February 9, 2024 • 52 mins
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When life hands you lemons, "the dude" says why not make lemonade and hit the road? Our laid-back guest rides the waves of life with a philosophy that's all about mastering the art of relaxation, and he's here to share how his van became both his home and his vehicle to emotional freedom. We're taking you on a transformative journey through heartfelt revelations and belly laughs as "the dude" opens up about his punk past, the emotional whirlpool with an older love, and the therapy that steered him into the chill lane.
Straddling the line between liberation and logistics, this episode steers into the often unseen potholes of van life. Our guest is pulling back the curtain on his own nomadic narrative, balancing the idyllic vision of a home on wheels with the stark realities of parking paranoia and financial obligations that don't disappear in the rearview mirror. Get a front-row seat to the candid chronicles of adapting to life on the move, from the gritty first year growing pains to the unspoken camaraderie among fellow travelers seeking refuge from the rat race.
Wrapping up with musings on generosity's currency and the timeless currency of time itself, we offer a heartfelt homage to the non-transactional treasures of human connection. From the unexpected angels who lend their parking lot to a wandering soul, to the life-affirming echoes of gratitude that resonate within the van life community and beyond, this episode is a sincere acknowledgment of the riches that come from leading by example and savoring every second. Join us for a reminder of the simple truths that bind us together, underscored by the value of every ticking moment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Alright, serious, serious.
What's that?
I don't know how to be serious.
That's who my boss always saysyou don't know how to be serious
.
I'm like, well, I'm serious atchillin.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
So that's the dude.
That's right, right, there youneed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I should have got you a fucking mudslider, white
Russian wait, russian, we shouldhave got you Too much dairy
today.
Already had a quarter pound ofcheese.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
You had a quarter pound of cheese.
Yes not a quarter pounder withcheese.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
No Quarter pound of cheese go to cheese.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hey, hold on backup.
Thank you for tuning in to theredacted podcast.
(01:14):
We have our guest here who'sagreed to come on under the
condition that he's Anonymous,as identities not revealed.
He's just the dude.
We're just gonna call him thedude.
He kind of looks like the dude.
He acts like the dude.
It's cool, I like it.
Um, back there in the sand onthe soundboard we have Pamela.
(01:35):
She's been sworn to secrecy.
She's not gonna reveal who heis.
And yeah, man, thanks forcoming in, thanks for being on
the show.
You get some interesting shit.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
You really do, and when, I Don't know, we first
interacted or we were emailing.
I got to read some of your,your writings, and I guess
that's what drew me to it, um,because you're an extremely
talented writer and you have afuck ton to say.
So I was like, fuck it, we'vegot to get this, this guy, on
(02:10):
the show.
We, we got to talk with him, wegot to pick his brain, we got
to see what kind of a life he'slived, because it's interesting
as fuck.
So, um, I guess you know ifwe're gonna tell the story and
talk about it like, where didyou kind of start?
Where did you grow up?
Just kind of briefly, so we canget a picture of when you were
(02:33):
at before this.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Well, I started it as a sexual act with my parents.
They uh fire.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
No shit me too.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So that's what.
That's where I started.
Was my parents fucking?
So I started like that and Iended up here on On your podcast
.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Man, what a journey, Wow, what a Okay.
So more specifically um, wheredid you, where did you kind of
grow up like what kind of cityarea?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
where I grew up.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I like to say we're on a journey that I grew up at a
emotional health facility.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
That's where I grew up, you know.
Prior to that I was just a punkand Now I feel like a man, so
I'm really thankful for my time.
You know some behavioral health.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
What's it?
What the fuck's?
An emotional health facility.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Um, I can't give the name away, but it's just any
sort of you know place thatworks on behavioral health,
emotional, mental health,therapists, you know group
sessions what age were you?
I turned 28, yeah, when Saturnreturned at 28.
(03:54):
Actually, I started going totherapy.
Around the same time, I startedliving in the van okay.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Okay, you know, was that an inpatient thing?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Mmm, no, I was not required to go.
Was outpatient.
Okay, I was there on my ownvolition.
I Started to sign up for itwhen my relationship was
breaking down.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I was in a relationship with a woman and
she was telling me my relate.
You know the relationship isbreaking down?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yeah, in your mid to late 20s.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, yeah and she's much older and and 50 something.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, okay.
Beautiful model they call thata cougar.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, I guess you could call it that okay, cougar
hot.
She was like a lion.
Oh my god, whoo beautifulblonde hair, mmm.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
And this was.
This was like up in what, whatcity?
North of Philly okay, north ofPhilly, okay, so you're with her
.
Relationship breaks down and itfucked you up pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Well, you know, I Was working a job and the guy that
what I was working with, he wassaying you know, I can't pay you
what I'm paying, you have topay you less.
And I said Okay, you know,that's like don't.
Well, it is I agree.
And so the next day I told him,I said hey my relationship's
(05:27):
breaking down, and, and that'swhy I seem so out of it, that's
why I seem just out of it.
Yeah, I'm out of it.
Yeah so I understand why I payme less.
So he told me to go to thisPlace, and he was the third
person to tell me to go anotherperson was my girlfriend at the
(05:51):
time and the other person was mysister.
So once he told me, I said okay, there's my third indication.
Yeah, so that was around Julyof 2018, 2017, 2017, 27 it does
(06:13):
it was around July 2017 and thenyes, the relationship broke
down.
I left August 1st to go livewith my dad.
Mm-hmm and then I saw in my dadall the reasons why my
relationship broke down.
According to my girlfriend, ohShit.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, I know shit moment like a mirror, somebody
holding a mirror to you.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I Don't know about a mirror, but it was seeing a
similar, because he's not me andI'm not him, so mirror doesn't
fit.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
But maybe some of the same fucking broken parts same
yeah, yeah I get that, I getthat.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I think we all get that in some some way so, so
that, and then he, I Wasthinking I can't stay here much
longer.
You know, and now, like I said,I was working, the guy couldn't
pay me, as much and I hadstopped working when I moved to
go live with my dad, and I wasin between yeah things and still
(07:25):
trying to do handyman work,just working independently,
because who can work for a boss?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, oh yeah Sox yeah a lot of people do it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
I think they're kind of bitches if they do yeah, yeah
, they could be said either way.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
You know, it's a fucking weird thing.
It's like a yeah it's a balanceit is, it is a balance.
It's a balance.
It's tough, almost brave, likeif you know it, if you know how
fucked up it is, and you do itanyway.
That's almost kind of fuckingbrave, maybe.
Or crazy, stupid, crazy.
What do they call it, phony?
(08:03):
Tough, crazy, brave.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Something, some shit like some.
I just don't like it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
So you were just doing my own, doing your own
thing.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah, and didn't have any encouragement from him to
keep doing my own thing oranything like that.
Of course, yeah, and yeah, oneday.
One of the reasons you knowthat, uh, our relationship broke
, my relationship with thegirlfriend broke, broke down Was
(08:32):
just explosions of anger.
Yeah, one day my dad explodedin anger and I just I couldn't
do it anymore, so I just startedliving in the van.
I was it as cargo van metalfloor Metal, just pure.
No windows, just a metal box.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
That was 2017 and that was van life and you were
doing van life before.
It was cool.
There's a bunch of youtubersand shit like, sell their
mansion and go live in a fuckingvan to start a YouTube channel
or a tiktok or something.
But you're like, you were likepure with it, you weren't trying
(09:14):
to start something right,there's a lot of.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I think that's kind of cool.
There's a lot of people thatlive like that.
You know that move into theirvehicle out of a desperate
desperation.
I'm not the only one that hashad to do that.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Well, yours was like your your freedom, right.
That was like a step of freedomversus People who are trying to
do it for views and to just, oh, we're gonna go live in a van.
How cute, here's our build out.
Here's what we did Like I don'tknow, I'm sick of those.
Can we stop those?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Well, we just fucking stop.
Those people already can dowhat you can do, instead of
stopping them, as you justunsubscribe.
You just don't.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I know don't look at it.
Well, I Keep seeing it.
That's the thing is if schoolbus, the schoolies it's gonna
build nose out.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Well, where do you see it Like?
Do you see it Like?
Is there somebody like thatManufactures these places that
you drive by, and you see it allthe time?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
No, why are you see yeah, I see it on that fucking
thing.
You're scrolling through myfucking stupid scroll.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I see you got a pop, so yeah, I know I'm subscribed
from that scroll man.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I don't.
I don't subscribe from thewhole fucking thing.
If I could, you can like Iwould throw it in the ocean.
I would throw my phone with myFacebook and my tic-tac and all
the other bullshit right in thefucking ocean if I could.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
It's like a companion had inspired me to get on the
Twitter to share the writing andI.
The home page is just nothingbut a scroll and it's just yeah,
I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
It's manipulative too , because we keep looking for
like little hits adobe but meanyou know, oh, make me laugh,
make me laugh, and I don't know.
I don't know, it Can't do thescroll man.
There's some shit I like, butdoes it make my life any better?
Fuck?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
no.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Probably, in some weird long-term way, it makes me
more unhappy and just kind offucking fries my noodle a little
bit.
And I mean I Probably didn'tscroll like most people until
five years ago, seven years ago,that's when that they figured
that out.
(11:27):
The tech companies kind offigured out that fucking scroll.
The scroll was figured out.
You know what I mean.
No, like where they just honedit in, where you're like getting
hit with shit you like and itknows you and the algorithm just
feeds you.
