September 12, 2025 • 51 mins
In this conversation, host Sumina Bhatti sits down with Charan Bashir, a licensed professional counselor who works as both a therapist and coach for Compass real estate agents. They dive into the often-overlooked mental health challenges that real estate professionals face and explore practical tools for managing stress, burnout, and the pressure to perform.
Charan Bashir is a licensed professional counselor who works as both a therapist and coach, specializing in helping real estate professionals navigate stress, burnout, and the mental health challenges of building a sustainable business. On this episode of Rested and Rich in Real Estate, he shares how agents can redefine success on their own terms while embedding wellness practices into their professional lives.
You can find Charan at:
- instagram: @charanmbashir
- website: https://www.charanbashir.com/ where you can sign up for his weekly newsletter
Other resources we discuss:
- Book: ‘Burnout’ by Emily Nagoski PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
You can find me on instagram @rested.real.estate.agent, and you can sign up for my newsletter to keep up with upcoming workshops and other offerings on my website www.suminabhatti.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Rested Real Estate Agent.
A podcast that helps younavigate life as a real estate
professional while finding somerest and balance along the way.
I'm your host, samina, an agentwith 18 years of experience in
the Austin, texas area, and Ibelieve there's a better way to
do our business serve ourclients and not get burnt out.
(00:24):
I help agents get from chaos toclarity.
I am excited today because myguest is Charan Bashir, who is a
licensed therapist in Coloradoand works both as a therapist
and coach with realtor andnon-realtor clients alike.
Charan has a great mix ofholistic, values-driven approach
(00:47):
, while also using hispsychological expertise to
foster authentic transformationand sustainable growth.
I came across Charan at theCompass Conference in Charleston
in 2024 when he was one of thepresenters at the session I
attended and I really enjoyedhis message.
When he was one of thepresenters at a session I
attended and I really enjoyedhis message.
(01:09):
I often find, especially atconferences, that the real
estate space can be so loud andbusy, especially when it comes
to real estate coaching,speakers etc.
And Charon's calm andmindfulness based strategies
really appeal to me and I figurethey'd appeal to my audience
too, if you're listening to theRested and Rich Real Estate
Agent.
So, without further ado, let'sget to it.
So I was going back and lookingat thinking about how we got
(01:31):
connected in the first place.
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
To be quite honest with you, I genuinely have no
idea, but what I would imagineis, because of the work that
I've been doing with Compass,I've had the opportunity to
cross paths with a lot of reallygreat people and I oftentimes
will do programs specificallyfor Compass as a part of the
(01:56):
marketplace, and I think maybethat could have been where our
paths crossed.
And then when I learned thatyou did the meditations weekly,
I was really, really intriguedand I think that increased some
of the connection between us andthe opportunity to be in
dialogue together.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, I think that I saw you as a coach and then
somehow signed up for yournewsletter.
I was trying to track back tolike how do we first get
connected?
Because I was like you're not arealtor, so it wasn't through
the real estate space, it wasobviously through Compass.
But yeah, and.
I think I started following youonline and then signed up for
your newsletter and then you hadlike the mindfulness stuff in
there.
I was like, oh, yay, yeah.
(02:40):
So I thought today what wewould do is talk about
specifically your role as notbeing a therapist and working
with realtors and obviously, howyour therapy work, how you work
with them, how you use yourtherapy work with realtors,
because you're not I don't knowif you are, but you're not the
(03:00):
realtor's therapist.
You may have realtor clienttherapists, I don't know, but
that's not your role withCompass.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, that's a great place to begin because I think
it gives a really good way todelineate between the services
that I offer as a privatepractice owner and some of the
services that are specificallyused for compass agents, and
it's a little bit confusing onlybecause there's some crossover.
(03:29):
So, professionally, I'm atherapist by trade and academic
training Degree, yes, by degree,right, yeah, and that is a core
competency for me.
I think therapeutic conceptsfind a way into almost
(03:50):
everything that I do because, atthe core, the mission that I
have is to support people inrelinquishing attachments to a
painful past, adversity ortrauma and supporting them in
developing the agency to livetheir life in a more
value-aligned way.
And that description, anyonecould benefit from that.
(04:14):
So when I take a look at theclients that I serve
specifically in a therapeuticcontext, it's a lot of work that
is encompassing a lot of depth.
So I like to take a look atwhat has created hindrances to
clients expressing greateragency for the life that they
(04:35):
desire and, metaphoricallyspeaking, clearing some of that
debris on the road.
And when I got into thecoaching space, the interesting
thing was it felt very easy forme because I had already had
some of the clinical training,and it was really more so about
refining the message in a way tospeak to this particular
(04:57):
audience.
And just for a grand schemecontext, every therapist is a
coach, every coach is not atherapist and what I do in the
coaching capacity it's reallyutilizing some of the education,
experience and justconversations and dialogue that
(05:19):
I've had with clients and usingsome of those restorative
techniques to empower peopleforward.
And that's what everyprofessional wants to do.
They want to be able todiscover a way that they can
accomplish their goals with theleast amount of effort and the
greatest amount of connection totheir path and in that respect
(05:43):
I feel like I'm a perfect, youknow coach for a realtor because
even though we might notrecognize some of the emotional
connections, challengesinhibiting our professional
development, sometimes you know,as the metaphor goes, the more
you know, the more you can grow.
The more you know, the more youcan show up in a different way.
(06:06):
And I really like to equipagents with tools that
prioritize mental healthalongside their tactical and
strategic pathways tocultivating success in their
business and in my experiencethus far, it's been a worthwhile
addition to the Compass RealEstate Agent Toolkit to have
(06:30):
some of those strategies.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Sure.
So your practice, yourprofession, is therapy and you
have your therapy clients andthen you have your coaching
business and you have yourcoaching clients there, and are
those clients in differentfields in addition to real
estate, or is it mostly realestate at this point?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, great question.
So it's a little bit ofdiversity in just about anything
that I do, from therapy tocoaching to consulting.
I like to lean into that triadas a way to bring some of my
passion forward, and a lot of mycoaching clients are real
estate agents, due to thepartnership that I've created
(07:11):
with Compass, and it's given mean opportunity to break into
this new demographic of clientsand at the same time, from a
therapeutic perspective, ourlicensure is only contingent to
the states where we obtain it,and for me that means I'm
licensed as a clinical mentalhealth counselor in Michigan and
(07:37):
Colorado.
But oftentimes, let's say, forexample, we have a client who
could benefit from mental healthresources and maybe they have a
specific attraction to the waythat I speak about things or the
way that I use the tools tocultivate change.
Coaching is also a way to namemental health services that are
(07:59):
aimed at clients outside of yourjurisdiction, so to speak.
So I can't provide therapy fora client in New Mexico, for
example, but what I can do, ifthey happen to find me and they
have an attraction to my work, Ilet them know that we can work
together in the coachingcapacity.
But in terms of mental healthdiagnoses, the analysis of
(08:24):
maladaptive behavior and thosesorts of things.
I would refer them to atherapist in their state.
So it's really contingent uponthe need and, as someone who
loves and appreciates my licenseand do not want to endanger it
at all, I'm really really anal,retentive about the differences
(08:45):
between therapy and coaching,because coaching is an
unregulated field and oftentimesit can be a little bit
confusing for clients to knowwhat they will get, why things
are valued at a certain degreewhen we're moving outside of the
usage of empirically testedtools.
So I'm really big ondelineating between, though I
(09:07):
offer these triad of services.
I'm really big on ensuring thatthe client who finds me knows
what service will benefit themthe most.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Great.
Thank you so much forclarifying that, because there
is so much confusion around that.
I mean, I struggle with thistoo because, becoming a realtor,
I went and studied and took atest and some government agency
gave me a license to go practice.
And then a brokerage likeCompass hosts your license and
tells you to go practice.
(09:38):
But becoming a coach isn't likethat.
