Homeless to Ministry TRB #32 Kaylene Mendez

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A label can feel like a sentence—until it becomes a testimony. Kathy sits down with Kayleen Mendez for a candid, unflinching conversation about growing up tender-hearted in church, slipping into control and secrecy, and the abusive marriage that shattered safety and trust. When drinking in her thirties opened the door to meth and homelessness, life narrowed to survival—hotel lobbies, gang threats, a brutal assault, and the numbing calculus of where to lay a head at night. Then came a stark inner warning: leave now or die. Kayleen walked nine miles to her parents while high, praying with every step for a door to open.

What follows is a blueprint for restoration that doesn’t pretend the road is easy. Teen Challenge slowed her down long enough to name the core wound—unhealed trauma and a lifelong hunger to be accepted. Released early with nowhere to go, she chose faith on empty: a train station floor, a welfare office, and the audacity to pray out loud for strangers. Enter the Abbotts, mentors who mixed backbone with tenderness, moving her from shelter to safety and from shame to steady steps. We talk about boundaries, gossip in the church world, and why direct questions—Are you sleeping together?—can save a life when paired with real support.

Listen in, for the rest of the story.

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Kathy has two books out and they can be found on Amazon or Barnes & Noble online:

Redeem California, With God it IS Possible:

God of the Impossible: 30-Prayers for the Redemption and Restoration of California

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to the Redeemed Backslider.
With your host, Kathy Chastain,Christian-based psychotherapist,
Redeemed Backslider.
This podcast is dedicated tothose who are wandered but are
ready to return to thelife-changing power of grace and
freedom found in Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 (00:22):
Hi, welcome to the Redeemed Backslider.
I'm your host, Kathy Chastain.
I'm a Christian-basedpsychotherapist and a redeemed
backslider.
With me today from New Mexico isKayleen Mendez.
She actually grew up in Goshen,California, which is just a hot
skip and a jump from where I'mlocated.

(00:43):
And um, so I'm so excited tohear her story today and um and
for all of you to hear her storyof how she backslid and came
back to God.
Um, but before I start, I justwant to give a quick little
plug.
If you know of any backsliders,if you're someone that watches
the podcast, if you can maybejust share it with them.

(01:06):
Um, we're trying to reach asmany people as we can that have
not come back yet to theirrelationship with the Lord.
And so we need your help in inspreading the word, if you don't
mind.
We'd be really happy for yourhelp.
So, with that, um, welcome tothe podcast, Kayleen.

SPEAKER_00 (01:27):
Hello, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 (01:29):
I'm good.
I'm so glad.
I know it's a little time changefor you there in New Mexico.
You're in central, central time.

SPEAKER_02 (01:36):
Yes.
So I'm about an hour ahead, justone hour.

SPEAKER_01 (01:40):
Okay, okay.
And so how did you hear aboutthe podcast?

SPEAKER_02 (01:46):
So I actually um I found your podcast on Facebook,
and of course, different umpeople that you have
interviewed, uh, like KeithBattle, he comes from my mom's
generation in Goshen.
You said earlier that I was fromGoshen.
I'm actually from Bakersville,California.

(02:06):
Oh, okay.
So, but my mom growing up, shewent to the Goshen Church from
Goshen.

SPEAKER_01 (02:14):
I knew there was a Goshen tie someplace because I
know Keith Keith never went toBakersfield.
So I was curious.
Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 (02:23):
And then actually, my my older brother, he is his
middle name is after Keith.
So wow.
Yeah.
So there's that connection, andand I listen to it all the time,
and it just like um it it getsmy heart, it pulls me to a place
where I just I get touched by itbecause there's so many people

(02:46):
that uh their story doesn't getout there, and I feel like
you're just doing a great job,you're doing what God has called
you to do, and I just want toshare that a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 (02:57):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
I, you know, I I think there areso many backsliders in every
segment of society that we don'teven know.
I I know that as a therapist, Ihave people that come in my
door, and I am always amazed atthe the threat of Pentecost that

(03:19):
they have within their story.
And, you know, we just we just Iat least I did.
I think I grew up just feelinglike we were just in our own
little world, you know, and inPentecost.
And um, but man, the more I goout into the world, the more I
see so many people have beentouched somewhere along the line

(03:42):
in an apostolic church.
And um so I it's it's alwaysvery I don't know why it ever
surprises me, but I am justamazed at the work God is doing
and changing lives.
And we have seen so manybacksliders come home and not
because of the podcast.

(04:03):
I think the podcast allows us toknow those stories, but in our
own church, we are seeing kidsmy age that are coming back
after so many years.
God is really doing the work inthe hearts of people overall,
you know.
We may we may never know aboutthem, but I feel like there is a

(04:24):
a call from heaven going out forthe prodigals.
Yes, absolutely.
So this is I'm gonna ask you aquestion that I never really ask
others.
I might add it to my repertoire,but um how did you feel before I
jump into your story?
How did you feel about beinglabeled as a backslider?

(04:47):
Like, what does that term meanto you?

SPEAKER_02 (04:51):
To me, I think that word uh as a backslider, it just
I mean it's some people can takeit to heart to where, you know,
like, oh, they they like neverwant to come into the church
because they call me abackslider or embarrassed

(05:12):
because you've slipped away fromGod.
But backslider, what it meant tome was that I I was raised in
this and then I lost my waysomehow from Christ.
But yeah, being labeled as abackslider, it is a little bit
hurtful.
Like I'm not gonna lie.
Um, because you're being judged,and even in the church, people

(05:36):
judge people.
And you know, in our ministryhere, I say our well, God's
ministry, but the ministry herein New Mexico, I mean, you're
kind of like in your own littleisland over here, right?
Because the churches are not biglike California.
And but but what I've noticed isthat people are gonna judge,
people are gonna say things, butthat's not what it's about.

(05:59):
The main thing is about findingyour relationship with God.
Um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (06:05):
So hopefully that answers you, but yeah, but yeah,
I don't know that it's used asmuch these days as it was in my
generation growing up.
I think um, you know, I went toIsrael two years ago with Pastor
Haney and Christian Life Center,and something that he said

(06:28):
really blessed me.
He said, Kathy, when we werekids, it was very harsh.
And I think it was just thatgeneration, there was there was
a lot of harshness overall, andI don't I don't fault them
anymore like I used to.
I think everybody does the bestthey can with what they know.

(06:50):
Um, and I I think that the termis not being used as much these
days as it was back when I was aa kiddo, but it kind of stuck
and and it is an identificationof judgment.
And so I was just curious.
I've never really asked anyoneelse I've interviewed before
about what they did they carrythat label, and if so, how how

(07:12):
did that make them feel?
But yeah, you I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 (07:17):
I will say though, because as you were talking, I
remember this as a little girl,but you know, backslider was
something um sad, and everybodyjudged it because as a little
girl, I remember like, oh,that's a backslider in the
church.
Look at they're look at thatbackslider, they haven't been in
church in years, and so I feelthat of course we have people

(07:42):
have grown, even my own parents,okay, but they have grown and
learned, like, oh man, weshouldn't have done that, you
know.
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (07:49):
Because even the culture has changed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (07:54):
But now I'm proud that I was a backslider and
proud of my story.
And I, you know, like I have noproblem.
Yes, I was a backslider, youknow.

SPEAKER_01 (08:03):
Right, because when God redeems it, it there's
there's no longer shame attachedto it.
Yes, yes, and in the in the AAcommunity, this is total
sidebar.
But um, in the AA community,there's a page in the big big
book.
I think it's page 169, and Idon't know why I know that.
Never been in the AA community,but I've been around it

(08:25):
obviously with my career.
Um but they they say in thatcommunity that once you get
sobriety, um what used to shameyou becomes your greatest, you
know, testimony.
And so, and it's the same withus, right?
When God does redeem the story,like it's no longer a point of

(08:46):
shame, it's a it's a point ofvictory.
And and we can then haveauthority to help someone else
in the area that we overcame.
Right.
Yeah, so good.
Well, with that, that's a greatsegue into your story.
So um, so you were born andraised in church?

SPEAKER_02 (09:08):
I was, and as a young girl, um I was a very
happy young girl.
I loved God.
Um, of course, I I don't feelthat I had a relationship with
him yet, but I wanted that Iloved the life that I was being
taught.
I'd ride the Sunday school busand and I didn't have to ride

(09:30):
the Sunday school bus, but Iwould have my uncle come pick me
up and I'd ride the Sundayschool bus because my friends
that were in Sunday school, um,they had to be picked up on the
bus.
And so I didn't want, I rememberalways not wanting anybody to
feel um like they were less thanthe the girls in church because

(09:52):
uh one thing I do remember inSunday school is some girls
could be really mean, and ofcourse, judging on the outside,
and I was never that girl.

