66. Blending Families: Building a New Life Together, Craig and Tiffany, Part 3.

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When two people find love after divorce, they bring not only their hearts but their history, children, and learned relationship patterns. This intimate conversation with Tiffany and Craig explores the beautiful complexity of blending families and building a relationship that's stronger precisely because of what came before.

The couple shares how they've learned to appreciate each other differently than in previous relationships. Craig notes, "Random acts of kindness, the little things she does for me without being asked—I'm highly aware of it now and let her know I see it." They've discovered the profound difference between relationships built on transactions versus genuine partnership.

Blending families as adults brings unique challenges. With seven children between them, they're navigating different expectations and healing timelines. Their respectful approach—"Dad, you go at your pace, we'll go at ours"—demonstrates the maturity needed when adult children process a parent's new relationship. Tiffany wisely observes, "I'm not their step-mom; I'm Craig's wife. I want to be their friend," recognizing that roles evolve differently when children are grown.

Perhaps most touching is how they maintain joy through difficulties. When paddleboarding against strong currents (literally and metaphorically), Craig looked over to find Tiffany "dancing and singing still" despite the struggle. "That's something I needed in my life," he reflects, "someone who says, 'this is a hard thing right now, but we're going to have fun doing the hard thing.'"

Their relationship reminds us that love isn't about getting it perfect; it's about finding the right person at the right time and building something beautiful together—complete with TL (Tell Last) compliment games, spontaneous adventures, and the freedom to simply be themselves.

Ready to put one out there? Send your question to [e-mail]. We love your questions!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the ultimate
health and wellness playground.
I'm your host, tricia Jamieson,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention to nutrition
, exercise, mental health andbuilding strong relationships,
all spiced with diverseperspectives.

(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back, friends, toanother episode of the Q&A Files
, and if you missed part one orpart two of this three-part
series, please hit pause and goback and listen, because we have

(00:53):
had an incredible conversationwith Tiffany and Craig Shirley
about love, second chances, hopeand what is making this
marriage different.
In our last episode, we took adeep dive into what they've
learned from past relationshipsand how they've built something
so much stronger this timearound.
So today we're diving into oneof the biggest realities of

(01:17):
second marriages blendingfamilies, navigating
relationships with exes and kidsand figuring out how to create
something new while stillhonoring the past.
We'll also explore what's aheadfor Tiffany and Craig, their
hopes, their dreams and some funbehind-the-scenes moments of
their life together.
So, as always, I'm here with myincredible co-host, dr Jeff

(01:40):
Jamieson, our board-certifiedfamily physician, and we've
talked a lot about relationshipsin the past.
Today, we're going to dive evendeeper into the nitty-gritty of
family dynamics.
Dr Jeff, from your perspective,what do you think makes
blending families one of thehardest parts of a second

(02:00):
marriage?
Now, your parents were divorced.
Is there anything you can thinkabout from your past
experiences or from working withyour patients that stands out?

Speaker 2 (02:09):
My parents were divorced, but they had
incredibly good relationshipswith their exes and so that went
really really well.
I mean, I can't even use themas a standard because but how
about at the beginning?

Speaker 1 (02:23):
When that first happened, you were young.
Use them as a standard because-.
But how about at the beginning?
When that first happened, youwere young.
Your sister was younger.
Those dynamics happened laterin life, which was such a
blessing for all of us.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
It was truly amazing, but I just mean, like when
things first happened, well, itwas just weird as a child having
other new spouses in the mix,so that was.
You know, there was one of mymother's my mother married a
couple times after my dad, andone of them in particular was

(02:55):
very difficult for the family tokind of accept.
And so I think that reallycomes down to one of the big
things that when you're in a newrelationship with a new spouse
is kind of managing the childrenand seeing where they are going
and what they need to do inorder to accept a new person

(03:16):
into their lives and how thatnew person responds to them.
All of those things arecommunication-based and I think
that you have to kind of diveinto it and get uncomfortable in
order for it to get better.
And in my work with others notjust my own experience, my

(03:38):
feeling with patients that havehad new spouses and blended
families it really comes down tocommunication and having an
open mind for people who feeldifferently than you.
I have a patient that his wifepassed away and he's getting
ready to marry a new spouse andhe's got a daughter that is an

(04:03):
adult who's really given him ahard time and that's been a
really hard thing for him to beable to negotiate that.
And to you know where do youdraw the line and say, okay, my
children are really incrediblyimportant, but is my spouse more
important than my children?
And it's hard.
Those are hard things tonavigate, so there's a lot of

(04:27):
weirdness that has to be workedthrough as a couple, as well as
the extended families.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
That was perfect.
I appreciate you sharing that.
So, before we jump into familydynamics, I want to revisit
something we touched on on ourlast episode.
Tiffany and Craig, you've beenthrough a lot and you've seen
what it takes to make arelationship last.
So tell me what's something youappreciate about each other now

(04:56):
that younger couples might takefor granted, and what advice
would you give them?
We touched on this a little biton the last episode, but we had
talked about a few things afterwe recorded.
That was so good, and that'swhy I'm bringing this back up.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yeah, my mind actually goes to a couple of
different things, but one of thethings with with Tiffany is
like the random acts of kindness, you know, the little things
that she does just for mewithout even being asked, and
the fact that, you know, as ayoung couple, maybe I I took

(05:30):
that for granted, in the senseof you know they're just doing
their thing.
I never really stopped toappreciate all the little
service that she performs, right, and now I'm I'm highly aware
of it and to where it's, youknow, letting her know that I
appreciate it, letting her knowthat I see it, that I see her
doing these things for me.

(05:51):
I'm not asking for anything,she's just doing it on her own.
You know, I think we touched onthis last time is, you know,
we're both givers, Right, and ittook me a lot of years to step
back and actually startrecognizing when someone's
giving for me and to appreciateit, and so that's one of the
biggest things that is reallyand to be able to accept it, I

(06:12):
imagine.
That's the other thing isaccepting it, right, as you know
, when I was younger, it wasmore of oh, I got this, I know
Don't do that, or what have you,or, or even when things were
being being done, it could be assimple as doing the laundry.
You know there's this.
If she were to do it everysingle time, and there's this
expectation that that's justgoing to happen and that

(06:34):
appreciation diminishes, right,and so I'm making sure to be
very, very mindful and very,very appreciative, and that was
one of the things going intothis relationship to begin with.
Um, that I was looking for withsomeone who was like a giver,
like myself, and I'm going to bejust a lot more mindful of it.
And I'm going to touch on oneother thing is communication.

(06:55):
Communication is really reallybig with me now, whereas the
last 30 years there's areas thatI could have really improved
upon, but I feel like for us tohave just a strong relationship
and just a strong foundation,which I touched on last episode
we need to communicate on aregular basis and you know, and

(07:17):
sometimes maybe just push thepause button, okay, how are we
doing?
You know how are you feeling,and but that's a really big
thing with me right now ismaking sure that we communicate.
We've communicated, and not allof it's easy communication,
right, and it could be nonverbalor verbal, but communication is
really important.
So for all these young couples,you know, push the pause button

(07:38):
on your busy life and just haveconversations.
Last thing I'm gonna throw inthere quiet time is big with me
and that's part of thecommunication, where we actually
make time for ourselves andlike this life's busy and
there's social media outlets andstuff like that and we get lost
in all of that.
And when I started datingTiffany, I was like hey, I don't

(07:59):
mind that you're on socialmedia, you know as long as.
I'm right next to you, right?
I'm right there with you andyou're on social media.
You know, as long as I'm rightnext to you, right, I'm right
there with you, and so you knowshe was working on it.
Yeah, I mean, I just as long asI'm present with her, you know,
and she was working on a poston Sunday for for our wedding

(08:20):
and I was just sitting rightnext to her and I saw it and it
was so cute.
It took me forever to do, but itwas so good.
It was pretty funny watchingher do it.
She's like, ah, it took her along time to put that thing
together.
But just yeah, just so for me.
I grew up a lot, you know, andthere's a lot of things that I
appreciate and pay attention to.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
Probably living out on your own, you see things a
little bit different after beingyours with somebody, right,
like now you're doing it allyourself, right?
No one's helping you withlaundry, nobody's helping you
with cooking, nobody's helpingyou pay your bills, no one's
telling you to get up, no, Imean you know like, hey, let's
get going, the kids are gone orwhatever, and our dynamics are
different probably than a lot ofpeople who get a divorce too,
cause a lot of people go inhaving kids.

