Failed Relationships, Triggering Self-Awareness, and Being On a Reality Show with Maelene

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What if your failed relationships were actually preparing you for your greatest transformation? 

Maelene joins Chris on The Realationship Method podcast to share her powerful journey through three defining relationships that ultimately led to her personal awakening. Growing up in a traditional Filipino household where "I love you" was rarely spoken, Maelene found herself repeating toxic patterns until one heartbreak finally forced her to confront her deepest wounds.

The conversation takes an illuminating turn when comparing healing processes between men and women - while Maelene needed three major relationships to recognize her patterns, she observes that men often require just one significant relationship to trigger self-awareness. This gender difference in processing emotional experiences raises fascinating questions about how we navigate heartbreak and growth.

You'll discover the stark contrasts between dating cultures in Hawaii versus mainland America, where the same dating behaviors are interpreted completely differently depending on location. Maelene doesn't hold back when describing how Hawaii's small community environment creates unique challenges for singles trying to find authentic connections without being labeled.

Perhaps most compelling is Maelene's candid discussion of masculine and feminine energy in relationships. She articulates how security provided by one partner creates space for nurturing from the other - not in outdated gender roles, but in a dance of complementary strengths that honors both individuals. As she puts it, "When someone provides emotional, mental, and physical security, their partner naturally wants to make them feel like royalty."

Whether you're healing from heartbreak, trying to understand your own relationship patterns, or simply curious about how our childhoods shape our adult connections, this episode offers wisdom from someone who's done the difficult work of breaking generational cycles to find genuine peace.

Follow Maelene on Instagram @_ilovemaelene_ and let us know what resonated most with you from this conversation.

• Growing up in a traditional Filipino household where expressing emotions wasn't common created patterns in adult relationships
• Taking time to process emotions instead of reacting immediately became crucial for healthy communication
• Breaking the cycle required recognizing how childhood experiences shaped relationship choices
• Dating culture differs dramatically between Hawaii and mainland US, with Hawaii being more judgmental of dating multiple people
• Three major relationships were needed before Maelene could identify her patterns and make meaningful changes
• Understanding masculine and feminine energy creates balance in relationships when both partners feel secure
• Words without actions mean little - actions speak volumes about how someone truly feels
• Setting boundaries and learning to say no transformed from people-pleasing to self-respect
• Loyalty is non-negotiable - once broken, trust is nearly impossible to rebuild

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
boom, boom, okay, cool, ready.
Five, four, three, two, one.
Welcome back to another episodeof the relationship method
podcast.
It's your boy, chris.
Today I got a special guest.
You've probably seen her ontubi 96 hours or less.
We're gonna talk about that 96.
What happens in that month,okay, and um, what you as an
entrepreneur too?
Yes, yes, yes, and she iscelebrating a birthday weekend

(00:28):
for her little one, so she's amama bear man.
Hell yeah, shout out to usparents and shit.
Oh fuck, let me change thebatteries real quick.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
Okay, okay, okay, damn.
That was a good start too.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Cool, and we're back.
My battery on my camera justdied and we're back.
My battery on my camera justdied and we're recording
straight.
Cool, cool, cool.
All right To continue.
I got Maylene on this bitch.
Yay, Maylene, how are you today?

Speaker 2 (00:53):
I'm doing well.
Thank you, You're very welcome.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Was it hard to find this place?

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Honestly, like I'm familiar with this spot because
of Thelma's downstairs.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Ooh, yeah, so bomb, so fire.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
But I did not know.
There was an upstairs, uh-huh,I didn't know.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
Oh, you didn't, no, so now you know.
I do.
Cool, and so what brought youout to?
You're originally from Maui.
Are you living there right nowor are you residing somewhere
else?

Speaker 2 (01:19):
I actually live in Vegas.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Oh, I actually live in Vegas, ooh 702.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yes, I used to live in Vegas too.
Yeah, I mean I love it.
It's just like a mixture ofcalmness and partiness.
But I'm not a partier, I justlove to eat.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
You know, like the food there is, just like it's
just off the hook.
Okay, I used to live on NorthDecatur.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, would we be neighbors if I was still living
out there.
No no, I'm in Green Valley.
Green Valley.
Is that like the beginning of?

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Henderson.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Got you, got you.
So you live in Vegas.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
What are?

Speaker 1 (01:53):
you doing out here.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
So I commute back and forth between Maui and Vegas.
I have my business in Maui, butI'm on Oahu because it's my
son's birthday.
Happy birthday, joseph.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Happy birthday.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
So we're here to celebrate his birthday, spend
some time with him and, you know, make some memories.
Oh, that's good.

Speaker 1 (02:14):
Oh, wow.
Well, thank you for coming fromVegas to here, but you know, I
was just like a little sidepiece, like side travel, so I do
appreciate you.
Thank you so much and then.
So next question is um, how didI get the yes from maylene to
come on?

Speaker 2 (02:28):
you know this little pod um well, I was like looking
at your instagram oh, thank youso much and I was just like
looking at what you talk aboutand, honestly, like I am such an
opinionated person and when youask me about like relationship
stuff, like ha me, please ask me.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
I'm so down like oh cool, and then getting on that
ass yes, yes oh, lord, lord.
Well, uh, my week was, uh, beenpretty good.
I had a birthday um, it's beena minute since I came on so, um,
I took a trip out to Cali myoldest one graduated college.
You and I was chopping up withthat and I hosted, like, some

(03:09):
Bay Area events out there, whichwas pretty freaking cool
because it was my very firsttime doing it, right.
I was like, oh my gosh, this iswhat happens, right.
So, you know, long story short,I didn't get to drink, you know,
because you know I was tryingto be in the moment, right drink
, you know because you know Iwas trying to be in the moment,
right, so I was just chilling,you know, just chilling in the
back like drinking water sayingit was something else yeah, I

(03:30):
did a lot of that shitexperience, you know, oh, hell
yeah and, um, I don't know.
I should be talking about this,but I am.
Uh, I found out one of myrelatives had a love child that
he was trying to hide from youknow my family.
What is a love child?
You know what I don't from youknow my family, what is a love
child?
You know what I don't know,maybe.
So you know he didn't have alove child, but he does have a

(03:51):
legit baby mama that he wastrying to hide from the fam.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Oh, I see, Is that like a one night hookup or
something?

Speaker 1 (03:58):
No, so actually, they knew each other and, you know,
she found out that, uh, she waspregnant, told a family member
and he was like, no, I don'twant nothing to do with it.
So now she's, um, she's raisingthe child, she has a husband,
by the way, and uh, it's crazybecause we found out, you know,

(04:24):
while me and my sister, mysister, she's living in Alabama.
She used to live in Alabama.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, I'm Alabama.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
Right Out in the boonies.
So, yeah, we just finally met.
She doesn't want the littlegirl to grow up not knowing that
the other side of the familydidn't want her, so that's why

(04:51):
she was so inviting to the babymama on meeting us.
Wow.
Yeah, Right.
So I was like, oh, I guessghosting several people in my
fam because of this news,because we know his situation.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
That's very interesting.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
It is right.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
Very immature.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Is it?

