Mary shares her gripping testimony about navigating trauma, anxiety, and addiction rooted in childhood experiences, particularly stemming from her parent’s divorce and spiritual warfare. The conversation emphasizes the impact of family dynamics on children's mental health, the importance of faith in healing, and the transformative power of forgiveness.
• Mary’s upbringing: a blend of faith and isolation
• Transitioning from homeschooling to public school and facing trauma
• Early signs of sexual confusion and anxiety stemming from trauma
• The impact of divorce on children’s emotional well-being
• Spiritual warfare’s role in shaping childhood experiences
• The importance of forgiveness for personal healing
• Finding strength and identity through faith in God
Thank You for Joining Us!
For the full show notes, including links to any resources mentioned, please visit The Radiant Mission Blog.
Follow along on social media:
Instagram
Facebook
Enjoying the show? Please refer it to a friend :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission podcast.
My name is Rebecca Toomey andwe are on a mission to encourage
and inspire you as you'renavigating through your life and
with your relationship withChrist.
We've been in a series on beingcountercultural in a secular
world and today I welcome a veryspecial guest who has so
graciously agreed to share hertestimony today.
(00:53):
Her name is Mary Corona and wewill be diving into a topic we
haven't really yet explored andthat is with sex and sex
addiction, anxiety, divorce,spiritual warfare and spiritual
attacks and some more things.
There'll be some surprisesalong the way, I'm sure, but,
mary, thank you so much forbeing here and for being willing
(01:15):
and open and vulnerable toshare your testimony.
Thank you for having me Allright, so we'll dive right in.
Can you just start by sharing alittle bit about your
background?
How did you grow up, you know,were you raised in the faith,
and then how did things progressas you've gone through your
(01:35):
life?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So, yes, in my childhood we were raised in the
faith.
We were raised with JesusChrist, the Holy Spirit, god,
and, but we were like a Sundaychurch family.
So they encouraged us at home,but we didn't really do anything
outside of like Sunday churches, as far as any get togethers or
(01:59):
anything like that.
We were really sheltered aschildren, very helicopter
parenty as far as like what notto watch you know who to be
around, um, and we didn't go topublic school we were, so we
just stayed at home.
So we were homeschooled.
Yes, okay, me too.
Yeah, I, I usually go into thatas we get more into the story
(02:21):
as well with me.
So I would say we were supposedto be homeschooled but there
was never any materials given.
So for many years I was lackingin education.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Oh, interesting.
Okay, so there wasn't schoolingactually going on for a period
of time.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yes, at the time it was, I think it was a money
thing.
At the time my dad waspetrified of public schools.
He felt like they just were not.
I guess, and especiallynowadays I understand kind of
the perspective.
But the problem was, is, Iguess, not really liking the
government?
I would put it plainly.
But I don't know if it was amoney thing really or anything.
(03:00):
But yeah, we didn't havematerials for schooling for many
years.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
So it sounds like he knew that the public school
system was corrupt, so to speak,and not going to teach you guys
the best things.
But then also you, your parents, weren't equipped with the
right tools and the right thingsto really jump into
homeschooling at first.
Now, did that change over theyears?
Did it get better, or changeover the years?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Did it get better or Um?
So, um, we're going to jump onit cause I feel like we'll jump
around.
But basically um went rightbefore my parents' divorce at
some point, uh, when I wasaround 11, we had moved, um, we
lived in Ohio, originally movedto Arizona and about a year
living in Arizona my dad did getus homeschooling.
So around 11, I was starting myfirst grade education, yes, and
(03:53):
then I don't even think we wereliving there a year and my
parents broke the news they weredivorcing and so after that,
only a few days after um thedivorce, my dad um took me and
my sister live with him and hisgirlfriend.
So from then on, with thedivorce custody, I will plainly
(04:19):
say that I think he was tryingto look good for the courts and
put in, kind of just threw us inpublic school.
Okay, I think he was trying tolook good for the courts and
kind of just threw us in publicschool.
And that wasn't a culture shock,because my dad apparently just
didn't understand how much of aneducation I was lacking because
he put me right in fifth grade.
Yes, it was a big culture shockbecause you know how in schools
(04:41):
, you can feel at school out fora day.
You know how, in schools, youcan feel at school out for a day
.
Well, they sat me in the classand they were doing a pop quiz
and we were all in our littlecubicles and I'm looking down at
this paper and I'm like I gotsober when I started crying and
freaking out.
I was like I need to call, likemy dad.
I don't know what I'm lookingat.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
It was multiplication and division wow, I was gonna
say did you know how to, or ask?
Did you know how to or ask?
Did you know how to read?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
yet, I did know how to read, so we kind of had like
the phonics part.
That was like really the onlything we had was phonics and I
don't really I think just overtime, just kind of with my mom,
got the reading part and writing, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
But math, you were like what is this?
Is this a foreign language?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yes, so yeah, it was my, and it was just crazy.
I guess he was just so out ofthe loop because he was like in
shock that I didn't know.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, so fromthen on we went into a public
school but I had to sit intolike the back with like kids
that need more attention andliterally like crash course me
on like first through, likefifth grade, on like oh, did I
mention it was only the last twomonths of fifth grade?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
No, oh no.
That sounds very intimidating,and so, on top of the
educational part, you also hadbeen pretty sheltered from being
around other kids.
That was probably fifth grade.
That's a very transitional timefor kids too, because they're
like starting to learn abouttheir bodies and all that kind
(06:16):
of stuff as they're about to gointo middle school.
How was that?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
It was a, it was very I don't know how to say.
I feel like with how I wassheltered.
I felt like I was a little atthe time a little, a little less
mature for that age, I don'tknow like a little more, like so
it was kind of more not reallysure how to interact with kids.
In certain ways, like so I madefriends, but at the same time I
(06:42):
felt like I was not fullysocially aware on certain things
on how to behave around kids.
At the same time, I think youjust like the awkward situations
of just being an awkward kid.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah, Did you have friends outside of this?
So before you were thrown intothe situation, did you have
friends from from yourneighborhood or from church or
anything like that?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
No, we really isolated ourselves.
My parents really kept thingsvery private, so I would call
them like church friends.
You know the kids you getexcited to see on Sunday, but
you'd never talk to them outsideof church or hang outside of
church or anything.
It's just during those fewhours on Sunday service.
Wow, yeah, I had a youngersibling who was three years
younger, and that was like mybest friend for many years yeah,
(07:27):
oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Well, I'm curious to hear more about how this kind of
goes into your story, so I'lllet you take back over and take
us where you want to go.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Um and so much to like go around with yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Um, well, on that topic with being sheltered, I
was saying um, and just beingthe, how we lived and everything
we can kind of touch on, likehow less kind of got brought in
for me.
Um, because at a very young ageage I want to say about six or
seven, um, it's so like weird totalk about out loud because
I've never talked about it.
But around that age I startedto um, get into.
(08:16):
I don't know how to saypleasuring myself, I guess is
how I would say it, but I didn'tknow how to say it.
Pleasuring myself, I guess ishow I would say it, but I didn't
know what I was doing either.
It was just something randomlythat came up for me and I don't
remember how I discovered it orwhat happened.
I wasn't exposed to anythinglike that as a child, like no
(08:39):
movies or shows or anything likethat.
But, I didn't know at all whatit was that I was doing, because
it wasn't just a traditionalway.
I don't want to be explicit onanything, sure so so, but it was
so innocent to the fact that Iliterally like my sister would
spend the night read a story tome and she would spend the night
(09:01):
in the room and I would just bein the bed in the doing and she
like caught me doing and shewas like stop that.
And I was like oh okay, like noidea what it is, you know like
just innocently finding it out.
So, and at one point after thatit started to make me wonder
like this is wrong like am I notsupposed to do this, especially
(09:23):
like growing up with it, likeam I like in a little kid mind
like is this wrong?
So I actually at one point wentto talk to my mom about it.
But my mom is very, um, awkwardabout things like that, so for
her she was too uncomfortablewith the conversation.
So I'm like I think what I'mnot doing is right, like
(09:46):
basically telling her this, whatI'm doing, but I don't really
know how to explain it because Idon't quite know what I'm doing
, but I know it feels good.
And so I think my mom prettymuch kind of just told me like
well, I kind of remember now inthis, like how comfortable she
was.
She's like, well, it's okay andI'm just pray to Jesus and I'm
just like okay, but it doesn'treally solve the situation
(10:07):
because I don't know what'sgoing on.
You know, so I can do that, butit doesn't really get to the
root issue of what's causingthat.
You know, so, um, so thatdidn't stop and I think it
honestly just got worse as I gotolder.
Um, just like the feeling andthe need for it, so, um, that
(10:28):
really just kind of continue onthroughout the years and then,
as things progress with, likethe divorce and everything, then
things kind of went um moreinto that direction.
So I'm trying not to be toolong, I don't know how, like I
don't know, no, no, no, you, youtake your time as long as you
(10:49):
need, okay um, so that's um.
another thing on it with thewhole with my mom thing because
I even talked to her about thisyou know, is something I've
learned is that, as parents,there's so much spiritual
warfare that you have to battleagainst for your kids because it
comes.
There's so many generationalcurses that can attach on
(11:10):
through your bloodline and ifyou don't patch it or if you're
not consistently payingattention to praying, I feel
like you have to be able to becomfortable, being uncomfortable
in order to battle these thingsAbsolutely.
Yeah, cause I feel like ifthere was and it's not that my
mom's a problem, I just shedidn't know any better.
You know she didn't have thoseresources or that foundation.
(11:32):
So it's just something I keepin mind for myself.
When I have children, you know,is we gotta be able to teach
them how to battle these thingsthemselves and ourselves for
them.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
That's an interesting question to pose, to Do you
feel or have you discovered thatthere may have been any sort of
attachment to either of yourparents with that realm of stuff
?
So whether it was sexuality orpornography, or you know that
(12:06):
spirit, you know, and was thatsomething that you feel was
passed from one of your parents'bloodlines?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
I know for sure.
On my dad's side of the familythere was a lot of lust and
sexual morality and my dad Ifeel like he wanted to go on the
right path, but I feel like hesuffered too, Because I know my
dad was not faithful like youshould have been to my mom, was
not faithful like you shouldhave been to my mom.