There's no certifications youcan get, but there isn't a
degree or a test you're takingto say I am now a certified
coach in this particular spaceand so it is really easy for
anyone to say they're a coachand not really know what that
means as a consumer client outthere.
So, thank you, that's superhelpful to know the lines
(09:59):
between where that is.
In your work with realtors,what do you find to be kind of
common problems that ourindustry faces?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That's a really interesting question and I will
answer it in a way that thismakes the most sense to me, and
what I would say is working withrealtors is really no different
from working with any otherperson.
I find that, regardless ofwhere you're positioned within
(10:33):
life, I'm speaking to auniversal human message of
navigating beyond challenge, andwhat I find as a commonality
between my therapy clients,coaching clients and consulting
partnerships is that somewherealong the way of living our
(10:53):
lives, pursuing our career thatwe value, or creating an
organization from the ground up,we missed something really
important where it pertains topeople's mental health, their
ability to withstand certainenvironments, their ability to
(11:13):
be productive in certainenvironments, and some of the
things that I've been able tospeak to within the coaching
respect is the emotionalchallenges that show up as
hindrances to moving forward,and that can be like.
I have a challenge withconnecting with other people,
(11:35):
and connection is a big piece ofmy work.
I have a challenge withinsecurity and what I am
bringing to the forefront, whatI'm bringing to my clients, and
I need to discover why thatinsecurity exists within the
relationship to myself, so thatway I can show up more present,
moment oriented for my clientsand cultivate a really trusting
(11:57):
relationship for them, becausewhen I think about professional
success in any regard, it's abias, potentially based on the
work that I do, but maybe a lotof people would agree
(12:29):
no-transcript clearing thatdebris.
Again, returning to the metaphorof what are the things that are
holding me back, becausesometimes it isn't just a
strategic tactical failure.
It can feel like that sometimes, but more so a lot of us myself
(12:53):
included, as people often haverepressed emotional challenges
beneath the surface that createdifficulty with every single
aspect of life, and I like toconsider my role in the coaching
realm as holding up a reallybig mirror for people, for them
to be able to really witnessthemselves with a more deeply
(13:17):
compassionate lens that willpropel them forward faster with
the materialized success thatthey want to cultivate.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, I assume that when an agent comes to you in a
coaching capacity there, yourideal client isn't coming to you
saying I want more leads, showme how to get more leads.
They're coming to you becauseit's something a little more
nuanced, like I'm having troubleconnecting or I'm finding that
I have these blocks, so it'salready someone with a certain
mindset that finds you as theircoach.
(13:46):
So is it hard to not?
When you notice someone'scoming up against perfectionism
or some of the things that mayprevent them in the professional
realm, how do you not put onyour therapist hat and be like
well, it looks like you knowyou're struggling a lot with
because it shows up in everyspace.
Right, if you have a wound ofnot feeling good enough and the
perfectionism seeps out in workand in personal life and being a
(14:10):
parent and all the differentthings, how do you navigate not
putting your therapist hat onwhen you see that like, oh yeah,
this is a childhood wound, sowe're delving in now and going
into it?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, that's a really great question and I'll lean
into some really good advicethat I got from a mentor.
When I was in grad school Iwent to the Adler School.
My mentors said is that theworld will consistently change
(14:50):
when we have people who aretrained as therapists in some of
the most important roles withinour country.
And when I think about that, Ithink about the need to take off
and put on the therapist's hatand, to be quite honest, I
really confront some of thatnuance between a therapist and
(15:11):
coach and just sharing that.
I'm a clinically trained coach,so some of the work will feel
psychoeducational in contextbecause that therapist hat.
I think oftentimes, when wethink about navigating different
roles within our lives, we takeoff and put on certain hats,
(15:31):
but in reality, for me, I amalways a therapist.
I have always been in some way atherapist.
So, though the coaching workdoesn't involve any diagnostics,
it is a good opportunity tojust judge the comfort level of
my client, to determine how deepthey really want to go, because
(15:54):
sometimes in the moment,deficiency can be directly
correlated to a childhood wound.
But also, people have to beready to confront that and if
you are, it's a great place tobegin constructing some of that
dialogue to give you apsychoeducational basis of the
(16:15):
challenge that you're workingthrough.
But I'm not diagnosing mycoaching clients.
I don't aim to, and the work ismore short and solution
oriented.
So in reality, if someone isexcited to explore the
connections and attachments oftheir inner child with respect
(16:37):
to how those things show up ascharacteristics in the present
moment, we will absolutely talkabout that as a part of the
coaching environment becauseit's really valuable and I
really lean into some of thatprofessional training to kind of
bring these elements togetherto a certain degree.
(16:58):
But also when it comes to wherewe go and the direction we move
, as someone who's reallyrelationship oriented, I'm
allowing for the person to tellme what direction they want to
go and then I will serve as asupportive companion until they
accomplish their goal.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Okay, that makes sense, and do you?
So?
Talk me through an example ofwhat an agent would come see you
about and kind of what thatpathway looks like in terms of a
solution, sort of based likeare they coming to a specific
problem?
Or talk me through a little bitof what that's like.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, absolutely so.
With the partnership that Ihave with Compass, the coaching
programs are really targeted andone of my hallmark programs is
your Stress Blueprint.
So, speaking through how thatprogram manifests for agents,
(17:58):
everybody deals with stress intheir own way.
They can maybe congratulatethemselves on certain areas and
provide some constructivecriticism from a perspective of
self-analysis as well, and whatthat program aims to do is give
realtors a psychoeducationalfoundation of what it means to
(18:20):
navigate through stress.
So I begin with just acontextual framing and discovery
around where they are currently.
How do they deal with stress,what do they recognize stress
does to them and also how doesstress potentially impact their
acquisition of professionalgoals?
(18:42):
From that point I begin to addthis psychoeducation to increase
the importance on adaptivestress management.
So we talk about nervous systemdysregulation that happens.
We talk about the constructionof maladaptive thought patterns
and narratives and we end thatsequence with a process that I
(19:07):
like to call just rediscoveringagency.
And a lot of that work isfueled by, here again,
psychoeducation called theInternal Family Systems Protocol
of Working with Clients,wherein which he asserts that we
(19:31):
are wholes that are comprisedof multiple parts.
In order for us to move forward, our parts need to be in
harmony with one another inorder for self-leadership to
really show up, and thatself-leadership is what supports
individuals in acquiring thethings they really desire with
(19:55):
determination and integrity.
And we end that six-sessionsequence with a discussion of
your integrated parts.
What parts of you show up whenyou feel insecure, anxious,
scared, confident, worrisome?
(20:17):
And how do we understand theinner self system with a
different perspective, so thatwhat we desire is actually a lot
easier to accomplish?
So what agents leave thatsequence with is, quite
literally speaking, a stressblueprint.
This is what encourages thisaction, this is what encourages
(20:41):
this particular coping strategy,and these are the tools that I
need to use for myself toconsistently check in, reassess
and empower myself forward.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
And are those group containers or those individual?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
These are all individual, so a lot of the
programs work.
I do a lot of the programs thatare accessible now within the
marketplace.
They're all aimed at individualwork with clients.
In the future maybe that willbe something that I'll offer up,
but I do really enjoy theone-on-one connection with
(21:18):
people, enjoy the one-on-oneconnection with people and I
look forward to hearing feedbackfrom clients about how they've
been able to positively benefitother people's lives through
some of the things that they'veextrapolated from our work
together.
So it's a mind is group workright?
The person I'm working with is,in a way, working with someone
else.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm working with is, in a
way, working with someone else.
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I betit's such a you know, it's such
a like social media and thingsare such a double-edged sword as
a real estate agent, becausethere's the normal comparison
that happens to all of us onsocial media with what we're
seeing in the industry.
(21:58):
And even before social mediaexisted, realtor awards are
always based on, like you know,diamond club or a hundred
million dollar seller, whateveragent or whatever it means.
