The Power of Music: From Piano Bars to Parenting - Greg Offner

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Thank you, Henna Pryor for making today's episode possible!!!

Greg Offner lived a compartmentalized life—corporate sales professional by day, piano bar performer by night. Though successful in both worlds, he felt disconnected from his authentic self, keeping different aspects of his personality in separate "buckets." Then disaster struck: a severe vocal cord injury threatened everything, leaving one vocal cord paralyzed after years of overuse, smoking, and untreated acid reflux.

Greg poured his experience in music, business, and behavioral psychology into a framework for creating emotionally resonant, high-impact workplace experiences. The result became a keynote—and a book—focused on transforming disengaged workplaces into cultures where people thrive.

Today, Greg helps organizations around the globe design Encore Experiences™—workplace moments so meaningful, people can't wait to come back and do it again.

Through fifteen surgical procedures and periods of complete silence (communicating only through a whiteboard while healing), Greg spiraled into depression. The turning point came unexpectedly at a Tony Robbins event when a stranger named Svetlana observed: "You're trying to keep all these different parts of your life in buckets... But what if you didn't have those buckets? What if it was all brought together in one thing and that was you?" Pointing to the stage where Tony was speaking, she said, "I think you'd be doing something like that"—a lightning bolt moment that changed everything.

Today, as a keynote speaker and father to two young daughters (Frankie, 4, and Trixie, 2), Greg brings his whole self to every aspect of life. He shares profound insights about balancing his driven personality with the unpredictability of parenting: "Replace expectations with hopes. Instead of mapping out my day, maybe replace it with 'wouldn't it be nice if...'" This shift creates space for grace when things don't go as planned.

Drawing from his musical background, Greg teaches his daughters to "play your instrument in a way that elevates the performance of the players around you"—a philosophy that extends beyond music to life itself. His remarkable journey reminds us that sometimes our greatest setbacks lead to our most authentic path forward, especially when we stop compartmentalizing and bring all parts of ourselves together.

Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.
Hey, everybody, it's CaseyJaycox with the quarterback dad
cast.
Welcome to season six, and Icould not be more excited to
have you join me for anotheryear of fantastic episodes and
conversations really unscriptedand raw and authentic

(00:25):
conversations with dads.
If you're new to this podcast,really it's simple.
It's a podcast where weinterview dads, we learn about
how they were raised, we learnabout the life lessons that were
important to them, we learnabout the values that are
important to them and really welearn about how we can work hard
to become a better quarterbackor leader of our home.
So let's sit back, relax andlisten to today's episode on the
Quarterback Dadcast.

(00:46):
Top of the morning, everybody.
It's Casey Jaycox with theQuarterback Dadcast.
This is a Thursday morning inApril.
This episode will come out in amonth or so, but I want to give
much love to my good friend,who I worked with in corporate
for years, the one and onlyHannah Pryor, the fantastic
multi-Ted Talk speaker, HannahPryor, for introducing us to our
next guest.
His name is Greg Offner.

(01:07):
He is the author of the Tip JarCulture.
He is a renowned keynotespeaker that brings high energy
and excitement and inspirationto stages across really the
world that empower people.
But, with all that said, that'snot why we're having him on
today.
We're having Greg on today totalk about Greg the dad and how
he's working hard to become thatultimate quarterback or leader

(01:30):
of his households.
Without further ado, Mr Offner,welcome to the Quarterback
Dadcast.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Casey, thanks for having me, and Hena, if you're
listening, thanks for settingthis up.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, you bet I'm sure Hena's probably in front of
the piano right now, just likejust tickling the ivory, just
thinking about you and me, whichactually people?
If you can't see us on youtube,I feel like I'm staring at
myself.
It's like this beautiful balddude with a sick beard and I
don't mean that arrogantly aboutmyself, it just came out bad,
but I feel like I'm looking atmyself, buddy yeah, we're,
listen, we are both wildlyattractive men.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Uh, you know, there's just no denying it, it's just
well, he said it, everybody, hesaid it.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
I'm not going to disagree with him.
Okay, so we always start outeach episode with gratitude.
So tell me, what are you mostgrateful for as a dad today?

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Man, I'm grateful for time that I got to spend with
my girls this morning.
So I have two girls.
They're four and two years old,and you sort of alluded to this
.
I think that I am a musician aswell as a speaker, and my
background is really working inpiano bars, and one of the
things that I've been embracingis the ability, since I make my
own schedule, to have a littlemore fun in my day, and so I

(02:32):
recently purchased this loopingdevice and it's something that
just allows you to play withsound and sort of make all these
layers, and I knew that it'ssomething my oldest daughter,
frankie, would be into, becauseshe's very into music, and so
she woke up super early thismorning, so I brought it down to
the kitchen table, sort of seteverything up, and somehow we
stumbled upon Old MacDonald andEIEIO and started making these

(02:57):
loops of like barn animal noisesthat we'd make, and we're
having so much fun with it.
And then my younger daughter,trixie, the two-year-old, comes
downstairs with her mom, my wife, and she goes what are you
doing?
And so we're just sitting thereat the kitchen table all
playing with music, and I'mgrateful that I get to share
this thing that has allowed meto travel the world.

(03:17):
That allows me to expressmyself, I think, to the world
that I get to share that with mygirls.
That's how I got to start myday.
I'm I'm pretty damn gratefulfor that.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
That's so good.
So that's like maximizing time,which is a word that I'm
obsessed with, and the number1,040, which is the number of
minutes we get in a day.
It's up to us to see how wespend with them, and I love when
I hear stories like that.
Greg, it's just um, that's cool, that's awesome.
I'll tell you, man, what I'mgrateful for is something that
happened to me yesterday.

(03:47):
My son's in college.
He's playing golf and there wasa conference golf tournament
that they recently had and he'sa freshman.
He's played in a few events andhe was right in the cut to play
.
So they take six but only fiveplay.
So he was the alternate as afreshman, which was like I just
tried to kind of continue to thepositive mindset of hey, just

(04:08):
do be happy, you're down thereand support team, I said, and if
your number gets called, you'llgo play and you'll do well, but
if it's not, be the bestteammate possible and never make
the team feel like it's aboutyou, because it's not, it's
always about the team.
And, um, he's really embracedthat mindset.
The guy's only only 19.
But I tell you, man, two of thekids really struggled the first
day and Ryder played great in apractice round and the coach

(04:31):
came up to him and said, man, Ihope I didn't make the wrong
decision by keeping him out.
And I said, regardless of whathe did, you're not going to make
him feel bad, take the highroad and fast forward.
Unfortunately, a couple of guysstruggled, but again, ryder was
right there to support him andhe saw this other kid from a
different school play.
Amazing.
The kid shot like 64, likecrazy good for all the golfers

(04:52):
out there.
But what I'm most grateful,though, dude is.
Afterwards he got a bro hugfrom his assistant coach and the
coach just said dude, I don'tknow, you were beyond impressed.
Us, what you just did, did notgo and notice.
You never once made it aboutyou.
You followed every kid out here.
You made all of them feelimportant.
A couple other kids were decidedto like take a, who weren't

(05:15):
playing.
They put it like, went to therestaurant, just kind of got
tired.
I said, right, are you were?
You went with the whole time.
And I said, though, that iswhat teammates about.
I just want to let you know howmuch we appreciate that, and so
I.
It was almost like a tearjerkermoment.
Last night I got this text andI told him.
I said, dude, writer, whetheryou shoot fricking 68 under and
qualify for tour, I could givetwo shits.