(08:59):
My mom got divorced many times,so I see a lot of different
things as a young person andthen as somebody who's older,
cause now, like I was going atfull speed, you know like, and I
still go at full speed, butCraig reminds me like, hey,
let's take, take some downtimeand just snuggle, just be

(09:20):
present.
Yeah, just be present to beright there, and so he be where
your feet are.
Yesterday we're getting ready torun out the door to a
basketball game and I went tothe bank and then I says I'll do
the bank deposit for the yogurtshop.
And I said you go home and rest, because he was tired and and
so he's like, okay, you know,like I can do that too, and I'm
like, but you're?
You said you're tired so youcan take a quick rest.

(09:41):
And then I got back and said wehave time to just lay here and
snuggle.
I'm like every time I snugglewith you I fall asleep, and I
was never like that before,because I couldn't lay there
like my brain was going safeyeah, so I go out, I'm like,
boom, I'm out.
I just love that.
Yeah, take that quiet time, andeven if it means the kids are
laying on the couch with youwhen you're younger, you know,

(10:02):
just take that quiet time forthat physical, that reconnect,
because it puts endorphins intoyour body too.
That connection does your brain.
It's a positive.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
So it was only 10 minutes right but it didn't end
up being it always feels like 10minutes an hour and a half
later yeah, she springs up andthere she goes.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, oh, I know yeah .

Speaker 3 (10:27):
That's great.
I mean you did actually touchon.
So Tiffany did actually justtouch on something that maybe
the earlier Craig wouldn't haveallowed.
We had a bank deposit to makefor our business and I was going
to take care of it, but I wasfeeling a little fatigued,
allergies and stuff like that.
She's like I'm in the bankparking lot, just drop it off
here.
I'm like no, no, no, I got it.
I got it.
I got it, I got it.

(10:48):
She's like I'm in the bankparking lot.

Speaker 4 (10:49):
I just turned in the bank parking lot I said.
I just said, hey, did you dothat deposit?

Speaker 3 (10:53):
And it wasn't just one deposit, it was like 20
deposits that you have to randomacts of kindness is as a as a
younger person maybe I wouldhave been like no, I got this, I
got this, but for I just let itgo, let her do it for me, and
uh, I really appreciate thatwell, and I love that because

(11:16):
I'm sure that in your pastrelationships you didn't feel
those little acts of kindness.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
You know you're always defensive, you're always
on alert, yeah.

Speaker 4 (11:29):
I think, off and on I think we both felt it
throughout our relationship.
I think you get busy with kidsand family.
You know careers or whatever.
I mean you guys have probablyfelt the same.
You forget to look at theperson that you're building a
life with.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
I'm just thinking that the last part of your
relationships, yeah, that wasprobably a little more
challenging to see.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
And, like we talked about before, that a lot of
those things becametransactional.
Okay, I'm going to do this, butwhat is it or they're going to
do this for me?
What are they going to expectout of me?

Speaker 4 (12:00):
A hundred percent in mind.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, it just has to sound percent in mind.
Yeah, yeah, so good, so good.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
And that's a difference between a partnership
and something else.
You know, and if you have atrue partnership, you just serve
each other and you don't expectmore than that.
And we could also trust thatthe other person is going to be
giving into the relationship asmuch or more than you are.
And then communication keepsthat going.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Definitely.
You always hear how difficultit is to blend families.
Has this been a challenge inyour relationship and what
advice would you give to others?

Speaker 4 (12:38):
It is definitely been a difference.
I think it changes based on howyour kids are also ready for it
.
My kids are more open to it butstill had some hold back right.
They were like who's my momgetting into?
This guy keeps on showing up,right, and so they knew I was

(12:59):
dating quite a bit.
And so then Craig startsshowing up more spontaneously,
you know, and one kid even yeah,and one kid even thought I
thought you're dating a bunch ofpeople.
when we told him, no, we'reseeing each other, just seeing
each other and nobody else, thatkind of took him by surprise.
But my kids fell in love withCraig.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
What's not to love, though, right Craig?

Speaker 1 (13:22):
Seriously.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
We have some stories that we can tell.
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 4 (13:27):
My kids are pretty open, like he's like wow, like
your kids just lay everythingout online.
They're boisterous, they saystuff, they treat you a certain
way, like your relationship iscompletely different than
anything I ever experienced.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
So if you don't, if you don't mind, I'll just kind
of give just a little bit ofbackground.
Tiffany has four children, Ihave three.
They're all about the same age,the oldest one being 31, two
different schools in our, in ourarea, and basically kind of
grew up just a little bitdifferently.
But now that we, you know, asTiffany's getting to know my
children and I'm getting gettingas I get to know her children,

(14:05):
there's a lot of similarities.
So for me, when, when I gotseparated and divorced, it came
as a complete shock to them.
Right, there was no fighting,there was no, there was,
everything was kept behindclosed doors.
Right, it was always to protectthe children, you know, and
everything we ever did and wewent on for so many years is is

(14:27):
because, you know, there werelife events with the children
and we and we just said kidscame first, right, and so when I
sat down and told them, youknow, this is what's going on
Well with with my ex at the time, and they were just shocked, so
this last year for them, I meanright out of the gate, they
were just really, reallyconcerned about me.
And then it wasn't but a fewmonths later that I met Tiffany

(14:52):
and then, before I knew it, wewere like seeing each other on a
regular basis.
So in their mindset, okay, well, dad's moving on pretty quick.
I'm going to push the pausebutton really quick there.
For all those that have adultkids that do not live in the
home anymore, we all know it'sdifferent.
They can make their owndecisions now.
They don't have to worry aboutbeing grounded or what have you

(15:15):
you know, because they don'tlive under your roof anymore.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
And so that dynamic is different in itself.
Or come into any activities orbeing in the same home, like,
they get to choose how they wantto like the other person or not
like them.
Not that you don't do that whenyou bring someone into your
home and they're younger, butyou're there living with them.
You know, our kids have more ofthe more of a like hey, I'm not
their step-mom, I'm Craig'swife.
That's how I want to see myself.
I want to be their friend, youknow, and so totally different

(15:46):
dynamics.

Speaker 1 (15:47):
I'm glad you brought that up.
I think that's really important.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
Yeah, like never forced the mom and dad thing,
even with the grandkids.
Like my daughter's okay withmaybe Craig being called Papa
and my boys I don't feel likethey'd be more accepting Maybe
my last one but the other twohe'll be Craig and that's okay.
I called my grandpa grandpamore at all the time.
So you know just differentdynamics and let them blow into
it.
You know like however they want.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
Yeah, and so, like for my, for my kids, you know,
two of them are married, oneowns finishing college, right,
and so they have families oftheir own that they're raising,
and so when all of this is goingon for me, they're just kind of
stepping back, and I've hadsome hard conversations with
them.
I told them hey, listen, you'regoing to see dad.
The way dad is right.