SPEAKER_01 (10:01):
I I had a my parents could tell you I had a heart
that was just huge, and and I Iloved church, you know, yeah,
and then yeah, so but keep goingbecause I I think um okay uh as
a therapist, I have really paidattention to the link between um

(10:25):
sensitive children and thestruggles that they face
spiritually, um, because themore sensitive you are to
others, like as a kid, if you'rereally sensitive to other
people's emotions, you'reprobably very, you know, what
they call a highly sensitiveperson.
You know, you're going to bemaybe a little bit more open for

(10:48):
spiritual attacks, or I wouldsay more susceptible to that
because you have such a highlevel of sensitivity.

SPEAKER_02 (10:55):
Right.
I um so yeah, so I believe thatis absolutely true.
So what happened with me wasonce I got into my teenage
years, and of course, I startedhanging out with you know
different people and wanting thethings that they had and and the

(11:20):
structure, Pentecostal world.
Um it sounds I hope my parentsdon't get mad, but it's like
that structure made you want tolie, basically.
I had to lie to go to themovies, I had to lie to go to a
friend's house with a TV.
Um I would sneak clothes in mybag, change at high school.

(11:42):
And so same.
My I started transitioning, butas a little girl, my memories
were joy.
Like I will say, at church wasalways like a fun place.
It was always, I loved singing.
I and and I I was very caring.
My best friend, um, my veryfirst best friend at like three

(12:03):
years old, she has spina bifida.
And so we were raised in thechurch together.
And I don't know, just likethat's the kind of heart that I
had.
But in high school was when Ireally started getting messed
with as far as emotionally.
Um always, I remember alwaysfeeling like I wanted to feel

(12:23):
wanted.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (12:24):
Um and did you go to public school?

SPEAKER_02 (12:29):
I did.
So I was in private school, andthen my freshman year, um, our
parents, my older brother andmyself, they put us in high
school.
Um, and of course, I was alreadylike my junior year, I was
already starting a date.
This boy that my parents did notapprove of.

(12:49):
And, you know, I kneweverything, they didn't know
anything.
Right.
And and he, his grandpa was uhapostolic preacher.
And of and that, but that churchand my parents' church, there
was like this, you can't hangout with their youth group, but

(13:10):
there was always like the thedrama, I guess you could say,
yeah, to where to where we wouldsneak around.
Everybody would sneak around,you know.
So long story short, I ended uppregnant my high school year.
And and then first thing I didwas chop my hair.

SPEAKER_03 (13:28):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (13:29):
Left home, chop my hair off.
And then little by little I juststarted falling out of the ways
um of God, you know.
I just like, and I'm not sayingstandard wise, I'm saying just
just starting to dabble withmore and more things.
And I don't because I I don'tfeel I feel like I feel like the

(13:51):
outward appearance is veryminute to what's happening
inside.

SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
Absolutely, totally agree.
So so for you, it wasn'tnecessarily about church hurt or
abuse or anything anything likethat.
Home was good.
Um, it was more just feelinglike you wanted to fit in and be
a part of what you were seeingin the public specter with

(14:19):
public school, right?
What your friends were doing.
And right.

SPEAKER_02 (14:22):
And then of course, you know, getting mixed up with
a boy that my parents did notapprove of.
And just to be quite frank, myparents were absolutely right on
a lot of things that they wereseeing.
You know, now that I look back,I'm like, oh whoa, they were,
but of course, the more uh theywere like, no, Kayleen did the

(14:45):
opposite and you know, typicalteenage.
And and my life, so I was I gotmarried right away.
Uh as soon as I turned 18, I gotmarried.
It was the hottest day of Julyin Bakersville, California, 118
degrees outside.

unknown (15:03):
Wow.

SPEAKER_02 (15:04):
God was trying to tell me to run then, but I
wasn't running.
But uh, so got married outsideand um got married to this this
man and and he was horrible.
Yeah.
And he abused me mentally,physically, uh, emotionally, and

(15:28):
six months after I had my firstone, then I was pregnant again.

SPEAKER_01 (15:32):
Um was he trying to get you pregnant to kind of keep
you controlled, or was it just Idon't think that so much he
would drink and do drugs and andhe didn't work, and so my life
was just horrible.

SPEAKER_02 (15:50):
And so many times I call my parents and they'd have
to come get me, or my auntuncle, and they'd have to come
get me, and everybody would tellme, Don't go back, don't go
back, and I'd go back, go back.
And then one night um I had oursecond son, and he was just a
baby then, but he came homedrunk, he choked me, and I

(16:16):
remember feeling my left sidelike going numb, but I was
telling myself, hold the baby,like because I had the baby in
my arms.
And then uh he'd just gotten ajob, and the very next day I
called my uncle and I said, Canyou get a U-Haul and get us out
of here?
And so he came home to an emptyhouse, and that's how I got out

(16:36):
of that.
Um so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (16:40):
Did he ever did he ever hurt the child did he ever
hurt the children?

SPEAKER_02 (16:45):
He did.
Yeah, he did really bad.
Uh so what happened there was ofcourse, we I left, I went to my
aunt uncle's house.
I was very close to my auntuncle.
They didn't have any kids oftheir own.
It's my mom's sister.
They they both have passed.
Um her husband, my uncleGilbert, my aunt Debbie loved

(17:07):
them dearly, but they of coursehave passed.
But they let us, they let me gothere with the young boys.
So as I was living with them,the boys would still, of course,
have visitation with their dad.
And I want to say my boys werefour and five, and we found out
that um he had sexually abusedone of them.

SPEAKER_01 (17:29):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (17:30):
And that's a little bit, that's a little bit hard to
talk about because you know thatis that is um something that I
mean, my boys are now 26 and 27,you know.
But I'm so thankful.
I look back and I'm so thankfulthat we were able to find out

(17:51):
early.
And but you know, all of that,like the abuse that way, and and
then of course, this man lied.
He lied, he failed threepolygraph tests.
Um, his parents didn't want tobelieve me, right?

SPEAKER_01 (18:06):
So there was so much Well, they might have been he
probably was abused as well.
I mean, we know that that that'sthe way it usually works, and so
of course they're not gonnaadmit it.

SPEAKER_02 (18:17):
And you know, of course, you know, you talk about
judgment, people were judgingand and saying that I was making
this up and all this, but youknow, I feel now a lot of the
people that were doing that,they know the truth because my
right, my son, as he got older,you know, he he went through his

(18:38):
hurt and his pain, and I meanboth of them, and they have they
have confirmed some things, youknow, through along the way.
But uh, you know, that's a wholenother podcast itself.
But but you know what?
I am I'm very thankful that soafter six months of no contact,
so the the DA's office wasinvolved, DA's office said we

(19:01):
got to throw it back until theythey're nine years old, and then
we can convict him.
We know he's guilty, but this ishow the system works in
California.
And of course, I I was justdevastated, right?
Because I'm like, he hurt mybabies.
Like, this is not right.
And so the detective that was inthe case, she says, in six

(19:25):
months, uh, no contact, fileabandonment.
And I guarantee he's not gonnacontact you because I let him
know he failed all threepolygraph tests and that he's
guilty.
And so after six months, I filedfor abandonment and he was no
longer in the picture.
So I am very thankful for thatbecause some kids get stuck in

(19:45):
it their whole life.

SPEAKER_01 (19:47):
Oh, they do.
It's it's horrendous.
Our system is broken, broken,broken.
He didn't have any contact withthem once it came out.
He didn't, he I don't understandwhy they had to wait till the
kids were nine until they could.

SPEAKER_02 (20:02):
And of course, by then, by then, I wasn't gonna
bring it back up.
He moved out of state.
We kind of just washed our handswith it.
I put it in God's hands, and umthat's where that was, you know.
But my life still was not right.
I wasn't, you know, going tochurch.
I wasn't, I didn't have arelationship with God.

(20:22):
I knew of God, I you know, andstuff, but I just I think with
all the abuse that I wentthrough with him, it really
damaged me more than what Iwanted to talk about, you know.
So here I was after that.
Um, like two years, three yearslater, I got married again to

(20:46):
the second husband.

SPEAKER_01 (20:48):
And uh, you know, I had having having never fixed
yourself or healed or evenprobably addressed the domestic
violence and the abuse.

SPEAKER_02 (21:00):
Right.
And then trying to fill a void.
Yeah.
Right, right.
And then I had a daughter.
Um, she's 20, she'll be 21 inApril, but I had a daughter and
I had a son, and he's gonna be18.
And so with with that man, andof course, then we ended up
divorcing.
And um that's when I startedlike kind of like I started

(21:25):
dabbling with alcohol, starteddrinking, um, started doing the
things that slipping away nolonger because I hadn't drank
until I was like in my 30s.
Wow.
Which is crazy.
I never even didn't backslid, Inever dabbled with no alcohol
whatsoever.

