December 17, 2024 • 45 mins
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In this episode, Celeste Hamilton, mom of two and Co-Owner of Hamilton Homes and Loans, joins Reesa Morala, LMFT, to discuss the complexities of disciplining children and navigating parenting without a handbook. Celeste shares how she and her partner worked through outside pressures to balance discipline with mindfulness for their kids' health and well-being.
As they exchange parenting insights, resources, and tips, Celeste also shares her vibrant salsa recipe—a versatile favorite for family meals or gatherings.
Subscribe, like, and follow for relatable parenting stories, practical tips, and delicious recipes!
💬 What's been a parenting challenge you've faced? Share your story in the comments!
🌶️ Tried the recipe? Let us know how it turned out!
Find Celeste:
FB: @hamirealtor
Insta: @celeste_your_realtor
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Hamilton Zesty Salsa
INGREDIENTS:
2 (15oz) cans organic diced tomatoes
1/3 cup chopped white or sweet onion
2 medium cloves garlic or garlic paste
1 to 2 medium jalapeño peppers, de-seeded
1 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 to 2 medium limes
1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt, plus more to taste
INSTRUCTIONS:
- Add all ingredients to a blender.
- Blend until desired consistency.
- Serve with chips.
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If you or your loved one is struggling with any of the topics discussed, here are some resources:
Embrace Renewal Therapy & Wellness Collective:
www.embracerenewaltherapy.com
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Disclaimer:
The content provided on this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice or treatment.
The views and opinions expressed by the host(s) and guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the podcast.
******
Host: Reesa Morala, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Reesa is a parenting specialist with a niche in supporting couples. Find Reesa hosting couples and parenting workshops nationwide!
Make sure to like, follow, and subscribe!
For the video version of this episode find us at: https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/
If you are a parent ready to share your real-life parenting struggle and dish up a recipe with Reesa, apply here:
https://www.embracerenewaltherapy.com/real-family-eats-guest
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need personalized support, please seek help from a licensed mental health professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.
Suicide and Crisis Line: Text or Call 988
Go to your local hospital or call 911
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We don't know what we're doing.
Like we've never beenparents before.
Like, so, like we are a teamin this league.
We're in this together.
Like, help me help you.
Hey, everyone.
Thanks for joining me.
My name is Reesa and I'myour host.
(00:23):
We are talking to real familiesabout real stories here on the
real family, where we'vegot food for thought
and thoughtful food.
So let's eat, Hey, everyone.
(00:45):
My guest today is the lovelyCeleste.
Celeste, thanks so muchfor being a guest on our show
today.
Of course.
It's my pleasure.
So for those of you that don'tdon't know, show, ask.
Can you introduce yourself?
My name is Celeste Hamilton.
I've known Reesa from, mom groupwhen our kids were younger.
And then, we actually livenear each other, so then
(01:05):
we would see each otherall the time.
Reesa is a great host,so she would always have, like,
holiday parties.
And then when it was time to,move out of the rental.
I'm a realtor, so thenI was able to help them move
into this beautiful home.
Yes, absolutely.
Speaking of, do you.
So do you.
Do we live to realty?
(01:27):
Here in California? Yes.
So we're intimate.
We're based out of Temecula.
But technically, we could doreal estate anywhere
in California.
Okay, we can also helpset someone up if they're
relocating.
Honestly. Okay.
To find them an agentif they need to buy a home
or property out of state.
So, mostly Temecula.
Yeah.
Winchester.
Menifee.
(01:47):
All that good stuff.
so awesome.
And so, for those of you,this is our shameless
plug section.
How can they find youif they need your services?
We typically use a lot ofsocial media a lot of people
use nowadays.
So we're on Facebook under HamiRealtor.
Or you can just find meon Instagram under Celeste
underscore your underscore.
Realtor.
So perfect.
I'll make sure to haveall of those, links in our show
(02:09):
notes.
So if you want to checkthat out.
Awesome.
So before we get started,I definitely want to hear
your story and I'm so excitedto hear it.
Can you tell me what recipeare you going to teach me today
and why did you pick that one?
Okay, well, I was thinkingI didn't want it to be too long
and too hard and too timeconsuming of a recipe
to do on camera.
So I was trying to think ofsomething to do, because I know
(02:31):
a lot of parents strugglewith their kids eating like
something healthier or notso process, you know?
So, a snack that my kidslike to have.
I have an eight yearold and six year old is salsa.
Okay.
And then the thingabout salsa is you can always do
different variationsand you have like, extra veggies
that you can like addin like peppers or carrots,
just like based on like your kidpreference.
(02:52):
And we're using canned today,but I'm sure people
can use fresh if they preferfresh.
And it's just an easy snackthat you can put those
together quickly and putin the fridge.
You can have on hand,you can put in their lunch
or snack or whatever.
So. Perfect.
Okay, so what do I startwith first?
Tell me, what do I need to prep.
So I would first do the cansin the blender okay.
(03:14):
Most people have a blenderor anything.
So super easy you knowhopefully not too messy.
Yeah it's you know, mom's alwaysgood for cleaning, right?
Yeah.
So and this is a nice too,because then you can, like,
make it once and then like,you don't have to make a mess
every time, like, oh there'seven some sulfur.
(03:34):
Yeah.
So like a larger batch.
Yeah.
Typically how you do it.
Yes. Wonderful.
Okay.
So I'll get started.
And while we're doing that.
So first a little bit, I knowyou were talking about kind of
some of your journeyparenting journey as far as
figuring out kind ofthe discipline side of things
and what's appropriate,what's not appropriate.
And so I'd love to hear more.
(03:56):
Yeah.
What we struggle.
Why?
Because like now,like I'm biased.
I feel like our kids arepretty smart.
Okay, so our son is 29 nextmonth, and then, our daughter
is six and a half.
But I think knowingwhat expectations and standards
to have for them, you know,obviously boys and girls
(04:16):
are different growing upand boys, you know, have a
little bit more.
They can't control theirimpulses so much.
So I think just knowingwhat to expect out of them
and not jumping to like,why did you do that?
Or, you know, it's like theirtheir immediate reaction
from something, you know, totheir kids and they're going to
argue and fight or whatever.
So it's like I've alwaysheard that for like boys
(04:40):
like their brain in theirdevelopment and like logic
and impulse control isn'teven developed until later on.
So it's like expectingan eight year old to, like,
know what to do in the heatof the moment.
It's like really hard.
Yeah, it's like even adultsdon't know I hundred percent.
Absolutely.
So it's so hard, like it's,you know, in the moment what
(05:01):
expectations you to have and agood punishment because
at the same time you don't wantto feel like you're letting them
get away with something either.
So it's like I don't know.
So finding that balance.
Yeah.
Finding that balanceand knowing like we are to hold
them accountable.
And what punishment isappropriate and just not feeling
(05:23):
so frustrated by it and justfeeling like they should
know better because like,maybe they actually don't know.
Like it's not their fault.
Like, yeah, you know.
Absolutely.
And you're absolutely right.
So for those that don'tknow, there, as far as the brain
development, you know,most of that time we don't
get to that that full maturityuntil our mid 20s, which is
(05:43):
and that's, that's allacross the board, you know,
genders. Yeah.
And so you're absolutely right.
There are so many timeswhere you've got adults
that are looking at thesekiddos, these eight year olds,
nine, ten, sometimes even,you know, as young as five
that we're looking at them and,and having this expectation
that, you know, you need toto hold yourself to a standard,
(06:06):
similar to adult like ifyou're in a restaurant,
you ought to beable to sit there for the
entire time and be quietand not cause a disruption.
So I can absolutely appreciate,you know, some of that
struggle there.
Before we chat more. Okay.
So am I blending this,so no, you add it all. Okay.
So, we have so throwin the onions, throw on this.
(06:27):
So, like, just maybe just likeone line and then because
we can taste it and then alwaysadd more.
Perfect.
And then, depending onlike your heat level, I normally
do like half a holiday.
So yeah, definitely.
Deseeded. Yeah.
Yeah.
You can always add more or less.
And then, you can, chopjust rough chop.
The cilantro is going to getblended anyway.
(06:47):
Perfect.
Okay, so tell me why.
Where did you learnthis information?
Was that something that youthat was not occurring
as far as, like, you know,how to implement a discipline
structure?
Now we don't have.
Yeah.
Tell me more.
I guess just likegoogling things or talking to
(07:07):
other parents.
But no, like, I don't remember.
I was the youngest of fourand there was I definitely
I mean, you might havea different perspective
because you're you work withfamily and kids.
I think discipline boysand girls are different
like I do younger years.
Okay.
And I grew up with all girlsthat were older.
(07:28):
I have a younger brother,so I don't really see like,
disciplining that aspect.
And he especially needsthe whole other topic.
But our daughter, we definitelyhave different difficulties
with our daughterversus our son.
Our son is more likehe challenges a little bit more
to me during this chapter.
You know, like there'sthese younger years, like she's
(07:48):
easier.
She likes to be more of thepeople pleaser.
Like she doesn't want to pushthe boundaries, push the limits.
She likes rules and all that.
She likes all that.
Our son likes to pushthe boundaries and see
where he can get what he canget away with.
And I think he's reallysmart too.
So I think that's part of the,you know, he likes
(08:10):
and gets bored too slow.
And that's kind of the hardpart, right?
Because their job at this pointis to push the boundaries,
is to figure out kind ofwhere am I in this world?
What does that look like?
At the same time, as a parent,you're going, stop pushing
the boundaries like this.
So challenging.
Yeah.
But yeah, and it's true too,because you don't want to break
(08:32):
their spirit either.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Because it's like you want themto be strong and you want them
to know how to, like, voice whatthey're feeling.
And you know, you want themto have an opinion, but
at the same time it's like,oh, please, I know. Yeah.
So it's definitely really hard.
Yeah.
What was important about this?
(08:54):
Why did you go towards that?
You know, I hear you saying thatit wasn't maybe necessarily
something that wasmodeled for you.
And I feel like I hear thata lot from parents, you know,
especially, you know, I want tosee, like, my parents
generation.
You heard a lot of, like,this is all I know.
