July 15, 2025 ā¢ 15 mins
š¦š„ In this episode of The Rank Podcast, John dives into the prehistoric mayhem of Jurassic World: Rebirth (2025) as part of his Action Movie Rankings series! Starring Scarlett Johansson, Jonathan Bailey, Luna Blaise, and Mahershala Ali, this latest installment in the dino-franchise brings a bold new twist to the chaos.Set years after the fall of the original parks, Rebirth follows a global effort to control and coexist with dinosaurs in a world where the line between science and survival is razor thin. As political conspiracies unravel and new genetically altered species emerge, the team must navigate intense action, moral dilemmas, and a whole lot of teeth.John breaks down the filmās pulse-pounding set pieces, new characters, and whether this entry manages to breathe fresh life into the franchiseāor if it shouldāve stayed extinct.Where does Jurassic World: Rebirth rank among action greats? Tune in to find out!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So we take another foray into the world of dinosaurs.
This has the feel of a reboot, but it's claiming to be a
sequel. It takes place years after the
last trilogy ended and has none of the old cast.
It's kind of like Tokyo Drift, except they still brought Dom
back at the end of that one, so I guess it's not like that.
(00:35):
Welcome back to the Rank. I'm John and today we're going
to be ranking Jurassic World Rebirth starring Scarlett
Johansson, written by David Keppand directed by Gareth Edwards.
Now if you're enjoying these rankings or if you just like the
idea of getting a review of an action movie based on it being
an action movie, please considersubscribing and or following
liking and reviewing. Please put any of your
(00:55):
questions, comments, or suggestions into the into the
comments or e-mail the show and if you super duper like it,
consider becoming a patron at patreon.com/the Rank Podcast.
For those that aren't initiated,the whole idea here is I'm
ranking action movies based on 10 categories.
Those rankings are on the website.
You can see where the different movies we've already ranked are.
But I'm curious, how will Jurassic World Rebirth rank
(01:18):
against the action heavyweights like Star Wars and Indiana
Jones? I should say Raiders of the Lost
Ark or Edge of Tomorrow even? Well, let's find out starting
with the Potent Notables. So as always, the vote notable
start with the movies financials.
It came out July 2nd for its first weekend to garnered $92
million domestically. Though because it opened on a
(01:39):
Wednesday instead of a Friday, it has actually grossed $147.8
million domestically and $174.8 million internationally for a
worldwide total of $322.6 million.
And this is against a budget of $180 million.
So unlike F1 from last week, this has already made its money
back and will have no problem turning a profit.
(02:00):
It only needs to make $40 million more and I'm pretty sure
that it's going to do that. It's second weekend.
Interesting though that we've we've got a $200 million movie
and then a $180 million movie back-to-back.
We're watching some high cost movies here.
So this next Pope Notable is just a fun one for me.
In the background in the movie, like right early on in the
beginning, I noticed a school bus that said Crichton Middle
(02:20):
School and it was painted on itsside.
And I just thought that was fun.It's obviously a reference to to
the late Michael Crichton, the author of Jurassic Park, the
novel that spawned the film franchise.
So the reason that's fun for me is The Andromeda Strain was the
first novel I ever read. I think it was 9 or 10 years
old. And then afterwards I ended up
reading every single novel he wrote, at least under his name.
(02:41):
That was just fun to see them. Now apparently Scarlett
Johansson has been a huge fan ofthe franchise ever since she was
a child. So she spent the last 10 years
before this film was announced trying to join the franchise,
saying she would have been fine with appearing in one only to
just to die in the 1st 5 minutesif it meant she could be part of
it. Well, I guess she got to be part
of it because Jennifer Lawrence and Amanda Seyfried both turned
down the role of Zora Bennett, which is what she ended up
(03:03):
getting. Jonathan Bailey, who stars as
Henry Loomis, also contributes to the film score.
He plays clarinet in several orchestra tracks and performs
the solo heard during the scene when his character touches a
dinosaur for the first time. That's kind of neat.