(16:33):
What you've experienced is itwas different.
I'm going to be myself, and sowe had some really good
conversations to where, with mychildren, as I'm progressing
with Tiffany, through ourrelationship, we come to the
conclusion or agreement is whatit was more than anything was
dad, you go at your pace.
We're still healing, we loveour mom and but we want the best

(16:56):
for you, we want the best forTiffany, but you go at your pace
and we'll go at our pace.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
What a very mature way to have a conversation with
your dad.
I love that.
That is so good.
So do your children.
How do they feel about Tiffany?

Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh, they really like Tiffany, right, they really like
her.
But I don't know that Tiffanyfeels that all the time, right?
Okay, so my, my kids aredifferent.
Hers are loud and boisterous,right, they like the.
She's got three boys and theyshow lots of love.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
They do loud and boisterous right.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
She's got three boys.
They show lots of love.
They do a bunch of crazy stufftoo.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
I know, but they'll give you hugs and loves and be
crazy.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
Right where mine are more.
I mean, they're more the kindthat sit around the table and
just joke around about differentthings, and so they're not and
they like the golf and all thoseother stuff, Right.
So we're quite a quiet type, goforward type individuals, and
so different personalities, butthey really like Tiffany.
They're happy for the two of usRight and the progression, but
they're still healing on theirend.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
Sure, well, just like you said, it came as a shock.
They didn't see it coming.

Speaker 3 (18:06):
I think that they didn't have any time to prepare
for some of those 100 forwardmotions so as, like, we went to
a game last night, you know, Ihad my son there and my
son-in-law there, and and then,and then one of tiffany's sons
was there.
So for me I feel like, throughtime, you know what my kids will
continue to warm up to Tiffany.

(18:27):
How can you not, right?
But then we also we're tryingto, we're trying to figure it
out, and Tiffany and I we'vetalked a lot about we need to be
strong, right, and we, like myword for this year is unite.
You know it's it's.
We need to, little by little,try to find a way to unite the
children.
I mean, they don't have to beas friends, but you know we want

(18:50):
to be able to have them allover, but that's going to take
time and we have to havepatience, yeah, so they may not
come all together at the sametime.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
No, they don't, that's okay.

Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yeah, His kids have said that.
Like, why would we ever need tobe in a room where my kids are
like, yeah, let's get to knowthem, let's meet them, let's see
what you know, that kind ofthing.
So because my dynamics as araising my children were invite
people over, invite, invite,invite.
So there was lots of peoplecoming and going in our house.
We didn't care who they were orwhat you know, whatever it was

(19:18):
always oh, bring them over.
Oh, we have food.
Oh, can I invite someone?
Sure, so we always had dynamicsof lots of people in and out
our door and so it was just alittle bit different, I think.
And so my kids are more.
They're people.
Why not get to know them Right?
And they'll ask Greg reallyhard questions where his kids
haven't asked me any questions.
Really.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah, you know it's interesting.
That's a good point, becausetwo of my children of the three
are really big about.
They just have a small circleand they're really tight in that
circle.
It's hard to get into theircircle, no matter who you are,
right, okay, yeah, so the wholeinvite and stuff like that,
whereas my youngest he'sprobably been the one that's
been the most active and soforth, but also with with your

(19:58):
children, though they saw yourdivorce coming, oh, mentally had
chances to prepare for time mom, they had more yeah it was, it
was a tombow.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
They were the ones who I probably would have tried
to make it go again, but they'relike enough, just enough, just
stop.
You know, right.
Then I had one that was kind oflike maybe you should try when
they, their dad was saying stuffto them, you know, like maybe
you should make it work.
Their dad was saying stuff tothem, you know, like maybe you
should make it work.
And I even had those thoughts,right, and so you kind of play
games and the mental stuff likewell, then your family could be

(20:32):
back together, and there wasjust more to it.
But yeah, no, as far asdynamics, we'd like our kids to
be able to get together.
We'll give it time, you know,just slowly.
Invites, invites, invites.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
And that's just it.
So do you feel like that?
How you're handling any kind oftension or differences in the
family is just basically justtaking time, just being patient,
just just allowing things tojust kind of show up organically
.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
Yeah, yeah, we are, we are both.
We talk about it.
We have to be patient and if weforce things because they live
in homes and I mean they canjust hit this switch and we're
out of their life Right, and wewant to avoid that From our
perspective.
We have seven great kids, right, we have seven great kids and
they don't even know that theywould get along.

(21:20):
Right, we have to give themtime, right, and so it's little
by little.
So we will invite we're notmanipulative anything and I want
to be very clear about that butwhat we'll invite over for
sunday dinner, right, so likehaving having tiffany have
dinner with them and go dodifferent things with them is
really, really important, justlike with with me.

(21:40):
I pretty much inserted myselfinto their life right away, but
again, I I think they were moreready.

Speaker 4 (21:45):
His kids said they weren't ready, didn't want to
meet me and stuff for quite awhile.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
Because, they were healing Sure.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
And I mean, that totally makes sense yeah.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
So you just look at the different dynamics it is.
Was it hard not to be offended?
Yeah, actually, one of myprerequisites of getting married
was that your kids would loveand accept me as part of your
life.
And that's they.
They're okay with it.
You know they're.
They're moving in their ownsteady thing.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
So yeah, well you can feel it.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
They like it yeah, like take time and just like
both of you I mean, you both aresuch likable people it's, it's,
I think it's going to be just aonce that healing process takes
place.
It's going to be just a oncethat healing process takes place
, it's going to be such anatural thing that you're going
to be part of their lifedifferently.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
But you know, like you said, you'll be a friend,
not necessarily, I think it alsodepends on how the ex is
talking about you.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
Oh, you just touched on a big one, Dr Jeff.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
You just touched on a really big one, okay, and if
they're talking poorly about youto the children, that's going
to make a drive a wedge betweenthem and you, and so tell me
what your experience is there.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
Yeah, you go first.

Speaker 4 (22:57):
Might have been.
The ex says the same things.
He's always said like your momnever apologized, your mom never
did this.
I tried to make it work.
You know he goes with the kidsas the victim mode to me.
With the kids I just tell themit's the same story.
You guys were there, you saw it, you know same person.
So I really try not to get intoa lot of hashing, but I do.

(23:20):
I have this tendency to alsowant to care and fix the kid's
dad.
You know, like help him, solveit, solve these.
Just at the wedding he wastelling everybody you know,
sorry that we're in a divorce,told the kids different things
Anyway.
So it's hard for me not to gointo that.
I want to fix it for my kidsand defend myself.

(23:42):
But I also am in a very neutralspot with him, Like I don't
hate him, I don't wish anythingbad or good for him.
It's his life and he gets tolive it.
So I'm in a very neutral spot.
I don't have panic anymore whenI see him.
It is really honestly just areally neutral Christlike love,
like he's a human being and Idon't.

(24:04):
I'm just in neutral, like hislife is his.
I don't call and say I wish youwell.
I don't.
I haven't messaged that.
I don't say I wish you the best, it's just very neutral.
You get to live your life.
This is the life you chose.
You know you wanted a new wife,new life, you know.
And so my kids are very.
I don't share a whole lot withthem anymore, but I let them
vent to me because I think theyknow that I also understand and

(24:27):
we'll go yeah, and what are yougoing to do with that?
How are you going to show up?
Do you want to?
You know, how does thatrelationship look for your dad
with your dad?
So for my daughter, she, shegets to choose her relationship,
but she wants a relationship,but not the old relationship,
you know, and there needs to bea lot of repairing, and so the

(24:48):
boys have a tendency to listenmore and to want to fix and feel
bad, and so they will do moreto try to for that relationship,
to improve it, you know in realterms, though.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
I mean, you just had a wedding this last week where
you had to be in the same roomwith the ex and also the
children.
How did that dynamics go foryou?