This is what I'm goingto do here.
And so, you know, I feel likeyou could have easily gone
into kind of that same,same modalities, I guess. Right.
(09:18):
And so I'm curious kind of whywhy did you choose something
different?
Why did you choose to seek outGoogle or even just, you know,
other people's experiencesor opinions?
I guess maybe we felt like.
I guess maybe our parentsdidn't feel so much pressure
to be better.
I think a lot of parentslike reach, like older
(09:40):
millennials or whatever.
We want to break any trendsthat were passed down from older
generations.
You know, we want our kids to bewell-rounded individuals.
You know, we want them to havetheir own thoughts.
And, you know, we want themto be problem solvers
and critical thinkers.
So it's like, I thinkmaybe that's part of it.
But, you know, yeah, we alwayswant to be and we try and like
(10:03):
we always tell our kids too,it's like we don't know
what we're doing.
Like we've never beenparents before.
Like, so like we area team in this.
Like we're in this together.
Like, help me help youlike, yeah.
You know, like, obviouslythere's a balance between
being your, you know, we want tobe our kids parent, obviously,
but we want to have likelong term good relationships
(10:27):
with them as well.
So it's like they're goingto be older longer than they're
going to be this agewhere they're looking at us
for everything and alltheir answers and everything.
So it's like we want themto have the building blocks
as well, to carry on to themwhen they're older, you know,
was that something kind ofin the forefront of your mind
of being able to, you know, yes.
(10:49):
You're establishing a structure,a discipline structure now.
Right.
Were you thinkingthat far ahead of
I want to be able to to do thisso that it can lay the
groundwork at times, like forbeing able to have a really
fruitful kind of sustainablerelationship with them.
Yeah, I think so.
(11:10):
Just because, like we haveour relationship
with our parents are very like,not traditional or not,
you know, they're not healthyrelationships.
Like I don't have relationshipswith my parents as an adult.
So it's like, I know that'sdefinitely the end goal, right?
Like, you put all this timeand effort and you have
these babies and you raise themlike you want to, like,
(11:33):
enjoy them in the futureand see where they go.
And you want to have a goodrelationship with them,
you know.
So yeah, definitely. Yeah.
I imagine to kind of have,as you mentioned, maybe not
that great of a relationshipwith your own parents
and kind of have that bewhat you're looking towards.
It sounds like, you know,maybe not necessarily having
(11:53):
their input or maybe limiting,not just for your own
well-being.
Oh yeah.
There's no I'm I have to thengo and be a parent yourself.
Yeah.
And figure this out and kind ofthinking in that, you know,
I don't want this.
Like what I have my parents,to have that with my children.
And so I need to figure out,I don't know what that different
(12:16):
looks like, but I need tofigure that out.
And it's really important to mebecause I want something
different.
Yeah, it's weird, though,because it's like my parents
were good parentswhen we were younger.
And I've talked to my oldersibling that like, I guess
he confided in her one timethat he never he always could
picture himself being a dadwhen his kids were younger,
(12:39):
but not like when his kidswere adults.
So it's like, I don't knowif that's where the
disconnect is, but,because we did have like, decent
childhoods.
So, you know, I don't feel likeI have a lot of childhood trauma
or certain things.
I mean, I'm sure I do just like,not as like evidence.
Other people like you can see,like, oh, yeah, this is what
caused this.
Like, for the most part,they were present, you know,
(13:01):
they were together like we hada stable home environment.
You know, we had like that, thatwhat society says is.
Yeah.
Cookie cutter.
Yes. Exactly.
Then as far as,like being adult, like it's
completely absent.
So it's like, you know, soas far as that, like they had a
good childhood, but I don't knowwhat I took or didn't take
(13:22):
from there.
Parenting is like parenting us.
And I was the youngest of four.
So it's like for me, I just sawa lot of what my siblings
were going through and like,oh, I'm not going to do that
or I will do that.
So it's like, I feel likeI didn't have to do parenthood
as much as my sisters. Gotcha.
You know, I don't knowif a lot of people experience
that better on the other end.
(13:43):
Yeah.
Do you feel like you you missthat relationship and being able
to have them involved in that?
No, because I know thatthey want to be capable
of having a healthyrelationship.
So I, I'm not missingout on that.
Like, obviously if I couldhave it my way to be heart,
(14:04):
but it's like, yeah, it'snot really.
So no.
Absolutely.
I imagine that was notan easy kind of reality
to accept.
Yeah.
It's taken time.
Yeah. So, I know thatthat's something that I've heard
many parents kind ofstruggle with because there is
maybe this expectationof, again, what this
(14:27):
family structure is supposedto look like, what to look like,
and to then kind of stray awayfrom that.
I mean, that takes a lot ofcourage, a lot of, just trust.
So to be able to trustthat and say, you know what?
I'm I'm choosing my healthand my well-being
in this moment, and I'm choosingmy family's health
(14:49):
and well-being.
Yeah, I think that's like a keything, too, because people
might have, like, familyand support in their life.
But isn't healthy supportlike toxic support?
Yeah, yeah, a lot of people say,like they grow up
knowing like what theirfamily like, you need to
have them in your life.
Or I think on the oppositeend of the spectrum, family does
(15:10):
treat families a certain waybecause they think they can
get away with it becausethey're like, oh, we're family.
You know?
I know that.
It's just that conditioning,right?
We've been doing this patterninteraction for so long.
This is kind of what we know.
Yeah.
Instead of feeling like, well,I can choose my family,
you know, like.
And what does that mean family.
And like that's obviouslya big thing in our family
(15:32):
because it's like I'm my kidsby birth mom, but I'm not their
biological mom.
So it's like when at theend of the day, it doesn't
mean anything.
Yeah.
What is that, a conversationthat you have with your kids?
Yeah, I we've alwaysfrom the get go, I've been
super honest with howthey came to be, you know.
(15:52):
So yeah, we, I mean too,because our kids were asked
communities, I don't know whatwhere the topic came up about
getting a baby or how it islike, well, where does it
come from?
They're starting those questionslike, about that.
But yeah, they know, like,obviously we needed an
outside source to conceive themand have them.
(16:15):
And but we've alwaysbeen super honest with them.
And I try to tell, our daughterso much hasn't asked a lot
of questions.
She's just, I think maybeshe's just younger and goes
with the flow more.
But our son is and we're like,well, I kind of want a dad
or I want a brother.
It's either a dad or a brother,you know?
But it's like I tryto tell them, like
their families are builtall different ways.
(16:36):
And, you know, you always havethose friends and like people
outside of our familythat you can have
those connection with.
But it's like thisdepartments flow like we can't
guarantee your brother.
Well, we could if we wantedto, obviously, but now that's a
whole nother.
Yeah, that's a wholeother thing.
And it's like, well, now that'snot a thing.
Like you have a friend,he has plenty of friends,
(16:57):
but it's like, I think thatI don't take offense to it
because I think it's normalto have those curiosities
and feel that way.
But, you know, we just tryto remind them that you have
two people that love youand be there for you
no matter what, you know,support you and take care
of you on that end of the day,that should be what's important.
And yeah, so I was just actuallyabout to ask kind of,
(17:18):
what is your thought processwhen those questions happen,
you know, is theresomething that you've done,
to be able because I heardyou mentioned, you know, I don't
take offense, which, you know,I think the that's such
a different narrative.
Sometimes I hear from otherother folks that they hear that
and that that is the concernor that is their fear.
(17:39):
And so, you know, I'm curiouskind of what's been your thought
process in your journeyto kind of get to that place
where it sounds like you havea little bit more compassion
for the questions that are beingasked?
Yeah, I guess, like oldergenerations probably would take
more offense to likepeople's feelings outside
of themselves.
(18:00):
Yeah.
So I guess just having thatperspective and putting yourself
in other people's shoesand it's not about me,
it's about him, you know?
So yeah, I just know that we'redoing our best and that's
all we can do.
You know, so and I thinkthat's so relatable
to so many of our parentsthat, you know, that we're out
here, we're trying our best.
(18:20):
You know, there's it soundslike for you some of that best
rate is going outand seeking out support
and seeking out resourcesand knowledge that maybe
you didn't have.
Right.
And so in that capacity,you're kind of doing doing what
you can to be ableto grow yourself to better
yourself for your family,and then also having
(18:40):
that acceptance that they'regoing to grow up in some way,
shape or form.
It's just up to I kind oftry to mitigate, you know,
that screw up becausewe're humans.
It's a pretty normalthing. Yeah.
And I think it it's probablydetrimental if you're trying
to grow up showing your kids,like putting on a front
(19:01):
that everyone's perfectand you have to be perfect,
and you have to, like,have certain emotions
all the time, you know,and that's probably
detrimental in the long runbecause then if they encounter
something or feel something,they're not going to feel
comfortable with you becausethey're going to be like, oh,
yeah, I should probablyshouldn't be feeling this way
or this is wrong or like,you know. Yeah.
So it sounds like normalizingthe fact that emotions exist.
(19:25):
Is that like a fallacy?
Yeah.
Because I feel like whenI grew up, that's probably
one of the things like, I neverreally saw conflict resolution
or like, healthy, you know,and I know that that affects
my relationshipsand relationship with your
spouse and, you know, a healthyconflict and resolving and,
(19:45):
you know, just don't sweepeverything under the rug.
And eventually you think it'sgoing to go away and then it's
going to explode.
Spoiler alert itdoesn't go away.
Usually grows.
So you got a higher risk.
You. Right.
I mean, that's why I have a job.
Yeah.
Dream about my dream is to nothave a job.
Because everybody is to tell me.
(20:06):
You think we hate.
So intense is our emotionsand how to express. Yeah.
And just expressing them to likeyou will have your own emotions
but how to articulate it.
Yeah.
And on the other flip side,to be able to receive it
from the person who'sarticulating it to you.
And I think that's a reallygreat point, right?
So many times we we're like,yes, talk about your emotions.
(20:30):
So when it's coming towards youand someone saying, hey, I feel
really angry that this happenedlike it can be like, whoa,
yeah, no, don't talk aboutyour emotions.
I don't like this.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
That's so true.