The perfect thing to just keepyou doing.
It.
Don't feed the system man, yeah,but I mean I guess I was lucky
(11:48):
that, mike, I feel bad for kidsBecause they're helpless.
My brain was at least developed.
I made it, you know, past 25,when my prefrontal cortex could
fucking figure out what the fuckit was doing with the world.
So I was allowed to developWhatever fucking brain.
I have not much of one, but Igot it.
(12:09):
But these kids, man, oh fuck,that's just horrible.
That's horrible, but anyway.
So you were doing the van lifething just for freedom in a, in
a way right, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, that's Freedom, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I've been doing it since six years.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Well, except for COVID COVID, I was lucky enough
to be on a farm.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Vineyard actually.
So you decided to do it.
How?
And once again, this isn't vanlife for a fucking YouTube
channel.
This is van life because oneyou needed to to, you wanted the
freedom and you kind ofunplugged.
Well, I did that, I knew youkind of unplug now.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I was still scrolling .
I Was scrolling for a while I Iwas forced off the scroll when
I went to go on to marketplace,the Facebook marketplace yeah
and they wanted my ID and I.
There's too much work,ridiculous, I'm not, not, no, so
(13:26):
my Facebook's locked up, whichis awesome, so that's just so.
You had one and it's fuckingtoast it's toasted because, yeah
, I went to go on marketplace,yeah, it's cool, so I'm, yeah,
but now I have a Twitter but Idon't go on the scroll.
I did a couple times like yeah,I envy that.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
I'd like to get off of it it's.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I don't know what start like a rehab clinic just
for fucking the scroll.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Man like a Inpatient fucking it's tough cuz.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Sometimes I think maybe I want to just scroll
through Facebook.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
It's nice, it's, it's easy, it's too easy.
It's too easy and it learns youand Then it feeds you exactly
what you want, which is toofucking easy.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I got tired of it.
It's gross.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, yeah.
So you were.
What were your?
I mean living.
I Guess you would say Well, inthe van doing the van van life
thing Floor.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Actually, what were?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
the challenges, what, what sucked?
About it at first that youdidn't anticipate.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
It's always challenging.
Yeah, it's always challenging.
Yeah it's just finding peace,you know, and chill through the
challenge.
And one of the interestingthings that I think With how
people respond about happiness,something we were stroking
earlier.
It's about being happy.
(15:07):
See these rich people who areunhappy.
And here's the dude who'ssmiling.
Being a vibe and guy in his van.
Yeah, doesn't have much of adime but, chill and I don't know
.
There's something to thatsomething to that.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I mean it's um and I think I mean the just to go back
, not to keep beating the deadhorse, but the reason people
Start YouTube channels doingthis, because I think there's
some little dream and everyonethat's plugged in with their 40
hours a week and their big-assmortgage and All the pressures
(15:48):
and stresses that they havegoing on, there's some kind of a
little fantasy.
Somewhere in there that likemaybe I could fucking do that.
What would that be like to justbe me and the fucking road and
myself and Beauty, nature,seeing different things,
traveling, like what would thatbe fucking like?
Because so many of the peopleat least a lot of the Suburban
(16:13):
class I guess I'm a part of andthen I see a lot of is I just
notice.
It's kind of like you look atyou starting to do that and then
you look at them who's in thecage?
I think in a way they're in thecage, they're trapped, you're
(16:39):
not to an extent.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
You have different challenges.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
That's what I mean Different challenges, but I
think that's the fantasy.
So suburban people holding downjobs, families, mortgages, car
payments, the whole fucking nineyards I mean that's a trap.
You're stuck to that, you'rechained to your debt, you're
chained to what you owe, youcan't stop working or all of
(17:07):
that's gone and the banks arecoming after I never stopped
working, I still.
You know what I mean you can't.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
My band wasn't paid off, you know, when I was living
in it, you know, still had tofinish paying it off.
I was still paying that.
I still paid insurance.
I still pay registration, yeah,pay for gas.
So one of the things I starteddoing was I got a storage unit.
I said, okay, I'm just going toget a storage unit.
Okay, you know.
And I was lucky enough to finda place that was family owned.
(17:35):
So it was chill, it wasn'tawful.
Yeah, so that was.
I found so much to be thankfulfor my first night in the van.
I've smiled in such contentment, you know, and thought of all
the people in the world thatdidn't even have a roof to sleep
under even a metal floor, youknow to sleep on.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, and just being thankful for something simple.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah, and being thankful I wasn't going to be
around my dad, who would justfreak out for no reason you know
and just be a negativeinfluence on me anymore.
Yeah, I was free of that.
So, yeah, free of big time andkeep working on being my own man
.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So and that's just interesting, that first night,
you know like the kind of smile.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah, I was at a bar.
I was at a bar that he hated,so I knew I wouldn't see him.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Okay, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
It was.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I stated.
I went to that bar a lot, Islept in that parking lot a lot.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That's the other thing with the van is you get a
fucking find a place to put it?
Was that kind of a challenge?
Speaker 1 (18:46):
to figure out, always a challenge.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Still a challenge.
Still a challenge.
So what's?
How do?
What was your kind of learningprocess with that?
What are the nuances with that?
I mean, and these aren't.
Once again, this is you tryingto do it on a necessity, not
these people with likecampgrounds booked and you know
to try to to glamorously do it.
(19:09):
Well, they like book it out andget all these places and shit,
but you're just trying tosurvive doing it.
You're just like, okay, this isa necessity and this is my
freedom.
What are your, what are yourchallenges from parking it and
what's that learning process andlike trying to find a place to
hang out.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Yeah.
So, parking is oh man, you gotto just find the spot that's
quiet.
You know it's kind of where Iblend in, right.
So you want to find likevehicles?
I can't.
I don't want to describe whatmy vehicle looks like.
I mean, I guess I coulddescribe it it's a white van
(19:51):
yeah, yeah.
It looks like every other whitevan.
Yeah, so I just find otherwhite vanes, the part next to
sometimes blend right in.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
What do they call that?
They call that something likecovert camping or camouflage.
I don't know.
You know, like people have likea big, like RV.
It's pretty fucking obvious.
Yeah, what about like Walmart'sand shit?
I always say a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I try to stay out of Walmart's.
So the thing with my van itdoesn't have any windows, so I
need to open the door to haveair.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
And that that's a vulnerable vulnerability, so I
need to find something secure.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Like a little more private, yeah, private.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
So yeah it's.
It takes a lot of effort tonail down a location where I'm
not going to get bothered Okay,cause I want to keep coming back
to it where I want to find acouple locations that I could
jump to.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
You get fucked with a lot by like at first.
You probably get fucked withmore like security or police or
property owners.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, that first year was an adjustment.
Yeah, definitely that firstsummer.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Lots of adjustment and just parking right in town,
yeah, not giving a hoot.
What would happen?
Oh my God.
The one guy who was drunk.
It was like two o'clock.
I parked outside of hisapartment and he just I'm like,
(21:23):
oh man, I see a guy, fuck CauseI don't want to be seen getting
into it.
Just, you know less as more.
So anyway, he saw, he saw megetting in and he just starts
banging on the truck.
I'm like, oh my God, I have apolicy I don't open the door at
night, cause this this night wasa little chillier.
I guess I was closing the door.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Oh, it's two AM.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Cool, it's two AM.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
He's drunk, banging on the door, calling me asshole,
bum, whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah, and he waves down a cop and the cops try to
open the door and like, whateverrain, his registration license,
blah, blah, blah.
It's all good.
If he's in there sleeping,that's fine, you know, as long
as he doesn't steal anything,you know he does give us a call,
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Otherwise leave him alone.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Just fucked off then.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah so.
I had another guy.
Uh, I was parked on the samestreet, just the other end of
the street, same town, just on,and then the opposite end.
I'm brushing my teeth the oneday and this boomer comes out.
He comes out and his arms areall shaking Like you all right,
(22:40):
dude.
And I'm like what are you doinghere?
I'm brushing my teeth, I don'twant you living here and you're
freaking my wife out, oh geez.
Like uh, well, it's a publicstreet, you know parking here,
you know.
It's like, why do you have topark here?
I'm like, well, this is theclosest street you know, without
you know a time limit to thecenter of town.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
So I don't have to like walk as far as he hang out
at the Starbucks and uh, yeah,so he was telling me he's like
from Northeast Philly anddoesn't put up with this.
I'm like listen, man, you knowI can't just leave because you
want me to leave.
You know, because eventually,if I you know, freaking someone
out is in a crime.
(23:25):
Yeah.
Yeah, oh man, and then thatsame summer yeah, same street.
Now I'm in the middle of thestreet, okay, and uh, you like
that street.
I like that street.
Like I said, it was close tothe center of town.
It didn't really have any uhrestrictions, yeah, parking
(23:46):
restrictions.
And uh, the one day I'm sittingdown and I'm making making some
dinner and a cop comes up to meand says hey, I got a call.
I'm like all right, you know,it's like just wanted to come
out and make sure you're allright.
Yeah, I'm all right.
It's like all right, cool, letme just talk when he shares his
(24:06):
name and say okay, cool, he'slike all right, I'll see you
later or have a good night, orwhatever.
Yeah, next day I finish cookingfor everything away.
Undercover car shows up to fourcars show up.
Fuck, they show up in four.
(24:27):
And so this guy comes up.
He's like yeah, I got acomplaint.
You know, I got a call, someonewas cooking Outside of their
van or in their van, like oh,okay.
