June 7, 2024 • 50 mins
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"Murdering Malachi" is a special limited series by The Redacted Podcast, produced by Matt Bender and Pamela Bender.
In this compelling episode, Matt Bender dives deep into the complexities of life's struggles, using Robert Frost's timeless poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" as a lens. Matt discusses the repeated lines, "And miles to go before I sleep," exploring their significance as a mantra for perseverance. This episode takes a raw and introspective look at the challenges of maintaining stability and consistency in a chaotic world.
Matt also confronts Malachi with a serious allegation that surfaced through their TikTok channel, revealing the layers of Malachi's tumultuous past and the accusations that continue to haunt him. This episode is a rollercoaster of emotions, from philosophical musings to real-life drama, all while highlighting the importance of routine and the human need for a place to rest.
Brace yourself for gripping tales of street fights and wrongful arrests, bringing to light the unpredictable nature of life. Relive a nightmarish knife fight in Philadelphia and the harrowing experiences of those falsely accused within the #MeToo movement. Through personal anecdotes and high-profile cases, we expose the flaws in the justice system and the emotional toll of false accusations. Stay tuned for updates on the ongoing story of "Murdering Malachi," and remember to support the podcast by liking, sharing, and rating it.
Help Malachi Rebuild His Life (Please note: This is specifically for Malachi's fundraiser - not a donation to the podcast - the link to donate to the show is below.)
Thank you for listening! We thrive on your support. Please subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and share our episodes. Your engagement helps us continue to produce high-quality, thought-provoking content. Join The Redacted Podcast army and be part of a community that values truth and justice.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Whose woods are these ?
I think I know His house is inthe village, though he will not
see me stopping here to watchhis woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think itqueer to stop without a
farmhouse near between the woodsand frozen lake the darkest
evening of the year.
(00:21):
He gives his harness bells ashake to ask if there is some
mistake.
This is a poem written byRobert Frost in New Hampshire.
And miles to go before I sleep.
(00:42):
And miles to go before I sleep.
This is a poem written byRobert Frost in New Hampshire in
1922.
I texted it to Malachi one daywhile we were having a
conversation about life andstruggle.
I thought it might help him.
We mentioned it later in thisepisode, which is why I thought
(01:03):
I would give the audience a fullreading From the Redacted
Podcast.
I'm Matt Bender and this isMurdering Malachi, part 6.
I don't know where the shade is.
(01:33):
The last two lines of RobertFrost's poem are repeated twice
in miles to go before I sleep.
In miles to go before I sleep.
Now there's a lot of debate onwhy Robert Frost might have put
it like that, why he put thatline twice.
There's scholarly articles andgrand analysis done by literary
(01:53):
critics, but I think maybe it'sa little more simple than that.
I think the author isstruggling, fantasizing for a
moment that it might be easierto just wander into the woods,
into the dark, into the void,and not continue on with life's
responsibilities and arduousjourney.
To me, the last two lines are amantra, something you repeat to
(02:18):
yourself to keep moving forward, something we need to say to
convince ourselves that thejourney is worth it.
Also a little bit of triviaabout that poem for my literary
nerds out there the originaltypesetter had inserted an
Oxford comma.
So when he says the woods arelovely, dark and deep which is
(02:38):
to say it's all three of thosethings when Robert Frost found
that out, he actually ordered itremoved.
So the woods are lovely, darkand deep.
Anyway, I like to use quotesfrom other people in these
episodes, oftentimes to explainsomething that I have a hard
time giving the right words to,because chances are somebody's
(02:59):
already done it and said it waybetter than I could have.
Life lessons are a little likethat sometimes, where we think
we're unique and our situationis unique and nobody's ever been
where we are.
Chances are somebody's alreadybeen there and done that and if
we listen, we might actuallylearn something about ourselves
(03:20):
through someone else'sexperiences.
Through someone else'sexperiences.
If I could attribute anythingto my success as fucking boring
as that sounds and I mean I'vehad a lot of chaotic shit, I had
fucking PTSD, I was in.
You know I've had my own shitNot nearly yours but forcing
(03:45):
yourself to wake up the same wayevery day and willing it to be
that way so you can and that andthat sounds boring Like when
you run a business like I had afucking painting company for 17
years.
Every day you got to answer thephones.
Every day you got to respond toemails.
You know every day you got tomake sure your.
(04:07):
Every day you got to respond toemails.
You know every day you got tomake sure your painters are out
there working Every single day,you got to pay the bills.
It's just like it's a repetitionof consistency and that's 90%
of my success.
It's 95%.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I've been trying to do that lately.
I've been like telling myselflike I'm going to get up at like
six or seven or something andI'm gonna go to the gym for an
hour and then I'll start, like II know that there has to be
some type of uh I don't want tosay stability or what is, and
I'm losing words this is acommon word, just fucking
consistency.
Thank you I knew that there hasto be.
My problem has been getting tosleep, that I'm like, fuck, like
(04:44):
I, it's so hard for me to getto sleep, like so hard for it.
So it's like, but I've beentrying, like that's actually
been my goal recently.
It was like, okay, get up everyday, go to the gym, get
consistency.
You need stability andconsistency.
Chaos isn't working for youanymore.
No, I mean, but it used to to.
(05:05):
I thrived in chaos and I madeit work.
I mean, chaos is the reason Iwas able to leave the dumpster
and end up like five differentapartments, but then chaos is
the reason I lost the apartments.
I mean k I, I knew how to be asuccess in chaos, but the things
I had then I don't have at 50.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well, remember the poem I sent you Walking through
the woods on a snowy Okay, yes,got you.
The chaos is the dark woods.
It's beautiful, dark and deep,but I have promises to keep and
miles to go before I sleep, soit's like I look away from it.
(05:44):
I don't Because it doesn't leadanywhere.
I've done it.
It doesn't lead anywhere you'reabsolutely right.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
One of the things that is that is not unique to me
as much as I love to be unique,um, and and to the point of
self-defeat, self-defeatingactions is the concept that we
don't know how to functionunless there's chaos.
It's something that's verycommon in addiction.
You'll find a lot of peoplehave struggling, throws in
(06:19):
recovery because they just don'tknow how, or they'll say it's
boring.
Like you said, you'll hear alot of people say well, this
life is boring.
You know, I'm accustomed torunning from cops, so I'm
accustomed to being up threedays in a row.
I'm accustomed to, and as muchas it's, destroying everything
their body, their mind, theirlife they don't know anything
(06:42):
else, and I found that theirlife, they don't know anything
else, and I found that that I'mnot unique in that sense.
Um, that, that boredom, thatconsistency, is something I I
should have been better at along time ago and, yes, I might
have been much more successfulthan I am.
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't justcome down to that because we've
(07:04):
talked you, I've got a shitloadof fucking other issues.
I literally am supposed to beinsane right now.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I get that.
But talent, realizing thattalent is 10% of it.
I mean, what is it?
90% inspiration or 10%inspiration, 90% perspiration?
I mean people said shit likethat because it was true, like
it's literally just like showingup, like if you just show up
(07:36):
every day, you're already aheadof 90% of people and that's it.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
The talents.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I've seen some talentless-ass motherfuckers who
just show up, Dude.
I know some rich people, man,and they are stupid, but you
know what they are obsessivelyconsistent in even having
businesses.
I mean, they're up, they'redoing it every day, day,
responding to everything,meticulous.
(08:04):
It might even take them longerto write an email or to come up
with a plan or a thought or asystem, but they do it, they
struggle through it, they popthat and that's.
I mean that takes something.
It's a strange thing for peopleto get, because people, always
people, have always said to mehow lucky I am.
Sometimes they're like man,you're so lucky I'm like
(08:25):
motherfucker I'm lucky.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I'm lucky.
I've had motherfuckers send memoney.
I've got a rich uncle who sentme money when I definitely don't
deserve it.
I've got total strangers.
You know, I've never even metperson give me a hotel room for
a month.
I'm not lucky.
I'm blessed beyond belief.
So when I say I'm a fuckingloser, it's not for
opportunities, because I fuckedup.
I'm lucky.
Someone who's actually put thework in is not lucky.
(08:50):
They put the fucking work in.
You put the fucking work in.
There's a difference.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah, that's why it's a weird thing, like I've had
friends and people like that saythat and I'm like dude, it's
not luck, it's you.
You don't fucking get up in themorning or you don't fucking,
you, you call off work, you, you, you could do twice as much
business as you're done, andthose are the things I did.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, those are things I fucked up, fucked up
and did those, and and there aretimes when I get it together
and actually it's funny because,to bring it full circle, one of
the ways I do it is I read, andI haven't been reading lately
it's because I shut everythingdown and, matter of fact, I'm
going to do that tonight.
Thank you, because you reallykind of even though you know, I
don't know where I'm going tolive now because of what's going
(09:38):
on and even if I do move on Imean I'm facing living in the
bushes right now, if I can, butthe reality is that I can't use
that as an excuse again, becausethere's always going to be one.
I need to get back to where Iwas, which was every night.
I would read that that wouldtake off, turn off TV or the
YouTube.
That would put my mind in acalm place.
(10:00):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
And then if I go to sleep, the thoughts that I have
are intelligent ones, nottitties or ass or violence, or
not even cat videos or americanidol.
You know, it's like some mybrain was working.
So if I do dream, it's like anintelligent dream that's.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's a thought dream.
I like to leave myself rightbefore I go to bed with
something like like you'resaying, intelligent to ruminate
on, like even if it was likeremodeling something in my house
, like I want to think about howI'm going to put that sink in
and how I'm going to connect thesupply lines and maybe where
(10:39):
I'd put that drain.
Just something like intelligentbut almost nonsensical to just
ruminate on.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Or maybe like a business idea so I, I have to
thank you for reminding me, eventhough it's late today and part
of me saying it's too late tofucking do anything.
But you know I battle thatevery day.
Um, I'm still here.
So you know what the fuck?
I'm not dead yet.
So if I die tomorrow, I won'tgive a fuck, will I?
(11:07):
You know I'll be dead, but Ineed to thank you for reminding
me of that basic concept.
That really is a powerful one,and I, I, when I am doing well,
it's because I've incorporatedthat concept on some level.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Routine is great Routine.
Like our bodies, our minds,we're creatures of habit.
We always are, that's without adoubt.
Sometimes that habit's chaos,but, like you see people, they
work their asses off all weekand then they go party on the
weekends.
So they have their little chaos, they have their time.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
They go to Mardi Gras , they go to Key West.
I could never do that.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And then they tuck it up, they tuck it up, they put
their fucking pants back on andthen they go back to work.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
I couldn't.
You need the chaos, you needthat.
No, I mean the whole, like workall week, then part in weekends
, work all week, part in aweekend.
It's like I guess I need moreof a more fluctuation, more more
mental stimulation than that onsome level, or at least or
maybe the word depends on whatthe work is.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Like, if you have stimulating work, then you're
just trying to have a littlewildlife, like let's have a
wildlife photographer.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Then I could see me doing that, because then the
work itself was like me out inthe bushes for fucking 10 hours,
or me like me going to adifferent location each time, me
not answering to some assholeboss, like depending on what it
was.
