October 29, 2024 • 27 mins
What if you could transform your life from the depths of addiction and trauma to one of empowerment and fulfillment? Join us as we sit down with Shannan Mondor, a bestselling author, podcast host, TEDx speaker, and transformational mentor who has done just that. Shannan bravely shares her story of overcoming a traumatic childhood filled with addiction, abuse, and mental illness. We delve into her incredible journey that began with a pivotal awakening in 2019, leading her to embrace self-love and break free from generational cycles of addiction. Shannan’s mission to inspire others to find confidence and strength through self-faith is both moving and empowering.
In this episode, Shannan provides invaluable insights into the challenges of breaking generational addiction cycles and setting healthy boundaries. She discusses the importance of facing emotional pain honestly and the necessity of changing one's identity to align with a sober and fulfilling life. Her heartfelt recounting of writing her tell-all book underscores the power of vulnerability and growth. Discover the strength found in trauma and the excitement of continuous self-evolution through Shannan’s inspiring story. This episode is a testament to the transformative power of vulnerability and the endless possibilities for personal growth.
Connect with Shannan
Instagram: @shannanmondor
Facebook: @shannankmondor
Website: Shannanmondor.com
TEDx Talk: Shannan Mondor’s Ted Talk
Thanks for listening! To book a free consultation with Aideen visit https://www.confidenceinsinging.com/contact/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Aideen Ni Riada (00:02):
Welcome to the Resonate podcast with Aideen.
My name is Aideen Ni Riada andmy guest today is Shannan Mondor
.
Welcome, Shannan.
Thank you for having me Now.
Shannan is a very interestingguest.
She has an amazing journey thatshe's going to tell us all
about, but what I'm going to dois read a little about her to
set the scene.
(00:24):
Shannan is a bestselling author,podcast host, tedx speaker and
transformational mentor.
She created her businessFulfillment in Faith to teach
others to have faith inthemselves, which is the
foundation to having fulfillmentin every area of life.
Shannan overcame her past andused her experiences to empower
herself to change.
(00:44):
She now uses the knowledge shegained to help others release
their past and find greatnesswithin them, to live in
confidence, strength and freedom.
Thank you so much for beinghere, Shannan.
It's great to have you here.
Thank you From this journeyyou've been on.
(01:05):
We were speaking just beforeyou came on about how your
self-identity was.
One of the biggest things thatchanged shift was for you.
Tell us a little bit about yourpast and where you had come
(01:26):
from, and what kind of personhad you believed yourself to be.
Shannan Mondor (01:34):
So what everybody needs to know first
about me is I grew up in ahousehold of addiction, abuse
and mental illness, and all ofthat was generational.
So I don't know what happenedprior to my father, but my
father was extremely abusive anda full-fledged alcoholic.
(01:54):
So he abused every single oneof my family members and I'm the
youngest of eight children andI'm the youngest of eight
children and the abuse was sobad within our household that
the brunt of the beatings werefor my mother and also for my
(02:15):
oldest brother.
And then my father ended upcommitting suicide when I was
about two and a half years old.
But it didn't stop, because nowabuse, mental illness and
addiction has been normalizedwithin our family.
So my family doesn't know anydifferent.
So what took place now was myoldest brother actually carried
on the role of my father, sothat's where my abuser came in.
He was the one that abused me.
(02:38):
So I grew up in a householdwhere, from like the earliest
that I can ever remember, I wastold I was dumb, I was stupid, I
was never going to amount toremember.
I was told I was dumb, I wasstupid, I was never going to
amount to anything, I was goodfor nothing.
And then, of course, once I gotmore into my teenage years, the
name calling was absolutelyhorrible.
(02:59):
And so what happens when you'regrowing up in an environment
like that?
I had no self-worth.
I had no confidence.
Up in an environment like that,I had no self-worth, I had no
confidence.
There was so much shame thatwent along with it.
So my personality from such ayoung, young age was conformed
around all of that.
So what ended up taking placewas I became a people pleaser.
(03:20):
I was a chameleon and Iliterally let others control my
life throughout my whole entirelife until I had my awakening to
a moment, my awakening toawareness, which didn't happen
until August 17th of 2019.
And I am anybody that'slistening to this.
You guys know exactly what I'mtalking about, because so many
of you out there have definitelywalked that same path I have
(03:43):
there have definitely walkedthat same path I have, and it
was at that pivotal moment, youknow, but by then I had already
been living a life of addiction.
I became a full-fledgedalcoholic Absolutely, I did.
Aideen Ni Riada (03:57):
Yeah, one of the things that that background
can bring and thankfully I didhave alcohol in my family, but
not abuse, which I'm glad aboutthere was there was more like
different, different things.
Everybody has something right,but what can happen?
What can happen is when youfeel so rejected by people who
(04:21):
are supposed to love you.
It does create that imbalanceof wanting connection but not
feeling worthy of the connection.
So therefore you felt like youmaybe weren't good enough.
That's why you're trying sohard to connect with people.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Shannan Mondor (04:36):
Oh, yeah, like I had years of suppression, right
, and that's why I let peopleliterally walk all over me,
because I would build up afriendship and I really cared
about the friendship, but thenit almost became more of I
wanted others to be.
What could I do to make them sohappy?
It was never about me and Inever knew what it really
(04:58):
experienced.
What it was like to experiencethat All I would get is the hurt
and the pain.
But then I would go into thecycles of feeling sorry for
myself Do you know what?
And it was just a vicious cycle, over and over and over again.
But yet I didn't want to bejudged.
I didn't want to lose thesefriendships.
So I would always put everybodyelse first over me and I would
(05:19):
always end up putting myself insituations where there would
happen over and over and overagain.
So there were so many differentcycles that happened throughout
my life, exactly like that.
Aideen Ni Riada (05:29):
I'm curious when you were going through that
phase, what was yourself-identity?
Shannan Mondor (05:35):
You obviously thought of yourself as a good
friend, but there was I thoughtmyself as a good friend, but at
that time you need to realizetoo that I really didn't know
what was really going on withinme.
How, you know, I was justliving a life of survival as
well too.
Yeah, you know, I would alwayscompare myself to others,
because we are also brought upin a society where we are taught
to look to the outside world.
