June 26, 2025 • 41 mins
Some mornings start with plans and end with emergency plastic surgery. What began as a typical day preparing for a trip to the PBR event suddenly became life-threatening when Tiffany's pet lemur Fiona launched an unprovoked attack on her face.
Without warning, the usually playful lemur transformed into a predator, leaving Tiffany bleeding profusely from facial wounds dangerously close to a main artery. The podcast takes listeners through the chaotic aftermath – from Nic's near-fainting episode to the mad dash for appropriate medical care.
The journey continues with a vodka-fueled road trip to San Antonio, an emergency driver switch at a motorcycle shop, and finally arriving at a hospital where the staff was already expecting "the lemur attack." Listeners will laugh along as Tiffany recounts the surreal hospital experience where her attractive male nurse and friend discovered shared motorcycle interests while she bled on the table, and her German plastic surgeon immediately identified the "Diet Coke" in her cup as something potentially stronger.
Throughout the harrowing experience, Tiffany's trademark humor shines through – from her determination to still make it to the PBR event with cowboys waiting, to Nic fleeing the room when medical terms like "face flap" entered the conversation. This episode serves as both a cautionary tale about exotic pet ownership and a testament to the power of friendship, emergency contacts, and having the right specialists on speed dial.
Join us for this wild ride that proves once again that Tiffany's life truly is the ultimate "shit show" – in the most entertaining way possible. Have you ever experienced a pet turning unexpectedly? We'd love to hear your stories too!
The Rambling Gypsy podcast is a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of real Texans doing real sh*t. We're pulling back the curtains on our daily lives - and you're invited to laugh and learn along with us.
Links:
http://www.youtube.com/@TheRamblingGypsy
https://www.facebook.com/GypsyMammaTiff/
https://www.instagram.com/GypsyMammaTiff/
https://www.theramblinggypsypodcast.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I put a blessing on it to real.
This ain't metaphoric.
We just put the I in iconic,buzzing like I'm electronic.
Ah, yeah, I put a blessing onit.
See me dripping in it 24-7 onit.
I'm just being honest.
Ah, holy water dripping,dripping from my neck to my
creps.
So I'm too stepping on it live.
Hey everybody, I'm Tiffany Foy.
Welcome back to the Ramblin'Gypsy podcast, and today we are
doing things a wee bit different.
(00:22):
We are at the Frog Pond and Igot my girl, nick, with me.
Undisclosed location number two.
Yeah, there you go.
That's the perfect name forthis show, for this place.
(00:47):
So we're going to talk aboutanother incident, another,
another accident and anothertragedy in the good old gypsy
life of gypsy mama here and, uh,nick has been so fortunate
enough to be involved in both ofthem, all of them, all of them,
all of the above yeah, there'sso many cannot get away.
There's so many of them that wehaven't talked about.
But, um, these are, these arepretty, pretty, um, major, um, I
didn't realize how serious thisone was until you didn't
(01:10):
realize how serious it was.
Well, right till I, almost,till you almost, passed out,
whatever, but it, um, no, really, I didn't.
I mean because you, I was soworried about you the whole time
.
Well, we just normally controlthe chaos, yeah, but when it's
something I can't handle, yeah,that gets to be a bit much.
(01:31):
Yeah, so, but no, that's when Idid really realize how serious
it was was when I was talking toJen, which is our nurse friend,
yeah, friend, she is.
Um, you guys have probably seenher in and out of snippets and
and what have you, but she is a,a ICU trauma nurse.
She's the one that does the IVsthat you go into when you're
(01:54):
having major surgery or whatever.
And this girl has studied she's.
She knows your arteries, sheknows your veins, she knows your
this, she knows your that, um,and never stops learning.
She's just she's, she's thatperson.
And when, a rock star, yeah,when I saw her, which they came
and stayed at the resort andwere hanging with us and, um, I
didn't tell her, we didn't tellher.
(02:15):
And when, she's, to be fair,she had news of her own.
So it wasn't like, right, youknow, yeah, and but when she sat
there and and talked for anhour, two hours, and change
about, you were so lucky thatthat is you, that is your main
artery, that you were next andthat that's when it really kind
(02:36):
of hit me, when I was like, ohshit, this is a professional.
This was pretty freakingsomething, super glue couldn't
handle this.
Yeah, this was pretty freakingsomething super glue couldn't
handle.
Yeah, this was pretty serious.
So, um, yeah, it was a well, itstill is.
I mean, I still have you.
You can see the, the stuff onmy face.
We really haven't been doing awhole lot of face shots and and
(02:56):
things just because I didn'twant to blob it.
But we're gonna blob it anyways.
I mean, I have a podcast for areason.
It's what it is.
Welcome to the shit show day inthe life shit show.
I like your new sign, your newflag, right, very cute.
I got some for the river and Ithought you brought alcohol.
I didn't see that part earlier.
Yeah, that's cute.
(03:17):
I like that.
It's perfect.
I thought it would be good for,definitely, the backdrop for
today's deal.
So here's how.
So here's how this all wentdown.
Nick and I were going out oftown.
We had things on the calendarwe did which we all know
Important things on the calendar.
Y'all think me and Cal takethis calendar serious.
This is why we abide by thecalendar at all times.
(03:41):
I have one rule, yeah, one ruleFollow the calendar.
You have more than one, youlittle asshole, but that is one.
That is her major.
Yeah, if it is not on thecalendar, then stretch and
hydrate is a collective rule.
It is, that is.
We should take that a littlemore serious than we actually do
.
We do remind ourselves in agroup setting, yeah, but
(04:06):
normally our hydration of choicehas some sort of alcohol in it,
so it kind of counteracts.
Read the sign, it's right there.
Maybe when we quit having ashit show, then we'll hydrate.
Oh, no, that's not gonna.
No, we can be optimistic, wecan manifest it, can we?
I think that's what we'resupposed to do.
We're supposed to be journalingabout it or some shit big and
(04:29):
wishing on stars.
I don't know, I cannot.
No, absolutely not.
That's adorable.
But yeah, no, stop having ashit show.
That's so cute.
No, if we didn't have a shitshow, I wouldn't have a job.
That's called jobs to curry.
You're welcome.
Yeah, my entire freaking lifeis a fucking shit show.
But yeah, so we had planned onthe calendar.
(04:51):
We were to be at PBR um, fine,four hours away.
We were supposed to be drivingYep, yep, four hours away and we
were meeting with some amazingpeople down there, and all the
cowboys, all the things.
Yes, first of all, it startswith Cinch.
See, I can't even say it, I'mso excited.
Cinch Wranglers Square to ToeBoot Company.
(05:16):
If you don't know about them,you need to.
You do now.
Great people, zack United, thebull, the I mean not only get
the bull by the horns, but thisis, this is a whole nother.
It was a fun crowd.
Yeah, it was going to be a goodtime.
Good time and it still was agood time.
When we got there, finally madeit, but we made it.
(05:38):
And so here's how this wentdown.
So Nick's on her way to thehouse.
We're getting ready, packed,leaving.
Boom.
We're thinking all right, we'regoing to miss.
Traffic is perfect, all we need.
We're right on schedule.
All we need is a Diet Coke.
I'm on my way to go get a DietCoke.
That was my mission of themorning.
Said okay, perfect, I'm on it.
(05:58):
Bags are packed, I'll see youin 20 minutes.
Yep, and everybody knows Fiona,my lemur, and she had been out,
which she does.
I leave the back patio dooropen, exactly where we're
sitting, and she runs and doesand and plays no leash whatever.
And if you saw the snippet orthe episode where we talk about
(06:19):
where Fiona got out a couple ofweeks ago, she went to go visit
to the neighbors, it is what itis.
So she was out running aroundplaying.
I'd just taken some pictures.
Whoa we were doing, I needed,um, we need her finger shot.
Oh, yep, yep, for anotherepisode we were working on yep,
because we talked about how shenaturally has just a flippy offy
(06:40):
.
Yeah, that's, that's so good.
She, just her flippy offy.
Yeah, that's so good.
She, just her flippy offy.
Just stands out there or isjust there all the time.
Her flippy offy, her flippyoffy.
I turned you into a monster,it's so cute.
Her little welcome greetingyeah, yeah, her little bird just
flies all the time.
Just her little gang sign.
Yeah, you know.
And so, and I get in thekitchen and out of nowhere she
(07:13):
comes flying through the kitchen, through my arches, and decides
to maul my face, attacks me.
It happens so quick, so fast.
I've never been one to reallypanic.
I'd ever been one to yeah, I'vetaught swimming.
I have whitewater, guided inrafts and 5,000 CFS.
(07:37):
I taught swimming for 13 years,jumping into large bodies of
water fully clothed, and knowhow to inflate your clothing to
make I mean, I could go on andon and on.
I just have never been reallyone to panic in.
In a panic situation I actuallydo well under the pressure,
completely opposite than thenorm and the most during
(07:58):
emergencies, right, and that, um, the norm and the most during
emergencies, right, and that, um, there was no warning.
There was no, there was nonothing.
She came out of nowhere and itwas when.
It wasn't like she was in a badmood that morning really either
.
She was just, she was playing,doing all the things she'd been.
(08:18):
There was nothing that wasdifferent.
And I had set my phone on theback of my couch so my couch in
the house is kind of like asmiley face kind of deal and I
had set my phone there.
Well, after I finally got heroff, my face blood was flying
all over the place.
(08:39):
I had no idea what washappening.
This all happened in less thana minute.
Yeah, I mean, it was so fast.
I finally I think the dreadsare honestly what really kind of
saved me, because when I bentover, they had kind of fallen
down and it kind of got in frontof my face.