I could see that and then Iprobably wouldn't eat the party
on the weekends because I'malready getting something out by
being like the stimulus, likeoh my god, I waited eight hours,
(12:43):
I finally got this.
You know horn swaddle, you knowpurple bill, yeah, you know.
So there's like a differentkind of that whole holding it
into the weekends, thenexploding, and then like being a
zombie the rest of the week.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That would destroy me yeah, it all depends on what
you do.
I mean, if you're working for a, a bank, just crunching numbers
and shuffle memos and emails.
Yeah, that's that's a cage Imean okay, we all, we all need a
cage.
It's just, what kind of cage dowe pick like?
(13:16):
A cage can also be like safetyor parameters it's funny.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You said that because I watched the first episode of
Star Trek last night the veryfirst one ever, yeah, and it
ended with the aliens saying wefound that human beings hate
cages more than any otherspecies we've ever met, even
when the cage is a good one.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
It's like you take an animal right, like a dog or a
cat, like sometimes they like tobe in a little closed space.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Well, in one.
Automatically, though, becauseyou have to sleep every night.
So, no matter how free youthink you are, try to stay up
more than two days.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I know that sucks.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Always found that so weird that, as free as we think
we are, every night we needsomewhere to lay down, really
Like, as free as you think youare, you have to have somewhere
to lay down every night.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
That's true.
You got to pay for it or makeit or own it or have it.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Something Blooping up some weeds underneath a tree
somewhere.
You still need somewhere Everysingle night.
So how free are you really?
Every single night, you go intoyour cage that's the cage we
want you choose it.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
You can choose it.
You're gonna be caged you can'tchoose it.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You try to stay up more than two days.
You're not choosing.
Oh yeah, that's what I'vealways found that intriguing.
As powerful as we are, we shutdown every night.
Elon musk to the crackhead,it's just not every night, it's
every two nights.
Doesn't matter as powerful asyou think you, it's just not
every night, it's every twonights.
Doesn't matter.
As powerful as you think youare, you shut down every night.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I was reading about it and it was like I mean, this
was a couple years ago, maybe 10.
Like they still don't know whywe sleep.
There's not like a measurablereason why we need sleep.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I think that's a God thing.
I think that's a way ofreminding us we're human.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah Well, they say, your brain releases what is it?
Diometrotryptophan DMT.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
As powerful as you think you are, dog, I'm shutting
you down every night.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah, dude.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I'm turning your switch off every night.
Yep, Just so you know you'renot me.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, you switched off every night.
Yep, just so you know you, notme.
Yeah, you kind of suck if you.
I mean if you think, if younever slept though the day, your
life would just be like onelong fucking day.
And if you have a bad day, yougo to sleep, you can wake up and
you kind of be like okay, newday I've thought about that when
I have those little daydreamsor night dreams or whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
When you think about being some sort of like um, uh,
uh, what is that word I'mlooking for?
When you're like a god person,there's a word I'm thinking
about I can't remember it, butlike when you think you have
like godlike powers or whatever,and I'm thinking demigod, like,
yeah, something of that nature,and like, well, okay, so then I
don't need to sleep.
I just think, well, what wouldI do?
(16:05):
Yeah, I would like sit there.
I'm like, well, what would I do?
Yeah, if I'm just constantlyawake?
I've got like this godlikepower and I'm just always awake,
and what would I do?
Speaker 1 (16:14):
that would also be kind of miserable that would be.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
How long would it last before?
I'm just sitting there on theside of the road and I'm a god
sitting on a bench, going nowwhat?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
God sitting on a bench, going, now what?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Like an internal, uninterrupted consciousness.
That would be kind of hell.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I thought about it.
I thought periodically when Igo into my little God fantasy to
get away from the world, I'mlike, what would I do?
I would do this, I would dothat, I would do this, and I do
that, I would do this.
And I would almost always endup getting to the point of but
then what I got to admit to you,I'm going to change all of
these things.
Then what?
Speaker 1 (16:54):
There is this.
There's this guru on Tik TOK,you know, like the Indian gurus,
yeah, and he's funny.
He does like funny stuff or hedoes an impersonational one.
He's like not every day can bea good day.
Sometimes you just have a badday and you say fuck it, and you
go home and go to sleep andstart again tomorrow.
(17:15):
It was like his thing, like howeveryone's always like oh, you
can make it a good day, somedays you cannot.
You just say fuck it.
You say fuck it, say fuck it.
You go home, go to sleep, startfresh tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Don't try to make it a good day I I remember there
was, I was at a rehab or some Idon't know somewhere, and there
was some guy who was indian, hewas into his new age, stuff, and
he was like everything thathappens is for the good and
everyone was testing it like,well, what if your dog dies?
It's for the good because itmeans, and he was just coming.
They're like, well, what ifyour dog dies?
It's for the good because itmeans?
And he was just coming up withthese ridiculous
(17:48):
rationalizations about how everysingle thing that happens in
life is for the good.
That was his thing.
There's nothing bad in life,everything is for the good.
And it's just like yeah, dog,you obviously have been through
some shit.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
You know what I mean?
Well, he's like Sun Tzu, rightArt of War.
There are no good men or badmen, there's only teachers.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I got to move my car.
The sun is now hitting me.
Hold on.
Yeah, you're fine, am I?
Do I have gas?
Yes, I do.
Oh boy, I've been sitting hereso long the sun moved.
Alright, let me just Findfigure out when the shade is,
cause it's like Literallystarting To peak down on me and
I don't know when the shade is.
Give me one second.
(18:31):
I'm trying to figure out whenthe shade is.
You're good, I think I mighthave Parked sideways.
I don't think it's going to be.
You know, when it stunts in adirection where the lines you
hit the sun, no matter where youare.
No, you don't sit in parkinglots like I do.
I'm fucking with you.
I actually told dude I'm notcoming back for later because I
(18:52):
don't want to be there when he'snot there.
He's like, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Wait till he crushes up some Ambien and puts it in
her fucking Zinfandel and thenyou can go home when you can't
go home.
That's a problem.
The first part of that episodewas just kind of a conversation
that we had before what wassupposed to be the real
conversation, and I felt it wasimportant to include it.
There's good little tidbits inthere.
(19:16):
Anyway, while we were in themiddle of producing and
recording interviews withMalachi, we got this mysterious
message through our TikTok afterpublishing a preview for one of
the episodes.
The message was from a womanclaiming that in 2019, malachi
sexually assaulted her.
It's a pretty seriousallegation.
(19:37):
She made some other claims thathe was a liar and a con artist.
Essentially, and to be honest,it was quite shocking.
I knew he had a sketchy pastand he's told us all about that,
but this was so recent.
We messaged her several timesto see if she would be
interested in interviewing oreven just talking about it off
(19:59):
the record and I feel as if weowe her that at least but she
declined In having some level ofjournalistic integrity.
I knew I had to confront Malachion the accusation.
It's an awkward thing to bringup, but I knew I had to and it's
just generally part of thestory of his life.
We researched the claims anddid find court records from
(20:23):
Wisconsin a misdemeanor with afine, not quite sexual assault
charge, but more disorderlyconduct.
I wanted to set him up a littlebit, not to be malicious, but
more so to get his honestreaction and hear his side of
the story.
Not to be malicious, but moreso to get his honest reaction
and hear his side of the storyBefore I could even get to the
question.
Luckily he came clean about itNow.
(20:46):
Keep in mind we're not takingsides on this, nor do we condone
or validate any of the actionsor claims or anything from
either party.
But we were only able to getone side of the story.
So here's Malachi's.
So when was I mean you wentthrough all this other?
You know stuff you had in yourpast with possession and you
(21:10):
know going to jail, but you knowhow old are you now again
roughly 53, 54.
53, 50, okay, I lose track.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
You get to count the notches or count the rings.
You're right, cut me open.
Yeah, once you get past all theblubber, you'll find a ring.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
What was the last time that you kind of got
arrested?
How long has it been?
What was the last time that youkind of got arrested, or like
how long has it been?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I think it's like four or five years ago,
something like that.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
And the thing about it is that it really really gets
my gulp.
Is that actually before we gothere?
Can I tell one separate storyjust popped in my mind?
Yeah, sure, just just becauseit's very short, it's very
stupid, but it's kind of one ofthose ones where you're like,
(22:10):
wow, so early, early, early onin my early addiction and I was
outside.
I was at the same bar that I gotarrested at the first, very,
very, very first time.
I don't know why I kept goingto this bar it's a gay bar and I
was outside the bar and therewas this homeless bum.
I was drunk, so this is reallyearly when I still drank.
I drank for like a year andthat was it.
I was like drinking takes me tosome other place that I don't
(22:32):
like, so I only drank for.
Then drugs took over and it wasa different thing, but it
wasn't.
Drinking just does somethingweird to you.
So I was outside the bar andthis bum, this homeless bum, me
and him start arguing.
Why the fuck am I arguing witha bum, I don't know, and he
threatens to beat me up.
I threaten to beat him up.
I pull out a knife.
(22:53):
He pulls out a knife.
I pull out a second knife,pulls out a second knife.
So we're in the middle of thestreet, center city,
philadelphia, having a knifefight.
I'm drunk, he's a bum.
Somehow we missed each otherand I don't know how it has.
Somehow we separated and I Iend up bending down to tie my
shoe.
And I look up and there's a gunpointed at me and thank god, I
(23:16):
think for a split second Ialmost, almost reached for the
knife.
I'm drunk, you know, but Godsaved me.
I didn't like, I think I feltmyself reaching for the knife
and then, just, I was no longerreaching for the knife and so it
was cops and they put me inhandcuffs, they threw me in a
cop car and then they threw thebum in the cop car right next to
(23:36):
me.
So we're having this knifefight Totally my fault, there's
no reason.
I was drunk, I own all of this.
And the bumpster was trying toheadbutt me.
And now I'm sobered up.
Now I'm sobered up Like quick,and I'm looking at a cop and I'm
thinking how the fuck am Igoing to get out of this?
So I'm yelling at the cop likelook at him, he's trying to.
(23:56):
You know, I'm playing thevictim.
Now he's trying to attack me,he's trying to hit me.
Look at him right.
And so the cop's like both ofyou just shut the fuck up and be
still.
You know, and at that pointthis was a big country cop,
young white guy, late 20s, bigold hoss.
You know, you know everythingyou don't want to see in a cop.
When you're yeah, it was himand fully.
(24:19):
Cops are a mixed bag.
You can get really really goodones who are really nice and
really care.
I had a cop give me a sandwichinstead of arresting me one time
when he called me getting high.
So you get a mixed.
You can get either one.
This is the one you didn't want.
And he's just shut the fuck up.
And so I shut up.
I'm like okay, and this guy'sstill trying to headbutt me,
trying to bite me.
(24:40):
And a cop looks and says dude,stop that before I come back
here.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And the guy says fuck you, youwhite honky piece of shit.
You, white boy.
Fuck you, white boy, you whitehonky piece of shit, I'll kill
your ass.
Cop pulls over and I'm likefuck, it's a rat.
(25:01):
Pulls me out the car Shit, I'mabout to get beat down.
Unhandcuffs me.
Says get the fuck out of here.
Pulls off at the bum.
I never saw him again.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Wow Got lucky there.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Man.
I mean, like I said, I was drunkand fighting with a bum.