SPEAKER_01 (21:44):
And um so when you so your your backslidden years
um from being married to thefirst guy, was that mostly just
in how you presented yourselfwith the outward appearance?
Like you changed that, but youdidn't you didn't really get
into anything else?

SPEAKER_02 (22:02):
Yeah, I never really dabbled with nothing.
I hated it because of what itwas doing to the people around
me, basically.
Yeah.
And and I never touched it.

SPEAKER_01 (22:12):
And and that's very fortunate.
I I know you probably did later,but that that's pretty um,
that's very fortunate that ittook you so long that you didn't
turn to that earlier.
So so you just didn't really goto church.

SPEAKER_02 (22:29):
So yeah, so I didn't go to church.
Um, my second husband, uh he wasTrinity, and so that was a
little bit hard because I knowbeing Jesus' name and you know
um one god, there's one God,that was a little bit hard,
right?
Because he believed one way, Ibelieved another.
But I would go with him to hischurch.

(22:51):
I even got baptized Trinity.

SPEAKER_01 (22:54):
Wow.

SPEAKER_02 (22:55):
Just to make, you know, and then of course he was
he with him.
It was just like a completeopposite.
Like he never, he never puthands on me, but he was very
like my way or no way kind ofperson.
And then I think I had beenalready so damaged by the first

(23:16):
one that it was like then.
I started drinking, and I waslike, nobody's gonna tell me
what to do.
I'm not gonna have nobody, youknow.
So so then of course we had ourproblems and we ended up um
separating and divorcing, but hetried to work things out, it
just wasn't wasn't gonna happen.

(23:37):
I just I went back and it wasworse.
Both of us were just, I wasn'tin a place of even needing to be
with anybody.
Um, but the alcohol did it juststarted visually just like in a
cycle.
The more I started touching it,the more my life was just
spiraling, right?
But I wasn't paying attention tothat.

(23:59):
So that's when that's whenthings started to shift and
change.
Um and then of course wedivorced and I had my daughter,
and a lot of times he would havethe boy, my second husband, he'd
have the boy because Joshua wasalways closer to his dad and his
grandma.
And then, of course, mydaughter, she was always with

(24:19):
me.
Um and then uh there's just somuch.
There's so much that I wentthrough that it's just like it's
almost it's almost like you gotall day, but but anyways, then I
ended up uh meeting Orlando, myhusband now.
This is in, I'm gonna kind ofjust speed it up a little bit.

(24:42):
So, but in 2011, um, I knew ofOrlando, and he's from Goshen,
so he knows Keith Battle andstuff, and his brothers grew up
with my mom, and uh we kind ofshare a mutual cousin but
opposite sides of the family.

(25:02):
And uh I knew of him, but he wasa little, he was always older
than me, and it was always likea no-no, like, and I always had
a crush on him, and he lovesthis story, by the way.
And I had a crush on him, butyou know, of course, I was too
busy having babies, married tothe wrong individual, doing
doing my thing on this side.

(25:24):
But um he had messaged me onFacebook and said, Kayleen
Hernandez, because my last namewas Hernandez at the time, and I
said, Well, not no more.
And he was like, Really?
And I was like, Where's yourwife?
Because I knew he was married tothe same person for years, you

(25:44):
know.
And he said, Well, she justpassed away.
Oh, and my heart dropped, right?
Because I'm like, oh, and I wasin the car with my mom, and I
was like, Mom, I was like,Orlando's wife passed away.
And you know, it's one of thoselike I like you feel bad for
asking that question, you know,right?
And I was like, Oh, I'm sorry.

(26:05):
And uh so he was in Tulare,California at the time.
He was going to the Abbott'schurch.
Uh, brother and sister Abbottloved him dearly, and he was
going there, but he started notgoing on Sundays, and he'd come
see me in Bakersfield.
And uh Brother Abbott would seehe wasn't there, and he'd be

(26:26):
like, Where are you?
Who's the girl?
And you know, all this.
And so finally we were like,Okay, this isn't gonna work.
And we just three months laterwe ended up moving in together,
and then we got Brother Abbottum called us into the office.
So I started going to churchwith him a little bit, and then
it was like, Okay, we need toget married, we're living

(26:48):
together.
So he called us in, he was like,You guys sleeping together?
And we're like, we're like, Yes.
He's like, Okay, we you need toget a marriage license and we
need to get you married.
So we got married, and he wasstill not healed from his
situation.
I obviously was a hot mess.
Um, I my drinking and stuffwasn't that bad.

(27:10):
I would just drink here andthere, but then it was like an
Adam and Eve situation.
So I was doing this, and then Iwould push him to do it, and of
course, our marriage wasn't umGod wasn't the center.
I look back now and I'm like, wedidn't make God the center, so

(27:31):
of course our marriage fellapart, and uh I had to let my
daughter go with her dad andstuff, and then I started just
losing things, material things,everything, just my whole world,
right?
Me and him ended up divorcing,and um I ended up on the

(27:56):
streets.
And me and Orlando, we have ason, he's 12 years old now, but
he was three at the time whenall this was happening, and I
was on the streets, but my momand dad would always take
Nathan.
Our son's name is Nathan, andthey would always take him.
And so for about a year, yearand a half out there just you

(28:19):
know, choosing the wrong things,getting mixed up with drug
dealers, um ending up in hotelsthat had activity going on like
you wouldn't believe.
And it was a life that I cantell you that I was deep down
terrified of.

(28:41):
But I the drinking and the drugswould start making me just numb
from it, if that makes sense.
Yeah, and then I didn't know howto get help.
I didn't know how to get out ofit.
And um, do you want me to keepgoing?

SPEAKER_01 (28:55):
Or I have so many questions.
I just don't want to I don'twant to be rude and
interrupting.

SPEAKER_02 (29:01):
It's fine.
I'll stop right there.
So here I am on the streets.

SPEAKER_01 (29:05):
Yeah, so Kayleen.
Um I love that brother Abbottjust flat out asked you guys if
you're having sex.
I think I I feel like um Iactually have no idea how my
pastor would do it, but um, Ifeel like it is so needful to to
just be able to be direct andhonest like that.

(29:28):
And pastors are so kind andgracious and not wanting to
ruffle feathers, you know.
That I don't know that theywould always do it so directly,
but it was needed because he wastrying to keep you guys okay.
If you're gonna have sex, youneed to get married so that you
can make it to heaven, right?
If something happened, right?
So I appreciate that a lot.

(29:49):
Um, and so you guys you guys gotdivorced because I'm assuming
obviously you guys were nothealed, but did your drinking
increase at what point did theDrugs come into play?

SPEAKER_02 (30:01):
Our drinking went to drugs.
My husband did drugs.
Both of you.
Both of us.
Both of us, but um my husbandhas, you know, he has his own
testimony, but him and his wifein the earlier years, they
battled that kind of stuff.
And so he was a recovering drugaddict for like 12 years.

(30:22):
And then here I am, like, do itwith me.
You know.

SPEAKER_01 (30:25):
And did you know that?
Did you know that about him?
That he was a recovering drugaddict.

SPEAKER_02 (30:30):
I did, but I don't think I like now that I know
what I know, I was like, whatwere you thinking?
Like, you know, why would youeven touch that?
And um I want to just it justit's hard because it's like, why
in the world would you even dosomething like that?
But it's part of part of thechoices and the things that I

(30:50):
was doing and and how I wassucking him into my toxic yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (30:56):
And I want to pause really quick and say for women
out there, um you have so muchpower to influence your spouse.
And and I I don't think womenreally understand that uh on a
broad sense, because when Godgave the curse to Eve, he said,

(31:17):
All the days of your life you'llpine away for your husband.
And so society has sort offlipped it, and so women now
pine away from men, you know,they really a man becomes their
identity a lot of times.
And so we they don't alwaysunderstand the influence that
they actually really truly dohave over men, and women have

(31:40):
the power to destroy men, andthere's biblical references all
throughout the Bible, but theyalso have the power to really
help save their husband,undergird them, and make them a
powerful man if they could justrealize the influence that they
have over their husbands.
And so here hearing you clearly,you know, you were influencing

(32:04):
him.
And um because I I think whenGod created Eve, he created us
with that power.
You know, we we see that inscripture.
She right, you know, Adamtotally went to his death from a
place of knowledge andunderstanding and still chose to

(32:25):
follow his wife.
And I think men often do that.
Um, but anyways, moving on, soboth of you guys go ahead, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (32:36):
I I want to say something on that, um, because I
tell a lot of the ladies in thechurch, but I feel that's why
the enemy wants the wife first.
Yes, because if he can get tothe wife, he's taken the whole
family.
And and I'm a living, I'm aliving witness of that because I

(32:56):
love all my babies.
And it, I lost everything, youknow, everything because I
allowed the voice, the wrongvoices to just push me into this
person that you know, thepurpose that God gave me, I
wasn't, I wasn't called to dothat.
So I was just um basicallyfeeding into what the enemy

(33:22):
wanted me to do.
And and my husband did notdeserve that.
I will say that.
My husband, I love my husband todeath.
Um, probably if you asked methen, I tell you I hated him.
Yeah, yeah.
But you know, so I don't knowwhere where we left off, but I I
kind of went off on that bingebecause the enemy does want to

(33:42):
take out the women first.

