May 17, 2024 • 48 mins
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"Murdering Malachi" is a special limited series by The Redacted Podcast, produced by Matt Bender and Pamela Bender.
Straddling the lines of identity and the struggle to find a place in a world that demands you choose sides, "Murdering Malachi: Episode Four – Between Worlds" is a raw expedition into the life of a man who defies categorization. In this episode, Malachi grapples with the complexities of his mixed-race heritage, the expectations of society, and the harrowing experiences that have shaped his journey.
Malachi's story is one of survival and the search for self amidst the chaos of a life marked by trauma and the polarizing forces of race and sexuality. We follow him from the streets where he fought to find his footing, through the tangled web of family dynamics, to the underground world of sex work and its indelible impact on his existence.
With unflinching honesty, Malachi opens up about the mentors who offered him sanctuary, the psychological battles that no one could name, and the stark realizations that come with living a life on the fringes. His narrative is a testament to the power of human resilience and the courage it takes to live authentically in a society that often rejects what it cannot understand.
Don't miss this profound and thought-provoking episode of The Redacted Podcast, where the past is a ghost and the future is a blank canvas. Tune in for an unvarnished look at the life of a man who refuses to be defined by the world's binaries.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
People would ask me what am I?
White or black?
Right, I tell them I'm mixed Yo.
What are you?
I'm mixed Yo.
Which one?
And some of my friends even gotmad.
They were like you're just anigger, like the rest of us.
You're black, you know.
And then, once you're dead,they'll be like you're hunky,
you're my boy, and they'refinallyed on me.
(00:21):
Their minds could not wraparound me being both I had like.
They literally could notcomprehend me not being one or
the other.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
There's something I wanted to address before we
start this episode.
Wanted to address before westart this episode.
So the subject of this series,malachi, gave us an uncensored
and raw look into his life.
Hashtag, no filter.
He shared his feelings andcontroversial opinions and
painful memories with us.
That takes bravery A lot of it,actually and I can honestly say
(01:03):
that most of us would beextremely uncomfortable putting
that much of ourselves out thereand subjecting ourselves to
public scrutiny.
Just something to keep in mindFrom the Redacted Podcast.
I'm Matt Bender and this isEpisode 4 of Murdering Malachi.
What do you really think of me?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
They got violent.
I was boot camp.
I was young, I wasn't a thug,yet I was still scared In my
whole teenage life, even thoughI was captain of the wrestling
team, made the sambo team.
I had the physical tools but Ididn't have the mental.
I was still scared because I'dbeen bullied for so many damn
years.
I could pick up a 300-pound man, but I mentally thought I would
lose to a 50-pound girl.
So during boot camp, shortlyafter mom died and I was all on
(02:03):
my own right that was just me.
My gay uncles were kind ofsupportive, but they were still
kind of in partyville.
So they were like well, here'sa couple hours, you know, or
here's some coke, we'll party.
Like they didn't really havethat.
They weren't older, they werestill partying.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
So the audio cuts out a bit here, but what I'm doing
is asking him about his gayuncles.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
He's mentioned them in previous conversations as a
kind of positive influence tohis life.
But I wanted to know more abouttheir story.
When I went to that privateschool, I was talking to talking
about the kids my age hated meand part of it was my fault
because I suddenly went from thebottom of the barrel to like a
thug in this school.
You know, it wasn't the thugand I just I thought I didn't
know how to act.
I didn't know how to act, nolonger being bullied.
I may have even been a littlebit of a bully myself and I'll
(03:03):
accept that, you know fine.
But I was also like thesmartest kid in the whole damn
school, you know, in like thespecial school.
You know what I mean.
This is where the medicalschool was coming to talk to me
and and so high school I was inseventh grade, sixth seventh
grade, I got the scholarship tothat prestigious private school.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
they came and found me and you're still living with
your foster still my foster mom.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So what it happened was that's when they first
started giving me psychologicalcare and they were like
something's wrong with this guy,but no one would tell me what
they saw it.
But they were like something'snot right, but no one could
explain it.
And they were like we'll go seethe psychiatrist, but no one
would tell me what thepsychiatrist wouldn't tell me.
They were trying to keep asecret from me that I was insane
(03:43):
but sane at the same time.
I told you no one's ever beenable to.
Really, they can't, they don'tknow how I exist.
So, anyway, the older kids werereally good to me because they
just saw this, because it was akindergarten and 12th grade, so
everybody was mixed.
So the older kids took a shineto me because they didn't see
(04:06):
the whole depth of what wasgoing on, but they just saw this
lost little kid and they werelike, yeah, I remember when I
was in seventh grade, yeah, sothey, they were nice to me and
what happened was one of themgraduated particular girl, and
it being that you know, this isa prestigious private school.
The moment she graduated, shehad an apartment in Center City.
I was just like, yeah, I'm 18.
(04:28):
I've got a $3,000 a monthapartment in Center City.
That's the kind of society itwas.
She was nice to me.
She let me visit one day Again.
Nothing sexual, nothing sexual,they're just nice to me.
One day I went to her apartmentand she wasn't there and I was
(04:49):
sitting on a step.
I'm 14.
I'm still very naive, stillvery young.
My sort of worldliness didn'treally come until I was 18 or 19
.
And then when it came, it came.
I ended up a fucking adultstripper For eight years.
So I'm sitting on a step andall of a sudden this 27-year-old
(05:13):
, 28-year-old, skinny white guycomes out.
Very nice, very polite.
I'm not catching on, I'm naive.
And so he's talking to me andhe invites me in.
Again, I'm naive, but also hisnature is just so, so, so safe.
He invites me in, go to thebasement apartment decked out
all the latest electronics, alljust, and we just hang out.
(05:36):
And he would later explain thatI'm not sure I don't want to
put anybody out there because Iwas 14.
So I think he would laterexplain in a very safe way.
I'm not exactly sure where thatmight have headed, if anywhere,
because you were young.
(05:57):
So I'm not saying it would have, maybe I just liked looking at
you, you know, because it wasn'tnecessarily a perv.
Maybe I just liked looking atyou because, hey, a cute boy, I
was a cute boy.
But he said, the moment Italked to you I went, holy cow,
this one, he's different, and Iwanted to protect you.
(06:19):
Like that was like the moment Ijust wanted to protect you and
he did one year to get right.
This is why I call my guy, yeah, him and his, his, not
necessarily partner, but like Idon't know, they have this weird
thing just best friend, mybrother, I guess, and they just
because he was super rich andthe other one he took care of.
So it's like I don't know, butthe other half to him was, uh,
(06:43):
he was white and the other halfwas black.
And from that point on I can godown there and be safe, I can
hang out, I can get away fromthe ghetto.
Nothing ever happened.
They introduced me to gaypeople.
I started learning about like,oh okay, you know, they're not
weirdos, you know.
And the weirdest thing is I wasalways afraid that my grandma
would find out.
I called the false amountgrandma.
My grandma would find out.
I call it the Fossil Mountain,grandmama, because you know,
(07:04):
this is the Black Ghetto.
If you don't know, historicallythe Black Ghetto is the most
dangerous place in the world tobe gay.
Well, not in the world, but inAmerica, because other countries
are even worse, but in Americait's the most dangerous place to
be gay.
Some would say it still is, butdefinitely was in the 70s.
High machismo, high violence,high insecurity, and I was
(07:30):
terrified my grandmom would findout and so they took care of me
.
I mean, they just continued tobe a safe harbor.
My grandmom died right when shedied.
They continued Years, yearslater, and this is the part that
got me.
They always watched out for meand I said I'm a, a grown-ass
man.
Why are you still watching outfor me?
He said, eric, you know, whenyour mom died, just before she
(07:55):
died, she asked me to watch outfor you.
She said I'm the only personshe would trust to look out for
you.
My head exploded.
I'm like, first of all, how thefuck do you even know you?
When did this happen?
You know like you're in centralcity, she's in the hood.
How did this happen?
Because I'm thinking he calledout to her one time and it was
(08:16):
like look, your son is here,blah, blah, he's safe.
I never knew, and second of all, old christ Christian,
traditional Christian blackwoman.
And the one person she decidedthat her son, her precious
little baby, would be safe withwas a rich white gay man.
I don't even know if she knewhe was rich, but just a white
(08:37):
gay man.
If that ain't beautiful, Idon't know what is ain't
beautiful.
I don't know what is so for me.
And you know, and it was safetoo, because it was a lot easier
for me to go to the gay clubsand tell someone no, thank you,
I don't need a blowjob right nowthan it is to tell someone
please don't kick my ass becauseI'm not black, because I'm not
(08:58):
puerto rican, because I'm notwhite.
I was with the people.
Sometimes you get an asshole,like I usually was like okay,
well, when, if you ever changeyour mind, I'll be over here.
You know what I mean.
It was like they didn't,because there's plenty of dicks.
You know I'm not sucking yours,I'm sucking his.
And, to be honest about it,when I got older, been walking
(09:20):
up playing earth, have you everseen a gay man with a girlfriend
?
There'd be some finemotherfuckers on there.
And when you're like one ofonly three straight guys in the
club and there's like 20straight women and like a
hundred gay guys.
If you don't get laid, you didsomething really, really, really
bad.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Once again the audio is a bit weak on me here, but
I'm asking Malachi if heconsiders himself bi or straight
or anything in between, I guess.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I'm straight.
I have some issues because ofall the rapes.
I'm not going to say drugs, Ihaven't twisted some things, I'm
really rid of that but I'm aheterosexual male.
Are there some asterisksbecause of the way I've been
fucked over?
Are there some asterisksbecause of drugs?
Probably I'm heterosexual.
But the thing is, though, Ihave like no fucking judgment as
(10:10):
long as you leave kids alone,do you?
Because I'm going to tell you asecret, two things I've learned
.
One my uncle moved out to thesuburbs.
I was sitting in his housewatching TV I mean, to this day
he takes care of me, he justwatching tv, right, I mean he,
(10:32):
to this day he takes care of mejust sent me a couple dollars to
help me out the jam I was in.
40 years later I was really ina jam because I'm not sure I
didn't share the bill.
I've been policing, though howto me for that thing, plus my?
You say I drive, I'm.
My bill is ridiculous.
They shouldn't be.
And this month was, and I wasdrowning, I was about to lose
everything.
So he was like you know, here'sa couple of dollars.
Y'all help me, somebody elsehelp me.
This was just a bad, bad month.
40 years later he sent me somemoney.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Malachi then goes on to explain how his gay uncle
came into his money and successin the first place.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, they bought a house.
He owns like half a freakingmountain.
You ever look it up at waterKent is his grandfather.