And so, seeing that in themarketplace, when you're an
agent who's new, or yourbusiness is struggling in
certain times which happens toall of us it's so easy to feel
(22:20):
like you're the only one whosebusiness is suffering or the
only one who is not closingdeals at this level or at this
number, and social media hasobviously amplified that
perspective.
And then, of course, the TVshows also that put real estate
agents in this.
It's not celebrity status, butthere's, like it's a specific
(22:41):
kind of persona that those TVshows and things create.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That does put pressure on realtors to look a
certain way, drive a certain way, behave a certain way that I
(23:18):
assume not every industry dealswith, unless you're in TV or
music perspective of a therapist, I also feel some of that
comparison as it pertains tosocial media, popular culture,
what people think Xpersondiscipline will do, and
(23:38):
though I'm not the mostacclimated with real estate
assumptions, from theperspective of not being an
agent, but from the perspectiveof a therapist there's a lot of
assumptions about how you shouldshow up, what you should value,
what you should do.
I was actually just making ajoke about this with one of my
friends about just marketing onInstagram, and anybody who's
(24:02):
watching listening to this willnotice I have like maybe six
posts on my Instagram right nowbecause I really just wanted to
do a refresh and I wanted toreconnect with what was valuable
to me beyond the constantcyclical desire to appease
(24:23):
larger audiences on a socialmedia platform.
And the joke that I was makingwith one of my friends is I am
as much as I want and desire toalways have new clients.
I'm not dancing on Instagram.
I'm not repopulating a trendyreel that I saw.
I'm not talking people throughthe deeply emotional challenges
(24:47):
that I had on that day toperform vulnerability, to
connect with audiences.
That is just not what I'm goingto do.
That feels very misaligned forme.
So I feel a lot of connectionbetween what we're describing
here as the disciplines thatpeople occupy in general and the
assumptions, standards andexpectations about how they
(25:09):
should be navigating their everyday, and I think for realtors,
therapists, any sort ofdiscipline out there.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I mean these days anybody a doctor right?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yes, yes, with respect to that ebb and flow
between authenticity and thedesire to perform, I'm always
attempting to allow people toexist first and foremost in the
authentic space and discoverthat success can still be
attained in a way that feelsauthentic to you, even if it
(25:43):
might look different as youshare.
You know I heard you mentionthere from someone in the
Diamond Club or the exclusivegold medallion plus max extra
pro group right, everybody hasan opportunity to find their own
value aligned pathway towardssuccess.
But it's challenging in a worldwhere we're consistently having
(26:07):
a lot of noise shoved in ourface about what we need to do
and how life needs to look.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah, do you find your work is also helping people
define what is success looklike for you in this career and
when is it enough?
Right?
What is the dollar volume, orsales volume, or like?
What are we measuring?
And that's often the questionthat I sit with for myself is
(26:37):
you know, rather than measuringhow many steps I walked today,
what if I measured how much restI got today?
Right?
And the metrics sometimes, Ithink, are off.
How many followers do I haveversus like how many people do I
connect with and sit down andactually have a meaningful
conversation with?
It's like someone's like youcan move the goalposts.
I'm like I'm saying that thereare no goalposts.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's something that I recently wrote
about, too in my Mindful Mondaynewsletter just this week.
Yeah, I saw that About theimpact of comparison and what
(27:22):
stands out to me as a part ofthis conversation as you're
framing the definition ofsuccess.
It's something that alsoreferenced as well, regarding
how we will observe someoneelse's process and then we will
then begin to measure ourselveswith their yardstick instead of
what really means success to us.
And that's something that comesup in a lot of my sessions
(27:44):
coaching or therapy because Ifound that sometimes you attract
people who are a little bitsimilar to you in some ways, or
they see elements of themselvesin you.
And I've always been someonewho was incredibly driven,
intrinsically motivated andrequired a lot of independence
to really have that creative andinnovative space for myself,
(28:07):
which a side effect to that isalso being very anxious from
time to time and navigating intoto continual adulthood as time
passes on, for me has meant howam I really just allowing myself
to settle in what it is that Iwant to accomplish and giving
(28:29):
myself that independent space tobe creative, to be thoughtful,
to be intentional and then seehow the world responds to
something like that?
But the definition of success,I think, will change from person
to person, and I have a littlefunny anecdote for you, Please
share.
Yeah, it comes up in mysessions with coaching clients,
(28:53):
therapy clients, older clients,younger clients, very wealthy
clients, clients who are infinancially challenging
situations.
Something that I hearconsistently from people is I
desire financial freedom, andthe next question I ask when I
hear people say that is whatdoes that mean?
Because I don't knowexperientially that that's
(29:20):
something that people genuinelythink about.
What is a financial number thatyou would need to make in order
to make you feel a sense offreedom Freedom from what?
What does freedom mean for you?
What?
(29:42):
What does freedom mean for you?
I think the definitions are soincredibly important for
encouraging value-aligned actionbecause, if we really take a
step back and think about thethings that are defining our
lives, oftentimes it isn't ourown opinions or perceptions.
It is intersubjective realitiesbased on what a lot of people
say a whole lot and Yuval NoahHarari, the author of Sapiens,
(30:08):
one of my favorite authors.
I'm currently reading Nexus byhim.
Now he shares a-.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
So my library got that for me.
I just got the email sayingyour hold is ready for you.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I was like so good, it is so good and and sapiens.
What he references is thissociological phenomenon, where
upon which he says around if 100to 150 people believe something
is true, it's just true.
People aren't going to searchfor a different answer, they're
(30:41):
going to just believe it.
And how often are thefoundations that are motivating
our lives?
How much of that is based insomeone else's definition?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Because that is a very, very big problem, and it's
also the success definitionmoves as your life changes,
right?
So when, if you're a parent ofyoung kids and maybe success is
getting two or three days off aweek, right, and having the
financial and also like socialand communal tools to be able to
(31:15):
facilitate that right, to saythat I'm off three days a week
because my kids are little and Iwant to be able to spend this
time, which is very differentthan somebody who's either
retired or they're just, youknow, out there to go get it and
have all the time in the worldto spend on their business,
which can be very different.
That's why it's like sittingwith that question every couple
(31:35):
of years is so important to saysuccess looked like this at this
point, but you know now whatdoes that mean and what does
that look like and does that fitthe life that I'm trying to
build or want?
You know?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
yeah, yeah, and that's, that's real, it's
universal and it's very human.
And even for me, right.
I like to consider that my lifedidn't really move into a
deeply authentic direction untilI was, like at the tail end of
(32:09):
29, becoming 30, when I began toreally make value, aligned,
driven decisions, to be quitehonest with you, and I share
that from a comparative analysisto what life looked like prior,
and not that I wasn't happy orI wasn't successful quote,
(32:30):
unquote, as people would say butwhat I was doing was, in
reflection, fulfillingeveryone's expectations around
me in an aim to be perfect.
But perfection is also one ofthose intersubjective
definitions that means nothingother than you are perceptive
(32:52):
enough to know what everyoneelse wants from you in doing
that, Doing that, even if you'renot happy about it.
Yes, yes, it took me somepersonal time to really discover
that for myself, and that'sreally what I bring into a lot
of the work that I do withclients, too, or just
conversation in general.
I think that sort ofvulnerability and openness and
(33:15):
honesty moves us from thesesuperficial definitions about
things into something that ismore real, more connected and
will definitely provide greaterprofessional success as well,
when you just feel a genuinesense of connection to what
you're doing.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
I think we're in a time period now which is
different than how our parentsand grandparents grew up.
Well, maybe not.
Maybe in those time periods wejust lived in smaller
communities where you justworked with the people you
trusted in your town, and thatwas it paralyzing.
To try to decide which of thecompanies to work with have
(34:00):
ethical practices and which onesdon't, and how we make these
decisions, can just feelexhausting in those ways, and in
some ways it feels to me like aprivilege to be able to have
the space to even think aboutthose things.
To say I'm not in a positionwhere I am grinding so hard to
make my day-to-day ends meet.