But I think just recognizingI guess recognizing it
and understanding it, and, like,we're giving each other
(20:51):
grace to, you know,and just know that it's
a constant thing.
Yeah, that you have to worktowards.
Like, I've been with my wife forhow many years?
I don't know if you've seen it.
It's a constant like,yeah, constantly.
Like it's not likeit gets easier because you've
been together longer, you know.
But obviously in raising kidsto, you know, in different
(21:13):
chapters of those kidsneeds and, you know,
that plays a part in allthe relationships happening in
the house.
And, you know, justunderstanding, being open to
that criticism and reflectingon yourself, okay, what can I do
or what do you need?
What do I need?
And so yeah, absolutely.
And I think I really lovethat being open to the criticism
(21:34):
and being able to see itas an opportunity to grow rather
than like a personal attackand kind of a failure
on your part.
Yeah.
Because it is hard to not feelthat I that's like people's like
initial reaction like,yeah, yourself.
And I think there'sabsolutely ways right to present
the complaints because that's,that's kind of what I see a lot
(21:56):
is that, you know, criticismsand like character attacks, like
those are things that we want.
I just my complaintsare super duper natural
and normal to have complaintsbecause you're, you're
whether it's complaints withyour children and kind of
some of that behavior,whether it's with friendships
or, you know, spousalrelationships or partners
(22:18):
or whatever that looks like,because we're talking about
different human beings tryingto coexist with one another.
There's going to be some, yeah,some growing pains and. Right.
Yeah.
And there's and they'realways changing because when
your kids are getting older.
Absolutely.
So than what you used to likeoh I'm getting them through. But
(22:38):
yeah.
And then it's like, ohdid you have the how can you.
So I was going so I'm, I'mwimpy wimpy.
Oh I like zero five.
So I'm going to do half of this.
And then I'm like okay I'mbecause you know,
Josh, Josh loves all ofthese guys.
Zero blended too much.
(22:58):
Oh so that first phaseI don't know how your
blender works.
And then we can seethe consistency.
And obviously everyone canchange it how they want.
Yeah absolutely.
Yes.
Mine is fairly strong.
I'm not sponsoredby NutriBullet, but hey if you
want to, I'm on a chat.
Yeah, okay.
(23:21):
Why are you talking like this?
I would do a little bit more.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
We can always check, you know.
Yeah, I not good.
Okay.
So I'll pour a little bitof this and then I'll blend in
a little bit more with the,with the, and you can chop.
(23:43):
Okay.
And we can always seeif you need to add more lime
or salt.
You know, it's pretty easy.
And I like it that way too,because it's like you don't
have to think about it.
Yeah.
You you mentioned like thereare some variations to that.
You know, like sometimes I'lladd peppers like if we have,
leftover like, snacking likebell peppers, you know,
you can add that or you want itto your character. Yeah.
(24:06):
Have you ever tried to make itkind of fruity?
I haven't, like mangoor pineapple.
Yeah, that wouldbe yummy, though.
That would be especially inthis heat wave we're having.
I, I love a good tropicaltropical anything.
Well hits your roots. I.
Like yeah.
That looks does that look goodokay I'll take that one.
Let me let me chop it whileyou're doing that. Sure.
(24:29):
You tell me.
Okay.
Yeah.
A little bit more lime. Okay.
Maybe more salt.
But I'm with Josh.
I like a little.
I don't like too spicy, but Idefinitely want a little bit
of spice.
But this would be greatif you're kids, too.
(24:50):
What about your boys?
Do they like any spice or.
So my cola can handle a littlebit heat.
I think he can handlea little bit more than he
give himself credit for.
But my Malachi isis just like me.
It's like a little bit of.
Oh, no.
Oh.
But, you know, again,I went from my own
family trauma.
And the reason why I like heatthat's so good, of course,
(25:10):
is for some you actually usedto get I used to suck my thumb.
My, my grandmother's.
Oh, my thumb.
Because she used to babysitmyself, too.
Yeah.
And, they wanted me to stop,so they put some on my thumb.
So that you're old enoughto remember that, too.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I knew about it.
(25:31):
For sure.
But. Yeah.
So I'm, I'm curious a little bitmore like a little bit.
Yes. Okay.
And so what what does is I heardyou mentioned kind of going back
to disciplining and making surethat it's something that's
kind of age appropriate, almost.
(25:52):
And the expectations that soundslike are kind of appropriate
is that.
Did I hear that correctly?
Yes.
And it's like we've triedto Google like what punishments
are appropriate.
And a lot of times too, I'veread like you're not
supposed to do punishments.
Okay, tell me more because itcauses your kids, to not
trust you and like, then theyget scared to get in trouble.
(26:15):
So then they'll just hide thingsfrom you or lie to you.
So then it just causes.
Basically, you're supposedto just sit down and have
a conversation about whythey did this or what made them
do that, or, you know,blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
And, but it's like to me too,that's like, I feel like I know
a lot of people talk aboutnatural consequences.
(26:36):
Okay.
Which I still get confused thingis just like in certain
as obviously I feel likewhen they're younger, like,
like if you tell themto stop playing with something
or doing something, a naturalconsequences, then they would
get hurt, right?
Okay.
But I feel like when they getolder and it's more of like,
an emotional thing or likeconflict thing, there's not
(26:59):
really like a naturalconsequence.
So it's like, I don't know,you guys aren't going to get
along anymore.
Like, yeah, I feel likeit has to be like probably like
in the moment, immediate.
And that's probably notas realistic.
So it's like, I don't know.
It is absolutely a hardone to manage.
And I and I hear yousaying about the punishment
and one of the thingsI actually, I had read
(27:21):
when I was doing a lot of my,my grad school work and just all
my training that for meto this day has really resonated
was the idea that, you know,nowadays the word punishment
and discipline have becomereally synonymous
with one another.
And, they were saying the worddiscipline actually kind of root
(27:42):
word was meaning to teach versuslike punishment being like,
here's just like I'm gonna,you know, take something
away. Yeah.
You know, like to do harsher,you know, thinking back in
the old days kind of feeland so kind of that
idea of like, are there waysto tease out, you know,
discipline being somethingvery separate then. Right.
Thinking of it as punishment.
(28:03):
And doing it fromthat lens of how, how can I
teach them skills like we'retalking about those skills
for the future versus likein the right now, you know,
for example, I know that,you know, there are
many generations who whomight choose to kind of do
any kind of like a spankingor something like example,
you know, and, and theidea there, is that it
(28:27):
generally has a really immediateeffect, right?
You know, becausethey're like, oh, I don't
want to do that.
So they stop.
Right.
However, doesn't necessarilyteach them for future because,
you know, when they're outin the real world,
they do something in their jobthat may be inappropriate.
Their boss isn't going to speak.
I mean, they might notlike that's inappropriate.
(28:48):
That's an HR thing to make sureyou get that checked out.
But, you know, in general,that's not necessarily
the teaching and that'snot really a sustainable
punishment spanking yourhigh schooler.
Could you imagine, likefor those that are like
twice your size, like twice now.
Yeah.
And so, you know, kind ofreframing that and like,
(29:08):
how can I teach like you said.
And so maybe it does includea little bit more of that,
like problem solvingconversations, kind of
meeting them where they'reat emotionally.
Yeah.
And then saying, okay, likeI totally appreciate
your emotions.
And that that does sound reallyfrustrating.
What are some other thingsthat we could do for our
frustration instead of just,you know, pushing our, our
(29:29):
sibling or.
Yeah, whatever that looks like.
Right. Exactly.
That's so true.
Yeah. Okay.
So let's go into this guywith your with your
spiciness. Yes.
And then yeah I don't insult.
Yes with.
Absolutely.
Yes.
When I make it with my sonhe always like has this
all right.
He's a little bitmore solidarity center. Yeah.
(29:51):
I say I've got I've got amazingkitchen helpers.
I really think it's becausewhen they're kitchen helpers,
they get to be the best part.
Yeah.
And you make lots of yummyfoods too.
Oh, and I love learning more.
So I'm so excited.
Okay, let's pull this guy.
(30:11):
Yeah, you know what?
You're gonna really need tohelp me out because I didn't
have it on.
So there we go.
Okay, good.
Like that.
Helping you in there? Yeah.
You don't want big chunks?
No.
Okay, let's try it out.
Let's try the difference.
(30:32):
This is the safe.
See here recently new.
I wonder if we'll see the colordifference.
And that one's blendeda little bit more. So
there you go.
Oh yeah.
You can definitely see.
Oh yeah.
They eat stuff like this.
Chips and salsa I certainly am.
So it's going to be it's goingto be hit.
(30:55):
With some of the heat.
Yeah.
Is it better though.
That's all in line for thoseentrepreneurs from your garden
and all or no no we don't havesince I don't eat them I don't.
I only grow stuff I'mgoing to eat.
Yeah.
If you wanted to go in this one,you could if you want it
just for your preference,I'll go with, like, a little
(31:16):
chunkiness.
So I'm curious for thosethat like, maybe disagree
or would prefer thatyour kids were quote unquote
well-behaved, more well-behaved.
Right.
And, you know, how do younavigate that out
in the real world to be ableto kind of stand true
(31:39):
to your beliefs?
And it sounds likeyou're values, while also,
you know, battling the lookunsolicited.
Oh, like do like it.
There you go in person.
Correct.
I think that's funnythat you bring that up, though,
because we were at, partya couple weekends ago,
(32:01):
and there was, our son, Imake a great choice,
but obviously, like,you know, there's no innocent
party in this situation, right?
My wife is really good aboutjust dealing with it right then
and there, and, like,he wasn't in trouble, but,
you know, he needed tostep aside and think about
what he did or what he can do.
Different, for sure.
(32:21):
And she handled it right thenand there.
And there is a couple momsand I oh, I can't believe you
just like did that right here.
Normally I like just don't dealwith it until later.
And then it's like interesting.
So I think just knowing likeyou are going to judge
either way because likeobviously maybe if we didn't
do anything it will be likeoh why are they sitting there.
(32:42):
Okay.
Yeah I appreciate that.
