November 11, 2024 • 21 mins
What if letting go is the key to unlocking a more fulfilling life? Inspired by Dr. Hawkins' transformative book, I embark on a personal journey exploring how releasing attachments and expectations can lead to profound psychological and spiritual growth. Through candid reflections, I discuss the powerful impact of our thoughts and the necessity of maintaining positivity amidst the relentless negativity from media and politics. By harnessing the power of intentional living, we can control what we can and let go of the rest, setting the stage for personal growth and opportunities.
Have you ever considered how setbacks can be a blessing in disguise? This episode sheds light on the law of reciprocity and the unexpected paths that emerge when we release expectations. From job losses to unanswered prayers, life's unpredictability often leads us to greater opportunities and personal development. Shifting our perspectives to view challenges as opportunities allows us to embrace change with open arms and a hopeful heart. It's about fostering gratitude, eliminating distractions, and aligning habits with our goals to be ready when opportunity knocks.
Building meaningful relationships starts with self-awareness and empathy. I emphasize the power of surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals who share our values, offering support and encouragement. Open communication and vulnerability are crucial, along with understanding that our experiences shape our actions. By focusing on personal growth and love, we can transcend negativity and contribute positively to those around us. Join me in exploring these themes and discovering how reframing expectations can lead to a life filled with significance and connection.
Thank you for listening to The Reckless CEO Podcast
The Reckless Group- https://www.skool.com/therecklessgroup/about
You can tweet us @ https://twitter.com/TheRecklessCEO
Follow Michael on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/therecklessceo/?hl=en
Reckless CEO Youtube @ https://www.youtube.com/@therecklessceo
Go follow our parent company on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/recklessmediacompany/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==
Email brittany@columbusroofingco.com
for all inquiries including speaking engagements, and to be a guest on the show
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, thanks for listening to the Reckless CEO
podcast.
This is just a quick reminder.
In case you'd rather watch thefull episode, you can find it at
youtubecom.
Slash the reckless CEO.
Well, if you'd like to listen,you're in the right place.
If you find value in thiscontent, please like and
subscribe.
If you are a home service CEO,ready to scale your business and
join an incredible community,check out the reckless groupcom
(00:22):
or check the link in the shownotes.
Here we go Right.
Check out therecklessgroupcom,or check the link in the show
notes.
Here we go Right.
You're like that buzzer ain'trang, that game ain't over with,
so keep going.
I have thrived in that chaos.
How could this be happening?
(00:42):
Did any of you guys payattention to anything I said?
How could this be happening?
Did any of you guys payattention to anything I said?
Welcome back to the RecklessCEO Podcast, where we keep it
real raw and reckless aboutbusiness and life.
They ain't really got the sauceand I ain't got.
You know what I mean.
Here is your host, the RecklessCEO himself, michael McGovern.
(01:05):
Welcome back to the RecklessCEO podcast.
Excited about today.
Today I want to share about abook or a theory.
This book is called Letting Go.
It's by Dr Hawkins Great book.
Dr Hawkins does a lot of workin the space of transcendence.
It's a spiritual, it'spsychological, but he's a great,
(01:28):
great study.
He's got another book calledTranscending Levels of
Consciousness Great book.
Another book called PowerVersus Force Just all incredible
reads.
Now, they are lengthy, great,audibles, right, I like to put
them on before I go to the gym,if I'm walking on the treadmill,
things like that, taking anightly walk.
(01:48):
So just really good reads.
But they're the things thatyou're going to have to
potentially consume a coupletimes.
This isn't a one and done.
This theory of letting go issomething that you need to
constantly be practicing, andjust when you think you figured
it out, you'll realize that youhaven't.
(02:10):
And so the importance of lettinggo, right, and like what is
this All right?
So kind of the I'd say, thesummary of it.
Right, it's a psychological andspiritual process that, oh,
what do I put here?
Oh, okay, I'll just read it,we'll just chop it in here.
It's a a psychological andspiritual process that involves
(02:34):
accepting what is in, reducingattachments to desires,
expectations and outcomes.
Right Now, this is much easiersaid than done, of course, but
again, I want to kind of giveyou my some of my perspective of
going through this.
Right, and so you know the whenyou, when you start to get into
(02:55):
letting go and the you knowtaking or accepting this, this
understanding, right, it's the.
You know that thoughts becomethings.
Right, and so often we were.
So.
You know we're so consumed bynegativity.
Right, we just recently had anelection.
Right, and whether you areliberal or you're conservative,
(03:16):
you know the nonstop in themedia.
Right, there's constantly stuffgoing out there and majority of
it isn't positive.
Right, and whether you wereagain on the left or the right
(03:37):
side, you know it creates somuch separation and polarity
across the spectrums.
Right, because it's like youcan't be, you can't be left and
not be far left, and you can'tbe right and not be far left or
just far right.
Right, it's just everything isextremes nowadays.