Speaker 2 (05:16):
I don't understand.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
That's good Okay.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Because a lot of people say that and you know
like he doesn't want anything todo with it saying that and you
know like he doesn't wantanything to do with it.
Um, I talked to the person andI was just like yo, regardless,
if you don't want the personaround us, um, it's unfair to
that person, or like to thelittle one, not knowing like we
didn't care about her, like wedidn't want her to grow up,
saying, oh yeah, that side justfucking sucks yeah, no fairness,

(05:42):
that's just ugh, it's verychildish.
I can't yeah, and then you knowyeah, it was just so.
The last two days of myvacation out there in cali was
just all that and I was like man, I really didn't come out here
for that I know, oh my god andlike jerry, jerry oh don't even,
oh, don't even get me going.

(06:04):
But no, it was just.
It was crazy knowing that,because I didn't know anything
about it coming out.
And then when it all liketranspired like a lot, I was
like, oh, what he has?
He had a kid.
Okay, I, you know, I had a kid,like at 22, so I didn't know
what I was doing.
But I I held my own, you know,and like I thought I was a good

(06:25):
role model by sticking to myseed at that time, because I was
a single parent too, rightright.
And ah, man, it was just itdidn't.
I guess leading by exampledidn't work with this one, you
know.
Sure, that's, sad yeah.
Are you, let's say, when youlead?
Do you lead by example, or areyou like one of those you got to

(06:48):
do it this way?
Like are you verbally about it?

Speaker 2 (06:52):
I would like to say I lead by example, but I'm not
perfect.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
Because sometimes I'll like catch myself and I'm
like down, you know, like shootsI can't think of an example
right now, but there's justtimes where I don't want to say
I'm a hypocrite because not no,I'm not a hypocrite, but there's
times that I fall short.
Okay.
You know what I mean.
I'm human.
There's times when I catchmyself, you know and I apologize
.
I'll be like you're right, likeI was wrong, like I'm human.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
So let me ask you when you're wrong, right and
this is going to come tocommunication when you're wrong,
did past you?
Were you like a walking redflag or did you really admit?
It's like, know what I'm wrong,I'm gonna step back and, you
know, do you accept my apologyor whatever opposed to like now,
as you know, now, like youmature right, your, your brain

(07:42):
frame is there now, like so,back in the day, were you like
no man, I'm not wrong.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Back in the day I was such a firecracker, it was
crazy yeah I'd be like fuck that.
No, you're fucking wrong.
Get the fuck out of my faceknowing that you're wrong yeah,
you know the younger me, butlike the the me now, like the
older, I kind of just like,especially when I'm angry, I'll
sit in my emotions.
I'm like I can't talk to youright now that's good, I'm like
because I will at least saysomething out my mouth and I

(08:09):
will regret it, I will hurt you,I'll slice and dice you with
things that are in my thoughts.
Like I need you to just give melike some time.
And then, like it doesn't takeme much time, typically I just
need like a few hours, kind ofto just like regress and just,
you know, breathe it in and kindof just let it out, and then I
kind of think about it.
I'm like you know, I'm sorry,like you know it was my fault,

(08:36):
this and this and this and that,and you know I just need time,
because if you don't give metime I would literally just be
like that dumb bitch with thefucking fucked up shit coming
out of my mouth is that, missmaylene?

Speaker 1 (08:45):
is that a tourist trait or is it a I want?

Speaker 2 (08:47):
to see I.
I honestly want to say like, asa younger tourist, I was
fucking crazy so so yourastrology lined up on how you
acted.
For sure.
Well, and then I figured outI'm a Taurus, leo Taurus, so I
just have, like this, strong.
You know what I mean?
I'm a bull and a lion, so like.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Explain that You're a Taurus Leo.
Taurus Is that like the moonrising type shit.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
So like in astrology, it's like my son, son.
I'm born into like a taurusokay and then my moon is a leo
and my rising is a taurus.
So they say, like the moon isyour emotions okay, yeah so,
like my emotions are like ranlike a leo, and then the rising
is how people portray you, whichis I am a very strong, I'm a

(09:33):
very like strong taurus.
So you really would just belike fuck, you're just a taurus,
you know what I mean?
Yeah, so, but also, with thatbeing said, like I'm so um, I
don't want to say that you can'tmove me, but I'm like, very
like consistent and stable, likefor you to fucking jog my day,
you really need to be in myschedule because I'm very like

(09:54):
oh yeah, I need shit stick likeit needs to stick it needs to be
in my day.
You really need to be in myschedule because I'm very like
oh yeah, I need shit stick, likeit needs to stick, it needs to
be in my schedule, like you needto.
Like.
I don't like when you know howsome people are just like.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
How do I say it like sporadic uh-huh I can't oh, you
can't do that it, it messes withme oh well.
So speaking about being onschedule, let me tell you about
what happened with me today.
Her ass was late to thismotherfucking thing.
Talk about schedule.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
I was hella late.
Oh my god, oh my god, I totallyforgot.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
I thought that shit was funny.
I'm the same way too, likeclockwork.
In the mornings I'm up at 1.32o'clock.
Once I get up, it's I walk thedog right if the walk, if the
dog doesn't get that walk, it'sgonna pee somewhere.
You feel me?
So I do that.
And then I go into, like my own, to my uh, my me time mode,

(10:47):
which is, I don't know, gym,basketball, whatever, and this
is all happening before you know, like the family members wake
up, you know, and it's like thisis my me time, because so I'm
not, I'm, I'm in nobody'sschedule, right, so I'm like
that too.
And then I guess, just like you, when something is like out of
place, when you already had itset.
Yeah, my day is just like yesand it sucks, because this stuff

(11:11):
could have happened.
This stuff happened.
Like like say 4 am right andyou're still thinking about it.
Yeah, at like 6 pm and you'relike dang, Are you like that too
?

Speaker 2 (11:20):
See, because I'm exactly like that Okay okay.
For example, if I start my dayI'm like, okay, I'm going to get
up, I'm going to go to the gym,I'm going to go grocery
shopping can you, can you dothis at this time?
I'm like absolutely not.
Yeah, it's, it doesn't align.
Like the old me, the peoplepleaser, would be like, okay,
that's fine.
The new me is like no, no, notat all, I can't so when did this

(11:44):
new me?

Speaker 1 (11:45):
like it happened?

Speaker 2 (11:46):
because you said you're, you were a people
pleaser, and now you're just ohman, no man, it's all about me
now it's like it's me years yeahI want to say like it's been
like the last three to fouryears, I've like learned my
weaknesses and my strengths andkind of like not to be selfish,
but I'm selfish in the ways thatallows me to show that I care

(12:09):
about me.
That's good, yeah, becausesometimes we always fall short
of ourselves because we alwayswant to give, give, give, give.
Yeah.
You know, but sometimes there'stimes where you have to be like
no, and I've learned to say no alot.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Was it hard.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
For sure.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, especially like , for example, like I got a
whole day planned and I got agirlfriend that got like man
issues right and she wants to godrink, but in my head, my whole
day consisted of like doing thegym and being healthy, and like
doing things for work and likedoing things that I need to get
done.
When she's like, please, I needyou, like can we go out, and
I'm like I can't.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
When you're helping people out like that in the back
of your head.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
You have this dude.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
Figure it out, because I've done it as well not
necessarily.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
No, okay, mine's is like I will definitely comfort
them and like give them myadvice, yeah, but I'll also
reschedule a time with them thatwe can do it so that I can fit
it into my day, because you'renot, you know, I mean you're not
on my schedule today, so Ican't, I can't function without
you on my schedule.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
I don't know how to explain it oh, okay okay, this
might be like a little bit offwall.
Um, do you have a therapist?
No, oh, I do so.
So what?
What you're saying is like, huh, this is what, like my
therapist, be you know.
Like, be telling me, you know,be me, when you get mad, you