Like just handling itin this situation you know
maturely like obviously not.
You know you need toread the room like do what's
appropriate in the moment.
But so I think just knowing thatpeople are going to
probably judge you one way,even though mom shouldn't
judge each other,you know, we're doing our best.
(33:05):
So maybe I'm just having alittle bit more compassion
for those parents.
But again, it's it's.
Well, yeah.
And it's like I'm thinkinga little if you don't handle it
in the moment, like you're pro,I'll forget for sure. Yeah.
And your kid's going to probablyforget it too.
It's really, really fair.
I don't want to comparekids to dogs, but it's kind of
the same thing.
Like if you don't punish correctthe dog in the moment,
(33:28):
I remember. Yeah.
So it's like, you know,just knowing that that
you have to you don'twant them to get away with it.
But you know, people aregoing to look at you or,
you know, and hopefullythe more you do that, the more
the less times you wouldhave to do it.
And I think that's exactlythe point.
(33:48):
Right behind that ideaof the teaching is that
we're teaching that hopefully,like you said, yeah,
we're decreasing future self.
So yes, maybe there'sgrowing pains and it is
a little bit more uncomfortablebecause you're having to,
like you said, kind ofin that moment amongst a party,
kind of sit down with your kiddoand yeah, have a real
talk with them.
But that hopefully in the futurethat, you know, decrease because
(34:11):
they might they've learnthe skills.
They've kind of been ableto have a grown up who's
willing to dialog with themabout what their emotions were.
What are some alternative waysthat we can manage
those emotions?
And here now we can apply itto all these other situations.
You can find matching,you know, the the feelings
of frustration and the feelingsof sadness or anger, you know,
(34:36):
with Inside out to nowthey're helping
teach the kiddos, you know, lethopefully the you know,
those are things that arelikely going to show up
at another point in their life.
And I think you're so right.
And being able tothen teach them,
teaching them nowfor that future.
Right. Yeah.
(34:57):
And I think it's good too,that like the parents like as
you're a team and you supporteach other, you know, like
so I was proud of my wifein that moment to just like
handle it, you know,because yeah, I think sometimes
I'm better at other situationsand she's better at other
situations.
And, you know, just supportingeach other and being on
the same page and showingthat, like, you're a
united front to your kids to.
(35:17):
Was that a conversation that thetwo of you had prior, like going
into it making decisionslike, hey, this is how
we're going to handlethis as we are?
Not really, I guess, not aformal conversation.
Okay, I guess it's like knowingeach other.
Yeah, being on the same pagein general.
So yeah, I think it'sprobably always a good idea to,
(35:38):
you know, have a conversationprior.
But I mean, I think the factthat you, you know, folks,
it sounds like are willingto kind of vibe off
of each other, know, supporteach other, even if it's maybe
not the exact way that you wouldhandle it.
You know, being able to still,show that appreciation and
show that gratitude for themshowing up and and being willing
(35:59):
to work with youon this journey.
Because if you have thatsupport, I mean, not everybody
does.
And so, yeah, absolutely.
And, you know, being able tothen be like, thanks for doing
just showing up for me and andbeing able to to do this because
parenting is I mean, that'sjust the overwhelming
(36:19):
thing behind the scenes, right?
Parenting is so hard.
And I don't think itlike you talk to people
who have older kids.
Like, I think it's just hardin different ways.
So it's like we're just in it.
Yeah, for the sake of it,you know?
So it's like anything, you know?
Yes, we're in the thickof it now for this particular
(36:40):
milestone.
Then when we hit the nextmilestone, we're going to be
in a different kind of thing.
Yeah.
And then same thing when they'readults, I imagine
kind of that care and compassionfor their well-being and
for their thriving success isn'tnecessarily going to go away.
And it's probably harderin certain ways
because you don't have thatcontrol anymore either. Yeah.
(37:01):
You know, but you stillhave to be like on the
sidelines, like, yeah, yeah.
Like even if they'remaking choices that you wouldn't
necessarily make for them,you know, you can't
make it for them.
Honestly.
You got to let themlearn to. Yeah.
So knowing that balance inthe future, like I can't
even like, like it'soverwhelming.
(37:21):
Okay.
Like, just let's focus onright now.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think so as you mentioned,you're kind of doing what
you can now.
And as far as being ableto teach them the skills,
being able to cultivatea relationship,
as you mentioned,that they yeah, they feel
comfortable.
They feel safe to be ableto have these conversations
(37:42):
and trust us.
Exactly.
And so the hope is then they'recontinuing right to take that
into the future with them.
So when they're struggling,yeah, maybe instead of going
to, you know, WebMDor, you know, any of those like,
resources, they're actuallycoming in there having
conversations with you and beingwilling to to have you be a part
of their life because youare investing in that
(38:05):
relationship now.
And I think that's soamazing. Yeah.
So where you are event.
Yes, absolutely.
Are there any like insightslike if you could go back
in time and and tell yourselfsomething in order
to prepare for some ofthe things that you've
learned had there wasa handbook. Yeah.
We don't have a handbook,which is I mean, while
(38:26):
designed for.
But like, is there anythingthat you would share
with yourself or maybeI don't know, I've never really
thought about it.
I know for sure when they wereyounger.
Like when they were babies.
Yeah, I know for sure.
Just trusting your instinctsbecause there's so many outside
information that comes in.
Like, you know, when youhave the baby from the nurses
(38:47):
or the doctors.
And so I think justtrusting your maternal instincts
when they're younger,that I would have told myself
I was I definitely did thatwith our daughter versus
our son and like it was wayeasier in the beginning
when she was a newborn.
And like, I'm just goingto listen to me, listen to her.
And I know we got this.
Yeah, like trying to be onsome schedule and you know,
(39:08):
it gets very stressful that way.
Absolutely.
Like as far as like when they'rethis age, I don't know.
I haven't thought about it.
I still feel like obviously Iknow like I need
to remind myself, you know,be patient.
And just like I think that'swhat it ties into is just having
those standards that arerealistic. Okay.
You know, so just rememberingthat and just learning how to
(39:31):
navigate that.
And so maybe almost likeit's it's okay to not
be perfect.
Yeah.
And I think to likejust knowing that you know
they're going to pushthe boundaries.
And then that's what they'resupposed to do.
Yes.
Having better reactions to itand just knowing how to
navigate it.
You know.
Yeah, I don't know I thinkI think that you and I each,
(39:56):
each milestone and it goes byso fast too.
So just even though you if youare frustrated or you're tired,
like just enjoy the momentthat you are in with them
because like before, you knowthey're going to be
in a different phase.
Yeah.
Of life, you know, and you can'tgo back.
So maybe now, you know, I knowthat was something I've had
other guests that I've mentionedjust kind of finding those ways
(40:19):
to be able to find the joy.
Yeah.
And some of those milestones.
And maybe it doesn't mean thatfor right now, you know,
we're not nipping every littlething, you know, like picking
your battles.
Yeah.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I mean, are we really good kids?
Do we know I thinkwe have our kids, but obviously,
like, no kid is perfect.
But I do feel like we havereally good kids.
(40:40):
We're really lucky in that way.
And not only that, it's justthey're they are kids.
So even kids that are havingdifficulties, that's
that's their job.
But yeah, that's whatwe're doing.
And so, you know, being able tothen kind of reflect
how can I supportthem being able to explore,
being able to figure outwho they are.
And in a healthy like we'reputting limits on them or we're
(41:02):
putting limits that are quiteappropriate, like you said,
age appropriate, that arein consideration for their,
you know, developmentalabilities, where they're at
just so much but stillhaving limits.
Maybe, maybe we give thema little bit bigger of a box
to kind of roam around inand not just be.
Yeah, yeah, do whateveryou want.
I'm not sure.
(41:23):
Yeah, because we all know howit turns out.
You.
I do feel like from being froma thought, like a big family,
I think to like, you know,that nature versus nurture
argument all the time.
But there is definitely a partwhere I think some people
are just born certain ways.
Yeah.
You know, I think so.
No matter what you doas a parent, they're
probably going to bea certain way.
Like as an adult.
(41:45):
But it's like, yeah, yes,I was doing our best, you know.
But yeah, like you also wantto enjoy it too because
it's like, what is the wholepoint at the end of the day,
being a parent andhaving these kids if you're not
enjoying it.
Yeah, absolutely.
And it can be hardto remember that, you know,
when you're in it. Yeah.
And you're like like you said,you know, trying to to, to
(42:08):
do this battle and pickyour battles.
And at the same timeyou're like, I want to raise
a good human being.
I know, like, which battledo I pick?
Because I don't know, I know,I know, yeah, absolutely.
But I think the fact thatpeople even care nowadays,
like probably the first and themost important step.
Yeah, it's like, you know,from like older generations,
(42:29):
like kids should beseen or heard or whatever, like,
you know, they would say.
So it's like, but that wasthat's been the mantra.
And I think what you mentioned,even in the beginning is that
what's kind of neat about,our generation and those
that are even coming after us,that there is so much
more willingness to kind ofpull back that curtain
(42:50):
and say, like, it doesn'thave to look like your
neighbors, and that's okay.
And, that, you know, it'snot always sunshine and rainbows
that there there arethings that are difficult and,
and maybe having a little bitmore compassion and a little bit
more grace for theemotions, for, for the behaviors
that, that they're stilllearning to kind of. Yeah.
(43:13):
Because even adults for an adultthing, they have no control.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
So okay, you know, can we reallyexpect kiddos to behave in ways
that even adults, you know,you've got sometimes you
hear with these work stories,you hear friendships,
stories, family stories of just,you know, people kind of going
(43:33):
all over the place and lookingat like we were all adults here.
So maybe not right, you know?
And then at the same time,we're expecting our kids more,
have more of, you know,an excuse, you know,
for, for lack of a betterword to, to be able to kind of.
Yeah, not, not haveall those filters because
(43:54):
they're not necessarilydeveloped enough, right, to have
those filters to have therationalization and the logic
to go, oh, you know,if I do this.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I totally make sense.
And I so appreciate youbeing willing to share with me
today and share a little bitabout your story and helping
pull back that curtain and beingthe change that we want to see.
