January 28, 2025 • 46 mins
Mary’s heartfelt testimony reveals her journey through sexual addiction, toxic relationships, and the struggle for self-worth, ultimately discovering redemption through faith in Christ. With powerful insights on healing and spirituality, she emphasizes that true transformation is possible for everyone.
- Mary shares her experiences with childhood trauma and its long-lasting effects
- The impact of toxic relationships and emotional turmoil on her self-worth
- Struggles with substance abuse and sexual addiction in the search for connection
- Rediscovery of faith and God’s forgiveness as a turning point
- Navigating spiritual warfare and overcoming temptations of the past
- Finding true love through a supportive relationship with her husband
- Encouragement for others facing addiction and the importance of community support
Mary implores anyone struggling that there’s nothing too big or too small for God to handle.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission podcast.
My name is Rebecca Toomey andwe are on a mission to encourage
and inspire you as you'renavigating through your life and
with your relationship withChrist.
We've been in a series on beingcountercultural in a secular
world and today I welcome a veryspecial guest who has so
graciously agreed to share hertestimony today.
(00:53):
Her name is Mary Corona and wewill be diving into a topic we
haven't really yet explored andthat is with sex and sex
addiction, anxiety, divorce,spiritual warfare and spiritual
attacks and some more things.
There'll be some surprisesalong the way, I'm sure, but,
mary, thank you so much forbeing here and for being willing
(01:15):
and open and vulnerable toshare your testimony.
Thank you for having me.
So today is part two of Mary'sstory and if you did not catch
part one, you're definitelygoing to want to tune back
because it gives a lot ofcontext for what happens next in
Mary's life.
We discuss her parents' divorceand childhood trauma,
(01:39):
generational curses and reallyit sets the stage for some of
the spiritual warfare that thenends up following Mary through
her teen early 20s.
Definitely go back.
If you didn't listen to partone, that is episode 122.
And if you did.
We're just going to jump rightback into where we left our
(02:02):
conversation.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I think it's crazy for me because so I, I believe
in a relationship with Jesus,right, I don't really think
we're supposed to have any sortof spirit of religion, and I
feel like that's what held ontothem was they preached a lot of
love, but they still had aspirit of religion.
So it was a thing of like, oh,it's love, you come to God with
love and grace.
But anytime I was doingsomething out of line, it was
(02:25):
literally a big catastrophe forthem.
So it's just, it's a littlehypocritical to know so much
about it, but then you can'tpinpoint it in like your own
people like to help me it's,it's uh hard for us to see the
speck in our own eye right, orthe log in our own eye.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
We can see the speck in others, but not the log in
our own.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
So it's um, so, yeah, so it's just so.
A lot of that, honestly, wasjust very confusing from out to
work, because then I'm justfeeling hurt and in a whirlwind,
um and cause, even before that,during that time of that
transition with my best friends,I met my best friend, her
(03:11):
boyfriend's brother, and he wasolder than me by a lot.
I was 18, like in five monthsturning 19,.
He was 23.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It's not that much older, but I understand what
you're saying.
At that age he was a grown-upand you were finishing high
school, yes, so it's differentbecause it there's just nothing
in common with someone that age.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Like you have a lot more life experience, because
when I met him he was just justbroken up with his baby mom.
He had three kids with her.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Oh, wow, yeah, so he was a totally different life
stage.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yes, absolutely, and so.
But at the time I was reallylike alone and I never really
had.
I had little boyfriends inschool, but they didn't last
more than a few weeks and at thetime, you know, he just seemed
really like few weeks and at thetime, you know, he just seemed
really like into me.
At the time it was just adifferent feeling, but I also
felt like he's not for me.
I was like, well, this is notgonna work out, I don't really
(04:13):
feel like he's my type, butwe'll hang out.
You know, because I had notreally had that experience with
boys or hanging out alone withboys or anything like that um,
but he, um, and he was veryclingy, um, sound feeling at the
beginning, like he just waslike very much like texting me
all the time, blowing up myphone all the time.
(04:34):
If I wasn't responding on timesit's like okay, well, and then
at that point, because I wasalone, right, and I liked the
company, but I was also gettingprideful because I kept having
my mom telling me like you needto not be with him, blah, blah,
blah.
But she was coming at me likekind of aggressively about it
(04:55):
and I think in caring and love.
But when she did that, I thinkmy pride was just like well, you
can't tell me what to do, soI'm like I was like I'm going to
do what?
Tell me what to do?
So I'm like I was like I'mgonna go, I'm gonna do what I'm
gonna do, like basically, so I'mjust like let me make my own
decisions, kind of way, becauseI felt like she was still kind
of treating me like a child, um,and at that time I wasn't
living with her anymore either.
(05:16):
I was living with my bestfriends at the time and so in
their mom, well, he pushedboundaries a lot, um, and he and
it was kind of I would have tolike snap at him times because
he was always trying to touch me, he was always trying to push
the limit of things that Iwanted and with me.
(05:36):
I was putting boundaries withhim.
But since I had a background ofalready dealing with temptation
, unless within myself, whichdid get worse as I got older and
I got exposed to a lot more Iwas wrestling with the flesh on
like completely like pullingaway from him and not getting
into those situations and alsolike naivety, because I've never
(05:57):
been in situations like thisbefore either.
So and also I was very much apeople pleaser and like
pushovers.
It was also like I would putboundaries, but I wasn't firm
about it, so in this instant Iwas not really.
Uh, I did lose my virginity tohim.
(06:21):
It wasn't really, it wasn'tplanned and it wasn't anything I
wanted, like I literally likethrew up afterward um because I
don't want to get like explosive, but pretty much he never
really gave me a chance toreally make my own decision, so
literally I didn't really texthim as often afterward because I
(06:42):
was in shock about it and Icouldn't stop crying, I think
for about three or four days so,and my best friends are asking
me, but I just like I couldn'ttalk to them because I literally
was like, with the way I wasintroduced to things from my,
from my dad, and that I was like, wow, I was like all of my
chances are gone now I can't goback to God, god won't accept me
(07:05):
back.
Now I was like I think and I'mthinking in my head like the
only way I can fix this is Ihave to marry this dude.
I was like I was like Iliterally defiled myself, like
I'm gonna go to hell, likethere's nothing I can do about
it.
I was like I literally ruinedall of my chances.
So I still stayed with him, um,because at that point I was
(07:27):
like, well, I'm ruined.
What was like?
So what difference does it make?
So, and it was bad because I wasonly with him for gosh, maybe
almost four months, somethinglike four months at the time and
we broke up like three timeswithin it because, or two times
within that, because I caughthim cheating on his baby mom and
(07:50):
then, about a month late, likeso, or I don't know, maybe he
was cheating on her with me atthat time, I don't know, there
was such a mess going on betweenthem.
But then and then he cheated ona whole entirely different girl
.
So literally he was between thethree of us like yeah, um, so
at that point I was letting itgo.
(08:13):
But shortly after that, like amonth, I saw him again, um, and
at that point my best friendskicked me out because they
didn't want me with him.
So I did go back to my mom's.
The reason was is I do?
It was because I know thatthere was a toxic attachment
(08:37):
there, because that was my first, and I think part of it was
also that I did feel like I hadto stay with him.
At the time I felt like thelittle signs that he would, in
the first few weeks, want tochange that, the liver signs of
like, okay, well, maybe we canmake it work Um, that we lasted
about a few more months togetherbecause then he had to move
(08:58):
back in with his baby.
Well, and I was like there's no, yeah, because his mom kicked
him out.
So that was like absolutely not.
Like, are you crazy?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
yeah, you can't live with a woman and date another
woman at the same time yeah, themother, your kids, like your
kids, are there.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Like I can't trust you after what happened and so
we had three kids with the samewoman.
It's come to find out, thethird was not his, which is why
they broke up in the first place.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I see Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, so that's what initially started it, but it was
a whole taboo back and forth oflike it's the baby with his or
not.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
But still to have two kids with a woman.
Yeah, I mean, that's arelationship there.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Something's going on, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean it's a thing too,because it's still another thing
with his problem of youngergirls, because I don't
necessarily, because he says howwe are five years.
He says that when he met hisbaby mom, that she lied to him
about her age, but so when hegot her pregnant he was 20 and
she was 15 oh, wow so I don'tknow if I believe him on that,
(10:08):
because I he lies about him thatwow yeah so.
So we broke up, um, and I kindof moved on with myself trying
to work, because at that point Iwas back with at my aunt's
house and things were a lotbetter in that household by that
(10:29):
time.
She got a lot more better onher meds and everything.
It was a lot better um, so Ijust spent the time working and
saving up my money um so thatway I could move out.
And at the time, um, one of mystill close friends from school,
um, we were very close and shehad a baby and I was the
(10:52):
godmother to her baby at thetime.
Uh, so they needed help.
So I was like, okay, well, I'mplanning on moving out.
Do y'all want to get a placewith me and we can share, like
we can for the year?
Do it into, y'all can get onyour feet, um, and they were
like, yeah, that would be great,as long as you share.
I'm like, yeah, so I move out.
