June 23, 2025 • 26 mins
Have you ever done what you believed was right, only to watch it spiral into an unexpected nightmare? This deeply personal episode peels back the layers of what happens when good intentions meet harsh reality.
We share the moment our family celebration—our daughter's wedding—collided with crisis as an unexpected visitor was injured by our family dog. What followed was a year-long journey through medical treatment, legal proceedings, financial settlements, and profound emotional losses that tested our family's resilience in ways we never anticipated.
The parallels between our story and listener Derek's experience with his youth mentorship program reveal a universal truth: sometimes the price of integrity is steep. When Derek reported suspected abuse of a teen in his care, he faced backlash, isolation, and questioning whether his intervention was worth the cost. His question—how to keep doing right when it brings pain—resonates with anyone who's paid a personal price for following their moral compass.
Grit isn't just perseverance; it's the courage to stand when everything within you wants to collapse. Grace complements this strength by maintaining compassion when you feel wronged. Together, they form the foundation for navigating life's most unfair moments without losing your essential humanity.
Whether you're currently weathering a storm of your own or supporting someone who is, this episode offers a compassionate perspective on finding meaning in difficult circumstances. We explore why character matters most when tested and how to preserve your heart for helping others even after painful experiences.
If today's conversation resonated with you, we'd love to hear your story. Have you ever paid a personal price for doing what you believed was right? Email us at trishajamisoncoaching@gmail.com—we read every message. And please subscribe, share, and leave a review to help others find this healing community.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Trisha Jamison (00:08):
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the
ultimate health and wellnessplayground.
I'm your host, Trisha Jamison,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back to the Q&A Files.
I'm your host, trisha Jamison,and today I'm joined by someone
who's not only my favoriteco-host but also my husband, dr
(00:53):
Jeff Jamison.
Jeff Jamison (00:55):
Hi everybody, You're my favorite too.
Trisha Jamison (00:57):
Well, of course you better say that, right?
Yes, we're a great team.
Well, I hope All right.
So today's topic is one we'veactually lived.
It's raw, it's emotional andit's something that shook our
whole family in a way we neveractually saw coming.
We're going to talk today aboutgrit and grace and how you hold
(01:22):
both when life drops a bomb inthe middle of a very beautiful
moment.
So grit and grace are wordsthat kind of get tossed around
in motivational speeches and onPinterest quotes, two words that
sound poetic, even beautiful,until you have to actually live
them.
And then, when life really hits, they become real survival
(01:45):
tools.
So grit is the strength tostand when you'd rather collapse
, the inner fire to keep showingup when everything in you wants
to quit.
It's courage and motion bornnot from comfort but from being
tested and pushed beyond whatyou thought you could endure.
And grace Well, grace is whatsoftens us in the midst of that
(02:08):
strength.
It's the decision to lead withcompassion when your heart is
breaking.
Grace listens, forgives andholds space.
It's not weakness, it's wisdom,it's perspective, love and
forgiveness, especially whenthey're the hardest to give.
In this episode we're going toshare a story, one that brought
(02:31):
both grit and grace to thesurface, like I said, in ways we
did not see coming.
But before we share our ownstory, I want to read a message
from one of our listeners, derek.
His story has stayed with me,not just because of what
happened, but it's so similar toour own story and it's also
(02:51):
because of who he chose to be.
In the middle of it all, derekwrote I was raised to always
help people.
It's who I am.
My mom used to say if someoneneeds help, you don't ask why.
You ask how.
That has stayed with me mywhole life.
But recently I tried to helpsomeone in crisis and it
absolutely blew up in my face.
(03:13):
I run a neighborhood mentorshipprogram for at-risk youth.
Every Saturday we open ourdoors to kids who need a safe
place.
Some are living withgrandparents, some come from
shelters, others are just tryingto stay out of trouble.
We offer food, tutoring, gamesand, most of all, consistency.
Well, a few months ago, one ofour teens opened up to me.
(03:36):
He told me his mom's boyfriendhad been treating him poorly and
been threatening him, throwingthings, yelling, even locking
him in his room.
I asked him if he felt safe.
He looked at me and said no,not really.
I did what I believed was right.
I reported it.
I didn't do it out of judgment.
I did it because I was tryingto protect him.
(03:58):
A week later, the boy was goneand his mom showed up to the
program screaming.
She said I ruined her life,that I'd made everything worse.
She pulled her son out and gotother parents riled up.
Suddenly, I was beingquestioned by people who had
once trusted me.
The work I'd poured my lifeinto felt fragile.
(04:21):
And here's the part I didn'texpect the guilt, the anger, the
second guessing.
I thought I was doing the rightthing all along, but it left me
in a mess.
People avoided me, whispersstarted.
I felt isolated.
Now I'm left trying to figureout how to keep doing this work
with the same heart.
And that's my question how doyou keep doing the right thing
(04:43):
when it seems like it onlybrings you pain?
So, derek, thank you.
That is just a, not a question,that's a cry from the heart,
when so many people can relateto.
You did what your values toldyou to do.
You listened to a hurting child, you spoke up, you stood
between someone vulnerable andsomeone potentially hurtful.
(05:07):
That's grit.
And the fact that you're stillasking how to show up with
compassion, that you haven't letbitterness harden you.
That's grace, because gracedoesn't mean you don't feel the
weight.
