July 22, 2025 • 55 mins
What happens when you need to break up with someone you love, but nothing's wrong? How do you communicate effectively with a partner who processes information differently than you do? And why is the relationship between a man and his barber so sacred?
Kamaka Dias, host of Keep it Aloha podcast, brings refreshing honesty and wisdom to these questions and more as he sits down with Chris for a conversation that weaves through relationship dynamics, communication styles, and tough life decisions.
The discussion unveils Kamaka's "Platinum Rule" of relationships—treat others how THEY want to be treated, not how you want to be treated. This distinction becomes crucial when navigating different love languages and communication styles between partners. "For example, I can take criticism directly, but you can't say that same stuff to your partner the same way," Kamaka explains, highlighting how men often communicate with bluntness while many partners require more nuanced approaches.
Perhaps the most thought-provoking segment arrives when Kamaka shares his experience ending a relationship that was going well but had different long-term trajectories regarding having children. His courage to make the difficult choice rather than lead someone on demonstrates rare emotional maturity. "How do you break up with somebody whom you love and nothing's wrong?" he asks, articulating a challenge many face but few discuss openly.
The conversation takes an unexpectedly profound turn with Kamaka's comparison of relationships to sports fandom. "You don't always end up with the best person, but that's your favorite person, that's the best person for you," he shares. Just as loyal fans stick with their teams through winning and losing seasons, committed partners understand relationships have their ups and downs but remain dedicated through both.
Whether you're navigating a relationship crossroads, struggling with communication, or simply enjoy authentic conversations about modern relationships, this episode offers valuable insights about love, loyalty, and making choices that honor both yourself and others. Listen, learn, and maybe discover your own relationship playbook along the way.
• The difference between city and country life in Hawaii and island stereotypes
• How generational cycles affect parenting and childhood development
• Creating healthy space in relationships and communicating your needs clearly
• The "Platinum Rule" - treating others how they want to be treated versus how you want to be treated
• Men and women's different communication styles and finding common ground
• Breaking up when nothing's wrong - making the difficult decision to end a good relationship
• The sports fan theory of relationships - loyalty, commitment, and sticking through good and bad seasons
• Living in the moment versus documenting everything for social media
• The sacred bond between men and their barbers
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Relationship Method
Podcast.
It's your boy, chris.
Today I got a very specialguest I got he's a.
He's a what man?
How do I?
He's a jack of all trades.
You know what I'm saying?
He's the host of Keep it Aloha,pod.
You know what I'm saying?
He's the host of Keep it Aloha,pod.
You know what I'm saying?
(00:26):
I got this motherfucker KamakaDiaz on this bitch.
Yay, what's up, big dog.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
How's it how you doing, hey?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
man, I'm doing good, I'm doing good.
Bro, how was the traffic, orhow was you know, getting here?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well, it's the weekend weekend, so there's no
traffic, which I'm happy.
Yes, sir, I do hate traffic andI based my whole life and
schedule around traffic.
So in the during the weekdays Itry to get everything done in
the morning, hopefully be homeby, like you know, three before
three, so I don't gotta dealwith any traffic at all.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Bro, saturday, we're good no traffic hey, man, I feel
you on that because, uh, funnystory like, I got offered a job
in Diamond Head and you know,you and I was talking, so I'm
coming from Kapolei and forpeople that don't know, that's
on the west side and where'sDiamond Head?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Like south, it's yeah , more south shore.
More south so it's probablylike 40 minutes away.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, man, skip that noise, man, because the hours of
me working I'm going to bespending at least two to three
hours in traffic.
So I made the decision of nottaking that job because, man,
you can't take town back frombeing in traffic.
And then I'm coming from Caliand I used to live in Las Vegas
and that traffic is bad, so I'mjust like man, skip that noise.
(01:48):
Man especially know the hawaiiaccidents be happening.
Boy, that's a standstill.
I hate that shit.
Have you ever been in anaccident like that where you're
just like damn, how the fuck amI in this three hour traffic
right now?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
uh, luckily not.
Oh really, yeah, yeah, I'vebeen pretty lucky dog.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Um well, I'm from.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm from the big island, from hilo, so yeah you
know, half my life was on thebig island.
We don't really have trafficlike that, you know is that real
?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
yeah, dang you lucky dog yeah it's more country over
there.
Oh bro, can you tell the peoplelike what's the difference
between like country?
And you know people that arecoming into hawaii.
Uh, all they see is waikiki andall that shit, but on the
outskirts of it it's kind oflike, I guess, country folk too,
what like what's the differencebetween?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
I explain like this country with a c and this
country with a k.
Oh shit, there's a country youknow and certain places like
even like you say, kapolei iswest side, like some people
would say, that's not even westside.
Like you know, did people sayuntil you're like in waianae, or
like in wakaha, like area, yeah, like that's true west side?
oh, once you pass like a certaincertain spot.
Um, so you know there's all thethe geographical locations here
(02:54):
on the island.
Yeah, yeah, you know, argueabout, but, um, uh, for wait,
what was the question I got?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
oh uh, the difference between, uh, damn, you got oh
country country and like I guess, yeah, yeah, somewhat city life
in.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, so I mean you see buildings anywhere, tall
buildings.
That's not the country I mean.
Hawaii, for the most part, is,you know, pretty, um, I wouldn't
say rural, but it's definitelynot like the typical city.
You go to New York or you knowyou go to Hollywood or whatever.
Um, there's parts of it,there's like little pockets like
(03:29):
Waikiki would be like the TimesSquare of Hawaii, you know oh,
I could see that yeah and then.
But then you go out and thenthere's, like you know, there's
a lot more mountains and smallerhouses, you don't see as many
condos and high rises, but Iwould say, like from anywhere,
from probably like chinatown, tolike alamuana would be like the
central, where there's likethat city and like high rises,
(03:52):
and then you got like aia, saltlake, mona, lua area.
That's also kind of likecentral okay.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
and then, um, I've overheard people speak and they
say what, why not Waimanawa, notWaimanawa?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Waimanawa's country.
Waimanawa's country, yeah,that's God's country.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh God and no offense man.
But the rich white people,where are they?
Is that?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Kailua People say Kailua Ho'ikai Kahala.
Those are like the rich placesyou know.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
All right, so you've been on this island for like a
cool minute now.
You know all right, so you'vebeen on this island for like a
cool minute now.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Like what makes it so like a bougie type, um, I I
think it depends on the personbecause like, okay and and not,
you know, we we put everythingon there, an umbrella, you know,
like hawaii kai, all the richpeople, private school kids,
whatever, but there's a lot oflike old school families, like,
for example, like my family, mygrandma got a house in hawaii
kai in the 70s, um, so she, shewas one of the like the og
(04:46):
families there and there's a lotof families that, um, because
my dad's a kaiser grad, um, sohe was, he went to school over
there and there's a lot offamilies from when he was going
to school to have kids around myage and it's just like normal
houses.
You know nothing fancy.
You go up to like, uh, kalamavalley and then you see all like
the real big three-storymansions and stuff, but there's
(05:07):
just normal houses here andthere.
So every area, althoughcollectively it would be like a
nicer bougie place, there'sstill, like you know, pretty
rooted, just regular houses,regular people.
So I would say it just dependson the families, because, you
know, there's a lot of familieswho are just like very, very
(05:28):
simple, you know oh, I feel thatthere's some families who are
like super bougie and they likedefining things in life, so some
areas would have more of that,some areas will have less, but
it still just comes down to youknow um, is it true with like
the sections of hawaii?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
you know, know, there's like I don't want to say
gangs, but it's more like I'veoverheard a person from the west
side Was like, hey man, wedon't fuck with people From like
the east.
Or you know, like how Kalihi,they don't fuck with like Eva
Beach, or what not.
Is that shit true, or is thatjust like?
I think it's who you talk to.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
It's what bubble you're in.
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I would say you know locals, any locals will support
locals.
Real locals will support reallocals.
You know Hawaiian people willsupport Hawaiian people,
regardless if you're in the east, west, north, south.
I would say you know,collectively we're Ohana and we
always respect each other.
And as long as you, if I'm sayI was born in Honolulu, I'm a
city boy, I go out to Y&I, youknow, all the way on the west
(06:28):
side and I just come withrespect.
You know.
How's it uncle, how's it auntie?
You know.
Yeah, definitely beingrespectful to everybody, then
I'm cool, you know, and you comewith attitude, you know you
come with entitlement, thenyou're gonna have problems.
So it doesn't really for me atleast, it doesn't come down to
your geographical location, butlike who you are and like the
(06:48):
respect that you show to people,even if you're not even from
hawaii, you know.
Yeah, because you don't gottahave hawaiian blood, you, you
know you don't gotta grow upwith aloha, but as long as you
show aloha, you respect thepeople, you respect the land,
then you'll be fine oh, you knowwhat that's.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
That's super true, because when I got here I was
just super quiet because Ididn't know any better, until I
started hanging out with thelocal uncles when I played
basketball and I'm like, oh shit, these motherfuckers, they're
just an older version of me.
So I thought that was prettycool when I first landed on the
island and then during briefs inthe military, they always tell
(07:22):
us not to go through Kalihi.
During briefs in the military,they always tell us not to go
through Kalihi.
Is there a reason why we don'tgo through Kalihi or is it just
a stereotype, an islandstereotype?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So I just had a guest who was born in Kalihi and he
was talking about KPT Camp 4housing.
So that would be kind of likethe, I guess if we're comparing
it to.
California, like the ghettos orthe projects Hell yeah, I'm
going, yeah, yeah, but of coursethere's always, you know,
exceptions to the rule and thereare families that or people
that come from there and youknow make it out or like they're
great people, and I think overthere it's just what he was
(08:00):
saying.
You know a lot of young kidshad kids.
So I think you know a lot ofyoung kids had kids.
So I think you know the thediscipline and the respect
aspect might, may have been lostin a generation which made it
pretty bad, where people getinto a lot of trouble and stuff
like that, but that is viewed aslike one of the rougher places.
You know, like, yeah, kptcamphor housing would be like,
if you're like confident,whatever, yeah oh, you know what
(08:22):
I'm fitting to make a fieldtrip out there.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Uh, pray for me, yeah , you're filipino.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
You're good, just ask .
Just walk around with abasketball.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
You shoot some threes with other filipinos man,
hopefully, if I don't, you know,I'll be shooting threes.
They won't be shooting me.
You know what I'm saying.
You feel?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
me only here to shoot basketball guys.
Yeah right, come on man peace.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Hey, speaking about these bad kids, right, um, and
uh, you know, kids, raising kids, or like these, I mean I still
call them kids like 15, 16 yearold, like popping out babies and
shit, um, the dynamic of havingan old school grandma opposed
to, you know, a 30 year oldgrandma, and shit, um, yeah,
(09:01):
these kids are bad.
Well, okay, I can't speak forall of them, no disrespect.
But, respectfully, a lot ofthese kids are bad because I go
to, um, you know, my, my littleones go to an elementary school
and I'd be hearing what thestuff is coming out of their
mouths.
I'm like, oh, my gosh, and my,my kids are, like, they're still
innocent, like myeight-year-old.
He still thinks he's a dinosaur, you know, and I let you know,
(09:24):
I let him, you know, I'm sayingI let him, I let that
imagination never lose yourdinosaur, exactly right.
So, yeah, man, like, why do youthink you know these kids are
being raised the way?
You know they're coming up theway they are?
Speaker 2 (09:37):
well, I mean, it all goes back to the childhood of,
you know, your family, yeah,your parents, your grandparents,
and all of that because itbecomes a generational thing.
Yeah, you know, if nobodychanges that cycle or breaks the
cycle, then it just continueson.
You know, and that goes withlike generational trauma, you
(10:00):
know, for, like Hawaiians, forany other ethnicity and, you
know, group, social group outthere.
So I think it's just comes downto the family and like having
good influences around them.
You know, yeah, it's the samething even as you grow up as an
adult.
You know you hang out with fivebillionaires.
Um, you know, for a long enoughtime you become the sixth one.
You know, yeah, you hang outwith a bunch of bad kids.
You know you're probably goingto be a bad kid.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
That's true, that's all it is you can't fly like an
eagle if you're hanging out withturkeys, exactly yeah you're
just gonna end up on the table,uh right, oh man, you ain't
lying dude.
The only reason why I broughtthat up is because, um, my boy
had an incident at school wherehe was getting bullied and then,
once the teacher told me aboutit, I was like yo, who are these
(10:38):
kids?
I'm not gonna put hands on them.
I wish I motherfucking would,though I wish I could show me
their parents yeah, right, but Iwas.
But I was like, oh man, I toldmy wife I was going to tell her,
I was like yo, I'm going toroast the fuck out of these kids
and their parents.
And then they're like oh no,don't do that.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Because you know I got a pretty smart mouth.
You know they had like yo yomama.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, yeah, I had those I had those comebacks,
your mama.
So, yeah, you're all dude I was.
I was so heated when I got theword I was fitting to like tell
my boss like hey, man, I gottahandle some shit.
And then, yeah, but luckily forme I didn't, you know, stoop
that low, but I really wanted to, you know, and yeah, I mean
(11:29):
shit bullying out here, becausemy 18-year-old, when he went to
high school, he got bullied andI'm like dude, like why you feel
me?
Maybe it's like his haircut orwhatever.
But now, because back in theday, I don't know, I guess
bullying is, I guess it wasn't.
Because back in the day, Idon't know, I guess bullying is,
uh, I guess it wasn't.