(05:56):
You know, we're taught to lookat materialism, how successful
we are.
All of that plays so much intoit.
So I always wanted to be likeeverybody else.
So I didn't even really knowwho I was.
I had no clue, you know.
So there was always resistancein so many different areas of my
life, you know, of course therewas the jealousy and all of
that as well, too.
Right, but how could I possiblyallow others to love me if I
(06:21):
didn't even love myself?
Because I was never taught that.
I was brought up in a housewhere there was always, you know
, depression, anxiety, there wasjealousy.
I was never brought up in ahouse where it's like, oh good
for you, Shannan, or where Ifelt the love, or, you know,
hugs and kisses and stuff likethat, the first time that I was
actually told that I was lovedby my mother.
(06:42):
I was 27 years old and I was theone that said it to her, and
she could barely squeak it outWow.
But that's also because shedidn't love herself.
She didn't know what that was.
You know, you, you can't givesomething to others if you don't
have it within you, and thattook me a long time to figure
that one out Right.
So I had a lot of resentmentand hatred towards my mother as
(07:05):
well too, but it wasn't until,like I said, I you know, I
started to heal, where I couldactually see that, you know, and
and then I could havecompassion towards her and my
brother, which was my abuser.
Aideen Ni Riada (07:18):
When did self love begin for you?
Shannan Mondor (07:23):
Oh well, like I said, I had been living a life
for 50 years.
On August 17th of 2019 was whenI had my awakening to awareness
.
I'd literally hit rock bottom.
I'd already been throughtreatment, several suicidal
thoughts and attempts and youknow just different things like
that, and I, when I woke up thatmorning, there was just
something inside me that waslike enough is enough, like how
(07:45):
much more can you possiblyendure?
You know.
You know what you don't want.
It's obvious.
It's obvious.
So now, what is it that you dowant?
And the biggest thing for me was, yes, I wanted to make the
changes within myself, but Ialso looking at my children,
because I've been normalizingthis for so long and it was like
, no, I can't have this for mychildren.
(08:05):
Oh my gosh.
You know like they're going toend up having an addiction,
because I could see it like it'sfourth generation in our family
.
It started with my father.
It obviously started prior tothat, but I didn't know, you
(08:33):
know, like my father's parentsor anything like that.
So it was with my father andthen it was with all me and my
siblings, then it was it's in mynieces and nephews, and I'm not
saying all of them.
I can't have this continue on.
I'm the only one that can stopit in my family for my children,
my grandchildren and thegenerations going forward, and
so that was a really huge thing,and it was like I got to figure
out what it is that I want.
You know, I know that I don'twant to be addicted to alcohol.
I know that I want to be a goodmom and I know that I want to
(08:56):
be a mentor.
I know that I want to be a goodmom and I know that I want to
be a mentor.
I know that I want to gethealthy and I know that I want
to be happy.
I've got.
I want to be happy, right, yeah, yeah, that was huge for me.
Aideen Ni Riada (09:06):
Yeah, it's such a, it's such a big permission
slip when you say I, I do wantto be happy and you know,
understand that you deserve tohave fulfillment and contentment
and joy.
Shannan Mondor (09:20):
Yeah, and the biggest thing, too is is like I
was, I was willing to now facewhat was really happening, you
know, because in order for me toheal, I needed to really feel I
needed to, you know, have mybreakdowns and my crying, you
know, stuff like that, like Ineeded to just not give a damn
(09:42):
what people thought anymore.
And I was willing to do itbecause I wanted to save me and
my children.
Aideen Ni Riada (09:49):
So you were stopping, trying to hold it
together for everyone elsearound you and you started to be
really truthful.
You started to let them seesome of the pain that you were
in.
How was did people respond tothat?
Did you?
Were you surprised?
Shannan Mondor (10:06):
well, that was a progression all in itself,
right, you know, like, yes, Ihad gone to treatment and stuff
like that and I, I did figureout, you know, about a year and
a half after I had gone totreatment and stuff like that,
and I, I, I did figure out, youknow, about a year and a half
after I had gone to treatment,that, yeah, I did want to go to
treatment but I was doing itmore for everybody else than for
me because I was still a littlein denial that you know I'm,
(10:28):
I'm okay, you know I can stilldrink and stuff like that.
I did quit drinking for a yearand then there was triggers that
ended up happening and then Iended up just going back to my
same old self, you know,suppressing drinking alcohol and
that again.
And then I drank for about ayear and a half and then I could
see that, like the treatmentcenter was, and that was just a
beginning of my journey, it wasjust another tool that I put in
(10:50):
my toolbox.
And treatment doesn't savepeople.
You have to save yourself.
They can only give you thetools and you take what you,
what you want from it.
Um, but then, when my realjourney started.
Yes, I needed to set healthyboundaries and stuff like that.
But when you start speakingyour truth and you start
changing your life and startconforming to what you want,
(11:13):
people have to change.
And people don't like thatbecause people think that you
should be able to change withoutthem doing anything.
And the more that I spoke mytruth and the more that I was
open and honest about myaddiction and and um, you know,
I wasn't going to hide anythinganymore, people don't like that
because then it's a reflectionon their life and then they have
to look at the changes thatthey make within.
And now, now, to this point inthis day, I have nothing to do
(11:36):
with my husband's side of thefamily and I have nothing to do
with my side of the familybecause they didn't want to face
their truths.
Like my whole journey was allabout me, but what ended up
happening is they made it aboutthem and it's like how I'm still
in awe with some things thathave taken place.
Yeah, right, but you know what?
I'm here to save myself and I'mhere to save my children, and
(11:58):
that's just how it is.
You know, people don'tunderstand.
You know why I didn't want tocontinue with them in my life,
if they're still got anaddiction, you know, or they're
still drinking in front of meand thinking it's a okay and
stuff like that, and it's like,no, it's not a okay, this comes
back.
I don't want to be subject tothat anymore.
That's not, that's not how, howit is for me, yeah.
Aideen Ni Riada (12:16):
And this comes back to this idea of your
identity from their perspective,they saw you as a certain type
of person, and that was hard forthem to change.
Shannan Mondor (12:25):
Yeah, and that was the big thing.