And then you know, even whenyou're looking at, you know the
opposing parties.
Right, they, they're constantlyjust belittling and just
putting them down, and just, youknow all the negative things
around that Right, and the orthe news right, the news is
(03:58):
always showing you all the badstuff that's happening.
Right, they're rarely everputting something out there
about good, and every once in awhile they do, right.
Even when they do, it's a shortsnippet that is just, you know,
included in it.
Right?
Rarely do they say, hey, man,let's talk about how great the
world is today.
Right, I believe that there's alot of really good people out
(04:19):
there.
I believe that most people areinherently good.
Right.
I think that for majority ofpeople that are maybe bad people
or negative people, so much ofthat is the lens that they see
themselves through, so they'reprojecting themselves onto
others.
Therefore, others see them thisway as well.
Right, so we have to pay closeattention to our thoughts.
(04:43):
Right, and the things that weare, that we're consuming, right
.
I mean, I don't, I don't evenhave cable or you know anything
like that.
In my house I don't watch thenews.
You know, even with theelections, I might've put it on
for a second just to see whatwas, you know, going on, but end
of the day, the more that I'mconsuming of that.
Right, if I look back over mylife and I say, you know, at 32
years old, I can honestly lookback and say that there has
(05:06):
never been a president or anelection that has ever affected
my life.
Right, and maybe there are inyou know a trickle down way of
maybe jobs were lost and all ofthese things, but me directly
being impacted by what happened.
I can't say that I can draw astraight line to that.
I that I can, that I can draw astraight line to that and maybe
you can right, everyone has adifferent, you know, different
(05:29):
perspective, differentcircumstances, right, but for me
it's like I try not to get toomuch into all of these things
because the more I let itcontrol me and consume me, the
more it starts to show up in mylife, right, and so this, this
idea of you, know, your thoughts, become things, right, what are
the things that you're thinkingabout on a daily basis?
Right, think of all the thingsthat are out of your control,
(05:52):
right, All of the things that westress about nonstop, that we
can't even change, right, marcusAurelius talks about, you know.
He says control your circle ofcontrol, right, and he's like
what is that?
Right says control your circleof control, right, and he's like
what is that?
Right?
Well, your circle of control iswhat you can control.
What are those things?
Right, you can control how youshow up, you can control how you
(06:13):
treat people and you cancontrol how you respond, right,
outside of that, there's notreally much that you can control
.
Now, so often we want to try tocontrol all these things.
Right, think about it from arelationship standpoint, right,
you maybe you meet somebody forthe first time and you like them
and you know, and you, you feelyourself maybe getting stressed
(06:36):
if you don't hear from them orknow what's going on or know
where they're at on it or whattheir perspective is.
And so, all of a sudden, youstart to maybe overdo it, right,
you're, you're trying to, hey,you know, you know that you have
good intentions, right, butbecause, because you know that
you have these good intentions,you want to make sure that they
can see it, that they understandit, and so you're worried about
, maybe, how they think aboutyou, right, and so we start to
(07:00):
stress ourselves out.
I don't hear from them.
What's going on?
You know, what are theythinking, what are they doing?
Right, we go through all ofthese thoughts, right, even
think about it from a, you know,a sales perspective.
Right, I've had I recently had adeal that I was working on and
you know this is this is a largedeal and you know, multiple
properties, one of the biggerpotential contracts that our
(07:23):
company could land or had landedand you know I was traveling, I
was out of town and so I sent acouple reps out to you know,
handle a meeting, an adjustmentthat we had had going on, and
you know, one of the guys didn'tshow up and the guy calls me
and he's frustrated, he'sirritated and basically says you
(07:44):
know, I'm done with you guys,I'm done with it, right, and at
this point I'd put hours inthrough inspections and
conversations and you know,doing all the things that I
could do to make sure this wastaken care of, and then I
delegate the work and the ballgets dropped.
Now I was frustrated with therep and I was also, you know,
looking at this situation of youknow I'm reaching out to the
guys, not responding to me, notgetting back to me.
(08:07):
You know I'm trying to kind ofplead my case of like, hey, man,
listen, you know it was anaccident.
You know I promised thesituation, you know we're going
to get it taken care of.
You know and we probably didn'tdo the best job right that we
did drop the ball and I foundmyself being frustrated,
irritated and stressed out ofthe fact that, like we lost this
deal, how can I get it back?
(08:27):
What do I got to do?
Do I need to go meet with him?
Do I need to go meet with him?
Don't go get in front of him.
I'm trying to think about allthese things, right?
And then eventually, you know,I reached out to him and I said
hey man, listen, I do appreciatethe opportunity to work with
you.
You know I completelyunderstand your frustration and
I apologize.
And you know, moving forward,I'm going to do everything I can
to make sure that this doesn'thappen again.
(08:49):
And if you decide not to workwith us, I completely understand
you know that that's yourdecision to make.