I did everything to possibly dothat was wrong.
The only saving grace is thatbum was actually crazy, as I
thought he was.
Now, I mean, I own that.
I'm not a victim in that.
Like I just said, I got lucky,but it is what it is.
Last time I got arrested wasabout four or five years ago Now
(25:39):
.
Me and my ex were like eightyears, had broken up and I did
what I do.
I just got on a bus and leftSomewhere along the line.
I somehow ended up in Wisconsin.
I ended up renting a room.
Do not do this.
It's only actually worked outonce for me and I've done it
like six times.
I'm someone you met on Facebook.
Don't do it, don't do it, don'tdo it, don't do it, don't do it
(26:03):
.
And I ended up in Wisconsin andsome small town called Rice Lake
, which is pretty much 90.
I think it's maybe 80% or 85%white, maybe 50% native American
and then like 0.1% anythingelse.
The big news there was whenthere was a black guy at the gas
station, which is funny to mebecause they're all like hey,
eric, we saw a black guy at thegas station.
(26:24):
Yeah, did you hear?
There was a black guy at thegas station.
I'm looking at him like haveyou fucking forgot who you're
talking to?
For those who don't remember,I'm half Nigerian, american
Nigerian, so I don't have anaccent or anything but my
father's Nigerian.
So telling me you saw a blackguy at the gas station doesn't
hit the same, you know, but likethat's the kind of town it was.
(26:44):
So I was taking a save surfcourse at a local college for
like two, three weeks because Iwas under the misconception that
I like to cook, I'm really goodat cooking, I'm good at job
cooking, not realizing I'm tooold for that shit, because when
I start cooking, you got tostart.
I like to cook, I'm really goodat cooking, I'm good at job
cooking, not realizing I'm tooold for that shit, because when
you start cooking, you got tostart young, because you're
doing like 18-hour shifts beinga prep cook, no matter what
(27:05):
school you went to.
You know what I mean.
Like it's not something youstart when you're old, unless
you want to start as a manager.
But anyway, I'm taking thiscourse, else there was like 18,
19, 20, 21, 22.
And there was these two girlsthere who.
I was stupid.
I had just broken up with mygirl, I hadn't gotten laid in a
(27:26):
few months and I was goingthrough my little midlife crisis
of am I still attractive?
Am I still young and hip?
So I was joining in with allthe little jokes that they were
doing and I was.
I don't know if I was.
I don't know if I was.
I don't want to say I wasflirting, but I was just being
stupid, just joking around.
You know stuff where I shouldhave said to myself these are 20
year old girls Forgetting aboutme too, forgetting about how
(27:48):
now being a man is like theworst thing you could be in
America and how any you know, atany given time, a female
changed her mind and all of asudden you're like the worst
human being walking the planetand you are, no matter what,
forgetting about all that.
I'm joking with these20-year-olds.
So there's one.
She was like not attractive,but she was trying to get
(28:11):
everybody to fuck her.
She even showed us some filmshe has on Pornhub of her
sucking her boyfriend's dickLike look at me sucking dick,
you horn of.
Of her sucking her boyfriend'sdick.
Like look at me sucking dick,you know.
That should have been the firstwarning, like, yeah, I might
want to stop joking with that,you know.
I mean, like she's showing meporn of movies I'm sucking dick,
like I might need to startacting like I'm, you know, 49,
(28:32):
48, 40, whatever I was.
But I guess, just, I don't know, I guess the I don't want to
say trauma, but just the wholeupheaval of ending the eight
year relationship, you know, andrealizing, wow, I'm old, just
all of that was fucking with myjudgment, and so I continued
joking.
And then the thing is, though,they kind of went further and
(28:54):
further and further.
And then, one day I'm sittingin class and like I'm serious at
this point, like I'm I'mactually 49 for a change and
they're still joking.
I'm like, okay, look, not rightnow, I'm tired, I'm trying to
focus on what's going on, joking, joking.
I'm like, look, look, I'mtrying to.
Oh, you think you're specialnow.
Oh, you think, oh, you didn'tsay that yesterday when you joke
with us about, you know, actinglike little 20 year old idiots.
(29:15):
So finally, I was like will youjust leave me the fuck alone,
all shit.
All of a sudden, their wholeenergy changed me and they hated
me.
And I remember, a couple dayslater there was an older woman
who was like the only otherolder person and I did something
stupid, but not even stupid, Iwas just being playful.
(29:35):
She had a pocketbook on onechair.
She left the room.
I put the pocketbook on anotherchair.
I I was bored, just one ofthose like I don't want to see
notices.
She's in a different seat.
Just, you know something stupidyou do when you're bored, like,
oh, let me see if she notices.
You know, girl was like youtest her pocketbook.
I can't believe it, don't youtouch the fuck?
Next thing I know she's goingto the office.
(30:01):
She's hollering at me, he'sintimidating me, he's bullying
me.
I'm like all I did was tell herto leave me the fuck alone.
So then they actually kicked meout of class and told me that
she's afraid of me and I can'tshow the class.
And I'm bitching at this point,like, seriously, like are we
really there?
Because I'm a dude.
I told her to leave me alone.
(30:21):
I'm the one like are we reallydoing this?
A couple days later, cops showup at the house.
You touched her ass, youtouched her titty, like the two
girls had made up this whole bigthing about what I had done to
them and I'm just like are youseriously arresting me?
And the cops are laughing, um,and these are like and I hate, I
(30:43):
really, really hate to fuckinguse this word, but these cops
are some racist pieces offucking shit and I hate that
word, I think it's so overused.
But in this particular case itwas obvious.
So they put me in jailovernight.
I'm furious, I am fucking, I'mbouncing off the walls, because
all the other times I was injail, every single time I was in
(31:04):
jail, I was guilty, even thefirst one where I only pushed
her some 30 years ago on the bed, so I can leave the room.
Like I was at least guilty ofpushing her, so I can leave the
room.
So even then I was like well,no, I didn't do all that, but I
did push her to get away from me.
So, you know, maybe I'll get ayou know probation or a fine,
(31:25):
like.
Even then it was like okay, Idid do something, you know.
So I could kind of wrap my mindaround it.
I didn't do shit on this one,nothing.
I did not grab her ass, Ididn't grab her titty, I didn't
do none of that.
It was just like oh, we're madat him.
So I'm sitting in jail and thenthis female police, uh public
(31:45):
defender shows up and I'mthinking, fuck, like I'm fucked.
Now you know we're doing awhole Me Too thing and I got a
female public defender and she'sa young white woman.
I was like this.
Put me under the fucking jail.
And she looks at me.
First thing she says to me shereads the report.
She says this is bullshit.
She says I'm so sorry.
I'm like what she says thegirls in this town are doing
(32:08):
this to everybody.
I'm like what you say yeah,anytime a girl gets upset at
somebody, this is what they do,we'll take care of it so there's
like a pattern of this there'sa pattern.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
There's a pattern there so what's I mean, what's
funny or ironic about this storyso far and just to chime in on
this is I actually got we posteda preview, because we're
posting previews of the you know, different interviews and stuff
we're doing with you as we go.
(32:39):
So we posted a preview out onour social media platforms and
someone must have recognizedyour voice and we actually got a
message, um, from someone thatsaid you know, this person is
not who you think they are andyou know they actually committed
(33:02):
a sexual assault in Rice Lake,wisconsin, in 2019.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
okay, first of all, I'm not I should be surprised.
I applied for a job two yearsago and the first day starting a
job I got the same thing.
Hey, someone sent us this thingsuch and such and such and I'm
like, are you fucking serious?
And they were like, yeah, butwe talked to them, or we
responded and and we tried totalk to them, but they didn't,
they didn't want to talk or theydidn't want to live we.
(33:32):
We researched it further.
We're like this is bullshit,fuck you.
And they hired me anyway.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
I mean it was.
I think that was the same.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
It had to be the same person.
They've been stalking meforever but let me tell you.
This is how it went, though it'snot even over.
So when she tells me that, I'mthinking okay, okay, so this is
just some shit, some some me toobullshit, because you remember,
I don't know.
Remember this is just some shit, some Me Too bullshit, because
you remember, I don't know.
Remember this is about when MeToo really first came out and it
was a beautiful idea.
A beautiful idea, but, likemost everything in America, it
(34:01):
took them to some really weird,strange extreme where, like,
guys would just get charged witheverything.
You said it alone.
Now it's gays, rape, like.
It's just this weird extreme oflike, let me, let me punish my
ex-boyfriend for, like, sleepingwith my, my best friend.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Did you say years ago Gaze rape.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Oh yeah, that's.
You never heard her here.
Gaze rape.
Now if you look at a girl toolong, you're gazing.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I haven't heard of that one.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Oh yeah, Look that one up, that's real.
Um, I I even saw one where aguy got a, some celebrity got
some guy got charged with like asexual assault and he proved
that he was literally in anothercountry when supposedly it
happened.
He's like bitch, I was inBelgium.
They still went through withcharging.
It's like I was in Belgium forthe whole month.
(34:49):
But yeah, but she accused you,so we have to charge.
That was the height of me too.
Believe every woman, no matterwhat yeah and there was an
uptake of just men gettingcharged at all this, or the girl
who, like um, there's justrecently some college kid was
charged, tried to ruin his lifeand then they showed us.
This was recent, like a monthago, and they showed on the bar
(35:10):
camera.
They were like he didn't doanything.
You said yeah, and then thegirls laughed it off afterwards.
I think in britain they finallypunished somebody.
Some woman had accused like 18guys of raping her through the
years, through the years, andthey finally stopped there and
gave her like five years inprison well, do you remember the
the duke lacrosse team?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, theprostitute, uh-huh yeah, that
(35:34):
was the same if I'm not mistaken, she went on to do porn movies
at your grant yeah, I don't know, we're not.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
I know they, I know they proved, I know they do a
porn movie in your grant.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think she dated you grant and then I think she did
a porn movie I know they provedthat the, the kids weren't
raping anyone.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah, no, but that was one of those things where
all these their lives wereruined.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
There was one in Philadelphia A girl at LaSalle
College.
A girl had a threesome with twoblack guys.
Then she accused them of rape.
They got kicked out of college.
Their life was ruined and thenthey found texts later where she
had told her girlfriend that Ijust fucked them.
But I didn't want my parents toknow.
Not only did I fuck a black guy, but I fucked two of them.
So I had to cover my ass andshe had texted this to somebody.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah, I remember hearing something about that too
.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Nothing happened to her.
So you know, and the thingabout it, it it's, it's just
insane.
So I'm at, I'm at my room andthe lady or hidden, some big fat
woman who, who was likementally broken because her son
killed himself and she blamedherself, and she kept looking to
me for, like answers.
I'm like I don't have any.
I don't have any.
(36:46):
She's like well, don't you findme attractive?
I'm like thinking to myselfbitch, you're 500 pounds.
I'm sorry, that's not my.
God bless you.
If you like the big girls, Ihave nothing against anyone
liking what they want, but Ishould be allowed not to like
the big girls.
You know what I mean.
Nothing against you.
I don't get hard.
When I see a 500-pound nakedwoman, if that's your thing, do
(37:09):
you Beat that ass up all nightlong, have a blast.