Yeah, you know cooking yeah,like pushing with the propane.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Propane stove Right on the street and it sent four
cops for fucking cooking.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, big time.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
No, no, I was there cooking Labor Day weekend?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, I could.
I was there.
So part of the reason I wasthere is I didn't really have
too much money.
I was only gonna drive to go toa job.
Yeah, let's see, drive to justgo somewhere, waste my gas,
waste my money.
Yeah, I'm gonna drive to workand I didn't have any work lined
up.
So wait, it's all work lined up.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Anyway.
So they said I needed to getout of there.
Like, well, I've got a LaborDay party to go to, so I'm
leaving under my own volition.
There, you go and anyway youcan't fire me, I quit and it was
an interesting interactionbecause he didn't see me cooking
(25:42):
.
But he went over to some of thelocal ordinances, like no Going
to the bathroom in public, youknow.
No cooking on the street or onthe sidewalk, yeah, and I'm like
what about public properties?
Like, public property is fineif you have permission, you know
from whoever's living there.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
You mean private property.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah.
Yeah and Huh.
So yeah, it was cool so thenyou're learning the laws a
little bit here too learning thelaws are incredibly important
because One of the things I'vedeveloped in going through, uh,
my breakdown with my girlfriendand then Going to behavioral
health was, uh, relationships,yeah, you know, and one of the
(26:23):
relationships we have, ourrelationships with law
enforcement and the law andsociety in general.
Yeah, and with all theserelationships, it's really
important to understandboundaries and expectations.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And uh so that's where, yeah, learning the law is
incredibly important and we canget to some of that when we get
.
I moved down to florida.
Uh, so that interaction hedidn't see me, he cooking or
anything.
I finished putting everythingaway.
He tells me you know, and notlet it cook or anything, and I
(26:59):
say, okay, what's your name?
He tells me his name like oh ohyou related to the other guy's
name will just say frank, yeah,he's like.
Yeah, that's my uh Olderbrother.
I'm like, oh yeah, for the copthat came in the other day like
(27:19):
oh yeah, who outranks who?
He's like I do, there you go.
I thought that was kind offunny because the older brother
saw me cooking, didn't saynothing.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh shit, well, so that's kind of the challenge.
But it's um, and it's not justlike being in the van, it's like
you also could have do stuff,cook something or get out, or,
when you can't just lock up inthere the whole time now I'm
forced to interact with thepublic all the time.
(27:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I'm constantly in the public.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Constantly in the public eye.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Well, because that's just basically a place to sleep
and chill, like everything elseyou got to be outside to do.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah and do my laundry.
So after that interaction withthe police I walked to go do my
laundry, talking with the oneguy at the laundromat and he
lives, uh down by the one cornerwith the guy that uh Didn't
like me living there fromnortheast Philly.
Yeah, and I asked, I told himabout Just everything.
(28:21):
I told you essentially, and hesaid, oh yeah, if you want to
cook, you could cook right on myfront step.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
No, no shit, it's kind of nice, it is.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
It's great same day.
Then I went to the labor dayparty.
I had a good time, got hotItalian sausage on the way up.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
So you found.
You found some people thatfucked with you over the years,
but then has there been somegood.
I mean, like that guy with hisporch.
There've been some good helpers.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
More than there are haters really.
Oh yeah, I mean, there's alwaysa see a haters, but I try to,
let's just see a haters.
You know, it's those Helpersthat are wonderful, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
What kind of, what kind of help have you gotten?
Oh, what do you, I guess, inthis journey, and as you're
starting it, like, what do you,what are you becoming grateful
for?
Like, who, what?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I guess I can't specifically say who on this
show, but who um?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Wow, I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I mean you could just describe what they Kind of did,
or how somebody helped you orit's just relationships in
general, um just being presentfor somebody, being they're
listening, having something tooffer.
Yeah, you know and justhonestly being present and just
being a good person to interactwith Is the seed of everything
(29:46):
else.
You know, Any sort of thingthat can manifest in a
relationship starts with someacknowledgement back and forth.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
I mean if people like let you park on their property,
or like certain business ownersor managers have been like yeah
, I can, but it's cool, likeyou're good, like stay here.
Whatever you need, I got you.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I receive so much love and support.
As uh a late friend said, theworld is wonderfully abundant.
No, it's a good way to think ofit.
So there's plenty of Abundanceout there, there's plenty of
room.
It's just uh, being open to thepossibility.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
You still feel that too.
I mean this day and age.
Yeah you feel the abundance,the positivity.
You see the helpers.
I mean you're more in it than alot of people are Right,
because if you're just goingback and forth to your house
from work, you're not runninginto situations where people
need to be nice or you need tobe nice to them.
(30:49):
Everything you do, work andhome is all transactional right.
It's.
I get this because I did this.
But if you're living the wayyou are, there's a little more
Relationship to it, there's alittle bit more um, where you're
really interacting with people,the environment, the world, the
(31:10):
.
Yeah, really real lawenforcement, security guards,
managers, these people thatpeople like in, not that you
have to be nice, but you have totry To maybe understand people
more than most do and formrelationships and be
(31:31):
compassionate and beunderstanding, to kind of get
some of that back, you know, isthat kind of it's accurate.
That's how I see it.
Oh, that's accurate yeah and Ithink about my day like I don't.
I don't run into a lot of thosesituations Like everything's
transactional, I can go to myhouse because I paid for my
(31:52):
house, and that's.
That's different.
I've never really quite thoughtof shit like that and that's
interesting.
And you're on the other.
So what did?
What did you kind of what doesthat taught you?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Well, uh, actually one thing, uh, one of the people
that have uh come up to me andinteracted with me, and he
suggested that money is alubricant for social interaction
.
Just one of the aspects ofmoney.
Okay, I thought that was reallyinteresting because when I got
down here, god delivered me anangel who connected me with some
(32:27):
work and this angel enjoys thefiner qualities of being alive
and she likes to take photos andI offered her some money to
take some Private photos forsome male modeling.
So we'll see if she says.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yes to that.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
So, you know, she can say no, but at least offer her
some money rather than hopingshe'll do it for free.
Yeah, I know she needs themoney.
Well, it's nice to be able to.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Like if people can give their time abundantly, you
know, and, like you said, it's awork of art, you know, and,
like you said, it's a world ofabundance.
Well, time sometimes is thehardest thing to have an
abundance of, because it's afine idea, replaceable resource,
and like it's it's nice to beable to pay people for the time,
(33:24):
if you can, I mean, and that'sthat's employment.
Right there, they're trading,you know, time for money, that's
that's what it is.
But, um, yeah, and I think it'sthe greatest gift you can give,
really more than money, morethan things, more than access.
If you give someone time,that's something you'll never
(33:46):
get back.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
It's gone.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's gone forever.
You make more money.
You can get more property.
If you borrow shit to people,loan shit to people, you can get
more.
That's all replaceable.
That's infinite.
But yeah, time is just sofucking finite.
It's almost scary when youthink of it like that.
Like you help your friend move,it takes you fucking six hours
(34:10):
and you're like fuck, that'sgone forever.
It goes my whole day.
But then just something elsejust struck me there Talking
with you about this and yourscrolling thing.
We put so much value.
Like if I helped a friend movefor four hours, I'm like fuck,
(34:30):
or help him do something, somekind of task.
Maybe you didn't wanna do it.
How much time do you wastefucking scrolling?
Like, how much do we waste?
We attach a price to it forwork and other things and our
weekends and vacations andwhatever we do is so valued.
(34:51):
But then how much do we justfucking waste?
Just burn it Like we're tryingto get through it instead of
holding on to it like we wouldmoney.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Can't hold on to the time.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
More valuable than money, do you think?
Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's definitely more valuable than money, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Without time If you're out of time, money
doesn't mean shit.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Right time rules money.
If there's a hierarchy ofthings that rule things, time
rules more than anything then itwould be energy, which can be
considered like a money, andthen there's the action with
that energy.
And then there's love, mercy,wisdom.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
It's an interesting way to think of it.
So you're doing this, so you'rejust recently down to Florida,
not too long ago, but you weredoing this up in Pennsylvania
for five, six years, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (35:58):
2017, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Yeah, six years.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Do you meet or interact with or hang out with
other people that do the samething?
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Not often.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
You see someone else camping doing what you're doing.
Do you ever like hey?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Actually, when I got down here, I did meet someone
pretty early on Having thosesort of interactions.
It's kind of despondent.
He's still, I think, living inhis trauma, figuring out his own
life.
He's kind of in his own thing,Everyone's in their own thing
and a lot of given space justfor people to be themselves.
(36:49):
One of the things I picked upbefore my relationship broke
down was that I'm to be anexample.
I picked this up after doingsome yoga and I had done yoga
for seven years with theintention that I'm having union
(37:10):
with God and I had started to goto a church that practiced
meditation, which practicedlistening to the whisper of God.
So then I was in that,incorporating more meditation
into my practice, and I finallyreceived them to be an example,
and so I'm learning that as I goalong.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
So like trying to, yeah, inspire, I mean that's the
best way to teach, wouldn't itbe?
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Yeah, one of the things I could never stand in
the learning process is someonewho ever says, do as I say, not
as I do.
Then you're not leading byexample from the very beginning,
from your very words.
And if I can't trust you onyour word, then what good?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
is your word.
That's hard to do too.
