In this deeply thoughtful conversation, Serena is joined by Albert Bramante, a veteran talent agent, psychologist, and author of Rise Above the Script. With more than two decades in the entertainment industry and a PhD in psychology, Albert brings a rare blend of practical wisdom and psychological insight into how self-sabotage, trauma, and unconscious “scripts” shape our lives.
Together, Serena and Albert explore how the stories we unconsciously inherit—often from childhood—can quietly dictate our behaviour, confidence, and sense of worth. While Albert’s work focuses on actors and performing artists, his insights resonate far beyond the stage, especially for introverts and quiet achievers navigating visibility, leadership, and self-belief.
This episode is a powerful invitation to slow down, notice the inner narratives running our lives on autopilot, and begin the courageous work of rewriting them—with compassion rather than force.
In this episode, we explore:
- What self-sabotage really looks like—and why it’s often unconscious
- How introverts and highly sensitive people can thrive in visible, high-pressure roles
- The concept of “scripts”: where they come from and how they shape identity
- Why procrastination can be a trauma response, not a character flaw
- The link between generational trauma, identity, and self-doubt
- How actors—and non-actors—can embody a new identity, not just think it
- Why change requires being comfortable with discomfort
- The role of accountability, coaching, and emotional clearing in real transformation
- How to expand your comfort zone gently, without abandoning yourself
What to remember:
“You can change the script at any time. The moment you realise it’s a script—and not ‘just the way things are’—you take your power back.”
Connect with Albert Bramante:
http://www.albertbramante.com/
Support The Quiet Warrior Podcast:
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Find fellow introverts to network with:
For resources, reflections, and community, join The Visible Introvert community at serenalow.com.au.
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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Serena Gil.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
anti-social, and lack of goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith a calm, introspective, and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique, andpowerful about being an
(00:22):
introvert and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work.
Anytime you want, in more waysthan you imagined possible.
Welcome.
SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
Hello and welcome.
Today's guest on the QuietWarrior podcast is a veteran
talent agent and a no-nonsensecoach, inspiring actors to
cultivate a growth mindset,conscientiousness, and to rise
above self-sabotaging habits.
Dr.
Albert Romante is a seasonedtalent agent with more than two
decades of experience in theentertainment industry, holds a
(01:01):
PhD in psychology, and is acertified hypnotist and NLP
practitioner, bringing a uniqueblend of psychological insight
and practical expertise to hiswork.
He is also the author of RiseAbove the Script, published in
2024.
Welcome, Dr.
Albert Bramante to the QuietWarrior Podcast.
SPEAKER_04 (01:23):
Thank you so much, Serene.
I'm really happy to be here andI appreciate the invitation.
SPEAKER_01 (01:29):
You're very welcome, and I'm really looking forward
to our conversation.
Could you begin by telling us abit about your work and what
drew you into what you do?
SPEAKER_04 (01:39):
Sure.
So I right now I work as atalent agent in uh New York and
the United States.
And I represent actors for film,TV, theater, commercial printed
voiceover.
And I've been doing that for youknow the past 21 years now.
And yeah, I really enjoy.
(02:01):
I really enjoy what I do.
I love working with actors.
And for me, I think the biggestjoy is being able to help them
reach their dreams and justhelping people reach their
dreams.
I do have a background inpsychology, and I really didn't
what I what I at least wassetting out to do this type of
work.
I didn't really set out to do towork in a performing arts space.
(02:24):
That was like really not myintention.
It just happened by accidentthat I was starting to to work
in this area in this area.
So you know, I took, I alwayshad an interest in the creative
arts, you know, drama.
I was in a drama club.
I was, you know, I took someacting classes in college.
So I really enjoyed hanging outwith like the theater people,
(02:45):
the theater uh group.
That was like my area of fun andand enjoyment.
And then, you know, I foundmyself being in New York, you
know, and doing some work rightaround 9-11, where I was helping
uh I was I was doing a lot ofvolunteer work, I should say.
And so I started working withactors and I started connecting
(03:07):
with actors, and and I reallyenjoyed the process.
And it kind of brought back tomy colleges and high school days
and how much I really enjoyedit.
So I was really, you know, I'mI'm by heart a people connector.
And it really, you know, beingan agent or, you know,
(03:29):
representing actors and helpingthem find work is really uh my
ability to bring peopletogether.
So I like to call myself like Ihelp act make actors' dreams
come true.
And and that's what I sort of doin a sense.
And and that's what I uh intendto do in a sense.
SPEAKER_01 (03:48):
And I think there'll be many people out there who are
very grateful for what you do inhelping actors make their dreams
come true.
Because for most of us who areconsumers rather than players in
the industry, we stand on theoutside, we look in, we see
successful stories, we seecelebrities, we see what looks
like an overnight success.
(04:10):
But you know, I'm sure from theinside that it has taken many
years.
It also takes a measure of luck,being in the right time, the
right place, you know, meetingthe right person.
And you have a big role inbringing people together to make
that happen for one person whois passionate about becoming an
actor and standing on a stagesomeday.
SPEAKER_04 (04:31):
Mm-hmm.
And and that's what I do.
And and I when I was going formy PhD, yeah, I kind of bridged,
wanted to bridge both of myworlds together, psychology and
acting.
And so that's where I kind of Ispecialized in self-sabotage,
self-defeating behavior andperforming artists.
(04:52):
And that was kind of like myarea is and and overcoming
self-doubt.
So initially, that's you know, Idid my doctoral work in that
area, self-defeating behaviorand performing artists, and that
became the foundation for RiseAbove the Script, my book, Rise
Above the Script, which again asum we established was published
(05:17):
in 2024, and it was kind of likemy way of giving back to the
community, and just to reallykind of showcase the work.
SPEAKER_01 (05:29):
Let's talk a bit about the self-sabotage aspect.
I'm sure it's something that allof us listening can relate to,
not just those who are in theperforming arts.
How does self-sabotage show upat work?
SPEAKER_04 (05:44):
Well, it it it shows up in different formats.
So it it it's it's when reallyat the heart of it, people get
in their own way.
In a sense.
So people get in their own way,in a sense, is really what
happens there.
Um, so people may not live up tolike their fullest potential, in
(06:06):
a sense, and so that's what thatwould would look like in a
sense.
SPEAKER_01 (06:12):
What are some things people do to get in their own
way?
SPEAKER_04 (06:17):
Um, really any kind of small activity when they take
themselves, you know, kind oflike out of the competition.
So maybe not showing up for anappointment, maybe being late to
appointments can happen.
Um, you know, situations likethat, just in a sense where
they're just not living theirfullest potential, in a sense.
(06:40):
And it's all their own doing.
It's like what we call likegetting in their own way.
And there, you know, it'sdefinitely like a very sneaky
thing because most people don'trealize consciously that they're
self-sabotaging.
They may just be sitting therewondering, why isn't anything
going right for me?
What's going wrong?
(07:01):
And so there can be a whole hostof things going on there.
And you know, actors are youknow kind of complex in some
aspects.
You know, they're empathic, theysometimes have a lot going on,
you know, when they'reconnecting to other characters.
So, you know, a lot of timesit's there's a lot of noise
(07:23):
inside, too.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
Interesting that you pointed out that actors are
empathic.