(34:20):
That I have the privilege tosit here and even contemplate
these things at all is lucky.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yes, that's a really great point.
I think it definitely is aprivilege to have the space
cultivated to thinkintentionally about your life,
and what I would also encourage,from a standpoint of compassion
, not judgment, is, if you areliving a life where upon which
(34:49):
you don't have space to reflecton the life that you are living,
what life are you living?
And it's not to say that weneed to have hours of time a day
or need to have the income togo to a retreat in Sedona which
for some reason I don't know, isconnected with mental wellness
(35:11):
about going somewhereextravagant, doing something
incredible or expensive, inorder to feel a shift, to touch
base with wellness andreflection.
To be honest, I think theopposite is true, and that
(35:32):
message for me is inspired byThich Nhat Hanh of the Plum
Village tradition.
I'm a really, really big fan ofhis work and in his book, the
Art of Living, he even mentionsthat meditative analysis,
reflection, intentional actionis not something that always
(35:52):
needs to be separate from ourlives, taking space away from
our life to retreat to thisspace, but true meditative
awareness and aligned action isrecognizing all the challenge
that exists and intentionallyresponding in ways that make
sense, that feel doable thatfeel accomplishable, and that's
(36:16):
what I really like to lean into,because I think, as I've just
grown throughout the years, whatI've also been able to see is
wellness, for some reason, isalmost akin to expensive or
luxurious or lackingaccessibility, though I think
(36:38):
that is the case in some regards.
It is the omnipresent truthabout the space that we can
create for true analysis of thelife that we are truly living
right now.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, and for the people who are in a position
where they are grinding to makeends meet, then there isn't
space for that reflection.
That's true, there isn't thespace, but for most of us who
are hopefully listening to thispodcast or in these careers,
like there is space, and it'sjust these little, these mini
moments of slowing down andbeing quiet.
(37:13):
I'm so afraid of you know.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
We just we can just slow down and take a breath
between calling a client or,yeah, absolutely afraid of you
know.
Yeah, can we?
Just?
Speaker 2 (37:19):
we can just slow down and take a breath between
calling a client or yeahabsolutely, and I think it's a
phenomenal question aroundaccessibility, and I think that
all pertains to what is it thatyou are seeking out.
You know it comes from theopportunity to have that
(37:40):
reflective space.
That doesn't need to look oneway, and I learned that from my
own experience.
But that perspective issupported by my therapy caseload
.
I work predominantly withclients of complex and
developmental trauma complex anddevelopmental trauma.
(38:01):
So when I speak to clients whoare not actively experiencing
the impacts of trauma, I like toencourage them that capacity
can be built to deal with thestress that is showing up in
your life, because that is oneof the only omnipresent
realities in this lifetime.
Stress will always fall uponyou, whether or not you like it
or not, whether or not you'rethe kind of you have a million
dollars or not, yeah or not youlike it or not, whether or not
you're the kind of you have amillion dollars or not yeah.
Yeah, stress will always findits way to you, and I think it's
(38:23):
really about being thoughtfulabout how reflection can show up
for you.
So, for example, as youmentioned this imaginary person
that might be working X amountof jobs to support their family,
their feeling of a candle isburned at both ends.
We all have an element ofsupport in our lives and it
(38:45):
might just look very different.
So for some people, that sortof reflective space might exist
within community, which is aphenomenal space to get
reflective, to get curious, toget innovative suggestions about
how other people are navigatingthrough similar challenges and
still finding the expansion ofcapacity.
(39:10):
I think I'd like to defer tothat, as opposed to saying
resilience, because I think, inthe face of a lot of
sociocultural challenge that alot of us have experienced
within this country over years,sometimes resilience gets a bad
rap as a quality that is onlydeveloped in the midst of pain
that you don't want to beexperiencing in the first place.
(39:31):
So, yes, so I'm like okay, yes,there's a hint of resilience
there, but what I know aboutpeople is when you communicate
things in a way that they candeeply understand, it's easier
for them to understand.
So expansion of capacity iswhat we are consistently aiming
(39:51):
for, as opposed to feelingresilient, because for some
communities of people that isn'talways a compliment, right?
Sure yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
How do you handle burnout?
Do you experience burnout inyour work?
How do you deal with it?
And then, what advice do yougive to your clients in therapy
space and coaching space?
Speaker 2 (40:15):
Yeah, I just stop and give up.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
No, I'm just kidding Girl me too.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
That's it Hanging up the hat.
Peace out On office message set.
Exactly no.
No, In all seriousness, how Ihandle burnout.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Well, first and foremost, I Do you get burnt out
?
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Absolutely Everybody gets burned out.
Even if you're in the work thatyou feel is a passion project
for you, Burnout can alwayshappen because from the
beginning of the day to the endof the day, for the contemporary
person, there's just so muchgoing on.
(40:59):
Burnout can be around anycorner.
But the important thing is Itry to think about preventative
measures prior, becauseprevention is often a lot easier
to manage and implement thansome reactive strategies.
So what I like to consider ishow am I cultivating a self-care
(41:22):
routine for me that allows meto rest when I need to rest up?
As I was saying earlier kind ofjoking, it's actually very true
I like to take a moment todisconnect from what feels like
(41:56):
it's contributing to burnout,because that is an indication we
feel those things, things thatwe need space, we need time and
we need perspective, we needrestoration.
We do not need to do anythingelse, and that isn't just a
reflection in this moment.
(42:17):
It is a warning to people outthere when it comes to burnout,
because stress can quiteliterally kill you.
It can just cause your body toshut down.
So when we feel as if we're ina moment of burnout, we need to
find ways to take space fromwhat we are currently doing and
(42:40):
if we find that that is notpossible, we need to find
effective support within theenvironment that we're
experiencing.
Some of the burnout and case inpoint for me, earlier on in my
career as a therapist hearingclient stories, especially of
traumatic nature, quitenaturally felt overwhelming.
(43:01):
You take a lot of that home andsome people out there even
experience what's calledvicarious traumatization,
whereupon which hearing traumawill allow your body to
replicate the traumatic symptomsthat someone else is telling
you right Sure, and I found thatfor me, if I'm not able to take
(43:22):
space away, finding support inthe environment where I'm
contextualized is valuable.
So speaking with othertherapists, attending
supervision groups, caseconsultations, things of that
nature, really, really supportme in the expansion of capacity
to manage what's currentlyhappening.
(43:42):
And the expansion of capacityto manage what's currently
happening and honestly, maybe inreflection on burnout, you
might decide you don't want togo back to what you were doing
that caught you, and that'svaluable too.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Well, in talking to people in community, you're also
inting serves a purpose.
Right, you're sharing astruggle, you're getting it out
of your body.
Right, you're moving thatenergy through.
And there's a fine lineobviously between the venting
never ending versus like, oh, Iactually do feel better after
talking to a friend about howfrustrating this client has been
(44:15):
, or whatever.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
It's because I love that assertion Venting.
It gives honor to ourexperience of anger that is
valid and might change over time.
And I think what feels so goodabout venting is we are able to
be witnessed and acceptedunconditionally.
(44:41):
Witnessed and acceptedunconditionally.
And if you ask Gabor Mate, whowrote a really, really great
book on not only just traumawork but also societal issues
it's called the Myth of Normalhe shares that with regard to
trauma research, in order for ahuman to effectively develop
(45:04):
into a well-adjusted adult, theyneed to have spaces in
childhood where they are seen,witnessed, encouraged and
accepted for whatever they areexpressing in that moment.
And as adults, we still feelthat and as adults, we still
feel that, we still appreciatethat, we still love that sort of
(45:26):
attunement where upon which wecan be just like, viscerally
upset with our closest friendsand share that.
And in the space of just beingheard, understood, validated, we
might say, okay, I'm ready toget back into my life now.
I just needed that time, right.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Needed that time.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
And I think, like when you're talking about IFS
work and somatics too, have youread the book by the sisters who
wrote the burnout book, nagoski?