(12:35):
So I absolutely feel like whenyou're exposing yourself to
these things, you are exposingthem to your household and your
children.
So I definitely believe that.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, definitely it's interesting.
This has been a topic you know,spiritual warfare that we've
been talking about on thepodcast quite a bit, and last
week we talked about children alittle bit and how to pray over
our children and protection forour children.
And it is such an importantthing as mothers that we speak
(13:05):
life and we speak over some ofthis stuff, because until they
can make decisions forthemselves, until they can
decide or know, or have thediscernment to know whether they
have something dark or a spiritattached to them, it's really
up to us to say anything that'sof darkness, that's here, you
don't belong here.
This child belongs to God andbelongs to me, and we do have
(13:29):
the power to say that in thename of Jesus, and we do have
the power to say that in thename of Jesus.
But as far as deliverance goes,I've been taking this spiritual
warfare class where she talksabout when it comes to
deliverance.
You don't do deliverance onchildren if they're not aware.
Someone has to decide and makethat decision.
But we do have the authority topray over our children and to
(13:50):
speak over those negative forceson behalf of our young children
.
So it's just, this is a greattopic that you're bringing up
for us especially, lots and lotsof our listeners are moms, and
I think that it's something thatwe need to be aware of and we
need to have an awareness about,and we are specifically talking
(14:11):
about the spirit of lust, likewe've said, but this applies to
other spirits too Children thatare growing up in homes where
there's alcohol, where there isthat dark, angry spirit or other
types of substance abuse orissues.
We are opening doors.
Yeah, anxiety, that's a greatexample.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, definitely, absolutely.
Yeah, I 100% agree and I'm gladit's being talked about.
It really needs to like andcause, I think, the more
awareness we have of just howeverything it says in the Bible
we don't wrestle against fleshand blood, we wrestle in the
spirit, and it's so true, andwe're in a time where everything
is so heavy and attacks in thespirit right now.
(14:56):
And it's so important to putthat armor on and just go to war
for you and your family.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Absolutely.
I want you to keep goingbecause there's so much more to
your story.
But I definitely am curiousabout the why too.
You know, like we opened thedoor the we as parents.
So it sounds like there'sprobably something generational
opening that door and that therewas something, a dark spirit,
coming after you specifically.
(15:23):
But we have to.
I have to wonder like why, why,why do these spirits do this to
?
I'm rhetorical, right.
Why would they do this to ayoung child and confuse a little
girl?
And I'm sure it's just to setyou up for confusion and set you
up on a wrong path.
But I'll let you jump in andkind of keep going.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, well, I 100% believe.
Like, children are always thenext generation and they are
also God's most precious jewels,you know, and the devil wants
to fumble any generation that'sgoing to come up and rise up
this army of the God, of God,right?
So I don't have to believe.
That's why children are justbeing so heavily targeted these
(16:08):
days absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
I mean, if we're just even going to talk about
pornography for a second, thereadily availableness of
pornography to children isinsane.
I mean, any kid at any agecould pick up an iPhone and look
up anything, and if that phonehas no protection on it which
most phones if they're pickingup their parents' phone, it's
(16:31):
not going to.
That phone has no protection onit, which most phones if
they're picking up theirparents' phone it's not going to
.
You know these young boys it's,and girls too.
But you know these young boys.
You hear they get exposed tosome.
They see something at age seven, eight, nine and then they it.
they keep coming back to it andkeep coming back to it, and then
it becomes something muchbigger.
So, yeah, we, we are certainlyunder attack.
(16:53):
And then what does that resultin, and especially for boys?
This confusion about whatsexuality or what sex should be
between them and a woman.
They're not able to actuallysee what the sexual relationship
between them and their wifeshould be because they have all
(17:15):
these wacky ideas now yeah,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
It confuses them, like it's just a warped image of
what it should be yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
So take us back.
You know, you went to your momand she's kind of like, just try
not to do that, basically yeah,and then did you continue to
kind of have that struggle anddid it progress into something
more.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yes, it absolutely did, Because it just as a child,
it's just really like I feellike you're so young to not
really have that full connection.
I was raised oh, love Jesus,but there wasn't a lot of firm
foundation on how to.
I know some of the Bible as achild, but not old enough to
really comprehend all of that.
So, yeah, it was just aconsistent thing for me because
(18:06):
I couldn't resist what was goingon.
It was just something that wasthere that I couldn't stop on.
It was just something that wasthere that I couldn't stop.
Um and um.
So that's where that part is.
And anxiety hit me at a youngage as well.
Um.
So when I was really young, Iremember I used to love being
involved in the church and doingshows and everything, and I
(18:26):
love to sing and I would singall the time and one day, just
during church, I like shut down,I couldn't, I had, was so
scared to do anything like, andI was just during church I like
shut down, I couldn't, I had,was so scared to do anything
like.
And I was young like I thoughthonestly, think about probably
the same age that that startedwas when I just started being
worried about how I looked atothers, like I didn't want to
raise my hands in worship orclap, I just kind of wanted to
shrink away and not be seen.
(18:49):
And it just kind of got worseas I got older.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
wow, yeah um, that does sound like a spiritual
attack, doesn't it?
It's like come after you withconfusion.
Confusion cause this anxietythat's preventing you from
praising the lord.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
It's interesting yeah , um, I was a lot at once and I
don't know that you did that.
Yeah, it does sound like thatwas just a lot from the end of
me all at once, especially for alittle kid.
Yeah, it was confusing for mydad and my dad is not really
good with emotional stuff, soreally he would just kind of
(19:26):
like get after me for being shyin a way.
So it was kind of like I feltlike I was wrong for being so
trapped up, but he wasn't reallynecessarily helping me either.
Um, just a lot of not knowinghow to do things, I think, um,
but so that's kind of how lifewas going then.
Um, and eventually that's whenwe get to the moving part of my
(19:51):
parents, to the moving part andthe divorce and everything.
My parents I always knew theyfought a lot.
They didn't get along, but inyour mind as a kid you're like
you don't even think about themsplitting up that young After
moving to Arizona after that,when they did the divorce, it
(20:15):
was literally only a few daysafter they broke it down.
We were getting divorced and mydad came up to me and my sibling
.
They were like, hey, you'regoing to come with me with a
friend.
She's got a big house.
We're going to just have youthere for a bit while your mom
gets settled in.
Your mom will take you backwith y'all.
Wow, so the woman lived aboutlike six hours away from where
(20:40):
we were living.
I want to say somewhere aroundthat.
I can't remember completely,but at max.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, as far Wasn't that close.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, so yeah, come to find out out definitely was
his girlfriend that we movedinto.
Um, she had a daughter a yearolder than me.
Um, and it was very much like wewere expected just to be okay
with everything so yeah, so I'm11 and my younger sibling at the
(21:10):
time was like six, seven, sothree years apart, so I feel
like that roughly sounds right.
Um, so yeah, it was a cultureshock for that itself.
Like you, one minute, are toldyour parents are divorcing, the
next you're seeing your dadsmack the butt of a woman around
a house.
Like so just no, like just theaudacity to like not have any
(21:35):
sort of competition of how yourkids are handling this yeah so
yeah, so that was hard and thewhole entire time it was kind of
like we were just walking oneggshells the whole time, like
as if we were messing upsomething for him, basically
Like he was always after us,like about anything, like any
(21:57):
things that didn't even need tobe gone after, like if I was up
early in the morning I wasn'tused to waking up early he said
I looked mad and I needed tochange my face, like he it was
just everything and it wasbasically anything he felt like
that was going to upset her.
So there wasn't really a regardto how emotionally traumatizing
(22:18):
a situation like that is.
They were trying to, at onepoint, put us into like a
therapy for like divorce, likewhich it was like a church
therapy thing where everyonegets together, and that we only
went like one time for thatthing where everyone gets
together and that we only wentlike one time for that.
So, and then the whole schoolthing and during the whole time,
(22:39):
um, it turned.
So basically the backgroundthat I learned growing up was
that he told my mom that he wasgoing to help take care of us
while she settled herself downum, with my cousin in tex so her
niece, but then in the end hewanted to turn around and try to
take custody of us from her.
(22:59):
So that was him filing custodyfor us against her and putting
us in school, trying to looklike a good dad and everything.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Why was it that he wanted to do that?
I'm just curious, because mostdads understand the importance
of their daughters being withtheir mother.
Do you know what motivated himto feel like he wanted custody?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I, I don't know with my dad.
It's the odd thing and that'swhy I really won't understand
why he did what he did, becausehe really pulled the wool over
my mom's eyes.
He really tricked her intodoing this because he lied to
her.
He told her like you know, youcan have the kids, we'll set it
up, I'll come visit.
Blah, blah, blah like.
But no, that was the wholething.
(23:42):
He pulled the wool from underher, like basically he lied to
her on that and then, um,surprised her with going to file
for custody for us.
So I can't tell.
I can't tell his motivations,especially because the whole
time it just felt like we wereannoying him, like it felt like
(24:02):
I know he loved us.
But there was, we were justwalking on eggshells all the
time like just like there weregood moments, but then there
were a lot of like getting afterus and there, and there was a
lot to unlearn too, because wehad bad habits, of course as
well from how we grew up,Because my mom suffered a lot of
depression so because of thesituation she was in and she
(24:22):
wasn't happy.
So there was a lot of like lackof hygiene habits that we
weren't raised with.
So there was getting in that,you know, and we needed that.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
So there was getting in that you know and we needed,
but just anything as far as likeanything behavioral.
It wasn't really a conversation, it was just getting after us
and it's kind of notunderstanding that situations
like that is going to bebehavioral, because there's so
much that you're not getting totalk about.
You're just got a lot ofemotions inside and you can't
feel like we can talk to you.
And was your mom home with youguys before this?
Like, was she a stay at homemom or did she work?
She was a stay at home mom, wow.
So that's a big change to herlife.
She has just been shaken upthat she used to stay at home
with her kids and then now I'msure she had to get a job or
something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
How did she?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
do during all of this ?
How was her emotional stateduring this whole process?
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Oh, it was awful, especially because during the
whole time, our dad wasbrainwashing us to hate our mom.
He kept telling us all thesedifferent things about her, like
, basically hate her.