I imagine perhaps some of themwould be highly sensitive as
well, which is what makes themsuch good actors, able to Yeah,
well, well, it's it's that it'swhat really brings them together
to connect with people.
SPEAKER_04 (07:44):
Yeah, and and and while that can so totally be an
asset, you know, to be able toconnect and empathize and all
that, it can also be whole, youknow, uh uh detriment to because
it's it can be very intense towork, in a sense of really
connecting with people and andand and in that space.
(08:08):
So, yes, um, and because they'rehighly sensitive, it there's a
lot going on.
Now, I I kind of um want tobring up even like the the name,
you know, what's the theme ofyour podcast?
Because a lot of actors areintroverts, which can sometimes
(08:29):
be a little much because they'rein a field, even though they're
performing and you would think,well, they're around so many
people, that can be sometimes ahard thing to handle, you know,
especially when you're around somany people all the time and
kind of expected to perform.
(08:54):
And and kind of be on cue, andand you know, sometimes it it's
you know, I have I had one actorkind of tell me like they love
performing, but they don't likebeing around too many groups of
people, you know.
It's like because and then youwould say, Well, you're an
actor, but they're like, Yeah,but I'm playing somebody else.
(09:14):
You know, uh it's different.
Because and and a lot of peoplewho may not, you know, be in my
industry may not understand thatright away, but it's true, you
know, that a lot of and I'veheard this too about musicians
too.
Like, even though they may havewhen they're on stage and
they're performing, they mayhave larger than life
(09:35):
personalities and be animatedand and all of that and
expressive, but when they'reoff, uh they are completely you
know introverted and and don'tnecess may not necessarily want
to be, you know, around groupsof people.
And they and and they're alsodealing with a lot of
(09:57):
sensitivity, too, even thoughagain they may play tough, they
may, you know, like even actors,some of the most toughest actors
that you'll see, you know, onstage or on screen, the most
even the villains, the ones thatdo the villa and do a great job
at portraying villains, are veryquite sensitive in nature.
And why they do so well isbecause they have empathy
(10:20):
towards the character they'replaying.
SPEAKER_01 (10:26):
You've just reminded me that when we hate a villain
that we watch in a movie, it'sbecause they are doing such a
good job.
They've persuaded us that theyare that character.
And what you're saying also isuh it sounds to me that the
intensity of what they are doingprofessionally has got a mental
and emotional load as well.
(10:48):
You said that they are taking onemotions, and I I suppose with
that they take on the energy ofthe character as well as the
energy of the people that theyare acting with, that that group
dynamic.
So they're having to managethemselves, their own energy and
what they are putting into theirrole professionally and doing
the best with that.
But at the same time, they haveto be mindful.
(11:09):
There's an interplay betweenwhat they do, like a dance, what
they do, what the other actorsare doing, how are they watching
each other's cues, how are theyflowing and all that, and
noticing all the details.
I imagine that would beexhausting.
So that's that off-stage andthat on stage persona.
SPEAKER_04 (11:25):
Yeah, and a lot of times, you know, I mean, yes,
you know, typically a lot ofactors will bring, you know, the
kind of them together, but theidea a lot of times is that
they're, you know, a stage, youknow, the persona in in in the
particular role that they'replaying may be at complete odds
(11:46):
on who they really are asindividuals.
And most people may notunderstand that, you know,
initially, or have a hard timeunderstanding that.
Because again, they're they umare really good at just you know
(12:07):
portraying a cat as portraying acharacter, reading a script
based on what an author, youknow, from an author.
SPEAKER_01 (12:16):
And bringing that to life and persuading the audience
that they are that person.
SPEAKER_04 (12:21):
And and and and that they live that truth, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (12:23):
Yes, yes.
Wow.
For that to be totally congruentand persuasive, but at the same
time, when they've shed thatpersona, when the day is done
and they're going home, they'regoing to going home to a
different version of themselves,or rather the true version of
themselves.
SPEAKER_04 (12:40):
Right.
It yeah, exactly.
It's and and sometimes becausethey really do such a great job
of connecting and this mightagain be be sometimes a little
hard to grasp, a lot of timesthey get lost with those two in
(13:01):
a sense.
Like, you know, they actuallysometimes get um you know lost
in in that character.
And they almost don't evenremember where they, you know,
kind of came from.
SPEAKER_01 (13:17):
Where they end and where the character begins.
So that's almost like anentanglement or a merger.
SPEAKER_03 (13:24):
Right.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_04 (13:26):
Um exactly.
It it's like they don't theydon't remember where they come,
you know, come from and theydon't even know where they're
going.
SPEAKER_01 (13:36):
Yeah.
Wow.
That gives us a new respect forthe work of an actor.
Now tell us about your book RiseAbove the Script.
When you say script, I imagineyou meant this the stage script
for forming arts uh context.
But what are scripts essentiallyand where do they come from?
SPEAKER_04 (13:55):
Well, I I use a script as a metaphor because um,
you know, the the uh a script onstage or you know, in a movie or
on stage really guides yourdialogue both internally and
externally as a character.
Um there's stage directions,there's fate, you know, even
nonverbal directions, and soit's pretty much guiding your
(14:17):
entire life.
But we also have scriptsinternally inside of us as human
beings that kind of guide ourbehaviors on a daily basis.
You know, how should we behave?
How should we think?
How should we feel?
How should we respond?
You know, how do, you know, howdo we process this information?
How do we process our thoughts?
(14:39):
So, and and that you know, itguides us both our behaviors
internally and externally.
So a lot of us are walkingaround kind of like an automatic
pilot, you know, we're we'reworking from a state of reaction
or being totally reactive, youknow, in situations without even
knowing why, and without reallyconsidering it.
(15:01):
So and this is especially truewith self-sabotage.
Because most of the time, again,when people when they're
self-sabotaging, they don'trealize they're doing it.
It's just automatic behavior.
It's like, well, automaticallythis is just happening.
So yeah, it it makes this is whyagain, it's very um, very
(15:24):
sneaky.
SPEAKER_01 (15:27):
And where do these scripts come from?
SPEAKER_04 (15:31):
Our childhood, our our parents, our program that we
received from from our family,um, from our uh again, our
parents when we grow up in asense, maybe our teachers, our
primary school teachers, reallywill make an input.
But ideally, it's it comes fromour parents, you know, and and
(15:53):
the messages that we receivegrowing up from them.
SPEAKER_01 (15:59):
So, how do we become aware of these scripts?
And what do we do to interruptthem?
SPEAKER_04 (16:08):
Well, the first step is get aware of them, and and
that takes sometimes insight abit, uh, a little bit of
insight, a little bit of um justreally understanding um things
in a sense, just reallyunderstanding where things are
coming from, and reallyunderstanding, you know, kind of
(16:30):
like the world that we're in.
And and that's what really whatwhat comes down to at the end of
the day, is really justunderstanding what what happens
and then being able to um youknow say no or stand up to to
it, or even just challenge thatthat internal assumption.
(16:50):
Like especially with artists, ifyou walk around as an actor with
the mindset or the notion, oreven the script that I must be a
struggling actor, or just ingeneral, I must be, you know,
money is no, you know, is evil.
And it's a limiting belief, butit's like a script that goes on
(17:13):
in our in our mind and ourconsciousness that we tend to
start living this over and overagain.
SPEAKER_02 (17:24):
So we're acting out the script unconsciousness.
