Have you ever noticed how the smallest joys, like a warm chocolate chip cookie, can bring unexpected delight amid life's challenges? Join us as we share lighthearted moments from our own lives alongside more serious conversations, like Tony's journey toward his upcoming neck surgery. We discuss the blend of fear and hope that comes with placing your trust in medical professionals and the supportive camaraderie that can transform daunting experiences into moments of growth and resilience.
Unlock the secrets of your brain's inner workings as we explore the fascinating role of the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in shaping perceptions and filtering information. Discover how this powerful system can impact your self-worth and confidence, and learn strategies to refocus your mindset from negativity to gratitude. By celebrating small wins and recognizing personal growth, we reveal how you can retrain your brain and build mental resilience. Plus, we share the joys of community, from nearly 50 participants in our book club to the amusing mishaps of unexpected therapy session noises.
Our episode takes an insightful turn as we examine how long-term relationships are affected by the brain's processing of familiar communication, making partners' voices blend into background noise. We discuss strategies for rekindling connection and ensuring genuine interaction, focusing on the courage it takes to truly know and be known by your partner. With our FILTER framework, we guide you through maximizing your doctor visits and embracing personal growth, helping you navigate the journey from emotional expression to actionable change. Celebrate the power of positivity and transformation, and join us in enhancing your journey of learning, growth, and self-compassion.
Need relationship advice? Want to spruce up your marriage? Become one of Trisha's clients! She is accepting new clients now! Contact her at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com for more information!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, friends, to theQ&A Files.
I'm your host, trisha Jamieson,a functional nutritionist and
lifestyle practitioner and alife coach, and, as always, I'm
(00:51):
joined by my two incredibleco-hosts, dr Jeff Jamieson, a
board certified family physician, and Tony Overbay, a licensed
marriage and family therapist.
Welcome, gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Hey, when you say that you're a nutritionist and I
realized my immaturity becauseI feel like my nutrition has
gotten a little bit worse latelyand it's maybe because you're
telling me the good ways that Ishould show up better and eat
better, so I know that I'm beingimmature.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I never do those things.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
No.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I let you eat.
And just you know, if you'regoing to eat those warm
chocolate chip cookies in frontof us, I'm going to let you do
that.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
That is totally something you can enjoy, and if
you were seeing us on the videothen you'd know that we were
drooling at the time.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
That's right At that time.
Oh, they sound so good, yeah,and that's all he kept saying.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's like, oh, this is so good.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
You're amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
And that is my vice a warm chocolate chip cookie
right there out of the oven.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Well, if Jeff got my text, then here we go.
Tricia, I'm sure the door isabout to open and here comes a
warm chocolate chip cookie fromme.
No, Jeff, miss that one.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Hey, I'm not listening.
Ok, so before we jump intotoday's topic, what?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
are we waiting for Tony I?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
have let you off the hook, but today I'm hitting on
the spot.
What are we going to talk?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
about Celebrations.
Yes, yeah, I thought about one.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
What Amazing.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Okay, it's what we were talking about off air,
which, as I'll have so much moreabout this down the road but
I've had some medical challengesand I have some potential
relief in sight via surgery,mind you, which then we'll get a
lot of yeah buts from thepeople that I've explained
things to.
But I have a handful of doctorfriends and when I got this MRI,
(02:37):
I sent the MRI to all my doctorfriends, including Dr Jeff, and
I said I'm taking advantage ofyou, what's your take?
And Dr Jeff is one of the firstpeople that got back to me with
hey, it looks like you'reprobably going to need some
surgery, but it's not so bad.
And then when I finally metwith my surgeon, it was as if he
had he and Dr Jeff were one inthe same, and that just brought
me such comfort.
(02:57):
And so then we were talkingabout things before we hit the
record button.
It just made me feel even betterbecause, again, people mean so
well.
But the second you mention tosomeone you're about to get neck
surgery oh, I wouldn't do that,says the person who has no idea
what it feels like to be youand or your symptoms, or has
seen your MRI.
And then I have to defendmyself about the things that
(03:17):
they think I should dodifferently.
And so just Dr Jeff, who I knowis one who is not going around
saying to everybody surgery,surgery.
I would imagine Dr Jeff, who Iknow is one who is not going
around saying to everybodysurgery surgery.
I would imagine, Dr Jeff, that'sthe last thing that you
probably recommend to people.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It is so for you to say that, yeah, yeah, there are
people who rush themselves intosurgery thinking that
everything's going to be perfect, and then it's not and they're
disappointed.
But then there are times thatit is absolutely indicated and
life has improved.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, and it's a miracle to even be able to do
that.
And so the fact that you couldlook at my MRI, which looks like
just I can't even believe youguys can read those things, by
the way.
And then, and then I shared theAI generated MRI results and
you said, man, that lookedreally good, and but it just so.
My celebration is I've neverhad surgery in my life.
I broke an ankle one time, andthat's about it.
(04:04):
Yeah, I've never been under,never done any of that stuff.
So, and I'm 55.
So there's a part of me thatjust it is scary.
But then I have done what Ithink most people would do in
this situation, and I've gone toGoogle and YouTube and I've
just seen so many, so manythings that are of hope with
what is coming, and so that'sgoing to happen in two or three
(04:26):
weeks.
So that's the trip.
It's going to happen veryquickly, but that's so.
My celebration is is odd.
It's mixed, because I'm afraidbut I'm also excited I'm going
to make room for both of those.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
That's really cool.
That's excellent.
I'm excited for you to get onthe other side of it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, me too, although they did.
They do have to.
Apparently they move youresophagus over to the side while
they do the surgery.
Oh simple, simple.
But I was told that that mightcause a little bit of difficulty
in swallowing for a little bit.
So then I thought maybe I'lllose a couple of pounds, you
know yeah you definitely need it.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Positive things.
It's awesome.
The only place you need to losethat is between your ears.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Exactly what did you say earlier, because I lug
around that big old head orwhatever, which is true.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Okay, so I have a celebration and it's kind of a
mixed bag of things.
I've been under a fair amount ofstress lately because the
people that help me in my officeI usually have two mid-level
providers that help me be ableto take care of patients.
Well, one moved away and theother one is out on a medical
(05:29):
procedure, and it has taught mesomething and I'm grateful for
it.
It's been a hard thing to learnbut I'm grateful for it, and
that's to find out that, eventhough I feel like I'm a fairly
capable person, I've realized Ihave limits and my own limits on
doing this work as a physician.
(05:50):
I get to a place where I haveto take a break.
I found my own stress iscausing, you know, little things
in my body like eye twitchesand things like that that I've
never had, because I've neverhad this amount of pressure and
stress professionally, and soit's been an eye-opener and an
(06:13):
eye-twitcher.
But it's been good andsomething I'm celebrating to be
able to find those limits and tobe able to take better care of
me, so then I can thereby takebetter care of my family, and
that's my goal.
To have a job anyway is to takecare of my family.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Well said, and, dr Jeff, it just brings up and we
can put this for maybe anotherday.
But I think sometimes I justwant to see, can one be helped
before they get to that pointwhere they didn't know that it
was as bad as it is, before youget the eye twitches, or because
I think that we're just wiredto think it's not that bad until
your body finally says, okay, Iwill, I'll start twitching
(06:54):
those eyes.
Let's see what you think aboutthat.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Or having pain in my neck.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yeah, exactly, or my hands or whatever it is.
Exactly, oh man yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Yeah, trisha had to have both of her hands operated
this last year and she's waybetter now, but, oh my gosh, it
was hard getting through it.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah, well, mine.
Thank you, gentlemen, that'sawesome.
Mine is I started a book club.
I have never even been in abook club and now I'm the host.
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
You sit down and know how well it's done, trisha,
that you've never even been in abook club, and now I'm the host
.
That's funny.
You sit down and know how wellit's done, tricia, that you've
never even been in one.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I assumed you were an old pro.
I know Not at all, and I have48 women in there.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Wow, hey.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
And it's been great.
So we've got this little quotecorner, so we put quotes in the
corner of you know, as we'rereading, but I have it all
broken down how many.
We're starting off with the letthem theory by Mel Robbins.
Oh and next month we're going toread the atomic habits by James
, clearly, and so that will bereally fun and it's been great.
(07:57):
So we've got a lot of peoplefrom our group that have been in
there and we've got otherpeople kind of mixed in, so it's
a it's going to be a nicecombination, but, yeah, it's
been fantastic.
I'm I'm loving it.
It's taken some time but I'mloving it.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I appreciate that so much Cause, yeah, the number of
people that have shown up in thegroup for that has been
phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I know it's been really I've been surprised.
Actually I was thinking maybe15 women, but no, we're almost
up to 50.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So that's pretty exciting women, but now we're
almost up to 50.
So that's pretty exciting,amazing.
Can you hear that pounding, bythe way, you guys?
No, okay, the, thewonderfulness of a microphone,
it's very loud.
Can I just share a story that Ihave to get out and I'll make
it so fast?
Yes, okay, oh, it's so loud,it's so funny.
So I'm in this, in in my officein Arizona.
I'm in a set of salon suites.
I make jokes to you guys allthe time.
I think that nothing saystherapy like smelling a perm
(08:46):
solution and burnt hair, right,that's not something I've run
into before, but the suitebehind you have neck issues.
So the suite behind mine,there's a new, new people moving
in and they have a whole bunchof different services and I
looked them up on Instagram.
I'm kind of excited to see if Ican trade for some I don't know
some Botox, some hypnotherapy,maybe a little massage.
But they're building out theirsuite and I'm here on a weekend
(09:10):
and that's when you're allowedto do all the work.
You're also allowed to do thework after 7 pm.
I know this is like such awaste of time story, but I have
to say so.
A couple of weeks ago I'm inhere and I've got a couple
coming in for the first time andwe're going to do a two hour
session and they're right thereon my couch and it sure enough
seven oh one.
And it's like they it's likethey fire up a chainsaw back
there.
You know, um, and it's right.
(09:31):
And I'm trying to say I'm sosorry, you guys and we were all
looking forward to thisappointment.
So they were saying it's okay,it's okay After about two or
three minutes of this buzzsawgoing on right in their ears.
Then I just say I think we needto do this in the.
There's a break room or akitchen, so we go in there.
It feels off, but still, I'm apro, we're doing a great therapy
.
But at some point one of thewomen just comes in and she
(09:52):
needs to fire up something inthe microwave and so we just
kind of pause anyway, and thatjust it's fascinating.
So that's.
I'm having a little PTSD rightnow from the very loud.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Oh, shoot no we can't hear anything, so you're good.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
But cheese soft fires up that I might.
I might have to go take this inthe kitchen.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Okay, well, we'll let you know if we hear anything.
How's?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
that.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Thank you, okay, yes, absolutely so, for our
listeners.
I want you to take a secondright now and just think of one
small win you've had this week,and it could be something as
simple as drinking more water orjust going for a hike outside,
or just that you made it througha tough day Because every
single time you focus onsomething positive, you get a
dopamine dump, and that's whatwe want.
We want to really start tofocus on creating new neural
(10:42):
pathways and every time you docelebrate a success, your brain
not only releases a dopaminedump but it, like I said,
reinforces that behavior, butit's also like giving your brain
a mental high five, and again,that will strengthen those
neural pathways.
So I wanna do, before we getinto our topic today, I wanna do
(11:04):
this quick little exercise.
I want you both and everybodyelse on the call that can hear,
unless you're driving, you canstill do this with your driving,
but you can't do the secondpart.
I want you to look around yourroom and I want you to look for
anything that's blue.
Just take 10 seconds.
Look for anything that's blue,got it?
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Excellent, so now close your eyes, blue.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Got it Excellent, so now close your eyes again.
Unless you're driving, don'tclose your eyes, please.
And without looking and openingyour eyes, I want you to tell
me how many yellow things yousaw.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh, you got me.
I knew this, I knew Patricia.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Okay, open your eyes.
Obviously you weren't lookingfor yellow, so your brain
ignored that color completely.
But guess what?
The yellow objects were therethe whole time, right, they
didn't just like appear now.
So what just happens?
What was your brain focusing onright now?
(12:03):
And what is that?
Is that called?
Does any either one of you know?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
the brain was deciphering what it was told to
do why, what's the system insideyour brain?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
yes, what's the system called?
Speaker 3 (12:18):
the system inside your brain that does that is
called the reticular activatingsystem yes, and exactly what
Jeff said.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
That's part of the brain that's responsible for
filtering information anddeciding what's important and
what should be ignored.