He told us that the woman hewas with was supposed to be our
mother.
So, like, and he literally andthis is the problem with it and
(25:40):
I he did, I feel like,spiritually grow from this later
on, but this is how bad it wasat the point is that he was like
, oh, this is who god wassupposed to have be your mother.
That's literally what he toldus.
Yeah, like and it's just, and hewould like she sent a birthday
card for me and it was somethinglike, oh, and god loves you so
much and I love you just as muchas him.
(26:01):
Just something sweet.
And he was like, you see thatshe's like something like being
a.
She's doing something wrongright there, because no one can
ever love you as much as God,like anything to just kind of
twist, like to show her in a badlight.
And it was just, it was bad andit did and it happened.
There was such a point where,yeah, I was me and my sister
(26:25):
really had anger to our momUnrightfully.
So anger to our mom,unrightfully so, but it was just
the way he manipulatedeverything and talked about her,
just because he wanted us towant to be with him.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Sure he wanted the favor.
And this is such a huge issueand problem with divorce, right,
this happens a lot whereparents pit each other, pit the
other one against each other,especially when there are
custody battles and things likethat.
You know there can be a lot of.
Well, this person is this wayand it's very sad.
(27:02):
And it is an example of theenemy getting what he wanted
because he hates marriage, hehates what God has designed, so
first he destroys it designed,so first he destroys it, and
then now he's getting in folksears with the negativity and
continuing that and now it'sdamaging.
It's literally damaging thefamily, right, because now you
(27:22):
have a damaged relationship withyour mom.
Your dad is overwhelmed becausehe's in this new situation
trying to, you know, make thingsperfect for this new lady, and
both of them are not the bestloving versions of themselves.
Just kind of, now you are animpressionable child in the
middle of this.
So I hope that those that arelistening that this can be of
(27:46):
some lesson learning orencouragement to those that are
considering going through thisor are maybe going through this.
You know divorce does happen,but if it does, it'd be the best
version about it.
You know, I don't I don't knowhow else to say that.
Um, you and I met in thebiblical tea Facebook group and
(28:12):
there are a lot, a lot ofthreads about divorce, or should
I get divorced, and I love thatthere are real biblical women
in there saying unless there'sadultery, no, work it out.
Get it, you know, or thehusband is an unbeliever.
Get it together.
Approach this from a biblicalperspective.
So I don't want this to soundlike I'm promoting divorce by
(28:35):
any means.
What I'm trying to point outhere is look at the damage that
it does, look at what it can doto a child.
You went through this.
This is your life, and not onlydid it hurt you and your
sibling, but your mother and,I'm sure, your relationship with
your father in the process.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Oh yeah, I mean, and I have two older sisters too,
and by the time this washappening, though, they were
adults, staying in Ohio, butthat was hard for them because
they had to watch it all andwatch the younger siblings go
through this from a distance.
I mean, at some point our dadwas even restricting how much we
were even talking to oursisters, so that was hard on
(29:18):
them because they felt so likeuninvolved, you know, like they
couldn't really be as involvedas like they wanted to with the
situation, yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, it was hard and it was.
I was saying, um, well, I won'tgo on that part, but yeah, so
it was a lot and it did and itreally did affect mine and my
dad's relationship.
That was a big thing.
And my mom did get custody ofus and we did, yeah.
(29:44):
So by the time so fifth gradeended, we were there in the
summer and then, pretty much soabout six months, we were living
with them, and so by the timesixth grade started, um, she won
custody, and so, at the time,though, I was so upset about it
because by then I felt like Iwas where I was supposed to be,
that the you know the good life,and I was, like, I was
(30:04):
devastated, like it was bad howmuch my dad talked about mom,
because I hated that I was goingwith her.
You know, um, so sorry I thinkabout that time and I get sad
because I really, when I gotthere you know there was, it was
so bad.
I really treated my mom soawful at first and she didn't
(30:26):
deserve it, but it's justbecause I had an impression of
her just from everything.
My dad told me that I was likewow.
But eventually after a while mymom and me talked and basically
she told everything about dad.
So as an ending it was airinghis dirty laundry out.
But at the same time I did needto hear it.
(30:48):
But I think at that point I wasso like there were so many
unresolved emotions abouteverything.
I kind of was just angry atboth of them because I was like
I had the leftover feelings fromdad.
But then now I know everythingabout dad.
I'm just like.
I think I probably at thatpoint if I could have had time
to myself, I would have loved tohave time for myself.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
That's a lot of heavy stuff to be handling and
carrying, at 11 years old too.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, and it was hard for my mom.
She had a lot of bitterness fora long time.
And our living situation.
I was saying I will never notsay that I'm grateful that we
had a roof over our head, butour living situation was not.
It wasn't peaceful, it was verytoxic.
And it's just because I'mgrateful we had a place and they
(31:38):
took my mom in at her lowestpoint.
But her, her sister, hadbipolar disorder and she was not
on her medicine.
So it was always a constantscreaming.
She would say the most vile,disgusting things.
She was always threatening tokick us out.
My mom and her were alwaysfighting.
It was just a really toughsituation to constantly be in
(31:58):
all the time because you neverknew when it was going to be a
good day or a bad day that'sinteresting about the bipolar
part of it, because there's alot of spiritual context to that
too, right, absolutely?
Speaker 1 (32:12):
I agree 100 yeah, but that's tough, because now
you've gone from this otherspiritual turmoil to now you're
in a new home and there'ssomething else, you know another
aspect to this from thespiritual realm, and that's you
(32:32):
know that's can be spirituallyrelated or spirit related.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Yeah, it was so bad because for my mom, you know, my
mom didn't have any friendsherself.
She literally just stoppedworking and taking care of us
and sometimes she would work twojobs to support us, to take
care of us and be comfortable.
So you know, she was doingeverything she could for us and
at the same time, like she wasjust so tired because it is very
(32:58):
draining with that, you knowbecause it was oh yeah, so she
didn't have friends and shenever went out.
But in the results of that, wekind of became like her outlet.
So it was a constant talkingabout our dad and everything
that happened and things that weprobably shouldn't be unloaded
on as children.
But I understood why was and Ialways did because they were
(33:21):
together 23 years and then allof a sudden to do that, you know
she didn't have an outlet ofanybody to talk to.
Yeah, so yeah it was, it was alot to deal with and at that
point, you know, I felt like youdon't really process all these
emotions as a kid, you know.
(33:42):
But looking back I can tell Ihad friends.
But at the same time I do knowthat there was still attitude
problems because there were somany unresolved things going on
inside of me.
So I didn't realize at onepoint until a friend pulled me
aside and was telling me that Iwas being violent with them too
much.
Basically, like I didn't thinksometimes you joke and you hit
(34:03):
your friends and you're like, ohyou know.
But I guess I didn't realize Iwas like hitting them, hitting
them.
And I'm just like.
I think you're doing somethinglike that.
So I feel like to me that waslike it coming out in a way that
I didn't realize.
I was letting it out in a waythat I didn't realize.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
I was letting it out in a way of.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
So yeah, it was a lot of feelings.
I definitely feel like thatstemmed a lot of how to say it.
I definitely went through a lotof feeling like depressed a lot
during that age too, because Istarted distancing myself from
my dad as well.
So all of those uh feelingsdefinitely just kind of weighed
(34:46):
heavy on me.
I never really felt happyduring those times like I felt
happy with friends, but in the alot of the times I just felt
heavy.
It was a lot of um.
By the time seventh grade rolledaround, I was just writing a
lot of like dark and sad likepoetry a lot.
But things started to getbetter around high school.
I started to get more mellowedout and how I was feeling, yeah
(35:10):
I would say um.
I made good friends at the timeduring high school and the
years kind of went by.
Um, I completely rejected mydad dad at that point and
stopped contact with him.
I did that the summer of sixthgrade, going into seventh grade,
just because a whole dramaincident happened that he
(35:31):
accused me of having an attitudewhen I didn't and I just
basically told him like I'm notgoing to do this anymore with
you.
I had done nothing.
So I didn't go with him for thesummer and then from then we
just stopped talking.
So going into junior year ofhigh school, I started having a
(35:55):
lot of dreams about my dad and Ihad been talking more with my
eldest sister and she had beenkeeping up a relationship with
my dad and I had been talkingmore with my eldest sister and
she had been keeping up arelationship with my dad at that
point and I kind of was talkingto her about it and I said I
don't know.
I was like I don't know why I'msuddenly having dreams of dad.
I haven't really thought abouthim, you know, anytime with this
(36:15):
.
And she said well, do you thinkyou want to talk to him?
Cause I think one of my dreamsmight've been trying to get
closure.
I'm not sure it was so long ago.
I said well, I said maybe it istime that we try to talk it out
, you know, and see if we can'teven get a little closure or
something.
So we did, I think she gave himmy number and we set up a time
(36:36):
to meet.
I think it was possibly aroundmy birthday, I don't know, but
we went and we got something toeat and I told him everything of
how I felt during that time,and I know it was.
I feel like I don't rememberthat he necessarily apologized,
but I felt like he listened tome and he acknowledged my
feelings and I felt like thatwas enough for me.
(36:59):
So we started then trying torebuild our bond okay um, so um,
during that point we startedhanging out a lot.
He got a job in my city at thattime.
He lived in Texas as well.
I lived back in Texas but hewas um hours away.
But he got a job in the city Iwas in.
So we spent more and more timetogether.
(37:21):
We would go to church together.
He really seemed like he was.
He had changed a lot Like inhis at that time.
Now they got married, so mystepmom as well.
So, yeah, and we were growingclose together very much.
So I was learning a lot moreabout God with him and getting
deeper in faith with them.
It was definitely not like howhe was talking in the past so
(37:44):
and it felt it felt right, itfelt good.
My mom was, of course, notreally happy about it and that
kind of caused some fights forus because we had kind of still
struggled with fights over theyears and I think that's just
given the situation of where wewere at.
It was just so much going on.
But we, you know, loved eachother but obviously like much
(38:07):
more than the any fights.
She's my mom, but she, I thinkher she was scared I was gonna
get hurt.
So I think in her panic shejust fought with me, so, so that
wasn't really great and it waskind of a thing of like I love
you both.
And it was kind of a thing I'mtelling my dad too.