It doesn't mean you don't cryor question or want to walk away
.
Grace just means we keep lovingeven when it hurts.
(05:28):
We stay kind even when theworld is unkind in return.
So, derek, your story mirrorswhat happened in our own home, a
moment when we tried to helpsomeone in crisis and found
ourselves swept into a storm.
We didn't see coming to a storm.
Jeff Jamison (05:42):
We didn't see coming.
You know, it just reminds me ofa quote from Wicked, the
Broadway production of Wickedand now the movie.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Trisha Jamison (05:54):
Yes, and so, jeff, I wanted to ask you, when
you think of those two words,grit and grace, what?
Jeff Jamison (06:02):
comes to mind for you, Well, grit.
To me brings the wordresilience to the forefront, and
to me that means that even whenyou're under pressure, even
when you're supposed to do oryou are expected to do something
that is wrong, you do it rightanyway and you perform despite
(06:25):
the odds.
And grace, of course, is to doit with humility and love for
others.
Trisha Jamison (06:32):
Yeah, I think that that is beautiful.
I'd like to take you back.
This was almost a year ago andwe had just celebrated our
fourth daughter, capri's wedding, and our new son-in-law, colin.
We were hosting the receptionat her home in their backyard,
and we had transformed the wholebackyard into twinkling lights
(06:54):
and candles.
We had great music playing,backyard into twinkling lights
and candles.
We had great music playing, wehad nearly 200 guests there and
the food was flowing.
Laughter filled the air and itwas one of those very magical
nights that you never want toforget.
But I started to noticesomething.
I hadn't seen Brayden, ouryoungest son, for quite some
time.
No popping over to say hi tohis sister, and if you know
(07:17):
Brayden, you know he's always inthe mix.
He's that kind of kid.
So I went into the house tolook for him.
That's when I found him sittingwith a girl I didn't know.
Her name was Kaylee, aclassmate from her school, his
school.
Her eyes were swollen fromcrying and she still had
remnants of a bloody nose.
She came unannounced and we hadno idea she was coming.
(07:41):
She had just shown up aloneafter what later we learned was
an altercation with her father.
That's where the bloody nosecame from.
Brayden, quietly, had filled mein on all the details.
I encouraged them both to comeoutside and I said just come out
and eat.
Just step out, get some freshair.
Things are winding down alittle bit and no one cares what
(08:01):
you're wearing.
She was hesitant, said shewasn't dressed for the occasion,
but I tried to reassure her.
I tried to reassure her becauseI just really wanted Brayden to
be part of his sister's bignight and he had pretty much
missed the whole evening.
So a few minutes later, when Ihadn't seen them come outside to
get some food, I went backinside, and that's when
(08:23):
everything unraveled.
So when I stepped into thehouse I asked Brayden, are you
guys coming outside?
And he pointed to the bathroomwhere Kaylee stood in front of
the mirror holding a rag overher face.
What's wrong, I asked.
Brayden looked up and said well, jake, just bit Kaylee.
(08:43):
I froze.
What Wait, are you serious?
But he was.
Jeff Jamison (08:49):
Jake is our dog.
Trisha Jamison (08:50):
Yes, so Jake was our 13-year-old lab mix.
He was sweet, he was a loyal,loving part of our family, but
he was older, more sensitive andhe had never met Kaylee before.
So from what we were told later, she had hugged him from behind
.
He gave her a warning growl butshe didn't heed that warning
(09:11):
and he bit her right on the lip.
And our vet later told us thatJake's reaction was actually
very normal a response for anyanimal, especially when someone
tries to hug them from behind.
She shared would you like to behugged from a stranger?
And you know, I think most ofus probably wouldn't, right.
Jeff Jamison (09:30):
At least not without some.
You know understanding ofwhat's going on.
You know you don't just walk upto a stranger and give him a
hug.
Trisha Jamison (09:43):
They're going to like what.
That's kind of weird, exactlyso I brought her over to the
couch and the moment she movedthe rag my heart dropped.
There was a significant gap inher lip.
It was horrible, it was prettybloody, and I remember thinking,
oh my gosh, you've got to bekidding me.
We've got 200 guests outsideand now we have a girl who we
didn't even know badly injuredsitting in our house in the
(10:03):
middle of one of the biggestnights of our family's life.
And then, as she sat there,kaylee showed me scars and bite
marks from other dogs that shehad encountered, clearly from
other incidences she hadencountered, clearly from other
incidences.
My heart was hurt and it wasclear this girl had been through
more than she knew how toprocess and she didn't seem to
(10:25):
understand basic boundaries withanimals and, we found later,
with people too.
I then called for Jeff to comeinside.
So, jeff, I'm going to hand itover to you and you get to share
this great part of the storywhen I ask you to please come
inside.
Jeff Jamison (10:43):
This was something you know.
What happened at that point isTrisha had sent Braden, our son,
out to the party and he cameand interrupted me talking with
guests and at first I said youknow, just a second, let me
finish my conversation, becauseBraden sometimes can interrupt
(11:07):
people for the littlest thingsand he says, no, dad, you've got
to come now.
And I said, oh, okay.
So I got up and I went and theysaid what happened and he said
that Kaylee had been bit by ourdog Jake, and I quickened my
step to get upstairs and to theplace where they were and when I
(11:31):
saw her I was pretty sad by thegash that she had experienced.