Nothing against it at all, justit won't do anything for me.
So then, when this happened,she got mad at me.
It's like, oh, you touching her, but not me.
I'm like I didn't touch her.
Oh, you want her, but not me.
I don't want her.
Oh, but you're now.
Now you're assaulting with.
I didn't do shit.
(37:30):
Next thing I know the cops areknocking on my door.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
So wait, she heard about the other two charges or
accusations.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Okay, Well.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I think the cops arrested me at the door, so I
think they came home to my houseand arrested me when I was
renting a room in their house.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Oh, okay, I gotcha.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
So then she found out about it, obviously.
And then a couple of days laterthe cops came and arrested me
again and they're like what thefuck is going on?
And they're saying, oh, shesaid you pushed her just now.
She was outside, scared, andI'm like now here, ready for
this, ready for this, when thecops walked in and said I just
pushed her.
(38:09):
And she said her and her sonwere hiding in the backyard,
scared of you, you, ready forthis.
You mean the son that'sstanding right there, who's 20,
6'2" and he's cleaning his rifle, was standing in the yard,
scared of me, 5'8", 48 years old.
(38:29):
Let me cover this picture again.
Let me cover this picture again.
This son, who's 6'2", 20 yearsold, who's standing right there
cleaning his rifle, was scaredof me.
And they start laughing yeah,yeah, that's what it is.
And they all start laughingtogether and they arrested me.
(38:53):
I go to jail.
I'm pissed off again.
The only good thing about it wasthere was this native guy who
was one of the jail guards Big,giant, dude, six, four, six,
five, 300 pounds of half fat,half muscle and he let me out of
my cell for a while and westood there talking about boxing
and it was just like two guystalking about boxing.
He treated me with decency.
He treated me like a humanbeing and when it's time to go
(39:15):
back in, he's like come on, dog.
You know you got to go in right.
Like, yeah, man, it's cool, Iappreciate you letting me out to
talk.
He's like don't worry about it,man.
You know Like he just treatedme like a human being.
I hate to say this, but all thewhite next week when they
arrested me to the guys, same pd, same public defender came in.
(39:37):
The first thing she said to meshe said how the fuck did they
arrest you?
Yeah, I don't know.
She said.
She was like this is thestupidest shit I've ever seen.
They they actually arrested youfor this.
But yeah, so they let me out.
But then they said I can't goback to the house.
Thankfully I had someone tocall send me some money, because
they literally escorted me tothe house.
(39:58):
My bags were outside.
They said you can't go back.
I'm in the middle of fuckingrice lake in the winter with
bags in my hand.
You know I found a room.
Like that day I went to abigger city.
I forget what the city waseuclid.
I think it was euc Claire,which is something resembling an
actual city, and I rented aroom.
I rented a room in someboarding house or something like
(40:20):
that day and then I just likethe courthouse was like really
far away, it's like a wholeother city away.
I think it was like a hundreddollar Uber ride or some shit,
and I was just like I can't makecourt, I ain't got no way.
I got 200 at the time.
I don't think I had 200 hoursfor like I was like fuck this
bullshit.
And I saw what was headed for.
I was like they're just gonnalike judge the police,
(40:42):
everybody's friends in thisbitch.
You know they're talking aboutthere's a black guy at the gas
station, which is ironic becauseeuclid after you had a gigantic
african community at rice lakedidn't have one single black
person.
So it's like they specificallywere like we're not having that
here.
You know, we're going to be alittle white America and when I
say race, race based things,trust me it's real, because I
(41:05):
actually hate a fucking racecard, I hate race baiting.
I hate when people are like, oh, white people this, and I
fucking hate that shit.
No, white person is not thereason you're standing outside 8
o'clock in the morning.
Smoking a blunt You're likewhite man isn't keeping you from
getting a job.
Drinking a 48 in the morning isso I hate that shit.
So if I bring it up, it'spretty much a done deal.
(41:27):
It's real Because I despiseeven having to say those words,
but it real because I I despiseeven having to say those words,
but it's true.
So I didn't show up for court.
I was like fuck that, then Iget, come, get my ass.
I'm getting arrested for forscaring a six foot two 20 year
old holding a rifle.
Like I've seen how ridiculousthis is.
(41:50):
You know.
I got some girls who I cursedout like leave me the fuck alone
.
All of a sudden I touched theirbutt, like now we ain't doing
all that.
So I left.
I found out later they found meguilty of um, um, what was it?
Uh, uh.
What's the thing is when youholler too much, like when you
scream, like nothing more thanscreaming?
Speaker 1 (42:07):
disturbing the peace or yeah, something like that.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yeah, I got a fine.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I'm still paying for like a thousand dollars, like so
they didn't even charge you, soyou didn't even get charged
with no, I don't know if theysure.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I think they dropped all the charges because, or
something, this early conduct,that's what I got.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
I got a disorderly conduct, disorderly conduct I
saw the initial charge because Ilooked it up after she messaged
and the initial charge was likefourth degree sexual assault,
which I guess would be grabbingsomeone's butt.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Now.
But here's the thing, and whichis horrible, because once you
get a sexual assault to a man,people only read rapist yeah,
you get a sex crime pissing andit comes up as sex crime.
Now you get caught pissing inthe alley, you can get a sex
charge, but people only seerapists.
So I was furious, like you'regoing to destroy my life on the
(43:02):
lie with a sex charge.
A sex charge Do you know whatthat does to a man?
Like seriously, if I did it,I'd own it.
Like with the girl I pushed Iadmitted it.
I pushed her in the bed to getmy drug.
Okay, I take that you feel me.
I take that it wasn't right,but all I did was push her away
from me.
But I did it.
(43:23):
The guy I pickpocketed what didI say I pickpocketed?
Did I beat around the bush?
No, I pickpocketed his ass.
I was stupid, it was early in myaddiction and I was stupid of
snow.
I pickpocketed his ass.
I was stupid, I was early in myaddiction and I was stupid.
I owned my shit.
If I had done it, I'd be likeyou know what?
I got carried away.
I grabbed a butt.
Should've done.
It is what it is, but I didn't.
That's what pisses me the fuckoff.
(43:45):
It's not that I got caught,it's that I didn't do it.
Every time I got arrested, I'msitting in jail, the first thing
I'm thinking is damn you stupidmotherfucker, why'd you do that
?
And this time I was thinkingthere's a difference.
When you're sitting in jail andyou're guilty, you're trying to
figure out ways of like okay,how can I lessen this?
You know what I mean.
How can I lessen, do?
(44:06):
Oh, fuck that.
And so this bitch has beenstalking me ever since I got a
disorderly conduct.
Probably, if it's cursed me tofuck out, probably because they
and really the reason I thinkthey gave me that was just to
(44:26):
save face.
I really think they found meguilty of disorderly conduct
just to save face, because thenthey'd have to look at we did
all this arresting of this guyfor nothing, and I didn't even
go to court.
That's part of why I got foundguilty of that, if I'd actually
gone to court, which maybe Ishould have.
But you know, at the time itwas looking like I was about to
be the sacrificial lamb inlittle white America.
(44:47):
So I said fuck that, come getme.
You know what I mean.
Oh, fuck that you don't catchmy ass.
I'm not being no sacrificial.
You know mixed breed.
Come catch me.
This is all a condom.
I honestly believe they didthat just to save face, cause
they had to explain why.
Did we arrest this man two,three times for nothing?
(45:07):
And now this bitch still hauntsme five years later because
she's obsessed with me.
People get this weird thing.
It actually happens with trump.
I'm about to go into trump.
Watch this one.
I'm sure how it happens.
I've gotten out this.
My landlady, my my landlord'sgirlfriend, is doing the same
thing, but he's finally admittedthat, like dude, I'm scared of
her too.
It's not just you.
(45:27):
She has decided that I'm toblame for everything that's ever
happened in her life because Icouldn't cure it.
Like she was talking to me oneday and telling me I was raped
and my boyfriend beat me up andI used to run drugs and I was a
bad parent.
And I'm just sitting there likeI didn't ask any.
I didn't ask any of this, butI'm listening, I'm trying to be
a decent human being.
You know, I never liked theperson.
She always seemed cuckoo to meso I really never wanted to get
(45:48):
close.
But you know, we're kind of inthe same place and I'm just
listening.
And when I couldn't cure her,then I became to blame for
everything.
This girl, same thing.
One time, when we were stillgetting along, she took me to
some meetings she was going tofor like abused people or
something, and I'm like she toldme that I was.
She was asking me to go formoral support.
(46:10):
And I get there.
She's like so what did you getout of that?
I'm like get there.
She's like so what did you getout of that?
I'm like what do you mean?
What I get out of it?
What could you be me here for?
I said well, I thought youcould use it because I get
something out of it.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
Well, maybe you can help meunderstand.
I'm like what?
There are people in this worldwho see other people as only one
or two things.
You're either going to beresponsible for curing them you
(46:33):
will fill the empty spaces ofthem or you automatically become
the blame for everything thatthey've gone through.
That's it.
That's all anyone exists tothem.
A lot of people do that Trumpnow and I'm not saying I'm
pro-Trump, I'm not saying I'magainst Trump, I'm not getting
into my political beliefs, I'mjust making an observation of
the world.
There are people right now thatthey blame Trump for everything
(46:54):
that's ever gone wrong in theirlife.
It's called Trump derangementsyndrome.
In fact, george Bayhart did iton national television.
Some kid got shot and she saidit's Trump's fault and even her
super duper extreme liberalcohorts looked at her like what
the hell are you talking about?
They've decided that if theirwife leaves them, it's Trump's
fault.
If someone gets shot in israel,it's trump's fault.
(47:18):
Their kid was murdered 20 yearsago.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
It's trump's fault yeah, it's fucked up.
I I've seen people lose theirshit over that like and I was I
was almost fucking relieved whenhe didn't get re-elected
because'm like now I don't haveto.
Now people can just own theirown shit.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
They got worse.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Oh yeah, they did.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
It got worse because you know what's happened is, now
that he's not reelected, youcan't actually connect the dots.
So you can give him anythingbecause there's no way to
disprove it.
Yeah it, yeah.
To the person in charge, youcan actually connect the dots
and say, well, no, they didn'tdo this because, look, they
wrote this law, they did this,that they made this decision,
that blah, blah, blah.
But when a person actually notin charge, you can create all of
(48:02):
these.
What ifs?
Yeah, well, it's wouldn'thappen.
If, well, if he had it done,but he's not in charge, how is
he responsible?
Well, that's why yeah, they gotlike daddy issues.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
It's like a daddy issue, but with Trump.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
It's a huge.
They literally came up with theword what they call Trump
derangement syndrome.
It means the people, and whatthey don't understand is that
you've literally turned this maninto a god.
This is what these people havedone to me.
This is what the landlady didto me.
I think this is what this girldid to me.
They Listen to what thesepeople have done to me.
This is what the landlady didto me.
I think this is what this girldid to me.
They turned me into a god forthe sole purpose of me failing
them, and now I can beresponsible for everything
(48:41):
that's gone wrong in their life.
Think about that.
They made me a god just so Icould fail, and now I'm the
perfect blame.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
When we think of shade, we think of a place to
relax and recover, a place tohide out from the punishing heat
and blinding light of day,somewhere where we can catch our
breath, collect our thoughtsand head back into the day
rejuvenated and restored.