Yeah, to do as I say, not as Ido.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
That's a hard standard, but really it's an
impossible standard becausewe're monkey, we monkey see
monkey.
Do you know not monkey hearmonkey, do monkey don't hear and
understand English or anylanguage?
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Well, and it's like you can tell people things all
day.
They can read a million books,they can hear it all.
But you know, example, example.
I guess that's the best way itreally is.
If you're trying to changesomeone, maybe even two, like
Anything Show them a positiveexample and mirror that what you
(38:38):
want to see.
Mirror it to them.
Yeah, you know that's a goodway to fucking think of shit, I
mean you have kids that's likeyour first man.
That's one of those things likeyou have a life before and after
kids.
Yeah, you're just like, becauseyou're raising little mini, use
(39:02):
little mirrors.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
They pick up on the vibe, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
You know something fucked up.
I heard, though, and it waskind of like there's a certain
age where your kids are notlearning from you as much as
they are from other kids Becausepsychologically they can't
process you being the same asthem.
There's like the certain agerange where you look like God,
(39:29):
like you can do anything you cancook, you can reach everything,
You're big, you can drive andthey're mostly watching and like
learning, learning a lot oftheir behaviors from like other
kids, like school stuff, likethat, because they see that, as
you know, similar or maybe evenlike little older kids, and it
(39:51):
was interesting watching my kidsgrow up doing that like where
they're really emulating theirpeers.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
Their peers.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
And you see how important that is.
As they grow up like that, wegive them like a good pasture.
You know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
That's the whole inspiration to start living in
the van was.
I didn't have that example,yeah, and it led to a breakdown.
I didn't want to have thatrepeat itself.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Well and I think, like the and I heard this from
somewhere, I didn't invent theway this is said, but I've
always kind of felt the conceptof it especially well.
Actually, only since raisingkids is this guy said be
shepherds, not engineers.
So you're not engineering yourkid, like.
(40:51):
And we have these parentalrelationships where maybe they
tried to engineer us like you'regoing to play piano, you're
going to do this, you're goingto be good at that, because I
was good at that, and they'renot you and you're not them.
You're different, you have somesimilarities, but I think that
(41:11):
in this world we have now, oflike, either hyper success or
hyper neglect, because one ofthe two ways it's like people
try to engineer their kids alittle too much in that, instead
of just realizing I just needto give them a safe place to
live, some good examples, andthey're going to become their
(41:35):
own people, and that's thefucking point right, that's
beautiful.
That's a good way to put it thepoint is not to create this
statue or this work of art.
At the end.
The point is to create a kidthat can become a functioning
adult, and the sooner they leave, maybe the better.
(41:55):
You did Like if they leave at18 and go out and okay, cool,
see you at Christmas, come visit.
You know, that seems to be agood thing because they're on
their journey.
You started that and I don'tknow it's a fucked up thing.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
Why 18,?
Why not 14?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
I just thought I was I was kind of.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
I was working doing my own thing from 14, 15.
Like, my mom barely saw me.
I was just, you know, sleepingthere, and I mean they were.
I had a nice house to go hometo and all that kind of stuff.
There was no problem there.
But I was wanting to get mylife started.
That's beautiful and I wasfortunate I didn't have to go
(42:38):
back, but that was.
I think we we may be misjudgedor don't understand what raising
kids is.
You know you're not supposed tomake them straight A students
and professional athletes andyou don't make them anything.
They make themselves what theydo.
And you know all the trainingand sports and all the studying
(43:05):
and grade pressure you put onthem.
You know there's a we want youto achieve, but you're not going
to engineer them into somethingthey're not.
Yeah, so that's anyway.
It's my tie rate about that.
Thank you for coming to my tenttalk.
Yeah, but how did you, how didyou decide to come down to
(43:29):
Florida?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
It's a really simple decision.
I was tired of another winnerin the cold and I picked.
One of the things we weretalking about earlier was a plan
versus just going with it, andI was one to just kind of go
with it.
But my brother suggested to atleast have a sum plan.
(43:51):
You know, pick a spot.
So I started doing someresearch and looked at different
towns in Florida.
I saw that Tampa had a reallyunique climate in that part of
it is subtropical and the otherpart of it is like this Southern
climate.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
And there's like a line yeah.
And it's like it cuts an anglefrom Tampa Bay to Orlando,
basically of like climate zones.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
Weird.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
You can see the temperature maps.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
So I saw that and I said, okay, well, I got to stay
below that line, becauseotherwise, if I'm up above that
line, it's going to be cold andthere's no point in driving all
this way if it's cold.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
So I drove down and then I looked at the Sarasota
area because it was a little notas developed, at least from
what I could tell, and then Isaw other things that are even
less developed further south,and it just kept going south.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
I mean the ocean's beautiful,the beaches are beautiful.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
It's fucking great.
It's better than PennsylvaniaWeather wise anyway.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
This time of year at least, yeah.
I hear it gets nasty in thesummertime.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
Well, that's the inspiration to keep working, to
get a job, lifeguarding and hangout on the beach?
Because I asked him is it goingto be hot in the summer and
like now, we got a nice oceanbreeze Like all right.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
If you're on the water in the summer, it's not
bad.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
I'm going to be all right if I get that job.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
I definitely agree with that.
It's not.
If you get a little breeze andyou're on the water, it's nice,
it's comfortable and you gotsomething to keep you out the
sun.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
We get that rain every day, though, too.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
I heard I heard a lot about this Florida weather in
the spring.
I heard it was real intense.
I hear it comes down real hardlike that's what I hear.
I don't know, I haven'texperienced it.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
I heard someone explain it really well.
It's not like we have winter,fall, spring and summer
Traditionally and this year wasfucking weird but there's like a
wet season and a dry seasonwhen you get below a certain
point in Florida, because thetemperature doesn't vary that
much, because at the hottestit's getting up into the low
(46:17):
nineties or something like thatmost of the time, which isn't
you know, that's not Phoenix hot, and then typically our highs
in the winter could be around 70or 75.
So it's like, okay, so thetemperature doesn't vary.
So what's the big difference?
Typically it doesn't rain allwinter, it's dry, and by March
(46:42):
there have been forest fires andshit March, april, and then the
rain start coming in.
But it's not like what we'reused to up in, you know, the
Midwest or the other part of thecountry, where the front spring
, the storms in the rain, right,all those fronts, it's more
like the air just gets fuckingsaturated with humidity.
(47:02):
You know it's so humid and thenit just pops.
So it's like more tropical.
So you get rainy season, likerains every day for like 20
minutes.
It's cool though, but kind ofannoying.
But you can count on it.
Count on it yeah, cool shit off.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
I bet.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Which leaves you with like a nice late afternoon and
evening.
Speaker 1 (47:28):
That does sound nice, maybe I will stick around for
the summer?
Yeah, at least the early part.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
So did you ever have like you've done this for a long
time have you ever had safetyissues where, like, people steal
shit or fucking threatening you?
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yeah, I said the guy lying on the door.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Nobody ever tried to like fucking break in, rob you.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
I don't know.
I haven't seen any indicationof that.
That's good.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
So you felt pretty safe.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
I mean as safe as I can be.
I mean there's always a levelof vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
It's like my life is that way.
Yeah, jesus Christ, I'm drivingon the road and anything
happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,like every moment, you know it's
an opportunity for catastrophe.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Yeah, I'm living on the edge man.
So if you could go back tomaybe 28 years old, I guess the
kind of question is, I mean,would you do it again?
What would you do different?
(48:37):
What would you tell yourself?
Is there a lesson and a moralthat you've kind of found on
this journey?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
No, I don't like those sort of questions because
there's no point in everthinking about them, because
that was that time of my life,you know, and I made whatever
decision I made and it led towonderful opportunities to live
in love, and I am so thankfulfor all the opportunities I've
(49:08):
had since and I just wouldn'tchange a thing.
Living without regret is reallyimportant.
I think having any amount ofregret is just a lack of
acceptance and that's not okay.
You know, if you can't acceptreality, you're never going to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
What's the best thing you learned?
Speaker 1 (49:29):
Just keep being in breathing love.
Yeah, yeah, keep being inbreathing love, keep being an
example.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
I read one of your one of your posts and one of the
ones I liked the most, becauseyou have the.
You have a blog that you writeon Was the the one about
surviving?
Ain't no same in the game.
Ain't no shame in the game.
Ain't no shame in the game.
We got no shame in the game.
I thought that was just a coollike little lesson, and you you
(49:59):
summarized it really nice.
But is that something you kindof learned over the last six,
seven years?
Speaker 1 (50:06):
Yeah, it's one of the things I picked up at the
emotional mental health facilitySomething we talked about.
You know some just being ingroup.
One important one of the thingsI like to say is I take group
with me wherever I go.
One of the things that, forpeople who do participate in
group, they really enjoy itbecause it's an opportunity to
be acknowledged, to have thatinteraction in a positive,
(50:30):
healthy, expansive way, not somesort of negative, unhealthy,
contractive way, and they wantmore of it.
Most people want more of thatand the only thing that makes
group group is what you bring togroup, so you could take group
with you wherever you go.
We're in a group session rightnow.
Yeah, talking about things.
(50:52):
Yeah, just sharing shit withpeople sharing shit with people
being acknowledged.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Acknowledgement.
That's really important.
That is huge.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
It's the first step If you're in recovery of
anything.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Yeah, it's like proof that you exist almost at some
kind of fucking base level.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
First thing I know is I don't know anything.
