What happens when your approach to fatherhood is shaped by a determination to break generational patterns? Andre Mileti, Chief Revenue Officer at WorkBright and father of two boys, takes us on a deeply personal journey through his evolution as a dad.
Growing up in an immigrant Italian household in Cleveland with an authoritarian father left Andre with what he calls "adaptive child wounds" that took decades to heal. Now, raising his golf-obsessed 10-year-old, Andrew, and hockey-loving 6-year-old, Matthew, he's consciously creating a different experience for his sons than the one he had.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when Andre reveals his core philosophy: "Get over your own stuff." He admits spending the first half of his fatherhood still trying to meet his own emotional needs before realizing the true joy of parenting comes when you stop making it about yourself. This self-awareness, coupled with the courage to let his children experience failure, forms the foundation of his approach to raising resilient boys.
Golf emerges as both a passion and a powerful teaching tool in the Mileti household. Andre shares the struggle of stepping back as a caddy for his son—fighting the urge to line up every putt and prevent every mistake. The pride in his voice is unmistakable when describing how his son refuses to take mulligans or gimmes, playing every hole with integrity. It's in these moments that the challenging work of breaking generational cycles bears its most meaningful fruit.
For fathers wrestling with their own childhood wounds while trying to raise strong, ethical children, Andre's journey offers both compassion and practical wisdom. By fostering belief in our children's abilities while allowing them the space to fail and grow, we prepare them not just for sports but for life itself.
Connect with Andre on LinkedIn to continue the conversation about breaking cycles and building character through thoughtful parenting.
Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 3 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
Hey everybody, it's CaseyJaycox with the quarterback dad
cast.
Welcome to season six, and Icould not be more excited to
have you join me for anotheryear of fantastic episodes and
conversations really unscriptedand raw and authentic
(00:25):
conversations with dads.
If you're new to this podcast,really it's simple.
It's a podcast where weinterview dads, we learn about
how they were raised, we learnabout the life lessons that were
important to them, we learnabout the values that are
important to them and really welearn about how we can work hard
to become a better quarterbackor leader of our home.
So let's sit back, relax andlisten to today's episode on the
Quarterback Dadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the
Quarterback Dadcast.
We are in season six, whichyou've heard me say this before.
It feels so good to say thatbecause we're like north of 300
dads everybody.
And if you'd have told me sixyears ago that I'd be I've
interviewed 300 dads, I wouldhave been like what Holy cow?
That's crazy.
But now I got a goal tointerview a thousand dads and I
(01:07):
could see myself doing it.
And our next guest comes to usagain through the power of the
referral, mr David Fowlwealth.
I hope I said his name right.
If I didn't, I apologize, david, but he's from Staffing
Referrals.
I met him through a bunch offolks.
And then our next guest is aguy named Andre Mileti, who we
also know, the one and onlyChris Dews who is going to be a
dad.
Shout out to Chris Dews, butAndre, he's been a CRO, a CMO,
(01:30):
he's a golf fanatic, butrecently he is actually the
newly named chief revenueofficer of WorkBright, a
compliance platform that helpsprovide, I guess, compliance
support, support overall we'lllearn more about it but like for
high volume employers.
But with all that said, that'snot why we're having Andre on.
We're having Andre on to learnabout Andre the dad and how he's
(01:51):
working hard to become thatultimate quarterback or leader
of his household.
So without further ado, mrMileti, welcome to the
quarterback, dad cast.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Thank you so much, Casey.
So great to be here.
Although I wasn't a quarterbackin high school, I was a running
back.
But I did have one play whereit was a halfback option where I
could actually throw it, so Idid get my reps in every now and
then.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Can you throw the ball of that mountain?
Oh yeah, absolutely Like.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Uncle Rico, way over them mountains.
Did you see him on Instagram?
He was talking about how he wason White Lotus, except he did
the pose Some of you mightremember me from.
Uh, yeah, he's great, he'sgreat beauty?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Absolutely he is.
Every time I mentioned I playedfootball in college, I have to
use an uncle Ricoself-deprecating joke myself A
hundred percent, a hundredpercent.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So great to be be here.
Thank you so much for having meyeah, you bet.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Um well, we always start out each episode with
gratitude, so tell me, what areyou most grateful for as a dad
today?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
oh, I have the privilege of spending a
ridiculous amount of time withboth my boys I have.
I have two boys, andrew, who's10, and and then Matthew, who's
six, and they love hanging outwith dad and I love spending
time with them.
And sometimes it's stressful onthe golf course because I'm
trying to play my own game butI'm also being catty to both of
(03:19):
them.
But to be able to do that everyday, wake up and be able to be
here in the mornings and thenhave dinner with them and not
everyone is that fortunate to beable to be here in the mornings
and then have dinner with them,and not everyone is that
fortunate to be able to spendthat much time.
So incredibly grateful for theamount of time I get to actually
spend with them, meaningfulactivities.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
That's so cool.
There's a phrase that I thinkit's that the days are long and
the years are short.
I think that's what it said andI'm I'm living that man because
I mean, I got a.
I got a son in college firstyear's, almost done.
I'm like what the hell?
How'd that happen?
My, my daughter, she's almostdone with her junior year.
She's just starting herrecruiting journey, um, which
(03:58):
has been surreal and excitingand fun, and I don't know what's
going to happen with her andbasketball, but it's she's
hoping to keep playing Um.
But what I'm grateful for is umI've said this before in a few
episodes, but I'm saying againtime just being really, really,
really present with my time andum, even like to a point where
I'm slowing down, to likerealizing that if I have a 30
(04:22):
minute gap between like thecoaching world I do or
consulting world I do, I caneither do nothing.
I can waste time on Instagram, Ican waste time on LinkedIn or
net, or try to find someproductive, or actually I've
been getting up and taking like22 minute walks, 11 minutes out,
11 minutes back, with my dog,just like.
So now she's happier.
(04:42):
I'm getting more active at this.
You know, I'm almost 50 yearsold.
So it's like you're got to keepmoving the body and just like
grateful for like trying tothink about how, what are every
minute, how can I maximize mebeing a better version of me,
maybe physically, mentally,spiritually, whatever it may be?
Um, so I don't know, I've beenthinking a lot about that
recently.
I'm just very grateful for likejust that mindset.
(05:03):
So I don't know, I've beenthinking a lot about that
recently.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I'm just very grateful for like just that
mindset.
Yeah, absolutely it takes.
It takes effort because we tryto escape life so much in the
minutes in between the events,right, but that's really when
life happens, and I thinksometime in your mid forties,
you start realizing that youneed to seize those moments.
Uh, whether it's getting up anhour early or not, doom
(05:26):
scrolling, which I'm totallyguilty of, but, and it's okay,
you're not gonna, you're notgonna bat a thousand, right?
Sometimes you need to just hitthe easy button.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
But it is sometimes funny I like to do doom scroll.
Once I've like checked offthings that are important to me,
like got my reading done,exercise and sometimes I'll like
off things that are importantto me, like got my reading done,
exercise, and sometimes I'lllike not even doomsday, but I've
got into, like Grant Horvat, doyou watch him?
No, youtube golf.
Okay, oh, dude, if you're agolf guy, which we're going to
get into.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I'll have to write that down.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, grant Horvat.
He's partnering with, like PhilMickelson and they've been
doing like 2v2 matches.
So, like recently, it was himand Mickelson versus Jon Rahm
and quarterback for the Bills.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, the quarterback for the Bills.
They switched the range finderto meters yes, and they both hit
short.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yes, so Mickelson's been doing that to people as a
joke, and so why am I forgettingJosh Allen?
Josh Allen did it to him andMickelson was like at first he
was kind of pissed.
He's like, no, that's fantastic, I.
I take it Like I got so muchthe fact that you just did that
(06:35):
to me and I do it to everybody.
Yeah, uh, it was pretty funny.
So, um, okay, so you, you gotAndrew, matt, let's, but bring
me inside the Mileti huddle.
And, um, I love to learn whereyou and your wife met and tell
me, or tell us a little bitabout each boy.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, absolutely, we met.
We got started late in life, soI had moved back to Cleveland
from Boston in 2009.
I want to say actually met herin an elevator.
Believe it or not, we rode upin an elevator.
I didn't, and she was on herphone, you know, she was looking
, dashing Burberry scarf overthe shoulder.
(07:14):
We got off at the same floor,though, and I couldn't I wasn't
stalking.
Everybody says, oh, you're sucha stalker.
No, we got off and sheliterally went into room 615.
So it's not like I couldn't see, I saw, okay, 615.
That's where she went in, wentdown to my buddies down the hall
and asked him if she knows, ifhe knew who staged.
She said no, but last secondshe changed her mind because she
(07:36):
told her mother who knows,maybe I'll meet somebody.
And sure enough, she did.
(07:57):
Well, little did she know itwas all set up.
But that's how we met up.
Um, but that's how.
That's how we met and uh, yeah,we've been married for, I want
to say, close to 13 years.
Now we're going on our 13thyear and, very cool, yeah, we've
got two boys.
Uh, andrew, who's uh already abetter golfer than me.
(08:18):
I mean, I play a ton of golf.
We've already talked about this.
I'm like a nine 10 handicap.
He's already you know shooting.
If he doesn't shoot under 80he's upset, like today.
This morning we played nineholes.
He shot a 41 and he was reallyfrustrated because last time he
played he shot a 78.
And and, uh, little does he knowabout the days where you
(08:38):
struggle in the mid 80s and mid90s.
But now's he's like my wife,he's a more you know, um, my
wife and I are just completeopposite personalities.
So Andrew's more like my wife.
And then Matthew, who's also agreat athlete.
Uh, he plays golf too, buthockey's his main sport right
now.
He's six.
Uh, you know he's a bit of a.
(09:00):
Uh, yeah, he's a hockey goon.
You know, he loves the contact,he loves being goofy, silly, a
lot like me, and Matthew'sAndrew's a little more reserved.
So golf is perfect for him.
Uh and yeah, and we spend a lotof time together, sports, just
goofing around.
I've been goofing around beinga dad and just goofing around
with your kids and like, havingyour kids want to hang out with
(09:22):
you is the best thing.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It is the best thing, dude, and just wait till you
they get to college and and andI'll I'll cross my fingers.
They still want to hang outwith you, but I've said this
multiple times I swear likeSnapchat has has made me hang
out with my son a lot more fromafar.
That's hysterical and I neverthought I would ever get on
Snapchat and I know that peoplewho listen you're going to hear
the story again, but maybe Andrehas not.
(09:46):
I had a guy who told me to geton it and I'm like no, I'm not
getting on Snapchat, dude, I'mlike 48, it's not going to
happen.
Freaking awesome, love it.
And we have like a 250, some oddstreak day.
And sometimes he'll message meon Snap, sometimes he'll text me
, sometimes he'll Instagrammessage me, message me on snap.
Sometimes he'll text me,Sometimes on Instagram, asked me
I'm just like wherever the one,I'm just like and like he, he,
(10:09):
I'm playing this afternoon afterwe go this.
We have a little men's daytoday and he he's like oh, who
are you playing with?
And I told him he's like oh God, what a disastrous foursome.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
You know, have fun.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Sort of like ribbing each other and he like ribbing
each other and uh, he's at atournament today, um, but uh,
yeah, it's fun, man, beingenjoying those moments.
And just I would say, just as aguy that's got a few years of
dad's life on you, it goes.
Every cliche, as you know, istrue.
I mean, you probably rememberthe day when um andrew was two
(10:40):
or three and now he's 10 andhe'll be 18 before you know it.
Yeah, sad man it's, it reallyis.
So are you, guys, ohio Statefans or Michigan fans?
We're Ohio State fans.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, I grew up a Notre Dame fan and then jumped
on the Ohio State wagon in 2004.
Yeah, I wanted a little winning.
I mean being a perennial Cavs,browns and Guardians fan.
If something good's happeningin Ohio, I wanted to jump on the
bandwagon.
It's been a great run.
(11:16):
In the last 20 years theBuckeyes have been crushing it.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
You don't follow the Greyhounds, the Loyola.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Greyhounds.
No, I think they made thetournament.
They made the NCAA tournamentonce and they were like really
big in lacrosse and the fouryears that I was there at Loyola
Maryland they stunk.
They got crushed by Syracuseand Johns Hopkins and I was just
(11:49):
like there's like 50 people atthese games.
I'm like I went to a pretty bigpowerhouse school here in
Cleveland and like we would havetens of thousands of people in
the you know high schoolfootball games and so it was.
It was that kind of experience.
You probably know some of theguys they're still in the NFL.
Um, I went to St Ignatius inCleveland and so Dave Ragone,
(12:12):
who's a quarterback coach atbears, and Tom Arth, quarterback
coach at the uh, at theSteelers.
Those were my quarterbacks myjunior and senior year.
They both played in the biggame Uh.
And then John Gannonannon,who's the head coach of the
cardinals.
He's from my, from my school aswell.
So like going from thatatmosphere to like, hey, it's d1
(12:33):
east coast lacrosse, there's100 people here.
I feel bad, I'm gonna getmessages on linkedin.
Be like hey, thanks, buddythanks for sharing the show go,
greyhounds go, greyhounds go um,random question.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
So they were like I know they're the guardians, but
they used to be the indians.
Do you know the name?
Are you a guardians fan?
I am do you remember the name?
David risky.
Risky sounds familiar risky.
He was a pitcher wasn't he areliever he?
So I grew up with.
He was a year younger than me.
We used used to play like 11,12-year-old all-star team
together.
We'd have sleepovers.
(13:08):
I'm like that's what.
I think.
I had more friends, like randomfriends that played pro sports
and everyone's like whathappened to you?
I'm like I wasn't as good asthat.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Like 1% of the 1% makes it to the next level.
It's not, it's not easy.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And you know what I think One of the biggest reasons
and this is back, tying thisback to fatherhood and even like
business, like it's the wordbehind me Belief, belief.
Yeah, now, people can't I don'tknow if you, if you're driving,
you can't see, but there's abelief sign behind me.
Yes, it's a little, but I loveit, because I was talking to my
wife about this last night.