And we got our own apartmentshortly after.
(11:16):
Who comes around again?
And I let him back in againbecause he seemed like he was in
a much better place.
He seemed like he was working alot better, that his baby mama
was out of town, he was takingcare of the kids it was just him
and them and he seemed like hewas doing better.
So I let it back in.
(11:37):
Well, this argument was thebest one I was living with and
she got mad at me and she wasjust not being fair and how she
was acting to me, because Inever brought her into my drama
with him, but she very muchdictated, like the apartment and
everything.
So if I wanted to go spend timewith him, literally would have
(11:58):
to go a hotel instead of beingin my own apartment with him.
So it was like, and Iunderstand like why she felt the
way she did, as the best friend, but at the same time it was
just a lot so and the thingsprogressively got more drama.
So I moved out of thatapartment and got my own
apartment.
So the apartment was Thankfullyvery kind To separate us from
(12:24):
the lease, so I could do that,like take us from the lease, so
I could do that, like take meoff the lease, so I could do
that.
So with the rush of things, hemoved in with me, um, and that
didn't go well.
Um, he was very traditional andI worked four in the morning to
one and he still expected mefrom that to clean all the house
(12:44):
, have dinner ready, do hislaundry, everything, and he
wasn't really doing anything.
So we broke up again.
So he also, um, it was just athing of he drank too much too
and that caused a lot ofproblems.
So, um, shortly after that Istarted a new job and I met a
(13:07):
new, another new guy, um, and heseemed like the light of the
world.
He treated me like no one evertreated me before, like so much
thought, so much consideration,so much love, um, and then
things came up with him.
He was also an alcoholic, oh noyeah.
And a lot of problems werecoming up with him, like not all
(13:29):
the time, but it was Becauseany time he drank it was just
bad, like just how his behaviorwas, and it was just too much.
And I didn't know it until atone point when we broke up that
he was stealing money from mealong the way as well.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Wow, yeah, we were together, I think, about six
months and so, um, when thathappened, and so he stole,
probably, and you're what, andyou're, you're in your early 20s
at this point right, yeah, yeah, I am, I.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, I think I am 21 at this point.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Wow, that's very young to be in these types of
relationships too, where somefolks are struggling with
alcoholism and all of that.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, he was also five years older than me as well
.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
So he was older too and he also had a kid already as
well.
Okay, so, yeah, absolutely too,um, and he also had a kid
already as well.
Okay, um, so yeah, absolutely.
So, he has um, had was livingwith a friend at one point and,
yeah, he stole 200 from me tomake rent, um, and at that point
we I separated from him.
But we were kind of confused atthe same time because I'm like,
(14:41):
well, he's treated me so good,he's made a mistake, and so I'm
hurt because I'm like, wow, likehere I am thinking I found
someone who's treated me rightand I'm just getting hurt.
You know, I was like I'm kindof dealing with the same stuff,
but just differently and then itcomes in my other ex again so
at this point I kind of have alove triangle going on between
(15:02):
the three of us.
So things are very confusing forme.
I'm having feelings for thesecond guy and then I'm having
still attachment feelings forthe first guy, and so that was
just a confusing time until Ikind of just separated from,
like.
I told both of them like I needy'all to give me space.
This is too much for me.
(15:23):
But then shortly after my firstex got into a situation and he
moved in with me in my nextapartment and I said look like
you're gonna have to help out ifyou do this, I was like because
like we weren't even reallyfully officially back together,
like so it was just a wholesituation so and he was
(15:44):
progressively just getting worsefrom there.
Because shortly after that onmy birthday, when we went out,
he told me that he was on drugsagain.
He used to be a drug addictbefore I met him.
He said.
And then he tells me shortlyafter that he's back on drugs.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
So I'm like okay, can I ask what kind of drugs?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
don't know, I have no idea.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, I don't know.
He just told me that he foundsomeone.
He gave it to him.
He was a mess at that time, likehe really was, because he would
allude to there being a woman.
And I was just like, what areyou talking about?
Like, and it was justtriggering me because I know him
(16:28):
of what he's done.
So we were it was bad fightingall the time, like screaming and
yelling because I it was toxicand it was, it was toxic, like.
So, um, eventually I found outduring the whole time he had
been seeing another girl, um,and he said it was her, his drug
(16:50):
dealer or no.
But I'm like I saw, I see thisfacebook and you're kissing her
like, that is not your drugdealer.
So I kicked him out aftertalking to the girl and finding
out and she took him right backand they were together and
that's that.
But I'm like so, yeah, so thatmessed me up, because here I am
looking dumb again.
So I at that point just waslike I don't want any
(17:13):
relationships.
So I just kind of startedhaving flings at that point
because I just did not want todeal with any sort of
relationship.
Wise, um, because I alreadyfelt so silly for taking him
back um.
And then a few months later, incomes the second ex again and I
(17:37):
forgive him and we start talkingas friends really I would say
friends with benefits, really um.
But things do get progressivelymore emotional.
I see a lot of change in himand everything.
So I let him back in um at somepoint, though he ends up having
to move with me a few monthslater after that because his mom
kicks him out, because theyhave very strict rules in their
(18:01):
house about not smoking or doinganything like that, and he
would do it.
So when he moved in, it was badbecause I was getting triggered,
because I told him I was notready for him to live with me,
but at the time we were togetherand I, how could I let him be
on the streets, you know?
So we fought a lot.
It was not like we were doingbetter than we weren't.
(18:23):
And then at one point he got a,he got a steady job and he was
there a lot, and at one point hewas spending weeks there saying
he was working on stuff.
He dropped a lot of weight in avery short amount of time.
Um come to find out, he gothooked on drugs and he was
(18:48):
cheating on a co-worker at thehotel cheating with a co-worker
wow, yeah, so when he would sayhe was going off to spend the
night to work on things, he wasthere with uh rooms with for her
and him not really working.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Wow, so you had these , this cycle of these two men
that are coming around, hurtingyou, breaking your heart,
getting you to let them back in,repeating the cycle.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Wow yeah, and the same way too.
It's just so wild that theyliterally like the same way how
they did things, but they'relike two different people.
So, yeah, at that point I was,I was definitely, definitely
done, and at that point it kindof just spiraled more for me on
(19:37):
just sex, sex, sex, sex.
Because I did not at that point, I had no capability in me to
give anyone any of my love atthat point, because the last one
I thought really was for me,like I thought I was going to
marry him.
He talked about proposing to me, he asked my mom's permission
to marry, so, you know, Ithought that was it.
(19:59):
So I was like you know what?
I thought that was it.
So I was like you know what I'mdone.
So at that point, though,that's when really things got
really bad with sexual addiction, because, as you know I'm
finding out, the more you havesex, the more that spirit of
(20:21):
lust like attaches to you and itgrows, and it would be so bad
that if I was not having sex, Iwould get dizzy, like it was,
yeah, like it was so bad, howmuch like I needed it at the
time wow yeah, um, and I didn'twant multiple partners.
I would was preferring steadypartners, but the generation is
not good with consistency.
(20:41):
So, yeah, it was really tryingto just fill a void and crash
that itch, I guess, like,however you want to say it, with
that need of it.
So, yeah, it was, um, yeah, Istayed single and just kind of
in that life for about two years, two and a half years.
(21:04):
So, yeah, I was just, I wasbroken off from it.
I just I had nothing to want todo with it and I didn't want to
try to force myself for thatbecause I knew at that point I
was so hurt that I would not behealthy in another relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Wow.
So you went from really youwent a long time into you know,
through the years it soundedlike you were about 18, not
really having a lot ofrelationships to you're, kind of
between the first boyfriend andthe second boyfriend, kind of
going through all that Betweenthe first boyfriend and the
second boyfriend, kind of goingthrough all that Four years For
(21:45):
four years, okay, and then nowit's just spiraled at this point
for you.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, yeah.
So that was like that.
And then I moved from Texasbecause at that point, I was
partying all the time.
I loved like my whole pointwhen I would go out with my
friends was I wanted to getblackout drunk, like that's how
I felt comfortable with myselfbeing out, is I just wanted to
(22:12):
get drunk.
I didn't care if I got sick thenext day, I just wanted to go
out and get drunk, um, have fun,um, and then you know, I would
meet with guys and stuff likethat and that was kind of
consistently what I enjoyeddoing Like, and I loved hanging
out with friends normally, but Ijust enjoyed partying a lot at
the time.
So, and I kept and that was aconsistent thing until around
(22:37):
our at the around 2021,.
At the end of it, my, my sister, needed help.
So I moved up to Ohio inDecember of 2021 and I still
want was wanting that life.
Like I felt really alonebecause it was a different
dynamic.
I came up to help my sister butshe got her family so with like
we I loved hanging around her,but we're also like not on the
(22:57):
same page of life at the sametime, you know, and so and I
don't have she's quite a bitolder than you, right yes, we
have an 11 um year age gap okayso we still have fun.
I love her, but at the time youknow me like I just I hated
being cooped up in the housebecause I didn't know anybody,
you know, and she's not in thepoint of going out and doing
stuff like that.