(13:38):
take a time out.
Right, I take a time out too,and I just want to be left the
fuck alone.
Like.
I don't want like, let me putin my headphones, Let me just
cancel everything out and thenjust reevaluate.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Right.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
And then my therapist was telling me, because I have,
you know, ptsd from themilitary, was telling me because
, um, I have, you know, ptsdfrom the military.
I also have, uh, what's itcalled?
I have depression and adhd.
I'm finally diagnosed with thatand I'm bipolar type two.
I ain't that crazy, um.
But he said like, for so long Iknew my mechanisms and I knew

(14:09):
how to uh, let's say, counter,or I knew how to deal with it
without therapy right so I thinkyou're not going to a therapist
and then you being the way youare now, you've been like this,
but you just knew how to copewith it.
You like, you had your own waysof like coping things, which I
applaud you for that, becausenot too many people people will
crash the fuck out, you know.
And then for you to be like yo,give me the fuck a minute, let

(14:31):
me just, and then I'll be back,you know, so a lot of people
can't do that, they just youfeel me.
So I guess, younger you,younger you needed that
therapist for sure, older younow gradually um.
What's it called?
Matured, yes, throughout theyears, but I want to say.

Speaker 2 (14:45):
There were a lot of things that I've endured in my
relationships that had made medig deep and really reevaluate
myself and understand what thesepatterns were okay, so like I
gave myself therapy, you know, Imean I distanced myself, I like
tried to figure out what mytriggers were, where it was
stemmed from, which a lot of itstemmed from my childhood, which

(15:09):
is so crazy, so crazy is it theum, the childhood, and we don't
have to dig deep.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
But was it the typical filipino um household
like do this, do that?
You don't have an opinion.
What is mental health like?
Is?
Was it like that I'm?

Speaker 2 (15:24):
sure k, I love my parents.
My parents are like amazing andthey were raised in a different
generation that we are notraised in.
Okay, so the way that they haveraised us is in strictness and,
like I want to say, they'retoxic, you know, because most-.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Oh, that motherfucker is toxic Most-.
That bitch is toxic.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Most Filipino parents are fucking toxic.
You know what I mean.
Like I mean, let's be honest,let's remember watching Bretman
Rock's like video of his momthrowing the shit.
Like that's similar to likewhat we're raised on.
Like my mom guys are I don'tknow how to explain it, but
they're not great withcommunicating Like they won't be
like you did.
This.

(16:03):
This is what you need to do anddo forward.
You know what I mean.
Yeah.
They don't know how to expressemotions.
They don't know how to say Ilove you, I miss you or like
thank you.
Filipino parents, don't do thatthis is true it's not in our
culture, you know.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
So it's yeah no, I totally feel you, man, because,
uh, I grew up with a strictparent and I wasn't able to, you
know, do the things I wanted to.
The I love you's wasn't there,but everything else was there,
like the food on the table,working, but it's the whole

(16:39):
moral support wasn't there, likeI had basketball games that
they never showed up to yeahperformance that because they
were working for sure, beingolder now, I get it, I get it
younger me was like man.
These motherfuckers hated me,you know.
Yeah, I remember it because Iwas in cheerleading and me.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
you know, yeah, I remember because I was in
cheerleading and I was so goodat it and I was in it for like
all my um intermediate year andI was like mom I had practice
today and she's like do I reallyneed to take, like in filipino?
You know, she's like do Ireally need to take you, can't
you just like miss it today?
And I cried to her I'm like Ireally want to go to
cheerleading.
She's like you, you're stayinghome.
And I remember it hurt me sobad.

(17:15):
I was like I fucking hate you.
You know, when I was younger, Iwas like I hate you so bad and
she would do everything for mysister but not me, which is so
weird and I'm the youngest.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
You're supposed to be babied.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Nah, but I wasn't, she was, so it's just
interesting, you know.
And back to like where itstemmed from is my childhood.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
So all those things that I went through is I would
end up in these relationshipsthat were similar to my parents.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Oh, really fucking crazy.
Like I was like oh, my god, I'mlike.
That's why I saved you for solong, because it was so familiar
in my childhood that you didthe same in my relationship wow,
wow.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
Crazy.
No, that's crazy.
We could dig into them cheekslater.
Yeah, yeah, oh, my gosh Girl.
Okay, we'll talk about it now.
So I'm assuming this was like anot good relationship that you
were in.
How long did it take you tofinally be like I'm done, I'm
cutting loose?

Speaker 2 (18:15):
Hey, listen.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
Was it years or was it?

Speaker 2 (18:18):
I want to say I was in three long relationships
until I figured out there wassomething that I needed to dig
deep.
Okay.
Because my first relationshipwas with my daughter's dad, my
high school sweetheart.
We were together for 10 years.
Wow, I was in eighth grade whenI met him and we were together
from eighth grade through highschool till after okay, and that
was my first boyfriend.

(18:39):
I mean like first everything,like I didn't know what the fuck
a boyfriend was, you know.
Like I knew he was like, oh mygod, he's my boyfriend, but all
the other things like new to meokay, you know, and I went
through hell with that guy.
We were young.
Yeah, I can only imagine yeah,high school.
You didn't know, we were soyoung like he had eyes for other
females, you know, and like,yeah, I was young that like I

(18:59):
felt like when he did thosethings I was trying to seek for,
like affection elsewhere, whilehe did the same, like we were
so young, you know, like, andthen after that ended, I finally
left after 10 years, okay, andit was crazy because then I
ended up with my son's dad okayand I want to say like I was
loved bomb from the beginningand I got pregnant so fast that

(19:23):
I couldn't even leave therelationship because as soon as
I've seen his true traits, oh mygod, he's gonna kill me.
As soon as I seen his like trueself, I wanted to back off, I
want, I told him like I don'twant to be with you.
Yeah, then I find out I'mpregnant with my son and I'm
like hot damn you know, it'slike the filipino, my mom's like

(19:46):
you know you stay with your man, like you guys got a kid
together, like you know.
So I toughed it out and we didit and that ended after as well.
Like we stayed together fouryears and I feel like that
relationship almost took methere to like I don't know to
heal, but I wasn't there yet.
Then, after my son's dad, whenI ended up in my ex from here,

(20:07):
it was after we were togetherfor four years.
Amazing guy, you know.
Like he just had his flaws.
I thought I was gonna marry him.
Honestly, um, but it was thatrelationship that fucked me.
Like that relationship took meto a different level, like the
things that we did together andthat we had planned together and
then how it ended.

(20:28):
Yeah, that's what made me digdeep and like go through this,
like self-evaluation.
Like I remember when we brokeup, I was like so depressed I'd
like drive through like oahu,like on the freeway I get so
like I get ptsd.
Yeah, because I get all thesememories of him and like what he
went through what he did.
You know, like it was sotraumatizing.
And then I would like catchmyself like crying at night

(20:50):
trying to figure out like why amI going through this?
And that's when I like, I wantto say like after I separated
myself for like a few months andI like would stay at home, I'd
cry, listen to like positiveaffirmations I thought you could
say love songs.
I'll go ahead I would like writepoems like I'll try to figure
out where these things arestemmed from.
And that's when I realized thatmy relationships were from

(21:11):
stemmed from my childhood, andit was that relationship that
broke me, that made me gothrough all these changes of who
I am now that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
So, as for guys, because it took you what?
Three major relationships inorder for you to get to where
you're at, to self-evaluate andeverything right.
So I don't know about like allguys, but for me it took me one
and that was like my, my veryfirst, my baby mama my oldest
one and um, I had to leave likethe actual state in order for me

(21:43):
to like get my, get my brainright again, right and um it was
.
It was super difficult and Iknew once I left the state
because I was like going, likeit was a rebound after rebound
after rebound, you know, andthat's the worst right right,
it's because I was like going,like it was a rebound after
rebound, after rebound, you know, and that's the worst, right,
right, it's because you like,you really like them and it's
just like dude, this ain't it?