You know, if I, if you know, Iwanted to be somebody that was
no longer a non-drinker.
So I have to move in thatposition of changing my identity
, of being a non-drinker.
And how do I do that?
I take inspired action.
And how do I do that?
You know, I no longer, you know, be around people that drink
anymore.
Aideen Ni Riada (12:42):
Yeah.
Shannan Mondor (12:43):
I have to become that individual that does not
drink anymore.
You know, and people don't getthat.
Well, you know it's you receivein life what you are, not what
you want, and a lot of peopledon't get that Tell me more
about that.
(13:04):
Well, if you want to be amillionaire, you don't hang out
with people that are in poverty.
You have to be in the samevibration as what you want, and
a lot of people don't understandthat.
That's the same thing with metoo, like you know, if you want
to be a million I'm just using amillionaire as an example right
, you know, like when I walkinto a room somewhere, I never,
(13:26):
ever, ever want to be thesmartest one in the room, and
the reason that I say that Idon't want to be the smartest
one in the room is because Iwant to learn and grow and get
to the elevation of the nextlevel of what's coming to me.
That's the same thing, likewhen you're.
If you want to be a millionaire, you want to surround yourself
with millionaires because you'regoing to start taking on their
vibration.
You're going to eventuallystart, you know, learning things
(13:47):
from them and that's the mostimportant thing.
You have to be open to receivethrough, through different
levels, and that's what I meanby that.
Aideen Ni Riada (13:59):
Tell me how, in the last year and a half, I
know that you've had this hugetransformation.
You've started to speak morepublicly about your journey.
You started to create ways forpeople to learn from you how
like that.
I mean from the person who wassaying to family members I need,
I need more space, I need to beaway from like watching people
(14:22):
getting drunk or whatever, tonow being speaking about it
publicly.
That must have been a big shiftin itself.
Shannan Mondor (14:30):
Oh, like you know, I just did my TED talk in
January in Las Vegas and youknow I got a standing ovation
and not a dry eye in the house,right, because I talked about my
experiences and how alcoholismand stuff like that is
normalized and how I was a winemom in the wine mom culture and
all of that, right, and you knowit's.
You know how alcohol is soeasily influenced and pushed
(14:52):
within our society.
And then the next thing, youknow there's addictions
happening and then people don'twant to face that there's
addictions, and so it was areally, really powerful speech
that I did and it'll be comingout this month, in the month of
June.
So there is a process that youhave to go to with the.
(15:13):
So I carried that identity thatmy brother had given me all of
those years.
So that was a generationalidentity, because he carried
that as well and obviously myfather obviously carried it as
well too, right.
But the biggest thing that youhave to understand is and you
have to go forward with and youhave to figure it out is who do
you want to be?
Who do you want to be and whatdo you want in life?
(15:33):
And then, once you can figurethat out right and that's not
something that you just shiftinto automatically.
That's why it's calledtransformation.
You have to transform into thatindividual.
It's a process on my journey,of my process, of who I wanted
(15:57):
to be.
Then there was otheropportunities and things that
started to come in Like I neverexpected to be.
You know somebody who was goingto be a best-selling author,
and then I've got a podcast.
Then the next thing, you know,I'm a TED Talk speaker.
And then the next thing, youknow, I'm a transformational
mentor.
And then the next thing youknow, I'm talking on podcasts
literally all over the world andnow I'm doing speaking
(16:19):
engagements.
I never would have thought thatlike five years ago Are you
kidding me?
But once I started with thatone simple thing of what I
wanted I wanted to be a good momand I wanted to be sober Then
from there I started to getclarity.
Then what had happened was COVIDhad taken place and then I
could see all of these peoplehurting desperately.
(16:40):
Right, they were numbingthemselves with alcohol.
And then it was like okay, well, you know what?
What can I do?
Oh, you know what Inspirationalhit.
God guided me.
You know what?
Shannan?
Start doing quotes, puttingthem out on Facebook every day.
That's what I did, okay.
Then the next thing, you know,people are coming up to me and
they're like oh my God, Shannan,you know, like your, your
(17:00):
quotes are just amazing and blah, blah, blah.
Then it's like well, thank you,you know.
And then, and then I get twoemails from two different
individuals that were on thebrink of committing suicide, and
then they were telling me howthey looked forward to my, my
quotes every day, because Ialways posted at 6 am every day,
and that's what stopped them,because then they had something
(17:23):
to look forward to the next day.
Wow.
So you see how that was aripple effect for them that gave
them inspiration to continue on, just like I had the
inspiration to go on through myquotes.
Then I had the inspiration fromthem I'm going to do a live.
So I did a live and I toldeverybody exactly what my whole
entire life was, because theylooked at me like I was just
(17:45):
this amazing thing and like I,the followers I got was just
incredible.
Within, about, you know, sixmonths span.
And I'm like, oh my God, I'mlying, I'm lying to everybody,
they're putting me on this bigpedestal and this is ridiculous.
So I had to share my story.
So that's why I did a live, sothat was inspiration there.
Then, the next thing, you know,I'm like, oh my God, maybe I
should write a book.
Aideen Ni Riada (18:06):
So I wrote a book.
Tell us about the book, becausewriting a book is a huge
identity shift in itselfbecoming an author.
Tell us a little bit about thatprocess.
I have a lot some listenersthat are really interested in
the creative process and youobviously knew what the topic
was.
But how did you?
How did you bring your thoughtstogether?
(18:27):
What was your process?
How did you manage that?
Shannan Mondor (18:43):
process.
It was really super easy.
So I don't know if I'm theright one, but my why, my why of
what I wanted to say in my bookwas so strong, my why of
getting my message out there wasso strong.
And I think that is the biggestthing.
If your why is so so strong,god is going to figure out a way
to get it to you.
And my why was all I wanted todo was save one person, Like
(19:04):
those emails that I receivedfrom those two individuals that
impacted me huge, like I was.
Just I could tear up nowbecause I was saving people.
Now Because I was, I was savingpeople.
I would have never thought thatever by, by, like you know,
being so vulnerable, and my whyto write this book.
(19:28):
Like I said, I just wanted tosave one person.