(05:35):
What I value the most is yourcharacter.
And like, that text alone andthat moment alone is going to.
You'll remember that for therest of your life.
And that's the stuff thatseparates cultures, marriages,
fricking companies.
So I just like bro hugged him Imean I air broke, bro hugged
him out from afar.
But yeah, just so those arelike it just blew, I don't know,

(05:58):
warmed my heart last night whenI got that.
So I thought I'd share thatwith you today.
Share that with you today,that's awesome.
Yeah, all right.
So we heard about Frankie, weheard about Trixie, but I want
to.
I want to learn how you andyour wife met, but then talk a
little bit about both girls andwhat they're up to.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
Kim and I met at karaoke.
I was hosting a buddy who livesin the UK.
He's from the UK and had neverbeen to an American football
game, to an NFL game.
So I brought him to the EaglesGiants game I'm based here in
Philadelphia and we tailgated,we had a blast at the game and

(06:36):
then afterwards went to thelittle Xfinity live complex
that's in the parking lot of thesports complex there and we're
drinking there and just having aday.
I mean, this is I think I wasin my twenties, maybe maybe just
turned 30.
So, like we're going after itand, um, ran out of stuff to do
cause it was a Sunday, and sothere was this weird lull

(06:58):
between an evening activity Ihad planned that started at 10
PM and we're kind of going allright.
How do we broach this gapbetween like five and 10?
Otherwise we're going to bothpass out like we're from
exhaustion and the help of a lotof beer in our belly.
So we went to this Mexicanrestaurant and right across the
street there was somebodysinging uh, like you know,

(07:21):
perform or whatever and I waslike, oh my God, there's this
Irish pub that does karaoke andit kicks off in like an hour.
Let's just go over, it'll beawesome.
And so we're having some beersthere waiting for everything to
start.
We're chatting up this table ofgirls and, um, karaoke starts
and I hear this voice juststarts singing.
And amid conversation withthese girls, I look up.

(07:43):
I see this beautiful womankicking ass, just singing up
there doing this queen songsomebody to love.
So I go up to the karaoke DJ, Igive him 20 bucks.
I say dude, I'm gonna sing next.
Like, put me up there.
Okay, get up on stage.
I start chatting her up.
She's not paying attention,though she doesn't know that I'm

(08:04):
talking to her.
She's sitting with this tableof guys and, uh, one of the guys
I found out later, like Elbert,and he's like hey, I think that
guy's talking to you.
Um, so I sang this song, gotdown, started chatting her up.
I'm like so which one of theseguys is your boyfriend?
Like you know what's your deal?
She's like oh, these guys areall gay.
None of them are my boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
I was like fantastic, so here's the deal.

Speaker 2 (08:25):
We're going to go grab a bite to eat, and so we
exchanged numbers, and that wasmy last first date.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Do you remember what song you sang?

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Oh yeah, I sang a Billy Joel song.
Only the Good Die Young.

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Solid, solid choice.
Love that.
So tell me then about the girls.
I know that they're young, butwhat, what?
What are they?
What, what, what lights their,uh, their fire?

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Yeah, they're, they're, they're still
discovering who they are, right,I mean they're toddlers.
So, like you know, for Beatrix,uh, we call her Trixie, our
youngest.
I mean balloons.
Balloons light her fire forsure.
Uh, she's just, she loves lifeand is a very pleasant, and

(09:09):
maybe what I mean is content umchild and I, I maybe that's the
second child thing, I'm theoldest in my family, so I don't
know but she seems content, justsort of being around and finds
joy in whatever we're doing, andthat's something that really
emerged as a, as even an infant.

(09:30):
Just, her way of being as aninfant was so different than
Frankie.
Frankie is also a joy to bearound and loves life, she's
very active, she's got a ton ofenergy, they're both very
verbose, they both have a reallystrong command of vocabulary,
and I think it's because kim andI never shut up.

(09:51):
We're just constantly talking,singing, there's always
something happening in ourhousehold.
So our girls are very goodcommunicators, and frankie has
embraced singing.
Um, she, though, really hasthis drive type A you might call
it if she were an adult to justbe the instigator of action, to

(10:14):
be, if not the center ofattention, right in the mix,
driving what's happening, andthat you know back to how Trixie
was as an infant and howFrankie was.
As an infant.
Frankie was a little moredifficult like, had very strong
desires and likes and dislikes.
Even as an infant, Trixie wasjust sort of like hey, happy to

(10:36):
be here, Cool, we're goingwherever and I think they are
playing is the word I was goingto use but they're learning how
to live well together.
There's not a whole lot ofexplosive fights.
Some of our friends have kidsthat you know we're hearing, and
it's both girls, so it's notlike it's boys, a difference,

(10:57):
you know, in the gender.
Whatever you know like beatingthe crap out of each other.
It's just like knock down, dragout issues that they're having
to separate.
Frankie and Trixie are justbesties and it's super cool to
watch.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
I always like going thisdirection with my guests is to
have them like.
I want you to think back towhat was life like for Greg Gr
and talk about the impact thatum the mom and dad had on you,
um, and maybe tell a story ortwo of of of how some of these

(11:29):
values that that really um haveimpacted you and now, as a dad,
really shape who you are in life.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
So I had two younger sisters uh, have two younger
sisters and I think that umcertainly helped shape me
embracing my role as a dad andsort of feeling like I know
what's coming and what speedbumps are going to happen in the
relationship between two girlsthat grow up together.

(11:57):
And growing up in my family waspretty uneventful.
I mean my dad worked inconstruction, my mom was a
teacher.
About 10 or 12 years old Iguess, my dad did start
traveling for work and so thatdefinitely changed my perception

(12:30):
of I shouldn't say it changed,it shaped my perception of what
a family is.
And I only see that now becauseI travel for work and it feels
very normal to me.
But I also see friends whonever travel for work, so
they're just constantly home andjust constantly around.
I think my mom, being aneducator, supported a love of
learning in our household, andcertainly my dad.

(12:50):
One of my strongest memories ofmy dad and I growing up was him
reading to me.
I mean he was adamant that Iembrace reading and love reading
, embrace reading and and lovereading, and he would put

(13:11):
character voices and differentinflections into the books we
read.
I mean we would read hardy boybooks together.
I'm sure we read other stuff,but those are the ones that
really stand out.
And he would just bring thesecharacters chet and whatever the
other guy's name was, harrymaybe to to life.
And so that carried me, I think, far in the world my mom's
installation of the love oflearning, my dad's installation

(13:32):
of this love of reading, alsolearning, and it's probably why
I became interested inpsychology and philosophy.
And now I make my livingthrough the spoken word and
persuading and writing a book.
I mean, I make my livingthrough the spoken word and
persuading and writing a book.
I mean, um, all of those thingsclearly shaped who I am.
And then also, while my momwasn't musical, she loved music.

(13:57):
My dad was a drummer, uh,growing up just sort of like a
hobbyist, nothing professional.
Up just sort of like a hobbyist, nothing professional, um.
But so he was very into musicand I, I remember as a young kid
, you know, I wanted to listento green day and he was like, oh
, you got to listen to this band, led zeppelin, they're awesome.
I was like, oh, it sounds likethey're old, like I don't know.

(14:18):
And now I love led, you know Ididn't realize how cool my dad's
taste in music was Um, but thatdefinitely shaped and my cousin
Chris uh as well really shapedmy love of music.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
What was your um first instrument you loved?

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Hmm, I wanted to be a trumpet player.
I think the first instrumentthat I loved was the drums
because I was very, very muchlike Frankie type A, had to
constantly be doing something,had a lot of energy.
If I wasn't playing sports Iwas probably getting into
trouble, and so the drums became.
This.
Physical outlet for me wasalways in elementary school.