Gareth Edwards, the director, revealed how the new terrifying
mutated dinosaur, which is glimpsed briefly in the official
(03:23):
trailer. So I'm not giving anything away,
was designed explaining that you're upon classic movie
monsters that have been scaring audiences for decades.
Quote When you make a creature, you get a big massive pot and
you pour in your favorite monsters from other films and
books and quote So he basically he used aliens Xenomorph return
to the Jedi's rancor and the T Rex from the original Jurassic
(03:45):
Park as influences. Quote some rancor went in there,
some HR Geiger went in there, a little T Rex went in there.
End Quote. So I will say to me when I first
saw the thing, I was like, that's, that's a xenomorph.
It looks like a giant xenomorph.So gross.
He also apparently dropped everything to direct the film
stating before production. Quote I was about to take a
(04:05):
break and I started writing my next idea for a film.
This is the only movie that would make me drop everything
like a stone and dive right in. I love Jurassic Park, so this
opportunity is like a dream to me and to work with Frank
Marshall and Universal. David Capp was writing the
script. I think they're all legends, so
I'm just very excited. Of course, just like Scarlett,
he was not their first choice. David Leach was in talks to
(04:26):
direct the film, but eventually turned it down because of
creative differences with Universal.
I have to say I would be very curious to see what David Leach
could have done with this, so just throwing that out there.
The scenes with Dolores ended upbeing among the longest shooting
days of the entire entire production, and it wasn't
because of the Dolores animatronic it was breaking down
or anything like that. Actually, it was because the
infant dinosaur was so adorable that the cast and crew kept
(04:49):
fawning over her and delaying shooting.
The film makes use of John Williams's themes at several
points in the movie, but it was not a decision that was made
like so Gareth. He talked about the decision,
which of course, also involved the the film's composer, which
is Alexander Desplat. Desplat, Pardon my French.
I don't know. He sounds French.
That's probably how you say it. You know, they only say like 3
(05:11):
of the 15 consonants that are intheir words.
Anyway, quote, this is Gareth. You play the game where you go,
OK, do we not do it at all? And we tried a version of that.
We tried a version where we tookit out completely and it just
didn't feel right as a fan. It felt some magic was missing.
And so then it was like, OK, we play it once, where are we
putting? And that was a problem for me
because I wanted the end creditsto have the theme, the way the
end credits we're in Jurassic Park, then you go, but then
(05:34):
we're not really playing it in the movie, which is a shame.
So we go, okay, let's play it twice.
And so it ended up in these two places.
But then there are obviously 2 themes.
So I felt like, okay, we get another token, we can play that
one somewhere else. And so they're all in very
strategic moments. There are little hints of the
themes that Alexander did himself over some certain
character moments where the justslightly where he just slightly
(05:54):
goes to hint at it and goes away.
That was really Alexander. And the whole reason he wanted
to be a composer was because of John Williams.
So he basically would always have competitions about who's
got the most pressure because hewas having to compete with John
Williams. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm
having to compete with Steven Spielberg.
So get over. End Quote.
It's kind of fun. But Speaking of Spielberg,
Gareth was really nervous to gethis notes.
Quote. It's a nerve wracking moment
(06:15):
when you know Steven is about tocall you to give you feedback
film that you've shown him. It's kind of like the moment you
dream of and fear it all your life.
I remember the phone just sat onthe coffee table of the edit
suite, and my editor and I were just looking at the phone, just
waiting for it to light up. End Quote.
Now, naturally, when he did get the notes, he just did
everything that Spielberg advised because, quote, when
someone gives you some notes, you can't help it.
(06:36):
But in part of your brain, you go, yeah, but what do you know?
What? What have you ever done?
But with Steven? If you go, what have you done?
The answer is every masterpiece you've ever loved.
So you sit there a bit like I'm just going to do everything you
say. Every single note you give I'm
doing, End Quote. I get that, Gareth, that makes
sense. Although some part of me wants
to be like, well, maybe if you hadn't might have been a little
bit better. Who knows, right?
(06:56):
Anyway, let's go to the last potent notable here.
This is the only Jurassic sequelto not include any characters
from the original Jurassic Park,nor returning characters from
any previous film in the series.All other films in the franchise
have featured at least one character returning in some
capacity. So there you have it.