It's kind of like we talk aboutthe RAS.
The reticular activating systemis like a gatekeeper and it
determines what gets through toyour conscious awareness and
(12:47):
what gets left out.
So, again, it filters out whatyou're not focusing on, even if
it's right in front of you, andthis happens in your daily life
too.
So if you're focused on stressand a lot of anxiousness, you'll
miss opportunities for joy andconnection that are right there.
So I'm ready for Tony to do hisyeah buts.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Oh, I don't even have any as a matter of fact.
This is, yeah, when, when, whenwe were talking about this and
I can jump in here now.
But it's really interestingbecause I think that I have some
material that I've wanted topodcast about for quite a while,
but I just I don't think aboutit, and so it is not making it
through the filter.
And when you mentioned this isa potential topic, then it just
(13:32):
brought a lot of uh a lot oflight.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Okay, well, let me get to our uh, one more thing to
share, and then we're going toget to our question, and then I
can't wait to hear all the kindof way's a kind way to say, hey,
not yet Again, old man You'rejumping the gun here.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Hang on a second.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I love when you get excited about something.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I am excited.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yes, because I am.
So I want you to imagine you'rewalking in a restaurant and it's
a very busy restaurant, justkind of like Tony's just talking
about.
He's got a lot of stuff going onin his office right there, but
there's a lot of chatter,there's music playing, maybe a
(14:12):
baby crying in the background,but all of a sudden someone
calls out your name from acrossthe room and through all the din
you can hear.
Your brain instantly picks upon your name and so is that
again.
That's that RAS, and itprioritizes what it believes is
most relevant to you.
So, like we just talked about,I'm so excited to dive into how
(14:33):
the reticular activating system,or the RAS, can help you gain
clarity, build confidence andmake real progress towards your
goals.
And we want to stay till theend because we're going to show
you how to train your brain tobreak free from stress and start
focusing on what truly matters,and how to train your RAS to
(14:55):
work for you, not against you.
So today's episode is going tobe absolutely mind-blowing,
literally, and we've got thisgreat listener question that's
going to kick it off, and Ican't wait to hear your guys'
thoughts at the end or as westart to focus on this.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I heard that at the end.
The very end.
Dr Jeff, you and I might getsome scraps here.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I'm going to just talk about all these other
things that I don't want to hearto you for the very last minute
, no, but.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Well, my reticular activation system had kicked in
and I wasn't hearing anythingyou said.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Oh, and actually that will play into what I will talk
about later, since you guys area couple.
I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Exactly so in Sarah's case, who we're going to hear
from in just a moment, her RASis currently filtering for
overwhelm and negativity,because that's where her focus
has been.
But the good news, the RES istrainable.
Okay, today's question comesfrom Sarah, and I know so many
of you can relate, and shewrites Hi Tricia, dr Jeff and
(15:55):
Tony, I recently learned aboutthe reticular activating system
and it sounds absolutelyfascinating.
I understand it helps filterinformation so our brains don't
get overwhelmed, but honestly, Ifeel like mine is filtering in
all the wrong things Stress,negativity and just constant
distractions.
No matter how much I try tofocus on my goals, I keep
(16:18):
getting pulled back into worry,self-doubt and everything that's
not helping me move forward.
Is there a way to retrain mybrain to focus on what actually
matters and tune out all thenoise?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
So, first of all, sarah, that'ssuch a great question and I
think so many you're right canrelate to feeling stuck and in
(16:39):
that loop of stress andabsolutely overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
So can I ask you a question real quick?
Yes, I want to take notes toaddress there.
She said she's focusing onworry, self-doubt, and what was,
what was the other part?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Worry stress and self-doubt.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
OK, perfect, thank you OK.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, anxiousness yes .
Speaker 2 (16:57):
OK, thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, and I just was going to say that.
You know we've talked aboutthis kind of topic on past
episodes, but today we're goingto really focus on how to make
real changes.
You have the opportunity toreally focus on the how and so
we're really excited to try that.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Is that what you mean ?
The how to change your RAS?
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yes, how to change your brain.
And so we're going to focus onhow it is trainable.
All right, Tony, if you havesome thoughts, first go ahead.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Oh, okay, okay, so this will be interesting.
So I used to, when I wasspeaking a lot more, and I'll
just say pre-pandemic, therewere a couple of different bits
that I would start with, and onewas I would talk about the
difference between male andfemale, and with.
And one was I would talk aboutthe difference between male and
female, and I would.
There's one by this researchfrom a professor, ruben Gur,
this neurologist out of, I think, university of Pennsylvania.
They would say when a man'sbrain was in resting state, 70%
(17:52):
electrical activity was shut off.
So if you ask him what he'sthinking, he says nothing,
literally nothing.
But then, in the same restingstate, a woman's brain is still
active.
So then if he's trained welland he says, oh, what are you
thinking?
And then she tells you.
So that was the first one.
But the second one was thisconcept called repetitive
acoustic stimuli, which isreally interesting, and so that
was just one, where, over time,couples that had been together
(18:12):
for a while, it's as if theystarted to filter out their
communication as white noise.
And so you see that I think, asa couples therapist, of
literally not hearing each otherand so having to be so
intentional and then not takingoffense when someone says were
you even paying attention?
And then having the courage forthe other person to say,
(18:32):
honestly, I thought I was, but Imissed something.
So I was even giving them thebenefit of the doubt of this
repetitive acoustic stimuli.
And so, when AI started gettinghot, I took this concept of
repetitive acoustic stimuli andI started playing around with it
in a particular AI that isbased off of all evidence-based
journals and periodicals calledCLAWD.
And then what CLAWD reallyhelped me understand was and it
(18:55):
pointed things back to the RAS,which I thought was really
interesting and so I have thisthing and I'm going to own this,
that I'm going to read this.
And I forgot I even had ituntil we were talking about this
, but it was almost looking atthe beginning of a.
I was started writing a podcastabout it and I just said so.
You know how, when you firstfall in love, every little thing
about your partner captivatesyou the way they laugh, even the
(19:17):
sound of their keys in the doormakes your heart skip a beat.
But over time, somethingfascinating happens in our brain
, specifically in what's calledthe reticular activating system,
or RAS, and I just said thinkof RAS as your brain's bouncer
deciding on what informationgets through to conscious
awareness.
Early in relationships and Ilove this concept your partner
is like a VIP guest.
Everything about them getsimmediate attention.
But as the years pass, yourbrain's bouncer starts treating
(19:38):
their presence more like regularbackground noise, similar to
how you might stop noticing thehum of your refrigerator.
And so then I started writingabout that.
That's why couples married fordecades can sit at the same
breakfast table, one partnersharing something important and
the other appears to belistening, but it's actually
just processing their wordsalmost like white noise.
It's not intentional, it's yourbrain's efficiency system at
work.
So the same mechanism thathelps you sleep through your
(20:00):
partner's familiar snoring alsomight make you miss the subtle
change in their voice whenthey're trying to tell you
something meaningful, and soit's funny I'm saying so.
What I said was, but I'mliterally saying it now.
The good news is thatunderstanding this neurological
process gives you powerful toolsfor keeping love spark alive,
because by consciously varyingour communication patterns and
creating moments of genuineconnection, then we can easily
(20:21):
wake up our brain's attentionsystem and start to truly hear
each other again.
So I took this repetitiveacoustic stimuli, which would
always draw a laugh, because ifwe've been together for a long
time, yeah, our partner mightstart to sound like white noise,
but all I had was that data,and then the more I was like,
well, why is that?
It pointed back to thereticular activating system.
And so then when a couple isnow communicating and somebody
(20:42):
says, hey, did you even hear me?
I'm going to go back to myfundamentals of the four pillars
.
I'm going to assume goodintentions they're not trying to
hurt me and I can't tell themthey're wrong Cause, honestly, I
didn't hear, I didn't hear them, and that I'm telling you.
I've had a lot of couples thisweek and there was one yesterday
, and they've been together for40 years, and it is often the
case that the guy says Ihonestly don't remember that and
(21:05):
I've really helped the wife notdo really like you honestly
don't remember that or make itabout, you don't care about me,
and uh, and you and we weretrading messages a little bit
earlier today about this conceptand I want to go back to that
session now and then bring thisconcept up.
I did talk about the repetitiveacoustic stimuli, but I want to
say that it's like it's thebrain's efficiency system, and
(21:27):
so just now.
We need to note that and justbe more intentional, because I
what I keep telling them andother couples is you have to
have courage to be known and youhave to courage to know your
partner.
So the courage to be known is,if I don't see you reacting to
my what I just said, then I haveto have that courage to say hey
, did you hear me?
But but they need the tools forthe guy to not, you know, view
(21:52):
that as like oh, okay, you'reright, I'm a horrible person, or
will you never hear me?
You know that kind of thing.
So that's why I love thisconcept.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
You know, it's really interesting because I get
people.
Uh, usually a man has been sentin to see me by his wife who
says he doesn't hear very well.
There's a problem when I tellhim things.
He doesn't hear me.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
This is fascinating.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
And I need to get his hearing checked and get the
things done so that we can makesure that my husband can hear me
and hear me well.
And there is some truth to also, as people age, especially men,
are hearing changes to wherethe vocal range and the female
(22:35):
registry it does decrease, sothat's a real thing.
But I've also had multiple menwho've had their ears and their
hearing tested Preston Pyshkoand they don't have a big
blockage in their ear canals.
Their hearing is fine and yettheir wives still say that he
doesn't hear what I say.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
So this is just an excuse to ignore us Great.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I mean, but it's a medical excuse for you to
understand and this is a problemwith our 17-year-old son.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
This is where we go.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
Yep, so it's interesting to hear this because
I hadn't really heard of thisacoustic-.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Repetitive acoustic stimuli.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Repetitive acoustic stimuli, although I can
understand it.
It's like if you live next towhere the train tracks and you
don't even hear the train goingby anymore.
That's your RAS taking it out,and so I hear what you're saying
and I didn't recognize it assomething that happens in
couples.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Well, and what's funny, dr Jeff, is I used to
home teach this couple in thetown I used to live in in
California.
Literally lived, literallytrain track, maybe 20 feet from
their backyard, and that trainwould come blowing through and
they would just keep talking andI remember just saying are you
guys kidding me right now?
Like come on, yeah, and it wasmind blowing to me.
(23:57):
And then I always thought, oh,they're just so embarrassed
about it that they just pretendthat it didn't happen.
But you know repetitiveacoustic stimuli.
They lived there 20 years.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Wow.
I know Probably didn't have alot of uh years.
Wow, I know you probably didn'thave a lot of Gus Right.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
All I wanted right then and I don't drink tea, but
I wanted a teacup, I just wantedit to rattle in the thing and I
wanted the spoon to shake sobad.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, oh, so this is actually.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
That was fascinating.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Mine or Dr Jeff's Mine right.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Well I You're always here because you shouldn't hear
mine.
That's right.
I didn't hear what he just said.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
No, but I didn't know that that was really.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
It makes sense.
That really does make sense andwe've been married 37 years and
I think we both can kind ofappreciate that at times,
definitely.
But this is a great segue intoa question I want to ask Jeff
now, and it's what is the RESand how does it filter
information?
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Oh wow.
It's such a big topic becausethere's so much to it.
I mean, you're talking aboutfour different neurotransmitters
that work together to try andget that to keep that all
working.
But the main- purpose for thereticular activating system.
(25:19):
Yeah, I know so much about it Ican't say it.
Anyway, the RAS receives inputfrom the sensory nerves, which
include the eyes and ears andtouch and so on, even your
stomach and visceral systems,and it filters it out.
So like if you've got anabdominal pain, but it's just a
(25:40):
little one and it just sort ofcomes and goes.
You'll figure out how to workpast that so that you don't
really even notice it, but it'sstill there and then if it
becomes really loud it'll pop upthrough your reticular
activating system through toyour frontal cortex and say hey,
something's going on, I need todo something about it.
(26:01):
So it helps regulate our sensoryinput and wherever that's
coming from eyes, ears,abdominal somatic areas like
your wrist if you twisted itfunny the other day and it hurts
, but it's not that bad, or itreally hurts or if you happen to
have a nerve pinch that'smaking your arm go to sleep or
(26:23):
really hurting, like somebody weknow then that'll come through
your reticular activating systemand become now very prominent
and loud in your system, in theconscious part of your
understanding.