SPEAKER_01 (33:45):
Yeah, and so men, if you're out there, you really,
really, really, really, really,really, really have to pick a
godly woman, one that has provenherself that she's gonna follow
God and not you.
Because then you can build onthat foundation.
Uh my heart breaks for men alot.

(34:06):
And of course, women.
I I mean, I was I was a very hotmess as well.
You know, and so I know the Iknow the women's side of that
story.
And so, um, but anyway, so soyou guys you guys started
getting into drugs, I guessstarted fighting because
unhealed people, we just hurteach other.

(34:29):
Um so tell me a little bit moreabout being on the streets, and
and I'll preface this for one,you don't have to answer
questions, you don't want to.
Um, but I have known a lot ofgirls who got into trafficking
uh prostitution very easilybecause of a because of a drug

(34:53):
habit.
And you know, when at some pointsex becomes free and easy, and
when you're already traumatizedand you're already numb, and
then you add drugs and alcoholon top of that, you really don't
care.
It's easy to have sex unattachedand um you know, very much from
that mindset, and so were youbeing trafficked in that way on

(35:20):
the streets?

SPEAKER_02 (35:23):
I wouldn't necessarily mean that or go to
that extent, like, but I do Iwas dabble, I was involved with
never with one person, put itthat way.
The drugs and the alcohol madeit easy to just sleep around.

(35:43):
And then obviously, when youdon't have somewhere to lay your
head, well, guess what?
You're gonna find a way to layyour head on a pillow.
And maybe you won't be maybe youwon't be asleep, but you're in a
house, you know.
Um I'm not proud of the thingsthat I that I had that I did,
but I will say that it was ascary, scary world out there.

(36:09):
Um at one point there was I wasI was never completely in a gang
or nothing like that.
Um so I I want to back up alittle bit.
So my older brother, he was inprison at the time.
That, and matter of fact, Ithink that's where he seen Keith

(36:29):
Battle was he was in a fire campprison and he seen Keith paddle,
Keith Battle, but he knew I wason the streets.
And uh one time I had asked mymom to give me a ride somewhere,
you know.
I was always like, Mom, I needthis, mom, I need that.
And of course, my poor mom, youknow, and she was she's a

(36:50):
square, she's never done nothingwrong in her entire life, you
know.
Well, as far as I know, yeah.
But but so it was very hard, I'msure, for her to see me on the
streets.
And one time she took me to ahotel, and she, you know,
there's these big like uh gangmembers out in front of the

(37:11):
hotel.
And and I didn't fear, I didn'tfear any of that at that time.
I was just living in it, right?
So to me, it was like normal.
To her, she was like, Oh mygosh, Kayleen, I can't believe
how are you even gonna be righthere?
And and uh I was very broken, Iwas very hurt, I was upset that

(37:33):
I didn't have my kids.
I dwelled on that.
I was upset at the fact that myhusband that I married, meaning
Orlando, that came from the samebackground, that he didn't fight
for me, you know, because I wasthinking he went, he hurried up
and went and was protected byhis family and got back on
track.
But me, here I was like on thestreets, never living in that

(37:56):
lifestyle.
And I was in the car with mymom, my brother had called um
from prison, and my brother goton phone me, and I'll never
forget he was like, and I'm Ikind of get sensitive about it
now because he's still stuck incertain areas, you know, and
it's like it's like, man, if heonly knew, if he only knew what
God could still do.

(38:17):
But uh he called me and he says,sis, well, he called my mom, but
he got on and he goes, sis, youare not a gangster.
He was like, get off thestreets, you know, because here
he had lived it yeah for so manyyears.
And I and I guess that's where Iget emotional because I don't

(38:38):
know, Kathy.
I do not know how people liveout there.
Like it is a scary world.
And and so that I do rememberhim telling me that, and um I
got involved with some pretty uhtop drug dealers.
I don't know behind the scenes.
A lot of people knew my brotherout there.

(39:00):
Um so I don't know if that kindof protected, of course,
obviously God protected me,right?
And had mercy and grace, butthere was there was a situation
I was in where I got hurt and itwas sexually, and I got hurt
really bad.
And um so I could see where whenyou got on the topic of

(39:21):
trafficking, where that canhappen.
And and it was like I had tojust, and it was like basically
a gang rape.
Yeah, I'll just be blunt.
And it was scary, right?
Because I never and I and amonth after that is when my
whole world changed, where whereI ended up um being in a drug

(39:48):
house, and it wasn't an actualvoice that spoke at me, right?
But it was a thought, it waslike a strong thought.
So many people think when Godspeaks to you that that when you
hear that when they're not ummature with your relationship
with God, I'll just say mature,but it comes sometimes in a

(40:08):
voice, sometimes in a strongthought.
But there was this thought in myhead through times, and it said,
if you don't get out of here,you're gonna end up in prison or
dead.
And it and it was like threetimes.
And I got up, I was 120 pounds.
I got up from that drug house,left all my stuff behind, and I

(40:32):
walked almost nine miles to myparents' house.
Wow.
And all the way there, all theway there, high as a kite.
Um, I wasn't drunk at the time,but I was high on
methamphetamine because that waslike the drug of choice in in
that area, still, still is,yeah, yeah, huge bones.

(40:54):
And I remember like justbreaking and was like, God, I
don't want to be out here.
I prayed.
Like, God, I don't want to beout here.
A lot of people say, You prayedwhile you're high.
I sure did.

SPEAKER_03 (41:07):
Yeah, sure did.

SPEAKER_02 (41:09):
And I remember, Kathleen, the sound of the the
electric power poles, like Icould hear them zapping like
strong, right?
And it's probably because I wasso like gone.
But I walked all the way thereand I was like, God, please just
open my up my parents' hearts,you know, because they had tried

(41:29):
to help me.
My mom had tried to help me, butnot to the extent to what I
needed, right?
I love my mom.
I love my mom and my dad todeath.
Um, and I never want to speaklike they they could have done
more.
That's not what I'm trying tosay.
It's just I had to be ready.
I had to be the one to say, I'msick and tired of being sick and

(41:52):
tired.
Right.
And and I do believe that if Iwant to listen to that strong
thought, I would not be heretoday.
Yeah.
And so I walked all the way tomy parents' house.
It was a little bit, the sun wasgoing down when I left.
It probably took me like fivehours from where I was.
And I get there, my feet areblack, of course.

(42:15):
And my dad answers You werebarefooted.
I was in sandals, yeah, shorts,and a and a t-shirt.
You couldn't even see my shorts,like walking the highway to get
to their house, and knocked onthe door, my dad answers it, and
my son, Nathan, bless his littleheart, he comes running, runs to

(42:39):
me, and I hit the ground andjust cried because my dad goes,
Oh, Kayleen.
And I was like, he's like, Howcan I help you?
And I was like, I need yourhelp.
And I was just breaking, right?
Just totally breaking.

(42:59):
And my mom comes around thecorner, hand on her hip, and
she's like, Kayleen, I havetried to help you.
And my dad, bless his heart, andthis isn't my biological dad,
okay?
But he's the only dad I've everknown.
And uh he told my mom, he says,Kay, just wait.

(43:19):
And he looked at me and he goes,Kayleen, go get in the shower.
Your mom will bring you someclothes.
Sorry for the crying.
It just when you start thinkingabout it again, it's like, wow.

SPEAKER_01 (43:30):
No, I think it's appropriate.

SPEAKER_02 (43:32):
Yeah.
So he so I went and got in theshower.
And in the shower, I still was,I still was praying, like, God,
please, please let them help me.
I don't want to go out thereanymore.
You know what's gonna happen tome.
And I came out, and my dad goes,come sit down and sit down in
the living room.
And I could tell my mom's justshe's fit to be tied, right?

(43:54):
She's like, throw, throw herback out.

SPEAKER_01 (43:57):
She's just like, oh, yeah, because yeah, because the
cycle of addiction is so sochaotic.
You know, you gotta really knowthat this is a different, this
is different this time.