So my, my daughter has a callthe college today at three and
(13:49):
she had she played an open gymwith a college last night and
she was like, yeah, I like it.
I just, you know, I don't seemyself, I don't know if it was
the right fit for me.
I know I'm going to playsomewhere, I just don't know if
that's the right fit.
Now, that statement alone tellsme that she has 1000% belief in
her abilities.
And I told my wife, I said, hey, I'm not gonna be here tomorrow
(14:09):
, but, like, when she gets done,no matter if it's the right fit
or wrong fit, we just have tojust continue to ignite that
belief.
It's not arrogance, it's belief, it's belief.
And I know that, like guys likeJohn Kitna who I played
quarterback he playedquarterback with me in college,
I was a back tona, who I playedquarterback.
He played quarterback with mein college.
He's years I was a backed himup before I played he.
The reason he made it 17 yearsof the league is because he
(14:29):
believed there's a guy namedMike Riley who played 10 years
after I did.
He was played in the CFL forlike 13, 14 years.
He won a great, great cup MVP.
He won um, um shit tons ofgames.
I actually reconnected withhimed.
We played golf about two weeksago.
Same thing, the belief.
So I just say, like, as dads,like if we can just help anybody
(14:51):
, that's you know, andrew gonnaplay pga tour.
Why wouldn't he?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
yeah, 100 belief and and um, it's the.
The challenging part of afather is being able to lay out
steps for a child to reach theirgoals.
Like, for example, today.
You know my son started offwith four bogeys and for him,
like it's, it's over.
He's like I'm like Andrew, youcan birdie the next five holes,
(15:16):
you could par the next fiveholes, and he automatically goes
to the end result.
I'm like, but it's steps to getthere, buddy.
Just he's like I'm going tobirdie this hole and I'm going
to birdie the next one.
I'm like, what do you have todo first?
Like let's bring it down to thestep in front of you.
You have your long-term goal,but you've got to kind of get
that out of your peripheral fora little bit and focus on what
(15:37):
is right in front of you.
Is this next shot, this nextapproach shot?
It's a challenge because youknow kids have to.
This is why I love competitivesports.
You learn these life skillsthat that will transcend the
sport.
Your plan will follow you intoyour formative years.
We'll we'll be able to guideyou if you do are fortunate and
(15:58):
blessed enough to play at thenext levels.
And just in business in general, just like you know, common
goals and objectives, teamwork,resilience and, like what is the
process, trust the process andthen believe in yourself.
It's tough because I mean thosehave to be taught, those don't
come natural.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
No, well, they have to usually have some failure to
learn that skill.
You should tell your son this.
So my son's college golftournament, um, he was the.
He's a freshman, so he was thealternate, so he didn't get a
play.
But he's like, but I'm actuallyit's, it's a bummer.
He didn't get a play Cause Ithink he that's another story,
but he's right, right on theedge.
But the fact that he had to gowalk and support his teammates
(16:40):
is even better, because now he'sgoing to, the fire is going to
be lit better.
And I said, whether you getsubbed in or not, be the best
teammate possible.
And but the reason why I'mtelling the story, the guy who's
leading the tournament rightnow, the first day he shot 77.
Guess what he shot the secondday 80?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
63.
63.
So he went the other way.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
That's amazing, like three and my son just texted me
before our interview he was fourunder through four.
Wow, and the I guess he's, he'sgoing, he's quality leaving
next year to go pro play likeCanadian tour.
And right, my son said he goes,dad, the sound of the ball
hitting his face is likesomething I've never even heard.
I go, I go, even mine.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Your sweet dad gives you a pat on the head.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Dad, I only hear yours hitting the hosel, yeah,
hosel rockets.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I.
That's why I love the movieAmerican underdog, the Kurt
Warner story, my, we watch itobsessively in our house because
in so much adversity, like he,he kept moving forward and and
he trusted the process.
So yeah, sports is such a great, great way to teach your kids
how to, how to be resilient Athousand percent.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, all right.
Well, I want to go back in time, sir, and I want to learn about
you, and I'm gonna learn whatwas life like growing up for you
and talk about the impact thoseyears your parents had on you
from, like, maybe, a core valuesperspective.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
So, yeah, this is a tough one because I did not have
, and still don't have, a goodrelationship with my parents,
especially my father.
So I didn't grow up in in thetype of environment that would,
you know, naturally breed theamazing person you're speaking
to right now.
Casey, I had to chisel awaydecades of adaptive child and
(18:33):
inner wounds that were cut deepin order to, you know, become
and I still am becoming, youknow, the person that I am and
the father that I can be.
So my parents, my mother, wasborn in Italy.
She grew up in a small Southerntown in Calabria, where there
was, you know, she grew upriding mules and attending to an
(18:57):
orchard.
So she came over in 1978 tovisit her cousin.
She was educated.
To visit her cousin seemseducated, but like total, like
poverty, uh, in in in southernitaly.
And my father grew up poor too,and they met at an italian
restaurant where my father was,was working uh, I mean, this is
kind of out of the godfather tooat this point where she went
(19:19):
back to italy and he pursued herand literally went through a
courtship of like six trips oversix months with like dating and
like the family following themup the hill no car bombs,
fortunately, uh, but it was thatsort of like arranged marriage
almost, and, um, you know, myfather was.
(19:39):
He, he was older, uh, and mymother was was older, so they
got right after it in terms ofhaving kids, grew up in
Cleveland, ohio, like middleclass, lower middle class, but
my parents were incrediblyfrugal, so they were very what
is known as an immigrant'smindset right.
(20:03):
So you don't spend money, youdon't take risk, you save and
you work, and that is how youproduce your value.
Your worth, right, your worthis by how much money you save
and how hard you work.
That being said, my fathertaught history for 30 years and
then he retired and so, like Ididn't see him really work too
hard, he retired when I was inseventh grade.
(20:25):
I loved sports.
It was tough, by the way,growing up in an immigrant
household in like lily white,suburban Cleveland, shaker
Heights, ohio, where you knowyour friends go on ski trips and
you know their parents are welloff and they're living in you
know big homes and yet you knowI'm I'm just kind of getting by
(20:53):
on the middle class side, so Igot to see that and then I
always felt like I was needing,longing for something right.
There was always a deficit,because just my parents weren't.
They weren't of that mindset oflike, oh your kids have needs,
let's fill those needs.
It's like, no, I fed you,you're going to school and now
be thankful for what you have,and so kind of a tough way to
grow up.
Sports was my saving grace,though.
(21:13):
Well, first of all I wasbelieve it or not, I mean, I was
the same size I am now that Iwas like growing up, so like I
was the fat kid, so I got pickedon a lot, but ultimately, as I
got older, it became good.
Because I was athletic, it wasable to excel in sports.
So that was my saving grace.
Not a surprise that I kind ofpassed that down to my kids and
(21:36):
the importance of it.
But yeah, my dad was veryauthoritarian, like he did not
have a soft side.
I've never heard him say I'msorry, you know, and it's
unfortunate because I'm nevergoing to be able to have those
conversations with him.
He's still alive, but you knowhe's pretty down the road in
terms of dementia where you knowhe doesn't know what day it is
(21:58):
and he's going to be going intoa, you know, full time assisted
living facility here in the nextcouple of weeks.
You know and I kind of need tocheck that one off the list Like
there's really not much I cando there to heal those wounds.
I've had to not with him, atleast I've had to heal them on
my own.
But, um, I was a bad kid sodidn't get what I needed at home
(22:18):
, didn't get the resources, so Ineeded love, I needed to find
ways to make myself feel good.
So, whether it was positive ornegative attention, I was going
after it.
So, positive on the sports side, negative on throwing eggs at
houses and cars and stuff likethat.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Right, how did, how did mom and dad get from Italy
to Cleveland?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
dad get from Italy to Cleveland.
Yeah, so they, they got marriedin Italy and then went back to
Cleveland and their plan wasalways to move back to Italy, um
, and they started pumping outkids.
So all four of us within fouryears, I have an older brother
and two younger sisters and, um,we spent I spent every summer
in Italy for at least threemonths in this, in this small
village, which was great, um,but at the same time I also
(23:08):
didn't really get a chance tolike have friends in summer.
So, like, it was like, oh,here's the foreign kid that's
back, you know, um, with a beretand a mustache, uh, coming back
in in May, that's a great look.
Bring that back to Cleveland,dude.
Totally, totally Little, uh,little mock turtleneck too, why
(23:30):
not?
So, yeah, it was back and forth.
And then, unfortunately, myfather had a job opportunity
that fell through, and then theywere like sort of stuck in
Cleveland and my mother wouldstill go back every summer and
she still spends a lot of timein Italy with her family.
All of my relatives are inItaly.
I don't really have any familyhere in Cleveland and so, yeah,
(23:56):
it was an amazing way to grow up.
But at the same time, I think,my father.
It impacted my father negativelybecause his goal, his dream,
was to move to Italy and to livethere and it just didn't pan
out, uh, and he hated teachingpublic school and he did it for
30 years and he was out and Ifeel like he kind of just like
(24:17):
gave up on life.
Um, and so I saw that and Isaid to myself, like, like my
core values, accomplishment,effort, like determination,
these sort of things were bornout of this need to to kind of
fill this void from my, mychildhood and seeing, not that
my father mailed it in, I don'twant to say that, but he, you
(24:39):
know, I didn't.
I didn't see him have a strongdrive the way that I had and the
way I learned.
It was from sports.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Is mom still with us?
She is.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
She's still with us, she's still putzing around a
little bit.
They live two minutes away andso do my sisters, so it's nice
we're all still around.
And she I mean it was kind ofon her she raised, like my
father never did one diaper, henever went to one parent teacher
conference other than like ifanything was a C or a D, like
(25:17):
there was verbal or physicalaltercations to deal with, like
my mother had to deal witheverything.
And so here she is, as Englishis her second language.
Irresponsible for four kids allwithin.
You know a a, you know withinwithin four years apart and
(25:39):
having to just survive.
So she's in survival mode.
So in terms of, like, gettingneeds met from my mother, it was
, it was pretty tough.
I mean only now I can look backand say, man, how hard has her
life been and how she's beenable to just barely survive.
Because then, when my fatherretired, like hey, I've got four
kids that are about to go intocollege and high school and we
(26:03):
weren't going to go the publicschool route.
So she had to step up, she hadto work, and I think a lot of my
hustle comes from her for sure.
What did she do?
She taught Italian at theuniversity, john Carroll
university and then she was anItalian interpreter.
So she used her resources right, like what's the one thing she
(26:24):
knew.
She loved her heritage, sheloved Italian, and so she taught
, she taught school, and thenshe helped a lot of the Italian
patients that came over fromItaly to the Cleveland Clinic to
get treatments.
Luckily, teaching at JohnCarroll afforded us the ability
to go to either John Carroll orany other Jesuit school for free
, or else we wouldn't have beenable to afford it.
(26:47):
Wow, I actually remember wantingto afford it.
Wow, I actually remember.
I remember wanting to play D1football.
So, like graduated Ignatius, Iwanted to play football.
That was my goal.
I wanted to play D1 and Ididn't get an offer from Fordham
but I got a substantial packagewhere they wanted me to, to to
at least try it out for the team, knowing that I would make it.
(27:07):
But it was too expensive and soand so I remember the phone
call I remember driving my dadwas like you're not going there
and like, boom, dream, saturnover right then.
So I was like, all right, Ineed to find a school that I can
go to that's going to give me agood enough financial aid
package that doesn't havefootball and it's Greyhounds Go
(27:31):
Hounds.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
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(28:00):
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This is the recipe for successthat's landed us on the Inc 5000
(28:21):
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(28:42):
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(29:04):
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Speaker 2 (29:19):
And that that makes sense.
When you said you got yourhustle from your mom, and that's
that's hustling, I mean you're,you're trying to figure it out
and you like, well, I can speakItalian.
Well, I can teach it.
There's not many Italianteachers over here in the States
.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
No.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
You know, sorry about your pops man.
I lost my dad December 29, 2021.
Dementia was the big one thatgot him.
Yeah, we went through, mainlyme and my wife.
We were kind of the solobecause my sister wasn't really
in a spot to help.
So, like a week after we gotmarried, my uncle says to me hey
(29:52):
case, you might want to thinkabout getting a two bedroom
apartment because your dad'sgoing to come live with you.
And I'm like that's not goingto happen.
So like for 20 years I was inand out of assisted living
facilities.
This is like the height of mycorporate career was really like
, kind of like you know, thingswere going well, but behind the
scenes, taking care of pops waslike brutally hard.
So, um, I will say the onlyonly advice I can give you if
(30:18):
going through dementia is whenyou try to reason with the
unreasonable, they, they, theywill believe what they think.
I mean, my dad thought I stoleall of his money to build our
home 10 years ago.
Wow, I'm like hearing that waslike a punch to the face, you
know and like, and I had to likefinally get over it.
Like it's not him, but theblessing I'd say is, like you
(30:40):
know, when COVID hit, it was anexcuse.
I didn't have to go see him, asguilty as and I feel still
guilty saying it, but that's thetruth.
But I interviewed somebody onthis journey of podcasting.
This is where I feel like powerof the universe, or spiritual
or God, whatever you want tocall it for anybody's beliefs.
But this guy challenged me.
He goes your dad's still inthere, Go find it.
(31:00):
And I was like God, dang it.
And when he said this to me Iliterally just said okay, and I
remember I in the heart of COVID, uh, for like a good four or
five weeks I went like four daysa week and then it became fun
again.
And then I took my son and wehad like one of the most
craziest stories ever where mydad accused one of his nurses
(31:24):
that he said the only reasonyou're in here is because you're
horny.
And I'm like dad, you, what areyou doing?
And I was like oh my god, I'mso sorry to the nurse and she
laughs.
And my son, who's 15 at thetime, like thought he was
watching Revenge of the Nerds,you know, for the 17th time he
was laughing so hard.
But it's like those memories,um, and then he would pass away,
like you know, a couple weekslater.
(31:44):
So it's like um, um, I'm, I'm.