But I do promise you that ifyou do decide to move forward
with us, that I'll do everythingyou know in my control to make
sure this doesn't.
You know, things go well.
And left it at that.
It didn't hear anything.
A couple weeks later, get acall from him hey, mike, you
know just want to reach out andsay you know I appreciate the
(09:10):
message.
You know we want to continue towork with you guys Now, right,
so this same instance right here.
I could have been so stressed, Icould have been mad at the team
.
I could have been irritated.
I could have been, you know,trying to control the way that
he was perceiving it, eventhough I felt that it wasn't
necessarily correct.
Maybe, right, but just thoseinstances.
(09:31):
Right, there's so many thingsthat are out of our control,
right, and now this doesn't saythat, hey, you know, you just
let go of everything and justhope things happen for you.
Well, that's not the caseeither, right?
I think so much of this isabout you know you can control
what you can control, just likewe talked about, right, how you
show up, how you receive things.
You know how you treat people.
Those are the things that youcan control.
(09:52):
Now, saying that it's your dutyto do everything you can to
become that best version ofyourself, right, that that's
part of this.
Right, part of this is that youknow, in order to let go, you
also have to be doing the work.
It's not just letting go andnot caring about anything.
It's no, it's having the habitsthat align with your goals.
Right, it's doing all of thestuff.
(10:12):
It's no, it's having the habitsthat align with your goals.
Right, it's doing all of thestuff.
It's learning, it's growing,it's developing.
It's putting yourself in theposition so that when the
opportunity comes that you cantake advantage of it right.
The worst thing that we can dofor an opportunity is not be
ready for it right.
And so that's kind of what thisletting go is.
It's saying, hey, control whatyou can control.
(10:59):
No-transcript of reciprocity orthe law of reciprocity, this
idea that you know when you dogood, you get good back.
Now, too often, I think that weforget that the law of
reciprocity doesn't necessarilymean that when you do good to
(11:20):
this person, that you deserve toget it back from that person.
It's not it.
It's saying that when you putgood out there, you do good for
one individual, for this person,for that person, that good will
come your way.
And that's what letting go isright Removing that expectation
right, the desires the judgmentsright, the outcomes right.
(11:41):
How often are we so attached toan outcome that when we don't
get it, we're just demoralized,we're destroyed by it, because
it's like man, I did all of this, I put in all that work and
this is the outcome I got.
I did all of this, I put in allthat work and this is the
outcome I got, right.
And the thing is, is that GarthBrooks sings a song.
He says it's a thank God forunanswered prayers.
Right, and I think that we canall live by that.
(12:03):
Right, because in the moment,right, when we're attaching
ourselves to an outcome or asituation or an expectation, you
know we might be praying aboutit or talking about it or
thinking about it, it'sconsuming us because that's the
thing that we want, or we thinkwe want.
Right, and how often do you canyou look back and say, man, I'm
so glad that I didn't get thething that I wanted more than
(12:26):
anything?
Right, because it's that thoseare the things out of your
control, like the universalconsciousness is moving and it's
and it's constantly working,whether you know that it is or
not.
And so, no matter what yourplan is, there's a, there's a
bigger plan for you, right, nomatter what your plan is, and
maybe you're committed to workat a place and you're ready to
(12:47):
do all that.
Next thing, you know, they shutjobs down and they fire
everybody, and now you're, whatdo you do?
Well, guess what?
That's a great opportunity.
Now, that's a great opportunityto say, hey, man, this wasn't
what was ready, this wasn't whatwas out there for me, I wasn't
supposed to do this thing?
Now.
I need to shift Now.
(13:08):
I need to go this directionright.
Too often, we look at everysituation and we almost take it
personal when it doesn't go ourway.
Right, rather than sayingwhat's the beauty in this, right
?
How can I reframe thissituation?
Right, how can I understand itfrom a different lens and say,
yeah, all these jobs got cut,yeah, I've committed, or I, you
know, I was in this marriage for15 years and they don't want to
be with me anymore, right?
(13:30):
Well, maybe that's youropportunity to go and rediscover
you.
Maybe that's your opportunityto go find the person that's
actually made for you.
Maybe that person that was madefor you at the time it wasn't
made for you anymore.
Right, there is a thing Peopleare in our lives for reasons, or
they're in our lives forseasons, and we can't attach
ourselves to how it's got to be.
You know, I say it all the time.
(13:51):
As a business owner, I've seenso many people come and go.
I've seen so many people comein and said, man, I'll never
leave you, I'll be with youforever, I love what we do here.
And then, next thing, you knowthey were gone and I haven't
heard from them in years.
Now that doesn't mean that,because of that situation, that
every single person that comesin my company, I'm going to
treat them through the lens ofpeople that have left me.
(14:12):
No, I look at what I have, orwhat I've created is just my
opportunity to build my owntable, to have my own platform,
to do what I want to do, and Ilook at that as an opportunity
to be a mentor and a coach andgrow people and be creative and
a you know, a builder.
