Mortuary Mysteries: What Happens After We Die?

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In this thought-provoking episode, Matt, sits down with a seasoned funeral director to uncover the intriguing and often unsettling truths about the funeral industry. From the morbid realities of body handling to the emotional complexities faced by families, this conversation delves deep into the gritty details that most of us prefer to avoid.

Our guest, who has been in the business for nearly 40 years, shares candid insights about what it takes to work in this field, the unexpected challenges, and the often overlooked ethical dilemmas. Learn about the processes involved in embalming, cremation, and even body donation, as well as the emotional toll it takes on those who work behind the scenes.

Discover the secrets of the trade, from the use of embalming services and prep rooms to the stark realities of disinterment and body transport. Whether you're curious about what happens after death or looking for practical tips on how to navigate funeral arrangements for a loved one, this episode offers a rare glimpse into an industry shrouded in mystery and taboo.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
We were talking on the way here.
This would have been a coolHalloween episode.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Yeah, it would have actually.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Friday, the 13th September.
Is that September?
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Pull up in a hearse and a body in the back.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Da-na-na, da-na, thank you.

(00:53):
Okay, thanks for tuning in tothe Redacted Podcast.
I'm Matt Bender.
Behind the scenes there we haveour producer, pamela, who's
been sworn to secrecy.
There we have our producer,pamela, who's been sworn to
secrecy.
She's running all the controls,making me look good as I can
and sound good, and then we haveour guest here today.
Thanks for coming in, thank you.

(01:14):
You're welcome, our guest today.
So this is this one's a littleweird for me and I'm so curious
about it.
But I was kind of, if I'm beinghonest, dreading doing this and
and I'm sure a lot of peopleare the same way it's like one

(01:34):
of those things that'sinevitable.
Everyone's going to meet you atsome point.
Everyone meets you, right?
Yes, you don't get out of this.
I mean, I guess you could sinkon a ship or something, but
everyone, pretty much, is goingto meet you at some point in
their life.
But we don't want to thinkabout that, do we?
No, that's a.

(01:55):
It's a morbid, weird thought.
And you do what?
What is it that you do?
I'm a funeral director,director, funeral director now.
Yes, sir, how long?

Speaker 2 (02:06):
have you been doing that?
I got in the business in 1986in high school.
I went to mortuary school in1993 and 1994 in Dallas, texas.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
So you've been in the funeral mortuary.
Business man, what's it?
40 years almost.
Yeah, yes, holy cow, you'veseen some things.
Oh yes, yes, what, um?
What got you into that?

Speaker 2 (02:35):
because you were a young man then, yeah, I was like
16 years old.
I kind of got into this isgoing to be it actually paid the
most as a kid, Like back whenthose days I went just $3.50.
My friends worked at Wendy'sand the funeral was only $5 an
hour.
So I went and worked there andI just thought it was kind of
just something different, to bea different job.

(02:58):
I get to wear a suit to workevery day and you know it's not
a bad gig then.
You get to wear a suit to work,be clean and you make a little
bit more.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yes, you're not working out in the heat no, not
getting dirty all day.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
No, it's pretty much driving a hearse around and
answering the phones up front onthe nights and doing night
visitations.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
Wow so um 40 years you've almost been doing it, and
I mean even now.
I mean we can talk about that,but is that a good industry for
young people to?
Get in it seems like maybe it'ssomething a lot of people don't
want to do, so it pays moreyeah, it's a good industry to

(03:42):
get into because a lot of peoplecan't just handle them.
You know people upset and justbodies, bodies, yeah, stuff like
exactly.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, yeah, it's good business.
I mean, everybody gets out ofthe mortuary school, has a job
pretty much instantly becausepeople are posting at the school
they have openings for jobs.
So it's pretty much instantly,because pre-norms are posting at
the school.
They have openings for jobs.
So it's pretty much gradually.
You're gonna have a job, yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
So if you were a young man or a woman and you
know, the thought of that kindof thing didn't bother you it's
probably not a bad career.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
No, not at all.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
No yeah, um, and it didn't bother you obviously.
Oh no, not at all, and you'venever kind of had second
thoughts and it needs to be done.
That's the other weird thing.
Like we like to shelterourselves from it.
Exactly, but it needs to be done.
Yes, somebody has to do it.
Exactly that's the dirty workwe don't want to see.

(04:40):
Exactly so we're willing to payfor it.
Exactly so, we're willing topay for it.
And I think that maybe even iskind of a symptom of modern
times, because funerals or thesekind of things or bodies used
to be handled by the family.
If you're talking about smallvillages, you know, go back
before the 19th century.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
Oh yeah, exactly, yes , I mean that wasn't a business.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
No, no, it was handled by the local people, the
family.
Yes, they would take care ofthat.
Yeah, exactly, but now we'vekind of just kind of contracted
that out, yeah exactly.
Yeah, if you could, and this issomething I don't really
understand.
I mean, all of us have probablybeen through some kind of us

(05:33):
normal people that don't work inthe industry, us laymans, you
know, we kind of understandmaybe the process a little bit,
but how does it really work?
So, you know, grandma, grandpa,dies at the hospital most
likely, right?

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
They're going to a hospital or maybe they're found
in their home or something likethat, or what do you call it?
Assisted cares or the what'sthe one where they they live
assisted livings.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, somethinglike that.
What happens?
You get a call.
Okay Is what.
That's the step.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
You got to come retrieve the body.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yes, actually, these days most of the if your
grandmother died tomorrow at 3am in the morning at the
hospital basically mosthospitals here in this area
would transfer you to the morgueand they call the funeral home
to come make the removal.
But now most funeral homes haveremoval services.

(06:32):
Do the removals Like in the olddays, they actually went up and
did the removals themselves.
Now they have removal servicescontracted out.
After the removal was done fromthe funeral home you're
probably going to the funeralhome's refrigeration unit and
stay there the night.
The next morning, you know thefamily probably come in the next

(06:54):
day.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
The refrigeration unit.
What's is it like a big walk-incooler?

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yeah, a big, huge walk-in cooler drippy down on
the sides you know, yeah, coldlike, just like a big meat
fridge actually like somethingyou'd see at a restaurant or
yeah, yeah, it's like.
Yes, it's like 30, like 30,eight degrees somewhere there.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
It's really cold 38 degrees and then is it just,
you're just on a rack, or?

Speaker 2 (07:18):
yeah, you're on your stretcher, or they have like
racks, almost like bookshelves,where they put you on the racks
and they're well, they can't doanything.
Any process past then untilthey have the family, like come
in and see what they want to dowith the body, if they want to
you know your grandma to becremated or embalmed and um, if
they cremate, they don't embalmright?

(07:39):
yeah, obviously yes, there'sbeen a few situations where the
person they want the body to behave visitation, so it's
embalmed and cremated.
But usually it's not cremated,okay, just in certain situations
.
Okay, then the next day thefamily comes in and if there's a
prenatal or at need, like theprenatal means it's already paid
for, the funeral's been paidfor beforehand, okay, and

(08:01):
there's no money.
But there's an at need meansyou know the person died.
They had no pre-need, so that'sa.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
What's that word you're saying?
Maybe I'm not understanding.
Pre-need, pre-need.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Yeah, pre-needs.
Like you have the funeral home.
Like me, I'm 55 years old.
I go to the funeral home todayand talk to a funeral director
about paying in advance.
Like you know, make payments onmy funeral when I die 30 years
down the line.

