April 28, 2025 • 40 mins
What makes love work the second time around? Tiffany and Craig Sherle join us to share their remarkable journey of finding each other after experiencing divorce from their long-term marriages of 32 and 29 years respectively.
Fresh off their wedding just five weeks ago, this newly married couple opens up about navigating the vulnerable world of online dating, overcoming the fear of rejection, and recognizing when something special is worth pursuing. Their story unfolds with refreshing honesty—from Craig's initial reluctance to date again after his divorce to Tiffany's "dating fast and furious" approach that eventually led them to each other on a religious dating app.
The conversation dives deep into what makes relationships work after previous heartbreak. Both had to rediscover themselves first, with Tiffany embracing independence and Craig reconnecting with the authentic self he'd lost in his previous marriage. What began as casual dating transformed through hours-long phone conversations where they discovered a shared foundation despite seeming differences on the surface.
Their journey illustrates beautiful truths about second chances: that confidence means being comfortable where you are, that vulnerability is necessary despite the risk of rejection, and that finding someone with similar values and upbringing creates the strongest foundation for lasting love. Far from a clichéd romantic story, Tiffany and Craig share the real, sometimes messy process of two people with baggage learning to trust again.
Whether you're navigating life after divorce, wondering if love might find you again, or simply appreciating stories of resilience and new beginnings, this conversation offers both hope and practical wisdom for the journey ahead. Subscribe to hear the second part of our conversation where we'll explore how they've created a strong foundation for lasting love.
Questions: Email us at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com
Are you and your spouse nearing that point where throwing in the towel is a real possibility? If you still have hope for your marriage to work, but you need help, Contact Trisha. Dr. Jeff calls her "the marriage whisperer." Let her whisper wisdom into your life/love/marriage. Email her at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com today!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hello and welcome to the Q&A File, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, friends, toanother episode of the Q&A Files
.
I'm your host, trisha Jameson,a functional nutritionist and
lifestyle practitioner and alife coach, and, as always, I'm
(00:51):
joined by my two awesomeco-hosts, dr Jeff Jameson, a
board-certified family physician, and Tony Overbay, a licensed
marriage and family therapist.
So glad to have you both herewith me today.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hi everybody.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Hey.
So normally we start withcelebrations, but today I want
to switch things out a littlebit, like I love to do.
Since we're talking about love,second chances and
relationships that last, I havea question for both of you In
your experience, whether inmedicine, therapy or life, what
(01:25):
do you think makes love work thesecond time around, and what do
you see that makes arelationship stronger after
someone has been through adivorce?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Well, Tony, this is your bailiwick, so I'm going to
let you take the first stab atit, if you don't mind, and then
I'm going to think about itwhile you're talking.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
I was going to suggest you do it so I could
think about it while you weretalking.
But I also wasn't even sure if,when Tricia said you two, if we
were talking about our guestsor if it was us Not.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yet we're getting there.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Okay.
So I had a lot of thoughtsgoing on there.
Okay, now I'm in.
I love this question and Ithink it's Esther Perel Maybe
we've quoted her before, I don'teven probably get the quote
right but that you'll be marriedmaybe three times in your life,
maybe to the first person ormaybe to the same person.
As the quote, and, as a marriagetherapist, what I love about
that is people don't just go totherapy just to check in as much
(02:18):
as you would like for them to,because I don't think they
really realize that they needanything different or new until
things are pretty I don't wantto say bad, but there are a lot
of challenges in therelationship, and so then what
that really speaks to issomebody that knows what bad or
unhealthy relationship lookslike, and then they come, try to
get the tools, and thensometimes, as a therapist, you
(02:39):
get to watch people get toolsand get better and they didn't
know what they didn't know, andthey were, I always said, both
immature and and so it's.
It's basically like theyrediscover who, who they are,
what the relationship looks like.
So I get that Esther Perelquote.
So it's like welcome to thesecond marriage.
But a lot of times you, youhave somebody coming into
therapy and one person ischecking the box fine, I'll go,
and so they aren't reallyinvested in it or engaged in it,
(03:00):
and then that shows the personthat is even more so.
Hey, I really deserve or wantto be with somebody that is
curious or wants to continue toexplore or grow or is okay with
the fact that we, we, we'vechanged.
And so at that point, if theother partner is not willing,
then we find somebody gettinginto a new relationship and and
and I often find that ifsomebody does that the right way
(03:21):
that then that relationship isamazing, because they know what
they want, they know what badlooks like and they have a good
idea of what good looks like,and so that's so now we can see
that, okay, it can still happenin your first marriage, but both
people have to really bewilling to dig deep and accept
that they have changed and theydidn't know what they didn't
know and they were both immatureand they don't have the tools.
And then they have to practicethe tools and that's
(03:49):
uncomfortable.
So you can see there's a lot ofwork there, but so I know that
that can work for anybodylistening, that can, but then it
may not.
And then, if it doesn't, thenthe new relationship can be
amazing, because now you knowwhat you want, how to show up
differently.
Okay, dr Jeff, did I give youenough time?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Yeah, plenty, okay, good, yeah, Way way, plenty,
thanks a lot.
Appreciate it.
Plenty, okay, good, yeah, wayplenty, Thanks a lot, appreciate
it, okay.
So my first thought about thisis that people don't change
until it hurts too much not tochange, and so when a person or
when a couple goes through theagony of divorce, then you tend
(04:22):
to find some problem areas inyourself, and if you don't, then
you really are in thenarcissistic category, I think.
So the thing that people findis that I really want to change
and make myself better so thatwhen the next relationship comes
around, that I'm a betterpartner, and I think that
(04:45):
learning how to identify yourown weaknesses and then make
them strengths in whatever wayyou can, that adds to the
improvement of the nextrelationship.
Whether that relationship is animprovement on the original one
, it really doesn't matter,because I see what you're saying
about.
It doesn't have to be a divorceto make a new relationship out
(05:07):
of an old one.
And so this is something that Ithink it really comes down to
learning what you don't knowabout yourself, figuring out how
to change the things that arenot going well with yourself,
and then being able to have apartner that listens and become
a partner that listens, andlearning how to communicate.
(05:30):
That's what I think makes thelasting love.
I mean, everybody can have theoriginal first few months of
butterflies and being Twitterpainted over somebody, but that
will not last.
Being Twitterpated oversomebody, but that will not last
.
And so making a communicationprogram, if you will, a pattern
of communication that will breedlasting relationships, in my
(05:53):
opinion.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, perfect, that's awesome.
Thank you both of you.
So that brings us to ourincredible guest today, tiffany
and Craig Shirley, we recentlyhad on our show a newlywed
couple, hannah and Cody Benefiel, and we had so much fun talking
to them about their awesomeexperiences at first, falling in
love as a young couple andgetting married.
(06:17):
So we loved it and we lovedthem.
And today we are going to focuson second chances and getting
married later in life and whatthat looks like.
So Tiffany and Craig are proofthat love can find you at any
stage.
Both were married for manyyears to someone else,
experienced divorce and thenfound each other.
Their journey is one ofresilience, healing and a
(06:40):
beautiful new beginning.
Tiffany and Craig, welcome tothe Q&A Files, thank you.
Thank you for having us.
The.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Q&A Files.
Thank you, thank you for havingus.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, we're so glad to have you here today.
So now, how long have you bothbeen married To each other?
Have you emphasized that reallyquick?
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Yeah, we're about five weeks.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
Five weeks that is so exciting, January 31st yeah
that's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I love this.
This is so exciting.
January 31st, that's fantastic.
I love this.
This is so fun.
So I'd love for you to startwith your love story.
How did you two first meet andwhat were your first impressions
of each other?
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Well, that's going to be a good one.
I'll let Tiffany start withthat one.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I have to say, what's funny about that is now we'll
learn is Craig doing the whole?
I don't know what the rightanswer is, so we're going to let
Tiffany go and he's like that'sexactly like he'll give his own
story.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
He'll give his own version.
Okay, I had been divorced for Idon't know a little while let's
see in November of 2023.
Yeah, and I started getting ondating sites in January of 2024
and decided I came to Boisebecause I was living in Utah at
(07:49):
that time and dating and then Imoved and he's looking at me
dating fast and furious, Iremember.
I remember I was having fun andI was enjoying getting to know
people and my girl, singlegirlfriends and just friends in
general doing different things,first time ever living alone.
My son had went off to college,so I had a span of living alone
(08:12):
.
And then I came to Boise and mybrother-in-law's like come on,
there's got to be better lookingguys our age out there and I
kind of started laughing and Iwas like so he's swiping through
it and he's like, okay, try adifferent dating site.
So I was on two other ones.
So I went on to mutual, whichis based on our religion it's a
more religious one, lds and so Igot on there and I reached out
(08:37):
to I don't know, maybe a handful, and I just said Hi and I'd say
their name.
They responded.
Then I tried to carry aconversation with them and
Craig's was kind of funnyresponse.
He can tell you about that,okay.
And I was like, hmm, okay,funny response, you know, kind
of that was my response to him.
