September 26, 2023 • 21 mins
Have you been feeling like you just don't know how you can possibly handle all of life's stressors? Feeling like you just don't got this anymore? Tired of faking like you have it all figured out? That's what we're talking about on today's episode.
Join me as I share my own story of grappling with accepting help. We cover everything from anxiety episodes to understanding how dependency, codependency, independency play a part in your overwhelm. I reveal in my personal journey how acknowledging the need for support has been pivotal in my healing process.
The second part of our discussion revolves around the varied nuances of dependency, codependency, independence, and the less acknowledged, interdependence. We'll take a look together at the difference between "I've got this." and "We've got this." And delve into the significance of interdependence - a balanced and healthy way of relating to others. Interdependency is about balance - relying on others emotionally while not losing sight of your individuality.
Discover how acknowledging your need for support will actually empower you, not hinder you. And by the end of this episode I hope to change your mantra from "I've got this", to "We've got this".
Get on the best email list for building your confidence, sign up and receive my free 21 Sassy Affirmations for Confidence
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Coach Alex Ray (00:00):
Hello, my unicorns.
Listen, if you have beenfeeling lately like you don't
got this, like the weight of theworld and the weight of all
your responsibilities is toomuch for you, then this episode
today is for you, and I havebeen feeling very similarly
recently.
I've been feeling like therewere a lot of responsibilities
(00:24):
as falling behind on andtremendous fear and anxiety and
pressure about the future, andso that's what led me to really
have this realization that thisis something I really want to
share on the podcast and sharemy takeaways from my own
experience with you and sharethe tools that I know from my
training as a coach and inpsychology and therapy practices
(00:50):
that can really help you workthrough this stress.
So I want to start by talkingwith you about my personal story
and personal story, and thenwe're going to look at
dependency and codependency andindependency and when you may or
may not have heard of beforeand that's interdependency.
So first, a little bit about myown background.
(01:15):
I believe I've shared it before, but hey, some of you are in it
, new here.
I want you to know thataccepting help has always been
really, really hard for me.
I have always preferred selfhelp resources over actually
like opening up and admittingwhen I feel helpless.
(01:36):
If you've heard me shareanything about my suicide
attempt before, then you knowthat I was actively in therapy
for several years leading up tomy attempt and in therapy
afterwards.
And it wasn't until afterwardsthat I actually started opening
up and being radically honestwith my therapist About how I
(01:58):
was feeling.
Until that point I was kind ofshowing up and just help, hoping
and expecting that she wouldjust fix me and that I didn't
really have to be quite anactive part in the healing
process.
Also because I think I didn'treally, just, really just didn't
trust others to help me.
I didn't feel like that wastheir role.
(02:19):
I felt like my role in life andthis still shows up for me
today which is we'll get to that.
But I frequently feel like inlife it's my role to be there to
support and help others, butit's not anyone else's role to
be there and support me.
And so for both of thosereasons I found it really
(02:40):
difficult to open up and behonest and share with my
therapist.
It was like, hey, you can fixme, but also like you can't,
because I'm not going to let youhave any information, because I
don't feel like you're actuallysupposed to help me.
I need to be able to helpmyself, and so I was not willing
(03:01):
to allow her to help me I alsothis is another kind of funny
realization that I had justwithin the last few weeks I
create a playlist every year for, like, you know, the year, and
(03:22):
it's like titled something alongthe lines of the year, like
2021, 2022, 2023.
And then whatever the theme ofthe year is for me and this
year's theme was, I've got thisand the irony is I didn't
(03:45):
realize until within the lastfew weeks that that was just
another way of me again kind ofavoiding being helped or
allowing people to support me.
2023.
I've got this.
No, I'm actually changing andI'm going to do it actually with
you on the I almost said on thecall, we're not on a call on
(04:08):
the podcast, right now, I amchanging the name of that
podcast.
Or on girl, I can't even speak.