SPEAKER_04 (17:28):
We're we're we're you know, the script is like
being generated subconsciously,but then we're we're acting out
on it.
And the thing is that we don'treally know it's a script, we
think that it's like just theway things are.
You know, most people that whenthey're stuck in like that
victim mindset, it's you'lloften hear it is what it is
mentality when it's not, youknow, it's your creation, you
(17:56):
can change a script at any time,and that's what I mean by like
rising above the script.
SPEAKER_01 (18:06):
So, what are some helpful ways to rise above the
script?
What can someone do if theyrecognize that they are living
from a script that is no longerhelpful?
What is something practical thatthey can start doing
differently?
SPEAKER_04 (18:20):
Well, uh the first thing is changing your life, uh,
and and small changes.
I'm not talking about radicalchanges because most people will
not do radical changesinitially.
So let's look at some smallthings that you can do.
You know, what are some littlelittle tiny actions that you can
(18:40):
take?
You know, what yeah, on aday-to-day basis.
And a lot of times it could evenbe like saying things to
yourself in the mirror, like,you know, I am a working
professional, I deserve to behere.
Um, but really fully believe it.
You know, that's why, like, youknow, I think affirmations are
great, but you really have to umfully believe the affirmation,
(19:07):
like fullheartedly, your heartand soul.
It's not just, well, I'm gonnabe great today, I'm gonna be
rich today.
Well, that's wonderful.
But do you really fully believethat?
And do you feel that you'redeserving of that?
So a lot of times this is where,you know, now if you have a lot
of trauma coming in, you know,that that you have a lot of
leftover trauma, then it may bea good idea to go to a coach or
(19:30):
a therapist, you know, to kindof do what we call like
emotional clearing work, to kindof clear that emotion out.
And then you can then start toum move on from there and move
forward.
SPEAKER_01 (19:50):
So you're saying that the trauma is getting in
the way of someone rewritingtheir script?
Is the trauma causing them to bestuck to read?
play the script and not be ableto come out of that loop?
Is that what you're saying?
SPEAKER_04 (20:03):
It can be.
It can be.
Well it's like the the initialcause of of everything.
You know, and and so some andwhat's interesting about trauma,
it doesn't have to necessarilybe like a sensational event.
It could be little things likeyou know maybe you grew up in a
family where you weren't yourparents' favorite child.
(20:26):
Maybe your parents favored uhyour brother or your sister and
in a in a more in a very strongway.
And so you kind of felt like youhad to compete or live in your
sibling's shadow so to speak andthat will cause someone to feel
inadequate.
(20:47):
And that could be a trauma ormaybe your your parents were
were very busy you know and theydidn't really know how to show
you love and that can hold youback.
But is it not also true thatmost parents come from a place
(21:07):
of being well-meaning and goodintentions and are trying to do
their best for their childabsolutely most parents almost
all parents really are doing thebest they can they have really
strong intentions but likeeverybody else that they also
have their traumas and you knowthey're doing the best of what
(21:29):
they can with what with whatthey have and and so this is why
it's really important tounderstand and and and take a
step back and not be so reactivethat yes your parents may not
have been the best you know bytextbook standards or by
conventional standards perfectparents they were doing the best
(21:50):
they can with what they had andmaybe they didn't have strong
models themselves to go by.
So they were winging it you knowdoing with what they can and you
know even back in the certaingenerations mental health wasn't
really talked about.
SPEAKER_01 (22:09):
So very likely their traumas went unresolved and then
carry it now carries into youyour you know generation so
we're talking about generationaltrauma but also the context of
it I think understanding the thecontext of what someone has been
through parents grandparents andso on what was what else was
(22:33):
happening in the world in theirworld how were they coping how
were they being supported or notsupported and how did that
create the trauma that then getspassed on to the next generation
because it wasn't resolved 100%and and and and and that's
entirely true.
SPEAKER_04 (22:51):
I mean if we inherit personality traits if we inherit
physical traits behavioraltraits it would make sense that
we would also inherit the traumatoo you know it wouldn't be that
long of a stretch to think thatalthough it's really you know
it's I think it's really slowlybecoming discussed now more.
(23:13):
I think a few years ago if youmentioned general trauma people
were looking and say what areyou talking about?
But it's a real thing.
And you know a lot of timeswe're walking around and this is
why sometimes we could even bewalking around being you know
having the effects of trauma butmaybe not even consciously know
(23:33):
where it's coming from.
And that relates to your and andwhy it's relating to your
behavior especially in yourselfum sabotaging behavior.
And and that yeah and and veryoften we are engaging in
self-sabotaging behavior becauseof trauma.
Now another exact another bigself-sabotaging behavior that
(23:56):
almost all of us some some mightgo through is procrastination.
Now you know there's there'snormal you know typical
procrastination like waitingmaybe the last day to pay your
bills you know till they're dueor you know waiting you know to
c to you know as a collegestudent or high school student
waiting to the last minute tocomplete your homework that's
(24:19):
that happens but there's peoplewho chronically procrastinate
and and very often they don'tknow what why they do it.
They don't know how how to stopit and we're finding out now a
link strong link between traumaand procrastination chronic
procrastination that it might bea trauma response can you talk
(24:45):
more about that sure well youknow a lot of times you know we
we may even procrastinatebecause we're fearful of
something um you know notnecessarily the task itself but
maybe the outcome you knowespecially if you're like trying
to build a a legacy or a lifeand if you complete a certain
(25:11):
task well a your life is goingto change your identity may
change and we you know that canbe scary that change can be
scary being you know productivecan be scary on a even on an
unconscious level especially ifit's gonna change your identity
(25:35):
and your identity you know itcan even be something simple as
I'm an average student.
Well therefore if you keeptelling yourself that your
subconscious mind is gonna sayokay I hear you we're an average
student so let's do everythingan average student does and what
let's not rock the boat on thatnarrative or if you're a victim
(26:00):
you know we're gonnaeverything's gonna go wrong okay
again your subconscious mindsays your wish is my command
done so therefore we'll wait tothe absolute last minute to do
something and as much as peoplewill will debate me and and may
(26:22):
even disagree with me the ideahere is that most people are not
product fully productive whenthey procrastinate now yes they
can do they can do a decent jobthey can get the job done I'm
not gonna deny that but veryoften they're not gonna do it
effectively as they could havedone it had they used some
(26:43):
planning and and broke it downum but yeah definitely trauma
and also a lot of times you knowbeing in you know especially
going back to the thing in thethemes of the podcast uh another
sign of trauma especially forintroverts is being around being
(27:06):
in large groups means thrustinto a large group are being put
in the spotlight that can bevery scary it's like an after
being put in the spotlight onstage and and having a moment
where they can't deliver rightwell not only that they forget
(27:28):
they may they may flub a lineyou know and now most of the
time the aud you know the thethe audience or the viewers if
it's on camera may not catchthat you know because if they
don't unless you're like uh areyou know reading the play or
reading the scripts of the moviein detail you most likely will
(27:49):
not re you know even catch whenan actor may throw a line they
know though you know becauseit's the you know they they're
living in a moment so they canstart beating themselves up in
their mind therefore their brainis now going to protect them
(28:09):
from experiencing anxiety againand what great way to protect
you to make sure you never workagain because your brain really
has one motivation protectprotect you protect and survive
and doesn't that also thenreinforce the limiting belief
(28:32):
that I am a struggling actor100% I have evidence now I
flubbed the line see and youknow what they don't realize is
that instead of like you knowbecause nor the normal
conservative practice says see Ican't do anything right I
flubbed the line but it'sbecause you already had that
(28:54):
struggling mindset that causedyou to choke on that line to
begin with metaphorically soit's kind of like you're looking
at things the other in the youknow from an external situation
rather than an internal soyou're reacting to something
instead of taking control of itassuming agency and doing
(29:19):
something about it.