And then I didn't answer for acouple of days and so I went
(08:58):
back to Utah and then was goingto come back up and had kind of
had called it off with anotherperson.
We had decided that it wasn'tgoing to be what it was and I
went out with Craig on aThursday and went out with
another guy on another night thenext night and Boise and we had
a family reunion.
(09:19):
And so I had told him I waslike we have a family reunion,
but we met up Thursday and I hadI don't know schedules were
crazy.
Oh, he was coming from out ofOregon but he lives in Boise too
from a work thing, and so wewere trying to decide where we
can meet, what time, what wouldwork.
And so we met at a restaurantin Nampa and it was really busy,
(09:39):
crazy.
And he asked me if I was real.
Yeah crazy and he asked me if Iwas real.
Yeah, so I had that questionoften if I was really my age and
if.
I was real, or if I was, whatdo they call it?
Catfishing people?
Yeah, oh, uh, which is funny.
And so when he saw me he's like, okay, you look good.
And um, I felt he was reallycocky, not necessarily my type.
(10:05):
I had a type right that I waswanting, but I had definitely
dated more of not my box that Ihad thought you know, but really
nice guys and so Wait a second.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I want to stop you for a sec.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
What was your type?
You'll have to dive into that.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
So I wanted somebody who had, I said, a job on my
profile, but a career, and thatthey were fun, could be okay in
their own skin, be able to haveconversation and be different.
Music could move their soul, beable to laugh, and I didn't put
this in my profile, but theyhad to have a full head of hair.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
I was going to say come on.
I mean, at least you're honestwith yourself yeah, that's what
I had to overcome.
Speaker 5 (10:52):
Right, I'm impressed, greg, come on.
Yeah, um, I dated more guysthat were bald than were, had
less of hair than had more ofhair.
Um, that comes in our age group, you know.
But was fun, loving and enjoyed.
Family was important to me andso pretty much when I met him, I
laid a lot of stuff out onlineand I was coming in with a
pretty hard hammer because ofwhat had just happened, and so
(11:14):
he was like yep, a no go.
And so I reached out to him.
So we met on Thursday and Ireached out to him on Sunday
when I was getting ready to headhome and I says, hey, thanks
for Monday.
And I said, hey, thanks forgoing out.
And he says, hey, would youlike to go play pickleball?
And I says, oh, I'm actuallyheading back to Ogden.
And so he says okay, and I says, hey, can you talk?
And so all the way to Ogden,from Boise to Ogden, we talked.
(11:37):
But my first impression was himwas, it was a no-go, he was
going to be in the friend zone.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Um how come?
What was that?
Speaker 5 (11:46):
um, because he was cocky.
He was cocky, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
He was very overly confident in who he was and I
was thinking, uh wasn't that oneof your check boxes is to be
comfortable in your own skinthere was a different confidence
.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Thank you, dr jeff.
Yeah, and so, yeah, a littlemore bold than what I thought.
But I was like I don't know ifI'm moving back to Boise, I
don't want to open up anotherdoor.
I had kind of hadn't made ahundred percent decision, but
then I was like, okay, so Iended up moving in with my son
in the end of June and Craigended up coming to Ogden
(12:22):
multiple times to help me anddelivered flowers spontaneous.
Oh, he'd be on the doorstepGirls heart.
Yeah, he was.
He was a pursuer.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
I pursued yeah he pursued.
Speaker 5 (12:36):
Yeah, so that was the beginning.
That was our first meet up was?
We went to dinner and then justwalked around had some ice
cream.
I think I was pretty cocky too.
I'm a little bold about somethings, you, tiffany Bold.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
No, you don't think Okay, Well can.
I say what I think isinteresting and maybe we can
dive into this later in theinterview.
But saying I want somebodythat's confident, I do.
I got to pull full therapistcard here and say what I think
looks like confidence.
But then if somebody isconfident in their own way, then
I do know that there can oftenbe people that it's almost like
they're saying I didn't thinkthat like that looked like
(13:12):
confidence.
It wasn't the good kind ofconfidence, maybe in previous
relationships.
Speaker 5 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
A lot of comparisons, so yeah, right, okay.
Yeah, yeah, and not just to thekid's dad, but to people I had
dated to for sure.
And now there was to measure.
There was more to measure thatit just one person, cause I
can't really compare before Igot married, cause I got married
at 19.
Right, and so almost 32 yearsof marriage.
(13:40):
You don't have a lot to compareto when you're really committed
in that relationship, causeyou're not looking out outside
of the box.
So yeah, the dating.
Then there have a lot tocompare to when you're really
committed in that relationship,because you're not looking out
outside of the box.
So yeah, the dating.
Then there was a lot to compareto.
So, yeah, and he didn't have somuch comparison, so his is a
little bit.
On the other side, I, serious,was dating fast and furious, we
joke.
My food bill was very littlefor about three months.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
Yes, you have to pay for food for three months.
It's like that is home dinnerand stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
Yeah, yeah, I think I think, it's I do the same thing
if I can save money yeah, wejust did our food bill in
january when we were going outbefore we were married, january
before we got married and oh, ohyou're, you're not going to go
there.
And he's like.
You know how much I spent ondating.
We're making a lot of money nowbeing married.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
I'm saving so much money.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Oh, I believe it.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Between gas and eating out, Gas eating out.
It's fantastic Marriage hasbeen great for me.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Hey Tiffany, can I ask you, do you know like?
What did confident look like toyou when you were saying I want
?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
more like confident and caring, like they could
carry conversations and sharewithout holding back.
And yet they didn't come inlike a big negative, you know,
but they were confident in thespace they were in at that point
after being divorced.
I like my job, I like what I'mdoing, I like the place I'm at.
You know cause I I had to getcomfortable with liking being in
(15:11):
the space I was in, like I'mokay being alone.
Now I don't need someone tofulfill that spot and I don't
need someone.
I'm not going to get marriedjust to fill a spot of needing
to be married.
Financially I was doing okay,you know I wasn't rich by any
shape, but I was paying my billsand so that's the confidence,
like I'm good, right where I'mat.
(15:32):
I enjoy life, I enjoyactivities, I want to be
involved.
I'm not going to sit on thecouch and feel bad for myself.
You know that the world aroundme is spinning and I'm I'm the
the poor soul here that nobodywants to be around, not the
victim energy, yeah, I couldn'tdo that.
(16:00):
So if any of that ever popped upas like red flag, I was like my
kids don't love me, I'm notsupported.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, hate my job I hate where I'm at, that's the.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
That's the opposite of what I was looking for.
So if someone came inconfidence like I like where I'm
at, I'm moving forward, I'm youknow this is a decision I made,
which is too much of that.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah, he was too much , too much.
I wish it was too much of that.
Speaker 5 (16:12):
Yeah yeah.
So he can explain himself.
So, yeah, it brings a lot of.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
So the cocky part though, when you talk about that
, just going along with Tony'squestion, what did you feel from
him that there was kind of alittle bit of a red flag there?
Speaker 4 (16:28):
I like this question.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
I, I like this question, I know, uh, like I can
answer, but go ahead.
Yeah, so he has.
Craig loves to like, here, letme like he'd open up a door and
it's a okay, get in.
And I'm like, obviously you'reopening the door, I need to get
in.
But his confidence was like,okay, here, you know, like
pursuing and so that kind ofthing you know.
Like, oh, he'd pull a chair upokay, you can sit down, it's
like you know.
But he's confident in tellingyou know, like, here, this is
what I'd like.
Okay, you can sit down, it'slike you know.
But he's confident in tellingyou know, like, here, this is
what I'd like you to do.
(16:56):
And so to me it was like you'rekind of taking over that.
But for him it was like, oh, Iwant you to know I was doing
something for you and wanted youto be do you feel like he was
leading too much?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
yes, yes, okay, interesting because I think a
lot of women want to be led youknow, with their, with a man's
masculine you know way but Ithink there's a way of being
pushy about it.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
That's right, yeah, or like, or being led with like
a what?
What's the angle?
That there's going to besomething diamond at the
required of you.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:35):
That's me, that's I'm always looking for the angle
and he's learned that like, ifyou open a door, I know I'm need
to get in, so you don't need totell me you know like, and so
he doesn't do that anymore.
Like we've talked about it.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
No, she gets her own door.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
Fine, get your own door.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
I'll never ask again.
No, a lot all the time, so butbut I think, though, this is
good, being like very real.
I see so often when people areat that spot where the
relationship is not very healthy, where, if the let's just say,
the wife is saying I feel likehe doesn't, uh, he's not showing
up or he doesn't care, he's notbeing honest, and he's like,
yeah, but look at all the thingsI right.
Yeah, I opened doors, I go towork, I do things as if it was
like a tit for tat ortransactional, or yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
Maybe this is a question for a little bit later,
but that Tiffany actuallystruggled with all the little
things that I do, okay, oh, I'msure she was like is this guy
real or is he just putting on a?
Uh for?
Sure Show when it took her mom.
When is that other sheet goingto drop?
Speaker 5 (18:33):
Yeah, or what's the expectation behind doing
something nice for me?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Yeah, looking for something.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Again transactional.
Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent,and I would normalize there.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
So I mean I talk often about that especially the
feminine is going to test forsafety and I think that's fair,
because if she has not feltemotionally safe and are
financially safe or physicallysafe in her previous
relationship, then I mean Itried to help a guy understand
that that's what an honor in asense to be able to show
consistency even when she'spushing for safety.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's so beautiful, awesome,
thank you, okay.
So, craig, I want to hear yourstory.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
All right, how to follow you, Okay.
So, Craig, I want to hear yourstory.
All right, how to follow that?
Okay.
So when I got to the pointwhere I was separated to moving
toward divorce, it was, you know, for me I was like I'm not
going to date ever again.
You know I'm not going to.
I just didn't feel the worth.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
How long had you been divorced or when did the
divorce go through?
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Okay, so for me that's a good question.
So Mary Mary, 29 years andJanuary 8th of 2024, she and I
decided we sat in a car andwe're like, hey, it's time we
did our best.
Right Moved out February 3rd,right Told the kids it was hard
and then at that point, juststarted living my life.
(19:51):
Okay, so, that was hard andthen, at that point, just
started living my life okay, sothat was last year.
Sorry, I'm a crier no, this isgreat, so anyway.
So so it's like I'm gonna put myhead down and I'm just gonna be
the best grandpa, I'm going tojust work and I'm gonna build up
my.
You know, I had this plan, I'ma planner, so I had this plan.
(20:13):
I'm a planner, so I had thisplan.
So I used plans to kind of likethis is to keep me on track,
right, so anyway.
So at that point I'm just likeyou know, I got, I got to figure
some things out.
But one thing that I did decideto do is I was going to be.
I lost me in my marriage, mylast marriage.
I lost who I was.
Marriage, I lost who I wasright my kids.
They hadn't seen it.
(20:33):
So I was like, hey, I'm goingto.
Speaker 5 (20:47):
I'm going to be me Right, goofy, I have a lot of
bad jokes.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Is that bad jokes or dad jokes they kind of go hand
in hand.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I've heard a couple of Tony's jokes.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yeah, okay, I appreciate that, craig.
I feel you, tony.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I'm on the dad joke train too, You're on the dad
joke too, tripp, oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
I lead a team at an institution and every Monday I
have five bad jokes or five dadjokes that we have to tell
before we start the day.
Right, it's pretty cool, soanyway.
So yeah.
So I basically decided, hey,I'm just going to focus on my
kids, my grandkids, I'm going towork.
I wasn't interested in datingor anything like that.
So it didn't take me long.
It took literally three weeks.
(21:25):
And Friday, saturday, saturdaynight was quiet, you know.
The rest of the week was fine,you know.
But Friday and Saturday night Iwas like, oh man, and all my
friends you know my marriedfriends and stuff like that
they're still in shock aboutwhat happened.
And so I'm like, okay, so whatdo I do?
The kids are busy, all my kidsare adult kids, they're off,
(21:46):
living their lives and stufflike that.
So I dabbled in a dating site,right?
So I did a little google searchand got on mutual.
After three weeks keep in mind,you know, I've only been three
weeks out I wasn't sure.
I wasn't sure what I wanted todo.
I literally, by the time I metTiffany, I'd been on it and off
it like six times.
(22:06):
Okay, and that was in a matterof what made you nervous was,
was I ready?
Did I want to do it?
Yeah, that type of thing, andso, um, but one thing that I did
know and it was funny as I wastalking to someone and my son is
like, hey, you gotta becomfortable being alone.
I'm like, well, I amcomfortable, except on Friday
and Saturday nights, and, uh,and you gotta know who you are.
And I've spent actually thelast couple of years figuring
(22:29):
out who I am, right, I'veactually done a lot of
self-evaluations the good aboutme, the bad about me, and then
and then that's part of thereason why I was like, hmm, am I
marriage material, right?
But so so I started datingsomeone, just a little bit, just
having lunches, and throughthose conversations I started to
recognize that, hey, I have, Ihave worth, right, I've got some
(23:00):
self-worth.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
And then I started, you know, I started remembering
all this stuff that I rememberabout myself and I'm like yeah,
you know what, you havesomething to offer, you know but
I was just looking for someonejust a date to go to a movie
with and not be serious.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
And even when I met Tiffany, it was for someone just
to date to go to a movie withand not be serious.
And even when I met Tiffany, itwas I just want to go play
pickleball with someone.
I want to go to a movie, I justdon't want anything serious.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
But during this whole .
It was like a 12-week period oftime and he was giving me
advice, while talking on thephone, about who I was dating
and what kind of man I shoulddate.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Oh, funny we'll get in that we can dive into that.
That's an episode all on itsown yeah, that's funny but uh,
but you know what it was like.
Okay, you know what I'm goingto be myself.
I'm going to be who I am, andif they like me, they like me,
if they don't.
And so one of the things is andI'm gonna, I've always had my
voice has always been held backso I'm going forward, I'm going
(23:53):
to be me, I'm going to be kind,I'm going to, I'm going to, you
know, share my thoughts andstuff, like that.
And and so that's what I did.
I figured out that, hey, I'vegot something to offer here, and
so got off the dating site, gotback on it and I made up my
mind that I wasn't going toreach out to anybody.
If they reached out to me, thenI would respond, right, and
(24:13):
it's just because I was still inand out.
And Tiffany reached out and like, ok, she's in Ogden, why is
this person reaching out to me?
So I sent her, I swiped and Iresponded and I said I'm
assuming you were walking up thesteps holding your phone and my
picture popped up.
You were walking up the stepsholding your phone and my
(24:35):
picture popped up, and as youwere falling, you accidentally
swiped, as you're catchingyourself, you know.
And she responds with aha,that's funny.
And so I'm like, okay, sothat's pretty much how our
dialogue went for about 12 days.
I would send her something andI would get a thumbs up or I
would get like, uh, oh, thatsounds great, you know.
(24:56):
And so there wasn't a lot ofcommunication coming back, so
that's why I didn't think shewas real.
I was like real or you're notgonna ask you how long you've
been divorced and you know thebasic like I'd wait a couple
days to hear from her, you know,and so forth.
Now I know why, right now?
I know why because Right Now Iknow why?
Because you didn't have hairRight no.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
And she was dating so many other guys.
She didn't know what else to do30 other people.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
It has to be exhausting, anyway, seriously
had to be exhausting.
But you know what, to hercredit, she's the one that
reached out.
Right, I wasn't going to, soanyway, yeah, so I had gone
through this process of, youknow, having these, this dating
for like 12 weeks, and I justlike, okay, I can do this, and
you know what, I'm actuallyenjoying this and I'm going to
(25:42):
just be myself and I'm going to,I'm just going to have fun with
it, right?
And then Tiffany tells me she'sgoing to be in Boise and so we
set up a meet.
We go to have dinner on aThursday, right after she left
one of her calls with you,tricia.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
Oh, I was on a call with you, yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
Cool, it was like she was a little bit late and there
, just by having to be this hugeevent going in downtown Nampa,
right, bands, police, firedepartment, department, stuff
like that you know, and uh, sowe had, we had our dinner and um
, for me I was all about listen,more talk, less, right.
(26:22):
So I was asking questions andstuff like that, and tiffany was
going through some stuff atthat time.
She had just got off that callwith you and so she was just,
she was, she was letting a lotout.
Yeah, within the first halfhour is like all right, she's a
little cray cray, you know, andI'm just, and so I just so I let
(26:43):
her keep talking and we went,we went for a walk, we walked
around downtown and I keptletting her talk and I'd ask her
questions and she had a lot onher mind and it was letting it
go and I was just like, nah,she's, yeah, I don't know, this
is not for me.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Right.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
And so, and I and I figured that out or I thought
about that, you know right aboutwhen dinner was done and we're
walking around, and then we wentand had ice cream and stuff
like that.
So I had no intention ofcalling her back at all.
I was like, okay, we had ourdate, took her to her car hugged
and left and uh, so I was justmoving on with life.
But then she, she reached out,she sent, she sent me a text.
(27:19):
I responded, I was like, well,I looked at the text and then I
thought for a little bit, okay,what am I going to do here?
You know, I thought I'd okay,let's, I invite her to
pickleball, just maybe, maybelet's see if there's something
there, right?
And then she asked to get onthe phone and we talked three,
four hours and then the nextnight three to four hours, and
(27:42):
then the next night three hoursand next.
Oh, we had this pattern of justand they were really good
conversation, but they were also.
They were also very direct andjust kind of like hey, one of
the things I put on my profilewas is, I can tell you all this
great things about me, you know,like we put on our profiles,
but I'd rather you just get toknow me and just to make your
(28:02):
own, develop your own opinionabout me, Right, because I'm
just going to be me.
I had spent too many years notbeing me.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Was it scary to go on these sites for both of you?
Was that just?
I mean you had to be veryvulnerable.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
A hundred percent.
It is because you're going totalk about someone else, you're
going to learn about someoneelse's experiences and honestly,
that really helped me getthrough a lot of stuff.
But I'd also started lifecoaching health coaching was in
a group before I ever starteddating.