SPEAKER_02 (44:09):
Yeah, yeah.
And I come out, he had me sit atthe couch, and he says, Kayleen,
we're gonna find you somewhereto go.
We're gonna find you rehab,we're gonna help you.
He says, It's not gonna be yourway, but matter of fact, it'll
be the hardest thing you'll everhave to do.
He says, but it'll be so worthit.

(44:31):
And I remember at that moment,Kathy, I was just like, okay,
like I'll do anything, right?
And so for two weeks, I ate, Islept, I showered, I ate, I
slept, I showered for two weeks.
I don't even know what my mompacked me.
She packed me all kinds ofstuff, and then they got me into

(44:52):
teen challenge in San Jose,which was four hours away.
And um, I was still a little madbecause I wanted my mom to help
me.
I wanted my family to help me,you know, because in your mind,
you still think like, well, whydon't they help me?
They should know I'm sick andtired, you know, and you're
still trying to justify ratherthan I need, I need more help

(45:13):
than what they could give me,right?

SPEAKER_01 (45:15):
Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 (45:17):
And uh so they drive me there, pull up to Teen Teen
Challenge Women's Center in SanJose, and they sit you down
right away.
They start telling the do's anddon'ts, and one cup of coffee a
day, and I about died.
I thought the whole world wasgonna crumble because one cup
cup of coffee a day, and I juststopped drinking and drugs and

(45:40):
you know all this.
Yeah.
And let me back up a little bit.
When I was drinking so much whenI was married to Orlando, I had
two seizures trying to stop.
That's how much alcohol, that'show much alcohol I was
consuming.
I would try to stop and I wouldend up in the hospital.

SPEAKER_01 (46:00):
Wow, that's a lot.
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (46:03):
Yes.
Wow.
But but yeah, so I went to TeenChallenge, and of course you're
supposed to be there a year,which is the same uh program
that King Battle was saying,yeah.
And I was there for threemonths, um, almost four, almost
four months.
And um my sugar started actingcrazy to where it was like

(46:24):
dropping a lot and stuff, and uhthey were having to take me to
to the hospital, like urgentcare and things, because it
would drop just crazy.
And with Teen Challenge, you hadto be knocking on doors, and you
know, so they talked to my mom,they told my mom they were gonna
find a place, another placewhere they could put me, right?
Well, that didn't happen.

(46:46):
So they basically gave me mysuitcase, sent me on my way, and
I had a child support card fromthe first husband, and it had
like 180 something dollars onthere.
And I was like, great, what am Igonna do?
I don't got a phone, right?
I have luggage, and uh but whileI was in teen challenge is when

(47:10):
I really was put still and Ifound my true relationship with
God again.
You know, I will say that, likethe counseling, finding the
court root, core root of why Iback why I was, I guess you
would say backsliding for solong, right?

(47:32):
Why I was running away from Godand letting my life go in a
vicious cycle.
Why would why I kept runningback to things that I shouldn't
have instead of um instead ofleaning on who I should, and
that's my solid rock, right?
That's Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 (47:47):
And what what was your core root?

SPEAKER_02 (47:50):
So my core root was the abuse from the first husband
and never healing and going fromone relationship to the other,
and then having kids in the inthe mix of it all, right?
And then just still wanting tobe accepted.

SPEAKER_01 (48:11):
Yeah.
Because that need foracceptance, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (48:15):
Yes.
And as a little girl, I justwanted everybody to be happy.
I wanted, you know, to wherewhen my life did hit rock
bottom, I didn't know how totalk about it to people.
So of course I would drink, Iwould try to numb myself, I
wouldn't talk about it.
And um, so I got I got out ofteen challenge and I had to go.
You can stop me in any time ifyou if you want to ask any

(48:37):
questions.
But I ended up walking down thestreet and there was a Starbucks
at the corner, and I asked themif I could use their phone to
call a taxi, and they gave me ataxi number.
And that taxi got me to thetrain station.
And so in my mind, I was like,I'm just gonna go back home,
right?
I'm gonna go back to my hometownwhere I know where the welfare

(49:00):
office is, where I know likeresources and I know how to like
at least get off the shit out ofSan Jose because and I your mom
and dad wasn't gonna pick you upat that time.

SPEAKER_01 (49:13):
I imagine you called home.

SPEAKER_02 (49:15):
I did.
My mom was mad, she wanted me tostay there, and then she was mad
at Teen Challenge because theydidn't put me somewhere else.
And so, and I it'sunderstandable, right?
Because I didn't follow throughwith the year program.
So I get her frustration andscared, right?
Like, oh man, she's gonna comeright back here.

(49:38):
But I was so in love with God,and and there was a there was a
service um that you know, you goto church a lot there, and this
is when I I felt kind of likeKeith, like I never really
experienced that moment with Goduntil their one service, and um

(50:00):
the message that they weresaying was like all your broken
pieces, God can work withbroken, and you have to be
completely broken to be fixed,and so that's where I after you
know he preached, I prayed and Ibroke.

(50:22):
And I remember even laying inthe bed and I felt the Holy
Ghost just come upon me.
And one of the girls even prayedwith me because she could she
felt it in the room, right?
But so my attitude at change ofleaving there was like powerful,
right?
It was like I was so highcommitted, I was like Elijah, I

(50:44):
was high on Jesus, I was justnot scared.
Here I am at that train station.
They can't get me a train to goback home until the next day.
So I had to sleep in the trainstation with all these people,
different people.
Yeah, and I was telling peopleabout God, I was pulling things
out of my luggage, I was givingpeople things.
Um, there was a man, it lookedlike his bones were sticking

(51:07):
out.
I walked down to the corner andwent and got food.
Um, just amazing things likegiving a lady a blanket and her
feet were blisters and just thethings that I seen, right?
And it was just like I was justthis different person on the
street.
It was no longer drugs andalcohol.
It was like God changed me.

(51:27):
And and even though I didn'tknow where I was gonna go, I
didn't know what was gonnahappen.
I had this peace and this joythat I couldn't even explain to
you how like overwhelming itwas.
And my son, um, my older son,Bryson, him and his best friend
came and picked me up from thetrain station.
And he was so stressed out,right?

(51:49):
He was like, Mom, where are yougonna go?
What are you gonna do?
Like, and he he was barelygetting ready to go to college
or in college, his first year incollege.
And he was home for the summerbecause that's when this was all
happening.
And I was like, take me to thewelfare office, it's gonna be
okay.
And so in the welfare office,there was a man, and you could

(52:09):
tell he was just broken.
And and I asked him, Do you wantme to pray for you?
And my son's looking at me, andhis friends like, What in the
world?
And I started praying for peoplelike in the welfare office.
And then this is this is how Godwas protecting me.
The lady that was helping me todo like an emergency um to get

(52:30):
you a hotel for a week, that wasone of my son's friend's mom.
Oh wow.
So, and this is they were anhour from closing, and it was
just bam, bam, bam.
God just was doing his thing,right?
Yeah, yeah.
And so uh I stayed in the hotel,and uh then my niece, my niece

(52:51):
and her her husband, they endedup letting me and my younger son
go stay with them for a littlebit, and then they had to move.
So this is where I ended uphomeless on the street, right?
Because um, with my son, and wehad to stay in shelters, and so
I was in three differentshelters with him.
It went from Bakersville toPorterville, from uh no,

(53:14):
Bakersville to Fresno, fromFresno to Porterville,
Porterville to Tillary.
And that's where really God justmoved because I was about to
give up again, right?
I was like, I can't, I can't dothis anymore.
And and I had to cut off talkingto family, I had to cut off um

(53:36):
talking to ex-husbands, justanything, right?
I couldn't deal with anybodyuntil my life was restored,
right?
And my pieces were backtogether, and um I cut off like
everybody, and so here I am inthese shelters, and you could
only stay like 30 days at atime, and then you have to move

(53:58):
on.
And it's a it's a it's not it'san experience that I'm thankful
that I went through because I'mable to tell you know, another
person that's going throughthat, like, put God first, and
right when you think, where areyou, God, he's gonna come in.
And so um, I don't know if youwant me to keep going.

SPEAKER_01 (54:20):
Well, I yeah, it's so good you're doing great.
And so I didn't want tointerrupt, but for the for the
audience out there, she'stalking about Keith Battle, he
was our very first episode.
So if you want to watch hisstory, you can go back to
episode one.
Um, there's a lot of histestimony he did not get into,
but um, he was in the gang worldfor a long time.