We all need to find shadesometimes.
(49:14):
The next episode of MurderingMalachi will be out in a few
weeks.
This story is actually evolvingas we were recording and
publishing it.
Most of these interviews thatyou've heard so far are from a
few months ago and in that timethere has been some drastic
changes in Malachi's life A fewhospital stays, a near-death
(49:36):
experience.
Make sure you are subscribed toour channel and have the
notifications turned on.
You won't want to miss it.
The Redacted Podcast isproduced by myself, matt Bender,
and my wife, pamela Bender.
Make sure to go out there andgive us a like, a share, share
it with your friends, rate us.
Every little bit helps.
Thanks for tuning in.
Whose woods are these ?
I think I know His house is inthe village, though he will not
see me stopping here to watchhis woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think itqueer to stop without a
farmhouse near between the woodsand frozen lake the darkest
evening of the year.
(00:21):
He gives his harness bells ashake to ask if there is some
mistake.
This is a poem written byRobert Frost in New Hampshire.
And miles to go before I sleep.
(00:42):
And miles to go before I sleep.
This is a poem written byRobert Frost in New Hampshire in
1922.
I texted it to Malachi one daywhile we were having a
conversation about life andstruggle.
I thought it might help him.
We mentioned it later in thisepisode, which is why I thought
(01:03):
I would give the audience a fullreading From the Redacted
Podcast.
I'm Matt Bender and this isMurdering Malachi, part 6.
I don't know where the shade is.
(01:33):
The last two lines of RobertFrost's poem are repeated twice
in miles to go before I sleep.
In miles to go before I sleep.
Now there's a lot of debate onwhy Robert Frost might have put
it like that, why he put thatline twice.
There's scholarly articles andgrand analysis done by literary
(01:53):
critics, but I think maybe it'sa little more simple than that.
I think the author isstruggling, fantasizing for a
moment that it might be easierto just wander into the woods,
into the dark, into the void,and not continue on with life's
responsibilities and arduousjourney.
To me, the last two lines are amantra, something you repeat to
(02:18):
yourself to keep moving forward, something we need to say to
convince ourselves that thejourney is worth it.
Also a little bit of triviaabout that poem for my literary
nerds out there the originaltypesetter had inserted an
Oxford comma.
So when he says the woods arelovely, dark and deep which is
(02:38):
to say it's all three of thosethings when Robert Frost found
that out, he actually ordered itremoved.
So the woods are lovely, darkand deep.
Anyway, I like to use quotesfrom other people in these
episodes, oftentimes to explainsomething that I have a hard
time giving the right words to,because chances are somebody's
(02:59):
already done it and said it waybetter than I could have.
Life lessons are a little likethat sometimes, where we think
we're unique and our situationis unique and nobody's ever been
where we are.
Chances are somebody's alreadybeen there and done that and if
we listen, we might actuallylearn something about ourselves
(03:20):
through someone else'sexperiences.
Through someone else'sexperiences.
If I could attribute anythingto my success as fucking boring
as that sounds and I mean I'vehad a lot of chaotic shit, I had
fucking PTSD, I was in.
You know I've had my own shitNot nearly yours but forcing
(03:45):
yourself to wake up the same wayevery day and willing it to be
that way so you can and that andthat sounds boring Like when
you run a business like I had afucking painting company for 17
years.
Every day you got to answer thephones.
Every day you got to respond toemails.
You know every day you got tomake sure your.
(04:07):
Every day you got to respond toemails.
You know every day you got tomake sure your painters are out
there working Every single day,you got to pay the bills.
It's just like it's a repetitionof consistency and that's 90%
of my success.
It's 95%.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I've been trying to do that lately.
I've been like telling myselflike I'm going to get up at like
six or seven or something andI'm gonna go to the gym for an
hour and then I'll start, like II know that there has to be
some type of uh I don't want tosay stability or what is, and
I'm losing words this is acommon word, just fucking
consistency.
Thank you I knew that there hasto be.
My problem has been getting tosleep, that I'm like, fuck, like
(04:44):
I, it's so hard for me to getto sleep, like so hard for it.
So it's like, but I've beentrying, like that's actually
been my goal recently.
It was like, okay, get up everyday, go to the gym, get
consistency.
You need stability andconsistency.
Chaos isn't working for youanymore.
No, I mean, but it used to to.
(05:05):
I thrived in chaos and I madeit work.
I mean, chaos is the reason Iwas able to leave the dumpster
and end up like five differentapartments, but then chaos is
the reason I lost the apartments.
I mean k I, I knew how to be asuccess in chaos, but the things
I had then I don't have at 50.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well, remember the poem I sent you Walking through
the woods on a snowy Okay, yes,got you.
The chaos is the dark woods.
It's beautiful, dark and deep,but I have promises to keep and
miles to go before I sleep, soit's like I look away from it.
(05:44):
I don't Because it doesn't leadanywhere.
I've done it.
It doesn't lead anywhere you'reabsolutely right.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
One of the things that is that is not unique to me
as much as I love to be unique,um, and and to the point of
self-defeat, self-defeatingactions is the concept that we
don't know how to functionunless there's chaos.
It's something that's verycommon in addiction.
You'll find a lot of peoplehave struggling, throws in
(06:19):
recovery because they just don'tknow how, or they'll say it's
boring.
Like you said, you'll hear alot of people say well, this
life is boring.
You know, I'm accustomed torunning from cops, so I'm
accustomed to being up threedays in a row.
I'm accustomed to, and as muchas it's, destroying everything
their body, their mind, theirlife they don't know anything
(06:42):
else, and I found that theirlife, they don't know anything
else, and I found that that I'mnot unique in that sense.
Um, that, that boredom, thatconsistency, is something I I
should have been better at along time ago and, yes, I might
have been much more successfulthan I am.
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't justcome down to that because we've
(07:04):
talked you, I've got a shitloadof fucking other issues.
I literally am supposed to beinsane right now.
Oh, fuck, yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I get that.
But talent, realizing thattalent is 10% of it.
I mean, what is it?
90% inspiration or 10%inspiration, 90% perspiration?
I mean people said shit likethat because it was true, like
it's literally just like showingup, like if you just show up
(07:36):
every day, you're already aheadof 90% of people and that's it.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
The talents.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I've seen some talentless-ass motherfuckers who
just show up, Dude.
I know some rich people, man,and they are stupid, but you
know what they are obsessivelyconsistent in even having
businesses.
I mean, they're up, they'redoing it every day, day,
responding to everything,meticulous.
(08:04):
It might even take them longerto write an email or to come up
with a plan or a thought or asystem, but they do it, they
struggle through it, they popthat and that's.
I mean that takes something.
It's a strange thing for peopleto get, because people, always
people, have always said to mehow lucky I am.
Sometimes they're like man,you're so lucky I'm like
(08:25):
motherfucker I'm lucky.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I'm lucky.
I've had motherfuckers send memoney.
I've got a rich uncle who sentme money when I definitely don't
deserve it.
I've got total strangers.
You know, I've never even metperson give me a hotel room for
a month.
I'm not lucky.
I'm blessed beyond belief.
So when I say I'm a fuckingloser, it's not for
opportunities, because I fuckedup.
I'm lucky.
Someone who's actually put thework in is not lucky.
(08:50):
They put the fucking work in.
You put the fucking work in.
There's a difference.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah, that's why it's a weird thing, like I've had
friends and people like that saythat and I'm like dude, it's
not luck, it's you.
You don't fucking get up in themorning or you don't fucking,
you, you call off work, you, you, you could do twice as much
business as you're done, andthose are the things I did.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah, those are things I fucked up, fucked up
and did those, and and there aretimes when I get it together
and actually it's funny because,to bring it full circle, one of
the ways I do it is I read, andI haven't been reading lately
it's because I shut everythingdown and, matter of fact, I'm
going to do that tonight.
Thank you, because you reallykind of even though you know, I
don't know where I'm going tolive now because of what's going
(09:38):
on and even if I do move on Imean I'm facing living in the
bushes right now, if I can, butthe reality is that I can't use
that as an excuse again, becausethere's always going to be one.
I need to get back to where Iwas, which was every night.
I would read that that wouldtake off, turn off TV or the
YouTube.
That would put my mind in acalm place.
(10:00):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
And then if I go to sleep, the thoughts that I have
are intelligent ones, nottitties or ass or violence, or
not even cat videos or americanidol.
You know, it's like some mybrain was working.
So if I do dream, it's like anintelligent dream that's.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's a thought dream.
I like to leave myself rightbefore I go to bed with
something like like you'resaying, intelligent to ruminate
on, like even if it was likeremodeling something in my house
, like I want to think about howI'm going to put that sink in
and how I'm going to connect thesupply lines and maybe where
(10:39):
I'd put that drain.
Just something like intelligentbut almost nonsensical to just
ruminate on.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Or maybe like a business idea so I, I have to
thank you for reminding me, eventhough it's late today and part
of me saying it's too late tofucking do anything.
But you know I battle thatevery day.
Um, I'm still here.
So you know what the fuck?
I'm not dead yet.
So if I die tomorrow, I won'tgive a fuck, will I?
(11:07):
You know I'll be dead, but Ineed to thank you for reminding
me of that basic concept.
That really is a powerful one,and I, I, when I am doing well,
it's because I've incorporatedthat concept on some level.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Routine is great Routine.
Like our bodies, our minds,we're creatures of habit.
We always are, that's without adoubt.
Sometimes that habit's chaos,but, like you see people, they
work their asses off all weekand then they go party on the
weekends.
So they have their little chaos, they have their time.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
They go to Mardi Gras , they go to Key West.
I could never do that.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And then they tuck it up, they tuck it up, they put
their fucking pants back on andthen they go back to work.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
I couldn't.
You need the chaos, you needthat.
No, I mean the whole, like workall week, then part in weekends
, work all week, part in aweekend.
It's like I guess I need moreof a more fluctuation, more more
mental stimulation than that onsome level, or at least or
maybe the word depends on whatthe work is.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Like, if you have stimulating work, then you're
just trying to have a littlewildlife, like let's have a
wildlife photographer.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Then I could see me doing that, because then the
work itself was like me out inthe bushes for fucking 10 hours,
or me like me going to adifferent location each time, me
not answering to some assholeboss, like depending on what it
was.
I could see that and then Iprobably wouldn't eat the party
on the weekends because I'malready getting something out by
being like the stimulus, likeoh my god, I waited eight hours,
(12:43):
I finally got this.
You know horn swaddle, you knowpurple bill, yeah, you know.
So there's like a differentkind of that whole holding it
into the weekends, thenexploding, and then like being a
zombie the rest of the week.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That would destroy me yeah, it all depends on what
you do.
I mean, if you're working for a, a bank, just crunching numbers
and shuffle memos and emails.
Yeah, that's that's a cage Imean okay, we all, we all need a
cage.
It's just, what kind of cage dowe pick like?
(13:16):
A cage can also be like safetyor parameters it's funny.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You said that because I watched the first episode of
Star Trek last night the veryfirst one ever, yeah, and it
ended with the aliens saying wefound that human beings hate
cages more than any otherspecies we've ever met, even
when the cage is a good one.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
It's like you take an animal right, like a dog or a
cat, like sometimes they like tobe in a little closed space.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Well, in one.