Speaker 1 (08:32):
So it's a pre-need contract and you can actually go
in and say you want you pickout your own casket and you know
.
And this is to not be a burden,yes, it's not to be a burden on
your family.
That's the idea.
I mean obviously it's like okay, it's already taken care of,
I've got everything set up.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
All you got to do is sign the papers and show up yeah
pretty much exactly, and we'llthen go to the cemetery and pick
a cemetery plotter, unlessyou're getting cremated, okay.
And then you're a veteran, ofcourse you can go to the veteran
cemetery and veterans get freeburial.
Okay, but not a fee funeral,just a free burial.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Okay, so they're going to give me a hole in the
ground for free.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Yeah, you and your wife or spouse.
Perfect, and.
I don't know if it's a funeralhome.
At a cemetery they're actuallyvery too deep.
So the first person dies goesin first and the second person
goes on top.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
That's a veteran cemetery.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, a veteran cemetery.
There is some like that aroundthis area too, but veteran
cemeteries are always likeyou're stacked on top of each
other, so people realize that,and I mean, I guess that brings
me to—it just made me think ofsomething.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
We're in Florida.
Yes, how the hell low is thewater table.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
It's low.
I mean, that's some stories Iwas going to get to about.
You know, most of the placesaround here when they're burying
a body, they put the vault infirst the vault, then the casket
.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
The vault's concrete.
Yeah, the vault's concrete,like a concrete cast thing.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, like a liner for the casket.
And around here you bury, digmore than four feet.
It just fills full of water.
So usually the cemetery workersare sitting there with a vacuum
sucking the water out of theyou know and then they're
digging it.
Yeah, and most people don'trealize that a lot of times when
they're burying the body, theywant the family to stand back

(10:12):
because the water just keepsfilling and filling.
They usually put in a casketdown in the water, not deep but
maybe a foot of water, yeah,cause this gets, you know, just
filling and filling up.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
In Florida.
That I mean, know, just fillingand filling up.
Yeah, in florida that I meanother places, you're probably.
Yeah, like texas I've seen.
When I was in texas I rememberthem have the dynamite, like you
know, the dig, chisel andbedrock yeah like austin and
granite.

Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yes, wow um, so just going back, so that the family
decides, and then you'reembalming or Cremation.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
You know the family decides to have the body
embalmed, probably the next day.
You know the body will go tothe prep room be embalmed.
You have the family, you know,go home, pick up some clothes
for the body to, you know, bringback maybe that next day.
You know, have a range offuneral, like two or three days
down the line, like if they'reCatholic so they can have a
Catholic service at the Catholicchurch and that's arranged out

(11:08):
with the priest and the timethey can have a service.
But pretty much then aftertheir body's embalmed the family
brings the clothing back,pretty much, dress the body,
they have the casket, big guyput the body in a casket and
then usually bodies.
Most people are in the back inthe prep room like another

(11:29):
couple days for the, you know,because usually people aren't
dying, you know dying and itfeels like three or four days
later.
So you're gonna be back in theprep room for at least three or
four days usually is that isthat the cooler, or um if?
they're embalmed, they are outof the cooler.
But if they're um, if they'reembalmed, they're, they're
stable.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
Yeah, they're stable, they're embalmed, they're out
of the cooler, but if they'reembalmed they're stable.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, they're stable.
They're good for three or fourdays.
I mean they do hard embalmingsor soft embalmings like harder,
like during the winter, like upnorth.
If you're dying in Florida andyou're going to be buried in New
Hampshire, they got to hold thebody somewhere for a while
until the snow goes away, sothey bury it.
So there's like we have bodiesheld.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
I never thought about that.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah, their bodies are held embalmed in the
refrigeration unit for maybe twoor three months until the snow
goes away up in New Hampshire,vermont.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Because the ground's frozen.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, so they have to hold it here until they can fly
the body up there to be Don'tdie in the winter.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yeah, exactly yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Oy, because the funeral homes there don't have
enough room to hold.
You know that many bodies.
You know you can fly five orsix, but not, you know, over
three or four months.
You're building up a lot of,you're backing up.
I guess the word would beYou're overflowing.
Yeah, exactly yes, oh, wow,exactly yes, oh wow.

(12:49):
And that's in in funeral homesup north, yes, northeast, mostly
florida, we're fine, yeah,florida.
Yeah, texas, we're good intexas.
yeah, um, that's kind of crazyto think about too, yeah I mean,
just think you die in december5th and then you can't be buried
till maybe april.
You know if you're buried inNew Hampshire, you know what I'm
saying, new Hampshire.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
I feel like every funeral I've been in is like
spring or summer.
Nobody dies in the winter.
So I'm originally from Chicago,oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Well, the winter down here is different because they
have the snowbirds and it's morebusy here.
We have a season because duringthe season we have way more
funerals during the season,because more people are down
here dying, you know.
So it's, it's.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
It's busy in the winter, more busy in the winter
I can imagine, yeah, I mean weget a huge population of, yeah,
older people, retired folks,yeah, things like that, so
that's and that's probably a lotof transport.
So sometimes you know you're uh, maybe you're flying a body
back yeah, we um have a um shipout container.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
The body goes and ship out of their involvement
goes and ship out container.
Take it to like delta cargo orjet blue cargo and then you have
, then they um ship it up northso it goes on a passenger yeah,
passenger plane always belly inthe belly of a passenger, yeah
and it's always all you.
It's always on first and offlast, because I picked up bodies
literally off of planes, likebefore why is it on first and

(14:13):
off last?
I'm not sure to tell you thetruth.
I don't know.
There's always been one persontake them off last maybe.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
Yeah, I don't know the answer.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Sorry, so they're.
And is that an embalmed body?
Yes, yes, okay, so that'sembalmed.
So you're embalming it andprepping it here, yes, and then
you're putting it on a plane andmaybe they're going to have
their services and burial upsomewhere else.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yes, also in situations like, especially in
Florida.
A lot of times you have like alike somebody say you're going
back to Chicago and you know youlive in a neighborhood here, so
you might have a visitation onenight here in your casket and
then the next morning you knowwe'll put the whole, put you in
a ship out container in thecasket and then ship you up to
Chicago and you have anotherservice there and then buried.

(15:00):
So sometimes you might have twoservices, you know your
Southern and your Northernservice.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
That's strange yeah.
I've never heard of that, but Iguess it makes sense.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Yeah, maybe you know it's for you know neighborhood
people.

Speaker 1 (15:10):
Yeah, yeah, if you had friends and stuff.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
It's like a visitation that I had before
maybe from five to eight o'clockat night.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
So then, um, you know , you have the services and
everyone kind of knows how thatgoes, and then they either do
the burial or it gets sent outto cremation, right, yes, okay,
and there's like, I mean, it'sthere's like central
crematoriums from what Iunderstand.
Yes, yes, sir.
So the funeral homes, I thinkprobably used to.
Some of them probably used todo that.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, like the funeral home I worked at, we've
two of them I worked at in thisarea.
They both have one has onecrematorium and one has two, so
they have their own crematoriums.

Speaker 1 (15:57):
yes, Okay, so some of them do.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah, but you know you have to wait until the death
certificate is signed by adoctor.
You can't discriminate a bodywithout a death certificate
signed, in case there's any foulplay or anything, just in case.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Can you bury a body without a?