(44:16):
So thank you so much.
Yeah, I this is awesome.
This is really fun.
This is my first podcast video.
So hopefully I did okay for you.
It was it was amazing.
And I'm so excited.
I know my familyis super excited for this fall.
So so so thank you so much.
Thank you Lisa.
Yes and thank you everyone fortuning in.
(44:36):
We'll see you next time.
If you or anyone that you knowis struggling with any of
the topics that we discussed intoday's episode, make sure
to check out our show notesfor support and resource.
This you can get help.
Thanks again for joining uson today's episode of The
Real Family. Eat.
(44:57):
If you're a parent readyto share your real life
parenting story, make sure toreach out to us and our website
found in the show notes.
And that goes for today's recipesocial media's support
and resources.
All of that can be foundin our show notes,
so make sure to check them outand make sure to follow, like,
share, subscribe, and stayup to date on all things
(45:19):
the real Family Eats.
I hope you'll join us next timefor more food for thought
and thoughtful food!Enjoy your eats!
We don't know what we're doing.
Like we've never beenparents before.
Like, so, like we are a teamin this league.
We're in this together.
Like, help me help you.
Hey, everyone.
Thanks for joining me.
My name is Reesa and I'myour host.
(00:23):
We are talking to real familiesabout real stories here on the
real family, where we'vegot food for thought
and thoughtful food.
So let's eat, Hey, everyone.
(00:45):
My guest today is the lovelyCeleste.
Celeste, thanks so muchfor being a guest on our show
today.
Of course.
It's my pleasure.
So for those of you that don'tdon't know, show, ask.
Can you introduce yourself?
My name is Celeste Hamilton.
I've known Reesa from, mom groupwhen our kids were younger.
And then, we actually livenear each other, so then
(01:05):
we would see each otherall the time.
Reesa is a great host,so she would always have, like,
holiday parties.
And then when it was time to,move out of the rental.
I'm a realtor, so thenI was able to help them move
into this beautiful home.
Yes, absolutely.
Speaking of, do you.
So do you.
Do we live to realty?
(01:27):
Here in California? Yes.
So we're intimate.
We're based out of Temecula.
But technically, we could doreal estate anywhere
in California.
Okay, we can also helpset someone up if they're
relocating.
Honestly. Okay.
To find them an agentif they need to buy a home
or property out of state.
So, mostly Temecula.
Yeah.
Winchester.
Menifee.
(01:47):
All that good stuff.
so awesome.
And so, for those of you,this is our shameless
plug section.
How can they find youif they need your services?
We typically use a lot ofsocial media a lot of people
use nowadays.
So we're on Facebook under HamiRealtor.
Or you can just find meon Instagram under Celeste
underscore your underscore.
Realtor.
So perfect.
I'll make sure to haveall of those, links in our show
(02:09):
notes.
So if you want to checkthat out.
Awesome.
So before we get started,I definitely want to hear
your story and I'm so excitedto hear it.
Can you tell me what recipeare you going to teach me today
and why did you pick that one?
Okay, well, I was thinkingI didn't want it to be too long
and too hard and too timeconsuming of a recipe
to do on camera.
So I was trying to think ofsomething to do, because I know
(02:31):
a lot of parents strugglewith their kids eating like
something healthier or notso process, you know?
So, a snack that my kidslike to have.
I have an eight yearold and six year old is salsa.
Okay.
And then the thingabout salsa is you can always do
different variationsand you have like, extra veggies
that you can like addin like peppers or carrots,
just like based on like your kidpreference.
(02:52):
And we're using canned today,but I'm sure people
can use fresh if they preferfresh.
And it's just an easy snackthat you can put those
together quickly and putin the fridge.
You can have on hand,you can put in their lunch
or snack or whatever.
So. Perfect.
Okay, so what do I startwith first?
Tell me, what do I need to prep.
So I would first do the cansin the blender okay.
(03:14):
Most people have a blenderor anything.
So super easy you knowhopefully not too messy.
Yeah it's you know, mom's alwaysgood for cleaning, right?
Yeah.
So and this is a nice too,because then you can, like,
make it once and then like,you don't have to make a mess
every time, like, oh there'seven some sulfur.
(03:34):
Yeah.
So like a larger batch.
Yeah.
Typically how you do it.
Yes. Wonderful.
Okay.
So I'll get started.
And while we're doing that.
So first a little bit, I knowyou were talking about kind of
some of your journeyparenting journey as far as
figuring out kind ofthe discipline side of things
and what's appropriate,what's not appropriate.
And so I'd love to hear more.
(03:56):
Yeah.
What we struggle.
Why?
Because like now,like I'm biased.
I feel like our kids arepretty smart.
Okay, so our son is 29 nextmonth, and then, our daughter
is six and a half.
But I think knowingwhat expectations and standards
to have for them, you know,obviously boys and girls
(04:16):
are different growing upand boys, you know, have a
little bit more.
They can't control theirimpulses so much.
So I think just knowingwhat to expect out of them
and not jumping to like,why did you do that?
Or, you know, it's like theirtheir immediate reaction
from something, you know, totheir kids and they're going to
argue and fight or whatever.
So it's like I've alwaysheard that for like boys
(04:40):
like their brain in theirdevelopment and like logic
and impulse control isn'teven developed until later on.
So it's like expectingan eight year old to, like,
know what to do in the heatof the moment.
It's like really hard.
Yeah, it's like even adultsdon't know I hundred percent.
Absolutely.
So it's so hard, like it's,you know, in the moment what
(05:01):
expectations you to have and agood punishment because
at the same time you don't wantto feel like you're letting them
get away with something either.
So it's like I don't know.
So finding that balance.
Yeah.
Finding that balanceand knowing like we are to hold
them accountable.
And what punishment isappropriate and just not feeling
(05:23):
so frustrated by it and justfeeling like they should
know better because like,maybe they actually don't know.
Like it's not their fault.
Like, yeah, you know.
Absolutely.
And you're absolutely right.
So for those that don'tknow, there, as far as the brain
development, you know,most of that time we don't
get to that that full maturityuntil our mid 20s, which is
(05:43):
and that's, that's allacross the board, you know,
genders. Yeah.
And so you're absolutely right.
There are so many timeswhere you've got adults
that are looking at thesekiddos, these eight year olds,
nine, ten, sometimes even,you know, as young as five
that we're looking at them and,and having this expectation
that, you know, you need toto hold yourself to a standard,
(06:06):
similar to adult like ifyou're in a restaurant,
you ought to beable to sit there for the
entire time and be quietand not cause a disruption.
So I can absolutely appreciate,you know, some of that
struggle there.
Before we chat more. Okay.
So am I blending this,so no, you add it all. Okay.
So, we have so throwin the onions, throw on this.
(06:27):
So, like, just maybe just likeone line and then because
we can taste it and then alwaysadd more.
Perfect.
And then, depending onlike your heat level, I normally
do like half a holiday.
So yeah, definitely.
Deseeded. Yeah.
Yeah.
You can always add more or less.
And then, you can, chopjust rough chop.
The cilantro is going to getblended anyway.
(06:47):
Perfect.
Okay, so tell me why.
Where did you learnthis information?
Was that something that youthat was not occurring
as far as, like, you know,how to implement a discipline
structure?
Now we don't have.
Yeah.
Tell me more.
I guess just likegoogling things or talking to
(07:07):
other parents.
But no, like, I don't remember.
I was the youngest of fourand there was I definitely
I mean, you might havea different perspective
because you're you work withfamily and kids.
I think discipline boysand girls are different
like I do younger years.
Okay.
And I grew up with all girlsthat were older.
(07:28):
I have a younger brother,so I don't really see like,
disciplining that aspect.
And he especially needsthe whole other topic.
But our daughter, we definitelyhave different difficulties
with our daughterversus our son.
Our son is more likehe challenges a little bit more
to me during this chapter.
You know, like there'sthese younger years, like she's
(07:48):
easier.
She likes to be more of thepeople pleaser.
Like she doesn't want to pushthe boundaries, push the limits.
She likes rules and all that.
She likes all that.
Our son likes to pushthe boundaries and see
where he can get what he canget away with.
And I think he's reallysmart too.
So I think that's part of the,you know, he likes
(08:10):
and gets bored too slow.
And that's kind of the hardpart, right?
Because their job at this pointis to push the boundaries,
is to figure out kind ofwhere am I in this world?
What does that look like?
At the same time, as a parent,you're going, stop pushing
the boundaries like this.
So challenging.
Yeah.
But yeah, and it's true too,because you don't want to break
(08:32):
their spirit either.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Because it's like you want themto be strong and you want them
to know how to, like, voice whatthey're feeling.
And you know, you want themto have an opinion, but
at the same time it's like,oh, please, I know. Yeah.
So it's definitely really hard.
Yeah.
What was important about this?
(08:54):
Why did you go towards that?
You know, I hear you saying thatit wasn't maybe necessarily
something that wasmodeled for you.
And I feel like I hear thata lot from parents, you know,
especially, you know, I want tosee, like, my parents
generation.
You heard a lot of, like,this is all I know.
This is what I'm goingto do here.
And so, you know, I feel likeyou could have easily gone
into kind of that same,same modalities, I guess. Right.
(09:18):
And so I'm curious kind of whywhy did you choose something
different?
Why did you choose to seek outGoogle or even just, you know,
other people's experiencesor opinions?
I guess maybe we felt like.
I guess maybe our parentsdidn't feel so much pressure
to be better.
I think a lot of parentslike reach, like older
(09:40):
millennials or whatever.
We want to break any trendsthat were passed down from older
generations.
You know, we want our kids to bewell-rounded individuals.
You know, we want them to havetheir own thoughts.
And, you know, we want themto be problem solvers
and critical thinkers.
So it's like, I thinkmaybe that's part of it.
But, you know, yeah, we alwayswant to be and we try and like
(10:03):
we always tell our kids too,it's like we don't know
what we're doing.
Like we've never beenparents before.
Like, so like we area team in this.
Like we're in this together.
Like, help me help youlike, yeah.