When we were hanging out duringthat time he would try to kind
(38:29):
of talk about his side of stuffand I just told him, like we've
touched on this, I love you both.
This isn't choosing sides.
I want to have you both in mylife.
I'm not.
She's got her side of the story, you got your side of the story
, yeah, and so at this time Ithink I was almost 18.
So or I was already 18 or I wasalmost 18, but so yeah, so, um,
(38:56):
that was kind of so.
Basically, at that point, afterabout a year I think, we had
been back in touch.
They offered me to go live withthem for my senior year, and
the reason being is because atthat age I wanted to do so much.
I wanted to get my licensealready, I wanted to start
working already, but I never hadanybody to go and take me to do
(39:18):
these things.
I didn't know how to go dothese things on my own.
And just the whole kind of stilla little over the sheltered
expect of being scared to likego out by yourself and do stuff.
So they were like you know, wewant you to come live with us.
You'll have your senior year.
You know we'll help you getyour license and help you get,
(39:39):
like, learn how to drive.
You know, that way you can saveup, because I wanted to move
out on my own as soon as senioryear was over.
They're like we're going tohelp you build to that.
So I was like, okay, you knowit sounds.
I was like, yeah, like thatsounds good.
It felt right, you know, and Iwas scared to tell my mom and my
cousin who I lived with as well, my um aunt's daughter and
every, all of them, because theyall just had a negative thing
(39:59):
about my dad, which I understandgiven what happened.
But so, yeah, so, um, uh, a funfact on that when we packed up
our the car to go move with them, I think we were going to meet
them halfway and unload, butsomehow in the middle of the
night when we packed up the car,someone robbed, robbed the
(40:19):
entire car, basically of mystuff.
Wow, that's crazy.
Yeah, I just remembered that.
Yeah, literally the only thingthey didn't take was I had a box
of books so it was too heavy.
And yeah, I literally only hadclothes and a backpack I had for
traveling.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Wow, that's wild.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Yeah, it was really crazy, I guess.
I think I guess we were just wewere packing lanes tonight.
I guess the car just forgot toget locked, but I guess I just
someone was watching while wewere packing up the car, yeah,
and what a weird way to startyour move back to your dad's
house.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yeah, it was really wild, wild.
I yeah that was such a weirdtime but it was all good got new
clothes, it was all good.
So, um, but yeah, so honestly,it really went so well, like
first moving in together, wewent to church all the time
together, we bought all thestuff I wanted to do.
I was really excited, growingcloser to God with them and
(41:20):
everything.
And so there were some issueshere and there at the time, but
nothing that was major to me buttowards like more towards the
end of the stay there.
So I want to say we moved inJune, so probably more towards
the end of the year.
Things kind of got a littlestrange and I was realizing,
(41:42):
just from what they taught methat I was holding on to a lot
of still hurt from when we livedtogether and I felt like I was,
um, from my understanding.
I felt like I was gettingspiritually attacked with like
anger towards my stepmom and mydad for it and I wanted to talk
to them about it because Iwanted to get like released from
it and like talk about it fromit.
(42:03):
But I was terrified becausewith our past I felt like if I
said something it was going tobe twisted around.
Even though we came so far inour relationship, I felt like
that's what was going to happen,because I my anxiety was still
bad at this point.
I still couldn't.
I couldn't order for myself inrestaurants.
My dad would order with me forme, or my friends would order
for me in restaurants.
(42:23):
I was petrified to speak.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
It sounds like you had a fear of confrontation.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yeah, um, it was just , yeah, a whole bunch of social
anxiety and fear ofconfrontation, rejection,
everything just from how thingsused to be, just from how things
used to be.
So I did try to say something,but when I said it, you know, my
stepmom wanted to talk to meright then, but I was terrified
and I was like I'll talk in themorning.
(42:59):
Well, then the morning comesand I am procrastinating because
I'm petrified to try to talkabout this and get these
feelings out.
Well, my stepmom storms into myroom and basically is yelling
at me because I'm not talking toher about it.
So, yeah, I'm just in my bedand she just comes in, basically
like you're not doing whatyou're supposed to do, you want
it all on your time and blah,blah, blah, and I'm like it was
(43:20):
my feelings like to talk about.
Yeah, so we, basically we thatwe went back and forth on that,
but we squashed it actually,because we came together and we
literally and I even told herhow I was feeling and we like
said we loved each other wesquashed it like at this point
we were very close, like shecalled me a daughter to her and
(43:43):
I looked at her like a motherfigure as well at the time, you
know, because we just grew soclose, like we went shopping
together, breakfast together, Iadored her, um, and so from then
on things just seemed like itwent normal, like we were doing
good.
I was working at the time,working late, but I still went
to church on Sundays with themlike we were doing good.
I was working at the time,working late, but I still went
to church on Sundays with them.
Um, we were doing full weekendsand stuff and I enjoyed it, but
(44:07):
I stopped because of the work Iwas in.
So then we um.
So then winter break comes forschool and my dad sits me down
and he basically says like hey,I'm not finding work here.
I've got a job, but I'm gonnahave to travel out.
And he was like so you're gonnahave to go back to Texas like
(44:29):
you're gonna have to go back toSan Antonio.
I'm sorry and I'm just like okay.
Like so I'm trying to figureout where I'm gonna go, because
I have a best friend and we'vebeen planning to move in
together after high school.
I really don't want to go backto my aunt's house, so I'm like
(44:49):
OK.
So I called my best friend andI was like hey, like is there
any chance I can come stay withyou?
You know, because I know we'regoing to plan to move in
together after the school year.
Like is this fine, you know?
So yeah.
So they agreed, her, her mom isjust, was just so amazing.
Like they were like yeah,absolutely.
(45:10):
So I was like, okay, I'll movein with them.
And there was at one pointduring this when I was with my
dad alone in the kitchen.
I looked at him and I'm likeand I remember this, I was with
my dad alone in the kitchen.
I looked at him and I'm like,and I remember this.
I was like is the real, is itreally that you've got a job,
that I've got to go back to SanAntonio?
Because something just felt offabout it.
And he was just like and theway he looked at me, it was a
(45:35):
very odd way he looked at me.
He kind of looked like hewanted to say something, but he
was just like, basically saidthat it was for the job,
basically, but it was justsomething.
I mean I remember thatinteraction.
I was like something just felloff.
But I said okay.
So they were very kind and theygave me a car that was my
(45:56):
stepsister's, so my stepmomdrove that and he drove that.
But I noticed the whole waythere, my stepmom would not talk
to me and she would not look atme like she.
When they went to drop me off,she wasn't even going to get out
of the car to say bye to me.
Like, and it was so confusingto me because what I was saying
before is everything was back tonormal.
During that whole time sincethat interaction, nothing, not a
(46:19):
hair, was like I would havepicked up that something was
that she still kissed me, shestill hugged me, she still said
she loved me, everything.
So yeah, so yeah.
I literally at that time whenhe went to drop me off, I was
like, oh, like, are we not gonnasay bye to Abby?
So he said it.
So she came out, she hugged me,but then she got right back in
and I was like, okay.
(46:39):
So then at that point, when Iwas living with my best friends,
we were still in our lastsemester of senior year and, um,
they worked.
So I was alone a lot of thetimes, like because we had early
release for senior year too.
So like, yeah, I was just inthe house, I never driver's
license or anything, and I waswanting a, but I was trying to
(47:01):
find a job that would work withschool hours and everything.
So, yeah, so I was, and at thatpoint my dad was not really
answering my texts, like hewould call me and check on me,
but it was like literally onlylike when he, I guess, had the
time to do it, or, on his terms,I would text him about certain
(47:27):
things and he wouldn't respond.
And on the phone I would be like, hey, I asked you this.
He's like, oh well, I just hadnothing to say and I'm just like
, okay, like all right then.
So I just kind of went doing myown thing, um, and I, and it
just felt weird and I wasfeeling like there was something
going on, but I just let it go.
Come to find out months later.
Apparently my stepmom washolding a grudge over that and
(47:52):
basically I guess was hiding itthe whole time.
And then I don't know if theyhad just been planning this or
what happened, but that'sapparently what it is that he
said I disrespected her and thatI was telling that I.
He said I told him directly Ididn't like her.
I'm like that never happened.
I was like we never had thatconversation.
I was like I was like, and asmuch as I was terrified to just
(48:16):
talk to you about what I wasfeeling, I would never be able
to just tell you that if I didfeel that way, you know, I was
like so crazy.
And then he tried using asituation where I was, um, he
had family come in and we wereout to dinner and I'm socially
like.
I had social anxiety at thetime so I didn't talk, because
when people are talking so much,I don't insert myself, like I'm
(48:39):
just to myself.
But he said that I was beingabsolutely rude and acting like
I was arrogant, above everyonenot to talk to them, like and
like.
He literally texted me that inthe middle of our conversation
about this and I'm like youdon't know me at all, like and
you don't even try to know me,like, you don't even try to
understand, like what it is thatI'm going through or try to
(49:00):
help me through it.
You just make your ownassumptions of what it is, which
is wild to me, because as muchas they understood about
spiritual warfare because that'swhat a lot they talked about I
guess they just didn'tunderstand, like the level of
what these spirits are.
At the same time, it's just sowild, I guess, for everyone else
it was apparent to them.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
I don't know.
Yeah, that's very, that isinteresting, and I know that a
huge piece of spiritual warfareand allowing these things into
us and not being able to get ridof them is unforgiveness.
So the fact that your stepmomwas holding on to resentment and
had unforgiveness in her life,you know that is an avenue to
(49:43):
hang on to that negative spirit.
So that's just, it'sinteresting.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
As you can hear, mary has beenthrough a lot and what this
conversation really highlightsis the damage that divorce can
do on families and spiritualwarfare, demons and being
(50:05):
demonized.
So next week we're going tohear more about Mary's story and
what ended up resulting andhappening in her life, in her
relationships, in her romanticrelationships, as a result of
this history and the things thathappened to her as a child.
So thank you for tuning intoday, stay tuned for next week
(50:30):
and thank you for being on thisjourney, as always.
If you want to follow alongoutside of this podcast, you can
do so on social media or onInstagram, facebook and YouTube
at the Radiant Mission.