Speaker 2 (16:10):
sign.
Oh, no, you have to have adoctor or a medical examiner
sign a death certificate.
There's a third option you canhave, also I was just thought
about, is donating your body toscience and then your cadaver,
oh yeah, yeah.
And then in Florida you'retaken to Gainesville, orlando or
University of Miami, so you can, other than that, took them
bodies up to the science center.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
So you can have your service get involved.
Yes, and then you're donated.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
Yeah, just your cadaver.
Then you're pretty much a JaneDoe or John Doe.
After you arrive at the college.

Speaker 1 (16:40):
They remove all the names.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah nothing, college , they remove all the names and
yeah nothing, you're just the nomore name ever again.
After that, there's a weightlimit also.
You can't be over like 240pounds, I think okay yeah, but
that's such a weird thought yes,well, we're still on earth here
living.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yes, to have to think about all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, it's so gb, it makes megb.
Yeah, but necessary I thinkit's.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
It's nice to have done your body of science and
you have like kids going tocollege to be a doctor.
Can your cadaver and it'snecessary once again.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
yeah, like that's necessary, the whole, your whole
industry is necessary, but 99of us don't have any involvement
in it.
No, not at all.
You know all customers, allcustomers.
My grandpa used to say peopleare dying today that never died
before.

Speaker 2 (17:34):
It was like one of his little whips that he would
say I so the first place Iworked we used to go to the bank
with the funeral director onthe funeral home.
We got the bank and the bankerand say how's the business he
goes?
It's not too good today, but Igot a couple prospects.
You know, it was a little joke.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
That's a good one, I like it.
So in this industry and I meanwe talked a little before the
interview, before the interviewwhat are maybe some of the
things, or disturbing things, orkind of below board things that
people don't know about, thatthey should like the secrets of

(18:17):
the industry.
What would you say some ofthose are like.
Well, I'll pose one question tostart.
When somebody gets cremated, isthat actually their ashes?

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yes, it is.
But actually the crematorium,the retort, when, after you're
cremated and you're just likethey have to, you're just like
bones, like brittle bones, andyou're put in a processor and
processor is it like a rollercrusher that like crushes your
bones?

Speaker 1 (18:46):
so you're not completely burned ash.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
No, you're kind of like this.
Once you're in the retort theyget a like a big scraper and
they scrape your ashes on in themiddle of the crematorium in
the retort.
And then is that like a.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Does it look like a brick oven?

Speaker 2 (19:02):
yeah, it is exactly exactly thing.
Bricks is a brick oven, pizzadoesn't.
Yeah, it is Exactly the exactsame thing bricks as a brick
oven pizza does.
Yeah, exactly, and it is.
And then I've seen those people, those bricks fall like the
break and they just put them inthere with the ashes.
But actually when you'recremated you're brought out to a
box and then you're put in aprocessor and the processor is

(19:22):
like this grinding machine, thatkind of grinds you to this like
a cheese shredder thing, andthen your ashes go to another
box below that.
You know what I'm saying.
You get the fine powder, yeah,the fine powder.
But then the crematorium isn'texactly.
You know, they don't clean it100%, so there could be 1% of
somebody else in that corner,but it's mostly.
Yeah, it is Because when you'redied they put like this little

(19:44):
silver coin tab with a number onit, a serial number.
They put it with you on thebody, so when that comes out
it's still like that silvernumber on it.
Okay, like a dog tag type thingactually.
Yeah, so they know it's thesame person.
It's all documented pretty well, okay.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
And then I mean they give you like the Chinese food
box.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, the Chinese, it's like a little.
Yeah, like a takeout box.
Yeah, it's like a black box.
Unless you buy urn from thefuneral home, then you're
transported to that urn.
Is there extra?
No, there's never extra, butthere's never extra.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
So you're not wasting any of it.
No, no, no, You're getting 100%of it in that box?
Yeah, no matter how big orsmall.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yeah, you're getting it all back and people don't
realize the crematorium is like1,600 degrees, 1,600 or 1,700
degrees to cremate a body.
How long does that?
Take A person like, let's say aperson like 180 pounds, that
takes two hours.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
You know it's like wow yeah about two hours.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
It's longer than I would have thought.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
Yeah, because it's a process.
Is that expensive?
It's?

Speaker 2 (20:53):
like a lot of gas or something yeah, are they gas
fired?
Yeah, they're all gas fired.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
Yeah, yes, wow, yeah so, um, what, what other kind of
?
I mean, like I didn't know,know about the bone crusher,
that's kind of yeah.
The processor that, yeah,that's morbid.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
I thought it just burned it.
Oh yeah, it's just like a pileof, like you know, bones, but
it's brittle and you just putthem in that.
Yeah, process it down at that.
Yeah, looks like cat litter.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
It's like that pretty much, yeah.
And then what are some otherthings that are kind of?
I say, I mean like Maybe peoplewouldn't know about or expect.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
Probably like in Florida, like you must be put in
refrigeration within 24 hours.
I mean like within the time youdie.
Yeah, I've seen funeral homes,when they're real busy, just
leave bodies in the prep roomwithout be put in refrigeration
within 24 hours.
I mean like within the time youdie.
I've seen funeral homes, whenthey're real busy, just leave
bodies in the prep room withoutbeing put in the— you know they
have no room in the refrigeratorso they leave bodies out in the
prep room and unbalmed and youknow not be in the refrigerator.
But technically in Florida,most states it's 24 hours you

(21:57):
have to be refrigerated.
And I don't know Like just—I'veseen and I don't know like I'm
seeing disrespect for bodies.
You know you're laying thereand people are making fun of
people's bodies and stuff likethat I mean.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Tell me about that.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Making fun of you know, like men's penis size
stuff like that?
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
That's my worst fear.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
If I die, they're going to laugh at my wiener.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, I mean I said this joke when I came in I saw a
guy with a big shlong.
I always say his wife's goingto miss him, and then you know,
like that's all I say.
But if some guy had a littlepiece, I was like I don't know,
there's all kinds of stuff withthem.
I don't know like saying theydress like sometimes like say,

(22:42):
there's a clothes casket andthey say they bring the clothes
to dress the body and I've seenpeople just put the clothes like
lay them on the body, not likedress them, just kind of lay the
pants on them and then shirt onthem and don't actually dress
them and like you have decompsand stuff you can't dress.
You just got to put the clotheson top of the body bag stuff
like that, or you know what doesthat mean?

Speaker 1 (22:59):
a decomp?

Speaker 2 (23:00):
yeah, decomp, like um person, it's like like,
especially in Florida that'sbeen found for over after three
or four days you startdecomposing pretty bad, you know
gaseous and turning purple andskin-flippage.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
Oh, so someone died in their home and nobody knew
about it.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, they'd go to the medical examiner first,
because then make sure there'sno foul play, and then we have
to pick up the body from themedical examiner's office and
then that's going to be closedcasket.
For sure.
Yeah, we have incidents, though, where people like somebody
like it burning a fire reallybad, and the mom wanted to have
to absolutely see the body.
You know like they justdemanded to see the body and you

(23:38):
say you want to think aboutyour son's last time you see
your son up, you know burnt yeah, and they have to sign a um
paperwork so they won't sue thefuneral home for like um showing
them.
Yeah, like they came, but theyhave to sign some.
There's no liability with afuneral home Like if you have.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
PTSD and nightmares, yeah, stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
So they cover their self.
We have times before wherepeople are really bad in car
wrecks.
They look bad and sometimes wejust cover them up with a sheet
and just let the family like tohold their hand for one last
time.
Without seeing them you can getaround.
You know kind of come to acertain point with people where
I didn't think about all that.
Yeah, like, in other words,restorative art too.
When you went to mortuaryschool there was restorative art

(24:20):
where, like wax work, we'relearning.
You know somebody shootsherself in the head and you know
, do wax work?
Yeah, silk.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Like makeup and yeah, yeah, wax work.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Yeah, a lot of wax.
Is that actual Like?