So other things that it does isit helps regulate sleep-wake
cycles really important thanthat Helps your body respond to
(26:47):
the environment.
So if it's cold, you go and getsomething to put on, if you're
hungry, things like that.
It helps with fight or flight.
So if you're having problemswith a spouse or a person
putting a gun to your head andyou get into that time where you
(27:08):
either fight, fight, well,fight, fight.
That's two fights, right Fight,flight which means run away.
There's also freeze, and thenthe other one Tony brought up
before was fawn.
So, you just yeah.
It manages those.
And whatever you've done in thepast, you'll probably do again
because of the RAS.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I'm going to step.
Thank Okay, I'm going to step.
Thank you, I'm going to step inhere just for a minute too.
So also your brain is bombardedwith approximate.
I can't say this word eitherApproximately.
Approximately Thank you, thankyou 11 million bits of
information per second, but yourconscious mind can only process
about 40 to 50 bits per second.
(27:51):
So that means that yourreticular activating system, or
your RES, plays a crucial rolein filtering out what's
irrelevant and it highlightswhat it deems important based on
what you're focused on Now.
Your RES is so powerful becauseit determines what gets through
like we talked about yourconscious and awareness and what
(28:13):
gets ignored.
It starts to highlight certainthings in your mind.
So whatever you tell your brainto focus on is what it will
scan your environment and itwill bring those things to the
forefront.
It's not a judge, it justfollows your lead and it doesn't
distinguish between positiveand negative input.
(28:36):
So if you're constantly focusedon stress and negativity kind of
a little bit like Sarah orself-doubt your RAS will filter
the world again to show you moreof the stress, the doubt.
But if you train it to focus ongratitude and opportunities and
solutions, it'll start tofilter those things out instead.
(28:59):
There's a guy by the name ofJim Quick and he once said if
you knew how powerful your mindreally was, you would never,
ever have a negative thoughtagain, and I want you to think
about that.
Your brain is capable offiltering reality in a way that
either keeps you stuck or setsyou free.
Today, that's exactly whatwe're going to focus on is how
(29:22):
to control that filter.
So, with you, tony, I want youto think about from a therapist
point of view how do you see theRAS affecting people's
self-worth and confidence?
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah, and I appreciate this too, and I know
that people can have differentopinions on this, because this
is where I get up on my soapboxand I talk about CBT versus ACT,
acceptance and commitmenttherapy, because and I know that
CBT works for for a lot ofpeople and then just the quick
primer again, if somebodydoesn't even know if they want
to exist, then and they go gethelp, then CBT is amazing
(29:59):
because it identifies your wrongthoughts you know your
automatic negative thoughts,your stinking thinking and it
says what would a differentthought be, what would a better
thought be?
And I have been reminded,because I was a CBT therapist
for seven or eight years, thatthat is a great place to begin,
but I think, the longer that Iwork with people, then people,
though, are saying okay, thatisn't working, because I'm
trying to be happier, I'm tryingto choose to be happy, and it's
(30:21):
not working.
So I must be really broken,which has moved me into the
world of act, which is you arethe only you, so you think and
feel the way you do, so there'san acceptance that I am thinking
a certain way.
So I still think either ofthose could fit into here,
because if you, if you have noidea what, how to work with this
.
I think it is helpful and thisis where Trisha and I talk often
, where I love about life coachand therapist.
(30:42):
I think a lot of times a goodlife coach is going to say
here's a good plan.
This is, let's start you doingthis, and the person can have a
runway of success and say, okay,give me some more ways that I
can think about this.
But at some point then, if theyare struggling to think of
things and to be happy, then Iwant to jump into this world of
like, check that out, you're notdoing it wrong, it just is.
(31:03):
So I'm accepting the fact thatthese are the things that I'm
focused on and nothing's wrongwith me.
I'm not broken.
And when I try to not thinkabout them, it's like don't
think about the white polar bear.
Everybody does so.
So what I like about Sarah'squestion and why I asked earlier
about, okay, what was it thatshe was saying?
Again, I just want to make sureI get this right Is that I
think sometimes, if you're, ifyou are continually noticing the
(31:24):
things that are causing youstress and you're having a hard
time just making room for themor thinking of something else.
This is where I'm at thiscrossroads of body keeps the
score of.
Is your body trying to say,okay, but you can't just ignore
this.
Are you in an unhealthyrelationship?
Do you not like your job?
Are you struggling with yourfaith or your career, or you
feel like you aren't a goodparent?
So I can't just say, no, I'mgoing to be the best parent I
(31:45):
can today.
If I don't really know how thateven works and I even think
about this, like with what'sgoing on with my structural
issues, with my, my neck andback, I can't think my way out
of this one, and so I do.
You know I need help with that,and so I would love for somebody
like Sarah to then take a lookat what are those things that do
keep coming up, cause, is ityour body keeps the score and is
(32:07):
it saying that, hey, but youcan't just think you're white.
You can't just decide to behappy when you aren't happy in
your marriage, or you can't bejust decide to be happy as a mom
.
If you feel overwhelmed as amom, now granted, I think you
can notice things that you likeabout being a mom, but if,
overall, you feel stuck and Ithink this is where that
crossroads is of, where thechallenge can be.
(32:28):
So I just want to just for mycontribution today is just to
first take a look at what arethose things that do keep
causing you stress or keepcoming up because I'm so on
board with what we're talkingabout.
If I keep focusing on those andthat and they do overwhelm me,
then that is something where myI like what you're saying,
trisha my reticular activationsystem is going to say, oh, is
this what we do?
We're going to look for all thethings that I'd feel
(32:49):
overwhelmed about, but are thosethings I'm feeling overwhelmed
about, things that then I needto go and seek help from a
doctor, a coach, a therapist?
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Yeah.
So this is so fantastic andthis is one of the things that
we really talked about in ourgroup, because that is the group
that they're dealing withemotionally immature people and
so obviously you're not going tobe like, okay, you need to just
think of all these positivethings and be a Pollyanna and
(33:17):
everything's going to work outgreat in your life.
So we really focused on whenthey are having that self-doubt,
when they're focusing on thethings that are they're really
struggling in their life, how toretrain that brain and thinking
I am learning how to attractemotionally safe people in my
life.
So it's still you can acceptthe fact that you're in this
really bad relationship, but themore that you focus on the
(33:42):
negative and how sad anddepressed and awful life is,
that's what your life, that'swhat your world is going to
continue to be part of.
But if you can retrain yourbrain, reframe it and start to
focus on, you know what I mightbe in this situation.
But what am I learning?
How am I growing?
Can I jump in there before?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
something.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, something's going to leave my mind and I
think that this might be likereally cool that we can again go
back to.
I like what you said thereabout.
Oh man, it did it, it left.
Can I blame it on Dr Jeff?
Yeah, it's my fault.
Okay, but okay, but I'm going toget it back, though.
It's like so when somebody so Ihad a client this week that the
more we were talking aboutthese great tools I always want
(34:24):
to encourage my clients to say Idon't know what you're talking
about.
That takes courage, or I lostyou there.
And this client kept going backto the man I am hearing you and
you seem excited about it.
I'm missing this, and so Ialmost feel like that's the
difference of where.
Then at that point it's almostlike an acceptance that I'm not
able to point, like if we're oh,there it is.
(34:46):
If we're working on I'm going tolearn how to spot emotionally
mature people is.
If we're working on I'm goingto learn how to spot emotionally
mature people, love it, becausethat would give me a dopamine
bump and personally I would feellike, okay, that gives me a
task, I'm going to learn how todo that.
But then if somebody feels youknow immediately, like they're
saying okay, I don't know if Ican even do that, or I'm not
even sure how, or we starttalking about what are signs of
an emotionally mature person,and then their brain immediately
(35:07):
goes to I don't think I've everseen that in my life, what is
wrong with me?
And then I think that's wherethen I want to step in and say
okay.
That's where it takes courageto then say all right.
And I think so often peoplejust they do.
They want to just say, okay, Ijust want this so bad.
I want to look at the positiveand I want to choose happiness
(35:28):
every day, but then when itisn't working, they're not
broken.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Right, there's nothing wrong with them.
Yeah, so go along with that.
Louise Hayes talks about how,if you were to take one thing
that you wanted to focus on, say, I will strengthen my voice,
and if you were to say that ahundred times a day.
Within three months that becomessuch a part of your life.
You have a stronger voice, andso I appreciate what you're
(35:54):
saying, because that's exactlywhat we're helping these women
find these tools and like whenI'll have like a seven-day
application challenge.
So once I have taught theseconcepts, I then have them apply
them in their life for sevendays so they can see what that
feels like, they can try that on.
(36:15):
But it's also even like and youwant to say I will, because
your brain can't tell thedifference between future and
your what's happening today, andso it's whether that will
become your reality the more yousay I will.
And so one of the another thingthat we had them do is I had
(36:36):
them look six months into thefuture and I had them take one
thing that they wanted to focuson, but they had to say I will.
So that is training that brain.
Not I can, I should, I want to,it's I will.
So it's much more of acommanding experience, and it
(36:59):
was interesting to hear whatsome of them had to say about
how powerful that was, becausethey saw them in a different
relationship.
They saw them in a healthyspace, and I think sometimes
we're not giving our brain anopportunity to, even, we're not
even allowing ourselves to getout of that negative space and
(37:21):
see even what's possible.
So that's what I'm trying to dois help them focus on or
refocus on.
Yes, you may be in thesesituations and they're awful and
they, you know, you may notfind that there's a way out, but
you get to focus on you so it'snot, you're not focusing on
your partner and if it's in ayou're in a bad relationship.
(37:45):
You get to focus on things thatstrengthen you, your own
confidence, and how to do thatand the steps to make that
happen.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Yeah, I love everything about it and I know
that you and I've had so many ofthese conversations and I know
that my brain immediately goesto and for anyone that is
struggling with that, give me acall, you know, cause it's like
that's the right tool and maybeI start.
Maybe I see the people thatthen are saying, oh my gosh, I
must be next level broken If I'mseeing others around me get
excited and embrace the tool andI still can't.
(38:14):
And that's all that's bringingawareness to.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
And we had women on there, so we really walked them
through that process of yes, youhave to acknowledge where
you're at.
You have to appreciate.
Yeah, I'm in this space rightnow and I don't like it, but by
focusing on what gratitudegratitude is huge really changes
the brain.
It really helps you, you know.
(38:37):
And celebrations when you focuson celebrations, what does that
do?
It totally activates your RASand your brain starts to take
note of that win that you didthat day.
I mean, how often do we go tobed and it's like, oh, I didn't
get this done.
I felt short hair.
I yelled at my child ratherthan, wow, how long did it take
(38:59):
before I did yell at my child?
I was so patient.
And then I, you know, I mean,there's some really key points
that are really positive.
And so you know, those are thewins, those are the things, that
, just those simple steps.
What did you do well today?
How did you show up foryourself today?
And then they're like oh,because obviously you know you
(39:21):
can, if I were to ask, you know,give me a list of the things
that you didn't get done or youfell short they would definitely
have those all ready to go.
But unfortunately and the thingis is that our brains have been
trained, we're wired to benegative because if you think
about way back when, when youwere trying to eat off the land
(39:43):
and, you know, kill animals, Imean, you were always looking
for danger.
You're always looking for thechallenges in life and the
trials.
So we are programmed to focuson anything negative and so we
have to work extra hard to lookat the positive things.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
I like Tony's way of saying that our brain is an
amazing do not get killed device, and that's what you're talking
about there.
And so you're looking fordanger, and danger comes in many
forms.
It comes in forms the physical,like you're talking about there
, and so you're looking fordanger, and danger comes in many
forms.
It comes in forms the physical,like you're talking about,
where you walk into when you'rea caveman back in those days
(40:20):
that the saber-toothed tiger isright around the corner, is
going to jump you.
So you have to be prepared forthat All the way to now, where
you walk in the door, door andyou're not sure if your spouse
is going to be present or havesome criticism of you or
whatever it is that you'reworried about, and so you're
(40:40):
immediately in fight, flight,freeze or fawn before you even
walk in the door, the door, andso these are things that
everybody has to figure out, howthey're going to react, and
having time and giving yourselftime and space to decide how
you're going to react before ithappens helps a lot too.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Well, and the other thing too.