Those are all the potent notables.
Let's go to the movie overview. So we've taken they're foray
(07:18):
into the world of dinosaurs. This has the feel of a reboot,
but it's claiming to be a sequel.
It takes place years after the last trilogy ended and has none
of the old cast. It's kind of like Tokyo Drift,
except they still brought Dom back at the end of that one.
So I guess it's not like that. Well whether a sequel or a
reboot, one aspect they kept is the whole genetic modifications
to make new types of dinosaurs. One of which, the big Scary 1,
(07:41):
is a xenomorph looking thing which does definitely look
gross. So why do humans get messed up
with dinosaurs this time? Well, apparently getting blood
samples of the largest animals in the sky, land, and sea would
cure heart disease in humans because their hearts are so big
and they live for so long, you see.
So let's all just pretend that we don't know that the blue
whale is the largest creature tohave ever lived on Earth and
(08:04):
still exists. So that doesn't make sense what
they're doing. But let's just pretend we don't
know that maybe they're extinct in this world.
I I don't know, but that's the premise.
That's bad writing, not that it matters.
They need to go get some mercenaries led by Scarjo.
A random museum guy and the greedy corporate guy.
The random museum guy isn't justa museum guy.
He's a scientist who apparently is the guy that knows that the
(08:26):
blood of big dinosaurs could cure heart disease in humans.
And he told the pharmaceutical guy.
So, yeah, that's why we get the greedy corporate.
So now they're all going. They're all going.
And and then Scar Joe's going tobring on her crew of mercenaries
as well. OK, look, I get it.
It's not easy to come up with a reason for humans to be fucking
around with dinosaurs, right? And yet we end up having a
random family join because they got stranded in the ocean to be
(08:48):
saved by our intrepid adventurers.
Now I'm just spitballing here. OK, but what if this family got
blown to shore on this remote island that has dinosaurs and
then calls for help and we have to send a mercenary team to
rescue them? Doesn't that just seem like an
easier plot? I get that we don't have the
science versus nature theme withthat one, but you know, you can
still have the undertones, the subtext, rather than this
(09:10):
ridiculous save heart disease plot line anyway.
Or cure heart disease, not save it.
All right, so just to sort of hammer this home.
I never really cared all that much about the mercenaries, but
I got real invested in the in the random family.
Part of this is the dumb plot asdiscussed, but the other part is
that the storytelling was just better with the family.
They used subtlety and relatability with them, but with
(09:30):
the main group they basically just shoved hey This is why you
should care about them down our throat with ridiculous
exposition. I really don't understand why
they didn't use the family showing up as a way to bring up
the mercenary backstories instead of having them talk to
us essentially about their tumultuous past.
I felt like, like the movie was saying you have to like these
characters and the contrarian tome was like, you can't tell me
what to do, I'm my own man. Anyway, stupid plot devices and
(09:53):
poor character development aside, what this movie did do
well was build tension. And for a movie like this,
that's really important. I was genuinely squirming in my
seat with the tension, went faceto face with the different
dinosaurs. Now, if we didn't have that,
this would be a total loss. But because we get that, it kept
me engaged throughout the whole thing.
It even did eventually get me tocare about one of the
mercenaries, but which was Marshall Ali's character.
(10:15):
But that that could just be the parent in me.
I'm a sucker for when movies show a parent loving their kid.
Another aspect I enjoy about this movie and series, I, I
guess, is the world building. It's actually quite fun.
The idea that there's an alternate universe where
dinosaurs are alive because of humans and that humans are
forced to sort of coexist with them.
Basically, these are aspects that I enjoy, but the most
enjoyable is the action, which is what we're here for.
(10:38):
So let's see how it did. Let's go to the rank.
So the rank is when I ranked themovie based on 10 categories,
Story, acting, originality, action sequences, film
coherence, hero appeal, villain appeal, slash hatred, supporting
characters appeal, the final showdown, and my rank, I rank it
on a scale of one to five, one being the worst, five being the
(10:59):
best. The first category is story,
which I gave a 2. So the story here is ridiculous.