Speaker 1 (24:35):
what you'd use for Halloween costumes.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
Yeah, it's like a wax putty.
I see people make ears and allkinds of stuff you know, mostly
for car wrecks.
Or somebody shot theirself notin the mouth but on the head.
Yeah, a lot of makeup.
It's all smoke and mirrors kindof thing.
It's all smoke and mirrors kindof thing.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
It's all smoke and mirrors, I think people actually
like I mean, I can imagine, butthat'd be a hard decision.
Like you want an open casket ifyou have something like a head
wound from shooting themselvesor a car accident it's like they
have to trust you a lot.

(25:16):
Yeah, because you ask themright, you receive the body and
then you're like okay, do youwant?
an open casket or a closedcasket, yeah, and then they pick
open.
There's a lot of trust there,yeah, that they're not going to
look.
It's not going to be morehorrifying, because if you mess
that up, I feel like that'shorrifying.

(25:37):
Like if it just looks like someFrankenstein stitched together.
Mr Potato Head, yes, likethey're going to be very upset
with you.
Has that happened?

Speaker 2 (25:49):
Yeah, there's been situations also where someone
dies in a car wreck and beforewe make a removal we call the
medical examiner Because thefamily wants to know is the body
viewable or not.
You'll call the medicalexaminer and they'll say, yeah,
he's viewable.
Then you'll get it and he's notviewable at all.
But you already told the familythe body's viewable.
You know what I'm saying.
So you're kind of— so you'renot— yeah, that's happened.
A bunch of Don't ever trustanybody's opinion unless you

(26:13):
actually see the body yourself.
You're talking from yourperspective.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yeah, whether or not it's viewable.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah, because medicals never see so much stuff
.
They're like, oh, it's viewable, but they're busy too.
They're just like yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Yeah, I mean they probably.
I mean maybe they're right.
95% of the time?

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Yeah, 95%, but that one time you know the family's
upset, you already told themthey're viewable.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you've got to work at it,
yeah.
So in all your time doing thisI'm sure I mean you're doing
special effects, kind of makeupalmost, and recreations.
There has to be a lot of peoplethat were kind of like unhappy.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
Oh yeah, it's not what they expected.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Yes, people's.
Tell me about that.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
It's always the women .
The hair is always wrong ortheir lipstick's too red.
They say their mom was like awhore.
You know, like they just freakout and a lot of people you know
, when they're in a hospitalcare for two or three weeks,
they kind of get watery kind of.
You know face kind of blows upa little bit from.
You know all the liquids are onand the medication and I always

(27:23):
want them to look like they did.
You know, like 10, 20 years agoand they get you just look
nothing like you did and this isterrible and you know get
really pissed off at us and wejust want to close casket.
Now it's like it was thehospital that you know the
fluids are on and built up theirface, puffed up their face and
yeah yeah, so it's mostly likethat kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
But is there ever like like you try to remake an
ear and it like fell off?

Speaker 2 (27:53):
we've had stuff like that well I know some happened a
couple times or somebody lookedat it.
They're like I could still seethe bullet hole, or, yeah, the
burn, or whatever they alwayswant to like, touch the like, go
behind the head and touchbehind the head with their hand,
and sometimes they'll putplastic on the pillow, but they
can't see it just on the back ofthe head.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
So, in case it does leak, we're talking about the
family wants to.
Yeah, it's like them.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Just, people are always curious.
They want to like look for theyou know where the person was
embalmed, and they want to pulldown their shirt and stuff like
that.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
Are you talking in, like the family viewing?

Speaker 2 (28:27):
yeah, yeah, because sometimes there's like a family
viewing yeah, usually the familycomes in first, so usually like
immediate family, yeah, firstmake sure everything's okay and
yeah, yeah, they can have their,or they call it the short,
one's called a peep and weep,like peep and weep, and then get
the peep.
Yeah, that's what it's called.
You don't tell that to thecustomers unless they're cool,

(28:51):
yeah, and you're like all right.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
Do you want the peep and weep?
Yeah, well, you.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
Well, you know, the other thing is back in the.
I feel like I'm old now butlike in the 80s we used to have
those smelling salts.
So you pop them and put themthere, because we had a lot of
people pass out or fake pass out, like you know, fake pass just
drama queen type, people thatwant to make a scene.
Yeah, fake pass out.

(29:18):
Yeah, there's been a bunch ofwatched.
I mean, I've seen um purgingswhen, like um, after you
aspirate the body, they, youknow, like I've seen like people
in the casket and like a littlebit of purge comes out their
mouth.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
It was like kind of like during the service or
something.
Yeah, because it's just likeyeah, especially in hot weather.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Um a little, you know , coffee comes out of the lip
and you can see it.
I've seen seen people, theirdirector, go up and rub his
elbow on it with his you know.
So the family doesn't see, youknow.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
So the director went up and cleaned the schmutz off,
Well, kind of like with hiselbow you know, like real slick
in front of the family, like youknow, put his elbow on.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
Yeah, the schmutz exactly.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
I mean it's a dirty business, it's a dirty job right
, yeah.
I mean that is a dirty job andyou know something like that.
Someone's trying to thedirector's trying to give
dignity to the situation.
I mean that's kind of.
The purpose is to give dignityto this very uncomfortable, very

(30:15):
sad situation.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, Now another thing is sometimes after like
two or three days, like a flightsay, you're in Florida four
days.
Then you fly to Chicago by thefifth or sixth day you're
getting a little ripe in thecasket and you open that casket
up and you know you're having avisitation.
You can kind of put a littleOseum on the body.
They have a thing with likethis um, it's almost like a

(30:37):
sawdust, it's like a potpourrisawdust.
We put in the bottom of thecasket, like under the casket,
like under the bed of the casket, to so the family won't smell
the body.
Because after you know three orfour days, you know even a good
embalming, you know you'regonna get starting to turn.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yeah, let I mean see this once again gives me the
Jeeves it it.
It does You're.
I mean, you're used to this.
My listeners they're not.
I'm not, yeah, but I think thebig part of this is this is real
.
I mean this, yes, how elsewould you want it done?

(31:13):
You know, what else are wesupposed to do?
There's an element to that, yesOf like.
Yeah, I mean, this is the wayit is.
This is the bare cold truth.
Yes, of it is bodies decompose.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yes and they stink.
Yes, and we're trying to makethis as good of an experience
for you as possible, and that'skind of Also we have
disinterments before wherepeople want to be like they die
in Florida and all of a suddenthey want to be buried in
Chicago with a family and we'vehad disinterments for after one

(31:50):
month they died, five yearsafter they died, like those are
pretty gory.
You pull them up, yeah, just inturn.
We use it after hours and youknow, in Florida it's usually a
casket full of water and youknow soupy mess.