Um, you know, transitioning andgetting used to that, I found
(23:22):
some friends.
Um, I did have um a mistake.
At one point though and this iskind of where I eased up on it
is I borrowed my sister's car togo out one night and I got
drunk and I crashed it.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, um, and I felt bad to that and honestly, some
of like that guilt kind of stillholds on to me.
A lot for it, and she'sforgiven me and we've made up
for it.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
but that was kind of a thing where I was like okay, I
was like was it a wake upmoment for you?
Do you feel um?
Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, like definitely .
Like I felt like I just made a?
Um reckless choice that time,and I felt like I trusted myself
too much, because the crazything about it is I was
literally only like right aroundthe corner from my house when
it happened was part of it, yeah, and then I um other parts of
(24:24):
it too, like I still drank and Istill would drink a little bit
more, but just more so justbeing responsible and not being
like driving and not reallyunderstanding things.
So I didn't have my own car, Iborrowed it.
So at that time, though, um, Ihad met my now husband, um, so
at that point he drank too.
In the beginning of therelationship, he wasn't like, he
(24:44):
never got drunk, he wasn't adrink to get drunk, kind.
It's just he's mexican, sothey're used to just drinking a
beer, like so.
But what was a thing for me oncutting back on drinking is we
had just newly gotten to um intoa relationship together, like
boyfriend, girlfriend, becausewe had been dating for four
months before we got together,which was a shock for me,
(25:06):
because I never had a man takehis time like really with that
and he really was just sodifferent in how he treated me.
It was terrifying being with himat first, but was that on our
first time hanging out together?
Um, but was that on our firsttime hanging out together?
I got so drunk and I didn'tknow how badly I still was
holding on to my past, like thePTSD from being cheated on and
(25:30):
everything, and I guess Iblacked out.
And when I was black I gotdrunk.
I was accusing him of having awoman in Mexico like and just
using me, like and like, and I Iwas crying.
He said, while I was accusinghim of all this stuff and I
didn't remember a single thingof it, I came to at one point.
I just remembered crying andjust telling him I'm sorry over
(25:51):
and over again, but I didn'tknow what I was doing.
So when we talked the next day,he was like baby, you don't
remember, and I was just like no, I don't.
He was like, and then he toldme and he said you know, that
really hurts my feelings thatyou feel that way.
He was like I really care aboutyou, and so I was just like I'm
sorry, and then that I was likeokay, I definitely can't do
(26:12):
that because if me getting drunkis going to be a way for me to
like be toxic, like in this newrelationship, like that's not
his fault, I was like we cannotbe having that.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
So that was kind of the point where I was like I
definitely like need to ease uptell me more about that process,
and did you make a decision tojust stop drinking, or was it
something that continued tohappen over time?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Um I I drank casually at that point, so just
get-togethers.
But I would never go past likewhat I knew was a limit that I
needed to like stop at.
So, yeah, I would do it casually, but, um, it wasn't until I got
back on my walk with God, andeven then like every now and
then a sip of something, buteven then at that point I just,
(27:03):
and even then like every now andthen a sip of something, but
even then, at that point I justright around.
Then I just didn't have adesire, like especially because
my thing is is like what's thepoint of a drink when a drink is
to get you drunk?
So it's like what's really thepoint of it?
You know what I mean.
So that's really kind of, aftergetting on my back, my walk
back with God was really thejust the one of.
It just went away.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Yeah, so talk to us about that, cause I know that
you went through this periodwhere you really felt like there
was a lust, attachment, and youknow, I think the way that you
phrased it to me previously wasthat you know, you were just
looking for bodies for comfort.
You were terrified of rejection, you were terrified of being
close, but now you're startingto get into this committed
relationship, or thisrelationship with someone who
really, truly cares about you.
(27:47):
When did things change and how?
How did things change?
Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Um as far as trusting him what's that?
Like do you mean?
As far as as like kind of liketrusting more in the
relationship?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
well, I just meant how did you kind of overcome,
yes, the trust, but alsoovercome your past and what,
what you had been going through?
Because it sounds to me I don'tknow the full story yet but you
got into this committedrelationship and never looked
back.
Now I don't know the full storyyet, but you got into this
committed relationship and neverlooked back.
(28:24):
Now I don't know if that's true.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah.
So I will say yeah.
So it was a lot.
So I'll tell you this right nowwhen we first started dating I
didn't think it was going to goanywhere seriously, because guys
in my generation just don'twant to take things seriously.
But he was.
He was different.
He was not looking for sex, hewas looking to get to know me.
He took me out on dates.
(28:48):
Our first date he picked me upat 10 in the morning, which was
I was like oh okay, you want toget breakfast?
That's great.
I should have known he was init for the long haul that
morning Because I overslept fromworking an overnight job and he
waited like almost an hour inthe truck for me to get ready.
(29:10):
That poor man had no AC and wasin the truck waiting for me, um
.
So we hung out often from then,um, and I don't know, I just I
enjoyed his company, um, but Iguess I was just kind of waiting
for, like him to pull away andI think, around getting around
to the one and a half to twomonth mark, I was having
feelings for him and I told himI was like are you talking to
(29:34):
anyone else?
I was like, because I'm nottalking to anyone else.
I was like I was.
I was like, but I cut them off.
I was like I was.
I was like, but I cut them off.
And he was like no, like I'mnot talking to anyone.
I haven't been talking toanyone.
He's like I'm just talking toyou.
I'm like, well, you're notasking me to be your girlfriend
yet.
And he's just like well, I justwant to take our time so that
(29:55):
we can have a beautifulrelationship.
And I was just like, okay.
And then, like a week later,I'm crying Are you sure?
Because I'm just like, I'mterrified.
So I'm like are you stringingme along?
Is how?
I'm like, yeah, I was scaredBecause you know.
Then we're going into like fourmonths of dating and I'm just
like are you just stringing mealong or do you want to be with
me?
Because you haven't asked meand so, and I knew it wasn't for
(30:18):
sex or anything like that,because we didn't really have
much at the time.
So at one point he helped meout a lot.
I needed help financially in asituation because I was paying
my sister back for the car and Iwas doing rent.
And he helped me out and I toldhim I was like you're doing
(30:39):
this, you're doing that, likeyou're helping me with all this,
you really care about me.
Am I your girlfriend or not?
And he was like, yeah, he'slike you're my girlfriend.
So then we kind of just wentfrom there and it was not easy
of not looking back.
Even to this day.
It's still somewhat workingthrough triggers from the past
(31:00):
of things and it's just prayingthrough it and getting through
it.
But it was a little still morehard at the time because I
couldn't really believe what Iwas seeing or how I was being
treated, because you know, youget also used to like love
bombing and you get worried ifit's love bomb at the same time.
So I know he's always beenconsistent in everything that he
(31:22):
does, um, but yeah, I mean, wereally were not.
We were not together long beforeI got back on my walk with God.
So when we were six months intogether is when, um, I felt God
calling me back to him.
Um, so when that happened, Itold Luis, I told him.
(31:43):
I said you know, I feel likeGod's calling me back.
I really like I don't want tomess up this opportunity, like I
want to be with him.
I want to be obedient.
I was like I don't want us tohave sex anymore.
I don't want us to like livethat life.
I want to be obedient.
I don't know if you're okaywith that, live that life.
(32:03):
I want to be obedient, I don'tknow if you're okay with that.
And because I didn't know,because he says he, you know,
guys will say oh, it's neverabout that, but you never know,
and especially now.
And so, especially how we met,and he was just like yeah, he
was like that's fine.
He's like that's of coursethat's fine.
He's like whatever you want todo.
And he, because he believed ingod, but I will say, of course
he grew up with the whole.
You know, you believe in god,but you don't really know about
(32:24):
god.
So he was like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So at that point I started like reading my bible
more and everything, and hestarted um reading his bible
with me and we just kind ofstarted growing together that's
awesome, that's a beautifulthing when two people can come
together like that, through andchange the course of the
(32:49):
relationship too, because that'snot necessarily the easiest
thing in the world to do.
Right, you've been having arelationship in a certain way
and now you're saying you knowwhat.
I want to stop doing this.
I want to change and turn awayfrom these things.
So how tell me how God changedyour heart during this and how
(33:10):
did he deliver you?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Well, I'll say it's an interesting way.
I did see when you were askingabout the podcast, you kind of
touched on this, so it's kind ofwhy I felt like I wanted to do
this with you.
But it's going to sound reallyfunny how I'm going to say it
probably, but I do believe itwas God.
I started on Facebook gettingall of a sudden these random
videos in my feed and it wasfrom these two men that are
(33:38):
really gifted in the spirit tosee things and they were talking
about how so much of oursecular world is so demonic and
how and everything in hollywoodand the music industry is really
manipulated by the devil.
And at first I was like, um,well, it freaked me out.
But I was like, oh, this isprobably just those illuminati
(34:00):
conspiracy theories and stufflike that.
I was like, but something in mewas shaken, like it like
freaked me out, like somethingin me.