It's like how often do we wakeup and we're anticipating the
stress or the conflict of theday or the chaos and what we're
going to be, or the conflict ofthe day or the chaos and what
we're going to be, how our day'sgonna go, and that is your
feeling of feeling unseen.
And how often do we kind ofreplay back those moments of
pain and, rather than taking alook at how did I handle a
(41:24):
situation, celebrating anyprogress that you've made, and
so that's what I'm also want tofocus on as well.
It's like even in relationshipsand so often, especially in our
group it's they take on therole of what have I done wrong?
What do I need to change?
(41:47):
I need to change, and so,allowing yourself to remember
you have so much goodness insideof you and it's just taking
that out and focusing on whatthat goodness looks like for you
.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
And so how do you, how do you handle when you find
yourself in a spot where aclient is stuck in a place where
they don't want to get out ofthat negative space, where
they're focused on blaming theirspouse or they're focused on
looking for every negative thingthat they might do.
How do you help them out there?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Well, a lot of times that's in their fight or flight,
they're in the hyper mode, andso that's their critter brain.
What I try to do is I kind ofrefocus the direction that
they're navigating to and willcompletely change to share three
things that you're grateful for, because you're trying to get
(42:50):
out of that loop and back intothat prefrontal cortex, and that
put that CEO back online.
And so it's amazing how, evenif I'm like you know, share
something that really awesomethat happened this week,
anything to like get them toshift out of that.
And then, because it's hard towork with someone when they're
(43:10):
in that space, and so samequestion to you and this is what
I love.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah, this is such a good question and and where
Tricia and I will, and again,there's no disagreement here.
But it's like, of course, whereI find my brain going is that
is someone in that situation I'mgoing to, I'm going to sit with
them in that, because mostlikely that's been the case for
long enough, that that is theirimplicit memory, or what it
feels like to be them, and basedoff of all that slow residue of
their lived experience.
(43:35):
So then, even in and this isthe challenge I have with CBT,
is that, even if I and I so lovewhat Trish is saying, but if
I'm trying to get them to thinkof those kinds of things, or
good things, or positive things,that then that's, is that a me
issue?
I want to feel like this is aproductive session, and so then
are they looking for myvalidation, and so they might
say, okay, no, you're right,this is something that's
(43:55):
happened.
And then I feel good when theyleave therapy.
But then they leave, and then Iand I guess I've got enough
experience with just that kindof that particular population
where, over time, you know, Ijust it doesn't they either
they'll slowly slide away fromtherapy or they will then really
open up to me and say, okay, Ican do this here, I might feel
good while I'm here, but thenwhen I go back home, then why
(44:17):
can't I keep this going?
And so I know that it's just alittle bit more of the maybe the
long-term approach to I'm goingto wait that, I'm almost going
to wait that out, cause at thatpoint they most likely haven't
felt really heard or seen byanybody.
And so then I'm going to be theone you know I will hear them,
I will see them.
And I remember still, even backto my internship and having this
mentor, dr Jerry Harris, whojust said that person
(44:40):
continually needs somebody toempathize with them until they
finally feel seen or heard.
And then and it's funny, it cantake a long time before then.
And I still remember this youknow my origin story of a client
that I, I heard them for solong that then they finally said
, man, does it sound like I justam hopeless or I make a bunch
of excuses, and that took solong to get there.
That then, and I was able tosay, well, what do you think?
(45:01):
And what would that look like?
And do you want me to be theexcuse killer and and we made
little bits of progress.
So this is just sometimes whereI think that why I talk about I
love seeing a good life coachthat can really motivate, and my
joke is always that and thenI'll be there when they don't
feel like they can or it isn'tresonating with them, and then
I'll step in and say, okay, nowwe're dealing with some stuff
that's deeper under the surface,because they most likely felt
(45:23):
that way for so long that thatis what it feels like to be them
.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
So just to interject for a second.
Yeah, so just to interject fora second.
One of the things that I wouldlike to just reiterate is when I
am working with clients we havealready gone into all of the
tell me more, share yourfeelings and then we go into
that deep space.
(45:46):
But when they're in that space,it's hard to focus on how to
move forward.
And so once we get into, youknow there's this, this interim
that I have seen actually withmy clients.
So we have our celebrations,that's what we focus on at the
(46:06):
beginning, but then I'm like,okay, now share with me what's
happening, and so they usuallyhave an instance.
That's that goes on.
So we talk all about that,share their feelings, get that
all out.
But then, when we're startingto focus on steps to take to
move forward that's the pointthat I'm trying to say is that's
(46:27):
I need to shift them at acritter brain Totally.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
So then they can be able to no arguments.
Yeah, now they can hear whatwe're talking about and they can
start to think about and applysome of these things in their
own life, and they usually comeup with them on their own, and
so, but if we stay in that space, they can't.
(46:51):
They leave in that space, andthat's not what I want them to
do.
I want them to have hope.
I want them to feel like oh mygosh, this can work for me.
This is something that I'mexcited to do more of.
But the other thing is is likeone of the things that we're
talking about in our group onThursday, but the other thing is
(47:11):
is like one of the things thatwe're talking about in our group
on Thursday.
It's I don't want to feelignored, so I will surround
myself with emotionallyavailable people, or I don't
want to be in another toxicrelationship, so I will
prioritize my emotionalwell-being in relationships, and
so it's focusing on theirsituation.
But still, what do they wantinstead and how to get that
(47:36):
instead?
Give them the steps so they canfocus on that instead.
So that's where I go with that.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
I love listening to both of your approaches.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
I know right.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Because it's differences in training,
differences in philosophy, and Ilove them both.
I think that they're veryeffective.
It's interesting because whenI'm in a place where a person is
stuck and they have a beliefthat something's a certain way,
they could expand that belief alittle bit.
(48:09):
My approach is very muchdifferent.
I had a patient this week whohad waited for three to four
weeks to be able to come and seeme, and so they had saved up
multiple issues that they wantedto handle at the same time.
Well, that's okay, exceptthere's not enough time for all
(48:30):
that.
So you have to make a decisionon what you're going to take
care of, and he was unhappy withme because I didn't do them all
, because he had waited all thistime, and so it was interesting
to be able to talk through.
Okay, I want to care for you, Iwant to make sure that this is
taken care of, but I only havethis much time because every
(48:51):
other person today has waitedthe same amount of time.
So it's been an interestingthing to watch as you help
people manage those reactions.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Yeah, that's really good.
So I think Tony had to leave,but I think that you've got to
have those expectations too, andI think that if you don't, then
patients will come in andyou'll be there for an hour.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:21):
And I think I'd like to discuss this on another
podcast, and we've kind of beenputting some thought to this of
what I can do to help patientshave the best doctor visits
possible.
I know we've kind of touched onit a little bit in the past,
but it's something I think thatit can be really helpful and it
(49:43):
can go over into yourdiscussions with your therapist
or your life coach or whomeveris, to just have yourself
prepared, and I can give yousome quick tools that might be
really helpful for that.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
Yeah, we're excited for that episode, definitely
Well, excellent.
One of the things that I'd liketo go through is how do we
retrain our AS and what are somemethods?
We can use, one of the thingsthat it's called filter and it's
(50:18):
kind of these acronyms that youcan think of, you can remember,
and it will help guide youthrough this process.
So the first one is F.
So filter, f and that's focus.
So you want to be clear on whatyou want to see more of.
The more specific you are withyour brain, the more it's going
(50:41):
to remember.
So the more specific you are inyour instructions.
If it's like I just want to loseweight, well, is that going to
give your brain enoughinstructions to follow through
with losing weight?
No, you have to break that down.
What do you want to do?
You want to crowd out more ofthe unhealthy foods and
incorporate more of more veggiesand more fruits.
(51:02):
How many times a week do youwant to exercise and how long do
you want to exercise and whatkind of exercise do you want to
do?
Those are the things that youneed to be more specific with
and that will also allow you tohave more success.
Because you have written thingsdown.
You've got a plan in place.
(51:22):
If you just got this thing inyour head I just want to lose
weight.
Well, that's just not enoughinformation, so you have to set
that intention.
Do you have anything to say,jeff, about?
Speaker 3 (51:32):
focus.
Nope, that sounds great.
Speaker 1 (51:34):
Okay, so if you have any thoughts, let me know okay.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Number two is I identify, recognize the patterns
you've been reinforcing.
Are you constantly talkingabout what's going wrong and are
you scrolling throughnegativity online?
The first step to changing whatyou see is acknowledging what
(51:58):
you've been focusing on.
So those are the next steps.
What are your behaviors?
What are the patterns that youhave put in your life that are
something that is not workingfor you?
It's creating a pathway that'snot helping you move forward.
Number three is L look forevidence.
So your brain needs proof, justlike you get to create your own
(52:23):
environment every day andwhatever input you choose to put
in, it is what it's going to befocusing on.
So if you wake up and you'reall negative and having a hard
day and everything's terribleand awful and sometimes we have
those days and we have to allowourselves to sit in it and
that's okay but then your brainis gonna be focusing on pulling
in all that negative input.
(52:44):
But if you want to feelconfident, then you start
looking for small moments whereyou have been confident.
And if you want to believepeople are kind, pay attention
to simple acts of kindness.
So I we had a podcast on that acouple of weeks ago.
Number four is train daily.
(53:07):
So this isn't a one and donething.
You have to train your RASconsistently.
You want to visualize, you wantto focus on affirmations, just
kind of like if you talked aboutLouise Hayes.
She talks about having onething that you think about every
single day and you say it inyour brain a hundred times a day
and then before long, that iswhat your brain now recognizes
(53:32):
and it's part of your brain.
It's more cemented, but thoseaffirmations and writing them
down, your goals down daily,that strengthens your neural
pathways so you can focus onwhat you want.
Number five is E eliminatedistractions.
This is a hard one becausethere's distractions everywhere.
(53:54):
You know you get on your phone.
What do you start doing?
You start getting on Facebook,you start scrolling Instagram.
It's hard.
Yes, it totally is squirrel andit's doing quite a number on
our kids.
You know we've talked aboutwe've had an episode on that but
they're not learning how to beable to focus on one thing at a
time because they're learninghow to do all these multitasking
(54:16):
and that's really hard on yourbrain.
So you want to cut out whatisn't serving you.
Like I said, if watching thenews leaves you anxious, limit
it.
If social media makes you feellike you're not enough.
Take a break.
Take a social break.
Your RAS works best when itisn't cluttered by distractions.
(54:38):
So number six is R reframe.
And this is what I was talkingabout with Tony is how to
reframe.
You want to shift how you thinkabout challenges.
Instead of I always mess up,say I'm learning and growing.
Instead of nothing ever worksout for me, say I am finding new
(54:59):
ways to succeed.
Your RES will look for evidenceto support that new belief and
even just some things that Ishared in our group with the
Emotionally Mature partners.
It's today.
I will notice small ways I amrespected.
I will look for signs that I amhealing.
So those are things that aregoing to be really important too
(55:21):
.
And when we talked aboutcelebrations at the beginning,
we've kind of talked about thata little bit throughout.
Celebrating is huge because ithelps you focus on anything good
that's going on in your life.
Even if you've had a reallycrummy, terrible day, there's
(55:41):
got to be one thing that you canpull out that is a win for you,
and those are some things thatI'd really like you to focus on.
Do you have any thoughts, jeff?
Speaker 3 (55:52):
I just want to let you know that I'm learning and
growing myself.
So thanks for reminding me thatand we can all keep ourselves
in a place where we giveourselves grace for doing
exactly that we're learning,we're growing, we're being our
best selves at any given moment,and give yourself grace for
(56:17):
having a bad day, but also thatyou can re-challenge yourself
each day to make the next onebetter.
So keep up the good work,everyone.
Speaker 1 (56:28):
Perfect, that's great , okay, excellent, and we are
all learning and growing, andthat's the key if you want to
continue learning and growing.
I had a birthday this last weekand I told my mom thank you,
but I told my mom that I wasn'tgoing to have any more birthdays
.
And she goes well, then you'llbe dead.
And I thought, okay, that's notwhat we really want, but I just
(56:50):
thought that was so funny.
So if you're not learning andgrowing, then you're dead, right
?
Speaker 3 (56:54):
So don't be dead.
Speaker 1 (56:56):
All right, everyone.
So let's do a recap.
Your RAS is your mental filter.
You can retrain it to filterfor positivity, growth and
opportunity for using the filtersystem Now.
You can also train it to be ina negative, stressful, doubtful
cycle as well.