Yeah, that's a good way to putit Well, cool.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
Thank you for coming on sharing the story.
It's really great talking withyou.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me on here
and thank you for having theneed for content.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Yeah, yeah, hey, we're trying to do a good thing.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
I'm looking forward to giving this a listen here and
what other people had to share.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
Yeah it's going to be real cool to check it out Well,
thanks, and to the listenersout there, thank you for tuning
in till next time.
Stay out of trouble.
We'll see you in church, thanks.
Alright, serious, serious.
What's that?
I don't know how to be serious.
That's who my boss always saysyou don't know how to be serious
.
I'm like, well, I'm serious atchillin.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
So that's the dude.
That's right, right, there youneed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I should have got you a fucking mudslider, white
Russian wait, russian, we shouldhave got you Too much dairy
today.
Already had a quarter pound ofcheese.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
You had a quarter pound of cheese.
Yes not a quarter pounder withcheese.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
No Quarter pound of cheese go to cheese.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hey, hold on backup.
Thank you for tuning in to theredacted podcast.
(01:14):
We have our guest here who'sagreed to come on under the
condition that he's Anonymous,as identities not revealed.
He's just the dude.
We're just gonna call him thedude.
He kind of looks like the dude.
He acts like the dude.
It's cool, I like it.
Um, back there in the sand onthe soundboard we have Pamela.
(01:35):
She's been sworn to secrecy.
She's not gonna reveal who heis.
And yeah, man, thanks forcoming in, thanks for being on
the show.
You get some interesting shit.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
You really do, and when, I Don't know, we first
interacted or we were emailing.
I got to read some of your,your writings, and I guess
that's what drew me to it, um,because you're an extremely
talented writer and you have afuck ton to say.
So I was like, fuck it, we'vegot to get this, this guy, on
(02:10):
the show.
We, we got to talk with him, wegot to pick his brain, we got
to see what kind of a life he'slived, because it's interesting
as fuck.
So, um, I guess you know ifwe're gonna tell the story and
talk about it like, where didyou kind of start?
Where did you grow up?
Just kind of briefly, so we canget a picture of when you were
(02:33):
at before this.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Well, I started it as a sexual act with my parents.
They uh fire.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
No shit me too.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So that's what.
That's where I started.
Was my parents fucking?
So I started like that and Iended up here on On your podcast
.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Man, what a journey, Wow, what a Okay.
So more specifically um, wheredid you, where did you kind of
grow up like what kind of cityarea?
Speaker 1 (03:08):
where I grew up.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I like to say we're on a journey that I grew up at a
emotional health facility.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
That's where I grew up, you know.
Prior to that I was just a punkand Now I feel like a man, so
I'm really thankful for my time.
You know some behavioral health.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
What's it?
What the fuck's?
An emotional health facility.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Um, I can't give the name away, but it's just any
sort of you know place thatworks on behavioral health,
emotional, mental health,therapists, you know group
sessions what age were you?
I turned 28, yeah, when Saturnreturned at 28.
(03:54):
Actually, I started going totherapy.
Around the same time, I startedliving in the van okay.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Okay, you know, was that an inpatient thing?
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Mmm, no, I was not required to go.
Was outpatient.
Okay, I was there on my ownvolition.
I Started to sign up for itwhen my relationship was
breaking down.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
I was in a relationship with a woman and
she was telling me my relate.
You know the relationship isbreaking down?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yeah, in your mid to late 20s.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, yeah and she's much older and and 50 something.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, okay.
Beautiful model they call thata cougar.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah, I guess you could call it that okay, cougar
hot.
She was like a lion.
Oh my god, whoo beautifulblonde hair, mmm.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
And this was.
This was like up in what, whatcity?
North of Philly okay, north ofPhilly, okay, so you're with her
.
Relationship breaks down and itfucked you up pretty bad.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Well, you know, I Was working a job and the guy that
what I was working with, he wassaying you know, I can't pay you
what I'm paying, you have topay you less.
And I said Okay, you know,that's like don't.
Well, it is I agree.
And so the next day I told him,I said hey my relationship's
(05:27):
breaking down, and, and that'swhy I seem so out of it, that's
why I seem just out of it.
Yeah, I'm out of it.
Yeah so I understand why I payme less.
So he told me to go to thisPlace, and he was the third
person to tell me to go anotherperson was my girlfriend at the
(05:51):
time and the other person was mysister.
So once he told me, I said okay, there's my third indication.
Yeah, so that was around Julyof 2018, 2017, 2017, 27 it does
(06:13):
it was around July 2017 and thenyes, the relationship broke
down.
I left August 1st to go livewith my dad.
Mm-hmm and then I saw in my dadall the reasons why my
relationship broke down.
According to my girlfriend, ohShit.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, I know shit moment like a mirror, somebody
holding a mirror to you.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I Don't know about a mirror, but it was seeing a
similar, because he's not me andI'm not him, so mirror doesn't
fit.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
But maybe some of the same fucking broken parts same
yeah, yeah I get that, I getthat.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I think we all get that in some some way so, so
that, and then he, I Wasthinking I can't stay here much
longer.
You know, and now, like I said,I was working, the guy couldn't
pay me, as much and I hadstopped working when I moved to
go live with my dad, and I wasin between yeah things and still
(07:25):
trying to do handyman work,just working independently,
because who can work for a boss?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, oh yeah Sox yeah a lot of people do it.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
I think they're kind of bitches if they do yeah, yeah
, they could be said either way.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
You know, it's a fucking weird thing.
It's like a yeah it's a balanceit is, it is a balance.
It's a balance.
It's tough, almost brave, likeif you know it, if you know how
fucked up it is, and you do itanyway.
That's almost kind of fuckingbrave, maybe.
Or crazy, stupid, crazy.
What do they call it, phony?
(08:03):
Tough, crazy, brave.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Something, some shit like some.
I just don't like it.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
So you were just doing my own, doing your own
thing.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Yeah, and didn't have any encouragement from him to
keep doing my own thing oranything like that.
Of course, yeah, and yeah, oneday.
One of the reasons you knowthat, uh, our relationship broke
, my relationship with thegirlfriend broke, broke down Was
(08:32):
just explosions of anger.
Yeah, one day my dad explodedin anger and I just I couldn't
do it anymore, so I just startedliving in the van.
I was it as cargo van metalfloor Metal, just pure.
No windows, just a metal box.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
That was 2017 and that was van life and you were
doing van life before.
It was cool.
There's a bunch of youtubersand shit like, sell their
mansion and go live in a fuckingvan to start a YouTube channel
or a tiktok or something.
But you're like, you were likepure with it, you weren't trying
(09:14):
to start something right,there's a lot of.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I think that's kind of cool.
There's a lot of people thatlive like that.
You know that move into theirvehicle out of a desperate
desperation.
I'm not the only one that hashad to do that.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Well, yours was like your your freedom, right.
That was like a step of freedomversus People who are trying to
do it for views and to just, oh, we're gonna go live in a van.
How cute, here's our build out.
Here's what we did Like I don'tknow, I'm sick of those.
Can we stop those?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Well, we just fucking stop.
Those people already can dowhat you can do, instead of
stopping them, as you justunsubscribe.
You just don't.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I know don't look at it.
Well, I Keep seeing it.
That's the thing is if schoolbus, the schoolies it's gonna
build nose out.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Well, where do you see it Like?
Do you see it Like?
Is there somebody like thatManufactures these places that
you drive by, and you see it allthe time?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
No, why are you see yeah, I see it on that fucking
thing.
You're scrolling through myfucking stupid scroll.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
I see you got a pop, so yeah, I know I'm subscribed
from that scroll man.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
I don't.
I don't subscribe from thewhole fucking thing.
If I could, you can like Iwould throw it in the ocean.
I would throw my phone with myFacebook and my tic-tac and all
the other bullshit right in thefucking ocean if I could.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
It's like a companion had inspired me to get on the
Twitter to share the writing andI.
The home page is just nothingbut a scroll and it's just yeah,
I can't do it.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
It's manipulative too , because we keep looking for
like little hits adobe but meanyou know, oh, make me laugh,
make me laugh, and I don't know.
I don't know, it Can't do thescroll man.
There's some shit I like, butdoes it make my life any better?
Fuck?
Speaker 1 (11:06):
no.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Probably, in some weird long-term way, it makes me
more unhappy and just kind offucking fries my noodle a little
bit.
And I mean I Probably didn'tscroll like most people until
five years ago, seven years ago,that's when that they figured
that out.
(11:27):
The tech companies kind offigured out that fucking scroll.
The scroll was figured out.
You know what I mean.
No, like where they just honedit in, where you're like getting
hit with shit you like and itknows you and the algorithm just
feeds you.
The perfect thing to just keepyou doing.
It.
Don't feed the system man, yeah,but I mean I guess I was lucky
(11:48):
that, mike, I feel bad for kidsBecause they're helpless.
My brain was at least developed.
I made it, you know, past 25,when my prefrontal cortex could
fucking figure out what the fuckit was doing with the world.
So I was allowed to developWhatever fucking brain.
I have not much of one, but Igot it.
(12:09):
But these kids, man, oh fuck,that's just horrible.
That's horrible, but anyway.
So you were doing the van lifething just for freedom in a, in
a way right, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yeah, that's Freedom, you know.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I've been doing it since six years.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Well, except for COVID COVID, I was lucky enough
to be on a farm.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Vineyard actually.
So you decided to do it.
How?