(09:00):
Yeah, and you know I have themall wrapped up and I had just
taken several pictures of her,like minutes before that had
happened, of her sitting in inmy hair and in my dreads and all
I kept thinking about was youwalking in the house with the
diet Coke and her coming afteryou and I couldn't get to my
phone and she was pacing like alion on the back of the couch,
(09:25):
going back and forth and juststaring at me.
Well, when she gets in thatlittle, that little feisty mood,
she does do the pacing kind ofback and forth, but she does.
She also does it like in herbig yeah, when she wants to come
out and play or there'sexcitement or you know what have
you, she does her little likeit's almost like antsy walk, you
know she's just like, oh,there's some pacing kind of deal
, yeah, but this was like lionpacing like.
(09:47):
This was a different, yeah,attitude.
I mean she stocking yes, shehad blood all over her.
I had I grabbed, literally, Ijust spun the roll of paper
towels and the wad was probablythat made.
You saw, it was this freakingbig.
And I went to the guestbathroom, had it on my face.
Yeah, when I walk in and I seeyou have a wad that's like
(10:10):
bigger than your head I knowyou're not one that's an
overreactor or a you know like a.
Hey, there's a situationNormally you're just like ah
yeah, just rub some dirt on it,brush yourself off, get back up.
I got trampled by a camel, it'sfine.
Yeah, we'll process it a littlebit later, but in the moment
you're not one that's like ohyeah, bring me all the bandages
and all the things and I'llfigure out what I need to use.
(10:31):
You pull what you need in themoment kind of situation.
So when I walk in and you'vegot like freaking, well, I get
ahold of the phone.
Finally I get her back in herkennel.
She comes at me again.
(10:58):
She came at me one more timeand I had taken a banana thrown
in the kennel and you knowanything for fruit snacks, you
can crinkle a bag.
Yeah, that's her go-to.
So I got her in her kennel,shut the door and that was all I
kept thinking was oh my gosh,I've got to.
I've got to get to my phone,because if you walk in the door
there's no telling.
I didn't know what.
Well, then she's going to feelextra attacked because there's
two humans.
So I was just wanting to get in.
So I get a hold of Nick and Icall her and I said, hey, so
there's kind of been like alittle situation Situation, I
(11:22):
think is what you said.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't even.
This was more of a yeah, likeyou said, that was a fluctuation
.
It was, yeah, murder beyondmurder scene.
It was a mess.
But I go into my bathroom butyou say, oh, I think I need you
to drive me to the hospital, didI?
Yeah, you're like I need you, Ithink I need you to drive me to
the hospital.
So I'm like, okay, detour fromthe Diet Coke.
Yeah, and we skirt, you know.
(11:43):
I said, don't even worry aboutthe Diet Coke.
I was like, oh fuck, things areserious.
We're not worrying about a DietCoke right now.
First of all, if y'all know meat all, things went down and so
I was like, all right, cool Onmy way.
So I'm like real quick, goinglike 75 miles an hour down the
little, little tiny road orwhatever, and I'd get to the
house, walk in my bathroom,which is completely this way,
(12:08):
and I'm getting out everythingthat I have got.
Well, this doesn't tell me whatkind of incident that it is.
I think maybe fell down somestairs, scraped a knee, stubbed
a toe, we got a you know,pedicure emergency.
I don't know what's going on atthis point.
All I know is that it's seriousenough to skip a Diet Coke, and
that's real.
And that was.
(12:29):
Yeah, that was serious, thatwas a red flag if I ever see one
.
Yeah, and she comes in my roomand I'm in the bathroom and I've
got HEPA cleanse, I've gotProxide.
Yeah, I'm grabbing all thethings, steri-strips, I'm going.
Well, we have the suture.
Stuff is in the money.
(12:49):
I hadn't gotten there yet, butI've got all these things I'm
pulling out and I'm holding myface and I turn around and she's
standing there and this onedoesn't do blood.
I look like a mood ring.
I turn from the green to thepurple, to the blue, to just
pale, pale white, straight-asswhite.
I can feel it.
I can feel it in my face, likethere is no more blood in my
(13:12):
face and I can't.
All I can see I move my wad ofpaper towels.
My hand is literally likepoofed out, this big Well.
The paper towel obviously hadshrunk because it was now
saturated in freaking blood.
And I turned around and I'mlike are you wait, are you okay?
I was like you need to sit down.
There's no blood getting to mybrain, which means my brain
(13:34):
cells are not working, and Ijust I panic, I freeze, and I'm
like she's and I, she bends overand I was like you need to sit
down.
And on the corner of my bed Ihave this little tiny fan In
fact it's sitting right there, alittle tiny fan and I said sit
down, I'm over here.
You need to lay down.
Am I going through menopause?
Right now?
There's hot flashes, coldsweats.
What the fuck is happeningright now?
(13:55):
Oh, my God, I'm dying and Ican't.
And I was like um, you know, Ithink I said maybe we should
call Kel.
We should call Kel.
I said, oh, that's a very goodidea.
The logic came through.
I said beautiful, okay, I'mcalling Kel.
I'm running out the door as I'mcalling Kel, because I said you
(14:15):
know what we're going to playto our strengths.
I'm gonna go get the diet Coke.
And do we have vodka for thissituation?
I think this is definitely avodka situation.
We had none in the house and soI called Kel.
I'm like hey, I need you tocome over to the house.
Thank God she was on the roadalready with Rowan, so she had
(14:36):
the little in tow.
It was an emergency situation.
I don't know if he was going tobe a detriment or a help in
this situation, but all I knewwas I was not going to be
responsible any longer.
So I said let me call Kel.
So I called Kel, running outthe door.
I said hey, I need you to go toTiff's house.
She fucked up her face.
Fiona fucked up her face.
This is not in my jobdescription.
There's very few things thatare not in my job description,
but this is one of them.
(14:58):
Directions.
I don't do directions.
I am passenger princess all daylong.
We all know it.
I'm a great passenger princess.
You are very good, very good,so good that anytime somebody
else jumps in the passenger seat, I'm like get out.
This does not work.
I mean, it doesn't work.
We have a routine.
We know where this is going.
I pull the little.
She holds the steering wheel.
(15:18):
I'll hold the steering wheel.
When you're peeing in a diaper,I get the snacks.
I'm good, I'm good.
I look in the blind spot.
I got it.
You know, passenger princess ismy forte.
Yeah, directions are not Blood.
Not Even just talking about itmakes me queasy.
I've got to tell Garrison tocome get Hendrix.
He just hushes, hushes.
That's our dog, that's retarded.
(15:39):
It's so needy Hendrix.
So we go down.
So I lay down, kel walks in.
This one's gone and I'm worriedabout her.
I was like, oh my gosh, I'm sopanicked that I forget where the
closest liquor store is.
Yeah, which is literally rightdown the road.
(16:03):
How panicked I am.
So I called Kel back and I said, hey, I need to know what the
closest liquor store is.
And she apparently is stressingpanicking or something too,
because she tells me that it'sat the end of the hill, all the
way down, at the end of thefucking she's trying to send you
down on Landis Street.
Yes, yes, all the way, fucking,oh Lord, all the way over.
And I was like, okay, fine.
So I take her advice and I'mlike, all right, cool.
(16:25):
So I'm trucking, I'm going indown the road and she calls me
back.
She goes.
Actually, I don't know what.
I was thinking there's a twinliquor right there by the
H-E-B's, just pulling rightthere, and I said, okay, perfect
.
So I pull into the twin liquor.
I grabbed some vodkas, lots ofvodkas, the biggest one that
they have, cause I know I'mgoing to need it.
If not, my face is going toneed it.
(16:45):
If you guys watch the episodewhere sunscreen off with baby
wipes and some vodkas, I don'tknow what we're going to utilize
it was the cucumber melon.
It smelled amazing.
Are you a witness to this wholecrime?
Hendrix is going to tell hispart of the story.
So, yeah, she comes back.
And then I make a detour.
And what do I do?
(17:06):
I still go get the Diet Coke.
Yeah, so she comes back.
Vodka, diet Coke.
You want me to mix the two, Iwill.
I'm laying on the side of therecliner and Kel's like oh my
gosh, oh my gosh, and I stillhave.
We haven't gotten to the.
I'm not going to say the F wordyet because she y'all are going
(17:28):
to die.
So we go and we, um.
I'm kicked back laying thereand I said um, and Kel knows
we're just like that.
Everybody knows whereeverything in the house pretty
much is, and so more so than Ido usually, and that's a fact.
Yeah, and to the point where Ihave to call them go.
Anybody know where the salt andpepper is or where the?
(17:49):
Remember, this time I tried toput it in a really special space
and I hid it from myself.
Do you remember where I put it?
Because I have.
Yeah, let me check myspreadsheet.
It's on there.
Yeah, no shit, she has qr codes.
For my shit.
It's ridiculous.
I can tell you what's in thebox, not even open in the box, I
know it's.
It's so impressive.
But yeah, we um I'm kicked backlaying there and so kel goes
(18:10):
and gets a towel and we'refiguring out how to flush.
I'm like Kel, look, you knowwhere the glue is, where we keep
the um, the.
We have to be at the PBR.
We have Cowboys waiting on us.
It's on our calendar Cowboysyes, cowboy butts that we're
waiting on.
A lot of them, oh my goodness.
(18:31):
And so, yeah, I'm just likejust glue it, just make sure
that you flush it out.
That was my biggest concern.
Just flush it, really, reallygood.
So I'm holding on to this partand I'm laying backwards and I'm
watching Fiona and Fiona issitting up there and this is
like nothing I've ever seenbefore and she is covered in.
(18:54):
This is gross.
She's covered in flesh andblood and she's sitting up on
her top perch and and it's justlooking at me and she's licking
her fingers and bathing herselffingers and bathing herself and
she is looking at me like huh, Igot you.
(19:15):
And she was so proud of herselfand it was insane.
