Celebrations and Dating Disasters

Ever wonder if your dating standards are helping or hurting your chances at real connection? In this candid conversation, Kefla and Cree dive into the surprising ways modern dating has evolved—and not always for the better.

We kick things off with hilarious everyday moments, from classroom "silent but violent" situations to Labor Day family gatherings that remind us what matters most. When discussion turns to a viral dating show clip where a woman rejects a man solely for wearing an Apple Watch with his suit, we unpack how superficial standards might be keeping many of us from meaningful relationships.

The most thought-provoking question emerges: "Would you date yourself?" Before creating that wishlist of perfect partner qualities, shouldn't we first embody those traits ourselves? We share the story of a woman demanding a partner with "no baby mamas and no young children" while herself having three children with different fathers—highlighting the disconnect between what we expect and what we offer.

As Kefla approaches his 51st birthday, he reflects on memorable celebrations and sets intentions for the year ahead. Despite health challenges like COVID-related lung damage and AFib, his determination to improve fitness, complete his master's degree, and revive abandoned hobbies demonstrates that age becomes something to celebrate rather than fear.

The episode wraps with our traditional "side eye of the week" and expressions of gratitude for the spaces and people that bring us peace. Whether you're navigating the dating world, reflecting on personal growth, or simply enjoying relatable conversations, this episode offers both wisdom and laughter in equal measure.

Ready for some refreshingly honest perspective on relationships and life? Hit play and join the conversation. If you have topics you'd like us to discuss, DM us on Instagram @refreshingly_normal—we'd love to hear from you!

Send us your Questions or Comments and we’ll answer them on the show.

Don't forget to Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe.

Thank you for listening!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:10):
The Refreshingly Normal Podcast.
Hello everyone and welcome tothe Refreshingly Normal podcast.
I am Kifla.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
I am Kareem.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
And thank you so much for coming back and joining us
again.
Hopefully you're enjoying theepisodes.
I know I am.
I'm chilling, I'm laughing atall of our stuff.
I'm a fan of what we'reproducing, so hopefully you're
finding the same excitement thatwe are.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
So let's talk don't talk, just listen would you say
babe.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
You don't even know the song.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
I do know it All right.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
So what happened in your week that I'll say normal,
maybe hilarious or normal, andjust, oh my God, something that
everybody can say me too, child,I relate Anything, anything.

(01:31):
You're going gonna ask thatquestion, that's good.
So if we're just sitting here,you and I having a conversation,
you'd be like I try not to haveto have to really think.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
I think they probably always say child, you don't
never know what she gonna say,she always like I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Life doesn't have to be rehearsed, right?
you can't rehearse everythingyou go first because I I'm not
sure um, hilarious, uh, I, Iwill say, uh, you know, helping
this individual and, um, youknow, with my co-taught and this

(02:04):
young lady always passes gasand the students are thinking
that it's me and I'm like, no,it is not me.
And it seems like it's alwayslike when I kind of squat down
low to get close to her, maybe Imake her nervous or something,
I don't know, but it be stinkingtoo.
So that's something that hashappened to me, not only just

(02:28):
this week, for about the past,every day, yeah, just about.
So, uh, and it's it'd be, it'sfunky too, so but, um, hey, we
gonna get past that, you know.
But that has happened to methis week.
You know she's a little andmost of them has been silent.

(02:49):
But violence, you know what I'msaying?
Sbvs, and those are the onesthat you be like, oh man, you
know you just walk into them.
But she's had a few of themwhere she's like bah and it, you
know the little plaster chairsand you know you fart in those
plaster chairs.
Oh, it makes sounds.
Yeah, oh, my gosh, and so andI'd be like, and I really I just
go to another student.

(03:09):
I can't help right now, I'msorry.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
My mama used to call it SBD silent, but deadly, yeah,
sbvs baby Silent, but violence.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
So anything no but violence oh my gosh, so anything
?

Speaker 3 (03:31):
no, I mean what you do, what?

Speaker 2 (03:31):
did you do today?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
well, what did?
You do this week, the normalthings, uh like what work okay,
and um exercising and um whatdid you get?

Speaker 2 (03:44):
oh, what, what?

Speaker 3 (03:44):
did you watch?

Speaker 2 (03:46):
what did you watch this week?

Speaker 3 (03:49):
the only thing that I really got a chance to watch,
because I don't watch that much,but I tried to catch up on
Sisters.
So Sisters, that's TylerPerry's Sisters yeah, it's
Sisters is it?
It's not Sisters.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Sisters, I'm sorry Sisters.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
Karen finally had the baby after 5100 years.
She had the baby.
She was supposed to have two,but she had one spoiler alert
spoiler alert but they shouldhave been caught up by now.
She's been pregnant for 5100years on the show.
So I kind of watched a bit ofthat here and there this week in

(04:31):
between all of my duties andresponsibilities.
Yeah, and only other thing thatI would say was funny was my
nail lady.
I went on yesterday and shenormally is very talkative, and
she wasn't very talkativeyesterday and I still tried to

(04:54):
kill me, uh-huh, miss kimmy, andI still tried to talk to her
you know a little bit and Icould tell that she wasn't.
I always like are you okay,everything okay.
And then she looked at me likeshe wanted to tell me, but then
she didn't, and so she didn'tsay anything.
And so, anywho, the other lady,um stacy, who does my feet.
So when I was getting mypedicure, um miss, uh kimmy,

(05:17):
walked by and I noticed she hada boss bossy on her booty and I
said so.
So I told Stacy, I said MissKimmy just wasn't herself today.
It might be because she gotbossy on her booty.
She said you should tell herthat.
And so I went by and I told her.
I said did you know?
You got bossy on your booty.

(05:37):
She said I got it on my boobiestoo, and so it made her laugh.
So she left smiling because sheseemed like she was having a
tough day, that's good yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
So, anywho, you did good by giving her a moment of
joy.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
Yeah, yep, I tried to do that because it seemed like
she was having a rough day, soanywho.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
That's good.
Now did we talk about Labor Dayweekend.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
No, no, because I think we filmed it weekend, no,
no because I think we haven't,yeah, filmed it, yeah, so so did
you enjoy labor day weekend?
Yeah, labor day weekend um.
We had a guest um.
Our niece, miss deja, came withher um girl, you can't say
boyfriend, like I mean she'sgonna turn 30 soon significant

(06:23):
other in a week or so, I don'tknow it's her boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah, boyfriends, because even old people call
them boyfriends.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
It's her boyfriend, so they came to visit and so we
were just trying to do thingswith them while they were here.
So we took them to one of ourclose by favorite wineries big
door I think they enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
The weather was perfect later that weekend, so
it's really beautiful, so umyeah, I think they had a good
time, because I know she didbecause she started talking a
little bubbly, so I know she hada.
Her mission was because cook,because she wanted to get lit
yeah, lit off of wine she's likeand creed.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Do you, when you go to the wineries, do you?
I mean, um, do you get?
What did she ask?
Do you guys get?
Did she say drunk?