It was a through and throughleft side of her lower lip
laceration that left a flap oftissue where it should have been
connected to the rest of herface and it was just sort of
(11:51):
flapping in the wind there andI'm like, oh, that's not good.
And so I said to her we need toget a hold of your parents,
this is something that needs tobe taken care of and we've got
to get you some medical careright away.
And she says don't call my dad,Don't call my dad and I said
okay, so we called her mother.
Trisha Jamison (12:14):
Now they're divorced.
Jeff Jamison (12:16):
Yeah, they're divorced.
And the mother was in Utahvisiting somebody, I'm not sure
who I found out later who but Ididn't know at that time.
And the mother then called theex-husband, her father, who then
drove to our house and wasthere when I explained what
(12:37):
needed to be done, well, I saidthat she needs to be sent to the
emergency room, have thisevaluated and to get proper
laceration repair.
Trisha Jamison (12:49):
So I'm just going to slip in this real quick
, because I had said that Jeffactually does a fabulous job
stitching people up.
He's done thousands ofprocedures and honestly wanted
to be a surgeon one day at somepoint in his career, and so his
work is meticulous.
So full confession here Ioffered his services even before
(13:10):
he even asked him, but I knewhe'd be so willing to help, and
that's who he is.
Jeff Jamison (13:17):
Well, and so I did get that information and I
asked the father if he wouldlike me to do that and he said
he would.
And so we went to my office, wegot her cleaned up and made
sure that she was comfortable,made sure that she had numbing
(13:37):
medicine in the area so that shewouldn't have any pain during
the repair.
And then I took very close careto make sure that the edge of
the lip, which is called thevermilion border, was put
together properly so that wasn'tlike a when it healed that the
edge of the lip didn't have ajagged edge so where it should
(14:02):
have been smooth.
So I put that together firstand then I repaired both inside
of the mouth and outside on herface to make sure that there
would be the least amount ofscarring.
The entirety of the lacerationwas approximately 1.5
centimeters and so you know lessthan an inch, and it was, like
(14:26):
I said, through and through thelip so you could part the
laceration and see her teeth.
Trisha Jamison (14:31):
It was pretty nasty.
Jeff Jamison (14:32):
Yeah, there were no other real.
There was a little scuff markon her right side of her face
which was of no particularconcern, but other than that she
had no other injury.
So after the laceration wasrepaired, the father was very
grateful and really appreciatedthe good job I had done, and
(14:53):
then I set up time for the childof this girl to come back and
have the sutures removed in afew days.
A few days later they did come.
Both the father and the motherwere there and we had the
stitches removed and everythinglooked really good.
She was healing up well, shehad no numbness, everything was
(15:15):
working just fine, and so Ithought, okay, well, that's
great, that's the end of that.
Well then, a couple days later,her mother calls me and says
well, you know, I think this issomething.
We're going to need some moremoney for her, just in case she
needs to have this repairrevised or have plastic surgery,
(15:36):
do things or a laser treatmentor things like that.
You know, this is a young girland this is her face.
Trisha Jamison (15:42):
So we need to have some more money.
What's that?
And counseling.
Jeff Jamison (15:46):
Yes, and counseling.
That was the other part and Isaid, well, let's just see how
this turns out before you start.
You know asking me for moremoney, let's see, I'll be happy
to help with things.
I did not dispute that.
This was our dog, this was ourproperty.
She was there unannounced, butwe did welcome her into our
(16:09):
house.
Trisha Jamison (16:10):
So it was our responsibility.
After she was we found out shewas there, Right?
Jeff Jamison (16:13):
Yeah, and so she was there with permission and it
was our dog that created theproblem.
So we were liable and we knowthat, and I knew that.
So, after the mother had madethese requests for more money, I
thought the best thing to dowas then to contact my insurance
(16:34):
company and the homeowner'sinsurance company and tell them
about the problem, what I haddone and so forth, and so I had
made meticulous notes about whathad happened and also good
notes about the repair, and theyrequested all of that
information, and then it went tothe insurance company.
(16:56):
Well, after that we found outthat the person that the mother
was visiting when the incidenthappened was an attorney friend
of hers, and so that attorneyfriend had said that it would be
best to sue us or at leastrequest as much money as they
(17:20):
could get from our homeownersinsurance.
Well, our homeowners insurancehad adequate coverage and I also
have an umbrella policy to makesure we are well covered.
So I wasn't worried about that.
But the insurance company said,okay, well, we have all the
information about what happened,and if you feel like there's
(17:44):
need for more money, then weneed to have justification for
that.
So the insurance companyrequested that of the attorney
who is requesting full limits ofthe policy.
Okay, and I'm not going to givethe full limits of the policy
here, I don't think that'sappropriate.
But it was enough that it was,you know, was meant to cover
(18:06):
incidences like this.
So full coverage is what theywanted, or full limits is what
they wanted of the policy.
So I, of course, said I don'tthink that's appropriate.
I took care of her problem.
She then went to a plasticsurgeon to have it looked at.
A plastic surgeon says yeah,I'm not doing anything at all to
(18:27):
this and at some point in thefuture maybe after she's 18 or
20, she may want to have alittle laser treatment to the
scar to see if it'll helpdecrease some of the scar.