Today I'm going to close withProverbs 19, verse 3, and I'm
actually going to read from theNLT or New Living Translation,
which I don't normally do, butit is just so real that I have
(50:51):
to use that version.
People ruin their lives bytheir own foolishness and then
they're angry at the Lord.
How real is that?
We are wishing you a radiantweek and we will see you next
time.
Bye everyone.
Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission podcast.
My name is Rebecca Toomey andwe are on a mission to encourage
and inspire you as you'renavigating through your life and
with your relationship withChrist.
We've been in a series on beingcountercultural in a secular
world and today I welcome a veryspecial guest who has so
graciously agreed to share hertestimony today.
(00:53):
Her name is Mary Corona and wewill be diving into a topic we
haven't really yet explored andthat is with sex and sex
addiction, anxiety, divorce,spiritual warfare and spiritual
attacks and some more things.
There'll be some surprisesalong the way, I'm sure, but,
mary, thank you so much forbeing here and for being willing
(01:15):
and open and vulnerable toshare your testimony.
Thank you for having me Allright, so we'll dive right in.
Can you just start by sharing alittle bit about your
background?
How did you grow up, you know,were you raised in the faith,
and then how did things progressas you've gone through your
(01:35):
life?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
So, yes, in my childhood we were raised in the
faith.
We were raised with JesusChrist, the Holy Spirit, god,
and, but we were like a Sundaychurch family.
So they encouraged us at home,but we didn't really do anything
outside of like Sunday churches, as far as any get togethers or
(01:59):
anything like that.
We were really sheltered aschildren, very helicopter
parenty as far as like what notto watch you know who to be
around, um, and we didn't go topublic school we were, so we
just stayed at home.
So we were homeschooled.
Yes, okay, me too.
Yeah, I, I usually go into thatas we get more into the story
(02:21):
as well with me.
So I would say we were supposedto be homeschooled but there
was never any materials given.
So for many years I was lackingin education.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Oh, interesting.
Okay, so there wasn't schoolingactually going on for a period
of time.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yes, at the time it was, I think it was a money
thing.
At the time my dad waspetrified of public schools.
He felt like they just were not.
I guess, and especiallynowadays I understand kind of
the perspective.
But the problem was, is, Iguess, not really liking the
government?
I would put it plainly.
But I don't know if it was amoney thing really or anything.
(03:00):
But yeah, we didn't havematerials for schooling for many
years.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
So it sounds like he knew that the public school
system was corrupt, so to speak,and not going to teach you guys
the best things.
But then also you, your parents, weren't equipped with the
right tools and the right thingsto really jump into
homeschooling at first.
Now, did that change over theyears?
Did it get better, or changeover the years?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Did it get better or Um?
So, um, we're going to jump onit cause I feel like we'll jump
around.
But basically um went rightbefore my parents' divorce at
some point, uh, when I wasaround 11, we had moved, um, we
lived in Ohio, originally movedto Arizona and about a year
living in Arizona my dad did getus homeschooling.
So around 11, I was starting myfirst grade education, yes, and
(03:53):
then I don't even think we wereliving there a year and my
parents broke the news they weredivorcing and so after that,
only a few days after um thedivorce, my dad um took me and
my sister live with him and hisgirlfriend.
So from then on, with thedivorce custody, I will plainly
(04:19):
say that I think he was tryingto look good for the courts and
put in, kind of just threw us inpublic school.
Okay, I think he was trying tolook good for the courts and
kind of just threw us in publicschool.
And that wasn't a culture shock,because my dad apparently just
didn't understand how much of aneducation I was lacking because
he put me right in fifth grade.
Yes, it was a big culture shockbecause you know how in schools
(04:41):
, you can feel at school out fora day.
You know how, in schools, youcan feel at school out for a day
.
Well, they sat me in the classand they were doing a pop quiz
and we were all in our littlecubicles and I'm looking down at
this paper and I'm like I gotsober when I started crying and
freaking out.
I was like I need to call, likemy dad.
I don't know what I'm lookingat.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
It was multiplication and division wow, I was gonna
say did you know how to, or ask?
Did you know how to or ask?
Did you know how to read?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
yet, I did know how to read, so we kind of had like
the phonics part.
That was like really the onlything we had was phonics and I
don't really I think just overtime, just kind of with my mom,
got the reading part and writing, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
But math, you were like what is this?
Is this a foreign language?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Yes, so yeah, it was my, and it was just crazy.
I guess he was just so out ofthe loop because he was like in
shock that I didn't know.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, so fromthen on we went into a public
school but I had to sit intolike the back with like kids
that need more attention andliterally like crash course me
on like first through, likefifth grade, on like oh, did I
mention it was only the last twomonths of fifth grade?
Speaker 1 (05:53):
No, oh no.
That sounds very intimidating,and so, on top of the
educational part, you also hadbeen pretty sheltered from being
around other kids.
That was probably fifth grade.
That's a very transitional timefor kids too, because they're
like starting to learn abouttheir bodies and all that kind
(06:16):
of stuff as they're about to gointo middle school.
How was that?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
It was a, it was very I don't know how to say.
I feel like with how I wassheltered.
I felt like I was a little atthe time a little, a little less
mature for that age, I don'tknow like a little more, like so
it was kind of more not reallysure how to interact with kids.
In certain ways, like so I madefriends, but at the same time I
(06:42):
felt like I was not fullysocially aware on certain things
on how to behave around kids.
At the same time, I think youjust like the awkward situations
of just being an awkward kid.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah, Did you have friends outside of this?
So before you were thrown intothe situation, did you have
friends from from yourneighborhood or from church or
anything like that?
Speaker 2 (07:05):
No, we really isolated ourselves.
My parents really kept thingsvery private, so I would call
them like church friends.
You know the kids you getexcited to see on Sunday, but
you'd never talk to them outsideof church or hang outside of
church or anything.
It's just during those fewhours on Sunday service.
Wow, yeah, I had a youngersibling who was three years
younger, and that was like mybest friend for many years yeah,
(07:27):
oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Well, I'm curious to hear more about how this kind of
goes into your story, so I'lllet you take back over and take
us where you want to go.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Um and so much to like go around with yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Um, well, on that topic with being sheltered, I
was saying um, and just beingthe, how we lived and everything
we can kind of touch on, likehow less kind of got brought in
for me.
Um, because at a very young ageage I want to say about six or
seven, um, it's so like weird totalk about out loud because
I've never talked about it.
But around that age I startedto um, get into.
(08:16):
I don't know how to saypleasuring myself, I guess is
how I would say it, but I didn'tknow how to say it.
Pleasuring myself, I guess ishow I would say it, but I didn't
know what I was doing either.
It was just something randomlythat came up for me and I don't
remember how I discovered it orwhat happened.
I wasn't exposed to anythinglike that as a child, like no
(08:39):
movies or shows or anything likethat.
But, I didn't know at all whatit was that I was doing, because
it wasn't just a traditionalway.
I don't want to be explicit onanything, sure so so, but it was
so innocent to the fact that Iliterally like my sister would
spend the night read a story tome and she would spend the night
(09:01):
in the room and I would just bein the bed in the doing and she
like caught me doing and shewas like stop that.
And I was like oh okay, like noidea what it is, you know like
just innocently finding it out.
So, and at one point after thatit started to make me wonder
like this is wrong like am I notsupposed to do this, especially
(09:23):
like growing up with it, likeam I like in a little kid mind
like is this wrong?
So I actually at one point wentto talk to my mom about it.
But my mom is very, um, awkwardabout things like that, so for
her she was too uncomfortablewith the conversation.
So I'm like I think what I'mnot doing is right, like
(09:46):
basically telling her this, whatI'm doing, but I don't really
know how to explain it because Idon't quite know what I'm doing
, but I know it feels good.
And so I think my mom prettymuch kind of just told me like
well, I kind of remember now inthis, like how comfortable she
was.
She's like, well, it's okay andI'm just pray to Jesus and I'm
just like okay, but it doesn'treally solve the situation
(10:07):
because I don't know what'sgoing on.
You know, so I can do that, butit doesn't really get to the
root issue of what's causingthat.
You know, so, um, so thatdidn't stop and I think it
honestly just got worse as I gotolder.
Um, just like the feeling andthe need for it, so, um, that
(10:28):
really just kind of continue onthroughout the years and then,
as things progress with, likethe divorce and everything, then
things kind of went um moreinto that direction.
So I'm trying not to be toolong, I don't know how, like I
don't know, no, no, no, you, youtake your time as long as you
(10:49):
need, okay um, so that's um.
another thing on it with thewhole with my mom thing because
I even talked to her about thisyou know, is something I've
learned is that, as parents,there's so much spiritual
warfare that you have to battleagainst for your kids because it
comes.
There's so many generationalcurses that can attach on
(11:10):
through your bloodline and ifyou don't patch it or if you're
not consistently payingattention to praying, I feel
like you have to be able to becomfortable, being uncomfortable
in order to battle these thingsAbsolutely.
Yeah, cause I feel like ifthere was and it's not that my
mom's a problem, I just shedidn't know any better.
You know she didn't have thoseresources or that foundation.
(11:32):
So it's just something I keepin mind for myself.
When I have children, you know,is we gotta be able to teach
them how to battle these thingsthemselves and ourselves for
them.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
That's an interesting question to pose, to Do you
feel or have you discovered thatthere may have been any sort of
attachment to either of yourparents with that realm of stuff
?
So whether it was sexuality orpornography, or you know that
(12:06):
spirit, you know, and was thatsomething that you feel was
passed from one of your parents'bloodlines?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, absolutely.
I know for sure.
On my dad's side of the familythere was a lot of lust and
sexual morality and my dad Ifeel like he wanted to go on the
right path, but I feel like hesuffered too, Because I know my
dad was not faithful like youshould have been to my mom, was
not faithful like you shouldhave been to my mom.
(12:35):
So I absolutely feel like whenyou're exposing yourself to
these things, you are exposingthem to your household and your
children.
So I definitely believe that.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, definitely it's interesting.
This has been a topic you know,spiritual warfare that we've
been talking about on thepodcast quite a bit, and last
week we talked about children alittle bit and how to pray over
our children and protection forour children.