Right, I don't, I don't hold onto the people that have come in
(14:33):
and that I've, you know, giveneverything I can to them and
then they leave me and then nowI'm going to treat everybody
like as if that's going tohappen.
No, every single person thatcomes in, I'm going to give them
100% of my commitment to helpthem get to where they want to
be, no matter what.
I'm not going to have anattachment to.
Hey, if they leave me now I'mdistraught and I'm going to look
(14:55):
at every single person as ifthey might leave me one day.
You can't control that.
I lean into the relationshipstuff a lot because we can all
relate Same thing in arelationship, right, if you're,
if you're, you know you spendall this time with a person and
they and they want to go.
You know separate ways.
And how do you, how do youallow that to affect you?
(15:17):
Right?
Do you hold judgment towardsthem forever, resentment towards
them forever?
Because so often, with a lot ofthis letting go idea is that we
have to let go of thatresentment, we have to let go of
that internal animosity,because the thing is is that,
you know, holding on tosomething that like resentment,
(15:39):
right, all it's doing isaffecting you.
You're not even affecting theother person, you're only
allowing it to bother you andfester and continue to get worse
and worse and you, just youhave to let it go and you've got
to understand that most thingsare going to be like that.
Right, you can control what youcan control.
Outside of that, you have to beable to share yourself and give
(16:04):
and help people and grow peopleand just love at the end of the
day, cause that's all we everwant.
Right, wars get started becausepeople don't get enough love.
Right, people take their livesbecause they're not getting the
love they want.
That's all we all want, we'reall seeking.
We're all seeking love at theend of the day, and significance
and contribution and growth.
(16:25):
Right, that's all we want.
Those are our human desires anddrivers.
Is that?
We just want to feel important?
We just want to feel thatpeople need us?
Right?
But we can't have this feelingof people of wanting to find
significance and then holdingpeople to an expectation.
(16:46):
You've got to let go, and so Ileave with you today, right,
where can you apply this in yourlife?
All right, what are the thingsthat you're allowing to consume
you?
What are the you know?
Think of maybe in the firstthing.
In the morning, you wake up andyour first thing you're doing
is alarm goes off and you'repulling up social media.
Right now, immediately.
(17:07):
You're looking at what alarmgoes off and you're pulling up
social media right Now,immediately.
You're looking at whateverybody else is doing.
What do they have going on?
What do they have that's betterthan me?
How is their company betterthan mine?
Right, I felt all this, thecomparison.
One of the one of the bestthings I did was removing social
media from my phone, and so Idon't even look at it, unless
I'm in the office and need tocheck it for a business thing.
(17:28):
Right, I'm not spending my dayworrying about what other people
are doing or allowing you knowmy first thought in the morning
to be not grateful, right?
So this part of letting go isbeing able to start to build
these habits and structures youknow to your day-to-day life, so
that you know that withconfidence, that you are doing
(17:52):
everything that you can do tocontrol what you can control and
allowing the rest to justhappen.
And again, I know this is mucheasier said than done.
This is a practice.
This has to be intentional,right?
And whether it's meditation orgoing to the gym or reading,
right, you have to constantly bepaying attention to what you're
(18:13):
consuming, because thosethoughts do become things, right
?
So where in your life do youfeel like maybe you're holding
onto an expectation?
Where in your life are youholding onto like this outcome
that you're saying, man, if Idon't get this outcome, I'm
never going to be the same again?
I think about that.
Just make a list, right, andstart to just become aware.
(18:36):
I think that's the mostimportant thing with all of this
is that you know it's theawareness we can't shift, how we
think and move in an instant.
It takes time, it takes rep, ittakes rep and it takes
awareness, being able to knowwhen you're kind of going down
that road again and you'redoubting yourself and you're
(18:57):
comparing yourself, to be ableto pull yourself back and say,
hey, listen, I'm not going to dothis anymore, I'm going to let
go, maybe write it out, justfind ways to get these things
out of your system, find ways tojust find silence, to separate
yourself from the reality andeverything that's going on,
because that awareness to howyou're feeling and what's
(19:19):
happening around you is going toallow you to be more present.
It's going to allow you tobuild better relationships, do
more for people At the end ofthe day, that's the biggest
thing is that, like I said, weall want to.
It's going to allow you tobuild better relationships, do
more for people Right At the endof the day, that's the biggest
thing is that, like I said, weall want to feel a significance,
we all want to feel something,and that's why we do what we do
and that's why we hold on tothese expectations, because we
(19:41):
know that if somebody did it forus, we probably wouldn't do
that to them, right?
So a lot of our judgment comesfrom misalignment with the
people around us, and that'sanother piece right the
importance of making sure thatyou've got people around you
that have the same beliefs, havethe same values, want the same
(20:03):
things, because they're going toallow you to work through this
Right, and one of the mostimportant thing that you can do
is talk about it.