It's it's completely ludicrous. Honestly, the family's
shipwrecking storyline saves this from being lower than A2.
This just didn't need to be whatit was, or if it was going going
to be that then make it like they needed to collect the venom
from that spitting dinosaur or something.
Anyway, yeah, not great. So let's go to acting, which I
(11:20):
gave a 3.25. Could anyone have told Scarlett
to stop smiling so damn much in this?
It was. It was such a bizarre choice for
this character to always be smiling at every.
It feels like when they did thatstory about how Julia Roberts's
movies made more money the more she smiled.
Like the studio was like she hasto smile all the time that so
that we make money. It just felt very wooden.
Honestly all the mercenaries felt weird to me and the Loomis
(11:42):
character was just random. Anyway.
The acting was pretty ho hum. Mahershala Ali was good despite
not having a great character, but it was the family that
really kept this score from being any lower.
Also Rupert Friend who played Martin Krebs was pretty decently
slimy. OK just one more thing before I
move on. Manuel Garcia Wolfo who plays
Ruben Delgado in this, is it just me or is he basically
(12:02):
Gerard Butler? Like every time I saw him in the
movie I was like is that Gerard Butler?
I look at pictures of him onlineand I don't see it but I swear
in the movie he looks just like Gerard Butler.
OK moving on. Next category is original, which
I gave a two. I mean, I gave them some points
for the monster mutant dinosaur designs.
They felt original enough to notgo to a one.
Come on, the movie's not original.
The next category's action sequences, which I gave a 4.75.
(12:26):
The action sequences were top notch.
I guess the only reason I'm not going 5 is because sometimes I
felt like they really made thesedinosaurs ineffective hunters,
and that feels unrealistic. Now I do get that my calling a
movie about dinosaurs chasing humans unrealistic is absurd in
and of itself, but I stand by it.
So let's go for the next category, which is film
coherence, which I actually gavea four.
(12:46):
So the story was ludicrous, but they stuck to it.
Like at no point was I guessing what was going on, but I was
wondering why they were doing it.
One thing though, what was the point of Dolores?
I mean, she was adorable, don't get me wrong, but it didn't seem
like she did anything to advancethe plot.
Anyway, that's fairly minor. So let's let's go on to hero
appeal, which I gave a 2 1/2. I'm sorry, but Zora didn't
(13:06):
really do much for me. By the end.
I was sort of, I was sort of rooting for, which is why I
didn't go any lower. I don't know it wasn't terrible,
but it wasn't isn't very good either.
Next category is villain appeal slash hatred which I gave a
three. I can't decide if the villain is
Krebs or the dinosaurs. I decided to go with Krebs who
was decently villainous. He was believably all about the
almighty dollar and they produced a plot point that
(13:28):
worked for his character to takethe route that he takes.
So I think 3 works. So let's go to supporting
characters appeal which I give afour because I really enjoyed
the family. I ended up enjoying Mahershala
Ali's character some too. The rest were pretty ho hum, but
the family definitely keeps thismovie from being a wasteful.
Let's go to the final showdown, which I gave a four.
So the final showdown is the gang here versus the dinosaurs,
(13:49):
which I know doesn't make sense if I didn't make them the
villain, but it makes sense for Jurassic Park movie, so
whatever. Anyway, it was tense and
action-packed and well done. I think my biggest issue is why
can't they just be dinosaurs? Like why do we need a giant
xenomorph dinosaur? I didn't knock it down for that
or anything, which I knocked it down for something that happens
at the end, which is kind of a little too much, but I don't
want to give anything away. But yeah, to me it's like you
(14:11):
could've just had AT Rex there and it would still have been
fun. Anyway, we're going to the last
category, which is my rank and Igave it a 3.25.
As far as action is concerned, it's a lot of fun.
The Delgado family and the action make it worth watching.
The plot is dumb, but if you just shut your brain off and
accept that they're just doing this for who gives a shit, then
you'll enjoy it. So that puts the total for
(14:31):
Jurassic World Rebirth at 32.75,which puts it in the tear.