Speaker 2 (07:14):
yeah, or something.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
How, how tipsy, or something do y'all get tipsy, do
y'all get, and I go we need toget an uber and stuff, and no,
I've never gotten like toe downat the winery.
Um, I said, but if you want toget told down at the winery, you
are more than welcome to dothat and so, anywho, we had a
good time there and did dinnerand just hung out.

(07:37):
And sunday she and I um hikedum kenesaw mountain because she
wanted to do that, so we didthat and then grilled.
Oh, and I forgot Nicole.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah, Nicole went to the winery with us, Nicole aka
Fuga.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Fuga, nicole, that's our girl.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
She came to the winery with us too.
Nicole, that's our girl.
She came to the winery with ustoo, and so she also came over
to eat with us and see.
Our other niece came over,spunky, aka Darnetta, and our
great niece and nephew, her kids, came with her, and my

(08:22):
brother-in-law, boog, aka Donova, he came over too.
So we had quite a few peopleover just to eat and laugh and
drink and we played some games,and my son and his girlfriend,
they came by and so, yeah, wewere busy and so Monday
everybody was gone.
So Monday we did absolutelynothing Besides watch posts, but

(08:47):
other than that we'd sit onthat sofa and sofaed and folded
clothes.
Yep, Nothing Yep.
So it was a good Labor Dayweekend.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
I did the same thing you did.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yep Was anything that you enjoyed more than?

Speaker 2 (09:02):
other things on.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
Labor Day weekend.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
No, I mean, you know it was like I said, the weather
was cool.
It was a good day Because I hadto edit and do some schoolwork
so that I didn't have anything,you know, to turn in on Sunday.
So I did my schoolwork thatSaturday morning on.
Sunday, so I did my schoolworkthat Saturday morning Um and you

(09:28):
know, had to.
No, I, I didn't mind upmarinating the meat.
Well, no cause, we cookSaturday, sunday, right, yeah?
So the Sunday I woke up andcooked so and grilled up pretty
good.
But, um no, I was, it was just,it was a good weekend, yeah,
and our other son.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
he went to visit his gran and papa um in Alabama and
he sent us all the delicious,scrumptious goodies they had.
I was like, ooh, I should havewent and had a plate from there.
Yeah, they had some good foodin Alabama yeah, now this
weekend coming up, um it's.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
I was supposed to be taking Kimani to PJ Morton
concert at the.
Tabernacle, but I might getKahari to go if he can get off,
and that way you and I can justgo somewhere Saturday, kind of
celebrate a birthday weekend orsomething.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
How are you planning your own birthday?
First of all, because I alreadygot something planned for your
birthday.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
what I'm just saying.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Yeah, does Kahari even know who PJ Morrington is?

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, look, it's my birthday and she's going to
complain about something that Iwould like to do too.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
As opposed to be like oh that's cool, because I do
have something planned for youon Wednesday, but yeah, we can
do something on Saturday as well.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
I'm just saying but it's cool, no, no.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Ain't no, just saying , you just said, so we good.

Speaker 3 (10:56):
But no, but it's like did you think I knew you had
something planned?

Speaker 2 (10:59):
um, okay so it's it's all good, just making sure but
that's what that is, but um, butI mean it will be a good
concert though.
Pj Morris dope, very, very dopemm-hmm very dope, um, and

(11:22):
that's about it, yeah, yeah,that's about it, yeah that's it.
Yeah, what'd you think aboutCardi B in the news this week?
You know, first of all, I'mhappy she's taking these people
to court.
That's, you know, falselyaccused and you know, people
trying to look for that payday,and she's definitely one person
who do not mind taking people tocourt.

(11:43):
She will take you to court sofast and make you pay her money
and so, but you know she'shilarious.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yes, I loved Cardi in court.
It was very entertaining thisweek just to kind of watch the
little snippets of her takingthe stand in the courtroom.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
So yeah, what did they say?
She said she was bodyguard big,or something like that.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Security guard big.

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Security guard big.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
Security guard big.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
You're not calling her fat.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
You said no, I'm not saying she's fat, I'm not saying
she's just security guard bigbecause they're trying to get
her to say things that to makeher look like perhaps she was
trying to really like harm thelady or whatever.
But yeah, she did very well.
They were trying to get her alittle stirred up but she was

(12:34):
prepared and kept it togetherand every day her new little
wigs and clothes and all thethings.
It was um, but I think it wasall like playing too, because
now with that, with she's gotcds with the different looks
from every day, from the soevery cover is a different day

(12:54):
of her in court in court.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Oh so she was meticulous.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
She was like okay, so I'm gonna make this work for me
well, and then on top of it allthe money spent can also be
write-offs or are used becauseit's going towards the music not
just every day her gettingready for yeah to wear because I
I heard something this weeklike um.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
It was between um taraji and kiki pal.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
What'd they?

Speaker 2 (13:21):
say they were talking about how, back in the days,
celebrities could write offtheir wardrobe because they are
celebrities, right, so theireveryday wardrobe.
They were able to write themoff because, you know, they're
in the limelight and they, youknow, some of the stuff is
promotional gear or whatever itwas.
It was promotional gear orwhatever it was.

(13:42):
But they stopped that and theysaid the only time they could
use it is when it's actuallyconsidered costume for a shoot
or acting, so they can't writeit off anymore.
Yeah, so you know.
But when you said with Cardibeing able to do that, so yeah,
that's, that's cool, she's ableto write it off, because she
used it for that, so it wasn'tjust for court every day.

(14:13):
Very smart every day.
Very smart, very, very smart.
Yep, she's a smart lady, so Ienjoy that.
Very smart and kind.
All right, so let's see, hereyou had something.
Um no, it was a story that Ishared with you, that show Pop
the.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
Balloon Sure, the story Pop.
Oh yeah, the Pop, the Balloonthat was recently on.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, so.
So Pop the Balloon is a most.
You've already seen it, but youknow it's kind of like a dating
show where somebody there'smaybe 12 guys or girls looking
for looking to date somebody,and they all have a balloon and
when the person walks out, they,if they like the person, you
know they don't pop the balloon.
If they don't like the person,they'll pop their balloon saying

(14:53):
like, oh no, it's not going towork for me.
Well, this gentleman comes out.
There are several ladies therewaiting with their balloons.
He comes out in the suit, talksabout himself, says what he
does.
He's like a top managementpersonnel in whatever company,

(15:13):
makes a six figure salary.
You know very good living,dressed nice in a suit, but has
on an Apple watch.
You know I always have on myApple watch as well.
Whether I'm in a suit but hason an Apple watch, you know I
always have on my Apple watch aswell.
Whether I'm in a suit orwhatever, I have on my Apple
watch.
Yes, some people say you got todress up and be, you know,
decent.

(15:33):
I mean we're more, you know,fancier jewelry or whatever.
But me personally, if it's onmy wrist at the time when I'm
not really switching and and,plus, my arms are hairy and I
don't like leather bands onwatches and a lot of watches
that I do like have the metalband but then they catch the
hair on my arm and I hurt.