I know, for me, I have hesitatedwhen I'm frustrated or things
aren't going well in business ormaybe a relationship, and I
hold on to.
I don't have that conversationbecause I'm embarrassed.
(20:25):
I'm embarrassed to feel the wayI feel.
I'm scared to voice maybe theway I feel because maybe they'll
leave me if I'm honest.
But that's the thing that wehave to.
We have to be able to be honestand we got to have people
around us that understand thateverything that we're doing is
not coming from a negative lens,but coming from the human lens,
(20:46):
our experience, what we'regoing through Right.
That's why empathy is soimportant, right, understanding
that we would probably beexactly how each other are if we
had that playbook.
If we grew up that same way, ifwe consume the same thing, we
would be that same individual,and that's the importance of
being the type of person thatcan transcend, that can become
(21:07):
aware, that can grow and developso that you can then help other
people do the same thing.
Reckless CEO out.
Hey, thanks for listening to the Reckless CEO
podcast.
This is just a quick reminder.
In case you'd rather watch thefull episode, you can find it at
youtubecom.
Slash the reckless CEO.
Well, if you'd like to listen,you're in the right place.
If you find value in thiscontent, please like and
subscribe.
If you are a home service CEO,ready to scale your business and
join an incredible community,check out the reckless groupcom
(00:22):
or check the link in the shownotes.
Here we go Right.
Check out therecklessgroupcom,or check the link in the show
notes.
Here we go Right.
You're like that buzzer ain'trang, that game ain't over with,
so keep going.
I have thrived in that chaos.
How could this be happening?
(00:42):
Did any of you guys payattention to anything I said?
How could this be happening?
Did any of you guys payattention to anything I said?
Welcome back to the RecklessCEO Podcast, where we keep it
real raw and reckless aboutbusiness and life.
They ain't really got the sauceand I ain't got.
You know what I mean.
Here is your host, the RecklessCEO himself, michael McGovern.
(01:05):
Welcome back to the RecklessCEO podcast.
Excited about today.
Today I want to share about abook or a theory.
This book is called Letting Go.
It's by Dr Hawkins Great book.
Dr Hawkins does a lot of workin the space of transcendence.
It's a spiritual, it'spsychological, but he's a great,
(01:28):
great study.
He's got another book calledTranscending Levels of
Consciousness Great book.
Another book called PowerVersus Force Just all incredible
reads.
Now, they are lengthy, great,audibles, right, I like to put
them on before I go to the gym,if I'm walking on the treadmill,
things like that, taking anightly walk.
(01:48):
So just really good reads.
But they're the things thatyou're going to have to
potentially consume a coupletimes.
This isn't a one and done.
This theory of letting go issomething that you need to
constantly be practicing, andjust when you think you figured
it out, you'll realize that youhaven't.
(02:10):
And so the importance of lettinggo, right, and like what is
this All right?
So kind of the I'd say, thesummary of it.
Right, it's a psychological andspiritual process that, oh,
what do I put here?
Oh, okay, I'll just read it,we'll just chop it in here.
It's a a psychological andspiritual process that involves
(02:34):
accepting what is in, reducingattachments to desires,
expectations and outcomes.
Right Now, this is much easiersaid than done, of course, but
again, I want to kind of giveyou my some of my perspective of
going through this.
Right, and so you know the whenyou, when you start to get into
(02:55):
letting go and the you knowtaking or accepting this, this
understanding, right, it's the.
You know that thoughts becomethings.
Right, and so often we were.
So.
You know we're so consumed bynegativity.
Right, we just recently had anelection.
Right, and whether you areliberal or you're conservative,
(03:16):
you know the nonstop in themedia.
Right, there's constantly stuffgoing out there and majority of
it isn't positive.
Right, and whether you wereagain on the left or the right
(03:37):
side, you know it creates somuch separation and polarity
across the spectrums.
Right, because it's like youcan't be, you can't be left and
not be far left, and you can'tbe right and not be far left or
just far right.
Right, it's just everything isextremes nowadays.
And then you know, even whenyou're looking at, you know the
opposing parties.
Right, they, they're constantlyjust belittling and just
putting them down, and just, youknow all the negative things
around that Right, and the orthe news right, the news is
(03:58):
always showing you all the badstuff that's happening.
Right, they're rarely everputting something out there
about good, and every once in awhile they do, right.
Even when they do, it's a shortsnippet that is just, you know,
included in it.
Right?
Rarely do they say, hey, man,let's talk about how great the
world is today.
Right, I believe that there's alot of really good people out
(04:19):
there.
I believe that most people areinherently good.
Right.
I think that for majority ofpeople that are maybe bad people
or negative people, so much ofthat is the lens that they see
themselves through, so they'reprojecting themselves onto
others.
Therefore, others see them thisway as well.
Right, so we have to pay closeattention to our thoughts.
(04:43):
Right, and the things that weare, that we're consuming, right
.
