantseverybody to be happy.
She just treats people withrespect and that's something
that I always look for insomebody and she just embodies
kindness and truth and I lovethat about her.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
Thanks Okay, so I would say that kind is also on
my list for Cody.
He's just a very he cares aboutpeople you know and he makes it
obvious and I think that whenyou're around him you can feel
how much he loves you and caresabout you.
(36:34):
One of my favorite things to dois to be around Cody when he's
around his nieces and nephewsand his family and you can just
like sense the love you know andyou can see just like how
kindly he he treats everyonearound him and that's just very
impressive to me.
I would also say that he isauthentic and I love that.
(36:56):
He is so true to himself, heknows who he is and he knows
what he loves.
He knows that he doesn't like heknows what he wants to do, he
knows.
He just knows himself so welland he stays true to who he is
through his entire life and Ithink that that has integrity in
it, it has authenticity in itand it makes it.
(37:17):
It makes it so easy for me tolove him, you know, because I
know exactly who he is and hejust shows up as himself 100%.
And then, lastly, he, he's verydriven, I think.
He, he goes out and he, he hasall these.
(37:37):
You know what?
Speaker 3 (37:37):
I'm changing that.
He's very intelligent.
I mean I love that he's driven.
He's also driven.
If I only get three words.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
I want to change it.
He Because I think theintelligent, the drivenness,
comes in with the intelligence,like he's very, very smart in so
many ways I mentioned earlierfrom his hinge profile.
He's so witty, but he's alsovery good at studying and
getting what he wants and goingafter what he is going for in
(38:02):
his life, and I think that'swhere the drivenness comes in.
And he just has this emotionalintelligence too, and so, just
like in so many facets, he justhas this intelligence that makes
it fun to do life with him andto be with him and learn with
him, and so he brings thatnatural curiosity and affinity
(38:22):
towards learning, towardseverything in our lives and in
his, and it's really fun to bewith him.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
I'm glad it's fun.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh, you guys, this is so fun.
This is so fun.
Okay, so our last question iswhat would you like to leave
with our listeners?
That's one lasting thought thatyou both have.
Speaker 4 (38:44):
You know, I will just say that I'm sensitive to the
fact that probably a lot of yourlisteners have had so much, so
much more life experience thanwe have, and I just want to
preface everything that we'vesaid with that understanding.
But I feel like probably thebiggest thing that I want to
(39:06):
leave is just like to staygrateful and to like just stay
grateful for like the littlemoments and for the fact, like I
, I'm just grateful every daythat Cody chose me and you chose
him, yeah, and I chose him and,like I just I'm so filled with
(39:27):
gratitude for that, um, and Ithink, like sometimes it's easy
to forget that, thatgratefulness or that gratitude,
but just like staying gratefulfor, for the little things and
noticing the little ways thatthey show up and the little
things that they do to tell youthat they love you, and to just
(39:49):
like sit in that gratitude, youknow, and to be intentional and
remembering and acknowledgingand accepting those things.
And yeah, I just, I don't knowI'm very grateful for Cody and
for our marriage and that hechooses me every day and that I
choose him, and so I would justthat would just be my last
(40:10):
parting thoughts just to staygrateful for all the reasons
that that you chose your spouseand continue to choose your
spouse.
Speaker 5 (40:18):
Oh that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
That was so beautiful .
All right, Cody, top that one.
Speaker 3 (40:23):
I can't.
That's the problem.
I was, yeah, beautiful.
All right, cody top that one.
I can't.
That's the problem.
Um, I will.
Yeah, I also preface that weyou know we're newlyweds like we
do not have all these thingswith 20 kids running around the
house and you know, crazycareers.
I know someone one of yourlisteners might have 20 kids who
knows um, but uh sorry and I inthe future you know who knows,
(40:47):
uh, how it will be but I thinkthese principles are universal
and if we ever want to staystrong, then these are things
that we're gonna have to do.
But I really think that for me,going forward, it's gonna be
making the inconvenient choices.
To put them first.
Nice Kind of talked about itearlier.
(41:07):
But you know, it might even besmall, it might not even seem
inconvenient to your partner,but there are things that in
your day you're like I'd rathernot do.
That that's out of the way,that costs money, or I have to
take time out of like 10 minutes, that I don't have to do this
thing to make something specialfor them.
Just do it, just.
Speaker 5 (41:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Cookies might be 10 minutes out of your way, and
what are you going to go do?
Go get her that sweet treat.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
Yeah, you're going to get a sweet treat.
Yeah, I get it To sacrificesome of your time, make the
inconvenient choices andoccasionally do something that
they're going to love.
Do it together, and I thinkdoing that consistently will
show them that you are choosingthem over everything else, and
(41:56):
that will definitely help keepthe love and the spark alive.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (42:03):
Wonderful.
I think that it's so cool.
I mean, it really comes down tochoosing each other.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
And that's the word that I love that you used is the
together and gratitude.
Those two words are just sopowerful, jeff, do you have any
thoughts that you'd like to endwith?
Speaker 5 (42:20):
I just did.
I think that these two youngpeople are amazing.
It's been my privilege to be apart of Cody's life for a really
long time, both in our son'slife and also just when he was
looking into medical school.
He spent some time with meworking on you know if this was
(42:43):
something he really wanted to do, and I'm grateful he made the
choice.
He did Medicine, I think istough, and I'm grateful that he
chose Hannah and not medicine.
Okay, me too.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
Well, this has been such a fun and insightful
conversation and we are sograteful to have the two of you
here with us.
It has been just a blast and Ihope Ashley and anyone listening
who feels that they've lostthat early spark can take away
some real hope and practicalideas.
(43:18):
So here's our challenge to youWe'd like you to find one way
this week to reconnect with thatversion of the first said yes
to your partner.
Maybe it's looking at oldphotos recreating your first
date, or simply taking a momentto tell them something you love
about them.
(43:39):
Whatever it is, be intentionalabout it and remember why you
choose each other.
So, no matter how long you'vebeen married, you can always
choose to fall in love again.
The couple you were with whenyou said yes is still in there,
and sometimes you just have tofind them again.
So, hannah and Cody, thank youso much for being here and
(44:02):
sharing your love story with us.
It's been again such a joyhearing about your journey and
the ways you're holding ontothat newlywed magic.
And again to our listeners, ifyou love this episode, don't
forget to subscribe, share itwith a friend or please leave us
a review.
But, most importantly, takewhat you heard today and put it
into action.
Love isn't just a feeling.
(44:23):
It's something we choose,something we nurture, something
we create every single day.
So again, don't forget.
If you have questions orthoughts or suggestions for a
future episode, we love to hearfrom you too.
Send them attrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Until next time, take care andkeep saying yes to love.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, delighted to share
(44:46):
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
(45:07):
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
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