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Do you?

Speaker 2 (32:04):
open it, no, no, but sometimes the caskets are
leaking.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
The caskets still survived.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yeah, some of those caskets.
There's non-sealer caskets.
The cheaper caskets arenon-sealers.
You know, like the refrigeratorseal on the side there's seal
caskets and there's non-sealers.
And non-sealers get water inthem automatically.
The lower-end caskets.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
So buy a sealer casket.
Yeah, buy a seal casket, yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
Spend the money for grandma, yes.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Is it so the thing they're in at the funeral, at
the wake?
I guess you'd call it right.
Is that what?
They get buried.
Yes, okay, yes, so I've heardsometimes that that changes.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Can you explain?

Speaker 1 (32:53):
I don't know um, can you explain?
I don't know.
There's like a.
Sometimes they'll have a like acasket to just be in for the
viewing and then they'll beburied in a different one.
Or am I making shit up?

Speaker 2 (33:05):
oh no, there's been like.
There's rental caskets for likepeople are getting cremated.
We have a rental casket we useokay, maybe, maybe it's just an
old casket and you actually putthe body in there for viewing
and then you take it out andcremate it later.
But I've seen people move fromcaskets a couple of times, but
not very often.
Okay, unless it's a cremationcasket.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, Maybe I just made that up, I don't know.
Could have been.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yeah, I've never seen that I don't know anything
about this.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, yeah, um, what are some?
I mean, what are some otherlittle weird things people might
not know about, or maybesecrets, or just like disturb,
what's something disturbingyou've seen put it that way,
like something just where you'relike, oh, come, come on, what

(33:54):
the fuck?

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Like it just eats at your conscience a little yeah
just man, there's a lot, oh shit, can of worms.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Yeah, what's the most disturbing thing that you've
been like?
You've either seen somethinghappen or somebody else do,
where you're like what the fuck?
That's horrible, yeah I meanit's a dirty industry I mean it
is it's?
It's a dirty job I'm not sayingthe industry is bad, but it's a

(34:29):
dirty job and there's bound tobe in 30 years, 40 years,
there's bound to be some of thatshit.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah, I mean, I've seen people like when the people
die.
Sometimes I see them keeppooping, like when they die.
They're on that liquid diet, soit's keep pooping.
I saw a guy one time get likethere's a, it's like a web roll,
they call it.
It's like almost cotton, butit's a roll of cotton, it's a
roll of cotton, it's a roll ofcotton and it's called Web Roll.
And he kept pooping and the guyjust got a bunch of Web Roll,

(34:57):
pooped the guy's ass and got abroom and kind of shoved it up
there.
So he quit pooping everywhere.
And I've seen big women withbig fat women with big boobs and
they hang off the side and I'veseen a couple of directors just
put the boobs together and justget get a.
It's called the baseball stitch.
When you sew the baseballstitching he's going to just sew

(35:17):
her boobs together, literallyjust sew them together.
So stay up.
That's for dignity, I suppose,right.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
I guess, but it's like the family doesn't want to
know how it happens, but theydon't want to see it.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Right, yeah, you can't just have flopped off the
side of the cat, yeah.
That doesn't work.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, I mean, I've seen stuff like that.
I mean, people are laying therejust naked, oh yeah, and just
exposed Like once againhorrifying.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
I think To some people Maybe not everyone, but
maybe a lot of people and likewhat the fuck?
There's got to be weird shitthat happens, oh yeah, Somewhere
in there.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yeah, there's a lot.
I mean, when we were real busy,I've seen people put two bodies
on one table, like two slimperson, two thin people, like on
one table, just because we hadno room to put bodies, the
bodies up on the top of cabinetsbecause we had no room on the
tables.
Yeah, when it's really reallybusy, things like that was
pretty undignified.

(36:24):
I think legally in Florida youhave to be two feet off the
floor.
I've seen these bodies.
We're in a room and thesebodies are in stretchers, but on
the low down stretchers, allthe low down stretchers, like
all the way on the bottom, justthrowing them on stretchers.
Busy season, yeah, busy seasonsnowbird season yeah, snowbird
season here, yeah don't dieduring snowbird season.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
No, die in July die in July.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Yeah, bumper sticker.
Yeah, die in July it rhymesyeah why it rhymes, yeah, why
not right?

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, Die in July and don't die in December.
In Maine.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
Yeah, exactly, don't do that either.
Yeah, you're going to be stucka while Just be sitting around.
Also like the longest person weever had, like sit was for
another reason.
This guy wanted to be at theNational Cemetery, the one in
Virginia, the big one.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
Arlington, arlington, sorry.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
And if you can get in there.
You've got to wait a long timeand this guy, we had him for
like 11 months because it takesso long to get to Arlington.
It's like a backup.
So we had him in therefrigerator for like 11 months
before he got buried inArlington.
Yes, so does the family go tothat then?
Oh yeah, they'll go toArlington, yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
I've been there just to see it, but I've never been
to a funeral in Arlington.
But yeah, that seems strange,Like somebody dies and then 11
months later you got to put theblack stuff back on again, yeah,
and do they call you like hey,is he?

Speaker 2 (37:45):
cool.
Yeah, yeah, they call him.
He's fine, he'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
He's in the refrigerator embalmed.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
Yeah hard as a rock.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Man, that's such a weird thought, yeah.
And then for you guys like,okay, I mean, this is what I'm
picturing.
I'm picturing like you have thefuneral home and the nice rooms
with the nice furniture and itlooks like something out of you
know Buckingham Palace and it'sall like everything's like 20,

(38:16):
something out of you knowbuckingham palace and it's all
like everything's like 20 yearsout of date, exactly.
You know floral stuff and andyou picture that.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
And then you have like the, the cold room you know
the embalming area, the preparea and that's so that looks
like a kitchen.
Yeah.
Sterile cement yeah, so is itkind of like a kitchen?

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, all sterile and cement.
Is it kind of like a kitchen?
Yeah, it's like a kitchen,Commercial kitchen, like
stainless steel.
Stainless steel balming.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Floor drains.
Floor drains Well, some of thefloor drains are actually the
caskets are tilted into like amen's urinal.
It's like the men's urinal.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, and that's where all the they just flush
everything right down the urinal, like all the blood after the
embalming, and yeah.
So when they're embalming,you're what, what I understand
about embalming and and I gotthis actually from another guest
that we had, um, that wastalking about it but you're

(39:09):
pushing the fluid in and thenthe blood comes out yeah,
basically you're um a basicperson.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
You're, you're cutting the uh, you're injecting
the carotid artery and theblood's come out of the jugular
vein.
So you're pushing to right uphere yeah, on the clavicle, um
you're pushing collarbone, umyou're pushing, you're
pressuring fluid into thecarotid artery and it's pushing
it out of the jugular vein.
So you know, you said the flowof blood coming over your neck,

(39:38):
you're laying down.
But if you're really hard inbomb yet to raise the, the
criminal arteries in your legsand embalm through your legs
also, isn't that by your groin?
yeah, you're crying, yeah yeah,okay, well, your femur bones and
your femoral arteries, but yes,you buy your.
Sometimes they're just peoplearen't bombing.
Sometimes you Like your femurbones and your femoral arteries,
but, yes, sometimes people arebombing.
Sometimes you've got to do fourposts.
You've got to bomb both sidesand both femurals.