So when I actually just reallypicked up the computer one day
and I'm just like you know whatI'm going to start right from
the beginning.
So I started sharing thatjourney even before I was born
how the addiction was in ourfamily and how my father abused
all of my brothers and sistersand my mom, and then it just
kind of flowed out of me.
(19:48):
Then I started going into mychildhood about how I was being
abused.
Then I started talking about,you know, my teenage years, how
I became a people pleaser andlike all of it, then my 20s and
my 30s, and then my 40s, mymarriage, you know, like just
everything.
You know what I mean and itliterally just flowed out of me
like oh, like I ended up writingmy book in less than three
(20:11):
months and I didn't realize itat that time and I didn't even
realize it until after my bookwas published.
How the book was there also toheal me.
Yeah, yeah, like I had no ideaBecause my focus, like I said,
my why, was so strong.
(20:32):
I just wanted to help otherpeople.
If anybody was going throughwhat I had gone through, or
endured a childhood like mine,and they were still struggling
with addiction or mental illnessor whatever, I just wanted them
to feel better and I wantedthem to know that life can get
better.
Aideen Ni Riada (20:49):
But you got to work at it know that life can
get better, but you got to workat it.
What's a phenomenal story, andI'm so.
I'm very impressed and admireanyone who can write a book, and
to write such a vulnerable bookis well, mine's a tell-all,
like I do not miss anything.
Shannan Mondor (21:05):
I do not miss anything in it at all, and that
was another thing which wasreally really hard for people to
understand in it at all.
And that was another thingwhich was really really hard for
people to understand was thebook was about me, my feelings,
my emotions, my thoughts, how Iactually got to that aspect of
addiction.
And you can't sugarcoat it.
You just got to be flat outvulnerable and I was so
vulnerable and that and I knownow that that's one of my
(21:26):
superpowers for sure Like I can,you know I don't know how many
interviews I've been on and Ijust break down.
You know what I mean.
Like that's, that's just who Iam and that just gives other
people the strength that'slistening to this story as well,
to know, oh my gosh, you haveto have a breakdown in order to
have a breakthrough.
That's just how it works.
Yeah, you just have to, becausethat's just shedding layers and
(21:49):
layers of layers of pain andagony that you've gone through
Yep, letting it go doesn't feelnecessarily easy because we hold
on, and it can be a painfulthing, but it is essential to
build back up.
Absolutely, and that's whatgives you the strength by all
those experiences.
The power within that pain isjust unbelievable and that is
(22:14):
how I found my life purpose waswithin my trauma.
Aideen Ni Riada (22:16):
wow it became fuel for you absolutely,
absolutely.
There is no question yeah,before we start wrapping things
up, Shannan, is there anythingthat you, in particular, would
like to say to the listenerstoday?
Shannan Mondor (22:40):
I could talk forever, but all I really want
to say is, when it comes toidentity, identity is so
important and I want you toreally look at yourself right
this moment, and if you have anyresistance towards who you are
and in your belief systems, youare going to know darn well that
that is not your identity.
Somebody that has created theirown identity has confidence, has
strength, has love, has powerand is able to really truly love
(23:03):
themselves.
And so if you're having issueswhen it comes to your identity
and what I'm saying is reallyresonating with you, reach out
to me, because let me tell you,I love teaching people about
identity, because it's not onlyidentity.
You need the also hand in hand,a vibration of who you are and
(23:23):
what the vibration is which yougrew up in.
And that's a whole other showthat I can talk about as well,
too, because I was brought up inthe vibration of anxiety,
depression, shame, all of that,and that goes hand in hand with
addiction and abuse.
So when you hear the phrase youare who you attract, that is
(23:44):
why I led such a horrible,destitute life is because I
attracted all of that into mylife, subconsciously, not
consciously, and once I figuredout vibration and I was taught
all of that stuff.
That was when I had totalcontrol of who I am, where I'm
going, what I'm doing and all ofthat now and I can see it, I
(24:07):
can feel it, I can taste it Ihave total control in my life by
changing my identity and myvibration.
Aideen Ni Riada (24:14):
That's beautiful and we all aspire to
step into our own power indifferent ways, and sometimes I
think we can feel powerful incertain areas of our lives, and
then there's other areas we'restill shy about or we're still
learning, and everything becomesa new evolution.
So I know personally, anytime Ireach a new level there's that
(24:36):
little bit of a self-doubt andwho is this new me?
It's like you're coming out asa butterfly again.
Um so, and that's to not feelafraid, I guess, to you know, to
know that this is a process.
Like you said earlier, it is aprocess.
It is a process and it is ajourney, and it is sometimes
(24:57):
uncomfortable.
You feel that kind of squeezeof this doesn't feel right to me
anymore and you have to likeshed that skin to move into the
next phase.
Shannan Mondor (25:07):
And that's the thing too is like, once you get
to a certain level of awarenessand, um, you feel that fear,
come on, you will know that,okay, this is, this is where I I
have to go forward now.
Yeah, I have to go forwardbecause it's within that fear on
the other side is where I'mgoing to grow, and then it's not
so scary.
You understand, you know, andit's like, okay, you understand
(25:28):
it, it's like okay, I'm going togo forward, I'm going to go
forward, I'm going to grow, andthen it's not so scary.
You understand, you know, andit's like, okay, you understand
it, and it's like, okay, I'mgoing to go forward, I'm going
to go forward, I'm going to goforward.
And that, like with me, whensomething pops up like that, I'm
like, okay, man, oh, I'm goingto do it, I'm going to do it.
I I'm not liking the journeyright now, but I know that it's
going to open up so many doorsfor me and this is going.
(25:52):
This also gives me theopportunity so I can teach
others through my experience,because that's my whole life
purpose.
Well, I'm going to do another.
I've got another experience.
It's coming, it's coming, it'scoming Right, and that thinking
about it that way is so damnexciting.
Aideen Ni Riada (26:07):
Well, it's been exciting to have you here on
the show today.
It's been wonderful to have youhere on the show today it's
been wonderful.
Thank you so much for sharingyour journey, um.
I know that it just for fromperspective for anybody
listening to this podcast.
Um Shannan's ted talk was umlive in January 2024 and it will
(26:27):
be.