But this consulting plasticsurgeon wouldn't change anything
that I had done, which made mefeel good, of course.
Trisha Jamison (18:45):
But he said he did an exceptional job.
Jeff Jamison (18:48):
So that made me feel good.
So at that point, we werefeeling pretty good that this
wasn't going to go anywhere.
And then we got word that theywere going to serve me, or serve
Trisha and I, with a lawsuit toget the full limits of the
policy, and they were requestedalso that we divulge what the
(19:13):
full limits of the policy were,which I said no way.
I don't think that's appropriate.
I don't think they need to knowthat information, and if they
think they've got a claim for it, then they need to take us to
court, which was just fine withthe insurance company, because
they thought it was bogus aswell.
So, after months of notreceiving a service for a
(19:38):
lawsuit, we got notified that,in fact, it was just in the last
month that we had received wordthat they had settled without
going to court, which Iappreciate, but they got way
more money than I would everexpected for something like this
.
The good news is, though, themoney goes to a trust that is
(20:02):
not available to anyone,including the injured party, and
especially not the parents ever.
It goes into a trust for thegirl that she gets after she's
18 years old, so I was happierwith that, and hopefully she
uses it wisely.
Trisha Jamison (20:20):
Yes, and she's.
At that time, I think she wasabout 16.
Jeff Jamison (20:26):
She was 15 at the time of the injury she's 16 now.
Trisha Jamison (20:29):
Yeah.
So after nearly a year of thishanging over our heads, we are
so grateful that it's finallybehind us.
Yeah, that number still stings.
But what hurt even more waswatching Braden suffer.
Our legal advice advised himthat he could no longer speak to
Kaylee, and it was devastatingfor him.
(20:51):
He kept asking why, what did wedo?
What did I do wrong?
And it was nothing that anybodydid wrong, it was just it just
made things so much morecomplicated.
And so, but the hardest parts ofall this weren't, like we just
said, just the financial part.
It was watching our son grieve,grieve, the loss of a friend.
He didn't choose to end, and itwas saying goodbye to Jake, our
(21:14):
beloved dog, who we had to putdown not because we believed he
was dangerous, but because wefelt it was the most responsible
thing to do.
And we grieved that loss deeply.
But maybe the most painful partwas feeling completely
misunderstood and misjudged whenall we had tried to do was help
.
So in the end it was asubstantial cost, you know, of
(21:39):
money, and it cost a friendship,heartache and the life of a
beloved furry companion.
It was pretty, prettydevastating, as we kind of went
from a very beautiful event toone that was pretty soured
quickly with this whole otherstory that you know you.
(22:01):
Just, it's life, you don't eversee these things coming.
So do you have any otherthoughts, honey, about that?
Jeff Jamison (22:08):
Oh, I just think that, even if the risk is that
something bad is going to happento you, I still think the right
thing to do and the mostresponsible thing to do is the
right thing.
Whatever that is, let theconsequences follow.
I believe that doing the rightthing is still doing the right
(22:28):
thing.
Trisha Jamison (22:29):
Absolutely, and that's what I'd like to share
with Derek, and so I appreciateyou saying that, and I just want
to thank Derek for his question, and I want to thank him for
his amazing heart and theamazing work that he's doing,
and we want you to know we seeyou, we feel the weight of what
you've walked through, becausewe've carried it too.
(22:51):
You did what you thought wasright, you showed up for someone
in crisis and, even when theoutcome didn't reflect your
intention, your courage stillmattered.
So our advice don't let painrewrite your purpose.
Learn from it, yes, but don'tlet it take away the best parts
(23:11):
of you, because doing the rightthing, just like Dr Jamison said
, with an open heart, is neverwasted, even when it hurts.
And I also want to pause andrecognize who Jeff chose to be
in the middle of our own crisis.
Yes, he's a physician, but itwasn't his medical training that
(23:32):
guided him that night.
It was his character, hiscompassion, his calm.
Under pressure, he didn'thesitate to help Kaylee.
He didn't run from the chaos,he walked right into it,
offering what he had skills forand steadiness and his big heart
.
And he did the right thing,just like you, derek, not just
(23:53):
because he's a doctor, butbecause he's the kind of a man
who shows up when it mattersmost, and that, to me, is the
essence of both grit and grace.
And for all of you listening,we'll leave you with one more
question.
Have you ever paid a personalprice for doing the right thing?
Just kind of what Dr Jamisonwas talking about.
What helped you stay true towho you are?
(24:16):
We'd love to hear your story.
You can email us at TrishaJamison coaching at gmailcom.
We read every message and trulyvalue what you share.
And if you or someone you loveis in a relationship that feels
like it's on the edge, if you'veforgotten why you ever said I
do in the first place, I want topersonally invite you to learn
(24:37):
more about my eight-monthprogram called Healing Hearts.
It's for couples who feel likethe damage might be too deep but
still have the courage to hope,who want to move from surviving
to truly healing throughemotional connection,
communication and trust.
Because sometimes the greateststories of redemption and
(24:57):
resilience begin with the simpleact of saying let's try one
more time.
And if today's episode spoke toyou, please share it with
someone who might need it.
Leave us a review and pleasedon't forget to subscribe so you
never miss a moment of honestconversation and real life
healing.