And then they just kept poppingup and I was reading more and I
was like this literally isplain as day, like that is so
evil looking I was and somethingin me just felt like that was
not right with it and I becauseI listened to all those artists
(34:25):
and everything, um, and notreally paid attention to it, um
of what they spoke about andeverything, just like the music.
So one night I basically justapologized to God and I said
look, god.
I was like I'm so sorry foranything I've done that has hurt
(34:47):
you and hurt anybody else.
I was like you know, and ifthere is any way that maybe I've
been wrong about this andyou'll take me back, you know,
I'm here, I'm here.
And at that point I had a dreamand I definitely felt it from
(35:07):
God and basically I felt he toldme in the dream I was working,
there was a person of authorityin my dream and I was in like a
business setting and I wasrushing to get around papers and
get things together, and theperson basically told me to stop
and he had, and he told me tolook down and I had an egg in my
hand and it had blood on it.
(35:28):
And how I feel like I'veinterpreted the dream is that he
told me you don't have to workso hard, you already have me.
So and I think it comes down tobeing yoked with Jesus and
being covered by the blood.
And I cried when I woke upbecause for years I felt like I
(35:50):
was never going to be acceptedagain.
I felt like I could never comeback to him.
I felt like I wasn't allowed tocome back to him and then, now,
being older, being my own,realizing that that was never
the case.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I could have always come back to him, absolutely,
absolutely.
We're never too far gone.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Yes, amen.
So from then, yeah, that's whyit was so important to me.
I mean, it was so important tome that I told God, like you
tell me right now if I shouldnot be in this relationship or
not.
I was like I will leave thisrelationship right now if it you
, if this is not going to honoryou and this is not for you.
So, um, and, and I felt like Ihad my answer on that, which is
(36:39):
why I stayed with Luis, and Ithink, and I definitely feel a
confirmation, because we havejust been so blessed in our
marriage, like it's beenincredible and it's so humbling,
so and it's just, I'm just sograteful.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
That's awesome.
I'm glad that you found eachother and that you've grown in
the Lord together as well andcome back to him during this and
that was something that you hadmentioned to me was that, when
you gave yourself back to God,that the lust spirit that you
(37:16):
had felt earlier left and thatyou didn't have that anymore.
Tell me about that or tell theaudience about that yeah, um, it
was really wild.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
When I went back to God, I really it was all of a
sudden.
It was like it was zapped outof my body, like when Luis and
everything are being around him,there was nothing.
There was like no temptation,there was nothing at all like I
felt, just good, I was justthere, was nothing like no, I
know, even alone I didn't havelike the urge or anything like
it was just evaporated.
(37:49):
It was a very like clean feelingno, yeah, it sounds like you
became more filled with the holyspirit and the other stuff had
no place anymore yeah, and Iwill say, with that too is what
I noticed is, though, uh, withdoing that, the enemy really
actually tried to come after meabout that oh, I'm sure yeah,
(38:12):
and I didn't.
I don't know how you feel aboutit, but from what I'm learning,
I think there is such a thing asspirit spouses and I think it's
because of all of the people.
If you sleep with them, likethey attach the spirits that are
on them, attached to you.
And I was having very explicitdreams, um, very, very explicit,
like felt real and I would wakeup and I would like be crying.
(38:35):
I'm like god.
I was like why am I having thisdream, you know?
And I would be rebuking it andeverything.
And that happened a few timesuntil it went away.
And then I realized much laterthat it was the enemy attacking
me at the time, because I wasjust letting go of all that and
like basically trying to reachme back in.
Like so that was wild, becauseI was just like this is nothing
(38:57):
that even happens to me.
Like why is this happening inmy sleep?
Like it was crazy.
It was like I felt like socrazy at the time, like not
crazy at the time, but I wasjust like why is this happening?
So it was hard.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
It can be hard to understand the moment, but
absolutely, when you're tryingto seek the Lord, especially
when you're pulling away fromthe demonic, they're going to
try to come for you and they'regoing to try whatever their hand
is.
That is interesting about theattachment side of things.
You know the two boyfriendsalso being pulled themselves
(39:33):
into darkness and being pulledinto drugs and alcohol and then
that set you down a very similarpath where you were drinking
and you know the had that lustattachment.
Clearly they had a lustattachment with all this
cheating going on.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
So no, no, I'm good You're go ahead.
I was going to say, well, thething about it is, though, is
they all had very bad pasts and,like it all just is connected
to that.
There's so much like trauma.
People have an emotional trauma, and they don't know how to
deal with it, and they,especially if you don't go to
God on it and you don't know howto go to God on it like it just
(40:16):
the enemy prays on it, and thenit turns into all these spirals
of different addictions anddifferent behaviors and
different like narcissism andall that stuff is going to
(40:42):
induce these situations and tryto get us to fall down.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Then the children experience trauma and in your
case, you experienced your own,and now the boyfriends
experience their own trauma.
Now you're a bunch of brokenpeople getting together,
breaking each other even more,and it goes around and around in
this spiral until someonebreaks it and gets out of it.
It's almost.
It is like a spell being broken, isn't it To be set free
(41:05):
Absolutely?
And I think that that's kind ofthe part that you mentioned
before about the conspiracieswhich made me chuckle.
But you know, we hear thosecomments about breaking free
from the matrix, so to speak.
Right, and that is what it'slike when we come to the Lord.
We're breaking free from theworld, we're breaking free from
the secularism of the world, andit's one of those things that
(41:30):
when you're in it, you can't seeit because you're living it.
I used to listen to secularmusic tons all my old growing up
, you know, in my late teenyears and early twenties through
through my 20s.
And it's not until the Lordgives you this discernment, when
you start to really seek himand understand spiritual warfare
, you start to hear things in adifferent way, where you're like
(41:54):
whoa, that is crazy, that thatis what that artist is singing
about, and I was in that trance,I was in that spell that they
were casting and I'd love toactually talk about that topic
more one day.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
But yeah, no, absolutely.
Yeah.
Me too, um, because I knowthat's a whole topic of itself,
right?
I?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
know it is yeah but I .
Speaker 2 (42:20):
If you have experience with that, I'd love
to hear yours well, I just onthat topic of the spell, like I
do absolutely believe that inthis music industry and a lot of
artists are saying itthemselves like these songs have
spells put over them so that'swhy, when you hear these songs
about sex and everything, you'rewanting sex more, I was like,
and in violence as well.
(42:41):
You get angry Like they do.
Yep, they do oppress youbecause there are demonic
spirits attached to them andthat's why, like, we do have to
be careful of what we consume inour through our eyes and ears.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I went through that emo stagelistening to all that emo music
and guess what?
I was real emo.
I was very just.
You know, we become what isspoken over us and what our
environment is like and whatwe're living with during our
(43:14):
lives, and so it's a beautifulthing that you were able to
break free and that the Lordpulled you back.
And sometimes you know, this isthe the awesome thing about
testimonies and hearing yourtestimony is it's a reminder to
everyone else that no one is toofar gone, that all of us that
(43:35):
are lost can be bound again.
And Yahweh doesn't give up onus.
He's always waiting for us.
He's waiting for his lostchildren to come back and you
know, like the prodigal son,just waiting, waiting, waiting,
waiting, and he will accept uswith open arms, no matter what?
(43:56):
Yes, absolutely yes, absolutelyso.
I love that this story ended inyou and your husband got
married and you guys have beenseeking the lord and seeking his
guidance.
I so appreciate your opennessto talking about your whole
story, and just sharing is veryvulnerable.
You know it's a very vulnerablething to air out all your dirty
(44:21):
laundry in a sense, but the waythat you're doing this to help
other people and that is what isso beautiful about testimonies
is in it.
We all find that we are verymuch the same and we all have a
lot of similar areas where we'refalling down or we've been
through these things, and Iheard myself in your story as
(44:43):
well in different times in mylife and I just think that
that's an amazing thing.
So thank you for sharing all ofwhat you've shared today.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, I'm glad I got to share it.
I'm shaking, but I'm glad I gotto share It'll be okay.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I do have kind of a last question, and that is is
there anything else that youwant others to know, that maybe
if they're struggling with anysort of sexual addiction or
spiritual attacks, is thereanything that you want people to
know or hear?
Speaker 2 (45:20):
There's nothing too much that god can't take from
you, can't deliver you from you.
Don't have to be scared to cometo him and just lay it out to
him, even if you feel like it'snot something, that you feel
like the anxiety some peoplefeel like, oh, that's just a
disease I have, or disorder,whatever you want to call it.
But god, god can take that fromyou too.
(45:41):
You have the authority inYeshua to rebuke all of this
worry, any pain that you have inyour life.
He will take care of you.
There's nothing too big or toosmall for him.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Amen, amen.
Well, thank you, mary, so muchfor coming on and sharing your
story, thank you for having meand thank you everyone for
tuning in and for being on thisjourney with us.
If you would like to followalong outside the podcast, you
can join the mission onInstagram and Facebook at the
Radiant Mission, and if you'relistening in audio format, you
(46:17):
can also watch on YouTube at theRadiant Mission.
Today, we are going to closewith Matthew 6, verse 34.