Speaker 1 (25:15):
And the wedding was a son's wedding.
A son's wedding, her oldest son, oldest son.

Speaker 4 (25:20):
So he did a group picture Didn't bother me at all.
He joined in, had Craig scootover so he could sit in the
front.
He chose not to sit in thefront where the parents would
sit.
He went around, talked to allthe family, especially my family
, and gave everybody hugs.
And then he was behind me and Ilooked at Craig and said hey,
craig, would you like to meetthe kid's dad?

(25:41):
And he's like yes, craig, gavehim a serious face Nice to meet
you.
And then pleasure to meet youis what he said.
And then the kid's dad justsaid excuse me, what'd you say?
And then Craig re-repeated apleasure to meet you.
And then he's like, a pleasureto meet you.
And then he brought up a shortconversation like, hey, you

(26:03):
can't let the kids down here.
And then he walked away.
But that was, you know.
I mean I don't know how manytimes we walked past each other.
I didn't notice him tons, but Inoticed him in different places
, you know, especially whenyou're hugging someone or I'm
right by him, you know hugging afamily or whatever.
We were very it wasn't a reallybig event center, so it was
pretty small, close quarters,very close quarters.

(26:29):
So for me.
I it was fine as far as himbeing there.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Okay, actually, really good for the kids,
anxious I think, uh, I think oneof them was yeah, one of them
maybe.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
So I mean he got out there and but the kid's dad left
early, so before the party andbegan he, he kind of bolted out,
so he was there for probably anhour and a half right when the
wedding and they and they didthe cake he left before the
dancing yeah, so that was adifferent event one.
I'm sure we'll have plenty ofthem, you know, sure, I don't
necessarily feel I need to havea friendship with him, but I

(27:01):
also don't need to be mean andugly and nasty either, oh for
sure.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
I mean that's just so helpful.
How do you balance honoringpast family traditions while
creating new ones as a couple?
I mean, you're just talkingabout you're going to be having
these events.
Let's move into that.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Well, that's a really good question, because we're
still trying to figure it out,right?

Speaker 4 (27:21):
We did Thanksgiving.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah, I was just going to like see what we did
with thanksgiving and christmasand so forth.
Basically what's we need torecognize that the kids are
going to get pulled in differentdirections.
And and selfishly do I wantthem christmas eve and christmas
day, 100 right.
Selfishly do I want us all besitting around the christ tree
together, a hundred percent.
But the reality is is that'snot the case, and so for.

(27:48):
For, on my side, I told the kids, I said, hey, the first
Saturday after the holiday, I'dlove to have you over for our
celebration, right, so that weknow every single year that
that's, that's dad.
And now Tiffany's time to haveyou over.
And then what?
Tiff, tiffany's got her own.
And I think, to be honest withyou, I think this is going to

(28:10):
change over the next couple ofyears two, three years because
each of them are creating theirown families.
They're all building their ownfamily.
So I can really just see I mean, I don't know what it looks
like, but maybe it's Tiffany andI are loading up the car and
we're just going all over theplace, and that's the stage we
are in our life.
We're all about our grandkidsright now.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
Well, and I love that , I think that that's so
important.
What's one expected joy or winin bringing your families
together?

Speaker 4 (28:40):
Good question.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
I mean, it's almost kind of like what would that
look like, you know?

Speaker 4 (28:45):
Or bringing them together because we're married
and now two families I mean, Ithink my family is more open for
that, but Craig's kids are morethis is our family.
We're not part of that family.
So that might look verydifferently.
But I think, over timehopefully, but maybe not.
So I kind of don't put reallyexpectations on that situation

(29:07):
and I quit doing that once myoldest one got married the first
time.
Like the expectations, likethis is the holiday you need to
be to, this isn't the holiday.
You know they have it.
This in laws have it that.
Because now you don't just havein laws, you have the extra
spouses right Family time.
So now you got three andhopefully their, their spouses,
don't have doubles too.

(29:29):
So sometimes you might not getthem for holidays, but bring
them together.
I'd say the win for us is justwatching Craig with his kids and
the joy it brings him.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Oh, there you go, that's.
Great.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
Being able to witness it.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah, I love that.
Okay, so what excites you mostabout this new chapter of your
life together?

Speaker 3 (29:49):
Wow, I'm excited by so many things.
Um, you know what I talkedabout the foundation on the last
episode and and where we areand we have so much fun together
.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
We work oh, that's, you can tell.
I mean, you guys don't stoplaughing, looking at each other
making faces.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
It's so fun just to watch you both and and even that
we're going through phasesalready.
She's a practical jokester andI've got to be in her clothes.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
You've got to be on your game.

Speaker 4 (30:20):
We need to talk yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:23):
I thought I was a practical jokester.
I've met my match.
So, as we look, I'm justexcited about you know, we're in
this stage too.
You know, when kids are out ofthe house, grandkids aren't old
enough to need to set theirgames and stuff like that.
So we have this time wherewe're, you know, and we're both
rebuilding Right, so workfinancially.

(30:43):
Well, yeah, we're, we're bothrebuilding.
So how to mix that in and justgrind it out over the next five,
10 years?
I wouldn't want to do it withanybody other than Tiffany,
because of what I know about herand we have fun doing it.
You know, bought a businessjust recently, you know, before
we got married, and Tiffanywalks in there and she helps run

(31:04):
the show and she's just like me, we think very similar and so
I'm excited about that.
I'm excited about what she andI could accomplish.
And there's actually times Isat back and, like man, we would
have met each other 30 yearsago.
What could we have done?
But we weren't the same peoplethen and we needed to meet each
other at this time.
And I think we're going to dosome good things, not just for

(31:27):
ourselves, but just for peoplearound us.
So I'm excited about that.

Speaker 4 (31:31):
Craig's very a planner, just for people around
us.
So I'm excited about that.
Craig's very a planner.
He sets it all out like this,and like this morning he goes oh
, let's snuggle for a fewminutes.
Usually he gets up like at 5.15and goes and works out.
He stayed in bed longer and sothen-.
Yeah to snuggle, and then, allof a sudden, I fall back to
sleep, fall back to sleep.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
Anyways, and then all of a sudden I wake myself up
and I'm like let's go for a run.
Even my proposal to her, Iplanned it all out and she just
blew it all up.
She just blew it up.
So it's like you know, she'sall that real quick.
Oh yeah, I had all these bigplans and stuff like that, and
so finally, you know it.
Just, I had plans to get herkids involved with the proposal

(32:14):
and I did this thing with herearly on about what does it mean
, right?
What does it mean when you'rethe first person I want to talk
to when I wake up in the morning?
What does it mean when you'rethe last person I want to talk
to before I go to sleep?
So I did this whole blah, blah,blah thing on it, right?
And so I was going to do thatas part of the proposal and do
it on the movie screen.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
You know I'm a romantic, so bear with me.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
But then it just came down to you know, it's just
about her and I, and so I putsomething together just for
Tiffany and I, and I had it allplanned out, Okay, so we're
going to go, I'm going to gopick her up before church, I'm
going to have a camera here, I'mgoing to do this, I'm going to
do that, right, and so I makesure I get there early enough.
Guess what, she's not ready andhe's all over the place and I'm

(32:57):
like hey, just come sit here,just the you know, Tiffy Huh.
I had no idea.

Speaker 4 (33:03):
And he's like I got this thing I want to show you.
I made this video.
I'm like like I don't want tobe late for church.
Okay, so there's more to thisstory.
I gotta.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
I gotta keep going.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
So so it's like okay, so we're out the door.
I'm like okay, so I'm at, we'reat church, right.

Speaker 3 (33:29):
And her kids are texting me.

Speaker 4 (33:31):
Did you ask?
Did you ask Right?