You know you guys can get to aspot of peace and if you can't,
you can't, but like you're atpeace with it, you've done
everything you can and just,it's a tough, it's a fricking
brutal disease dude.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
It's brutal, yeah, it's brutal, it and it got work.
Like he didn't take care of hisbody and he didn't take care of
his mind.
And so I, nutrition and fitnessand exercise are so important
to me and like constantlylearning new things.
Like you don't have to like,yes, dimension gets all of us,
but it doesn't have to starthitting in your mid seventies Um
(32:21):
, you could still be crushing it, you know, being on the golf
course and running companies inyour eighties if you take care
of your body and your mind andum, and it really comes down and
it's so.
It's amazing.
I really do believe that they'reboth connected and a lot of it
has to do with you know, your um, your core and your ability to
(32:43):
see.
The minute I had a friend who'sa doctor.
He said the minute you stopbeing able to squat, you're,
you're going downhill and sojust just keep.
Just keep that skill andwhatever you need to do to
physically keep doing that andthen learning new things.
You know just, I think I thinkI just saw my dad deteriorate
over the course of of you know,20, 30 years of just like not
(33:04):
learning things, not taking careof his body, just sitting in
front of Fox News for 25 years,you know, and it's just like all
right, dad, I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing that, I'm going.
I'm Benjamin Buttoning life.
I'm going the other direction,man.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
At least I'm going to try to, I mean, well, that's
the example I think we have toset for our kids.
Like, try to.
I mean, well, that's theexample I think we have to set
for our kids.
Like, um, I work out five, sixdays a week.
No, I'm not working out like Idid in my twenties and thirties
but, um, like, I used to doCrossFit and I do old band
CrossFit, which is likemodifying everything did not get
hurt, Um, but I just startedthis like dumbbell strength
(33:45):
program and it's like it's Imean it, it's the same thing
squatting and lunging, and Iused to not do like kind of
heavy weights because I justdidn't want to get hurt, because
I was getting hurt from all thefootball I played in college.
But I got spot on my wife and Italked about the same thing.
So, if that is, if you'relistening, take andrew's advice
from his doctor and take.
You know it works for me that,like, find a way to stay active
(34:08):
and don't be the dad says well,I'm over.
Do five squats?
Start there better than zero,and then the next day you do six
.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yeah, yoga has been my saving grace.
I've been doing it consistentlynow for 13 years, although
there's been two, two there'sbeen two points where I was out
of practice for a year.
But I don't go a week withoutthree or four like hot power
vinyasa um yoga classes and um,it's like double sessions, man,
(34:41):
it really is like it is tough.
But I see some of the guys inthere and gals and they're in
their mid seventies.
I see some of the guys in thereand gals and they're in their
mid seventies, late sixties, andthey have incredibly fit bodies
and their posture is great andit's no surprise how they, how
they've been able to maintainthat supple back.
That's what my yoga, tammySchneider, if you're hearing,
(35:03):
supple back is the key to, toaging gracefully.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
I did hot yoga for a little bit and then I stopped
when COVID hit, cause we kind oflike everybody got shut down.
But my very first yoga was witha client, so kind of random biz
dev story clients like you everdo yoga.
I'm like, no, he goes, I'll goahead.
I'm like, dude, I'll do it.
And so I told him I'm like I'mgoing to yoga with a client.
It's kind of weird, but whatthe hell?
(35:33):
And it was like the best, Idream yoga for the rookie.
Because there was like this hotchick right in front of me and I
even told my wife, everybody athome.
I was like this is the bestnext time I go on.
It was like freaking jabba thehutt in front of me and it's he
stunk so bad.
I was like dude, what did youdo to your body the night before
?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yeah, you can't.
You can't go eat a ton ofMediterranean food, uh, right
before yoga, and you got to keepyour body clean before you go.
And I stay in the front row soI have no distractions.
I love the front row.
I'm the front row shirt off guy, that's it.
That's it.
And if anybody wants to see mybig, sweaty body, that they can
(36:08):
look the other way.
But I'm here and I'm stickingaround, so good um, how so how?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
how about what the challenges you had kind of
growing up the the some of theadversity you talked about?
How did it tell me how thatimpacted your, your siblings?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
my brother.
It's been a challenge with him.
He, he, he had um and still hasa um, a disease, it's um
epilepsy and it's been achallenge for him.
So he's kind of always been onhis own path and struggling
through that Um and and it kindof it.
(36:45):
It it created a wedge betweenus.
We were really close growing up, but then as we got older it
just became, uh, it it created awedge between us.
We were really close growing up, but then as we got older it
just became.
It just became harder andharder for us to connect and I
was, you know, driven out of youknow my family and tried to
find my own family and my ownyou know clan through you know
my friends.
So, like my friends became myfamily, my sisters were like
(37:07):
incredibly protective over my,my.
Like my friends became myfamily.
My sisters were like incrediblyprotective over my, my, um, my
mother, and so they essentiallydid whatever she wanted and
needed, right, they stayed closeto home, they followed go they
um or they followed the.
They followed the, the path youknow that that my mother had
(37:28):
put out.
There I was more of the blacksheep, so it was different for
them, I think, because I thinkmy mother, my mother really has
a great relationship with themand they have they have a lot of
good connection there.
And my sister, my sister, who'sactually in Huntington beach,
california, she's moving backnow.
And then I have another sisterthat's just around the corner,
(37:50):
uh, two minutes away, so she'sgonna have her both of her girls
, uh, back for the first time ingosh 25 years.
Wow, yeah, wow um but they'vebeen successful.
You know, like they not my watchmy sister raise her kids.
I hope I'm not going to sendher this because I'm about to
(38:11):
throw her under the bus.
You know she, she raises themmore traditionally.
You know, uh, where?
You know I, I see her parent.
I'm like that sounds like mom,that sounds like dad and you
know, and it's.
I think this is an importantthing.
It's like breaking the cycle.
My wife sends me stuff all thetime on Instagram and and like
(38:33):
you've got to learn how to breakthe cycle right, we don't want
to become the parents that ourparents were to us becomes
natural for us to just parentthat way and some of the ways
are good.
But for most of us, you know,know, because this is a massive
generational difference betweenyou, know parents that we were
in the born in the mid 40s toearly 40s, to like our parents
(38:55):
now, like we have a lot ofinformation, a lot of books, a
lot of content that we'velearned like the right and wrong
way to do things right, and solike you've got to break that
cycle, my sisters are kind ofjust in line, like tradition's
best, let's just do it the oldItalian way, and my wife and I
(39:16):
are more hippie dippies tryingto do more gentle parenting, I
guess.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Can you think of an example that might speak to,
like a dad listening Like whatdoes break the cycle mean?
What would be an example whereyou do it one way but then you
break the cycle.
What does break the cycle mean?
What?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
would be an example where you do it one way but then
you break the cycle.
You know, like trying to getyour kids to do something by by
fear that you're going to takesomething away, you know, like
that was just, if you don't dothis or if you do that, I'm
going to do this or I'm going togo take that away.
Like that creates this ideathat, like they're, they're not
(39:50):
safe, they're not secure and youcould potentially pull things
from them at any given point.
And instead being able toparent with this idea of, like,
walking them through thedifferent options and then
letting them do it.
Like my wife is constantlysaying, let them, just left them
(40:12):
.
There's this book called letthem.
I haven't read it yet, butthat's all I hear her saying.
I think I should probably readit.
But like, just let them.
Let them make mistakes Insteadof like constantly trying to
avoid mistakes and putting fearand consequence in front of them
.
Let them make the mistake,Because what that does is it's
(40:32):
going to build up so muchgunpowder behind the bullet that
when they get older, they'regoing to make really big
mistakes when they get thefreedom and that's what happened
with me I made really bigmistakes.
It was like hold him in, holdhim in and now, all of a sudden,
I'm 18 and I'm gonna make somereally, really bad decisions,
(40:52):
whereas, like, if I learn earlyon that there's consequences and
positive and negative thingscan happen to me based on my
decision making.
I'm going to be trained anddevelop the skills so that, when
it really matters, I'm going tobe able to not be impacted by
(41:12):
my adaptive child Like this,this child that reminds me of
who I like.
I'm making decisions based onstill being that hurt, inner,
that seven-year-old, and I'mgoing to make decisions based on
being an adult and andthoughtful consideration of of
the options in front of me.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
Yeah, that's good, dude.
You made me think of an example.
So I was in height of COVID,you know, when everything shuts
down.
My wife and I realized our kidswere like in ninth grade and
seventh grade.
At that time we're like holyshit, we're doing way too much
for our kids.
And I just interviewed a guynamed Swen Nader who wrote a
book called you have not taughtuntil they have learned, and he
(41:53):
played for a basketball coach.
Some people might've heard of aguy named John Wooden.
Um, no, not bad, not a badcoach.
Um, yeah, he's got a reputation.
Yeah, I guess he likes to winfor like seven years straight.
Um, he, uh.
It was such a powerful book forme because we were those parents
doing too much and not like thesnowplow, but maybe we and I
(42:14):
think a lot of it was by likeour own, like we went, we had
way more ER trips than any ofour friends with our kids really
.
So I kind of like scarred us of, like we don't want to keep
going to the ER, or son had aseat, two seizures that freaked
us out, which we don't know why,and then it never happened
again.
So but we said let's stopmaking excuses and no, you're
going to fricking, cook your ownmeals.
(42:35):
And we, we literally went coldturkey.
And then now they were the mostresourceful kids and, like
that's the goal, we want themnot to need us.
Yeah, that's our, that's ourjob, and so I I think it's
important to think about, likeyou know, um, and it could be
breaking the cycle, anythingcould be with exercise.
Hey, your dad didn't work outwhat you do, my dad didn't work
out either.
Well, that's, I'm working out,I played.
(42:56):
Yeah, exercise is what we do,whether you're vacationing,
whether you're traveling forwork.
Freaking, figure it out, figureit out.
You know, hike, take a walk, dosomething.
But, um, how about your wasyour wife?
Did she have good still have agood relationship with her
parents?
She?
Speaker 1 (43:15):
has a good relationship with them.
She has, you know, her parentsdivorced when she was 12 years
old and so that became achallenge because her mother,
you know, had to deal with it.
(43:36):
She essentially had to become aparental figure, taking care of
her mother and like she hadunmet needs.
Now, so funny how both of usfound each other with all this
baggage but, but they ended upgetting back together and
they're great people.
They have higher EQ, I think,they're thoughtful, um, everyone
(43:56):
has their baggage, baggage butshe's got a great relationship
with them.
Now where she's in constantcontact with them and we see
them.
I'm actually renovating mymother-in-law's kitchen right
now as we speak.
This is how good of arelationship.
Don't get me wrong, I'mcharging her, but I do this on
the side.
I in doing construction and andloving carpentry, so so, uh,
(44:20):
yeah, I'm going over toallison's house three, four days
a week where, uh, let's see,the granite is getting installed
, the quartz is gettinginstalled tomorrow, and then I'm
doing the backsplash and we'redone.
Look at you, but, uh, but yeah,that's it.
Man, I'm just it's life is justa big point system.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Right, we get points, give points I wish I had those
handy skills.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
So good on you, brother, for being able to do
that stuff um, to your pointabout like letting, like a good
one is caddying.
So I caddy for my son when hedoes competitive us kids golf
and at first I was just likeshowing.
I was like lining up a putt forhim and then like watching him,
like on every bit and to thepoint where he he couldn't then
(45:02):
play without saying, dad, doesthis look right?
Dad, is this right, is thisright?
My wife's like what are youdoing?
Like you're turning him into amanic, like just let him do it
and if he fails, it's on him.
He will then learn and he willdo he'll.
He'll be able to.
He will then learn and he willdo he'll.
He'll be able to overcome it.
And my initial thought is like,no, if I help him line up this
(45:23):
putt or tell him, hey, he's gotto put the ball in his stance a
little bit because it's adownhill lie, I can save him a
stroke and we can win thetournament.
But it's not about winning thetournament, it's about letting
your kid fail and then justsupporting there, not telling
him what he could have donewrong, but just supporting him
Neutrally.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
So that's.
That's easier said than done.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Oh man, it's so hard.
I screw up to the point.
I screw up all the time.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Well, how did you so if there's a golf dad at home
and I actually learned that too?
I mean, I've seen my son somemonster rounds.
I've seen him shoot somefreaking amazing rounds that
blew me away how did you finallyget coached by your wife
without letting your ego get inthe way, to be able to say you
know what Shit.
Maybe I am the problem, maybe Ineed to just chill out, if you
(46:11):
can think about that moment.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
I've learned over time that my wife is the boss
and she's usually right aboutthings.
So I've just I check my ego andsay, okay, and then she also.
You know, she started cattingfor him, you know, and she might
not know how to use a rangefinder, but you know, she's just
going down the center of thefairway and he's doing his thing
(46:36):
and like, at the end of the day, it's not about the medals and
the winning or losing.
And it's hard for me, uh,because I am so competitive and
I loved playing and playcompetitive sports growing up.
Um, it just, it just took asecond for me to to really
recognize that, you know,because you, once again, you
don't want to see your kids failand anything you can do to
(46:58):
avoid it I, um, that's reallygood dude.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
I hope there's a younger parent, um, I think and
you have to go through that as adad or mom, because sometimes
it's easy to be the one to likeprotect them and they want to.
But I think about all the timesI sucked, that's what I.
I remember the, all the games Iplayed great.
I remember the moments ofadversity that shaped who I am.
I remember doing you'llappreciate, I think you'll
appreciate this as a golf dad.
(47:23):
So my son, when he was like,call it like eight or nine ish,
he was in the districttournament and he rips driver
down the right side for him andthen he's got, we think, he
comes up on his ball, he hits ashot to the green.
It's like at that age if you'remaking bogeys or pars, you're
going to be right there and he,he hits his second shot.
(47:45):
He's got like 30 feet forbirdie.
I'm like perfect, great start.
All of a sudden he goes to markhis ball and he's like he's
looking at it.
He tilts his head both ways andI'm like, oh no it's not his no
, and I'm like, but there's noway.
Because I'm like there's no wayit was right.
I watched where the ball endedup and you know now the, the dad
(48:06):
, me, their little angel, popsup and says please do the right
thing.