Because back in the day theydidn't have social media right,
(11:49):
so it wasn't shown.
So now everything's out in thelight and I think it's.
I think it's messed up howpeople won't help.
They just rather be posting it.
Why the fuck is that like?
Why?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
why do you think you know the cloud chasing is so
like up there for kids and shitwell, I I think, when it comes
down to role models and maybetheir role models are the ones
holding the the cell phones- orthe ipads or on top of the, you
know, just watching tv, whatever.
So I think, where we live in adigital age where it's like so
(12:21):
normalized to just, you know, bedoing this instead of just
enjoying the concert, enjoyingsomething, or being present, and
you see somebody, um, that'sstruggling and you're like you'd
rather do this than do this,you know, and, yeah, offer help.
So I think I don't think it'smore than it's ever been.
I think it's just more coveragethan it's ever been.
You know, because you know,growing up we, you know we had
(12:43):
bullies, or you know friendsthat would be rough or
aggressive or tease us.
We tease each other and that'skind of normal, you know, that's
just how it is.
Um, and then, of course,there's like extreme situations
where it's actually bullying,actually like affecting some,
some people, but, um, it's justdifferent now that everybody's
recording it and posting it, youknow.
So I I don't think that it'slike anything extremely crazier
(13:08):
than how it was when we weregrowing up.
It's just people.
We see it more now because ofsocial media oh yeah, man,
social media is a motherfuckerman.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I'll tell you that right now.
Um dude, I lost my train offucking thought oh good, you
went to any other.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
It's okay, it's on board.
To another one.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
oh uh, living in the moment, right, I tell my wife
this because she is constantlyon her phone, right, and she
would ask me like oh, why aren'tyou on your phone, why aren't
you posting?
You know, these.
Like I'm on my phone when, like, say, at a kid's performance or
something like I, you know,think that might happen, that
might be dope.
(13:44):
But like I, you know, thinkthat might happen, that might be
dope.
But like you, like I loveliving in the moment.
I love watching, like myphone's down, I love watching
you know shit.
Like it's cool, like to havepictures and stuff.
Because you know, we get old,we're going to lose some of
those memories.
So it's always good to lookback.
But living in the moment, Ithink it's very important,
especially with how everything'srapidly growing, rapidly going
(14:06):
so fast.
But yeah, living in the moment,man.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Yeah, and even you know, because this is a
relationship podcast, it'ssomething that's common Like, if
you think back to like thebeginning of a relationship or
even friends, whatever it is, abusiness partner in the
beginning you super present, youknow, like yeah go to dinner,
you don't even touch your phone.
You know four hours pass, youdidn't even look at your phone
once.
Now you wait somebody for ayear.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It's just like bro, I hate that stuff, I hate it it
happened and it's real, it'sjust it.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
It comes down to your like comfort, a bit of um
comfortability level yeah whereit's, like you know, sometimes
like I gotta be on my phone tolike post stuff or like respond
to somebody in front of mygirlfriend, and I don't like
being on my phone in front ofpeople, but sometimes it happens
yeah once you get a little bitcomfortable you can be like hey,
sorry, I gotta do this yeah inthe beginning you're just like
don't touch it at all yeah,right is that?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
uh, it happens.
Yeah, you pulling out thatphone on a first date or
whatever will cock block youfrom the booty, you know.
Because going out now I seepeople just taking pictures of
what they're eating.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I'm like come on, man .
Speaker 1 (15:17):
That's the same steak we had a month ago.
That's the same Big Mac, youknow.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I don't mind a click and then just put it on the side
you know how?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
about the video?
Like the video it's fine.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
It depends if it's business too early like you're
oh yeah, true, a lot of times II post food or the stuff I'm
doing.
It's like I'm supporting alocal business or a friend's
business, or I'm an ambassadorfor one of them, so I'm posting
to support them.
So that's kind of like my way.
It's more business minded.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Where you know.
But even if you're, I guess, afoodie, you just want to take
the picture.
But I would say, just you know,take it and just enjoy it after
you know.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, enjoy the company and shit.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, do everything it depends, it depends yeah
no-transcript.
I'm a good conversationalist.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
So I don't think I've ever experienced that I, you
know, I haven't like dated a lotin my adulthood, like I, I
probably didn't really dateuntil I was, like you know,
mid-20s.
Yeah, so I never really hadthat problem.
Or even in business, I thinkI've I've learned over life just
(16:39):
to, like you know, be a goodconversationalist, and I don't
know how familiar you are withthe, with the stereotypes of all
the ethnicities here.
You know portuguese we talk alot.
Yeah, so I think you know I'm30 portuguese, a lot.
Yeah, so I think you know I'm30% Portuguese, so I have the
gift of talking.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Ain't no problem with that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
I feel like I never really had a problem with the
conversation going dry.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I mean, I'm a podcast host too, so I'm supposed to
have the conversation so youknow, sometimes I got to talk
more, sometimes I can talk less.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I can be a better listener.
I can talk less, I can be abetter listener, I can be a
better talker.
It just depends on thesituation you just got to adapt.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah, when you said Portuguese right, I had one of
my buddies tell me that, oh yeah, me and him.
We're Portuguese, and so I waslike for real Dog.
I thought you were Mexican.
Never knew you were Portuguesethat look and I was like what do
you mean?
I'm Portuguese.
I'm like no, didn't you justsay you're Portuguese?
(17:35):
He's like no Portuguese.
And I'm like the fuck is that?
And he broke it down what itwas and I was like, oh, so
you're telling me, for the pasttwo months I thought you were
Portuguese.
You know, what I'm saying.
I felt fucking stupid as hell.
Same same, but different.
Yeah, so it's ah, man, that'sfunny.
So you say, um, you could, um,you could talk.
(17:56):
How do you know if a person islike dull, or like when they
start, when they stop talking,what are the cues for you know,
for you, uh, it's like, oh shit,I think I might have to shut up
.
Or this person is he or she'skind of boring to be around I
think just body language bodylanguage.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, you know having a high eq, you can really like
feel the energy of somebodyuh-huh you know, if like like,
for example, you know, walkingin over here just meeting you,
you have really good energy.
You know, really welcoming notnot a lot of people like that,
but some people are a little bitmore reclusive or they're just
not as outgoing, so you kind ofgot to like draw it out of them
yeah but then there's somepeople who are just you can tell
(18:38):
they're not interested.
Um, and I think that's just fromtime and experience, you know,
you just have to meet enoughpeople to know like I've met so
many people in life and saw, youknow, been in so many different
situations here abroad,wherever's that, I know like,
okay, this person is like thiskind of person and I know
they're not going to be astalkative, they're a little bit
(19:00):
more standoffish, they're alittle bit more, you know,
outgoing.
So for me it's, it's alwaysjust like it's a, it's a video
game.
You know, you, you gainexperience throughout life and
you use that experience and youput it into everything that
you're doing and you know youface this boss.
You know we're on an adventurewith this person.
So now you can like use that tocompare with everything, to
(19:23):
know, like to get, like these,better judgments of people and
like what to do in a certainsituation.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Oh, I like how you broke that shit down.
I was like freaking step one,step two, column A, column B, go
back to step three.
That's how it is, man, I likethat stuff, dog.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
So we went on these tangents right Before we get
going with these questions, dog,how did I get the yes from you
to come on?
You know, this little one, thislittle podcast.
Well, I, I mean, I, I I lovesupporting people and you know,
I, I feel like it's, it's alwaysan honor when somebody asks you
to, you know, be on their showor, you know, take part in their
creative endeavor.
So, you know, I, I have been ina situation where I just
(20:04):
started and I and you're doingthis for a long time, but this
is just an example.
You know where you just startand you need people to support
you.
You need some people to say yesand you know, sometimes you say
no or you don't get a responseback.
So I know what it's like to beon the other end.
So you know, as much aspossible, I'd like to, you know,
be the person that you knowwould say yes and support others
in their journeys as well.
(20:25):
So yeah, and well, so yeah.
And this um also, I saw you inthe creator group that I'm in.
So, you know, I feel likethat's a little like, you know,
a side ohana kind of thing.
Yeah, I feel like I, you know,it's my kuleana responsibility
to be part of that and, you know, try to help out when I can.
Uh, and yeah, I think this is a.
This is a cool podcast.
You know I have a lot ofpodcasts I've been on.
(20:47):
Was just like you just talkabout your life yeah um, so yeah
, I haven't been on one where Ijust talk about relationships,
and although we're not justtalking about relationships, we
talk about anything yeah, we goon these motherfucking tangents.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, yeah yeah, um.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, I felt, I felt like it would.
It would be fun just to youknow, share a different side of
me and share you know um.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Learn more about youtube because I see some of
the clips, because it'scollaborated with the the hoey
creators yeah, so yeah, I just Ithought I'd be interested and
you seem like a cool guy dog man, I do appreciate you coming on,
man, I really do, man, andthank you again.
I always get you thesequestions, boy.
Um.
So first one is um, you, kamakadude, how do you give like your
(21:28):
other half space, like, what isyour way of giving your woman
space?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I send in a rocket ship and I tell Elon press
launch.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Hell yeah, don't come back.
Man fuck that shit man.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Let's see.
Well, so she's a model, so shehas to go on trips and stuff.
She has to do jobs.
Sometimes it's not always onIreland, it's in LA or somewhere
else.
So I got to support her indoing that.
So I guess that's one way wherewe get our space, or sometimes
she just wants to hang out withher friends and she has a GBF,
(22:04):
you know gay best friend and thedynamics of that is always
different.
Gbfs are very needy and youknow they always got this is
true, they always got dramagoing on.
So you know you always gotta,you know, talk on the phone for
an hour, two hours, or, you know, go like I gotta go hang out
with you know this person andhelp them with whatever's, or
did they just vibe on the beat?
(22:24):
You know that's their, that'stheir thing.
So you know, my, my alone time,my space is just watching
sports, so I'm just like when Iwatch too much, you go do
whatever you want yeah, I'mgonna be focused over here, you
know yeahand um, I think the the tricky
part for us, like having spacein our normal everyday life is
fine, um, as long as it'scommunicated.
You know, like I'm gonna dothis, I'm gonna do this,
(22:46):
especially if it's work like yougotta do it, yeah, for for
arguments and fighting, that'salways a little different.
It's like giving somebody spaceand knowing when to give it or
knowing when to ask for it aswell.
So I think you know it's justsomething that you have to
communicate and you have toaccept.
If, like, for example, like ifsomething happens, I like to
(23:07):
talk about it immediately.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
For her.
She likes to ruminate on it and, you know, take some time to
think about it and come back toit.
But I don't like to sit and Ijust like to, like you know, do
it quick.
I'm a quick guy, just like yeahdo something I don't.
I don't want to wait, just getit done.
So I think that's always thetricky part about like having
there's layers, you know,because when you ask me that
question I think about all thedifferent times where somebody
(23:29):
would need space, you know yeah,I think, as guys, we are quick
because we're we're fixers, so Ithink we're quick to fix things
right then.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
And there, as for women and some type of guy, some
types of guys too they need tolike, dwell and think you know,
am I, am I in the wrong?
99 of the time they're likefuck that shit, I'm in the right
.
You know% of the time they'relike fuck that shit, I'm in the
right.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
No, no, but that's the thing Never right.
When you're right, you're wrong.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Right, exactly.
So like the fact that you saidthat, so I'm going to assume
that you're, like, a real goodcommunicator when it comes to
the relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
yeah, yeah, I would like to believe that.
I think I've learned a lot inevery relationship that I've
been in to get to the pointwhere I'm at right now, where I
feel like I'm a really goodpartner, and that's the thing I
think that helped me in life isI never really focused on dating
or relationships.
I've always just focused onmyself.
That's good.
Being the best person I can beso that I could be the best
(24:28):
person for somebody else.
So every step of you know, adifferent relationship taught me
like, okay, this one, I got tocommunicate more.
Or this one, oh, I got to bemore honest.
Oh, this one I got to.
You know X, y and Z, so everyrelationship was a great lesson
to lead me to where I'm at now.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Can you be brutally honest in a relationship to lead
me to where I'm at now?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
can you be brutally honest in a relationship like
for me, I, I have to, and I haveto tone it down at least three
levels for my, for for my wife,yeah, I can't be like yeah oh
yeah, that's an ugly ass shirtbut then I have to be like you
know what.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
the shirt looks nice, but I don't think it goes with
the with or those shoes.
So yeah, man, I don't know.
For me, I have to tone it down,can you, since you're a good
communicator, are you brutallyhonest to your person?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah, but it doesn't work.
I can see that shit happening.
I'm learning.
You can be the bestcommunicator, you know whatever,
but everybody's different.
You know you gotta communicate.
Same with love languages.
Like, if I love receiving giftsand somebody loves giving gifts
, you know it's different.
Like, for example, I like Ilike giving gifts, that's one of
(25:42):
my love language.
I don't care to receive gifts,yeah, so I like to communicate
in this way and not everybodylikes to communicate in that way
.
So you got to communicate theway that they want to
communicate, you know.
So one like one of the biggestthings I've learned in life is
everybody talks about the um,the golden rule treat others
like how you want to be treated,right yeah but I learned the
platinum rule is treat othershow they want to be treated.
(26:04):
Oh, that's different, because wewant to.
If I'm treating you like how Iwant to be like, but maybe you
don't want to be treated likehow I want to be treated because
maybe you like physical touchand I love quality time.
You know whatever it is, so it'sdifferent.