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.
Is that what you go through,that right there is actually
when you're starting to realizethings?
Yeah, so for a guy.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
It's nothing serious, but it was just like oh, whoa,
I'm taking it but I'm not likingit.
I'm taking it and not liking it,so it's like I'm going around
and I'm just like, oh wow.
So I think for us guys it takesthat one and we I guess we
somewhat us intelligentmotherfuckers that understand we
finally get it Like weunderstand.

(22:29):
So it's like we don't.
When we go into the nextrelationship it becomes that I
guess we know.
So if it doesn't work out we'lljust dip out.
But it's unfair to the womantoo, because I understand the
woman totally invests theirthing, right.
So, oh my gosh, but I'm gladthat you were.

(22:50):
You know where you're at rightnow.
It takes a moon of years, forsure.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
But DK.
So I have this question in theback of my head Like do you feel
like for men, there's just thatone female that made you
realize everything that you did,so that for the next female
you've actually changed and youhave a new slate because you
hurt?
It's kind of like the one thatgot away?
Do you get what I'm saying?
Yeah, one that got away.

(23:17):
Do you get what I'm saying,yeah, oh, that's a good question
.
Um, because I'm gonna be honest, I feel like after every x that
I've had, I feel like I'm theone that creates that turning
point in them and then theychange for their person, because
at our ending point, I've liketold them all their flaws, I've
like tried to tell them what weneeded to work on so by the time
when it's ended, they're likethey've already taken it all in,

(23:39):
so for their next relationshipthey've already, like they know
what to do, how to maneuveraround things so I always feel
like I'm the fixer upper forthat fucking marriage.
I hate to say it, but you arethe fixer I hate.
That's why I feel like that'swhat it ends up being.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
Really I don't.
To be honest, I don't thinkI've ever had a female tell me
like my flaws after the breakup.
It was me just like figuringout, like oh, I kind of fucked
up, yeah.
Or like if I was with a goodone and she went, it would have
been like damn, where did I fuckup?
And then people would tell meand you know we're ignorant, so

(24:15):
it's just like no man, I dideverything right.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
True, well, what could guys think with logic, not
emotion?

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Oh yeah, that's definitely we think with that
yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Us females, we're like more like emotions, you
know, like emotion and logic.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, so yeah, yeah.
Unfortunately I never got that.
I never got a lot of closurefrom the females that I guess I
was with, right you know.
But I would have wanted it, butI think I would have been like,
oh man, I kind of fucking suckas a human being.
But no, I don't think I've hadthat female that's like, oh man,

(24:50):
like the fixer-upper, right.
I think it was more of me,because you know, like I told
you earlier, like I was a singleparent, so I had to figure
things out on my own Right.
So I was pretty good atfiguring things out Like you
know what this kind of sucks,and also I got to listen to my
dad too.
My dad knew best, so I woulddefinitely get like like answers

(25:11):
from him and even if he didn'tknow, it's more of like figuring
out and watching other peoplemove and stuff.
Right, yeah, what?

Speaker 2 (25:19):
you gotta say about that I know nothing.
I got nothing to say.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
No, I know you do no no, I honestly don't okay, no,
no, but I do.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
I do wish that's like a woman would tell me like my
flaws and stuff honestly, I feellike, after what I've like,
noticed I'm no longer gonna bethat girl where I'm be like you
did this in the third andthis've noticed I'm no longer
going to be that girl where I'mgoing to be like you did this
and the third and this, and thatI'm no longer going to be that
person, because I feel like youshould already know.
I feel like I'm always the onethat's preparing you for your

(25:46):
next.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
Oh yeah, Fuck that.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
No way.
And you know what's crazy.
Oh my God, Y'all going to bewatching this.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
I feel like all my exes always try to come running
back.
Really, why is that why?
Why do exes run back, whetherit's a male or a female?

Speaker 2 (26:02):
um, honestly I don't know, because I feel like,
unless we really ended on goodterms and I feel like we still
got something that we could likework towards, yeah, I'm done
like I'm gonna cut you off, likethe extra skin on the fish,
like you do not belong on mylike has anyone ever gotten
lucky to where you gave him?

Speaker 1 (26:23):
gave him a second chance the old me the old you,
but how about the new mature you?
Any second chances?

Speaker 2 (26:32):
or almost got there, it's it's a hard, it's a hard
pass.
I feel like it's so hard, like,like.
I feel like if we've had thatand you really fucked up and you
fucking fumbled me like thisnext one, you really gotta like
be at my feet do you know what Imean?
Like the things that you'regonna do need to, like make me
see that you actually are goingthe extra mile.
Uh-huh, because at this point,like your words don't stick to

(26:55):
me, what you do for me, what youdo towards me, will sway my
decision.

Speaker 1 (27:03):
I hope y'all are hearing this y'all.
That's good, because me nowlike, say, my late 20s, I would
never try and get someone back.
Yeah, it was like it was a oneand done thing like you know
what right you were went right.
I didn't like it.
There's a reason why you knowso yeah, so you don't need to

(27:29):
worry about motherfuckers likeme trying yeah yeah, well, and
that too I feel like for me,because I'm so big on loyalty.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
So like when you cross me and then you like, try
to like any.
It could be like a relationship, a friendship, whatever family.
If you cross me and you fuckinglie to me, you, first of all, I
feel like now you're insultingme because you're clearly,
blatantly telling me that I'm afucking dummy to your face.
You know, once you do that, I'mdone, you're good as dead to me

(27:57):
.
I'll see in the side of theroad I'll be like fuck kick
rocks, wow really yes it takesthat one time for sure
yeah but now, if you come acrossand you show humility and
you're like I fucked up, I didthis behind your back be
accountable.
Yes, when you do that, toaccept what you've done.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
It shows such a different part of you okay, oh
no, um, I just got a little linkof cost I'm not sick or nothing
.
You know it's like hairball,yeah, yeah, basically it's like
that little noogie that youcan't take out.
You know, I'm saying it's likeit's right there, man, don't be
front.
I know you got that.
You know, I bet you, whenyou're at home you're like damn

(28:38):
it, chris got me that littlefucking noogie.
Right there, man, I'm good butgo ahead, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Okay, now I'm good okay okay yeah, but um, I don't
know, loyalty just doessomething, can't.
It's like I'm such a sweetperson, I'm so loving.
The moment you fucking cross meall I see is red in you.
I'm like get the fuck away fromme.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
I'm glad you know your worth.
Because a lot of peoplenowadays.
They don't know their worth,especially like the young ones.
Oh for sure.
Because this podcast hits likekids in high school and even
like beginning college, thatstill don't know what their
worth is.
And it's like dude, you'rethere.
You know what I'm saying.
Just stop belowing yourstandards for these people,

(29:24):
because you are it.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
Oh, for sure, People are it.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yeah, like in their own, you know, in their own
minds, because I be tellingmyself that all the time.
Right, it gives me that littleboost Like I'm not not gonna be
conceited or anything but youknow what I've done a lot of
shit in my life.
I'm him, you know.
I'm her, yeah, you know.
Yes, kudos to that.
Give me that, yes, oh, yeah,girl, let me ask you um, you was

(29:47):
on tubi, yes.
How did one get one?
How'd you get on 96 hours andtwo, like, how did they choose
you out of so many contestants,or whatever?