(15:53):
That hurts and I hate that.
But also I have AFib and so myApple watch.
Whenever I feel a flutter, I'malways checking it.
Whenever I feel a flutter, I'malways checking it and I ain't
trying to worry about my suitmatching with my watch, because
if I don't catch my a-fib thenYou're going to be in a suit
Right Cold.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Right, so Without a watch.
Well and luckily, you alsoaren't looking for a lady.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
That's right.
If I was looking for one andshe said I ain't like your watch
, I'd say okay, well, watch this.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Next.
So do you want to hear what theyoung lady had to say?

Speaker 2 (16:28):
I mean we can.
Yeah, if you want to play it.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Smoke cigarettes.
Someone who's judgmental I'mnot a big fan of, that's pretty
much it, okay All right, soundsgood.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
We did get some pop balloons.
Let's go over there and see whythey ended up popping.
Okay, your name and age and whydid you end up flipping your
balloon?
I'm Jasmine, I'm 29.
For a date night, I lovegetting my steps in.
Why wouldn't I wear an AppleWatch, like, just like for a
date in a suit?
I just feel like a nice, betterwatch would have.
Okay, yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 (16:59):
And is she someone that's your type?
Yeah, she's beautiful.
I mean, I think in today'sworld a lot of people wear Apple
Watches often.

Speaker 4 (17:04):
I just think like this suit, like a suit with an
Apple Watch I would wear like anice Right yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
So for me you know I wear suits five days a week and
I typically have my Apple Watchit's kind of convenient, you
know, when you have, you know,notifications going off while
you're in meetings to be able tolook at it for just pulling out
your phone.

Speaker 3 (17:25):
But I totally understand what you're in
meetings to be able to look atit, for just pulling out your
phone.
But I totally understand whatyou're saying, though.
So she had on a little bluedress, but I think what she's
thinking of to me what that saysis she is looking for a certain
kind of money so for him tohave.
She didn't say the brand, so Icould be making an assumption,
but she said a nice little watchwith a suit.

(17:48):
Um, because you can get an applewatch to change the band where
it looks you can like a metalband or leather band or whatever
that may be, to kind of go withyour different outfits or style
it up and you can also get astylish watch or look stylish.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
That didn't cost nothing.

Speaker 3 (18:05):
Right, you can do that too.
So it just makes me wonder, wasshe trying to look for
something specific?

Speaker 4 (18:11):
to save money Right.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
That's what it made me think.
And then, on top of that, I getthe part where he says like
meetings, not pulling out yourphone, meetings, not pulling out
your phone.
And if he I think he'ssomewhere up in the company or
that he works for that, heprobably oftentimes gets a lot
of messages and it's quick tojust look and yeah and look and

(18:36):
see, especially if you're tryingto be polite yeah and not a
person who is on their phone,making someone feel like they
aren't a priority or you aren'tlistening or you're distracted
by your phone, then you caneasily use, you know, your apple
watch for that.
So, um, and then she said shewas 29 and I don't know.

(18:59):
I think people are gettingmarried not as young anymore.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
Like older.
So I wonder, like a 29 mindsetnowadays, is it more like the
early 20s mindset?
Because having babies, gettingmarried, yeah, everything is
pushed back.
They're trying to live.
Yeah, they're trying to.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
I want to be established in this, that and
the third, as opposed to, youknow, earlier times, people I
want someone to, we canestablish this together.
You know, and I, you know,we're just jumping off.
I think a lot of times, even inmarriage, some people are.
The reason why many people wantto be established on their own
before even thinking about beingestablished together, is

(19:42):
because they always going intomarriage with a parachute on,
you know, and it was like causeif it happened, and I got my,
you know, and it's always this Igot mine, I got mine, I got
mine Cause you, you hear itoften, you know, even when you
start talking, discussing about,you know, when people say bank
accounts, you know, you know.

(20:05):
You know you got one, I got one, and then we got one, and then
sometimes they don't even haveone together.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
He pays this bill, I pay that bill, you know, and I
yeah, I think to me that's thatis preference when it comes to
that.
But I do also think, when itcomes to being a them wanting to
be established, um, I thinkit's not also like a parachute,
but also like that, if anything,you don't have to feel like

(20:34):
stuck, so if it's not the waythat you want it to be, you can
take care of yourself byyourself.
Maybe that's what you mean bythe when you say parachute, that
they can take care ofthemselves.
But then I also think that inthis world we're able to now see
what everybody has, and so thegoal of trying to get this and

(20:57):
be established in this space,and people are able to see how
different people are established, and people are able to see how
different people areestablished.
Then I think that also makespeople a little bit leery about
marrying this specific personbecause they aren't established
as what you've seen this30-year-old person on whatever
social media you saw, it'sconstant comparison yeah.

(21:20):
So I think that's what pushes itback is because everybody's
trying to achieve what I say isthe unattainable.
The reason I say it'sunattainable is because what's
for them is for them and what'sfor you is for you, and so you
have to figure out within yourown, your own life or whatever

(21:41):
lane you're in, what.
What is, what are you capableof doing?
What are you willing to do tofeel established within your
career?

Speaker 2 (21:55):
Yeah, I mean, they are waiting later to get married
, they're waiting later topeople, are waiting later to
have children.
You know, um, but I don't know.
And and but even when you thinkabout dating, um, dating is not
the same either.

(22:16):
Um, the face-to-facecommunication, the is less
because of, you know, know, theease that phones have given us.
You know it's much easier totext you know than it is
anything else, and so peoplefeel like that counts as a form

(22:37):
of communication.
You know, in a sense it does,but when it comes, to dating.
I think the personal time thatyou spend together allows you to
learn a lot more about eachother.
Certain scenarios that you knowyou're in with this individual
allows you to learn a lot aboutthem.
You know, if you're drivingwith an individual and you know

(22:58):
all of a sudden they freak outwhen somebody pulls in front of
them, they cussing.
You know those are red flags,you know, but you don't spend
that time together.
You won't find out.
You know those things Because,like you said, nine times out of
10 people are happy justtexting.
They're happy just.
You know FaceTiming a littlebit and say, oh, that counts.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
So things are changing, you know know, and
they are evolving.
So, and I think the idea of notchoosing somebody because of an
apple watch, I don't reallyeven think she knows what she
wants in a person because thatis so minute and minor yeah that
she, she.
I am certain that she haspassed up on someone who could
be her long-term person.

(23:50):
But she, I won't say that's noteven high standards, that's
just really ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
But she may consider those things high standards.

Speaker 3 (24:01):
Well, I'm not saying.
What I say is is like I justthink that those are just so
minimal, like it's not somethingwhere um it's.
To me it shouldn't be a a makeor break right.
Yeah, it shouldn't be a make orbreak no, that somebody has on
an apple watch because, hell,they're expensive too.
Yeah, well, yeah, depending onand right.
So I just think, not taking thetime to get to know somebody

(24:25):
because of because I mean shewas like she's out, I don't want
you.

Speaker 4 (24:29):
Yeah, so that when they pop the balloon, that means
I'm out.