SPEAKER_01 (29:20):
So how does one develop that self-responsibility
or self-leadership in order toavoid these self-sabotaging
behaviors?
SPEAKER_04 (29:28):
Well the first thing is like you know you want to
start practicing accountabilityand you know really radical
radical honesty and radicalaccountability what we mean by
that and this is where again agood coach will come in and um
hold you accountable because thethe first thing is
accountability you know like umtaking taking responsibility for
(29:51):
how you're responding and andand what's going on and and it
may not always be fun to do thatbut the important thing is is
like once you start takingaccountability and that might
mean you know putting things onyour calendar getting things you
know following through what yousay following through your word
(30:11):
leading life with integrity whenyou start to do that that's when
you'll start to see thingschange that's when you rise
above the script by writing anew one exactly you write you
write you change the narrativeand you know you're not perfect
(30:31):
nobody says you're perfect butthe idea here is that you start
to change the narrative a bitthat's where being an actor
comes in very useful isn't itbecause they're already used to
taking on a script really beingin the moment with that script
(30:52):
to becoming that character.
SPEAKER_01 (30:53):
So if they could write themselves a new script
and embody that script or thatnew character they would have a
head starter over the rest ofus.
Yes absolutely when you said toembody you said you know it's
one thing to say the affirmationbut then you have to fully
(31:14):
believe the affirmation you haveto you really embody it what do
you mean by that can you go intothat a bit well embodying it
means truly like living it not II can tell you Dan and that I
mean I can come right now andjust tell you how I um you know
I'm the king of uh of Englandand I'm gonna make you know I'm
(31:36):
ruling this now no I'm not youknow I'm just saying you that
and the same thing goes if Iturn around and say well I'm
successful that's greatwonderful but embody it means
I'll truly believe it trulyinternalize it take the mindset
of a successful person take themindset of a confident person
(31:58):
that's what's important so it'slike fully embodying that what
would a successful person do inthis situation?
SPEAKER_04 (32:07):
How would they walk how would they carry themselves
how would they conductthemselves on all of those
things should be what we shouldbe striving for.
So you're actually painting inthe details not just saying
something that's you knowtheoretically or intellectually
sounds good but you actuallyhave to take on that role as
(32:29):
though you are that person to beso convincing to yourself to
your own subconscious mind thatthis is who I am now this is my
new identity yeah and it's it'snot just telling other people
because you know that'll followbut it's really convincing it to
yourself.
That's the hardest job of allthe it truly is and and again
(32:51):
because it's as we have tochange and as human beings we
don't like to change we like tostay comfortable in a situation
we like to stay the status quoin a sense so being comfortable
well that's that's just not nota good thing.
You know that I mean beinguncomfortable I mean being
comfortable we want to do wewant to stay comfortable and and
and we want to stay safe becausewe know comfortable means being
(33:14):
safe at least and a subconsciouslevel so to do things
differently to start acting in acertain way changing your script
in the beginning is scary and soand uncomfortable and what we
have to do in in if we're gonnatruly change and truly embody
new characteristics we have tobe what we call comfortable with
(33:37):
being uncomfortable you knowlike a double entendre there.
It's like we have to becomfortable with being
uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01 (33:46):
So it's we're gonna have to step outside our comfort
zone one way or the other andthat's why I think you mentioned
a few times the importance ofthat emotional clearing work and
of having a coach or a therapistor someone like that to support
us with that process.
Because it's not something Ithink any of us can undertake
(34:08):
alone.
It is a it's a huge journey thispersonal inner work that you're
referring to where people learnto become radically honest and
radically accountable.
SPEAKER_04 (34:21):
We need to have someone by our side or have a
support network of some kind tosupport us through that messy
middle of that transition isn'ttoo yeah exactly and and and and
it can be messy it's gonna beit's not gonna be a smooth thing
it's not gonna be like it it thechange especially if you're
(34:42):
changing a script that you'vebeen carrying around for years
think of how long it took you toget where you are now to kind of
unravel it it's gonna take youknow a lot a little bit of time
too so it's not gonna just beyou know smooth sailing and
because if it wasn't we'd all belike you know millionaires on
the odds and successful but it'snot you know it's not that easy
(35:07):
and it takes time it takesperseverance it takes you know
uh implementation what is onething you want the introverts
and the quiet achievers whilelistening to this to take away
from our conversation today theone thing well first of all you
(35:27):
are enough and really respectyour limitations because you
know it it definitely it'simportant to connect with other
people but you we need to becompassionate with yourself I
think it's important to becompassionate you know use
compassion with yourself and youdon't have to be the you don't
(35:47):
have to go to every party youyou respect yourself if you need
to recharge it's okay to setboundaries you know even for me
like you know I'll go to a lotof conferences and sometimes
they'll they'll have the showflowers and the and the meetups
and and I love and I really liketalking to people but sometimes
(36:09):
the the crowds can be a bitoverwhelming especially if I
don't know anybody that a lot ofpeople there.
So for me sometimes I'll I youknow I'll go there for like 10
15 minutes say hello my hellosand I'm gone I know myself I
know what I can do and and I'llstill take you know and and and
(36:30):
I don't this is it now sometimesif I'm having a good
conversation I'm not gonna leaveof course but you know if I I
know my time I'm like okay Ineed to recharge let me go back
to you know my go back to myspace and then I can always come
back down an hour later theimportant thing is knowing you
(36:51):
you know who you are and whatand how and how that will show
up.
And and that's different foreverybody what might work for me
may not work for for you it'sit's important to kind of be
delicate treat yourself nicelyand be gentle.
SPEAKER_01 (37:09):
But at the same time also work about changing and
those two things can sound likethey are a paradox but they're
not I think there's plenty ofroom for us to expand our
comfort zone but at the sametime while we're doing that to
hold ourselves gently andcompassionately as we go about
it.
SPEAKER_04 (37:29):
Yes yeah I mean and and do it slowly I mean I'm you
know I when I say step out yourcomfort zone yeah we're not
talking do something radicallysomething small do something a
little bit differently and thenstart gradually once you get get
used to that then add somethingelse to that and and eventually
(37:49):
you will change have a bigchange but you do it in steps
and and you're more likely whenit's small and manageable like
that it's going to be easilyreached more rather than you
know setting these lofty and outand outrageously high goals that
are almost impossible to reachthis is why most New Year's
(38:10):
resolutions fail because peopleset such large lofty resolutions
and they don't reach thembecause they're too big and too
little time.
SPEAKER_01 (38:25):
So be more patient be a little bit less ambitious
with the goals and take it thinkof it as a long-term project.
Yes exactly it it's long termand you gotta be in it for the
long term well thank you so muchAlbert for sharing your time and
your wisdom with us today andmaking us aware of the scripts
(38:47):
that are running our lives andhow to rewrite them so we can
live from empowerment ratherthan fear.