And it is such an importantthing as mothers that we speak
(13:05):
life and we speak over some ofthis stuff, because until they
can make decisions forthemselves, until they can
decide or know, or have thediscernment to know whether they
have something dark or a spiritattached to them, it's really
up to us to say anything that'sof darkness, that's here, you
don't belong here.
This child belongs to God andbelongs to me, and we do have
(13:29):
the power to say that in thename of Jesus, and we do have
the power to say that in thename of Jesus.
But as far as deliverance goes,I've been taking this spiritual
warfare class where she talksabout when it comes to
deliverance.
You don't do deliverance onchildren if they're not aware.
Someone has to decide and makethat decision.
But we do have the authority topray over our children and to
(13:50):
speak over those negative forceson behalf of our young children
.
So it's just, this is a greattopic that you're bringing up
for us especially, lots and lotsof our listeners are moms, and
I think that it's something thatwe need to be aware of and we
need to have an awareness about,and we are specifically talking
(14:11):
about the spirit of lust, likewe've said, but this applies to
other spirits too Children thatare growing up in homes where
there's alcohol, where there isthat dark, angry spirit or other
types of substance abuse orissues.
We are opening doors.
Yeah, anxiety, that's a greatexample.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, definitely, absolutely.
Yeah, I 100% agree and I'm gladit's being talked about.
It really needs to like andcause, I think, the more
awareness we have of just howeverything it says in the Bible
we don't wrestle against fleshand blood, we wrestle in the
spirit, and it's so true, andwe're in a time where everything
is so heavy and attacks in thespirit right now.
(14:56):
And it's so important to putthat armor on and just go to war
for you and your family.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Absolutely.
I want you to keep goingbecause there's so much more to
your story.
But I definitely am curiousabout the why too.
You know, like we opened thedoor the we as parents.
So it sounds like there'sprobably something generational
opening that door and that therewas something, a dark spirit,
coming after you specifically.
(15:23):
But we have to.
I have to wonder like why, why,why do these spirits do this to
?
I'm rhetorical, right.
Why would they do this to ayoung child and confuse a little
girl?
And I'm sure it's just to setyou up for confusion and set you
up on a wrong path.
But I'll let you jump in andkind of keep going.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, well, I 100% believe.
Like, children are always thenext generation and they are
also God's most precious jewels,you know, and the devil wants
to fumble any generation that'sgoing to come up and rise up
this army of the God, of God,right?
So I don't have to believe.
That's why children are justbeing so heavily targeted these
(16:08):
days absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
I mean, if we're just even going to talk about
pornography for a second, thereadily availableness of
pornography to children isinsane.
I mean, any kid at any agecould pick up an iPhone and look
up anything, and if that phonehas no protection on it which
most phones if they're pickingup their parents' phone, it's
(16:31):
not going to.
That phone has no protection onit, which most phones if
they're picking up theirparents' phone it's not going to
.
You know these young boys it's,and girls too.
But you know these young boys.
You hear they get exposed tosome.
They see something at age seven, eight, nine and then they it.
they keep coming back to it andkeep coming back to it, and then
it becomes something muchbigger.
So, yeah, we, we are certainlyunder attack.
(16:53):
And then what does that resultin, and especially for boys?
This confusion about whatsexuality or what sex should be
between them and a woman.
They're not able to actuallysee what the sexual relationship
between them and their wifeshould be because they have all
(17:15):
these wacky ideas now yeah,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
It confuses them, like it's just a warped image of
what it should be yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
So take us back.
You know, you went to your momand she's kind of like, just try
not to do that, basically yeah,and then did you continue to
kind of have that struggle anddid it progress into something
more.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yes, it absolutely did, Because it just as a child,
it's just really like I feellike you're so young to not
really have that full connection.
I was raised oh, love Jesus,but there wasn't a lot of firm
foundation on how to.
I know some of the Bible as achild, but not old enough to
really comprehend all of that.
So, yeah, it was just aconsistent thing for me because
(18:06):
I couldn't resist what was goingon.
It was just something that wasthere that I couldn't stop on.
It was just something that wasthere that I couldn't stop.
Um and um.
So that's where that part is.
And anxiety hit me at a youngage as well.
Um.
So when I was really young, Iremember I used to love being
involved in the church and doingshows and everything, and I
(18:26):
love to sing and I would singall the time and one day, just
during church, I like shut down,I couldn't, I had, was so
scared to do anything like, andI was just during church I like
shut down, I couldn't, I had,was so scared to do anything
like.
And I was young like I thoughthonestly, think about probably
the same age that that startedwas when I just started being
worried about how I looked atothers, like I didn't want to
raise my hands in worship orclap, I just kind of wanted to
shrink away and not be seen.
(18:49):
And it just kind of got worseas I got older.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
wow, yeah um, that does sound like a spiritual
attack, doesn't it?
It's like come after you withconfusion.
Confusion cause this anxietythat's preventing you from
praising the lord.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
It's interesting yeah , um, I was a lot at once and I
don't know that you did that.
Yeah, it does sound like thatwas just a lot from the end of
me all at once, especially for alittle kid.
Yeah, it was confusing for mydad and my dad is not really
good with emotional stuff, soreally he would just kind of
(19:26):
like get after me for being shyin a way.
So it was kind of like I feltlike I was wrong for being so
trapped up, but he wasn't reallynecessarily helping me either.
Um, just a lot of not knowinghow to do things, I think, um,
but so that's kind of how lifewas going then.
Um, and eventually that's whenwe get to the moving part of my
(19:51):
parents, to the moving part andthe divorce and everything.
My parents I always knew theyfought a lot.
They didn't get along, but inyour mind as a kid you're like
you don't even think about themsplitting up that young After
moving to Arizona after that,when they did the divorce, it
(20:15):
was literally only a few daysafter they broke it down.
We were getting divorced and mydad came up to me and my sibling
.
They were like, hey, you'regoing to come with me with a
friend.
She's got a big house.
We're going to just have youthere for a bit while your mom
gets settled in.
Your mom will take you backwith y'all.
Wow, so the woman lived aboutlike six hours away from where
(20:40):
we were living.
I want to say somewhere aroundthat.
I can't remember completely,but at max.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, as far Wasn't that close.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Yeah, so yeah, come to find out out definitely was
his girlfriend that we movedinto.
Um, she had a daughter a yearolder than me.
Um, and it was very much like wewere expected just to be okay
with everything so yeah, so I'm11 and my younger sibling at the
(21:10):
time was like six, seven, sothree years apart, so I feel
like that roughly sounds right.
Um, so yeah, it was a cultureshock for that itself.
Like you, one minute, are toldyour parents are divorcing, the
next you're seeing your dadsmack the butt of a woman around
a house.
Like so just no, like just theaudacity to like not have any
(21:35):
sort of competition of how yourkids are handling this yeah so
yeah, so that was hard and thewhole entire time it was kind of
like we were just walking oneggshells the whole time, like
as if we were messing upsomething for him, basically
Like he was always after us,like about anything, like any
(21:57):
things that didn't even need tobe gone after, like if I was up
early in the morning I wasn'tused to waking up early he said
I looked mad and I needed tochange my face, like he it was
just everything and it wasbasically anything he felt like
that was going to upset her.
So there wasn't really a regardto how emotionally traumatizing
(22:18):
a situation like that is.
They were trying to, at onepoint, put us into like a
therapy for like divorce, likewhich it was like a church
therapy thing where everyonegets together, and that we only
went like one time for thatthing where everyone gets
together and that we only wentlike one time for that.
So, and then the whole schoolthing and during the whole time,
(22:39):
um, it turned.
So basically the backgroundthat I learned growing up was
that he told my mom that he wasgoing to help take care of us
while she settled herself downum, with my cousin in tex so her
niece, but then in the end hewanted to turn around and try to
take custody of us from her.
(22:59):
So that was him filing custodyfor us against her and putting
us in school, trying to looklike a good dad and everything.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Why was it that he wanted to do that?
I'm just curious, because mostdads understand the importance
of their daughters being withtheir mother.
Do you know what motivated himto feel like he wanted custody?
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I, I don't know with my dad.
It's the odd thing and that'swhy I really won't understand
why he did what he did, becausehe really pulled the wool over
my mom's eyes.
He really tricked her intodoing this because he lied to
her.
He told her like you know, youcan have the kids, we'll set it
up, I'll come visit.
Blah, blah, blah like.
But no, that was the wholething.
(23:42):
He pulled the wool from underher, like basically he lied to
her on that and then, um,surprised her with going to file
for custody for us.
So I can't tell.
I can't tell his motivations,especially because the whole
time it just felt like we wereannoying him, like it felt like
(24:02):
I know he loved us.
But there was, we were justwalking on eggshells all the
time like just like there weregood moments, but then there
were a lot of like getting afterus and there, and there was a
lot to unlearn too, because wehad bad habits, of course as
well from how we grew up,Because my mom suffered a lot of
depression so because of thesituation she was in and she
(24:22):
wasn't happy.
So there was a lot of like lackof hygiene habits that we
weren't raised with.
So there was getting in that,you know, and we needed that.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
So there was getting in that you know and we needed,
but just anything as far as likeanything behavioral.
It wasn't really a conversation, it was just getting after us
and it's kind of notunderstanding that situations
like that is going to bebehavioral, because there's so
much that you're not getting totalk about.
You're just got a lot ofemotions inside and you can't
feel like we can talk to you.
And was your mom home with youguys before this?
Like, was she a stay at homemom or did she work?
She was a stay at home mom, wow.
So that's a big change to herlife.
She has just been shaken upthat she used to stay at home
with her kids and then now I'msure she had to get a job or
something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
How did she?
Speaker 1 (25:14):
do during all of this ?
How was her emotional stateduring this whole process?
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Oh, it was awful, especially because during the
whole time, our dad wasbrainwashing us to hate our mom.
He kept telling us all thesedifferent things about her, like
, basically hate her.
He told us that the woman hewas with was supposed to be our
mother.
So, like, and he literally andthis is the problem with it and
(25:40):
I he did, I feel like,spiritually grow from this later
on, but this is how bad it wasat the point is that he was like
, oh, this is who god wassupposed to have be your mother.
That's literally what he toldus.