I don't want to say it's one ofthe craziest things I've ever
seen, but I can tell you it wasone.
You know your animal'spersonality when they flip like
that 110% and the natural sideof them comes out, because
obviously Fiona's a pet.
Yes, she's been around people,she's been acclimated, she's
been socialized, she's been allthe things around kids, people.
(19:37):
It's the same thing with dogs.
Dogs will snap and the innerdog in them will come out, but
it's weird to see.
It's almost like a personthough too, but you get to think
about it.
Look how many ships we sit hereand watch ID and snaps and all
the nonsense, and their eyes goblack and the whole situation,
just whatever that is that'sinside of them, takes over.
And it's not who you recognize,it's not what you recognize,
(20:00):
it's not the personality thatyou recognize, it is a
completely different situation.
Yeah, it was insane.
It was so quick, so fast.
And so Kel's flushing at myface, she glues this part, and
so Kel's flushing at my face,she glues this part and I'm
laying there and I finally and Itake this, my big deal off and
she said, oh shit.
I said, how bad is it?
(20:22):
She said, tiffany, this is not,this is not a crazy glue
situation.
This is.
This is bad Gorilla glue.
Sponsor us, right, yeah, I, um,yeah.
And I said, well, cal, I look,can't we just like patch it or
something?
Can't we take some tape orsomething that I've got Me and
(20:43):
Nick are supposed to be gone bynow?
Like make it, make it go.
Yeah, like squeeze it togetheror something, just do what you
do.
And she said, no, look, I havebeen in the ERs, I've seen all
this.
She said this is plasticsurgery type shit.
Well, it's on your face andyour face heals a lot
differently than anything elsedoes on your body.
There's so many more bloodvessels and capillaries and
(21:04):
things that are in your face.
Yeah, talking to Jen, and shewas like holy shit, so thin skin
.
You're so close to muscle andtendon and Arteries that I had
no idea.
Yeah, and arteries, we all knowmy veins.
Oh, yeah, you have, I mean youcan see.
Yeah, I mean she was realfucking close, yep.
So we take some pictures and Idon't know if you how.
(21:31):
I'm very close to myveterinarians, but I'm also very
close with my plastic surgeonand thank God this guy is the
coolest man in the entire world.
There's some people you shouldhave in your back pocket.
Yes, like on speed dial.
This guy is amazing.
The cops, maybe Same.
One of the SOs or two, yep,three, couple, four.
Yes, plastic surgeon Uh-huh,some of that.
(21:53):
One's a backhoe.
Yep, I'm right here.
My number's all over the web.
A couple people you should havein your speed dial, in your
papers list.
Yeah, you should, and Special Kwas one of them.
Special K was one of them, yeah, and so we made that call and
then it was trying to.
Mine was on call and then itwas trying to saturday though,
yeah, it's, it's not during theweek, normal operating business
(22:15):
hours, and I know hospitals aredifferent on their hours and and
things like that, but if it's aplastic surgeon, they're not
there for emergency surgeries orthings of that nature.
We got them, we're recording.
Can I have it?
You want to come be on the show?
It's not ridiculous, it's anecessity at this point.
Thank you, yeah, we make thephone call, we send the pictures
(22:43):
, yeah, and we of course, rhondaand we've all become very, very
good friends, the whole staff,the whole office.
Yes, forever and ever and ever.
I'm talking years, 20 years.
I've known these people,they're just amazing.
And so now he's moved hisoffice.
(23:04):
He's Spring Branch area Officewas in San Antonio forever and
we're obviously in New Braunfels.
And so he said, look, we've gotto try to find.
First.
He's on the phone with kill andthey're going through all the
medical terminology or whatever.
And I'm just kicked back.
We got too much, you know toomuch going on for that.
Nick's on the other side of theroom laying flat with a fan on
her face.
Yeah, having a vodka and redbull or whatever.
(23:26):
Yeah, at this point I didn'tneed any red bull.
I already had had two in themorning and I thought I was
going to fucking have a heartattack Stroke.
Are we two minutes past?
Is that how many?
Can I say fucking, oh, yeah,we're good, we're good, so, yeah
, so now we're trying to findwe've got to get to a hospital.
Most people just don't walkinto the hospital with your own
(23:48):
doctor.
First off, we're not going tothe ER, because ERs are meant to
treat emergencies.
They are there to patch you upand get you to stop the bleeding
, but not to make cosmeticallysound the prettiest results
which love the ER people.
They are trained to do whatthey need to do in an emergency
to mitigate the situation, tomake it as minimal impact as
(24:11):
possible, so they can take youin for emergency surgery because
you have something else goingon or whatever.
But they're not thinking aboutthe longer term repercussions of
okay, if I take this andconnect it here this is how it's
going to heal.
They're just there to crisismanage for the most part, not
the long term, right, and thiswasn't Not pretty alive, just
alive.
And this, to be fair, was notnecessarily a life or death
(24:33):
situation.
I mean, yes, there was a lot ofblood and a lot of things and
whatever else that we thought itcould have been very close to a
life or death, but the bleedingwas, you know, clotting a
little bit it was.
It wasn't like a hey, it'sright, you're about to bleed out
situation, yeah, but you dostill need to call it, cause if,
(24:53):
if you just went to thestraight ER, there's no telling,
there's no telling what kind ofrepair they're going to have.
I realized that when we did so,what we were trying to do was
we had to get to a locationwhere his credentials were valid
and he had what is it calledResident, not residency.
Well, well, they have liketheir own the hospitals that
(25:16):
they work out or whatever, wherethey're I'll think of it,
established or whatever.
Everyone say that.
But yeah, they have permissionsto work in that hospital, right
, right, and like check outmedical supplies and things.
You can't just be a doctor andgo to any other doctor.
They have to check yourbackground.
You can't just walk in and sayhere's my badge, you know right,
whatever, here's my driver'slicense.
(25:36):
Privileges, that's what it is.
They have to have privileges incertain hospitals.
So I call um, the friend ofours that is runs the entire ER
at hospital here in town, and hedoesn't answer.
So I call his wife and I'm likehey, what are you doing?
And she said, oh, nothing, Ithink I'm going to, I'm just
(25:58):
going to do and I don't want tomention a whole lot, just just
because.
But so she's just hanging outand I said, well, I tried to
call your husband.
She was like, yeah, he's atsome nerd convention in Ohio.
Yeah, that's exactly why we allget along so well and I love
them all so much.
But I said she's like what's up?
(26:18):
And I said, well, I've kind ofgot like a fluctuation at this
point.
I said, yeah, I need to getinto an ER and I'm taking my
doctor with me, so we kind ofneed to.
And Kel just happens to be onthe phone with the hospital and
of course it's Saturday and theycan't verify credentials, and
so, boom, we end up going to SanAntonio, where.
(26:41):
So he says, meet me here.
And so Nick is now Nick's gotto drive me and Kel Love the
pieces.
Thank you for your service andfor your help.
I got some shit, I got somebeef with Kel.
Right now she says, okay, well,let me know if you need me.
I said do you not see thecondition that I am in right now
(27:04):
, like I wouldn't let me drive?
No, you look like a pale, likea scrimpy.
I could see like right throughyour everything.
You were so you were cold,sweating.
I was.
Your knees were sweating, myknees were sweating, my ears
were sweating, everything Like Iwas sweating in places that I
didn't know I could sweatbecause I was so fucking.
I have a video of her sostressed.
I'm laughing, hystericallylaughing.
(27:27):
Oh, I don't give a shit whatyou say, but we're listening to
my fucking playlist and I was onan emo kick, some pop punk, you
know, whatever.
I'm just going to kick him back.
Anytime we get in my car and Ivery rarely drive because, as
we've established, I am apassenger princess it's been
like maybe three times you'veever been in my car and I've had
(27:50):
to drive Right.
Anytime that my playlist comeson she's like what the fuck are
we listening to?
What is this shit?
Blah, blah, blah.
It's not this or that orwhatever.
And I was like I'm going to mommode and I'm like I can't hear
my squirrels, can't even hearthemselves sing, and normally
you're complaining about it'stoo quiet in here.
So you're a silent drive andyou know just speed and think
(28:10):
about my life and my choices.
So much going on.
And she's I first rule.
We get in the car.
I said, uh-uh, don't you rightnow ground rules established?
That is going to stress me outeven more, to panic about the
whole.
We are listening to my music,my music, only it's on a whole
little shuffle situation.
I am dj right now.
Yeah, I am driving and I'm alsodj.
(28:31):
We get DJ.
We're on the way.
We're on the way.
We've got little farm to marketroads that we're going in the
back end.
We leave out of herneighborhood and I'm already
like seeing stars.
I'm like mustard and mayo.
Keep it between the mustard andmayo.
That's all we got to do.
That's all we got to do.
That's all we got to do.
It's only like 25 minutes away.
I can do this, I can make itand I'm just like I just I have
(28:51):
the AC full blast, full blast.
I'm over here just like yum,sweating.
I'm practically shipping in thecar.
I'm like, oh my God, like yeah,being in the pits, all the
things I'm stressed out stillpale, still freaking out, like
we're going to have to call himback up.
I'm not going to make it.
No, I'm not going to make it.
(29:11):
So we do, thank God.
Yeah, we called B Brooks, mybestie.
You guys have seen him on theshow.
Thankfully, his shop is likehalfway in between, so I make it
.
12 minutes down the road.
I'm like I got to tap out.
I called him and I said hey,look.
So we kind of A fluctuation.
We had a little accident here.
Fiona decided she wanted to eatmy face off and I texted him
(29:33):
previous.
So he knew that there was shitgoing down.
So he knew he was ready to jumpinto action.
He really was, thank God.
He had his truck backed up andAC going and he was ready.
So we parked her car.
We get in there, I go to get upand tell him that we're here
and so I go to try to go in theshop.