I'm changing the name of thisplaylist right now from 2023.
I've got this to 2023.
We've got this.
And that, right there, myfriend, is the theme of this
(04:30):
episode today.
Boom, done, I just changed iton my phone.
The experience that I hadrecently that really brought
this issue back to the forefrontWas I.
My boyfriend and I threw aparty a couple weekends ago and
(04:51):
I had an Anxiety attack, not apanic attack, and the two are
different in that with a panicattack, you often feel like
you're dying.
That's the short version of it.
With a Anxiety attack, youoften feel tremendous physical
symptoms of anxiety in your bodyand so, obviously, that's also
(05:14):
a very simplified version.
If you want to know more aboutthe difference between the two,
feel free to Google it, but fortoday's purposes, that's perfect
.
Okay, so Anxiety attack I washaving an anxiety attack at this
party and I was experiencing aburning sensation in my chest
and the roller coaster dropsensation in my stomach and it
(05:37):
was fucking terrible and itwasn't just lasting a few
minutes.
It was lasting in, coming andgoing in waves, but always being
present for over three hours,and I just wanted to run away
from everything and everyone andmy brain went on this Wild
(05:59):
journey, just imagining what ifI just left everyone and
everything behind.
I moved to another country andI changed my name.
It was like, wow, that's, it'spretty traumatic.
Girl, I Know that what I'mexperiencing right now is
temporary and I do genuinelyenjoy my life, I enjoy my work,
(06:22):
I enjoy my friends.
I do not want to Run away andavoid everyone and everything,
but it wasn't pretty fun fantasyin the moment.
I'll tell you what like it didbring a little bit of relief,
but ultimately it didn't reallyfix anything.
Here's what did fix it, thoughI Finally opened up and talked
(06:49):
with someone and admitted that Idid not feel like I've got this
, and it was literally as simpleas Talking with my boyfriend.
I kind of pulled him aside and Iwas like, hey, I've been
(07:09):
struggling and this isn't reasonI've been struggling.
For months now I have beenfeeling all this pressure to
keep it together and to fake itand, to you know, act as if I've
got it together and like I'mgoing to and like I don't have
(07:31):
fear or doubt.
And the truth is I Don't feellike I've got this.
I Don't feel like I can handleall this.
I feel very afraid and I Justneeded to admit it to you and I
need some help.
And the funny thing was, beforehe even said anything at all, I
(08:00):
just felt this huge sense ofrelief Because the secret was
out.
It's kind of like when you comeout where you've been holding
this in, or some of you haven'tcome out yet, but you've got
some relief to look forward to.
Let me tell you what.
When you come out, many of youknow that you feel this big
(08:26):
sense of relief because thesecret that you've been holding
in that's crushing you, thatyou've been trying so hard to
keep a secret.
Whether or not you actuallywere successful doesn't really
matter.
People may have figured it out,but unless you have admitted it
, you live in constant fear ofbeing found out.
(08:47):
And when you do share it,there's instant relief, no
matter how they react, even ifit's horrible.
At least you don't have to keepthis thing anymore.
And that was the same sensationthat I experienced immediately
after just admitting to him Idon't feel like I've got this.
(09:09):
Then we had a conversation abouthow we can each support each
other better.
It was nice for me I enjoysupporting people so it was nice
for me to hear some ways that Icould also support him more,
and those were ways that areeasy for me, that I can happily
and easily jump into, and Iadmitted the things in which I
(09:33):
don't feel like I've got it andthe ways in which I would really
appreciate having some help orassistance from him, because
these are things to reallychallenging for me and really
difficult for me and cause a lotof stress and effort on my part
, and they come easily andnaturally to him.
And that's it.
That's how that conversationwent.
(09:55):
It wasn't a big deal.
I had built it up in my headlike, oh, I have to run away and
not have this conversation sowild how our brains can take us
down those crazy exaggeratedsolutions, right?