This was a verse that Maryshared with me about struggling
with social anxiety and thatYeshua has cured me and leaned
and I lean on, and that verse istherefore do not worry about
(46:38):
tomorrow, for tomorrow, worryabout itself.
Each day has enough trouble ofits own.
We're wishing you a radiantweek and we'll see you next time
.
Bye everyone.
Hello and welcome to the Radiant Mission podcast.
My name is Rebecca Toomey andwe are on a mission to encourage
and inspire you as you'renavigating through your life and
with your relationship withChrist.
We've been in a series on beingcountercultural in a secular
world and today I welcome a veryspecial guest who has so
graciously agreed to share hertestimony today.
(00:53):
Her name is Mary Corona and wewill be diving into a topic we
haven't really yet explored andthat is with sex and sex
addiction, anxiety, divorce,spiritual warfare and spiritual
attacks and some more things.
There'll be some surprisesalong the way, I'm sure, but,
mary, thank you so much forbeing here and for being willing
(01:15):
and open and vulnerable toshare your testimony.
Thank you for having me.
So today is part two of Mary'sstory and if you did not catch
part one, you're definitelygoing to want to tune back
because it gives a lot ofcontext for what happens next in
Mary's life.
We discuss her parents' divorceand childhood trauma,
(01:39):
generational curses and reallyit sets the stage for some of
the spiritual warfare that thenends up following Mary through
her teen early 20s.
Definitely go back.
If you didn't listen to partone, that is episode 122.
And if you did.
We're just going to jump rightback into where we left our
(02:02):
conversation.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
I think it's crazy for me because so I, I believe
in a relationship with Jesus,right, I don't really think
we're supposed to have any sortof spirit of religion, and I
feel like that's what held ontothem was they preached a lot of
love, but they still had aspirit of religion.
So it was a thing of like, oh,it's love, you come to God with
love and grace.
But anytime I was doingsomething out of line, it was
(02:25):
literally a big catastrophe forthem.
So it's just, it's a littlehypocritical to know so much
about it, but then you can'tpinpoint it in like your own
people like to help me it's,it's uh hard for us to see the
speck in our own eye right, orthe log in our own eye.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
We can see the speck in others, but not the log in
our own.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
So it's um, so, yeah, so it's just so.
A lot of that, honestly, wasjust very confusing from out to
work, because then I'm justfeeling hurt and in a whirlwind,
um and cause, even before that,during that time of that
transition with my best friends,I met my best friend, her
(03:11):
boyfriend's brother, and he wasolder than me by a lot.
I was 18, like in five monthsturning 19,.
He was 23.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
It's not that much older, but I understand what
you're saying.
At that age he was a grown-upand you were finishing high
school, yes, so it's differentbecause it there's just nothing
in common with someone that age.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Like you have a lot more life experience, because
when I met him he was just justbroken up with his baby mom.
He had three kids with her.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Oh, wow, yeah, so he was a totally different life
stage.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yes, absolutely, and so.
But at the time I was reallylike alone and I never really
had.
I had little boyfriends inschool, but they didn't last
more than a few weeks and at thetime, you know, he just seemed
really like few weeks and at thetime, you know, he just seemed
really like into me.
At the time it was just adifferent feeling, but I also
felt like he's not for me.
I was like, well, this is notgonna work out, I don't really
(04:13):
feel like he's my type, butwe'll hang out.
You know, because I had notreally had that experience with
boys or hanging out alone withboys or anything like that um,
but he, um, and he was veryclingy, um, sound feeling at the
beginning, like he just waslike very much like texting me
all the time, blowing up myphone all the time.
(04:34):
If I wasn't responding on timesit's like okay, well, and then
at that point, because I wasalone, right, and I liked the
company, but I was also gettingprideful because I kept having
my mom telling me like you needto not be with him, blah, blah,
blah.
But she was coming at me likekind of aggressively about it
(04:55):
and I think in caring and love.
But when she did that, I thinkmy pride was just like well, you
can't tell me what to do, soI'm like I was like I'm going to
do what?
Tell me what to do?
So I'm like I was like I'mgonna go, I'm gonna do what I'm
gonna do, like basically, so I'mjust like let me make my own
decisions, kind of way, becauseI felt like she was still kind
of treating me like a child, um,and at that time I wasn't
living with her anymore either.
(05:16):
I was living with my bestfriends at the time and so in
their mom, well, he pushedboundaries a lot, um, and he and
it was kind of I would have tolike snap at him times because
he was always trying to touch me, he was always trying to push
the limit of things that Iwanted and with me.
(05:36):
I was putting boundaries withhim.
But since I had a background ofalready dealing with temptation
, unless within myself, whichdid get worse as I got older and
I got exposed to a lot more Iwas wrestling with the flesh on
like completely like pullingaway from him and not getting
into those situations and alsolike naivety, because I've never
(05:57):
been in situations like thisbefore either.
So and also I was very much apeople pleaser and like
pushovers.
It was also like I would putboundaries, but I wasn't firm
about it, so in this instant Iwas not really.
Uh, I did lose my virginity tohim.
(06:21):
It wasn't really, it wasn'tplanned and it wasn't anything I
wanted, like I literally likethrew up afterward um because I
don't want to get like explosive, but pretty much he never
really gave me a chance toreally make my own decision, so
literally I didn't really texthim as often afterward because I
(06:42):
was in shock about it and Icouldn't stop crying, I think
for about three or four days so,and my best friends are asking
me, but I just like I couldn'ttalk to them because I literally
was like, with the way I wasintroduced to things from my,
from my dad, and that I was like, wow, I was like all of my
chances are gone now I can't goback to God, god won't accept me
(07:05):
back.
Now I was like I think and I'mthinking in my head like the
only way I can fix this is Ihave to marry this dude.
I was like I was like Iliterally defiled myself, like
I'm gonna go to hell, likethere's nothing I can do about
it.
I was like I literally ruinedall of my chances.
So I still stayed with him, um,because at that point I was
(07:27):
like, well, I'm ruined.
What was like?
So what difference does it make?
So, and it was bad because I wasonly with him for gosh, maybe
almost four months, somethinglike four months at the time and
we broke up like three timeswithin it because, or two times
within that, because I caughthim cheating on his baby mom and
(07:50):
then, about a month late, likeso, or I don't know, maybe he
was cheating on her with me atthat time, I don't know, there
was such a mess going on betweenthem.
But then and then he cheated ona whole entirely different girl
.
So literally he was between thethree of us like yeah, um, so
at that point I was letting itgo.
(08:13):
But shortly after that, like amonth, I saw him again, um, and
at that point my best friendskicked me out because they
didn't want me with him.
So I did go back to my mom's.
The reason was is I do?
It was because I know thatthere was a toxic attachment
(08:37):
there, because that was my first, and I think part of it was
also that I did feel like I hadto stay with him.
At the time I felt like thelittle signs that he would, in
the first few weeks, want tochange that, the liver signs of
like, okay, well, maybe we canmake it work Um, that we lasted
about a few more months togetherbecause then he had to move
(08:58):
back in with his baby.
Well, and I was like there's no, yeah, because his mom kicked
him out.
So that was like absolutely not.
Like, are you crazy?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
yeah, you can't live with a woman and date another
woman at the same time yeah, themother, your kids, like your
kids, are there.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Like I can't trust you after what happened and so
we had three kids with the samewoman.
It's come to find out, thethird was not his, which is why
they broke up in the first place.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I see Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah, so that's what initially started it, but it was
a whole taboo back and forth oflike it's the baby with his or
not.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
But still to have two kids with a woman.
Yeah, I mean, that's arelationship there.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Something's going on, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean it's a thing too,because it's still another thing
with his problem of youngergirls, because I don't
necessarily, because he says howwe are five years.
He says that when he met hisbaby mom, that she lied to him
about her age, but so when hegot her pregnant he was 20 and
she was 15 oh, wow so I don'tknow if I believe him on that,
(10:08):
because I he lies about him thatwow yeah so.
So we broke up, um, and I kindof moved on with myself trying
to work, because at that point Iwas back with at my aunt's
house and things were a lotbetter in that household by that
(10:29):
time.
She got a lot more better onher meds and everything.
It was a lot better um, so Ijust spent the time working and
saving up my money um so thatway I could move out.
And at the time, um, one of mystill close friends from school,
um, we were very close and shehad a baby and I was the
(10:52):
godmother to her baby at thetime.
Uh, so they needed help.
So I was like, okay, well, I'mplanning on moving out.
Do y'all want to get a placewith me and we can share, like
we can for the year?
Do it into, y'all can get onyour feet, um, and they were
like, yeah, that would be great,as long as you share.
I'm like, yeah, so I move out.
And we got our own apartmentshortly after.
(11:16):
Who comes around again?
And I let him back in againbecause he seemed like he was in
a much better place.
He seemed like he was working alot better, that his baby mama
was out of town, he was takingcare of the kids it was just him
and them and he seemed like hewas doing better.
So I let it back in.
(11:37):
Well, this argument was thebest one I was living with and
she got mad at me and she wasjust not being fair and how she
was acting to me, because Inever brought her into my drama
with him, but she very muchdictated, like the apartment and
everything.