And once again, this isn't vanlife for a fucking YouTube
channel.
This is van life because oneyou needed to to, you wanted the
freedom and you kind ofunplugged.
Well, I did that, I knew youkind of unplug now.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I was still scrolling .
I Was scrolling for a while I Iwas forced off the scroll when
I went to go on to marketplace,the Facebook marketplace yeah
and they wanted my ID and I.
There's too much work,ridiculous, I'm not, not, no, so
(13:26):
my Facebook's locked up, whichis awesome, so that's just so.
You had one and it's fuckingtoast it's toasted because, yeah
, I went to go on marketplace,yeah, it's cool, so I'm, yeah,
but now I have a Twitter but Idon't go on the scroll.
I did a couple times like yeah,I envy that.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
I'd like to get off of it it's.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I don't know what start like a rehab clinic just
for fucking the scroll.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Man like a Inpatient fucking it's tough cuz.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Sometimes I think maybe I want to just scroll
through Facebook.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
It's nice, it's, it's easy, it's too easy.
It's too easy and it learns youand Then it feeds you exactly
what you want, which is toofucking easy.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I got tired of it.
It's gross.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, yeah.
So you were.
What were your?
I mean living.
I Guess you would say Well, inthe van doing the van van life
thing Floor.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Actually, what were?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
the challenges, what, what sucked?
About it at first that youdidn't anticipate.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
It's always challenging.
Yeah, it's always challenging.
Yeah it's just finding peace,you know, and chill through the
challenge.
And one of the interestingthings that I think With how
people respond about happiness,something we were stroking
earlier.
It's about being happy.
(15:07):
See these rich people who areunhappy.
And here's the dude who'ssmiling.
Being a vibe and guy in his van.
Yeah, doesn't have much of adime but, chill and I don't know
.
There's something to thatsomething to that.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
I mean it's um and I think I mean the just to go back
, not to keep beating the deadhorse, but the reason people
Start YouTube channels doingthis, because I think there's
some little dream and everyonethat's plugged in with their 40
hours a week and their big-assmortgage and All the pressures
(15:48):
and stresses that they havegoing on, there's some kind of a
little fantasy.
Somewhere in there that likemaybe I could fucking do that.
What would that be like to justbe me and the fucking road and
myself and Beauty, nature,seeing different things,
traveling, like what would thatbe fucking like?
Because so many of the peopleat least a lot of the Suburban
(16:13):
class I guess I'm a part of andthen I see a lot of is I just
notice.
It's kind of like you look atyou starting to do that and then
you look at them who's in thecage?
I think in a way they're in thecage, they're trapped, you're
(16:39):
not to an extent.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
You have different challenges.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
That's what I mean Different challenges, but I
think that's the fantasy.
So suburban people holding downjobs, families, mortgages, car
payments, the whole fucking nineyards I mean that's a trap.
You're stuck to that, you'rechained to your debt, you're
chained to what you owe, youcan't stop working or all of
(17:07):
that's gone and the banks arecoming after I never stopped
working, I still.
You know what I mean you can't.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
My band wasn't paid off, you know, when I was living
in it, you know, still had tofinish paying it off.
I was still paying that.
I still paid insurance.
I still pay registration, yeah,pay for gas.
So one of the things I starteddoing was I got a storage unit.
I said, okay, I'm just going toget a storage unit.
Okay, you know.
And I was lucky enough to finda place that was family owned.
(17:35):
So it was chill, it wasn'tawful.
Yeah, so that was.
I found so much to be thankfulfor my first night in the van.
I've smiled in such contentment, you know, and thought of all
the people in the world thatdidn't even have a roof to sleep
under even a metal floor, youknow to sleep on.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, and just being thankful for something simple.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Yeah, and being thankful I wasn't going to be
around my dad, who would justfreak out for no reason you know
and just be a negativeinfluence on me anymore.
Yeah, I was free of that.
So, yeah, free of big time andkeep working on being my own man
.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So and that's just interesting, that first night,
you know like the kind of smile.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah, I was at a bar.
I was at a bar that he hated,so I knew I wouldn't see him.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Okay, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
It was.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I stated.
I went to that bar a lot, Islept in that parking lot a lot.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That's the other thing with the van is you get a
fucking find a place to put it?
Was that kind of a challenge?
Speaker 1 (18:46):
to figure out, always a challenge.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Still a challenge.
Still a challenge.
So what's?
How do?
What was your kind of learningprocess with that?
What are the nuances with that?
I mean, and these aren't.
Once again, this is you tryingto do it on a necessity, not
these people with likecampgrounds booked and you know
to try to to glamorously do it.
(19:09):
Well, they like book it out andget all these places and shit,
but you're just trying tosurvive doing it.
You're just like, okay, this isa necessity and this is my
freedom.
What are your, what are yourchallenges from parking it and
what's that learning process andlike trying to find a place to
hang out.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Yeah.
So, parking is oh man, you gotto just find the spot that's
quiet.
You know it's kind of where Iblend in, right.
So you want to find likevehicles?
I can't.
I don't want to describe whatmy vehicle looks like.
I mean, I guess I coulddescribe it it's a white van
(19:51):
yeah, yeah.
It looks like every other whitevan.
Yeah, so I just find otherwhite vanes, the part next to
sometimes blend right in.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
What do they call that?
They call that something likecovert camping or camouflage.
I don't know.
You know, like people have likea big, like RV.
It's pretty fucking obvious.
Yeah, what about like Walmart'sand shit?
I always say a lot of people.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
I try to stay out of Walmart's.
So the thing with my van itdoesn't have any windows, so I
need to open the door to haveair.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
And that that's a vulnerable vulnerability, so I
need to find something secure.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Like a little more private, yeah, private.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
So yeah it's.
It takes a lot of effort tonail down a location where I'm
not going to get bothered Okay,cause I want to keep coming back
to it where I want to find acouple locations that I could
jump to.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
You get fucked with a lot by like at first.
You probably get fucked withmore like security or police or
property owners.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, that first year was an adjustment.
Yeah, definitely that firstsummer.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Lots of adjustment and just parking right in town,
yeah, not giving a hoot.
What would happen?
Oh my God.
The one guy who was drunk.
It was like two o'clock.
I parked outside of hisapartment and he just I'm like,
(21:23):
oh man, I see a guy, fuck CauseI don't want to be seen getting
into it.
Just, you know less as more.
So anyway, he saw, he saw megetting in and he just starts
banging on the truck.
I'm like, oh my God, I have apolicy I don't open the door at
night, cause this this night wasa little chillier.
I guess I was closing the door.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Oh, it's two AM.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Cool, it's two AM.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
He's drunk, banging on the door, calling me asshole,
bum, whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Yeah, and he waves down a cop and the cops try to
open the door and like, whateverrain, his registration license,
blah, blah, blah.
It's all good.
If he's in there sleeping,that's fine, you know, as long
as he doesn't steal anything,you know he does give us a call,
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Otherwise leave him alone.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Just fucked off then.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Yeah so.
I had another guy.
Uh, I was parked on the samestreet, just the other end of
the street, same town, just on,and then the opposite end.
I'm brushing my teeth the oneday and this boomer comes out.
He comes out and his arms areall shaking Like you all right,
(22:40):
dude.
And I'm like what are you doinghere?
I'm brushing my teeth, I don'twant you living here and you're
freaking my wife out, oh geez.
Like uh, well, it's a publicstreet, you know parking here,
you know.
It's like, why do you have topark here?
I'm like, well, this is theclosest street you know, without
you know a time limit to thecenter of town.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
So I don't have to like walk as far as he hang out
at the Starbucks and uh, yeah,so he was telling me he's like
from Northeast Philly anddoesn't put up with this.
I'm like listen, man, you knowI can't just leave because you
want me to leave.
You know, because eventually,if I you know, freaking someone
out is in a crime.
(23:25):
Yeah.
Yeah, oh man, and then thatsame summer yeah, same street.
Now I'm in the middle of thestreet, okay, and uh, you like
that street.
I like that street.
Like I said, it was close tothe center of town.
It didn't really have any uhrestrictions, yeah, parking
(23:46):
restrictions.
And uh, the one day I'm sittingdown and I'm making making some
dinner and a cop comes up to meand says hey, I got a call.
I'm like all right, you know,it's like just wanted to come
out and make sure you're allright.
Yeah, I'm all right.
It's like all right, cool, letme just talk when he shares his
(24:06):
name and say okay, cool, he'slike all right, I'll see you
later or have a good night, orwhatever.
Yeah, next day I finish cookingfor everything away.
Undercover car shows up to fourcars show up.
Fuck, they show up in four.
(24:27):
And so this guy comes up.
He's like yeah, I got acomplaint.
You know, I got a call, someonewas cooking Outside of their
van or in their van, like oh,okay.
Yeah, you know cooking yeah,like pushing with the propane.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Propane stove Right on the street and it sent four
cops for fucking cooking.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Yeah, big time.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
No, no, I was there cooking Labor Day weekend?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, I could.
I was there.
So part of the reason I wasthere is I didn't really have
too much money.
I was only gonna drive to go toa job.
Yeah, let's see, drive to justgo somewhere, waste my gas,
waste my money.
Yeah, I'm gonna drive to workand I didn't have any work lined
up.
So wait, it's all work lined up.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Anyway.
So they said I needed to getout of there.
Like, well, I've got a LaborDay party to go to, so I'm
leaving under my own volition.