I've trained you to be right,to be honest, the old devil said
oh that's your ball, that'syour ball, that's your ball.
then I'm like come on angel,come on angel, come on angel.
And he walks up to the rulesofficial and rules official goes
he's a sir, I think he hit thewrong ball.
And the rules official goeslike I'm like bro, he just owned
(48:30):
it.
Like I was so pissed at thisrules official, like I had to
really bite my lip as a dad.
I'm like how about celebratethe fact that he was honest, a
hundred percent, you know?
So the two kids in his group,they walk off the green cause
they're tired of waiting.
So the guy makes my son walkall the way back by himself in
the middle of the fairway andthey, they figure out it's a two
stroke penalty.
So now he's hitting five fromthe middle of the fairway.
So he rips five.
(48:51):
Now he's got a double break.
Putt 40 footer, 40 footer.
I'm like dude, this is africking nine or 10 to start the
day.
Yeah, he puts it to like twoinches and I and he walks off
and I sat after the round.
He was so like he's bummed andhe kind of finally got together.
I was like dude, I don't knowif you know you didn't qualify,
(49:11):
but I can give two shits.
You know, I'm so fricking proudof you.
It was just in a bad mood.
I said you're all the things wetalked about, like ethics,
honesty do the right thing.
You just take that and that wasthe best seven I've ever seen
in my life.
He starts laughing.
He's like what I go?
Dad, buddy, I would have takena freaking nine, I would
probably three.
Speaker 1 (49:30):
put it from there easy yeah, the character
building of that.
And how great to have rolemodels in golf like scottyffler
and Justin Thomas who callstrokes on themselves.
Sahif Tagala In the last year.
They get to see adults at thenext level performing that way.
My son to this day he's 10 yearsold.
He won't take a mulligan and hewon't take a gimme.
(49:53):
So good, I love that.
And he plays it all the way outand he sees dad, dad's like I'm
hitting another one, screw thatshot.
And he's up there and he's likeno, I, you know, duck hooked.
It Doesn't happen often, butlike he'll stick with it and so
important and I think it's just.
I'm so proud to see him becauseI didn't grow up with that.
(50:15):
I grew up with the when noone's looking, take advantage
because the world's out to getyou and nobody's here to help
you and so you're going to haveto survive.
It's your survival instinct,right, that's my adaptive child
Find a way to survive whetheryou have to lie, cheat or steal.
And it's taken years to shedthis, decades to shed it.
(50:38):
And the fact that he alreadyhas that strong character, it's
just like I mean I'll give a nodto my wife because she's the
one that pushes that and I justI get behind it, but it
definitely makes you proud.
Best seven I've ever seen.
I like that.
That's so cool.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
I've ever seen.
I like that.
That's so cool.
What would be, um, if you hadto think about like two or three
core values as we get ready towrap up here?
That might summarize what we'vetalked about.
Um, we've hit on a lot of cooltopics, but like what would be a
couple, two or three topicsthat are that dads can take from
our conversation.
Um, that you've seen, you know,been really dramatic or
impactful for you and yourfamily, but other dads can maybe
(51:20):
learn from our conversation andsay, man, these are, these are
a couple of things I took fromCasey and Andre and I want to
apply these themes in my, in myfamily, to try to really become
that better quarterback or dadin my home.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
Yeah, just um.
First is like get over your ownshit.
I think I spent the first halfof my fatherhood still trying to
get my own needs met and Ithink you really, really start
getting to experience the valueand the joy of being a father
and being able to guide a humanbeing that you created.
(51:54):
Once you stop making it aboutyou.
We're all still just those kidsthat want attention and love
and are hurt.
The minute you start living foryour family and not living for
your unmet needs, you are goingto get so much more joy out of
life.
It's such a big one.
It takes practice, without adoubt, because every day there's
(52:16):
that inner child that's saying,you know, like this isn't fair,
I never got things like this,like my son's like, oh, I didn't
get to play oak hill, whydidn't I get to go?
I'm like, come on, dude, I hadto steal my first set of golf
clubs and orange top lights.
Yeah, so that's a big one.
(52:39):
Um, it's a big one, um, I think.
I think the I didn't steal myfirst golf clubs, by the way,
maybe one or two irons here orthere, but like I putt
right-handed cause I only I'm alefty, but I only putt
right-handed, cause I probablyonly had access to a
right-handed putter.
Um, there's letting.
Letting your kids fail is goingto resilience and grit, I think
(53:01):
like so important in sports, inlife, in business.
When you hear anyone talk abouthow important grit is, let them
.
Let them.
Let them fail, let them getthrough it and figure out a way
to get through it.
I think that's.
That is such a big one.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Gold dude, I think if you're a dad or mom, listening
in, that last part of thisepisode doesn't doesn't hit you
in the face.
I think you're not being honestwith yourself Because so many
of us I mean I'm 49.
Sometimes I have to catchmyself.
I'm like not about me and I'velike always would tell my kids
dad has no eligibility left.
Guys, I'm not doing this for me.
So, unless your goals havechanged, but don't tell me you
want to do something, but thendon't put in the work.
That's.
(53:45):
My job is to help you get theframework when, 18 years, you're
in the house and then when yougo, you can do what you want to
do.
But remember, like I would justlike a good coach that helped
me in my journey they, theyhelped push me to help see what
was possible.
But you got to do the work.
But it's not, it's not about me.
Also, and if your goals havechanged, perfect, let's find a
(54:08):
new activity.
Um, but I love that you said Imean letting your kids fail.
It's super hard, but, like likeI mentioned before, dude, I I
had some brutal failures and butI'm but I'm grateful for them
and I use them as rocket fuel.
You know, yeah, Um, if therewas to be one area of your dad
game that you might want toimprove up on, that might speak
(54:29):
to dad at home.
You know, I'll lead my witnesshere, Andre, mine's patience,
and after interviewing over 300dads, I became better patient
because I'm practicing itWhenever I interview a dad,
cause I'm reminding myself it'slike choosing the outcome of how
I want to do.
And so for you, what would whatmight be an area, your dad game
that you're you know, maybeit's not where you want it, but
you're you at least can honest,be honest yourself and say man,
this is something I'm gonna workto get better at yeah, reacting
(54:52):
to my kids when they don't,when they don't listen.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
you know, I just use the dad horn sometimes and and
it's just like man, I'm doing so, I'm doing all this work, I'm
being this amazing dad and we'retrying to be, and it's just
like, can you get behind me here?
Do I have to fight?
Everything is a battle you know,so I think it's the patience
part for sure.
Uh, learning how to respond tomy kids so that they don't.
(55:18):
Learning how to respond to mykids so that they don't.
I want, I want them to learnhow to.
I want to be able to engagethem so that I get their
attention and I get them to dosomething that needs to happen,
like getting out of bed, insteadof just going back to my you
know caveman, you knowchromosomes and say just yell.
Speaker 2 (55:39):
Right.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
That's the big one.
Yeah, for sure For me.
Speaker 2 (55:42):
No, that'll speak to others for sure.
Um, well, if people want toconnect with you, if your story
um has touched a core touch toheart, um, they've been
intrigued by what you're doing.
They want to learn more about,about, about, work bright Um.
Tell me what's the.
Tell us what's the best way forpeople to connect with you.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
Well, I'm not on a TikTok yet, like you, cool dad,
you.
But LinkedIn, linkedin's theeasiest one, for sure.
Just hit me up on on.
Speaker 2 (56:11):
LinkedIn.
We'll make sure that's taggedin the show notes for the record
.
On the on the TikTok I was onTikTok until about two months
ago.
My daughter's boyfriend sawlike the Instagram reel that my
marketing guy does for me.
He's like you should put thison Tik TOK.
I'm like, bro, I'm 49.
I don't know, I don't know, Idon't know how to Tik TOK.
He's like I'll teach.
I was like, okay.
So back to your point aboutbeing a lifelong learner.
I'm like I didn't know anythingabout a podcast five years ago.
(56:34):
I didn't even.
I didn't know how to write abook.
I didn't know what it's, butit's fun when you learn.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
That's what life's about.
There's a whole world out there, things that you can discover
and then, achieve.
Speaker 2 (56:53):
All right, it is now time to go into the lightning
round, where I ask you randomquestions.
I'm going to show you thenegative hits of taking too many
hits in college not bong hits,but football hits.
Your job is to answer theseideally as quickly as you can,
and my job is to try to get agiggle out of you.
All right, okay, true or false,you are still a part of the dog
(57:19):
pound.
True, solid, true or false?
Bernie Kosar is your favoritequarterback.
False, great quarterback though19.
So good.
Speaker 1 (57:34):
I saw him on an airplane.
Oh quick, bernie Kosar story.
We're getting on an airplaneflight to like LA from Cleveland
, or no, from LA back toCleveland, Sorry about the
lightning round.
And he's behind me.
No, he's in front of me andhe's struggling to get his bag
into the first class cabin andthere's a bunch of people behind
me and he looks at me.
(57:55):
He goes, sorry about it, and Igo it's okay, bernie, I'll block
for you any day.
And he grabs my shoulder.
He goes.
Speaker 2 (58:02):
Thanks, brother and that was it.
Oh, smiled I.
Did he have the entire flighthome?
Did he have the flowing longhair still?
Speaker 1 (58:09):
no, no, not yet, but he's.
He's definitely special in the80s so you were like bernie
kozar's offensive lineman iswhat you're saying oh, 100 on
the plane stopping, stoppingeverybody giving Bernie space,
the week Giving Bernie space, togive A hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (58:26):
Yeah, okay, tell me the last book you read.
Speaker 1 (58:31):
Ooh a beautiful town about Shaker Heights, ohio,
where I live right now.
Speaker 2 (58:38):
Okay, Sounds good.
What would be the one genre ofmusic that might surprise your?
Speaker 1 (58:46):
coworkers.
I don't know, I'm prettyforegone conclusion there.
Like, being an indie folk guy,I'll throw a little like I mean,
yeah, like 90s rap, hip hop.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
I was on there, dude.
True, true I actually did biggiesmalls this morning in my
workout.
Oh I love it.
God, biggie is so good.
I, I didn't.
I wish I was more of a biggiefan during the minute I liked
him, but I didn't really listento him as much.
But I really like the oldschool 90s rap so good.
Um, if you were to go onvacation right now, you and your
wife sorry boys, you guys arestaying home.
Where are now you and your wife?
Sorry boys, you guys arestaying home.
Where are where would you takeyour wife?
Speaker 1 (59:20):
Let's go to Italy, let's do Como, let's do the Lake
District.
Speaker 2 (59:24):
Okay, have you?
I'm sure you've been to Venice.
I have.
That's one of my favoriteplaces in the world.
Speaker 1 (59:31):
I love Venice.
It's so special, the entirecountry.
Speaker 2 (59:39):
Just and my father-in-law.
But I went shout out to bruce.
If you listen, you know likewhen you go like was it called
san marcos square, they have theuh, like all the buildings are
so close and they have like thewhite chalk on the on the brick
walls where it's like arrows aregetting back to san marcos
square.
He just said, get get lost.
And if you get lost, look forthe arrows, they'll take you
right back to san Marcos Square.
And we found like this hole inthe wall I mean no offense to
(01:00:02):
the restaurant dump, like alittle, and it was a grandma, a
mom and a daughter and there wasthree tables and there was a
line of like 10 people.
I'm like, I'm like my wife,like I don't know about this one
, like I think this is the place.
There's no one in, there'sthree tables and 10 people.
Let's go here.
We literally stand in line.
The coolest meals ever.
Yeah, so authentic and that'sgreat.
(01:00:25):
Okay, a couple last questions.
Tell me your favorite comedymovie ever?
Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
That's a tough one Step brothers, I'll say anything
.
Will Ferrell and his prime, Ithink.
Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
I think those are good.
Those are.
Please come, best friends.
Yeah, touch my drum set.
If there was to be a bookwritten about your life, tell me
the title.
Ooh, the Tale of the FourScorpios.
Okay.
So now, andre, you're nevergoing to believe it, it's
already sold out.
I actually, when you typed that, I was on Amazon, I hit publish
Pre-sales going freaking nuts,barnes and noble, they're sold
(01:01:02):
out airports.
I can't get enough copies, it'severybody's.
So now netflix is trying to geta touch with us right now.
That's it.
You become the casting director.
Who's going to star you?
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
it's, critically, jeremy piven is, I always get
the piven.
I get the ari gold piven allthe time.
So I think jeremy JP is goingto.
It's going to star me Solid.
Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Well said, I like that.
Yeah, okay.
And then last and mostimportant question Tell me two
words that would describe yourwife.
Selfless and thoughtful Bingo,solid ones, brother Lighting
rounds, complete.
We had a couple of giggles, uh,self-induced.
I always laugh at my own jokes.
That's what good dads do.
Um, it has been an honorgetting to know you.
(01:01:45):
I'm grateful for david and mrdews for um, making us, uh,
connected and um, I'm gratefulthat you took the time to to
share your story, which I I'mconfident uh, there's a dad out
there that that will help, willhelp realize that, hey, if
you're going through a toughtime and maybe mom and dad's way
she's not the best You're notalone.
(01:02:05):
And, um, if you, maybe you, ifyou're a mom or dad out there
and you have had a dad withdementia that you lost a life I
got, we got that in common.
So, um, I think when I startedthis podcast six years ago, man,
the goal was really to justbring we're all going through
shit and as much as we have,whether you're a CRO, you're a
(01:02:25):
former executive at a company ora bus driver or stay-at-home
dad, your kids don't give twoshits everybody.
What they care about is hey,can we go keep catty for me?
Hey, can we go get ice cream?
Hey, can we go play catch?
Right, we go get ice cream.
Hey, can we go play catch Right?
And so I think we can all, asdads, really humble ourselves to
realize the most important jobis the one we all have in common
is just like creating goodhumans, creating good character.
Um, that's what it's about.
(01:02:47):
So I appreciate you giving yourtime, and I know it'll possibly
impact your family specificallywith some of the stories you
shared.
Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Great, it was great talking to, great, getting to
know you really appreciate thetime you bet man.