I'd been doing stuff with you,trisha, stuff with Tony yeah.
(28:37):
I had eight years of trying tofigure out if I wanted to stay
in a marriage and really fighthard with it, pay a coach to
help me do infidelity coachingyou know I and not physical, but
anyways, my marriage was.
I thought I needed to stay init for a covenant and was
willing to sacrifice a lot ofstuff.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
I was on and off so many times before, Tiffany, you
know, and so yeah it was, it wasscary, you know, just kind of
putting yourself back out thereand.
And getting denied Like that'swhy I didn't, that's why I
didn't swipe on it.
I was like I mean yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Talk about that being denied.
I mean cause.
I think that the, the therejection part of that's pretty
intense.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
Like Craig hasn't been divorced a year yet.
He'll be divorced a year inApril and we're already married,
right For me, I've beendivorced for over a year,
separated since August of 2023.
Not really a long time.
A lot of people I mean that areour age go to four, seven years
, 10 years of being divorced,right, so you have to put your
(29:42):
that guard down, like eithersomeone's going to accept me or
they're not.
And the fear of rejection whenyou like someone more is there
because you don't get to choosewhat they think and you're not
in a relationship to to makethem or to keep showing up and
they're cause you're married.
You're there, right.
So now you get that, thatvulnerability of being rejected
(30:06):
and seeing your lows and hearingsomeone say, hey, I don't like
that stuff about you.
Oh, you got.
And when you hear that stuff,I'm like Whoa.
And yet you get other callswhere people are like I love
your friendliness, I love yourhappiness, I love how you know
you see life this way, yoursmile, you're contagious.
And then some people are like,boy, your, your relationship did
a lot of stuff too, and so Iwould tell Craig, like I got a
(30:28):
lot of baggage, so I just tellpeople that, like I got a lot of
baggage and I'm sure you do too, I think guys compartmentalize
it.
That's what we use a lot more,so they try to bury it, and
Craig and I have had lots ofconversations.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
We've had a lot of like.
We've had a lot of unpacking,yeah.
Speaker 5 (30:49):
And so this weekend matter of fact, today will be
the first time I'm going to bephysically in a room with the
kid's dad for multiple hours,because our oldest son got a
divorce, was going through adivorce the same time, the kid's
dad and I were going throughone, and so he had a lot of
baggage and he met this girl andso now they're getting married.
(31:09):
So today is a wedding day, sothe kid's dad will get to see
for the first time how Craiginteracts with my family and the
grandkids.
And so you get like the likeyou were going to say, the
family dynamics in this wholesecond chance thing, right?
So that was my thing with Craig.
Like I want somebody.
(31:30):
My kids are a lot, my kids arebig and bold and loud because of
experiences, right.
And so I had to have someonewho wouldn't coward necessarily
to them and feel like, oh, youhave this relationship with your
kids because this is how it wasin my previous marriage.
Our kids love you more thanthey love me.
The kids need you more, youknow, like they want you more.
(31:51):
And so I had to be marryingsomeone who didn't feel that
jealousy of my relationship withmy children.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So we're going to really dive deeper into the
blending families in just alittle bit.
So I kind of want to stop youfor just a minute because
there's some awesome pieces thatI want to kind of slide into
first before we get to thatplace.
But definitely this is so partof the experience is the blended
(32:20):
pieces and how they go together, and I also want you to be
thinking before we get there,what's some advice that you
could give someone else in yoursituation?
But before we get to that place, I want to ask you what was the
moment you knew therelationship was something
different, something worthsaying yes to.
(32:40):
So you kind of shared a lot ofall these different struggles
and stuff and how that has shownup even in your relationship
together.
So when did you know that thiswas different and it was worth
saying yes to?
Speaker 4 (32:56):
wow, you want me to tackle that one?
First go ahead, okay, Iactually, uh, I actually knew
well before tiffany I actuallydid.
Those conversations we had werevery, very open, very honest,
and they went on, for you know,they were every single night and
it was basically both of uslearning as much as we can and
being open with each other.
(33:17):
Right, and at first I didn'tthink we had a lot in common.
Right, she looked at the worldin a certain lens and I looked
at it a different way.
But as we kept having theseconversations, we had more and
more in common and even todayit's amazing we have a lot of
the same behaviors that areidentical.
But for me, as I'm having theseconversations, what I was drawn
(33:40):
to was not so much about youknow where she is today and
stuff like that, but it was likeher upbringing for me.
What is with me, with tears,anyway.
So like her upbringing was verysimilar to me Because you're
real.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
This is awesome Pretty real.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
I wanted someone that had the same type of foundation
, same type of background and Ifigured like there's so much
noise out there with everythingelse, but if our foundation is
very similar and we can alignand I saw that early on, I saw
that in the first month and then, as we kept having these
conversations, I kept seeingthat and for me, a lot of it
(34:26):
stemmed back to both of usstruggles with growing up.
Right, we're both hard workers,we both don't make excuses, we
try to find the positivity insituations and I'm like that's
what I want in my life, that'swhat I want going forward.
So so with that, thatfoundation, as soon as I was
able to see that foundation andsee that it could be really
solid with Tiffany, then for meit was just all right, let's go.
(34:48):
So what is?
What is the rest of it?
Full speed ahead.
Speaker 5 (34:50):
Oh, he's a full speeder guy, yeah.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
I mean, I mean, but the foundation is very important
for me, right and uh, and it'splayed out.
It is played out Like even whenTiffany and I had conversations
, she didn't see it and I and Iwas telling her I can see us
doing this, I can see us thisand uh, when we work together,
like literally work togetherdoing projects, yeah.
(35:15):
We are so in tuned and we thinkthrough things.
When we're helping people whobreak down on their snowmobiles,
we are just we're selling to meand I saw that through our
conversations.
But our conversations were weredirect, they, they weren't
surface.
And so there were a lot oftough conversations we had in
the first three months of datingand stuff like that, because
(35:36):
I'm no spring chicken right, andif I'm going to actually let my
walls drop down to someone, Ireally want to get to know them
and so for me, that's I knewabout in like two to three
months and that's when I startedto fall for it.
I was like, okay, thefoundation.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Can I add, before we even get too far away from when
we when, tiffany, you weretalking about the rejection
piece that I think that what Iappreciate and I like, craig,
you're talking about thisfoundation, because the problem
I have are working with peoplethat are going through the,
especially the online datingworld these days is there isn't
a whole lot of data put into theprofile and so so there's a,
it's a, it's a.
(36:12):
It is a magnet for emotionalimmaturity, and I will have
people that will say I can thinkof one woman in particular that
she read through a whole textchain of the guy basically
saying you know, just tell mewhat you need me to do, tell me
who you want me to be, which isthe wrong thing to do, and the
fact that he even thought thatthat was okay was was a huge red
flag.
But I also understand that ifthat's who that guy is or never
saw a healthy relationship model, that he really is saying, look
(36:34):
, I don't know what I'm supposedto say, versus this is what I'm
saying or this is who I am, butthen that does risk that
potential for the other personto not choose you.
And so I like what you sayabout the foundation, craig,
because when you're saying wedidn't have a lot in common, I
start thinking, okay, well, wereally don't have to have things
necessarily in common, becausethat's where the curiosity can
develop the intimacy.
(36:55):
But I really liked thefoundation concept.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
A hundred percent, but for me I knew what I wanted.
That.
I helped me have that successFor sure, or a successful second
marriage if I was going to doit Cause I don't, I don't even
want to think about likeanything beyond that, I want to
with Tiff all the way Right.
And so we had to have that andand I was surprised to find out
(37:19):
that it was basically for me, itwas our childhood upbringings.
We saw, I mean, money didn'tmatter to us.
We both worked through ourstruggles.
You know, we put our heads down.
We're both givers, you know,and uh, you know, once, once I
was able to like kind ofestablish that and be and say
okay.
And once, once I was able tolike kind of establish that and
be and say okay, she'll stick inthere with me as we go through
whatever, because she has thatfoundation.
(37:40):
Yeah, I had that comfort leveland then I was, and then my wall
started to drop.
Hers took a little bit longer,right, yeah, and maybe, as she's
talked about, I can be fairlydirect because this is, this is
me, this is who I am.
I want to share my thoughts andstuff like that so she can take
that data and make her owndecisions, right.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Nice, so good.
Okay, we are having so much funwith Tiffany and Craig and
their story is already soinspiring Finding love again,
second chances, embracing newbeginnings.
It's such a powerful messageand we're just getting started.
In this next episode, we'regoing to dive even deeper into
what makes this marriagedifferent, the biggest lessons
(38:21):
they've learned and how they'vecreated a strong foundation for
a lasting relationship.
But before we go, I want tospeak directly to the couples
who feel like they've triedeverything, who are exhausted
from the same fights, the samedistance and the same feelings
of hopelessness.
If you're at that point whereyou're questioning whether your
marriage can survive, hear mewhen I say this there is a way
(38:44):
forward and it's not too late.
I know because I've been thereAfter 37 years of marriage,
through the struggles, the painand the moments where I wondered
if we would even make it.