So you have to learn how tocommunicate in the way that they
communicate.
For example, like I can takecriticism, I can be, you know,
you can.
As guys, it's different too.
(26:24):
I talk about this even with mygirlfriend and like other people
.
It's like I can be like bro,you're an idiot, yeah.
Like why are you doing that?
Or like you know, that's that,what you're wearing is whack.
(26:46):
You know you can't say thatstuff, um, and not even just
like appearances, like if I'mjust being like yo what you,
what you're wearing is whack.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
you know you can't say that stuff, and not even
just like unphysical appearancesIf I'm just being like yo.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
what you did to me, like I didn't like that.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
I didn't like how you did that or you said that and
you can't say that.
You have to like be softer.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Oh, yeah, true, and.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I'm learning that because I'm very blunt, you know
, I'm super nice, so and and um,I don't.
I don't react emotionally, I'mvery like even keel and calm, so
but I can say something likelike oh, like what you did uh
annoyed me, whatever and yeahbut you gotta say it in a
certain way because, like itcomes to the point where it's
like she's explaining something,you're like.
(27:27):
I just said that, like oh, butyou didn't say it in this way.
Yeah, I think it's a tone inyour voice, right, I'm pretty
sure, I just said it exactly howyou said it, and it just comes
down to like trying to find thatsweet spot of communication.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Not that it works for you, but for your partner as
well.
So I think that's like thehardest part.
But guys cannot speak to girlsthe way they speak to guys.
Oh man bottom line.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
This is true.
Uh, I have a pretty foul mouthand then, especially being in
the military, you have to bestern, blunt and straight to the
point, opposed to, when I bringit home I have to, I guess,
give it to them in like littlespoons, like spoon feed them
info.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
What's it called?
Uh, something sandwich whereyou're like positive, positive
and negative.
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah,yeah, you gotta do that, oh my
goodness, we're gonna learn alot today we're gonna learn a
lot um your love language rightthroughout the years.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Has that changed from where, uh, for example, gift
giving right.
Has it changed to like you knowwhat I'm getting tired of?
You know gifts, I want physicaltouch now.
Or I want you know, I wantwords of affirmation?
Has it?
Has it ever changed throughoutyour I guess your ever since you
started like liking girls orstarted dating and everything
(28:46):
yeah, well, I wouldn't say itchanged in what I want, it
changed to whom I'm with.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
So okay, for example, like in a regular, we're just
talking about a relationship,not a non-romantic relationship
yeah yeah, you know.
But there's also, your course,like quality time, words of
affirmation, acts of servicethose are my tops okay, like
regardless of who I'm with, youknow so, if it just changes in a
relationship.
(29:11):
So quality time, acts ofservice, words of affirmation,
receiving gifts and physicaltouch though that's the ranking
of minds.
Physical touch is like at azero for me when it's not a
romantic that's crazy.
Yeah, I mean like I don't wantyou to touch me, like if you're
another I don't want you totouch me, like it's just how I
am.
But if you're my, I don't wantyou to touch me, it's just how I
am.
But if you're my partner, likeI want you to touch me.
So physical touch goes up.
(29:32):
So it just depends on what kindof relationship and like who it
is.
So I wouldn't say it's changed.
It just changes with the personI'm around.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Oh snap, I think I've been recently words of
affirmation.
For me it used to be physicaltouch, but then that went down
and then it used to be was itquality time?
That shit went down and I thinkit's because I've been working
(30:02):
so much and providing for thefamily.
The real top is words ofaffirmation.
A simple thank you would be,dude, that would take me over
the hill.
I'd be like man.
I feel appreciated, becauseafter going through therapy and
stuff and I'm still goingthrough therapy, I suggest all
guys do it.
I was one of those guys that waslike yo skip therapy, that's
just for girls.
I had this real man bias aboutit.
(30:26):
But after going I learned a lotabout myself.
So I'm more appreciative with,like, the thank yous and when
I'm hearing those from you know,from my kids, from my wife,
from other people, it's likedude, it makes you feel like
real good, opposed to likereceiving gifts, because gifts
is that's materialistic, thatmotherfucking, you know I'm
saying like that earring willrust, you know I'm saying, or
(30:48):
that video game, you'll beatthose levels, man, you, you
could get so much.
I mean, you could get so farwith you know a certain level.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So yeah, the words of affirmation is is super key
with me yeah, I think that's agood point too, and like,
different times of your life, uh, or with your partner, it
changes well, or sometimes youneed more physical touch,
sometimes you need more qualitytime, sometimes you need more,
you know, words of affirmationbecause, like I, there's been
times where I'm just like, yeah,I just, I need more gratitude
(31:14):
at this point yeah, yeahphysical touch because you know
it's been a busy week or, um,you know, at times where I just
like, I feel like I'm doing alot, yeah, and you know, and
it's it's in a relationship.
You shouldn't just like.
You know, I did all this, youdid all this, but what?
There's always going to betimes where you're doing more or
you're doing less, or she'sdoing more, but during the times
you're doing more, maybe that'sa time where this person needs
(31:36):
to realize that and be moregracious or show more gratitude,
whereas, say, it's a busiertime or you just had a long day,
and maybe that's the time whereyou need physical touch.
I think it's just kind ofreading your partner or even
communicating, because, like alot of us, we just don't
communicate what we're thinking.
This is true.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
We expect people to like to know like to be mind
readers, right?
Speaker 2 (31:57):
yeah like being passive and just sitting there
like kind of my energy is weird,and she's like okay, are you
wrong, are you just tired?
I'm just like, instead of mejust doing that, I could just
say like can I get a hug?
Can?
You just sit on me just doingthat I could just say can I get
a hug?
Can you just?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
sit on me.
That's good.
That's a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
We're so prideful that we don't want to do that
stuff.
Sometimes, even if I'm justwatching sports and I want to
watch sports, I don't reallywant to talk.
Can you just sit by me, just bein your presence?
I think that you can be on yourphone.
We don't got to talk.
But I think you know, justcommunicating those things are
like wants and needs.
That's like the hardest thing,because you think about life.
If we could just allcommunicate our wants and needs,
(32:36):
even, um, in dating, you know,just like I want a relationship,
I don't want a relationship,hey, I just want to have fun, I
don't want to have fun, like.
If we just communicated honestly, yeah, we would avoid so many
misunderstandings or cold feetor whatever it is, and that's
how I have been in the last fewyears.
I'm brutally honest in thatsense, where it's just like this
(32:56):
is what I'm looking for.
If that's not what you'relooking for, then it just
doesn't align.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Oh my God, the male ego is a sophisticated one.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah, I think pride gets the best of us.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I think you messaged me a couple couple years ago to
come on the podcast, right.
Yeah, oh yeah, and you weren'tright in the mental space, my
previous relationship becauseyou messaged me as I was about
to break up because I didn'twant kids.
So, like, we had a greatrelationship.
But I know how to be honest,like, hey, I don't think, you
know, you're going to want tostart a family soon.
I don't think I want to start afamily ever and if I do, I
(33:31):
can't promise in five years I'mgoing to change my mind.
So I had to, you know, make thehard decision to be like,
instead of being comfortable,like we had a very comfortable
relationship.
It was great If, instead ofjust dragging it on for my sake
because, like you know, Ienjoyed being in that
relationship I had to, you know,put everything on the side and
be like for her benefit.
I got to let her go because,you know, she got to go find
(33:54):
somebody else.
Yeah, and a lot of people Idon't think can do that, you
know, sometimes they, or eventhey, stay unhappy in a
relationship and they don'tcommunicate it, which leads to,
like, infidelity, which leads to, you know, people, you know,
just kind of growing distantbecause they don't communicate
what they really, really arefeeling.
They, they hide it because, Idon't know, their shame, maybe
their, their partner, doesn'tmake them feel comfortable to
(34:17):
you know, share that stuff.
So yeah, all these things thatI've just learned in being in
previous relationships and evenin my relationship, even though
I think, like I'm a greatrelationship person and I know
everything, I'm alwaysconstantly humbled and being
like, wow, this relationship isdifferent and I need to start at
square one.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Oh, dude, speak on.
So I heard.
Ok, speak on the fact that youknew, or it was time for you to
like let her go, right, how hardwas that?
And then, how long did it takeyou to like, how did the count
the from, you know, from, hey,yo, I'm not happy, or I think
(34:55):
you know you should do better,because I don't want what you
want.
How did that like, how did thatdynamic happen?
Because I know some people thatare in relationships right now.
They're just in it becausethey're so comfortable, right,
but they're afraid of likeletting go, like getting that
other person hurt.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
So how did you come up with, like, the courage to
you know, break it all off well,I think that was the hard part
in that one, because it imaginetrying to break up with somebody
when nothing's wrong, uh-huh,when, yeah, you love them and
like what is your because?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
we also have an out, you know you?
Speaker 2 (35:35):
you know you're you cheated on me.
You know you did this.
Or you're not giving me enoughtime, or yeah so there's always
like an excuse to why, or like,I'm leaving.
You know, I don't want to dolong distance, so in that
particular one there was reallyno out because we were in a
great relationship.
So it's like how do you breakup with somebody whom you love
and nothing's wrong?
(35:56):
Yeah, so that's why I made itso hard, because I was like we
were our lease was coming up onthe place that we were living at
and we needed to find a newplace and as we're finding a new
place.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
We're like talking about more future stuff.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You know, like you know in the, in the beginning,
you know you get together likeoh yeah, I want to have kids.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I want to be married by 30, whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
And then it gets to the time where you actually have
the conversation.
Yeah, you kind of just push itoff to the side and you're like
wait, like so, like we'regetting, we're in our 30s.
Yeah, like, do you want to havekids?
And I'm like, huh, I never gotto the point where I actually
like it was real, like oh wow,do I actually want to have kids.
I've seen all my friends havekids, my siblings have kids.
(36:37):
Like this looks terrible, youknow, yeah, stuff like that and
having kids is a blessing andit's great, but you know, for
everybody it's not for them.
So I really had to think aboutthat and be like, okay, like if
I stay in this relationship it'sgoing to be great.
You know, we're going to have agood time, life's going to be
(36:59):
good.
But I'm leading her on and I'vebeen in previous relationships
where I led somebody on and Idragged them on where I could
have just let them go and hadthem, you know, continue.
So I don't want to be that guyand even though that's the easy
thing to do, I had to make thehard decision to be like, hey,
like we'll talk about this, Idon't think I actually want kids
(37:21):
and you know it's a hardconversation.
Like okay, well, I think we haveto break up, like I don't
really see like how it's gonnaalign, like even if we stay
together for another two tothree years, like I can't
promise that I'm just gonna wantkids.
You know, even though, uh, Ichanged my mind and sometimes
it's like, you know I'm, I metmy new girlfriend and like I'm
(37:42):
still like pretty, pretty strongand like I'm okay if I don't
have kids, I came to theconclusion I'm okay if I don't
have kids, but if my girlfriendwants, then maybe, you know,
I'll consider it and like well,it could happen.
Um, but then you realize likeokay, so maybe there's like
layers to to other stuff thatyou don't realize until you're
out of the relationship, like,okay, maybe I didn't strongly
(38:05):
want kids, I maybe just didn'twant with her, which is which is
rough to hear, which issomething you can't tell them,
yeah, which I don't, I can't behonest with that one.
Yeah, yeah and not saying that'scompletely true, yeah, but
maybe that's, you know, youreflect on more things.
You know after, and becauseit's like, ok, I'm more open to
having it with the girl now, butI wasn't with that person.
(38:26):
And it comes down to age gapsand all that.
Yeah, there's a lot of factors,but then you realize, yeah, so
maybe it's just like not theright person for you, you know,
and they end up finding somebody.
You find somebody and it's likeit works out perfectly,
perfectly, and you know, oh,yeah, you end up, you know,
thinking like, wow, that was theright decision.
But in the moment it's so hardto do where you know people are
cowards and you know they dragthings on, they, you know they
(38:48):
cheat, they do whatever.
And, uh, that's just because wedon't know how to communicate
as adults again communicate.
Oh my gosh it's not easy, it's,it's oh, definitely, and it's
never gonna be easy, but it'sjust, it's.
It's always the right thing todo.
The truth is, you know isalways the way to go, but at
first it's gonna sting and it'sgonna hurt yeah um.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Were you afraid of the backlash of?
Oh yeah, what was gonna happen?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
I got so much crap from my family oh, really yeah I
got so much crap from my familybecause you know they all loved
her.
You know, yeah, and they'relike why would you because you
know they all loved her.
You know, yeah, and they'relike, why would you do this?
You know, da-da-da-da-da-da-da,and they even like starting to
date my new girlfriend.
I you know they're kind ofhesitant.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Are they comparing?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Not comparing, but just like oh, you're just going
to break another girl's heart,oh man Mind your business
working out and then they're,you know, they you put, you put
them in their place.
But um, you know, people like toget involved in your life and
especially relationships, arehard when family's involved and
oh fast, you know.
But I think I'm really maturewith relationships and I think
(39:51):
it comes down to seeing myparents divorced but still be
cool with each other.
Growing up, we have stepparents.
They're all cool with eachother, like both sets of um
parents can be at the samedinner table, be be at the same
event, and we're really cool.
So I think my relationship withexes have always been really
good.
I've always ended myrelationships very, very well,
like.
I'm like.
I still follow.
(40:11):
You know, we still follow eachother on Instagram.
Yeah, we're cool.