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
Hey everybody, it's CaseyJaycox with the quarterback dad
cast.
Welcome to season six, and Icould not be more excited to
have you join me for anotheryear of fantastic episodes and
conversations really unscriptedand raw and authentic
(00:25):
conversations with dads.
If you're new to this podcast,really it's simple.
It's a podcast where weinterview dads, we learn about
how they were raised, we learnabout the life lessons that were
important to them, we learnabout the values that are
important to them and really welearn about how we can work hard
to become a better quarterbackor leader of our home.
So let's sit back, relax andlisten to today's episode on the
Quarterback Dadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the
Quarterback Dadcast.
We are in season six, whichyou've heard me say this before.
It feels so good to say thatbecause we're like north of 300
dads everybody.
And if you'd have told me sixyears ago that I'd be I've
interviewed 300 dads, I wouldhave been like what Holy cow?
That's crazy.
But now I got a goal tointerview a thousand dads and I
(01:07):
could see myself doing it.
And our next guest comes to usagain through the power of the
referral, mr David Fowlwealth.
I hope I said his name right.
If I didn't, I apologize, david, but he's from Staffing
Referrals.
I met him through a bunch offolks.
And then our next guest is aguy named Andre Mileti, who we
also know, the one and onlyChris Dews who is going to be a
dad.
Shout out to Chris Dews, butAndre, he's been a CRO, a CMO,
(01:30):
he's a golf fanatic, butrecently he is actually the
newly named chief revenueofficer of WorkBright, a
compliance platform that helpsprovide, I guess, compliance
support, support overall we'lllearn more about it but like for
high volume employers.
But with all that said, that'snot why we're having Andre on.
We're having Andre on to learnabout Andre the dad and how he's
(01:51):
working hard to become thatultimate quarterback or leader
of his household.
So without further ado, mrMileti, welcome to the
quarterback, dad cast.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Thank you so much, Casey.
So great to be here.
Although I wasn't a quarterbackin high school, I was a running
back.
But I did have one play whereit was a halfback option where I
could actually throw it, so Idid get my reps in every now and
then.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Can you throw the ball of that mountain?
Oh yeah, absolutely Like.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Uncle Rico, way over them mountains.
Did you see him on Instagram?
He was talking about how he wason White Lotus, except he did
the pose Some of you mightremember me from.
Uh, yeah, he's great, he'sgreat beauty?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Absolutely he is.
Every time I mentioned I playedfootball in college, I have to
use an uncle Ricoself-deprecating joke myself A
hundred percent, a hundredpercent.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So great to be be here.
Thank you so much for having meyeah, you bet.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Um well, we always start out each episode with
gratitude, so tell me, what areyou most grateful for as a dad
today?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
oh, I have the privilege of spending a
ridiculous amount of time withboth my boys I have.
I have two boys, andrew, who's10, and and then Matthew, who's
six, and they love hanging outwith dad and I love spending
time with them.
And sometimes it's stressful onthe golf course because I'm
trying to play my own game butI'm also being catty to both of
(03:19):
them.
But to be able to do that everyday, wake up and be able to be
here in the mornings and thenhave dinner with them and not
everyone is that fortunate to beable to be here in the mornings
and then have dinner with them,and not everyone is that
fortunate to be able to spendthat much time.
So incredibly grateful for theamount of time I get to actually
spend with them, meaningfulactivities.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
That's so cool.
There's a phrase that I thinkit's that the days are long and
the years are short.
I think that's what it said andI'm I'm living that man because
I mean, I got a.
I got a son in college firstyear's, almost done.
I'm like what the hell?
How'd that happen?
My, my daughter, she's almostdone with her junior year.
She's just starting herrecruiting journey, um, which
(03:58):
has been surreal and excitingand fun, and I don't know what's
going to happen with her andbasketball, but it's she's
hoping to keep playing Um.
But what I'm grateful for is umI've said this before in a few
episodes, but I'm saying againtime just being really, really,
really present with my time andum, even like to a point where
I'm slowing down, to likerealizing that if I have a 30
(04:22):
minute gap between like thecoaching world I do or
consulting world I do, I caneither do nothing.
I can waste time on Instagram, Ican waste time on LinkedIn or
net, or try to find someproductive, or actually I've
been getting up and taking like22 minute walks, 11 minutes out,
11 minutes back, with my dog,just like.
So now she's happier.
(04:42):
I'm getting more active at this.
You know, I'm almost 50 yearsold.
So it's like you're got to keepmoving the body and just like
grateful for like trying tothink about how, what are every
minute, how can I maximize mebeing a better version of me,
maybe physically, mentally,spiritually, whatever it may be?
Um, so I don't know, I've beenthinking a lot about that
recently.
I'm just very grateful for likejust that mindset.
(05:03):
So I don't know, I've beenthinking a lot about that
recently.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I'm just very grateful for like just that
mindset.
Yeah, absolutely it takes.
It takes effort because we tryto escape life so much in the
minutes in between the events,right, but that's really when
life happens, and I thinksometime in your mid forties,
you start realizing that youneed to seize those moments.
Uh, whether it's getting up anhour early or not, doom
(05:26):
scrolling, which I'm totallyguilty of, but, and it's okay,
you're not gonna, you're notgonna bat a thousand, right?
Sometimes you need to just hitthe easy button.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
But it is sometimes funny I like to do doom scroll.
Once I've like checked offthings that are important to me,
like got my reading done,exercise and sometimes I'll like
off things that are importantto me, like got my reading done,
exercise, and sometimes I'lllike not even doomsday, but I've
got into, like Grant Horvat, doyou watch him?
No, youtube golf.
Okay, oh, dude, if you're agolf guy, which we're going to
get into.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I'll have to write that down.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, grant Horvat.
He's partnering with, like PhilMickelson and they've been
doing like 2v2 matches.
So, like recently, it was himand Mickelson versus Jon Rahm
and quarterback for the Bills.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Yeah, the quarterback for the Bills.
They switched the range finderto meters yes, and they both hit
short.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yes, so Mickelson's been doing that to people as a
joke, and so why am I forgettingJosh Allen?
Josh Allen did it to him andMickelson was like at first he
was kind of pissed.
He's like, no, that's fantastic, I.
I take it Like I got so muchthe fact that you just did that
(06:35):
to me and I do it to everybody.
Yeah, uh, it was pretty funny.
So, um, okay, so you, you gotAndrew, matt, let's, but bring
me inside the Mileti huddle.
And, um, I love to learn whereyou and your wife met and tell
me, or tell us a little bitabout each boy.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, absolutely, we met.
We got started late in life, soI had moved back to Cleveland
from Boston in 2009.
I want to say actually met herin an elevator.
Believe it or not, we rode upin an elevator.
I didn't, and she was on herphone, you know, she was looking
, dashing Burberry scarf overthe shoulder.
(07:14):
We got off at the same floor,though, and I couldn't I wasn't
stalking.
Everybody says, oh, you're sucha stalker.
No, we got off and sheliterally went into room 615.
So it's not like I couldn't see, I saw, okay, 615.
That's where she went in, wentdown to my buddies down the hall
and asked him if she knows, ifhe knew who staged.
She said no, but last secondshe changed her mind because she
(07:36):
told her mother who knows,maybe I'll meet somebody.
And sure enough, she did.
(07:57):
Well, little did she know itwas all set up.
But that's how we met up.
Um, but that's how.
That's how we met and uh, yeah,we've been married for, I want
to say, close to 13 years.
Now we're going on our 13thyear and, very cool, yeah, we've
got two boys.
Uh, andrew, who's uh already abetter golfer than me.
(08:18):
I mean, I play a ton of golf.
We've already talked about this.
I'm like a nine 10 handicap.
He's already you know shooting.
If he doesn't shoot under 80he's upset, like today.
This morning we played nineholes.
He shot a 41 and he was reallyfrustrated because last time he
played he shot a 78.
And and, uh, little does he knowabout the days where you
(08:38):
struggle in the mid 80s and mid90s.
But now's he's like my wife,he's a more you know, um, my
wife and I are just completeopposite personalities.
So Andrew's more like my wife.
And then Matthew, who's also agreat athlete.
Uh, he plays golf too, buthockey's his main sport right
now.
He's six.
Uh, you know he's a bit of a.
(09:00):
Uh, yeah, he's a hockey goon.
You know, he loves the contact,he loves being goofy, silly, a
lot like me, and Matthew'sAndrew's a little more reserved.
So golf is perfect for him.
Uh and yeah, and we spend a lotof time together, sports, just
goofing around.
I've been goofing around beinga dad and just goofing around
with your kids and like, havingyour kids want to hang out with
(09:22):
you is the best thing.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It is the best thing, dude, and just wait till you
they get to college and and andI'll I'll cross my fingers.
They still want to hang outwith you, but I've said this
multiple times I swear likeSnapchat has has made me hang
out with my son a lot more fromafar.
That's hysterical and I neverthought I would ever get on
Snapchat and I know that peoplewho listen you're going to hear
the story again, but maybe Andrehas not.
(09:46):
I had a guy who told me to geton it and I'm like no, I'm not
getting on Snapchat, dude, I'mlike 48, it's not going to
happen.
Freaking awesome, love it.
And we have like a 250, some oddstreak day.
And sometimes he'll message meon Snap, sometimes he'll text me
, sometimes he'll Instagrammessage me, message me on snap.
Sometimes he'll text me,Sometimes on Instagram, asked me
I'm just like wherever the one,I'm just like and like he, he,
(10:09):
I'm playing this afternoon afterwe go this.
We have a little men's daytoday and he he's like oh, who
are you playing with?
And I told him he's like oh God, what a disastrous foursome.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
You know, have fun.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Sort of like ribbing each other and he like ribbing
each other and uh, he's at atournament today, um, but uh,
yeah, it's fun, man, beingenjoying those moments.
And just I would say, just as aguy that's got a few years of
dad's life on you, it goes.
Every cliche, as you know, istrue.
I mean, you probably rememberthe day when um andrew was two
(10:40):
or three and now he's 10 andhe'll be 18 before you know it.
Yeah, sad man it's, it reallyis.
So are you, guys, ohio Statefans or Michigan fans?
We're Ohio State fans.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, I grew up a Notre Dame fan and then jumped
on the Ohio State wagon in 2004.
Yeah, I wanted a little winning.
I mean being a perennial Cavs,browns and Guardians fan.
If something good's happeningin Ohio, I wanted to jump on the
bandwagon.
It's been a great run.
(11:16):
In the last 20 years theBuckeyes have been crushing it.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
You don't follow the Greyhounds, the Loyola.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Greyhounds.
No, I think they made thetournament.
They made the NCAA tournamentonce and they were like really
big in lacrosse and the fouryears that I was there at Loyola
Maryland they stunk.
They got crushed by Syracuseand Johns Hopkins and I was just
(11:49):
like there's like 50 people atthese games.
I'm like I went to a pretty bigpowerhouse school here in
Cleveland and like we would havetens of thousands of people in
the you know high schoolfootball games and so it was.
It was that kind of experience.
You probably know some of theguys they're still in the NFL.
Um, I went to St Ignatius inCleveland and so Dave Ragone,
(12:12):
who's a quarterback coach atbears, and Tom Arth, quarterback
coach at the uh, at theSteelers.
Those were my quarterbacks myjunior and senior year.
They both played in the biggame Uh.
And then John Gannonannon,who's the head coach of the
cardinals.
He's from my, from my school aswell.
So like going from thatatmosphere to like, hey, it's d1
(12:33):
east coast lacrosse, there's100 people here.
I feel bad, I'm gonna getmessages on linkedin.
Be like hey, thanks, buddythanks for sharing the show go,
greyhounds go, greyhounds go um,random question.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
So they were like I know they're the guardians, but
they used to be the indians.
Do you know the name?
Are you a guardians fan?
I am do you remember the name?
David risky.
Risky sounds familiar risky.
He was a pitcher wasn't he areliever he?
So I grew up with.
He was a year younger than me.
We used used to play like 11,12-year-old all-star team
together.
We'd have sleepovers.
(13:08):
I'm like that's what.
I think.
I had more friends, like randomfriends that played pro sports
and everyone's like whathappened to you?
I'm like I wasn't as good asthat.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Like 1% of the 1% makes it to the next level.
It's not, it's not easy.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
And you know what I think One of the biggest reasons
and this is back, tying thisback to fatherhood and even like
business, like it's the wordbehind me Belief, belief.
Yeah, now, people can't I don'tknow if you, if you're driving,
you can't see, but there's abelief sign behind me.
Yes, it's a little, but I loveit, because I was talking to my
wife about this last night.
So my, my daughter has a callthe college today at three and
(13:49):
she had she played an open gymwith a college last night and
she was like, yeah, I like it.
I just, you know, I don't seemyself, I don't know if it was
the right fit for me.
I know I'm going to playsomewhere, I just don't know if
that's the right fit.
Now, that statement alone tellsme that she has 1000% belief in
her abilities.
And I told my wife, I said, hey, I'm not gonna be here tomorrow
(14:09):
, but, like, when she gets done,no matter if it's the right fit
or wrong fit, we just have tojust continue to ignite that
belief.
It's not arrogance, it's belief, it's belief.
And I know that, like guys likeJohn Kitna who I played
quarterback he playedquarterback with me in college,
I was a back tona, who I playedquarterback.
He played quarterback with mein college.
He's years I was a backed himup before I played he.
The reason he made it 17 yearsof the league is because he
(14:29):
believed there's a guy namedMike Riley who played 10 years
after I did.
He was played in the CFL forlike 13, 14 years.
He won a great, great cup MVP.
He won um, um shit tons ofgames.
I actually reconnected withhimed.
We played golf about two weeksago.
Same thing, the belief.
So I just say, like, as dads,like if we can just help anybody
(14:51):
, that's you know, andrew gonnaplay pga tour.
Why wouldn't he?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
yeah, 100 belief and and um, it's the.
The challenging part of afather is being able to lay out
steps for a child to reach theirgoals.
Like, for example, today.
You know my son started offwith four bogeys and for him,
like it's, it's over.