They were the first radiomakers in America.
Yeah, we see those radios thatwere like, look like that, like
a little they go up.
And then they go up like asteeple.
Those old radios, a, I'll shakehand, I'll show you here,
(11:25):
because you look at it, youyou'll go, oh shit that those.
Oh yeah, you're talking old.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah, okay, it's like before TVs.
People sit around listening tothat, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
They manufactured all of them.
They were like the guy.
And then he had some secret carpart that no one had made
before, so they invented that.
Really, it's actuallyfascinating because so yeah,
those radios back in the day, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's him,
that's his grandfather, thankyou.
And then he had some other carparts that made them like
millions and millions.
And also, you should also lookup a guy named Buckminster
(11:56):
Fuller.
Buckminster Fuller is on thesame level as Einstein and
Hawking's.
He made the Dymaxion, thegeodesic dome.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah, I know that.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Buckminster Fuller invented it.
My Uncle Peter was hisassistant.
Peter's fucking brilliant.
He's a genius.
Yeah, yeah, and that's why Icall him Uncle, because I
realize not only have you lookedout for me this whole time, but
then Mom gave green light.
She searched your uncle Likeshe decided it.
You get what I'm saying.
(12:30):
Like little old ChristianBlackburn picked this gay man
and said you're the one.
How old were you when shepassed 19.
She died.
You lived with her through highschool or through your no.
I was taken away once to go to afoster home.
Because I was taken away onceto go to a foster home, okay,
because I was gettingrambunctious and my brothers and
all of this stuff.
I was starting to wake up, Iwas starting to.
So they took me away, they tookme to a group home.
(12:53):
I didn't fit in.
It was ugly.
I was in between being genius,being soft in with all the thugs
, and then I was captain of thewrestling team, the wrestling
team and wrestling coachestrying to get me back because I
was like the only, like I wasthe first guy in my school to
repeat as champion and it's likeeveryone's pulling me in all
these different directions.
I got kicked out of the, the umspecial school because I
(13:16):
stopped going to the psychpsychologist, because they
wouldn't tell me where I'm goingyeah I'm like, if I go, tell me
, I'm not gonna keep to keeptalking about how I feel, tell
me what the hell I'm doing.
So I got emancipated.
I just left the group home.
No one wanted to deal with me.
I walked out.
I just walked out and no onefollowed me.
(13:36):
They just like we're done.
And so she took me back becauseher family was really the one
that wanted to get rid of mebecause they were watching out
for her.
But then she died protecting mefrom my brother one day my
brother well, they always havewhen my brother was back and for
some reason he decided thatagain I was the outlet for his
(13:58):
anger.
He was a bit bigger than me, hewas kind of a hillbilly.
I was like 130 pounds, he waslike 190 and, um, again, I could
lift up a 300 pound person.
But I didn't know it like.
So I was afraid and he keptbullying me and one day I did.
I picked his ass up and slammedhim almost to the floor and the
(14:21):
whole house shook and mom camescurrying in and she saw it and
she was like, uh oh, and he waslooking up, looking at his face,
like now I have to kill him.
You know I'm looking at itbecause again, I'm not
understanding just what I'mcapable of.
And again, I'm not trying tobuild myself up, but it's just
(14:43):
the reality.
I'm not understanding what I'mcapable of, I'm still scared.
I'm not trying to build myselfup, but it's just the reality.
I'm not understanding what I'mcapable of, I'm still scared,
I'm still thinking I'm weak, I'mnot understanding.
I just picked a Sunday nightand found my hand up over my
head.
It went down, still notunderstanding.
She got sick and she refused.
This is what was told to melater.
She got sick and she refused togo to the hospital,
(15:05):
80-something years old.
Very shortly after that, and thefamily finally came and took us
to the hospital that night, mybrother showed up and I'm ready,
I'm like that's it, you know.
And he said, no, no, no, I gota prostitute.
Come on.
And he went down the basement.
He's like eric, go be with her.
And I'm like, no, I don't evenwant to do this man.
And he did what is he's cute,eric, go be with her.
And I'm like, no, I don't evenwant to do this man.
And he did what I did.
(15:25):
She's cute, nice, looking newout there.
And I'm thinking like, either Igo down here and do something
with her or I've got to fighthim.
And you know, I'm starting torealize like what I'm capable of
and like we're going to destroyher house.
So I went down there with herand they wanted me to fuck, but
I'm like, just give me a blowjob, you know.
(15:47):
Oh, you got a big dick likeyour brother.
Oh, let me suck it.
She died that very night whilemy brother's making me be with a
prostitute, as opposed to mehaving to kill him.
I found out on her sickbed thatshe didn't go to the hospital
because she was afraid of whatJimmy would do to me.
(16:07):
Who does she know?
It would have probably went theother way, because I would have
.
Probably and I hate this phrase, but this is one of those rare
occasions where it's legitimateI would have snapped because I
was just coming out into thatlike I can lift a car.
So I hate people using thatphrase, but this is one of those
(16:29):
rare occasions in life whereit's a legitimate use.
So she died because she wasafraid to leave me alone.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
At 19.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
She was afraid to leave me alone with him.
I had just turned 19.
So, again, like I said I thinkI said earlier, around 18 or 19
or 19 is when it changed reallyfast.
That was part of that reallyfast change Like wait, I'm not a
scared 13 year old anymore, soeverything was happening all at
once in the brain and she wentto the hospital because she was
(16:59):
afraid to leave me alone withhim.
So she died of pneumoniabecause pneumonia got too bad,
because she refused to seek help.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
She died in the house .
Speaker 1 (17:09):
She died in the hospital.
She died the night.
She went to the hospital in thehospital.
While she's in the hospital,he's making me get my dick
sucked by a prostitute.
You got a choice Either wefight or you go down there with
the prostitute.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
My producer, chris, goes on here to ask Malachi why
his brother got so offended orangry that Malachi didn't want
this prostitute that wassupposedly gifted to him by his
brother.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Welcome to my world.
He's the same one child thatfucked me in the ass earlier.
Yeah, do you think he wouldhave felt disrespected if you?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
hadn't taken him up on this offer.
One shot to fuck me in the assearlier.
That's a weird decision.
Do you think he would have feltdisrespected if you hadn't
taken him up on this offer?
Is that where the issue was?
He's like I did this for youand if you're going to snub me,
this is how it's going to go.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Honestly, I don't know what went on in his mind To
this day.
Him and my other brother I justrecently got in contact with
again after 30 years ViaFacebook.
We found each other, the onebrother who was really mean to
me.
We actually made peace.
He actually just offered tosend me some money, which he
doesn't have.
(18:16):
But that was shocking becausehe's the one that I think had me
suck his dick, or tried to suckmy dick, or he's a spit in my
food.
He was just horrible and headmitted it.
He was like like it's horribleand I actually had confused
which one did once.
I thought he was the one thattortured my kittens.
But it was this one thattortured my kittens would burn
the hair and light bulb in frontof me and like were like abused
(18:39):
from right in front of me and Icouldn't stop because I was
really small and weak.
When I was young, I was veryweak.
The strength came out ofnowhere, maybe because I was so
strong and weak.
When I was young, I was veryweak.
The strength came out ofnowhere, Maybe because I was so
strong and weak.
Somewhere in my body saidmuscle build.
You know he's a very.
I talked to him for a while andI talked to the people around
him and his own daughter doesn'ttalk to him and he's Now my
(19:05):
understanding that he is stillfucked up, Like he is really
messed up in the head.
So I think the guilt of all thethings he did and whatever
damage he went through he nevergot better from, you know.
So he's on all sorts of mediccase and he's out getting.
I don't know the whole story,but he's still fucked up in the
head.
My other brother is now ondisability and he was a high man
(19:32):
for a minute.
He was a drug dealer in Miami.
I totally believe it because Iremember how he was when he was
young.
Every girl sucked his dick Likehe was a young, pretty boy.
He was good with the mouth.
So I can totally picture himfinding a way to the top of the
underworld I mean not the top,but, you know, Finding a good
place in the underworld.
I can also totally picture himnow being crazy.
(19:53):
It caught up to him.
So all of us are crazy.
The one's totally gone, theone's living on whatever money
the government gives you and I,the one who suffered all of
their abuse, being interviewedby a podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
As we leave the restaurant and stand out
chatting in the mini mallparking lot, he lights up a
cigarette and continues to talkabout his time stripping and in
sex work, his sexual addictionand all of his struggles with
that.
Then we hop in the truck for aride back to Camp Malachi.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
I was lost into the sex world.
I mean the other reason I don'tjudge.
I was sitting waiting for thetrain to come in Center City and
I was watching people go by andI literally was in my mind
going that one likes Little Boys, she's a dominatrix, she cheats
on her husband, he likes to getfucked in the ass in the
bathroom and like I kneweverybody's fucking secret and
(20:59):
it was overwhelming, like I knewway more than I wanted to know.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Isn't there a Mel gibson movie like that?
I'm not familiar with that one.
What women?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
want.
Oh, we could meet the minds.
Yeah, well, I mean, I literallyknew them now, like I literally
, like I'd seen this dudegetting fucked in the ass.
Oh, so you knew that.
I knew this reading.
I knew way more than I neededto know.
That's when you were a stripper, right?
That's when you were a stripper, right.
That's when I was a stripper,but also kind of in the sex
world.
My friend was a dominatrix.
(21:30):
I was in and out of thebathhouses and the strip clubs
and getting high with everybody.
I was getting high with thedoctors and the lawyers.
I knew who was secretly gay.
I had so many macho men tryingto suck my dick.
It's ridiculous.
You know so many black thugswho would scream.
You know, fuck them, faggots.
(21:50):
One minute and the next minutethey're like you're messing
around.
You got a nice ass man.
You see that dick Hundreds oftimes, hundreds of times.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Let's back up a little.
We talked about it before,before we started recording.
But how did you become astripper?
Speaker 1 (22:09):
I was at a gay club with my friend, with my uncles,
which is nothing unusual Because, again, they're safe and
they're fun.
To this day, if I was a clubber, I'd go to a gay club Beautiful
women, safe environment, greatfucking music.
You know, I'd suggest anystraight man go to a club.
You know, it's just a party,it's fucking fun.
(22:30):
Just don't go into thebathrooms.
Find the private bathroom.
Don't go into the woman'sstalls.
That's just true.
I'm telling you you're going tosee some feet.
It's not a lie, it's not astereotype.
I walked into one once.
I saw four feet and I heard Iwas like time to go.
It is a reality.
(22:51):
But most of them have like aprivate bathroom.
You could find other than thatparty central.