(57:16):
You get to choose what thatlooks like for you.
So here's my challenge.
What's one thing you will trainyour RAS to focus on this week
and we'd absolutely love to hearsome of your thoughts and
remember to celebrate your wins,because that is when it
reinforces your brain, that thatis a positive thing.
(57:38):
So I just want to thank you allfor joining us today.
Thank Tony, he had to leave,but please hit subscribe and
send your questions to TrishaJameson coaching at gmailcom.
Thank you so much, everyone.
Speaker 3 (57:50):
See you next time Bye everybody, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (57:54):
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, Delighted to
share today's gems of wisdomwith you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
(58:16):
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, friends, to theQ&A Files.
I'm your host, trisha Jamieson,a functional nutritionist and
lifestyle practitioner and alife coach, and, as always, I'm
(00:51):
joined by my two incredibleco-hosts, dr Jeff Jamieson, a
board certified family physician, and Tony Overbay, a licensed
marriage and family therapist.
Welcome, gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Hey, when you say that you're a nutritionist and I
realized my immaturity becauseI feel like my nutrition has
gotten a little bit worse latelyand it's maybe because you're
telling me the good ways that Ishould show up better and eat
better, so I know that I'm beingimmature.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I never do those things.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
No.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I let you eat.
And just you know, if you'regoing to eat those warm
chocolate chip cookies in frontof us, I'm going to let you do
that.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
That is totally something you can enjoy, and if
you were seeing us on the videothen you'd know that we were
drooling at the time.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
That's right At that time.
Oh, they sound so good, yeah,and that's all he kept saying.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
It's like, oh, this is so good.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
You're amazing.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
And that is my vice a warm chocolate chip cookie
right there out of the oven.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Well, if Jeff got my text, then here we go.
Tricia, I'm sure the door isabout to open and here comes a
warm chocolate chip cookie fromme.
No, Jeff, miss that one.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Hey, I'm not listening.
Ok, so before we jump intotoday's topic, what?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
are we waiting for Tony I?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
have let you off the hook, but today I'm hitting on
the spot.
What are we going to talk?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
about Celebrations.
Yes, yeah, I thought about one.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
What Amazing.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Okay, it's what we were talking about off air,
which, as I'll have so much moreabout this down the road but
I've had some medical challengesand I have some potential
relief in sight via surgery,mind you, which then we'll get a
lot of yeah buts from thepeople that I've explained
things to.
But I have a handful of doctorfriends and when I got this MRI,
(02:37):
I sent the MRI to all my doctorfriends, including Dr Jeff, and
I said I'm taking advantage ofyou, what's your take?
And Dr Jeff is one of the firstpeople that got back to me with
hey, it looks like you'reprobably going to need some
surgery, but it's not so bad.
And then when I finally metwith my surgeon, it was as if he
had he and Dr Jeff were one inthe same, and that just brought
me such comfort.
(02:57):
And so then we were talkingabout things before we hit the
record button.
It just made me feel even betterbecause, again, people mean so
well.
But the second you mention tosomeone you're about to get neck
surgery oh, I wouldn't do that,says the person who has no idea
what it feels like to be youand or your symptoms, or has
seen your MRI.
And then I have to defendmyself about the things that
(03:17):
they think I should dodifferently.
And so just Dr Jeff, who I knowis one who is not going around
saying to everybody surgery,surgery.
I would imagine Dr Jeff, who Iknow is one who is not going
around saying to everybodysurgery surgery.
I would imagine, Dr Jeff, that'sthe last thing that you
probably recommend to people.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It is so for you to say that, yeah, yeah, there are
people who rush themselves intosurgery thinking that
everything's going to be perfect, and then it's not and they're
disappointed.
But then there are times thatit is absolutely indicated and
life has improved.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, and it's a miracle to even be able to do
that.
And so the fact that you couldlook at my MRI, which looks like
just I can't even believe youguys can read those things, by
the way.
And then, and then I shared theAI generated MRI results and
you said, man, that lookedreally good, and but it just so.
My celebration is I've neverhad surgery in my life.
I broke an ankle one time, andthat's about it.
(04:04):
Yeah, I've never been under,never done any of that stuff.
So, and I'm 55.
So there's a part of me thatjust it is scary.
But then I have done what Ithink most people would do in
this situation, and I've gone toGoogle and YouTube and I've
just seen so many, so manythings that are of hope with
what is coming, and so that'sgoing to happen in two or three
(04:26):
weeks.
So that's the trip.
It's going to happen veryquickly, but that's so.
My celebration is is odd.
It's mixed, because I'm afraidbut I'm also excited I'm going
to make room for both of those.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
That's really cool.
That's excellent.
I'm excited for you to get onthe other side of it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, me too, although they did.
They do have to.
Apparently they move youresophagus over to the side while
they do the surgery.
Oh simple, simple.
But I was told that that mightcause a little bit of difficulty
in swallowing for a little bit.
So then I thought maybe I'lllose a couple of pounds, you
know yeah you definitely need it.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
Positive things.
It's awesome.
The only place you need to losethat is between your ears.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Exactly what did you say earlier, because I lug
around that big old head orwhatever, which is true.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Okay, so I have a celebration and it's kind of a
mixed bag of things.
I've been under a fair amount ofstress lately because the
people that help me in my officeI usually have two mid-level
providers that help me be ableto take care of patients.
Well, one moved away and theother one is out on a medical
(05:29):
procedure, and it has taught mesomething and I'm grateful for
it.
It's been a hard thing to learnbut I'm grateful for it, and
that's to find out that, eventhough I feel like I'm a fairly
capable person, I've realized Ihave limits and my own limits on
doing this work as a physician.
(05:50):
I get to a place where I haveto take a break.
I found my own stress iscausing, you know, little things
in my body like eye twitchesand things like that that I've
never had, because I've neverhad this amount of pressure and
stress professionally, and soit's been an eye-opener and an
(06:13):
eye-twitcher.
But it's been good andsomething I'm celebrating to be
able to find those limits and tobe able to take better care of
me, so then I can thereby takebetter care of my family, and
that's my goal.
To have a job anyway is to takecare of my family.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Well said, and, dr Jeff, it just brings up and we
can put this for maybe anotherday.
But I think sometimes I justwant to see, can one be helped
before they get to that pointwhere they didn't know that it
was as bad as it is, before youget the eye twitches, or because
I think that we're just wiredto think it's not that bad until
your body finally says, okay, Iwill, I'll start twitching
(06:54):
those eyes.
Let's see what you think aboutthat.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Or having pain in my neck.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yeah, exactly, or my hands or whatever it is.
Exactly, oh man yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Yeah, trisha had to have both of her hands operated
this last year and she's waybetter now, but, oh my gosh, it
was hard getting through it.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Yeah, well, mine.
Thank you, gentlemen, that'sawesome.
Mine is I started a book club.
I have never even been in abook club and now I'm the host.
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
You sit down and know how well it's done, trisha,
that you've never even been in abook club, and now I'm the host
.
That's funny.
You sit down and know how wellit's done, tricia, that you've
never even been in one.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I assumed you were an old pro.
I know Not at all, and I have48 women in there.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Wow, hey.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
And it's been great.
So we've got this little quotecorner, so we put quotes in the
corner of you know, as we'rereading, but I have it all
broken down how many.
We're starting off with the letthem theory by Mel Robbins.
Oh and next month we're going toread the atomic habits by James
, clearly, and so that will bereally fun and it's been great.
(07:57):
So we've got a lot of peoplefrom our group that have been in
there and we've got otherpeople kind of mixed in, so it's
a it's going to be a nicecombination, but, yeah, it's
been fantastic.
I'm I'm loving it.
It's taken some time but I'mloving it.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I appreciate that so much Cause, yeah, the number of
people that have shown up in thegroup for that has been
phenomenal.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I know it's been really I've been surprised.
Actually I was thinking maybe15 women, but no, we're almost
up to 50.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So that's pretty exciting women, but now we're
almost up to 50.
So that's pretty exciting,amazing.
Can you hear that pounding, bythe way, you guys?
No, okay, the, thewonderfulness of a microphone,
it's very loud.
Can I just share a story that Ihave to get out and I'll make
it so fast?
Yes, okay, oh, it's so loud,it's so funny.
So I'm in this, in in my officein Arizona.
I'm in a set of salon suites.
I make jokes to you guys allthe time.
I think that nothing saystherapy like smelling a perm
(08:46):
solution and burnt hair, right,that's not something I've run
into before, but the suitebehind you have neck issues.
So the suite behind mine,there's a new, new people moving
in and they have a whole bunchof different services and I
looked them up on Instagram.
I'm kind of excited to see if Ican trade for some I don't know
some Botox, some hypnotherapy,maybe a little massage.
But they're building out theirsuite and I'm here on a weekend
(09:10):
and that's when you're allowedto do all the work.
You're also allowed to do thework after 7 pm.
I know this is like such awaste of time story, but I have
to say so.
A couple of weeks ago I'm inhere and I've got a couple
coming in for the first time andwe're going to do a two hour
session and they're right thereon my couch and it sure enough
seven oh one.
And it's like they it's likethey fire up a chainsaw back
there.
You know, um, and it's right.
(09:31):
And I'm trying to say I'm sosorry, you guys and we were all
looking forward to thisappointment.
So they were saying it's okay,it's okay After about two or
three minutes of this buzzsawgoing on right in their ears.
Then I just say I think we needto do this in the.
There's a break room or akitchen, so we go in there.
It feels off, but still, I'm apro, we're doing a great therapy
.
But at some point one of thewomen just comes in and she
(09:52):
needs to fire up something inthe microwave and so we just
kind of pause anyway, and thatjust it's fascinating.
So that's.
I'm having a little PTSD rightnow from the very loud.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Oh, shoot no we can't hear anything, so you're good.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
But cheese soft fires up that I might.
I might have to go take this inthe kitchen.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Okay, well, we'll let you know if we hear anything.
How's?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
that.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Thank you, okay, yes, absolutely so, for our
listeners.
I want you to take a secondright now and just think of one
small win you've had this week,and it could be something as
simple as drinking more water orjust going for a hike outside,
or just that you made it througha tough day Because every
single time you focus onsomething positive, you get a
dopamine dump, and that's whatwe want.
We want to really start tofocus on creating new neural
(10:42):
pathways and every time you docelebrate a success, your brain
not only releases a dopaminedump but it, like I said,
reinforces that behavior, butit's also like giving your brain
a mental high five, and again,that will strengthen those
neural pathways.
So I wanna do, before we getinto our topic today, I wanna do
(11:04):
this quick little exercise.
I want you both and everybodyelse on the call that can hear,
unless you're driving, you canstill do this with your driving,
but you can't do the secondpart.
I want you to look around yourroom and I want you to look for
anything that's blue.
Just take 10 seconds.
Look for anything that's blue,got it?
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Excellent, so now close your eyes, blue.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Got it Excellent, so now close your eyes again.
Unless you're driving, don'tclose your eyes, please.
And without looking and openingyour eyes, I want you to tell
me how many yellow things yousaw.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Oh, you got me.
I knew this, I knew Patricia.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Okay, open your eyes.
Obviously you weren't lookingfor yellow, so your brain
ignored that color completely.
But guess what?
The yellow objects were therethe whole time, right, they
didn't just like appear now.
So what just happens?
What was your brain focusing onright now?
(12:03):
And what is that?
Is that called?
Does any either one of you know?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
the brain was deciphering what it was told to
do why, what's the system insideyour brain?
Speaker 1 (12:17):
yes, what's the system called?
Speaker 3 (12:18):
the system inside your brain that does that is
called the reticular activatingsystem yes, and exactly what
Jeff said.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
That's part of the brain that's responsible for
filtering information anddeciding what's important and
what should be ignored.
It's kind of like we talk aboutthe RAS.
The reticular activating systemis like a gatekeeper and it
determines what gets through toyour conscious awareness and
(12:47):
what gets left out.
So, again, it filters out whatyou're not focusing on, even if
it's right in front of you, andthis happens in your daily life
too.
So if you're focused on stressand a lot of anxiousness, you'll
miss opportunities for joy andconnection that are right there.
So I'm ready for Tony to do hisyeah buts.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Oh, I don't even have any as a matter of fact.
This is, yeah, when, when, whenwe were talking about this and
I can jump in here now.