It's called Burnout.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
You know I've actually never read the book.
I'm going to add it to my listnow.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
It's great because they really talk about the
difference between the stressand the stressor, like the
difference between being chasedby the bear and then how your
body actually processes it.
So getting away from the bearis not actually the solution to
the stress you felt from thebeing chased, it's.
It's when you come back and youlike tell your friends like oh
my god, there's a bear chasingme and all this thing happened
(46:23):
and your voice doing the vocalcord release of vagus nerve,
like all of that, that's therelease.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
And so when you're not able to complete the stress
cycle, that stress builds up inour bodies yeah, yeah, we can
often displace our emotionalreactions and project them to
places where it really serves usno purpose.
But in the moment we aren'tthinking that way, which is
(46:51):
something valuable that I alsospeak to in the stress blueprint
as well, which the heightenedexperience of emotion limits the
amount of cognitive functionthat we can actually exhibit, so
We've got to run away from thebear.
Yeah, it's difficult to plan, toassess, to reflect all of these
(47:16):
executive functioning tasks.
It's really difficult to dowhen we're in the midst of a
heightened emotional situationor if we haven't effectively
allowed that emotion to resolve.
So I appreciate that call out.
I'm excited to take a look atthe book and, as you share some
(47:37):
of the themes in it, it soundsvery much so in alignment with
some of the things I attempt toencourage people to do in their
lives and cultivate the spacefor, amidst a very hectic and
chaotic existence, it can oftenbe from time to time, you know
(48:00):
Well, as we're kind of nearingthe top of the hour here, are
there any thoughts, questions orthings we didn't get to with
your role that you play withCompass and in the world at
large that you'd like to share?
That's a good question.
I'd like to share that.
I really love what I do.
I feel a strong sense ofconnection to what I do and I've
(48:26):
had the experience of makingvalue, aligned decisions from a
place of authenticity andcourage that have really
benefited my life in ways that Ihadn't seen imaginable, and the
same journey that I'm on in mylife in terms of meeting myself,
encouraging myself, resolvingconflicts beneath the surface.
(48:50):
I hold that same space forother people, so I really,
really enjoy the work that I'mable to do and for everyone
listening, you can subscribe tomy newsletter, mindful Monday.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
I was just going to say how do people find you?
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yes, you can subscribe to my newsletter,
mindful Monday.
It's where I share just quick,brief, practical insights every
Monday that you can action intothe week.
So my intention is that I'msharing these universal human
challenges and at the end of thenewsletter you have the
(49:27):
opportunity to step away withsome practical strategies to try
.
So you can subscribe there.
At charimbashircom and also forCompass agents out there, I
will be speaking at the upcomingsecond annual Black at Compass
Summit in North Carolina.
(49:47):
So really looking forward tosharing space with other agents
and I guess, to make it seemsomewhat reductive, I am just on
a journey to support myselfwith deeply compassionate
interactions that move meforward and I'm deeply motivated
(50:09):
to create that space for otherpeople.
So if any of this resonates,feel free to find me.
Karan Bash everywhere.
It's a unique name.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
All of Sharon's number information is going to
be in our show notes.
All the links will be there.
Well, thank you so much fortaking the time to do this and
hang out on an afternoon andshare your wisdom and just so
much gentleness and compassionin your approach of how and
tactical tools as well, which Ireally appreciate.
So thank you for all of that.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Thank you, it's always great to connect.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Thank you again for joining me on this episode of
the Rested Real Estate Agent.
All of Charin's information andall your ways to contact him
will be in the show notes, alongwith mine.
If you'd like to sign up for mynewsletter that I send out
twice a month, all the linkswill be there for that too, and
if you found this episode usefulor interesting, please share it
with a friend.
Still new, so any shares andhelp is greatly appreciated.
(51:05):
Stay safe out there, y'all.
Bye.
Welcome to the Rested Real Estate Agent.
A podcast that helps younavigate life as a real estate
professional while finding somerest and balance along the way.
I'm your host, samina, an agentwith 18 years of experience in
the Austin, texas area, and Ibelieve there's a better way to
do our business serve ourclients and not get burnt out.
(00:24):
I help agents get from chaos toclarity.
I am excited today because myguest is Charan Bashir, who is a
licensed therapist in Coloradoand works both as a therapist
and coach with realtor andnon-realtor clients alike.
Charan has a great mix ofholistic, values-driven approach
(00:47):
, while also using hispsychological expertise to
foster authentic transformationand sustainable growth.
I came across Charan at theCompass Conference in Charleston
in 2024 when he was one of thepresenters at the session I
attended and I really enjoyedhis message.
When he was one of thepresenters at a session I
attended and I really enjoyedhis message.
(01:09):
I often find, especially atconferences, that the real
estate space can be so loud andbusy, especially when it comes
to real estate coaching,speakers etc.
And Charon's calm andmindfulness based strategies
really appeal to me and I figurethey'd appeal to my audience
too, if you're listening to theRested and Rich Real Estate
Agent.
So, without further ado, let'sget to it.
So I was going back and lookingat thinking about how we got
(01:31):
connected in the first place.
Do you remember that?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
To be quite honest with you, I genuinely have no
idea, but what I would imagineis, because of the work that
I've been doing with Compass,I've had the opportunity to
cross paths with a lot of reallygreat people and I oftentimes
will do programs specificallyfor Compass as a part of the
(01:56):
marketplace, and I think maybethat could have been where our
paths crossed.
And then when I learned thatyou did the meditations weekly,
I was really, really intriguedand I think that increased some
of the connection between us andthe opportunity to be in
dialogue together.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, I think that I saw you as a coach and then
somehow signed up for yournewsletter.
I was trying to track back tolike how do we first get
connected?
Because I was like you're not arealtor, so it wasn't through
the real estate space, it wasobviously through Compass.
But yeah, and.
I think I started following youonline and then signed up for
your newsletter and then you hadlike the mindfulness stuff in
there.
I was like, oh, yay, yeah.
(02:40):
So I thought today what wewould do is talk about
specifically your role as notbeing a therapist and working
with realtors and obviously, howyour therapy work, how you work
with them, how you use yourtherapy work with realtors,
because you're not I don't knowif you are, but you're not the
(03:00):
realtor's therapist.
You may have realtor clienttherapists, I don't know, but
that's not your role withCompass.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, that's a great place to begin because I think
it gives a really good way todelineate between the services
that I offer as a privatepractice owner and some of the
services that are specificallyused for compass agents, and
it's a little bit confusing onlybecause there's some crossover.
(03:29):
So, professionally, I'm atherapist by trade and academic
training Degree, yes, by degree,right, yeah, and that is a core
competency for me.
I think therapeutic conceptsfind a way into almost
(03:50):
everything that I do because, atthe core, the mission that I
have is to support people inrelinquishing attachments to a
painful past, adversity ortrauma and supporting them in
developing the agency to livetheir life in a more
value-aligned way.
And that description, anyonecould benefit from that.
(04:14):
So when I take a look at theclients that I serve
specifically in a therapeuticcontext, it's a lot of work that
is encompassing a lot of depth.
So I like to take a look atwhat has created hindrances to
clients expressing greateragency for the life that they
(04:35):
desire and, metaphoricallyspeaking, clearing some of that
debris on the road.
And when I got into thecoaching space, the interesting
thing was it felt very easy forme because I had already had
some of the clinical training,and it was really more so about
refining the message in a way tospeak to this particular
(04:57):
audience.
And just for a grand schemecontext, every therapist is a
coach, every coach is not atherapist and what I do in the
coaching capacity it's reallyutilizing some of the education,
experience and justconversations and dialogue that
(05:19):
I've had with clients and usingsome of those restorative
techniques to empower peopleforward.
And that's what everyprofessional wants to do.
They want to be able todiscover a way that they can
accomplish their goals with theleast amount of effort and the
greatest amount of connection totheir path and in that respect
(05:43):
I feel like I'm a perfect, youknow coach for a realtor because
even though we might notrecognize some of the emotional
connections, challengesinhibiting our professional
development, sometimes you know,as the metaphor goes, the more
you know, the more you can grow.