Meh Deochre, which seems right. So thanks for listening and or
watching everybody. If you'd like to see a list of
our movie rankings by genre, youyou can do that on our website
at the rankpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe, review
and comment, and please considersupporting us on our Patreon
site at patreon.com/the Rank Podcast, where you can get
(14:52):
access to our archived episodes.Adios.
Will Jurassic Park now? Will Jurassic World rebirth?
(15:15):
Oh sorry I just wrote this sentence.
I don't know why I'm stumbling on.
I told you to read it slowly.
So we take another foray into the world of dinosaurs.
This has the feel of a reboot, but it's claiming to be a
sequel. It takes place years after the
last trilogy ended and has none of the old cast.
It's kind of like Tokyo Drift, except they still brought Dom
back at the end of that one, so I guess it's not like that.
(00:35):
Welcome back to the Rank. I'm John and today we're going
to be ranking Jurassic World Rebirth starring Scarlett
Johansson, written by David Keppand directed by Gareth Edwards.
Now if you're enjoying these rankings or if you just like the
idea of getting a review of an action movie based on it being
an action movie, please considersubscribing and or following
liking and reviewing. Please put any of your
(00:55):
questions, comments, or suggestions into the into the
comments or e-mail the show and if you super duper like it,
consider becoming a patron at patreon.com/the Rank Podcast.
For those that aren't initiated,the whole idea here is I'm
ranking action movies based on 10 categories.
Those rankings are on the website.
You can see where the different movies we've already ranked are.
But I'm curious, how will Jurassic World Rebirth rank
(01:18):
against the action heavyweights like Star Wars and Indiana
Jones? I should say Raiders of the Lost
Ark or Edge of Tomorrow even? Well, let's find out starting
with the Potent Notables. So as always, the vote notable
start with the movies financials.
It came out July 2nd for its first weekend to garnered $92
million domestically. Though because it opened on a
(01:39):
Wednesday instead of a Friday, it has actually grossed $147.8
million domestically and $174.8 million internationally for a
worldwide total of $322.6 million.
And this is against a budget of $180 million.
So unlike F1 from last week, this has already made its money
back and will have no problem turning a profit.
(02:00):
It only needs to make $40 million more and I'm pretty sure
that it's going to do that. It's second weekend.
Interesting though that we've we've got a $200 million movie
and then a $180 million movie back-to-back.
We're watching some high cost movies here.
So this next Pope Notable is just a fun one for me.
In the background in the movie, like right early on in the
beginning, I noticed a school bus that said Crichton Middle
(02:20):
School and it was painted on itsside.
And I just thought that was fun.It's obviously a reference to to
the late Michael Crichton, the author of Jurassic Park, the
novel that spawned the film franchise.
So the reason that's fun for me is The Andromeda Strain was the
first novel I ever read. I think it was 9 or 10 years
old. And then afterwards I ended up
reading every single novel he wrote, at least under his name.
(02:41):
That was just fun to see them. Now apparently Scarlett
Johansson has been a huge fan ofthe franchise ever since she was
a child. So she spent the last 10 years
before this film was announced trying to join the franchise,
saying she would have been fine with appearing in one only to
just to die in the 1st 5 minutesif it meant she could be part of
it. Well, I guess she got to be part
of it because Jennifer Lawrence and Amanda Seyfried both turned
down the role of Zora Bennett, which is what she ended up
(03:03):
getting. Jonathan Bailey, who stars as
Henry Loomis, also contributes to the film score.
He plays clarinet in several orchestra tracks and performs
the solo heard during the scene when his character touches a
dinosaur for the first time. That's kind of neat.
Gareth Edwards, the director, revealed how the new terrifying
mutated dinosaur, which is glimpsed briefly in the official
(03:23):
trailer. So I'm not giving anything away,
was designed explaining that you're upon classic movie
monsters that have been scaring audiences for decades.
Quote When you make a creature, you get a big massive pot and
you pour in your favorite monsters from other films and
books and quote So he basically he used aliens Xenomorph return
to the Jedi's rancor and the T Rex from the original Jurassic
(03:45):
Park as influences. Quote some rancor went in there,
some HR Geiger went in there, a little T Rex went in there.