The recording will be available, I guess, on YouTube and on
TEDxcom, um in June 2024, so ifit's already past that, please
go look for that TED talk.
She got an amazing standingovation.
I'm looking forward to seeingit myself.
I will put all of your linksinto the show notes, Shannan,
and I'm really grateful that youwere able to be here today.
Shannan Mondor (26:48):
Well, thank, thank you, aiden.
I'll tell you, this wasabsolutely amazing, and I hope
that people learned from what Isaid today, because that's what
I'm all about.
Aideen Ni Riada (26:57):
So thank you, you're so welcome.
Thank you all for listening.
We'll be back again on the nextepisode of the Resonate Podcast
with Aideen.
Bye-bye.
Welcome to the Resonate podcast with Aideen.
My name is Aideen Ni Riada andmy guest today is Shannan Mondor
.
Welcome, Shannan.
Thank you for having me Now.
Shannan is a very interestingguest.
She has an amazing journey thatshe's going to tell us all
about, but what I'm going to dois read a little about her to
set the scene.
(00:24):
Shannan is a bestselling author,podcast host, tedx speaker and
transformational mentor.
She created her businessFulfillment in Faith to teach
others to have faith inthemselves, which is the
foundation to having fulfillmentin every area of life.
Shannan overcame her past andused her experiences to empower
herself to change.
(00:44):
She now uses the knowledge shegained to help others release
their past and find greatnesswithin them, to live in
confidence, strength and freedom.
Thank you so much for beinghere, Shannan.
It's great to have you here.
Thank you From this journeyyou've been on.
(01:05):
We were speaking just beforeyou came on about how your
self-identity was.
One of the biggest things thatchanged shift was for you.
Tell us a little bit about yourpast and where you had come
(01:26):
from, and what kind of personhad you believed yourself to be.
Shannan Mondor (01:34):
So what everybody needs to know first
about me is I grew up in ahousehold of addiction, abuse
and mental illness, and all ofthat was generational.
So I don't know what happenedprior to my father, but my
father was extremely abusive anda full-fledged alcoholic.
(01:54):
So he abused every single oneof my family members and I'm the
youngest of eight children andI'm the youngest of eight
children and the abuse was sobad within our household that
the brunt of the beatings werefor my mother and also for my
(02:15):
oldest brother.
And then my father ended upcommitting suicide when I was
about two and a half years old.
But it didn't stop, because nowabuse, mental illness and
addiction has been normalizedwithin our family.
So my family doesn't know anydifferent.
So what took place now was myoldest brother actually carried
on the role of my father, sothat's where my abuser came in.
He was the one that abused me.
(02:38):
So I grew up in a householdwhere, from like the earliest
that I can ever remember, I wastold I was dumb, I was stupid, I
was never going to amount toremember.
I was told I was dumb, I wasstupid, I was never going to
amount to anything, I was goodfor nothing.
And then, of course, once I gotmore into my teenage years, the
name calling was absolutelyhorrible.
(02:59):
And so what happens when you'regrowing up in an environment
like that?
I had no self-worth.
I had no confidence.
Up in an environment like that,I had no self-worth, I had no
confidence.
There was so much shame thatwent along with it.
So my personality from such ayoung, young age was conformed
around all of that.
So what ended up taking placewas I became a people pleaser.
(03:20):
I was a chameleon and Iliterally let others control my
life throughout my whole entirelife until I had my awakening to
a moment, my awakening toawareness, which didn't happen
until August 17th of 2019.
And I am anybody that'slistening to this.
You guys know exactly what I'mtalking about, because so many
of you out there have definitelywalked that same path I have
(03:43):
there have definitely walkedthat same path I have, and it
was at that pivotal moment, youknow, but by then I had already
been living a life of addiction.
I became a full-fledgedalcoholic Absolutely, I did.
Aideen Ni Riada (03:57):
Yeah, one of the things that that background
can bring and thankfully I didhave alcohol in my family, but
not abuse, which I'm glad aboutthere was there was more like
different, different things.
Everybody has something right,but what can happen?
What can happen is when youfeel so rejected by people who
(04:21):
are supposed to love you.
It does create that imbalanceof wanting connection but not
feeling worthy of the connection.
So therefore you felt like youmaybe weren't good enough.
That's why you're trying sohard to connect with people.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Shannan Mondor (04:36):
Oh, yeah, like I had years of suppression, right
, and that's why I let peopleliterally walk all over me,
because I would build up afriendship and I really cared
about the friendship, but thenit almost became more of I
wanted others to be.
What could I do to make them sohappy?
It was never about me and Inever knew what it really
(04:58):
experienced.
What it was like to experiencethat All I would get is the hurt
and the pain.
But then I would go into thecycles of feeling sorry for
myself Do you know what?
And it was just a vicious cycle, over and over and over again.
But yet I didn't want to bejudged.
I didn't want to lose thesefriendships.
So I would always put everybodyelse first over me and I would
(05:19):
always end up putting myself insituations where there would
happen over and over and overagain.
So there were so many differentcycles that happened throughout
my life, exactly like that.
Aideen Ni Riada (05:29):
I'm curious when you were going through that
phase, what was yourself-identity?
Shannan Mondor (05:35):
You obviously thought of yourself as a good
friend, but there was I thoughtmyself as a good friend, but at
that time you need to realizetoo that I really didn't know
what was really going on withinme.
How, you know, I was justliving a life of survival as
well too.
Yeah, you know, I would alwayscompare myself to others,
because we are also brought upin a society where we are taught
to look to the outside world.
(05:56):
You know, we're taught to lookat materialism, how successful
we are.
All of that plays so much intoit.
So I always wanted to be likeeverybody else.
So I didn't even really knowwho I was.
I had no clue, you know.
So there was always resistancein so many different areas of my
life, you know, of course therewas the jealousy and all of
that as well, too.
Right, but how could I possiblyallow others to love me if I
(06:21):
didn't even love myself?
Because I was never taught that.
I was brought up in a housewhere there was always, you know
, depression, anxiety, there wasjealousy.
I was never brought up in ahouse where it's like, oh good
for you, Shannan, or where Ifelt the love, or, you know,
hugs and kisses and stuff likethat, the first time that I was
actually told that I was lovedby my mother.