Speaker 3 (24:32):
I don't want you.
And so for me, if I was like,oh, I really don't like that
Apple Watch thing with the suit,but let me just kind of, you
know, I think that it is notlike him smoking cigarettes,
it's not like he got I worshipthe devil, or whatever things
that are like no-goes ornon-negotiables that to me

(24:55):
should not be a non-negotiable,still single or still popping
balloons because their list orcriteria for, um, a significant
other or somebody they'rewanting to date.
It's just ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yeah, it's, it's, it's not.
I'm not going to say it's notrealistic, but uh, it's, uh,
yeah, ridiculous.
Yeah, it is very ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
Oh, I saw something else else, um but when you're
looking for money because that'swhy I said you're looking for
money, yeah, if you're lookingfor money, yeah, you ain't gonna
find it, but then you don'tbecause, like I said, apple
watch is expensive and justbecause I wore apple watch and
not whatever watch she thought Iwas supposed to wear does not
mean that I don't have money inmy bank right, you Right, you're
not pulling out your receipts.
Everybody has their ownpriorities, and what things?

(25:48):
Maybe he's a techie, so he'sgoing to spend his money
tech-wise.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
Maybe he's a fitness person.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Yes, Maybe, he's a fitness person.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Maybe he like me got.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
AFM.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
Maybe that he got to keep that Apple Watch on yeah,
so maybe that's it.
But yeah, that is somethingthat to me says and I'm sure he
probably clocked in his mindlike that's why she's saying.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah, thank you, appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
She's cute, but that's why she's saying but OK.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
so I heard something else today.
It was this lady.
She called in to like a lifecoach and it was on Instagram I
think it was like face when Iwas a little split screens.
And so the lady she said sowhat are you looking for?
And she said I want a man thatdoesn't have a lot of baby mamas
.
I don't want any young kids andI want him to be.

(26:35):
She said a lot of baby mamas,no young kids.
That was the main thing.
And so the lady said okay, sotell me about yourself.
She said I have three kids.
Don't tell me they all gotdifferent baby daddies.
She said they got differentbaby daddies and her youngest
kid is two years old.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
And so the lady said wait a minute, hold on hold on,
hold on, hold on hold on.
So you said you don't want himto have any baby mamas well, or
a lot of baby mamas, and youdon't want him to have any young
kids.
She said so how many baby dadsyou got?
She said three.
How many kids you got three?
How many kids you got?

(27:17):
That's young.
She said one.
She said do you hear yourself?
Said I don't want that.
She said so you're basicallysaying you wouldn't date you.
So what sense does that make?
And the girl was still tryingto, because she was confused.
She was like I don't understandwhat you're talking about.
She said so if you were a man,given the criteria you just gave

(27:40):
me, would you date a man withthree baby mamas and a young kid
?
She thought and well, she saidso how can you expect to have
that same you know criteria forsomeone else if you don't want
to, you know won't have it foryourself.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
That is when people that is, I am certain that the
circle or the group of peoplethat are in her life tell her
what she wants to hear, not whatshe needs to hear Because.
I know she said thatfoolishness.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
To somebody else.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
To somebody else.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
And I know that's right girl, I'm with you.

Speaker 3 (28:17):
Uh-huh, I'm with you.
And then left and said girl,you heard what she said.
I mean now, I'm the friendthat's going to be like.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah, I would too.
I'm going to tell you what Now?

Speaker 3 (28:28):
wait a minute.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
That don't sound right.
That sound like you?

Speaker 3 (28:31):
Yeah, I mean, I think it's important, I mean that's
the important part.
And it's not about hurtingpeople's feelings, because I
feel like there's always a wayto say it in a way that is not,
but she's running around lookingfor something that doesn't even
match.
I won't say what she'squalified for, but she's asking

(28:54):
for something that she's noteven herself fulfilling.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
So like, like she wouldn't be good enough for
herself.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
No.
So when you think about writingthis list of things that you
want in a partner, before youeven write the list, what do you
bring as a partner to therelationship?

Speaker 2 (29:12):
So would you date you ?
That's a lot of would you daterelationship.
Would you date?

Speaker 3 (29:14):
you.
That's a lot of things.
Would you date you?
Would you date?

Speaker 2 (29:15):
you, or it was on something else oh they said that
on Charlamagne, remember.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
One morning on the Breakfast Club they asked would
they want their daughter to datethem, I think whatever age?
And they were like oh no, oh,yeah, yeah.
And they said now, oh no, yeah,yeah, um.
And they said now yes, butbefore no.

Speaker 2 (29:37):
I would.
I was pretty solid dude yeah,that's pretty solid dude.
But, um, when you were sayingwould you date you?
Uh, it's like and I always tellmy students this um, ask
yourself, would you be your ownfriend If you was in somewhere

(30:00):
else?
Some person came your actuallyclone came into the room, had
all the qualities and traits andyou knew they had all the
qualities, you knew how theytreated people.
Would you be friends withyourself?
Would you trust yourself?
And you know, some of them said, oh, you know, and when I say

(30:21):
that's all I need to know,because you don't want to answer
, because you do know that attimes you're probably shady or
at times you're probablyuntruthful or unfaithful or
whatever, but I mean, that's thequestion you have to ask
yourself.
And I even mentioned that when,in the previous episode, when
we were talking about us dating,I'd say I wanted God to get me

(30:41):
right so that I could be readyfor whoever was you know.
Yeah, whoever you had comingfor me, I wanted to be what they
wanted and needed.
You know, what I'm saying, butbetter than that.
I I wanted to be the bestversion of me, but I mean, some
people are so delusional thatthey're asking for all of these

(31:03):
things.
You know, like and like andbreakfast club mentioned it
before.
They mentioned about how allthese women want this man with
all this finances and all thatstuff.
And they say well, what do youhave?

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Yeah, what's your credit score?
Yeah, what are you bringing tothe table?

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Uh-huh what are you bringing to the table.
And then they said, well, awoman is supposed to look for
that into a man.
But they said, well, if a manwas like just saying, okay, well
, you know what I'm looking for?
A woman that got all it.
I ain't got it yet Y'all goingto say he's a bum.
Yes, you know so it goes into?

Speaker 3 (31:41):
what is it the gender role?

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
But then they'll also be the first one to say that
that's old fashioned.
That's old fashioned, right.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
That's old fashioned, yeah, but they want you
supposed to take care of me.
And then you say, okay, well,we need to.
You got to clean up and you gotto do what the women did back
in the day.
I ain't doing that.
That's old school.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
And I think that's just kind of like.
I think that's why I think it'simportant Like that In life
that you reflect, reflecting howyou are as a partner,
reflecting like really likereally sit with yourself and
really say how well am I doingat this?
And be willing to be honestwith yourself and then change.

(32:26):
You know you have to change,you know just changes.
A small thing that could helpSame as a parent Reflect on
yourself as a parent how am Idoing at this parenting thing?
What things could I adjust sothat I could be a better parent?
Same with friendships as abrother, sister, daughter, son.

(32:50):
Just kind of being reflectivein that, because we all have
room for growth and we canalways be better.
But it just helps you to kindof sit and be honest with
yourself.
I know that's hard for somepeople to do.
It just takes practice and youdon't have to tell anybody about
it, your honesty about yourself.
You can keep that with yourselfbecause the only person that

(33:11):
has to know that is you.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
And then you can figure out what you want to do,
because I feel like we all haveencountered or know someone who
is doing a good job as adaughter or doing a good job as
a wife or husband, and so youcan say I kind of want to do
something kind of like what'sgoing on over there, and then
you can adjust something thatkind of move you towards that.