But it's really interestingbecause I think that I have some
material that I've wanted topodcast about for quite a while,
but I just I don't think aboutit, and so it is not making it
through the filter.
And when you mentioned this isa potential topic, then it just
(13:32):
brought a lot of uh a lot oflight.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Okay, well, let me get to our uh, one more thing to
share, and then we're going toget to our question, and then I
can't wait to hear all the kindof way's a kind way to say, hey,
not yet Again, old man You'rejumping the gun here.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Hang on a second.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I love when you get excited about something.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I am excited.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yes, because I am.
So I want you to imagine you'rewalking in a restaurant and it's
a very busy restaurant, justkind of like Tony's just talking
about.
He's got a lot of stuff going onin his office right there, but
there's a lot of chatter,there's music playing, maybe a
(14:12):
baby crying in the background,but all of a sudden someone
calls out your name from acrossthe room and through all the din
you can hear.
Your brain instantly picks upon your name and so is that
again.
That's that RAS, and itprioritizes what it believes is
most relevant to you.
So, like we just talked about,I'm so excited to dive into how
(14:33):
the reticular activating system,or the RAS, can help you gain
clarity, build confidence andmake real progress towards your
goals.
And we want to stay till theend because we're going to show
you how to train your brain tobreak free from stress and start
focusing on what truly matters,and how to train your RAS to
(14:55):
work for you, not against you.
So today's episode is going tobe absolutely mind-blowing,
literally, and we've got thisgreat listener question that's
going to kick it off, and Ican't wait to hear your guys'
thoughts at the end or as westart to focus on this.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I heard that at the end.
The very end.
Dr Jeff, you and I might getsome scraps here.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I'm going to just talk about all these other
things that I don't want to hearto you for the very last minute
, no, but.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Well, my reticular activation system had kicked in
and I wasn't hearing anythingyou said.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Oh, and actually that will play into what I will talk
about later, since you guys area couple.
I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Exactly so in Sarah's case, who we're going to hear
from in just a moment, her RASis currently filtering for
overwhelm and negativity,because that's where her focus
has been.
But the good news, the RES istrainable.
Okay, today's question comesfrom Sarah, and I know so many
of you can relate, and shewrites Hi Tricia, dr Jeff and
(15:55):
Tony, I recently learned aboutthe reticular activating system
and it sounds absolutelyfascinating.
I understand it helps filterinformation so our brains don't
get overwhelmed, but honestly, Ifeel like mine is filtering in
all the wrong things Stress,negativity and just constant
distractions.
No matter how much I try tofocus on my goals, I keep
(16:18):
getting pulled back into worry,self-doubt and everything that's
not helping me move forward.
Is there a way to retrain mybrain to focus on what actually
matters and tune out all thenoise?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
So, first of all, sarah, that'ssuch a great question and I
think so many you're right canrelate to feeling stuck and in
(16:39):
that loop of stress andabsolutely overwhelmed.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
So can I ask you a question real quick?
Yes, I want to take notes toaddress there.
She said she's focusing onworry, self-doubt, and what was,
what was the other part?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Worry stress and self-doubt.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
OK, perfect, thank you OK.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, anxiousness yes .
Speaker 2 (16:57):
OK, thank you.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Yeah, and I just was going to say that.
You know we've talked aboutthis kind of topic on past
episodes, but today we're goingto really focus on how to make
real changes.
You have the opportunity toreally focus on the how and so
we're really excited to try that.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
Is that what you mean ?
The how to change your RAS?
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Yes, how to change your brain.
And so we're going to focus onhow it is trainable.
All right, Tony, if you havesome thoughts, first go ahead.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Oh, okay, okay, so this will be interesting.
So I used to, when I wasspeaking a lot more, and I'll
just say pre-pandemic, therewere a couple of different bits
that I would start with, and onewas I would talk about the
difference between male andfemale, and with.
And one was I would talk aboutthe difference between male and
female, and I would.
There's one by this researchfrom a professor, ruben Gur,
this neurologist out of, I think, university of Pennsylvania.
They would say when a man'sbrain was in resting state, 70%
(17:52):
electrical activity was shut off.
So if you ask him what he'sthinking, he says nothing,
literally nothing.
But then, in the same restingstate, a woman's brain is still
active.
So then if he's trained welland he says, oh, what are you
thinking?
And then she tells you.
So that was the first one.
But the second one was thisconcept called repetitive
acoustic stimuli, which isreally interesting, and so that
was just one, where, over time,couples that had been together
(18:12):
for a while, it's as if theystarted to filter out their
communication as white noise.
And so you see that I think, asa couples therapist, of
literally not hearing each otherand so having to be so
intentional and then not takingoffense when someone says were
you even paying attention?
And then having the courage forthe other person to say,
(18:32):
honestly, I thought I was, but Imissed something.
So I was even giving them thebenefit of the doubt of this
repetitive acoustic stimuli.
And so, when AI started gettinghot, I took this concept of
repetitive acoustic stimuli andI started playing around with it
in a particular AI that isbased off of all evidence-based
journals and periodicals calledCLAWD.
And then what CLAWD reallyhelped me understand was and it
(18:55):
pointed things back to the RAS,which I thought was really
interesting and so I have thisthing and I'm going to own this,
that I'm going to read this.
And I forgot I even had ituntil we were talking about this
, but it was almost looking atthe beginning of a.
I was started writing a podcastabout it and I just said so.
You know how, when you firstfall in love, every little thing
about your partner captivatesyou the way they laugh, even the
(19:17):
sound of their keys in the doormakes your heart skip a beat.
But over time, somethingfascinating happens in our brain
, specifically in what's calledthe reticular activating system,
or RAS, and I just said thinkof RAS as your brain's bouncer
deciding on what informationgets through to conscious
awareness.
Early in relationships and Ilove this concept your partner
is like a VIP guest.
Everything about them getsimmediate attention.
But as the years pass, yourbrain's bouncer starts treating
(19:38):
their presence more like regularbackground noise, similar to
how you might stop noticing thehum of your refrigerator.
And so then I started writingabout that.
That's why couples married fordecades can sit at the same
breakfast table, one partnersharing something important and
the other appears to belistening, but it's actually
just processing their wordsalmost like white noise.
It's not intentional, it's yourbrain's efficiency system at
work.
So the same mechanism thathelps you sleep through your
(20:00):
partner's familiar snoring alsomight make you miss the subtle
change in their voice whenthey're trying to tell you
something meaningful, and soit's funny I'm saying so.
What I said was, but I'mliterally saying it now.
The good news is thatunderstanding this neurological
process gives you powerful toolsfor keeping love spark alive,
because by consciously varyingour communication patterns and
creating moments of genuineconnection, then we can easily
(20:21):
wake up our brain's attentionsystem and start to truly hear
each other again.
So I took this repetitiveacoustic stimuli, which would
always draw a laugh, because ifwe've been together for a long
time, yeah, our partner mightstart to sound like white noise,
but all I had was that data,and then the more I was like,
well, why is that?
It pointed back to thereticular activating system.
And so then when a couple isnow communicating and somebody
(20:42):
says, hey, did you even hear me?
I'm going to go back to myfundamentals of the four pillars
.
I'm going to assume goodintentions they're not trying to
hurt me and I can't tell themthey're wrong Cause, honestly, I
didn't hear, I didn't hear them, and that I'm telling you.
I've had a lot of couples thisweek and there was one yesterday
, and they've been together for40 years, and it is often the
case that the guy says Ihonestly don't remember that and
(21:05):
I've really helped the wife notdo really like you honestly
don't remember that or make itabout, you don't care about me,
and uh, and you and we weretrading messages a little bit
earlier today about this conceptand I want to go back to that
session now and then bring thisconcept up.
I did talk about the repetitiveacoustic stimuli, but I want to
say that it's like it's thebrain's efficiency system, and
(21:27):
so just now.
We need to note that and justbe more intentional, because I
what I keep telling them andother couples is you have to
have courage to be known and youhave to courage to know your
partner.
So the courage to be known is,if I don't see you reacting to
my what I just said, then I haveto have that courage to say hey
, did you hear me?
But but they need the tools forthe guy to not, you know, view
(21:52):
that as like oh, okay, you'reright, I'm a horrible person, or
will you never hear me?
You know that kind of thing.
So that's why I love thisconcept.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
You know, it's really interesting because I get
people.
Uh, usually a man has been sentin to see me by his wife who
says he doesn't hear very well.
There's a problem when I tellhim things.
He doesn't hear me.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
This is fascinating.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
And I need to get his hearing checked and get the
things done so that we can makesure that my husband can hear me
and hear me well.
And there is some truth to also, as people age, especially men,
are hearing changes to wherethe vocal range and the female
(22:35):
registry it does decrease, sothat's a real thing.
But I've also had multiple menwho've had their ears and their
hearing tested Preston Pyshkoand they don't have a big
blockage in their ear canals.
Their hearing is fine and yettheir wives still say that he
doesn't hear what I say.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
So this is just an excuse to ignore us Great.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
I mean, but it's a medical excuse for you to
understand and this is a problemwith our 17-year-old son.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
This is where we go.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
Yep, so it's interesting to hear this because
I hadn't really heard of thisacoustic-.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Repetitive acoustic stimuli.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Repetitive acoustic stimuli, although I can
understand it.
It's like if you live next towhere the train tracks and you
don't even hear the train goingby anymore.
That's your RAS taking it out,and so I hear what you're saying
and I didn't recognize it assomething that happens in
couples.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Well, and what's funny, dr Jeff, is I used to
home teach this couple in thetown I used to live in in
California.
Literally lived, literallytrain track, maybe 20 feet from
their backyard, and that trainwould come blowing through and
they would just keep talking andI remember just saying are you
guys kidding me right now?
Like come on, yeah, and it wasmind blowing to me.
(23:57):
And then I always thought, oh,they're just so embarrassed
about it that they just pretendthat it didn't happen.
But you know repetitiveacoustic stimuli.
They lived there 20 years.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Wow.
I know Probably didn't have alot of uh years.
Wow, I know you probably didn'thave a lot of Gus Right.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
All I wanted right then and I don't drink tea, but
I wanted a teacup, I just wantedit to rattle in the thing and I
wanted the spoon to shake sobad.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Yeah, oh, so this is actually.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
That was fascinating.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Mine or Dr Jeff's Mine right.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Well I You're always here because you shouldn't hear
mine.
That's right.
I didn't hear what he just said.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
No, but I didn't know that that was really.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
It makes sense.
That really does make sense andwe've been married 37 years and
I think we both can kind ofappreciate that at times,
definitely.
But this is a great segue intoa question I want to ask Jeff
now, and it's what is the RESand how does it filter
information?
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Oh wow.
It's such a big topic becausethere's so much to it.
I mean, you're talking aboutfour different neurotransmitters
that work together to try andget that to keep that all
working.
But the main- purpose for thereticular activating system.
(25:19):
Yeah, I know so much about it Ican't say it.
Anyway, the RAS receives inputfrom the sensory nerves, which
include the eyes and ears andtouch and so on, even your
stomach and visceral systems,and it filters it out.
So like if you've got anabdominal pain, but it's just a
(25:40):
little one and it just sort ofcomes and goes.
You'll figure out how to workpast that so that you don't
really even notice it, but it'sstill there and then if it
becomes really loud it'll pop upthrough your reticular
activating system through toyour frontal cortex and say hey,
something's going on, I need todo something about it.
(26:01):
So it helps regulate our sensoryinput and wherever that's
coming from eyes, ears,abdominal somatic areas like
your wrist if you twisted itfunny the other day and it hurts
, but it's not that bad, or itreally hurts or if you happen to
have a nerve pinch that'smaking your arm go to sleep or
(26:23):
really hurting, like somebody weknow then that'll come through
your reticular activating systemand become now very prominent
and loud in your system, in theconscious part of your
understanding.
So other things that it does isit helps regulate sleep-wake
cycles really important thanthat Helps your body respond to
(26:47):
the environment.
So if it's cold, you go and getsomething to put on, if you're
hungry, things like that.
It helps with fight or flight.
So if you're having problemswith a spouse or a person
putting a gun to your head andyou get into that time where you
(27:08):
either fight, fight, well,fight, fight.
That's two fights, right Fight,flight which means run away.
There's also freeze, and thenthe other one Tony brought up
before was fawn.
So, you just yeah.
It manages those.
And whatever you've done in thepast, you'll probably do again
because of the RAS.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I'm going to step.
Thank Okay, I'm going to step.