(06:42):
I was 27 years old and I was theone that said it to her, and
she could barely squeak it outWow.
But that's also because shedidn't love herself.
She didn't know what that was.
You know, you, you can't givesomething to others if you don't
have it within you, and thattook me a long time to figure
that one out Right.
So I had a lot of resentmentand hatred towards my mother as
(07:05):
well too, but it wasn't until,like I said, I you know, I
started to heal, where I couldactually see that, you know, and
and then I could havecompassion towards her and my
brother, which was my abuser.
Aideen Ni Riada (07:18):
When did self love begin for you?
Shannan Mondor (07:23):
Oh well, like I said, I had been living a life
for 50 years.
On August 17th of 2019 was whenI had my awakening to awareness
.
I'd literally hit rock bottom.
I'd already been throughtreatment, several suicidal
thoughts and attempts and youknow just different things like
that, and I, when I woke up thatmorning, there was just
something inside me that waslike enough is enough, like how
(07:45):
much more can you possiblyendure?
You know.
You know what you don't want.
It's obvious.
It's obvious.
So now, what is it that you dowant?
And the biggest thing for me was, yes, I wanted to make the
changes within myself, but Ialso looking at my children,
because I've been normalizingthis for so long and it was like
, no, I can't have this for mychildren.
(08:05):
Oh my gosh.
You know like they're going toend up having an addiction,
because I could see it like it'sfourth generation in our family
.
It started with my father.
It obviously started prior tothat, but I didn't know, you
(08:33):
know, like my father's parentsor anything like that.
So it was with my father andthen it was with all me and my
siblings, then it was it's in mynieces and nephews, and I'm not
saying all of them.
I can't have this continue on.
I'm the only one that can stopit in my family for my children,
my grandchildren and thegenerations going forward, and
so that was a really huge thing,and it was like I got to figure
out what it is that I want.
You know, I know that I don'twant to be addicted to alcohol.
I know that I want to be a goodmom and I know that I want to
(08:56):
be a mentor.
I know that I want to be a goodmom and I know that I want to
be a mentor.
I know that I want to gethealthy and I know that I want
to be happy.
I've got.
I want to be happy, right, yeah, yeah, that was huge for me.
Aideen Ni Riada (09:06):
Yeah, it's such a, it's such a big permission
slip when you say I, I do wantto be happy and you know,
understand that you deserve tohave fulfillment and contentment
and joy.
Shannan Mondor (09:20):
Yeah, and the biggest thing, too is is like I
was, I was willing to now facewhat was really happening, you
know, because in order for me toheal, I needed to really feel I
needed to, you know, have mybreakdowns and my crying, you
know, stuff like that, like Ineeded to just not give a damn
(09:42):
what people thought anymore.
And I was willing to do itbecause I wanted to save me and
my children.
Aideen Ni Riada (09:49):
So you were stopping, trying to hold it
together for everyone elsearound you and you started to be
really truthful.
You started to let them seesome of the pain that you were
in.
How was did people respond tothat?
Did you?
Were you surprised?
Shannan Mondor (10:06):
well, that was a progression all in itself,
right, you know, like, yes, Ihad gone to treatment and stuff
like that and I, I did figureout, you know, about a year and
a half after I had gone totreatment and stuff like that,
and I, I, I did figure out, youknow, about a year and a half
after I had gone to treatment,that, yeah, I did want to go to
treatment but I was doing itmore for everybody else than for
me because I was still a littlein denial that you know I'm,
(10:28):
I'm okay, you know I can stilldrink and stuff like that.
I did quit drinking for a yearand then there was triggers that
ended up happening and then Iended up just going back to my
same old self, you know,suppressing drinking alcohol and
that again.
And then I drank for about ayear and a half and then I could
see that, like the treatmentcenter was, and that was just a
beginning of my journey, it wasjust another tool that I put in
(10:50):
my toolbox.
And treatment doesn't savepeople.
You have to save yourself.
They can only give you thetools and you take what you,
what you want from it.
Um, but then, when my realjourney started.
Yes, I needed to set healthyboundaries and stuff like that.
But when you start speakingyour truth and you start
changing your life and startconforming to what you want,
(11:13):
people have to change.
And people don't like thatbecause people think that you
should be able to change withoutthem doing anything.
And the more that I spoke mytruth and the more that I was
open and honest about myaddiction and and um, you know,
I wasn't going to hide anythinganymore, people don't like that
because then it's a reflectionon their life and then they have
to look at the changes thatthey make within.
And now, now, to this point inthis day, I have nothing to do
(11:36):
with my husband's side of thefamily and I have nothing to do
with my side of the familybecause they didn't want to face
their truths.
Like my whole journey was allabout me, but what ended up
happening is they made it aboutthem and it's like how I'm still
in awe with some things thathave taken place.
Yeah, right, but you know what?
I'm here to save myself and I'mhere to save my children, and
(11:58):
that's just how it is.
You know, people don'tunderstand.
You know why I didn't want tocontinue with them in my life,
if they're still got anaddiction, you know, or they're
still drinking in front of meand thinking it's a okay and
stuff like that, and it's like,no, it's not a okay, this comes
back.
I don't want to be subject tothat anymore.
That's not, that's not how, howit is for me, yeah.
Aideen Ni Riada (12:16):
And this comes back to this idea of your
identity from their perspective,they saw you as a certain type
of person, and that was hard forthem to change.
Shannan Mondor (12:25):
Yeah, and that was the big thing.
You know, if I, if you know, Iwanted to be somebody that was
no longer a non-drinker.
So I have to move in thatposition of changing my identity
, of being a non-drinker.
And how do I do that?
I take inspired action.
And how do I do that?
You know, I no longer, you know, be around people that drink
anymore.
Aideen Ni Riada (12:42):
Yeah.
Shannan Mondor (12:43):
I have to become that individual that does not
drink anymore.
You know, and people don't getthat.
Well, you know it's you receivein life what you are, not what
you want, and a lot of peopledon't get that Tell me more
about that.
(13:04):
Well, if you want to be amillionaire, you don't hang out
with people that are in poverty.