So I'm at a gay club and theyhad these go-go boys, his little
, pretty little boys, dancing.
They had amateur night and Ididn't know I was drunk at this
point and so again, I was 140,with like a body fat percentage
of like seven.
This is right after I made thenational ensemble team.
(23:13):
I think this is like rightafter I joined military.
I was on leave or somethingsomewhere, in that they're all
kind of that same time frame.
So I was body perfect, smallbut body perfect, pretty, all of
that.
They dared me Like, oh, I don'twant to do this shit.
I was drawn, what the hell?
So they gave me a G-string orsomething, I don't know.
(23:34):
That went up my days.
I did try to survive.
You also have to understand.
And then I say this not to beweird, but I'm a small,
140-pound blonde-haired,blue-eyed kid with a nine-inch
dick in a gay club, if you canpicture all that.
(23:55):
When I was done, the owner cameto me and was like dude, they
loved you, we want to hire youright here, on the spot.
I'm like I'm not doing anythingcrazy.
He said $200 an hour.
I'm like what?
This is 1989.
Before kids could make $500 forselling jars of farts on the
internet.
(24:16):
This is when you couldn't makemoney like that.
I did that.
Next thing, I know I've got twoagents.
One of them is a big-time agent.
I'm part of a group called Menof Passion.
Men of Passion.
I'm dancing a circuit of sixdifferent clubs and this is all
in Philly.
No Atlantic City, oh, atlanticCity, philadelphia, cherry Hill,
atlantic City.
(24:37):
I'm the shit Because I couldfit in anything.
I was pretty enough to do thewhite clubs they break it down
to you.
The white clubs they want themto look like Ken Dolls.
You know they want them to belike you, with more muscle,
pretty guy, built, tall.
I'm not trying to be offensive,but put about 20 pounds of
muscle on you, take off.
(24:57):
About five years you could havebeen a stripper.
It's just a reality.
That's what they want.
You can have a one-inch dick.
They don't give a fuck.
They're all into pretty.
The black clubs you better havedick Now.
I only had nine inches.
Most of them had like 10, 12,13, but I had blonde hair and
blue eyes, so my nine lookedlike 15.
(25:19):
You get where I'm coming from.
And then did the spanish clubsbecause I could just blend in
with the spend.
There's a mixture of both.
You got a little pretty and alittle dick.
You don't have to be too muchof either one, but you got to
have a little bit of both so Icould jump from club to club and
then I danced reggae and I wassuper strong.
So what I would do is grab the400 pound woman I would take on
(25:43):
stage.
I would bounce her off my hip.
There's this little teeny dudepicking up this 400 pound woman
who everyone else is ignoringand because of my strength, I'm
bouncing her off my hip.
They loved to live the fuck outof me.
They couldn't.
I was getting hired left andright.
I'd walk into this pitch blackfucking reggae club it's called
the Upper Deck.
They didn't even know who theyhired.
They hired me over the phonebecause of my name and I showed
(26:03):
up and they saw me and they werelike who the fuck are you?
You're Sir Ramalot.
I'm Sir Ramalot.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
That's your stage name.
Yeah, or the horse, sir.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Ramalot, yeah, like Sir Mix-a-Lot, sir Ramal, the
heart, let him do it.
They thought it was going to bea disaster.
I went, did my thing.
I grabbed the biggest woman,bounced her up and down.
They were all just like holyfuck, I was like the only light,
only white guy that ever dancedat reggae club and our janana
(26:30):
city people would kick me with20 dollars full of cocaine and
that's really addiction reallykind of got its footing and I
was.
I went down that rabbit holeand you know we can imagine
where that went.
But so I was.
I mean, little white guys whocouldn't get laid to save their
life would invite me to partiesbecause they knew that the girls
would take their tops off andlet you slurp coke off of their
(26:50):
titties and they would finallyget to see the girl tits they've
been trying to see for threeyears.
They even told me they werelike look, we just want to take
a top off, please, we'll giveyou all this coke.
Like you know, the gay guys areinviting me to the parties and
you know I remember one party,um, this is when I knew I
started to get out of hand.
Now I went to this one.
I was starting coke.
We're all partying and everyoneelse getting vodka and going to
(27:10):
sleep and I'm still, I'm stilllike looking for more.
That's when it's getting out ofhand and I was ready to leave,
like to go search out more, andthe guy was like dude, dude,
just get some.
You know and I'm not lettingthem know that I'm getting out
of hand I'm like, oh no, I gottago, gotta go to work tomorrow.
But really I'm getting toaddict mode at this point, you
know.
And the guy looks at me and islike, no, you ain't gotta go to
(27:32):
work, everyone else here gottago to work.
But I took care of them.
I was like, what do you mean?
You took care of him.
He's like I wrote him a note.
What do you mean?
You wrote him a note.
I'm a doctor.
I was like how the fuck?
That's the world I exist.
And I was doing that while Iwas in the Navy.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Yeah, I was in the Navy Reserve but I was doing
special active duty.
This basically means I wasdoing three weeks I would go in
and act for at a lot of peopleknow especially active duty in
the neighbor reserve.
You can be in as much as youwant or out as much as you want.
So I would do like three weeksa month and and then that one
(28:10):
week like I'll fly on the road,so I wouldn't sign up.
So I was basically active duty,but with a week with a week or
two off every month.
So it was a perfect balancewhile it lasted.
But then I went AWOL for a year,got in no trouble.
Long story short, when I cameback it snowballed.
I didn't plan it, but I missedone, then I missed another, then
I was like, oh fuck, I'm introuble, let me wait, and it
(28:32):
just.
You know, at one point it waslike fuck it, I ain't going back
, they're just going to send meto jail.
And at one point I was like Igot you now, you know like I
gotta go back.
And I went back and I got in notrouble and I found out the
reason I got in no trouble isthat they never reported me gone
for the entire year becausethey were hoping I wouldn't come
back.
I was too smart for him.
(28:53):
I would, I would be my littlecrazy self and I would get some
kind of trouble.
And they try to punish me withsome task.
That was impossible and I woulddo the task.
And so then they were like fuck, we can't.
Like he didn't do anything sobad that we can like outright
punish him, but we can kind ofset him up.
And every time they tried toset me up like they had to make
(29:14):
it legitimate looking I would doit all the time.
So finally they put me in adesk on the corner somewhere out
the way.
Here, sit here, just rebuildthese manuals.
You don't want to bother anyoneanymore.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
You're dangerous and they just put me in a corner
somewhere, so to go back to,like stripping.
So that's how you started andis that how you got to know who
everybody was or what everyonewas into?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
You also understand that you were describing scene I
already kind of knew becauseremember when I was at my uncle,
I told you I was at my uncle'shouse way out in the suburbs.
When he moved out of thesuburbs and I'd be sitting and
watching TV and some homeskillit from the hood would come
walking down the steps and hewould look at me shocked oh my
God.
And then then he would think inhis shocked oh my god.
And then he was thinking hismind oh well, you're here doing
(30:04):
the same thing, yeah, we're safe.
And I look at him like I didn't.
He didn't have to say it, Iknew he was thinking because I
had so many times I go, no,that's my uncle, we're not here
for the same thing.
That's my uncle.
You know I'm not sucking dick.
Um, you'll get my dick suck.
But then I would tell them tolook dude, you ain't the first,
don't you worry about it.
As far as I'm concerned, Iain't see shit, which, of course
(30:25):
, I'm not going to put me infucking business.
Even if I don't like you, thereare certain things you don't do
, you know.
So, no, I'm not going to goback in the hood and be like me.
An awareness of like, okay,tough, tony's getting fucked in
the ass.
And when I started stripping itjust grew on that.
(30:45):
I started just being aroundcertain situations.
I would be in a bathroom andsee the lawyer getting fucked in
the ass, or I would see thehousewife, you know, sucking
five dicks.
Now I would just learn people'ssecrets.
I'd find out that this person'sactually a dominatrix that
people think is like a librarian, you know.
And then I'd go and I wasmodeling at a sex party once, a
(31:08):
big one at this club.
It was like a sex festival whenI was one of the strippers and,
you know, you'd see like theirsweet little mom from wherever,
with nipple piercings and shitand some guy dragging her around
with a titty thing.
So I was not just like astripper, I was in the whole sex
scene through your 20s.
(31:28):
Yeah, you know, I was the guythat, like you, would watch your
wife suck his dick.
And that did happen, guyswatching my suck my dick.
Or you would ask like, can youplease show my wife your dick?
Can you get her, can you showit to her so that I can get laid
tonight?
You know, I've had that, youknow, once maybe didn't want to
cross that line but they neededtheir wife turned on.
(31:48):
Just that whole scene While I'mdealing with all my other you
know, underlying, been raped acouple of times and raised up in
orgies and all of that stuffplaying in my head.
So probably not the best placefor me to have been, probably
not the best lifestyle for me tohave had destructive, but it
fit.
Yeah, you know it.
(32:09):
It.
It fit until it didn't.
It fit until, like you say,that destruction wasn't enough
so we had to move on to moredestruction.
Then we moved on to moredestruction.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
How did you get out of it?
How did you get out ofstripping?
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I just I drugged out of it, Okay, basically.
I mean it got to a point whereI drugged out of it Like no one
was going to pay to see mydrugged out ass.
And as I got older and Iremember I got together, got
clean and I went back to anothershow.
I remember the very last one Iwent to.
It was another black reggaeclub and I hadn't done it for
(32:47):
like a year or two and I wentand did it and I got drunk and
high that night Because it waslike I told myself I could go
back to life without fully goingback to the life.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Drugs were necessary.
It was part of it.
It had become part of it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
They were they, they.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I'm not going to, and it was Coke at the time.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
I'm going to yeah.
Well, yeah, it was Coke for along time.
Crack came like later.
I'm going to open the bottle,but only let out half the genie.
It doesn't work that way.
Half the genie yeah, you'regoing to get the whole
motherfucking genie.
You can't Don't piecemeal Tailand all Will Smith.
Whoever the hell the genie isthis week, you're going to get
(33:28):
it all Will Smith did a fuck ofa job.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
as the genie, I never watched it.
That was a good one.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I was never a big Will Smith fan, I mean, I had
nothing against him.
He killed that, though I mean Ihad nothing against him.
He killed.
That though I mean he was okay.
I just I didn't.
I wouldn't go out of my way towatch his movie If he gets
fucked up.
Jada fucked him up.
Oh, he's been fucked up.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
He just hit it.
She's a devil.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
She, lord, he listen, you don't get fucked up by a
situation like that.
You have to already be fuckedup to fit into that type of
situation.
You, that can't be created.
Not a strong, macho black man.