Thank you, I'm going to step inhere just for a minute too.
So also your brain is bombardedwith approximate.
I can't say this word eitherApproximately.
Approximately Thank you, thankyou 11 million bits of
information per second, but yourconscious mind can only process
about 40 to 50 bits per second.
(27:51):
So that means that yourreticular activating system, or
your RES, plays a crucial rolein filtering out what's
irrelevant and it highlightswhat it deems important based on
what you're focused on Now.
Your RES is so powerful becauseit determines what gets through
like we talked about yourconscious and awareness and what
(28:13):
gets ignored.
It starts to highlight certainthings in your mind.
So whatever you tell your brainto focus on is what it will
scan your environment and itwill bring those things to the
forefront.
It's not a judge, it justfollows your lead and it doesn't
distinguish between positiveand negative input.
(28:36):
So if you're constantly focusedon stress and negativity kind of
a little bit like Sarah orself-doubt your RAS will filter
the world again to show you moreof the stress, the doubt.
But if you train it to focus ongratitude and opportunities and
solutions, it'll start tofilter those things out instead.
(28:59):
There's a guy by the name ofJim Quick and he once said if
you knew how powerful your mindreally was, you would never,
ever have a negative thoughtagain, and I want you to think
about that.
Your brain is capable offiltering reality in a way that
either keeps you stuck or setsyou free.
Today, that's exactly whatwe're going to focus on is how
(29:22):
to control that filter.
So, with you, tony, I want youto think about from a therapist
point of view how do you see theRAS affecting people's
self-worth and confidence?
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah, and I appreciate this too, and I know
that people can have differentopinions on this, because this
is where I get up on my soapboxand I talk about CBT versus ACT,
acceptance and commitmenttherapy, because and I know that
CBT works for for a lot ofpeople and then just the quick
primer again, if somebodydoesn't even know if they want
to exist, then and they go gethelp, then CBT is amazing
(29:59):
because it identifies your wrongthoughts you know your
automatic negative thoughts,your stinking thinking and it
says what would a differentthought be, what would a better
thought be?
And I have been reminded,because I was a CBT therapist
for seven or eight years, thatthat is a great place to begin,
but I think, the longer that Iwork with people, then people,
though, are saying okay, thatisn't working, because I'm
trying to be happier, I'm tryingto choose to be happy, and it's
(30:21):
not working.
So I must be really broken,which has moved me into the
world of act, which is you arethe only you, so you think and
feel the way you do, so there'san acceptance that I am thinking
a certain way.
So I still think either ofthose could fit into here,
because if you, if you have noidea what, how to work with this
.
I think it is helpful and thisis where Trisha and I talk often
, where I love about life coachand therapist.
(30:42):
I think a lot of times a goodlife coach is going to say
here's a good plan.
This is, let's start you doingthis, and the person can have a
runway of success and say, okay,give me some more ways that I
can think about this.
But at some point then, if theyare struggling to think of
things and to be happy, then Iwant to jump into this world of
like, check that out, you're notdoing it wrong, it just is.
(31:03):
So I'm accepting the fact thatthese are the things that I'm
focused on and nothing's wrongwith me.
I'm not broken.
And when I try to not thinkabout them, it's like don't
think about the white polar bear.
Everybody does so.
So what I like about Sarah'squestion and why I asked earlier
about, okay, what was it thatshe was saying?
Again, I just want to make sureI get this right Is that I
think sometimes, if you're, ifyou are continually noticing the
(31:24):
things that are causing youstress and you're having a hard
time just making room for themor thinking of something else.
This is where I'm at thiscrossroads of body keeps the
score of.
Is your body trying to say,okay, but you can't just ignore
this.
Are you in an unhealthyrelationship?
Do you not like your job?
Are you struggling with yourfaith or your career, or you
feel like you aren't a goodparent?
So I can't just say, no, I'mgoing to be the best parent I
(31:45):
can today.
If I don't really know how thateven works and I even think
about this, like with what'sgoing on with my structural
issues, with my, my neck andback, I can't think my way out
of this one, and so I do.
You know I need help with that,and so I would love for somebody
like Sarah to then take a lookat what are those things that do
keep coming up, cause, is ityour body keeps the score and is
(32:07):
it saying that, hey, but youcan't just think you're white.
You can't just decide to behappy when you aren't happy in
your marriage, or you can't bejust decide to be happy as a mom
.
If you feel overwhelmed as amom, now granted, I think you
can notice things that you likeabout being a mom, but if,
overall, you feel stuck and Ithink this is where that
crossroads is of, where thechallenge can be.
(32:28):
So I just want to just for mycontribution today is just to
first take a look at what arethose things that do keep
causing you stress or keepcoming up because I'm so on
board with what we're talkingabout.
If I keep focusing on those andthat and they do overwhelm me,
then that is something where myI like what you're saying,
trisha my reticular activationsystem is going to say, oh, is
this what we do?
We're going to look for all thethings that I'd feel
(32:49):
overwhelmed about, but are thosethings I'm feeling overwhelmed
about, things that then I needto go and seek help from a
doctor, a coach, a therapist?
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Yeah.
So this is so fantastic andthis is one of the things that
we really talked about in ourgroup, because that is the group
that they're dealing withemotionally immature people and
so obviously you're not going tobe like, okay, you need to just
think of all these positivethings and be a Pollyanna and
(33:17):
everything's going to work outgreat in your life.
So we really focused on whenthey are having that self-doubt,
when they're focusing on thethings that are they're really
struggling in their life, how toretrain that brain and thinking
I am learning how to attractemotionally safe people in my
life.
So it's still you can acceptthe fact that you're in this
really bad relationship, but themore that you focus on the
(33:42):
negative and how sad anddepressed and awful life is,
that's what your life, that'swhat your world is going to
continue to be part of.
But if you can retrain yourbrain, reframe it and start to
focus on, you know what I mightbe in this situation.
But what am I learning?
How am I growing?
Can I jump in there before?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
something.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Yeah, something's going to leave my mind and I
think that this might be likereally cool that we can again go
back to.
I like what you said thereabout.
Oh man, it did it, it left.
Can I blame it on Dr Jeff?
Yeah, it's my fault.
Okay, but okay, but I'm going toget it back, though.
It's like so when somebody so Ihad a client this week that the
more we were talking aboutthese great tools I always want
(34:24):
to encourage my clients to say Idon't know what you're talking
about.
That takes courage, or I lostyou there.
And this client kept going backto the man I am hearing you and
you seem excited about it.
I'm missing this, and so Ialmost feel like that's the
difference of where.
Then at that point it's almostlike an acceptance that I'm not
able to point, like if we're oh,there it is.
(34:46):
If we're working on I'm going tolearn how to spot emotionally
mature people is.
If we're working on I'm goingto learn how to spot emotionally
mature people, love it, becausethat would give me a dopamine
bump and personally I would feellike, okay, that gives me a
task, I'm going to learn how todo that.
But then if somebody feels youknow immediately, like they're
saying okay, I don't know if Ican even do that, or I'm not
even sure how, or we starttalking about what are signs of
an emotionally mature person,and then their brain immediately
(35:07):
goes to I don't think I've everseen that in my life, what is
wrong with me?
And then I think that's wherethen I want to step in and say
okay.
That's where it takes courageto then say all right.
And I think so often peoplejust they do.
They want to just say, okay, Ijust want this so bad.
I want to look at the positiveand I want to choose happiness
(35:28):
every day, but then when itisn't working, they're not
broken.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Right, there's nothing wrong with them.
Yeah, so go along with that.
Louise Hayes talks about how,if you were to take one thing
that you wanted to focus on, say, I will strengthen my voice,
and if you were to say that ahundred times a day.
Within three months that becomessuch a part of your life.
You have a stronger voice, andso I appreciate what you're
(35:54):
saying, because that's exactlywhat we're helping these women
find these tools and like whenI'll have like a seven-day
application challenge.
So once I have taught theseconcepts, I then have them apply
them in their life for sevendays so they can see what that
feels like, they can try that on.
(36:15):
But it's also even like and youwant to say I will, because
your brain can't tell thedifference between future and
your what's happening today, andso it's whether that will
become your reality the more yousay I will.
And so one of the another thingthat we had them do is I had
(36:36):
them look six months into thefuture and I had them take one
thing that they wanted to focuson, but they had to say I will.
So that is training that brain.
Not I can, I should, I want to,it's I will.
So it's much more of acommanding experience, and it
(36:59):
was interesting to hear whatsome of them had to say about
how powerful that was, becausethey saw them in a different
relationship.
They saw them in a healthyspace, and I think sometimes
we're not giving our brain anopportunity to, even, we're not
even allowing ourselves to getout of that negative space and
(37:21):
see even what's possible.
So that's what I'm trying to dois help them focus on or
refocus on.
Yes, you may be in thesesituations and they're awful and
they, you know, you may notfind that there's a way out, but
you get to focus on you so it'snot, you're not focusing on
your partner and if it's in ayou're in a bad relationship.
(37:45):
You get to focus on things thatstrengthen you, your own
confidence, and how to do thatand the steps to make that
happen.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Yeah, I love everything about it and I know
that you and I've had so many ofthese conversations and I know
that my brain immediately goesto and for anyone that is
struggling with that, give me acall, you know, cause it's like
that's the right tool and maybeI start.
Maybe I see the people thatthen are saying, oh my gosh, I
must be next level broken If I'mseeing others around me get
excited and embrace the tool andI still can't.
(38:14):
And that's all that's bringingawareness to.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
And we had women on there, so we really walked them
through that process of yes, youhave to acknowledge where
you're at.
You have to appreciate.
Yeah, I'm in this space rightnow and I don't like it, but by
focusing on what gratitudegratitude is huge really changes
the brain.
It really helps you, you know.
(38:37):
And celebrations when you focuson celebrations, what does that
do?
It totally activates your RASand your brain starts to take
note of that win that you didthat day.
I mean, how often do we go tobed and it's like, oh, I didn't
get this done.
I felt short hair.
I yelled at my child ratherthan, wow, how long did it take
(38:59):
before I did yell at my child?
I was so patient.
And then I, you know, I mean,there's some really key points
that are really positive.
And so you know, those are thewins, those are the things, that
, just those simple steps.
What did you do well today?
How did you show up foryourself today?
And then they're like oh,because obviously you know you
(39:21):
can, if I were to ask, you know,give me a list of the things
that you didn't get done or youfell short they would definitely
have those all ready to go.
But unfortunately and the thingis is that our brains have been
trained, we're wired to benegative because if you think
about way back when, when youwere trying to eat off the land
(39:43):
and, you know, kill animals, Imean, you were always looking
for danger.
You're always looking for thechallenges in life and the
trials.
So we are programmed to focuson anything negative and so we
have to work extra hard to lookat the positive things.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
I like Tony's way of saying that our brain is an
amazing do not get killed device, and that's what you're talking
about there.
And so you're looking fordanger, and danger comes in many
forms.
It comes in forms the physical,like you're talking about there
, and so you're looking fordanger, and danger comes in many
forms.
It comes in forms the physical,like you're talking about,
where you walk into when you'rea caveman back in those days
(40:20):
that the saber-toothed tiger isright around the corner, is
going to jump you.
So you have to be prepared forthat All the way to now, where
you walk in the door, door andyou're not sure if your spouse
is going to be present or havesome criticism of you or
whatever it is that you'reworried about, and so you're
(40:40):
immediately in fight, flight,freeze or fawn before you even
walk in the door, the door, andso these are things that
everybody has to figure out, howthey're going to react, and
having time and giving yourselftime and space to decide how
you're going to react before ithappens helps a lot too.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Well, and the other thing too.
It's like how often do we wakeup and we're anticipating the
stress or the conflict of theday or the chaos and what we're
going to be, or the conflict ofthe day or the chaos and what
we're going to be, how our day'sgonna go, and that is your
feeling of feeling unseen.
And how often do we kind ofreplay back those moments of
pain and, rather than taking alook at how did I handle a
(41:24):
situation, celebrating anyprogress that you've made, and
so that's what I'm also want tofocus on as well.
It's like even in relationshipsand so often, especially in our
group it's they take on therole of what have I done wrong?
What do I need to change?
(41:47):
I need to change, and so,allowing yourself to remember
you have so much goodness insideof you and it's just taking
that out and focusing on whatthat goodness looks like for you
.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
And so how do you, how do you handle when you find
yourself in a spot where aclient is stuck in a place where
they don't want to get out ofthat negative space, where
they're focused on blaming theirspouse or they're focused on
looking for every negative thingthat they might do.