(15:04):
I was constantly getting introuble because I was that kid
who would just tap on anything,everything, books at the worst
times too, casey.
So drums was the firstinstrument I played.
But the first instrument Iloved was the trumpet.
I heard a cassette by WyntonMarsalis and just thought man,
that sounds awesome.
And my dad I think we do Sundayswith Sinatra was this thing on

(15:28):
the radio.
So we'd come home from churchand on the way home it was
always Sinatra playing, and sothe big band music in the back
and trumpets always had this big, sexy lead and presence.
And I remember asking myparents, probably around fifth
grade, sixth grade, if I couldlearn to play the trumpet.
And we went to the music storeand they found out.
It grade sixth grade if I couldlearn to play the trumpet.
And we went to the music storeand they found out it was, you
know, I think, maybe $20 a monthto rent and they were like no,

(15:54):
no, that was a lot of money tous back then.
And so I went to the um, theband mistress, the head of the
music program the next day.
I was like what's the cheapestinstrument I could learn how to
play?
And she handed me a pair ofdrumsticks.
She said congratulations,you're a drummer.
And that sort of started thisjourney down the road of
percussion.
Now I had taken piano lessons asa kid, but piano was for nerds

(16:18):
like dorks right, like Beethovenand Bach and like the oldest,
deadest composers that playedcrap.
That was so boring, who wouldwant to do that?
But the drums were sexy, likethis was cool, and so I started
playing the drums and that ledto a music scholarship to go to
a military school for highschool, which was handy because
I was also a real pain in myparents' ass and so I definitely

(16:39):
needed the military school.
The scholarship helped.
That experience led toinitially declaring myself a
music education major in collegeand percussion was my main
instrument.
So I was in the marching bandin college, which I did not
enjoy, and in the practice roomit felt kind of lonely because
you're in the soundproof roomwearing ear protection and

(17:03):
playing the drums or practicingmarimba or whatever instrument
you know you're working on atthe time.
But as a music student you hadto take all these other classes
and one of the classes I had totake was studio piano and so as
part of that course, one year wehad to accompany ourselves
while singing to a pop song justto sort of learn these basic
chord progressions.
And I'll never forget sittingin the practice room.

(17:26):
A piano practice room was verydifferent, more spacious, didn't
need hearing protection and itwasn't soundproof, so you could
kind of hear what was going onoutside.
They could hear you.
I'm playing along to this popsong and I'm singing along to
this pop song and there was likea little glass window at the
about head height top of thedoor.
All of a sudden I see this cutechick like poke her head, like

(17:48):
look what's, what's going on.
She like waves and smiles,walks away a little bit, a
little little bit.
Later this other girl likepokes her head in and I'm going
all right, no, girls poke theirhead in when I'm playing the
drums like maybe I should shiftover to piano again.
Maybe piano could be cool andthat sort of pushed me back
towards piano as an instrumentand ultimately led to me

(18:08):
starting to work at piano barsafter I graduated college wow,
that's cool, and why.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
one thing I I love when I was looking at your uh,
your website, this that there'sa picture you have of of your
family playing uh, which justscreams memories, um, and like
happiness and like energy.
And do you remember where thatpicture's from?

Speaker 2 (18:32):
I do.
It's my uncle Jimmy's house upin the Northeast in Philly.
He is the one kind of playingthe good looking guitar, from
what I remember, the sort ofcool looking guitar.
Uh, I think my dad is the oneplucking away on the banjo and
his twin brother, I think, isplaying an acoustic guitar and
they would just kind of sitaround and jam and they were all
okay.

(18:52):
You know, none of them wereblowing the doors off the place
when they started playing.
But to your point, it was thiscoming together.
Uh, my dad is one of I alwaysmess this up seven, maybe eight,
I think seven.
My dad's one of seven kids andso they, we had these huge
family gatherings, even when itwas just, you know, my aunts and

(19:15):
uncles on his side, they allhad two or three kids, so you're
talking about like 40 peoplejust for no other reason, on a
Saturday having a barbecue, andso there were always people
around.
It was always the thing thatbrought everyone.
You know, maybe the kids areplaying basketball out back and
you know the moms were out frontsmoking their cigarettes,
drinking their, you know,bartles and James wine coolers,

(19:36):
talking shit or whatever, andyou know the dads were somewhere
watching football or golf andall of a sudden somebody picked
up a guitar or started playingsomething and everybody sort of
migrated into that room.
And so, as I mentioned earlier,music is a way that I express
myself.
It's the way that I met my wife.
It's it's a thing that I seebringing people together and

(19:58):
humanizing people.
That's why that's why I use itin my keynotes.
I mean, I know we're talkingabout me as a dad, but since
we're talking about music, yes,it's a competitive
differentiator from a salesstandpoint, but I've never felt
particularly drawn to businessand in fact I have a very core
memory, if you will, of my dad.

(20:20):
He got promoted from likecarpenter to like manager, so he
wasn't out in on the job siteas a worker, he was there as
sort of like the boss, right.
So he was wearing a suit nowand I remember he used to call
it his monkey suit.
I'd come home and be like, oh,I got to take off this monkey
suit.
It was like the first thing hewanted to do is like God, I
can't wait to get out of thispersona of me and get into the

(20:44):
real me, right.
But in the mornings he wouldcome downstairs and as he, you
know, give me a smooch on thecheek or whatever and walk out
the door, he'd go all right,daddy's got to go to yucky work.
And I never forgot that hecalled it that and maybe that's
why I'd never really envisionedor been interested in sort of
the corporate nine to five typething or been interested in sort

(21:07):
of the corporate nine-to-fivetype thing.
And now, as I speak, to many ofthose folks who work corporate
nine-to-five or these days youknow, nine-to-nine type jobs,
music is a way to humanize, nomatter who they are in the
organization, the CEO, thejanitor, first day on the job 50
years in music speaks to theperson in all of us.
But I then relate it to theprofessional side of what we're

(21:29):
doing.
Yeah, and it's been the threadthat's sort of been with me
throughout my whole life.
I've moved around a lot, I'vegone to a bunch of different
types of schools, but music hasalways, you know, to sort of
co-opt the line from the songbaby grand by ray charles and
billy joel, like music's alwaysbeen there.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
Did you play?
So when you went to um, sopiano started taking off and, uh
, in college, what?
When did you start likeperforming, like doing hey man,
I'm actually pretty good at this.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
So I lived with a guy named Justin uh, who's still a
buddy of mine and I don'tremember why, but I just went
out and bought a keyboard, Wentout and bought an electric
keyboard.
Let's go.
And I remember Justin came homeand I'm sitting there in our
living room and he's playing.
He's like dude, like how longare you going to play this thing
?
I was like I don't know are yougoing to play this thing.

(22:20):
I was like I don't know.
And maybe a week later he goes.
Hey, uh, if you're going toplay this thing, like, maybe you
should play it for a reason, Isaid, what do you mean?
He goes.
Well, there's open mic night atthis bar.
Killed errors, like, let's go,you should do it, All right?
So when it's open mic night, Iprepared, I prepared one song,

(22:44):
but I played three songs, andthe song that I prepared was
Christy Lee by Billy Joel.
It's like really high uptemporock and roll song.
And I never forget the minute Istarted playing and singing,
like the whole bar sort ofstopped and people turned and
looked and I was like, ooh, thisis something.

(23:04):
It feels good.
And lest anyone think that Istarted off as amazing, that was
about the limit of theirattention.
Like they turned around, lookedand then everybody sort of went
back to normal, like I didn'thold them, but I saw something,
I did something.
And maybe a week or two, a fewweeks later, I got a gig at this

(23:27):
place called the spence cafe,and the spence cafe was known
for having great bands, and somy sort of pitch to the owner
was let me just open forwhomever your like late night
band is, and we'll do like atwo-hour you know piano bar type
thing.
Right, like, I'll set up, I'llplay, and and he goes all right,
you're gonna bring people likedo you have a mailing list?
Or you know, email was kind ofbecoming a thing.

(23:48):
He's like do you have emaillist?
And I was like no, but I'll putup flyers.
And so I decided that what Iwould do is put the logo of this
bar, spence cafe, in the middleof the flyer and then I would
put Billy Joel.
I put at the very top appearingtonight Billy Joel, and then
Elton John.

(24:08):
In big letters and then inreally small letters, underneath
Billy Joel's name I wrote hasno idea this is happening.
And in really small letters,under Elton John's name I wrote
will definitely not beperforming.
And then I had my name at thebottom of the flyer and when I

(24:29):
showed up for the gig themanager goes dude, what the hell
is this?
I said I don't know.
I thought it was funny.
He's like do you know how manycalls I've had from people who
are pissed off, thinking EltonJohn or Billy Joel is going to
be here?
And I was like, yeah, but yougot phone calls.
Right, that means people saw it.
So some people are going toshow up and he goes all right,

(24:55):
don't ever do that again.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
But I like where your head's at man, and so that was
my first real gig.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
Wow, love that.
Hello everybody, my name isCraig Coe and I'm the Senior
Vice President of RelationshipManagement for Beeline.
For more than 20 years, we'vebeen helping Fortune 1000
companies drive a competitiveadvantage with their external
workforce.
In fact, beeline's history offirst-to-market innovations has
become today's industrystandards.
I get asked all the time whatdid Casey do for your

(25:22):
organization?
And I say this.
It's simple.
The guy flat out gets it.
Relationships matter.
His down-to-earth presentation,his real-world experience
applied to every area of ourbusiness.
In fact, his book Win theRelationship and Not the Deal
has become required reading forall new members of the global
relationship management team.