So the lesson in that for me,and what I want to share with
(10:16):
you today, is that while themessage of I've got this is
tempting, it is not stable.
If you believe and forceyourself to act in every
scenario as if I've got this onmy own, I've got this, then that
means that anything you're weakin, boom, instant, ko, you've
(10:41):
got nothing to fall back on, andanything that you're strong at,
great, you've got it.
It leaves a very small amountof scenarios, situations in life
that you can navigate, becausewhen you're doing it on your own
, you don't have any backup, youdon't have any stability.
(11:05):
Think about a table with oneleg.
It's balanced if that, if thatleg is like really thick, okay,
and maybe you do think ofyourself as as that thick leg.
That's got a lot.
You have a lot together.
You've got it in a lot of areas.
So you've got like one bigthick leg for that table.
(11:27):
But it's still just one leg forthe table and so, while it may
be balanced for a while, if someshaking comes along, along
comes an earthquake, along comeslike a heavy object placed on
the edge of the table.
The table can tip over.
If you've got three legs to thetable, for example, that's
(11:50):
extremely stable.
And so the same thing happenswith us in life and our, our
relationships, our connectionsI'm not just using relationships
in a romantic way, I mean yourfriends, your coach, anyone who
is there to support you andyourself.
(12:13):
All of all of these aredifferent legs of support, and
the more legs of support thatyou have, the more stable you
can be.
So lean into the concept not ofI've got this, but of we've got
this with your partners, yourcoach, your friends, your
(12:36):
therapist, your family, whoeveris there to support you.
There's such sweet relief inbeing honest and human and
admitting that you don't feellike you've got this.
You don't feel like you canhandle the weight of the world
on your own.
The truth is, no one can andyou don't need to.
(12:58):
So I want to explain a littlebit around dependency versus
codependency, versusindependency versus
interdependency Now, becausethese terms are really what
we're talking about here when weare shifting from I've got this
(13:21):
to we've got this.
So a quick definition ofdependency.
Dependency refers to a state inwhich one person or entity
relies on another for support,resources or assistance.
It often implies a one-sided,unbalanced relationship where
one party is more reliant on theother.
(13:43):
That's dependency, okay.
Codependency, on the other hand, is a dysfunctional
relationship pattern where twoindividuals or two parties
become overly emotionallyreliant on each other.
It often involves enabling orsupporting destructive behaviors
(14:06):
in one another.
All right, so neither one ofthese is healthy.
But there's some nuances here.
For example, dependency right,that's not like it's an evil
thing.
A child is dependent on theirparents for food, shelter and
care Okay, so a child beingdependent on a parent is normal
(14:28):
and good and healthy.
A person being reliant I'msorry, not reliant being
dependent on their romanticpartner for just, let's say,
their life purpose Okay, theirpartner is their only sense of
(14:49):
purpose for their life.
That's how I felt back in 2017,pretty suicide attempt, not
healthy.
Not healthy, because as soon asthat person is no longer there,
it's like sweeping that leg outfrom under the table.
Now you simply fall over, Allright.
So we've got dependency.
(15:11):
We've got codependency thatunhealthy relationship where
both parties are doing that kindof dependent thing in a way
that enables and encouragesunhealthy behavior patterns.
And then, on the other hand,the complete opposite side.
We've got independence.
(15:32):
Independence is a state where anindividual can meet their own
needs, make decisions and takecare of themselves without
relying at all on others, and itcan also imply self-sufficiency
in a positive way.
Okay.
So independency, though oftenin our modern culture is the
(15:59):
exaggerated form where you aretotally independent from others.
You are totally self-reliantand you don't have the ability
to rely on others for support orcare, and this is where
interdependence comes in.
So if you haven't heard ofinterdependence before, quick
(16:20):
definition of interdependence isit's a healthy and balanced
form of relating to others.
It involves mutual reliance andcooperation where individuals
support each other whilemaintaining their own
independence.