The more you know, the more youcan show up in a different way.
(06:06):
And I really like to equipagents with tools that
prioritize mental healthalongside their tactical and
strategic pathways tocultivating success in their
business and in my experiencethus far, it's been a worthwhile
addition to the Compass RealEstate Agent Toolkit to have
(06:30):
some of those strategies.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Sure.
So your practice, yourprofession, is therapy and you
have your therapy clients andthen you have your coaching
business and you have yourcoaching clients there, and are
those clients in differentfields in addition to real
estate, or is it mostly realestate at this point?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah, great question.
So it's a little bit ofdiversity in just about anything
that I do, from therapy tocoaching to consulting.
I like to lean into that triadas a way to bring some of my
passion forward, and a lot of mycoaching clients are real
estate agents, due to thepartnership that I've created
(07:11):
with Compass, and it's given mean opportunity to break into
this new demographic of clientsand at the same time, from a
therapeutic perspective, ourlicensure is only contingent to
the states where we obtain it,and for me that means I'm
licensed as a clinical mentalhealth counselor in Michigan and
(07:37):
Colorado.
But oftentimes, let's say, forexample, we have a client who
could benefit from mental healthresources and maybe they have a
specific attraction to the waythat I speak about things or the
way that I use the tools tocultivate change.
Coaching is also a way to namemental health services that are
(07:59):
aimed at clients outside of yourjurisdiction, so to speak.
So I can't provide therapy fora client in New Mexico, for
example, but what I can do, ifthey happen to find me and they
have an attraction to my work, Ilet them know that we can work
together in the coachingcapacity.
But in terms of mental healthdiagnoses, the analysis of
(08:24):
maladaptive behavior and thosesorts of things.
I would refer them to atherapist in their state.
So it's really contingent uponthe need and, as someone who
loves and appreciates my licenseand do not want to endanger it
at all, I'm really really anal,retentive about the differences
(08:45):
between therapy and coaching,because coaching is an
unregulated field and oftentimesit can be a little bit
confusing for clients to knowwhat they will get, why things
are valued at a certain degreewhen we're moving outside of the
usage of empirically testedtools.
So I'm really big ondelineating between, though I
(09:07):
offer these triad of services.
I'm really big on ensuring thatthe client who finds me knows
what service will benefit themthe most.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Great.
Thank you so much forclarifying that, because there
is so much confusion around that.
I mean, I struggle with thistoo because, becoming a realtor,
I went and studied and took atest and some government agency
gave me a license to go practice.
And then a brokerage likeCompass hosts your license and
tells you to go practice.
(09:38):
But becoming a coach isn't likethat.
There's no certifications youcan get, but there isn't a
degree or a test you're takingto say I am now a certified
coach in this particular spaceand so it is really easy for
anyone to say they're a coachand not really know what that
means as a consumer client outthere.
So, thank you, that's superhelpful to know the lines
(09:59):
between where that is.
In your work with realtors,what do you find to be kind of
common problems that ourindustry faces?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
That's a really interesting question and I will
answer it in a way that thismakes the most sense to me, and
what I would say is working withrealtors is really no different
from working with any otherperson.
I find that, regardless ofwhere you're positioned within
(10:33):
life, I'm speaking to auniversal human message of
navigating beyond challenge, andwhat I find as a commonality
between my therapy clients,coaching clients and consulting
partnerships is that somewherealong the way of living our
(10:53):
lives, pursuing our career thatwe value, or creating an
organization from the ground up,we missed something really
important where it pertains topeople's mental health, their
ability to withstand certainenvironments, their ability to
(11:13):
be productive in certainenvironments, and some of the
things that I've been able tospeak to within the coaching
respect is the emotionalchallenges that show up as
hindrances to moving forward,and that can be like.
I have a challenge withconnecting with other people,
(11:35):
and connection is a big piece ofmy work.
I have a challenge withinsecurity and what I am
bringing to the forefront, whatI'm bringing to my clients, and
I need to discover why thatinsecurity exists within the
relationship to myself, so thatway I can show up more present,
moment oriented for my clientsand cultivate a really trusting
(11:57):
relationship for them, becausewhen I think about professional
success in any regard, it's abias, potentially based on the
work that I do, but maybe a lotof people would agree
(12:29):
no-transcript clearing thatdebris.
Again, returning to the metaphorof what are the things that are
holding me back, becausesometimes it isn't just a
strategic tactical failure.
It can feel like that sometimes, but more so a lot of us myself
(12:53):
included, as people often haverepressed emotional challenges
beneath the surface that createdifficulty with every single
aspect of life, and I like toconsider my role in the coaching
realm as holding up a reallybig mirror for people, for them
to be able to really witnessthemselves with a more deeply
(13:17):
compassionate lens that willpropel them forward faster with
the materialized success thatthey want to cultivate.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, I assume that when an agent comes to you in a
coaching capacity there, yourideal client isn't coming to you
saying I want more leads, showme how to get more leads.
They're coming to you becauseit's something a little more
nuanced, like I'm having troubleconnecting or I'm finding that
I have these blocks, so it'salready someone with a certain
mindset that finds you as theircoach.
(13:46):
So is it hard to not?
When you notice someone'scoming up against perfectionism
or some of the things that mayprevent them in the professional
realm, how do you not put onyour therapist hat and be like
well, it looks like you knowyou're struggling a lot with
because it shows up in everyspace.
Right, if you have a wound ofnot feeling good enough and the
perfectionism seeps out in workand in personal life and being a
(14:10):
parent and all the differentthings, how do you navigate not
putting your therapist hat onwhen you see that like, oh yeah,
this is a childhood wound, sowe're delving in now and going
into it?
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, that's a really great question and I'll lean
into some really good advicethat I got from a mentor.
When I was in grad school Iwent to the Adler School.
My mentors said is that theworld will consistently change
(14:50):
when we have people who aretrained as therapists in some of
the most important roles withinour country.
And when I think about that, Ithink about the need to take off
and put on the therapist's hatand, to be quite honest, I
really confront some of thatnuance between a therapist and
(15:11):
coach and just sharing that.
I'm a clinically trained coach,so some of the work will feel
psychoeducational in contextbecause that therapist hat.
I think oftentimes, when wethink about navigating different
roles within our lives, we takeoff and put on certain hats,
(15:31):
but in reality, for me, I amalways a therapist.
I have always been in some way atherapist.
So, though the coaching workdoesn't involve any diagnostics,
it is a good opportunity tojust judge the comfort level of
my client, to determine how deepthey really want to go, because
(15:54):
sometimes in the moment,deficiency can be directly
correlated to a childhood wound.
But also, people have to beready to confront that and if
you are, it's a great place tobegin constructing some of that
dialogue to give you apsychoeducational basis of the
(16:15):
challenge that you're workingthrough.
But I'm not diagnosing mycoaching clients.
I don't aim to, and the work ismore short and solution
oriented.
So in reality, if someone isexcited to explore the
connections and attachments oftheir inner child with respect
(16:37):
to how those things show up ascharacteristics in the present
moment, we will absolutely talkabout that as a part of the
coaching environment becauseit's really valuable and I
really lean into some of thatprofessional training to kind of
bring these elements togetherto a certain degree.
(16:58):
But also when it comes to wherewe go and the direction we move
, as someone who's reallyrelationship oriented, I'm
allowing for the person to tellme what direction they want to
go and then I will serve as asupportive companion until they
accomplish their goal.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Okay, that makes sense, and do you?
So?
Talk me through an example ofwhat an agent would come see you
about and kind of what thatpathway looks like in terms of a
solution, sort of based likeare they coming to a specific
problem?
Or talk me through a little bitof what that's like.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Yeah, absolutely so.
With the partnership that Ihave with Compass, the coaching
programs are really targeted andone of my hallmark programs is
your Stress Blueprint.