(40:01):
That's like heavyset people orpeople with really bad clogged
arteries, people that have heartattacks and they just have bad
clogged arteries.

Speaker 1 (40:08):
Okay, yeah, so then you do that.
You do that.
Is that step one to prep?
Is that step one to prep?

Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah, step one to prep you get a body.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
That's step one, yeah .

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Pretty much put on a table, set their features, like
you know, you put the eye capsin their eyes, close their mouth
.
There's two different ways toclose their mouth.
You have a mouthpiece and youuse like wires and you shoot the
wires in their gum line andthen you twist the wires in the
gum line like almost like abread tie to their mouth shuts.

(40:41):
There's another way in old daysit's like you go through the
mandible with a needle and thenyou come up to the bottom of the
mouth and sew their mouth shutlike that.
But that's the first thing youdo.
You set their features, thenyou embalm oh, okay, you know,
because you don't want them set.
Then we shave them.
If they're a man, some womentoo, you shave them and you know

(41:03):
it is.
And.
But then you have to when youget done with that.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
Does your hair grow after you?

Speaker 2 (41:08):
die.
They say they do.
I never like, not like, not,you never know.
Yeah, okay, yeah and um, whenyou're done well, after you're
done with the bombing, you haveto aspirate the body, you have
to get a trocar and you sticklike two inches above their
belly button.
It's a big, long rod and it'slike as a suction thing and
you're sucking and you'resucking all the the stroke car.

(41:29):
It's a big long rod, probablylike three feet long, and so
hooked to a suction device andit kind of sucks all the gases
and the shit out of your bowels.
So like, like your stomach yeahyeah, pumping your stomach, yeah
unless you go to the like I wassaying.
When you donate your body toscience, they embalm you, but
they don't do the the uh trocar,because they'll destroy all

(41:49):
your you know, all your organs.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Sorry, yes.
Like the first time you had todo that.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Yeah, yeah.
First time I actually saw itwas like 16 and the guy the
You're 16.
Well, I didn't do it.
But then prep the bomber.
Like had the big long rod trailcar.
He goes I'm about to do thisand you got the bow, you go two
inches up and over and you stickit in there and you're just
like sucking all the gases andcrap out of there so you don't
blow back up pretty much.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
Once again, it all makes total sense.
Yeah, it's a dirty job, thatneeds to be done, but at 16, you
see that, are you like?
Were you like?
What the fuck?

Speaker 2 (42:30):
Yeah, you're like what the hell?
You know fingernails and youknow clip the nail, you know
stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Small things also.
All that's involved in that.
Yeah, jeez, that's crazy.
What else?
What other kind of weird stuffmight not people understand?
Or what other kind of I don'tknow.
You know it.

(42:59):
It's hard for you becauseyou've worked in the industry.
So it's hard for you to knowwhat would disturb or maybe make
us curious.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
Yeah, like most people like think like the body,
when it's removed, is I wassaying the second straight to
the funeral home.
But most funeral homes have acentral prep and most families
don't realize that your mom ordad is not at the actual funeral
home, at a prep room, maybe 10miles away, maybe 20 miles away,
getting prepped there.
So you don't understand thatyour body is not going straight

(43:31):
to the funeral home.
It might be going to a preproom for a couple of days, not
the actual funeral home youcalled.
Because there's actually acouple in this area.
There's a couple embalmingservices that are just like big
warehouses and all they do isembalm for funeral homes and
they dress them if they wantthem dressed and they do
removals.
Also, because it's totallydifferent now.
When I was younger, in the late80s, if you called the funeral

(43:52):
home, you actually called thefuneral home, you know, and
somebody's funeral home answeredand the guy that answered the
phone was a guy staying in adorm upstairs.
He'd go make the removal atnight.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
That's like old school stuff.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
And now it's like you call an answering service up in
New Hampshire and they call aremoval service to do the
removal, and then the removalservice takes it to your central
prep room Not usually yourfuneral home, but usually your
prep room, not maybe you not useyour funeral home, I use your
prep room for the embalmingservice and all that stuff's.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
24 hours, yeah, 24 hours.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
And people realize like and it's a system, it's
like a well-oiled oh yeah, yeahit works, oh yeah, it's great.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
Yes, I mean that's, that's kind of a good thing,
yeah you're not waiting on gusto wake up and come stumbling
down.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Yeah, yeah, and all these are, you know, prepping
guys smoking a cigarette andashes are on the body.
Why is embalming?

Speaker 1 (44:41):
Nobody does that now.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
No, maybe vape, but not you know, they're vaping
yeah, new world, but it's just,yeah, it's a millennial thing.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Right thing right there?

Speaker 2 (44:52):
yeah, but people think, well, you call the
funeral and the body's going tothe funeral home.
Usually 90 time it's going to aprep room somewhere.
You think it's just a warehouse?
Yeah, it's not really at thefuneral home until the day what
does this warehouse look like?
it's just a big, huge, it's abig warehouse and it's got a
refrigerator, holds like.
It's just like like racks youcan put.
They have the machine thatalmost like a like forklift, but

(45:16):
it's kind of like a forklift.
They lift it up and they putthe bodies in the racks.
You can bring it down.
There's like 100 bodies intheir refrigerator.
They put them in cardboardboxes and they're just numbers
like B3, a4.
When you bring the body you'vegot to put this body in B3 shelf
or D16 shelf.

(45:38):
So when you go back you canfind the body.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
You sunk my battleship.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
Yeah, exactly yeah, because you don't realize you're
in there with a hundred.
You know it's kind of.
Even now you walk in a bigfridge and see a hundred bodies,
all you know the smoke, therefrigerator smoke, you know
coming in and it's an area.

Speaker 1 (45:53):
And then there's like a prep table outside.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Yeah, a couple of prep tables separately, and then
people are just embalming.
Yeah, just embalming.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Yeah, what's the?
What's the mood in there?
Like, is it morbid, I mean, butit's a workplace.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
These guys are here every day.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
Yeah, they're talking about their vacations.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
You always have the creepy embalmer guy, kind of
like the lurchy guy that doesn'ttalk to anybody.
But then you got everybody elseis joking around like hey, you
know the Cowboys last night, youknow at the football game, yeah
, yeah, you don't really alwayslike I said Don't talk about the
Cowboys down, no, no.
Don't do that.
But you know how's Dolphin.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
How's Brady, but you.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
You're talking.
It's like the people are justlike donuts.
You don't really think aboutbodies anymore.
You've been around your wholelife.
It's like that's just a donut,that's not even a person, it's
just like whatever.
You know you don't really thinkabout it.
You don't go home and thinkabout like people think oh, I
can't deal with.
See everything, yeah, those arehard.
Baby funerals and kid funerals.
You know you can't.
You mean during your whole lifeand I'll get over.