Thank you again Serena forhaving me here if you enjoyed
today's episode be sure to leavea five star rating in review to
help the Quiet Warrior podcastreach more introverts and quiet
achievers around the world.
And for resources on how tothrive as an introvert make sure
(39:10):
to join the visible introvertcommunity at Serenalo.com.au see
you on the next episode I'm sograteful that you're here today.
SPEAKER_00 (39:21):
If you found this content valuable please share it
on your social media channelsand subscribe to the show on
your favorite listeningplatform.
Together we can help moreintroverts thrive.
SPEAKER_01 (39:33):
To receive more uplifting content like this
connect with me on Instagram atSerenaloo QuietWarrior coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode
Hi, I'm Serena Gil.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
anti-social, and lack of goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith a calm, introspective, and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique, andpowerful about being an
(00:22):
introvert and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work.
Anytime you want, in more waysthan you imagined possible.
Welcome.
SPEAKER_01 (00:37):
Hello and welcome.
Today's guest on the QuietWarrior podcast is a veteran
talent agent and a no-nonsensecoach, inspiring actors to
cultivate a growth mindset,conscientiousness, and to rise
above self-sabotaging habits.
Dr.
Albert Romante is a seasonedtalent agent with more than two
decades of experience in theentertainment industry, holds a
(01:01):
PhD in psychology, and is acertified hypnotist and NLP
practitioner, bringing a uniqueblend of psychological insight
and practical expertise to hiswork.
He is also the author of RiseAbove the Script, published in
2024.
Welcome, Dr.
Albert Bramante to the QuietWarrior Podcast.
SPEAKER_04 (01:23):
Thank you so much, Serene.
I'm really happy to be here andI appreciate the invitation.
SPEAKER_01 (01:29):
You're very welcome, and I'm really looking forward
to our conversation.
Could you begin by telling us abit about your work and what
drew you into what you do?
SPEAKER_04 (01:39):
Sure.
So I right now I work as atalent agent in uh New York and
the United States.
And I represent actors for film,TV, theater, commercial printed
voiceover.
And I've been doing that for youknow the past 21 years now.
And yeah, I really enjoy.
(02:01):
I really enjoy what I do.
I love working with actors.
And for me, I think the biggestjoy is being able to help them
reach their dreams and justhelping people reach their
dreams.
I do have a background inpsychology, and I really didn't
what I what I at least wassetting out to do this type of
work.
I didn't really set out to do towork in a performing arts space.
(02:24):
That was like really not myintention.
It just happened by accidentthat I was starting to to work
in this area in this area.
So you know, I took, I alwayshad an interest in the creative
arts, you know, drama.
I was in a drama club.
I was, you know, I took someacting classes in college.
So I really enjoyed hanging outwith like the theater people,
(02:45):
the theater uh group.
That was like my area of fun andand enjoyment.
And then, you know, I foundmyself being in New York, you
know, and doing some work rightaround 9-11, where I was helping
uh I was I was doing a lot ofvolunteer work, I should say.
And so I started working withactors and I started connecting
(03:07):
with actors, and and I reallyenjoyed the process.
And it kind of brought back tomy colleges and high school days
and how much I really enjoyedit.
So I was really, you know, I'mI'm by heart a people connector.
And it really, you know, beingan agent or, you know,
(03:29):
representing actors and helpingthem find work is really uh my
ability to bring peopletogether.
So I like to call myself like Ihelp act make actors' dreams
come true.
And and that's what I sort of doin a sense.
And and that's what I uh intendto do in a sense.
SPEAKER_01 (03:48):
And I think there'll be many people out there who are
very grateful for what you do inhelping actors make their dreams
come true.
Because for most of us who areconsumers rather than players in
the industry, we stand on theoutside, we look in, we see
successful stories, we seecelebrities, we see what looks
like an overnight success.
(04:10):
But you know, I'm sure from theinside that it has taken many
years.
It also takes a measure of luck,being in the right time, the
right place, you know, meetingthe right person.
And you have a big role inbringing people together to make
that happen for one person whois passionate about becoming an
actor and standing on a stagesomeday.
SPEAKER_04 (04:31):
Mm-hmm.
And and that's what I do.
And and I when I was going formy PhD, yeah, I kind of bridged,
wanted to bridge both of myworlds together, psychology and
acting.
And so that's where I kind of Ispecialized in self-sabotage,
self-defeating behavior andperforming artists.
(04:52):
And that was kind of like myarea is and and overcoming
self-doubt.
So initially, that's you know, Idid my doctoral work in that
area, self-defeating behaviorand performing artists, and that
became the foundation for RiseAbove the Script, my book, Rise
Above the Script, which again asum we established was published
(05:17):
in 2024, and it was kind of likemy way of giving back to the
community, and just to reallykind of showcase the work.
SPEAKER_01 (05:29):
Let's talk a bit about the self-sabotage aspect.
I'm sure it's something that allof us listening can relate to,
not just those who are in theperforming arts.
How does self-sabotage show upat work?
SPEAKER_04 (05:44):
Well, it it it shows up in different formats.
So it it it's it's when reallyat the heart of it, people get
in their own way.
In a sense.
So people get in their own way,in a sense, is really what
happens there.
Um, so people may not live up tolike their fullest potential, in
(06:06):
a sense, and so that's what thatwould would look like in a
sense.
SPEAKER_01 (06:12):
What are some things people do to get in their own
way?
SPEAKER_04 (06:17):
Um, really any kind of small activity when they take
themselves, you know, kind oflike out of the competition.
So maybe not showing up for anappointment, maybe being late to
appointments can happen.
Um, you know, situations likethat, just in a sense where
they're just not living theirfullest potential, in a sense.
(06:40):
And it's all their own doing.
It's like what we call likegetting in their own way.
And there, you know, it'sdefinitely like a very sneaky
thing because most people don'trealize consciously that they're
self-sabotaging.
They may just be sitting therewondering, why isn't anything
going right for me?
What's going wrong?
(07:01):
And so there can be a whole hostof things going on there.
And you know, actors are youknow kind of complex in some
aspects.
You know, they're empathic, theysometimes have a lot going on,
you know, when they'reconnecting to other characters.
So, you know, a lot of timesit's there's a lot of noise
(07:23):
inside, too.
SPEAKER_01 (07:26):
Interesting that you pointed out that actors are
empathic.
I imagine perhaps some of themwould be highly sensitive as
well, which is what makes themsuch good actors, able to Yeah,
well, well, it's it's that it'swhat really brings them together
to connect with people.
SPEAKER_04 (07:44):
Yeah, and and and while that can so totally be an
asset, you know, to be able toconnect and empathize and all
that, it can also be whole, youknow, uh uh detriment to because
it's it can be very intense towork, in a sense of really
connecting with people and andand and in that space.
(08:08):
So, yes, um, and because they'rehighly sensitive, it there's a
lot going on.
Now, I I kind of um want tobring up even like the the name,
you know, what's the theme ofyour podcast?
Because a lot of actors areintroverts, which can sometimes
(08:29):
be a little much because they'rein a field, even though they're
performing and you would think,well, they're around so many
people, that can be sometimes ahard thing to handle, you know,
especially when you're around somany people all the time and
kind of expected to perform.