We don't talk or hang out, butwe're cool, you know cordial.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Exactly yes.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Like my, my ex, she's like best friends with one of
my girl best friends, you knowand I told her like after we
broke up, like hey, be friendswith her, you know, make sure
she's okay.
You know it's cool if you dothat, like even my sister she's
still friends with my ex, likethat's cool, like that's your
own relationship that hasnothing to do with me.
Definitely, and I don't think alot of people can do that stuff,
uh-huh.
But for me it's just like, whenI'm in a relationship, the
relationship is between me andyou, not with the past, not with
(40:45):
your past, not with your family, whatever it's just, at the end
of the day, it's between youand I.
That's why, you know, peopleget in trouble when they start
sharing their dramas and fightswith other people because, yes,
you know, people get involvedand they get invested and it's
like, okay, if I have a fightwith my girlfriend and we end up
resolving it, but I told allthe dramas and an unhappiness to
(41:07):
all my friends, my girlfriendand I resolved it, but they
don't know that yeah, they don'tknow that y'all resolved
exactly or even if I say it'sall good, they don't know the
steps that we took to get thereand that we're all good, yeah,
they're still.
they still have that, that, um,you know that notion of like
okay, this is all the thingsthat's going wrong she always
does this she always does this,but we've already moved past
(41:28):
that, but they haven't.
So that's the hard part ofgetting people involved in your
relationship.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Oh, my gosh, you ain't lying.
I love the fact that you put inthe maturing part of being cool
with your exes, because I'mstill cord, cordial and cool
with you know, my baby mama, thefirst born right uh, because we
, you know, we have a kidtogether and we broke up pretty
bad.
but as time, you know, grew, youknow you mature yeah you mature
(41:53):
, wounds healed, and then youknow I found, you know, I got my
wife now.
So it's it's cool because mywife they talk like my, my baby
mama.
So it's cool because my wifethey talk like my baby mama and
my wife they talk to each otherbecause of you know, because the
responsibilities, because I'mhere on the island, they're in
California, so of course shewould fly back and we would
always have, you know, I wouldlove to know the status of my
(42:16):
daughter, you know.
So I just think that it's coolthat you can be cordial with the
exes, especially after I don'tknow like after a breakup.
And then you say that thefamily, you know, your family
had it going for you because youguys broke up right and I guess
my family, they wasn't on myass, but they were still
(42:38):
communicating with man hername's Amanda, okay, were still
communicating with um, man hername's amanda, okay, um, they
were still communicating withamanda because you know, they
want to be a part of, you know,their grandchild's life.
So I thought, I thought that was, you know, pretty cool of them
because my friends, they stillspeak to her, because they want
to hang out with, you know, mydaughter I don't know if they
they still talk now because mydaughter has her own cell phone
(42:59):
and everything, but back in theday, when she didn't have a cell
phone or there's no way tocommunicate with her, they would
have to go through her.
And I think that it's cool howyou know my friends, like for
I'm not gonna lie to you likefor the first year and a half
they're like yo skip her, I'mgonna knock her boyfriend out,
this and the third.
And I was like dog, don't evenworry about it, let me handle
(43:20):
that shit, cause it's all thefriends, right, they try to come
in your shit, but it's justbetween me and her.
So I thought that was prettycool and pretty positive of you
know the outcome of everything,of how everyone is all cool now
because I'm cool with you.
Know, the guy that she cheatedon me with, like I'm cool
because I'm not gonna front,like while I was gone, like
doing my army thing thing.
(43:42):
He was the father figure, so Igot to give him his flowers too.
You feel me?
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Which.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I fucking hate, but I know I have to you feel me,
that's tough though Do stufflike that.
Hell yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Especially family, kids, even pets.
I don't have those added layersto it.
So in a sense it made it easier.
Where it's just like the onlything I had to worry about was
like the closeness of her to myfamily and our relationship.
But I tell people, at the endof the day, you're not the one
that has to feel these things,you're not the one who's going
through it.
(44:15):
We are Me and the partner, youknow, you and your ex-wife.
You're the only one that has tofeel the pain, that, the
happiness, the sadness, all ofthat they, they're, they, you
know, are adjacent pieces,pieces that's all.
But you know, you're, you'renot the one that had the the
super hard conversation and hadto deal with the loneliness and
(44:36):
like regret and doubt, like, didI make the right decision?
they don't gotta deal with thatstuff.
We have to deal with that stuff.
We have to deal with that stuff.
So at the end of the day, yougot to do what makes you happy
and what's best for you andnobody can say anything about it
.
And even though I support otherpeople friends and family
although I don't agree witheverything my friends and family
do you got to support thembecause it's their life and
(44:57):
their decision.
So I think the best thing wecan do is just support them and
whatever they they want to dohey, facts, piggyback,
piggybacking off your stuff.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Um, if the homies don't like your girl, is that a
deal breaker or is it stillbetween?
Like just you, and is it all upto you like if homies are like
saying amen, I'm seeing thesered flags.
It's like the, the pros and cons, the red and the green.
The red flags are like they'rekilling the green flags and like
(45:29):
family is putting their inputtoo.
Is it a deal breaker if theyhave, you know, they have these
things to say or like, even on apositive note hey man, this
girl is, this girl's the one foryou, and you're like I don't
know man, like man, like I'm notsaying yeah, like, is it a deal
breaker?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I've never been in that situation.
Speaker 1 (45:48):
Lucky you.
I've always been a good people.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
Like I've always been a good decision maker.
I choose like great people.
You know whether that's in arelationship or friendships.
Yeah, you know I've never hadlike really drama with friends
or you know, even relationships.
So I've always I feel like I'vealways been a good picker.
But I've had friends in thosesituations where we're like you
(46:11):
know, we talk, you know behindthe friend's back, like we don't
really like this person and youtry to tell the person, or
you're like, do we tell theperson?
You know that's a toughsituation.
Oh, it definitely is and mygirlfriend has friends like that
too, and it's us.
It's just always tough becauseyou don't want to hurt their
feelings but you don't.
I okay, I see this is like myfavorite comparison of
(46:32):
relationships.
Significant others is because I, I love sport.
I love sports.
I played sports all my life.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
I compare relationships to sports yeah,
you know, as a man should, as aman should go.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Raiders and saints, yeah, hell, yeah.
Um, you think about sports.
We have.
Sports have the most loyal fansever.
Facts loyalty is all about.
Is is like ingrained in sports,whether you're on the sports
team or you're just supporting asports team.
For example, my team is theSaints.
They're not the best team, butthey're my favorite team.
(47:05):
So, regardless if they winevery year, I'm going to support
them because I'm a true fan.
The best team Eagles, chiefs,bills back then the Patriots.
You don't always end up withthe best team.
You don't always end up withthe best person, but that's your
favorite person, that's thebest team.
You don't always end up withthe best person, but that that's
(47:25):
your favorite person.
That's the best person for you.
That's the best team for you.
So some people, although in oureyes, like why are you a
raiders fan?
Why are you a saints fan?
They suck, you know.
Yeah, you should be a chiefsfan, you should be an eagles fan
, because they are the best teamboy.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Let me tell you, man, I've been this close to jumping
ship several times.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
And that happens, just like in relationships.
You know you're like why am Istaying with the Raiders when
they never win every year?
But because you have that timeinvested, you had that loyalty.
Yeah, same with relationships,you know you're just like.
The beginning is hard, you know, because there's fair weather
fans there's, you know, becausethere's fair weather fans
there's, you know, fair weatherfriends.
(48:02):
You know we have a friend whois, uh, you know, a panthers fan
.
Panthers suck, suck, suck.
But you're, you're telling themwhy are you with the panthers?
They suck like you could do somuch better.
Was he a newton fan?
Speaker 1 (48:15):
no, no, no, I'm just using oh okay, I also say oh,
there's aren't good and there'saren't good, and they're a
division rival, so I'm just to Idon't want to hate on the
Raiders and you're like, okay,why are you with them?
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, but maybe they just love the Panthers, maybe
they there's something that theydo that just speaks to them,
that you know they relate to.
So you can't as much as we wantto think, we of the day they're
going to be a panthers fan,they're going to love their
boyfriend, they're going to lovetheir girlfriend because they
just love the panthers.
So, for example, you know Ilove the saints, that's my
(48:47):
favorite team.
I know they're not going to bethe best every year.
My girlfriend isn't going to bethe best every single day.
You know there's going to begreat seasons and there's going
to be bad seasons, but no matterwhat, I'm going to stick with
her because I'm loyal and thisis my favorite team, this is my
favorite person.
So I'm going to stick with themuntil then and I'm not going to
.
You know, change ships andthat's how I look at sports and
relationships bro, that's, thatcomparison is pretty good.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Like you actually broke it down to to to men,
because you know, man, we lovesports.
You broke it down to wherethere's a hot new team you want
to you know yeah, yeah, youbroke that shit down, dude, I
love that man he's fat.
Speaker 2 (49:22):
Now should I go see that new blonde, that new
brunette?
You know it's like, yeah, no,you just you watch from afar,
you appreciate the greatness,but you, you gotta, you gotta,
be happy with what you got andyou gotta, you know, know that
there's better seasons coming ohokay, we'll stick on sports
yeah so with brady right he take.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
He stayed with Patriots and then he went to the
Bucs.
What do you think of the peoplethat were diehard Patriots fans
becoming Bucs fans?
Is it because the favoriteplayer went.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Yeah, I mean being well, if we're Brady and we're
so, we're just the fans.
We're just the fans, yeah.
So, for example, if we're usingthis comparison, like, okay, we
had six great years or you know, so he had six rings with them.
I think yeah, um, and you'relike, wow those.
We had a great marriage, sixgreat kids, family mansion, we
(50:12):
had a beautiful relationship andeventually, maybe, you know,
you hit a midlife crisis.
You know, you, you're just likeI think I need something
different.
And that happens when peopleget divorced, you know.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
And in their 50s or however old they are, and they
find the new hot Bill Belichick.
He's dating a 20-year-old girl,you know, and sometimes you're
just like, well, that's just afun new shiny toy.
You go over there, it works out.
You get a ring, you put a ringon it.
Yeah, get a ring, you put aring on it.
(50:45):
Yeah, you put a ring on it.
Not, it doesn't always work,but it's tom brady, he's the
goat.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Yeah, whatever he does, it's gonna work out, but
that doesn't work out foreverybody.
Yeah, facts holy crap.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Sometimes you're just like you're always divorced,
divorced, divorced, divorce, youknow uh-huh you're just like
you.
You get a ring, you getdivorced.
You get a new ring, you getdivorced.
That's some quarterbacks likethat too, some players like that
too.
But yeah, because, because evenfranchises, it's a relationship
between the player and thefranchise.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
You ain't lying, yeah everything.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Everything's a relationship, every between me
and you, between me and mygirlfriend, between me and my
business partner, betweenanybody.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
It all comes down to relationships and communication
yeah then you can just look at,you can compare relationships to
anything oh, this is facts andbefore we dip out because time
is concluding, that shit went byfast, right?
I had a big, major breakup witha person in a close
relationship of mine.
It's my barber.
She moved to Las Vegas with herwife.
(51:38):
I've been with her since 2018.
Hey, the Raiders moved as well.
yeah, oh yeah, to oakland, oh mygod and, um, I'm pretty down
about it because, uh, like Isaid, I was with her since 2018
and my, my boys started going toher too, so she's been with the
boys since 2018.
She's getting passed around.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
Yeah, I know, oh fucking bread.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
Oh yeah, good thing she's lesbian, right, and but no
man's like who do I go?
Who do we go to now, as youknow, barber?
so now we're testing out thewaters you get to date again
yeah, I'm dating barbers yeah,but again I mean, since I go on
these, you know, militaryassignments where I'm gone for
like a month or two.
When I go to a barber overthere, like, say, on the
mainland louisiana or whatnot, Ifeel like I'm gone for like a
month or two.
When I go to a barber overthere, like, say, on the
(52:23):
mainland louisiana or whatnot, Ifeel like I'm cheating on my
barber.
You know what I'm saying yeah,I, I did that.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
I go to my barber and somebody gifted me a haircut
for christmas, so I went to,like the other lady, and I just
felt so weird right back.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Why is that between?
A man and his barber is sacreddude, it is right oh, that's one
relationship where I'm justlike I don't know it's, it's
funny.
Uh, my boys would say this it'slike we guys would would cheat
on their wives, cheat on theirgirl, cheat on their partner,
but would never cheat on theirbarber.
Yep, that's some funny ass shit.
(52:57):
Oh, dude, come on man, that wasfucking fun as hell dog um,
before we dip out and I hopeyour girl doesn't get mad um- no
, never this is gonna be a funnyone before we dip.
Uh, is there a cartoon?
Is there a cartoon characterthat you know you would do?
Speaker 2 (53:13):
uh, oh well, so we watch anime, we love anime oh,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay howwe first bonded was over anime.
Uh, it's a case in demon slayer, all of it.
There's one character, so forthe girls it's always Gojo
Satoru.
I don't know if you watch anime.
Speaker 1 (53:27):
No, who's that from?
Speaker 2 (53:29):
He's Jujutsu Kaisen.
He's like a silver hair guy.
Yeah, he's like very beautifulstud.
There's this one lady, uh, infire force, captain hibana,
uh-huh I think is the fire forthe fifth company.
Um, and that's like my, myanime crush.
All right, I just said that'smy gojo, that's your, that's
(53:49):
your go-to gojo hibana, captainhibana oh man, I had a picture
after.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
Oh yeah, please do, please do.