(54:44):
His mom and dad were umPentecostal preachers and
missionaries.
And so um he he slipped, youknow, he was looking at life in
prison for many years.
God did a miraculous, miraculousturnaround.
Um, but the other thing I wantedto address is, you know, when
you heard the voice of the Lordtell you that if you don't get

(55:07):
out now, you're either gonna bein prison or you're gonna die.
Um I I think that becausesomething similar, I mean, the
Lord had warned me several timesin my own life too, and I always
did listen to the voice of theLord.
That's one thing I think Ialways had a fear of the Lord,

(55:28):
and so when He when He wastalking, I knew you know I was
gonna obey.
Um, it was all the emotionalstuff that needed to get healed
for me, but God sees what trapsthe enemy has laid for you and
for a person.
So when God does come to you forthe audience out there and does

(55:49):
give you a warning like that, itis because he sees the traps the
enemy has laid.
And if we are out ofrelationship with him, we are
open prey to the enemy.
And uh we do we don't have theprotection of God if we're not
in covenant relationship withhim, and that's a big long

(56:12):
theological um Bible study.
I I'm not gonna teach here, butbut I I do think it's important
to say that because number one,I'm so glad that you were able
to recognize the Lord enough tobe obedient to that voice.
Um, and it's not because God ispunishing or he's threatening,

(56:35):
because that is not who our Lordis.
He's loving, but he isomnipresent and he lives outside
of time so he can see what'scoming down the road.
He's already been in our future,and the devil's number one job
is to steal, kill, and destroy.

(56:55):
And if he can kill us, if he cankill us, he will at the soonest
possible moment, because thenour eternity is forever settled.
And so his desire is to kill us,and um so I'm really glad that
you were able to recognize that.
Um, with that in mind, did youhave very much torment, demonic

(57:22):
torment while you were outthere?
Did you ever recognize thatbecause you did come from a
spiritual place in yourchildhood?
Did you experience um thedemonic when you were on the
streets and around people in anyway that you remember or can
recognize as that?

SPEAKER_02 (57:43):
Yes.
Um there were several places Iwas at that you could just tell
the enemy was in somebody,right?
I feel like with me as well,like I always had the fear of
God.
So I feel like the backgroundthat we came from really that's
something positive of it, right?
Like it's installed in you, andso you have the fear of God, and

(58:05):
I'm thankful for that because Iwould have never known to listen
to that.
And um, but yeah, there wasthere was a lot of people
demon-possessed.
Um yeah, and you know, I justyou get involved in there, you
get so sucked in there, and itwants to take your soul, right?

(58:29):
Yeah, because that's what theenemy wants, because you know,
you can be so valuable in thekingdom of God and walking with
Christ that He just trieseverything and anything in His
power to take you down.
And I think that's why, like mytestimony is very lengthy,
because the choices and andconstant wrong choices, you

(58:54):
know, and they will affect youforever, right?
And but God, God took my broken,he took my mess, and he really
showed me his love once I got toTilarie.
It was like, I mean, he he hadalready shown me, right?
But um, I was ready to give uponce I got to the Tilary
shelter.

(59:14):
I was ready to just give Nathanto his dad, and I was just gonna
go back to the same people andthe same things.
Like that's how I felt.
Like, I just can't do thisanymore.
I and uh when I got to thatshelter where they had us go
stay, it stunk.

SPEAKER_01 (59:31):
And I I wanna oh go ahead.
I wanna I want to interject inthat really quick.
Um, because I think peoplepeople struggle in that very
place that you just said.
So when we we can have a lovefor God, we can have a desire to
live for God.
But in our humanity, uh we getweary.

(59:52):
And so you were in a place ofweariness, and so we they they
say, I'm gonna say that theypeople.
Everyone goes back to what theyknow.
Addiction is so much aboutwanting to numb, not wanting to
feel, not wanting to think,because you push, you push, you
push to do the right things, youpush to make the right choices,

(01:00:16):
and and you try, try, try.
And then when you when you getweary and you feel like all the
efforts that you've made to tryare still hitting the wall, it
is so easy to give up, which isthe exact place the enemy wants
us to do.
And not that you would havegiven up on God, and not that I

(01:00:36):
I never gave up on God either,but I think what we're giving up
on is ourself.
We're giving we're giving up onhope that maybe I'm not
valuable, and and maybe I dobelong on the streets, and maybe
there is really not going to beanyone to love me.

(01:00:57):
And we begin to give in to ourbiggest fear, which is that I'm
not lovable, I'm not worthy, andnothing good is ever gonna
happen.
And so I just want to clarifybecause I think so many people
get discouraged and they're notreally giving up on God, but

(01:01:19):
they do fall prey to the enemy'sdevices of listening to that
voice of identity, which if wecan just stay in the line of who
God says we are, it takestremendous faith to believe that
in the circumstances that youwere in.

(01:01:41):
Like, how can I believe that Iam a child of God when I'm
living in homeless shelter fornow over three months, right?
And the door, the doors just arenot opening for me.
Right.
So yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:57):
No, it no, that is true, and and I feel like that's
where you know God sees thebeginning to the end, and his
ways are better than our ways.
And and even when things likethis is for whoever is
listening, and maybe they'regoing through something, but you
know, just because you go backto Christ and you have a

(01:02:19):
relationship with Christ doesn'tnecessarily mean everything's
gonna be wonderful.
No, trials and tribulations andlife is gonna happen.
But man, when you have God asthe center and you realize,
okay, God, whatever you're gonnado, like as long as I have you,
I'm gonna be okay.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna be allright.

(01:02:39):
And you know how to block outthe the voices that you
shouldn't even be, you know, ourmind is our weakest tool, right?
Because if the enemy'splayground, yeah, he if he can
get in there, boy, he's got you.
And um, so I think that's wherewe're like, no, God, you I am
who you say I am.

(01:03:01):
And I was create you created me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:04):
And um, that was something yeah, because what
what you're talking about, um, Ijust want to say for the
audience, is it's not about afeeling because when you're
weary, you are not gonna feellike you're a child of God.
You gotta know it.
Right, you're not gonna feellike things are gonna get better

(01:03:25):
because circumstances actuallyspeak the opposite, right?
Right.
But you you gotta know it.
You gotta that when the Biblesays taking every thought
captive to the obedience of theword of God, that's what it's
kind of saying is no, this isn'tabout how we feel.
This is about what I knowbecause the Bible says it, and I
choose to put my faith in whatthe word of God says.

(01:03:48):
I may not know it fromexperiential knowledge yet, but
I believe trials are for thatpurpose to give us the
experiential knowledge.
Because now, once I walkedthrough it, no one can ever take
it away from me anymore.
No one can ever tell me God isnot good, no one can ever tell

(01:04:11):
me God is not faithful, no onecan ever tell me his timing is
not perfect, he should have doneit back then.
I have too much experience nowto know.
But it took walking through thedifficulty to gain to gain the
knowledge and experience thatnow makes it so much easier, you

(01:04:32):
know.
And there's still trials,there's still so much of life
because we're human and uhbecause the devil's real and he
doesn't ever stop, you know,trying to prod us.
Yep.
Okay, so go ahead.
Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:48):
No, he try he you're absolutely on point.
Um, you know, it it's we battlenot with physical, right?
It's a spiritual battlefield,right?

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:01):
So you're in Tilarie, and you already know
the Abbott's church.
So were you able to get back toright?

SPEAKER_02 (01:05:10):
So the Abbott's so the Abbott's church was where me
and Orlando had got married, ofcourse, you know.
Um, so Tilarie meant somethingto me.
And uh, and so anyways, I I gotthere to the shelter and I was
like, it stunk, right?
The shelter and the kids thatwere in there, it was just like
really dirty.

(01:05:31):
And I just broke.
I couldn't do it no more, right?
And the lady's like, what areyou gonna do?
And I was like, I'm just gonnacall his dad and I'm gonna have
his dad come get him, and I'mjust gonna go home.
And they're like, Well, where'shome?
I'm like, back to Bakersville.
And they're like, but why?
And I was like, I can't do this.
I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to be a Barbiedoll homeless chick.

(01:05:54):
I was like, but I can do thisanymore.
And uh, and the the lady, uhChristina, I believe she's still
the director there.
Uh she she goes, Kayleen, shegoes, let us, you have to be
still.
You have to be still in orderfor God to work.

(01:06:14):
I've tried to be still, I tellher.
And she's like, Look, give ustonight.
We'll move you and Nathanupstairs, and you'll be all by
yourself and sleep it through.
And then when you wake uptomorrow, if you still feel the
same way, we'll let you go.
And uh, so with my son in onehand and my luggage in the
other, I go walking up thestairs and I get up there, and

(01:06:37):
this apartment was maculent.
And I was like, whoa, God, youreally love me, right?
And that night I laid in thatbed and I was just like, okay,
God, I'm here.
I'm in Tulary.
I said, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna,I'm gonna go out there and I'm
gonna search for work and I'mgonna try to make this happen.

(01:06:58):
But I need you to put the peopleand resources in my life that I
need in order to get back to theplace where I need to be.
And uh, and so the next day Igot on the bus.
I I was searching for work, youknow, and then um that night
there was a service at theAbbott's church, and I went.