So until next time, stay strong, stay soft and remember even
(25:19):
when life bites, grace can stillheal what grit helps you
survive.
Goodbye everybody, we'll seeyou next time.
Goodbye everybody, thank youThank you Thanks for tuning in
to the Q&A Files, delighted toshare today's gems of wisdom
with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
(25:40):
Keep sending your questions toJamison at gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit, subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jamison, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
Hello and welcome to the Q&A Files, the
ultimate health and wellnessplayground.
I'm your host, Trisha Jamison,a board-certified functional
nutritionist and lifestylepractitioner, ready to lead you
through a world of healthdiscoveries.
Here we dive into a tapestry ofdisease prevention, to
nutrition, exercise, mentalhealth and building strong
relationships, all spiced withdiverse perspectives.
(00:29):
It's not just a podcast, it's acelebration of health, packed
with insights and a twist of fun.
Welcome aboard the Q&A Files,where your questions ignite our
vibrant discussions and lead toa brighter you.
Welcome back to the Q&A Files.
I'm your host, trisha Jamison,and today I'm joined by someone
who's not only my favoriteco-host but also my husband, dr
(00:53):
Jeff Jamison.
Jeff Jamison (00:55):
Hi everybody, You're my favorite too.
Trisha Jamison (00:57):
Well, of course you better say that, right?
Yes, we're a great team.
Well, I hope All right.
So today's topic is one we'veactually lived.
It's raw, it's emotional andit's something that shook our
whole family in a way we neveractually saw coming.
We're going to talk today aboutgrit and grace and how you hold
(01:22):
both when life drops a bomb inthe middle of a very beautiful
moment.
So grit and grace are wordsthat kind of get tossed around
in motivational speeches and onPinterest quotes, two words that
sound poetic, even beautiful,until you have to actually live
them.
And then, when life really hits, they become real survival
(01:45):
tools.
So grit is the strength tostand when you'd rather collapse
, the inner fire to keep showingup when everything in you wants
to quit.
It's courage and motion bornnot from comfort but from being
tested and pushed beyond whatyou thought you could endure.
And grace Well, grace is whatsoftens us in the midst of that
(02:08):
strength.
It's the decision to lead withcompassion when your heart is
breaking.
Grace listens, forgives andholds space.
It's not weakness, it's wisdom,it's perspective, love and
forgiveness, especially whenthey're the hardest to give.
In this episode we're going toshare a story, one that brought
(02:31):
both grit and grace to thesurface, like I said, in ways we
did not see coming.
But before we share our ownstory, I want to read a message
from one of our listeners, derek.
His story has stayed with me,not just because of what
happened, but it's so similar toour own story and it's also
(02:51):
because of who he chose to be.
In the middle of it all, derekwrote I was raised to always
help people.
It's who I am.
My mom used to say if someoneneeds help, you don't ask why.
You ask how.
That has stayed with me mywhole life.
But recently I tried to helpsomeone in crisis and it
absolutely blew up in my face.
(03:13):
I run a neighborhood mentorshipprogram for at-risk youth.
Every Saturday we open ourdoors to kids who need a safe
place.
Some are living withgrandparents, some come from
shelters, others are just tryingto stay out of trouble.
We offer food, tutoring, gamesand, most of all, consistency.
Well, a few months ago, one ofour teens opened up to me.
(03:36):
He told me his mom's boyfriendhad been treating him poorly and
been threatening him, throwingthings, yelling, even locking
him in his room.
I asked him if he felt safe.
He looked at me and said no,not really.
I did what I believed was right.
I reported it.
I didn't do it out of judgment.
I did it because I was tryingto protect him.
(03:58):
A week later, the boy was goneand his mom showed up to the
program screaming.
She said I ruined her life,that I'd made everything worse.
She pulled her son out and gotother parents riled up.
Suddenly, I was beingquestioned by people who had
once trusted me.
The work I'd poured my lifeinto felt fragile.
(04:21):
And here's the part I didn'texpect the guilt, the anger, the
second guessing.
I thought I was doing the rightthing all along, but it left me
in a mess.
People avoided me, whispersstarted.
I felt isolated.
Now I'm left trying to figureout how to keep doing this work
with the same heart.
And that's my question how doyou keep doing the right thing
(04:43):
when it seems like it onlybrings you pain?
So, derek, thank you.
That is just a, not a question,that's a cry from the heart,
when so many people can relateto.
You did what your values toldyou to do.
You listened to a hurting child, you spoke up, you stood
between someone vulnerable andsomeone potentially hurtful.
(05:07):
That's grit.
And the fact that you're stillasking how to show up with
compassion, that you haven't letbitterness harden you.
That's grace, because gracedoesn't mean you don't feel the
weight.
It doesn't mean you don't cryor question or want to walk away
.
Grace just means we keep lovingeven when it hurts.
(05:28):
We stay kind even when theworld is unkind in return.
So, derek, your story mirrorswhat happened in our own home, a
moment when we tried to helpsomeone in crisis and found
ourselves swept into a storm.
We didn't see coming to a storm.
Jeff Jamison (05:42):
We didn't see coming.
You know, it just reminds me ofa quote from Wicked, the
Broadway production of Wickedand now the movie.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Trisha Jamison (05:54):
Yes, and so, jeff, I wanted to ask you, when
you think of those two words,grit and grace, what?