He's still working, or whatever.
(29:54):
I try to open the door, he'sopening the door as I'm opening
the door and I strokescompletely I lose it.
I'm like that is the last ofthe adrenaline that I have left
in my body.
I am going to make my story.
It was take me right here.
I will just just come back forme later.
I don't know.
I'm just right here on thesidewalk at the fucking
(30:14):
motorcycle shop.
Just go deal with that.
And he was prepped, he wasready, he had the keys, he had
the AC going, all the things.
Thank God I did a little passthe baton situation or whatever,
and tag your it.
I'm just going to lay down here.
Can you turn the air on?
I'm flushed back here.
The music vibe was welldifferent when he was driving
compared to when I was driving,thank God, when I was driving.
(30:37):
She found it the most comicalfucking situation of her life.
She was over here laughing herass off.
I'm like you're going to makeyour face worse.
Quit laughing, quit using thesemuscles and things all up here.
Well, I tell Carol, because Ihave a whole tray of Coban in my
bathroom and I was like, look,could you at least get me like a
pretty color or maybe like acouple?
She goes, I don't know where itis, I don't know what she's
talking about.
I go and pull out yoursignature teal color.
(30:57):
So, yes, we got a littlefucking bandana situation on.
We go to this Over thereworking out jazzercise or some
shit.
That's what it looks like out.
We go into this hospital likemini hospital type deal.
First off, we went through theback entrance of a hospital on a
(31:18):
Saturday in an ER departmentthat I thought was fucking like.
It looked abandoned.
They didn't even turn thelights on.
They didn't even turn thelights on.
I was like what the shit?
As long as they don't charge mefor the lights when that bill
comes in, it's right across fromthe fucking golf course.
I said, hey, cart girl, I'mgoing to drink to deal with this
shit.
We pull up and we're like wheredo we, where do we go in here?
(31:40):
Maybe, maybe this is it.
We pull up and the parking lotis connected to a golf.
The greens are just beautifuland I said, and I said it,
nick's coming out the back.
I told bia said she is going toyell over that beautiful
wrought iron fence over there atthe cart goal and be like hey,
toss me one right here.
Yeah, sure enough.
(32:00):
First words out of her mouth.
God, I hope the cart goaldrives by.
Oh my god, yeah.
So we go in there and the ladythat was in there, they walk in
and there's all thesedisclaimers.
Like you walk into this littlephone booth type room.
It's literally a holding cell.
They have to buzz you in allthe things, whatever.
(32:20):
It's like a little sunroombecause it's all enclosed in
windows and things.
It's hot as shit in there.
There's a little receiving deskwhere they slide the glass open
and they, who are you here for?
Whatever?
Whatever, she sees me and shegoes oh, I know exactly who you
are.
We've been expecting you.
We've been expecting you thelemur attack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we go back there.
(32:41):
Yeah, I think we're the onlyone scheduled for today.
Can you not check the lemurattack, check the schedule?
Yeah, fuck around.
We go into this room and thisnurse comes back there.
Very attractive man, he wasvery, very attractive, very like
he needs to be.
The scrubs and the boots combooh, I don't know what that was,
but I don't know.
(33:02):
But I laid, I'm laid back onthe stretcher, which I can't
believe they didn't have onethere for you next to me.
I can't believe you didn'tcrawl next to me.
Oh, my god, did you see mefirst before her?
The notebook story.
Take me away.
What's that movie?
The Notebook Story, where theyjust die holding hands, yep, and
so I'm laying on the deal.
You've got to put the kids'oxygen mask on before you can
(33:23):
help anybody else.
Okay, you know the rules.
Help them.
Emergency exits located, lightsand whatever.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly.
And I am then this very prettynurse, very, very salt and
pepper great, yes, yes comeswalking in and nick's sitting in
(33:46):
the chair, b sitting in thechair.
I'm laid up and I'm just like,oh hi, my heart's already going
a million miles an hour and thenwe gotta have this guy.
I'm like my blush no, I can'teven my blood pressure no, it is
not, I can't even say it.
Blood pressure, first of all.
We were supposed to be going tosee cowboys.
This guy, he could walk into mynurse's room, whatever my ER,
anytime.
I mean, hello, I might trip andhurt my toe later.
(34:09):
I don't know, maybe I need afull examination.
Seriously, yeah, there might be, never mind, I'm not even going
to go there.
I'm not going to go there.
Lord Is my face?
It's hot in here.
My face is turning red.
Shit, fuck around.
I was going to say flap or five.
No, we're going to.
So this guy walks in and startstalking.
(34:31):
He looks at Brooks and he saysI starts talking.
He looks at brooks and he saysmaybe, I know, you, do you look
familiar?
Do you do you ride?
Looks like yeah, which wealways assume that brooks is a
music connection.
Right, because he's, yeah, he'sthe drummer, you know, the
drummer of the drummers.
For all the people, everybody,when we walk into any place that
has live music and everybody'slike, oh, hey, brooks, you know
(34:54):
yeah.
And so just the same kid, youknow, and brooks like, yeah, I,
I do, and I went.
What do you mean?
You do you own a freakingmotorcycle shop?
Of course you do.
Yeah, you do, and he was likeman, I just knew okay.
And dr mcsteamy over there islike oh, I know, I have this
1970, isn't it?
The hard looks and all thethings I you've?
(35:15):
Yeah, I've been meaning to takemy bike to you, or he did
already.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I decided, you know, I just need to go in
.
I was going to do some workmyself and then I need to take
it back.
I'm on the table bleeding todeath.
Nobody has any sense of urgencywhatsoever.
I have the insurance card andthe driver's license in my hand,
ready to give it to somebodywho's willing to ask she's ready
for her asthma machine, oxygenor whatever.
(35:38):
We're both fucking knock me out.
I'm laying there bleedingcompletely to death, and these
two are talking about panheadsand what the next interval
mileage, fucking tune up meansto be, and all this shit.
And I'm like I said, excuse me,I hate to interrupt you too.
Do we not realize that there'sblood getting in?
But I, over here, I'm dying.
(35:59):
Over here right now, my girlneeds a little hit of something
I don't know.
So I was like does anybody knowwhere special k is that?
And all of a sudden, here youhear him because he's a, I love
him.
He's a talker and he's loud andgerman, yes, german, very, very
german.
And he comes through there andhe goes what the German?
Yes, german, very, very German.
And he comes through there andhe goes what the fuck?
(36:19):
And I was like, yep, I said thesame thing.
Oops, we did it again.
So yeah, and there's.
Then he asks oh, what you gotin your cup?
I hope it's bourbon in there.
I don't know.
We should disclose that, but wedidn't.
We haven't listed his name, wehaven't.
No, but anyways, yeah, it wasvodka, not bourbon.
But you know, and Nick, youshould have seen the look on
(36:40):
Nick's face and Brooke's facewhen he says that to me.
And I look straight at them andthey were like, how does he
know Straight face lies?
Maybe she can do a straightface, because it's all fucked up
at this point.
Oh, no, it's just Diet Coke.
Just I said it's grapefruit.
Oh, whatever, nobody drinksjust straight grapefruit.
(37:02):
Yeah, nobody does that.
Well, he knows me all too well.
Exactly, he knew there was shitin there which alcohol makes
you bleed more, makes your bloodthinner.
So did we add to the problem?
Maybe?
Did it help me in the process?
Also, maybe.
Yeah, that's a hard yes, but weso.
(37:25):
He's going on, he's yappingaway and he's talking to the
people at the hospital.
No sense of urgency, nobody hasany sense of urgency.
I said special Kate, look, weare trying to get to the PBR.
Somebody needs to kick it intogear.
How much longer is this goingto take?
So now, now we're going to take, uh, the.
I think she was like kind oflike me, kind of like you, the
(37:47):
jock of all trades.
She answered the door, shebuzzed the button, she peeped
through the window.
Now she's a nurse, now she'sgoing to bring in all the tools.
Meanwhile, mr Hoddison nurse,they're still talking engines
and shit.
Well, and then she starts toflourish.
She said the nurse guy kneweach other from back then.
(38:10):
Then we gotta figure all thatout.
I don't even know.
They knew each other.
And then B and this other dudeknew each other.
Did we just walk into a sausagefest?
I don't know.
Seriously, now he's going totell her how to flush my face
out, and at this point Igracefully make an exit, because
there's two of us that we haveto treat.
(38:30):
Now is when the other F word,the flap word, comes out.
This one Loses her shit I'mabout to Loses her mind.
So he pulls the glue off ofthis side of my face and was
like this will back him off.
Yeah, you shouldn't have donethat.
You shouldn't have done that.
Yeah, that was what he said.
You shouldn't have done that,right, yeah?
And I said, well, that's good,he rips it off.
(38:58):
That felt amazing.
Then he opens up the flap andso then they now we're trying to
figure out what to do with mydreads.
So I'm trying to hold up allthis hair 20 pounds of it, yes.
So now we're trying to findpillows so we can prop it up
here.
Prop it up here.
I have this beehive.
And so we scoot me.
She's done, long gone.
(39:19):
They pushed me all the way backand they bring in these big um,
oh, I was there for the trashcan situation.
Okay, yeah, they bring in thebig water bottles, the trash
cans, they put everything, butthen they're explaining how
they're going to flusheverything and how it's going to
drain.
And at that point I left.
When, when Special K is likelook, I know exactly what we
would do.
This is how you clean up amurder scene.
If you were to try to defacesomebody or decapitate somebody,
(39:42):
this is how you do it, to makesure it all goes in the thing.
Here's where she lost it.
Here's where she lost it.
She says this is how, when wedo facelifts and we take their
face off, this is how we disposeof the extra flaps.
And all I can think of is, likeHannibal Lecter style, with the
(40:05):
Granted special K, the mostqualified human being ever to be
doing this.