Yeah, like and it's just, and hewould like she sent a birthday
card for me and it was somethinglike, oh, and god loves you so
much and I love you just as muchas him.
(26:01):
Just something sweet.
And he was like, you see thatshe's like something like being
a.
She's doing something wrongright there, because no one can
ever love you as much as God,like anything to just kind of
twist, like to show her in a badlight.
And it was just, it was bad andit did and it happened.
There was such a point where,yeah, I was me and my sister
(26:25):
really had anger to our momUnrightfully.
So anger to our mom,unrightfully so, but it was just
the way he manipulatedeverything and talked about her,
just because he wanted us towant to be with him.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Sure he wanted the favor.
And this is such a huge issueand problem with divorce, right,
this happens a lot whereparents pit each other, pit the
other one against each other,especially when there are
custody battles and things likethat.
You know there can be a lot of.
Well, this person is this wayand it's very sad.
(27:02):
And it is an example of theenemy getting what he wanted
because he hates marriage, hehates what God has designed, so
first he destroys it designed,so first he destroys it, and
then now he's getting in folksears with the negativity and
continuing that and now it'sdamaging.
It's literally damaging thefamily, right, because now you
(27:22):
have a damaged relationship withyour mom.
Your dad is overwhelmed becausehe's in this new situation
trying to, you know, make thingsperfect for this new lady, and
both of them are not the bestloving versions of themselves.
Just kind of, now you are animpressionable child in the
middle of this.
So I hope that those that arelistening that this can be of
(27:46):
some lesson learning orencouragement to those that are
considering going through thisor are maybe going through this.
You know divorce does happen,but if it does, it'd be the best
version about it.
You know, I don't I don't knowhow else to say that.
Um, you and I met in thebiblical tea Facebook group and
(28:12):
there are a lot, a lot ofthreads about divorce, or should
I get divorced, and I love thatthere are real biblical women
in there saying unless there'sadultery, no, work it out.
Get it, you know, or thehusband is an unbeliever.
Get it together.
Approach this from a biblicalperspective.
So I don't want this to soundlike I'm promoting divorce by
(28:35):
any means.
What I'm trying to point outhere is look at the damage that
it does, look at what it can doto a child.
You went through this.
This is your life, and not onlydid it hurt you and your
sibling, but your mother and,I'm sure, your relationship with
your father in the process.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Oh yeah, I mean, and I have two older sisters too,
and by the time this washappening, though, they were
adults, staying in Ohio, butthat was hard for them because
they had to watch it all andwatch the younger siblings go
through this from a distance.
I mean, at some point our dadwas even restricting how much we
were even talking to oursisters, so that was hard on
(29:18):
them because they felt so likeuninvolved, you know, like they
couldn't really be as involvedas like they wanted to with the
situation, yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, it was hard and it was.
I was saying, um, well, I won'tgo on that part, but yeah, so
it was a lot and it did and itreally did affect mine and my
dad's relationship.
That was a big thing.
And my mom did get custody ofus and we did, yeah.
(29:44):
So by the time so fifth gradeended, we were there in the
summer and then, pretty much soabout six months, we were living
with them, and so by the timesixth grade started, um, she won
custody, and so, at the time,though, I was so upset about it
because by then I felt like Iwas where I was supposed to be,
that the you know the good life,and I was, like, I was
(30:04):
devastated, like it was bad howmuch my dad talked about mom,
because I hated that I was goingwith her.
You know, um, so sorry I thinkabout that time and I get sad
because I really, when I gotthere you know there was, it was
so bad.
I really treated my mom soawful at first and she didn't
(30:26):
deserve it, but it's justbecause I had an impression of
her just from everything.
My dad told me that I was likewow.
But eventually after a while mymom and me talked and basically
she told everything about dad.
So as an ending it was airinghis dirty laundry out.
But at the same time I did needto hear it.
(30:48):
But I think at that point I wasso like there were so many
unresolved emotions abouteverything.
I kind of was just angry atboth of them because I was like
I had the leftover feelings fromdad.
But then now I know everythingabout dad.
I'm just like.
I think I probably at thatpoint if I could have had time
to myself, I would have loved tohave time for myself.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
That's a lot of heavy stuff to be handling and
carrying, at 11 years old too.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Yeah, and it was hard for my mom.
She had a lot of bitterness fora long time.
And our living situation.
I was saying I will never notsay that I'm grateful that we
had a roof over our head, butour living situation was not.
It wasn't peaceful, it was verytoxic.
And it's just because I'mgrateful we had a place and they
(31:38):
took my mom in at her lowestpoint.
But her, her sister, hadbipolar disorder and she was not
on her medicine.
So it was always a constantscreaming.
She would say the most vile,disgusting things.
She was always threatening tokick us out.
My mom and her were alwaysfighting.
It was just a really toughsituation to constantly be in
(31:58):
all the time because you neverknew when it was going to be a
good day or a bad day that'sinteresting about the bipolar
part of it, because there's alot of spiritual context to that
too, right, absolutely?
Speaker 1 (32:12):
I agree 100 yeah, but that's tough, because now
you've gone from this otherspiritual turmoil to now you're
in a new home and there'ssomething else, you know another
aspect to this from thespiritual realm, and that's you
(32:32):
know that's can be spirituallyrelated or spirit related.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Yeah, it was so bad because for my mom, you know, my
mom didn't have any friendsherself.
She literally just stoppedworking and taking care of us
and sometimes she would work twojobs to support us, to take
care of us and be comfortable.
So you know, she was doingeverything she could for us and
at the same time, like she wasjust so tired because it is very
(32:58):
draining with that, you knowbecause it was oh yeah, so she
didn't have friends and shenever went out.
But in the results of that, wekind of became like her outlet.
So it was a constant talkingabout our dad and everything
that happened and things that weprobably shouldn't be unloaded
on as children.
But I understood why was and Ialways did because they were
(33:21):
together 23 years and then allof a sudden to do that, you know
she didn't have an outlet ofanybody to talk to.
Yeah, so yeah it was, it was alot to deal with and at that
point, you know, I felt like youdon't really process all these
emotions as a kid, you know.
(33:42):
But looking back I can tell Ihad friends.
But at the same time I do knowthat there was still attitude
problems because there were somany unresolved things going on
inside of me.
So I didn't realize at onepoint until a friend pulled me
aside and was telling me that Iwas being violent with them too
much.
Basically, like I didn't thinksometimes you joke and you hit
(34:03):
your friends and you're like, ohyou know.
But I guess I didn't realize Iwas like hitting them, hitting
them.
And I'm just like.
I think you're doing somethinglike that.
So I feel like to me that waslike it coming out in a way that
I didn't realize.
I was letting it out in a waythat I didn't realize.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
I was letting it out in a way of.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
So yeah, it was a lot of feelings.
I definitely feel like thatstemmed a lot of how to say it.
I definitely went through a lotof feeling like depressed a lot
during that age too, because Istarted distancing myself from
my dad as well.
So all of those uh feelingsdefinitely just kind of weighed
(34:46):
heavy on me.
I never really felt happyduring those times like I felt
happy with friends, but in the alot of the times I just felt
heavy.
It was a lot of um.
By the time seventh grade rolledaround, I was just writing a
lot of like dark and sad likepoetry a lot.
But things started to getbetter around high school.
I started to get more mellowedout and how I was feeling, yeah
(35:10):
I would say um.
I made good friends at the timeduring high school and the
years kind of went by.
Um, I completely rejected mydad dad at that point and
stopped contact with him.
I did that the summer of sixthgrade, going into seventh grade,
just because a whole dramaincident happened that he
(35:31):
accused me of having an attitudewhen I didn't and I just
basically told him like I'm notgoing to do this anymore with
you.
I had done nothing.
So I didn't go with him for thesummer and then from then we
just stopped talking.
So going into junior year ofhigh school, I started having a
(35:55):
lot of dreams about my dad and Ihad been talking more with my
eldest sister and she had beenkeeping up a relationship with
my dad and I had been talkingmore with my eldest sister and
she had been keeping up arelationship with my dad at that
point and I kind of was talkingto her about it and I said I
don't know.
I was like I don't know why I'msuddenly having dreams of dad.
I haven't really thought abouthim, you know, anytime with this
(36:15):
.
And she said well, do you thinkyou want to talk to him?
Cause I think one of my dreamsmight've been trying to get
closure.
I'm not sure it was so long ago.
I said well, I said maybe it istime that we try to talk it out
, you know, and see if we can'teven get a little closure or
something.
So we did, I think she gave himmy number and we set up a time
(36:36):
to meet.
I think it was possibly aroundmy birthday, I don't know, but
we went and we got something toeat and I told him everything of
how I felt during that time,and I know it was.
I feel like I don't rememberthat he necessarily apologized,
but I felt like he listened tome and he acknowledged my
feelings and I felt like thatwas enough for me.
(36:59):
So we started then trying torebuild our bond okay um, so um,
during that point we startedhanging out a lot.
He got a job in my city at thattime.
He lived in Texas as well.
I lived back in Texas but hewas um hours away.
But he got a job in the city Iwas in.
So we spent more and more timetogether.
(37:21):
We would go to church together.
He really seemed like he was.
He had changed a lot Like inhis at that time.
Now they got married, so mystepmom as well.
So, yeah, and we were growingclose together very much.
So I was learning a lot moreabout God with him and getting
deeper in faith with them.
It was definitely not like howhe was talking in the past so
(37:44):
and it felt it felt right, itfelt good.
My mom was, of course, notreally happy about it and that
kind of caused some fights forus because we had kind of still
struggled with fights over theyears and I think that's just
given the situation of where wewere at.
It was just so much going on.
But we, you know, loved eachother but obviously like much
(38:07):
more than the any fights.
She's my mom, but she, I thinkher she was scared I was gonna
get hurt.
So I think in her panic shejust fought with me, so, so that
wasn't really great and it waskind of a thing of like I love
you both.
And it was kind of a thing I'mtelling my dad too.
When we were hanging out duringthat time he would try to kind
(38:29):
of talk about his side of stuffand I just told him, like we've
touched on this, I love you both.
This isn't choosing sides.
I want to have you both in mylife.
I'm not.
She's got her side of the story, you got your side of the story
, yeah, and so at this time Ithink I was almost 18.