Um, I've had this discussionwith other people and I've
updated my list and my go-to.
Now you watch family guy yeahlois could get it like them, uh,
the gingers.
Hey man, what man she freaking?
I think she a freak.
Speaker 2 (54:13):
Get it dog I mean, she could get it peter.
Speaker 1 (54:17):
She gotta be hey man peter man that ffa and she
whipped man, come on, dog.
I know it's cartoons and shit,but man, hey, dog, that was fun.
Man, I do appreciate you comingon dog.
Hey, appreciate you, my guy.
Do you have any shout-outs oranything?
Or you know these people?
Where can they find you at?
Speaker 2 (54:32):
Just look up KamakaDS8 on Instagram.
Keep it aloha, that's all hey,that's what's up.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
A shout out to ko studios.
Thank you for a lovely home,raffy bite.
Thank you for the lovely vibes.
Speaker 2 (54:46):
Man with that, I'm chris I'm kamaka and we out this
bitch peace.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Welcome back to another episodeof the Relationship Method
Podcast.
It's your boy, chris.
Today I got a very specialguest I got he's a.
He's a what man?
How do I?
He's a jack of all trades.
You know what I'm saying?
He's the host of Keep it Aloha,pod.
You know what I'm saying?
He's the host of Keep it Aloha,pod.
You know what I'm saying?
(00:26):
I got this motherfucker KamakaDiaz on this bitch.
Yay, what's up, big dog.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
How's it how you doing, hey?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
man, I'm doing good, I'm doing good.
Bro, how was the traffic, orhow was you know, getting here?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well, it's the weekend weekend, so there's no
traffic, which I'm happy.
Yes, sir, I do hate traffic andI based my whole life and
schedule around traffic.
So in the during the weekdays Itry to get everything done in
the morning, hopefully be homeby, like you know, three before
three, so I don't gotta dealwith any traffic at all.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Bro, saturday, we're good no traffic hey, man, I feel
you on that because, uh, funnystory like, I got offered a job
in Diamond Head and you know,you and I was talking, so I'm
coming from Kapolei and forpeople that don't know, that's
on the west side and where'sDiamond Head?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Like south, it's yeah , more south shore.
More south so it's probablylike 40 minutes away.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, man, skip that noise, man, because the hours of
me working I'm going to bespending at least two to three
hours in traffic.
So I made the decision of nottaking that job because, man,
you can't take town back frombeing in traffic.
And then I'm coming from Caliand I used to live in Las Vegas
and that traffic is bad, so I'mjust like man, skip that noise.
(01:48):
Man especially know the hawaiiaccidents be happening.
Boy, that's a standstill.
I hate that shit.
Have you ever been in anaccident like that where you're
just like damn, how the fuck amI in this three hour traffic
right now?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
uh, luckily not.
Oh really, yeah, yeah, I'vebeen pretty lucky dog.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Um well, I'm from.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm from the big island, from hilo, so yeah you
know, half my life was on thebig island.
We don't really have trafficlike that, you know is that real
?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
yeah, dang you lucky dog yeah it's more country over
there.
Oh bro, can you tell the peoplelike what's the difference
between like country?
And you know people that arecoming into hawaii.
Uh, all they see is waikiki andall that shit, but on the
outskirts of it it's kind oflike, I guess, country folk too,
what like what's the differencebetween?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
I explain like this country with a c and this
country with a k.
Oh shit, there's a country youknow and certain places like
even like you say, kapolei iswest side, like some people
would say, that's not even westside.
Like you know, did people sayuntil you're like in waianae, or
like in wakaha, like area, yeah, like that's true west side?
oh, once you pass like a certaincertain spot.
Um, so you know there's all thethe geographical locations here
(02:54):
on the island.
Yeah, yeah, you know, argueabout, but, um, uh, for wait,
what was the question I got?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
oh uh, the difference between, uh, damn, you got oh
country country and like I guess, yeah, yeah, somewhat city life
in.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, so I mean you see buildings anywhere, tall
buildings.
That's not the country I mean.
Hawaii, for the most part, is,you know, pretty, um, I wouldn't
say rural, but it's definitelynot like the typical city.
You go to New York or you knowyou go to Hollywood or whatever.
Um, there's parts of it,there's like little pockets like
(03:29):
Waikiki would be like the TimesSquare of Hawaii, you know oh,
I could see that yeah and then.
But then you go out and thenthere's, like you know, there's
a lot more mountains and smallerhouses, you don't see as many
condos and high rises, but Iwould say, like from anywhere,
from probably like chinatown, tolike alamuana would be like the
central, where there's likethat city and like high rises,
(03:52):
and then you got like aia, saltlake, mona, lua area.
That's also kind of likecentral okay.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
and then, um, I've overheard people speak and they
say what, why not Waimanawa, notWaimanawa?
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Waimanawa's country.
Waimanawa's country, yeah,that's God's country.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Oh God and no offense man.
But the rich white people,where are they?
Is that?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Kailua People say Kailua Ho'ikai Kahala.
Those are like the rich placesyou know.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
All right, so you've been on this island for like a
cool minute now.
You know all right, so you'vebeen on this island for like a
cool minute now.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Like what makes it so like a bougie type, um, I I
think it depends on the personbecause like, okay and and not,
you know, we we put everythingon there, an umbrella, you know,
like hawaii kai, all the richpeople, private school kids,
whatever, but there's a lot oflike old school families, like,
for example, like my family, mygrandma got a house in hawaii
kai in the 70s, um, so she, shewas one of the like the og
(04:46):
families there and there's a lotof families that, um, because
my dad's a kaiser grad, um, sohe was, he went to school over
there and there's a lot offamilies from when he was going
to school to have kids around myage and it's just like normal
houses.
You know nothing fancy.
You go up to like, uh, kalamavalley and then you see all like
the real big three-storymansions and stuff, but there's
(05:07):
just normal houses here andthere.
So every area, althoughcollectively it would be like a
nicer bougie place, there'sstill, like you know, pretty
rooted, just regular houses,regular people.
So I would say it just dependson the families, because, you
know, there's a lot of familieswho are just like very, very
(05:28):
simple, you know oh, I feel thatthere's some families who are
like super bougie and they likedefining things in life, so some
areas would have more of that,some areas will have less, but
it still just comes down to youknow um, is it true with like
the sections of hawaii?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
you know, know, there's like I don't want to say
gangs, but it's more like I'veoverheard a person from the west
side Was like, hey man, wedon't fuck with people From like
the east.
Or you know, like how Kalihi,they don't fuck with like Eva
Beach, or what not.
Is that shit true, or is thatjust like?
I think it's who you talk to.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
It's what bubble you're in.
You know.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I would say you know locals, any locals will support
locals.
Real locals will support reallocals.
You know Hawaiian people willsupport Hawaiian people,
regardless if you're in the east, west, north, south.
I would say you know,collectively we're Ohana and we
always respect each other.
And as long as you, if I'm sayI was born in Honolulu, I'm a
city boy, I go out to Y&I, youknow, all the way on the west
(06:28):
side and I just come withrespect.
You know.
How's it uncle, how's it auntie?
You know.
Yeah, definitely beingrespectful to everybody, then
I'm cool, you know, and you comewith attitude, you know you
come with entitlement, thenyou're gonna have problems.
So it doesn't really for me atleast, it doesn't come down to
your geographical location, butlike who you are and like the
(06:48):
respect that you show to people,even if you're not even from
hawaii, you know.
Yeah, because you don't gottahave hawaiian blood, you, you
know you don't gotta grow upwith aloha, but as long as you
show aloha, you respect thepeople, you respect the land,
then you'll be fine oh, you knowwhat that's.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
That's super true, because when I got here I was
just super quiet because Ididn't know any better, until I
started hanging out with thelocal uncles when I played
basketball and I'm like, oh shit, these motherfuckers, they're
just an older version of me.
So I thought that was prettycool when I first landed on the
island and then during briefs inthe military, they always tell
(07:22):
us not to go through Kalihi.
During briefs in the military,they always tell us not to go
through Kalihi.
Is there a reason why we don'tgo through Kalihi or is it just
a stereotype, an islandstereotype?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
So I just had a guest who was born in Kalihi and he
was talking about KPT Camp 4housing.
So that would be kind of likethe, I guess if we're comparing
it to.
California, like the ghettos orthe projects Hell yeah, I'm
going, yeah, yeah, but of coursethere's always, you know,
exceptions to the rule and thereare families that or people
that come from there and youknow make it out or like they're
great people, and I think overthere it's just what he was
(08:00):
saying.
You know a lot of young kidshad kids.
So I think you know a lot ofyoung kids had kids.
So I think you know the thediscipline and the respect
aspect might, may have been lostin a generation which made it
pretty bad, where people getinto a lot of trouble and stuff
like that, but that is viewed aslike one of the rougher places.
You know, like, yeah, kptcamphor housing would be like,
if you're like confident,whatever, yeah oh, you know what
(08:22):
I'm fitting to make a fieldtrip out there.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Uh, pray for me, yeah , you're filipino.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
You're good, just ask .
Just walk around with abasketball.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
You shoot some threes with other filipinos man,
hopefully, if I don't, you know,I'll be shooting threes.
They won't be shooting me.
You know what I'm saying.
You feel?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
me only here to shoot basketball guys.
Yeah right, come on man peace.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Hey, speaking about these bad kids, right, um, and
uh, you know, kids, raising kids, or like these, I mean I still
call them kids like 15, 16 yearold, like popping out babies and
shit, um, the dynamic of havingan old school grandma opposed
to, you know, a 30 year oldgrandma, and shit, um, yeah,
(09:01):
these kids are bad.
Well, okay, I can't speak forall of them, no disrespect.
But, respectfully, a lot ofthese kids are bad because I go
to, um, you know, my, my littleones go to an elementary school
and I'd be hearing what thestuff is coming out of their
mouths.
I'm like, oh, my gosh, and my,my kids are, like, they're still
innocent, like myeight-year-old.
He still thinks he's a dinosaur, you know, and I let you know,
(09:24):
I let him, you know, I'm sayingI let him, I let that
imagination never lose yourdinosaur, exactly right.
So, yeah, man, like, why do youthink you know these kids are
being raised the way?
You know they're coming up theway they are?
Speaker 2 (09:37):
well, I mean, it all goes back to the childhood of,
you know, your family, yeah,your parents, your grandparents,
and all of that because itbecomes a generational thing.
Yeah, you know, if nobodychanges that cycle or breaks the
cycle, then it just continueson.
You know, and that goes withlike generational trauma, you
(10:00):
know, for, like Hawaiians, forany other ethnicity and, you
know, group, social group outthere.
So I think it's just comes downto the family and like having
good influences around them.
You know, yeah, it's the samething even as you grow up as an
adult.
You know you hang out with fivebillionaires.
Um, you know, for a long enoughtime you become the sixth one.
You know, yeah, you hang outwith a bunch of bad kids.
You know you're probably goingto be a bad kid.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
That's true, that's all it is you can't fly like an
eagle if you're hanging out withturkeys, exactly yeah you're
just gonna end up on the table,uh right, oh man, you ain't
lying dude.
The only reason why I broughtthat up is because, um, my boy
had an incident at school wherehe was getting bullied and then,
once the teacher told me aboutit, I was like yo, who are these
(10:38):
kids?
I'm not gonna put hands on them.
I wish I motherfucking would,though I wish I could show me
their parents yeah, right, but Iwas.
But I was like, oh man, I toldmy wife I was going to tell her,
I was like yo, I'm going toroast the fuck out of these kids
and their parents.
And then they're like oh no,don't do that.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Because you know I got a pretty smart mouth.
You know they had like yo yomama.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Yeah, yeah, I had those I had those comebacks,
your mama.
So, yeah, you're all dude I was.
I was so heated when I got theword I was fitting to like tell
my boss like hey, man, I gottahandle some shit.
And then, yeah, but luckily forme I didn't, you know, stoop
that low, but I really wanted to, you know, and yeah, I mean
(11:29):
shit bullying out here, becausemy 18-year-old, when he went to
high school, he got bullied andI'm like dude, like why you feel
me?
Maybe it's like his haircut orwhatever.
But now, because back in theday, I don't know, I guess
bullying is, I guess it wasn't.
Because back in the day, Idon't know, I guess bullying is,
uh, I guess it wasn't.
Because back in the day theydidn't have social media right,
(11:49):
so it wasn't shown.
So now everything's out in thelight and I think it's.
I think it's messed up howpeople won't help.
They just rather be posting it.
Why the fuck is that like?
Why?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
why do you think you know the cloud chasing is so
like up there for kids and shitwell, I I think, when it comes
down to role models and maybetheir role models are the ones
holding the the cell phones- orthe ipads or on top of the, you
know, just watching tv, whatever.
So I think, where we live in adigital age where it's like so
(12:21):
normalized to just, you know, bedoing this instead of just
enjoying the concert, enjoyingsomething, or being present, and
you see somebody, um, that'sstruggling and you're like you'd
rather do this than do this,you know, and, yeah, offer help.
So I think I don't think it'smore than it's ever been.
I think it's just more coveragethan it's ever been.
You know, because you know,growing up we, you know we had
(12:43):
bullies, or you know friendsthat would be rough or
aggressive or tease us.
We tease each other and that'skind of normal, you know, that's
just how it is.
Um, and then, of course,there's like extreme situations
where it's actually bullying,actually like affecting some,
some people, but, um, it's justdifferent now that everybody's
recording it and posting it, youknow.