Speaker 2 (29:57):
in all honesty, yeah, I'll be honest, be transparent
so, oh my god, I don't know.
It's such a weird topic to goover, because I did sign you
signed like an nda.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yes also, you can't talk about it.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
Well like there's just certain things that I'm
kind of like on the gray with oflike talking about, because I
don't know if I say it a certainway it might.
I mean, my contract has ended,but I kind of just don't like to
talk about the show in a senseoh, okay, well, okay, let me
rephrase it yes, how'd you getpicked?

Speaker 1 (30:36):
Did you the tape?
Or it was like hey, there'sthat, there's a cute girl, let's
approach her and be like hey,are you interested in being a
contestant?
Or whatever can you talk aboutthat?
No, okay, okay how long did 96is it?
Was it really 96 hours or wasit like so, like months?
Can you tell me that?

Speaker 2 (30:51):
in all honesty, like the show took a few months right
but then how, how we actuallyhow, like the initial like, for
real of it, it really was 96hours oh, they just clipped it
to where it was months yeah, wow, I think that's just like the
the best way for me to say itokay, yeah, cool, we'll get off
that topic.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
Yeah, ndas yeah, we can go off now.
Yeah, yeah, I know about NDAs,man, I know about that shit.
So dating the dating culture,hawaii versus the mainland oh
gosh, okay.
So tell me about the, becauseI've never dated anyone in
Hawaii as you know.
What is the culture like?
Because, on the mainland, as ayoung buck, but I guess it's

(31:34):
pretty fast we try to get in, wetry to get out, or we try to
for us guys.
We try to get as many women.
Yeah, we try to get as manywomen.
When we stick to that one, westay on that one, but our mind
still strays off, you're talkingabout when you're dating.
Yeah, when you're dating.
Yeah, when I'm dating.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
So meaning like you date multiple women right.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
I never did, but that's how I know, like a lot of
guys are.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
But that's what I'm saying.
Like the dating culture in themainland is like that, yeah,
like where, right for sure itwas if there was a label then
yeah, right, it's one onexclusivity yeah, but if it's
just oh, I'm just in thattalking phase right then it's

(32:21):
rightyeah, and I agree, okay, and
that's, that's the way I view itin the mainland, like I feel
like in the mainland, mostpeople understand that when
you're single, you date and thereason why you date is so that
you are, you meet differentpeople and you kind of like see
what you don't like, what you dolike and what you stray from

(32:41):
and what they stray from and youknow, like the ambitions in
someone versus someone thatdoesn't have ambition, like
these are the things that you,you find in people from dating.
That's mainland culture datingokay, tell me yeah dude.
Hawaii dating culture is sotoxic.
How toxic is?

Speaker 1 (33:01):
it so toxic okay.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
So if you try to date in hawaii, okay, and you I
always say hawaii, god, I'm sogot this like white girl hawaii
man I say hawaii, still I'd befucking up yeah.
So when you date here I don'tknow what it is, maybe I'm not
too sure, maybe it's like whereI'm from in maui.
But when you date, let's say,if you go on a date with like

(33:24):
steve on monday and you go outon a date with like tucker I'm
just trying to do random nameswith tucker on like wednesday,
now let's say your friend'sseeing you with those two.
You're a slut.
That's Hawaii culture.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
That's on the mainland too, though, if they
see you.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
I don't know.
I feel like in the mainlandthey kind of, but it's more
accepted it is it's accepted,but over here it's not yes.
But then also over here it's notyes, but then also I feel like
in in the mainland, like whenyou date, like that, and when
they ask you like if you'reintimate with anyone and if
you're exclusive with anyone.
In that way it's communicatedyeah you know, because I don't

(34:07):
know how anyone else is, but Ifeel like when you date, you're
like exclusively intimate withone person and then you just
date because you get what I'msaying.
I feel like that's the way thatI've seen it I mean, maybe
there's other people that don'tjust be intimate with one,
because I don't know how theyfeel.
But I feel like intimacy ismuch.
It's so intimate, like how canyou just like take it and like

(34:29):
douse it here like it's not afucking dipping sauce?

Speaker 1 (34:32):
you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (34:33):
oh yeah, you know, but but that's what I'm saying.
Like hawaii culture is like youcan't date here because people
just instantly put labels on youlike you're a slut or she's
with him, like they don'tunderstand how healthy it is to
date.
They don't girls and guys hereon the island yes, that's my
view.
It's like you can hate me ifyou want, but I'm just saying

(34:56):
what I see.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
I I think I could.
I could agree with you, becausethere's people that I work with
are like that they don't datebecause of, um, what would
happen afterwards?
Right you know, but it's onlywith the women, not with the
guys.
With the guys, it like.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
See, but guys are a little bit different.
I feel like the guy yeah, yougot that.
Not going to lie.
I feel like the guys in Hawaiilike have this really bad rap on
, like being so, like, how do Isay it?
How do you say it?
Fuck?
What would I say?
Scandalous?
I mean there's girls, too, thatare scandalous.

(35:34):
I mean there's girls, too, thatare scandalous.
But the men here like,especially because, let's be
honest, hawaii got somebeautiful females yeah like for
real, like I've lived in georgia, I've lived in vegas, like I've
seen, like hawaii got the mostbeautiful exotic looking females
natural too you know, like Iget it, like miami got some
chicks too, like all that stuff,but it's such a different
beauty here yeah you know, and Idon't know how to explain it,

(35:59):
it's just scandalous.
There's scandalous men andfemales and, like, dating here
is so hard because it's labeleda certain way, but then again
it's like you really don't havea label.
Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (36:11):
yeah, because I remember when I was single on
the mainland and when I was likehanging out or like trying to
know something, trying to get toknow someone, um, I'm gonna say
99% of the time I did notcanoodle that same night it was
more of all right.
Cool, hopefully I see you again.
If I hear from you.
Cool, I will link up again andthen I would like move forward.

(36:35):
I'm not like making out withanyone, I'm not taking anyone
home.
It's more of like we had coffeeand we're done.
Right.
So I'm gonna like, I'm gonnaplay hypothetical here.
If I was single out here anddoing, I guess, what I was doing
, I think in the woman world I'dprobably be considered Like a

(36:57):
slut, because I'm hanging outWith so many women but I'm not
laying In the bed with them, I'mjust having coffee.
Or do the chivalrous thing?
I took you out to dinner andthen alright, you have an Uber,
have a good freaking night andI'll do my thing at home.

(37:18):
So yeah, I think I'd beconsidered a slut out here for
dating so many women.
But because I'm dating so manywomen, it's because the one
prior to that person it justwasn't my fit I couldn't see
myself have another discussion,or, like you you know what I'm
saying Like on the next date.