So, for example, in healthyromantic relationships, partners
(16:43):
rely on each other emotionallyfor support and they also
maintain their individualidentities and their
self-sufficiencies.
They're not fully independent.
I've got this and they're notfully dependent.
You've got to take care of thisfor me, or codependent.
(17:07):
You've got to take care of thisfor me and I've got to take
care of that for you, becauseyou can't do it without me.
Dependency and independency bothare like the all or nothing
black and white versions.
Right, you're either all inwith being too dependent or all
(17:29):
out on your own being tooindependent.
And so we want to really startleaning into that concept of
interdependence where you have ahealthy balance of relying on
others and maintaining your ownself-identity.
And so, going back to thatmantra of we've got this, we is
(17:56):
empowered, it's not alone, it'shonest, it recognizes your
limits and appreciates otherstrengths that make them good at
being a support system for you.
Partner at different times withdifferent people for different
purposes.
Lean into your friends, yourfamily, your coach, your
(18:20):
therapist, a stranger in thesubway, a customer service agent
, any human you interact with.
Collaborate, be a support toothers.
Allow others to support you.
Collaborating requires thosesteps of confidence.
Interdependence is a confidentpractice.
(18:45):
Remember the three steps.
One allow yourself to beuncomfortable, and for a lot of
you, interdependence,collaborating with others.
It is difficult, it's veryuncomfortable, and so you're
gonna have to stretch yourselfand challenge yourself to lean
into it.
Take action, open up, havethese conversations.
(19:08):
When you don't feel like you'vegot this, let someone know.
Don't keep doing it on your own.
Don't run away and change yourname and quit everything like I
wanted to in that moment ofpanic and fear, and finally have
your own back.
It's gonna feel uncomfortable,it's gonna feel weird, it's
(19:32):
gonna feel different and thetemptation is going to be to
kind of beat yourself up aboutit.
Either beating yourself up aboutwhy didn't you collaborate with
other people sooner and leaninto this interdependent
framework, or you're gonna bebeating yourself up about it
being wrong.
Or you're too much, or you'retoo heavy or too much of a
(19:54):
burden for other people.
We've got to acknowledge thosestories in your head.
Send them a hug, a kiss, a lovenote.
Let them know we appreciatethem.
They are here for a reason.
They are here because of yourpast experiences.
But you no longer need to livethat way.
(20:15):
You are now open to beingsupported by others and going
through this life morecollaboratively.
We've got this unicorn.
See you next Tuesday.
Hello, my unicorns.
Listen, if you have beenfeeling lately like you don't
got this, like the weight of theworld and the weight of all
your responsibilities is toomuch for you, then this episode
today is for you, and I havebeen feeling very similarly
recently.
I've been feeling like therewere a lot of responsibilities
(00:24):
as falling behind on andtremendous fear and anxiety and
pressure about the future, andso that's what led me to really
have this realization that thisis something I really want to
share on the podcast and sharemy takeaways from my own
experience with you and sharethe tools that I know from my
training as a coach and inpsychology and therapy practices
(00:50):
that can really help you workthrough this stress.
So I want to start by talkingwith you about my personal story
and personal story, and thenwe're going to look at
dependency and codependency andindependency and when you may or
may not have heard of beforeand that's interdependency.
So first, a little bit about myown background.
(01:15):
I believe I've shared it before, but hey, some of you are in it
, new here.
I want you to know thataccepting help has always been
really, really hard for me.
I have always preferred selfhelp resources over actually
like opening up and admittingwhen I feel helpless.
(01:36):
If you've heard me shareanything about my suicide
attempt before, then you knowthat I was actively in therapy
for several years leading up tomy attempt and in therapy
afterwards.
And it wasn't until afterwardsthat I actually started opening
up and being radically honestwith my therapist About how I
(01:58):
was feeling.