(47:04):
You know I don't have any kidsbut you just can't get over.
12 year old kid getting hit bya car.
You know like they hit and run.
That happened in venice like ayear ago.
We had that funeral and youknow the guy like you can't.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
You know you the guy, like you can't you know, you
can't ever get over that, youknow like it's hard to get over
stuff like that.
It's a it's an important job todo.
Yeah, Somebody's got to do that.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Yeah, the thing I remember, the one with the girl
that got hit in Venice by thehit and run.
She's wearing a backpack andthen the casket.
They had a closed casket butthe backpack she's wearing all
tore up and the mom put one ofthe backpack on top of the
casket just to like.
I don't know.
It's kind of weird.
It was tore up and like just tosymbolize that tragedy happened

(47:45):
, I guess.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
People grieve in different ways.
Oh yeah, what are some of themaybe kind of odd ways you've
seen people grieve, because notonly are you doing all the prep
and all that kind of stuff, butyou're also there at the
visitations and through thefunerals, like you're involved
in that whole.
Yeah, a lot of times like, whatdo you see that's unusual or

(48:09):
that maybe people wouldn'tunderstand?

Speaker 2 (48:13):
One thing I see a lot of funerals is people that get
together that hate, like, sayyour mom dies, you hate and
you're, you get to your brother,you hate your brother and you
haven't seen your brother in 20years.
And there's always a lot ofdrama at funerals because people
have to show up at funerals andlike, yeah, and I've seen like
fights and just this bad vibesbetween families and mama,

(48:34):
probably some you know, like alot of people fighting over
rings and stuff because mamapromises ring to five people.
I've seen a lot of.
I've seen fistfights atfunerals.
I've seen people you know drunk, you know they deal with it
with Xanax and wine.
You know people deal with it indifferent ways.
It's totally sloshed out at afuneral, you know.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
What about, like some good reconciliation?
Have you seen that, or youdon't?
Maybe you're not payingattention to the interpersonal
stuff so much.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
I'm trying not to really.
But you one thing I've alwaysthought, if you know, this is
kind of, if you don't like, saymy dad, he's still alive.
I mean, I don't get along verywell and every time I had a
funeral, when somebody dies,it's oh, this guy was a great
person.
This guy was so great.
I've never seen a funeral I'vebeen to like thousands of
funerals in my life and my dadI'd say my dad's an asshole.
I've never seen a funeral whereI'd be like you know, my dad

(49:26):
laying in the casket.
He was a fucking asshole.
You know what?
I, everybody's me, and my life,like 80% of people are good and
20% are bad.
But so I don't know, I guesspeople, everybody, when they die
, is always oh, this is a greatperson, and you know what I'm
saying.
I mean, I mean Charles Manson,oh, he's a great person.
I don't know.
It's just like I never seeanybody talk bad about somebody

(49:47):
at a funeral.
You know, I've seen itstrangely enough.

Speaker 1 (49:51):
Oh, that's Kind of like a weird therapy session.
Yeah, it was like a big shittalk and it was just
uncomfortable.
I was like, oh man, this isweird, I have to get out of here
, but at the same time probablyhealthy in some way.

Speaker 2 (50:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
Because you get to kind of leave your issues right
there.
Yeah, exactly, and get it offyour chest instead of just
carrying it around.
Yeah and um you know, I'vealways heard like, like, um.
Somebody told me once duringsome controversial things at a
funeral I was part of thatfunerals are for the living.

(50:33):
That's what it's there for.
It's there to help us.
The person who died is dead.
Whatever realm they're in,wherever they are, wherever they
go, they're not worried aboutany of this.
No, this is you know, maybe theyzapped off to heaven or

(50:54):
wherever they ended up going andthis doesn't concern them.
This is silly.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
Yeah, exactly, you know you're dead.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
Now You've moved on, yes, and it's to help the people
that are here, to kind of heal,I guess, and get some closure.
What are some insights you'vehad working in this industry?
Have you had any kind ofrevelations or thoughts about

(51:24):
death or thoughts about life.
Does it make you appreciatelife?

Speaker 2 (51:29):
more.
Yeah, it makes you appreciatebeing around the field business.
One thing it does make I can'tspeak for everybody but me I
appreciate life, like every dayyou live.
I'm not a religious person, all, but I do appreciate.
Like every december I travelout of the country.
You know, bike race.
I do comedy, you know I alwaysdo.
I want to like you, send ithome like you're living.
Yeah, you're living, becausepeople you go to like to old

(51:51):
folks home you see people layingin beds and you're like I mean
one thing, I, one thing I havedone is look at people in
caskets when they're there andlike, as this person do, do they
do everything they want to doin their life?

Speaker 1 (52:02):
you think that?

Speaker 2 (52:03):
yeah, I really do.
I think that they went like me.
When I die, like if I diedtoday, I've done, like 95, I've
done, I call, I've seen all thetraveling I've done.
I've done what I've, you know,stuff I've done your.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
It's your bucket list .
Yeah, I hit my bucket list.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
But I was like, if you want to fuck a midget, you
know, does he fuck a midget?

Speaker 1 (52:16):
You know what I mean.
You know I'm saying everythingyou know what I?
Mean Like, but you alwayswonder did you fuck a?

Speaker 2 (52:20):
midget.
No, I want to, but but you knowI really do think about it.
People like to live.
You know, like some people,like when I lived in Texas, some
people only went to like threestates their whole life.
You know like they went toOklahoma, arkansas, and you know
what I mean, like they didn'tsee anything in their lives.

(52:41):
They didn't really experiencemuch.
They just lived in Bastrop,texas, in a trailer home and had
three kids and you know it waslike Never left.
Yeah, they might me.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
That'd be like that's death for me.
I mean just like, yeah, I dothink about the people you know
a lot of them, so you get to seethat end cycle.
Yeah, so it's like, but does itever?
I feel like for me because,once again, most of us don't
think about this on our dailybasis.
Does it ever?
Just, it nags at you.
You know what I mean.
I mean like to think you'reseeing this, this is the end,

(53:20):
yeah, for this guy, and you'rethinking that is it almost like
a ticking clock that you cansometimes yeah, here, I'm
working in death, this will beme.
Yes, you're embalming a body,burying, putting it,
transporting it.
I'm working in death, thiscould be me.
Tick, tick tick tick, I justfeel like that's.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
I knew that.
Yeah, I think about also like.

Speaker 1 (53:41):
I didn't mean to creep you out.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
No, no, it doesn't make sense, though, but you do
think about that a lot, and likea lot of one thing, I say
another thing.
If you don past me personally,you live past 77, that's 77 77 I

(54:04):
don't know why that you live 77or above that's you know, that
you, you lived a lot, you know.
I'm saying you, yeah, youshouldn't cry about them passing
because they might have been aboring life, but they live.
You know they lived through yeahat least people all the time
that die of 55 years old, die ofskin cancer, and you know all
kind of stuff, pancreas, I meanlike you know anything.
Can people understand that?
Because that's.

(54:24):
And one thing also people, Isee a few homes like I do.
Tell people like we, we seewhat 99 percent of the world
doesn't see every day.
I mean, people don't.
People are at cubicles of dellcomputers and old cubicles on
the computer.
They don't see.
You know, they don't see this.
It's just you kind of justforget about that.
You know you're just like thisis this is what I'm doing every
day for work.
You realize there's some guy,joe, at.