Speaker 3 (33:31):
Because we, yeah, shows up and he knows he needs
that it's his house.
It's his house so and so anyway.
So they're trying to get out,but tiffany's just talking to
him and stuff, like I'm likeI've got to go right, and so
they're unloading groceries souh, so I mean, it's just just, I
know what I was in for, right,and so so, anyway, so I finally
get her to sit down and I and Ijust you know, I just um let her

(33:55):
see this video that I puttogether, right, and it's
basically pictures of us andstuff like that.

Speaker 4 (33:59):
And I critiqued it.
I'm like are you going to usethis for something?
Cause like half of our headsare cut off, half of the
pictures like this way.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yeah, and then I, and then I wrote a um something for
her.
Basically I will.
What kind of a man am I goingto be for her Right?
And I think at that time itstarted, kind of like to sink in
, like no, I didn't think youshould know.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
I was like oh, he's just doing another poem or
something that he's written forme.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah, and I did this.
Of course I'm crying yeah anduh, and so then I go to get on
one knee and then no, you askedme to stand up.
Yeah, I asked you to stand up,but then I go to get on one knee
.

Speaker 4 (34:33):
I know, but I was going to give you a hug.
I thought you were just goingto give me a hug.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
Can you stand up so I can have a hug Typical Tiffany
and her family as I get on myknee.
Her brother calls.
Her phone's just blaring in thebackground In the other room,
and so I proposed to her and shesays yes, but you know she's,
she's got a big family, she's onthe phone a lot with them and
stuff like that.
Um, there's a lot of love there.
But it was, it was, it waspretty and she had no idea

(34:59):
what's gonna happen no, I did ityeah even after looking for
rings together and all thisother stuff.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
So um well, that's so fun that it was just such a
surprise yeah, he bought likethree rings to make sure that.
Oh my god, that's a story foranother day.

Speaker 3 (35:15):
It's not that I was just out buying rings.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
That is so funny, did you?

Speaker 2 (35:20):
get them the right size.
That's what I want to know.

Speaker 4 (35:22):
This is the original ring.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
Oh wow, that is so awesome.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (35:28):
So how do you both envision growing old together?

Speaker 4 (35:32):
Working, playing, laughing, enjoying family,
enjoying God in our lives andsupporting each other.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Yeah, I mean, those are the big ones.
I'll drill down just a littlebit.
We both focus on grandkids andwe want to be the best grandkids
and the kids, right.

Speaker 4 (35:51):
He focuses more on the grandkids.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
Oh, I just love it, that's me.

Speaker 3 (35:58):
You know why they think I'm cool.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
Well, I would too, definitely.

Speaker 3 (36:04):
Yeah, yeah For me, like Tiff said, I'm more of a
planner.
I've already given her a here'swhere we look financially in 10
years if we just stay on thistrack.
Right, I've already given her ahere's where we look
financially in 10 years If wejust stay on this track Right.
So for me it's it's next fiveyears.
We're just, we're going to workand we're going to play.
We're going to work hard, playhard and hopefully our bodies
hold up and everything like that, and take good care of
ourselves so that we can bethere for everybody.

(36:27):
And I know Tiffany's going tobe called on a lot by not only
her mom but her siblings andyour kids kids too, whether it's
babysitting or what have youand I and I hope that we're in a
position and no, I know thatwe'll be in a position to where
that she can just stop and go.
To be able to have that freedomto just go and be present with

(36:48):
them is really, really importantto me.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
Do you think that either one of you would start to
feel resentful having to spendso much extra time with extended
family children, grandkids andnot as much together?

Speaker 4 (37:00):
That was actually that was vetted out early.
Yeah, because.
I was like I don't want.
That was a previous issue.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Her previous issue, a landmine.

Speaker 4 (37:10):
Oh, it was a huge landmine.
I put others before jealousyand major jealousy and I could
be present, but it was always.
And so craig's learned thatsometimes phone calls will come
in and I try to really vent themout like if is it really
important?
Or if we're just in the carjust jamming, it doesn't matter
if I take a phone call, you know, but if we're in a conversation
or whatever, depending on thechild you know, and how long

(37:32):
they'll talk.
But um, yeah, I says this is abig thing for me.
I don't want to be in arelationship where you feel
jealous or that you want me toput my kids last or my family
last, you know, and you feelthis way you remember the movie
ice age 2?

Speaker 3 (37:48):
where I'm gonna be ice age 2 where share this with
me there goes our last female Iwas like hold on well, where sid
goes, she's a ton of fun andyou're no fun.

(38:08):
She completes you, and so so,if you remember that, I look at
us in the sense that her kidscall all the time right.
She has such a greatrelationship with them and you
know, going through the wholeall the you mean like once a day
.

Speaker 4 (38:23):
sometimes some will call more than that, but I work
for one, so I talked to him moreon a regular basis.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
I don't talk to my children that much.

Speaker 4 (38:30):
No, you don't.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
Right, so we complete each other.
We both have really goodrelationships with our children,
right, and she has multipleconversations, sometimes a day,
with some children and then shetalks to them on a regular basis
, and then she's got hersiblings With me, like even with
my siblings.
I might talk to them everycouple months or so forth, and

(38:58):
my children text here and there,or maybe a phone call every now
and then just to set up ameeting.
But that's how we communicatewith our children.
It's just different and Iappreciate how she has her
children.
I don't expect her relationshipto be with her children the way
mine is with mine and then viceversa right and so and that's
that's where I sometimes joke if, if my children were on the
phone with me as much, ordemanding me to come over as
much as her children, we'dreally be like, okay, how are we

(39:20):
going to manage this?
But it works right now with us.

Speaker 4 (39:23):
They usually want to feed us.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
That's a good thing, oh that's nice, because now you
have a food bill.

Speaker 4 (39:28):
Yeah, yeah, it's awesome Like, oh, you want us to
come over Sure and so I'llchange plans, just to go eat.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
We'll have to tell you about the whole food bill
thing.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Craig has both of hisparents have passed and I have
my parents and then step parents, step, you know the parents,
the step spouses.
Yeah, and then he has twosiblings.
I have eight siblings.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
Oh wow, there's a lot of Tiffany going out, yeah, and
so my mom was single for a longtime off and on right.

Speaker 4 (40:07):
Well, even when she was married she was single.
So us kids have a differentbond, like we can do, do, do, do
, do, do, right, and then we'reback loving each other and
supporting each other, wheremaybe some families would be
like, oh we just bickered, we'renot going to talk for a while,
you know, and that has happened.
But for the most part my familywants to plan family reunions.
They come to town or somethingWe'll do dinner.
We'll stop by and do dinners,you know, or whatever, when

(40:28):
we're traveling, or just here intown, or just like one night we
sat and had yogurt with two ofthem for two and a half hours
you know, so it's just differentyou know.

Speaker 3 (40:36):
So his sister comes to town and she hangs out with
well, we were getting wet, mary,but I mean she was loving on
you and everything she loves you, yeah, so every everything's,
you know just, it's justdifferent, mine's big, a big
family so imagine the number ofinterviews I had to go through
to get to this point Right Comeon oh my gosh, that's hilarious.

(40:58):
The scars I can't even imaginethe scars from that, every one
of them.
They give her feedback, youknow.

Speaker 4 (41:05):
Oh, I'm sure, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
It was awesome.
Yeah, it was awesome.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Right.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
Oh, that's great, so awesome.
Yeah, it was awesome, right.
Oh, that's great so well.
What's something you both lookforward to in this marriage that
you didn't get to experience inyour past?