(08:54):
And and kind of be on cue, andand you know, sometimes it it's
you know, I have I had one actorkind of tell me like they love
performing, but they don't likebeing around too many groups of
people, you know.
It's like because and then youwould say, Well, you're an
actor, but they're like, Yeah,but I'm playing somebody else.
(09:14):
You know, uh it's different.
Because and and a lot of peoplewho may not, you know, be in my
industry may not understand thatright away, but it's true, you
know, that a lot of and I'veheard this too about musicians
too.
Like, even though they may havewhen they're on stage and
they're performing, they mayhave larger than life
(09:35):
personalities and be animatedand and all of that and
expressive, but when they'reoff, uh they are completely you
know introverted and and don'tnecess may not necessarily want
to be, you know, around groupsof people.
And they and and they're alsodealing with a lot of
(09:57):
sensitivity, too, even thoughagain they may play tough, they
may, you know, like even actors,some of the most toughest actors
that you'll see, you know, onstage or on screen, the most
even the villains, the ones thatdo the villa and do a great job
at portraying villains, are veryquite sensitive in nature.
And why they do so well isbecause they have empathy
(10:20):
towards the character they'replaying.
SPEAKER_01 (10:26):
You've just reminded me that when we hate a villain
that we watch in a movie, it'sbecause they are doing such a
good job.
They've persuaded us that theyare that character.
And what you're saying also isuh it sounds to me that the
intensity of what they are doingprofessionally has got a mental
and emotional load as well.
(10:48):
You said that they are taking onemotions, and I I suppose with
that they take on the energy ofthe character as well as the
energy of the people that theyare acting with, that that group
dynamic.
So they're having to managethemselves, their own energy and
what they are putting into theirrole professionally and doing
the best with that.
But at the same time, they haveto be mindful.
(11:09):
There's an interplay betweenwhat they do, like a dance, what
they do, what the other actorsare doing, how are they watching
each other's cues, how are theyflowing and all that, and
noticing all the details.
I imagine that would beexhausting.
So that's that off-stage andthat on stage persona.
SPEAKER_04 (11:25):
Yeah, and a lot of times, you know, I mean, yes,
you know, typically a lot ofactors will bring, you know, the
kind of them together, but theidea a lot of times is that
they're, you know, a stage, youknow, the persona in in in the
particular role that they'replaying may be at complete odds
(11:46):
on who they really are asindividuals.
And most people may notunderstand that, you know,
initially, or have a hard timeunderstanding that.
Because again, they're they umare really good at just you know
(12:07):
portraying a cat as portraying acharacter, reading a script
based on what an author, youknow, from an author.
SPEAKER_01 (12:16):
And bringing that to life and persuading the audience
that they are that person.
SPEAKER_04 (12:21):
And and and and that they live that truth, yes.
SPEAKER_01 (12:23):
Yes, yes.
Wow.
For that to be totally congruentand persuasive, but at the same
time, when they've shed thatpersona, when the day is done
and they're going home, they'regoing to going home to a
different version of themselves,or rather the true version of
themselves.
SPEAKER_04 (12:40):
Right.
It yeah, exactly.
It's and and sometimes becausethey really do such a great job
of connecting and this mightagain be be sometimes a little
hard to grasp, a lot of timesthey get lost with those two in
(13:01):
a sense.
Like, you know, they actuallysometimes get um you know lost
in in that character.
And they almost don't evenremember where they, you know,
kind of came from.
SPEAKER_01 (13:17):
Where they end and where the character begins.
So that's almost like anentanglement or a merger.
SPEAKER_03 (13:24):
Right.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_04 (13:26):
Um exactly.
It it's like they don't theydon't remember where they come,
you know, come from and theydon't even know where they're
going.
SPEAKER_01 (13:36):
Yeah.
Wow.
That gives us a new respect forthe work of an actor.
Now tell us about your book RiseAbove the Script.
When you say script, I imagineyou meant this the stage script
for forming arts uh context.
But what are scripts essentiallyand where do they come from?
SPEAKER_04 (13:55):
Well, I I use a script as a metaphor because um,
you know, the the uh a script onstage or you know, in a movie or
on stage really guides yourdialogue both internally and
externally as a character.
Um there's stage directions,there's fate, you know, even
nonverbal directions, and soit's pretty much guiding your
(14:17):
entire life.
But we also have scriptsinternally inside of us as human
beings that kind of guide ourbehaviors on a daily basis.
You know, how should we behave?
How should we think?
How should we feel?
How should we respond?
You know, how do, you know, howdo we process this information?
How do we process our thoughts?
(14:39):
So, and and that you know, itguides us both our behaviors
internally and externally.
So a lot of us are walkingaround kind of like an automatic
pilot, you know, we're we'reworking from a state of reaction
or being totally reactive, youknow, in situations without even
knowing why, and without reallyconsidering it.
(15:01):
So and this is especially truewith self-sabotage.
Because most of the time, again,when people when they're
self-sabotaging, they don'trealize they're doing it.
It's just automatic behavior.
It's like, well, automaticallythis is just happening.
So yeah, it it makes this is whyagain, it's very um, very
(15:24):
sneaky.
SPEAKER_01 (15:27):
And where do these scripts come from?
SPEAKER_04 (15:31):
Our childhood, our our parents, our program that we
received from from our family,um, from our uh again, our
parents when we grow up in asense, maybe our teachers, our
primary school teachers, reallywill make an input.
But ideally, it's it comes fromour parents, you know, and and
(15:53):
the messages that we receivegrowing up from them.
SPEAKER_01 (15:59):
So, how do we become aware of these scripts?
And what do we do to interruptthem?
SPEAKER_04 (16:08):
Well, the first step is get aware of them, and and
that takes sometimes insight abit, uh, a little bit of
insight, a little bit of um justreally understanding um things
in a sense, just reallyunderstanding where things are
coming from, and reallyunderstanding, you know, kind of
(16:30):
like the world that we're in.
And and that's what really whatwhat comes down to at the end of
the day, is really justunderstanding what what happens
and then being able to um youknow say no or stand up to to
it, or even just challenge thatthat internal assumption.
(16:50):
Like especially with artists, ifyou walk around as an actor with
the mindset or the notion, oreven the script that I must be a
struggling actor, or just ingeneral, I must be, you know,
money is no, you know, is evil.
And it's a limiting belief, butit's like a script that goes on
(17:13):
in our in our mind and ourconsciousness that we tend to
start living this over and overagain.
SPEAKER_02 (17:24):
So we're acting out the script unconsciousness.
SPEAKER_04 (17:28):
We're we're we're you know, the script is like
being generated subconsciously,but then we're we're acting out
on it.
And the thing is that we don'treally know it's a script, we
think that it's like just theway things are.
You know, most people that whenthey're stuck in like that
victim mindset, it's you'lloften hear it is what it is
mentality when it's not, youknow, it's your creation, you
(17:56):
can change a script at any time,and that's what I mean by like
rising above the script.
SPEAKER_01 (18:06):
So, what are some helpful ways to rise above the
script?
What can someone do if theyrecognize that they are living
from a script that is no longerhelpful?
What is something practical thatthey can start doing
differently?
SPEAKER_04 (18:20):
Well, uh the first thing is changing your life, uh,
and and small changes.