He's like I'm like Andrew, youcan birdie the next five holes,
(15:16):
you could par the next fiveholes, and he automatically goes
to the end result.
I'm like, but it's steps to getthere, buddy.
Just he's like I'm going tobirdie this hole and I'm going
to birdie the next one.
I'm like, what do you have todo first?
Like let's bring it down to thestep in front of you.
You have your long-term goal,but you've got to kind of get
that out of your peripheral fora little bit and focus on what
(15:37):
is right in front of you.
Is this next shot, this nextapproach shot?
It's a challenge because youknow kids have to.
This is why I love competitivesports.
You learn these life skillsthat that will transcend the
sport.
Your plan will follow you intoyour formative years.
We'll we'll be able to guideyou if you do are fortunate and
(15:58):
blessed enough to play at thenext levels.
And just in business in general, just like you know, common
goals and objectives, teamwork,resilience and, like what is the
process, trust the process andthen believe in yourself.
It's tough because I mean thosehave to be taught, those don't
come natural.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
No, well, they have to usually have some failure to
learn that skill.
You should tell your son this.
So my son's college golftournament, um, he was the.
He's a freshman, so he was thealternate, so he didn't get a
play.
But he's like, but I'm actuallyit's, it's a bummer.
He didn't get a play Cause Ithink he that's another story,
but he's right, right on theedge.
But the fact that he had to gowalk and support his teammates
(16:40):
is even better, because now he'sgoing to, the fire is going to
be lit better.
And I said, whether you getsubbed in or not, be the best
teammate possible.
And but the reason why I'mtelling the story, the guy who's
leading the tournament rightnow, the first day he shot 77.
Guess what he shot the secondday 80?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
63.
63.
So he went the other way.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
That's amazing, like three and my son just texted me
before our interview he was fourunder through four.
Wow, and the I guess he's, he'sgoing, he's quality leaving
next year to go pro play likeCanadian tour.
And right, my son said he goes,dad, the sound of the ball
hitting his face is likesomething I've never even heard.
I go, I go, even mine.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Your sweet dad gives you a pat on the head.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Dad, I only hear yours hitting the hosel, yeah,
hosel rockets.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I.
That's why I love the movieAmerican underdog, the Kurt
Warner story, my, we watch itobsessively in our house because
in so much adversity, like he,he kept moving forward and and
he trusted the process.
So yeah, sports is such a great, great way to teach your kids
how to, how to be resilient Athousand percent.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, all right.
Well, I want to go back in time, sir, and I want to learn about
you, and I'm gonna learn whatwas life like growing up for you
and talk about the impact thoseyears your parents had on you
from, like, maybe, a core valuesperspective.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
So, yeah, this is a tough one because I did not have
, and still don't have, a goodrelationship with my parents,
especially my father.
So I didn't grow up in in thetype of environment that would,
you know, naturally breed theamazing person you're speaking
to right now.
Casey, I had to chisel awaydecades of adaptive child and
(18:33):
inner wounds that were cut deepin order to, you know, become
and I still am becoming, youknow, the person that I am and
the father that I can be.
So my parents, my mother, wasborn in Italy.
She grew up in a small Southerntown in Calabria, where there
was, you know, she grew upriding mules and attending to an
(18:57):
orchard.
So she came over in 1978 tovisit her cousin.
She was educated.
To visit her cousin seemseducated, but like total, like
poverty, uh, in in in southernitaly.
And my father grew up poor too,and they met at an italian
restaurant where my father was,was working uh, I mean, this is
kind of out of the godfather tooat this point where she went
(19:19):
back to italy and he pursued herand literally went through a
courtship of like six trips oversix months with like dating and
like the family following themup the hill no car bombs,
fortunately, uh, but it was thatsort of like arranged marriage
almost, and, um, you know, myfather was.
(19:39):
He, he was older, uh, and mymother was was older, so they
got right after it in terms ofhaving kids, grew up in
Cleveland, ohio, like middleclass, lower middle class, but
my parents were incrediblyfrugal, so they were very what
is known as an immigrant'smindset right.
(20:03):
So you don't spend money, youdon't take risk, you save and
you work, and that is how youproduce your value.
Your worth, right, your worthis by how much money you save
and how hard you work.
That being said, my fathertaught history for 30 years and
then he retired and so, like Ididn't see him really work too
hard, he retired when I was inseventh grade.
(20:25):
I loved sports.
It was tough, by the way,growing up in an immigrant
household in like lily white,suburban Cleveland, shaker
Heights, ohio, where you knowyour friends go on ski trips and
you know their parents are welloff and they're living in you
know big homes and yet you knowI'm I'm just kind of getting by
(20:53):
on the middle class side, so Igot to see that and then I
always felt like I was needing,longing for something right.
There was always a deficit,because just my parents weren't.
They weren't of that mindset oflike, oh your kids have needs,
let's fill those needs.
It's like, no, I fed you,you're going to school and now
be thankful for what you have,and so kind of a tough way to
grow up.
Sports was my saving grace,though.
(21:13):
Well, first of all I wasbelieve it or not, I mean, I was
the same size I am now that Iwas like growing up, so like I
was the fat kid, so I got pickedon a lot, but ultimately, as I
got older, it became good.
Because I was athletic, it wasable to excel in sports.
So that was my saving grace.
Not a surprise that I kind ofpassed that down to my kids and
(21:36):
the importance of it.
But yeah, my dad was veryauthoritarian, like he did not
have a soft side.
I've never heard him say I'msorry, you know, and it's
unfortunate because I'm nevergoing to be able to have those
conversations with him.
He's still alive, but you knowhe's pretty down the road in
terms of dementia where you knowhe doesn't know what day it is
(21:58):
and he's going to be going intoa, you know, full time assisted
living facility here in the nextcouple of weeks.
You know and I kind of need tocheck that one off the list Like
there's really not much I cando there to heal those wounds.
I've had to not with him, atleast I've had to heal them on
my own.
But, um, I was a bad kid sodidn't get what I needed at home
(22:18):
, didn't get the resources, so Ineeded love, I needed to find
ways to make myself feel good.
So, whether it was positive ornegative attention, I was going
after it.
So, positive on the sports side, negative on throwing eggs at
houses and cars and stuff likethat.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Right, how did, how did mom and dad get from Italy
to Cleveland?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
dad get from Italy to Cleveland.
Yeah, so they, they got marriedin Italy and then went back to
Cleveland and their plan wasalways to move back to Italy, um
, and they started pumping outkids.
So all four of us within fouryears, I have an older brother
and two younger sisters and, um,we spent I spent every summer
in Italy for at least threemonths in this, in this small
village, which was great, um,but at the same time I also
(23:08):
didn't really get a chance tolike have friends in summer.
So, like, it was like, oh,here's the foreign kid that's
back, you know, um, with a beretand a mustache, uh, coming back
in in May, that's a great look.
Bring that back to Cleveland,dude.
Totally, totally Little, uh,little mock turtleneck too, why
(23:30):
not?
So, yeah, it was back and forth.
And then, unfortunately, myfather had a job opportunity
that fell through, and then theywere like sort of stuck in
Cleveland and my mother wouldstill go back every summer and
she still spends a lot of timein Italy with her family.
All of my relatives are inItaly.
I don't really have any familyhere in Cleveland and so, yeah,
(23:56):
it was an amazing way to grow up.
But at the same time, I think,my father.
It impacted my father negativelybecause his goal, his dream,
was to move to Italy and to livethere and it just didn't pan
out, uh, and he hated teachingpublic school and he did it for
30 years and he was out and Ifeel like he kind of just like
(24:17):
gave up on life.
Um, and so I saw that and Isaid to myself, like, like my
core values, accomplishment,effort, like determination,
these sort of things were bornout of this need to to kind of
fill this void from my, mychildhood and seeing, not that
my father mailed it in, I don'twant to say that, but he, you
(24:39):
know, I didn't.
I didn't see him have a strongdrive the way that I had and the
way I learned.
It was from sports.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Is mom still with us?
She is.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
She's still with us, she's still putzing around a
little bit.
They live two minutes away andso do my sisters, so it's nice
we're all still around.
And she I mean it was kind ofon her she raised, like my
father never did one diaper, henever went to one parent teacher
conference other than like ifanything was a C or a D, like
(25:17):
there was verbal or physicalaltercations to deal with, like
my mother had to deal witheverything.
And so here she is, as Englishis her second language.
Irresponsible for four kids allwithin.
You know a a, you know withinwithin four years apart and
(25:39):
having to just survive.
So she's in survival mode.
So in terms of, like, gettingneeds met from my mother, it was
, it was pretty tough.
I mean only now I can look backand say, man, how hard has her
life been and how she's beenable to just barely survive.
Because then, when my fatherretired, like hey, I've got four
kids that are about to go intocollege and high school and we
(26:03):
weren't going to go the publicschool route.
So she had to step up, she hadto work, and I think a lot of my
hustle comes from her for sure.
What did she do?
She taught Italian at theuniversity, john Carroll
university and then she was anItalian interpreter.
So she used her resources right, like what's the one thing she
(26:24):
knew.
She loved her heritage, sheloved Italian, and so she taught
, she taught school, and thenshe helped a lot of the Italian
patients that came over fromItaly to the Cleveland Clinic to
get treatments.
Luckily, teaching at JohnCarroll afforded us the ability
to go to either John Carroll orany other Jesuit school for free
, or else we wouldn't have beenable to afford it.
(26:47):
Wow, I actually remember wantingto afford it.
Wow, I actually remember.
I remember wanting to play D1football.
So, like graduated Ignatius, Iwanted to play football.
That was my goal.
I wanted to play D1 and Ididn't get an offer from Fordham
but I got a substantial packagewhere they wanted me to, to to
at least try it out for the team, knowing that I would make it.
(27:07):
But it was too expensive and soand so I remember the phone
call I remember driving my dadwas like you're not going there
and like, boom, dream, saturnover right then.
So I was like, all right, Ineed to find a school that I can
go to that's going to give me agood enough financial aid
package that doesn't havefootball and it's Greyhounds Go
(27:31):
Hounds.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Hi, I'm Betsy Robinson, ceo of Tier 4 Group, a
women-owned anddiversity-certified technology
recruiting and executive searchfirm that connects exceptional
talent with extraordinarycompanies in 43 states across
the US.
At Tier 4 Group, relationshipsare at the heart of everything
we do, whether it's with ourclients, our candidates, our
vendor partners or with eachother.
Our mission is to go beyondtransactions and create
(28:00):
long-lasting partnerships.
We don't just help companiesfind talent, we help them find
the right talent, and thatstarts with truly understanding
our clients and candidates.
It's not just about fillingroles.
It's about fostering successfor the long term.
This is the recipe for successthat's landed us on the Inc 5000
(28:21):
six consecutive years and hasus outpacing our competition
across the country.
And I'm thrilled to supportCasey Jay Cox's podcast across
the country.
And I'm thrilled to supportCasey Jaycox's podcast.
Casey's philosophy alignsperfectly with ours prioritizing
relationships over transactions.
His insights on building trust,empathy and connection resonate
(28:42):
deeply with the way we dobusiness at Tier 4 Group.
We were honored to have Caseyas our keynote at our 2024
kickoff, and all of our newhires read his book when the
Relationship, not the Deal whenthey start here with us.
So if you're looking for apartner who values relationships
as much as results.
Visit us at tier4groupcom orconnect with me, betsy Robinson,
(29:04):
directly on LinkedIn.
And, while you're at it, keeptuning into Casey's podcast.
You'll walk away inspired tostrengthen your own
relationships, both personallyand professionally.
And, as Casey always says, staycurious.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And that that makes sense.
When you said you got yourhustle from your mom, and that's
that's hustling, I mean you're,you're trying to figure it out
and you like, well, I can speakItalian.
Well, I can teach it.
There's not many Italianteachers over here in the States
.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
No.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
You know, sorry about your pops man.
I lost my dad December 29, 2021.
Dementia was the big one thatgot him.
Yeah, we went through, mainlyme and my wife.
We were kind of the solobecause my sister wasn't really
in a spot to help.
So, like a week after we gotmarried, my uncle says to me hey
(29:52):
case, you might want to thinkabout getting a two bedroom
apartment because your dad'sgoing to come live with you.
And I'm like that's not goingto happen.
So like for 20 years I was inand out of assisted living
facilities.
This is like the height of mycorporate career was really like
, kind of like you know, thingswere going well, but behind the
scenes, taking care of pops waslike brutally hard.
So, um, I will say the onlyonly advice I can give you if
(30:18):
going through dementia is whenyou try to reason with the
unreasonable, they, they, theywill believe what they think.
I mean, my dad thought I stoleall of his money to build our
home 10 years ago.
Wow, I'm like hearing that waslike a punch to the face, you
know and like, and I had to likefinally get over it.
Like it's not him, but theblessing I'd say is, like you
(30:40):
know, when COVID hit, it was anexcuse.
I didn't have to go see him, asguilty as and I feel still
guilty saying it, but that's thetruth.
But I interviewed somebody onthis journey of podcasting.
This is where I feel like powerof the universe, or spiritual
or God, whatever you want tocall it for anybody's beliefs.
But this guy challenged me.
He goes your dad's still inthere, Go find it.
(31:00):
And I was like God, dang it.
And when he said this to me Iliterally just said okay, and I
remember I in the heart of COVID, uh, for like a good four or
five weeks I went like four daysa week and then it became fun
again.
And then I took my son and wehad like one of the most
craziest stories ever where mydad accused one of his nurses
(31:24):
that he said the only reasonyou're in here is because you're
horny.
And I'm like dad, you, what areyou doing?
And I was like oh my god, I'mso sorry to the nurse and she
laughs.
And my son, who's 15 at thetime, like thought he was
watching Revenge of the Nerds,you know, for the 17th time he
was laughing so hard.
But it's like those memories,um, and then he would pass away,
like you know, a couple weekslater.
(31:44):
So it's like um, um, I'm, I'm.
You know you guys can get to aspot of peace and if you can't,
you can't, but like you're atpeace with it, you've done
everything you can and just,it's a tough, it's a fricking
brutal disease dude.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
It's brutal, yeah, it's brutal, it and it got work.