(01:07:20):
And Sister Abbott, boy, shecomes, we call her Grammy,
right?
Um, I might get emotionaltalking about them, but she
comes running across the church,and she just wrapped her arms
around me like never hit skip tobeat.
And of course, she didn't knowdetail of what was going on.

(01:07:42):
But um, yeah, so she she didthat, and then a few days later,
she of course every day she's upthere picking me up and she's
taking me where I need to go,and and then it ends up being
Sunday night service, and um herand I call them papa, but her
and brother Abbott, they comepick me, pick me and Nathan up,

(01:08:06):
and we get out of church and wepull up, they go to drop us off.
And Grammy goes, Okay, ifanybody knows her, she just
tells you like it is, right?
She just she's this ball oflove, but she's not gonna
sugarcoat anything, her orbrother Abbott.
And I love them for that, right?
But they were exactly what Ineeded.

(01:08:28):
Yeah, God knew I needed them, Ineeded that, and uh, she goes,
You're gonna go in there, you'regonna get your stuff, and you're
going home with us.
Oh I went in there, got mystuff, and of course went home
to their beautiful mansionbecause they lived in this
gorgeous um farm mansion.

(01:08:48):
That's what I call Nathan callsit a mansion farm.
But you know, he was little andand they helped me, and she she
would, she was just my uh, shewas my rock.
She would, when I feltembarrassed or ashamed, she
would tell me, No, God loves youunconditionally, Kayleen.
Like you can do this.

(01:09:09):
And she was just my mentor, shewas just love on me, and still
to this day, like I call her,and it's like I don't it we
don't skip a beat.
I don't call her as much as Ishould, but when I do, it's like
it's like she met she's alwaysbeen there, you know.
And um, her and Papa Abbott, andof course, they didn't want me

(01:09:30):
moving to New Mexico.
But I came, I came, but um yeah,so that I ended up living with
them, and then I got a job at aa restaurant.
Um, and one day while I wasworking, Orlando's dad calls.
I mean, Nathan's dad, Orlandocalls and he tells me, Hey, I

(01:09:52):
still love you.
And I was like, Are you sick andtwisted?
And I hang up the phone, right?
Because I'm like, How in theworld?
And I remember going home to theabbot's house and going home,
and I told him, Can you believehe called me and just out of the
blue says he loves me?
And of course, Papa Abbott'slike, Well, he needs to come

(01:10:12):
here.
You don't need to go to him, heneeds to come here.
And I'm like, Well, either way,I'm not gonna, I don't want to
be with him, you know.
And I was just like, There's noway.

SPEAKER_01 (01:10:22):
Like, uh, did you know he was back in church at
that time, or did you think hewas still he was not back in
church, he was working in Carl'sbad.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:32):
Of course, he wasn't doing the dabbling of the sins,
but he wasn't going to church, Iguess you could say.
Um, but he found out because theway the I want to say the
Christian world, the way theygossip and talk, then he found
right away that, hey, Kayleenis, and by then I had already
gotten an apartment, right?
I qualified for section eightand I had my own apartment.

(01:10:54):
So of course he was he was like,what?
And she's going to church.
And um, there was still thenaysayers.
Oh, God didn't really changeher, even to this day.
Right.
You know, it's been it's beenalmost eight years, and I thank
God for that.
But but it's like Grammy andPapa Abbott, the love that they

(01:11:14):
gave me was the love that Ipicture that God has for each of
us.
Right.
And and it doesn't matter on theoutside, you know.
Right.
Um when another thing thatBrother Abbott taught me was he
told me, he says, Keeling,because you know, when you get
back trying to find your way andeverything, and you're getting

(01:11:35):
back in the routine of of livingfor God, he says, You you gotta
let he's like, it's just like aharvest, you gotta start weeding
out all that bad, anything therethat's in the way of letting
your crop grow.
He says that's the same in thespiritual realm.
And um, so of course, theywanted Orlando to come, they

(01:11:55):
loved Orlando, right?
And they wanted him to comethere, and he told me he was
gonna come there.
We ended up married, gettingmarried again, because he'd come
see me, and I wasn't gonna bewith him unless it was right,
because that's just in my mind,it was like, I wasn't gonna
play, like I didn't care if youweren't gonna serve God, I was

(01:12:19):
gonna serve God because I knewwhat God had done for me, and
nobody like God rebuilt myuniverse, and and a lot of the
ways, the mentality and thethings that I the way that I am
now.
I had that mentor, which wasMama Abbott, and she she
mentored me, right?
And she she got me in a placewhere it was just like, okay, I

(01:12:41):
can do this, I can do this withGod.
As long as I have God, no matterwho tries to come back in my
life, I have God, God has acenter, set healthy boundaries.
You know, I think a lot of timeswhen we backslide and we come
back, a lot of people end upbacksliding again because they
don't set healthy boundaries.
And we have to do that, right?

(01:13:02):
Right.
Because you have to protect yourrelationship with God no matter
what.
That is the number one.
And uh of course, we we gotmarried again and he never came
there.
And so one night just packed upall my stuff, and uh, there was
people that I'm not gonnamention names, but there was
people that was reaching out tomy mother-in-law and saying, Oh

(01:13:25):
no, she didn't really change,and this and that.
And so there was people tryingto like come and hinder and mess
up what God was trying torestore, right?
You know, right.
Yeah, and and I even toldOrlando, I said, the only way
this is gonna work is if weserve God.

(01:13:45):
If we don't serve God, youalready know where the where
it's gonna head, but we have toserve God.
And uh yeah, so he knew rightaway, like, okay, this she's
this is a different, it's like abrand new wife, right?
She's wanting to serve God, Godis her everything.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14:06):
So wow, that's that's wonderful.
And so, I mean, so manyquestions along the way, but you
you did a really good job ofexplaining, and I think um I I
think that the fall, you know,like we said earlier, is just uh
we we are just broken peoplesometimes, and if we don't take

(01:14:29):
the time to address that, umthen the enemy can have free
reign with us a lot.
So you guys are married now,you're in New Mexico.
What's in New Mexico and whythere?

SPEAKER_02 (01:14:45):
So his parents were here, and so what he ended up
doing is he was working inCarlsbad, but he came here
instead of going to California,like he said he was gonna do.
And um anyway, so he he said,Well, my parents are getting
old, and and he was trying toget us to come here, but I ended
up driving here because I wantedhim to look me in the face and

(01:15:07):
tell me why did he marry meagain and do this?
Like, are we really gonna godown this path?
And I wanted him not be over thephone.
I didn't want, you know, it'scrazy that the the old-fashioned
Pentecostal world, these olderladies still have that sin of
gossip, and they were trying todestroy things, not even knowing

(01:15:29):
anything.
And so, and that can even breakyou, right?

SPEAKER_01 (01:15:33):
Right, yeah, it's hurtful, very hurtful.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:36):
Yeah, it's like shame on me, you're no better
than the drug addict and thealcoholic.
Um, right, but anyway, so I gotup here and like yeah, I got up
here and and he was like, babe,we can have a beautiful life
here.
He was like, My parents aregetting older, I feel like I
need to be here.
And and I was like, Okay, and soshame on me.

(01:16:00):
I didn't tell mom and papaAbbott.
And that was hard, right?
I kept avoiding the calls.
They knew what something was up,they already knew she's
somewhere, and I and I just keptignoring it, ignoring it, and I
finally had to answer.
And um, and of course, she'sproud of me now, and and Papa,

(01:16:23):
he's Papa Abbott, you know, hewent home with the Lord during
COVID.
But they always, if if I couldsay that um God showed his
unconditional love through them,and I wouldn't be the person I
am today if it wasn't for themlistening to God and really

(01:16:45):
guiding me and helping me alongthe way.
And yes, I'm in New Mexico now,and God has restored so much,
and the enemy still tried tocome in and attack us and break
us down even here.
But when you make God yourcenter and you have a made-up
mind, nothing can get in theway.

(01:17:05):
And um, and of course, you know,God is still doing his work, God
has restored my relationshipwith my children.
I've been able to help themalong the way.
Um, my daughter, she's incollege.
And, you know, we have a littlesmall church.
We we were going to UPCI churchwhen we uh we were here, but my

(01:17:26):
husband had the calling ofstarting his own church,
independent church.
And so we have a congregation ofabout 25, 30 people, and you
know, God is doing a work, and Iand I do feel God has us right
where He wants us for now.
Um can't tell you what tomorrowwill bring, but but I am so

(01:17:51):
thankful of the unconditionalkeep going, you're fine.