(25:42):
If you'd like to know moreabout me or about Beeline,
please reach out to me onLinkedIn, and if you don't know
Casey Jaycox, go tocaseyjaycoxcom and learn more
about how he can help yourorganization.
Now let's get back to today'sepisode.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Okay.
So, before we get into, I wantto talk about this vocal cord
injury, eventually, and I wantto talk about what you're doing.
But before that, I want to talkabout this vocal cord injury
eventually, and I want to talkabout what you're doing, but
before that I want to go back tothis journey of music, this
journey of getting read, to thisjourney of being taught from a
mom who was a teacher.
What were you think about?

(26:19):
Family core values that maybeshaped you, maybe through
military school, some of thoseshaped you too, maybe shaped you
, maybe, maybe through militaryschool, some of those shaped you
too.
But what were some like core ofyou?
To think of specific?
You know one or two core valuesthat really are like hey, the
offender home.
This is important to us andthese are.
These are things I'm going totake into my life as a dad, and
maybe you're taking it right now.
Tell me what comes to mind.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
My dad had a lot of isms.
You know what I mean Like dadisms, like things that he said
that one of them was you do goodthings, good things happen,
love that.
Another one was you know,people who lie, cheat and steal,
people who steal, cheat and lie.
People who cheat, lie and steal.
And it was sort of his way ofsaying, like you know, these are

(26:57):
three things that you need toavoid, because they aren't just
actions, they're things.
You become a liar, a cheat, athief.
Those are the.
Those are the two that reallyreally stand out to me.
Um, my mom wasn't big on the.
Maybe it's a mnemonic device,maybe it's a catchphrase, I

(27:19):
don't know, but, um, certainly,showing up in a way that helps
others would be big.
I think that really influencedher desire to teach, and I
remember she had this plaque,something that was always in the
house.
You know, to teach is to toucha life forever.
And I saw that as we would go tothe grocery store or back then

(27:43):
you know the video store, thegrocery store, or back then you
know the video store, the drugstore um, she'd run into kids
that she taught 10, 15 years agoand they saw mrs offner, hi,
how you doing?
And just like you know there'sthose teachers you've had that
you see them in somewhere andyou avoid like, oh shit, there's
mr jones, let's go this way,right?
But people flocked to her whenthey would see her in the store.

(28:04):
And so I really do think thatmy desire, my belief that we're
here, if for no other reasonthan to help the experience of
others, and if we do that, thenenough of that shines back on us
and we've got people looking tohelp us too.

(28:24):
I think those are certainly corevalues and that's definitely
something that I try to, willtry to impart.
They're a little young now.
No-transcript, it'll help youin the process, but do something
that helps the world.
And I find now, with Frankie atfour, what I've been saying a

(28:46):
lot, maybe one of mycatchphrases or isms is you know
, the more you listen, the morefun we can have, cause she's
just got this drive and whenshe's going, man, she's going.
It's hard to redirect her, andso just trying to like remind
her that, hey, if we're nothaving fun, think about how much
you're listening, and maybethere's the disconnect.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
The more you listen, the more fun we have.
They take the dog off the leashat the beach.
They're back here.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
That's very much a great analogy.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Um, listening is a skill.
Uh, it's funny.
I wrote a, wrote a.
I hate to self plug here, butyou hit on two things that are
important to me.
One, bringing energy to theroom and treating people the way
we want to be treated.
Old school, you know, seemslike common sense, yet most
people don't do it.
And you're always nice.
Nice is never going to getreplaced by AI.

(29:41):
Being nice is always going tomake people feel good and you'll
be in your memory and peopleremember you.
And then the book I wrote,chapter three, is about the
difference between hearing andlistening.
It's easy to hear things, butif you listen, it means like,
even think about music, like youcan hear music.
But if you listen to music,like it touches your heart, it's

(30:03):
like you remember every, youremember where you were, like
what it was about, like thememory it created.
So I think I love that you'reteaching Frankie that.
I'm sure Trixie will learn ittoo.
But, yeah, listening is manypeople want to speak, to speak,
and they don't create space foractually people to respond or to

(30:24):
listen.
So, um, yeah, you definitelyhit, hit a chord there with me,
pun intended.
Um, as you think, uh, as you,as you think through, like your
journey of um.
You know music and everythingyou've you've been taught so far
.
Now, as a guy that travels allover the world, how hard is it

(30:45):
to be present at times whenyou're gone and you're back, and
you're gone and you're back.
Is that a challenge for you?
Oh?

Speaker 2 (30:54):
it's incredibly difficult.
It's incredibly difficult.
It requires a great deal ofintentionality, full stop.
Add in now the complexity ofI'm not always here, so
sometimes I'm coming fromsomewhere else and you know, for

(31:15):
two weeks ago, for example, twoweeks ago, I was in three
different cities in two days andthen flew home across two time
zones and my kids were ready tosee me.
I was ready to see thememotionally, physically I was
ready for 12 hours by myself andI think psychologically I

(31:38):
needed a few hours by myself tooto just create that space, kind
of like the commute home.
That's something that a lot ofus miss when we're working from
home now is there is not thatphysical and temporal
disconnection between here's,where I was working and when I
was working, here's my home andmy family and it.

(31:59):
It is something that I want tobe better at, actively look for
opportunities to be better at,and have an incredibly hard time
giving myself grace when I'mnot great at it, which isn't
helping, yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Well, I think that speaks to a lot of people.
Whether you're a freakingtravel the world, speaking, or
you work from home, it's likebeing present is one of the
hardest things apparent, becausethese things called phones take
our attention and there's aculture of like I gotta do this,
I gotta do that.
It's like no, no, we don't.
Uh, and I don't it's.
I mean, I'm definitely a verydriven dude and um, but I

(32:40):
learned, I learned at like 32,greg, when, like, my son was not
even one yet, and I remembercoming home at like six, 50, and
he's going to bed at seven andI'm like this is not what being
a dad's about.
And I remember, like going tomy boss.

(33:00):
I'm like I, I, I can't do this'tdo this, like I, I, and at the
time I was like one of our topperformers and and they loved it
because they loved the revenue,but I didn't love my
relationship with my family andso, like, I had to like figure
out, and that was one of thehardest things I did, but one of
the best things I ever did,because it it gave me that
freedom to be like okay, five toseven, I'm leaving.
I'm leaving a four o'clock,which felt really really weird.

(33:22):
In a high, high pressure, youknow corporate sales job and I'm
I'm going to, I'm going to dothat and I'm gonna get home from
five to seven, I'm really notgoing to pay attention to my
phone unless it's like massivelyurgent and I'm gonna spend time
with my wife and kids, whichwas like not the norm.
But I think, because I waswhere I was at, I almost maybe I
got a pass.

(33:42):
But what it did is it unlockedanother level with me that I
didn't realize was there,because emotionally now I was so
present and then then my drivekicked in Cause.
Then, once I'd spent time withmy kids, my wife, I'd get back
online at night and then likere-get after it for like maybe
an hour.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
When you say you got a pass because of where you were
at, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 (34:04):
I think if I wasn't a top performer meaning I mean I
was our number one rep at thiscompany for years and I was very
lucky to be in the spot I wasat Definitely some hard work.
But I think because where I wasat, maybe I'd earned the right
to leave earlier my boss gave me.
I think that definitely helped.
And what was kind of the coolis, after that, other parents

(34:24):
after me, um, once they provedthat they were going to be here
for all.
They got the same gift, so thatfelt good to see happen.
Um, but also just create aculture of working moms and dads
that wanted to kick ass at work, but we also wanted to kick ass
at home.
But, um, I just share that as astory with you.
But I think that the grace partis hard and some days I wasn't

(34:46):
my best.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
And you hit on something there that, just at
the risk of sounding like I'mtoo dialed in as a dad because I
don't want to masquerade assomething I'm not, I think you
know, being in a sales role, weboth have that corporate
experience, and what I lovedabout it was there's a number on
the board and when I hit thatnumber, mission accomplished.