So I I don't think that it'slike anything extremely crazier
(13:08):
than how it was when we weregrowing up.
It's just people.
We see it more now because ofsocial media oh yeah, man,
social media is a motherfuckerman.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I'll tell you that right now.
Um dude, I lost my train offucking thought oh good, you
went to any other.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
It's okay, it's on board.
To another one.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
oh uh, living in the moment, right, I tell my wife
this because she is constantlyon her phone, right, and she
would ask me like oh, why aren'tyou on your phone, why aren't
you posting?
You know, these.
Like I'm on my phone when, like, say, at a kid's performance or
something like I, you know,think that might happen, that
might be dope.
(13:44):
But like I, you know, thinkthat might happen, that might be
dope.
But like you, like I loveliving in the moment.
I love watching, like myphone's down, I love watching
you know shit.
Like it's cool, like to havepictures and stuff.
Because you know, we get old,we're going to lose some of
those memories.
So it's always good to lookback.
But living in the moment, Ithink it's very important,
especially with how everything'srapidly growing, rapidly going
(14:06):
so fast.
But yeah, living in the moment,man.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Yeah, and even you know, because this is a
relationship podcast, it'ssomething that's common Like, if
you think back to like thebeginning of a relationship or
even friends, whatever it is, abusiness partner in the
beginning you super present, youknow, like yeah go to dinner,
you don't even touch your phone.
You know four hours pass, youdidn't even look at your phone
once.
Now you wait somebody for ayear.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It's just like bro, I hate that stuff, I hate it it
happened and it's real, it'sjust it.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
It comes down to your like comfort, a bit of um
comfortability level yeah whereit's, like you know, sometimes
like I gotta be on my phone tolike post stuff or like respond
to somebody in front of mygirlfriend, and I don't like
being on my phone in front ofpeople, but sometimes it happens
yeah once you get a little bitcomfortable you can be like hey,
sorry, I gotta do this yeah inthe beginning you're just like
don't touch it at all yeah,right is that?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
uh, it happens.
Yeah, you pulling out thatphone on a first date or
whatever will cock block youfrom the booty, you know.
Because going out now I seepeople just taking pictures of
what they're eating.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I'm like come on, man .
Speaker 1 (15:17):
That's the same steak we had a month ago.
That's the same Big Mac, youknow.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
I don't mind a click and then just put it on the side
you know how?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
about the video?
Like the video it's fine.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
It depends if it's business too early like you're
oh yeah, true, a lot of times II post food or the stuff I'm
doing.
It's like I'm supporting alocal business or a friend's
business, or I'm an ambassadorfor one of them, so I'm posting
to support them.
So that's kind of like my way.
It's more business minded.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Where you know.
But even if you're, I guess, afoodie, you just want to take
the picture.
But I would say, just you know,take it and just enjoy it after
you know.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, enjoy the company and shit.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, do everything it depends, it depends yeah
no-transcript.
I'm a good conversationalist.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Uh-huh.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
So I don't think I've ever experienced that I, you
know, I haven't like dated a lotin my adulthood, like I, I
probably didn't really dateuntil I was, like you know,
mid-20s.
Yeah, so I never really hadthat problem.
Or even in business, I thinkI've I've learned over life just
(16:39):
to, like you know, be a goodconversationalist, and I don't
know how familiar you are withthe, with the stereotypes of all
the ethnicities here.
You know portuguese we talk alot.
Yeah, so I think you know I'm30 portuguese, a lot.
Yeah, so I think you know I'm30% Portuguese, so I have the
gift of talking.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Ain't no problem with that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
I feel like I never really had a problem with the
conversation going dry.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I mean, I'm a podcast host too, so I'm supposed to
have the conversation so youknow, sometimes I got to talk
more, sometimes I can talk less.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I can be a better listener.
I can talk less, I can be abetter listener, I can be a
better talker.
It just depends on thesituation you just got to adapt.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah, when you said Portuguese right, I had one of
my buddies tell me that, oh yeah, me and him.
We're Portuguese, and so I waslike for real Dog.
I thought you were Mexican.
Never knew you were Portuguesethat look and I was like what do
you mean?
I'm Portuguese.
I'm like no, didn't you justsay you're Portuguese?
(17:35):
He's like no Portuguese.
And I'm like the fuck is that?
And he broke it down what itwas and I was like, oh, so
you're telling me, for the pasttwo months I thought you were
Portuguese.
You know, what I'm saying.
I felt fucking stupid as hell.
Same same, but different.
Yeah, so it's ah, man, that'sfunny.
So you say, um, you could, um,you could talk.
(17:56):
How do you know if a person islike dull, or like when they
start, when they stop talking,what are the cues for you know,
for you, uh, it's like, oh shit,I think I might have to shut up
.
Or this person is he or she'skind of boring to be around I
think just body language bodylanguage.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, you know having a high eq, you can really like
feel the energy of somebodyuh-huh you know, if like like,
for example, you know, walkingin over here just meeting you,
you have really good energy.
You know, really welcoming notnot a lot of people like that,
but some people are a little bitmore reclusive or they're just
not as outgoing, so you kind ofgot to like draw it out of them
yeah but then there's somepeople who are just you can tell
(18:38):
they're not interested.
Um, and I think that's just fromtime and experience, you know,
you just have to meet enoughpeople to know like I've met so
many people in life and saw, youknow, been in so many different
situations here abroad,wherever's that, I know like,
okay, this person is like thiskind of person and I know
they're not going to be astalkative, they're a little bit
(19:00):
more standoffish, they're alittle bit more, you know,
outgoing.
So for me it's, it's alwaysjust like it's a, it's a video
game.
You know, you, you gainexperience throughout life and
you use that experience and youput it into everything that
you're doing and you know youface this boss.
You know we're on an adventurewith this person.
So now you can like use that tocompare with everything, to
(19:23):
know, like to get, like these,better judgments of people and
like what to do in a certainsituation.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Oh, I like how you broke that shit down.
I was like freaking step one,step two, column A, column B, go
back to step three.
That's how it is, man, I likethat stuff, dog.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
So we went on these tangents right Before we get
going with these questions, dog,how did I get the yes from you
to come on?
You know, this little one, thislittle podcast.
Well, I, I mean, I, I I lovesupporting people and you know,
I, I feel like it's, it's alwaysan honor when somebody asks you
to, you know, be on their showor, you know, take part in their
creative endeavor.
So, you know, I, I have been ina situation where I just
(20:04):
started and I and you're doingthis for a long time, but this
is just an example.
You know where you just startand you need people to support
you.
You need some people to say yesand you know, sometimes you say
no or you don't get a responseback.
So I know what it's like to beon the other end.
So you know, as much aspossible, I'd like to, you know,
be the person that you knowwould say yes and support others
in their journeys as well.
(20:25):
So yeah, and well, so yeah.
And this um also, I saw you inthe creator group that I'm in.
So, you know, I feel likethat's a little like, you know,
a side ohana kind of thing.
Yeah, I feel like I, you know,it's my kuleana responsibility
to be part of that and, you know, try to help out when I can.
Uh, and yeah, I think this is a.
This is a cool podcast.
You know I have a lot ofpodcasts I've been on.
(20:47):
Was just like you just talkabout your life yeah um, so yeah
, I haven't been on one where Ijust talk about relationships,
and although we're not justtalking about relationships, we
talk about anything yeah, we goon these motherfucking tangents.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, yeah yeah, um.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, I felt, I felt like it would.
It would be fun just to youknow, share a different side of
me and share you know um.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Learn more about youtube because I see some of
the clips, because it'scollaborated with the the hoey
creators yeah, so yeah, I just Ithought I'd be interested and
you seem like a cool guy dog man, I do appreciate you coming on,
man, I really do, man, andthank you again.
I always get you thesequestions, boy.
Um.
So first one is um, you, kamakadude, how do you give like your
(21:28):
other half space, like, what isyour way of giving your woman
space?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I send in a rocket ship and I tell Elon press
launch.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Hell yeah, don't come back.
Man fuck that shit man.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Let's see.
Well, so she's a model, so shehas to go on trips and stuff.
She has to do jobs.
Sometimes it's not always onIreland, it's in LA or somewhere
else.
So I got to support her indoing that.
So I guess that's one way wherewe get our space, or sometimes
she just wants to hang out withher friends and she has a GBF,
(22:04):
you know gay best friend and thedynamics of that is always
different.
Gbfs are very needy and youknow they always got this is
true, they always got dramagoing on.
So you know you always gotta,you know, talk on the phone for
an hour, two hours, or, you know, go like I gotta go hang out
with you know this person andhelp them with whatever's, or
did they just vibe on the beat?
(22:24):
You know that's their, that'stheir thing.
So you know, my, my alone time,my space is just watching
sports, so I'm just like when Iwatch too much, you go do
whatever you want yeah, I'mgonna be focused over here, you
know yeahand um, I think the the tricky
part for us, like having spacein our normal everyday life is
fine, um, as long as it'scommunicated.
You know, like I'm gonna dothis, I'm gonna do this,
(22:46):
especially if it's work like yougotta do it, yeah, for for
arguments and fighting, that'salways a little different.
It's like giving somebody spaceand knowing when to give it or
knowing when to ask for it aswell.
So I think you know it's justsomething that you have to
communicate and you have toaccept.
If, like, for example, like ifsomething happens, I like to
(23:07):
talk about it immediately.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
For her.
She likes to ruminate on it and, you know, take some time to
think about it and come back toit.
But I don't like to sit and Ijust like to, like you know, do
it quick.
I'm a quick guy, just like yeahdo something I don't.
I don't want to wait, just getit done.
So I think that's always thetricky part about like having
there's layers, you know,because when you ask me that
question I think about all thedifferent times where somebody
(23:29):
would need space, you know yeah,I think, as guys, we are quick
because we're we're fixers, so Ithink we're quick to fix things
right then.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
And there, as for women and some type of guy, some
types of guys too they need tolike, dwell and think you know,
am I, am I in the wrong?
99 of the time they're likefuck that shit, I'm in the right
.
You know% of the time they'relike fuck that shit, I'm in the
right.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
No, no, but that's the thing Never right.
When you're right, you're wrong.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Right, exactly.
So like the fact that you saidthat, so I'm going to assume
that you're, like, a real goodcommunicator when it comes to
the relationship.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
yeah, yeah, I would like to believe that.
I think I've learned a lot inevery relationship that I've
been in to get to the pointwhere I'm at right now, where I
feel like I'm a really goodpartner, and that's the thing I
think that helped me in life isI never really focused on dating
or relationships.
I've always just focused onmyself.
That's good.
Being the best person I can beso that I could be the best
(24:28):
person for somebody else.
So every step of you know, adifferent relationship taught me
like, okay, this one, I got tocommunicate more.
Or this one, oh, I got to bemore honest.
Oh, this one I got to.
You know X, y and Z, so everyrelationship was a great lesson
to lead me to where I'm at now.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Can you be brutally honest in a relationship to lead
me to where I'm at now?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
can you be brutally honest in a relationship like
for me, I, I have to, and I haveto tone it down at least three
levels for my, for for my wife,yeah, I can't be like yeah oh
yeah, that's an ugly ass shirtbut then I have to be like you
know what.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
the shirt looks nice, but I don't think it goes with
the with or those shoes.
So yeah, man, I don't know.
For me, I have to tone it down,can you, since you're a good
communicator, are you brutallyhonest to your person?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah, but it doesn't work.
I can see that shit happening.
I'm learning.
You can be the bestcommunicator, you know whatever,
but everybody's different.
You know you gotta communicate.
Same with love languages.
Like, if I love receiving giftsand somebody loves giving gifts
, you know it's different.
Like, for example, I like Ilike giving gifts, that's one of
(25:42):
my love language.
I don't care to receive gifts,yeah, so I like to communicate
in this way and not everybodylikes to communicate in that way
.
So you got to communicate theway that they want to
communicate, you know.
So one like one of the biggestthings I've learned in life is
everybody talks about the um,the golden rule treat others
like how you want to be treated,right yeah but I learned the
platinum rule is treat othershow they want to be treated.
(26:04):
Oh, that's different, because wewant to.
If I'm treating you like how Iwant to be like, but maybe you
don't want to be treated likehow I want to be treated because
maybe you like physical touchand I love quality time.
You know whatever it is, so it'sdifferent.
So you have to learn how tocommunicate in the way that they
communicate.
For example, like I can takecriticism, I can be, you know,
you can.
As guys, it's different too.
(26:24):
I talk about this even with mygirlfriend and like other people
.
It's like I can be like bro,you're an idiot, yeah.
Like why are you doing that?
Or like you know, that's that,what you're wearing is whack.
(26:46):
You know you can't say thatstuff, um, and not even just
like appearances, like if I'mjust being like yo what you,
what you're wearing is whack.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
you know you can't say that stuff, and not even
just like unphysical appearancesIf I'm just being like yo.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
what you did to me, like I didn't like that.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
I didn't like how you did that or you said that and
you can't say that.
You have to like be softer.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Oh, yeah, true, and.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I'm learning that because I'm very blunt, you know
, I'm super nice, so and and um,I don't.
I don't react emotionally, I'mvery like even keel and calm, so
but I can say something likelike oh, like what you did uh
annoyed me, whatever and yeahbut you gotta say it in a
certain way because, like itcomes to the point where it's
like she's explaining something,you're like.
(27:27):
I just said that, like oh, butyou didn't say it in this way.