(33:34):
But you have to first reflectand be honest with yourself.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
On the flip side of that, there are always those
outliers that are out there andthey are the ones who there's
still somebody validating whatthey're doing.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
So, enablers.
Yeah, yeah, your enemies myenemies doing yeah so enablers,
yeah, yeah, your enemies, myenemy.
So even if they, you know, theymay have a certain, like you
said, a certain trait about them, that is just, uh, people
despise.
But then there may be oneperson that validates, or and
there's one person for them thatgives them the time of day, and
then they link up and that'stheir, their, their, the perfect

(34:12):
couples for each other, youknow.
So, there's always somebody outthere that's validating that
individual, which makes them,you know, not want to change.
Yeah, it was like, well, I needto change.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Somebody validate.
You ain't got to change, butguess whose partner you won't be
a friend Cause yeah.
I'm not doing it with you.
Everybody else can tell you allthe things that you want to
hear, but I'm not that personand I'm not getting ready to
disrupt my peace.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
So you can sit in your mess, that's right.
Don't sit in your mess, don'tsit in it.
Yes, all right.
So let's move on.
Um, what are some redundanciesthat you know of?
Like, for example, that peoplesay all the time, like

(35:02):
redundancy.
Yes, like they'll say somethinglike ATM machine.
And ATM machine stands for what?
Automatic Taylor machinemachine.
So that's what they're saying.
If they say machine, atmmachine stands for what.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
Automatic, automatic tailor machine machine Right.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
So that's what they're saying if they say
machine ATM machine, they sayautomatic tailor machine machine
?

Speaker 3 (35:20):
No, I think I just say the ATM.
Yeah, let's go to the ATM, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
And then tuna.
What do people normally say?

Speaker 3 (35:28):
Tuna fish.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah, you want some tuna fish as opposed to tuna.
What?

Speaker 3 (35:32):
Just tuna, because tuna is fish.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
Yeah, they'll never say you want some salmon fish.

Speaker 3 (35:37):
No, they don't say that.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
Yeah, you want some snapper fish.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Who started that?

Speaker 2 (35:42):
We say catfish, of course.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
It's kind of like isn't there where people say
Because you have?

Speaker 2 (35:45):
to, because you can say you want some catfish.
Like what kind?
There's like three kinds ofcatfish yeah three kinds of cat
meow cat oh, yeah, now thatmakes sense in that.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
In that regard, well, it's kind of like how people
with store names so you thinkabout people say, um, I need to
go to kroger's and it's justkroger or people say do they say
walmart's?
Some people say walmart orwalmart country, people say
walmart and so yeah, what iswalmart?

Speaker 2 (36:17):
and um what else is another one.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Is it targets or sometimes they say target jc
it's something else.
They'll say what black peoplecall jc penny pennies yeah we go
on to pennies and we knowthat's jc p yeah I remember
someone I used to work with.
They used to get so upset whenpeople would, instead of saying
library, they say library.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Library.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
So when they say library, that was just.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
She'd lose it.
She'd lose it no more wirehangers.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
No more wire hangers.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
What about a pin number?
Oh, pin number, what's?

Speaker 3 (36:55):
your pin, oh pin number, what's your?
Pin, because it's what personalidentification number, what's
your pin, do I say?

Speaker 2 (37:01):
I might say yeah, I think we all say pin number, I
think say that uh for sure yeah,pin number.
Uh, let's see.
Is there any other ones?
I have no, that's that's.
That's the main one.
I was just thinking about thoseyeah, I think it's just.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
Yeah, I don't know, do you think it's a black thing?
I?
Don't know do you think thatother people say tuna fish?
I'm going to pay attention now.
Tuna fish and ATM machine.
I'm going to pay attentiony'all, it could just be a black
thing.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
It could be.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
It might just be.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
I've only been black, so that's all I know.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
That's all I know too .

Speaker 2 (37:40):
Yeah, I have no clue, all I've been is black.
You sure, that's all you'vebeen my whole life Black.
Oh, another note.
Well, just something on thefunny side.
Okay, all right.
So remember when I and I thinkI told you, but I didn't tell
the world this what?
Remember when I had to go homebecause my dad had back surgery,
right, Mm-hmm.
And so we're in the the waythey got it set up.

Speaker 3 (38:14):
Remember how the hospital was and when you went
for the hospital, like you hadthe bay in the middle and so all
the rooms are around it, in thefair and what is it called not
foley, because I didn't, when wewas in california california
yeah, when you was oh, yeah,yeah, yeah you had the, the.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
You know the bay in the middle, yeah, and then all
the rooms on the station, yeah,and everybody was outside, okay,
so it was like that where daddygot his surgery.
So it was the people rightthere in the middle and the
rooms were right on the outside,ok, so we in there and it's
really not even private room.
They were waiting to get theirown room, so some people had to
stay in there for man, threedays.

(38:43):
I think dad was in there liketwo days, two or maybe almost
three days.
Yeah before he got his own roomand so mama was walking and you
know you got to stay right therebecause you know people are,
it's not private.
So Mama called herself walkingaround praying for everybody

(39:06):
around the base.
And she wasn't praying quiet,she was praying loud.
Yeah, not loud Like all thatnoise.
She was going around prayingand the people already told me.
I said me and dad already saidmama, you can't just be walking
around because some of thescreens yeah, some of the
curtains are open Right.
Well, yes, Some curtains areopen a little bit.
Nurses are going in, and so shesaid well, I'm just going

(39:29):
around, she could just sit inthat room and pray, right,
because Jesus omnipotent.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
God he know, who you talking about and he's
everywhere.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Yes, so you know she had to go over there and go
around.
Okay, and you know, pray andpray and pray.
And they said, ma'am, could youplease not walk around?
You know everybody needs theirprivacy.
And me and dad said, when shewalked in there, we said, told
you?
I said I'm just trying to pray,making sure everybody was fine,

(39:56):
because all these people aresick, some people don't have
nobody here to pray for them.
No people come to visit them.
I said, well, they ain't gotnobody now, especially you,
because they told you to sityour butt down.
So she was hurt, she was sodisappointed and first of all
people that were where he was.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
Somebody is there for you because you got to leave in
two days.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
It was no long-term care.
Right, yes, it was not the shelikes to go to the nursing homes
because we would go help and doall the things.
Let me tell y'all, one time wewent to one of them nursing
homes and I got called a nigga.
I told Greta, I'm done, ain'tnobody getting no more oranges

(40:37):
and socks?
Because this old white mancalled me that and I said, oh,
I'm done.
She was like he don't know whathe's saying he don't know what
he's saying.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
From my area he knows exactly what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (40:49):
I said, even if he thought this was 1952.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
It wasn't right then.
It wasn't right then.

Speaker 3 (40:58):
It ain't right now Right.
And I don't want to be calledthe N-word again.

Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, I would have told him something.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
I'm done passing out socks and oranges for today.
Everybody got them and got them.
Let's go.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
I would have told him something yeah, that's go.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
I would have told him some.
Yeah, that was something.
But it's not like that wherethere are some people in nursing
homes, where people they don'tget visitors and all the things.
But yeah, in that spacesomebody was there and somebody
was going to pick them up in twodays or so.
Yeah, if they didn't havenobody, somebody was going to

(41:34):
pick them up at least.
Yeah, yeah, they're going topick them up in two days or so.
Yeah, if they didn't havenobody, somebody was getting
going to pick them up at least.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
Yeah, yeah, they're going to pick you up.
You ain't going to get no restwhile you're in the hospital,
but they're going to pick you up.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
No, you don't get no rest in the hospital.
Yeah, they tell you get somerest.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Mr Hare, they used to tell day and I was like, oh, I
forgot.
My mom was trying to pray forpeople.
They told her to sit up, butthat's a sad ass.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
I pray from your seat in your room, Girl tell God
where we are.
God know where you're at andwho you're praying for.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
Here you go.

Speaker 3 (42:09):
High letters Lord have mercy.
That sounds about just likeGrinna Right right, right, all
right.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
So let's see here.
All right.
So I turned 51 in a few days.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
All right, and so I was trying to think back to some
of my memorable moments.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Moments.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah, as a 51-year-old.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
Wait, you ain't 51.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
I know, but I'll be 51.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
You mean like from zero.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I plan on making it you mean like zero to 51?
.
Yes, for my birthdays.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
Okay, I mean that's a lot of memorable moments.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
No, it ain't.
It ain't no Like on mybirthdays.

Speaker 3 (42:54):
Oh, you talking about birthday.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
Yeah, oh Lord, he's going to go into.
I ain't never had no birthdays.
I ain't never said, I ain'tnever had no birthdays.
I mean, I had no birthdayparties.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
I never had no birthday parties.
The first birthday party I hadwas when I was 30.
I mean, I don't know the datetime.
Okay, go, what?

Speaker 2 (43:13):
No, I was just saying I remember the one we had with
me and DeNova shared.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
Uh-huh, because their birthdays are not too far apart
.
How far apart Two days.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
Two days apart, okay, but six years younger than I am
.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
Oh no, Y'all had a party together.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
What y'all did?
How old first party?
Oh, not one and six.
Yeah, because we got a picturebecause he's standing on the
table.
So that's the first one, Iremember, okay, one, okay, the
next one after that, well, thatwas kind of like on your own,
because he don't know he didn'tknow and I don't.
I don't remember anymore afterthat okay until, um, I

(43:51):
celebrated one on my own when Iwas like I was going to Alabama
state and then I was like I'mgoing out for my birthday.

Speaker 4 (43:58):
Call my friends who broke.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
I think she really had, uh, she had to work, so we
went, I went to her restaurantand then, just so happy, Um, my
brother and uh, my cousin, theysaid they'll go, so I wind up
having to pay for them.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
Oh no, on my birthday , on your birthday, you pay for
their food.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Yep, and then let's see, did I have any other
celebration?
One time, uh, I spoke at aschool and they, uh they gave me
a cake.
Uh, I think it was Websteruniversity, I think they gave me
a cake.
Me and Susie spoke there andthey had a cake for me.
Um, and then when?

(44:42):
What else?
Then when you married me yep,married you all the things
change because yeah, we startedgoing out, and then my first
party um, the first party youthrew me, though, was my uh
graduation party for my master'soh yeah, yes yeah and then uh,
this birthday party I had lastyear uh-huh so well, kind of,

(45:07):
your 40th was oh yeah, yeah, the40th was a surprise.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
It was like a party.
It was a few days apart.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
I was thinking, like you know, the cake.
We had a dinner, we had adinner cake, I know.

Speaker 3 (45:23):
but keep on going.

Speaker 2 (45:25):
I might as well let somebody else tell my life.
Sorry, I think they was therefrom the conception of me.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
Well, you already said, Fred, that you had a party
at 6 and ain't had one again.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
I didn't Okay Until I got almost 36.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
And so we had the 40th.
That was good.
A surprise birthday party, thatwas cool.

Speaker 4 (45:48):
In Las Vegas.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Yeah, in Las Vegas I was surprised by a lot of people
.

Speaker 3 (45:52):
I did that.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Last year's party was a great surprise.
That was fun A lot of fun andall my fraternity brothers.
The great men of Alpha Phi,alpha, fraternity Incorporated.
They showed up.
The great men of Alpha Phi,alpha, fraternity Incorporated,
they showed up.
And my family they came fromFoley and stuff.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
You know, if I could do it all over again, you know
what I would do.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
What would you do?

Speaker 3 (46:16):
So I, just like I know I have met like so many
people that you're connected to,but you never know, like how
people are going to show upRight and I don't know know all
of them know, them like that.
And so I did want it to feel.
I didn't want it to feel like abanquet hall, like some big

(46:37):
thing.
I did want it to feel intimate.
But I knew I was like I'm surethere are lots more people.
But I was just and maybe that'sjust my anxiousness of feeling
like, would everybody have comeor shown up there or how it
would have been, because I don'tknow everybody like that If I

(47:01):
could do it all over again,because I really feel like there
were a lot of people who wouldhave come, yeah, and so if I
could have done it all overagain, I would have, even though
we had a fabulous time.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Right.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Because we did the.
Napa so um I probably would havenixed on the Napa and did a
larger party instead becausethere were more people.
But I just didn't know.
Like I'm a person who I don'twant to put my this is probably
my own trust who I don't want toput my this is probably my own
trust issues, I don't want toput my trust in humans you know

(47:53):
all humans of whether or notit's going to be what I envision
.
So I was just like I don't knowAre they going to show up the
way I want them to show up?

Speaker 2 (48:02):
And.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
I'm going to be so mad if they don't.
But and I also have controlissues as well, and so that I
wanted to be able to have liketo know it was going to be what
it was going to be and so, but Ithink now, after talking to
people and certain things, andthen once I did people come in
and knew the number of peoplethat people kept calling, saying

(48:24):
what about such and such, whatabout such and such, what about?
And I was like, so I think Iwould have that that would be
the change.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
So I feel like it was good, but I think, yeah, there
were, but I just didn't know.
I just don't know.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
You did a good job, I understand.

Speaker 3 (48:51):
You just didn't know, I just don't know.
You did a good job, though Iunderstand.
You just didn't realize thatthere's a lot of people that,
like your husband, I do, I knowthat they do, but you know, I
just you know, I don't, you know, I didn't, I don't, I don't
know, know how all thoserelationships are and I'm
finding out a lot because Ipride myself on being a good
dude, I try to be the.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
I want to be that memorable friend, person,
neighbor, a stranger, anything.
And I realize a lot of timesthat I have, I have done what I
think were minor things, butthey were major things in other
people's lives Just being real,just being who I am, and stuff

(49:25):
like that that I have touched alot of people.
You know what I'm saying andthat there are a lot of people
that if you would have opened itup to the general gp, they
would have showed up and itwould have been people that I
honestly say, oh, what's up?
You know how you doing, youknow, and they would have had a
story, um, but, and and and Ithink god shows me that

(49:47):
sometimes because, uh, I'mconsidered that strong friend,
you know, and I try to be thatstrong friend for people, um,
but sometimes there'll besomeone that'll come out of the
blue and be like hey, man,what's going on?
You are man, you such, such,just, uh, man, I remember when
you did this, uh, you know, andit just makes me feel good, it

(50:07):
just makes me feel seen outsideof my daily role, you know, and
so you know it's eye-opening forme.