Like he didn't take care of hisbody and he didn't take care of
his mind.
And so I, nutrition and fitnessand exercise are so important
to me and like constantlylearning new things.
Like you don't have to like,yes, dimension gets all of us,
but it doesn't have to starthitting in your mid seventies Um
(32:21):
, you could still be crushing it, you know, being on the golf
course and running companies inyour eighties if you take care
of your body and your mind andum, and it really comes down and
it's so.
It's amazing.
I really do believe that they'reboth connected and a lot of it
has to do with you know, your um, your core and your ability to
(32:43):
see.
The minute I had a friend who'sa doctor.
He said the minute you stopbeing able to squat, you're,
you're going downhill and sojust just keep.
Just keep that skill andwhatever you need to do to
physically keep doing that andthen learning new things.
You know just, I think I thinkI just saw my dad deteriorate
over the course of of you know,20, 30 years of just like not
(33:04):
learning things, not taking careof his body, just sitting in
front of Fox News for 25 years,you know, and it's just like all
right, dad, I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing that, I'm going.
I'm Benjamin Buttoning life.
I'm going the other direction,man.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
At least I'm going to try to, I mean, well, that's
the example I think we have toset for our kids.
Like, try to.
I mean, well, that's theexample I think we have to set
for our kids.
Like, um, I work out five, sixdays a week.
No, I'm not working out like Idid in my twenties and thirties
but, um, like, I used to doCrossFit and I do old band
CrossFit, which is likemodifying everything did not get
hurt, Um, but I just startedthis like dumbbell strength
(33:45):
program and it's like it's Imean it, it's the same thing
squatting and lunging, and Iused to not do like kind of
heavy weights because I justdidn't want to get hurt, because
I was getting hurt from all thefootball I played in college.
But I got spot on my wife and Italked about the same thing.
So, if that is, if you'relistening, take andrew's advice
from his doctor and take.
You know it works for me that,like, find a way to stay active
(34:08):
and don't be the dad says well,I'm over.
Do five squats?
Start there better than zero,and then the next day you do six
.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yeah, yoga has been my saving grace.
I've been doing it consistentlynow for 13 years, although
there's been two, two there'sbeen two points where I was out
of practice for a year.
But I don't go a week withoutthree or four like hot power
vinyasa um yoga classes and um,it's like double sessions, man,
(34:41):
it really is like it is tough.
But I see some of the guys inthere and gals and they're in
their mid seventies.
I see some of the guys in thereand gals and they're in their
mid seventies, late sixties, andthey have incredibly fit bodies
and their posture is great andit's no surprise how they, how
they've been able to maintainthat supple back.
That's what my yoga, tammySchneider, if you're hearing,
(35:03):
supple back is the key to, toaging gracefully.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
I did hot yoga for a little bit and then I stopped
when COVID hit, cause we kind oflike everybody got shut down.
But my very first yoga was witha client, so kind of random biz
dev story clients like you everdo yoga.
I'm like, no, he goes, I'll goahead.
I'm like, dude, I'll do it.
And so I told him I'm like I'mgoing to yoga with a client.
It's kind of weird, but whatthe hell?
(35:33):
And it was like the best, Idream yoga for the rookie.
Because there was like this hotchick right in front of me and I
even told my wife, everybody athome.
I was like this is the bestnext time I go on.
It was like freaking jabba thehutt in front of me and it's he
stunk so bad.
I was like dude, what did youdo to your body the night before
?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yeah, you can't.
You can't go eat a ton ofMediterranean food, uh, right
before yoga, and you got to keepyour body clean before you go.
And I stay in the front row soI have no distractions.
I love the front row.
I'm the front row shirt off guy, that's it.
That's it.
And if anybody wants to see mybig, sweaty body, that they can
(36:08):
look the other way.
But I'm here and I'm stickingaround, so good um, how so how?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
how about what the challenges you had kind of
growing up the the some of theadversity you talked about?
How did it tell me how thatimpacted your, your siblings?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
my brother.
It's been a challenge with him.
He, he, he had um and still hasa um, a disease, it's um
epilepsy and it's been achallenge for him.
So he's kind of always been onhis own path and struggling
through that Um and and it kindof it.
(36:45):
It it created a wedge betweenus.
We were really close growing up, but then as we got older it
just became, uh, it it created awedge between us.
We were really close growing up, but then as we got older it
just became.
It just became harder andharder for us to connect and I
was, you know, driven out of youknow my family and tried to
find my own family and my ownyou know clan through you know
my friends.
So, like my friends became myfamily, my sisters were like
(37:07):
incredibly protective over my,my.
Like my friends became myfamily.
My sisters were like incrediblyprotective over my, my, um, my
mother, and so they essentiallydid whatever she wanted and
needed, right, they stayed closeto home, they followed go they
um or they followed the.
They followed the, the path youknow that that my mother had
(37:28):
put out.
There I was more of the blacksheep, so it was different for
them, I think, because I thinkmy mother, my mother really has
a great relationship with themand they have they have a lot of
good connection there.
And my sister, my sister, who'sactually in Huntington beach,
california, she's moving backnow.
And then I have another sisterthat's just around the corner,
(37:50):
uh, two minutes away, so she'sgonna have her both of her girls
, uh, back for the first time ingosh 25 years.
Wow, yeah, wow um but they'vebeen successful.
You know, like they not my watchmy sister raise her kids.
I hope I'm not going to sendher this because I'm about to
(38:11):
throw her under the bus.
You know she, she raises themmore traditionally.
You know, uh, where?
You know I, I see her parent.
I'm like that sounds like mom,that sounds like dad and you
know, and it's.
I think this is an importantthing.
It's like breaking the cycle.
My wife sends me stuff all thetime on Instagram and and like
(38:33):
you've got to learn how to breakthe cycle right, we don't want
to become the parents that ourparents were to us becomes
natural for us to just parentthat way and some of the ways
are good.
But for most of us, you know,know, because this is a massive
generational difference betweenyou, know parents that we were
in the born in the mid 40s toearly 40s, to like our parents
(38:55):
now, like we have a lot ofinformation, a lot of books, a
lot of content that we'velearned like the right and wrong
way to do things right, and solike you've got to break that
cycle, my sisters are kind ofjust in line, like tradition's
best, let's just do it the oldItalian way, and my wife and I
(39:16):
are more hippie dippies tryingto do more gentle parenting, I
guess.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Can you think of an example that might speak to,
like a dad listening Like whatdoes break the cycle mean?
What would be an example whereyou do it one way but then you
break the cycle.
What does break the cycle mean?
What?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
would be an example where you do it one way but then
you break the cycle.
You know, like trying to getyour kids to do something by by
fear that you're going to takesomething away, you know, like
that was just, if you don't dothis or if you do that, I'm
going to do this or I'm going togo take that away.
Like that creates this ideathat, like they're, they're not
(39:50):
safe, they're not secure and youcould potentially pull things
from them at any given point.
And instead being able toparent with this idea of, like,
walking them through thedifferent options and then
letting them do it.
Like my wife is constantlysaying, let them, just left them
(40:12):
.
There's this book called letthem.
I haven't read it yet, butthat's all I hear her saying.
I think I should probably readit.
But like, just let them.
Let them make mistakes Insteadof like constantly trying to
avoid mistakes and putting fearand consequence in front of them
.
Let them make the mistake,Because what that does is it's
(40:32):
going to build up so muchgunpowder behind the bullet that
when they get older, they'regoing to make really big
mistakes when they get thefreedom and that's what happened
with me I made really bigmistakes.
It was like hold him in, holdhim in and now, all of a sudden,
I'm 18 and I'm gonna make somereally, really bad decisions,
(40:52):
whereas, like, if I learn earlyon that there's consequences and
positive and negative thingscan happen to me based on my
decision making.
I'm going to be trained anddevelop the skills so that, when
it really matters, I'm going tobe able to not be impacted by
(41:12):
my adaptive child Like this,this child that reminds me of
who I like.
I'm making decisions based onstill being that hurt, inner,
that seven-year-old, and I'mgoing to make decisions based on
being an adult and andthoughtful consideration of of
the options in front of me.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
Yeah, that's good, dude.
You made me think of an example.
So I was in height of COVID,you know, when everything shuts
down.
My wife and I realized our kidswere like in ninth grade and
seventh grade.
At that time we're like holyshit, we're doing way too much
for our kids.
And I just interviewed a guynamed Swen Nader who wrote a
book called you have not taughtuntil they have learned, and he
(41:53):
played for a basketball coach.
Some people might've heard of aguy named John Wooden.
Um, no, not bad, not a badcoach.
Um, yeah, he's got a reputation.
Yeah, I guess he likes to winfor like seven years straight.
Um, he, uh.
It was such a powerful book forme because we were those parents
doing too much and not like thesnowplow, but maybe we and I
(42:14):
think a lot of it was by likeour own, like we went, we had
way more ER trips than any ofour friends with our kids really
.
So I kind of like scarred us of, like we don't want to keep
going to the ER, or son had aseat, two seizures that freaked
us out, which we don't know why,and then it never happened
again.
So but we said let's stopmaking excuses and no, you're
going to fricking, cook your ownmeals.
(42:35):
And we, we literally went coldturkey.
And then now they were the mostresourceful kids and, like
that's the goal, we want themnot to need us.
Yeah, that's our, that's ourjob, and so I I think it's
important to think about, likeyou know, um, and it could be
breaking the cycle, anythingcould be with exercise.
Hey, your dad didn't work outwhat you do, my dad didn't work
out either.
Well, that's, I'm working out,I played.
(42:56):
Yeah, exercise is what we do,whether you're vacationing,
whether you're traveling forwork.
Freaking, figure it out, figureit out.
You know, hike, take a walk, dosomething.
But, um, how about your wasyour wife?
Did she have good still have agood relationship with her
parents?
She?
Speaker 1 (43:15):
has a good relationship with them.
She has, you know, her parentsdivorced when she was 12 years
old and so that became achallenge because her mother,
you know, had to deal with it.
(43:36):
She essentially had to become aparental figure, taking care of
her mother and like she hadunmet needs.
Now, so funny how both of usfound each other with all this
baggage but, but they ended upgetting back together and
they're great people.
They have higher EQ, I think,they're thoughtful, um, everyone
(43:56):
has their baggage, baggage butshe's got a great relationship
with them.
Now where she's in constantcontact with them and we see
them.
I'm actually renovating mymother-in-law's kitchen right
now as we speak.
This is how good of arelationship.
Don't get me wrong, I'mcharging her, but I do this on
the side.
I in doing construction and andloving carpentry, so so, uh,
(44:20):
yeah, I'm going over toallison's house three, four days
a week where, uh, let's see,the granite is getting installed
, the quartz is gettinginstalled tomorrow, and then I'm
doing the backsplash and we'redone.
Look at you, but, uh, but yeah,that's it.
Man, I'm just it's life is justa big point system.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Right, we get points, give points I wish I had those
handy skills.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
So good on you, brother, for being able to do
that stuff um, to your pointabout like letting, like a good
one is caddying.
So I caddy for my son when hedoes competitive us kids golf
and at first I was just likeshowing.
I was like lining up a putt forhim and then like watching him,
like on every bit and to thepoint where he he couldn't then
(45:02):
play without saying, dad, doesthis look right?
Dad, is this right, is thisright?
My wife's like what are youdoing?
Like you're turning him into amanic, like just let him do it
and if he fails, it's on him.
He will then learn and he willdo he'll.
He'll be able to.
He will then learn and he willdo he'll.
He'll be able to overcome it.
And my initial thought is like,no, if I help him line up this
(45:23):
putt or tell him, hey, he's gotto put the ball in his stance a
little bit because it's adownhill lie, I can save him a
stroke and we can win thetournament.
But it's not about winning thetournament, it's about letting
your kid fail and then justsupporting there, not telling
him what he could have donewrong, but just supporting him
Neutrally.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
So that's.
That's easier said than done.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Oh man, it's so hard.
I screw up to the point.
I screw up all the time.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
Well, how did you so if there's a golf dad at home
and I actually learned that too?
I mean, I've seen my son somemonster rounds.
I've seen him shoot somefreaking amazing rounds that
blew me away how did you finallyget coached by your wife
without letting your ego get inthe way, to be able to say you
know what Shit.
Maybe I am the problem, maybe Ineed to just chill out, if you
(46:11):
can think about that moment.
Speaker 1 (46:15):
I've learned over time that my wife is the boss
and she's usually right aboutthings.
So I've just I check my ego andsay, okay, and then she also.
You know, she started cattingfor him, you know, and she might
not know how to use a rangefinder, but you know, she's just
going down the center of thefairway and he's doing his thing
(46:36):
and like, at the end of the day, it's not about the medals and
the winning or losing.
And it's hard for me, uh,because I am so competitive and
I loved playing and playcompetitive sports growing up.
Um, it just, it just took asecond for me to to really
recognize that, you know,because you, once again, you
don't want to see your kids failand anything you can do to
(46:58):
avoid it I, um, that's reallygood dude.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
I hope there's a younger parent, um, I think and
you have to go through that as adad or mom, because sometimes
it's easy to be the one to likeprotect them and they want to.
But I think about all the timesI sucked, that's what I.
I remember the, all the games Iplayed great.
I remember the moments ofadversity that shaped who I am.
I remember doing you'llappreciate, I think you'll
appreciate this as a golf dad.
(47:23):
So my son, when he was like,call it like eight or nine ish,
he was in the districttournament and he rips driver
down the right side for him andthen he's got, we think, he
comes up on his ball, he hits ashot to the green.
It's like at that age if you'remaking bogeys or pars, you're
going to be right there and he,he hits his second shot.
(47:45):
He's got like 30 feet forbirdie.
I'm like perfect, great start.
All of a sudden he goes to markhis ball and he's like he's
looking at it.
He tilts his head both ways andI'm like, oh no it's not his no
, and I'm like, but there's noway.
Because I'm like there's no wayit was right.
I watched where the ball endedup and you know now the, the dad
(48:06):
, me, their little angel, popsup and says please do the right
thing.