End Quote. So I will say to me when I first
saw the thing, I was like, that's, that's a xenomorph.
It looks like a giant xenomorph.So gross.
He also apparently dropped everything to direct the film
stating before production. Quote I was about to take a
(04:05):
break and I started writing my next idea for a film.
This is the only movie that would make me drop everything
like a stone and dive right in. I love Jurassic Park, so this
opportunity is like a dream to me and to work with Frank
Marshall and Universal. David Capp was writing the
script. I think they're all legends, so
I'm just very excited. Of course, just like Scarlett,
he was not their first choice. David Leach was in talks to
(04:26):
direct the film, but eventually turned it down because of
creative differences with Universal.
I have to say I would be very curious to see what David Leach
could have done with this, so just throwing that out there.
The scenes with Dolores ended upbeing among the longest shooting
days of the entire entire production, and it wasn't
because of the Dolores animatronic it was breaking down
or anything like that. Actually, it was because the
infant dinosaur was so adorable that the cast and crew kept
(04:49):
fawning over her and delaying shooting.
The film makes use of John Williams's themes at several
points in the movie, but it was not a decision that was made
like so Gareth. He talked about the decision,
which of course, also involved the the film's composer, which
is Alexander Desplat. Desplat, Pardon my French.
I don't know. He sounds French.
That's probably how you say it. You know, they only say like 3
(05:11):
of the 15 consonants that are intheir words.
Anyway, quote, this is Gareth. You play the game where you go,
OK, do we not do it at all? And we tried a version of that.
We tried a version where we tookit out completely and it just
didn't feel right as a fan. It felt some magic was missing.
And so then it was like, OK, we play it once, where are we
putting? And that was a problem for me
because I wanted the end creditsto have the theme, the way the
end credits we're in Jurassic Park, then you go, but then
(05:34):
we're not really playing it in the movie, which is a shame.
So we go, okay, let's play it twice.
And so it ended up in these two places.
But then there are obviously 2 themes.
So I felt like, okay, we get another token, we can play that
one somewhere else. And so they're all in very
strategic moments. There are little hints of the
themes that Alexander did himself over some certain
character moments where the justslightly where he just slightly
(05:54):
goes to hint at it and goes away.
That was really Alexander. And the whole reason he wanted
to be a composer was because of John Williams.
So he basically would always have competitions about who's
got the most pressure because hewas having to compete with John
Williams. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm
having to compete with Steven Spielberg.
So get over. End Quote.
It's kind of fun. But Speaking of Spielberg,
Gareth was really nervous to gethis notes.
Quote. It's a nerve wracking moment
(06:15):
when you know Steven is about tocall you to give you feedback
film that you've shown him. It's kind of like the moment you
dream of and fear it all your life.
I remember the phone just sat onthe coffee table of the edit
suite, and my editor and I were just looking at the phone, just
waiting for it to light up. End Quote.
Now, naturally, when he did get the notes, he just did
everything that Spielberg advised because, quote, when
someone gives you some notes, you can't help it.
(06:36):
But in part of your brain, you go, yeah, but what do you know?
What? What have you ever done?
But with Steven? If you go, what have you done?
The answer is every masterpiece you've ever loved.
So you sit there a bit like I'm just going to do everything you
say. Every single note you give I'm
doing, End Quote. I get that, Gareth, that makes
sense. Although some part of me wants
to be like, well, maybe if you hadn't might have been a little
bit better. Who knows, right?
(06:56):
Anyway, let's go to the last potent notable here.
This is the only Jurassic sequelto not include any characters
from the original Jurassic Park,nor returning characters from
any previous film in the series.All other films in the franchise
have featured at least one character returning in some
capacity. So there you have it.
Those are all the potent notables.
Let's go to the movie overview. So we've taken they're foray
(07:18):
into the world of dinosaurs. This has the feel of a reboot,
but it's claiming to be a sequel.
It takes place years after the last trilogy ended and has none
of the old cast. It's kind of like Tokyo Drift,
except they still brought Dom back at the end of that one.