You know, like, obviouslythere's a balance between
being your, you know, we want tobe our kids parent, obviously,
but we want to have likelong term good relationships
(10:27):
with them as well.
So it's like they're goingto be older longer than they're
going to be this agewhere they're looking at us
for everything and alltheir answers and everything.
So it's like we want themto have the building blocks
as well, to carry on to themwhen they're older, you know,
was that something kind ofin the forefront of your mind
of being able to, you know, yes.
(10:49):
You're establishing a structure,a discipline structure now.
Right.
Were you thinkingthat far ahead of
I want to be able to to do thisso that it can lay the
groundwork at times, like forbeing able to have a really
fruitful kind of sustainablerelationship with them.
Yeah, I think so.
(11:10):
Just because, like we haveour relationship
with our parents are very like,not traditional or not,
you know, they're not healthyrelationships.
Like I don't have relationshipswith my parents as an adult.
So it's like, I know that'sdefinitely the end goal, right?
Like, you put all this timeand effort and you have
these babies and you raise themlike you want to, like,
(11:33):
enjoy them in the futureand see where they go.
And you want to have a goodrelationship with them,
you know.
So yeah, definitely. Yeah.
I imagine to kind of have,as you mentioned, maybe not
that great of a relationshipwith your own parents
and kind of have that bewhat you're looking towards.
It sounds like, you know,maybe not necessarily having
(11:53):
their input or maybe limiting,not just for your own
well-being.
Oh yeah.
There's no I'm I have to thengo and be a parent yourself.
Yeah.
And figure this out and kind ofthinking in that, you know,
I don't want this.
Like what I have my parents,to have that with my children.
And so I need to figure out,I don't know what that different
(12:16):
looks like, but I need tofigure that out.
And it's really important to mebecause I want something
different.
Yeah, it's weird, though,because it's like my parents
were good parentswhen we were younger.
And I've talked to my oldersibling that like, I guess
he confided in her one timethat he never he always could
picture himself being a dadwhen his kids were younger,
(12:39):
but not like when his kidswere adults.
So it's like, I don't knowif that's where the
disconnect is, but,because we did have like, decent
childhoods.
So, you know, I don't feel likeI have a lot of childhood trauma
or certain things.
I mean, I'm sure I do just like,not as like evidence.
Other people like you can see,like, oh, yeah, this is what
caused this.
Like, for the most part,they were present, you know,
(13:01):
they were together like we hada stable home environment.
You know, we had like that, thatwhat society says is.
Yeah.
Cookie cutter.
Yes. Exactly.
Then as far as,like being adult, like it's
completely absent.
So it's like, you know, soas far as that, like they had a
good childhood, but I don't knowwhat I took or didn't take
(13:22):
from there.
Parenting is like parenting us.
And I was the youngest of four.
So it's like for me, I just sawa lot of what my siblings
were going through and like,oh, I'm not going to do that
or I will do that.
So it's like, I feel likeI didn't have to do parenthood
as much as my sisters. Gotcha.
You know, I don't knowif a lot of people experience
that better on the other end.
(13:43):
Yeah.
Do you feel like you you missthat relationship and being able
to have them involved in that?
No, because I know thatthey want to be capable
of having a healthyrelationship.
So I, I'm not missingout on that.
Like, obviously if I couldhave it my way to be heart,
(14:04):
but it's like, yeah, it'snot really.
So no.
Absolutely.
I imagine that was notan easy kind of reality
to accept.
Yeah.
It's taken time.
Yeah. So, I know thatthat's something that I've heard
many parents kind ofstruggle with because there is
maybe this expectationof, again, what this
(14:27):
family structure is supposedto look like, what to look like,
and to then kind of stray awayfrom that.
I mean, that takes a lot ofcourage, a lot of, just trust.
So to be able to trustthat and say, you know what?
I'm I'm choosing my healthand my well-being
in this moment, and I'm choosingmy family's health
(14:49):
and well-being.
Yeah, I think that's like a keything, too, because people
might have, like, familyand support in their life.
But isn't healthy supportlike toxic support?
Yeah, yeah, a lot of people say,like they grow up
knowing like what theirfamily like, you need to
have them in your life.
Or I think on the oppositeend of the spectrum, family does
(15:10):
treat families a certain waybecause they think they can
get away with it becausethey're like, oh, we're family.
You know?
I know that.
It's just that conditioning,right?
We've been doing this patterninteraction for so long.
This is kind of what we know.
Yeah.
Instead of feeling like, well,I can choose my family,
you know, like.
And what does that mean family.
And like that's obviouslya big thing in our family
(15:32):
because it's like I'm my kidsby birth mom, but I'm not their
biological mom.
So it's like when at theend of the day, it doesn't
mean anything.
Yeah.
What is that, a conversationthat you have with your kids?
Yeah, I we've alwaysfrom the get go, I've been
super honest with howthey came to be, you know.
(15:52):
So yeah, we, I mean too,because our kids were asked
communities, I don't know whatwhere the topic came up about
getting a baby or how it islike, well, where does it
come from?
They're starting those questionslike, about that.
But yeah, they know, like,obviously we needed an
outside source to conceive themand have them.
(16:15):
And but we've alwaysbeen super honest with them.
And I try to tell, our daughterso much hasn't asked a lot
of questions.
She's just, I think maybeshe's just younger and goes
with the flow more.
But our son is and we're like,well, I kind of want a dad
or I want a brother.
It's either a dad or a brother,you know?
But it's like I tryto tell them, like
their families are builtall different ways.
(16:36):
And, you know, you always havethose friends and like people
outside of our familythat you can have
those connection with.
But it's like thisdepartments flow like we can't
guarantee your brother.
Well, we could if we wantedto, obviously, but now that's a
whole nother.
Yeah, that's a wholeother thing.
And it's like, well, now that'snot a thing.
Like you have a friend,he has plenty of friends,
(16:57):
but it's like, I think thatI don't take offense to it
because I think it's normalto have those curiosities
and feel that way.
But, you know, we just tryto remind them that you have
two people that love youand be there for you
no matter what, you know,support you and take care
of you on that end of the day,that should be what's important.
And yeah, so I was just actuallyabout to ask kind of,
(17:18):
what is your thought processwhen those questions happen,
you know, is theresomething that you've done,
to be able because I heardyou mentioned, you know, I don't
take offense, which, you know,I think the that's such
a different narrative.
Sometimes I hear from otherother folks that they hear that
and that that is the concernor that is their fear.
(17:39):
And so, you know, I'm curiouskind of what's been your thought
process in your journeyto kind of get to that place
where it sounds like you havea little bit more compassion
for the questions that are beingasked?
Yeah, I guess, like oldergenerations probably would take
more offense to likepeople's feelings outside
of themselves.
(18:00):
Yeah.
So I guess just having thatperspective and putting yourself
in other people's shoesand it's not about me,
it's about him, you know?
So yeah, I just know that we'redoing our best and that's
all we can do.
You know, so and I thinkthat's so relatable
to so many of our parentsthat, you know, that we're out
here, we're trying our best.
(18:20):
You know, there's it soundslike for you some of that best
rate is going outand seeking out support
and seeking out resourcesand knowledge that maybe
you didn't have.
Right.
And so in that capacity,you're kind of doing doing what
you can to be ableto grow yourself to better
yourself for your family,and then also having
(18:40):
that acceptance that they'regoing to grow up in some way,
shape or form.
It's just up to I kind oftry to mitigate, you know,
that screw up becausewe're humans.
It's a pretty normalthing. Yeah.
And I think it it's probablydetrimental if you're trying
to grow up showing your kids,like putting on a front
(19:01):
that everyone's perfectand you have to be perfect,
and you have to, like,have certain emotions
all the time, you know,and that's probably
detrimental in the long runbecause then if they encounter
something or feel something,they're not going to feel
comfortable with you becausethey're going to be like, oh,
yeah, I should probablyshouldn't be feeling this way
or this is wrong or like,you know. Yeah.
So it sounds like normalizingthe fact that emotions exist.
(19:25):
Is that like a fallacy?
Yeah.
Because I feel like whenI grew up, that's probably
one of the things like, I neverreally saw conflict resolution
or like, healthy, you know,and I know that that affects
my relationshipsand relationship with your
spouse and, you know, a healthyconflict and resolving and,
(19:45):
you know, just don't sweepeverything under the rug.
And eventually you think it'sgoing to go away and then it's
going to explode.
Spoiler alert itdoesn't go away.
Usually grows.
So you got a higher risk.
You. Right.
I mean, that's why I have a job.
Yeah.
Dream about my dream is to nothave a job.
Because everybody is to tell me.
(20:06):
You think we hate.
So intense is our emotionsand how to express. Yeah.
And just expressing them to likeyou will have your own emotions
but how to articulate it.
Yeah.
And on the other flip side,to be able to receive it
from the person who'sarticulating it to you.
And I think that's a reallygreat point, right?
So many times we we're like,yes, talk about your emotions.
(20:30):
So when it's coming towards youand someone saying, hey, I feel
really angry that this happenedlike it can be like, whoa,
yeah, no, don't talk aboutyour emotions.
I don't like this.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
That's so true.
But I think just recognizingI guess recognizing it
and understanding it, and, like,we're giving each other
(20:51):
grace to, you know,and just know that it's
a constant thing.
Yeah, that you have to worktowards.
Like, I've been with my wife forhow many years?
I don't know if you've seen it.
It's a constant like,yeah, constantly.
Like it's not likeit gets easier because you've
been together longer, you know.
But obviously in raising kidsto, you know, in different
(21:13):
chapters of those kidsneeds and, you know,
that plays a part in allthe relationships happening in
the house.
And, you know, justunderstanding, being open to
that criticism and reflectingon yourself, okay, what can I do
or what do you need?
What do I need?
And so yeah, absolutely.
And I think I really lovethat being open to the criticism
(21:34):
and being able to see itas an opportunity to grow rather
than like a personal attackand kind of a failure
on your part.
Yeah.
Because it is hard to not feelthat I that's like people's like
initial reaction like,yeah, yourself.
And I think there'sabsolutely ways right to present
the complaints because that's,that's kind of what I see a lot
(21:56):
is that, you know, criticismsand like character attacks, like
those are things that we want.