Until that point I was kind ofshowing up and just help, hoping
and expecting that she wouldjust fix me and that I didn't
really have to be quite anactive part in the healing
process.
Also because I think I didn'treally, just, really just didn't
trust others to help me.
I didn't feel like that wastheir role.
(02:19):
I felt like my role in life andthis still shows up for me
today which is we'll get to that.
But I frequently feel like inlife it's my role to be there to
support and help others, butit's not anyone else's role to
be there and support me.
And so for both of thosereasons I found it really
(02:40):
difficult to open up and behonest and share with my
therapist.
It was like, hey, you can fixme, but also like you can't,
because I'm not going to let youhave any information, because I
don't feel like you're actuallysupposed to help me.
I need to be able to helpmyself, and so I was not willing
(03:01):
to allow her to help me I alsothis is another kind of funny
realization that I had justwithin the last few weeks I
create a playlist every year for, like, you know, the year, and
(03:22):
it's like titled something alongthe lines of the year, like
2021, 2022, 2023.
And then whatever the theme ofthe year is for me and this
year's theme was, I've got thisand the irony is I didn't
(03:45):
realize until within the lastfew weeks that that was just
another way of me again kind ofavoiding being helped or
allowing people to support me.
2023.
I've got this.
No, I'm actually changing andI'm going to do it actually with
you on the I almost said on thecall, we're not on a call on
(04:08):
the podcast, right now, I amchanging the name of that
podcast.
Or on girl, I can't even speak.
I'm changing the name of thisplaylist right now from 2023.
I've got this to 2023.
We've got this.
And that, right there, myfriend, is the theme of this
(04:30):
episode today.
Boom, done, I just changed iton my phone.
The experience that I hadrecently that really brought
this issue back to the forefrontWas I.
My boyfriend and I threw aparty a couple weekends ago and
(04:51):
I had an Anxiety attack, not apanic attack, and the two are
different in that with a panicattack, you often feel like
you're dying.
That's the short version of it.
With a Anxiety attack, youoften feel tremendous physical
symptoms of anxiety in your bodyand so, obviously, that's also
(05:14):
a very simplified version.
If you want to know more aboutthe difference between the two,
feel free to Google it, but fortoday's purposes, that's perfect
.
Okay, so Anxiety attack I washaving an anxiety attack at this
party and I was experiencing aburning sensation in my chest
and the roller coaster dropsensation in my stomach and it
(05:37):
was fucking terrible and itwasn't just lasting a few
minutes.
It was lasting in, coming andgoing in waves, but always being
present for over three hours,and I just wanted to run away
from everything and everyone andmy brain went on this Wild
(05:59):
journey, just imagining what ifI just left everyone and
everything behind.
I moved to another country andI changed my name.
It was like, wow, that's, it'spretty traumatic.
Girl, I Know that what I'mexperiencing right now is
temporary and I do genuinelyenjoy my life, I enjoy my work,
(06:22):
I enjoy my friends.
I do not want to Run away andavoid everyone and everything,
but it wasn't pretty fun fantasyin the moment.
I'll tell you what like it didbring a little bit of relief,
but ultimately it didn't reallyfix anything.
Here's what did fix it, thoughI Finally opened up and talked
(06:49):
with someone and admitted that Idid not feel like I've got this
, and it was literally as simpleas Talking with my boyfriend.
I kind of pulled him aside and Iwas like, hey, I've been
(07:09):
struggling and this isn't reasonI've been struggling.
For months now I have beenfeeling all this pressure to
keep it together and to fake itand, to you know, act as if I've
got it together and like I'mgoing to and like I don't have
(07:31):
fear or doubt.
And the truth is I Don't feellike I've got this.
I Don't feel like I can handleall this.
I feel very afraid and I Justneeded to admit it to you and I
need some help.
And the funny thing was, beforehe even said anything at all, I
(08:00):
just felt this huge sense ofrelief Because the secret was
out.
