75. How To Move Forward When You Don't Have All The Answers

In this solo episode, I delve into the process of finding the right next step in life, especially when it feels like you need to have all the answers before moving forward. I reflect on my own experiences of overthinking and the pressure to please others, and how that led me to miss the joy of simply being curious and exploring the unknown.

Through this episode, I share how reconnecting with my younger self has allowed me to embrace my authentic self and take the next step in my journey with confidence. This practice of self-acceptance, compassion, and deep inner work is a powerful tool for introverts and quiet achievers, especially those navigating the challenges of perfectionism and the need for external validation.

This episode is an invitation to take the time to sit with your younger self, offer the compassion and support you may not have received, and embrace your authenticity. If you're ready to go beyond intellectual understanding and do the deeper work needed for lasting transformation, reach out to me for support.

If you found this episode helpful, please rate and review The Quiet Warrior Podcast to help us reach more quiet achievers who are ready to step into their power and embrace their authentic selves.

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This episode was edited by Aura House Productions

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Serena Loh.
If you're used to hearing thatintroverts are shy, anxious,
antisocial and lack goodcommunication and leadership
skills, then this podcast is foryou.
You're about to fall in lovewith the calm, introspective and
profound person that you are.
Discover what's fun, unique andpowerful about being an

(00:22):
introvert, and how to make theelegant transition from quiet
achiever to quiet warrior inyour life and work anytime you
want, in more ways than youimagined possible.
Welcome Today I'm tryingsomething a little bit different
.
Instead of using my Samsungmicrophone, I'm speaking

(00:42):
directly to my phone, so what Iwanted to talk about is how to
know what the next step is foryou now.
I know a lot of people say thatthey need clarity first, and
this was me.
I have been that person thatneeded every answer worked out.

(01:05):
I needed to know all thedetails.
I needed every possible exitroute, every plan B, plan C,
every way of anticipating whatif the worst happens.
Worst happens, and because Iwas often so busy in my head

(01:25):
overthinking all the worst casescenarios, I lost the joy of
simply being curious and findingthings out for myself, and so I
realized that if I had beenbraver earlier in life, if I had
tried more things failed moreoften, had more experiences, it

(01:50):
would not have taken me so manydecades to get this far, this
far being not even that far yet.
I'm only just getting startedin my 50s, but for most of my
life I was busy pleasing,placating, trying to be perfect,

(02:12):
trying to tick all the boxes,trying to earn the recognition
to hear someone say you'rereally competence, I think
you've got great things in you,and I realise now what I didn't
know then, that these are thethings we can and should be

(02:36):
saying to ourselves every day.
We don't need an externalperson, an authority figure, to
certify or accredit ourcompetence or our lived
experience or all the mistakeswe've made that have made us
wiser, richer, more rounded,more human.

(03:01):
I remember when a supervisoronce asked me how are you, how
are you doing?
And my immediate answer was todeflect the question and go
straight into a list of all thethings I had been doing, things

(03:22):
I felt proud of, things I felt asense of pride and achievement
in, and she gently pointed out Iasked you how you are you're
doing, you know, how are youfeeling about things?
But instead you have told meall the things you are doing,

(03:45):
and that moment crystallized forme this habit of bypassing
recognizing sitting with beinghonest about my emotional state,
of where I am at any pointbeing comfortable enough to
recognize what that emotion is,being comfortable enough to talk

(04:11):
about it and instead defaultingto action mode.
And yes, I can point to myearly conditioning as the root
cause of why I always feel Ineed to be doing and busy.
But I think it's more importantnow that that I know what I

(04:35):
know to practice being, and tome what that looks like, is
going back to who I was as achild, before I became overly
conditioned and overly aware ofwhat adults and authority
figures perceived as who Ishould be.
And when I think back far enoughto about maybe three or four

(04:57):
years old, even five years old,when I look back at the few baby
photos you know, those blackand white old photos I see
innocence, I see joy.
I don't see anyself-consciousness yet I just

(05:19):
see an ordinary child beingherself Laughing, smiling,
lovable.
Fast forward a few years andthe photos start to look
different.
Fast forward a few years andthe photos start to look
different.
I'm looking self-conscious.
I'm avoiding the camera,avoiding eye contact, looking

(05:45):
sideways In class photos, I'msandwiched between two people
and standing awkwardly as if I'mtrying to hide myself and a
little more.
And when I'm standing with mypeers, with my friends, it's
really obvious who's the nerdyone and who's the cool one.
It's really obvious who's theconfident one and who's that

(06:11):
awkward one.
And where does all thisself-consciousness, body
consciousness, anxiety about ourimage come from?
It comes from the stories wewere told, and the stories we
told ourselves.
And I think the stories we toldourselves are even more
profound and significant and weneed to look at them.

(06:33):
We need to ask ourselves why wetold those stories.
What did those stories do forme?
How did they help me?
And I think, at the very rootof it, we find that we were just
trying to be safe.
We were trying to protectourselves.
We were trying to keep thatprecious part of us away from

(06:54):
people who would harm us in someway, people who were negative,
people, who were overly critical, people who were judgmental,
people who could shame us,people who had power over us and
who were not afraid to use thatpower in a way that felt

(07:14):
intrusive, maybe even abusive.
And so when I go back to sitwith my younger self, with my
four-year-old self, I like toremind her that even then, long

(07:38):
before she knew what the worldwas about or knew that she had
to perform to expectations, shewas already loved and lovable.
And if she didn't receive thelove that she needed at that
time, if she didn't feel safe inher world at that time, things

(07:59):
are different.
Now she's got me, and togetherwe're going to take care of
things and make sure that she'sokay, to make sure that she gets
the space to speak her mind, tobe herself fully, to express
everything that is on her soul,whether that's through words,

(08:23):
through music, through art,through just being her unique,
quirky self, her own brand ofhumour, her way of moving
through the world, to let herknow that just the fact that she
exists is already somethingmiraculous and magical and that,

(08:47):
whatever else she decides to dowith her life as she grows up,
it is fine.
And so this is an invitation toyou too that you can do this
enormously profound, importantinner work for yourself, simply
by sitting with your youngerself, having a conversation,

(09:09):
giving yourself a hug, givingyourself the love, the words of
affirmation, the physical touch,the assurances that you feel
you didn't receive as a child.
All of us can do this forourselves as a child.

(09:30):
All of us can do this forourselves right now, and if you
need extra support with thisprocess, let me know.
I'm also a certified root causetherapist.
What I do is help my clients togo beyond the intellectual,
because we are doneintellectualizing.
We know that our solutions liemuch deeper, that it is what

(09:51):
happened a long time ago.
That could be the reason why weare showing up the way we do,
that it's not just anothertheory, another concept, another
framework, another three waysto do something that's going to
help us.
What we need is far deeper, andwe're ready to do this brave

(10:11):
walk.
So if that is, you reach out tome.
Let's have a conversation so wecan help you to get back in
touch with who you are, with howyou feel, with the essence of
you, and help you find andrekindle that magic that is
already inside you.

(10:31):
See you on the next episode.
I'm so grateful that you'rehere today.
If you found this contentvaluable, please share it on
your social media channels andsubscribe to the show on your
favorite listening platform.
Together, we can help moreintroverts thrive.
To receive more upliftingcontent like this, connect with

(10:52):
me on Instagram at Serena LoQuiet Warrior Coach.
Thank you for sharing your timeand your energy with me.
See you on the next episode.