(35:10):
And most of my bosses that I'dhad throughout my career were
like bro, when you hit thatnumber, I don't care where you
are, hit that number.
If you do it in the first weekof the quarter, great.
You do it in the last week ofthe quarter, great.
You do it in the last week ofthe quarter, it's on, you hit
the number.
Yeah, many jobs don't have thatand I struggle now in in my
current work because I set thenumber.

(35:31):
It's my company, I set thenumber and the way my brain
works best is when I can chunkactivities and it is very hard
for me to disconnect from thatnumber when I've not hit it.
And so, in a perfect world,I've got this project I'm

(35:53):
working on and I complete it,and then I go to work on this
project and then I complete itand then I go to work on this
thing and I complete it.
But parenting, as you know, asmany of your listeners all
probably know, like it doesn'twork that way and it is very
frustrating because I'm, youknow, still I'll call myself
still a new dad.
My oldest is four.
I'm I'm not in the uh God, whatare the stages of grief?

(36:18):
I'm not in denial, I don'tthink, but probably this like
regret of I had a really goodsystem that worked for me and
I'm still trying to figure outhow to create a system that
works not just that works, butthat works for me.

(36:39):
That makes me feel good abouthow the day progresses and is
going.
And this maybe unfortunaterealization I think I'm having
is that because these, mychildren, are getting older and
their needs change, the equationis always changing.
Oh yeah, it's just thisconstant discomfort and

(37:03):
disruption that we're learninghow to deal with.
Maybe we talked about this whenwe first met, you know, I think
that, if for no other reason,human beings at a young age
should be introduced to physicalfitness, because your kids will
beat the crap out of your body,and if you have not prepared,
like you're training for amarathon, like you're in trouble
, pal, and I thinkpsychologically and from a time

(37:25):
management standpoint, it's alsothat same thing.
Like you can have a process thatI had, a process that worked
for me, but what I'm learning isit wasn't really me being good
at time management, it was mebeing militaristically effective
with how I blocked time, andthat approach doesn't work with

(37:47):
kids.
At least, I have not been ableto make it work yet.
And it's a real frustrationbecause while I want to be
present and I want to, you know,be at the end of my life and my
kids are like, oh, you're sucha great dad, you know, like the
truth is, like I'm also a humanbeing who has my own selfish
goals, needs and desires, andlike I want to achieve these

(38:10):
things in life too.
And trying to meter that, Ithink, to tie it back to what
sparked the idea, it's easier asmy own boss.
I don't know how I would adaptand adjust if I were working for
someone else, but it stillfeels really messy.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Yeah, I tell you, uh, you, you made me think of
something.
That one I mean grace, is goingto be a theme here.
You got to give yourself grace,but when you, we have
expectations as parents are themost dangerous thing ever,
because if there's not anagreement with the expectation
which is, this is like kind ofsomething that spawned in some

(38:52):
of the corporate work I do withexecutives, but I think it's
still parenting.
It reminds me of when I was ayounger dad.
I would have expectationsbecause I would say, okay, we're
going to have a good day, sonand daughter are going to do
this, we're going to be home by1130.
We get lunch, one to nap, thenI'll be able to watch golf for
two hours and be able to kind ofrecharge, relax, and then we'll
wake up.
Maybe we'll take a walk.

(39:12):
We'll do this.
We may have a couple of beershappened.
And now I'm like, what the shit,you know?
Now I'm like, stressed out, I'mlike, and finally my wife's
like, hey, you're the problemand I love you, but you're the
problem, I'm like.
Then I felt like my, my egogetting up and I'm like, okay,
wait, don't slow the ego down.
Like what do you mean?
She's like you're settingyourself up to fail because you

(39:36):
have these expectations that arethis and this view of this
reality.
That's never going to happen.
Now, I love your optimism and Ilove your positivity, but, like
we have kids, that frickingevery day is it could be a
complete shit show, and thenthere's days we can be awesome.
So it's like it learned.
I learned a lot to be flexibleand just roll with it, which was

(39:56):
not my personality, greg.
I was more of a, you know Ilike.
I like structure.
I like you know certain thingsthat my dog wants to say.
I'm not sure what's going onthere, but I don't know if that,
if that speaks to you.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
but I was writing down a note because I wanted to
be able to listen while youspoke, versus just waiting for
my turn.
It does resonate and it sort ofbrings up this question yeah,
for me, my lack of accepting howdo I phrase this properly?

(40:35):
I hold myself to the higheststandard of activity, like let's
use that example for work rightOf activity, and you either do
it or you don't.
There is no halfway, and maybethat comes from my military
school background and there's,I'm sure, a lot that I could pay
a psychologist a lot of moneyto unpack there.

(40:57):
But that relentless work ethic,um and I hope I don't sound
like I'm trying to pump my owntires here that that work ethic
is what allowed me to do andachieve the things that I've
done and there's still much morethat I'd like to achieve.
But it's that, like, these arethe things that will happen, and
if it means I stay up till 3am,then that, then so be it.

(41:17):
That is the consequence of ofof me choosing to, you know,
goof off for an hour in betweenthing.
One thing too, that's fine.
That is no longer the case andthat's no longer realistic
expectation I've.
I've not found, and maybe I'mI'm.
What I'm asking is like no,tell me there's light at the end
of the tunnel, tell me there'sa different way to think about
this, but it no longer feelslike a realistic expectation as

(41:40):
a parent Like anybody who's gottoddlers will probably
understand this statement.
Like 7am to 8.30am feels like a40 hour work week in my
household.
Like I need a nap just fromthat by the time they're out the
door to school, and then,similarly, between dinnertime
and bedtime can be like anenergetic marathon, and so going

(42:04):
back to work without some sortof illegal stimulant feels
really impossible to me, whichbutts heads with my
understanding of who I am as ahuman being.
Because I have got a relentlesswork ethic.
I make shit happen.
But now here I am failing tomake shit happen, which is where
the grace needs to come in.

(42:24):
But now that dramaticallychanges, or would require a
dramatic change of my DNA in away, as a person, and I'm not
sure how to sort of square thatcircle.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
I yeah, I'm not a trained psychologist, I will not
even close, but I will say that, like, having a gratitude
practice has helped me with thatUm and uh.
Writing it down and speaking itout loud, often by myself
sometimes, and then justspeaking truth into who I want
to be for the day at least getsmy mind going in the right

(43:00):
direction of versus like,because the only reason I'm
passionate about that, greg, isI actually met somebody where I
was a guest on someone else'spodcast and she's like a
therapist or being trainedsomething, a super smart lady,
and she was like she goes,gratitude and anxiety cannot
stay in the thought of the brainat the same time.
I was like wait, what?
And she goes.
No, gratitude and anxietycannot stay in the brain or the

(43:21):
brain at the same time.
I was like wait, what, what?
And she goes.
No, gratitude and anxietycannot stay in the brain or the
thought at the same time.
So I was like so I researchedit and I was like there's
actually articles about this andso I I've been testing it
recently and when I find I getanxious over no matter what, I
go to gratitude, just, and itcan be grateful for, like I'm
grateful for waking up today.
I'm grateful for my breath,like that level of gratitude,

(43:43):
because sometimes most peopledon't slow down to think about
that.
We just we're just like theFerris wheeler life's going too
fast, they stop and you realizeit.
And so, um, I just think thatthat that's worked for me as a
you know, a guy that's got ahigh motor too, and but I don't
know if it'll work for you, butat least maybe give it a try.
And um, okay, I want to makesure I want to keep us on track

(44:05):
here for time, cause I know youprobably got a busy schedule.
I want to go um, before I diveinto this, uh injury that really
shaped you and took you off.
As you and Kim think about the,what you both have learned from
music, what you both learnedfrom growing up and your
journeys of life, if you had tothink about, like you talked

(44:25):
about, your dad-isms your dadand mom taught you, you know, do
good, good happens, love.
That that's how I think aboutit being a boomerang in life Lie
, cheat and steal.
We don't want to be thosepeople either.
Going to the big house that'snot going to be a fun phone call
.
Hey, trixie's in jail, comepick her up.
Uh, what would be like the, the, the two or three, you know a
couple of, I mean two or threethings that you, you and Kim
really want to teach the girlsearly so that they, they, they

(44:49):
think about hey, in the afterhome.
This is what, this is what yourteachers are going to know
about you girls, tell me whatcomes to mind.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
That they follow through on commitments, that
they support the people aroundthem.
I think of a conductor namedRoger Nirenberg who one of his
sayings is play your instrumentin a way that elevates the
performance of the other playersaround you, and I think that
that is a.