Automatically, though, becauseyou have to sleep every night.
So, no matter how free youthink you are, try to stay up
more than two days.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I know that sucks.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Always found that so weird that, as free as we think
we are, every night we needsomewhere to lay down, really
Like, as free as you think youare, you have to have somewhere
to lay down every night.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
That's true.
You got to pay for it or makeit or own it or have it.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Something Blooping up some weeds underneath a tree
somewhere.
You still need somewhere Everysingle night.
So how free are you really?
Every single night, you go intoyour cage that's the cage we
want you choose it.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
You can choose it.
You're gonna be caged you can'tchoose it.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You try to stay up more than two days.
You're not choosing.
Oh yeah, that's what I'vealways found that intriguing.
As powerful as we are, we shutdown every night.
Elon musk to the crackhead,it's just not every night, it's
every two nights.
Doesn't matter as powerful asyou think you, it's just not
every night, it's every twonights.
Doesn't matter.
As powerful as you think youare, you shut down every night.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
I was reading about it and it was like I mean, this
was a couple years ago, maybe 10.
Like they still don't know whywe sleep.
There's not like a measurablereason why we need sleep.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
I think that's a God thing.
I think that's a way ofreminding us we're human.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah Well, they say, your brain releases what is it?
Diometrotryptophan DMT.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
As powerful as you think you are, dog, I'm shutting
you down every night.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah, dude.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I'm turning your switch off every night.
Yep, Just so you know you'renot me.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Yeah, you switched off every night.
Yep, just so you know you, notme.
Yeah, you kind of suck if you.
I mean if you think, if younever slept though the day, your
life would just be like onelong fucking day.
And if you have a bad day, yougo to sleep, you can wake up and
you kind of be like okay, newday I've thought about that when
I have those little daydreamsor night dreams or whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
When you think about being some sort of like um, uh,
uh, what is that word I'mlooking for?
When you're like a god person,there's a word I'm thinking
about I can't remember it, butlike when you think you have
like godlike powers or whatever,and I'm thinking demigod, like,
yeah, something of that nature,and like, well, okay, so then I
don't need to sleep.
I just think, well, what wouldI do?
(16:05):
Yeah, I would like sit there.
I'm like, well, what would I do?
Yeah, if I'm just constantlyawake?
I've got like this godlikepower and I'm just always awake,
and what would I do?
Speaker 1 (16:14):
that would also be kind of miserable that would be.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
How long would it last before?
I'm just sitting there on theside of the road and I'm a god
sitting on a bench, going nowwhat?
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
God sitting on a bench, going, now what?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Like an internal, uninterrupted consciousness.
That would be kind of hell.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I thought about it.
I thought periodically when Igo into my little God fantasy to
get away from the world, I'mlike, what would I do?
I would do this, I would dothat, I would do this, and I do
that, I would do this.
And I would almost always endup getting to the point of but
then what I got to admit to you,I'm going to change all of
these things.
Then what?
Speaker 1 (16:54):
There is this.
There's this guru on Tik TOK,you know, like the Indian gurus,
yeah, and he's funny.
He does like funny stuff or hedoes an impersonational one.
He's like not every day can bea good day.
Sometimes you just have a badday and you say fuck it, and you
go home and go to sleep andstart again tomorrow.
(17:15):
It was like his thing, like howeveryone's always like oh, you
can make it a good day, somedays you cannot.
You just say fuck it.
You say fuck it, say fuck it.
You go home, go to sleep, startfresh tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Don't try to make it a good day I I remember there
was, I was at a rehab or some Idon't know somewhere, and there
was some guy who was indian, hewas into his new age, stuff, and
he was like everything thathappens is for the good and
everyone was testing it like,well, what if your dog dies?
It's for the good because itmeans, and he was just coming.
They're like, well, what ifyour dog dies?
It's for the good because itmeans?
And he was just coming up withthese ridiculous
(17:48):
rationalizations about how everysingle thing that happens in
life is for the good.
That was his thing.
There's nothing bad in life,everything is for the good.
And it's just like yeah, dog,you obviously have been through
some shit.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
You know what I mean?
Well, he's like Sun Tzu, rightArt of War.
There are no good men or badmen, there's only teachers.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
I got to move my car.
The sun is now hitting me.
Hold on.
Yeah, you're fine, am I?
Do I have gas?
Yes, I do.
Oh boy, I've been sitting hereso long the sun moved.
Alright, let me just Findfigure out when the shade is,
cause it's like Literallystarting To peak down on me and
I don't know when the shade is.
Give me one second.
(18:31):
I'm trying to figure out whenthe shade is.
You're good, I think I mighthave Parked sideways.
I don't think it's going to be.
You know, when it stunts in adirection where the lines you
hit the sun, no matter where youare.
No, you don't sit in parkinglots like I do.
I'm fucking with you.
I actually told dude I'm notcoming back for later because I
(18:52):
don't want to be there when he'snot there.
He's like, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Wait till he crushes up some Ambien and puts it in
her fucking Zinfandel and thenyou can go home when you can't
go home.
That's a problem.
The first part of that episodewas just kind of a conversation
that we had before what wassupposed to be the real
conversation, and I felt it wasimportant to include it.
There's good little tidbits inthere.
(19:16):
Anyway, while we were in themiddle of producing and
recording interviews withMalachi, we got this mysterious
message through our TikTok afterpublishing a preview for one of
the episodes.
The message was from a womanclaiming that in 2019, malachi
sexually assaulted her.
It's a pretty seriousallegation.
(19:37):
She made some other claims thathe was a liar and a con artist.
Essentially, and to be honest,it was quite shocking.
I knew he had a sketchy pastand he's told us all about that,
but this was so recent.
We messaged her several timesto see if she would be
interested in interviewing oreven just talking about it off
(19:59):
the record and I feel as if weowe her that at least but she
declined In having some level ofjournalistic integrity.
I knew I had to confront Malachion the accusation.
It's an awkward thing to bringup, but I knew I had to and it's
just generally part of thestory of his life.
We researched the claims anddid find court records from
(20:23):
Wisconsin a misdemeanor with afine, not quite sexual assault
charge, but more disorderlyconduct.
I wanted to set him up a littlebit, not to be malicious, but
more so to get his honestreaction and hear his side of
the story.
Not to be malicious, but moreso to get his honest reaction
and hear his side of the storyBefore I could even get to the
question.
Luckily he came clean about itNow.
(20:46):
Keep in mind we're not takingsides on this, nor do we condone
or validate any of the actionsor claims or anything from
either party.
But we were only able to getone side of the story.
So here's Malachi's.
So when was I mean you wentthrough all this other?
You know stuff you had in yourpast with possession and you
(21:10):
know going to jail, but you knowhow old are you now again
roughly 53, 54.
53, 50, okay, I lose track.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
You get to count the notches or count the rings.
You're right, cut me open.
Yeah, once you get past all theblubber, you'll find a ring.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
What was the last time that you kind of got
arrested?
How long has it been?
What was the last time that youkind of got arrested, or like
how long has it been?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I think it's like four or five years ago,
something like that.
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
And the thing about it is that it really really gets
my gulp.
Is that actually before we gothere?
Can I tell one separate storyjust popped in my mind?
Yeah, sure, just just becauseit's very short, it's very
stupid, but it's kind of one ofthose ones where you're like,
(22:10):
wow, so early, early, early onin my early addiction and I was
outside.
I was at the same bar that I gotarrested at the first, very,
very, very first time.
I don't know why I kept goingto this bar it's a gay bar and I
was outside the bar and therewas this homeless bum.
I was drunk, so this is reallyearly when I still drank.
I drank for like a year andthat was it.
I was like drinking takes me tosome other place that I don't
(22:32):
like, so I only drank for.
Then drugs took over and it wasa different thing, but it
wasn't.
Drinking just does somethingweird to you.
So I was outside the bar andthis bum, this homeless bum, me
and him start arguing.
Why the fuck am I arguing witha bum, I don't know, and he
threatens to beat me up.
I threaten to beat him up.
I pull out a knife.
(22:53):
He pulls out a knife.
I pull out a second knife,pulls out a second knife.
So we're in the middle of thestreet, center city,
philadelphia, having a knifefight.
I'm drunk, he's a bum.
Somehow we missed each otherand I don't know how it has.
Somehow we separated and I Iend up bending down to tie my
shoe.
And I look up and there's a gunpointed at me and thank god, I
(23:16):
think for a split second Ialmost, almost reached for the
knife.
I'm drunk, you know, but Godsaved me.
I didn't like, I think I feltmyself reaching for the knife
and then, just, I was no longerreaching for the knife and so it
was cops and they put me inhandcuffs, they threw me in a
cop car and then they threw thebum in the cop car right next to
(23:36):
me.
So we're having this knifefight Totally my fault, there's
no reason.
I was drunk, I own all of this.
And the bumpster was trying toheadbutt me.
And now I'm sobered up.
Now I'm sobered up Like quick,and I'm looking at a cop and I'm
thinking how the fuck am Igoing to get out of this?
So I'm yelling at the cop likelook at him, he's trying to.
(23:56):
You know, I'm playing thevictim.
Now he's trying to attack me,he's trying to hit me.
Look at him right.
And so the cop's like both ofyou just shut the fuck up and be
still.
You know, and at that pointthis was a big country cop,
young white guy, late 20s, bigold hoss.
You know, you know everythingyou don't want to see in a cop.
When you're yeah, it was himand fully.
(24:19):
Cops are a mixed bag.
You can get really really goodones who are really nice and
really care.
I had a cop give me a sandwichinstead of arresting me one time
when he called me getting high.
So you get a mixed.
You can get either one.
This is the one you didn't want.
And he's just shut the fuck up.
And so I shut up.
I'm like okay, and this guy'sstill trying to headbutt me,
trying to bite me.
(24:40):
And a cop looks and says dude,stop that before I come back
here.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And the guy says fuck you, youwhite honky piece of shit.
You, white boy.
Fuck you, white boy, you whitehonky piece of shit, I'll kill
your ass.
Cop pulls over and I'm likefuck, it's a rat.
(25:01):
Pulls me out the car Shit, I'mabout to get beat down.
Unhandcuffs me.
Says get the fuck out of here.
Pulls off at the bum.
I never saw him again.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Wow Got lucky there.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Man.
I mean, like I said, I was drunkand fighting with a bum.
I did everything to possibly dothat was wrong.
The only saving grace is thatbum was actually crazy, as I
thought he was.
Now, I mean, I own that.
I'm not a victim in that.
Like I just said, I got lucky,but it is what it is.
Last time I got arrested wasabout four or five years ago Now
(25:39):
.
Me and my ex were like eightyears, had broken up and I did
what I do.
I just got on a bus and leftSomewhere along the line.
I somehow ended up in Wisconsin.
I ended up renting a room.
Do not do this.
It's only actually worked outonce for me and I've done it
like six times.
I'm someone you met on Facebook.
Don't do it, don't do it, don'tdo it, don't do it, don't do it
(26:03):
.
And I ended up in Wisconsin andsome small town called Rice Lake
, which is pretty much 90.