(37:38):
So, maybe that's why guys outhere would probably have a bad
rap if they did that.
But I mean there's other guystoo that just want to get that.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, want to get that, nanny, but see like I just
wish like the dating culture inHawaii was like so much more
different.
Because, honestly, like if youwere to allow yourself to date,
because let me tell you, youain't gonna see someone's true
colors from like the first day,no, not even the second date,
not even the third.
Yeah, you will see it once youstart to like be around them
more and that is why you dateyeah because you could end up

(38:10):
with a psychotic person that'dbe like up at your house, like
breaking down your door, youknow like stalking you at work,
like like I've seen some crazy,like, crazy shit, you know like
how does one let's say you're onthat date, let's say that
eighth date you're, you'regetting to know person and now
you finally see that color oftheirs?

Speaker 1 (38:33):
how does one just be like yo, this ain't it for me,
I'm, I'm sorry.
And they didn't even laytogether yet oh I'm.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
I'm so harsh.
I don't know how other femalesdo it, but I'll be like damn,
you're toxic so you would tell aguy I literally say it I'm like
you're toxic and they're likeno, I'm not.
I'm like, yes, you are.
I'm like for you to even like,for example, if I don't answer
my phone, and now you're blowingup my phone, you're spamming my
phone and you're texting melike why you ain't answering oh

(38:59):
and we and we not there yetwe're even in general.
You know what I mean.
That's toxic uh-huh because anormal person with a healthy
mindset would be like okay hey,babe, you're probably busy like,
please hit me up when you getsome time, you know.
I hope you're having a greatday healthy yeah toxic.
Why the fuck aren't trans onyour phone?

Speaker 1 (39:17):
uh-huh question on regards to that right.
If you you got the babe text,hit me up, you don't hit back up
several days, oh that's, wouldyou be?
No, because you were busy right, it slipped your mind.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Days is crazy, though .
Okay, oh Okay, oh, like days iscrazy, that's toxic.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Okay, let's say 13 or 14 hours, because you were so
busy.
Like you saw the text andyou're like all right, I'm going
to hit him up, but you have somuch going on in your mind,
right, the guy doesn't text youback.
Do you think that's toxic ofhim not hitting you back up?
Or would it be a red flag forhim to be like hey, I didn't
hear from you, I just want tomake sure that you're okay?
Would that in your head be likemotherfucker back up, I said

(40:02):
I'll hit you back up, or wouldyou be like oh shit, my bad, I
got so many things going on?

Speaker 2 (40:06):
I feel like I have different answers to that,
because I feel like I feel likeum, if he reached out to me and
was like I didn't hear from you,I think that's, that's great,
he's communicating okay, becausehe's worried right now if I
didn't get back to him till 13hours later.
That's kind of toxic, becauseon your part, yes, okay there's

(40:27):
something that I um I've seen oninstagram where it's like a
person is at their phone 24 77.
This is facts.
Okay.
So when you text them and theydon't respond, it's either
because, yes, they're busy whichis truth, right or you're just
not of an importance to them,and it's I forget what it was

(40:52):
too.
There's a level of I don't wantto say love bombing.
That's not the right word, butit's like some type of like
mental stimuli that kind ofcreates this like rejection in
someone when you leave themlingering on text for 13 hours.
Okay, See, I didn't know that Idon't want I don't want to say

(41:13):
narcissist, but it's like it's asome type of psychological term
that it does to a person'spsyche when, like you text
someone and you leave themhanging, so it makes them like
want more.
Really yes.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
So what happens when that person is like dude, fuck
this, I'm not, I'm not nobody'shanging toy?

Speaker 2 (41:37):
I don't want to say like love bombing, but it's
almost like, in a sense of likeit's like you're fishing and
here's the bait, yeah, and thenthat person's just trying to get
it and you're just fucking withit.
Ah, that's what it does to themental psyche really I hate that
shit so then the person is nowdoing this because this is the
dangle.
Do you get what I'm saying?
yeah, yeah, I do, yeah, yeah wow, yes and I get it like I'm

(41:59):
guilty of, like ask mygirlfriends and my clients,
though I'd be so busy, I don'tget back to them one time.
And I'm like, listen, if Idon't get back to you the second
time, the first time, pleasespam my phone, because I'm
probably falling asleep.
I'm probably like forgot, likeI probably opened your message
and told myself I'll get back toyou, and I didn't.
Yeah.
I'm guilty, and I literally saythat out loud, like I'm so

(42:19):
guilty for that, like, pleasedon't feel afraid to spam me,
you know.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
I'm the same way Right, like when I get messages.
I'm like yo, I'm going todefinitely holler.
Yeah, when.
I'm done doing my.
And then I forget.
Yeah, because it like, when Iget these texts or messages, I'm
either taking a shit, yeah, I'mdoing, I'm doing something with

(42:43):
the kids, I'm just like allright, I got it.
I'll do it right after right,but then when that after comes
it's like oh fuck, I forgot.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll put this load in the fucking
laundry you know, in the dryerand then by that time the other
things that you're supposed tocommit to get.

Speaker 1 (42:51):
Yeah oh, my god, I hate that, I'm sorry guys, I'm
sorry now.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
I'm that guy too.
I got ADD too, though I'll belike squirrel.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Yeah, right, I'm gonna do this, but then I'm
gonna go do this Girl man, hellyeah.
Next question oh, okay, you putthis out there, understanding
true masculinity, so that afemale is able to be at their
most femininity.

(43:22):
Yes, okay, we can talk aboutthis one.
You gave me this perfectexample of a guy would give you
the house.
You, as a woman, woman wouldprovide what the home.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
All right, elaborate on that.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Okay, wait, I think.
What do you mean by that?
Wait, how are you asking?

Speaker 1 (43:47):
me that so okay, so understanding true masculinity.

Speaker 2 (43:49):
Right so.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
I think in this, where and this is kind of fucked
up and I don't want to becanceled for this, where and
this is kind of fucked up and Idon't want to be canceled for
this but if the woman, if herthing is like primarily like to
take care of the home, right, asthe guy, we should be able to
take care of everything else,like, say, you know all the man

(44:10):
stuff that's supposed to be like, cut the yard when you get a
flat, we're supposed to, likefix that when you need an oil
change, we're supposed to dothat, right, not you guys, right
.
So that's where I'm coming withthat Right.
Like, let the man be the manRight and let the woman be the
woman Right, because we're inthis society now it's like we

(44:32):
can't even match our own DNA.
Right.
Because, as a man growing up,we're supposed to be chauvinists
right Open the door, butthey're not.
Yeah, they're not.
I was trained to all right thebills it's on me, All the me
working 80 hours, that's on me,not you.
If you want to work 80 hours,by all means do it, but you have
that choice.
Right, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (44:52):
or something like if the light bulb, yeah, if the
light bulb goes out.