SPEAKER_01 (01:17:56):
No, I am there's a delay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:18:00):
Oh, okay, okay.
I I want to say that I amthankful of the unconditional
love that God has shown me.
And um, and you are right, youknow, you're still gonna go
through things, you're stillgonna have the naysayers, you're
still gonna have all that.

(01:18:21):
But if you just look ahead andfollow Christ, that's all that's
gonna matter.
Who cares about what this personlooks like?
Who cares about what church theygo to?
Who cares about uh the buildingsize?
Because the building isn't gonnasave you, you know, your
relationship with God, your soulbeing saved, you you know, being

(01:18:43):
baptized in Jesus' name.
And and let me rewind back.
I was, I told you I had beenbaptized Trinity.
Well, I was here maybe like fourmonths, and one night I was
like, after hearing a preaching,I was like, oh my gosh, am I
gonna be saved?
Like, did I like if God comesright now, am I gonna be saved?

(01:19:05):
Because I didn't like I need toget rebaptized.
And I woke up my husband and Iwas like, babe, I think I need
to get rebaptized.
And he was like, really?
And and I was like, Yeah, isthat gonna be okay?
I was like, is it a sin to getrebaptized?
He's like, if you have any doubtthat you're baptized wrong, he
says, Let's get you baptized.

(01:19:26):
And we filled up a pool and hebaptized me.
Of course, he called our pastorsat the time, they were like,
baptizer.
But um, but yes, that was mylittle experience because I it
was like everything, God had puteverything in order and
everything was falling intoplace, right?
But there was still that onethought of like, okay, Acts 238,

(01:19:47):
and I need to be baptized inJesus' name.
And yeah, I already have theHoly Ghost, but I do need to get
baptized in Jesus' name becauseI did get baptized as a young
girl, but I vaguely remember it.

unknown (01:19:58):
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:19:58):
Yeah.
Isn't that great?
Keith has talked about wantingto get baptized also because I
think he was really young aswell.
So um hopefully you guys havementors in your life now that
you know it's good, even as atherapist, they tell us you need

(01:20:19):
to have a therapist, like in mypastor, I always go to, but um,
but it's good to just havesomebody that is a good mentor
that can kind of see thepitfalls in front of us and and
uh help us along the way.
Because it's still, you know, aslong as we live for God, I think
as long as we live in thisworld, there's gonna be things

(01:20:41):
that we we need help with.
Um so where what would you sayto the backslider that's still
out there?

SPEAKER_02 (01:20:51):
I would say that God created you and He loves you and
you still have hope.
There's hope in Jesus, and don'tworry about the naysayers, don't
worry about um the shame becauseyou know, coming back here, like

(01:21:16):
at least I was, I was veryashamed and and even still to
this day, like I've had to, I'vehad to now I walk in proud
because I'm so thankful.
I'm just thankful of what Godhas done.
But you know, at first, I wannaI want to say if you're a
backslider, no matter where youare, find a place and talk to

(01:21:40):
God, be real with him, whateveryou're feeling, be real.
If you think, oh, I'm drunk,he's not gonna listen, or I'm
high, he's not gonna listen.
No, God is God and He listensand He knows our hearts'
desires.
And if we have in our heart thatwe don't want to be that

(01:22:01):
backslider, God is gonna putthose pieces back together.
But it takes us just reachingout to him, and it doesn't take
a church, and nothing against achurch, but it but I feel like a
lot of times people think, oh,well, they don't go to church,
but it's more than that, it'smore than just going to church
on Wednesdays and Sundays.
And yes, having the people ofGod gives you that encouragement

(01:22:24):
and that strength.
But I but I feel that don't everthink you're too far gone for
God, right?
Because where I came from,nobody thought I was gonna pull
out of what I pulled out of.
And even to this day, you know,I work where I work, um, I had

(01:22:46):
to go through clearances, andyou're talking I had four
investigators involved in mybecause of my shelters, because
of my story.
And the last the lastinvestigator, she was like in
tears, she was like, Kayleen, doyou realize a lot of people
don't pull out of what youpulled out of?

SPEAKER_01 (01:23:06):
Yeah, a true miracle.

SPEAKER_02 (01:23:07):
Yeah, and I tell her, I say, you know what?
I give God all the creditbecause he knew in my heart what
I that I was sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
And um, so so if you're abackslider and you feel ashamed
or you feel like there's no hopein Jesus, well, there is hope in
Jesus, and it's never too late,it's never too late to get in in

(01:23:31):
a secret place with him and justcry it out with him.
If you're mad, angry, sometimeswe have to be like David and be
bipolar a little bit, you know.
But God wants us to be real, andI feel like when I started
getting more real with God, themore he started opening up doors
that I couldn't, that I nevereven imagined.
I never imagined my marriagebeing restored.

(01:23:54):
I never imagined my kidsforgiving me, right?
Um my daughter was 10 when shewent with her dad, and it was a
mess with her, right?
Because or for her because itemotionally hurt her.
And I find out later on thatthat they had to pick her up
from school because she wouldjust be vomiting, missing me so
much.
And um, all those little thingslike God has taken everything

(01:24:21):
that I possibly, everything thatI um was making a hot mess out
of, and he is making somethingbeautiful out of it.
And no, my life isn't perfect,but but I restoration.
And I and I think I feel likeeverybody should ask themselves
this if you were the only one inthis world, would Jesus still

(01:24:47):
die on the cross for just you?
And when you stop and you thinkof that, you know, because I
believe he still would die forme.
And once you start knowing that,man, his love is that deep, you
know, that even if it was justme, he would have gone through
that same torture, that samepain.
And the blood of Jesus is justprecious, right?

(01:25:11):
And um once we once you once youuh come back to Christ, it's
okay to talk about your past,that's healing, but don't dwell
on it.
You know, be thankful for whereGod is taking you.
And even to this day, there'slittle things of my past that
still get brought up from theex-husband and things to where

(01:25:34):
my kids have to struggle and andwar, you know, like they can't
tell him that he's they'retalking to me, or they can't,
they they have to be sneakyabout it.
And it's like it's hurtful,right?
And then they'll say things,they'll throw little jabs of
like my past.
And you have to know that onceyou repent of your sins and you

(01:25:55):
give it to God and you lay itdown and you say, My life is not
my own, my life belongs to younow, you that is surrendering
everything.
And so, no matter the naysayersand and the negative voices and
things that come up against you,know who you are in Christ and
never believe that it's toolate.
As long as you're breathing,there's hope.

SPEAKER_01 (01:26:17):
Amen.
That's right.

SPEAKER_02 (01:26:18):
Yeah, and it and as long as if you're wanting a
change, that's all it takes.
It takes you just wanting thatchange.
And and I'm just I know thatlike I know Keith's story, you
know, and I am Keith Battle, Iam very um inspired by it, and

(01:26:42):
it it makes me not want to losehope for my brother, you know,
because your brother's gonnacome for him and me.
Oh yeah.
And I just and I just know that,I just know that.
And and I do, I I let I do knowthat sometimes as Christians,

(01:27:03):
what Christians need to say isself get out of the way, because
a lot of times we can be toopushy to the backslider.

SPEAKER_01 (01:27:13):
Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 (01:27:14):
And when we need to remember, I was once that
person, and how would I want tobe treated and treat that person
the way you want to be treated?
And if you're if you if you'rein church and you're saying, oh,
God didn't change that person,well, shame on you, because that
means you need to get in yourprayer closet because obviously
you don't realize what God cando, you don't believe what God

(01:27:38):
can do because he is a healer,he is a maker, and he is a
restor, he is a God ofrestoration.

SPEAKER_01 (01:27:44):
Yeah.
And he can do it all by himselfwith no one's help.
But a but but an obedient heart.
Um, well, Kayleen, there's somuch to say, and I uh probably
have you on again because youknow I think there's there's so
much to unpack, but I think youdid a wonderful job bringing it

(01:28:05):
all together.
And I believe that we are gonnasee revival in the gang worlds.
There has got to be preachersthat will preach to the gang
population, and so we have acouple of Pentecostal
backsliders that have lived inthat world that I think are
gonna be called to preach preachto those people.

(01:28:26):
And Keith, of course, is gonnabe one of them, and hopefully
your brother is too.
So, with that, thank you.
It was such a pleasure to meetyou and um thank you for taking
the time to share your story.
I really appreciate it.
And I'll be praying for you.

SPEAKER_02 (01:28:44):
Thank you so much, Kathy.

SPEAKER_01 (01:28:46):
Yes, if you'll if you'll aim if you'll email me
your brother's name, um, I willadd him to our prayer list.

SPEAKER_02 (01:28:54):
Thank you.
Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 (01:28:56):
Okay, God bless you, Kayleen.

SPEAKER_00 (01:28:58):
God bless you, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 (01:29:00):
Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_01 (01:29:00):
Bye.

SPEAKER_00 (01:29:02):
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