I'm not talking about radicalchanges because most people will
not do radical changesinitially.
So let's look at some smallthings that you can do.
You know, what are some littlelittle tiny actions that you can
(18:40):
take?
You know, what yeah, on aday-to-day basis.
And a lot of times it could evenbe like saying things to
yourself in the mirror, like,you know, I am a working
professional, I deserve to behere.
Um, but really fully believe it.
You know, that's why, like, youknow, I think affirmations are
great, but you really have to umfully believe the affirmation,
(19:07):
like fullheartedly, your heartand soul.
It's not just, well, I'm gonnabe great today, I'm gonna be
rich today.
Well, that's wonderful.
But do you really fully believethat?
And do you feel that you'redeserving of that?
So a lot of times this is where,you know, now if you have a lot
of trauma coming in, you know,that that you have a lot of
leftover trauma, then it may bea good idea to go to a coach or
(19:30):
a therapist, you know, to kindof do what we call like
emotional clearing work, to kindof clear that emotion out.
And then you can then start toum move on from there and move
forward.
SPEAKER_01 (19:50):
So you're saying that the trauma is getting in
the way of someone rewritingtheir script?
Is the trauma causing them to bestuck to read?
play the script and not be ableto come out of that loop?
Is that what you're saying?
SPEAKER_04 (20:03):
It can be.
It can be.
Well it's like the the initialcause of of everything.
You know, and and so some andwhat's interesting about trauma,
it doesn't have to necessarilybe like a sensational event.
It could be little things likeyou know maybe you grew up in a
family where you weren't yourparents' favorite child.
(20:26):
Maybe your parents favored uhyour brother or your sister and
in a in a more in a very strongway.
And so you kind of felt like youhad to compete or live in your
sibling's shadow so to speak andthat will cause someone to feel
inadequate.
(20:47):
And that could be a trauma ormaybe your your parents were
were very busy you know and theydidn't really know how to show
you love and that can hold youback.
But is it not also true thatmost parents come from a place
(21:07):
of being well-meaning and goodintentions and are trying to do
their best for their childabsolutely most parents almost
all parents really are doing thebest they can they have really
strong intentions but likeeverybody else that they also
have their traumas and you knowthey're doing the best of what
(21:29):
they can with what with whatthey have and and so this is why
it's really important tounderstand and and and take a
step back and not be so reactivethat yes your parents may not
have been the best you know bytextbook standards or by
conventional standards perfectparents they were doing the best
(21:50):
they can with what they had andmaybe they didn't have strong
models themselves to go by.
So they were winging it you knowdoing with what they can and you
know even back in the certaingenerations mental health wasn't
really talked about.
SPEAKER_01 (22:09):
So very likely their traumas went unresolved and then
carry it now carries into youyour you know generation so
we're talking about generationaltrauma but also the context of
it I think understanding the thecontext of what someone has been
through parents grandparents andso on what was what else was
(22:33):
happening in the world in theirworld how were they coping how
were they being supported or notsupported and how did that
create the trauma that then getspassed on to the next generation
because it wasn't resolved 100%and and and and and that's
entirely true.
SPEAKER_04 (22:51):
I mean if we inherit personality traits if we inherit
physical traits behavioraltraits it would make sense that
we would also inherit the traumatoo you know it wouldn't be that
long of a stretch to think thatalthough it's really you know
it's I think it's really slowlybecoming discussed now more.
(23:13):
I think a few years ago if youmentioned general trauma people
were looking and say what areyou talking about?
But it's a real thing.
And you know a lot of timeswe're walking around and this is
why sometimes we could even bewalking around being you know
having the effects of trauma butmaybe not even consciously know
(23:33):
where it's coming from.
And that relates to your and andwhy it's relating to your
behavior especially in yourselfum sabotaging behavior.
And and that yeah and and veryoften we are engaging in
self-sabotaging behavior becauseof trauma.
Now another exact another bigself-sabotaging behavior that
(23:56):
almost all of us some some mightgo through is procrastination.
Now you know there's there'snormal you know typical
procrastination like waitingmaybe the last day to pay your
bills you know till they're dueor you know waiting you know to
c to you know as a collegestudent or high school student
waiting to the last minute tocomplete your homework that's
(24:19):
that happens but there's peoplewho chronically procrastinate
and and very often they don'tknow what why they do it.
They don't know how how to stopit and we're finding out now a
link strong link between traumaand procrastination chronic
procrastination that it might bea trauma response can you talk
(24:45):
more about that sure well youknow a lot of times you know we
we may even procrastinatebecause we're fearful of
something um you know notnecessarily the task itself but
maybe the outcome you knowespecially if you're like trying
to build a a legacy or a lifeand if you complete a certain
(25:11):
task well a your life is goingto change your identity may
change and we you know that canbe scary that change can be
scary being you know productivecan be scary on a even on an
unconscious level especially ifit's gonna change your identity
(25:35):
and your identity you know itcan even be something simple as
I'm an average student.
Well therefore if you keeptelling yourself that your
subconscious mind is gonna sayokay I hear you we're an average
student so let's do everythingan average student does and what
let's not rock the boat on thatnarrative or if you're a victim
(26:00):
you know we're gonnaeverything's gonna go wrong okay
again your subconscious mindsays your wish is my command
done so therefore we'll wait tothe absolute last minute to do
something and as much as peoplewill will debate me and and may
(26:22):
even disagree with me the ideahere is that most people are not
product fully productive whenthey procrastinate now yes they
can do they can do a decent jobthey can get the job done I'm
not gonna deny that but veryoften they're not gonna do it
effectively as they could havedone it had they used some
(26:43):
planning and and broke it downum but yeah definitely trauma
and also a lot of times you knowbeing in you know especially
going back to the thing in thethemes of the podcast uh another
sign of trauma especially forintroverts is being around being
(27:06):
in large groups means thrustinto a large group are being put
in the spotlight that can bevery scary it's like an after
being put in the spotlight onstage and and having a moment
where they can't deliver rightwell not only that they forget
(27:28):
they may they may flub a lineyou know and now most of the
time the aud you know the thethe audience or the viewers if
it's on camera may not catchthat you know because if they
don't unless you're like uh areyou know reading the play or
reading the scripts of the moviein detail you most likely will
(27:49):
not re you know even catch whenan actor may throw a line they
know though you know becauseit's the you know they they're
living in a moment so they canstart beating themselves up in
their mind therefore their brainis now going to protect them
(28:09):
from experiencing anxiety againand what great way to protect
you to make sure you never workagain because your brain really
has one motivation protectprotect you protect and survive
and doesn't that also thenreinforce the limiting belief
(28:32):
that I am a struggling actor100% I have evidence now I
flubbed the line see and youknow what they don't realize is
that instead of like you knowbecause nor the normal
conservative practice says see Ican't do anything right I
flubbed the line but it'sbecause you already had that
(28:54):
struggling mindset that causedyou to choke on that line to
begin with metaphorically soit's kind of like you're looking
at things the other in the youknow from an external situation
rather than an internal soyou're reacting to something
instead of taking control of itassuming agency and doing
(29:19):
something about it.
SPEAKER_01 (29:20):
So how does one develop that self-responsibility
or self-leadership in order toavoid these self-sabotaging
behaviors?