So, speaking through how thatprogram manifests for agents,
(17:58):
everybody deals with stress intheir own way.
They can maybe congratulatethemselves on certain areas and
provide some constructivecriticism from a perspective of
self-analysis as well, and whatthat program aims to do is give
realtors a psychoeducationalfoundation of what it means to
(18:20):
navigate through stress.
So I begin with just acontextual framing and discovery
around where they are currently.
How do they deal with stress,what do they recognize stress
does to them and also how doesstress potentially impact their
acquisition of professionalgoals?
(18:42):
From that point I begin to addthis psychoeducation to increase
the importance on adaptivestress management.
So we talk about nervous systemdysregulation that happens.
We talk about the constructionof maladaptive thought patterns
and narratives and we end thatsequence with a process that I
(19:07):
like to call just rediscoveringagency.
And a lot of that work isfueled by, here again,
psychoeducation called theInternal Family Systems Protocol
of Working with Clients,wherein which he asserts that we
(19:31):
are wholes that are comprisedof multiple parts.
In order for us to move forward, our parts need to be in
harmony with one another inorder for self-leadership to
really show up, and thatself-leadership is what supports
individuals in acquiring thethings they really desire with
(19:55):
determination and integrity.
And we end that six-sessionsequence with a discussion of
your integrated parts.
What parts of you show up whenyou feel insecure, anxious,
scared, confident, worrisome?
(20:17):
And how do we understand theinner self system with a
different perspective, so thatwhat we desire is actually a lot
easier to accomplish?
So what agents leave thatsequence with is, quite
literally speaking, a stressblueprint.
This is what encourages thisaction, this is what encourages
(20:41):
this particular coping strategy,and these are the tools that I
need to use for myself toconsistently check in, reassess
and empower myself forward.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
And are those group containers or those individual?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
These are all individual, so a lot of the
programs work.
I do a lot of the programs thatare accessible now within the
marketplace.
They're all aimed at individualwork with clients.
In the future maybe that willbe something that I'll offer up,
but I do really enjoy theone-on-one connection with
(21:18):
people, enjoy the one-on-oneconnection with people and I
look forward to hearing feedbackfrom clients about how they've
been able to positively benefitother people's lives through
some of the things that they'veextrapolated from our work
together.
So it's a mind is group workright?
The person I'm working with is,in a way, working with someone
else.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm working with is, in a
way, working with someone else.
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I betit's such a you know, it's such
a like social media and thingsare such a double-edged sword as
a real estate agent, becausethere's the normal comparison
that happens to all of us onsocial media with what we're
seeing in the industry.
(21:58):
And even before social mediaexisted, realtor awards are
always based on, like you know,diamond club or a hundred
million dollar seller, whateveragent or whatever it means.
And so, seeing that in themarketplace, when you're an
agent who's new, or yourbusiness is struggling in
certain times which happens toall of us it's so easy to feel
(22:20):
like you're the only one whosebusiness is suffering or the
only one who is not closingdeals at this level or at this
number, and social media hasobviously amplified that
perspective.
And then, of course, the TVshows also that put real estate
agents in this.
It's not celebrity status, butthere's, like it's a specific
(22:41):
kind of persona that those TVshows and things create.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That does put pressure on realtors to look a
certain way, drive a certain way, behave a certain way that I
(23:18):
assume not every industry dealswith, unless you're in TV or
music perspective of a therapist, I also feel some of that
comparison as it pertains tosocial media, popular culture,
what people think Xpersondiscipline will do, and
(23:38):
though I'm not the mostacclimated with real estate
assumptions, from theperspective of not being an
agent, but from the perspectiveof a therapist there's a lot of
assumptions about how you shouldshow up, what you should value,
what you should do.
I was actually just making ajoke about this with one of my
friends about just marketing onInstagram, and anybody who's
(24:02):
watching listening to this willnotice I have like maybe six
posts on my Instagram right nowbecause I really just wanted to
do a refresh and I wanted toreconnect with what was valuable
to me beyond the constantcyclical desire to appease
(24:23):
larger audiences on a socialmedia platform.
And the joke that I was makingwith one of my friends is I am
as much as I want and desire toalways have new clients.
I'm not dancing on Instagram.
I'm not repopulating a trendyreel that I saw.
I'm not talking people throughthe deeply emotional challenges
(24:47):
that I had on that day toperform vulnerability, to
connect with audiences.
That is just not what I'm goingto do.
That feels very misaligned forme.
So I feel a lot of connectionbetween what we're describing
here as the disciplines thatpeople occupy in general and the
assumptions, standards andexpectations about how they
(25:09):
should be navigating their everyday, and I think for realtors,
therapists, any sort ofdiscipline out there.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I mean these days anybody a doctor right?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yes, yes, with respect to that ebb and flow
between authenticity and thedesire to perform, I'm always
attempting to allow people toexist first and foremost in the
authentic space and discoverthat success can still be
attained in a way that feelsauthentic to you, even if it
(25:43):
might look different as youshare.
You know I heard you mentionthere from someone in the
Diamond Club or the exclusivegold medallion plus max extra
pro group right, everybody hasan opportunity to find their own
value aligned pathway towardssuccess.
But it's challenging in a worldwhere we're consistently having
(26:07):
a lot of noise shoved in ourface about what we need to do
and how life needs to look.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah, do you find your work is also helping people
define what is success looklike for you in this career and
when is it enough?
Right?
What is the dollar volume, orsales volume, or like?
What are we measuring?
And that's often the questionthat I sit with for myself is
(26:37):
you know, rather than measuringhow many steps I walked today,
what if I measured how much restI got today?
Right?
And the metrics sometimes, Ithink, are off.
How many followers do I haveversus like how many people do I
connect with and sit down andactually have a meaningful
conversation with?
It's like someone's like youcan move the goalposts.
I'm like I'm saying that thereare no goalposts.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's something that I recently wrote
about, too in my Mindful Mondaynewsletter just this week.
Yeah, I saw that About theimpact of comparison and what
(27:22):
stands out to me as a part ofthis conversation as you're
framing the definition ofsuccess.
It's something that alsoreferenced as well, regarding
how we will observe someoneelse's process and then we will
then begin to measure ourselveswith their yardstick instead of
what really means success to us.
And that's something that comesup in a lot of my sessions
(27:44):
coaching or therapy because Ifound that sometimes you attract
people who are a little bitsimilar to you in some ways, or
they see elements of themselvesin you.
And I've always been someonewho was incredibly driven,
intrinsically motivated andrequired a lot of independence
to really have that creative andinnovative space for myself,
(28:07):
which a side effect to that isalso being very anxious from
time to time and navigating intoto continual adulthood as time
passes on, for me has meant howam I really just allowing myself
to settle in what it is that Iwant to accomplish and giving
(28:29):
myself that independent space tobe creative, to be thoughtful,
to be intentional and then seehow the world responds to
something like that?
But the definition of success,I think, will change from person
to person, and I have a littlefunny anecdote for you, Please
share.
Yeah, it comes up in mysessions with coaching clients,
(28:53):
therapy clients, older clients,younger clients, very wealthy
clients, clients who are infinancially challenging
situations.
Something that I hearconsistently from people is I
desire financial freedom, andthe next question I ask when I
hear people say that is whatdoes that mean?
Because I don't knowexperientially that that's
(29:20):
something that people genuinelythink about.
What is a financial number thatyou would need to make in order
to make you feel a sense offreedom Freedom from what?
What does freedom mean for you?
What?
(29:42):
What does freedom mean for you?
I think the definitions are soincredibly important for
encouraging value-aligned actionbecause, if we really take a
step back and think about thethings that are defining our
lives, oftentimes it isn't ourown opinions or perceptions.
It is intersubjective realitiesbased on what a lot of people
say a whole lot and Yuval NoahHarari, the author of Sapiens,
(30:08):
one of my favorite authors.
I'm currently reading Nexus byhim.