Speaker 1 (44:57):
Hey, babe, I got this .
You don't need to get theladder, I got this shit.
You just chill back, make me myPB&J real quick, like, and then
cut my ass when I'm done youknow, yeah, so I totally agree.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
So like, for example, when a man provides emotional,
mental, physical security, yeah,the female will submit okay and
like when I say this, I meanlike example.
Right, I'm gonna paint apicture for you.
So there's a her boyfriend orher husband works very hard, has

(45:32):
his own business, and so doeshis girlfriend or the wife.
The wife also works hard as wellokay, but he provides, so he
makes sure he pays the bills.
You know, I mean, like he, heprovides and makes her feel
secure in so many ways that shejust submits, in a sense where,
like she knows to get groceries,so she will get groceries
without him having to sayanything, and the moment he

(45:55):
comes home he's like baby, howmuch was the groceries?
Oh, baby, it's okay, no, howmuch was it?
here you go yeah she has dinnermade for him, but she's talking
to him throughout the day.
You know, like what time areyou done today, babe?
Like okay, so she'll havedinner done without having him
to even say that.
Can you make sure dinner ismade?
She has it done because heprovides such a security that

(46:16):
she wants to cater to him yeahshe will do the laundry and make
sure that his uniform for thenext day is set on the bed,
because he provides thatsecurity.
Those are things that, likemasculine and feminine, does
exactly, yeah in all honesty,you know what I mean.
Like even like, for example oh,babe, I just had a, I have a

(46:37):
flat tire.
Like I gotta go change my tire.
Like okay, I'll call you later.
He's like okay, cool.
Like at the end of the day he'slike hey, babe, did you fix
your tire?
Like yeah, how much was it?
Like oh, it was this much.
Like oh, here you go.
Like yeah, without having toeven say it, he provides that
safeness for her.
So she then does everything tomake him feel like a king, and

(46:57):
that's feminine and masculinity.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Why do you think it's reversed nowadays?

Speaker 2 (47:01):
Because social media is a bitch.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
It is.
I've been telling y'all that.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Social media got guys thinking that they got to get
catered to, that they don't gotto do these roles, that the
female got to do all thesethings.
In the man's mentality now,because of social media, it's
like what is that female goingto do all these things?
You know like in the man'smentality now because of social
media, it's like what is thatfemale going to do?
For me that's horrible that'sbring it.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
Well, the female should be in the feminine and
then we should the guy should.
Do you ever think he, or theperson that was saying that, was
thinking that way?
Or were you already thinkinglike it was like derogatory?
I don't even know.
Honestly, I could see it inboth ways, but it depends on,
like, how the message was beingthrown.
Yeah, like if the guy was likeyo, I expect her to do this

(47:43):
because I'm doing all theseother things opposed to like hey
, which one you didn't do for me?

Speaker 2 (47:49):
you know, like I like the first way because I feel
like it's a given uh-huh, wherehe feels like he's providing so,
like as a given, like she'salready supposed to just do
these things without being told,without having to make her
husband or other half feel likewhy am I asking you to clean?
Why am I asking you to dolaundry?
Why am I asking you, you know,make dinner yeah yeah, I agree

(48:10):
with the first part thank you.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Second part oh hell, no, yeah, that's.
That's something like totallyleft field I'm so bad.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
I'm always like that motherfucker needs to go like to
his mom and get a smack.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
I'm like because he was not raised well let me ask
you this, miss uh, miss maylene,so growing up with a single
parent, right, I was taught todo everything on my own for sure
?
So I'm in this marriage nowwhere?
single mom or single dad, singledad oh shoot, so I'm in this
marriage now where single mom orsingle dad single dad oh shoot,
so I'm in this marriage, likeI've been married, you know, to
this woman like almost 12 yearsnow and I'm still doing my own

(48:45):
shit because I don't, I don'texpect her to do anything,
because if I could do it right,like I could cook right, I'm
gonna fucking cook right withouther, you know, without even
asking her right.
So what does where does thatfall with guys like that in your
, in your book, when it comes tothe whole masculine and the
femininity stuff, where I'm justlike, nah, man, don't do it, I

(49:06):
got it because I'm so used todoing it right on my own because
I've seen my dad, a man, yeah,do the laundry, cook, do all
what a female does I thinkthat's amazing

Speaker 2 (49:17):
oh, thank you I think that's honestly amazing,
because I can honestly say therewas one person that I I used to
talk to and he did all that.
I remember going to koreanbarbecue and he would literally
like set my plate, he'd likecook the shrimp and remove all
the shells, and I wouldn't dothat shit.
I'm just like you know he'dopen my door when we get into

(49:38):
the car you know, like he wouldlike pass me the I don't know
the utensils.
Like he'd be in the kitchencooking, even though I can cook.
He would be cooking and hewould like.
If everyone's grabbing food,he'd be like hey, baby, you
hungry, what do you want?
And he'll plate my food.
I've never like.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
I feel like he is the only one that's ever done that
for me yeah, oh girl yeah, so meand my, me and my wife's
dynamic it's, it's similar tolike that, but she would beat me
to it.
So like when I'm cooking rightit's like all right, everyone
got fed, sure, and she wouldmake me play.
I'm like dude, what are youdoing?
Like I'm I'm serving.
She's like no, I, no, I got you.

Speaker 2 (50:15):
I think that's me naturally too.
Yeah, that's right I cater tomy manager.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
And it still surprises me too, because I'm
still I don't know man.
I'm kind of like an idiotsometimes, like I'm in my own
world, like I can do it.
I'm going to fucking do it.
I don't need, would never havemy wife touch my laundry,
because I know the funk that Iproduce I'm dead, I'm like hey,
don't touch it.
You know I don't want you topass out, that's my shit, don't

(50:41):
touch it.
But even with the kids, though,like I like doing man, dude,
I'm, I'm an inner female,because it's therapeutic for me.
You know, like I turn on themusic, I'm folding shit, right,
I clean the house.
I'm turning on old school music, I'm doing my shit and it like
I don't need her to do that, butit's in the back of my head.
It's like, dude, am I enabling,like, is that wrong for me to

(51:03):
think that?
Like, am I enabling for her notto do shit?
No, Because, I want to do it.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
No, ah, okay, okay, no.
I mean like from a female.
Feel like that you are the, youare the man of the house,
regardless of what her roles are, you still are able to help
because you want to, because youjust have that independence in
you and it makes the female feellike damn babe, fuck with me.
Like that, you know what I mean.
Like, like he, it's not juststuck in your head, we're like

(51:30):
now you're the female, so you dothat.
I'm gonna sit back.
Do you get what I'm saying?
yeah, yeah, yeah like youliterally have it in yourself
like, ah, baby's cool, I got it.
Yeah.
You know when she'll be.
Like no baby, it's okay, justrelax.
And because you guys both arein that giving, I think that's
beautiful.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
I would have thought that it would have been like oh
man, this motherfucker Becausein my therapy sessions we talked
about enabling and I wouldalways think like, dude, by me
doing all these things, liketelling her to back off, I got
it.
Does that enable like put it inher head that, oh man, he got
it?
I'm going to fucking chill now,you know.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
I think it depends on the female.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Ah, okay.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Because the way certain people take information
and the way they process it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think, it depends on themindset, perspectives and the
female's maturity.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
So you growing up, have you ever been enabled or
been the enabler?

Speaker 2 (52:30):
That's such a vague question.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
Okay, very vague.
Okay, let me rephrase it.
It have you ever enabledsomething or someone like I feel
like I have ah, okay, and thenhow did that turn out, or how
did you?

Speaker 2 (52:46):
I feel like how did you?

Speaker 1 (52:47):
get yourself out of that I okay.