Speaker 4 (41:18):
oh, there you go first having some besides
freedom, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,having someone give without
there being a expectation yesexpectation to it.
You know like, if I do this,then what?
So it's really refreshing toknow that.
And he, he often justvolunteers to do it with, you
know, no strings attached or noexpectations, or you expected me

(41:42):
to do it my way.
Usually Craig's like tell mehow you want this done and I'll
do it.
I'm like, just do it how youwant to do it.
He's like, no, tell me and thenI'll do it.
And I'm like I want to do itthe way you'd like it,
especially with cleaning.
But I'm like, no, you just doit.
You do a great job.
And but there are some things,like you know, I'll say, hey,
can you do this?
These things really bug me.

(42:04):
So we've kind of vented out afew of those to have someone who
communicates.
Or, hey, I'm going to go dothis, this and this, and then
I'll be home.
Hey, do you need anything fromthe store?
I'm heading to the store Likethe pre the communication.
As far as, hey, is theresomething that you need while
I'm out?
Hey, I got this.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
The checking in.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
I love that.
Just so good at that too.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
That's awesome.

Speaker 3 (42:31):
There were times I wasn't.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
So the checking in piece is really important, I
think, especially if there'sever been any trust that has
been lost, and to continue tomake okay, here's where I am,
here's where I'm going, this isgoing on.
I'm excited to see you.
Can't wait till we get backtogether.
You know those pieces of evenjust minor two-second

(42:53):
communications.

Speaker 3 (42:54):
They are huge for us yeah, exactly, yeah yeah, for me
it's just, you know someonethat's patient, right, she's
patient like I mean, as much asI try to do things right as much
as I can, I'm human and I makemistakes and Tiffany has a lot

(43:14):
of patience in that sense, right, not perfect and she's able to
just kind of like is what it is.
You know, let's move on.
It could be anything from like.
I almost ran her over yesterday.
I think she was walking behindmy car and she walked in front.
You know, on my previousmarriage, my day was over, you
know, it was done and uh, andshe just laughed about it.

(43:35):
Also, there was a I laughed.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
I'm like hey, hey, you're gonna run me over here.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
She's laughing because she almost ran her over,
yeah yeah, I wasn't like I wasdriving though, but yeah, I mean
, I just something dumb, it wasdumb, I wasn't paying attention
I'm glad you find that humorouswell, that's just it.

Speaker 3 (43:54):
She found it humorous .
I'm like, oh my gosh, and Iknew that, I knew that early on
and there's, there was one timewhen, um, I, I learned that
during hard times, and this is,this is a really big thing with
me, and I don't know if Itouched on this last episode,
but oh, actually I think youtouched on it, tiffany when, um,
we were floating down the riveron paddle boards and we turned
around to go back up the river.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
I don't think I've heard that.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
And then all of a sudden, I mean so we go down
like a mile and a half, almosttwo miles, and it's just, we're
jamming to music, we're justhaving a great time and it was
easy.
It was so easy because we'regoing down so easy.
All of a sudden the wind picksup.
It gets to that time of day andit picks up to where there's
almost little white caps.
We have to turn around and goupstream and for every time you

(44:36):
paddle and you go two feetforward, you're going one foot
back but we're almost to the damwhere it drops off, so you
needed to be going back theother way.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
Oh my gosh that's terrifying we were

Speaker 3 (44:46):
actually, we actually were and this is this speaks to
our character.
We were actually looking atpeople around us to see if they
need help, even though we weretrying to get ourselves out of
it, right and so.
But for me, and this issomething that excites me you
asked earlier about the futurewith me and Tiffany, or Tiffany
and I is we're paddling and it'sa struggle, it's a big.

(45:10):
I mean, it must have been twohours back up, this thing and
I'm just worried.
I'm just like, okay, man, howmad is she and all this other
stuff?
And I look over and she's onher board dancing and singing
still, and just got ready to goover the dam.
I was.
I was just like that'ssomething I needed in my life,

(45:31):
right, some positivity andsomeone that says okay, this is
a hard thing, we're doing a hardthing right now and and it was
hard yeah it was hard.
It was so hard.
but but we're going to have fundoing the hard thing, yeah, well
that's life, right Hard, it'sjust life and I just look good,
thinking that, no matter whatcomes our way, that I figure I
felt like I have a partner now,that we'll be able to be

(45:53):
positive and we can.
We can get through anything.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
Well, and I, I just love that.
So, going along with that, whatare some bucket list
experiences you can't wait toshare as a couple?

Speaker 3 (46:03):
Oh, boy, you know what he?

Speaker 4 (46:05):
has a really big bucket list.
Mine is just.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
So talk about your top three.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
Yeah, I, you know I'd love to go and travel and I've
never really gone that much outof the country.
We talked about traveling andso we have a trip planned this
year and we're at the.
We're at that part in lifewhere you know I want this
travel buddy here and go dostuff.
So where's the trip scheduledfor?
We are actually going to go toscotland with some friends and

(46:36):
we're going to go there for alittle bit, but prior to that
we're gonna go to italy and thengo to scotland.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
So very good italy trip planned yeah, exactly yes
about that you're gonna take acruise, though that one sounds
really yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
We're excited about it, for sure.

Speaker 4 (46:54):
So awesome so.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
I'm excited about that.
I'm also excited about justactually you know what this is,
just the, the getting old part,you know just to get an old well
, not about getting old with you, getting old together.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, yeah, I just think Growing closer as you age.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
It's inevitable, it's happening right.

Speaker 1 (47:13):
It's happening, whether we like it or not.
Tiffany, how do you plan tokeep your relationship strong
and thriving in the years tocome?

Speaker 3 (47:19):
oh, I'm curious about that too, are you?

Speaker 4 (47:22):
yeah, do tell do tell , making sure I make time for
craig and I.
You know, just those smallmoments talking about goals that
we have, about each other'sinterest, I think really just
staying connected in the thingsthat are important, you know,
being able to have thatconnection, like really being
interested in each other.

(47:42):
Craig is always throwing newideas at me.
I'm just always grinding.
You know he comes withdifferent ideas and I'm like,
okay, let's think about it.
You know he comes withdifferent ideas and I'm like,
okay, let's think about it.
You know, just, I I'm not asmuch a goal setter per se as
much as I am just yeah, I'm justa grinder, like I know what
needs to happen.
He's like, if we put this muchmoney away, I'm like how does

(48:04):
that really look?
And that actually makes me go alittle bit into panic, like, oh
, then I have the money sittingthere, then what's going to
happen with it?
Right?
so, based on history yeah, basedon history so still working
through some of that stuff um myown brain stuff, but seeing
that grow and you know that kindof stuff.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
I just yeah, are you guys both seen like a counselor
with all the stuff that you'redealing with?

Speaker 4 (48:29):
no, no no, no, I just finished up my life coaching.
Craig has suggested he's likewe should do some counseling or
something.
I have a few programs that I'vepurchased.
Yeah, it would be really goodto doing stuff like this being
involved with this, listening tostuff, sharing stuff.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Then we kind of hash back through it, you know yeah,
I'm actually open to a lot ofdifferent things, more now than
I ever was, just because I don'tknow, maybe because, oh,
clearly I got divorced, what Iwas doing, some of the things I
was doing, what didn't work,right, right, so even well, it's
good that you recognize thatyeah, yeah that's very mature I

(49:08):
don't want to.
I don't want to have anythinglike that happen again, and so
even before we got married I hadmentioned to to Tiffany about
whether we need it or not.
Let's do marriage counseling,let's just get involved in some
type of program Start strong.
Let's stay active, because wecould probably pick things up
that can help us.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
Yeah definitely.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
I mean, I feel like we both did enough due diligence
prior to our marriage.
I'm in the banking world, sodue diligence is a word that we
or two words, we throw around alot anyway.
So, anyway, we just did a lotof that and I, it's like so how
do we keep it strong when thenewness wears off, you know,
whenever it wears?