(45:16):
I mean the story you sharedabout your son Ryder earlier.
That's what he did.
He played his part on that teamin a way that elevated the
performance of all the playersaround him.
It's great to be number one, butit's better to play in a way
that elevates the performance ofthose around you.
And if you can do that asnumber one, amazing, amazing.

(45:40):
I think you know maybe it's nota character thing, but you know
certainly the love of music.
I mean, we work very hard toinstill that in them, and I
think it's in a way likelearning another language, and
so it activates parts of ourbrain that inspire creativity,
that help us, you know, retainmemory, um, and think of things

(46:02):
differently.
So I love that and yeah, I'lljust come back to it, cause I
mean it is.
It is, I think, so necessary,especially with what's going on
in the world today, like lookfor opportunities to add value
to the world around you.
That'd be my list.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Those are good.
That was actually.
I got goosebumps on that on thelast one, because because that
just takes being.
That's a choice we all canchoose.
Either either you know weeither stay on the sidelines and
be comfortable, or you getuncomfortable and get in the
game and you find a way toimpact somebody.
It's like there's something assimple as like I.
You know, I taught my kids likethere's a wrapper on the ground

(46:37):
, pick it up.
I don't care what's not yoursright?
Maybe that because maybe justhelped out a custodian's day?
Um, I love, I love the analogyyou just talked about, the, uh,
the composer or conductor.
Composer, you said conductoryeah conductor.
Yeah, um, I'm a closet music guytoo, brother.
I think I joked you when wefirst met.

(46:58):
Like self-taught guitar for theaverage person, like oh, you're
pretty good, no, I suck, but Ican play like four or five
chords and like, my always dreamwas like be able to play guitar
just enough, whether it's alittle bit of campfire, some
beers, and we can like play likesongs.
And I've we've had, I've had acouple of sessions where, like
we you know, you get like twohours of just oh, can you play

(47:18):
this?
And I'm pulling up the cord,the cord thing, and just kind of
watch the.
It's like so fun.
But uh, and piano was one of theones I've.
I still at the ripe old age of49, I would love to be able to
one day play a fricking, and notjust jaws or chopsticks, but
like a Billy Joel song or like apiano, something that's

(47:43):
probably a hard song but like um, so I, um, so I'm envious of
you, but maybe you're going tobe my spark that says, you know,
maybe I'll take piano lessonsand I'll report back.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
Yeah, it's easier than you think really it is can
you play walking in memphis,walking to memphis, you could do
, yep, four chords.
It's pretty, pretty, damnsimple.
It sounds complicated becauseit's in a way like an arpeggio
that they're playing, but yeah,it's, it's easier than than you

(48:08):
think.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
Okay, I'm smiling.
Everybody coach might'vedisinspired me, okay.
So you, you were a corporateguy once, correct.
And then this injury happens,and then it kind of sparked what
you're doing now.
I'd love for you for whatyou're feel.
You were a corporate guy once,correct.
And then this injury happens,and then it kind of sparked what
you're doing now.
I'd love for you for whatyou're comfortable with.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Share the story.
Yeah, so yeah.
Corporate guy during the day,piano bar guy by night.
The piano bar was the thing Iloved.
The corporate job was the thingthat allowed me to go to the
piano bar and not really worryabout how much money I made,

(48:48):
because I did pretty well duringthe day, but I didn't really
love what I was doing during theday.
Interestingly, both of thoseprofessions relied on my voice.
As a salesperson, I'mnetworking, I'm going to
breakfasts, lunches, sportingevents, whatever constantly
talking and communicating, andthen at night at the piano bar,
singing, communicating all night.

(49:09):
Um, the piano bar shifts werefive hours long and we would get
three, maybe four, 15 minutebreaks throughout the night.
So you're singing for aboutthree and a half four hours.
And I was a dumbass.
I was still smoking cigarettesfor a really long time.
I would have a couple glassesof Jack Daniels while I was
playing and didn't really treatmy voice the way that a

(49:30):
professional musician should,and certainly throughout the day
as a salesperson, most regularpeople don't think about their
voice.
So in 2015, my vocal cordssuffered a pretty acute injury

(49:50):
and the left vocal cord becameparalyzed, so we've got two
vocal cords.
They sort of bounce togetherlike that.
That's how you produce sound.
They go really, really quick,and one of mine just sort of
gave out, so now the other vocalcord is having to work twice as
hard to try to connect with theleft one to produce sound.

(50:11):
And it didn't sound great.
I couldn't sing at all and myspoken voice sort of sounded
like a cross between KevinCostner and Yellowstone and RFK.
It just it wasn't great.
So I went eventually to an ENT,an ear, nose and throat
specialist, who spent a day anda half with his team performing

(50:33):
procedures and sort ofdiagnosing, trying to get to the
bottom of what was causingthese vocal cord issues, and
they ultimately discovered thatI had severe acid reflux, and
the reason that became a problemis when your vocal cords hit
together you get these littlemicro cracks and your mouth is a
pretty sterile environment.

(50:54):
So those heal overnight formost people, but mine had this
acid reflux, so at night thosemicro cracks were getting bathed
in stomach acid, and so it'd belike if you cut your finger
with a paper, like got a papercut on your fingertip and then
put it in lemon juice all dayand then cut it with a paper
clip and then put it in lemonjuice all day, just over and
over and over.
So that was creating thesecalluses, if you will.

(51:17):
They're called nodules on myvocal cords, weighing them down,
making it harder for them tomove.
And then, on top of that, withthe smoking and other issues and
the misuse of my voice, I haddeveloped polyps and cysts on my
vocal cords, further weighingthem down and it was just a war
zone in there.
And they said if you do nothing,your other vocal fold is going

(51:40):
to become paralyzed.
When it does, that's it foryour voice.
There's no way to coax themback into function.
So you will have no speakingvoice and our belief is that
your singing voice is not goingto recover to a point where you
could be a professional musiciananymore.
So our advice is you havesurgery, see if we can rehab you

(52:02):
to a point where you can getyour speaking voice serviceable
for your sales job and just letyou keep making money and doing
your thing, which to me I wishthey would have said sir, you've
got cancer, because then atleast I don't have to worry
about doing this job that I'monly mildly interested in.
So I'm going.
I'm losing the thing I reallycare about.
Yes, I've still got money, soI'm not going to be destitute

(52:23):
and homeless, but like, oh God,I couldn't wait to get myself in
a place to get out of this work, like I don't like doing this,
yeah, so I went in for surgeryand it was mostly it was
successful.
But I needed more.
Like they just sort ofscratched the surface with this
one to see how my vocal cordwould react, and it react

(52:46):
favorably.
So I went in for anothersurgery, and then another, and
then another and over the courseof seven years I wound up
having 15 surgeries, surgicalprocedures, done on my vocal
cords to rebuild and and rehabthem, rebuild and and rehab them

(53:06):
.
Um and around halfway throughthis process, which entailed me
being completely silent for longperiods of time.
So after they would cut intoyour vocal cords and remove a
cyst or a nodule, you would needto be, I would need to be
completely silent for anywherefrom four days to, in some cases
, two full weeks no talking, nowhispering, no communicating, no
whistling, no humming, nothing.