I've taken everything I'velearned, combined it with
powerful tools, techniques andexercises, and created my
Healing Hearts coaching program.
This program is for couples whofeel like they're at a breaking
(39:06):
point but still have a tinyspark of hope that things could
be different.
If you're ready to fight formarriage, I will fight alongside
you, so let's turn thingsaround together.
Email me attrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom to learn more To ourlisteners.
Please be sure to subscribe soyou don't miss part two.
And if you're loving thisconversation, please leave us a
(39:29):
review and share it with yourfriends and family, who may need
to hear this episode.
As always, if you have aquestion for us, please send it
to trishajamesoncoaching atgmailcom.
We'd absolutely love to hearfrom you.
We'll see you in part two.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, Delighted to share
(39:49):
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit, subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
(40:11):
you on the next episode.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A File, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, friends, toanother episode of the Q&A Files
.
I'm your host, trisha Jameson,a functional nutritionist and
lifestyle practitioner and alife coach, and, as always, I'm
(00:51):
joined by my two awesomeco-hosts, dr Jeff Jameson, a
board-certified family physician, and Tony Overbay, a licensed
marriage and family therapist.
So glad to have you both herewith me today.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hi everybody.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Hey.
So normally we start withcelebrations, but today I want
to switch things out a littlebit, like I love to do.
Since we're talking about love,second chances and
relationships that last, I havea question for both of you In
your experience, whether inmedicine, therapy or life, what
(01:25):
do you think makes love work thesecond time around, and what do
you see that makes arelationship stronger after
someone has been through adivorce?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Well, Tony, this is your bailiwick, so I'm going to
let you take the first stab atit, if you don't mind, and then
I'm going to think about itwhile you're talking.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
I was going to suggest you do it so I could
think about it while you weretalking.
But I also wasn't even sure if,when Tricia said you two, if we
were talking about our guestsor if it was us Not.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yet we're getting there.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Okay.
So I had a lot of thoughtsgoing on there.
Okay, now I'm in.
I love this question and Ithink it's Esther Perel Maybe
we've quoted her before, I don'teven probably get the quote
right but that you'll be marriedmaybe three times in your life,
maybe to the first person ormaybe to the same person.
As the quote, and, as a marriagetherapist, what I love about
that is people don't just go totherapy just to check in as much
(02:18):
as you would like for them to,because I don't think they
really realize that they needanything different or new until
things are pretty I don't wantto say bad, but there are a lot
of challenges in therelationship, and so then what
that really speaks to issomebody that knows what bad or
unhealthy relationship lookslike, and then they come, try to
get the tools, and thensometimes, as a therapist, you
(02:39):
get to watch people get toolsand get better and they didn't
know what they didn't know, andthey were, I always said, both
immature and and so it's.
It's basically like theyrediscover who, who they are,
what the relationship looks like.
So I get that Esther Perelquote.
So it's like welcome to thesecond marriage.
But a lot of times you, youhave somebody coming into
therapy and one person ischecking the box fine, I'll go,
and so they aren't reallyinvested in it or engaged in it,
(03:00):
and then that shows the personthat is even more so.
Hey, I really deserve or wantto be with somebody that is
curious or wants to continue toexplore or grow or is okay with
the fact that we, we, we'vechanged.
And so at that point, if theother partner is not willing,
then we find somebody gettinginto a new relationship and and
and I often find that ifsomebody does that the right way
(03:21):
that then that relationship isamazing, because they know what
they want, they know what badlooks like and they have a good
idea of what good looks like,and so that's so now we can see
that, okay, it can still happenin your first marriage, but both
people have to really bewilling to dig deep and accept
that they have changed and theydidn't know what they didn't
know and they were both immatureand they don't have the tools.
And then they have to practicethe tools and that's
(03:49):
uncomfortable.
So you can see there's a lot ofwork there, but so I know that
that can work for anybodylistening, that can, but then it
may not.
And then, if it doesn't, thenthe new relationship can be
amazing, because now you knowwhat you want, how to show up
differently.
Okay, dr Jeff, did I give youenough time?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Yeah, plenty, okay, good, yeah, Way way, plenty,
thanks a lot.
Appreciate it.
Plenty, okay, good, yeah, wayplenty, Thanks a lot, appreciate
it, okay.
So my first thought about thisis that people don't change
until it hurts too much not tochange, and so when a person or
when a couple goes through theagony of divorce, then you tend
(04:22):
to find some problem areas inyourself, and if you don't, then
you really are in thenarcissistic category, I think.
So the thing that people findis that I really want to change
and make myself better so thatwhen the next relationship comes
around, that I'm a betterpartner, and I think that
(04:45):
learning how to identify yourown weaknesses and then make
them strengths in whatever wayyou can, that adds to the
improvement of the nextrelationship.
Whether that relationship is animprovement on the original one
, it really doesn't matter,because I see what you're saying
about.
It doesn't have to be a divorceto make a new relationship out
(05:07):
of an old one.
And so this is something that Ithink it really comes down to
learning what you don't knowabout yourself, figuring out how
to change the things that arenot going well with yourself,
and then being able to have apartner that listens and become
a partner that listens, andlearning how to communicate.
(05:30):
That's what I think makes thelasting love.
I mean, everybody can have theoriginal first few months of
butterflies and being Twitterpainted over somebody, but that
will not last.
Being Twitterpated oversomebody, but that will not last
.
And so making a communicationprogram, if you will, a pattern
of communication that will breedlasting relationships, in my
(05:53):
opinion.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, perfect, that's awesome.
Thank you both of you.
So that brings us to ourincredible guest today, tiffany
and Craig Shirley, we recentlyhad on our show a newlywed
couple, hannah and Cody Benefiel, and we had so much fun talking
to them about their awesomeexperiences at first, falling in
love as a young couple andgetting married.
(06:17):
So we loved it and we lovedthem.
And today we are going to focuson second chances and getting
married later in life and whatthat looks like.
So Tiffany and Craig are proofthat love can find you at any
stage.
Both were married for manyyears to someone else,
experienced divorce and thenfound each other.
Their journey is one ofresilience, healing and a
(06:40):
beautiful new beginning.
Tiffany and Craig, welcome tothe Q&A Files, thank you.
Thank you for having us.
The.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Q&A Files.
Thank you, thank you for havingus.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Yeah, we're so glad to have you here today.
So now, how long have you bothbeen married To each other?
Have you emphasized that reallyquick?
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Yeah, we're about five weeks.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
Five weeks that is so exciting, January 31st yeah
that's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I love this.
This is so exciting.
January 31st, that's fantastic.
I love this.
This is so fun.
So I'd love for you to startwith your love story.
How did you two first meet andwhat were your first impressions
of each other?
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Well, that's going to be a good one.
I'll let Tiffany start withthat one.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I have to say, what's funny about that is now we'll
learn is Craig doing the whole?
I don't know what the rightanswer is, so we're going to let
Tiffany go and he's like that'sexactly like he'll give his own
story.
Speaker 5 (07:27):
He'll give his own version.
Okay, I had been divorced for Idon't know a little while let's
see in November of 2023.
Yeah, and I started getting ondating sites in January of 2024
and decided I came to Boisebecause I was living in Utah at
(07:49):
that time and dating and then Imoved and he's looking at me
dating fast and furious, Iremember.
I remember I was having fun andI was enjoying getting to know
people and my girl, singlegirlfriends and just friends in
general doing different things,first time ever living alone.
My son had went off to college,so I had a span of living alone
(08:12):
.
And then I came to Boise and mybrother-in-law's like come on,
there's got to be better lookingguys our age out there and I
kind of started laughing and Iwas like so he's swiping through
it and he's like, okay, try adifferent dating site.
So I was on two other ones.
So I went on to mutual, whichis based on our religion it's a
more religious one, lds and so Igot on there and I reached out
(08:37):
to I don't know, maybe a handful, and I just said Hi and I'd say
their name.
They responded.
Then I tried to carry aconversation with them and
Craig's was kind of funnyresponse.
He can tell you about that,okay.
And I was like, hmm, okay,funny response, you know, kind
of that was my response to him.
And then I didn't answer for acouple of days and so I went
(08:58):
back to Utah and then was goingto come back up and had kind of
had called it off with anotherperson.
We had decided that it wasn'tgoing to be what it was and I
went out with Craig on aThursday and went out with
another guy on another night thenext night and Boise and we had
a family reunion.
(09:19):
And so I had told him I waslike we have a family reunion,
but we met up Thursday and I hadI don't know schedules were
crazy.
Oh, he was coming from out ofOregon but he lives in Boise too
from a work thing, and so wewere trying to decide where we
can meet, what time, what wouldwork.
And so we met at a restaurantin Nampa and it was really busy,
(09:39):
crazy.
And he asked me if I was real.
Yeah crazy and he asked me if Iwas real.
Yeah, so I had that questionoften if I was really my age and
if.
I was real, or if I was, whatdo they call it?
Catfishing people?
Yeah, oh, uh, which is funny.
And so when he saw me he's like, okay, you look good.
And um, I felt he was reallycocky, not necessarily my type.