You have to be in the samevibration as what you want, and
a lot of people don't understandthat.
That's the same thing with metoo, like you know, if you want
to be a million I'm just using amillionaire as an example right
, you know, like when I walkinto a room somewhere, I never,
(13:26):
ever, ever want to be thesmartest one in the room, and
the reason that I say that Idon't want to be the smartest
one in the room is because Iwant to learn and grow and get
to the elevation of the nextlevel of what's coming to me.
That's the same thing, likewhen you're.
If you want to be a millionaire, you want to surround yourself
with millionaires because you'regoing to start taking on their
vibration.
You're going to eventuallystart, you know, learning things
(13:47):
from them and that's the mostimportant thing.
You have to be open to receivethrough, through different
levels, and that's what I meanby that.
Aideen Ni Riada (13:59):
Tell me how, in the last year and a half, I
know that you've had this hugetransformation.
You've started to speak morepublicly about your journey.
You started to create ways forpeople to learn from you how
like that.
I mean from the person who wassaying to family members I need,
I need more space, I need to beaway from like watching people
(14:22):
getting drunk or whatever, tonow being speaking about it
publicly.
That must have been a big shiftin itself.
Shannan Mondor (14:30):
Oh, like you know, I just did my TED talk in
January in Las Vegas and youknow I got a standing ovation
and not a dry eye in the house,right, because I talked about my
experiences and how alcoholismand stuff like that is
normalized and how I was a winemom in the wine mom culture and
all of that, right, and you knowit's.
You know how alcohol is soeasily influenced and pushed
(14:52):
within our society.
And then the next thing, youknow there's addictions
happening and then people don'twant to face that there's
addictions, and so it was areally, really powerful speech
that I did and it'll be comingout this month, in the month of
June.
So there is a process that youhave to go to with the.
(15:13):
So I carried that identity thatmy brother had given me all of
those years.
So that was a generationalidentity, because he carried
that as well and obviously myfather obviously carried it as
well too, right.
But the biggest thing that youhave to understand is and you
have to go forward with and youhave to figure it out is who do
you want to be?
Who do you want to be and whatdo you want in life?
(15:33):
And then, once you can figurethat out right and that's not
something that you just shiftinto automatically.
That's why it's calledtransformation.
You have to transform into thatindividual.
It's a process on my journey,of my process, of who I wanted
(15:57):
to be.
Then there was otheropportunities and things that
started to come in Like I neverexpected to be.
You know somebody who was goingto be a best-selling author,
and then I've got a podcast.
Then the next thing, you know,I'm a TED Talk speaker.
And then the next thing, youknow, I'm a transformational
mentor.
And then the next thing youknow, I'm talking on podcasts
literally all over the world andnow I'm doing speaking
(16:19):
engagements.
I never would have thought thatlike five years ago Are you
kidding me?
But once I started with thatone simple thing of what I
wanted I wanted to be a good momand I wanted to be sober Then
from there I started to getclarity.
Then what had happened was COVIDhad taken place and then I
could see all of these peoplehurting desperately.
(16:40):
Right, they were numbingthemselves with alcohol.
And then it was like okay, well, you know what?
What can I do?
Oh, you know what Inspirationalhit.
God guided me.
You know what?
Shannan?
Start doing quotes, puttingthem out on Facebook every day.
That's what I did, okay.
Then the next thing, you know,people are coming up to me and
they're like oh my God, Shannan,you know, like your, your
(17:00):
quotes are just amazing and blah, blah, blah.
Then it's like well, thank you,you know.
And then, and then I get twoemails from two different
individuals that were on thebrink of committing suicide, and
then they were telling me howthey looked forward to my, my
quotes every day, because Ialways posted at 6 am every day,
and that's what stopped them,because then they had something
(17:23):
to look forward to the next day.
Wow.
So you see how that was aripple effect for them that gave
them inspiration to continue on, just like I had the
inspiration to go on through myquotes.
Then I had the inspiration fromthem I'm going to do a live.
So I did a live and I toldeverybody exactly what my whole
entire life was, because theylooked at me like I was just
(17:45):
this amazing thing and like I,the followers I got was just
incredible.
Within, about, you know, sixmonths span.
And I'm like, oh my God, I'mlying, I'm lying to everybody,
they're putting me on this bigpedestal and this is ridiculous.
So I had to share my story.
So that's why I did a live, sothat was inspiration there.
Then, the next thing, you know,I'm like, oh my God, maybe I
should write a book.
Aideen Ni Riada (18:06):
So I wrote a book.
Tell us about the book, becausewriting a book is a huge
identity shift in itselfbecoming an author.
Tell us a little bit about thatprocess.
I have a lot some listenersthat are really interested in
the creative process and youobviously knew what the topic
was.
But how did you?
How did you bring your thoughtstogether?
(18:27):
What was your process?
How did you manage that?
Shannan Mondor (18:43):
process.
It was really super easy.
So I don't know if I'm theright one, but my why, my why of
what I wanted to say in my bookwas so strong, my why of
getting my message out there wasso strong.
And I think that is the biggestthing.
If your why is so so strong,god is going to figure out a way
to get it to you.
And my why was all I wanted todo was save one person, Like
(19:04):
those emails that I receivedfrom those two individuals that
impacted me huge, like I was.
Just I could tear up nowbecause I was saving people.
Now Because I was, I was savingpeople.
I would have never thought thatever by, by, like you know,
being so vulnerable, and my whyto write this book.
(19:28):
Like I said, I just wanted tosave one person.
So when I actually just reallypicked up the computer one day
and I'm just like you know whatI'm going to start right from
the beginning.
So I started sharing thatjourney even before I was born
how the addiction was in ourfamily and how my father abused
all of my brothers and sistersand my mom, and then it just
kind of flowed out of me.
(19:48):
Then I started going into mychildhood about how I was being
abused.
Then I started talking about,you know, my teenage years, how
I became a people pleaser andlike all of it, then my 20s and
my 30s, and then my 40s, mymarriage, you know, like just
everything.
You know what I mean and itliterally just flowed out of me
like oh, like I ended up writingmy book in less than three
(20:11):
months and I didn't realize itat that time and I didn't even
realize it until after my bookwas published.
How the book was there also toheal me.