So if I wanted to go spend timewith him, literally would have
(11:58):
to go a hotel instead of beingin my own apartment with him.
So it was like, and Iunderstand like why she felt the
way she did, as the best friend, but at the same time it was
just a lot so and the thingsprogressively got more drama.
So I moved out of thatapartment and got my own
apartment.
So the apartment was Thankfullyvery kind To separate us from
(12:24):
the lease, so I could do that,like take us from the lease, so
I could do that, like take meoff the lease, so I could do
that.
So with the rush of things, hemoved in with me, um, and that
didn't go well.
Um, he was very traditional andI worked four in the morning to
one and he still expected mefrom that to clean all the house
(12:44):
, have dinner ready, do hislaundry, everything, and he
wasn't really doing anything.
So we broke up again.
So he also, um, it was just athing of he drank too much too
and that caused a lot ofproblems.
So, um, shortly after that Istarted a new job and I met a
(13:07):
new, another new guy, um, and heseemed like the light of the
world.
He treated me like no one evertreated me before, like so much
thought, so much consideration,so much love, um, and then
things came up with him.
He was also an alcoholic, oh noyeah.
And a lot of problems werecoming up with him, like not all
(13:29):
the time, but it was Becauseany time he drank it was just
bad, like just how his behaviorwas, and it was just too much.
And I didn't know it until atone point when we broke up that
he was stealing money from mealong the way as well.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Wow, yeah, we were together, I think, about six
months and so, um, when thathappened, and so he stole,
probably, and you're what, andyou're, you're in your early 20s
at this point right, yeah, yeah, I am, I.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, I think I am 21 at this point.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Wow, that's very young to be in these types of
relationships too, where somefolks are struggling with
alcoholism and all of that.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, he was also five years older than me as well
.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
So he was older too and he also had a kid already as
well.
Okay, so, yeah, absolutely too,um, and he also had a kid
already as well.
Okay, um, so yeah, absolutely.
So, he has um, had was livingwith a friend at one point and,
yeah, he stole 200 from me tomake rent, um, and at that point
we I separated from him.
But we were kind of confused atthe same time because I'm like,
(14:41):
well, he's treated me so good,he's made a mistake, and so I'm
hurt because I'm like, wow, likehere I am thinking I found
someone who's treated me rightand I'm just getting hurt.
You know, I was like I'm kindof dealing with the same stuff,
but just differently and then itcomes in my other ex again so
at this point I kind of have alove triangle going on between
(15:02):
the three of us.
So things are very confusing forme.
I'm having feelings for thesecond guy and then I'm having
still attachment feelings forthe first guy, and so that was
just a confusing time until Ikind of just separated from,
like.
I told both of them like I needy'all to give me space.
This is too much for me.
(15:23):
But then shortly after my firstex got into a situation and he
moved in with me in my nextapartment and I said look like
you're gonna have to help out ifyou do this, I was like because
like we weren't even reallyfully officially back together,
like so it was just a wholesituation so and he was
(15:44):
progressively just getting worsefrom there.
Because shortly after that onmy birthday, when we went out,
he told me that he was on drugsagain.
He used to be a drug addictbefore I met him.
He said.
And then he tells me shortlyafter that he's back on drugs.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
So I'm like okay, can I ask what kind of drugs?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
don't know, I have no idea.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, I don't know.
He just told me that he foundsomeone.
He gave it to him.
He was a mess at that time, likehe really was, because he would
allude to there being a woman.
And I was just like, what areyou talking about?
Like, and it was justtriggering me because I know him
(16:28):
of what he's done.
So we were it was bad fightingall the time, like screaming and
yelling because I it was toxicand it was, it was toxic, like.
So, um, eventually I found outduring the whole time he had
been seeing another girl, um,and he said it was her, his drug
(16:50):
dealer or no.
But I'm like I saw, I see thisfacebook and you're kissing her
like, that is not your drugdealer.
So I kicked him out aftertalking to the girl and finding
out and she took him right backand they were together and
that's that.
But I'm like so, yeah, so thatmessed me up, because here I am
looking dumb again.
So I at that point just waslike I don't want any
(17:13):
relationships.
So I just kind of startedhaving flings at that point
because I just did not want todeal with any sort of
relationship.
Wise, um, because I alreadyfelt so silly for taking him
back um.
And then a few months later, incomes the second ex again and I
(17:37):
forgive him and we start talkingas friends really I would say
friends with benefits, really um.
But things do get progressivelymore emotional.
I see a lot of change in himand everything.
So I let him back in um at somepoint, though he ends up having
to move with me a few monthslater after that because his mom
kicks him out, because theyhave very strict rules in their
(18:01):
house about not smoking or doinganything like that, and he
would do it.
So when he moved in, it was badbecause I was getting triggered,
because I told him I was notready for him to live with me,
but at the time we were togetherand I, how could I let him be
on the streets, you know?
So we fought a lot.
It was not like we were doingbetter than we weren't.
(18:23):
And then at one point he got a,he got a steady job and he was
there a lot, and at one point hewas spending weeks there saying
he was working on stuff.
He dropped a lot of weight in avery short amount of time.
Um come to find out, he gothooked on drugs and he was
(18:48):
cheating on a co-worker at thehotel cheating with a co-worker
wow, yeah, so when he would sayhe was going off to spend the
night to work on things, he wasthere with uh rooms with for her
and him not really working.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Wow, so you had these , this cycle of these two men
that are coming around, hurtingyou, breaking your heart,
getting you to let them back in,repeating the cycle.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Wow yeah, and the same way too.
It's just so wild that theyliterally like the same way how
they did things, but they'relike two different people.
So, yeah, at that point I was,I was definitely, definitely
done, and at that point it kindof just spiraled more for me on
(19:37):
just sex, sex, sex, sex.
Because I did not at that point, I had no capability in me to
give anyone any of my love atthat point, because the last one
I thought really was for me,like I thought I was going to
marry him.
He talked about proposing to me, he asked my mom's permission
to marry, so, you know, Ithought that was it.
(19:59):
So I was like you know what?
I thought that was it.
So I was like you know what I'mdone.
So at that point, though,that's when really things got
really bad with sexual addiction, because, as you know I'm
finding out, the more you havesex, the more that spirit of
(20:21):
lust like attaches to you and itgrows, and it would be so bad
that if I was not having sex, Iwould get dizzy, like it was,
yeah, like it was so bad, howmuch like I needed it at the
time wow yeah, um, and I didn'twant multiple partners.
I would was preferring steadypartners, but the generation is
not good with consistency.
(20:41):
So, yeah, it was really tryingto just fill a void and crash
that itch, I guess, like,however you want to say it, with
that need of it.
So, yeah, it was, um, yeah, Istayed single and just kind of
in that life for about two years, two and a half years.
(21:04):
So, yeah, I was just, I wasbroken off from it.
I just I had nothing to want todo with it and I didn't want to
try to force myself for thatbecause I knew at that point I
was so hurt that I would not behealthy in another relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Wow.
So you went from really youwent a long time into you know,
through the years it soundedlike you were about 18, not
really having a lot ofrelationships to you're, kind of
between the first boyfriend andthe second boyfriend, kind of
going through all that Betweenthe first boyfriend and the
second boyfriend, kind of goingthrough all that Four years For
(21:45):
four years, okay, and then nowit's just spiraled at this point
for you.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, yeah.
So that was like that.
And then I moved from Texasbecause at that point, I was
partying all the time.
I loved like my whole pointwhen I would go out with my
friends was I wanted to getblackout drunk, like that's how
I felt comfortable with myselfbeing out, is I just wanted to
(22:12):
get drunk.
I didn't care if I got sick thenext day, I just wanted to go
out and get drunk, um, have fun,um, and then you know, I would
meet with guys and stuff likethat and that was kind of
consistently what I enjoyeddoing Like, and I loved hanging
out with friends normally, but Ijust enjoyed partying a lot at
the time.
So, and I kept and that was aconsistent thing until around
(22:37):
our at the around 2021,.
At the end of it, my, my sister, needed help.
So I moved up to Ohio inDecember of 2021 and I still
want was wanting that life.
Like I felt really alonebecause it was a different
dynamic.
I came up to help my sister butshe got her family so with like
we I loved hanging around her,but we're also like not on the
(22:57):
same page of life at the sametime, you know, and so and I
don't have she's quite a bitolder than you, right yes, we
have an 11 um year age gap okayso we still have fun.
I love her, but at the time youknow me like I just I hated
being cooped up in the housebecause I didn't know anybody,
you know, and she's not in thepoint of going out and doing
stuff like that.
Um, you know, transitioning andgetting used to that, I found
(23:22):
some friends.
Um, I did have um a mistake.
At one point though and this iskind of where I eased up on it
is I borrowed my sister's car togo out one night and I got
drunk and I crashed it.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
Oh, wow.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, um, and I felt bad to that and honestly, some
of like that guilt kind of stillholds on to me.