I've trained you to be right,to be honest, the old devil said
oh that's your ball, that'syour ball, that's your ball.
then I'm like come on angel,come on angel, come on angel.
And he walks up to the rulesofficial and rules official goes
he's a sir, I think he hit thewrong ball.
And the rules official goeslike I'm like bro, he just owned
(48:30):
it.
Like I was so pissed at thisrules official, like I had to
really bite my lip as a dad.
I'm like how about celebratethe fact that he was honest, a
hundred percent, you know?
So the two kids in his group,they walk off the green cause
they're tired of waiting.
So the guy makes my son walkall the way back by himself in
the middle of the fairway andthey, they figure out it's a two
stroke penalty.
So now he's hitting five fromthe middle of the fairway.
So he rips five.
(48:51):
Now he's got a double break.
Putt 40 footer, 40 footer.
I'm like dude, this is africking nine or 10 to start the
day.
Yeah, he puts it to like twoinches and I and he walks off
and I sat after the round.
He was so like he's bummed andhe kind of finally got together.
I was like dude, I don't knowif you know you didn't qualify,
(49:11):
but I can give two shits.
You know, I'm so fricking proudof you.
It was just in a bad mood.
I said you're all the things wetalked about, like ethics,
honesty do the right thing.
You just take that and that wasthe best seven I've ever seen
in my life.
He starts laughing.
He's like what I go?
Dad, buddy, I would have takena freaking nine, I would
probably three.
Speaker 1 (49:30):
put it from there easy yeah, the character
building of that.
And how great to have rolemodels in golf like scottyffler
and Justin Thomas who callstrokes on themselves.
Sahif Tagala In the last year.
They get to see adults at thenext level performing that way.
My son to this day he's 10 yearsold.
He won't take a mulligan and hewon't take a gimme.
(49:53):
So good, I love that.
And he plays it all the way outand he sees dad, dad's like I'm
hitting another one, screw thatshot.
And he's up there and he's likeno, I, you know, duck hooked.
It Doesn't happen often, butlike he'll stick with it and so
important and I think it's just.
I'm so proud to see him becauseI didn't grow up with that.
(50:15):
I grew up with the when noone's looking, take advantage
because the world's out to getyou and nobody's here to help
you and so you're going to haveto survive.
It's your survival instinct,right, that's my adaptive child
Find a way to survive whetheryou have to lie, cheat or steal.
And it's taken years to shedthis, decades to shed it.
(50:38):
And the fact that he alreadyhas that strong character, it's
just like I mean I'll give a nodto my wife because she's the
one that pushes that and I justI get behind it, but it
definitely makes you proud.
Best seven I've ever seen.
I like that.
That's so cool.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
I've ever seen.
I like that.
That's so cool.
What would be, um, if you hadto think about like two or three
core values as we get ready towrap up here?
That might summarize what we'vetalked about.
Um, we've hit on a lot of cooltopics, but like what would be a
couple, two or three topicsthat are that dads can take from
our conversation.
Um, that you've seen, you know,been really dramatic or
impactful for you and yourfamily, but other dads can maybe
(51:20):
learn from our conversation andsay, man, these are, these are
a couple of things I took fromCasey and Andre and I want to
apply these themes in my, in myfamily, to try to really become
that better quarterback or dadin my home.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
Yeah, just um.
First is like get over your ownshit.
I think I spent the first halfof my fatherhood still trying to
get my own needs met and Ithink you really, really start
getting to experience the valueand the joy of being a father
and being able to guide a humanbeing that you created.
(51:54):
Once you stop making it aboutyou.
We're all still just those kidsthat want attention and love
and are hurt.
The minute you start living foryour family and not living for
your unmet needs, you are goingto get so much more joy out of
life.
It's such a big one.
It takes practice, without adoubt, because every day there's
(52:16):
that inner child that's saying,you know, like this isn't fair,
I never got things like this,like my son's like, oh, I didn't
get to play oak hill, whydidn't I get to go?
I'm like, come on, dude, I hadto steal my first set of golf
clubs and orange top lights.
Yeah, so that's a big one.
(52:39):
Um, it's a big one, um, I think.
I think the I didn't steal myfirst golf clubs, by the way,
maybe one or two irons here orthere, but like I putt
right-handed cause I only I'm alefty, but I only putt
right-handed, cause I probablyonly had access to a
right-handed putter.
Um, there's letting.
Letting your kids fail is goingto resilience and grit, I think
(53:01):
like so important in sports, inlife, in business.
When you hear anyone talk abouthow important grit is, let them
.
Let them.
Let them fail, let them getthrough it and figure out a way
to get through it.
I think that's.
That is such a big one.
Speaker 2 (53:25):
Gold dude, I think if you're a dad or mom, listening
in, that last part of thisepisode doesn't doesn't hit you
in the face.
I think you're not being honestwith yourself Because so many
of us I mean I'm 49.
Sometimes I have to catchmyself.
I'm like not about me and I'velike always would tell my kids
dad has no eligibility left.
Guys, I'm not doing this for me.
So, unless your goals havechanged, but don't tell me you
want to do something, but thendon't put in the work.
That's.
(53:45):
My job is to help you get theframework when, 18 years, you're
in the house and then when yougo, you can do what you want to
do.
But remember, like I would justlike a good coach that helped
me in my journey they, theyhelped push me to help see what
was possible.
But you got to do the work.
But it's not, it's not about me.
Also, and if your goals havechanged, perfect, let's find a
(54:08):
new activity.
Um, but I love that you said Imean letting your kids fail.
It's super hard, but, like likeI mentioned before, dude, I I
had some brutal failures and butI'm but I'm grateful for them
and I use them as rocket fuel.
You know, yeah, Um, if therewas to be one area of your dad
game that you might want toimprove up on, that might speak
(54:29):
to dad at home.
You know, I'll lead my witnesshere, Andre, mine's patience,
and after interviewing over 300dads, I became better patient
because I'm practicing itWhenever I interview a dad,
cause I'm reminding myself it'slike choosing the outcome of how
I want to do.
And so for you, what would whatmight be an area, your dad game
that you're you know, maybeit's not where you want it, but
you're you at least can honest,be honest yourself and say man,
this is something I'm gonna workto get better at yeah, reacting
(54:52):
to my kids when they don't,when they don't listen.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
you know, I just use the dad horn sometimes and and
it's just like man, I'm doing so, I'm doing all this work, I'm
being this amazing dad and we'retrying to be, and it's just
like, can you get behind me here?
Do I have to fight?
Everything is a battle you know,so I think it's the patience
part for sure.
Uh, learning how to respond tomy kids so that they don't.
(55:18):
Learning how to respond to mykids so that they don't.
I want, I want them to learnhow to.
I want to be able to engagethem so that I get their
attention and I get them to dosomething that needs to happen,
like getting out of bed, insteadof just going back to my you
know caveman, you knowchromosomes and say just yell.
Speaker 2 (55:39):
Right.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
That's the big one.
Yeah, for sure For me.
Speaker 2 (55:42):
No, that'll speak to others for sure.
Um, well, if people want toconnect with you, if your story
um has touched a core touch toheart, um, they've been
intrigued by what you're doing.
They want to learn more about,about, about, work bright Um.
Tell me what's the.
Tell us what's the best way forpeople to connect with you.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
Well, I'm not on a TikTok yet, like you, cool dad,
you.
But LinkedIn, linkedin's theeasiest one, for sure.
Just hit me up on on.
Speaker 2 (56:11):
LinkedIn.
We'll make sure that's taggedin the show notes for the record
.
On the on the TikTok I was onTikTok until about two months
ago.
My daughter's boyfriend sawlike the Instagram reel that my
marketing guy does for me.
He's like you should put thison Tik TOK.
I'm like, bro, I'm 49.
I don't know, I don't know, Idon't know how to Tik TOK.
He's like I'll teach.
I was like, okay.
So back to your point aboutbeing a lifelong learner.
I'm like I didn't know anythingabout a podcast five years ago.
(56:34):
I didn't even.
I didn't know how to write abook.
I didn't know what it's, butit's fun when you learn.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
That's what life's about.
There's a whole world out there, things that you can discover
and then, achieve.
Speaker 2 (56:53):
All right, it is now time to go into the lightning
round, where I ask you randomquestions.
I'm going to show you thenegative hits of taking too many
hits in college not bong hits,but football hits.
Your job is to answer theseideally as quickly as you can,
and my job is to try to get agiggle out of you.
All right, okay, true or false,you are still a part of the dog
(57:19):
pound.
True, solid, true or false?
Bernie Kosar is your favoritequarterback.
False, great quarterback though19.
So good.
Speaker 1 (57:34):
I saw him on an airplane.
Oh quick, bernie Kosar story.
We're getting on an airplaneflight to like LA from Cleveland
, or no, from LA back toCleveland, Sorry about the
lightning round.
And he's behind me.
No, he's in front of me andhe's struggling to get his bag
into the first class cabin andthere's a bunch of people behind
me and he looks at me.
(57:55):
He goes, sorry about it, and Igo it's okay, bernie, I'll block
for you any day.
And he grabs my shoulder.
He goes.
Speaker 2 (58:02):
Thanks, brother and that was it.
Oh, smiled I.
Did he have the entire flighthome?
Did he have the flowing longhair still?
Speaker 1 (58:09):
no, no, not yet, but he's.
He's definitely special in the80s so you were like bernie
kozar's offensive lineman iswhat you're saying oh, 100 on
the plane stopping, stoppingeverybody giving Bernie space,
the week Giving Bernie space, togive A hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (58:26):
Yeah, okay, tell me the last book you read.
Speaker 1 (58:31):
Ooh a beautiful town about Shaker Heights, ohio,
where I live right now.
Speaker 2 (58:38):
Okay, Sounds good.
What would be the one genre ofmusic that might surprise your?
Speaker 1 (58:46):
coworkers.
I don't know, I'm prettyforegone conclusion there.
Like, being an indie folk guy,I'll throw a little like I mean,
yeah, like 90s rap, hip hop.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
I was on there, dude.
True, true I actually did biggiesmalls this morning in my
workout.
Oh I love it.
God, biggie is so good.
I, I didn't.
I wish I was more of a biggiefan during the minute I liked
him, but I didn't really listento him as much.
But I really like the oldschool 90s rap so good.
Um, if you were to go onvacation right now, you and your
wife sorry boys, you guys arestaying home.
Where are now you and your wife?
Sorry boys, you guys arestaying home.
Where are where would you takeyour wife?
Speaker 1 (59:20):
Let's go to Italy, let's do Como, let's do the Lake
District.
Speaker 2 (59:24):
Okay, have you?
I'm sure you've been to Venice.
I have.
That's one of my favoriteplaces in the world.
Speaker 1 (59:31):
I love Venice.
It's so special, the entirecountry.
Speaker 2 (59:39):
Just and my father-in-law.
But I went shout out to bruce.
If you listen, you know likewhen you go like was it called
san marcos square, they have theuh, like all the buildings are
so close and they have like thewhite chalk on the on the brick
walls where it's like arrows aregetting back to san marcos
square.
He just said, get get lost.
And if you get lost, look forthe arrows, they'll take you
right back to san Marcos Square.
And we found like this hole inthe wall I mean no offense to
(01:00:02):
the restaurant dump, like alittle, and it was a grandma, a
mom and a daughter and there wasthree tables and there was a
line of like 10 people.
I'm like, I'm like my wife,like I don't know about this one
, like I think this is the place.
There's no one in, there'sthree tables and 10 people.
Let's go here.
We literally stand in line.
The coolest meals ever.
Yeah, so authentic and that'sgreat.
(01:00:25):
Okay, a couple last questions.
Tell me your favorite comedymovie ever?
Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
That's a tough one Step brothers, I'll say anything
.
Will Ferrell and his prime, Ithink.
Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
I think those are good.
Those are.
Please come, best friends.
Yeah, touch my drum set.
If there was to be a bookwritten about your life, tell me
the title.
Ooh, the Tale of the FourScorpios.
Okay.
So now, andre, you're nevergoing to believe it, it's
already sold out.
I actually, when you typed that, I was on Amazon, I hit publish
Pre-sales going freaking nuts,barnes and noble, they're sold
(01:01:02):
out airports.
I can't get enough copies, it'severybody's.
So now netflix is trying to geta touch with us right now.
That's it.
You become the casting director.
Who's going to star you?
Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
it's, critically, jeremy piven is, I always get
the piven.
I get the ari gold piven allthe time.
So I think jeremy JP is goingto.
It's going to star me Solid.
Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Well said, I like that.
Yeah, okay.
And then last and mostimportant question Tell me two
words that would describe yourwife.
Selfless and thoughtful Bingo,solid ones, brother Lighting
rounds, complete.
We had a couple of giggles, uh,self-induced.
I always laugh at my own jokes.
That's what good dads do.
Um, it has been an honorgetting to know you.
(01:01:45):
I'm grateful for david and mrdews for um, making us, uh,
connected and um, I'm gratefulthat you took the time to to
share your story, which I I'mconfident uh, there's a dad out
there that that will help, willhelp realize that, hey, if
you're going through a toughtime and maybe mom and dad's way
she's not the best You're notalone.
(01:02:05):
And, um, if you, maybe you, ifyou're a mom or dad out there
and you have had a dad withdementia that you lost a life I
got, we got that in common.
So, um, I think when I startedthis podcast six years ago, man,
the goal was really to justbring we're all going through
shit and as much as we have,whether you're a CRO, you're a
(01:02:25):
former executive at a company ora bus driver or stay-at-home
dad, your kids don't give twoshits everybody.
What they care about is hey,can we go keep catty for me?
Hey, can we go get ice cream?
Hey, can we go play catch?
Right, we go get ice cream.
Hey, can we go play catch Right?
And so I think we can all, asdads, really humble ourselves to
realize the most important jobis the one we all have in common
is just like creating goodhumans, creating good character.
Um, that's what it's about.
(01:02:47):
So I appreciate you giving yourtime, and I know it'll possibly
impact your family specificallywith some of the stories you
shared.
Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Great, it was great talking to, great, getting to
know you really appreciate thetime you bet man.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com