Speaker 4 (50:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
And, to be honest, sometimes homecoming is my
refuel.
Sometimes, yeah.
When I go to homecoming and Isee different people and the
love is still there.
You know, that's a refuel forme to you know, not saying I
don't.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
You know, I know I feel the love here daily, more
love than ever, but it's, it's,uh, it's that external no, I
understand completely how youfeel because I know for you like
Georgia is not one of hisfavorite places to live.
I don't he also, he wouldn'twant to live in Montgomery.

Speaker 2 (50:54):
No.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
Or Foley.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
No.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
But so, but to go there and those relationships,
like they just bring a naturaljoy, because you don't get to
see and interact with thosepeople on um a daily basis and
you know.
So yeah, there's just, it'sjust joy in those relationships,
and so I can see why it feels,why it would fill your cup.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
So yeah, so just, and I was just thinking about all
my you know, even though Ididn't have many celebrations,
I've had a great 50 years.
You know that every birth Iwill actually say every birthday
I've had a great day.
That's good.

(51:40):
You know what I'm saying.
You know, some people they havea birthday and they be crying
or sad because they're gettingolder and all that stuff.
Never me Like I'm proud to saymy age.
I'm proud the fact that I havegray hair, I'm proud the fact
that my bones creak every nowand then.
You know, getting old means I'mstill living.
You know what I'm saying.
And so there are friends that Igrew up with who didn't get past

(52:04):
20, didn't get past 30, didn'tget past 40, or the ones that
are there, you know, not doingas well, and some of them that I
did want to compare myself tosay, dang man, I'm joking, they
don't have to do anything andthey always finish on top, or
they, you know all the girlslike them, all of this and that
you know is happening for them,all the distance that you know

(52:26):
is happening for them.
And then, when I look at themnow, it's like ain't no exchange
.
Nope, I don't want to exchange,you know, lies with you right
now.
No, I'm good, and so I.
I look back and I reflect oftenand I'm um, where I am right
now is exactly where I'msupposed to be you know,
everything, and so I'm excitedabout turning 51.

(52:48):
Um, I played the lottery so youknow, if y'all see the
background change, maybe thenext few be on like somebody's
island or something you knowyeah, I know it means we know we
probably won and we're escapingfor right now.
But I can't wait.

(53:09):
I can't wait for for 51 to hityeah.

Speaker 3 (53:17):
So do you have any goals or things that this year,
this circle, what is they calledthe circle around the sun, or
rotation around the sun, orwhatever you want to call it
that you want to be able to do.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
I want to get in better shape.
I want to get my cardio right.
You know it's difficult since Iwas when I got sick with COVID.
It damaged my, I have scartissue in my lungs and all this
stuff, like it's an a-fib now,and so it's difficult to really
do the cardio I want to do, likeeven coming up a flight of
stairs on a regular day and Iexercise at least three times a

(54:01):
week, four times mostly, it'sabout almost five to six times a
week and just coming upstairson a regular day basis I get out
of breath and I and, but once Iget to the top my chest is
beating hard and all this stuff.
Once I get to the top, I'm fine.
Or once I get to the top aboutsix seconds later, 10 seconds
later, I'm fine, but it's justthat's what it feels like.

(54:22):
So in the middle of exerciseit's pounding, pounding,
pounding.
Sometimes I have to stop, butmy goal is to, in spite of all
that, get in better shape,figure it out.
Get in better shape Um, I wantto, um, I want to.
By the time I turned 52, Ishould be done with my master's

(54:46):
in clinical mental healthcounseling.
So that's one goal.
Two, and then my final goal isto complete something that I
started a while ago.
What is that?
I don't know.
It's either going to be theguitar playing.
Oh, okay, already, thepodcasting is one thing that.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
I can X on my list it a while ago.
What is that?
I don't know it's.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
It's either gonna be the guitar playing oh okay,
already, the podcasting is onething that I can x on my list,
but I think the guitar playingis like learn at least two songs
, um, or dj.
Put a couple dj mixes out.
You know my little dj equipmentyou bought for me for christmas
.
Um, that's it, that's it.

Speaker 3 (55:26):
Okay, well, that sounds doable.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
It's very doable.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
DJ Keithlin wants to.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Make sure you practice with headphones on.
You know you like my music.
You know you like my music.
You know you like my mercy.
All right, so is that anythingelse for the day?
How do you want to close out?

Speaker 3 (55:52):
no side eye of the week um, talk it, I just had
something in my brain.
This is how my brain went.
I just thought of a side eyeand guess what?

Speaker 2 (56:03):
you just lost it lost a child.

Speaker 3 (56:07):
That is how old my brain is.
I just thought of a side eyeand I forgot what you were
talking about.
That made me think of it andnow it's gone well, let's see my

(56:29):
side eye of the week.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
I'm gonna go back to my job.
The kids in the hallway nojugglers be walking straight
across like five in a row as ifnobody else is coming the
opposite way.
And slow they walking, slow.
Y'all don't have order no, ain'tno order in the order rules in
there and they don't have norespect, these little youngsters

(56:54):
nowadays, all that, what's itcalled the soft parenting that
everybody's doing, letting thesekids find a voice?
But, um, I walked through, Isaid, excuse me, buddy, and I
walk on by.
You know, if they don't hear me, because most of them don't
hear you because they have theirear pods in or earbuds in.
So I had to gently, you know,get on, get through and then you
know, say oh excuse me, but yougot to teach them because ain't

(57:17):
nobody else going to teach them.
But that's my side out of theweek.
It just these little kids be.
It'd be late for class and andI understand why.
Like some of the kids be latebecause they can't get through
all that crowd and some of those, though you know the timid ones
don't want to because they betrying to intimidate them and
stuff like that, and they barelyget to class.
Oh yeah so babies.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
I do understand that um well, I do have a side eye,
but it's not what my thought was.
It just came to me now.
Now y'all know I said somethingabout organizing my pantry and
refrigerator.
So my side eye is for people inmy house.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
What they do.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
They won't put things back where they grabbed it from
and it ain't just one littleperson in my house, it's also a
big person too.
It'll be on a different row ora different thing than where
they originally got it from.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
You know what you should do.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
I just feel like they don't like organization and you
know the only person who's ever, ever, ever, in all the years
of this house, cleaned out thatpantry don't even say that, cuz
he money did it once, I've doneit once also okay, y'all.
Y'all heard him say once do youwhat I'm?

Speaker 2 (58:37):
just saying you talking about ever what does
ever mean?

Speaker 3 (58:40):
okay, most almost all .

Speaker 2 (58:43):
Okay, don't you say that all right, well, okay so do
you know the person that neverleaves a empty box in the pantry
me.
I never leave an empty box.
You've, never, no, ever no.
Because when I reach in thereI've and I said, oh, this is the

(59:04):
last one, let me get the box,because I know it's a peeve of
mine.
And I reach in, I know the boxfeels hollow.