A lot for it, and she'sforgiven me and we've made up
for it.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
but that was kind of a thing where I was like okay, I
was like was it a wake upmoment for you?
Do you feel um?
Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, like definitely .
Like I felt like I just made a?
Um reckless choice that time,and I felt like I trusted myself
too much, because the crazything about it is I was
literally only like right aroundthe corner from my house when
it happened was part of it, yeah, and then I um other parts of
(24:24):
it too, like I still drank and Istill would drink a little bit
more, but just more so justbeing responsible and not being
like driving and not reallyunderstanding things.
So I didn't have my own car, Iborrowed it.
So at that time, though, um, Ihad met my now husband, um, so
at that point he drank too.
In the beginning of therelationship, he wasn't like, he
(24:44):
never got drunk, he wasn't adrink to get drunk, kind.
It's just he's mexican, sothey're used to just drinking a
beer, like so.
But what was a thing for me oncutting back on drinking is we
had just newly gotten to um intoa relationship together, like
boyfriend, girlfriend, becausewe had been dating for four
months before we got together,which was a shock for me,
(25:06):
because I never had a man takehis time like really with that
and he really was just sodifferent in how he treated me.
It was terrifying being with himat first, but was that on our
first time hanging out together?
Um, but was that on our firsttime hanging out together?
I got so drunk and I didn'tknow how badly I still was
holding on to my past, like thePTSD from being cheated on and
(25:30):
everything, and I guess Iblacked out.
And when I was black I gotdrunk.
I was accusing him of having awoman in Mexico like and just
using me, like and like, and I Iwas crying.
He said, while I was accusinghim of all this stuff and I
didn't remember a single thingof it, I came to at one point.
I just remembered crying andjust telling him I'm sorry over
(25:51):
and over again, but I didn'tknow what I was doing.
So when we talked the next day,he was like baby, you don't
remember, and I was just like no, I don't.
He was like, and then he toldme and he said you know, that
really hurts my feelings thatyou feel that way.
He was like I really care aboutyou, and so I was just like I'm
sorry, and then that I was likeokay, I definitely can't do
(26:12):
that because if me getting drunkis going to be a way for me to
like be toxic, like in this newrelationship, like that's not
his fault, I was like we cannotbe having that.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
So that was kind of the point where I was like I
definitely like need to ease uptell me more about that process,
and did you make a decision tojust stop drinking, or was it
something that continued tohappen over time?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Um I I drank casually at that point, so just
get-togethers.
But I would never go past likewhat I knew was a limit that I
needed to like stop at.
So, yeah, I would do it casually, but, um, it wasn't until I got
back on my walk with God, andeven then like every now and
then a sip of something, buteven then at that point I just,
(27:03):
and even then like every now andthen a sip of something, but
even then, at that point I justright around.
Then I just didn't have adesire, like especially because
my thing is is like what's thepoint of a drink when a drink is
to get you drunk?
So it's like what's really thepoint of it?
You know what I mean.
So that's really kind of, aftergetting on my back, my walk
back with God was really thejust the one of.
It just went away.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Yeah, so talk to us about that, cause I know that
you went through this periodwhere you really felt like there
was a lust, attachment, and youknow, I think the way that you
phrased it to me previously wasthat you know, you were just
looking for bodies for comfort.
You were terrified of rejection, you were terrified of being
close, but now you're startingto get into this committed
relationship, or thisrelationship with someone who
really, truly cares about you.
(27:47):
When did things change and how?
How did things change?
Tell me more about that.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Um as far as trusting him what's that?
Like do you mean?
As far as as like kind of liketrusting more in the
relationship?
Speaker 1 (28:04):
well, I just meant how did you kind of overcome,
yes, the trust, but alsoovercome your past and what,
what you had been going through?
Because it sounds to me I don'tknow the full story yet but you
got into this committedrelationship and never looked
back.
Now I don't know the full storyyet, but you got into this
committed relationship and neverlooked back.
(28:24):
Now I don't know if that's true.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Yeah.
So I will say yeah.
So it was a lot.
So I'll tell you this right nowwhen we first started dating I
didn't think it was going to goanywhere seriously, because guys
in my generation just don'twant to take things seriously.
But he was.
He was different.
He was not looking for sex, hewas looking to get to know me.
He took me out on dates.
(28:48):
Our first date he picked me upat 10 in the morning, which was
I was like oh okay, you want toget breakfast?
That's great.
I should have known he was init for the long haul that
morning Because I overslept fromworking an overnight job and he
waited like almost an hour inthe truck for me to get ready.
(29:10):
That poor man had no AC and wasin the truck waiting for me, um
.
So we hung out often from then,um, and I don't know, I just I
enjoyed his company, um, but Iguess I was just kind of waiting
for, like him to pull away andI think, around getting around
to the one and a half to twomonth mark, I was having
feelings for him and I told himI was like are you talking to
(29:34):
anyone else?
I was like, because I'm nottalking to anyone else.
I was like I was.
I was like, but I cut them off.
I was like I was.
I was like, but I cut them off.
And he was like no, like I'mnot talking to anyone.
I haven't been talking toanyone.
He's like I'm just talking toyou.
I'm like, well, you're notasking me to be your girlfriend
yet.
And he's just like well, I justwant to take our time so that
(29:55):
we can have a beautifulrelationship.
And I was just like, okay.
And then, like a week later,I'm crying Are you sure?
Because I'm just like, I'mterrified.
So I'm like are you stringingme along?
Is how?
I'm like, yeah, I was scaredBecause you know.
Then we're going into like fourmonths of dating and I'm just
like are you just stringing mealong or do you want to be with
me?
Because you haven't asked meand so, and I knew it wasn't for
(30:18):
sex or anything like that,because we didn't really have
much at the time.
So at one point he helped meout a lot.
I needed help financially in asituation because I was paying
my sister back for the car and Iwas doing rent.
And he helped me out and I toldhim I was like you're doing
(30:39):
this, you're doing that, likeyou're helping me with all this,
you really care about me.
Am I your girlfriend or not?
And he was like, yeah, he'slike you're my girlfriend.
So then we kind of just wentfrom there and it was not easy
of not looking back.
Even to this day.
It's still somewhat workingthrough triggers from the past
(31:00):
of things and it's just prayingthrough it and getting through
it.
But it was a little still morehard at the time because I
couldn't really believe what Iwas seeing or how I was being
treated, because you know, youget also used to like love
bombing and you get worried ifit's love bomb at the same time.
So I know he's always beenconsistent in everything that he
(31:22):
does, um, but yeah, I mean, wereally were not.
We were not together long beforeI got back on my walk with God.
So when we were six months intogether is when, um, I felt God
calling me back to him.
Um, so when that happened, Itold Luis, I told him.
(31:43):
I said you know, I feel likeGod's calling me back.
I really like I don't want tomess up this opportunity, like I
want to be with him.
I want to be obedient.
I was like I don't want us tohave sex anymore.
I don't want us to like livethat life.
I want to be obedient.
I don't know if you're okaywith that, live that life.
(32:03):
I want to be obedient, I don'tknow if you're okay with that.
And because I didn't know,because he says he, you know,
guys will say oh, it's neverabout that, but you never know,
and especially now.
And so, especially how we met,and he was just like yeah, he
was like that's fine.
He's like that's of coursethat's fine.
He's like whatever you want todo.
And he, because he believed ingod, but I will say, of course
he grew up with the whole.
You know, you believe in god,but you don't really know about
(32:24):
god.
So he was like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So at that point I started like reading my bible
more and everything, and hestarted um reading his bible
with me and we just kind ofstarted growing together that's
awesome, that's a beautifulthing when two people can come
together like that, through andchange the course of the
(32:49):
relationship too, because that'snot necessarily the easiest
thing in the world to do.
Right, you've been having arelationship in a certain way
and now you're saying you knowwhat.
I want to stop doing this.
I want to change and turn awayfrom these things.
So how tell me how God changedyour heart during this and how
(33:10):
did he deliver you?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Well, I'll say it's an interesting way.
I did see when you were askingabout the podcast, you kind of
touched on this, so it's kind ofwhy I felt like I wanted to do
this with you.
But it's going to sound reallyfunny how I'm going to say it
probably, but I do believe itwas God.
I started on Facebook gettingall of a sudden these random
videos in my feed and it wasfrom these two men that are
(33:38):
really gifted in the spirit tosee things and they were talking
about how so much of oursecular world is so demonic and
how and everything in hollywoodand the music industry is really
manipulated by the devil.
And at first I was like, um,well, it freaked me out.
But I was like, oh, this isprobably just those illuminati
(34:00):
conspiracy theories and stufflike that.
I was like, but something in mewas shaken, like it like
freaked me out, like somethingin me.
And then they just kept poppingup and I was reading more and I
was like this literally isplain as day, like that is so
evil looking I was and somethingin me just felt like that was
not right with it and I becauseI listened to all those artists
(34:25):
and everything, um, and notreally paid attention to it, um
of what they spoke about andeverything, just like the music.
So one night I basically justapologized to God and I said
look, god.
I was like I'm so sorry foranything I've done that has hurt
(34:47):
you and hurt anybody else.