(10:05):
I had a type right that I waswanting, but I had definitely
dated more of not my box that Ihad thought you know, but really
nice guys and so Wait a second.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I want to stop you for a sec.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
What was your type?
You'll have to dive into that.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
So I wanted somebody who had, I said, a job on my
profile, but a career, and thatthey were fun, could be okay in
their own skin, be able to haveconversation and be different.
Music could move their soul, beable to laugh, and I didn't put
this in my profile, but theyhad to have a full head of hair.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
I was going to say come on.
I mean, at least you're honestwith yourself yeah, that's what
I had to overcome.
Speaker 5 (10:52):
Right, I'm impressed, greg, come on.
Yeah, um, I dated more guysthat were bald than were, had
less of hair than had more ofhair.
Um, that comes in our age group, you know.
But was fun, loving and enjoyed.
Family was important to me andso pretty much when I met him, I
laid a lot of stuff out onlineand I was coming in with a
pretty hard hammer because ofwhat had just happened, and so
(11:14):
he was like yep, a no go.
And so I reached out to him.
So we met on Thursday and Ireached out to him on Sunday
when I was getting ready to headhome and I says, hey, thanks
for Monday.
And I said, hey, thanks forgoing out.
And he says, hey, would youlike to go play pickleball?
And I says, oh, I'm actuallyheading back to Ogden.
And so he says okay, and I says, hey, can you talk?
And so all the way to Ogden,from Boise to Ogden, we talked.
(11:37):
But my first impression was himwas, it was a no-go, he was
going to be in the friend zone.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Um how come?
What was that?
Speaker 5 (11:46):
um, because he was cocky.
He was cocky, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
He was very overly confident in who he was and I
was thinking, uh wasn't that oneof your check boxes is to be
comfortable in your own skinthere was a different confidence
.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Thank you, dr jeff.
Yeah, and so, yeah, a littlemore bold than what I thought.
But I was like I don't know ifI'm moving back to Boise, I
don't want to open up anotherdoor.
I had kind of hadn't made ahundred percent decision, but
then I was like, okay, so Iended up moving in with my son
in the end of June and Craigended up coming to Ogden
(12:22):
multiple times to help me anddelivered flowers spontaneous.
Oh, he'd be on the doorstepGirls heart.
Yeah, he was.
He was a pursuer.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
I pursued yeah he pursued.
Speaker 5 (12:36):
Yeah, so that was the beginning.
That was our first meet up was?
We went to dinner and then justwalked around had some ice
cream.
I think I was pretty cocky too.
I'm a little bold about somethings, you, tiffany Bold.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
No, you don't think Okay, Well can.
I say what I think isinteresting and maybe we can
dive into this later in theinterview.
But saying I want somebodythat's confident, I do.
I got to pull full therapistcard here and say what I think
looks like confidence.
But then if somebody isconfident in their own way, then
I do know that there can oftenbe people that it's almost like
they're saying I didn't thinkthat like that looked like
(13:12):
confidence.
It wasn't the good kind ofconfidence, maybe in previous
relationships.
Speaker 5 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
A lot of comparisons, so yeah, right, okay.
Yeah, yeah, and not just to thekid's dad, but to people I had
dated to for sure.
And now there was to measure.
There was more to measure thatit just one person, cause I
can't really compare before Igot married, cause I got married
at 19.
Right, and so almost 32 yearsof marriage.
(13:40):
You don't have a lot to compareto when you're really committed
in that relationship, causeyou're not looking out outside
of the box.
So yeah, the dating.
Then there have a lot tocompare to when you're really
committed in that relationship,because you're not looking out
outside of the box.
So yeah, the dating.
Then there was a lot to compareto.
So, yeah, and he didn't have somuch comparison, so his is a
little bit.
On the other side, I, serious,was dating fast and furious, we
joke.
My food bill was very littlefor about three months.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
Yes, you have to pay for food for three months.
It's like that is home dinnerand stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (14:08):
Yeah, yeah, I think I think, it's I do the same thing
if I can save money yeah, wejust did our food bill in
january when we were going outbefore we were married, january
before we got married and oh, ohyou're, you're not going to go
there.
And he's like.
You know how much I spent ondating.
We're making a lot of money nowbeing married.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
I'm saving so much money.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Oh, I believe it.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Between gas and eating out, Gas eating out.
It's fantastic Marriage hasbeen great for me.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Hey Tiffany, can I ask you, do you know like?
What did confident look like toyou when you were saying I want
?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
more like confident and caring, like they could
carry conversations and sharewithout holding back.
And yet they didn't come inlike a big negative, you know,
but they were confident in thespace they were in at that point
after being divorced.
I like my job, I like what I'mdoing, I like the place I'm at.
You know cause I I had to getcomfortable with liking being in
(15:11):
the space I was in, like I'mokay being alone.
Now I don't need someone tofulfill that spot and I don't
need someone.
I'm not going to get marriedjust to fill a spot of needing
to be married.
Financially I was doing okay,you know I wasn't rich by any
shape, but I was paying my billsand so that's the confidence,
like I'm good, right where I'mat.
(15:32):
I enjoy life, I enjoyactivities, I want to be
involved.
I'm not going to sit on thecouch and feel bad for myself.
You know that the world aroundme is spinning and I'm I'm the
the poor soul here that nobodywants to be around, not the
victim energy, yeah, I couldn'tdo that.
(16:00):
So if any of that ever popped upas like red flag, I was like my
kids don't love me, I'm notsupported.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Yeah, hate my job I hate where I'm at, that's the.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
That's the opposite of what I was looking for.
So if someone came inconfidence like I like where I'm
at, I'm moving forward, I'm youknow this is a decision I made,
which is too much of that.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah, he was too much , too much.
I wish it was too much of that.
Speaker 5 (16:12):
Yeah yeah.
So he can explain himself.
So, yeah, it brings a lot of.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
So the cocky part though, when you talk about that
, just going along with Tony'squestion, what did you feel from
him that there was kind of alittle bit of a red flag there?
Speaker 4 (16:28):
I like this question.
Speaker 5 (16:36):
I, I like this question, I know, uh, like I can
answer, but go ahead.
Yeah, so he has.
Craig loves to like, here, letme like he'd open up a door and
it's a okay, get in.
And I'm like, obviously you'reopening the door, I need to get
in.
But his confidence was like,okay, here, you know, like
pursuing and so that kind ofthing you know.
Like, oh, he'd pull a chair upokay, you can sit down, it's
like you know.
But he's confident in tellingyou know, like, here, this is
what I'd like.
Okay, you can sit down, it'slike you know.
But he's confident in tellingyou know, like, here, this is
what I'd like you to do.
(16:56):
And so to me it was like you'rekind of taking over that.
But for him it was like, oh, Iwant you to know I was doing
something for you and wanted youto be do you feel like he was
leading too much?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
yes, yes, okay, interesting because I think a
lot of women want to be led youknow, with their, with a man's
masculine you know way but Ithink there's a way of being
pushy about it.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
That's right, yeah, or like, or being led with like
a what?
What's the angle?
That there's going to besomething diamond at the
required of you.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (17:35):
That's me, that's I'm always looking for the angle
and he's learned that like, ifyou open a door, I know I'm need
to get in, so you don't need totell me you know like, and so
he doesn't do that anymore.
Like we've talked about it.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
No, she gets her own door.
Speaker 5 (17:53):
Fine, get your own door.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
I'll never ask again.
No, a lot all the time, so butbut I think, though, this is
good, being like very real.
I see so often when people areat that spot where the
relationship is not very healthy, where, if the let's just say,
the wife is saying I feel likehe doesn't, uh, he's not showing
up or he doesn't care, he's notbeing honest, and he's like,
yeah, but look at all the thingsI right.
Yeah, I opened doors, I go towork, I do things as if it was
like a tit for tat ortransactional, or yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
Maybe this is a question for a little bit later,
but that Tiffany actuallystruggled with all the little
things that I do, okay, oh, I'msure she was like is this guy
real or is he just putting on a?
Uh for?
Sure Show when it took her mom.
When is that other sheet goingto drop?
Speaker 5 (18:33):
Yeah, or what's the expectation behind doing
something nice for me?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Yeah, looking for something.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Again transactional.
Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent,and I would normalize there.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
So I mean I talk often about that especially the
feminine is going to test forsafety and I think that's fair,
because if she has not feltemotionally safe and are
financially safe or physicallysafe in her previous
relationship, then I mean Itried to help a guy understand
that that's what an honor in asense to be able to show
consistency even when she'spushing for safety.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's so beautiful, awesome,
thank you, okay.
So, craig, I want to hear yourstory.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
All right, how to follow you, Okay.
So, Craig, I want to hear yourstory.
All right, how to follow that?
Okay.
So when I got to the pointwhere I was separated to moving
toward divorce, it was, you know, for me I was like I'm not
going to date ever again.
You know I'm not going to.
I just didn't feel the worth.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
How long had you been divorced or when did the
divorce go through?
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Okay, so for me that's a good question.
So Mary Mary, 29 years andJanuary 8th of 2024, she and I
decided we sat in a car andwe're like, hey, it's time we
did our best.