No, you have to already befucked up for that.
(34:14):
For that puzzle piece to fit,so will smith was already he was
already fucked up.
She just fed it something.
It Something I heard,ironically enough, from Cat
Williams.
I can't believe it.
That shocked me when he said it.
It was like, wow, that'sbrilliant.
But he was saying toxic peoplelook for something to feed on
and the way to get rid of themis to get rid of whatever it is
they feed on and the toxicperson will leave because they
(34:37):
can no longer satiate theirhunger.
Her toxicity found what sheneeded to feed on in him.
His brokenness needed thatleech to take that brokenness
off of him, so they kind of fit.
In order for him to fit hertoxicity, he needed to be broken
(34:59):
enough to be her food.
A healthy person is going tostart to get broken and go.
No, no, no, bitch, nope.
We're going too far with thisshit.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Time to go, so when you got into stripping, did your
brokenness kind of feed yourspiral of drugs?
Or could someone survive thatlifestyle and be healthy, happy,
make a career?
You couldn't.
Was it possible to come out ofthat?
Speaker 1 (35:28):
unscathed, it is impossible.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Okay, so sex work is a controversial subject and
we've interviewed strippers,models, adult film actors on
previous episodes of our show.
And while I don't necessarilyagree with all of his opinions
on the subject, that doesn'treally matter.
Maybe things are different inthe industry now compared to 20
(35:53):
or 30 years ago, but at any rate, this is all his experience and
his opinions.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
This is what I tell people all the time.
It's absolutely impossible tocome out of stripping.
The men have a better chancebecause there sometimes tend to
be part-time stripping.
It depends on how you do it.
Even then it's really hard.
But you know you have some menwho just do a show, get dressed,
go home.
It's not as in depth with men.
(36:25):
You know men we do.
A lot of men will do a stripshow birthday, christmas, you
know, five times a year.
Maybe you know what I mean.
Depends.
I was in it, I was in deep.
I was gay parties, straightparties, parties sucking three
women's titties at the same timeMom, two daughters.
They were gorgeous too.
Yes, I did that.
So I was knee deep.
(36:45):
But for someone whether, ifit's a man who is an unusual
stripper, like I was in thesense that he's knee deep Right,
well, the average womanstripper, whose basic presence
is knee deep, the average womanstripper does it every weekend.
It is impossible, absolutelyimpossible, to come out
(37:07):
unscathed.
And I'm going to give you aperfect example why.
You ready, you're a soldier andyou go to Afghanistan.
You're in the war zone.
You never kill anybody, butyou're in the war zone.
Are you coming out unscathed.
You may never suck a dick, youmay never shoot a drug, but
being in that war zone, you'renot coming out on skates so
(37:30):
there's no such thing assomebody jumping into that for
two years to help pay forcollege.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
No, come out the same person they were when they went
.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Nope, they're fucking .
They're fucking lying.
They're fucking lying First ofall.
80% of them suck dick or dodrugs.
Simple fact 80% of these femaleshippers that these guys out
here worship him have put a dickin their mouth for some change
and or done a drug.
That's the simple reality.
Probably both.
(37:56):
Probably both.
Okay, I don't care how goodthey look on IG, I don't care
how innocent medical schoolpaying for it, they sucked a
dick or they did a drug.
Any other 20% watched it.
Tell me, you're coming outunscathed.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
What are your thoughts on OnlyFans?
Do you think that's a muchsafer way for people to make
money?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Honestly, I think OnlyFans is pretty pathetic.
I'm going to tell you right nowI'll be honest with you.
Okay, we have cheapenedourselves.
We have made our worth almostnothing.
If I can see your wife's pussyand I don't even have to pay for
it I'm telling you right now,every single person on OnlyFans
(38:37):
you name a person on OnlyFans Ican find a free picture of her
pussy.
I can find a free video of hersucking dick.
I ain't even got to pay for it,so I can no offense, I'm not
saying this personally, but Ican watch your wife suck
someone's dick for free.
Where's the value?
We've cheapened it.
We've cheapened ourselves somuch.
(38:57):
I mean, I'm not completely madat the feet pick stone Because
your feet, okay, you still keepa certain.
I'm not mad at that.
If you want to go that level,I'm actually not mad at it.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
What about the fart in the jar?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Fuck it.
If some dude's stupid enough totake your fart in the jar, sell
it.
But when you have no boundariesand you're vagina, what does it
mean for me to see your vagina?
If anyone the fuck else can?
It means nothing.
So yeah, I think we're cheap insociety.
I think we've convinced societythat there's an easy way out to
(39:30):
everything.
I think that, like this onegirl just recently, some rapper
girl, she made it and she's kindof successful and she was
moaning and complaining andbitching and just throwing a fit
because someone had found heronly fans when she was sucking
dick.
How dare you pull this off?
I shut this down.
(39:52):
I'm like do you know how toenter networks?
And she was.
I mean, bitch, you suck dick oncamera.
It's stuck forever.
Your kids will watch you suckdick on camera.
It's one of the reasons I didn'tdo porn movies.
I was invited Again.
5'8" blue eyes, blonde hair,small guy, 9-inch, rock hard
(40:16):
dick.
I was asked to do porno moviesoften I always turned it down
because I thought one day Imight have a kid.
Always turned it down because Ithought one day my daughter
might see this.
And I'm a dude.
There isn't even as high alevel of shame to it as it is a
woman, and I still thought, no,I could have been important,
turned it down over and overbecause back then I thought I
(40:38):
might have a normal life one day.
I thought I'm doing this now.
I'm young, it's stupid, I'mmaking money.
At some point it'll be gone.
Let's move on.
These motherfuckers gotthemselves sucking five dicks on
camera and they're 18.
What's going to happen when youturn 30 and you want to get
married and have a kid?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
That's explaining the dude, listen.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Not only some explaining, but you traumatize
your kid Because your kid'sgoing to grow up at some point
and their teenage friends aregoing to be like isn't that your
mom sucking five dicks?
No one thinks about tomorrow.
We're all like, oh, this iscool, this is it, this is free.
You know, don't oppress me as awoman.
You could do whatever the fuckyou want.
I'm just explaining theconsequences.
I'm not telling you you want togo suck five dicks on camera,
do you?
I might watch and jerk off, butI'm letting you know.
(41:25):
The consequences are thisBecause people now consider
consequences to be oppression.
No one's oppressing you, butyour own decisions.
We don't want consequencesbecause they're oppressive.
Bitches.
Don't do the shit.
That's like motherfuckersrobbing a store talking about
how dare you charge me forshoplifting, which you know
california doesn't do anymore?
They just let you take what youwant.
But if you know you're inflorida, you break into a house,
(41:48):
you're gonna get shot.
It's as simple as that.
You will get.
The sheriff even went on theinternet and said we want them
to shoot you.
Did you see that one?
I did.
He said we, we, we, our peopleof Polk County, have they like
guns.
They have guns and we encouragethem to use guns.
(42:08):
You will get shot.
You can't play the victim ofyour own choices.
So that's how I feel aboutOnlyFans.
Is that that's what you want todo?
You have the freedom to do it,but you're really destroying
yourself when you do, becauseyou will forever be that bitch
or that dude who sucked dick infront of camera and it would
never go away.
And most of them don't evenmake money.
(42:30):
That's another part they don'ttell you.
You know people I've seen doOnlyFans.
I know a couple of peoplepersonally did OnlyFans.
They're like man.
I made like five bucks in threemonths and how many videos you
now got on the internet.
You're going to stain yourselffor life for five bucks.
1% of OnlyFans make actualsurvivable money, maybe 5%.
(42:56):
The rest are basically juststaining the rest of their life
for some fucking pocket change.
That's just my opinion.
No, I'm an old fart Scarce.
I'm one of the guys that livedit for ten fucking years.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Yeah, that's why I wanted to hear your opinion on
the OF thing.
Is it less damaging?
Speaker 1 (43:13):
It doesn't go away.
It still has consequences nomatter what, it has worse
consequences because it nevergoes away.
You can't get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Is your demon woman here?
She doesn't look it.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
So I'm meant to ask you a question before we go.
Do you have, like, maybe fourminutes to wait?
Yeah Well, two minutes to wait,then another two minutes to
talk with.
In fact, I need anothercigarette, so let's get out.
Wait then another two minutesto talk with him.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
I need another cigarette, so let's get out.
You can hear a little bit atthe end as we were saying our
goodbyes and turning off therecording equipment.
Malachi wanted to ask me aquestion.
He wants to know that, aftermeeting him in person and
(44:05):
hearing more of his story, whatI really thought of him.
It's a strange question for aninterviewer or a journalist to
answer.
It's awkward, but fair.
I suppose.
In doing this type of work youtry to stay unbiased and
objective.
I'm here to ask questions andtell the stories my audience
wants to hear, and I really tryto listen to people with a sense
of empathy and without judgment.
(44:27):
It's difficult to do sometimes.
Anyway, the question caught meoff guard and I told him
something like uh, you're aunique dichotomy full of lessons
or some other crap.
I meant it, but still not avery eloquent response.
You're a unique dichotomy fullof lessons or some other crap.
I meant it, but still not avery eloquent response.
(44:48):
On the drive back home I kindof thought about his question a
little bit more.
There's a parable and it waswritten by a Byzantine priest
about the devil and three monksthat I read once.
Keep in mind I'm paraphrasingwhen retelling it.
But one day the devil appearedto three monks and asked them if
(45:08):
I gave you the power to go backinto the past and change one
thing, what would you change?
The first monk condemned thedevil and he said I would
prevent you from making Adam andEve fall into sin in the first
place, so that humanity wouldhave not turned away from God.
(45:29):
The second monk had mercy andreplied to the devil I would
have prevented you from strayingaway from God so that you would
have not condemned yourself inthe first place.
The third monk, who was thesimplest and wisest of them,
(45:49):
refused to answer the devil andinstead he knelt down to pray O
Lord, please let me resist thetemptation of what might have
been and what was not At thisprayer.
The devil screamed in agony andfled.
When the other two asked themonk why this prayer made the
(46:09):
devil flee, he told them thatbasically no one is able to
change the past.
So why bother?
The devil was not testing ourvirtue with that question, but
rather he was trying to trap usin the past so that we ignore
the present.
The here and now is the onlytime we really have to serve God
(46:35):
and to do good.
So the question what do I thinkof Malachi?
Well, he's not a hero or avillain, for that matter.
He's not a genius or a madman,a derelict or a success story, a
(46:56):
druggie, a loser, a prophet ora saint.
He's not any of those things.
I think he's just a man inprogress, an unfinished novel.
Much like the rest of us, hisfuture is spotless.