So I guess it's not like that. Well whether a sequel or a
reboot, one aspect they kept is the whole genetic modifications
to make new types of dinosaurs. One of which, the big Scary 1,
(07:41):
is a xenomorph looking thing which does definitely look
gross. So why do humans get messed up
with dinosaurs this time? Well, apparently getting blood
samples of the largest animals in the sky, land, and sea would
cure heart disease in humans because their hearts are so big
and they live for so long, you see.
So let's all just pretend that we don't know that the blue
whale is the largest creature tohave ever lived on Earth and
(08:04):
still exists. So that doesn't make sense what
they're doing. But let's just pretend we don't
know that maybe they're extinct in this world.
I I don't know, but that's the premise.
That's bad writing, not that it matters.
They need to go get some mercenaries led by Scarjo.
A random museum guy and the greedy corporate guy.
The random museum guy isn't justa museum guy.
He's a scientist who apparently is the guy that knows that the
(08:26):
blood of big dinosaurs could cure heart disease in humans.
And he told the pharmaceutical guy.
So, yeah, that's why we get the greedy corporate.
So now they're all going. They're all going.
And and then Scar Joe's going tobring on her crew of mercenaries
as well. OK, look, I get it.
It's not easy to come up with a reason for humans to be fucking
around with dinosaurs, right? And yet we end up having a
random family join because they got stranded in the ocean to be
(08:48):
saved by our intrepid adventurers.
Now I'm just spitballing here. OK, but what if this family got
blown to shore on this remote island that has dinosaurs and
then calls for help and we have to send a mercenary team to
rescue them? Doesn't that just seem like an
easier plot? I get that we don't have the
science versus nature theme withthat one, but you know, you can
still have the undertones, the subtext, rather than this
(09:10):
ridiculous save heart disease plot line anyway.
Or cure heart disease, not save it.
All right, so just to sort of hammer this home.
I never really cared all that much about the mercenaries, but
I got real invested in the in the random family.
Part of this is the dumb plot asdiscussed, but the other part is
that the storytelling was just better with the family.
They used subtlety and relatability with them, but with
(09:30):
the main group they basically just shoved hey This is why you
should care about them down our throat with ridiculous
exposition. I really don't understand why
they didn't use the family showing up as a way to bring up
the mercenary backstories instead of having them talk to
us essentially about their tumultuous past.
I felt like, like the movie was saying you have to like these
characters and the contrarian tome was like, you can't tell me
what to do, I'm my own man. Anyway, stupid plot devices and
(09:53):
poor character development aside, what this movie did do
well was build tension. And for a movie like this,
that's really important. I was genuinely squirming in my
seat with the tension, went faceto face with the different
dinosaurs. Now, if we didn't have that,
this would be a total loss. But because we get that, it kept
me engaged throughout the whole thing.
It even did eventually get me tocare about one of the
mercenaries, but which was Marshall Ali's character.
(10:15):
But that that could just be the parent in me.
I'm a sucker for when movies show a parent loving their kid.
Another aspect I enjoy about this movie and series, I, I
guess, is the world building. It's actually quite fun.
The idea that there's an alternate universe where
dinosaurs are alive because of humans and that humans are
forced to sort of coexist with them.
Basically, these are aspects that I enjoy, but the most
enjoyable is the action, which is what we're here for.
(10:38):
So let's see how it did. Let's go to the rank.
So the rank is when I ranked themovie based on 10 categories,
Story, acting, originality, action sequences, film
coherence, hero appeal, villain appeal, slash hatred, supporting
characters appeal, the final showdown, and my rank, I rank it
on a scale of one to five, one being the worst, five being the
(10:59):
best. The first category is story,
which I gave a 2. So the story here is ridiculous.
It's it's completely ludicrous. Honestly, the family's
shipwrecking storyline saves this from being lower than A2.
This just didn't need to be whatit was, or if it was going going
to be that then make it like they needed to collect the venom
from that spitting dinosaur or something.
Anyway, yeah, not great. So let's go to acting, which I
(11:20):
gave a 3.25. Could anyone have told Scarlett
to stop smiling so damn much in this?
It was. It was such a bizarre choice for
this character to always be smiling at every.