Speaker 3 (59:10):
I take it out.
He took my irk.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying she want toever me.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
I'm going to ever her , so let me ever so.
That's all.
That's my side eye eye onpeople in my house that don't
want to keep the pantryorganized or the fridge.
They see, I mean, clearlythere's organization there.
Oh, look in the refrigerator,looks like all the drinks go
right on this shelf.

(59:35):
Drinks all everywhere, allwilly-nilly.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
So if you just take a , picture and send it to us and
say okay, I just organizedeverything.
When you go in there, look atthis picture and refer to it,
Because my thing I put it backon the shelf neatly.
It may not be in the exact spot.
I try to put it in the exactplace.
My intentions were good, butprobably my execution was off.

(01:00:01):
You know what I mean, and so Itry to put it back in the right
place.

Speaker 3 (01:00:06):
So if you put salsa on the row where ain't no other
salsa, why would you do that?
If you see pickled itemspickled onions, pickles, olives,
all together.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
I know they always go at the top.
Why would you put it on?

Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
the door.

Speaker 2 (01:00:22):
Do they not always go on the top?
Do you know if I did that?

Speaker 3 (01:00:28):
I'm not saying you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
Okay.
Then you said and it's a bigperson.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
I said little and big , so it's one of yous that did
it.
Well, I'm going to start.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
I'm going to unveil some side eyes on you, and you
know I got a few.
You know I got a few side eyeson you and you know I got a few.
You know I got a few, anyways.
But I wouldn't do you like thatAnyways, because the people in
podcast land, you know they seeyou as a pretty little lady
who's almost perfect.
Come on, cletus.
But I can take that narrativeand turn it upside down.

Speaker 3 (01:01:00):
Nobody's perfect and I wouldn't care.
Tell my flaws and all.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
I ain't gonna say nobody perfect.

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
Ain't nobody perfect.
I'm pretty close, but that isclose, ain't perfect.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Well, well, I mean I was going to say my side eye,
what I just said about emptyboxes in there.

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
Nope, you already did a side eye.
Save it for next week.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Yeah, anywho, I'll save it for next week.
Anywho, I save for next.

Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
So let's see, um leaving your joy, we leave with
joy.
What is either?
One thing you're oh, let's dothis one thing you're grateful
for and one thing you're lookingforward to this week start with
you Go.
Okay, one thing that brings mejoy You're grateful for.

(01:01:50):
Oh, one thing I'm grateful forUm, let me see I'm going to go
with um.
I am grateful for a nice, comfyhome.
We're going to put that and Ilike my home.

(01:02:15):
I love my kitchen.
It's very cute.
Is that how you would describea kitchen?
I mean, it's nice.
I like my kitchen.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
It's very nice to me I won't say cute, because it's
certain things in there that I,like I don't want to say oh it's
cute, well, that's my word, andso I'm grateful for my home and
my bed and the peace that itbrings me.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
So it is a place of peace for me, so I'm grateful
for that.
And then, something that I'mlooking forward to this week
looking forward to our birthdaydinner night Wednesday, to
celebrate you on Wednesday, togo out and have a nice evening

(01:03:06):
out.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
All right.

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
I am grateful for my family.

Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
You said that last time.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
But I'm grateful for y'all.
Okay, no, but I am, I'mgrateful for peace, you know,
because it is a lot of peace,like y'all.
Give me peace.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
He does not have his own brain.
Oh my God, he's stealing myideas.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
Oh, you don't want me to be.
I said peace, all right.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
No, you can steal it, steal it.
No, you know what Last timeremember he said remember last
time he was like that's what I'msaying.
I didn't go there, Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
I got something.
There's a lot of things I'mgrateful for, okay, okay, all
right.
I am grateful for my backyard,my patio, because every time I
look at it it's comforting, andthis is the time of the year

(01:04:05):
where the weather is nice,comforting, um, and, and this is
the time of the weather I meantime of the year where the
weather is nice and you can goout back, let Cinnabon out to
use the bathroom and you don'tyou probably won't come into
like 10, 15 minutes laterbecause you just sit down
chilling.
Um, very, very nice, oh, I loveit.
It's a huge patio that we gotredone.
It's a huge patio that we gotredone.
It's very nice.

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
Shout out to Caesar.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Yes, caesar with.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
Funez.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
Funez, remodeling, is it something like that?

Speaker 3 (01:04:33):
Oh gosh, oh man Funez .

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
Remodeling that's on your phone.
Look it up by the time I finish.
Okay, go On Instagram.

Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
And then the thing that I'm most looking forward to
yeah, I'm, I'm looking forwardto um, what's this?

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
uh, well, I get, I get a day off tuesday.
We're not really like a day off.
I have to drive the bus.
Um, one of my many jobs.
Uh, I'm driving some studentsto a?
Um like a trade fair.
Driving some students to a likea trade fair where they talk
about skills, work and you know,trade skills and stuff like

(01:05:12):
that for students that may notwant to go to college, you know,
want to do something else.
So I'm driving a couple ofstudents up there on Tuesday.
So I got a sub, so I'm out ofthe building and those moments
are peaceful for me.
You know, I love driving thebus and it's a lot of fun, so
I'm looking forward to that.

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
So what's the name of it?
It is Funes Remodeling.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
F-U-N-E-S.

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
Remodeling, and Cesar is the kindest contractor you
could have.
Yeah, works very efficiently.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
Patient too, very patient, very patient.

Speaker 3 (01:05:54):
It's just a good guy overall, so we've used him for
lots of projects in our home andwe've never been dissatisfied,
yeah, so, anywho, if you'relooking for somebody to do some
contract work, in the metroatlanta area the metro atlanta
area.
Funez remodeling, you will notbe disappointed yeah, they're on

(01:06:14):
instagram.

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
What is the instagram ?
Funez remodeling okay oninstagram so yeah, check them
out.
All one word, all together yeahwell, ladies and gentlemen, and
uh kids if you love us andfriends yeah, um, thank y'all
for supporting the refreshinglynormal podcast.
We hope that we are giving yousome form of entertainment and

(01:06:39):
if there's anything that youwould like to ask of us, if you
anything you would like us to uh, dwell on or, you know, comment
on or bring to light or yeah,you need advice yeah, any advice
you would like, because youprobably can't say it to the
person you want to say it to,but if you, you know, write into

(01:07:00):
us, we can say it, and whereshould they write into?
I don't know the email addresswhat is it the uh key and cree
at gmailcom.
That's one okay um, or if youactually comment through the
podcast itself, either on theinstagram.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
You can do the instagram thing too refreshingly
underscore normal.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
So yeah, so that's the best way to to DM us at
refreshingly underscore normalin Instagram and DM us there and
we will.
You know, we won't say yourname.

Speaker 3 (01:07:35):
We'll keep it completely anonymous, but to
offer you some advice, we'd loveto be able to give some advice,
yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
It's good advice.
Some of it I'm going to give itgood advice.
I'm just telling you so you cantake it how you want it,
alright.
So thank you guys and we'll seeyou right.
So love, peace and hair grease.

(01:08:07):
Bye, thank you.