So to hell with the past.
(47:16):
I say On our next episode, hardPrison Time.
And the past comes back tohaunt Malachi when an anonymous
tip sent into our show revealssexual assault allegations and
that everything about him maynot be as it seems.
You won't want to miss it.
The Redacted Podcast isproduced by myself, matt Bender,
(47:40):
and my wife, pamela Bender.
Make sure to go out there andgive us a like, a share, share
it with your friends, rate us.
Every little bit helps.
Thanks for tuning in.
Thank you.
People would ask me what am I?
White or black?
Right, I tell them I'm mixed Yo.
What are you?
I'm mixed Yo.
Which one?
And some of my friends even gotmad.
They were like you're just anigger, like the rest of us.
You're black, you know.
And then, once you're dead,they'll be like you're hunky,
you're my boy, and they'refinallyed on me.
(00:21):
Their minds could not wraparound me being both I had like.
They literally could notcomprehend me not being one or
the other.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
There's something I wanted to address before we
start this episode.
Wanted to address before westart this episode.
So the subject of this series,malachi, gave us an uncensored
and raw look into his life.
Hashtag, no filter.
He shared his feelings andcontroversial opinions and
painful memories with us.
That takes bravery A lot of it,actually and I can honestly say
(01:03):
that most of us would beextremely uncomfortable putting
that much of ourselves out thereand subjecting ourselves to
public scrutiny.
Just something to keep in mindFrom the Redacted Podcast.
I'm Matt Bender and this isEpisode 4 of Murdering Malachi.
What do you really think of me?
Speaker 1 (01:41):
They got violent.
I was boot camp.
I was young, I wasn't a thug,yet I was still scared In my
whole teenage life, even thoughI was captain of the wrestling
team, made the sambo team.
I had the physical tools but Ididn't have the mental.
I was still scared because I'dbeen bullied for so many damn
years.
I could pick up a 300-pound man, but I mentally thought I would
lose to a 50-pound girl.
So during boot camp, shortlyafter mom died and I was all on
(02:03):
my own right that was just me.
My gay uncles were kind ofsupportive, but they were still
kind of in partyville.
So they were like well, here'sa couple hours, you know, or
here's some coke, we'll party.
Like they didn't really havethat.
They weren't older, they werestill partying.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
So the audio cuts out a bit here, but what I'm doing
is asking him about his gayuncles.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
He's mentioned them in previous conversations as a
kind of positive influence tohis life.
But I wanted to know more abouttheir story.
When I went to that privateschool, I was talking to talking
about the kids my age hated meand part of it was my fault
because I suddenly went from thebottom of the barrel to like a
thug in this school.
You know, it wasn't the thugand I just I thought I didn't
know how to act.
I didn't know how to act, nolonger being bullied.
I may have even been a littlebit of a bully myself and I'll
(03:03):
accept that, you know fine.
But I was also like thesmartest kid in the whole damn
school, you know, in like thespecial school.
You know what I mean.
This is where the medicalschool was coming to talk to me
and and so high school I was inseventh grade, sixth seventh
grade, I got the scholarship tothat prestigious private school.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
they came and found me and you're still living with
your foster still my foster mom.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
So what it happened was that's when they first
started giving me psychologicalcare and they were like
something's wrong with this guy,but no one would tell me what
they saw it.
But they were like something'snot right, but no one could
explain it.
And they were like we'll go seethe psychiatrist, but no one
would tell me what thepsychiatrist wouldn't tell me.
They were trying to keep asecret from me that I was insane
(03:43):
but sane at the same time.
I told you no one's ever beenable to.
Really, they can't, they don'tknow how I exist.
So, anyway, the older kids werereally good to me because they
just saw this, because it was akindergarten and 12th grade, so
everybody was mixed.
So the older kids took a shineto me because they didn't see
(04:06):
the whole depth of what wasgoing on, but they just saw this
lost little kid and they werelike, yeah, I remember when I
was in seventh grade, yeah, sothey, they were nice to me and
what happened was one of themgraduated particular girl, and
it being that you know, this isa prestigious private school.
The moment she graduated, shehad an apartment in Center City.
I was just like, yeah, I'm 18.
(04:28):
I've got a $3,000 a monthapartment in Center City.
That's the kind of society itwas.
She was nice to me.
She let me visit one day Again.
Nothing sexual, nothing sexual,they're just nice to me.
One day I went to her apartmentand she wasn't there and I was
(04:49):
sitting on a step.
I'm 14.
I'm still very naive, stillvery young.
My sort of worldliness didn'treally come until I was 18 or 19
.
And then when it came, it came.
I ended up a fucking adultstripper For eight years.
So I'm sitting on a step andall of a sudden this 27-year-old
(05:13):
, 28-year-old, skinny white guycomes out.
Very nice, very polite.
I'm not catching on, I'm naive.
And so he's talking to me andhe invites me in.
Again, I'm naive, but also hisnature is just so, so, so safe.
He invites me in, go to thebasement apartment decked out
all the latest electronics, alljust, and we just hang out.
(05:36):
And he would later explain thatI'm not sure I don't want to
put anybody out there because Iwas 14.
So I think he would laterexplain in a very safe way.
I'm not exactly sure where thatmight have headed, if anywhere,
because you were young.
(05:57):
So I'm not saying it would have, maybe I just liked looking at
you, you know, because it wasn'tnecessarily a perv.
Maybe I just liked looking atyou because, hey, a cute boy, I
was a cute boy.
But he said, the moment Italked to you I went, holy cow,
this one, he's different, and Iwanted to protect you.
(06:19):
Like that was like the moment Ijust wanted to protect you and
he did one year to get right.
This is why I call my guy, yeah, him and his, his, not
necessarily partner, but like Idon't know, they have this weird
thing just best friend, mybrother, I guess, and they just
because he was super rich andthe other one he took care of.
So it's like I don't know, butthe other half to him was, uh,
(06:43):
he was white and the other halfwas black.
And from that point on I can godown there and be safe, I can
hang out, I can get away fromthe ghetto.
Nothing ever happened.
They introduced me to gaypeople.
I started learning about like,oh okay, you know, they're not
weirdos, you know.
And the weirdest thing is I wasalways afraid that my grandma
would find out.
I called the false amountgrandma.
My grandma would find out.
I call it the Fossil Mountain,grandmama, because you know,
(07:04):
this is the Black Ghetto.
If you don't know, historicallythe Black Ghetto is the most
dangerous place in the world tobe gay.
Well, not in the world, but inAmerica, because other countries
are even worse, but in Americait's the most dangerous place to
be gay.
Some would say it still is, butdefinitely was in the 70s.
High machismo, high violence,high insecurity, and I was
(07:30):
terrified my grandmom would findout and so they took care of me
.
I mean, they just continued tobe a safe harbor.
My grandmom died right when shedied.
They continued Years, yearslater, and this is the part that
got me.
They always watched out for meand I said I'm a, a grown-ass
man.
Why are you still watching outfor me?
He said, eric, you know, whenyour mom died, just before she
(07:55):
died, she asked me to watch outfor you.
She said I'm the only personshe would trust to look out for
you.
My head exploded.
I'm like, first of all, how thefuck do you even know you?
When did this happen?
You know like you're in centralcity, she's in the hood.
How did this happen?
Because I'm thinking he calledout to her one time and it was
(08:16):
like look, your son is here,blah, blah, he's safe.
I never knew, and second of all, old christ Christian,
traditional Christian blackwoman.
And the one person she decidedthat her son, her precious
little baby, would be safe withwas a rich white gay man.
I don't even know if she knewhe was rich, but just a white
(08:37):
gay man.
If that ain't beautiful, Idon't know what is ain't
beautiful.
I don't know what is so for me.
And you know, and it was safetoo, because it was a lot easier
for me to go to the gay clubsand tell someone no, thank you,
I don't need a blowjob right nowthan it is to tell someone
please don't kick my ass becauseI'm not black, because I'm not
(08:58):
puerto rican, because I'm notwhite.
I was with the people.
Sometimes you get an asshole,like I usually was like okay,
well, when, if you ever changeyour mind, I'll be over here.
You know what I mean.
It was like they didn't,because there's plenty of dicks.
You know I'm not sucking yours,I'm sucking his.
And, to be honest about it,when I got older, been walking
(09:20):
up playing earth, have you everseen a gay man with a girlfriend
?
There'd be some finemotherfuckers on there.
And when you're like one ofonly three straight guys in the
club and there's like 20straight women and like a
hundred gay guys.
If you don't get laid, you didsomething really, really, really
bad.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Once again the audio is a bit weak on me here, but
I'm asking Malachi if heconsiders himself bi or straight
or anything in between, I guess.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I'm straight.
I have some issues because ofall the rapes.
I'm not going to say drugs, Ihaven't twisted some things, I'm
really rid of that but I'm aheterosexual male.
Are there some asterisksbecause of the way I've been
fucked over?
Are there some asterisksbecause of drugs?
Probably I'm heterosexual.
But the thing is, though, Ihave like no fucking judgment as
(10:10):
long as you leave kids alone,do you?
Because I'm going to tell you asecret, two things I've learned
.
One my uncle moved out to thesuburbs.
I was sitting in his housewatching TV I mean, to this day
he takes care of me, he justwatching tv, right, I mean he,
(10:32):
to this day he takes care of mejust sent me a couple dollars to
help me out the jam I was in.
40 years later I was really ina jam because I'm not sure I
didn't share the bill.
I've been policing, though howto me for that thing, plus my?
You say I drive, I'm.
My bill is ridiculous.
They shouldn't be.
And this month was, and I wasdrowning, I was about to lose
everything.
So he was like you know, here'sa couple of dollars.
Y'all help me, somebody elsehelp me.
This was just a bad, bad month.
40 years later he sent me somemoney.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Malachi then goes on to explain how his gay uncle
came into his money and successin the first place.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Yeah, they bought a house.
He owns like half a freakingmountain.
You ever look it up at waterKent is his grandfather.
They were the first radiomakers in America.
Yeah, we see those radios thatwere like, look like that, like
a little they go up.
And then they go up like asteeple.
Those old radios, a, I'll shakehand, I'll show you here,
(11:25):
because you look at it, youyou'll go, oh shit that those.
Oh yeah, you're talking old.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Yeah, okay, it's like before TVs.
People sit around listening tothat, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
They manufactured all of them.
They were like the guy.
And then he had some secret carpart that no one had made
before, so they invented that.
Really, it's actuallyfascinating because so yeah,
those radios back in the day, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's him,
that's his grandfather, thankyou.
And then he had some other carparts that made them like
millions and millions.