Right Moved out February 3rd,right Told the kids it was hard
and then at that point, juststarted living my life.
(19:51):
Okay, so, that was hard andthen, at that point, just
started living my life okay, sothat was last year.
Sorry, I'm a crier no, this isgreat, so anyway.
So so it's like I'm gonna put myhead down and I'm just gonna be
the best grandpa, I'm going tojust work and I'm gonna build up
my.
You know, I had this plan, I'ma planner, so I had this plan.
(20:13):
I'm a planner, so I had thisplan.
So I used plans to kind of likethis is to keep me on track,
right, so anyway.
So at that point I'm just likeyou know, I got, I got to figure
some things out.
But one thing that I did decideto do is I was going to be.
I lost me in my marriage, mylast marriage.
I lost who I was.
Marriage, I lost who I wasright my kids.
They hadn't seen it.
(20:33):
So I was like, hey, I'm goingto.
Speaker 5 (20:47):
I'm going to be me Right, goofy, I have a lot of
bad jokes.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Is that bad jokes or dad jokes they kind of go hand
in hand.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I've heard a couple of Tony's jokes.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yeah, okay, I appreciate that, craig.
I feel you, tony.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
I'm on the dad joke train too, You're on the dad
joke too, tripp, oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
I lead a team at an institution and every Monday I
have five bad jokes or five dadjokes that we have to tell
before we start the day.
Right, it's pretty cool, soanyway.
So yeah.
So I basically decided, hey,I'm just going to focus on my
kids, my grandkids, I'm going towork.
I wasn't interested in datingor anything like that.
So it didn't take me long.
It took literally three weeks.
(21:25):
And Friday, saturday, saturdaynight was quiet, you know.
The rest of the week was fine,you know.
But Friday and Saturday night Iwas like, oh man, and all my
friends you know my marriedfriends and stuff like that
they're still in shock aboutwhat happened.
And so I'm like, okay, so whatdo I do?
The kids are busy, all my kidsare adult kids, they're off,
(21:46):
living their lives and stufflike that.
So I dabbled in a dating site,right?
So I did a little google searchand got on mutual.
After three weeks keep in mind,you know, I've only been three
weeks out I wasn't sure.
I wasn't sure what I wanted todo.
I literally, by the time I metTiffany, I'd been on it and off
it like six times.
(22:06):
Okay, and that was in a matterof what made you nervous was,
was I ready?
Did I want to do it?
Yeah, that type of thing, andso, um, but one thing that I did
know and it was funny as I wastalking to someone and my son is
like, hey, you gotta becomfortable being alone.
I'm like, well, I amcomfortable, except on Friday
and Saturday nights, and, uh,and you gotta know who you are.
And I've spent actually thelast couple of years figuring
(22:29):
out who I am, right, I'veactually done a lot of
self-evaluations the good aboutme, the bad about me, and then
and then that's part of thereason why I was like, hmm, am I
marriage material, right?
But so so I started datingsomeone, just a little bit, just
having lunches, and throughthose conversations I started to
recognize that, hey, I have, Ihave worth, right, I've got some
(23:00):
self-worth.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
And then I started, you know, I started remembering
all this stuff that I rememberabout myself and I'm like yeah,
you know what, you havesomething to offer, you know but
I was just looking for someonejust a date to go to a movie
with and not be serious.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
And even when I met Tiffany, it was for someone just
to date to go to a movie withand not be serious.
And even when I met Tiffany, itwas I just want to go play
pickleball with someone.
I want to go to a movie, I justdon't want anything serious.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
But during this whole .
It was like a 12-week period oftime and he was giving me
advice, while talking on thephone, about who I was dating
and what kind of man I shoulddate.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Oh, funny we'll get in that we can dive into that.
That's an episode all on itsown yeah, that's funny but uh,
but you know what it was like.
Okay, you know what I'm goingto be myself.
I'm going to be who I am, andif they like me, they like me,
if they don't.
And so one of the things is andI'm gonna, I've always had my
voice has always been held backso I'm going forward, I'm going
(23:53):
to be me, I'm going to be kind,I'm going to, I'm going to, you
know, share my thoughts andstuff, like that.
And and so that's what I did.
I figured out that, hey, I'vegot something to offer here, and
so got off the dating site, gotback on it and I made up my
mind that I wasn't going toreach out to anybody.
If they reached out to me, thenI would respond, right, and
(24:13):
it's just because I was still inand out.
And Tiffany reached out and like, ok, she's in Ogden, why is
this person reaching out to me?
So I sent her, I swiped and Iresponded and I said I'm
assuming you were walking up thesteps holding your phone and my
picture popped up.
You were walking up the stepsholding your phone and my
(24:35):
picture popped up, and as youwere falling, you accidentally
swiped, as you're catchingyourself, you know.
And she responds with aha,that's funny.
And so I'm like, okay, sothat's pretty much how our
dialogue went for about 12 days.
I would send her something andI would get a thumbs up or I
would get like, uh, oh, thatsounds great, you know.
(24:56):
And so there wasn't a lot ofcommunication coming back, so
that's why I didn't think shewas real.
I was like real or you're notgonna ask you how long you've
been divorced and you know thebasic like I'd wait a couple
days to hear from her, you know,and so forth.
Now I know why, right now?
I know why because Right Now Iknow why?
Because you didn't have hairRight no.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
And she was dating so many other guys.
She didn't know what else to do30 other people.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
It has to be exhausting, anyway, seriously
had to be exhausting.
But you know what, to hercredit, she's the one that
reached out.
Right, I wasn't going to, soanyway, yeah, so I had gone
through this process of, youknow, having these, this dating
for like 12 weeks, and I justlike, okay, I can do this, and
you know what, I'm actuallyenjoying this and I'm going to
(25:42):
just be myself and I'm going to,I'm just going to have fun with
it, right?
And then Tiffany tells me she'sgoing to be in Boise and so we
set up a meet.
We go to have dinner on aThursday, right after she left
one of her calls with you,tricia.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
Oh, I was on a call with you, yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
Cool, it was like she was a little bit late and there
, just by having to be this hugeevent going in downtown Nampa,
right, bands, police, firedepartment, department, stuff
like that you know, and uh, sowe had, we had our dinner and um
, for me I was all about listen,more talk, less, right.
(26:22):
So I was asking questions andstuff like that, and tiffany was
going through some stuff atthat time.
She had just got off that callwith you and so she was just,
she was, she was letting a lotout.
Yeah, within the first halfhour is like all right, she's a
little cray cray, you know, andI'm just, and so I just so I let
(26:43):
her keep talking and we went,we went for a walk, we walked
around downtown and I keptletting her talk and I'd ask her
questions and she had a lot onher mind and it was letting it
go and I was just like, nah,she's, yeah, I don't know, this
is not for me.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Right.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
And so, and I and I figured that out or I thought
about that, you know right aboutwhen dinner was done and we're
walking around, and then we wentand had ice cream and stuff
like that.
So I had no intention ofcalling her back at all.
I was like, okay, we had ourdate, took her to her car hugged
and left and uh, so I was justmoving on with life.
But then she, she reached out,she sent, she sent me a text.
(27:19):
I responded, I was like, well,I looked at the text and then I
thought for a little bit, okay,what am I going to do here?
You know, I thought I'd okay,let's, I invite her to
pickleball, just maybe, maybelet's see if there's something
there, right?
And then she asked to get onthe phone and we talked three,
four hours and then the nextnight three to four hours, and
(27:42):
then the next night three hoursand next.
Oh, we had this pattern of justand they were really good
conversation, but they were also.
They were also very direct andjust kind of like hey, one of
the things I put on my profilewas is, I can tell you all this
great things about me, you know,like we put on our profiles,
but I'd rather you just get toknow me and just to make your
(28:02):
own, develop your own opinionabout me, Right, because I'm
just going to be me.
I had spent too many years notbeing me.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Was it scary to go on these sites for both of you?
Was that just?
I mean you had to be veryvulnerable.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
A hundred percent.
It is because you're going totalk about someone else, you're
going to learn about someoneelse's experiences and honestly,
that really helped me getthrough a lot of stuff.
But I'd also started lifecoaching health coaching was in
a group before I ever starteddating.
I'd been doing stuff with you,trisha, stuff with Tony yeah.
(28:37):
I had eight years of trying tofigure out if I wanted to stay
in a marriage and really fighthard with it, pay a coach to
help me do infidelity coachingyou know I and not physical, but
anyways, my marriage was.
I thought I needed to stay init for a covenant and was
willing to sacrifice a lot ofstuff.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
I was on and off so many times before, Tiffany, you
know, and so yeah it was, it wasscary, you know, just kind of
putting yourself back out thereand.
And getting denied Like that'swhy I didn't, that's why I
didn't swipe on it.
I was like I mean yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Talk about that being denied.
I mean cause.
I think that the, the therejection part of that's pretty
intense.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
Like Craig hasn't been divorced a year yet.
He'll be divorced a year inApril and we're already married,
right For me, I've beendivorced for over a year,
separated since August of 2023.