Speaker 2 (52:50):
So I feel like I was doing too much for a person that
I started seeing that he got socomfortable that I started
doing a lot more and then hewould.
He would request of it from mereally yes, and then mentally I
started to like sicken myselfand I used to get so grossed out
because the fact that he's justasking so much of me, yeah, and

(53:14):
eventually I felt like I wasphysically there, that I slowly
mentally started to check outand I was like, eventually I was
like I'm over it really yeah,because it was like a dating
phase and I was doing so muchbecause I just feel like when
I'm interested in someone I'msuch a giver but I've slowed
down my role on that giving andI'm trying to just be more of

(53:36):
like the half half of like noteven saying 50-50, it's just
more like I give too much in thebeginning, that I feel like it
needs to be earned now is thatyour love language?
I think so.
I think it's like acts ofservice, gift giving and feed me
food straight to the tongue.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
I think mine's is uh, now it's it's more uh, not
extra service um the words uhaffirmation affirmation.
I'm more of like oh man, thankyou.
I'm like bet I could go another50.
You know, I'm saying like thatbefore you used to be gift
giving right but now it was.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Yeah, my thing is words of affirmation see, I
think minds have changed,because it was words of
affirmation before, but I feellike because my mentality kind
of shifted and now I'm in thismindset of like words don't mean
squat to me okay.
So your actions, action okayyour actions will speak volumes
more than your words, because itis so easy for me to be like,

(54:38):
hey look, I love you.
That's words.
Now, how do you know if it'sreal?
Because I just said it to youout of nowhere.
I don't know what you'refeeling inside.
I don't know what your brain isthinking, but I do know you
love me by what you do around me.
Ooh girl, let's fill up yourtank right, I do know you love
me by the actions that you takearound me, towards me, on my

(55:02):
back, I guess we washing dishesand clean.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
oh my god, no, um, I used to be like that too, where
uh, like, let's say uh, when,when it wasn't words of
affirmation, but like when I'mcoming home and like there's
food already and, like you know,the house is like already
Because we have kids, right.
Right.
The house is just already clean.
I'm like bet you know like Idon't have to do any extra work.
Right right.

(55:29):
So it used to be that.
Now it's just like, man, youturn on my music, I'll do it.
I'll do whatever the fuck youwant me to do.
You know, but yeah, okay, um,was it acts of service?
Ah, okay.
So let's say, mine changedyours.
It's crazy did it change whenyou changed too, or was?

Speaker 2 (55:47):
it when I want to say it's changed because I've been
changing and evolving to be thebetter me I love that yeah, yeah
.

Speaker 1 (55:56):
Girl.
I'm so by just talking to you,I'm so happy that you went.
Of course it was a fucked upjourney that you went on, but
I'm glad you went through itbecause now I see you as like a
strong ass woman.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
I'm so humbled by going through those things
because, if I had not, I wouldbe such a people pleaser going
through all these scenarios thatwould jog my brain and have me
so depressed.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
Like yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
And I have my moments .
I'm human, oh yeah, definitely.
I get in my head.
I get depressed.
Like thoughts consume me andthen I always tell myself, like
those are just thoughts, thingsthat I need to not think about
because there's so much more,and like that's just another day
passing and there's another day.

Speaker 1 (56:37):
Man, and like, that's just another day passing and
there's another day, man, I hada girl.
I like that shit, yeah, girl,that was fun.
Yeah, holy crap, before we dipout, I got one.
You know one, and you don'thave to dig deep on this
question.
How can a person get invited toa Maylene cookout or to your

(56:57):
barbecue and you know what I'mtalking about right?
Like, oh man, that motherfuckergot the barbecue card.
He could come over whenever hewants.
What do you mean, you know?
So you know how, like, let'ssay, Like to hang out with me.
Yeah, yeah.
So I guess it's like I don'tknow, it's like a mainland thing
, where thing, where, hey, thatmotherfucker's invited to the
barbecue, you know like you knowwhat I'm talking about right,

(57:18):
yeah, yeah.
How does a motherfucker getinvited to a mainland barbecue?

Speaker 2 (57:22):
I feel like hey, if you're a solid person and you
have this like calm coolness toyou yeah I'm all for making new
friends or, like you know, likethat whole aspect, but if you
were like a sleazeball trying tothrow some like hit up lines on
me and be like hey, mama, youso beautiful, let me do that

(57:43):
like you will get cut off soquick it's like I never seen you
oh, you better get that 1980sout of here.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
Leave it back in 1980s.
I don't do no corny pickuplines.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
I see right through you like that's just for the
birds.
I don't do that.
I'm a woman.
You don't be talking to womenlike that, oh no, no way.
Maybe to a girl.
The girl be like oh my God,he's so cute.
No Gross, I have done that inthe bar.
I've literally told men you'redisgusting, Get away from me.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
Really yes, okay, me, really yes, okay, quick, how
does one get your attention inthe bar because I um, I'm gonna
try and pull, I guess, a 20 yearold chris right on your ass,
right, right, how does it?

Speaker 2 (58:26):
well, for example, if I'm like out and about and like
someone buys me a drink fromacross the way, not even me
meeting him, yet the bartenderbe like oh, here you go.
And I'll be like what is thislike?
Oh, it's from him.
I'll be like, oh, thank you.
You know, kind of smooth it in.
You get what I'm saying, andthen I'm just hanging out with
my girls, whatever.
Then he just approaches and belike are you enjoying your
evening?
I would rather be approached inthat sense than the hey, mama,

(58:50):
let me buy you a drink ohthere's like a finesse to it and
like a sensualness to it okay,all right.

Speaker 1 (58:59):
Well, here comes 20 year old chris.
Then on the line right now.
All right, so scenario this isa scenario.
You're at the bar.
You're with your girls, right?
I'm not the handsomest guy, I'ma pretty goofy kid.
So I'm at the bar waiting onthe freaking bartender to get my
drink right.
I'm with you.
I'm like, oh, hey, how's itgoing?

(59:20):
You say how's it going back.
I'm like, miss, would youhappen to know how much a polar
bear weighs?
And you say no, and I'm like,oh, enough to break the ice.
Hey, my name's chris.
I would laugh there.
It is that's all I wanted.
I would get the laugh.
So would that line?
That would be like the coolness.
Would I be like rememberedthroughout that night?

(59:41):
Yes, so like say if we leavesimultaneously, like you hit me
on the sidewalk, yeah, and I'mjust like hey.
And then I remember your name,amy Lee.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
I'll probably be like hey polar bear.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
Tacos.
Taco truck are better tacostaco truck, taco truck.
Oh, y'all would have got it.
Yeah, yeah, give me that.
Y'all didn't use that line.
I'm just saying, um, maylene,uh, do you have any shout outs
or anything, or where can thesepeople find you?

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
uh well, my shout out again is for my son happy
birthday, babe.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
I love you oh yeah, hey, happy birthday he, he's 13.
Oh, my gosh.
You're in the teen years,everything's happening now it is
.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
He acts like he's 18.
It's crazy.
Oh really.
Yes, he don't like girls hisage He'd be like mom.
Girls my age are irritating.
He's like I like older females.
I'm dead, but it's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
He's probably going to get invited to a senior prom
when he's 13, 14.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
But you can find me on Instagram.
My Instagram is ilovemaylene.
All together, one word.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
No underscore, no, nothing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Honestly, I don't even know.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Ooh girl, you know what I'll tag her?
I got her ass, thank you.
Oh shit, you know what I'll tagher.
I got her ass.
Thank you, oh shit.
Well, with that being said, KOStudios, thank you for the
lovely home.
Rafi Bayi, always thank you forthe beats.
Oh, shout out to Mike andShayna for giving me this chrome
hearts cap man.
Appreciate y'all.
Thank you for the birthdaypresent, and with that I'm Chris
, I'm Maylene.

(01:01:11):
And we out.