It feels like when they did thatstory about how Julia Roberts's
movies made more money the more she smiled.
Like the studio was like she hasto smile all the time that so
that we make money. It just felt very wooden.
Honestly all the mercenaries felt weird to me and the Loomis
(11:42):
character was just random. Anyway.
The acting was pretty ho hum. Mahershala Ali was good despite
not having a great character, but it was the family that
really kept this score from being any lower.
Also Rupert Friend who played Martin Krebs was pretty decently
slimy. OK just one more thing before I
move on. Manuel Garcia Wolfo who plays
Ruben Delgado in this, is it just me or is he basically
(12:02):
Gerard Butler? Like every time I saw him in the
movie I was like is that Gerard Butler?
I look at pictures of him onlineand I don't see it but I swear
in the movie he looks just like Gerard Butler.
OK moving on. Next category is original, which
I gave a two. I mean, I gave them some points
for the monster mutant dinosaur designs.
They felt original enough to notgo to a one.
Come on, the movie's not original.
The next category's action sequences, which I gave a 4.75.
(12:26):
The action sequences were top notch.
I guess the only reason I'm not going 5 is because sometimes I
felt like they really made thesedinosaurs ineffective hunters,
and that feels unrealistic. Now I do get that my calling a
movie about dinosaurs chasing humans unrealistic is absurd in
and of itself, but I stand by it.
So let's go for the next category, which is film
coherence, which I actually gavea four.
(12:46):
So the story was ludicrous, but they stuck to it.
Like at no point was I guessing what was going on, but I was
wondering why they were doing it.
One thing though, what was the point of Dolores?
I mean, she was adorable, don't get me wrong, but it didn't seem
like she did anything to advancethe plot.
Anyway, that's fairly minor. So let's let's go on to hero
appeal, which I gave a 2 1/2. I'm sorry, but Zora didn't
(13:06):
really do much for me. By the end.
I was sort of, I was sort of rooting for, which is why I
didn't go any lower. I don't know it wasn't terrible,
but it wasn't isn't very good either.
Next category is villain appeal slash hatred which I gave a
three. I can't decide if the villain is
Krebs or the dinosaurs. I decided to go with Krebs who
was decently villainous. He was believably all about the
almighty dollar and they produced a plot point that
(13:28):
worked for his character to takethe route that he takes.
So I think 3 works. So let's go to supporting
characters appeal which I give afour because I really enjoyed
the family. I ended up enjoying Mahershala
Ali's character some too. The rest were pretty ho hum, but
the family definitely keeps thismovie from being a wasteful.
Let's go to the final showdown, which I gave a four.
So the final showdown is the gang here versus the dinosaurs,
(13:49):
which I know doesn't make sense if I didn't make them the
villain, but it makes sense for Jurassic Park movie, so
whatever. Anyway, it was tense and
action-packed and well done. I think my biggest issue is why
can't they just be dinosaurs? Like why do we need a giant
xenomorph dinosaur? I didn't knock it down for that
or anything, which I knocked it down for something that happens
at the end, which is kind of a little too much, but I don't
want to give anything away. But yeah, to me it's like you
(14:11):
could've just had AT Rex there and it would still have been
fun. Anyway, we're going to the last
category, which is my rank and Igave it a 3.25.
As far as action is concerned, it's a lot of fun.
The Delgado family and the action make it worth watching.
The plot is dumb, but if you just shut your brain off and
accept that they're just doing this for who gives a shit, then
you'll enjoy it. So that puts the total for
(14:31):
Jurassic World Rebirth at 32.75,which puts it in the tear.
Meh Deochre, which seems right. So thanks for listening and or
watching everybody. If you'd like to see a list of
our movie rankings by genre, youyou can do that on our website
at the rankpodcast.com. Remember to subscribe, review
and comment, and please considersupporting us on our Patreon
site at patreon.com/the Rank Podcast, where you can get
(14:52):
access to our archived episodes.Adios.
Will Jurassic Park now? Will Jurassic World rebirth?
(15:15):
Oh sorry I just wrote this sentence.
I don't know why I'm stumbling on.
I told you to read it slowly.
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