Yeah, I think it's a tone inyour voice, right, I'm pretty
sure, I just said it exactly howyou said it, and it just comes
down to like trying to find thatsweet spot of communication.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Not that it works for you, but for your partner as
well.
So I think that's like thehardest part.
But guys cannot speak to girlsthe way they speak to guys.
Oh man bottom line.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
This is true.
Uh, I have a pretty foul mouthand then, especially being in
the military, you have to bestern, blunt and straight to the
point, opposed to, when I bringit home I have to, I guess,
give it to them in like littlespoons, like spoon feed them
info.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
What's it called?
Uh, something sandwich whereyou're like positive, positive
and negative.
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah,yeah, you gotta do that, oh my
goodness, we're gonna learn alot today we're gonna learn a
lot um your love language rightthroughout the years.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Has that changed from where, uh, for example, gift
giving right.
Has it changed to like you knowwhat I'm getting tired of?
You know gifts, I want physicaltouch now.
Or I want you know, I wantwords of affirmation?
Has it?
Has it ever changed throughoutyour I guess your ever since you
started like liking girls orstarted dating and everything
(28:46):
yeah, well, I wouldn't say itchanged in what I want, it
changed to whom I'm with.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
So okay, for example, like in a regular, we're just
talking about a relationship,not a non-romantic relationship
yeah yeah, you know.
But there's also, your course,like quality time, words of
affirmation, acts of servicethose are my tops okay, like
regardless of who I'm with, youknow so, if it just changes in a
relationship.
(29:11):
So quality time, acts ofservice, words of affirmation,
receiving gifts and physicaltouch though that's the ranking
of minds.
Physical touch is like at azero for me when it's not a
romantic that's crazy.
Yeah, I mean like I don't wantyou to touch me, like if you're
another I don't want you totouch me, like it's just how I
am.
But if you're my, I don't wantyou to touch me, it's just how I
am.
But if you're my partner, likeI want you to touch me.
So physical touch goes up.
(29:32):
So it just depends on what kindof relationship and like who it
is.
So I wouldn't say it's changed.
It just changes with the personI'm around.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Oh snap, I think I've been recently words of
affirmation.
For me it used to be physicaltouch, but then that went down
and then it used to be was itquality time?
That shit went down and I thinkit's because I've been working
(30:02):
so much and providing for thefamily.
The real top is words ofaffirmation.
A simple thank you would be,dude, that would take me over
the hill.
I'd be like man.
I feel appreciated, becauseafter going through therapy and
stuff and I'm still goingthrough therapy, I suggest all
guys do it.
I was one of those guys that waslike yo skip therapy, that's
just for girls.
I had this real man bias aboutit.
(30:26):
But after going I learned a lotabout myself.
So I'm more appreciative with,like, the thank yous and when
I'm hearing those from you know,from my kids, from my wife,
from other people, it's likedude, it makes you feel like
real good, opposed to likereceiving gifts, because gifts
is that's materialistic, thatmotherfucking, you know I'm
saying like that earring willrust, you know I'm saying, or
(30:48):
that video game, you'll beatthose levels, man, you, you
could get so much.
I mean, you could get so farwith you know a certain level.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So yeah, the words of affirmation is is super key
with me yeah, I think that's agood point too, and like,
different times of your life, uh, or with your partner, it
changes well, or sometimes youneed more physical touch,
sometimes you need more qualitytime, sometimes you need more,
you know, words of affirmationbecause, like I, there's been
times where I'm just like, yeah,I just, I need more gratitude
(31:14):
at this point yeah, yeahphysical touch because you know
it's been a busy week or, um,you know, at times where I just
like, I feel like I'm doing alot, yeah, and you know, and
it's it's in a relationship.
You shouldn't just like.
You know, I did all this, youdid all this, but what?
There's always going to betimes where you're doing more or
you're doing less, or she'sdoing more, but during the times
you're doing more, maybe that'sa time where this person needs
(31:36):
to realize that and be moregracious or show more gratitude,
whereas, say, it's a busiertime or you just had a long day,
and maybe that's the time whereyou need physical touch.
I think it's just kind ofreading your partner or even
communicating, because, like alot of us, we just don't
communicate what we're thinking.
This is true.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
We expect people to like to know like to be mind
readers, right?
Speaker 2 (31:57):
yeah like being passive and just sitting there
like kind of my energy is weird,and she's like okay, are you
wrong, are you just tired?
I'm just like, instead of mejust doing that, I could just
say like can I get a hug?
Can?
You just sit on me just doingthat I could just say can I get
a hug?
Can you just?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
sit on me.
That's good.
That's a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
We're so prideful that we don't want to do that
stuff.
Sometimes, even if I'm justwatching sports and I want to
watch sports, I don't reallywant to talk.
Can you just sit by me, just bein your presence?
I think that you can be on yourphone.
We don't got to talk.
But I think you know, justcommunicating those things are
like wants and needs.
That's like the hardest thing,because you think about life.
If we could just allcommunicate our wants and needs,
(32:36):
even, um, in dating, you know,just like I want a relationship,
I don't want a relationship,hey, I just want to have fun, I
don't want to have fun, like.
If we just communicated honestly, yeah, we would avoid so many
misunderstandings or cold feetor whatever it is, and that's
how I have been in the last fewyears.
I'm brutally honest in thatsense, where it's just like this
(32:56):
is what I'm looking for.
If that's not what you'relooking for, then it just
doesn't align.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Oh my God, the male ego is a sophisticated one.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah, I think pride gets the best of us.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I think you messaged me a couple couple years ago to
come on the podcast, right.
Yeah, oh yeah, and you weren'tright in the mental space, my
previous relationship becauseyou messaged me as I was about
to break up because I didn'twant kids.
So, like, we had a greatrelationship.
But I know how to be honest,like, hey, I don't think, you
know, you're going to want tostart a family soon.
I don't think I want to start afamily ever and if I do, I
(33:31):
can't promise in five years I'mgoing to change my mind.
So I had to, you know, make thehard decision to be like,
instead of being comfortable,like we had a very comfortable
relationship.
It was great If, instead ofjust dragging it on for my sake
because, like you know, Ienjoyed being in that
relationship I had to, you know,put everything on the side and
be like for her benefit.
I got to let her go because,you know, she got to go find
(33:54):
somebody else.
Yeah, and a lot of people Idon't think can do that, you
know, sometimes they, or eventhey, stay unhappy in a
relationship and they don'tcommunicate it, which leads to,
like, infidelity, which leads to, you know, people, you know,
just kind of growing distantbecause they don't communicate
what they really, really arefeeling.
They, they hide it because, Idon't know, their shame, maybe
their, their partner, doesn'tmake them feel comfortable to
(34:17):
you know, share that stuff.
So yeah, all these things thatI've just learned in being in
previous relationships and evenin my relationship, even though
I think, like I'm a greatrelationship person and I know
everything, I'm alwaysconstantly humbled and being
like, wow, this relationship isdifferent and I need to start at
square one.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Oh, dude, speak on.
So I heard.
Ok, speak on the fact that youknew, or it was time for you to
like let her go, right, how hardwas that?
And then, how long did it takeyou to like, how did the count
the from, you know, from, hey,yo, I'm not happy, or I think
(34:55):
you know you should do better,because I don't want what you
want.
How did that like, how did thatdynamic happen?
Because I know some people thatare in relationships right now.
They're just in it becausethey're so comfortable, right,
but they're afraid of likeletting go, like getting that
other person hurt.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
So how did you come up with, like, the courage to
you know, break it all off well,I think that was the hard part
in that one, because it imaginetrying to break up with somebody
when nothing's wrong, uh-huh,when, yeah, you love them and
like what is your because?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
we also have an out, you know you?
Speaker 2 (35:35):
you know you're you cheated on me.
You know you did this.
Or you're not giving me enoughtime, or yeah so there's always
like an excuse to why, or like,I'm leaving.
You know, I don't want to dolong distance, so in that
particular one there was reallyno out because we were in a
great relationship.
So it's like how do you breakup with somebody whom you love
and nothing's wrong?
(35:56):
Yeah, so that's why I made itso hard, because I was like we
were our lease was coming up onthe place that we were living at
and we needed to find a newplace and as we're finding a new
place.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
We're like talking about more future stuff.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
You know, like you know in the, in the beginning,
you know you get together likeoh yeah, I want to have kids.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I want to be married by 30, whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
And then it gets to the time where you actually have
the conversation.
Yeah, you kind of just push itoff to the side and you're like
wait, like so, like we'regetting, we're in our 30s.
Yeah, like, do you want to havekids?
And I'm like, huh, I never gotto the point where I actually
like it was real, like oh wow,do I actually want to have kids.
I've seen all my friends havekids, my siblings have kids.
(36:37):
Like this looks terrible, youknow, yeah, stuff like that and
having kids is a blessing andit's great, but you know, for
everybody it's not for them.
So I really had to think aboutthat and be like, okay, like if
I stay in this relationship it'sgoing to be great.
You know, we're going to have agood time, life's going to be
(36:59):
good.
But I'm leading her on and I'vebeen in previous relationships
where I led somebody on and Idragged them on where I could
have just let them go and hadthem, you know, continue.
So I don't want to be that guyand even though that's the easy
thing to do, I had to make thehard decision to be like, hey,
like we'll talk about this, Idon't think I actually want kids
(37:21):
and you know it's a hardconversation.
Like okay, well, I think we haveto break up, like I don't
really see like how it's gonnaalign, like even if we stay
together for another two tothree years, like I can't
promise that I'm just gonna wantkids.
You know, even though, uh, Ichanged my mind and sometimes
it's like, you know I'm, I metmy new girlfriend and like I'm
(37:42):
still like pretty, pretty strongand like I'm okay if I don't
have kids, I came to theconclusion I'm okay if I don't
have kids, but if my girlfriendwants, then maybe, you know,
I'll consider it and like well,it could happen.
Um, but then you realize likeokay, so maybe there's like
layers to to other stuff thatyou don't realize until you're
out of the relationship, like,okay, maybe I didn't strongly
(38:05):
want kids, I maybe just didn'twant with her, which is which is
rough to hear, which issomething you can't tell them,
yeah, which I don't, I can't behonest with that one.
Yeah, yeah and not saying that'scompletely true, yeah, but
maybe that's, you know, youreflect on more things.
You know after, and becauseit's like, ok, I'm more open to
having it with the girl now, butI wasn't with that person.
(38:26):
And it comes down to age gapsand all that.
Yeah, there's a lot of factors,but then you realize, yeah, so
maybe it's just like not theright person for you, you know,
and they end up finding somebody.
You find somebody and it's likeit works out perfectly,
perfectly, and you know, oh,yeah, you end up, you know,
thinking like, wow, that was theright decision.
But in the moment it's so hardto do where you know people are
cowards and you know they dragthings on, they, you know they
(38:48):
cheat, they do whatever.
And, uh, that's just because wedon't know how to communicate
as adults again communicate.
Oh my gosh it's not easy, it's,it's oh, definitely, and it's
never gonna be easy, but it'sjust, it's.
It's always the right thing todo.
The truth is, you know isalways the way to go, but at
first it's gonna sting and it'sgonna hurt yeah um.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Were you afraid of the backlash of?
Oh yeah, what was gonna happen?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
I got so much crap from my family oh, really yeah I
got so much crap from my familybecause you know they all loved
her.
You know, yeah, and they'relike why would you because you
know they all loved her.
You know, yeah, and they'relike, why would you do this?
You know, da-da-da-da-da-da-da,and they even like starting to
date my new girlfriend.
I you know they're kind ofhesitant.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Are they comparing?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Not comparing, but just like oh, you're just going
to break another girl's heart,oh man Mind your business
working out and then they're,you know, they you put, you put
them in their place.
But um, you know, people like toget involved in your life and
especially relationships, arehard when family's involved and
oh fast, you know.
But I think I'm really maturewith relationships and I think
(39:51):
it comes down to seeing myparents divorced but still be
cool with each other.
Growing up, we have stepparents.
They're all cool with eachother, like both sets of um
parents can be at the samedinner table, be be at the same
event, and we're really cool.
So I think my relationship withexes have always been really
good.
I've always ended myrelationships very, very well,
like.
I'm like.
I still follow.
(40:11):
You know, we still follow eachother on Instagram.
Yeah, we're cool.
We don't talk or hang out, butwe're cool, you know cordial.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Exactly yes.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Like my, my ex, she's like best friends with one of
my girl best friends, you knowand I told her like after we
broke up, like hey, be friendswith her, you know, make sure
she's okay.
You know it's cool if you dothat, like even my sister she's
still friends with my ex, likethat's cool, like that's your
own relationship that hasnothing to do with me.
Definitely, and I don't think alot of people can do that stuff,
uh-huh.
But for me it's just like, whenI'm in a relationship, the
relationship is between me andyou, not with the past, not with
(40:45):
your past, not with your family, whatever it's just, at the end
of the day, it's between youand I.
That's why, you know, peopleget in trouble when they start
sharing their dramas and fightswith other people because, yes,
you know, people get involvedand they get invested and it's
like, okay, if I have a fightwith my girlfriend and we end up
resolving it, but I told allthe dramas and an unhappiness to
(41:07):
all my friends, my girlfriendand I resolved it, but they
don't know that yeah, they don'tknow that y'all resolved
exactly or even if I say it'sall good, they don't know the
steps that we took to get thereand that we're all good, yeah,
they're still.
they still have that, that, um,you know that notion of like
okay, this is all the thingsthat's going wrong she always
does this she always does this,but we've already moved past
(41:28):
that, but they haven't.