There, you go and anyway youcan't fire me, I quit and it was
an interesting interactionbecause he didn't see me cooking
(25:42):
.
But he went over to some of thelocal ordinances, like no Going
to the bathroom in public, youknow.
No cooking on the street or onthe sidewalk, yeah, and I'm like
what about public properties?
Like, public property is fineif you have permission, you know
from whoever's living there.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
You mean private property.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Yeah.
Yeah and Huh.
So yeah, it was cool so thenyou're learning the laws a
little bit here too learning thelaws are incredibly important
because One of the things I'vedeveloped in going through, uh,
my breakdown with my girlfriendand then Going to behavioral
health was, uh, relationships,yeah, you know, and one of the
(26:23):
relationships we have, ourrelationships with law
enforcement and the law andsociety in general.
Yeah, and with all theserelationships, it's really
important to understandboundaries and expectations.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
And uh so that's where, yeah, learning the law is
incredibly important and we canget to some of that when we get
.
I moved down to florida.
Uh, so that interaction hedidn't see me, he cooking or
anything.
I finished putting everythingaway.
He tells me you know, and notlet it cook or anything, and I
(26:59):
say, okay, what's your name?
He tells me his name like oh ohyou related to the other guy's
name will just say frank, yeah,he's like.
Yeah, that's my uh Olderbrother.
I'm like, oh yeah, for the copthat came in the other day like
(27:19):
oh yeah, who outranks who?
He's like I do, there you go.
I thought that was kind offunny because the older brother
saw me cooking, didn't saynothing.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh shit, well, so that's kind of the challenge.
But it's um, and it's not justlike being in the van, it's like
you also could have do stuff,cook something or get out, or,
when you can't just lock up inthere the whole time now I'm
forced to interact with thepublic all the time.
(27:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I'm constantly in the public.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Constantly in the public eye.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Well, because that's just basically a place to sleep
and chill, like everything elseyou got to be outside to do.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah and do my laundry.
So after that interaction withthe police I walked to go do my
laundry, talking with the oneguy at the laundromat and he
lives, uh down by the one cornerwith the guy that uh Didn't
like me living there fromnortheast Philly.
Yeah, and I asked, I told himabout Just everything.
(28:21):
I told you essentially, and hesaid, oh yeah, if you want to
cook, you could cook right on myfront step.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
No, no shit, it's kind of nice, it is.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
It's great same day.
Then I went to the labor dayparty.
I had a good time, got hotItalian sausage on the way up.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
So you found.
You found some people thatfucked with you over the years,
but then has there been somegood.
I mean, like that guy with hisporch.
There've been some good helpers.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
More than there are haters really.
Oh yeah, I mean, there's alwaysa see a haters, but I try to,
let's just see a haters.
You know, it's those Helpersthat are wonderful, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
What kind of, what kind of help have you gotten?
Oh, what do you, I guess, inthis journey, and as you're
starting it, like, what do you,what are you becoming grateful
for?
Like, who, what?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I guess I can't specifically say who on this
show, but who um?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Wow, I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I mean you could just describe what they Kind of did,
or how somebody helped you orit's just relationships in
general, um just being presentfor somebody, being they're
listening, having something tooffer.
Yeah, you know and justhonestly being present and just
being a good person to interactwith Is the seed of everything
(29:46):
else.
You know, Any sort of thingthat can manifest in a
relationship starts with someacknowledgement back and forth.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
I mean if people like let you park on their property,
or like certain business ownersor managers have been like yeah
, I can, but it's cool, likeyou're good, like stay here.
Whatever you need, I got you.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I receive so much love and support.
As uh a late friend said, theworld is wonderfully abundant.
No, it's a good way to think ofit.
So there's plenty of Abundanceout there, there's plenty of
room.
It's just uh, being open to thepossibility.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
You still feel that too.
I mean this day and age.
Yeah you feel the abundance,the positivity.
You see the helpers.
I mean you're more in it than alot of people are Right,
because if you're just goingback and forth to your house
from work, you're not runninginto situations where people
need to be nice or you need tobe nice to them.
(30:49):
Everything you do, work andhome is all transactional right.
It's.
I get this because I did this.
But if you're living the wayyou are, there's a little more
Relationship to it, there's alittle bit more um, where you're
really interacting with people,the environment, the world, the
(31:10):
.
Yeah, really real lawenforcement, security guards,
managers, these people thatpeople like in, not that you
have to be nice, but you have totry To maybe understand people
more than most do and formrelationships and be
(31:31):
compassionate and beunderstanding, to kind of get
some of that back, you know, isthat kind of it's accurate.
That's how I see it.
Oh, that's accurate yeah and Ithink about my day like I don't.
I don't run into a lot of thosesituations Like everything's
transactional, I can go to myhouse because I paid for my
(31:52):
house, and that's.
That's different.
I've never really quite thoughtof shit like that and that's
interesting.
And you're on the other.
So what did?
What did you kind of what doesthat taught you?
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Well, uh, actually one thing, uh, one of the people
that have uh come up to me andinteracted with me, and he
suggested that money is alubricant for social interaction
.
Just one of the aspects ofmoney.
Okay, I thought that was reallyinteresting because when I got
down here, god delivered me anangel who connected me with some
(32:27):
work and this angel enjoys thefiner qualities of being alive
and she likes to take photos andI offered her some money to
take some Private photos forsome male modeling.
So we'll see if she says.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yes to that.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
So, you know, she can say no, but at least offer her
some money rather than hopingshe'll do it for free.
Yeah, I know she needs themoney.
Well, it's nice to be able to.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Like if people can give their time abundantly, you
know, and, like you said, it's awork of art, you know, and,
like you said, it's a world ofabundance.
Well, time sometimes is thehardest thing to have an
abundance of, because it's afine idea, replaceable resource,
and like it's it's nice to beable to pay people for the time,
(33:24):
if you can, I mean, and that'sthat's employment.
Right there, they're trading,you know, time for money, that's
that's what it is.
But, um, yeah, and I think it'sthe greatest gift you can give,
really more than money, morethan things, more than access.
If you give someone time,that's something you'll never
(33:46):
get back.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
It's gone.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It's gone forever.
You make more money.
You can get more property.
If you borrow shit to people,loan shit to people, you can get
more.
That's all replaceable.
That's infinite.
But yeah, time is just sofucking finite.
It's almost scary when youthink of it like that.
Like you help your friend move,it takes you fucking six hours
(34:10):
and you're like fuck, that'sgone forever.
It goes my whole day.
But then just something elsejust struck me there Talking
with you about this and yourscrolling thing.
We put so much value.
Like if I helped a friend movefor four hours, I'm like fuck,
(34:30):
or help him do something, somekind of task.
Maybe you didn't wanna do it.
How much time do you wastefucking scrolling?
Like, how much do we waste?
We attach a price to it forwork and other things and our
weekends and vacations andwhatever we do is so valued.
(34:51):
But then how much do we justfucking waste?
Just burn it Like we're tryingto get through it instead of
holding on to it like we wouldmoney.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Can't hold on to the time.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
More valuable than money, do you think?
Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's definitely more valuable than money, yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Without time If you're out of time, money
doesn't mean shit.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Right time rules money.
If there's a hierarchy ofthings that rule things, time
rules more than anything then itwould be energy, which can be
considered like a money, andthen there's the action with
that energy.
And then there's love, mercy,wisdom.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
It's an interesting way to think of it.
So you're doing this, so you'rejust recently down to Florida,
not too long ago, but you weredoing this up in Pennsylvania
for five, six years, yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
What is that?
Speaker 2 (35:58):
2017, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Yeah, six years.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Do you meet or interact with or hang out with
other people that do the samething?
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Not often.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
You see someone else camping doing what you're doing.
Do you ever like hey?
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Actually, when I got down here, I did meet someone
pretty early on Having thosesort of interactions.
It's kind of despondent.
He's still, I think, living inhis trauma, figuring out his own
life.
He's kind of in his own thing,Everyone's in their own thing
and a lot of given space justfor people to be themselves.
(36:49):
One of the things I picked upbefore my relationship broke
down was that I'm to be anexample.
I picked this up after doingsome yoga and I had done yoga
for seven years with theintention that I'm having union
(37:10):
with God and I had started to goto a church that practiced
meditation, which practicedlistening to the whisper of God.
So then I was in that,incorporating more meditation
into my practice, and I finallyreceived them to be an example,
and so I'm learning that as I goalong.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
So like trying to, yeah, inspire, I mean that's the
best way to teach, wouldn't itbe?
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Yeah, one of the things I could never stand in
the learning process is someonewho ever says, do as I say, not
as I do.
Then you're not leading byexample from the very beginning,
from your very words.
And if I can't trust you onyour word, then what good?
Speaker 2 (37:56):
is your word.
That's hard to do too.
Yeah, to do as I say, not as Ido.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
That's a hard standard, but really it's an
impossible standard becausewe're monkey, we monkey see
monkey.
Do you know not monkey hearmonkey, do monkey don't hear and
understand English or anylanguage?
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Well, and it's like you can tell people things all
day.
They can read a million books,they can hear it all.
But you know, example, example.
I guess that's the best way itreally is.
If you're trying to changesomeone, maybe even two, like
Anything Show them a positiveexample and mirror that what you
(38:38):
want to see.
Mirror it to them.
Yeah, you know that's a goodway to fucking think of shit, I
mean you have kids that's likeyour first man.
That's one of those things likeyou have a life before and after
kids.