SPEAKER_04 (29:28):
Well the first thing is like you know you want to
start practicing accountabilityand you know really radical
radical honesty and radicalaccountability what we mean by
that and this is where again agood coach will come in and um
hold you accountable because thethe first thing is
accountability you know like umtaking taking responsibility for
(29:51):
how you're responding and andand what's going on and and it
may not always be fun to do thatbut the important thing is is
like once you start takingaccountability and that might
mean you know putting things onyour calendar getting things you
know following through what yousay following through your word
(30:11):
leading life with integrity whenyou start to do that that's when
you'll start to see thingschange that's when you rise
above the script by writing anew one exactly you write you
write you change the narrativeand you know you're not perfect
(30:31):
nobody says you're perfect butthe idea here is that you start
to change the narrative a bitthat's where being an actor
comes in very useful isn't itbecause they're already used to
taking on a script really beingin the moment with that script
(30:52):
to becoming that character.
SPEAKER_01 (30:53):
So if they could write themselves a new script
and embody that script or thatnew character they would have a
head starter over the rest ofus.
Yes absolutely when you said toembody you said you know it's
one thing to say the affirmationbut then you have to fully
(31:14):
believe the affirmation you haveto you really embody it what do
you mean by that can you go intothat a bit well embodying it
means truly like living it not II can tell you Dan and that I
mean I can come right now andjust tell you how I um you know
I'm the king of uh of Englandand I'm gonna make you know I'm
(31:36):
ruling this now no I'm not youknow I'm just saying you that
and the same thing goes if Iturn around and say well I'm
successful that's greatwonderful but embody it means
I'll truly believe it trulyinternalize it take the mindset
of a successful person take themindset of a confident person
(31:58):
that's what's important so it'slike fully embodying that what
would a successful person do inthis situation?
SPEAKER_04 (32:07):
How would they walk how would they carry themselves
how would they conductthemselves on all of those
things should be what we shouldbe striving for.
So you're actually painting inthe details not just saying
something that's you knowtheoretically or intellectually
sounds good but you actuallyhave to take on that role as
(32:29):
though you are that person to beso convincing to yourself to
your own subconscious mind thatthis is who I am now this is my
new identity yeah and it's it'snot just telling other people
because you know that'll followbut it's really convincing it to
yourself.
That's the hardest job of allthe it truly is and and again
(32:51):
because it's as we have tochange and as human beings we
don't like to change we like tostay comfortable in a situation
we like to stay the status quoin a sense so being comfortable
well that's that's just not nota good thing.
You know that I mean beinguncomfortable I mean being
comfortable we want to do wewant to stay comfortable and and
and we want to stay safe becausewe know comfortable means being
(33:14):
safe at least and a subconsciouslevel so to do things
differently to start acting in acertain way changing your script
in the beginning is scary and soand uncomfortable and what we
have to do in in if we're gonnatruly change and truly embody
new characteristics we have tobe what we call comfortable with
(33:37):
being uncomfortable you knowlike a double entendre there.
It's like we have to becomfortable with being
uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01 (33:46):
So it's we're gonna have to step outside our comfort
zone one way or the other andthat's why I think you mentioned
a few times the importance ofthat emotional clearing work and
of having a coach or a therapistor someone like that to support
us with that process.
Because it's not something Ithink any of us can undertake
(34:08):
alone.
It is a it's a huge journey thispersonal inner work that you're
referring to where people learnto become radically honest and
radically accountable.
SPEAKER_04 (34:21):
We need to have someone by our side or have a
support network of some kind tosupport us through that messy
middle of that transition isn'ttoo yeah exactly and and and and
it can be messy it's gonna beit's not gonna be a smooth thing
it's not gonna be like it it thechange especially if you're
(34:42):
changing a script that you'vebeen carrying around for years
think of how long it took you toget where you are now to kind of
unravel it it's gonna take youknow a lot a little bit of time
too so it's not gonna just beyou know smooth sailing and
because if it wasn't we'd all belike you know millionaires on
the odds and successful but it'snot you know it's not that easy
(35:07):
and it takes time it takesperseverance it takes you know
uh implementation what is onething you want the introverts
and the quiet achievers whilelistening to this to take away
from our conversation today theone thing well first of all you
(35:27):
are enough and really respectyour limitations because you
know it it definitely it'simportant to connect with other
people but you we need to becompassionate with yourself I
think it's important to becompassionate you know use
compassion with yourself and youdon't have to be the you don't
(35:47):
have to go to every party youyou respect yourself if you need
to recharge it's okay to setboundaries you know even for me
like you know I'll go to a lotof conferences and sometimes
they'll they'll have the showflowers and the and the meetups
and and I love and I really liketalking to people but sometimes
(36:09):
the the crowds can be a bitoverwhelming especially if I
don't know anybody that a lot ofpeople there.
So for me sometimes I'll I youknow I'll go there for like 10
15 minutes say hello my hellosand I'm gone I know myself I
know what I can do and and I'llstill take you know and and and
(36:30):
I don't this is it now sometimesif I'm having a good
conversation I'm not gonna leaveof course but you know if I I
know my time I'm like okay Ineed to recharge let me go back
to you know my go back to myspace and then I can always come
back down an hour later theimportant thing is knowing you
(36:51):
you know who you are and whatand how and how that will show
up.
And and that's different foreverybody what might work for me
may not work for for you it'sit's important to kind of be
delicate treat yourself nicelyand be gentle.
SPEAKER_01 (37:09):
But at the same time also work about changing and
those two things can sound likethey are a paradox but they're
not I think there's plenty ofroom for us to expand our
comfort zone but at the sametime while we're doing that to
hold ourselves gently andcompassionately as we go about
it.
SPEAKER_04 (37:29):
Yes yeah I mean and and do it slowly I mean I'm you
know I when I say step out yourcomfort zone yeah we're not
talking do something radicallysomething small do something a
little bit differently and thenstart gradually once you get get
used to that then add somethingelse to that and and eventually
(37:49):
you will change have a bigchange but you do it in steps
and and you're more likely whenit's small and manageable like
that it's going to be easilyreached more rather than you
know setting these lofty and outand outrageously high goals that
are almost impossible to reachthis is why most New Year's
(38:10):
resolutions fail because peopleset such large lofty resolutions
and they don't reach thembecause they're too big and too
little time.
SPEAKER_01 (38:25):
So be more patient be a little bit less ambitious
with the goals and take it thinkof it as a long-term project.
Yes exactly it it's long termand you gotta be in it for the
long term well thank you so muchAlbert for sharing your time and
your wisdom with us today andmaking us aware of the scripts
(38:47):
that are running our lives andhow to rewrite them so we can
live from empowerment ratherthan fear.
Thank you again Serena forhaving me here if you enjoyed
today's episode be sure to leavea five star rating in review to
help the Quiet Warrior podcastreach more introverts and quiet
achievers around the world.
And for resources on how tothrive as an introvert make sure
(39:10):
to join the visible introvertcommunity at Serenalo.com.au see
you on the next episode I'm sograteful that you're here today.
SPEAKER_00 (39:21):
If you found this content valuable please share it
on your social media channelsand subscribe to the show on
your favorite listeningplatform.
Together we can help moreintroverts thrive.
SPEAKER_01 (39:33):
To receive more uplifting content like this
connect with me on Instagram atSerenaloo QuietWarrior coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode
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