I mean, I don't, I don't evenhave cable or you know anything
like that.
In my house I don't watch thenews.
You know, even with theelections, I might've put it on
for a second just to see whatwas, you know, going on, but end
of the day, the more that I'mconsuming of that.
Right, if I look back over mylife and I say, you know, at 32
years old, I can honestly lookback and say that there has
(05:06):
never been a president or anelection that has ever affected
my life.
Right, and maybe there are inyou know a trickle down way of
maybe jobs were lost and all ofthese things, but me directly
being impacted by what happened.
I can't say that I can draw astraight line to that.
I that I can, that I can draw astraight line to that and maybe
you can right, everyone has adifferent, you know, different
(05:29):
perspective, differentcircumstances, right, but for me
it's like I try not to get toomuch into all of these things
because the more I let itcontrol me and consume me, the
more it starts to show up in mylife, right, and so this, this
idea of you, know, your thoughts, become things, right, what are
the things that you're thinkingabout on a daily basis?
Right, think of all the thingsthat are out of your control,
(05:52):
right, All of the things that westress about nonstop, that we
can't even change, right, marcusAurelius talks about, you know.
He says control your circle ofcontrol, right, and he's like
what is that?
Right says control your circleof control, right, and he's like
what is that?
Right?
Well, your circle of control iswhat you can control.
What are those things?
Right, you can control how youshow up, you can control how you
(06:13):
treat people and you cancontrol how you respond, right,
outside of that, there's notreally much that you can control
.
Now, so often we want to try tocontrol all these things.
Right, think about it from arelationship standpoint, right,
you maybe you meet somebody forthe first time and you like them
and you know, and you, you feelyourself maybe getting stressed
(06:36):
if you don't hear from them orknow what's going on or know
where they're at on it or whattheir perspective is.
And so, all of a sudden, youstart to maybe overdo it, right,
you're, you're trying to, hey,you know, you know that you have
good intentions, right, butbecause, because you know that
you have these good intentions,you want to make sure that they
can see it, that they understandit, and so you're worried about
, maybe, how they think aboutyou, right, and so we start to
(07:00):
stress ourselves out.
I don't hear from them.
What's going on?
You know, what are theythinking, what are they doing?
Right, we go through all ofthese thoughts, right, even
think about it from a, you know,a sales perspective.
Right, I've had I recently had adeal that I was working on and
you know this is this is a largedeal and you know, multiple
properties, one of the biggerpotential contracts that our
(07:23):
company could land or had landedand you know I was traveling, I
was out of town and so I sent acouple reps out to you know,
handle a meeting, an adjustmentthat we had had going on, and
you know, one of the guys didn'tshow up and the guy calls me
and he's frustrated, he'sirritated and basically says you
(07:44):
know, I'm done with you guys,I'm done with it, right, and at
this point I'd put hours inthrough inspections and
conversations and you know,doing all the things that I
could do to make sure this wastaken care of, and then I
delegate the work and the ballgets dropped.
Now I was frustrated with therep and I was also, you know,
looking at this situation of youknow I'm reaching out to the
guys, not responding to me, notgetting back to me.
(08:07):
You know I'm trying to kind ofplead my case of like, hey, man,
listen, you know it was anaccident.
You know I promised thesituation, you know we're going
to get it taken care of.
You know and we probably didn'tdo the best job right that we
did drop the ball and I foundmyself being frustrated,
irritated and stressed out ofthe fact that, like we lost this
deal, how can I get it back?
(08:27):
What do I got to do?
Do I need to go meet with him?
Do I need to go meet with him?
Don't go get in front of him.
I'm trying to think about allthese things, right?
And then eventually, you know,I reached out to him and I said
hey man, listen, I do appreciatethe opportunity to work with
you.
You know I completelyunderstand your frustration and
I apologize.
And you know, moving forward,I'm going to do everything I can
to make sure that this doesn'thappen again.
(08:49):
And if you decide not to workwith us, I completely understand
you know that that's yourdecision to make.
But I do promise you that ifyou do decide to move forward
with us, that I'll do everythingyou know in my control to make
sure this doesn't.
You know, things go well.
And left it at that.
It didn't hear anything.
A couple weeks later, get acall from him hey, mike, you
know just want to reach out andsay you know I appreciate the
(09:10):
message.
You know we want to continue towork with you guys Now, right,
so this same instance right here.
I could have been so stressed, Icould have been mad at the team
.
I could have been irritated.
I could have been, you know,trying to control the way that
he was perceiving it, eventhough I felt that it wasn't
necessarily correct.
Maybe, right, but just thoseinstances.
(09:31):
Right, there's so many thingsthat are out of our control,
right, and now this doesn't saythat, hey, you know, you just
let go of everything and justhope things happen for you.
Well, that's not the caseeither, right?
I think so much of this isabout you know you can control
what you can control, just likewe talked about, right, how you
show up, how you receive things.