This guy's the number one burnvictim doctor in the world.
He knows what he's doing.
So when he's talking all thisgruesome shit, he doesn't mean
for it to seem insensitive orcallous or whatever, but he has
it down to his science and it'slike it's the same thing as a
mechanic just being like, hey,hand me a wrench, hand me a this
(40:26):
, hand me a that he has the samekind of, he's desensitized to
it and it's just part of hisdaily job.
Me over here.
I'm like, oh my God.
He said flop four times.
Yeah, he said remove the faceRight, flop around and I just
I'm.
Here's the idea, here's theinsurance.
I'm taking the phone in caseanybody calls and I need to
(40:48):
answer some shit or whatever.
I'm just I demote myself toreceptionist at this point.
I am demoted.
I'll buzz people in.
Demote myself to receptionist.
At this point I am demoted.
I'll buzz people in.
I'll check the window.
I've got to maintain the front,absolutely not.
I put a blessing on it to real.
This ain't metaphoric.
We just put the I in iconic,buzzing like I'm electronic.
Ah, yeah, I put a blessing onit.
See me dripping in it 24-7 onit.
I'm just being honest.
Ah, holy water dripping,dripping from my neck to my
creps.
So I'm too stepping on it live.
Hey everybody, I'm Tiffany Foy.
Welcome back to the Ramblin'Gypsy podcast, and today we are
doing things a wee bit different.
(00:22):
We are at the Frog Pond and Igot my girl, nick, with me.
Undisclosed location number two.
Yeah, there you go.
That's the perfect name forthis show, for this place.
(00:47):
So we're going to talk aboutanother incident, another,
another accident and anothertragedy in the good old gypsy
life of gypsy mama here and, uh,nick has been so fortunate
enough to be involved in both ofthem, all of them, all of them,
all of the above yeah, there'sso many cannot get away.
There's so many of them that wehaven't talked about.
But, um, these are, these arepretty, pretty, um, major, um, I
didn't realize how serious thisone was until you didn't
(01:10):
realize how serious it was.
Well, right till I, almost,till you almost, passed out,
whatever, but it, um, no, really, I didn't.
I mean because you, I was soworried about you the whole time
.
Well, we just normally controlthe chaos, yeah, but when it's
something I can't handle, yeah,that gets to be a bit much.
(01:31):
Yeah, so, but no, that's when Idid really realize how serious
it was was when I was talking toJen, which is our nurse friend,
yeah, friend, she is.
Um, you guys have probably seenher in and out of snippets and
and what have you, but she is a,a ICU trauma nurse.
She's the one that does the IVsthat you go into when you're
(01:54):
having major surgery or whatever.
And this girl has studied she's.
She knows your arteries, sheknows your veins, she knows your
this, she knows your that, um,and never stops learning.
She's just she's, she's thatperson.
And when, a rock star, yeah,when I saw her, which they came
and stayed at the resort andwere hanging with us and, um, I
didn't tell her, we didn't tellher.
(02:15):
And when, she's, to be fair,she had news of her own.
So it wasn't like, right, youknow, yeah, and but when she sat
there and and talked for anhour, two hours, and change
about, you were so lucky thatthat is you, that is your main
artery, that you were next andthat that's when it really kind
(02:36):
of hit me, when I was like, ohshit, this is a professional.
This was pretty freakingsomething, super glue couldn't
handle this.
Yeah, this was pretty freakingsomething super glue couldn't
handle.
Yeah, this was pretty serious.
So, um, yeah, it was a well, itstill is.
I mean, I still have you.
You can see the, the stuff onmy face.
We really haven't been doing awhole lot of face shots and and
(02:56):
things just because I didn'twant to blob it.
But we're gonna blob it anyways.
I mean, I have a podcast for areason.
It's what it is.
Welcome to the shit show day inthe life shit show.
I like your new sign, your newflag, right, very cute.
I got some for the river and Ithought you brought alcohol.
I didn't see that part earlier.
Yeah, that's cute.
(03:17):
I like that.
It's perfect.
I thought it would be good for,definitely, the backdrop for
today's deal.
So here's how.
So here's how this all wentdown.
Nick and I were going out oftown.
We had things on the calendarwe did which we all know
Important things on the calendar.
Y'all think me and Cal takethis calendar serious.
This is why we abide by thecalendar at all times.
(03:41):
I have one rule, yeah, one ruleFollow the calendar.
You have more than one, youlittle asshole, but that is one.
That is her major.
Yeah, if it is not on thecalendar, then stretch and
hydrate is a collective rule.
It is, that is.
We should take that a littlemore serious than we actually do
.
We do remind ourselves in agroup setting, yeah, but
(04:06):
normally our hydration of choicehas some sort of alcohol in it,
so it kind of counteracts.
Read the sign, it's right there.
Maybe when we quit having ashit show, then we'll hydrate.
Oh, no, that's not gonna.
No, we can be optimistic, wecan manifest it, can we?
I think that's what we'resupposed to do.
We're supposed to be journalingabout it or some shit big and
(04:29):
wishing on stars.
I don't know, I cannot.
No, absolutely not.
That's adorable.
But yeah, no, stop having ashit show.
That's so cute.
No, if we didn't have a shitshow, I wouldn't have a job.
That's called jobs to curry.
You're welcome.
Yeah, my entire freaking lifeis a fucking shit show.
But yeah, so we had planned onthe calendar.
(04:51):
We were to be at PBR um, fine,four hours away.
We were supposed to be drivingYep, yep, four hours away and we
were meeting with some amazingpeople down there, and all the
cowboys, all the things.
Yes, first of all, it startswith Cinch.
See, I can't even say it, I'mso excited.
Cinch Wranglers Square to ToeBoot Company.
(05:16):
If you don't know about them,you need to.
You do now.
Great people, zack United, thebull, the I mean not only get
the bull by the horns, but thisis, this is a whole nother.
It was a fun crowd.
Yeah, it was going to be a goodtime.
Good time and it still was agood time.
When we got there, finally madeit, but we made it.
(05:38):
And so here's how this wentdown.
So Nick's on her way to thehouse.
We're getting ready, packed,leaving.
Boom.
We're thinking all right, we'regoing to miss.
Traffic is perfect, all we need.
We're right on schedule.
All we need is a Diet Coke.
I'm on my way to go get a DietCoke.
That was my mission of themorning.
Said okay, perfect, I'm on it.
(05:58):
Bags are packed, I'll see youin 20 minutes.
Yep, and everybody knows Fiona,my lemur, and she had been out,
which she does.
I leave the back patio dooropen, exactly where we're
sitting, and she runs and doesand and plays no leash whatever.
And if you saw the snippet orthe episode where we talk about
(06:19):
where Fiona got out a couple ofweeks ago, she went to go visit
to the neighbors, it is what itis.
So she was out running aroundplaying.
I'd just taken some pictures.
Whoa we were doing, I needed,um, we need her finger shot.
Oh, yep, yep, for anotherepisode we were working on yep,
because we talked about how shenaturally has just a flippy offy
(06:40):
.
Yeah, that's, that's so good.
She, just her flippy offy.
Yeah, that's so good.
She, just her flippy offy.
Just stands out there or isjust there all the time.
Her flippy offy, her flippyoffy.
I turned you into a monster,it's so cute.
Her little welcome greetingyeah, yeah, her little bird just
flies all the time.
Just her little gang sign.
Yeah, you know.
And so, and I get in thekitchen and out of nowhere she
(07:13):
comes flying through the kitchen, through my arches, and decides
to maul my face, attacks me.
It happens so quick, so fast.
I've never been one to reallypanic.
I'd ever been one to yeah, I'vetaught swimming.
I have whitewater, guided inrafts and 5,000 CFS.
(07:37):
I taught swimming for 13 years,jumping into large bodies of
water fully clothed, and knowhow to inflate your clothing to
make I mean, I could go on andon and on.
I just have never been reallyone to panic in.
In a panic situation I actuallydo well under the pressure,
completely opposite than thenorm and the most during
(07:58):
emergencies, right, and that, um, the norm and the most during
emergencies, right, and that, um, there was no warning.
There was no, there was nonothing.
She came out of nowhere and itwas when.
It wasn't like she was in a badmood that morning really either
.
She was just, she was playing,doing all the things she'd been.
(08:18):
There was nothing that wasdifferent.
And I had set my phone on theback of my couch so my couch in
the house is kind of like asmiley face kind of deal and I
had set my phone there.
Well, after I finally got heroff, my face blood was flying
all over the place.
(08:39):
I had no idea what washappening.
This all happened in less thana minute.
Yeah, I mean, it was so fast.
I finally I think the dreadsare honestly what really kind of
saved me, because when I bentover, they had kind of fallen
down and it kind of got in frontof my face.
(09:00):
Yeah, and you know I have themall wrapped up and I had just
taken several pictures of her,like minutes before that had
happened, of her sitting in inmy hair and in my dreads and all
I kept thinking about was youwalking in the house with the
diet Coke and her coming afteryou and I couldn't get to my
phone and she was pacing like alion on the back of the couch,
(09:25):
going back and forth and juststaring at me.
Well, when she gets in thatlittle, that little feisty mood,
she does do the pacing kind ofback and forth, but she does.
She also does it like in herbig yeah, when she wants to come
out and play or there'sexcitement or you know what have
you, she does her little likeit's almost like antsy walk, you
know she's just like, oh,there's some pacing kind of deal
, yeah, but this was like lionpacing like.
(09:47):
This was a different, yeah,attitude.
I mean she stocking yes, shehad blood all over her.
I had I grabbed, literally, Ijust spun the roll of paper
towels and the wad was probablythat made.
You saw, it was this freakingbig.
And I went to the guestbathroom, had it on my face.