I think it's maybe 80% or 85%white, maybe 50% native American
and then like 0.1% anythingelse.
The big news there was whenthere was a black guy at the gas
station, which is funny to mebecause they're all like hey,
eric, we saw a black guy at thegas station.
(26:24):
Yeah, did you hear?
There was a black guy at thegas station.
I'm looking at him like haveyou fucking forgot who you're
talking to?
For those who don't remember,I'm half Nigerian, american
Nigerian, so I don't have anaccent or anything but my
father's Nigerian.
So telling me you saw a blackguy at the gas station doesn't
hit the same, you know, but likethat's the kind of town it was.
(26:44):
So I was taking a save surfcourse at a local college for
like two, three weeks because Iwas under the misconception that
I like to cook, I'm really goodat cooking, I'm good at job
cooking, not realizing I'm tooold for that shit, because when
I start cooking, you got tostart.
I like to cook, I'm really goodat cooking, I'm good at job
cooking, not realizing I'm tooold for that shit, because when
you start cooking, you got tostart young, because you're
doing like 18-hour shifts beinga prep cook, no matter what
(27:05):
school you went to.
You know what I mean.
Like it's not something youstart when you're old, unless
you want to start as a manager.
But anyway, I'm taking thiscourse, else there was like 18,
19, 20, 21, 22.
And there was these two girlsthere who.
I was stupid.
I had just broken up with mygirl, I hadn't gotten laid in a
(27:26):
few months and I was goingthrough my little midlife crisis
of am I still attractive?
Am I still young and hip?
So I was joining in with allthe little jokes that they were
doing and I was.
I don't know if I was.
I don't know if I was.
I don't want to say I wasflirting, but I was just being
stupid, just joking around.
You know stuff where I shouldhave said to myself these are 20
year old girls Forgetting aboutme too, forgetting about how
(27:48):
now being a man is like theworst thing you could be in
America and how any you know, atany given time, a female
changed her mind and all of asudden you're like the worst
human being walking the planetand you are, no matter what,
forgetting about all that.
I'm joking with these20-year-olds.
So there's one.
She was like not attractive,but she was trying to get
(28:11):
everybody to fuck her.
She even showed us some filmshe has on Pornhub of her
sucking her boyfriend's dickLike look at me sucking dick,
you horn of.
Of her sucking her boyfriend'sdick.
Like look at me sucking dick,you know.
That should have been the firstwarning, like, yeah, I might
want to stop joking with that,you know.
I mean, like she's showing meporn of movies I'm sucking dick,
like I might need to startacting like I'm, you know, 49,
(28:32):
48, 40, whatever I was.
But I guess, just, I don't know, I guess the I don't want to
say trauma, but just the wholeupheaval of ending the eight
year relationship, you know, andrealizing, wow, I'm old, just
all of that was fucking with myjudgment, and so I continued
joking.
And then the thing is, though,they kind of went further and
(28:54):
further and further.
And then, one day I'm sittingin class and like I'm serious at
this point, like I'm I'mactually 49 for a change and
they're still joking.
I'm like, okay, look, not rightnow, I'm tired, I'm trying to
focus on what's going on, joking, joking.
I'm like, look, look, I'mtrying to.
Oh, you think you're specialnow.
Oh, you think, oh, you didn'tsay that yesterday when you joke
with us about, you know, actinglike little 20 year old idiots.
(29:15):
So finally, I was like will youjust leave me the fuck alone,
all shit.
All of a sudden, their wholeenergy changed me and they hated
me.
And I remember, a couple dayslater there was an older woman
who was like the only otherolder person and I did something
stupid, but not even stupid, Iwas just being playful.
(29:35):
She had a pocketbook on onechair.
She left the room.
I put the pocketbook on anotherchair.
I I was bored, just one ofthose like I don't want to see
notices.
She's in a different seat.
Just, you know something stupidyou do when you're bored, like,
oh, let me see if she notices.
You know, girl was like youtest her pocketbook.
I can't believe it, don't youtouch the fuck?
Next thing I know she's goingto the office.
(30:01):
She's hollering at me, he'sintimidating me, he's bullying
me.
I'm like all I did was tell herto leave me the fuck alone.
So then they actually kicked meout of class and told me that
she's afraid of me and I can'tshow the class.
And I'm bitching at this point,like, seriously, like are we
really there?
Because I'm a dude.
I told her to leave me alone.
(30:21):
I'm the one like are we reallydoing this?
A couple days later, cops showup at the house.
You touched her ass, youtouched her titty, like the two
girls had made up this whole bigthing about what I had done to
them and I'm just like are youseriously arresting me?
And the cops are laughing, um,and these are like and I hate, I
(30:43):
really, really hate to fuckinguse this word, but these cops
are some racist pieces offucking shit and I hate that
word, I think it's so overused.
But in this particular case itwas obvious.
So they put me in jailovernight.
I'm furious, I am fucking, I'mbouncing off the walls, because
all the other times I was injail, every single time I was in
(31:04):
jail, I was guilty, even thefirst one where I only pushed
her some 30 years ago on the bed, so I can leave the room.
Like I was at least guilty ofpushing her, so I can leave the
room.
So even then I was like well,no, I didn't do all that, but I
did push her to get away from me.
So, you know, maybe I'll get ayou know probation or a fine,
(31:25):
like.
Even then it was like okay, Idid do something, you know.
So I could kind of wrap my mindaround it.
I didn't do shit on this one,nothing.
I did not grab her ass, Ididn't grab her titty, I didn't
do none of that.
It was just like oh, we're madat him.
So I'm sitting in jail and thenthis female police, uh public
(31:45):
defender shows up and I'mthinking, fuck, like I'm fucked.
Now you know we're doing awhole Me Too thing and I got a
female public defender and she'sa young white woman.
I was like this.
Put me under the fucking jail.
And she looks at me.
First thing she says to me shereads the report.
She says this is bullshit.
She says I'm so sorry.
I'm like what she says thegirls in this town are doing
(32:08):
this to everybody.
I'm like what you say yeah,anytime a girl gets upset at
somebody, this is what they do,we'll take care of it so there's
like a pattern of this there'sa pattern.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
There's a pattern there so what's I mean, what's
funny or ironic about this storyso far and just to chime in on
this is I actually got we posteda preview, because we're
posting previews of the you know, different interviews and stuff
we're doing with you as we go.
(32:39):
So we posted a preview out onour social media platforms and
someone must have recognizedyour voice and we actually got a
message, um, from someone thatsaid you know, this person is
not who you think they are andyou know they actually committed
(33:02):
a sexual assault in Rice Lake,wisconsin, in 2019.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
okay, first of all, I'm not I should be surprised.
I applied for a job two yearsago and the first day starting a
job I got the same thing.
Hey, someone sent us this thingsuch and such and such and I'm
like, are you fucking serious?
And they were like, yeah, butwe talked to them, or we
responded and and we tried totalk to them, but they didn't,
they didn't want to talk or theydidn't want to live we.
(33:32):
We researched it further.
We're like this is bullshit,fuck you.
And they hired me anyway.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
I mean it was.
I think that was the same.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
It had to be the same person.
They've been stalking meforever but let me tell you.
This is how it went, though it'snot even over.
So when she tells me that, I'mthinking okay, okay, so this is
just some shit, some some me toobullshit, because you remember,
I don't know.
Remember this is just some shit, some Me Too bullshit, because
you remember, I don't know.
Remember this is about when MeToo really first came out and it
was a beautiful idea.
A beautiful idea, but, likemost everything in America, it
(34:01):
took them to some really weird,strange extreme where, like,
guys would just get charged witheverything.
You said it alone.
Now it's gays, rape, like.
It's just this weird extreme oflike, let me, let me punish my
ex-boyfriend for, like, sleepingwith my, my best friend.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
Did you say years ago Gaze rape.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Oh yeah, that's.
You never heard her here.
Gaze rape.
Now if you look at a girl toolong, you're gazing.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I haven't heard of that one.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Oh yeah, Look that one up, that's real.
Um, I I even saw one where aguy got a, some celebrity got
some guy got charged with like asexual assault and he proved
that he was literally in anothercountry when supposedly it
happened.
He's like bitch, I was inBelgium.
They still went through withcharging.
It's like I was in Belgium forthe whole month.
(34:49):
But yeah, but she accused you,so we have to charge.
That was the height of me too.
Believe every woman, no matterwhat yeah and there was an
uptake of just men gettingcharged at all this, or the girl
who, like um, there's justrecently some college kid was
charged, tried to ruin his lifeand then they showed us.
This was recent, like a monthago, and they showed on the bar
(35:10):
camera.
They were like he didn't doanything.
You said yeah, and then thegirls laughed it off afterwards.
I think in britain they finallypunished somebody.
Some woman had accused like 18guys of raping her through the
years, through the years, andthey finally stopped there and
gave her like five years inprison well, do you remember the
the duke lacrosse team?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, theprostitute, uh-huh yeah, that
(35:34):
was the same if I'm not mistaken, she went on to do porn movies
at your grant yeah, I don't know, we're not.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
I know they, I know they proved, I know they do a
porn movie in your grant.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think she dated you grant and then I think she did
a porn movie I know they provedthat the, the kids weren't
raping anyone.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah, no, but that was one of those things where
all these their lives wereruined.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
There was one in Philadelphia A girl at LaSalle
College.
A girl had a threesome with twoblack guys.
Then she accused them of rape.
They got kicked out of college.
Their life was ruined and thenthey found texts later where she
had told her girlfriend that Ijust fucked them.
But I didn't want my parents toknow.
Not only did I fuck a black guy, but I fucked two of them.
So I had to cover my ass andshe had texted this to somebody.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Yeah, I remember hearing something about that too
.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Nothing happened to her.
So you know, and the thingabout it, it it's, it's just
insane.
So I'm at, I'm at my room andthe lady or hidden, some big fat
woman who, who was likementally broken because her son
killed himself and she blamedherself, and she kept looking to
me for, like answers.
I'm like I don't have any.
I don't have any.
(36:46):
She's like well, don't you findme attractive?
I'm like thinking to myselfbitch, you're 500 pounds.
I'm sorry, that's not my.
God bless you.
If you like the big girls, Ihave nothing against anyone
liking what they want, but Ishould be allowed not to like
the big girls.
You know what I mean.
Nothing against you.
I don't get hard.
When I see a 500-pound nakedwoman, if that's your thing, do
(37:09):
you Beat that ass up all nightlong, have a blast.
Nothing against it at all, justit won't do anything for me.
So then, when this happened,she got mad at me.
It's like, oh, you touching her, but not me.
I'm like I didn't touch her.
Oh, you want her, but not me.
I don't want her.
Oh, but you're now.
Now you're assaulting with.
I didn't do shit.
(37:30):
Next thing I know the cops areknocking on my door.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
So wait, she heard about the other two charges or
accusations.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Right right.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Okay, Well.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I think the cops arrested me at the door, so I
think they came home to my houseand arrested me when I was
renting a room in their house.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Oh, okay, I gotcha.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
So then she found out about it, obviously.
And then a couple of days laterthe cops came and arrested me
again and they're like what thefuck is going on?
And they're saying, oh, shesaid you pushed her just now.