How do you help them out there?
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Well, a lot of times that's in their fight or flight,
they're in the hyper mode, andso that's their critter brain.
What I try to do is I kind ofrefocus the direction that
they're navigating to and willcompletely change to share three
things that you're grateful for, because you're trying to get
(42:50):
out of that loop and back intothat prefrontal cortex, and that
put that CEO back online.
And so it's amazing how, evenif I'm like you know, share
something that really awesomethat happened this week,
anything to like get them toshift out of that.
And then, because it's hard towork with someone when they're
(43:10):
in that space, and so samequestion to you and this is what
I love.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah, this is such a good question and and where
Tricia and I will, and again,there's no disagreement here.
But it's like, of course, whereI find my brain going is that
is someone in that situation I'mgoing to, I'm going to sit with
them in that, because mostlikely that's been the case for
long enough, that that is theirimplicit memory, or what it
feels like to be them, and basedoff of all that slow residue of
their lived experience.
(43:35):
So then, even in and this isthe challenge I have with CBT,
is that, even if I and I so lovewhat Trish is saying, but if
I'm trying to get them to thinkof those kinds of things, or
good things, or positive things,that then that's, is that a me
issue?
I want to feel like this is aproductive session, and so then
are they looking for myvalidation, and so they might
say, okay, no, you're right,this is something that's
(43:55):
happened.
And then I feel good when theyleave therapy.
But then they leave, and then Iand I guess I've got enough
experience with just that kindof that particular population
where, over time, you know, Ijust it doesn't they either
they'll slowly slide away fromtherapy or they will then really
open up to me and say, okay, Ican do this here, I might feel
good while I'm here, but thenwhen I go back home, then why
(44:17):
can't I keep this going?
And so I know that it's just alittle bit more of the maybe the
long-term approach to I'm goingto wait that, I'm almost going
to wait that out, cause at thatpoint they most likely haven't
felt really heard or seen byanybody.
And so then I'm going to be theone you know I will hear them,
I will see them.
And I remember still, even backto my internship and having this
mentor, dr Jerry Harris, whojust said that person
(44:40):
continually needs somebody toempathize with them until they
finally feel seen or heard.
And then and it's funny, it cantake a long time before then.
And I still remember this youknow my origin story of a client
that I, I heard them for solong that then they finally said
, man, does it sound like I justam hopeless or I make a bunch
of excuses, and that took solong to get there.
That then, and I was able tosay, well, what do you think?
(45:01):
And what would that look like?
And do you want me to be theexcuse killer and and we made
little bits of progress.
So this is just sometimes whereI think that why I talk about I
love seeing a good life coachthat can really motivate, and my
joke is always that and thenI'll be there when they don't
feel like they can or it isn'tresonating with them, and then
I'll step in and say, okay, nowwe're dealing with some stuff
that's deeper under the surface,because they most likely felt
(45:23):
that way for so long that thatis what it feels like to be them
.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
So just to interject for a second.
Yeah, so just to interject fora second.
One of the things that I wouldlike to just reiterate is when I
am working with clients we havealready gone into all of the
tell me more, share yourfeelings and then we go into
that deep space.
(45:46):
But when they're in that space,it's hard to focus on how to
move forward.
And so once we get into, youknow there's this, this interim
that I have seen actually withmy clients.
So we have our celebrations,that's what we focus on at the
(46:06):
beginning, but then I'm like,okay, now share with me what's
happening, and so they usuallyhave an instance.
That's that goes on.
So we talk all about that,share their feelings, get that
all out.
But then, when we're startingto focus on steps to take to
move forward that's the pointthat I'm trying to say is that's
(46:27):
I need to shift them at acritter brain Totally.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
So then they can be able to no arguments.
Yeah, now they can hear whatwe're talking about and they can
start to think about and applysome of these things in their
own life, and they usually comeup with them on their own, and
so, but if we stay in that space, they can't.
(46:51):
They leave in that space, andthat's not what I want them to
do.
I want them to have hope.
I want them to feel like oh mygosh, this can work for me.
This is something that I'mexcited to do more of.
But the other thing is is likeone of the things that we're
talking about in our group onThursday, but the other thing is
(47:11):
is like one of the things thatwe're talking about in our group
on Thursday.
It's I don't want to feelignored, so I will surround
myself with emotionallyavailable people, or I don't
want to be in another toxicrelationship, so I will
prioritize my emotionalwell-being in relationships, and
so it's focusing on theirsituation.
But still, what do they wantinstead and how to get that
(47:36):
instead?
Give them the steps so they canfocus on that instead.
So that's where I go with that.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
I love listening to both of your approaches.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
I know right.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Because it's differences in training,
differences in philosophy, and Ilove them both.
I think that they're veryeffective.
It's interesting because whenI'm in a place where a person is
stuck and they have a beliefthat something's a certain way,
they could expand that belief alittle bit.
(48:09):
My approach is very muchdifferent.
I had a patient this week whohad waited for three to four
weeks to be able to come and seeme, and so they had saved up
multiple issues that they wantedto handle at the same time.
Well, that's okay, exceptthere's not enough time for all
(48:30):
that.
So you have to make a decisionon what you're going to take
care of, and he was unhappy withme because I didn't do them all
, because he had waited all thistime, and so it was interesting
to be able to talk through.
Okay, I want to care for you, Iwant to make sure that this is
taken care of, but I only havethis much time because every
(48:51):
other person today has waitedthe same amount of time.
So it's been an interestingthing to watch as you help
people manage those reactions.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Yeah, that's really good.
So I think Tony had to leave,but I think that you've got to
have those expectations too, andI think that if you don't, then
patients will come in andyou'll be there for an hour.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (49:21):
And I think I'd like to discuss this on another
podcast, and we've kind of beenputting some thought to this of
what I can do to help patientshave the best doctor visits
possible.
I know we've kind of touched onit a little bit in the past,
but it's something I think thatit can be really helpful and it
(49:43):
can go over into yourdiscussions with your therapist
or your life coach or whomeveris, to just have yourself
prepared, and I can give yousome quick tools that might be
really helpful for that.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
Yeah, we're excited for that episode, definitely
Well, excellent.
One of the things that I'd liketo go through is how do we
retrain our AS and what are somemethods?
We can use, one of the thingsthat it's called filter and it's
(50:18):
kind of these acronyms that youcan think of, you can remember,
and it will help guide youthrough this process.
So the first one is F.
So filter, f and that's focus.
So you want to be clear on whatyou want to see more of.
The more specific you are withyour brain, the more it's going
(50:41):
to remember.
So the more specific you are inyour instructions.
If it's like I just want to loseweight, well, is that going to
give your brain enoughinstructions to follow through
with losing weight?
No, you have to break that down.
What do you want to do?
You want to crowd out more ofthe unhealthy foods and
incorporate more of more veggiesand more fruits.
(51:02):
How many times a week do youwant to exercise and how long do
you want to exercise and whatkind of exercise do you want to
do?
Those are the things that youneed to be more specific with
and that will also allow you tohave more success.
Because you have written thingsdown.
You've got a plan in place.
(51:22):
If you just got this thing inyour head I just want to lose
weight.
Well, that's just not enoughinformation, so you have to set
that intention.
Do you have anything to say,jeff, about?
Speaker 3 (51:32):
focus.
Nope, that sounds great.
Speaker 1 (51:34):
Okay, so if you have any thoughts, let me know okay.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
Number two is I identify, recognize the patterns
you've been reinforcing.
Are you constantly talkingabout what's going wrong and are
you scrolling throughnegativity online?
The first step to changing whatyou see is acknowledging what
(51:58):
you've been focusing on.
So those are the next steps.
What are your behaviors?
What are the patterns that youhave put in your life that are
something that is not workingfor you?
It's creating a pathway that'snot helping you move forward.
Number three is L look forevidence.
So your brain needs proof, justlike you get to create your own
(52:23):
environment every day andwhatever input you choose to put
in, it is what it's going to befocusing on.
So if you wake up and you'reall negative and having a hard
day and everything's terribleand awful and sometimes we have
those days and we have to allowourselves to sit in it and
that's okay but then your brainis gonna be focusing on pulling
in all that negative input.
(52:44):
But if you want to feelconfident, then you start
looking for small moments whereyou have been confident.
And if you want to believepeople are kind, pay attention
to simple acts of kindness.
So I we had a podcast on that acouple of weeks ago.
Number four is train daily.
(53:07):
So this isn't a one and donething.
You have to train your RASconsistently.
You want to visualize, you wantto focus on affirmations, just
kind of like if you talked aboutLouise Hayes.
She talks about having onething that you think about every
single day and you say it inyour brain a hundred times a day
and then before long, that iswhat your brain now recognizes
(53:32):
and it's part of your brain.
It's more cemented, but thoseaffirmations and writing them
down, your goals down daily,that strengthens your neural
pathways so you can focus onwhat you want.
Number five is E eliminatedistractions.
This is a hard one becausethere's distractions everywhere.
(53:54):
You know you get on your phone.
What do you start doing?
You start getting on Facebook,you start scrolling Instagram.
It's hard.
Yes, it totally is squirrel andit's doing quite a number on
our kids.
You know we've talked aboutwe've had an episode on that but
they're not learning how to beable to focus on one thing at a
time because they're learninghow to do all these multitasking
(54:16):
and that's really hard on yourbrain.
So you want to cut out whatisn't serving you.
Like I said, if watching thenews leaves you anxious, limit
it.
If social media makes you feellike you're not enough.
Take a break.
Take a social break.
Your RAS works best when itisn't cluttered by distractions.
(54:38):
So number six is R reframe.
And this is what I was talkingabout with Tony is how to
reframe.
You want to shift how you thinkabout challenges.
Instead of I always mess up,say I'm learning and growing.
Instead of nothing ever worksout for me, say I am finding new
(54:59):
ways to succeed.
Your RES will look for evidenceto support that new belief and
even just some things that Ishared in our group with the
Emotionally Mature partners.
It's today.
I will notice small ways I amrespected.
I will look for signs that I amhealing.
So those are things that aregoing to be really important too
(55:21):
.
And when we talked aboutcelebrations at the beginning,
we've kind of talked about thata little bit throughout.
Celebrating is huge because ithelps you focus on anything good
that's going on in your life.
Even if you've had a reallycrummy, terrible day, there's
(55:41):
got to be one thing that you canpull out that is a win for you,
and those are some things thatI'd really like you to focus on.
Do you have any thoughts, jeff?
Speaker 3 (55:52):
I just want to let you know that I'm learning and
growing myself.
So thanks for reminding me thatand we can all keep ourselves
in a place where we giveourselves grace for doing
exactly that we're learning,we're growing, we're being our
best selves at any given moment,and give yourself grace for
(56:17):
having a bad day, but also thatyou can re-challenge yourself
each day to make the next onebetter.
So keep up the good work,everyone.
Speaker 1 (56:28):
Perfect, that's great , okay, excellent, and we are
all learning and growing, andthat's the key if you want to
continue learning and growing.
I had a birthday this last weekand I told my mom thank you,
but I told my mom that I wasn'tgoing to have any more birthdays
.
And she goes well, then you'llbe dead.
And I thought, okay, that's notwhat we really want, but I just
(56:50):
thought that was so funny.
So if you're not learning andgrowing, then you're dead, right
?
Speaker 3 (56:54):
So don't be dead.
Speaker 1 (56:56):
All right, everyone.
So let's do a recap.
Your RAS is your mental filter.
You can retrain it to filterfor positivity, growth and
opportunity for using the filtersystem Now.
You can also train it to be ina negative, stressful, doubtful
cycle as well.
(57:16):
You get to choose what thatlooks like for you.
So here's my challenge.
What's one thing you will trainyour RAS to focus on this week
and we'd absolutely love to hearsome of your thoughts and
remember to celebrate your wins,because that is when it
reinforces your brain, that thatis a positive thing.
(57:38):
So I just want to thank you allfor joining us today.
Thank Tony, he had to leave,but please hit subscribe and
send your questions to TrishaJameson coaching at gmailcom.
Thank you so much, everyone.
Speaker 3 (57:50):
See you next time Bye everybody, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (57:54):
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&A Files, Delighted to
share today's gems of wisdomwith you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
(58:16):
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
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