Yeah, when I walk in and I seeyou have a wad that's like
(10:10):
bigger than your head I knowyou're not one that's an
overreactor or a you know like a.
Hey, there's a situationNormally you're just like ah
yeah, just rub some dirt on it,brush yourself off, get back up.
I got trampled by a camel, it'sfine.
Yeah, we'll process it a littlebit later, but in the moment
you're not one that's like ohyeah, bring me all the bandages
and all the things and I'llfigure out what I need to use.
(10:31):
You pull what you need in themoment kind of situation.
So when I walk in and you'vegot like freaking, well, I get
ahold of the phone.
Finally I get her back in herkennel.
She comes at me again.
(10:58):
She came at me one more timeand I had taken a banana thrown
in the kennel and you knowanything for fruit snacks, you
can crinkle a bag.
Yeah, that's her go-to.
So I got her in her kennel,shut the door and that was all I
kept thinking was oh my gosh,I've got to.
I've got to get to my phone,because if you walk in the door
there's no telling.
I didn't know what.
Well, then she's going to feelextra attacked because there's
two humans.
So I was just wanting to get in.
So I get a hold of Nick and Icall her and I said, hey, so
there's kind of been like alittle situation Situation, I
(11:22):
think is what you said.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't even.
This was more of a yeah, likeyou said, that was a fluctuation
.
It was, yeah, murder beyondmurder scene.
It was a mess.
But I go into my bathroom butyou say, oh, I think I need you
to drive me to the hospital, didI?
Yeah, you're like I need you, Ithink I need you to drive me to
the hospital.
So I'm like, okay, detour fromthe Diet Coke.
Yeah, and we skirt, you know.
(11:43):
I said, don't even worry aboutthe Diet Coke.
I was like, oh fuck, things areserious.
We're not worrying about a DietCoke right now.
First of all, if y'all know meat all, things went down and so
I was like, all right, cool Onmy way.
So I'm like real quick, goinglike 75 miles an hour down the
little, little tiny road orwhatever, and I'd get to the
house, walk in my bathroom,which is completely this way,
(12:08):
and I'm getting out everythingthat I have got.
Well, this doesn't tell me whatkind of incident that it is.
I think maybe fell down somestairs, scraped a knee, stubbed
a toe, we got a you know,pedicure emergency.
I don't know what's going on atthis point.
All I know is that it's seriousenough to skip a Diet Coke, and
that's real.
And that was.
(12:29):
Yeah, that was serious, thatwas a red flag if I ever see one
.
Yeah, and she comes in my roomand I'm in the bathroom and I've
got HEPA cleanse, I've gotProxide.
Yeah, I'm grabbing all thethings, steri-strips, I'm going.
Well, we have the suture.
Stuff is in the money.
(12:49):
I hadn't gotten there yet, butI've got all these things I'm
pulling out and I'm holding myface and I turn around and she's
standing there and this onedoesn't do blood.
I look like a mood ring.
I turn from the green to thepurple, to the blue, to just
pale, pale white, straight-asswhite.
I can feel it.
I can feel it in my face, likethere is no more blood in my
(13:12):
face and I can't.
All I can see I move my wad ofpaper towels.
My hand is literally likepoofed out, this big Well.
The paper towel obviously hadshrunk because it was now
saturated in freaking blood.
And I turned around and I'mlike are you wait, are you okay?
I was like you need to sit down.
There's no blood getting to mybrain, which means my brain
(13:34):
cells are not working, and Ijust I panic, I freeze, and I'm
like she's and I, she bends overand I was like you need to sit
down.
And on the corner of my bed Ihave this little tiny fan In
fact it's sitting right there, alittle tiny fan and I said sit
down, I'm over here.
You need to lay down.
Am I going through menopause?
Right now?
There's hot flashes, coldsweats.
What the fuck is happeningright now?
(13:55):
Oh, my God, I'm dying and Ican't.
And I was like um, you know, Ithink I said maybe we should
call Kel.
We should call Kel.
I said, oh, that's a very goodidea.
The logic came through.
I said beautiful, okay, I'mcalling Kel.
I'm running out the door as I'mcalling Kel, because I said you
(14:15):
know what we're going to playto our strengths.
I'm gonna go get the diet Coke.
And do we have vodka for thissituation?
I think this is definitely avodka situation.
We had none in the house and soI called Kel.
I'm like hey, I need you tocome over to the house.
Thank God she was on the roadalready with Rowan, so she had
(14:36):
the little in tow.
It was an emergency situation.
I don't know if he was going tobe a detriment or a help in
this situation, but all I knewwas I was not going to be
responsible any longer.
So I said let me call Kel.
So I called Kel, running outthe door.
I said hey, I need you to go toTiff's house.
She fucked up her face.
Fiona fucked up her face.
This is not in my jobdescription.
There's very few things thatare not in my job description,
but this is one of them.
(14:58):
Directions.
I don't do directions.
I am passenger princess all daylong.
We all know it.
I'm a great passenger princess.
You are very good, very good,so good that anytime somebody
else jumps in the passenger seat, I'm like get out.
This does not work.
I mean, it doesn't work.
We have a routine.
We know where this is going.
I pull the little.
She holds the steering wheel.
(15:18):
I'll hold the steering wheel.
When you're peeing in a diaper,I get the snacks.
I'm good, I'm good.
I look in the blind spot.
I got it.
You know, passenger princess ismy forte.
Yeah, directions are not Blood.
Not Even just talking about itmakes me queasy.
I've got to tell Garrison tocome get Hendrix.
He just hushes, hushes.
That's our dog, that's retarded.
(15:39):
It's so needy Hendrix.
So we go down.
So I lay down, kel walks in.
This one's gone and I'm worriedabout her.
I was like, oh my gosh, I'm sopanicked that I forget where the
closest liquor store is.
Yeah, which is literally rightdown the road.
(16:03):
How panicked I am.
So I called Kel back and I said, hey, I need to know what the
closest liquor store is.
And she apparently is stressingpanicking or something too,
because she tells me that it'sat the end of the hill, all the
way down, at the end of thefucking she's trying to send you
down on Landis Street.
Yes, yes, all the way, fucking,oh Lord, all the way over.
And I was like, okay, fine.
So I take her advice and I'mlike, all right, cool.
(16:25):
So I'm trucking, I'm going indown the road and she calls me
back.
She goes.
Actually, I don't know what.
I was thinking there's a twinliquor right there by the
H-E-B's, just pulling rightthere, and I said, okay, perfect
.
So I pull into the twin liquor.
I grabbed some vodkas, lots ofvodkas, the biggest one that
they have, cause I know I'mgoing to need it.
If not, my face is going toneed it.
(16:45):
If you guys watch the episodewhere sunscreen off with baby
wipes and some vodkas, I don'tknow what we're going to utilize
it was the cucumber melon.
It smelled amazing.
Are you a witness to this wholecrime?
Hendrix is going to tell hispart of the story.
So, yeah, she comes back.
And then I make a detour.
And what do I do?
(17:06):
I still go get the Diet Coke.
Yeah, so she comes back.
Vodka, diet Coke.
You want me to mix the two, Iwill.
I'm laying on the side of therecliner and Kel's like oh my
gosh, oh my gosh, and I stillhave.
We haven't gotten to the.
I'm not going to say the F wordyet because she y'all are going
(17:28):
to die.
So we go and we, um.
I'm kicked back laying thereand I said um, and Kel knows
we're just like that.
Everybody knows whereeverything in the house pretty
much is, and so more so than Ido usually, and that's a fact.
Yeah, and to the point where Ihave to call them go.
Anybody know where the salt andpepper is or where the?
(17:49):
Remember, this time I tried toput it in a really special space
and I hid it from myself.
Do you remember where I put it?
Because I have.
Yeah, let me check myspreadsheet.
It's on there.
Yeah, no shit, she has qr codes.
For my shit.
It's ridiculous.
I can tell you what's in thebox, not even open in the box, I
know it's.
It's so impressive.
But yeah, we um I'm kicked backlaying there and so kel goes
(18:10):
and gets a towel and we'refiguring out how to flush.
I'm like Kel, look, you knowwhere the glue is, where we keep
the um, the.
We have to be at the PBR.
We have Cowboys waiting on us.
It's on our calendar Cowboysyes, cowboy butts that we're
waiting on.
A lot of them, oh my goodness.
(18:31):
And so, yeah, I'm just likejust glue it, just make sure
that you flush it out.
That was my biggest concern.
Just flush it, really, reallygood.
So I'm holding on to this partand I'm laying backwards and I'm
watching Fiona and Fiona issitting up there and this is
like nothing I've ever seenbefore and she is covered in.
(18:54):
This is gross.
She's covered in flesh andblood and she's sitting up on
her top perch and and it's justlooking at me and she's licking
her fingers and bathing herselffingers and bathing herself and
she is looking at me like huh, Igot you.
(19:15):
And she was so proud of herselfand it was insane.
I don't want to say it's one ofthe craziest things I've ever
seen, but I can tell you it wasone.
You know your animal'spersonality when they flip like
that 110% and the natural sideof them comes out, because
obviously Fiona's a pet.
Yes, she's been around people,she's been acclimated, she's
been socialized, she's been allthe things around kids, people.
(19:37):
It's the same thing with dogs.
Dogs will snap and the innerdog in them will come out, but
it's weird to see.
It's almost like a personthough too, but you get to think
about it.
Look how many ships we sit hereand watch ID and snaps and all
the nonsense, and their eyes goblack and the whole situation,
just whatever that is that'sinside of them, takes over.
And it's not who you recognize,it's not what you recognize,
(20:00):
it's not the personality thatyou recognize, it is a
completely different situation.
Yeah, it was insane.
It was so quick, so fast.
And so Kel's flushing at myface, she glues this part, and
so Kel's flushing at my face,she glues this part and I'm
laying there and I finally and Itake this, my big deal off and
she said, oh shit.