Not really a long time.
A lot of people I mean that areour age go to four, seven years
, 10 years of being divorced,right, so you have to put your
(29:42):
that guard down, like eithersomeone's going to accept me or
they're not.
And the fear of rejection whenyou like someone more is there
because you don't get to choosewhat they think and you're not
in a relationship to to makethem or to keep showing up and
they're cause you're married.
You're there, right.
So now you get that, thatvulnerability of being rejected
(30:06):
and seeing your lows and hearingsomeone say, hey, I don't like
that stuff about you.
Oh, you got.
And when you hear that stuff,I'm like Whoa.
And yet you get other callswhere people are like I love
your friendliness, I love yourhappiness, I love how you know
you see life this way, yoursmile, you're contagious.
And then some people are like,boy, your, your relationship did
a lot of stuff too, and so Iwould tell Craig, like I got a
(30:28):
lot of baggage, so I just tellpeople that, like I got a lot of
baggage and I'm sure you do too, I think guys compartmentalize
it.
That's what we use a lot more,so they try to bury it, and
Craig and I have had lots ofconversations.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
We've had a lot of like.
We've had a lot of unpacking,yeah.
Speaker 5 (30:49):
And so this weekend matter of fact, today will be
the first time I'm going to bephysically in a room with the
kid's dad for multiple hours,because our oldest son got a
divorce, was going through adivorce the same time, the kid's
dad and I were going throughone, and so he had a lot of
baggage and he met this girl andso now they're getting married.
(31:09):
So today is a wedding day, sothe kid's dad will get to see
for the first time how Craiginteracts with my family and the
grandkids.
And so you get like the likeyou were going to say, the
family dynamics in this wholesecond chance thing, right?
So that was my thing with Craig.
Like I want somebody.
(31:30):
My kids are a lot, my kids arebig and bold and loud because of
experiences, right.
And so I had to have someonewho wouldn't coward necessarily
to them and feel like, oh, youhave this relationship with your
kids because this is how it wasin my previous marriage.
Our kids love you more thanthey love me.
The kids need you more, youknow, like they want you more.
(31:51):
And so I had to be marryingsomeone who didn't feel that
jealousy of my relationship withmy children.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So we're going to really dive deeper into the
blending families in just alittle bit.
So I kind of want to stop youfor just a minute because
there's some awesome pieces thatI want to kind of slide into
first before we get to thatplace.
But definitely this is so partof the experience is the blended
(32:20):
pieces and how they go together, and I also want you to be
thinking before we get there,what's some advice that you
could give someone else in yoursituation?
But before we get to that place, I want to ask you what was the
moment you knew therelationship was something
different, something worthsaying yes to.
(32:40):
So you kind of shared a lot ofall these different struggles
and stuff and how that has shownup even in your relationship
together.
So when did you know that thiswas different and it was worth
saying yes to?
Speaker 4 (32:56):
wow, you want me to tackle that one?
First go ahead, okay, Iactually, uh, I actually knew
well before tiffany I actuallydid.
Those conversations we had werevery, very open, very honest,
and they went on, for you know,they were every single night and
it was basically both of uslearning as much as we can and
being open with each other.
(33:17):
Right, and at first I didn'tthink we had a lot in common.
Right, she looked at the worldin a certain lens and I looked
at it a different way.
But as we kept having theseconversations, we had more and
more in common and even todayit's amazing we have a lot of
the same behaviors that areidentical.
But for me, as I'm having theseconversations, what I was drawn
(33:40):
to was not so much about youknow where she is today and
stuff like that, but it was likeher upbringing for me.
What is with me, with tears,anyway.
So like her upbringing was verysimilar to me Because you're
real.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
This is awesome Pretty real.
Speaker 4 (33:58):
I wanted someone that had the same type of foundation
, same type of background and Ifigured like there's so much
noise out there with everythingelse, but if our foundation is
very similar and we can alignand I saw that early on, I saw
that in the first month and then, as we kept having these
conversations, I kept seeingthat and for me, a lot of it
(34:26):
stemmed back to both of usstruggles with growing up.
Right, we're both hard workers,we both don't make excuses, we
try to find the positivity insituations and I'm like that's
what I want in my life, that'swhat I want going forward.
So so with that, thatfoundation, as soon as I was
able to see that foundation andsee that it could be really
solid with Tiffany, then for meit was just all right, let's go.
(34:48):
So what is?
What is the rest of it?
Full speed ahead.
Speaker 5 (34:50):
Oh, he's a full speeder guy, yeah.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
I mean, I mean, but the foundation is very important
for me, right and uh, and it'splayed out.
It is played out Like even whenTiffany and I had conversations
, she didn't see it and I and Iwas telling her I can see us
doing this, I can see us thisand uh, when we work together,
like literally work togetherdoing projects, yeah.
(35:15):
We are so in tuned and we thinkthrough things.
When we're helping people whobreak down on their snowmobiles,
we are just we're selling to meand I saw that through our
conversations.
But our conversations were weredirect, they, they weren't
surface.
And so there were a lot oftough conversations we had in
the first three months of datingand stuff like that, because
(35:36):
I'm no spring chicken right, andif I'm going to actually let my
walls drop down to someone, Ireally want to get to know them
and so for me, that's I knewabout in like two to three
months and that's when I startedto fall for it.
I was like, okay, thefoundation.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
Can I add, before we even get too far away from when
we when, tiffany, you weretalking about the rejection
piece that I think that what Iappreciate and I like, craig,
you're talking about thisfoundation, because the problem
I have are working with peoplethat are going through the,
especially the online datingworld these days is there isn't
a whole lot of data put into theprofile and so so there's a,
it's a, it's a.
(36:12):
It is a magnet for emotionalimmaturity, and I will have
people that will say I can thinkof one woman in particular that
she read through a whole textchain of the guy basically
saying you know, just tell mewhat you need me to do, tell me
who you want me to be, which isthe wrong thing to do, and the
fact that he even thought thatthat was okay was was a huge red
flag.
But I also understand that ifthat's who that guy is or never
saw a healthy relationship model, that he really is saying, look
(36:34):
, I don't know what I'm supposedto say, versus this is what I'm
saying or this is who I am, butthen that does risk that
potential for the other personto not choose you.
And so I like what you sayabout the foundation, craig,
because when you're saying wedidn't have a lot in common, I
start thinking, okay, well, wereally don't have to have things
necessarily in common, becausethat's where the curiosity can
develop the intimacy.
(36:55):
But I really liked thefoundation concept.
Speaker 4 (36:58):
A hundred percent, but for me I knew what I wanted.
That.
I helped me have that successFor sure, or a successful second
marriage if I was going to doit Cause I don't, I don't even
want to think about likeanything beyond that, I want to
with Tiff all the way Right.
And so we had to have that andand I was surprised to find out
(37:19):
that it was basically for me, itwas our childhood upbringings.
We saw, I mean, money didn'tmatter to us.
We both worked through ourstruggles.
You know, we put our heads down.
We're both givers, you know,and uh, you know, once, once I
was able to like kind ofestablish that and be and say
okay.
And once, once I was able tolike kind of establish that and
be and say okay, she'll stick inthere with me as we go through
whatever, because she has thatfoundation.
(37:40):
Yeah, I had that comfort leveland then I was, and then my wall
started to drop.
Hers took a little bit longer,right, yeah, and maybe, as she's
talked about, I can be fairlydirect because this is, this is
me, this is who I am.
I want to share my thoughts andstuff like that so she can take
that data and make her owndecisions, right.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Nice, so good.
Okay, we are having so much funwith Tiffany and Craig and
their story is already soinspiring Finding love again,
second chances, embracing newbeginnings.
It's such a powerful messageand we're just getting started.
In this next episode, we'regoing to dive even deeper into
what makes this marriagedifferent, the biggest lessons
(38:21):
they've learned and how they'vecreated a strong foundation for
a lasting relationship.
But before we go, I want tospeak directly to the couples
who feel like they've triedeverything, who are exhausted
from the same fights, the samedistance and the same feelings
of hopelessness.
If you're at that point whereyou're questioning whether your
marriage can survive, hear mewhen I say this there is a way
(38:44):
forward and it's not too late.
I know because I've been thereAfter 37 years of marriage,
through the struggles, the painand the moments where I wondered
if we would even make it.
I've taken everything I'velearned, combined it with
powerful tools, techniques andexercises, and created my
Healing Hearts coaching program.
This program is for couples whofeel like they're at a breaking
(39:06):
point but still have a tinyspark of hope that things could
be different.
If you're ready to fight formarriage, I will fight alongside
you, so let's turn thingsaround together.
Email me attrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom to learn more To ourlisteners.
Please be sure to subscribe soyou don't miss part two.
And if you're loving thisconversation, please leave us a
(39:29):
review and share it with yourfriends and family, who may need
to hear this episode.
As always, if you have aquestion for us, please send it
to trishajamesoncoaching atgmailcom.
We'd absolutely love to hearfrom you.
We'll see you in part two.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, Delighted to share
(39:49):
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit, subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
(40:11):
you on the next episode.
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