Yeah, you're just like, becauseyou're raising little mini, use
(39:02):
little mirrors.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
They pick up on the vibe, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
You know something fucked up.
I heard, though, and it waskind of like there's a certain
age where your kids are notlearning from you as much as
they are from other kids Becausepsychologically they can't
process you being the same asthem.
There's like the certain agerange where you look like God,
(39:29):
like you can do anything you cancook, you can reach everything,
You're big, you can drive andthey're mostly watching and like
learning, learning a lot oftheir behaviors from like other
kids, like school stuff, likethat, because they see that, as
you know, similar or maybe evenlike little older kids, and it
(39:51):
was interesting watching my kidsgrow up doing that like where
they're really emulating theirpeers.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
Their peers.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
And you see how important that is.
As they grow up like that, wegive them like a good pasture.
You know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
That's the whole inspiration to start living in
the van was.
I didn't have that example,yeah, and it led to a breakdown.
I didn't want to have thatrepeat itself.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Well and I think, like the and I heard this from
somewhere, I didn't invent theway this is said, but I've
always kind of felt the conceptof it especially well.
Actually, only since raisingkids is this guy said be
shepherds, not engineers.
So you're not engineering yourkid, like.
(40:51):
And we have these parentalrelationships where maybe they
tried to engineer us like you'regoing to play piano, you're
going to do this, you're goingto be good at that, because I
was good at that, and they'renot you and you're not them.
You're different, you have somesimilarities, but I think that
(41:11):
in this world we have now, oflike, either hyper success or
hyper neglect, because one ofthe two ways it's like people
try to engineer their kids alittle too much in that, instead
of just realizing I just needto give them a safe place to
live, some good examples, andthey're going to become their
(41:35):
own people, and that's thefucking point right, that's
beautiful.
That's a good way to put it thepoint is not to create this
statue or this work of art.
At the end.
The point is to create a kidthat can become a functioning
adult, and the sooner they leave, maybe the better.
(41:55):
You did Like if they leave at18 and go out and okay, cool,
see you at Christmas, come visit.
You know, that seems to be agood thing because they're on
their journey.
You started that and I don'tknow it's a fucked up thing.
Speaker 1 (42:10):
Why 18,?
Why not 14?
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (42:14):
I just thought I was I was kind of.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
I was working doing my own thing from 14, 15.
Like, my mom barely saw me.
I was just, you know, sleepingthere, and I mean they were.
I had a nice house to go hometo and all that kind of stuff.
There was no problem there.
But I was wanting to get mylife started.
That's beautiful and I wasfortunate I didn't have to go
(42:38):
back, but that was.
I think we we may be misjudgedor don't understand what raising
kids is.
You know you're not supposed tomake them straight A students
and professional athletes andyou don't make them anything.
They make themselves what theydo.
And you know all the trainingand sports and all the studying
(43:05):
and grade pressure you put onthem.
You know there's a we want youto achieve, but you're not going
to engineer them into somethingthey're not.
Yeah, so that's anyway.
It's my tie rate about that.
Thank you for coming to my tenttalk.
Yeah, but how did you, how didyou decide to come down to
(43:29):
Florida?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
It's a really simple decision.
I was tired of another winnerin the cold and I picked.
One of the things we weretalking about earlier was a plan
versus just going with it, andI was one to just kind of go
with it.
But my brother suggested to atleast have a sum plan.
(43:51):
You know, pick a spot.
So I started doing someresearch and looked at different
towns in Florida.
I saw that Tampa had a reallyunique climate in that part of
it is subtropical and the otherpart of it is like this Southern
climate.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
And there's like a line yeah.
And it's like it cuts an anglefrom Tampa Bay to Orlando,
basically of like climate zones.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
Weird.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
You can see the temperature maps.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
So I saw that and I said, okay, well, I got to stay
below that line, becauseotherwise, if I'm up above that
line, it's going to be cold andthere's no point in driving all
this way if it's cold.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
So I drove down and then I looked at the Sarasota
area because it was a little notas developed, at least from
what I could tell, and then Isaw other things that are even
less developed further south,and it just kept going south.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Yeah, it's beautiful.
I mean the ocean's beautiful,the beaches are beautiful.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
It's fucking great.
It's better than PennsylvaniaWeather wise anyway.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
This time of year at least, yeah.
I hear it gets nasty in thesummertime.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
Well, that's the inspiration to keep working, to
get a job, lifeguarding and hangout on the beach?
Because I asked him is it goingto be hot in the summer and
like now, we got a nice oceanbreeze Like all right.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
If you're on the water in the summer, it's not
bad.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
I'm going to be all right if I get that job.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
I definitely agree with that.
It's not.
If you get a little breeze andyou're on the water, it's nice,
it's comfortable and you gotsomething to keep you out the
sun.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
We get that rain every day, though, too.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
I heard I heard a lot about this Florida weather in
the spring.
I heard it was real intense.
I hear it comes down real hardlike that's what I hear.
I don't know, I haven'texperienced it.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
I heard someone explain it really well.
It's not like we have winter,fall, spring and summer
Traditionally and this year wasfucking weird but there's like a
wet season and a dry seasonwhen you get below a certain
point in Florida, because thetemperature doesn't vary that
much, because at the hottestit's getting up into the low
(46:17):
nineties or something like thatmost of the time, which isn't
you know, that's not Phoenix hot, and then typically our highs
in the winter could be around 70or 75.
So it's like, okay, so thetemperature doesn't vary.
So what's the big difference?
Typically it doesn't rain allwinter, it's dry, and by March
(46:42):
there have been forest fires andshit March, april, and then the
rain start coming in.
But it's not like what we'reused to up in, you know, the
Midwest or the other part of thecountry, where the front spring
, the storms in the rain, right,all those fronts, it's more
like the air just gets fuckingsaturated with humidity.
(47:02):
You know it's so humid and thenit just pops.
So it's like more tropical.
So you get rainy season, likerains every day for like 20
minutes.
It's cool though, but kind ofannoying.
But you can count on it.
Count on it yeah, cool shit off.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
I bet.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Which leaves you with like a nice late afternoon and
evening.
Speaker 1 (47:28):
That does sound nice, maybe I will stick around for
the summer?
Yeah, at least the early part.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
So did you ever have like you've done this for a long
time have you ever had safetyissues where, like, people steal
shit or fucking threatening you?
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yeah, I said the guy lying on the door.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Nobody ever tried to like fucking break in, rob you.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
I don't know.
I haven't seen any indicationof that.
That's good.
Speaker 2 (47:55):
So you felt pretty safe.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
I mean as safe as I can be.
I mean there's always a levelof vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
It's like my life is that way.
Yeah, jesus Christ, I'm drivingon the road and anything
happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,like every moment, you know it's
an opportunity for catastrophe.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Yeah, I'm living on the edge man.
So if you could go back tomaybe 28 years old, I guess the
kind of question is, I mean,would you do it again?
What would you do different?
(48:37):
What would you tell yourself?
Is there a lesson and a moralthat you've kind of found on
this journey?
Speaker 1 (48:44):
No, I don't like those sort of questions because
there's no point in everthinking about them, because
that was that time of my life,you know, and I made whatever
decision I made and it led towonderful opportunities to live
in love, and I am so thankfulfor all the opportunities I've
(49:08):
had since and I just wouldn'tchange a thing.
Living without regret is reallyimportant.
I think having any amount ofregret is just a lack of
acceptance and that's not okay.
You know, if you can't acceptreality, you're never going to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
What's the best thing you learned?
Speaker 1 (49:29):
Just keep being in breathing love.
Yeah, yeah, keep being inbreathing love, keep being an
example.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
I read one of your one of your posts and one of the
ones I liked the most, becauseyou have the.
You have a blog that you writeon Was the the one about
surviving?
Ain't no same in the game.
Ain't no shame in the game.
Ain't no shame in the game.
We got no shame in the game.
I thought that was just a coollike little lesson, and you you
(49:59):
summarized it really nice.
But is that something you kindof learned over the last six,
seven years?
Speaker 1 (50:06):
Yeah, it's one of the things I picked up at the
emotional mental health facilitySomething we talked about.
You know some just being ingroup.
One important one of the thingsI like to say is I take group
with me wherever I go.
One of the things that, forpeople who do participate in
group, they really enjoy itbecause it's an opportunity to
be acknowledged, to have thatinteraction in a positive,
(50:30):
healthy, expansive way, not somesort of negative, unhealthy,
contractive way, and they wantmore of it.
Most people want more of thatand the only thing that makes
group group is what you bring togroup, so you could take group
with you wherever you go.
We're in a group session rightnow.
Yeah, talking about things.
(50:52):
Yeah, just sharing shit withpeople sharing shit with people
being acknowledged.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Acknowledgement.
That's really important.
That is huge.
Speaker 1 (51:02):
It's the first step If you're in recovery of
anything.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Yeah, it's like proof that you exist almost at some
kind of fucking base level.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
First thing I know is I don't know anything.
Yeah, that's a good way to putit Well, cool.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
Thank you for coming on sharing the story.
It's really great talking withyou.
Speaker 1 (51:22):
Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me on here
and thank you for having theneed for content.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Yeah, yeah, hey, we're trying to do a good thing.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
I'm looking forward to giving this a listen here and
what other people had to share.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
Yeah it's going to be real cool to check it out Well,
thanks, and to the listenersout there, thank you for tuning
in till next time.
Stay out of trouble.
We'll see you in church, thanks.
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