I said, how bad is it?
(20:22):
She said, tiffany, this is not,this is not a crazy glue
situation.
This is.
This is bad Gorilla glue.
Sponsor us, right, yeah, I, um,yeah.
And I said, well, cal, I look,can't we just like patch it or
something?
Can't we take some tape orsomething that I've got Me and
(20:43):
Nick are supposed to be gone bynow?
Like make it, make it go.
Yeah, like squeeze it togetheror something, just do what you
do.
And she said, no, look, I havebeen in the ERs, I've seen all
this.
She said this is plasticsurgery type shit.
Well, it's on your face andyour face heals a lot
differently than anything elsedoes on your body.
There's so many more bloodvessels and capillaries and
(21:04):
things that are in your face.
Yeah, talking to Jen, and shewas like holy shit, so thin skin
.
You're so close to muscle andtendon and Arteries that I had
no idea.
Yeah, and arteries, we all knowmy veins.
Oh, yeah, you have, I mean youcan see.
Yeah, I mean she was realfucking close, yep.
So we take some pictures and Idon't know if you how.
(21:31):
I'm very close to myveterinarians, but I'm also very
close with my plastic surgeonand thank God this guy is the
coolest man in the entire world.
There's some people you shouldhave in your back pocket.
Yes, like on speed dial.
This guy is amazing.
The cops, maybe Same.
One of the SOs or two, yep,three, couple, four.
Yes, plastic surgeon Uh-huh,some of that.
(21:53):
One's a backhoe.
Yep, I'm right here.
My number's all over the web.
A couple people you should havein your speed dial, in your
papers list.
Yeah, you should, and Special Kwas one of them.
Special K was one of them, yeah, and so we made that call and
then it was trying to.
Mine was on call and then itwas trying to saturday though,
yeah, it's, it's not during theweek, normal operating business
(22:15):
hours, and I know hospitals aredifferent on their hours and and
things like that, but if it's aplastic surgeon, they're not
there for emergency surgeries orthings of that nature.
We got them, we're recording.
Can I have it?
You want to come be on the show?
It's not ridiculous, it's anecessity at this point.
Thank you, yeah, we make thephone call, we send the pictures
(22:43):
, yeah, and we of course, rhondaand we've all become very, very
good friends, the whole staff,the whole office.
Yes, forever and ever and ever.
I'm talking years, 20 years.
I've known these people,they're just amazing.
And so now he's moved hisoffice.
(23:04):
He's Spring Branch area Officewas in San Antonio forever and
we're obviously in New Braunfels.
And so he said, look, we've gotto try to find.
First.
He's on the phone with kill andthey're going through all the
medical terminology or whatever.
And I'm just kicked back.
We got too much, you know toomuch going on for that.
Nick's on the other side of theroom laying flat with a fan on
her face.
Yeah, having a vodka and redbull or whatever.
(23:26):
Yeah, at this point I didn'tneed any red bull.
I already had had two in themorning and I thought I was
going to fucking have a heartattack Stroke.
Are we two minutes past?
Is that how many?
Can I say fucking, oh, yeah,we're good, we're good, so, yeah
, so now we're trying to findwe've got to get to a hospital.
Most people just don't walkinto the hospital with your own
(23:48):
doctor.
First off, we're not going tothe ER, because ERs are meant to
treat emergencies.
They are there to patch you upand get you to stop the bleeding
, but not to make cosmeticallysound the prettiest results
which love the ER people.
They are trained to do whatthey need to do in an emergency
to mitigate the situation, tomake it as minimal impact as
(24:11):
possible, so they can take youin for emergency surgery because
you have something else goingon or whatever.
But they're not thinking aboutthe longer term repercussions of
okay, if I take this andconnect it here this is how it's
going to heal.
They're just there to crisismanage for the most part, not
the long term, right, and thiswasn't Not pretty alive, just
alive.
And this, to be fair, was notnecessarily a life or death
(24:33):
situation.
I mean, yes, there was a lot ofblood and a lot of things and
whatever else that we thought itcould have been very close to a
life or death, but the bleedingwas, you know, clotting a
little bit it was.
It wasn't like a hey, it'sright, you're about to bleed out
situation, yeah, but you dostill need to call it, cause if,
(24:53):
if you just went to thestraight ER, there's no telling,
there's no telling what kind ofrepair they're going to have.
I realized that when we did so,what we were trying to do was
we had to get to a locationwhere his credentials were valid
and he had what is it calledResident, not residency.
Well, well, they have liketheir own the hospitals that
(25:16):
they work out or whatever, wherethey're I'll think of it,
established or whatever.
Everyone say that.
But yeah, they have permissionsto work in that hospital, right
, right, and like check outmedical supplies and things.
You can't just be a doctor andgo to any other doctor.
They have to check yourbackground.
You can't just walk in and sayhere's my badge, you know right,
whatever, here's my driver'slicense.
(25:36):
Privileges, that's what it is.
They have to have privileges incertain hospitals.
So I call um, the friend ofours that is runs the entire ER
at hospital here in town, and hedoesn't answer.
So I call his wife and I'm likehey, what are you doing?
And she said, oh, nothing, Ithink I'm going to, I'm just
(25:58):
going to do and I don't want tomention a whole lot, just just
because.
But so she's just hanging outand I said, well, I tried to
call your husband.
She was like, yeah, he's atsome nerd convention in Ohio.
Yeah, that's exactly why we allget along so well and I love
them all so much.
But I said she's like what's up?
(26:18):
And I said, well, I've kind ofgot like a fluctuation at this
point.
I said, yeah, I need to getinto an ER and I'm taking my
doctor with me, so we kind ofneed to.
And Kel just happens to be onthe phone with the hospital and
of course it's Saturday and theycan't verify credentials, and
so, boom, we end up going to SanAntonio, where.
(26:41):
So he says, meet me here.
And so Nick is now Nick's gotto drive me and Kel Love the
pieces.
Thank you for your service andfor your help.
I got some shit, I got somebeef with Kel.
Right now she says, okay, well,let me know if you need me.
I said do you not see thecondition that I am in right now
(27:04):
, like I wouldn't let me drive?
No, you look like a pale, likea scrimpy.
I could see like right throughyour everything.
You were so you were cold,sweating.
I was.
Your knees were sweating, myknees were sweating, my ears
were sweating, everything Like Iwas sweating in places that I
didn't know I could sweatbecause I was so fucking.
I have a video of her sostressed.
I'm laughing, hystericallylaughing.
(27:27):
Oh, I don't give a shit whatyou say, but we're listening to
my fucking playlist and I was onan emo kick, some pop punk, you
know, whatever.
I'm just going to kick him back.
Anytime we get in my car and Ivery rarely drive because, as
we've established, I am apassenger princess it's been
like maybe three times you'veever been in my car and I've had
(27:50):
to drive Right.
Anytime that my playlist comeson she's like what the fuck are
we listening to?
What is this shit?
Blah, blah, blah.
It's not this or that orwhatever.
And I was like I'm going to mommode and I'm like I can't hear
my squirrels, can't even hearthemselves sing, and normally
you're complaining about it'stoo quiet in here.
So you're a silent drive andyou know just speed and think
(28:10):
about my life and my choices.
So much going on.
And she's I first rule.
We get in the car.
I said, uh-uh, don't you rightnow ground rules established?
That is going to stress me outeven more, to panic about the
whole.
We are listening to my music,my music, only it's on a whole
little shuffle situation.
I am dj right now.
Yeah, I am driving and I'm alsodj.
(28:31):
We get DJ.
We're on the way.
We're on the way.
We've got little farm to marketroads that we're going in the
back end.
We leave out of herneighborhood and I'm already
like seeing stars.
I'm like mustard and mayo.
Keep it between the mustard andmayo.
That's all we got to do.
That's all we got to do.
That's all we got to do.
It's only like 25 minutes away.
I can do this, I can make itand I'm just like I just I have
(28:51):
the AC full blast, full blast.
I'm over here just like yum,sweating.
I'm practically shipping in thecar.
I'm like, oh my God, like yeah,being in the pits, all the
things I'm stressed out stillpale, still freaking out, like
we're going to have to call himback up.
I'm not going to make it.
No, I'm not going to make it.
(29:11):
So we do, thank God.
Yeah, we called B Brooks, mybestie.
You guys have seen him on theshow.
Thankfully, his shop is likehalfway in between, so I make it
.
12 minutes down the road.
I'm like I got to tap out.
I called him and I said hey,look.
So we kind of A fluctuation.
We had a little accident here.
Fiona decided she wanted to eatmy face off and I texted him
(29:33):
previous.
So he knew that there was shitgoing down.
So he knew he was ready to jumpinto action.
He really was, thank God.
He had his truck backed up andAC going and he was ready.
So we parked her car.
We get in there, I go to get upand tell him that we're here
and so I go to try to go in theshop.
He's still working, or whatever.
(29:54):
I try to open the door, he'sopening the door as I'm opening
the door and I strokescompletely I lose it.
I'm like that is the last ofthe adrenaline that I have left
in my body.
I am going to make my story.
It was take me right here.
I will just just come back forme later.
I don't know.
I'm just right here on thesidewalk at the fucking
(30:14):
motorcycle shop.
Just go deal with that.
And he was prepped, he wasready, he had the keys, he had
the AC going, all the things.
Thank God I did a little passthe baton situation or whatever,
and tag your it.
I'm just going to lay down here.
Can you turn the air on?
I'm flushed back here.
The music vibe was welldifferent when he was driving
compared to when I was driving,thank God, when I was driving.
(30:37):
She found it the most comicalfucking situation of her life.
She was over here laughing herass off.
I'm like you're going to makeyour face worse.
Quit laughing, quit using thesemuscles and things all up here.