I just my complaintsare super duper natural
and normal to have complaintsbecause you're, you're
whether it's complaints withyour children and kind of
some of that behavior,whether it's with friendships
or, you know, spousalrelationships or partners
(22:18):
or whatever that looks like,because we're talking about
different human beings tryingto coexist with one another.
There's going to be some, yeah,some growing pains and. Right.
Yeah.
And there's and they'realways changing because when
your kids are getting older.
Absolutely.
So than what you used to likeoh I'm getting them through. But
(22:38):
yeah.
And then it's like, ohdid you have the how can you.
So I was going so I'm, I'mwimpy wimpy.
Oh I like zero five.
So I'm going to do half of this.
And then I'm like okay I'mbecause you know,
Josh, Josh loves all ofthese guys.
Zero blended too much.
(22:58):
Oh so that first phaseI don't know how your
blender works.
And then we can seethe consistency.
And obviously everyone canchange it how they want.
Yeah absolutely.
Yes.
Mine is fairly strong.
I'm not sponsoredby NutriBullet, but hey if you
want to, I'm on a chat.
Yeah, okay.
(23:21):
Why are you talking like this?
I would do a little bit more.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
We can always check, you know.
Yeah, I not good.
Okay.
So I'll pour a little bitof this and then I'll blend in
a little bit more with the,with the, and you can chop.
(23:43):
Okay.
And we can always seeif you need to add more lime
or salt.
You know, it's pretty easy.
And I like it that way too,because it's like you don't
have to think about it.
Yeah.
You you mentioned like thereare some variations to that.
You know, like sometimes I'lladd peppers like if we have,
leftover like, snacking likebell peppers, you know,
you can add that or you want itto your character. Yeah.
(24:06):
Have you ever tried to make itkind of fruity?
I haven't, like mangoor pineapple.
Yeah, that wouldbe yummy, though.
That would be especially inthis heat wave we're having.
I, I love a good tropicaltropical anything.
Well hits your roots. I.
Like yeah.
That looks does that look goodokay I'll take that one.
Let me let me chop it whileyou're doing that. Sure.
(24:29):
You tell me.
Okay.
Yeah.
A little bit more lime. Okay.
Maybe more salt.
But I'm with Josh.
I like a little.
I don't like too spicy, but Idefinitely want a little bit
of spice.
But this would be greatif you're kids, too.
(24:50):
What about your boys?
Do they like any spice or.
So my cola can handle a littlebit heat.
I think he can handlea little bit more than he
give himself credit for.
But my Malachi isis just like me.
It's like a little bit of.
Oh, no.
Oh.
But, you know, again,I went from my own
family trauma.
And the reason why I like heatthat's so good, of course,
(25:10):
is for some you actually usedto get I used to suck my thumb.
My, my grandmother's.
Oh, my thumb.
Because she used to babysitmyself, too.
Yeah.
And, they wanted me to stop,so they put some on my thumb.
So that you're old enoughto remember that, too.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I knew about it.
(25:31):
For sure.
But. Yeah.
So I'm, I'm curious a little bitmore like a little bit.
Yes. Okay.
And so what what does is I heardyou mentioned kind of going back
to disciplining and making surethat it's something that's
kind of age appropriate, almost.
(25:52):
And the expectations that soundslike are kind of appropriate
is that.
Did I hear that correctly?
Yes.
And it's like we've triedto Google like what punishments
are appropriate.
And a lot of times too, I'veread like you're not
supposed to do punishments.
Okay, tell me more because itcauses your kids, to not
trust you and like, then theyget scared to get in trouble.
(26:15):
So then they'll just hide thingsfrom you or lie to you.
So then it just causes.
Basically, you're supposedto just sit down and have
a conversation about whythey did this or what made them
do that, or, you know,blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
And, but it's like to me too,that's like, I feel like I know
a lot of people talk aboutnatural consequences.
(26:36):
Okay.
Which I still get confused thingis just like in certain
as obviously I feel likewhen they're younger, like,
like if you tell themto stop playing with something
or doing something, a naturalconsequences, then they would
get hurt, right?
Okay.
But I feel like when they getolder and it's more of like,
an emotional thing or likeconflict thing, there's not
(26:59):
really like a naturalconsequence.
So it's like, I don't know,you guys aren't going to get
along anymore.
Like, yeah, I feel likeit has to be like probably like
in the moment, immediate.
And that's probably notas realistic.
So it's like, I don't know.
It is absolutely a hardone to manage.
And I and I hear yousaying about the punishment
and one of the thingsI actually, I had read
(27:21):
when I was doing a lot of my,my grad school work and just all
my training that for meto this day has really resonated
was the idea that, you know,nowadays the word punishment
and discipline have becomereally synonymous
with one another.
And, they were saying the worddiscipline actually kind of root
(27:42):
word was meaning to teach versuslike punishment being like,
here's just like I'm gonna,you know, take something
away. Yeah.
You know, like to do harsher,you know, thinking back in
the old days kind of feeland so kind of that
idea of like, are there waysto tease out, you know,
discipline being somethingvery separate then. Right.
Thinking of it as punishment.
(28:03):
And doing it fromthat lens of how, how can I
teach them skills like we'retalking about those skills
for the future versus likein the right now, you know,
for example, I know that,you know, there are
many generations who whomight choose to kind of do
any kind of like a spankingor something like example,
you know, and, and theidea there, is that it
(28:27):
generally has a really immediateeffect, right?
You know, becausethey're like, oh, I don't
want to do that.
So they stop.
Right.
However, doesn't necessarilyteach them for future because,
you know, when they're outin the real world,
they do something in their jobthat may be inappropriate.
Their boss isn't going to speak.
I mean, they might notlike that's inappropriate.
(28:48):
That's an HR thing to make sureyou get that checked out.
But, you know, in general,that's not necessarily
the teaching and that'snot really a sustainable
punishment spanking yourhigh schooler.
Could you imagine, likefor those that are like
twice your size, like twice now.
Yeah.
And so, you know, kind ofreframing that and like,
(29:08):
how can I teach like you said.
And so maybe it does includea little bit more of that,
like problem solvingconversations, kind of
meeting them where they'reat emotionally.
Yeah.
And then saying, okay, likeI totally appreciate
your emotions.
And that that does sound reallyfrustrating.
What are some other thingsthat we could do for our
frustration instead of just,you know, pushing our, our
(29:29):
sibling or.
Yeah, whatever that looks like.
Right. Exactly.
That's so true.
Yeah. Okay.
So let's go into this guywith your with your
spiciness. Yes.
And then yeah I don't insult.
Yes with.
Absolutely.
Yes.
When I make it with my sonhe always like has this
all right.
He's a little bitmore solidarity center. Yeah.
(29:51):
I say I've got I've got amazingkitchen helpers.
I really think it's becausewhen they're kitchen helpers,
they get to be the best part.
Yeah.
And you make lots of yummyfoods too.
Oh, and I love learning more.
So I'm so excited.
Okay, let's pull this guy.
(30:11):
Yeah, you know what?
You're gonna really need tohelp me out because I didn't
have it on.
So there we go.
Okay, good.
Like that.
Helping you in there? Yeah.
You don't want big chunks?
No.
Okay, let's try it out.
Let's try the difference.
(30:32):
This is the safe.
See here recently new.
I wonder if we'll see the colordifference.
And that one's blendeda little bit more. So
there you go.
Oh yeah.
You can definitely see.
Oh yeah.
They eat stuff like this.
Chips and salsa I certainly am.
So it's going to be it's goingto be hit.
(30:55):
With some of the heat.
Yeah.
Is it better though.
That's all in line for thoseentrepreneurs from your garden
and all or no no we don't havesince I don't eat them I don't.
I only grow stuff I'mgoing to eat.
Yeah.
If you wanted to go in this one,you could if you want it
just for your preference,I'll go with, like, a little
(31:16):
chunkiness.
So I'm curious for thosethat like, maybe disagree
or would prefer thatyour kids were quote unquote
well-behaved, more well-behaved.
Right.
And, you know, how do younavigate that out
in the real world to be ableto kind of stand true
(31:39):
to your beliefs?
And it sounds likeyou're values, while also,
you know, battling the lookunsolicited.
Oh, like do like it.
There you go in person.
Correct.
I think that's funnythat you bring that up, though,
because we were at, partya couple weekends ago,
(32:01):
and there was, our son, Imake a great choice,
but obviously, like,you know, there's no innocent
party in this situation, right?
My wife is really good aboutjust dealing with it right then
and there, and, like,he wasn't in trouble, but,
you know, he needed tostep aside and think about
what he did or what he can do.
Different, for sure.
(32:21):
And she handled it right thenand there.
And there is a couple momsand I oh, I can't believe you
just like did that right here.
Normally I like just don't dealwith it until later.
And then it's like interesting.
So I think just knowing likeyou are going to judge
either way because likeobviously maybe if we didn't
do anything it will be likeoh why are they sitting there.
(32:42):
Okay.
Yeah I appreciate that.
Like just handling itin this situation you know
maturely like obviously not.
You know you need toread the room like do what's
appropriate in the moment.
But so I think just knowing thatpeople are going to
probably judge you one way,even though mom shouldn't
judge each other,you know, we're doing our best.
(33:05):
So maybe I'm just having alittle bit more compassion
for those parents.
But again, it's it's.
Well, yeah.
And it's like I'm thinkinga little if you don't handle it
in the moment, like you're pro,I'll forget for sure. Yeah.
And your kid's going to probablyforget it too.
It's really, really fair.
I don't want to comparekids to dogs, but it's kind of
the same thing.
Like if you don't punish correctthe dog in the moment,
(33:28):
I remember. Yeah.
So it's like, you know,just knowing that that
you have to you don'twant them to get away with it.
But you know, people aregoing to look at you or,
you know, and hopefullythe more you do that, the more
the less times you wouldhave to do it.
And I think that's exactlythe point.
(33:48):
Right behind that ideaof the teaching is that
we're teaching that hopefully,like you said, yeah,
we're decreasing future self.