I was like you know, and ifthere is any way that maybe I've
been wrong about this andyou'll take me back, you know,
I'm here, I'm here.
And at that point I had a dreamand I definitely felt it from
(35:07):
God and basically I felt he toldme in the dream I was working,
there was a person of authorityin my dream and I was in like a
business setting and I wasrushing to get around papers and
get things together, and theperson basically told me to stop
and he had, and he told me tolook down and I had an egg in my
hand and it had blood on it.
(35:28):
And how I feel like I'veinterpreted the dream is that he
told me you don't have to workso hard, you already have me.
So and I think it comes down tobeing yoked with Jesus and
being covered by the blood.
And I cried when I woke upbecause for years I felt like I
(35:50):
was never going to be acceptedagain.
I felt like I could never comeback to him.
I felt like I wasn't allowed tocome back to him and then, now,
being older, being my own,realizing that that was never
the case.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I could have always come back to him, absolutely,
absolutely.
We're never too far gone.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Yes, amen.
So from then, yeah, that's whyit was so important to me.
I mean, it was so important tome that I told God, like you
tell me right now if I shouldnot be in this relationship or
not.
I was like I will leave thisrelationship right now if it you
, if this is not going to honoryou and this is not for you.
So, um, and, and I felt like Ihad my answer on that, which is
(36:39):
why I stayed with Luis, and Ithink, and I definitely feel a
confirmation, because we havejust been so blessed in our
marriage, like it's beenincredible and it's so humbling,
so and it's just, I'm just sograteful.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
That's awesome.
I'm glad that you found eachother and that you've grown in
the Lord together as well andcome back to him during this and
that was something that you hadmentioned to me was that, when
you gave yourself back to God,that the lust spirit that you
(37:16):
had felt earlier left and thatyou didn't have that anymore.
Tell me about that or tell theaudience about that yeah, um, it
was really wild.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
When I went back to God, I really it was all of a
sudden.
It was like it was zapped outof my body, like when Luis and
everything are being around him,there was nothing.
There was like no temptation,there was nothing at all like I
felt, just good, I was justthere, was nothing like no, I
know, even alone I didn't havelike the urge or anything like
it was just evaporated.
(37:49):
It was a very like clean feelingno, yeah, it sounds like you
became more filled with the holyspirit and the other stuff had
no place anymore yeah, and Iwill say, with that too is what
I noticed is, though, uh, withdoing that, the enemy really
actually tried to come after meabout that oh, I'm sure yeah,
(38:12):
and I didn't.
I don't know how you feel aboutit, but from what I'm learning,
I think there is such a thing asspirit spouses and I think it's
because of all of the people.
If you sleep with them, likethey attach the spirits that are
on them, attached to you.
And I was having very explicitdreams, um, very, very explicit,
like felt real and I would wakeup and I would like be crying.
(38:35):
I'm like god.
I was like why am I having thisdream, you know?
And I would be rebuking it andeverything.
And that happened a few timesuntil it went away.
And then I realized much laterthat it was the enemy attacking
me at the time, because I wasjust letting go of all that and
like basically trying to reachme back in.
Like so that was wild, becauseI was just like this is nothing
(38:57):
that even happens to me.
Like why is this happening inmy sleep?
Like it was crazy.
It was like I felt like socrazy at the time, like not
crazy at the time, but I wasjust like why is this happening?
So it was hard.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
It can be hard to understand the moment, but
absolutely, when you're tryingto seek the Lord, especially
when you're pulling away fromthe demonic, they're going to
try to come for you and they'regoing to try whatever their hand
is.
That is interesting about theattachment side of things.
You know the two boyfriendsalso being pulled themselves
(39:33):
into darkness and being pulledinto drugs and alcohol and then
that set you down a very similarpath where you were drinking
and you know the had that lustattachment.
Clearly they had a lustattachment with all this
cheating going on.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
So no, no, I'm good You're go ahead.
I was going to say, well, thething about it is, though, is
they all had very bad pasts and,like it all just is connected
to that.
There's so much like trauma.
People have an emotional trauma, and they don't know how to
deal with it, and they,especially if you don't go to
God on it and you don't know howto go to God on it like it just
(40:16):
the enemy prays on it, and thenit turns into all these spirals
of different addictions anddifferent behaviors and
different like narcissism andall that stuff is going to
(40:42):
induce these situations and tryto get us to fall down.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Then the children experience trauma and in your
case, you experienced your own,and now the boyfriends
experience their own trauma.
Now you're a bunch of brokenpeople getting together,
breaking each other even more,and it goes around and around in
this spiral until someonebreaks it and gets out of it.
It's almost.
It is like a spell being broken, isn't it To be set free
(41:05):
Absolutely?
And I think that that's kind ofthe part that you mentioned
before about the conspiracieswhich made me chuckle.
But you know, we hear thosecomments about breaking free
from the matrix, so to speak.
Right, and that is what it'slike when we come to the Lord.
We're breaking free from theworld, we're breaking free from
the secularism of the world, andit's one of those things that
(41:30):
when you're in it, you can't seeit because you're living it.
I used to listen to secularmusic tons all my old growing up
, you know, in my late teenyears and early twenties through
through my 20s.
And it's not until the Lordgives you this discernment, when
you start to really seek himand understand spiritual warfare
, you start to hear things in adifferent way, where you're like
(41:54):
whoa, that is crazy, that thatis what that artist is singing
about, and I was in that trance,I was in that spell that they
were casting and I'd love toactually talk about that topic
more one day.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
But yeah, no, absolutely.
Yeah.
Me too, um, because I knowthat's a whole topic of itself,
right?
I?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
know it is yeah but I .
Speaker 2 (42:20):
If you have experience with that, I'd love
to hear yours well, I just onthat topic of the spell, like I
do absolutely believe that inthis music industry and a lot of
artists are saying itthemselves like these songs have
spells put over them so that'swhy, when you hear these songs
about sex and everything, you'rewanting sex more, I was like,
and in violence as well.
(42:41):
You get angry Like they do.
Yep, they do oppress youbecause there are demonic
spirits attached to them andthat's why, like, we do have to
be careful of what we consume inour through our eyes and ears.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
Absolutely, absolutely.
I went through that emo stagelistening to all that emo music
and guess what?
I was real emo.
I was very just.
You know, we become what isspoken over us and what our
environment is like and whatwe're living with during our
(43:14):
lives, and so it's a beautifulthing that you were able to
break free and that the Lordpulled you back.
And sometimes you know, this isthe the awesome thing about
testimonies and hearing yourtestimony is it's a reminder to
everyone else that no one is toofar gone, that all of us that
(43:35):
are lost can be bound again.
And Yahweh doesn't give up onus.
He's always waiting for us.
He's waiting for his lostchildren to come back and you
know, like the prodigal son,just waiting, waiting, waiting,
waiting, and he will accept uswith open arms, no matter what?
(43:56):
Yes, absolutely yes, absolutelyso.
I love that this story ended inyou and your husband got
married and you guys have beenseeking the lord and seeking his
guidance.
I so appreciate your opennessto talking about your whole
story, and just sharing is veryvulnerable.
You know it's a very vulnerablething to air out all your dirty
(44:21):
laundry in a sense, but the waythat you're doing this to help
other people and that is what isso beautiful about testimonies
is in it.
We all find that we are verymuch the same and we all have a
lot of similar areas where we'refalling down or we've been
through these things, and Iheard myself in your story as
(44:43):
well in different times in mylife and I just think that
that's an amazing thing.
So thank you for sharing all ofwhat you've shared today.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah, I'm glad I got to share it.
I'm shaking, but I'm glad I gotto share It'll be okay.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I do have kind of a last question, and that is is
there anything else that youwant others to know, that maybe
if they're struggling with anysort of sexual addiction or
spiritual attacks, is thereanything that you want people to
know or hear?
Speaker 2 (45:20):
There's nothing too much that god can't take from
you, can't deliver you from you.
Don't have to be scared to cometo him and just lay it out to
him, even if you feel like it'snot something, that you feel
like the anxiety some peoplefeel like, oh, that's just a
disease I have, or disorder,whatever you want to call it.
But god, god can take that fromyou too.
(45:41):
You have the authority inYeshua to rebuke all of this
worry, any pain that you have inyour life.
He will take care of you.
There's nothing too big or toosmall for him.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
Amen, amen.
Well, thank you, mary, so muchfor coming on and sharing your
story, thank you for having meand thank you everyone for
tuning in and for being on thisjourney with us.
If you would like to followalong outside the podcast, you
can join the mission onInstagram and Facebook at the
Radiant Mission, and if you'relistening in audio format, you
(46:17):
can also watch on YouTube at theRadiant Mission.
Today, we are going to closewith Matthew 6, verse 34.
This was a verse that Maryshared with me about struggling
with social anxiety and thatYeshua has cured me and leaned
and I lean on, and that verse istherefore do not worry about
(46:38):
tomorrow, for tomorrow, worryabout itself.
Each day has enough trouble ofits own.
We're wishing you a radiantweek and we'll see you next time
.
Bye everyone.
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