And also, you should also lookup a guy named Buckminster
(11:56):
Fuller.
Buckminster Fuller is on thesame level as Einstein and
Hawking's.
He made the Dymaxion, thegeodesic dome.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Yeah, I know that.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Buckminster Fuller invented it.
My Uncle Peter was hisassistant.
Peter's fucking brilliant.
He's a genius.
Yeah, yeah, and that's why Icall him Uncle, because I
realize not only have you lookedout for me this whole time, but
then Mom gave green light.
She searched your uncle Likeshe decided it.
You get what I'm saying.
(12:30):
Like little old ChristianBlackburn picked this gay man
and said you're the one.
How old were you when shepassed 19.
She died.
You lived with her through highschool or through your no.
I was taken away once to go to afoster home.
Because I was taken away onceto go to a foster home, okay,
because I was gettingrambunctious and my brothers and
all of this stuff.
I was starting to wake up, Iwas starting to.
So they took me away, they tookme to a group home.
(12:53):
I didn't fit in.
It was ugly.
I was in between being genius,being soft in with all the thugs
, and then I was captain of thewrestling team, the wrestling
team and wrestling coachestrying to get me back because I
was like the only, like I wasthe first guy in my school to
repeat as champion and it's likeeveryone's pulling me in all
these different directions.
I got kicked out of the, the umspecial school because I
(13:16):
stopped going to the psychpsychologist, because they
wouldn't tell me where I'm goingyeah I'm like, if I go, tell me
, I'm not gonna keep to keeptalking about how I feel, tell
me what the hell I'm doing.
So I got emancipated.
I just left the group home.
No one wanted to deal with me.
I walked out.
I just walked out and no onefollowed me.
(13:36):
They just like we're done.
And so she took me back becauseher family was really the one
that wanted to get rid of mebecause they were watching out
for her.
But then she died protecting mefrom my brother one day my
brother well, they always havewhen my brother was back and for
some reason he decided thatagain I was the outlet for his
(13:58):
anger.
He was a bit bigger than me, hewas kind of a hillbilly.
I was like 130 pounds, he waslike 190 and, um, again, I could
lift up a 300 pound person.
But I didn't know it like.
So I was afraid and he keptbullying me and one day I did.
I picked his ass up and slammedhim almost to the floor and the
(14:21):
whole house shook and mom camescurrying in and she saw it and
she was like, uh oh, and he waslooking up, looking at his face,
like now I have to kill him.
You know I'm looking at itbecause again, I'm not
understanding just what I'mcapable of.
And again, I'm not trying tobuild myself up, but it's just
(14:43):
the reality.
I'm not understanding what I'mcapable of, I'm still scared.
I'm not trying to build myselfup, but it's just the reality.
I'm not understanding what I'mcapable of, I'm still scared,
I'm still thinking I'm weak, I'mnot understanding.
I just picked a Sunday nightand found my hand up over my
head.
It went down, still notunderstanding.
She got sick and she refused.
This is what was told to melater.
She got sick and she refused togo to the hospital,
(15:05):
80-something years old.
Very shortly after that, and thefamily finally came and took us
to the hospital that night, mybrother showed up and I'm ready,
I'm like that's it, you know.
And he said, no, no, no, I gota prostitute.
Come on.
And he went down the basement.
He's like eric, go be with her.
And I'm like, no, I don't evenwant to do this man.
And he did what is he's cute,eric, go be with her.
And I'm like, no, I don't evenwant to do this man.
And he did what I did.
(15:25):
She's cute, nice, looking newout there.
And I'm thinking like, either Igo down here and do something
with her or I've got to fighthim.
And you know, I'm starting torealize like what I'm capable of
and like we're going to destroyher house.
So I went down there with herand they wanted me to fuck, but
I'm like, just give me a blowjob, you know.
(15:47):
Oh, you got a big dick likeyour brother.
Oh, let me suck it.
She died that very night whilemy brother's making me be with a
prostitute, as opposed to mehaving to kill him.
I found out on her sickbed thatshe didn't go to the hospital
because she was afraid of whatJimmy would do to me.
(16:07):
Who does she know?
It would have probably went theother way, because I would have
.
Probably and I hate this phrase, but this is one of those rare
occasions where it's legitimateI would have snapped because I
was just coming out into thatlike I can lift a car.
So I hate people using thatphrase, but this is one of those
(16:29):
rare occasions in life whereit's a legitimate use.
So she died because she wasafraid to leave me alone.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
At 19.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
She was afraid to leave me alone with him.
I had just turned 19.
So, again, like I said I thinkI said earlier, around 18 or 19
or 19 is when it changed reallyfast.
That was part of that reallyfast change Like wait, I'm not a
scared 13 year old anymore, soeverything was happening all at
once in the brain and she wentto the hospital because she was
(16:59):
afraid to leave me alone withhim.
So she died of pneumoniabecause pneumonia got too bad,
because she refused to seek help.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
She died in the house .
Speaker 1 (17:09):
She died in the hospital.
She died the night.
She went to the hospital in thehospital.
While she's in the hospital,he's making me get my dick
sucked by a prostitute.
You got a choice Either wefight or you go down there with
the prostitute.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
My producer, chris, goes on here to ask Malachi why
his brother got so offended orangry that Malachi didn't want
this prostitute that wassupposedly gifted to him by his
brother.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Welcome to my world.
He's the same one child thatfucked me in the ass earlier.
Yeah, do you think he wouldhave felt disrespected if you?
Speaker 2 (17:43):
hadn't taken him up on this offer.
One shot to fuck me in the assearlier.
That's a weird decision.
Do you think he would have feltdisrespected if you hadn't
taken him up on this offer?
Is that where the issue was?
He's like I did this for youand if you're going to snub me,
this is how it's going to go.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Honestly, I don't know what went on in his mind To
this day.
Him and my other brother I justrecently got in contact with
again after 30 years ViaFacebook.
We found each other, the onebrother who was really mean to
me.
We actually made peace.
He actually just offered tosend me some money, which he
doesn't have.
(18:16):
But that was shocking becausehe's the one that I think had me
suck his dick, or tried to suckmy dick, or he's a spit in my
food.
He was just horrible and headmitted it.
He was like like it's horribleand I actually had confused
which one did once.
I thought he was the one thattortured my kittens.
But it was this one thattortured my kittens would burn
the hair and light bulb in frontof me and like were like abused
(18:39):
from right in front of me and Icouldn't stop because I was
really small and weak.
When I was young, I was veryweak.
The strength came out ofnowhere, maybe because I was so
strong and weak.
When I was young, I was veryweak.
The strength came out ofnowhere, Maybe because I was so
strong and weak.
Somewhere in my body saidmuscle build.
You know he's a very.
I talked to him for a while andI talked to the people around
him and his own daughter doesn'ttalk to him and he's Now my
(19:05):
understanding that he is stillfucked up, Like he is really
messed up in the head.
So I think the guilt of all thethings he did and whatever
damage he went through he nevergot better from, you know.
So he's on all sorts of mediccase and he's out getting.
I don't know the whole story,but he's still fucked up in the
head.
My other brother is now ondisability and he was a high man
(19:32):
for a minute.
He was a drug dealer in Miami.
I totally believe it because Iremember how he was when he was
young.
Every girl sucked his dick Likehe was a young, pretty boy.
He was good with the mouth.
So I can totally picture himfinding a way to the top of the
underworld I mean not the top,but, you know, Finding a good
place in the underworld.
I can also totally picture himnow being crazy.
(19:53):
It caught up to him.
So all of us are crazy.
The one's totally gone, theone's living on whatever money
the government gives you and I,the one who suffered all of
their abuse, being interviewedby a podcast.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
As we leave the restaurant and stand out
chatting in the mini mallparking lot, he lights up a
cigarette and continues to talkabout his time stripping and in
sex work, his sexual addictionand all of his struggles with
that.
Then we hop in the truck for aride back to Camp Malachi.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
I was lost into the sex world.
I mean the other reason I don'tjudge.
I was sitting waiting for thetrain to come in Center City and
I was watching people go by andI literally was in my mind
going that one likes Little Boys, she's a dominatrix, she cheats
on her husband, he likes to getfucked in the ass in the
bathroom and like I kneweverybody's fucking secret and
(20:59):
it was overwhelming, like I knewway more than I wanted to know.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Isn't there a Mel gibson movie like that?
I'm not familiar with that one.
What women?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
want.
Oh, we could meet the minds.
Yeah, well, I mean, I literallyknew them now, like I literally
, like I'd seen this dudegetting fucked in the ass.
Oh, so you knew that.
I knew this reading.
I knew way more than I neededto know.
That's when you were a stripper, right?
That's when you were a stripper, right.
That's when I was a stripper,but also kind of in the sex
world.
My friend was a dominatrix.
(21:30):
I was in and out of thebathhouses and the strip clubs
and getting high with everybody.
I was getting high with thedoctors and the lawyers.
I knew who was secretly gay.
I had so many macho men tryingto suck my dick.
It's ridiculous.
You know so many black thugswho would scream.
You know, fuck them, faggots.
(21:50):
One minute and the next minutethey're like you're messing
around.
You got a nice ass man.
You see that dick Hundreds oftimes, hundreds of times.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Let's back up a little.
We talked about it before,before we started recording.
But how did you become astripper?
Speaker 1 (22:09):
I was at a gay club with my friend, with my uncles,
which is nothing unusual Because, again, they're safe and
they're fun.
To this day, if I was a clubber, I'd go to a gay club Beautiful
women, safe environment, greatfucking music.
You know, I'd suggest anystraight man go to a club.
You know, it's just a party,it's fucking fun.
(22:30):
Just don't go into thebathrooms.
Find the private bathroom.
Don't go into the woman'sstalls.
That's just true.
I'm telling you you're going tosee some feet.
It's not a lie, it's not astereotype.
I walked into one once.
I saw four feet and I heard Iwas like time to go.
It is a reality.
(22:51):
But most of them have like aprivate bathroom.
You could find other than thatparty central.
So I'm at a gay club and theyhad these go-go boys, his little
, pretty little boys, dancing.
They had amateur night and Ididn't know I was drunk at this
point and so again, I was 140,with like a body fat percentage
of like seven.
This is right after I made thenational ensemble team.
(23:13):
I think this is like rightafter I joined military.
I was on leave or somethingsomewhere, in that they're all
kind of that same time frame.
So I was body perfect, smallbut body perfect, pretty, all of
that.
They dared me Like, oh, I don'twant to do this shit.
I was drawn, what the hell?
So they gave me a G-string orsomething, I don't know.
(23:34):
That went up my days.
I did try to survive.