She was outside, scared, andI'm like now here, ready for
this, ready for this, when thecops walked in and said I just
pushed her.
(38:09):
And she said her and her sonwere hiding in the backyard,
scared of you, you, ready forthis.
You mean the son that'sstanding right there, who's 20,
6'2" and he's cleaning his rifle, was standing in the yard,
scared of me, 5'8", 48 years old.
(38:29):
Let me cover this picture again.
Let me cover this picture again.
This son, who's 6'2", 20 yearsold, who's standing right there
cleaning his rifle, was scaredof me.
And they start laughing yeah,yeah, that's what it is.
And they all start laughingtogether and they arrested me.
(38:53):
I go to jail.
I'm pissed off again.
The only good thing about it wasthere was this native guy who
was one of the jail guards Big,giant, dude, six, four, six,
five, 300 pounds of half fat,half muscle and he let me out of
my cell for a while and westood there talking about boxing
and it was just like two guystalking about boxing.
He treated me with decency.
He treated me like a humanbeing and when it's time to go
(39:15):
back in, he's like come on, dog.
You know you got to go in right.
Like, yeah, man, it's cool, Iappreciate you letting me out to
talk.
He's like don't worry about it,man.
You know Like he just treatedme like a human being.
I hate to say this, but all thewhite next week when they
arrested me to the guys, same pd, same public defender came in.
(39:37):
The first thing she said to meshe said how the fuck did they
arrest you?
Yeah, I don't know.
She said.
She was like this is thestupidest shit I've ever seen.
They they actually arrested youfor this.
But yeah, so they let me out.
But then they said I can't goback to the house.
Thankfully I had someone tocall send me some money, because
they literally escorted me tothe house.
(39:58):
My bags were outside.
They said you can't go back.
I'm in the middle of fuckingrice lake in the winter with
bags in my hand.
You know I found a room.
Like that day I went to abigger city.
I forget what the city waseuclid.
I think it was euc Claire,which is something resembling an
actual city, and I rented aroom.
I rented a room in someboarding house or something like
(40:20):
that day and then I just likethe courthouse was like really
far away, it's like a wholeother city away.
I think it was like a hundreddollar Uber ride or some shit,
and I was just like I can't makecourt, I ain't got no way.
I got 200 at the time.
I don't think I had 200 hoursfor like I was like fuck this
bullshit.
And I saw what was headed for.
I was like they're just gonnalike judge the police,
(40:42):
everybody's friends in thisbitch.
You know they're talking aboutthere's a black guy at the gas
station, which is ironic becauseeuclid after you had a gigantic
african community at rice lakedidn't have one single black
person.
So it's like they specificallywere like we're not having that
here.
You know, we're going to be alittle white America and when I
say race, race based things,trust me it's real, because I
(41:05):
actually hate a fucking racecard, I hate race baiting.
I hate when people are like, oh, white people this, and I
fucking hate that shit.
No, white person is not thereason you're standing outside 8
o'clock in the morning.
Smoking a blunt You're likewhite man isn't keeping you from
getting a job.
Drinking a 48 in the morning isso I hate that shit.
So if I bring it up, it'spretty much a done deal.
(41:27):
It's real Because I despiseeven having to say those words,
but it real because I I despiseeven having to say those words,
but it's true.
So I didn't show up for court.
I was like fuck that, then Iget, come, get my ass.
I'm getting arrested for forscaring a six foot two 20 year
old holding a rifle.
Like I've seen how ridiculousthis is.
(41:50):
You know.
I got some girls who I cursedout like leave me the fuck alone
.
All of a sudden I touched theirbutt, like now we ain't doing
all that.
So I left.
I found out later they found meguilty of um, um, what was it?
Uh, uh.
What's the thing is when youholler too much, like when you
scream, like nothing more thanscreaming?
Speaker 1 (42:07):
disturbing the peace or yeah, something like that.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yeah, I got a fine.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
I'm still paying for like a thousand dollars, like so
they didn't even charge you, soyou didn't even get charged
with no, I don't know if theysure.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I think they dropped all the charges because, or
something, this early conduct,that's what I got.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
I got a disorderly conduct, disorderly conduct I
saw the initial charge because Ilooked it up after she messaged
and the initial charge was likefourth degree sexual assault,
which I guess would be grabbingsomeone's butt.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Now.
But here's the thing, and whichis horrible, because once you
get a sexual assault to a man,people only read rapist yeah,
you get a sex crime pissing andit comes up as sex crime.
Now you get caught pissing inthe alley, you can get a sex
charge, but people only seerapists.
So I was furious, like you'regoing to destroy my life on the
(43:02):
lie with a sex charge.
A sex charge Do you know whatthat does to a man?
Like seriously, if I did it,I'd own it.
Like with the girl I pushed Iadmitted it.
I pushed her in the bed to getmy drug.
Okay, I take that you feel me.
I take that it wasn't right,but all I did was push her away
from me.
But I did it.
(43:23):
The guy I pickpocketed what didI say I pickpocketed?
Did I beat around the bush?
No, I pickpocketed his ass.
I was stupid, it was early in myaddiction and I was stupid of
snow.
I pickpocketed his ass.
I was stupid, I was early in myaddiction and I was stupid.
I owned my shit.
If I had done it, I'd be likeyou know what?
I got carried away.
I grabbed a butt.
Should've done.
It is what it is, but I didn't.
That's what pisses me the fuckoff.
(43:45):
It's not that I got caught,it's that I didn't do it.
Every time I got arrested, I'msitting in jail, the first thing
I'm thinking is damn you stupidmotherfucker, why'd you do that
?
And this time I was thinkingthere's a difference.
When you're sitting in jail andyou're guilty, you're trying to
figure out ways of like okay,how can I lessen this?
You know what I mean.
How can I lessen, do?
(44:06):
Oh, fuck that.
And so this bitch has beenstalking me ever since I got a
disorderly conduct.
Probably, if it's cursed me tofuck out, probably because they
and really the reason I thinkthey gave me that was just to
(44:26):
save face.
I really think they found meguilty of disorderly conduct
just to save face, because thenthey'd have to look at we did
all this arresting of this guyfor nothing, and I didn't even
go to court.
That's part of why I got foundguilty of that, if I'd actually
gone to court, which maybe Ishould have.
But you know, at the time itwas looking like I was about to
be the sacrificial lamb inlittle white America.
(44:47):
So I said fuck that, come getme.
You know what I mean.
Oh, fuck that you don't catchmy ass.
I'm not being no sacrificial.
You know mixed breed.
Come catch me.
This is all a condom.
I honestly believe they didthat just to save face, cause
they had to explain why.
Did we arrest this man two,three times for nothing?
(45:07):
And now this bitch still hauntsme five years later because
she's obsessed with me.
People get this weird thing.
It actually happens with trump.
I'm about to go into trump.
Watch this one.
I'm sure how it happens.
I've gotten out this.
My landlady, my my landlord'sgirlfriend, is doing the same
thing, but he's finally admittedthat, like dude, I'm scared of
her too.
It's not just you.
(45:27):
She has decided that I'm toblame for everything that's ever
happened in her life because Icouldn't cure it.
Like she was talking to me oneday and telling me I was raped
and my boyfriend beat me up andI used to run drugs and I was a
bad parent.
And I'm just sitting there likeI didn't ask any.
I didn't ask any of this, butI'm listening, I'm trying to be
a decent human being.
You know, I never liked theperson.
She always seemed cuckoo to meso I really never wanted to get
(45:48):
close.
But you know, we're kind of inthe same place and I'm just
listening.
And when I couldn't cure her,then I became to blame for
everything.
This girl, same thing.
One time, when we were stillgetting along, she took me to
some meetings she was going tofor like abused people or
something, and I'm like she toldme that I was.
She was asking me to go formoral support.
(46:10):
And I get there.
She's like so what did you getout of that?
I'm like get there.
She's like so what did you getout of that?
I'm like what do you mean?
What I get out of it?
What could you be me here for?
I said well, I thought youcould use it because I get
something out of it.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
Well, maybe you can help meunderstand.
I'm like what?
There are people in this worldwho see other people as only one
or two things.
You're either going to beresponsible for curing them you
(46:33):
will fill the empty spaces ofthem or you automatically become
the blame for everything thatthey've gone through.
That's it.
That's all anyone exists tothem.
A lot of people do that Trumpnow and I'm not saying I'm
pro-Trump, I'm not saying I'magainst Trump, I'm not getting
into my political beliefs, I'mjust making an observation of
the world.
There are people right now thatthey blame Trump for everything
(46:54):
that's ever gone wrong in theirlife.
It's called Trump derangementsyndrome.
In fact, george Bayhart did iton national television.
Some kid got shot and she saidit's Trump's fault and even her
super duper extreme liberalcohorts looked at her like what
the hell are you talking about?
They've decided that if theirwife leaves them, it's Trump's
fault.
If someone gets shot in israel,it's trump's fault.
(47:18):
Their kid was murdered 20 yearsago.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
It's trump's fault yeah, it's fucked up.
I I've seen people lose theirshit over that like and I was I
was almost fucking relieved whenhe didn't get re-elected
because'm like now I don't haveto.
Now people can just own theirown shit.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
They got worse.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Oh yeah, they did.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
It got worse because you know what's happened is, now
that he's not reelected, youcan't actually connect the dots.
So you can give him anythingbecause there's no way to
disprove it.
Yeah it, yeah.
To the person in charge, youcan actually connect the dots
and say, well, no, they didn'tdo this because, look, they
wrote this law, they did this,that they made this decision,
that blah, blah, blah.
But when a person actually notin charge, you can create all of
(48:02):
these.
What ifs?
Yeah, well, it's wouldn'thappen.
If, well, if he had it done,but he's not in charge, how is
he responsible?
Well, that's why yeah, they gotlike daddy issues.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
It's like a daddy issue, but with Trump.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
It's a huge.
They literally came up with theword what they call Trump
derangement syndrome.
It means the people, and whatthey don't understand is that
you've literally turned this maninto a god.
This is what these people havedone to me.
This is what the landlady didto me.
I think this is what this girldid to me.
They Listen to what thesepeople have done to me.
This is what the landlady didto me.
I think this is what this girldid to me.
They turned me into a god forthe sole purpose of me failing
them, and now I can beresponsible for everything
(48:41):
that's gone wrong in their life.
Think about that.
They made me a god just so Icould fail, and now I'm the
perfect blame.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
When we think of shade, we think of a place to
relax and recover, a place tohide out from the punishing heat
and blinding light of day,somewhere where we can catch our
breath, collect our thoughtsand head back into the day
rejuvenated and restored.
We all need to find shadesometimes.
(49:14):
The next episode of MurderingMalachi will be out in a few
weeks.
This story is actually evolvingas we were recording and
publishing it.
Most of these interviews thatyou've heard so far are from a
few months ago and in that timethere has been some drastic
changes in Malachi's life A fewhospital stays, a near-death
(49:36):
experience.
Make sure you are subscribed toour channel and have the
notifications turned on.
You won't want to miss it.
The Redacted Podcast isproduced by myself, matt Bender,
and my wife, pamela Bender.
Make sure to go out there andgive us a like, a share, share
it with your friends, rate us.
Every little bit helps.
Thanks for tuning in.
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Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com