(53:26):
I would carry a whiteboardaround with me and write down
things if I needed to tellpeople and thankfully we could
text on our phones so I couldtext back and forth with Kim or
you know whomever, but it wascumbersome, probably around the
third or fourth procedure.
I've got no social life.
I'm failing at work because I'mreally having a hell of a time
trying to be a successfulsalesperson with a whiteboard.

(53:48):
I can't play the piano, I can'tcommunicate my emotions, I'm
depressed and I'm waiting forthe subway to go to work.
One morning and I had this veryreal just get in front of the
car, you don't get in.
And I knew enough to know thatthat wasn't good and I made a

(54:12):
sort of mental plan that I wasgoing to go work with a
therapist to just get to thebottom of this.
And in between that thought andthe first scheduled therapy
visit, I saw a commercial for aTony Robbins documentary called
I Am Not your Guru and I hadalways been sort of a Tony

(54:35):
Robbins detractor, like.
I thought he was a charlatan.
And a friend tried to give meone of his books back in the
early 2000s and I rememberreading like the first couple
pages and I got to this linewhere he's like, and as I rode
in my helicopter over the schoolwhere I was once a janitor, I
thought, wow, how things canchange and I I viscerally threw

(54:56):
the book across the car where Iwas reading.
I was like this is horseshit.
And so I thought well, you know, I got some time to kill.
I can't talk to anybody.
I'm going to watch thisdocumentary and as I watched it
I saw real therapeuticinterventions being practiced.
Like this wasn't just snake oil, this was real psychological

(55:16):
interventions.
I saw Virginia Satir, who's apsychologist, something she
calls a parts party.
Like I saw all these thingsapplied that I learned about in
school and I all of a suddenthought maybe everything I
thought about this guy was wrong.
So I went online and it turnedout his signature event, unleash
the Power Within, or UPW, forthe initiated UPW was happening

(55:38):
in New Jersey in just a coupleof months.
So I went and bought a ticketand I went and I started off
this experience very much likedon't high five me, don't try to
hug me.
I'm just here to audit theclass, don't expect me to really
get into this type thing.
Like I'm too cool, right, I'mjust here to observe and by day
four I'm hugging people, I'mhigh fiving strangers in the

(56:00):
hallway.
You know, like just having ablast.
But it's what happened on daytwo that changed my life.
The seating arrangements inthese events are such that you
can sit wherever you want withina designated section, so you
don't have a ticket for likeseat 304, row 12, right.
And so on day two, this womansat down next to me and

(56:21):
throughout the course of the daywe're doing a couple like
interactions and like groupprojects, if you will, checks,
if you will, and at some pointwe walk off to go to the
concession stand to get somefood.
Now, we hadn't really talked,talked, we just did some of
these things together, right,but she's standing in front of
me, standing behind her, sheturns around, she goes.
So how many of these eventshave you been to?
Now I've still got to beprotective and guarded about my

(56:45):
voice because I'm in betweensurgeries and I'm healing, and
so I'm trying really not tospeak.
So I just say I'm in betweensurgeries and I'm healing, and
so I'm trying really not tospeak.
So I just say that was my firstone.
What about you?
She says this is my 12th event.
I'm like whoa, these aren'tcheap tickets.
And so I'm counting up, likehow much that is in my brain
that she's invested in this.
I'm going why?

(57:05):
Why do you keep coming backLike is it not working?
Like, what's the deal, tell me?
And she started to tell me herlife story and it was
fascinating.
I won't get into it now justfor the sake of time, but 20
minutes probably elapsed and nowwe're sitting down eating
together and she goes all right.
So what's your deal?
Like, why are you here?
Why'd you decide to come now?

(57:26):
And, casey, I've always been afirm believer in the power of
strangers, that if you are justopen and honest with a stranger
in the right circumstance andyou sort of ask for help, you'll
get really good feedback,because they don't care about
you, they don't even know you,they have nothing emotionally
invested in your response.
So you're going to get theunvarnished truth, truth and for

(57:51):
whatever reason, I decided thatthis was a person whom I could
trust and was going to just givethe unvarnished state of my
life to and see what she came upwith.
And so we're walking along theconcourse as I'm explaining all
the stuff I'm wrestling with andwhy I was there and what's
going on.
And we get to a point in theconversation where I've sort of
unloaded everything and shelooks at me and she's got this

(58:11):
sparkle in her eyes and she goesyou don't see it, do you?
I said, see, see what she said.
You're trying to keep all thesedifferent parts of your life in
buckets, like this musical partof you.
You put it in this bucket andyou don't let other people see
it only in a certaincircumstance.
And you got the sales part ofyour life that you say you don't
like but you're pretty good at,and you bucket that there and

(58:34):
there's this version of you thatshows up.
That's not the real version ofyou as you've explained it to me
and on and on and on.
And she describes these bucketsand I'm going this chick's
pretty smart, yeah, like you're,you're, you're nailing this
lady.
And she goes but what if?
What if you didn't have thosebuckets?
What if it was just all broughttogether in one thing and that

(58:56):
was you?
I get, I get emotional tellingthis story.
I've told the story a lot and Ialways get moved by it because
I could see that she had theidea, she, she had the answer,
like I didn't, hadn't arrived atit yet, and so I go yeah, that

(59:17):
sounds awesome, but I have noidea what that would be.
And she took my shoulder andsort of you know, pivoted me,
and now we're standing in theconcourse of the Prudential
Center in Jersey or whereverthis was, whatever arena this
was at, and you know how to getinto your seating area.
You sort of walk through thatlittle tunnel and you can see
that from the concourse, sothat's what we're looking

(59:38):
through.
And she points through thetunnel and you can see the stage
, the main stage, where Tony wasdoing his event.
She goes I think you'd be doingsomething like that, I think
you'd be doing something likethat.
And I get emotional because Inever in a million years would
have thought to be interested inor that I even had the skills

(01:00:04):
to become a public speaker, toto do this thing for money.
And yet in that moment it waslike a lightning bolt strike.
Yeah yeah, that's, that's like.
Exactly was like a lightningbolt strike.
Yeah yeah, that's like exactlywhat I would love to do.
And so part of the beauty ofthis happening at that program
is on day one part of Tony'scourse content is talking about

(01:00:24):
if you really want to achievechange, who you are as a person
will have to change.
Who would I need to become tobe able to be a public speaker?
And so I went home, went backto the hotel and started sort of
journaling that night and Idecided it would be smart to
interview people who werespeaking and coaching and doing

(01:00:45):
these things to reallyunderstand what the job was like
before I went and threw thisW-2 job, this very nice salary
and benefits package, to thecurb.
So I met with about 40 to 50speakers, coaches, consultants,
and the moment I knew that itwas for me was to a person

(01:01:07):
almost every single person Ispoke with.
When I asked them the questionhey, what was the or what is the
hardest part of this that youjust really didn't anticipate
when you first started.
To a person, they said sales.
Like the hardest part of thisis getting the gigs.
And as I started to hear thatmore and more, it just

(01:01:28):
reinforced like I'm good atselling stuff I only sort of
believe in and care about.
I think I would kick ass atselling me.
And that was the turning point.
And her name is Svetlana.
We still talk on Facebook fromtime to time.
Svetlana changed my life.

(01:01:48):
Just that conversation with astranger completely changed the
trajectory of my life.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
Wow, powerful stuff, dude, and I guess what I can't
wait to do is to talk to you.
Hopefully we'll stay in touch,but I can't wait to talk to you
in like five years, it could be10 years, it could be one year.
When you tell the story toFrankie or Trixie, and they're
just like wow, and they're justlike starstruck, not because

(01:02:15):
dad's on stage, but because youtook a risk, you believe in
yourself, you bet on you and uhand I think that's why those
people can't see me there's aword behind me that says believe
, and it's not like a crazy megachurch religion thing, it's
more about just have belief inyourself.
And uh, when you believe, whatyou do matters.
Uh, it's a powerful, powerfulmindset, and I learned the power

(01:02:38):
of that word at age 41 from aguy named John Kaplan.
Shout out to cap former guestsin the podcast.
And uh, I love that.
You bet on you and I love this.
Svetlana bet on you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
So what did cap share with you that sort of changed
your perspective on that word?