You also have to understand.
And then I say this not to beweird, but I'm a small,
140-pound blonde-haired,blue-eyed kid with a nine-inch
dick in a gay club, if you canpicture all that.
(23:55):
When I was done, the owner cameto me and was like dude, they
loved you, we want to hire youright here, on the spot.
I'm like I'm not doing anythingcrazy.
He said $200 an hour.
I'm like what?
This is 1989.
Before kids could make $500 forselling jars of farts on the
internet.
(24:16):
This is when you couldn't makemoney like that.
I did that.
Next thing, I know I've got twoagents.
One of them is a big-time agent.
I'm part of a group called Menof Passion.
Men of Passion.
I'm dancing a circuit of sixdifferent clubs and this is all
in Philly.
No Atlantic City, oh, atlanticCity, philadelphia, cherry Hill,
atlantic City.
(24:37):
I'm the shit Because I couldfit in anything.
I was pretty enough to do thewhite clubs they break it down
to you.
The white clubs they want themto look like Ken Dolls.
You know they want them to belike you, with more muscle,
pretty guy, built, tall.
I'm not trying to be offensive,but put about 20 pounds of
muscle on you, take off.
(24:57):
About five years you could havebeen a stripper.
It's just a reality.
That's what they want.
You can have a one-inch dick.
They don't give a fuck.
They're all into pretty.
The black clubs you better havedick Now.
I only had nine inches.
Most of them had like 10, 12,13, but I had blonde hair and
blue eyes, so my nine lookedlike 15.
(25:19):
You get where I'm coming from.
And then did the spanish clubsbecause I could just blend in
with the spend.
There's a mixture of both.
You got a little pretty and alittle dick.
You don't have to be too muchof either one, but you got to
have a little bit of both so Icould jump from club to club and
then I danced reggae and I wassuper strong.
So what I would do is grab the400 pound woman I would take on
(25:43):
stage.
I would bounce her off my hip.
There's this little teeny dudepicking up this 400 pound woman
who everyone else is ignoringand because of my strength, I'm
bouncing her off my hip.
They loved to live the fuck outof me.
They couldn't.
I was getting hired left andright.
I'd walk into this pitch blackfucking reggae club it's called
the Upper Deck.
They didn't even know who theyhired.
They hired me over the phonebecause of my name and I showed
(26:03):
up and they saw me and they werelike who the fuck are you?
You're Sir Ramalot.
I'm Sir Ramalot.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
That's your stage name.
Yeah, or the horse, sir.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Ramalot, yeah, like Sir Mix-a-Lot, sir Ramal, the
heart, let him do it.
They thought it was going to bea disaster.
I went, did my thing.
I grabbed the biggest woman,bounced her up and down.
They were all just like holyfuck, I was like the only light,
only white guy that ever dancedat reggae club and our janana
(26:30):
city people would kick me with20 dollars full of cocaine and
that's really addiction reallykind of got its footing and I
was.
I went down that rabbit holeand you know we can imagine
where that went.
But so I was.
I mean, little white guys whocouldn't get laid to save their
life would invite me to partiesbecause they knew that the girls
would take their tops off andlet you slurp coke off of their
(26:50):
titties and they would finallyget to see the girl tits they've
been trying to see for threeyears.
They even told me they werelike look, we just want to take
a top off, please, we'll giveyou all this coke.
Like you know, the gay guys areinviting me to the parties and
you know I remember one party,um, this is when I knew I
started to get out of hand.
Now I went to this one.
I was starting coke.
We're all partying and everyoneelse getting vodka and going to
(27:10):
sleep and I'm still, I'm stilllike looking for more.
That's when it's getting out ofhand and I was ready to leave,
like to go search out more, andthe guy was like dude, dude,
just get some.
You know and I'm not lettingthem know that I'm getting out
of hand I'm like, oh no, I gottago, gotta go to work tomorrow.
But really I'm getting toaddict mode at this point, you
know.
And the guy looks at me and islike, no, you ain't gotta go to
(27:32):
work, everyone else here gottago to work.
But I took care of them.
I was like, what do you mean?
You took care of him.
He's like I wrote him a note.
What do you mean?
You wrote him a note.
I'm a doctor.
I was like how the fuck?
That's the world I exist.
And I was doing that while Iwas in the Navy.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Yeah, I was in the Navy Reserve but I was doing
special active duty.
This basically means I wasdoing three weeks I would go in
and act for at a lot of peopleknow especially active duty in
the neighbor reserve.
You can be in as much as youwant or out as much as you want.
So I would do like three weeksa month and and then that one
(28:10):
week like I'll fly on the road,so I wouldn't sign up.
So I was basically active duty,but with a week with a week or
two off every month.
So it was a perfect balancewhile it lasted.
But then I went AWOL for a year,got in no trouble.
Long story short, when I cameback it snowballed.
I didn't plan it, but I missedone, then I missed another, then
I was like, oh fuck, I'm introuble, let me wait, and it
(28:32):
just.
You know, at one point it waslike fuck it, I ain't going back
, they're just going to send meto jail.
And at one point I was like Igot you now, you know like I
gotta go back.
And I went back and I got in notrouble and I found out the
reason I got in no trouble isthat they never reported me gone
for the entire year becausethey were hoping I wouldn't come
back.
I was too smart for him.
(28:53):
I would, I would be my littlecrazy self and I would get some
kind of trouble.
And they try to punish me withsome task.
That was impossible and I woulddo the task.
And so then they were like fuck, we can't.
Like he didn't do anything sobad that we can like outright
punish him, but we can kind ofset him up.
And every time they tried toset me up like they had to make
(29:14):
it legitimate looking I would doit all the time.
So finally they put me in adesk on the corner somewhere out
the way.
Here, sit here, just rebuildthese manuals.
You don't want to bother anyoneanymore.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
You're dangerous and they just put me in a corner
somewhere, so to go back to,like stripping.
So that's how you started andis that how you got to know who
everybody was or what everyonewas into?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
You also understand that you were describing scene I
already kind of knew becauseremember when I was at my uncle,
I told you I was at my uncle'shouse way out in the suburbs.
When he moved out of thesuburbs and I'd be sitting and
watching TV and some homeskillit from the hood would come
walking down the steps and hewould look at me shocked oh my
God.
And then then he would think inhis shocked oh my god.
And then he was thinking hismind oh well, you're here doing
(30:04):
the same thing, yeah, we're safe.
And I look at him like I didn't.
He didn't have to say it, Iknew he was thinking because I
had so many times I go, no,that's my uncle, we're not here
for the same thing.
That's my uncle.
You know I'm not sucking dick.
Um, you'll get my dick suck.
But then I would tell them tolook dude, you ain't the first,
don't you worry about it.
As far as I'm concerned, Iain't see shit, which, of course
(30:25):
, I'm not going to put me infucking business.
Even if I don't like you, thereare certain things you don't do
, you know.
So, no, I'm not going to goback in the hood and be like me.
An awareness of like, okay,tough, tony's getting fucked in
the ass.
And when I started stripping itjust grew on that.
(30:45):
I started just being aroundcertain situations.
I would be in a bathroom andsee the lawyer getting fucked in
the ass, or I would see thehousewife, you know, sucking
five dicks.
Now I would just learn people'ssecrets.
I'd find out that this person'sactually a dominatrix that
people think is like a librarian, you know.
And then I'd go and I wasmodeling at a sex party once, a
(31:08):
big one at this club.
It was like a sex festival whenI was one of the strippers and,
you know, you'd see like theirsweet little mom from wherever,
with nipple piercings and shitand some guy dragging her around
with a titty thing.
So I was not just like astripper, I was in the whole sex
scene through your 20s.
(31:28):
Yeah, you know, I was the guythat, like you, would watch your
wife suck his dick.
And that did happen, guyswatching my suck my dick.
Or you would ask like, can youplease show my wife your dick?
Can you get her, can you showit to her so that I can get laid
tonight?
You know, I've had that, youknow, once maybe didn't want to
cross that line but they neededtheir wife turned on.
(31:48):
Just that whole scene While I'mdealing with all my other you
know, underlying, been raped acouple of times and raised up in
orgies and all of that stuffplaying in my head.
So probably not the best placefor me to have been, probably
not the best lifestyle for me tohave had destructive, but it
fit.
Yeah, you know it.
(32:09):
It.
It fit until it didn't.
It fit until, like you say,that destruction wasn't enough
so we had to move on to moredestruction.
Then we moved on to moredestruction.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
How did you get out of it?
How did you get out ofstripping?
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I just I drugged out of it, Okay, basically.
I mean it got to a point whereI drugged out of it Like no one
was going to pay to see mydrugged out ass.
And as I got older and Iremember I got together, got
clean and I went back to anothershow.
I remember the very last one Iwent to.
It was another black reggaeclub and I hadn't done it for
(32:47):
like a year or two and I wentand did it and I got drunk and
high that night Because it waslike I told myself I could go
back to life without fully goingback to the life.
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Drugs were necessary.
It was part of it.
It had become part of it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
They were they, they.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
I'm not going to, and it was Coke at the time.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
I'm going to yeah.
Well, yeah, it was Coke for along time.
Crack came like later.
I'm going to open the bottle,but only let out half the genie.
It doesn't work that way.
Half the genie yeah, you'regoing to get the whole
motherfucking genie.
You can't Don't piecemeal Tailand all Will Smith.
Whoever the hell the genie isthis week, you're going to get
(33:28):
it all Will Smith did a fuck ofa job.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
as the genie, I never watched it.
That was a good one.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I was never a big Will Smith fan, I mean, I had
nothing against him.
He killed that, though I mean Ihad nothing against him.
He killed.
That though I mean he was okay.
I just I didn't.
I wouldn't go out of my way towatch his movie If he gets
fucked up.
Jada fucked him up.
Oh, he's been fucked up.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
He just hit it.
She's a devil.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
She, lord, he listen, you don't get fucked up by a
situation like that.
You have to already be fuckedup to fit into that type of
situation.
You, that can't be created.
Not a strong, macho black man.
No, you have to already befucked up for that.
(34:14):
For that puzzle piece to fit,so will smith was already he was
already fucked up.
She just fed it something.
It Something I heard,ironically enough, from Cat
Williams.
I can't believe it.
That shocked me when he said it.
It was like, wow, that'sbrilliant.
But he was saying toxic peoplelook for something to feed on
and the way to get rid of themis to get rid of whatever it is
they feed on and the toxicperson will leave because they
(34:37):
can no longer satiate theirhunger.
Her toxicity found what sheneeded to feed on in him.
His brokenness needed thatleech to take that brokenness
off of him, so they kind of fit.