(54:46):
You know microsoft and a.
You know that's all you do.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
I don't know he's, he's focused on that yeah that's
his job yeah and you're inyours, which is, I think, to a
lot of people, kind of a slap,slap in the face of reality,
yeah, yeah I feel like I wouldif I had to work in that kind of
industry.
That would really kind of echo,but I think most of me, but

(55:12):
maybe, maybe in a positive way,because that's like okay.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Yeah, I think most people just think they're
immortal.
They see it, but they thinkthey're immortal.
I have a motorcycle.
I never ride with a helmet on.
You do?
I don't wear a helmet when Iride.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
You're going to have a closed cap.
I have a closed organ donor butthey're going to scoop you up.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
Yeah, you just think.
I don't know.
It's like you take care of thedead.
You'll never die.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
I don't know it's just most people don't think
about it too much no use, right,yeah, no use yeah, they come.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
Time to go, time to go, I think so did you ever?

Speaker 1 (55:47):
um and this is kind of a weird question, but it kind
of struck me and something yousaid earlier most people don't
like to think about it like Idon't, the macabre, you know the
, the morbid, the, the otherside, the darkness most people
don't.
Some people love it if you ever, like, been out at a bar and

(56:12):
you're like, yeah, a funeralhome director, I'm an undertaker
, and some girl's like, oh, ohyes, yeah, some people are in in
that, I mean they're into it,yeah there's, there's a sect of
people that, for whatever reasonis, is into the dark.
Yes, and they don't.
They want the grit, they wantthe.
They like that.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Yeah, exactly and usually if you're at a bar with
like five people hanging out,most people want to hear my
stories, not their stories.
You're like, oh, what'd you seethis week?
You know kind of more, yeah,yeah, but you always have.
You can always one-up everybody, you know, but they just want
to hear your stories, becausedeath interests people, but not
a guy that sells tires atWalmart.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
You know that's not interesting, you know it's like,
oh okay, well, once again youhave that one percent, or maybe
it's even less of people thatunderstand that side of the
industry sometimes kind of bad.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Just want to go at the bar and relax, have a drink
and you just want to not talkabout death.
But the people want to.
You know people always want to.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
You feel bad just they know what you do.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
Yeah, friends, and such and just jokes.
I I mean like oh I don't know,there's, I don't know, just old
stupid jokes.
People say the old cliche stuff.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Like you know, that's what you let you down and all
that type of stuff and peopledying to get in there and shit
like that.
You know the old cliche onesyou heard your whole life.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
I had that one too, passed by a cemetery.
Pass by a cemetery, it'd belike good place.
I'd be like, yeah, you'd belike people die to get in there.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
Yeah exactly that's.
But I was in mortuary school.
I am lived in a funeral homeand that's like I was saying,
that's a good way.
Girls want to come back to thefuneral home and check stuff out
you know, they just want to becreeped out.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
They want to come there and look for ghosts.

Speaker 2 (57:52):
Yeah, ask you have you ever had sex in a funeral
home?
Have you ever had sex in acasket?
Have you ever had sex in ahearse?
You know people always want toknow what have you?
A funeral home, yes, a hearse,yes, not a casket.
People want to ask you if youever had sex with a dead person.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
I never had but people always ask you that too.
Maybe not in.

Speaker 2 (58:12):
Texas, arkansas is fine.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
Arkansas.
You can have sex with a deadperson, Just get the old.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
Never mind.
I used to do a joke.
I got fired from my job lastweek for sexually harassing a
client.
The bad thing is I work at afuneral home.
My uncle got me in the business.
He's a really bad embalmer buta really good puppeteer.

Speaker 1 (58:35):
Oh no.

Speaker 2 (58:37):
That's a good bad embalmer, but a really good
puppeteer, you know.
Oh no, that's a good one.
Yeah, that's, that's my ownstuff.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
You kind of laugh about some of it.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
Oh yeah, you got to laugh about it.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
If you didn't laugh, you'd cry yeah, um, what's
something you could kind of?
Everyone that's listening tothis is going to come to this
decision at some point in theirlives with a loved one or even
for themselves.
What's a few tips or advice orkind of things to ask or look
for that they could make surethey get a good value and they

(59:09):
get the best experience?
Like you know, don't buy thisupgrade, that's stupid anyway.
Or maybe you know, make surethe funeral home does this, this
or this, what.
What are some kind of practicaltips?

Speaker 2 (59:22):
I probably personally .
But one tip I'd I'd probablyalways stick with a family
family on funeral home, not acorporation on funeral home.
Okay, this is a.
They're more personal andcorporation.
There's a lot of corporationsSCI Foundation, partners, lohman
Group so many corporations onfuneral homes, like in this town
there's only like two funeralhomes that are family-owned.

(59:43):
I'd go for a family-ownedfuneral home because you know,
probably the body's going to beyour mom or dad or loved ones
when you take them back to theirfuneral home, not a prep center
or an embalming center, andthey're kind of more personal
touch, you know, because it'snot all about it's more personal
touch is it more expensive forfamily?
no, no, it's probably.
You probably actually probablyget a better deal there and I
would never.

(01:00:03):
I would just buy.
Don't buy the you know 12 gaugebronze casket.
Just you know this, spend thatif your person dies.
I think they want you to spendmoney on yourself like go, you
know, a celebration of life,take a trip yeah, take a trip,
take everyone out to dinner orsomething, because once you go
on the ground, it's in theground.
Nobody knows what the casketlooks like.

(01:00:23):
You know once it's in theground it's people.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Sentimentality gets the best of them sometimes,
because I think, yeah, thefamily's kind of bent over this
weird barrel of grief and youknow they obviously love this
person yeah, and flower flowersare a big waste of money.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
I mean, I know flowers are pretty but they're
so expensive and they just lastlike two or three days and it's
like such a waste of moneybecause the casket sprays are
like five hundred dollars andwell, you can see two thousand
dollars worth of flowers, ohyeah easily.
I mean I mean basic.
I mean I think all the time,like the big Italian funerals
I've been to in the East Coastlook like John Gotti died.

(01:01:00):
There's like thousands ofdollars of flowers and flower
shops.
That's a scam in itself.
Everything.
There's so much money.
Oh my God.
We used to get paid actuallyBird Dog fee commission.
If you know him, call and sayI'm from Louisiana and I need to
order some flowers, can yourecommend somebody?

(01:01:21):
And if we recommended a certainfuneral home and they ordered
from us, that gives kickbacks onit.
So I used to make extra moneyjust on the kickbacks from the
flower homes, flower shops, alot of stuff like that goes on.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
So don't waste money on flowers.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Go with a family-owned funeral that would
be a good thing yeah, anythingelse any other.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Don't get a limousine , just drive yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
Yeah, drive yourself.
I mean, um, that's about it.
Really make sure, ask thefamily it's a family-owned.
Ask them where the your lovedone's actually going tonight,
Like where is she actually going?
Like really press them on that.
They can't really lie about it.
I guess they can.
But you know, like I thinkstuff like that, I mean that's
the main thing, I think.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
That's good.
Well, thank you for sharingyour stories with us.
Okay, we appreciate it.
You have an.
It's enlightening, yes, it youhave.
It's enlightening, yes, it'sinteresting stuff, and it's cool
of you to come on and share allthat.
So we appreciate it, thank you.
And to the listeners out there,thanks for tuning in.

(01:02:26):
We appreciate it.
Until next time, stay out oftrouble and we'll see you in
church.
The Redacted podcast isproduced by myself, matt bender,

(01:02:47):
and my wife, pamela bender.
Make sure to go out there andgive us a like, a share, share
it with your friends, rate us.
Every little bit helps.
Thanks for tuning in.