Jeff Jamison (06:02):
comes to mind for you, Well, grit.
To me brings the wordresilience to the forefront, and
to me that means that even whenyou're under pressure, even
when you're supposed to do oryou are expected to do something
that is wrong, you do it rightanyway and you perform despite
(06:25):
the odds.
And grace, of course, is to doit with humility and love for
others.
Trisha Jamison (06:32):
Yeah, I think that that is beautiful.
I'd like to take you back.
This was almost a year ago andwe had just celebrated our
fourth daughter, capri's wedding, and our new son-in-law, colin.
We were hosting the receptionat her home in their backyard,
and we had transformed the wholebackyard into twinkling lights
(06:54):
and candles.
We had great music playing,backyard into twinkling lights
and candles.
We had great music playing, wehad nearly 200 guests there and
the food was flowing.
Laughter filled the air and itwas one of those very magical
nights that you never want toforget.
But I started to noticesomething.
I hadn't seen Brayden, ouryoungest son, for quite some
time.
No popping over to say hi tohis sister, and if you know
(07:17):
Brayden, you know he's always inthe mix.
He's that kind of kid.
So I went into the house tolook for him.
That's when I found him sittingwith a girl I didn't know.
Her name was Kaylee, aclassmate from her school, his
school.
Her eyes were swollen fromcrying and she still had
remnants of a bloody nose.
She came unannounced and we hadno idea she was coming.
(07:41):
She had just shown up aloneafter what later we learned was
an altercation with her father.
That's where the bloody nosecame from.
Brayden, quietly, had filled mein on all the details.
I encouraged them both to comeoutside and I said just come out
and eat.
Just step out, get some freshair.
Things are winding down alittle bit and no one cares what
(08:01):
you're wearing.
She was hesitant, said shewasn't dressed for the occasion,
but I tried to reassure her.
I tried to reassure her becauseI just really wanted Brayden to
be part of his sister's bignight and he had pretty much
missed the whole evening.
So a few minutes later, when Ihadn't seen them come outside to
get some food, I went backinside, and that's when
(08:23):
everything unraveled.
So when I stepped into thehouse I asked Brayden, are you
guys coming outside?
And he pointed to the bathroomwhere Kaylee stood in front of
the mirror holding a rag overher face.
What's wrong, I asked.
Brayden looked up and said well, jake, just bit Kaylee.
(08:43):
I froze.
What Wait, are you serious?
But he was.
Jeff Jamison (08:49):
Jake is our dog.
Trisha Jamison (08:50):
Yes, so Jake was our 13-year-old lab mix.
He was sweet, he was a loyal,loving part of our family, but
he was older, more sensitive andhe had never met Kaylee before.
So from what we were told later, she had hugged him from behind
.
He gave her a warning growl butshe didn't heed that warning
(09:11):
and he bit her right on the lip.
And our vet later told us thatJake's reaction was actually
very normal a response for anyanimal, especially when someone
tries to hug them from behind.
She shared would you like to behugged from a stranger?
And you know, I think most ofus probably wouldn't, right.
Jeff Jamison (09:30):
At least not without some.
You know understanding ofwhat's going on.
You know you don't just walk upto a stranger and give him a
hug.
Trisha Jamison (09:43):
They're going to like what.
That's kind of weird, exactlyso I brought her over to the
couch and the moment she movedthe rag my heart dropped.
There was a significant gap inher lip.
It was horrible, it was prettybloody, and I remember thinking,
oh my gosh, you've got to bekidding me.
We've got 200 guests outsideand now we have a girl who we
didn't even know badly injuredsitting in our house in the
(10:03):
middle of one of the biggestnights of our family's life.
And then, as she sat there,kaylee showed me scars and bite
marks from other dogs that shehad encountered, clearly from
other incidences she hadencountered, clearly from other
incidences.
My heart was hurt and it wasclear this girl had been through
more than she knew how toprocess and she didn't seem to
(10:25):
understand basic boundaries withanimals and, we found later,
with people too.
I then called for Jeff to comeinside.
So, jeff, I'm going to hand itover to you and you get to share
this great part of the storywhen I ask you to please come
inside.
Jeff Jamison (10:43):
This was something you know.
What happened at that point isTrisha had sent Braden, our son,
out to the party and he cameand interrupted me talking with
guests and at first I said youknow, just a second, let me
finish my conversation, becauseBraden sometimes can interrupt
(11:07):
people for the littlest thingsand he says, no, dad, you've got
to come now.
And I said, oh, okay.
So I got up and I went and theysaid what happened and he said
that Kaylee had been bit by ourdog Jake, and I quickened my
step to get upstairs and to theplace where they were and when I
(11:31):
saw her I was pretty sad by thegash that she had experienced.
It was a through and throughleft side of her lower lip
laceration that left a flap oftissue where it should have been
connected to the rest of herface and it was just sort of
(11:51):
flapping in the wind there andI'm like, oh, that's not good.
And so I said to her we need toget a hold of your parents,
this is something that needs tobe taken care of and we've got
to get you some medical careright away.
And she says don't call my dad,Don't call my dad and I said
okay, so we called her mother.
Trisha Jamison (12:14):
Now they're divorced.
Jeff Jamison (12:16):
Yeah, they're divorced.
And the mother was in Utahvisiting somebody, I'm not sure
who I found out later who but Ididn't know at that time.