It's kind of like when you comeout where you've been holding
this in, or some of you haven'tcome out yet, but you've got
some relief to look forward to.
Let me tell you what.
When you come out, many of youknow that you feel this big
(08:26):
sense of relief because thesecret that you've been holding
in that's crushing you, thatyou've been trying so hard to
keep a secret.
Whether or not you actuallywere successful doesn't really
matter.
People may have figured it out,but unless you have admitted it
, you live in constant fear ofbeing found out.
(08:47):
And when you do share it,there's instant relief, no
matter how they react, even ifit's horrible.
At least you don't have to keepthis thing anymore.
And that was the same sensationthat I experienced immediately
after just admitting to him Idon't feel like I've got this.
(09:09):
Then we had a conversation abouthow we can each support each
other better.
It was nice for me I enjoysupporting people so it was nice
for me to hear some ways that Icould also support him more,
and those were ways that areeasy for me, that I can happily
and easily jump into, and Iadmitted the things in which I
(09:33):
don't feel like I've got it andthe ways in which I would really
appreciate having some help orassistance from him, because
these are things to reallychallenging for me and really
difficult for me and cause a lotof stress and effort on my part
, and they come easily andnaturally to him.
And that's it.
That's how that conversationwent.
(09:55):
It wasn't a big deal.
I had built it up in my headlike, oh, I have to run away and
not have this conversation sowild how our brains can take us
down those crazy exaggeratedsolutions, right?
So the lesson in that for me,and what I want to share with
(10:16):
you today, is that while themessage of I've got this is
tempting, it is not stable.
If you believe and forceyourself to act in every
scenario as if I've got this onmy own, I've got this, then that
means that anything you're weakin, boom, instant, ko, you've
(10:41):
got nothing to fall back on, andanything that you're strong at,
great, you've got it.
It leaves a very small amountof scenarios, situations in life
that you can navigate, becausewhen you're doing it on your own
, you don't have any backup, youdon't have any stability.
(11:05):
Think about a table with oneleg.
It's balanced if that, if thatleg is like really thick, okay,
and maybe you do think ofyourself as as that thick leg.
That's got a lot.
You have a lot together.
You've got it in a lot of areas.
So you've got like one bigthick leg for that table.
(11:27):
But it's still just one leg forthe table and so, while it may
be balanced for a while, if someshaking comes along, along
comes an earthquake, along comeslike a heavy object placed on
the edge of the table.
The table can tip over.
If you've got three legs to thetable, for example, that's
(11:50):
extremely stable.
And so the same thing happenswith us in life and our, our
relationships, our connectionsI'm not just using relationships
in a romantic way, I mean yourfriends, your coach, anyone who
is there to support you andyourself.
(12:13):
All of all of these aredifferent legs of support, and
the more legs of support thatyou have, the more stable you
can be.
So lean into the concept not ofI've got this, but of we've got
this with your partners, yourcoach, your friends, your
(12:36):
therapist, your family, whoeveris there to support you.
There's such sweet relief inbeing honest and human and
admitting that you don't feellike you've got this.
You don't feel like you canhandle the weight of the world
on your own.
The truth is, no one can andyou don't need to.
(12:58):
So I want to explain a littlebit around dependency versus
codependency, versusindependency versus
interdependency Now, becausethese terms are really what
we're talking about here when weare shifting from I've got this
(13:21):
to we've got this.
So a quick definition ofdependency.
Dependency refers to a state inwhich one person or entity
relies on another for support,resources or assistance.
It often implies a one-sided,unbalanced relationship where
one party is more reliant on theother.
(13:43):
That's dependency, okay.
Codependency, on the other hand, is a dysfunctional
relationship pattern where twoindividuals or two parties
become overly emotionallyreliant on each other.
It often involves enabling orsupporting destructive behaviors
(14:06):
in one another.
All right, so neither one ofthese is healthy.
But there's some nuances here.
For example, dependency right,that's not like it's an evil
thing.