Speaker 1 (49:49):
absolutely and it will.
It will, oh, most definitely.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
That's one of the biggest concerns I don't know,
it's not worn off with me forTricia I?

Speaker 3 (49:59):
don't know what you're talking about.
I'm doing just like hey, tricia, we got to talk on.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Yeah, he said it wore off.
Okay, we got to talk.
Well, we're actually better nowthan we ever have been, so
that's been exciting To gothrough a journey to get there,
and a lot of people aren'twilling to do that.

Speaker 4 (50:17):
So that's one thing.
With Craig and I, there's beena few things that have happened,
and even right now I'm like youknow what, if we hit a little
spot just recently and I waslike you know what, if that
triggers you that much, thenmaybe we do need to go different
ways, maybe we need to look atthis in a different way.
So either we need to learn howto handle it and address it or

(50:39):
you know, let that part be goneand just move forward, because
otherwise it's like poundingsomething that is never going to
change, or that happened thatyou can't change it Right, like,
and so you really have to lookat those things, like, hey, this
is a new start for us.
I mean, we still have our past.
It can't say new life becauseit's not a new life.
We have our experiences, ourfeelings, our thoughts our

(51:01):
laughter, all came with us.
But now we get to write thefuture.
You know, there was a talk thatI recently gave and it was from
a talk from our church, but Irewrote it about a painting and
how those brushstrokes just lookdifferent now and the part of
it's been wiped away, butthere's still that little piece
and it just is different and notgood or bad.

(51:23):
You know you have to take it,but you can make it better and
you can make it more beautifulbecause of the experience you
already had.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
Well, and it's also you want to look at that big
picture and you want to take alook at the things that you've
been hurt by the pain, thetriggers, the wounds and is
there something that you need tonavigate to heal?
Is that because if you don'theal, then those things will

(51:50):
come up later in your marriageMaybe?
not right now, but it will comeup later and the more that you
can take those things that youcan just let go of, and take the
things that that you've learnedand grown from and incorporate
those pieces into your marriage,that's going to be for a very

(52:10):
strong relationship.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
Yeah, you know what Trust and how do you get that
right, how do you get to thosepoints and having the tools and
trying to navigate all that.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Because there are those things that even we know
and we're acutely aware of thefact that there are going to be
triggers or what have you thatare right, and just having that
patience and that thatcompassion for each other and
giving each other that gracethat you need yeah and get
through it.

Speaker 4 (52:42):
Yeah, and I heard Tony has a great course, the
magnetic marriage, and it soundslike he has another one coming
up, so revising it and I justthink those little tools of
listening and growing anddifferent marriage stuff, and
yeah, absolutely absolutely so.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Who is more set in their ways, and how do you make
space for each other's habits?

Speaker 4 (53:03):
we're in our ways, though have you seen that yet?

Speaker 3 (53:08):
I think I okay, this is a really question.
Okay, because, because both ofus are again, we're givers,
right?
So we're kind of like we'retrying to like adjust and I'm
making a number of adjustments,like I'm eating foods I've never
eaten before.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
Oh, there you go, I mean smoothies that he would
never eat before.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
No, I mean it's, it's's a.
That's a really good question,trisha.
Um, and that question is reallyimportant because I do believe
that and this was a cognitivedecision I made before I even
started dating is is I needchange.
I need to change, right, I needto.
There's things about me that Ithink are fantastic, but there's

(53:50):
things that need to change, andso I'm more open to all of that
change, and so being set in myways didn't work before.
Right there you go.
And I believe that that's truefor a lot of like individuals
that maybe have difficult to getremarried or have been have
difficulty in their marriages.
The unwillingness to change andthat's according to craig,

(54:13):
everybody.
That's just according to craig.
I'm not anything, but I wouldthink.
I would think you have moreroutines yeah, probably more
routine you have more routines,you're more set in those things.

Speaker 4 (54:24):
Yeah yeah, but I mean like when I moved stuff in it
was like he wanted to go digthrough the storage of my stuff
and I'm like no, I'm good, wecan just use your stuff.
I don't want to dig through it,I don't want to move.
So I didn't feel like there wasonly one thing my blender and a
bed that I really needed Amattress right Like doesn't hurt
my shoulders, but otherwise.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
I think, daily routines, though you have more
daily routines, right.

Speaker 4 (54:50):
They kind of like go out the window though on a
regular basis.
Like I'll start.

Speaker 3 (54:55):
Remember that whole segment about Tiffany going here
and I'm a planner.

Speaker 4 (55:00):
And I'm like, okay, let's do it, Okay, let's do it.
And it's like well, my plan tosit down and work for nine hours
today just went out the window.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
It totally went out the window.
I think it's important Bespontaneous.

Speaker 4 (55:12):
Oh, I'm very, very spontaneous.
I love it.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
Yeah, do you agree?
No, I mean, I go with the flowand that's a change.

Speaker 4 (55:19):
That's a big change for him.
That's a change for me.

Speaker 3 (55:21):
It's like I learned to just go with the flow.
I don't, because this is one ofthe conversations Tiffany and I
conversations tiffany and I hadearly.

Speaker 4 (55:28):
It's like her past that was a problem yeah, if
anything changed, it was anexplosion you know, like
everybody paid for it yeah, andit was like so someone might
have homework come up, so weweren't able to go to a park or
something.
It's like now the whole and itwas a great big explosion.
You know, instead of like, okay, well, they like, let's do
something shorter, let's juststay at home.
Just no adjustment mentallycould happen without there being

(55:50):
explosion.
So it's like I just feel lifechanges so much and if it's
really important, you make sureit happens, but everything else
is adjustable.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
Right, yeah, to a certain degree, and for me, how
I've, how I've kind of adaptedwith it, is okay.
These are things that we needto get done, that actually need
to get done.
They're not going to get donebecause we're going to go do
this.

Speaker 4 (56:10):
We need to get done.
That actually need to get done.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
They're not going to get done, because we're going to
go do this, yeah Right.
So it's like, if we still needto get this stuff down, when are
we going to get this done?
And and so I'm patient with it.

Speaker 4 (56:20):
But I get stuff done.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
And it's, it's on our , it's on our calendar of things
to get done.
But I've learned to be a lotmore spontaneous and it's been
great, it's been fantastic, sure.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Okay, so what's been the funniest or most unexpected
adjustment since getting married, like different sleep schedules
, thermostat or remote controlwars, you know.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Does the toilet paper come off the top or off the
bottom?

Speaker 1 (56:49):
How do you put your toothpaste on?

Speaker 4 (56:53):
Two different toothpaste, so that's fine.
Yeah, I think uh what's beenthe biggest.
I mean it's seriously, you knowwhat has happened to me?
I wake myself up snoring andI've never snored really like
all of a sudden I'm like, andI'm like what the heck?
And I wake myself up likeinstantly because you're so
comfortable, yeah I've neversnored before you just touched

(57:14):
on it.
I had such a compliment.
And the other thing is funnything is that he's had to get
comfortable with.
Is that the bathroom thing likehe's?
never been in the bathroom whensomeone's using the bathroom
like right and so that's beenone of the biggest.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
I'm just like what are you doing.

Speaker 4 (57:35):
Yeah, so that's been a huge adjustment, I think for
him, especially like he, that'sstill.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
I think there's a bigger one.
Yeah, there's a bigger one.
So like the whole dating, youknow, yeah, really quick we
would.
I mean we'd be up till 12, 31o'clock in the morning oh yeah,
get up at like five, five, fivethirty four or five hours of
sleep.
I hated those times for almostnine, nine months, yeah, yeah,
well now that, now that we'reable to actually snuggle I mean

(58:03):
it's like I put my arms around.
She's out cold.
She's out for seven hours.
It's like she can't we we havea hard time getting up in the
morning you have to saw your armoff, just to get you know he
pulls his arm out somehow and Iget up to the bathroom and he's
moved over.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
I don't know he's like.
I don't remember even gettingout from underneath there.
So yeah, like our bedtimeroutine, like we go to bed
definitely earlier if we can.
So yeah, we just yeah and wehaven't watched one show.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
Oh, actually, we watched one show yeah, we're not
watching TV but we're new, butit took six times to get through
it.