In order for him to fit hertoxicity, he needed to be broken
(34:59):
enough to be her food.
A healthy person is going tostart to get broken and go.
No, no, no, bitch, nope.
We're going too far with thisshit.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Time to go, so when you got into stripping, did your
brokenness kind of feed yourspiral of drugs?
Or could someone survive thatlifestyle and be healthy, happy,
make a career?
You couldn't.
Was it possible to come out ofthat?
Speaker 1 (35:28):
unscathed, it is impossible.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Okay, so sex work is a controversial subject and
we've interviewed strippers,models, adult film actors on
previous episodes of our show.
And while I don't necessarilyagree with all of his opinions
on the subject, that doesn'treally matter.
Maybe things are different inthe industry now compared to 20
(35:53):
or 30 years ago, but at any rate, this is all his experience and
his opinions.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
This is what I tell people all the time.
It's absolutely impossible tocome out of stripping.
The men have a better chancebecause there sometimes tend to
be part-time stripping.
It depends on how you do it.
Even then it's really hard.
But you know you have some menwho just do a show, get dressed,
go home.
It's not as in depth with men.
(36:25):
You know men we do.
A lot of men will do a stripshow birthday, christmas, you
know, five times a year.
Maybe you know what I mean.
Depends.
I was in it, I was in deep.
I was gay parties, straightparties, parties sucking three
women's titties at the same timeMom, two daughters.
They were gorgeous too.
Yes, I did that.
So I was knee deep.
(36:45):
But for someone whether, ifit's a man who is an unusual
stripper, like I was in thesense that he's knee deep Right,
well, the average womanstripper, whose basic presence
is knee deep, the average womanstripper does it every weekend.
It is impossible, absolutelyimpossible, to come out
(37:07):
unscathed.
And I'm going to give you aperfect example why.
You ready, you're a soldier andyou go to Afghanistan.
You're in the war zone.
You never kill anybody, butyou're in the war zone.
Are you coming out unscathed.
You may never suck a dick, youmay never shoot a drug, but
being in that war zone, you'renot coming out on skates so
(37:30):
there's no such thing assomebody jumping into that for
two years to help pay forcollege.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
No, come out the same person they were when they went
.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Nope, they're fucking .
They're fucking lying.
They're fucking lying First ofall.
80% of them suck dick or dodrugs.
Simple fact 80% of these femaleshippers that these guys out
here worship him have put a dickin their mouth for some change
and or done a drug.
That's the simple reality.
Probably both.
(37:56):
Probably both.
Okay, I don't care how goodthey look on IG, I don't care
how innocent medical schoolpaying for it, they sucked a
dick or they did a drug.
Any other 20% watched it.
Tell me, you're coming outunscathed.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
What are your thoughts on OnlyFans?
Do you think that's a muchsafer way for people to make
money?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Honestly, I think OnlyFans is pretty pathetic.
I'm going to tell you right nowI'll be honest with you.
Okay, we have cheapenedourselves.
We have made our worth almostnothing.
If I can see your wife's pussyand I don't even have to pay for
it I'm telling you right now,every single person on OnlyFans
(38:37):
you name a person on OnlyFans Ican find a free picture of her
pussy.
I can find a free video of hersucking dick.
I ain't even got to pay for it,so I can no offense, I'm not
saying this personally, but Ican watch your wife suck
someone's dick for free.
Where's the value?
We've cheapened it.
We've cheapened ourselves somuch.
(38:57):
I mean, I'm not completely madat the feet pick stone Because
your feet, okay, you still keepa certain.
I'm not mad at that.
If you want to go that level,I'm actually not mad at it.
Speaker 2 (39:09):
What about the fart in the jar?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
Fuck it.
If some dude's stupid enough totake your fart in the jar, sell
it.
But when you have no boundariesand you're vagina, what does it
mean for me to see your vagina?
If anyone the fuck else can?
It means nothing.
So yeah, I think we're cheap insociety.
I think we've convinced societythat there's an easy way out to
(39:30):
everything.
I think that, like this onegirl just recently, some rapper
girl, she made it and she's kindof successful and she was
moaning and complaining andbitching and just throwing a fit
because someone had found heronly fans when she was sucking
dick.
How dare you pull this off?
I shut this down.
(39:52):
I'm like do you know how toenter networks?
And she was.
I mean, bitch, you suck dick oncamera.
It's stuck forever.
Your kids will watch you suckdick on camera.
It's one of the reasons I didn'tdo porn movies.
I was invited Again.
5'8" blue eyes, blonde hair,small guy, 9-inch, rock hard
(40:16):
dick.
I was asked to do porno moviesoften I always turned it down
because I thought one day Imight have a kid.
Always turned it down because Ithought one day my daughter
might see this.
And I'm a dude.
There isn't even as high alevel of shame to it as it is a
woman, and I still thought, no,I could have been important,
turned it down over and overbecause back then I thought I
(40:38):
might have a normal life one day.
I thought I'm doing this now.
I'm young, it's stupid, I'mmaking money.
At some point it'll be gone.
Let's move on.
These motherfuckers gotthemselves sucking five dicks on
camera and they're 18.
What's going to happen when youturn 30 and you want to get
married and have a kid?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
That's explaining the dude, listen.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Not only some explaining, but you traumatize
your kid Because your kid'sgoing to grow up at some point
and their teenage friends aregoing to be like isn't that your
mom sucking five dicks?
No one thinks about tomorrow.
We're all like, oh, this iscool, this is it, this is free.
You know, don't oppress me as awoman.
You could do whatever the fuckyou want.
I'm just explaining theconsequences.
I'm not telling you you want togo suck five dicks on camera,
do you?
I might watch and jerk off, butI'm letting you know.
(41:25):
The consequences are thisBecause people now consider
consequences to be oppression.
No one's oppressing you, butyour own decisions.
We don't want consequencesbecause they're oppressive.
Bitches.
Don't do the shit.
That's like motherfuckersrobbing a store talking about
how dare you charge me forshoplifting, which you know
california doesn't do anymore?
They just let you take what youwant.
But if you know you're inflorida, you break into a house,
(41:48):
you're gonna get shot.
It's as simple as that.
You will get.
The sheriff even went on theinternet and said we want them
to shoot you.
Did you see that one?
I did.
He said we, we, we, our peopleof Polk County, have they like
guns.
They have guns and we encouragethem to use guns.
(42:08):
You will get shot.
You can't play the victim ofyour own choices.
So that's how I feel aboutOnlyFans.
Is that that's what you want todo?
You have the freedom to do it,but you're really destroying
yourself when you do, becauseyou will forever be that bitch
or that dude who sucked dick infront of camera and it would
never go away.
And most of them don't evenmake money.
(42:30):
That's another part they don'ttell you.
You know people I've seen doOnlyFans.
I know a couple of peoplepersonally did OnlyFans.
They're like man.
I made like five bucks in threemonths and how many videos you
now got on the internet.
You're going to stain yourselffor life for five bucks.
1% of OnlyFans make actualsurvivable money, maybe 5%.
(42:56):
The rest are basically juststaining the rest of their life
for some fucking pocket change.
That's just my opinion.
No, I'm an old fart Scarce.
I'm one of the guys that livedit for ten fucking years.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Yeah, that's why I wanted to hear your opinion on
the OF thing.
Is it less damaging?
Speaker 1 (43:13):
It doesn't go away.
It still has consequences nomatter what, it has worse
consequences because it nevergoes away.
You can't get rid of it.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Is your demon woman here?
She doesn't look it.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
So I'm meant to ask you a question before we go.
Do you have, like, maybe fourminutes to wait?
Yeah Well, two minutes to wait,then another two minutes to
talk with.
In fact, I need anothercigarette, so let's get out.
Wait then another two minutesto talk with him.
Speaker 3 (43:41):
I need another cigarette, so let's get out.
You can hear a little bit atthe end as we were saying our
goodbyes and turning off therecording equipment.
Malachi wanted to ask me aquestion.
He wants to know that, aftermeeting him in person and
(44:05):
hearing more of his story, whatI really thought of him.
It's a strange question for aninterviewer or a journalist to
answer.
It's awkward, but fair.
I suppose.
In doing this type of work youtry to stay unbiased and
objective.
I'm here to ask questions andtell the stories my audience
wants to hear, and I really tryto listen to people with a sense
of empathy and without judgment.
(44:27):
It's difficult to do sometimes.
Anyway, the question caught meoff guard and I told him
something like uh, you're aunique dichotomy full of lessons
or some other crap.
I meant it, but still not avery eloquent response.
You're a unique dichotomy fullof lessons or some other crap.
I meant it, but still not avery eloquent response.
(44:48):
On the drive back home I kindof thought about his question a
little bit more.
There's a parable and it waswritten by a Byzantine priest
about the devil and three monksthat I read once.
Keep in mind I'm paraphrasingwhen retelling it.
But one day the devil appearedto three monks and asked them if
(45:08):
I gave you the power to go backinto the past and change one
thing, what would you change?
The first monk condemned thedevil and he said I would
prevent you from making Adam andEve fall into sin in the first
place, so that humanity wouldhave not turned away from God.
(45:29):
The second monk had mercy andreplied to the devil I would
have prevented you from strayingaway from God so that you would
have not condemned yourself inthe first place.
The third monk, who was thesimplest and wisest of them,
(45:49):
refused to answer the devil andinstead he knelt down to pray O
Lord, please let me resist thetemptation of what might have
been and what was not At thisprayer.
The devil screamed in agony andfled.
When the other two asked themonk why this prayer made the
(46:09):
devil flee, he told them thatbasically no one is able to
change the past.
So why bother?
The devil was not testing ourvirtue with that question, but
rather he was trying to trap usin the past so that we ignore
the present.
The here and now is the onlytime we really have to serve God
(46:35):
and to do good.
So the question what do I thinkof Malachi?
Well, he's not a hero or avillain, for that matter.
He's not a genius or a madman,a derelict or a success story, a
(46:56):
druggie, a loser, a prophet ora saint.
He's not any of those things.
I think he's just a man inprogress, an unfinished novel.
Much like the rest of us, hisfuture is spotless.
So to hell with the past.
(47:16):
I say On our next episode, hardPrison Time.
And the past comes back tohaunt Malachi when an anonymous
tip sent into our show revealssexual assault allegations and
that everything about him maynot be as it seems.
You won't want to miss it.
The Redacted Podcast isproduced by myself, matt Bender,
(47:40):
and my wife, pamela Bender.
Make sure to go out there andgive us a like, a share, share
it with your friends, rate us.
Every little bit helps.
Thanks for tuning in.
Thank you.
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