A child is dependent on theirparents for food, shelter and
care Okay, so a child beingdependent on a parent is normal
(14:28):
and good and healthy.
A person being reliant I'msorry, not reliant being
dependent on their romanticpartner for just, let's say,
their life purpose Okay, theirpartner is their only sense of
(14:49):
purpose for their life.
That's how I felt back in 2017,pretty suicide attempt, not
healthy.
Not healthy, because as soon asthat person is no longer there,
it's like sweeping that leg outfrom under the table.
Now you simply fall over, Allright.
So we've got dependency.
(15:11):
We've got codependency thatunhealthy relationship where
both parties are doing that kindof dependent thing in a way
that enables and encouragesunhealthy behavior patterns.
And then, on the other hand,the complete opposite side.
We've got independence.
(15:32):
Independence is a state where anindividual can meet their own
needs, make decisions and takecare of themselves without
relying at all on others, and itcan also imply self-sufficiency
in a positive way.
Okay.
So independency, though oftenin our modern culture is the
(15:59):
exaggerated form where you aretotally independent from others.
You are totally self-reliantand you don't have the ability
to rely on others for support orcare, and this is where
interdependence comes in.
So if you haven't heard ofinterdependence before, quick
(16:20):
definition of interdependence isit's a healthy and balanced
form of relating to others.
It involves mutual reliance andcooperation where individuals
support each other whilemaintaining their own
independence.
So, for example, in healthyromantic relationships, partners
(16:43):
rely on each other emotionallyfor support and they also
maintain their individualidentities and their
self-sufficiencies.
They're not fully independent.
I've got this and they're notfully dependent.
You've got to take care of thisfor me, or codependent.
(17:07):
You've got to take care of thisfor me and I've got to take
care of that for you, becauseyou can't do it without me.
Dependency and independency bothare like the all or nothing
black and white versions.
Right, you're either all inwith being too dependent or all
(17:29):
out on your own being tooindependent.
And so we want to really startleaning into that concept of
interdependence where you have ahealthy balance of relying on
others and maintaining your ownself-identity.
And so, going back to thatmantra of we've got this, we is
(17:56):
empowered, it's not alone, it'shonest, it recognizes your
limits and appreciates otherstrengths that make them good at
being a support system for you.
Partner at different times withdifferent people for different
purposes.
Lean into your friends, yourfamily, your coach, your
(18:20):
therapist, a stranger in thesubway, a customer service agent
, any human you interact with.
Collaborate, be a support toothers.
Allow others to support you.
Collaborating requires thosesteps of confidence.
Interdependence is a confidentpractice.
(18:45):
Remember the three steps.
One allow yourself to beuncomfortable, and for a lot of
you, interdependence,collaborating with others.
It is difficult, it's veryuncomfortable, and so you're
gonna have to stretch yourselfand challenge yourself to lean
into it.
Take action, open up, havethese conversations.
(19:08):
When you don't feel like you'vegot this, let someone know.
Don't keep doing it on your own.
Don't run away and change yourname and quit everything like I
wanted to in that moment ofpanic and fear, and finally have
your own back.
It's gonna feel uncomfortable,it's gonna feel weird, it's
(19:32):
gonna feel different and thetemptation is going to be to
kind of beat yourself up aboutit.
Either beating yourself up aboutwhy didn't you collaborate with
other people sooner and leaninto this interdependent
framework, or you're gonna bebeating yourself up about it
being wrong.
Or you're too much, or you'retoo heavy or too much of a
(19:54):
burden for other people.
We've got to acknowledge thosestories in your head.
Send them a hug, a kiss, a lovenote.
Let them know we appreciatethem.
They are here for a reason.
They are here because of yourpast experiences.
But you no longer need to livethat way.
(20:15):
You are now open to beingsupported by others and going
through this life morecollaboratively.
We've got this unicorn.
See you next Tuesday.
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