Speaker 4 (58:33):
a show, just to sit on the couch.
We watch them if we go to themovie theaters, but we just
haven't watched very many movies, too busy.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
Oh, this is so great.
So if your relationship had atheme song, what would it be?
I get to love you 100%.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that was easy.
That was.
That was your easiest question.
I get to love you.

Speaker 1 (58:51):
Oh, I love it.
Ok, so we've got one last one.
What is a household habit orquirk about your spouse that
makes you laugh?

Speaker 4 (58:59):
Makes you laugh.
That makes me laugh.
Makes me laugh.

Speaker 3 (59:05):
I don't know about warms your heart.

Speaker 4 (59:08):
He's always trying to do the dishes.
He's like pushes me out to dothe dishes, like I got the
dishes, I got it.
So that's really really new.

Speaker 3 (59:17):
Okay, I don't know that makes me laugh, though it's
kind of as silly as it sounds,I love the bathroom time when
she's doing the makeup, eitherputting it on or taking it off.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
That makes you laugh.

Speaker 3 (59:27):
I think it just warms my heart.
We're just there and you'redoing all that.
She always makes fun of it.
You know what it's like and Iabsolutely just enjoy just her
presence in the home.

Speaker 4 (59:39):
I have to laugh because he takes the toilet
paper off to unroll it, to useit, and then he puts it back on
the opposite way that it washung on.
I don't know if he realizes hedoes it.
I'm like how does he know thatwould drive Jeff nuts Every time
?
I'm like why does he keep ontaking it off Like I put it over
?

Speaker 3 (59:59):
Now that I know this, you know I'm going to keep
doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
Right, what the heck, now that I know, those are the
dumbest things, those handthings, instead of just the
toilet paper where it pushes in,because then he wouldn't take
it off.
It'd be too much work for whereyou can just pull it off, slide
it off.

Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Oh my gosh, that is so funny.
I just love that.
All right.
So if you guys were to just sumup your relationship in just a
couple words, what would thosewords be?
Jeff, I'll let you go too Great.

Speaker 4 (01:00:30):
Both of you go Cause.
I'd love to hear, I'd say, afriendship.
We got a friendship too.
I enjoy being around each other.

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Freedom to love.
I just said joy, joy through.
You know, joy is constant,through highs and lows, and
constant joy.
And you said friendship,friendship's a good one, and
then laughter love.

Speaker 4 (01:00:50):
Yeah, we laugh a lot, we jive a lot.
How about you, tricia?

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
Mine's all about laughing.
I just I love to have a goodtime.
I love when I make Jeff laugh.
That's like that, just like hewas laughing so hard in the bed
last night.
It was just he just has a veryserious job, and when he can
just take a moment and just sitand just enjoy, I, just I, it

(01:01:14):
just means a lot.
So I love, love to hear himlaugh.
I think just having deepcompassion understanding for one
another.

Speaker 4 (01:01:27):
it has been a big theme for us.
Yeah, I agree, Laughter is hugefor us.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
I'm always, we're always making each and pranks,
yes, oh, and pranks.
I'm the queen of pranks.
You are too.

Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
My family hates me for it Down five to one.
She's got five pranks on me tomy one, but nothing's
transactional.

Speaker 4 (01:01:41):
Nothing's transactional.
Well, actually, that might notbe the case in the prank spot.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Well, we have a thing called TLs, which stands for
tell last.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
Oh, it's so fun.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
It's an adaptation of a thing that we did in my
family before.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (01:01:59):
It's if you hear a compliment.
If I hear a compliment aboutTricia, I will tell her honey, I
have a TL for you.
That means I'll tell you thecompliment last, and so she has
to find a compliment thatsomeone said about me first in
order to get her TL out.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
Okay, and sometimes it's so hard because it's like,
okay, I'll owe you.
I hate that's like the worst iswhen somebody owes the other
person.

Speaker 2 (01:02:28):
And I'm always the one that's down.
I'm always the one that's down.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Yes, and so my kids.
We all play it and it's justthe most fun event.
I mean, my kids are, our kidsare in Utah or Yakima.
They're like, hey, I have adeal for you.
We're like, really Okay.
So then they have to wait untilsomeone tells them a compliment
about you.
I have to um come up with acompliment about them, and then

(01:02:52):
they'll return the complimentthat they heard about someone
okay, so they can just tell youa compliment okay, got it love
it.
So you have to, you have to andit has to be about some from
someone else.

Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
It can't be.
Yeah, it can't be when you justmade up okay oh yeah, no, no,
you have to.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
It's like oh, that's what I'm saying so you have to.

Speaker 4 (01:03:11):
Someone has to tell you a compliment about that kid
to try for a compliment thatthey heard about you, correct?

Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
oh, that might be I'd be calling your kids.
I mean, I need something.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
Here's the material sometimes that happens sometimes
that does happen and butsometimes they'll know that's
not even real.
But no, it's so fun, it justreally keeps things fun,
interactive.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
And positive.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
And positive.

Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
Yeah, it's focused on the positive.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
Yeah, it's great, we love it.
We play it all the time.
I have to try it.
Yes, it's so fun.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
Yeah, get ready, Craig.
Good luck, Craig.
We have so fun yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
Get ready, craig.
Good luck, craig.
We have so enjoyed thisconversation.
This is our third episode,because we just can't quit
talking and having so much fungetting to know the two of you.
It has been nothing short ofamazing, and you've shared the
beauty and the challenges ofblending families, the
importance of appreciating thelittle things and the lessons
you've learned about love laterin life.

(01:04:12):
Your journey is proof that loveisn't about getting it perfect.
It's about getting it rightwith the right person at the
right time.
And I want to just take a momentto speak directly to the
couples out there who are attheir breaking point.
If you're done, if there's nospark left, if communication is
at an all-time low and you feelmore like strangers than

(01:04:33):
partners, I see you.
But let me tell you this eventhe deepest cracks can be mended
and even the coldest embers canbe reignited.
A thriving, connected andfulfilling marriage isn't just
for other people.
It can be for you too, and ifyou're willing to take just one
step forward, I will take itwith you.
That's exactly why I created myHealing Hearts coaching program

(01:04:54):
.
I work with couples who feellike there's nothing left to
salvage, who believe theirrelationship is absolutely
beyond repair.
This program is packed withpowerful tools, exercises,
techniques that I've developedover 37 years of navigating the
highs and lows of marriage.
If you're ready to take onelast step before giving up,

(01:05:15):
let's take it together.
Please email me attrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom to learn more, and ifyou have a burning question for
our podcast, we'd love to hearfrom you too.
So please send your questionsat trishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom and who knows, you justmight be featured on an
upcoming episode and to all ofour listeners, thank you for

(01:05:36):
joining us for this incrediblethree-part series with Tiffany
and Craig.
If this conversation has spokento you, please hit subscribe,
leave us a review and share thisepisode with someone who needs
to hear it, and I'll leave youwith this.
Love isn't always easy, but itis always worth fighting for.
So keep growing, keep lovingand we'll see you on the next
episode.

(01:05:56):
Goodbye, everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:05:58):
Bye.

Speaker 1 (01:05:59):
Bye.
Thanks for tuning in to the Q&AFiles, delighted to share
today's gems of wisdom with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
Keep sending your questions totrishajamesoncoaching at
gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit, subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the

(01:06:20):
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jameson, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.