You know how you treat people.
Those are the things that youcan control.
(09:52):
Now, saying that it's your dutyto do everything you can to
become that best version ofyourself, right, that that's
part of this.
Right, part of this is that youknow, in order to let go, you
also have to be doing the work.
It's not just letting go andnot caring about anything.
It's no, it's having the habitsthat align with your goals.
Right, it's doing all of thestuff.
(10:12):
It's no, it's having the habitsthat align with your goals.
Right, it's doing all of thestuff.
It's learning, it's growing,it's developing.
It's putting yourself in theposition so that when the
opportunity comes that you cantake advantage of it right.
The worst thing that we can dofor an opportunity is not be
ready for it right.
And so that's kind of what thisletting go is.
It's saying, hey, control whatyou can control.
(10:59):
No-transcript of reciprocity orthe law of reciprocity, this
idea that you know when you dogood, you get good back.
Now, too often, I think that weforget that the law of
reciprocity doesn't necessarilymean that when you do good to
(11:20):
this person, that you deserve toget it back from that person.
It's not it.
It's saying that when you putgood out there, you do good for
one individual, for this person,for that person, that good will
come your way.
And that's what letting go isright Removing that expectation
right, the desires the judgmentsright, the outcomes right.
(11:41):
How often are we so attached toan outcome that when we don't
get it, we're just demoralized,we're destroyed by it, because
it's like man, I did all of this, I put in all that work and
this is the outcome I got.
I did all of this, I put in allthat work and this is the
outcome I got, right.
And the thing is, is that GarthBrooks sings a song.
He says it's a thank God forunanswered prayers.
Right, and I think that we canall live by that.
(12:03):
Right, because in the moment,right, when we're attaching
ourselves to an outcome or asituation or an expectation, you
know we might be praying aboutit or talking about it or
thinking about it, it'sconsuming us because that's the
thing that we want, or we thinkwe want.
Right, and how often do you canyou look back and say, man, I'm
so glad that I didn't get thething that I wanted more than
(12:26):
anything?
Right, because it's that thoseare the things out of your
control, like the universalconsciousness is moving and it's
and it's constantly working,whether you know that it is or
not.
And so, no matter what yourplan is, there's a, there's a
bigger plan for you, right, nomatter what your plan is, and
maybe you're committed to workat a place and you're ready to
(12:47):
do all that.
Next thing, you know, they shutjobs down and they fire
everybody, and now you're, whatdo you do?
Well, guess what?
That's a great opportunity.
Now, that's a great opportunityto say, hey, man, this wasn't
what was ready, this wasn't whatwas out there for me, I wasn't
supposed to do this thing?
Now.
I need to shift Now.
(13:08):
I need to go this directionright.
Too often, we look at everysituation and we almost take it
personal when it doesn't go ourway.
Right, rather than sayingwhat's the beauty in this, right
?
How can I reframe thissituation?
Right, how can I understand itfrom a different lens and say,
yeah, all these jobs got cut,yeah, I've committed, or I, you
know, I was in this marriage for15 years and they don't want to
be with me anymore, right?
(13:30):
Well, maybe that's youropportunity to go and rediscover
you.
Maybe that's your opportunityto go find the person that's
actually made for you.
Maybe that person that was madefor you at the time it wasn't
made for you anymore.
Right, there is a thing Peopleare in our lives for reasons, or
they're in our lives forseasons, and we can't attach
ourselves to how it's got to be.
You know, I say it all the time.
(13:51):
As a business owner, I've seenso many people come and go.
I've seen so many people comein and said, man, I'll never
leave you, I'll be with youforever, I love what we do here.
And then, next thing, you knowthey were gone and I haven't
heard from them in years.
Now that doesn't mean that,because of that situation, that
every single person that comesin my company, I'm going to
treat them through the lens ofpeople that have left me.
(14:12):
No, I look at what I have, orwhat I've created is just my
opportunity to build my owntable, to have my own platform,
to do what I want to do, and Ilook at that as an opportunity
to be a mentor and a coach andgrow people and be creative and
a you know, a builder.
Right, I don't, I don't hold onto the people that have come in
(14:33):
and that I've, you know, giveneverything I can to them and
then they leave me and then nowI'm going to treat everybody
like as if that's going tohappen.
No, every single person thatcomes in, I'm going to give them
100% of my commitment to helpthem get to where they want to
be, no matter what.
I'm not going to have anattachment to.
Hey, if they leave me now I'mdistraught and I'm going to look
(14:55):
at every single person as ifthey might leave me one day.
You can't control that.
I lean into the relationshipstuff a lot because we can all
relate Same thing in arelationship, right, if you're,
if you're, you know you spendall this time with a person and
they and they want to go.
You know separate ways.
And how do you, how do youallow that to affect you?
(15:17):
Right?
Do you hold judgment towardsthem forever, resentment towards
them forever?