So or I was already 18 or I wasalmost 18, but so yeah, so, um,
(38:56):
that was kind of so.
Basically, at that point, afterabout a year I think, we had
been back in touch.
They offered me to go live withthem for my senior year, and
the reason being is because atthat age I wanted to do so much.
I wanted to get my licensealready, I wanted to start
working already, but I never hadanybody to go and take me to do
(39:18):
these things.
I didn't know how to go dothese things on my own.
And just the whole kind of stilla little over the sheltered
expect of being scared to likego out by yourself and do stuff.
So they were like you know, wewant you to come live with us.
You'll have your senior year.
You know we'll help you getyour license and help you get,
(39:39):
like, learn how to drive.
You know, that way you can saveup, because I wanted to move
out on my own as soon as senioryear was over.
They're like we're going tohelp you build to that.
So I was like, okay, you knowit sounds.
I was like, yeah, like thatsounds good.
It felt right, you know, and Iwas scared to tell my mom and my
cousin who I lived with as well, my um aunt's daughter and
every, all of them, because theyall just had a negative thing
(39:59):
about my dad, which I understandgiven what happened.
But so, yeah, so, um, uh, a funfact on that when we packed up
our the car to go move with them, I think we were going to meet
them halfway and unload, butsomehow in the middle of the
night when we packed up the car,someone robbed, robbed the
(40:19):
entire car, basically of mystuff.
Wow, that's crazy.
Yeah, I just remembered that.
Yeah, literally the only thingthey didn't take was I had a box
of books so it was too heavy.
And yeah, I literally only hadclothes and a backpack I had for
traveling.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Wow, that's wild.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Yeah, it was really crazy, I guess.
I think I guess we were just wewere packing lanes tonight.
I guess the car just forgot toget locked, but I guess I just
someone was watching while wewere packing up the car, yeah,
and what a weird way to startyour move back to your dad's
house.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Yeah, it was really wild, wild.
I yeah that was such a weirdtime but it was all good got new
clothes, it was all good.
So, um, but yeah, so honestly,it really went so well, like
first moving in together, wewent to church all the time
together, we bought all thestuff I wanted to do.
I was really excited, growingcloser to God with them and
(41:20):
everything.
And so there were some issueshere and there at the time, but
nothing that was major to me buttowards like more towards the
end of the stay there.
So I want to say we moved inJune, so probably more towards
the end of the year.
Things kind of got a littlestrange and I was realizing,
(41:42):
just from what they taught methat I was holding on to a lot
of still hurt from when we livedtogether and I felt like I was,
um, from my understanding.
I felt like I was gettingspiritually attacked with like
anger towards my stepmom and mydad for it and I wanted to talk
to them about it because Iwanted to get like released from
it and like talk about it fromit.
(42:03):
But I was terrified becausewith our past I felt like if I
said something it was going tobe twisted around.
Even though we came so far inour relationship, I felt like
that's what was going to happen,because I my anxiety was still
bad at this point.
I still couldn't.
I couldn't order for myself inrestaurants.
My dad would order with me forme, or my friends would order
for me in restaurants.
(42:23):
I was petrified to speak.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
It sounds like you had a fear of confrontation.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yeah, um, it was just , yeah, a whole bunch of social
anxiety and fear ofconfrontation, rejection,
everything just from how thingsused to be, just from how things
used to be.
So I did try to say something,but when I said it, you know, my
stepmom wanted to talk to meright then, but I was terrified
and I was like I'll talk in themorning.
(42:59):
Well, then the morning comesand I am procrastinating because
I'm petrified to try to talkabout this and get these
feelings out.
Well, my stepmom storms into myroom and basically is yelling
at me because I'm not talking toher about it.
So, yeah, I'm just in my bedand she just comes in, basically
like you're not doing whatyou're supposed to do, you want
it all on your time and blah,blah, blah, and I'm like it was
(43:20):
my feelings like to talk about.
Yeah, so we, basically we thatwe went back and forth on that,
but we squashed it actually,because we came together and we
literally and I even told herhow I was feeling and we like
said we loved each other wesquashed it like at this point
we were very close, like shecalled me a daughter to her and
(43:43):
I looked at her like a motherfigure as well at the time, you
know, because we just grew soclose, like we went shopping
together, breakfast together, Iadored her, um, and so from then
on things just seemed like itwent normal, like we were doing
good.
I was working at the time,working late, but I still went
to church on Sundays with themlike we were doing good.
I was working at the time,working late, but I still went
to church on Sundays with them.
Um, we were doing full weekendsand stuff and I enjoyed it, but
(44:07):
I stopped because of the work Iwas in.
So then we um.
So then winter break comes forschool and my dad sits me down
and he basically says like hey,I'm not finding work here.
I've got a job, but I'm gonnahave to travel out.
And he was like so you're gonnahave to go back to Texas like
(44:29):
you're gonna have to go back toSan Antonio.
I'm sorry and I'm just like okay.
Like so I'm trying to figureout where I'm gonna go, because
I have a best friend and we'vebeen planning to move in
together after high school.
I really don't want to go backto my aunt's house, so I'm like
(44:49):
OK.
So I called my best friend andI was like hey, like is there
any chance I can come stay withyou?
You know, because I know we'regoing to plan to move in
together after the school year.
Like is this fine, you know?
So yeah.
So they agreed, her, her mom isjust, was just so amazing.
Like they were like yeah,absolutely.
(45:10):
So I was like, okay, I'll movein with them.
And there was at one pointduring this when I was with my
dad alone in the kitchen.
I looked at him and I'm likeand I remember this, I was with
my dad alone in the kitchen.
I looked at him and I'm like,and I remember this.
I was like is the real, is itreally that you've got a job,
that I've got to go back to SanAntonio?
Because something just felt offabout it.
And he was just like and theway he looked at me, it was a
(45:35):
very odd way he looked at me.
He kind of looked like hewanted to say something, but he
was just like, basically saidthat it was for the job,
basically, but it was justsomething.
I mean I remember thatinteraction.
I was like something just felloff.
But I said okay.
So they were very kind and theygave me a car that was my
(45:56):
stepsister's, so my stepmomdrove that and he drove that.
But I noticed the whole waythere, my stepmom would not talk
to me and she would not look atme like she.
When they went to drop me off,she wasn't even going to get out
of the car to say bye to me.
Like, and it was so confusingto me because what I was saying
before is everything was back tonormal.
During that whole time sincethat interaction, nothing, not a
(46:19):
hair, was like I would havepicked up that something was
that she still kissed me, shestill hugged me, she still said
she loved me, everything.
So yeah, so yeah.
I literally at that time whenhe went to drop me off, I was
like, oh, like, are we not gonnasay bye to Abby?
So he said it.
So she came out, she hugged me,but then she got right back in
and I was like, okay.
(46:39):
So then at that point, when Iwas living with my best friends,
we were still in our lastsemester of senior year and, um,
they worked.
So I was alone a lot of thetimes, like because we had early
release for senior year too.
So like, yeah, I was just inthe house, I never driver's
license or anything, and I waswanting a, but I was trying to
(47:01):
find a job that would work withschool hours and everything.
So, yeah, so I was, and at thatpoint my dad was not really
answering my texts, like hewould call me and check on me,
but it was like literally onlylike when he, I guess, had the
time to do it, or, on his terms,I would text him about certain
(47:27):
things and he wouldn't respond.
And on the phone I would be like, hey, I asked you this.
He's like, oh well, I just hadnothing to say and I'm just like
, okay, like all right then.
So I just kind of went doing myown thing, um, and I, and it
just felt weird and I wasfeeling like there was something
going on, but I just let it go.
Come to find out months later.
Apparently my stepmom washolding a grudge over that and
(47:52):
basically I guess was hiding itthe whole time.
And then I don't know if theyhad just been planning this or
what happened, but that'sapparently what it is that he
said I disrespected her and thatI was telling that I.
He said I told him directly Ididn't like her.
I'm like that never happened.
I was like we never had thatconversation.
I was like I was like, and asmuch as I was terrified to just
(48:16):
talk to you about what I wasfeeling, I would never be able
to just tell you that if I didfeel that way, you know, I was
like so crazy.
And then he tried using asituation where I was, um, he
had family come in and we wereout to dinner and I'm socially
like.
I had social anxiety at thetime so I didn't talk, because
when people are talking so much,I don't insert myself, like I'm
(48:39):
just to myself.
But he said that I was beingabsolutely rude and acting like
I was arrogant, above everyonenot to talk to them, like and
like.
He literally texted me that inthe middle of our conversation
about this and I'm like youdon't know me at all, like and
you don't even try to know me,like, you don't even try to
understand, like what it is thatI'm going through or try to
(49:00):
help me through it.
You just make your ownassumptions of what it is, which
is wild to me, because as muchas they understood about
spiritual warfare because that'swhat a lot they talked about I
guess they just didn'tunderstand, like the level of
what these spirits are.
At the same time, it's just sowild, I guess, for everyone else
it was apparent to them.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
I don't know.
Yeah, that's very, that isinteresting, and I know that a
huge piece of spiritual warfareand allowing these things into
us and not being able to get ridof them is unforgiveness.
So the fact that your stepmomwas holding on to resentment and
had unforgiveness in her life,you know that is an avenue to
(49:43):
hang on to that negative spirit.
So that's just, it'sinteresting.
Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode.
As you can hear, mary has beenthrough a lot and what this
conversation really highlightsis the damage that divorce can
do on families and spiritualwarfare, demons and being
(50:05):
demonized.
So next week we're going tohear more about Mary's story and
what ended up resulting andhappening in her life, in her
relationships, in her romanticrelationships, as a result of
this history and the things thathappened to her as a child.
So thank you for tuning intoday, stay tuned for next week
(50:30):
and thank you for being on thisjourney, as always.
If you want to follow alongoutside of this podcast, you can
do so on social media or onInstagram, facebook and YouTube
at the Radiant Mission.
Today I'm going to close withProverbs 19, verse 3, and I'm
actually going to read from theNLT or New Living Translation,
which I don't normally do, butit is just so real that I have
(50:51):
to use that version.
People ruin their lives bytheir own foolishness and then
they're angry at the Lord.
How real is that?
We are wishing you a radiantweek and we will see you next
time.
Bye everyone.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.