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
He.
So I was learning about thedifference between, like
value-based selling and selling.
And I remember we were, I was afacilitator with like five 600
people and he called me the mostunconsciously competent person
he ever trained.
And I go, that doesn't soundgood.
And he laughed at me.
He goes no, it's, it's good.
I'm just going to give youtools to teach what comes easy

(01:03:13):
to you or you didn't realizeyou're doing.
I'm just going to slow you downso you can teach it.
It's like okay, and and sowe're going through this and I
said I just don't want to, Idon't want success looks like.
I don't want to manipulate it.
Because, casey, do you believewhat you do matters?
I go, yeah, he goes.

(01:03:34):
Let me ask you again Do youbelieve, truly believe, that
what you do will help somebody?
They just might not know it yet.
I go, yeah, a hundred percent,he goes, awesome.
Then you are just gave yourselfa gift to to not be afraid to
ask anything, to say anything,to do anything for anybody,
because you believe what you domatters and you know that you
would not do anything to justselfishly impact you, but you're
doing it to positively impactthem.

(01:03:55):
And when I, when I, it was likea fricking lightning bolt and a
.
When Griswold saw his tree, Iwas like, oh, that makes sense.
And so I think, like with mykids, I always tell them I
believe in yourself and dreamsare there for a purpose.
Don't let anybody, don't letyou dream big, because it's easy

(01:04:15):
to say what you won't do, and Ithink you know for what you're
doing.
I think I didn't know how tostart a podcast.
I didn't know how to write abook.
I didn't.
I didn't know, I didn't mean to.
I do more coaching thanspeaking now, but I and I love
both, but I didn't mean to dothis.
But I believe in myself and Ithink and that word, as much as
that's there for my clients.

(01:04:35):
Look at self sheets, there forme to remind me.
So, um, all right, well, Icould talk to you for two more
hours, buddy, but to I try tokeep these episodes right right
to about an hour or a little bitover.
So I want to like now a coupleof things.
How can people learn more aboutyou If there's a company out
there, if there's an executive,there's a meeting planner like,

(01:04:57):
oh, my God, I've never heard ofthis.
Greg Offner, dude.
I want to.
I want to research it now.
I want to figure this out.
How can people learn more aboutyou and how can we make sure we
send people to get to know youand your work?

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
Yeah.
So the free way is go to mywebsite.
Just watch some videos, readsome stuff, see how I think you
want to invest a couple of bucks.
Buy my book, you'll learn alittle bit more about me.
You'll learn a lot more abouthow I think, about the problem
at work we have when it comes tomeaning and belief that what
we're doing matters and how wecan engineer more of that to

(01:05:31):
create these encore experiences.
But start the conversation.
Even reach out via, you know,send me a DM on Instagram.
Just say hey man, what's up?
Heard your episode.
Chat with Casey like loved it,hated it, think you're awesome,
think you're an idiot, you knowwhatever.
Just start the conversation.
I welcome it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
Hopefully, hopefully, you won't get hate mail from
this episode.
Okay, Before we go into thelightning round, well, real
quick, I'll make sure yourInstagram's tagged in the show
notes.
But if you were to summarizeeverything we talked about, we
had a lot of really cool stuffthat dads or moms or grandpas or
grandmas or anybody wholistened they could take a

(01:06:10):
couple we'll call it two orthree actionable themes that
they can apply in their own lifeand maybe, as a dad, they can
apply what we've talked abouttoday to become a better
quarterback or leader of theirhome.
Greg, tell me what comes tomind.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Replace expectations with hopes.
That's something I took away,that I sort of made a mental
note that you know, instead ofmapping out my day in the
morning, which I do love to do,maybe replace it with this
phrase like wouldn't it be nice,Wouldn't it be nice if I got to
watch golf for an hour or two?
Wouldn't it be nice if we gotto do this?
Because it would, but I'm notplanning on it, and maybe that's

(01:06:45):
healthier for the phase ofparenting or the phase of life
that I'm in right now.
That's healthier for the phaseof parenting or the phase of
life that I'm in right now.
And, at the same time, givemyself grace If even those
wouldn't it be nice as don'thappen and replace the anxiety
that I'm feeling in that momentwith a little bit of gratitude.
And I think the the one of manycommon threads that we share is

(01:07:12):
, if you have to pick one thingto do today, go out and add
value to the world.

Speaker 1 (01:07:20):
Taking notes everybody.
This guy's dropping wisdombombs on me, on us Uh, I love
that and I love that, even likewhat we've talked about I mean.
I mean you're even going toapply in your own life, which is
even more inspiring andimpactful.
All right, it is now time to gointo the lightning round, greg,
as we wrap up and lightninground is all about me asking

(01:07:42):
random questions.
Your job is to answer thesequestions, ideally as quickly as
you can.
I'm going to show you theeffects of taking too many hits
in college not bong hits, butfootball hits and why I have why
I?

Speaker 2 (01:07:56):
have a screw loose and my job is to try to make you
laugh, all right, well, theyshould accomplish.

Speaker 1 (01:07:59):
You just did it.
So, okay, uh, true or false?
Your famous song that you playon most stages is Jaws False.
Okay, um, if you were to playone song that you don't know how
to play yet, but you would loveto learn how to play, tell me
what would it be?

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
Maple Leaf Rag by Scott Joplin Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
If you could play jazz flute with Ron Burgundy,
would you do it?

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
One million percent, one million percent.

Speaker 1 (01:08:30):
Okay, we both laugh.
It's a tie.

Speaker 2 (01:08:33):
If there was to be what would be one genre of music
that might surprise Hena thatyou listen to.
I don't think she'd besurprised by anything I listen
to, maybe, maybe like a big band.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
Okay, you and Kim are going on vacation.
Sorry girls, you're stayinghome.
Where are you going to go?

Speaker 2 (01:08:57):
If Kim's planning it somewhere with a beach, if I'm
planning it Japan.

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Okay, there we go.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
Favorite comedy movie ever is oh man Anchorman's
right up there, but I think Igot to go Spaceballs.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
Combing the Desert.
That's a fantastic movie,frigging.
If you've not seen Spaceballs,everybody do it.
It's a beauty.
Okay, if there was to be a bookwritten about your life, tell
me the title.
He Did what.
I like that.
He did what dot dot dot.
With a question mark, I can seeit.

(01:09:35):
Actually, I just saw that youcould create a vision.
Now he did what we justannounced it, but it's already
sold out pre-sale.
They can't keep it up.
Airports, barnes, Noble, amazonno one's keeping it up.
Now, greg, hulu, max andNetflix are fighting for it, and

(01:09:55):
one of them got the script.
Now you're the casting director.
I need to know who's going tostar you in this critically
acclaimed hit movie.
Oh, it's got to be the Rock.
The Rock tickling the ivory wasa great visual, so good, okay,
and last and most importantquestion Tell me two words that

(01:10:16):
would describe Kim.
Optimistic and patient, gold.
I love those two.
Those are wise traits to havein a marriage.
Lightning round's over.
We both laughed.
I think I laughed more on myown jokes, which is most dads do
, so I'm going to give you the W?
Um, it's been an honor meetingyou.
I'm so grateful that Hannahdecided to connect us and I'm so
grateful I passed across and Ican't wait to, as I come across

(01:10:38):
people they're looking for, uh,a, a, a present dad who's also a
musician who can inspire peopleto to share your story.
And try to get you moreopportunity to share your story,
buddy, because I think it'sjust cool and you're a really
good dude and I'm grateful wemet and I hope that others have
found this episode impactful andif it has, that's the gift you

(01:11:00):
can give me and my audience is.
Share it with another dad,because everybody I do not make
money on this podcast.
This is for pure enjoyment andfun and, uh, it's rewarding when
a mom or dad listens to it andit just slows them down a little
bit, and so if we can helpanother dad slow down to become
a better leader of his or herhome, uh, please do it.

(01:11:20):
So, um, but thank you, man.
Thank you for your time andit's been an honor spending time
with you.
I wish you the best brother.

Speaker 2 (01:11:26):
Thanks, casey, I really enjoyed this.
Thanks for having me on you bet.