Because so often, with a lot ofthis letting go idea is that we
have to let go of thatresentment, we have to let go of
that internal animosity,because the thing is is that,
you know, holding on tosomething that like resentment,
(15:39):
right, all it's doing isaffecting you.
You're not even affecting theother person, you're only
allowing it to bother you andfester and continue to get worse
and worse and you, just youhave to let it go and you've got
to understand that most thingsare going to be like that.
Right, you can control what youcan control.
Outside of that, you have to beable to share yourself and give
(16:04):
and help people and grow peopleand just love at the end of the
day, cause that's all we everwant.
Right, wars get started becausepeople don't get enough love.
Right, people take their livesbecause they're not getting the
love they want.
That's all we all want, we'reall seeking.
We're all seeking love at theend of the day, and significance
and contribution and growth.
(16:25):
Right, that's all we want.
Those are our human desires anddrivers.
Is that?
We just want to feel important?
We just want to feel thatpeople need us?
Right?
But we can't have this feelingof people of wanting to find
significance and then holdingpeople to an expectation.
(16:46):
You've got to let go, and so Ileave with you today, right,
where can you apply this in yourlife?
All right, what are the thingsthat you're allowing to consume
you?
What are the you know?
Think of maybe in the firstthing.
In the morning, you wake up andyour first thing you're doing
is alarm goes off and you'repulling up social media.
Right now, immediately.
(17:07):
You're looking at what alarmgoes off and you're pulling up
social media right Now,immediately.
You're looking at whateverybody else is doing.
What do they have going on?
What do they have that's betterthan me?
How is their company betterthan mine?
Right, I felt all this, thecomparison.
One of the one of the bestthings I did was removing social
media from my phone, and so Idon't even look at it, unless
I'm in the office and need tocheck it for a business thing.
(17:28):
Right, I'm not spending my dayworrying about what other people
are doing or allowing you knowmy first thought in the morning
to be not grateful, right?
So this part of letting go isbeing able to start to build
these habits and structures youknow to your day-to-day life, so
that you know that withconfidence, that you are doing
(17:52):
everything that you can do tocontrol what you can control and
allowing the rest to justhappen.
And again, I know this is mucheasier said than done.
This is a practice.
This has to be intentional,right?
And whether it's meditation orgoing to the gym or reading,
right, you have to constantly bepaying attention to what you're
(18:13):
consuming, because thosethoughts do become things, right
?
So where in your life do youfeel like maybe you're holding
onto an expectation?
Where in your life are youholding onto like this outcome
that you're saying, man, if Idon't get this outcome, I'm
never going to be the same again?
I think about that.
Just make a list, right, andstart to just become aware.
(18:36):
I think that's the mostimportant thing with all of this
is that you know it's theawareness we can't shift, how we
think and move in an instant.
It takes time, it takes rep, ittakes rep and it takes
awareness, being able to knowwhen you're kind of going down
that road again and you'redoubting yourself and you're
(18:57):
comparing yourself, to be ableto pull yourself back and say,
hey, listen, I'm not going to dothis anymore, I'm going to let
go, maybe write it out, justfind ways to get these things
out of your system, find ways tojust find silence, to separate
yourself from the reality andeverything that's going on,
because that awareness to howyou're feeling and what's
(19:19):
happening around you is going toallow you to be more present.
It's going to allow you tobuild better relationships, do
more for people At the end ofthe day, that's the biggest
thing is that, like I said, weall want to.
It's going to allow you tobuild better relationships, do
more for people Right At the endof the day, that's the biggest
thing is that, like I said, weall want to feel a significance,
we all want to feel something,and that's why we do what we do
and that's why we hold on tothese expectations, because we
(19:41):
know that if somebody did it forus, we probably wouldn't do
that to them, right?
So a lot of our judgment comesfrom misalignment with the
people around us, and that'sanother piece right the
importance of making sure thatyou've got people around you
that have the same beliefs, havethe same values, want the same
(20:03):
things, because they're going toallow you to work through this
Right, and one of the mostimportant thing that you can do
is talk about it.
I know, for me, I have hesitatedwhen I'm frustrated or things
aren't going well in business ormaybe a relationship, and I
hold on to.
I don't have that conversationbecause I'm embarrassed.
(20:25):
I'm embarrassed to feel the wayI feel.
I'm scared to voice maybe theway I feel because maybe they'll
leave me if I'm honest.
But that's the thing that wehave to.
We have to be able to be honestand we got to have people
around us that understand thateverything that we're doing is
not coming from a negative lens,but coming from the human lens,
(20:46):
our experience, what we'regoing through Right.
That's why empathy is soimportant, right, understanding
that we would probably beexactly how each other are if we
had that playbook.
If we grew up that same way, ifwe consume the same thing, we
would be that same individual,and that's the importance of
being the type of person thatcan transcend, that can become
(21:07):
aware, that can grow and developso that you can then help other
people do the same thing.
Reckless CEO out.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!