Well, I tell Carol, because Ihave a whole tray of Coban in my
bathroom and I was like, look,could you at least get me like a
pretty color or maybe like acouple?
She goes, I don't know where itis, I don't know what she's
talking about.
I go and pull out yoursignature teal color.
(30:57):
So, yes, we got a littlefucking bandana situation on.
We go to this Over thereworking out jazzercise or some
shit.
That's what it looks like out.
We go into this hospital likemini hospital type deal.
First off, we went through theback entrance of a hospital on a
(31:18):
Saturday in an ER departmentthat I thought was fucking like.
It looked abandoned.
They didn't even turn thelights on.
They didn't even turn thelights on.
I was like what the shit?
As long as they don't charge mefor the lights when that bill
comes in, it's right across fromthe fucking golf course.
I said, hey, cart girl, I'mgoing to drink to deal with this
shit.
We pull up and we're like wheredo we, where do we go in here?
(31:40):
Maybe, maybe this is it.
We pull up and the parking lotis connected to a golf.
The greens are just beautifuland I said, and I said it,
nick's coming out the back.
I told bia said she is going toyell over that beautiful
wrought iron fence over there atthe cart goal and be like hey,
toss me one right here.
Yeah, sure enough.
(32:00):
First words out of her mouth.
God, I hope the cart goaldrives by.
Oh my god, yeah.
So we go in there and the ladythat was in there, they walk in
and there's all thesedisclaimers.
Like you walk into this littlephone booth type room.
It's literally a holding cell.
They have to buzz you in allthe things, whatever.
(32:20):
It's like a little sunroombecause it's all enclosed in
windows and things.
It's hot as shit in there.
There's a little receiving deskwhere they slide the glass open
and they, who are you here for?
Whatever?
Whatever, she sees me and shegoes oh, I know exactly who you
are.
We've been expecting you.
We've been expecting you thelemur attack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we go back there.
(32:41):
Yeah, I think we're the onlyone scheduled for today.
Can you not check the lemurattack, check the schedule?
Yeah, fuck around.
We go into this room and thisnurse comes back there.
Very attractive man, he wasvery, very attractive, very like
he needs to be.
The scrubs and the boots combooh, I don't know what that was,
but I don't know.
(33:02):
But I laid, I'm laid back onthe stretcher, which I can't
believe they didn't have onethere for you next to me.
I can't believe you didn'tcrawl next to me.
Oh, my god, did you see mefirst before her?
The notebook story.
Take me away.
What's that movie?
The Notebook Story, where theyjust die holding hands, yep, and
so I'm laying on the deal.
You've got to put the kids'oxygen mask on before you can
(33:23):
help anybody else.
Okay, you know the rules.
Help them.
Emergency exits located, lightsand whatever.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, exactly.
And I am then this very prettynurse, very, very salt and
pepper great, yes, yes comeswalking in and nick's sitting in
(33:46):
the chair, b sitting in thechair.
I'm laid up and I'm just like,oh hi, my heart's already going
a million miles an hour and thenwe gotta have this guy.
I'm like my blush no, I can'teven my blood pressure no, it is
not, I can't even say it.
Blood pressure, first of all.
We were supposed to be going tosee cowboys.
This guy, he could walk into mynurse's room, whatever my ER,
anytime.
I mean, hello, I might trip andhurt my toe later.
(34:09):
I don't know, maybe I need afull examination.
Seriously, yeah, there might be, never mind, I'm not even going
to go there.
I'm not going to go there.
Lord Is my face?
It's hot in here.
My face is turning red.
Shit, fuck around.
I was going to say flap or five.
No, we're going to.
So this guy walks in and startstalking.
(34:31):
He looks at Brooks and he saysI starts talking.
He looks at brooks and he saysmaybe, I know, you, do you look
familiar?
Do you do you ride?
Looks like yeah, which wealways assume that brooks is a
music connection.
Right, because he's, yeah, he'sthe drummer, you know, the
drummer of the drummers.
For all the people, everybody,when we walk into any place that
has live music and everybody'slike, oh, hey, brooks, you know
(34:54):
yeah.
And so just the same kid, youknow, and brooks like, yeah, I,
I do, and I went.
What do you mean?
You do you own a freakingmotorcycle shop?
Of course you do.
Yeah, you do, and he was likeman, I just knew okay.
And dr mcsteamy over there islike oh, I know, I have this
1970, isn't it?
The hard looks and all thethings I you've?
(35:15):
Yeah, I've been meaning to takemy bike to you, or he did
already.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I decided, you know, I just need to go in
.
I was going to do some workmyself and then I need to take
it back.
I'm on the table bleeding todeath.
Nobody has any sense of urgencywhatsoever.
I have the insurance card andthe driver's license in my hand,
ready to give it to somebodywho's willing to ask she's ready
for her asthma machine, oxygenor whatever.
(35:38):
We're both fucking knock me out.
I'm laying there bleedingcompletely to death, and these
two are talking about panheadsand what the next interval
mileage, fucking tune up meansto be, and all this shit.
And I'm like I said, excuse me,I hate to interrupt you too.
Do we not realize that there'sblood getting in?
But I, over here, I'm dying.
(35:59):
Over here right now, my girlneeds a little hit of something
I don't know.
So I was like does anybody knowwhere special k is that?
And all of a sudden, here youhear him because he's a, I love
him.
He's a talker and he's loud andgerman, yes, german, very, very
german.
And he comes through there andhe goes what the German?
Yes, german, very, very German.
And he comes through there andhe goes what the fuck?
(36:19):
And I was like, yep, I said thesame thing.
Oops, we did it again.
So yeah, and there's.
Then he asks oh, what you gotin your cup?
I hope it's bourbon in there.
I don't know.
We should disclose that, but wedidn't.
We haven't listed his name, wehaven't.
No, but anyways, yeah, it wasvodka, not bourbon.
But you know, and Nick, youshould have seen the look on
(36:40):
Nick's face and Brooke's facewhen he says that to me.
And I look straight at them andthey were like, how does he
know Straight face lies?
Maybe she can do a straightface, because it's all fucked up
at this point.
Oh, no, it's just Diet Coke.
Just I said it's grapefruit.
Oh, whatever, nobody drinksjust straight grapefruit.
(37:02):
Yeah, nobody does that.
Well, he knows me all too well.
Exactly, he knew there was shitin there which alcohol makes
you bleed more, makes your bloodthinner.
So did we add to the problem?
Maybe?
Did it help me in the process?
Also, maybe.
Yeah, that's a hard yes, but weso.
(37:25):
He's going on, he's yappingaway and he's talking to the
people at the hospital.
No sense of urgency, nobody hasany sense of urgency.
I said special Kate, look, weare trying to get to the PBR.
Somebody needs to kick it intogear.
How much longer is this goingto take?
So now, now we're going to take, uh, the.
I think she was like kind oflike me, kind of like you, the
(37:47):
jock of all trades.
She answered the door, shebuzzed the button, she peeped
through the window.
Now she's a nurse, now she'sgoing to bring in all the tools.
Meanwhile, mr Hoddison nurse,they're still talking engines
and shit.
Well, and then she starts toflourish.
She said the nurse guy kneweach other from back then.
(38:10):
Then we gotta figure all thatout.
I don't even know.
They knew each other.
And then B and this other dudeknew each other.
Did we just walk into a sausagefest?
I don't know.
Seriously, now he's going totell her how to flush my face
out, and at this point Igracefully make an exit, because
there's two of us that we haveto treat.
(38:30):
Now is when the other F word,the flap word, comes out.
This one Loses her shit I'mabout to Loses her mind.
So he pulls the glue off ofthis side of my face and was
like this will back him off.
Yeah, you shouldn't have donethat.
You shouldn't have done that.
Yeah, that was what he said.
You shouldn't have done that,right, yeah?
And I said, well, that's good,he rips it off.
(38:58):
That felt amazing.
Then he opens up the flap andso then they now we're trying to
figure out what to do with mydreads.
So I'm trying to hold up allthis hair 20 pounds of it, yes.
So now we're trying to findpillows so we can prop it up
here.
Prop it up here.
I have this beehive.
And so we scoot me.
She's done, long gone.
(39:19):
They pushed me all the way backand they bring in these big um,
oh, I was there for the trashcan situation.
Okay, yeah, they bring in thebig water bottles, the trash
cans, they put everything, butthen they're explaining how
they're going to flusheverything and how it's going to
drain.
And at that point I left.
When, when Special K is likelook, I know exactly what we
would do.
This is how you clean up amurder scene.
If you were to try to defacesomebody or decapitate somebody,
(39:42):
this is how you do it, to makesure it all goes in the thing.
Here's where she lost it.
Here's where she lost it.
She says this is how, when wedo facelifts and we take their
face off, this is how we disposeof the extra flaps.
And all I can think of is, likeHannibal Lecter style, with the
(40:05):
Granted special K, the mostqualified human being ever to be
doing this.
This guy's the number one burnvictim doctor in the world.
He knows what he's doing.
So when he's talking all thisgruesome shit, he doesn't mean
for it to seem insensitive orcallous or whatever, but he has
it down to his science and it'slike it's the same thing as a
mechanic just being like, hey,hand me a wrench, hand me a this
(40:26):
, hand me a that he has the samekind of, he's desensitized to
it and it's just part of hisdaily job.
Me over here.
I'm like, oh my God.
He said flop four times.
Yeah, he said remove the faceRight, flop around and I just
I'm.
Here's the idea, here's theinsurance.
I'm taking the phone in caseanybody calls and I need to
(40:48):
answer some shit or whatever.
I'm just I demote myself toreceptionist at this point.
I am demoted.
I'll buzz people in.
Demote myself to receptionist.
At this point I am demoted.
I'll buzz people in.
I'll check the window.
I've got to maintain the front,absolutely not.
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