And the mother then called theex-husband, her father, who then
drove to our house and wasthere when I explained what
(12:37):
needed to be done, well, I saidthat she needs to be sent to the
emergency room, have thisevaluated and to get proper
laceration repair.
Trisha Jamison (12:49):
So I'm just going to slip in this real quick
, because I had said that Jeffactually does a fabulous job
stitching people up.
He's done thousands ofprocedures and honestly wanted
to be a surgeon one day at somepoint in his career, and so his
work is meticulous.
So full confession here Ioffered his services even before
(13:10):
he even asked him, but I knewhe'd be so willing to help, and
that's who he is.
Jeff Jamison (13:17):
Well, and so I did get that information and I
asked the father if he wouldlike me to do that and he said
he would.
And so we went to my office, wegot her cleaned up and made
sure that she was comfortable,made sure that she had numbing
(13:37):
medicine in the area so that shewouldn't have any pain during
the repair.
And then I took very close careto make sure that the edge of
the lip, which is called thevermilion border, was put
together properly so that wasn'tlike a when it healed that the
edge of the lip didn't have ajagged edge so where it should
(14:02):
have been smooth.
So I put that together firstand then I repaired both inside
of the mouth and outside on herface to make sure that there
would be the least amount ofscarring.
The entirety of the lacerationwas approximately 1.5
centimeters and so you know lessthan an inch, and it was, like
(14:26):
I said, through and through thelip so you could part the
laceration and see her teeth.
Trisha Jamison (14:31):
It was pretty nasty.
Jeff Jamison (14:32):
Yeah, there were no other real.
There was a little scuff markon her right side of her face
which was of no particularconcern, but other than that she
had no other injury.
So after the laceration wasrepaired, the father was very
grateful and really appreciatedthe good job I had done, and
(14:53):
then I set up time for the childof this girl to come back and
have the sutures removed in afew days.
A few days later they did come.
Both the father and the motherwere there and we had the
stitches removed and everythinglooked really good.
She was healing up well, shehad no numbness, everything was
(15:15):
working just fine, and so Ithought, okay, well, that's
great, that's the end of that.
Well then, a couple days later,her mother calls me and says
well, you know, I think this issomething.
We're going to need some moremoney for her, just in case she
needs to have this repairrevised or have plastic surgery,
(15:36):
do things or a laser treatmentor things like that.
You know, this is a young girland this is her face.
Trisha Jamison (15:42):
So we need to have some more money.
What's that?
And counseling.
Jeff Jamison (15:46):
Yes, and counseling.
That was the other part and Isaid, well, let's just see how
this turns out before you start.
You know asking me for moremoney, let's see, I'll be happy
to help with things.
I did not dispute that.
This was our dog, this was ourproperty.
She was there unannounced, butwe did welcome her into our
(16:09):
house.
Trisha Jamison (16:10):
So it was our responsibility.
After she was we found out shewas there, Right?
Jeff Jamison (16:13):
Yeah, and so she was there with permission and it
was our dog that created theproblem.
So we were liable and we knowthat, and I knew that.
So, after the mother had madethese requests for more money, I
thought the best thing to dowas then to contact my insurance
(16:34):
company and the homeowner'sinsurance company and tell them
about the problem, what I haddone and so forth, and so I had
made meticulous notes about whathad happened and also good
notes about the repair, and theyrequested all of that
information, and then it went tothe insurance company.
(16:56):
Well, after that we found outthat the person that the mother
was visiting when the incidenthappened was an attorney friend
of hers, and so that attorneyfriend had said that it would be
best to sue us or at leastrequest as much money as they
(17:20):
could get from our homeownersinsurance.
Well, our homeowners insurancehad adequate coverage and I also
have an umbrella policy to makesure we are well covered.
So I wasn't worried about that.
But the insurance company said,okay, well, we have all the
information about what happened,and if you feel like there's
(17:44):
need for more money, then weneed to have justification for
that.
So the insurance companyrequested that of the attorney
who is requesting full limits ofthe policy.
Okay, and I'm not going to givethe full limits of the policy
here, I don't think that'sappropriate.
But it was enough that it was,you know, was meant to cover
(18:06):
incidences like this.
So full coverage is what theywanted, or full limits is what
they wanted of the policy.
So I, of course, said I don'tthink that's appropriate.
I took care of her problem.
She then went to a plasticsurgeon to have it looked at.
A plastic surgeon says yeah,I'm not doing anything at all to
(18:27):
this and at some point in thefuture maybe after she's 18 or
20, she may want to have alittle laser treatment to the
scar to see if it'll helpdecrease some of the scar.
But this consulting plasticsurgeon wouldn't change anything
that I had done, which made mefeel good, of course.
Trisha Jamison (18:45):
But he said he did an exceptional job.
Jeff Jamison (18:48):
So that made me feel good.
So at that point, we werefeeling pretty good that this
wasn't going to go anywhere.
And then we got word that theywere going to serve me, or serve
Trisha and I, with a lawsuit toget the full limits of the
policy, and they were requestedalso that we divulge what the
(19:13):
full limits of the policy were,which I said no way.
I don't think that's appropriate.
I don't think they need to knowthat information, and if they
think they've got a claim for it, then they need to take us to
court, which was just fine withthe insurance company, because
they thought it was bogus aswell.