So that's the hard part ofgetting people involved in your
relationship.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Oh, my gosh, you ain't lying.
I love the fact that you put inthe maturing part of being cool
with your exes, because I'mstill cord, cordial and cool
with you know, my baby mama, thefirst born right uh, because we
, you know, we have a kidtogether and we broke up pretty
bad.
but as time, you know, grew, youknow you mature yeah you mature
(41:53):
, wounds healed, and then youknow I found, you know, I got my
wife now.
So it's it's cool because mywife they talk like my, my baby
mama.
So it's cool because my wifethey talk like my baby mama and
my wife they talk to each otherbecause of you know, because the
responsibilities, because I'mhere on the island, they're in
California, so of course shewould fly back and we would
always have, you know, I wouldlove to know the status of my
(42:16):
daughter, you know.
So I just think that it's coolthat you can be cordial with the
exes, especially after I don'tknow like after a breakup.
And then you say that thefamily, you know, your family
had it going for you because youguys broke up right and I guess
my family, they wasn't on myass, but they were still
(42:38):
communicating with man hername's Amanda, okay, were still
communicating with um, man hername's amanda, okay, um, they
were still communicating withamanda because you know, they
want to be a part of, you know,their grandchild's life.
So I thought, I thought that was, you know, pretty cool of them
because my friends, they stillspeak to her, because they want
to hang out with, you know, mydaughter I don't know if they
they still talk now because mydaughter has her own cell phone
(42:59):
and everything, but back in theday, when she didn't have a cell
phone or there's no way tocommunicate with her, they would
have to go through her.
And I think that it's cool howyou know my friends, like for
I'm not gonna lie to you likefor the first year and a half
they're like yo skip her, I'mgonna knock her boyfriend out,
this and the third.
And I was like dog, don't evenworry about it, let me handle
(43:20):
that shit, cause it's all thefriends, right, they try to come
in your shit, but it's justbetween me and her.
So I thought that was prettycool and pretty positive of you
know the outcome of everything,of how everyone is all cool now
because I'm cool with you.
Know, the guy that she cheatedon me with, like I'm cool
because I'm not gonna front,like while I was gone, like
doing my army thing thing.
(43:42):
He was the father figure, so Igot to give him his flowers too.
You feel me?
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Which.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I fucking hate, but I know I have to you feel me,
that's tough though Do stufflike that.
Hell yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Especially family, kids, even pets.
I don't have those added layersto it.
So in a sense it made it easier.
Where it's just like the onlything I had to worry about was
like the closeness of her to myfamily and our relationship.
But I tell people, at the endof the day, you're not the one
that has to feel these things,you're not the one who's going
through it.
(44:15):
We are Me and the partner, youknow, you and your ex-wife.
You're the only one that has tofeel the pain, that, the
happiness, the sadness, all ofthat they, they're, they, you
know, are adjacent pieces,pieces that's all.
But you know, you're, you'renot the one that had the the
super hard conversation and hadto deal with the loneliness and
(44:36):
like regret and doubt, like, didI make the right decision?
they don't gotta deal with thatstuff.
We have to deal with that stuff.
We have to deal with that stuff.
So at the end of the day, yougot to do what makes you happy
and what's best for you andnobody can say anything about it
.
And even though I support otherpeople friends and family
although I don't agree witheverything my friends and family
do you got to support thembecause it's their life and
(44:57):
their decision.
So I think the best thing wecan do is just support them and
whatever they they want to dohey, facts, piggyback,
piggybacking off your stuff.
Speaker 1 (45:08):
Um, if the homies don't like your girl, is that a
deal breaker or is it stillbetween?
Like just you, and is it all upto you like if homies are like
saying amen, I'm seeing thesered flags.
It's like the, the pros and cons, the red and the green.
The red flags are like they'rekilling the green flags and like
(45:29):
family is putting their inputtoo.
Is it a deal breaker if theyhave, you know, they have these
things to say or like, even on apositive note hey man, this
girl is, this girl's the one foryou, and you're like I don't
know man, like man, like I'm notsaying yeah, like, is it a deal
breaker?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I've never been in that situation.
Speaker 1 (45:48):
Lucky you.
I've always been a good people.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
Like I've always been a good decision maker.
I choose like great people.
You know whether that's in arelationship or friendships.
Yeah, you know I've never hadlike really drama with friends
or you know, even relationships.
So I've always I feel like I'vealways been a good picker.
But I've had friends in thosesituations where we're like you
(46:11):
know, we talk, you know behindthe friend's back, like we don't
really like this person and youtry to tell the person, or
you're like, do we tell theperson?
You know that's a toughsituation.
Oh, it definitely is and mygirlfriend has friends like that
too, and it's us.
It's just always tough becauseyou don't want to hurt their
feelings but you don't.
I okay, I see this is like myfavorite comparison of
(46:32):
relationships.
Significant others is because I, I love sport.
I love sports.
I played sports all my life.
Speaker 1 (46:38):
I compare relationships to sports yeah,
you know, as a man should, as aman should go.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Raiders and saints, yeah, hell, yeah.
Um, you think about sports.
We have.
Sports have the most loyal fansever.
Facts loyalty is all about.
Is is like ingrained in sports,whether you're on the sports
team or you're just supporting asports team.
For example, my team is theSaints.
They're not the best team, butthey're my favorite team.
(47:05):
So, regardless if they winevery year, I'm going to support
them because I'm a true fan.
The best team Eagles, chiefs,bills back then the Patriots.
You don't always end up withthe best team.
You don't always end up withthe best person, but that's your
favorite person, that's thebest team.
You don't always end up withthe best person, but that that's
(47:25):
your favorite person.
That's the best person for you.
That's the best team for you.
So some people, although in oureyes, like why are you a
raiders fan?
Why are you a saints fan?
They suck, you know.
Yeah, you should be a chiefsfan, you should be an eagles fan
, because they are the best teamboy.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Let me tell you, man, I've been this close to jumping
ship several times.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
And that happens, just like in relationships.
You know you're like why am Istaying with the Raiders when
they never win every year?
But because you have that timeinvested, you had that loyalty.
Yeah, same with relationships,you know you're just like.
The beginning is hard, you know, because there's fair weather
fans there's, you know, becausethere's fair weather fans
there's, you know, fair weatherfriends.
(48:02):
You know we have a friend whois, uh, you know, a panthers fan
.
Panthers suck, suck, suck.
But you're, you're telling themwhy are you with the panthers?
They suck like you could do somuch better.
Was he a newton fan?
Speaker 1 (48:15):
no, no, no, I'm just using oh okay, I also say oh,
there's aren't good and there'saren't good, and they're a
division rival, so I'm just to Idon't want to hate on the
Raiders and you're like, okay,why are you with them?
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, but maybe they just love the Panthers, maybe
they there's something that theydo that just speaks to them,
that you know they relate to.
So you can't as much as we wantto think, we of the day they're
going to be a panthers fan,they're going to love their
boyfriend, they're going to lovetheir girlfriend because they
just love the panthers.
So, for example, you know Ilove the saints, that's my
(48:47):
favorite team.
I know they're not going to bethe best every year.
My girlfriend isn't going to bethe best every single day.
You know there's going to begreat seasons and there's going
to be bad seasons, but no matterwhat, I'm going to stick with
her because I'm loyal and thisis my favorite team, this is my
favorite person.
So I'm going to stick with themuntil then and I'm not going to
.
You know, change ships andthat's how I look at sports and
relationships bro, that's, thatcomparison is pretty good.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Like you actually broke it down to to to men,
because you know, man, we lovesports.
You broke it down to wherethere's a hot new team you want
to you know yeah, yeah, youbroke that shit down, dude, I
love that man he's fat.
Speaker 2 (49:22):
Now should I go see that new blonde, that new
brunette?
You know it's like, yeah, no,you just you watch from afar,
you appreciate the greatness,but you, you gotta, you gotta,
be happy with what you got andyou gotta, you know, know that
there's better seasons coming ohokay, we'll stick on sports
yeah so with brady right he take.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
He stayed with Patriots and then he went to the
Bucs.
What do you think of the peoplethat were diehard Patriots fans
becoming Bucs fans?
Is it because the favoriteplayer went.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
Yeah, I mean being well, if we're Brady and we're
so, we're just the fans.
We're just the fans, yeah.
So, for example, if we're usingthis comparison, like, okay, we
had six great years or you know, so he had six rings with them.
I think yeah, um, and you'relike, wow those.
We had a great marriage, sixgreat kids, family mansion, we
(50:12):
had a beautiful relationship andeventually, maybe, you know,
you hit a midlife crisis.
You know, you, you're just likeI think I need something
different.
And that happens when peopleget divorced, you know.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
And in their 50s or however old they are, and they
find the new hot Bill Belichick.
He's dating a 20-year-old girl,you know, and sometimes you're
just like, well, that's just afun new shiny toy.
You go over there, it works out.
You get a ring, you put a ringon it.
Yeah, get a ring, you put aring on it.
(50:45):
Yeah, you put a ring on it.
Not, it doesn't always work,but it's tom brady, he's the
goat.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Yeah, whatever he does, it's gonna work out, but
that doesn't work out foreverybody.
Yeah, facts holy crap.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Sometimes you're just like you're always divorced,
divorced, divorced, divorce, youknow uh-huh you're just like
you.
You get a ring, you getdivorced.
You get a new ring, you getdivorced.
That's some quarterbacks likethat too, some players like that
too.
But yeah, because, because evenfranchises, it's a relationship
between the player and thefranchise.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
You ain't lying, yeah everything.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Everything's a relationship, every between me
and you, between me and mygirlfriend, between me and my
business partner, betweenanybody.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
It all comes down to relationships and communication
yeah then you can just look at,you can compare relationships to
anything oh, this is facts andbefore we dip out because time
is concluding, that shit went byfast, right?
I had a big, major breakup witha person in a close
relationship of mine.
It's my barber.
She moved to Las Vegas with herwife.
(51:38):
I've been with her since 2018.
Hey, the Raiders moved as well.
yeah, oh yeah, to oakland, oh mygod and, um, I'm pretty down
about it because, uh, like Isaid, I was with her since 2018
and my, my boys started going toher too, so she's been with the
boys since 2018.
She's getting passed around.
Speaker 2 (52:01):
Yeah, I know, oh fucking bread.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
Oh yeah, good thing she's lesbian, right, and but no
man's like who do I go?
Who do we go to now, as youknow, barber?
so now we're testing out thewaters you get to date again
yeah, I'm dating barbers yeah,but again I mean, since I go on
these, you know, militaryassignments where I'm gone for
like a month or two.
When I go to a barber overthere, like, say, on the
mainland louisiana or whatnot, Ifeel like I'm gone for like a
month or two.
When I go to a barber overthere, like, say, on the
(52:23):
mainland louisiana or whatnot, Ifeel like I'm cheating on my
barber.
You know what I'm saying yeah,I, I did that.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
I go to my barber and somebody gifted me a haircut
for christmas, so I went to,like the other lady, and I just
felt so weird right back.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Why is that between?
A man and his barber is sacreddude, it is right oh, that's one
relationship where I'm justlike I don't know it's, it's
funny.
Uh, my boys would say this it'slike we guys would would cheat
on their wives, cheat on theirgirl, cheat on their partner,
but would never cheat on theirbarber.
Yep, that's some funny ass shit.
(52:57):
Oh, dude, come on man, that wasfucking fun as hell dog um,
before we dip out and I hopeyour girl doesn't get mad um- no
, never this is gonna be a funnyone before we dip.
Uh, is there a cartoon?
Is there a cartoon characterthat you know you would do?
Speaker 2 (53:13):
uh, oh well, so we watch anime, we love anime oh,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay howwe first bonded was over anime.
Uh, it's a case in demon slayer, all of it.
There's one character, so forthe girls it's always Gojo
Satoru.
I don't know if you watch anime.
Speaker 1 (53:27):
No, who's that from?
Speaker 2 (53:29):
He's Jujutsu Kaisen.
He's like a silver hair guy.
Yeah, he's like very beautifulstud.
There's this one lady, uh, infire force, captain hibana,
uh-huh I think is the fire forthe fifth company.
Um, and that's like my, myanime crush.
All right, I just said that'smy gojo, that's your, that's
(53:49):
your go-to gojo hibana, captainhibana oh man, I had a picture
after.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
Oh yeah, please do, please do.
Um, I've had this discussionwith other people and I've
updated my list and my go-to.
Now you watch family guy yeahlois could get it like them, uh,
the gingers.
Hey man, what man she freaking?
I think she a freak.
Speaker 2 (54:13):
Get it dog I mean, she could get it peter.
Speaker 1 (54:17):
She gotta be hey man peter man that ffa and she
whipped man, come on, dog.
I know it's cartoons and shit,but man, hey, dog, that was fun.
Man, I do appreciate you comingon dog.
Hey, appreciate you, my guy.
Do you have any shout-outs oranything?
Or you know these people?
Where can they find you at?
Speaker 2 (54:32):
Just look up KamakaDS8 on Instagram.
Keep it aloha, that's all hey,that's what's up.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
A shout out to ko studios.
Thank you for a lovely home,raffy bite.
Thank you for the lovely vibes.
Speaker 2 (54:46):
Man with that, I'm chris I'm kamaka and we out this
bitch peace.
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