So yes, maybe there'sgrowing pains and it is
a little bit more uncomfortablebecause you're having to,
like you said, kind ofin that moment amongst a party,
kind of sit down with your kiddoand yeah, have a real
talk with them.
But that hopefully in the futurethat, you know, decrease because
(34:11):
they might they've learnthe skills.
They've kind of been ableto have a grown up who's
willing to dialog with themabout what their emotions were.
What are some alternative waysthat we can manage
those emotions?
And here now we can apply itto all these other situations.
You can find matching,you know, the the feelings
of frustration and the feelingsof sadness or anger, you know,
(34:36):
with Inside out to nowthey're helping
teach the kiddos, you know, lethopefully the you know,
those are things that arelikely going to show up
at another point in their life.
And I think you're so right.
And being able tothen teach them,
teaching them nowfor that future.
Right. Yeah.
(34:57):
And I think it's good too,that like the parents like as
you're a team and you supporteach other, you know, like
so I was proud of my wifein that moment to just like
handle it, you know,because yeah, I think sometimes
I'm better at other situationsand she's better at other
situations.
And, you know, just supportingeach other and being on
the same page and showingthat, like, you're a
united front to your kids to.
(35:17):
Was that a conversation that thetwo of you had prior, like going
into it making decisionslike, hey, this is how
we're going to handlethis as we are?
Not really, I guess, not aformal conversation.
Okay, I guess it's like knowingeach other.
Yeah, being on the same pagein general.
So yeah, I think it'sprobably always a good idea to,
(35:38):
you know, have a conversationprior.
But I mean, I think the factthat you, you know, folks,
it sounds like are willingto kind of vibe off
of each other, know, supporteach other, even if it's maybe
not the exact way that you wouldhandle it.
You know, being able to still,show that appreciation and
show that gratitude for themshowing up and and being willing
(35:59):
to work with youon this journey.
Because if you have thatsupport, I mean, not everybody
does.
And so, yeah, absolutely.
And, you know, being able tothen be like, thanks for doing
just showing up for me and andbeing able to to do this because
parenting is I mean, that'sjust the overwhelming
(36:19):
thing behind the scenes, right?
Parenting is so hard.
And I don't think itlike you talk to people
who have older kids.
Like, I think it's just hardin different ways.
So it's like we're just in it.
Yeah, for the sake of it,you know?
So it's like anything, you know?
Yes, we're in the thickof it now for this particular
(36:40):
milestone.
Then when we hit the nextmilestone, we're going to be
in a different kind of thing.
Yeah.
And then same thing when they'readults, I imagine
kind of that care and compassionfor their well-being and
for their thriving success isn'tnecessarily going to go away.
And it's probably harderin certain ways
because you don't have thatcontrol anymore either. Yeah.
(37:01):
You know, but you stillhave to be like on the
sidelines, like, yeah, yeah.
Like even if they'remaking choices that you wouldn't
necessarily make for them,you know, you can't
make it for them.
Honestly.
You got to let themlearn to. Yeah.
So knowing that balance inthe future, like I can't
even like, like it'soverwhelming.
(37:21):
Okay.
Like, just let's focus onright now.
Yeah, absolutely.
And I think so as you mentioned,you're kind of doing what
you can now.
And as far as being ableto teach them the skills,
being able to cultivatea relationship,
as you mentioned,that they yeah, they feel
comfortable.
They feel safe to be ableto have these conversations
(37:42):
and trust us.
Exactly.
And so the hope is then they'recontinuing right to take that
into the future with them.
So when they're struggling,yeah, maybe instead of going
to, you know, WebMDor, you know, any of those like,
resources, they're actuallycoming in there having
conversations with you and beingwilling to to have you be a part
of their life because youare investing in that
(38:05):
relationship now.
And I think that's soamazing. Yeah.
So where you are event.
Yes, absolutely.
Are there any like insightslike if you could go back
in time and and tell yourselfsomething in order
to prepare for some ofthe things that you've
learned had there wasa handbook. Yeah.
We don't have a handbook,which is I mean, while
(38:26):
designed for.
But like, is there anythingthat you would share
with yourself or maybeI don't know, I've never really
thought about it.
I know for sure when they wereyounger.
Like when they were babies.
Yeah, I know for sure.
Just trusting your instinctsbecause there's so many outside
information that comes in.
Like, you know, when youhave the baby from the nurses
(38:47):
or the doctors.
And so I think justtrusting your maternal instincts
when they're younger,that I would have told myself
I was I definitely did thatwith our daughter versus
our son and like it was wayeasier in the beginning
when she was a newborn.
And like, I'm just goingto listen to me, listen to her.
And I know we got this.
Yeah, like trying to be onsome schedule and you know,
(39:08):
it gets very stressful that way.
Absolutely.
Like as far as like when they'rethis age, I don't know.
I haven't thought about it.
I still feel like obviously Iknow like I need
to remind myself, you know,be patient.
And just like I think that'swhat it ties into is just having
those standards that arerealistic. Okay.
You know, so just rememberingthat and just learning how to
(39:31):
navigate that.
And so maybe almost likeit's it's okay to not
be perfect.
Yeah.
And I think to likejust knowing that you know
they're going to pushthe boundaries.
And then that's what they'resupposed to do.
Yes.
Having better reactions to itand just knowing how to
navigate it.
You know.
Yeah, I don't know I thinkI think that you and I each,
(39:56):
each milestone and it goes byso fast too.
So just even though you if youare frustrated or you're tired,
like just enjoy the momentthat you are in with them
because like before, you knowthey're going to be
in a different phase.
Yeah.
Of life, you know, and you can'tgo back.
So maybe now, you know, I knowthat was something I've had
other guests that I've mentionedjust kind of finding those ways
(40:19):
to be able to find the joy.
Yeah.
And some of those milestones.
And maybe it doesn't mean thatfor right now, you know,
we're not nipping every littlething, you know, like picking
your battles.
Yeah.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I mean, are we really good kids?
Do we know I thinkwe have our kids, but obviously,
like, no kid is perfect.
But I do feel like we havereally good kids.
(40:40):
We're really lucky in that way.
And not only that, it's justthey're they are kids.
So even kids that are havingdifficulties, that's
that's their job.
But yeah, that's whatwe're doing.
And so, you know, being able tothen kind of reflect
how can I supportthem being able to explore,
being able to figure outwho they are.
And in a healthy like we'reputting limits on them or we're
(41:02):
putting limits that are quiteappropriate, like you said,
age appropriate, that arein consideration for their,
you know, developmentalabilities, where they're at
just so much but stillhaving limits.
Maybe, maybe we give thema little bit bigger of a box
to kind of roam around inand not just be.
Yeah, yeah, do whateveryou want.
I'm not sure.
(41:23):
Yeah, because we all know howit turns out.
You.
I do feel like from being froma thought, like a big family,
I think to like, you know,that nature versus nurture
argument all the time.
But there is definitely a partwhere I think some people
are just born certain ways.
Yeah.
You know, I think so.
No matter what you doas a parent, they're
probably going to bea certain way.
Like as an adult.
(41:45):
But it's like, yeah, yes,I was doing our best, you know.
But yeah, like you also wantto enjoy it too because
it's like, what is the wholepoint at the end of the day,
being a parent andhaving these kids if you're not
enjoying it.
Yeah, absolutely.
And it can be hardto remember that, you know,
when you're in it. Yeah.
And you're like like you said,you know, trying to to, to
(42:08):
do this battle and pickyour battles.
And at the same timeyou're like, I want to raise
a good human being.
I know, like, which battledo I pick?
Because I don't know, I know,I know, yeah, absolutely.
But I think the fact thatpeople even care nowadays,
like probably the first and themost important step.
Yeah, it's like, you know,from like older generations,
(42:29):
like kids should beseen or heard or whatever, like,
you know, they would say.
So it's like, but that wasthat's been the mantra.
And I think what you mentioned,even in the beginning is that
what's kind of neat about,our generation and those
that are even coming after us,that there is so much
more willingness to kind ofpull back that curtain
(42:50):
and say, like, it doesn'thave to look like your
neighbors, and that's okay.
And, that, you know, it'snot always sunshine and rainbows
that there there arethings that are difficult and,
and maybe having a little bitmore compassion and a little bit
more grace for theemotions, for, for the behaviors
that, that they're stilllearning to kind of. Yeah.
(43:13):
Because even adults for an adultthing, they have no control.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
So okay, you know, can we reallyexpect kiddos to behave in ways
that even adults, you know,you've got sometimes you
hear with these work stories,you hear friendships,
stories, family stories of just,you know, people kind of going
(43:33):
all over the place and lookingat like we were all adults here.
So maybe not right, you know?
And then at the same time,we're expecting our kids more,
have more of, you know,an excuse, you know,
for, for lack of a betterword to, to be able to kind of.
Yeah, not, not haveall those filters because
(43:54):
they're not necessarilydeveloped enough, right, to have
those filters to have therationalization and the logic
to go, oh, you know,if I do this.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I totally make sense.
And I so appreciate youbeing willing to share with me
today and share a little bitabout your story and helping
pull back that curtain and beingthe change that we want to see.
(44:16):
So thank you so much.
Yeah, I this is awesome.
This is really fun.
This is my first podcast video.
So hopefully I did okay for you.
It was it was amazing.
And I'm so excited.
I know my familyis super excited for this fall.
So so so thank you so much.
Thank you Lisa.
Yes and thank you everyone fortuning in.
(44:36):
We'll see you next time.
If you or anyone that you knowis struggling with any of
the topics that we discussed intoday's episode, make sure
to check out our show notesfor support and resource.
This you can get help.
Thanks again for joining uson today's episode of The
Real Family. Eat.
(44:57):
If you're a parent readyto share your real life
parenting story, make sure toreach out to us and our website
found in the show notes.
And that goes for today's recipesocial media's support
and resources.
All of that can be foundin our show notes,
so make sure to check them outand make sure to follow, like,
share, subscribe, and stayup to date on all things
(45:19):
the real Family Eats.
I hope you'll join us next timefor more food for thought
and thoughtful food!Enjoy your eats!
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