So, after months of notreceiving a service for a
(19:38):
lawsuit, we got notified that,in fact, it was just in the last
month that we had received wordthat they had settled without
going to court, which Iappreciate, but they got way
more money than I would everexpected for something like this
.
The good news is, though, themoney goes to a trust that is
(20:02):
not available to anyone,including the injured party, and
especially not the parents ever.
It goes into a trust for thegirl that she gets after she's
18 years old, so I was happierwith that, and hopefully she
uses it wisely.
Trisha Jamison (20:20):
Yes, and she's.
At that time, I think she wasabout 16.
Jeff Jamison (20:26):
She was 15 at the time of the injury she's 16 now.
Trisha Jamison (20:29):
Yeah.
So after nearly a year of thishanging over our heads, we are
so grateful that it's finallybehind us.
Yeah, that number still stings.
But what hurt even more waswatching Braden suffer.
Our legal advice advised himthat he could no longer speak to
Kaylee, and it was devastatingfor him.
(20:51):
He kept asking why, what did wedo?
What did I do wrong?
And it was nothing that anybodydid wrong, it was just it just
made things so much morecomplicated.
And so, but the hardest parts ofall this weren't, like we just
said, just the financial part.
It was watching our son grieve,grieve, the loss of a friend.
He didn't choose to end, and itwas saying goodbye to Jake, our
(21:14):
beloved dog, who we had to putdown not because we believed he
was dangerous, but because wefelt it was the most responsible
thing to do.
And we grieved that loss deeply.
But maybe the most painful partwas feeling completely
misunderstood and misjudged whenall we had tried to do was help
.
So in the end it was asubstantial cost, you know, of
(21:39):
money, and it cost a friendship,heartache and the life of a
beloved furry companion.
It was pretty, prettydevastating, as we kind of went
from a very beautiful event toone that was pretty soured
quickly with this whole otherstory that you know you.
(22:01):
Just, it's life, you don't eversee these things coming.
So do you have any otherthoughts, honey, about that?
Jeff Jamison (22:08):
Oh, I just think that, even if the risk is that
something bad is going to happento you, I still think the right
thing to do and the mostresponsible thing to do is the
right thing.
Whatever that is, let theconsequences follow.
I believe that doing the rightthing is still doing the right
(22:28):
thing.
Trisha Jamison (22:29):
Absolutely, and that's what I'd like to share
with Derek, and so I appreciateyou saying that, and I just want
to thank Derek for his question, and I want to thank him for
his amazing heart and theamazing work that he's doing,
and we want you to know we seeyou, we feel the weight of what
you've walked through, becausewe've carried it too.
(22:51):
You did what you thought wasright, you showed up for someone
in crisis and, even when theoutcome didn't reflect your
intention, your courage stillmattered.
So our advice don't let painrewrite your purpose.
Learn from it, yes, but don'tlet it take away the best parts
(23:11):
of you, because doing the rightthing, just like Dr Jamison said
, with an open heart, is neverwasted, even when it hurts.
And I also want to pause andrecognize who Jeff chose to be
in the middle of our own crisis.
Yes, he's a physician, but itwasn't his medical training that
(23:32):
guided him that night.
It was his character, hiscompassion, his calm.
Under pressure, he didn'thesitate to help Kaylee.
He didn't run from the chaos,he walked right into it,
offering what he had skills forand steadiness and his big heart
.
And he did the right thing,just like you, derek, not just
(23:53):
because he's a doctor, butbecause he's the kind of a man
who shows up when it mattersmost, and that, to me, is the
essence of both grit and grace.
And for all of you listening,we'll leave you with one more
question.
Have you ever paid a personalprice for doing the right thing?
Just kind of what Dr Jamisonwas talking about.
What helped you stay true towho you are?
(24:16):
We'd love to hear your story.
You can email us at TrishaJamison coaching at gmailcom.
We read every message and trulyvalue what you share.
And if you or someone you loveis in a relationship that feels
like it's on the edge, if you'veforgotten why you ever said I
do in the first place, I want topersonally invite you to learn
(24:37):
more about my eight-monthprogram called Healing Hearts.
It's for couples who feel likethe damage might be too deep but
still have the courage to hope,who want to move from surviving
to truly healing throughemotional connection,
communication and trust.
Because sometimes the greateststories of redemption and
(24:57):
resilience begin with the simpleact of saying let's try one
more time.
And if today's episode spoke toyou, please share it with
someone who might need it.
Leave us a review and pleasedon't forget to subscribe so you
never miss a moment of honestconversation and real life
healing.
So until next time, stay strong, stay soft and remember even
(25:19):
when life bites, grace can stillheal what grit helps you
survive.
Goodbye everybody, we'll seeyou next time.
Goodbye everybody, thank youThank you Thanks for tuning in
to the Q&A Files, delighted toshare today's gems of wisdom
with you.
Your questions light up ourshow, fueling the engaging
dialogues that make ourcommunity extra special.
(25:40):
Keep sending your questions toJamison at gmailcom.
Your curiosity is our compass.
Please hit, subscribe, spreadthe word and let's grow the
circle of insight and communitytogether.
I'm Trisha Jamison, signing off.
Stay curious, keep thriving andkeep smiling, and I'll catch
you on the next episode.
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