Yeah, yeah, like I had no ideaBecause my focus, like I said,
my why, was so strong.
(20:32):
I just wanted to help otherpeople.
If anybody was going throughwhat I had gone through, or
endured a childhood like mine,and they were still struggling
with addiction or mental illnessor whatever, I just wanted them
to feel better and I wantedthem to know that life can get
better.
Aideen Ni Riada (20:49):
But you got to work at it know that life can
get better, but you got to workat it.
What's a phenomenal story, andI'm so.
I'm very impressed and admireanyone who can write a book, and
to write such a vulnerable bookis well, mine's a tell-all,
like I do not miss anything.
Shannan Mondor (21:05):
I do not miss anything in it at all, and that
was another thing which wasreally really hard for people to
understand in it at all.
And that was another thingwhich was really really hard for
people to understand was thebook was about me, my feelings,
my emotions, my thoughts, how Iactually got to that aspect of
addiction.
And you can't sugarcoat it.
You just got to be flat outvulnerable and I was so
vulnerable and that and I knownow that that's one of my
(21:26):
superpowers for sure Like I can,you know I don't know how many
interviews I've been on and Ijust break down.
You know what I mean.
Like that's, that's just who Iam and that just gives other
people the strength that'slistening to this story as well,
to know, oh my gosh, you haveto have a breakdown in order to
have a breakthrough.
That's just how it works.
Yeah, you just have to, becausethat's just shedding layers and
(21:49):
layers of layers of pain andagony that you've gone through
Yep, letting it go doesn't feelnecessarily easy because we hold
on, and it can be a painfulthing, but it is essential to
build back up.
Absolutely, and that's whatgives you the strength by all
those experiences.
The power within that pain isjust unbelievable and that is
(22:14):
how I found my life purpose waswithin my trauma.
Aideen Ni Riada (22:16):
wow it became fuel for you absolutely,
absolutely.
There is no question yeah,before we start wrapping things
up, Shannan, is there anythingthat you, in particular, would
like to say to the listenerstoday?
Shannan Mondor (22:40):
I could talk forever, but all I really want
to say is, when it comes toidentity, identity is so
important and I want you toreally look at yourself right
this moment, and if you have anyresistance towards who you are
and in your belief systems, youare going to know darn well that
that is not your identity.
Somebody that has created theirown identity has confidence, has
strength, has love, has powerand is able to really truly love
(23:03):
themselves.
And so if you're having issueswhen it comes to your identity
and what I'm saying is reallyresonating with you, reach out
to me, because let me tell you,I love teaching people about
identity, because it's not onlyidentity.
You need the also hand in hand,a vibration of who you are and
(23:23):
what the vibration is which yougrew up in.
And that's a whole other showthat I can talk about as well,
too, because I was brought up inthe vibration of anxiety,
depression, shame, all of that,and that goes hand in hand with
addiction and abuse.
So when you hear the phrase youare who you attract, that is
(23:44):
why I led such a horrible,destitute life is because I
attracted all of that into mylife, subconsciously, not
consciously, and once I figuredout vibration and I was taught
all of that stuff.
That was when I had totalcontrol of who I am, where I'm
going, what I'm doing and all ofthat now and I can see it, I
(24:07):
can feel it, I can taste it Ihave total control in my life by
changing my identity and myvibration.
Aideen Ni Riada (24:14):
That's beautiful and we all aspire to
step into our own power indifferent ways, and sometimes I
think we can feel powerful incertain areas of our lives, and
then there's other areas we'restill shy about or we're still
learning, and everything becomesa new evolution.
So I know personally, anytime Ireach a new level there's that
(24:36):
little bit of a self-doubt andwho is this new me?
It's like you're coming out asa butterfly again.
Um so, and that's to not feelafraid, I guess, to you know, to
know that this is a process.
Like you said earlier, it is aprocess.
It is a process and it is ajourney, and it is sometimes
(24:57):
uncomfortable.
You feel that kind of squeezeof this doesn't feel right to me
anymore and you have to likeshed that skin to move into the
next phase.
Shannan Mondor (25:07):
And that's the thing too is like, once you get
to a certain level of awarenessand, um, you feel that fear,
come on, you will know that,okay, this is, this is where I I
have to go forward now.
Yeah, I have to go forwardbecause it's within that fear on
the other side is where I'mgoing to grow, and then it's not
so scary.
You understand, you know, andit's like, okay, you understand
(25:28):
it, it's like okay, I'm going togo forward, I'm going to go
forward, I'm going to grow, andthen it's not so scary.
You understand, you know, andit's like, okay, you understand
it, and it's like, okay, I'mgoing to go forward, I'm going
to go forward, I'm going to goforward.
And that, like with me, whensomething pops up like that, I'm
like, okay, man, oh, I'm goingto do it, I'm going to do it.
I I'm not liking the journeyright now, but I know that it's
going to open up so many doorsfor me and this is going.
(25:52):
This also gives me theopportunity so I can teach
others through my experience,because that's my whole life
purpose.
Well, I'm going to do another.
I've got another experience.
It's coming, it's coming, it'scoming Right, and that thinking
about it that way is so damnexciting.
Aideen Ni Riada (26:07):
Well, it's been exciting to have you here on
the show today.
It's been wonderful to have youhere on the show today it's
been wonderful.
Thank you so much for sharingyour journey, um.
I know that it just for fromperspective for anybody
listening to this podcast.
Um Shannan's ted talk was umlive in January 2024 and it will
(26:27):
be.
The recording will be available, I guess, on YouTube and on
TEDxcom, um in June 2024, so ifit's already past that, please
go look for that TED talk.
She got an amazing standingovation.
I'm looking forward to seeingit myself.
I will put all of your linksinto the show notes, Shannan,
and I'm really grateful that youwere able to be here today.
Shannan Mondor (26:48):
Well, thank, thank you, aiden.
I'll tell you, this wasabsolutely amazing, and I hope
that people learned from what Isaid today, because that's what
I'm all about.
Aideen Ni Riada (26:57):
So thank you, you're so welcome.
Thank you all for listening.
We'll be back again on the nextepisode of the Resonate Podcast
with Aideen.
Bye-bye.
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