Now he shares a-.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
So my library got that for me.
I just got the email sayingyour hold is ready for you.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I was like so good, it is so good and and sapiens.
What he references is thissociological phenomenon, where
upon which he says around if 100to 150 people believe something
is true, it's just true.
People aren't going to searchfor a different answer, they're
(30:41):
going to just believe it.
And how often are thefoundations that are motivating
our lives?
How much of that is based insomeone else's definition?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Because that is a very, very big problem, and it's
also the success definitionmoves as your life changes,
right?
So when, if you're a parent ofyoung kids and maybe success is
getting two or three days off aweek, right, and having the
financial and also like socialand communal tools to be able to
(31:15):
facilitate that right, to saythat I'm off three days a week
because my kids are little and Iwant to be able to spend this
time, which is very differentthan somebody who's either
retired or they're just, youknow, out there to go get it and
have all the time in the worldto spend on their business,
which can be very different.
That's why it's like sittingwith that question every couple
(31:35):
of years is so important to saysuccess looked like this at this
point, but you know now whatdoes that mean and what does
that look like and does that fitthe life that I'm trying to
build or want?
You know?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
yeah, yeah, and that's, that's real, it's
universal and it's very human.
And even for me, right.
I like to consider that my lifedidn't really move into a
deeply authentic direction untilI was, like at the tail end of
(32:09):
29, becoming 30, when I began toreally make value, aligned,
driven decisions, to be quitehonest with you, and I share
that from a comparative analysisto what life looked like prior,
and not that I wasn't happy orI wasn't successful quote,
(32:30):
unquote, as people would say butwhat I was doing was, in
reflection, fulfillingeveryone's expectations around
me in an aim to be perfect.
But perfection is also one ofthose intersubjective
definitions that means nothingother than you are perceptive
(32:52):
enough to know what everyoneelse wants from you in doing
that, Doing that, even if you'renot happy about it.
Yes, yes, it took me somepersonal time to really discover
that for myself, and that'sreally what I bring into a lot
of the work that I do withclients, too, or just
conversation in general.
I think that sort ofvulnerability and openness and
(33:15):
honesty moves us from thesesuperficial definitions about
things into something that ismore real, more connected and
will definitely provide greaterprofessional success as well,
when you just feel a genuinesense of connection to what
you're doing.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
I think we're in a time period now which is
different than how our parentsand grandparents grew up.
Well, maybe not.
Maybe in those time periods wejust lived in smaller
communities where you justworked with the people you
trusted in your town, and thatwas it paralyzing.
To try to decide which of thecompanies to work with have
(34:00):
ethical practices and which onesdon't, and how we make these
decisions, can just feelexhausting in those ways, and in
some ways it feels to me like aprivilege to be able to have
the space to even think aboutthose things.
To say I'm not in a positionwhere I am grinding so hard to
make my day-to-day ends meet.
(34:20):
That I have the privilege tosit here and even contemplate
these things at all is lucky.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yes, that's a really great point.
I think it definitely is aprivilege to have the space
cultivated to thinkintentionally about your life,
and what I would also encourage,from a standpoint of compassion
, not judgment, is, if you areliving a life where upon which
(34:49):
you don't have space to reflecton the life that you are living,
what life are you living?
And it's not to say that weneed to have hours of time a day
or need to have the income togo to a retreat in Sedona which
for some reason I don't know, isconnected with mental wellness
(35:11):
about going somewhereextravagant, doing something
incredible or expensive, inorder to feel a shift, to touch
base with wellness andreflection.
To be honest, I think theopposite is true, and that
(35:32):
message for me is inspired byThich Nhat Hanh of the Plum
Village tradition.
I'm a really, really big fan ofhis work and in his book, the
Art of Living, he even mentionsthat meditative analysis,
reflection, intentional actionis not something that always
(35:52):
needs to be separate from ourlives, taking space away from
our life to retreat to thisspace, but true meditative
awareness and aligned action isrecognizing all the challenge
that exists and intentionallyresponding in ways that make
sense, that feel doable thatfeel accomplishable, and that's
(36:16):
what I really like to lean into,because I think, as I've just
grown throughout the years, whatI've also been able to see is
wellness, for some reason, isalmost akin to expensive or
luxurious or lackingaccessibility, though I think
(36:38):
that is the case in some regards.
It is the omnipresent truthabout the space that we can
create for true analysis of thelife that we are truly living
right now.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, and for the people who are in a position
where they are grinding to makeends meet, then there isn't
space for that reflection.
That's true, there isn't thespace, but for most of us who
are hopefully listening to thispodcast or in these careers,
like there is space, and it'sjust these little, these mini
moments of slowing down andbeing quiet.
(37:13):
I'm so afraid of you know.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
We just we can just slow down and take a breath
between calling a client or,yeah, absolutely afraid of you
know.
Yeah, can we?
Just?
Speaker 2 (37:19):
we can just slow down and take a breath between
calling a client or yeahabsolutely, and I think it's a
phenomenal question aroundaccessibility, and I think that
all pertains to what is it thatyou are seeking out.
You know it comes from theopportunity to have that
(37:40):
reflective space.
That doesn't need to look oneway, and I learned that from my
own experience.
But that perspective issupported by my therapy caseload
.
I work predominantly withclients of complex and
developmental trauma complex anddevelopmental trauma.
(38:01):
So when I speak to clients whoare not actively experiencing
the impacts of trauma, I like toencourage them that capacity
can be built to deal with thestress that is showing up in
your life, because that is oneof the only omnipresent
realities in this lifetime.
Stress will always fall uponyou, whether or not you like it
or not, whether or not you'rethe kind of you have a million
dollars or not, yeah or not youlike it or not, whether or not
you're the kind of you have amillion dollars or not yeah.
Yeah, stress will always findits way to you, and I think it's
(38:23):
really about being thoughtfulabout how reflection can show up
for you.
So, for example, as youmentioned this imaginary person
that might be working X amountof jobs to support their family,
their feeling of a candle isburned at both ends.
We all have an element ofsupport in our lives and it
(38:45):
might just look very different.
So for some people, that sortof reflective space might exist
within community, which is aphenomenal space to get
reflective, to get curious, toget innovative suggestions about
how other people are navigatingthrough similar challenges and
still finding the expansion ofcapacity.
(39:10):
I think I'd like to defer tothat, as opposed to saying
resilience, because I think, inthe face of a lot of
sociocultural challenge that alot of us have experienced
within this country over years,sometimes resilience gets a bad
rap as a quality that is onlydeveloped in the midst of pain
that you don't want to beexperiencing in the first place.
(39:31):
So, yes, so I'm like okay, yes,there's a hint of resilience
there, but what I know aboutpeople is when you communicate
things in a way that they candeeply understand, it's easier
for them to understand.
So expansion of capacity iswhat we are consistently aiming
(39:51):
for, as opposed to feelingresilient, because for some
communities of people that isn'talways a compliment, right?
Sure yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
How do you handle burnout?
Do you experience burnout inyour work?
How do you deal with it?
And then, what advice do yougive to your clients in therapy
space and coaching space?
Speaker 2 (40:15):
Yeah, I just stop and give up.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
No, I'm just kidding Girl me too.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
That's it Hanging up the hat.
Peace out On office message set.
Exactly no.
No, In all seriousness, how Ihandle burnout.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Well, first and foremost, I Do you get burnt out
?
Speaker 2 (40:38):
Absolutely Everybody gets burned out.
Even if you're in the work thatyou feel is a passion project
for you, Burnout can alwayshappen because from the
beginning of the day to the endof the day, for the contemporary
person, there's just so muchgoing on.
(40:59):
Burnout can be around anycorner.
But the important thing is Itry to think about preventative
measures prior, becauseprevention is often a lot easier
to manage and implement thansome reactive strategies.
So what I like to consider ishow am I cultivating a self-care
(41:22):
routine for me that allows meto rest when I need to rest up?
As I was saying earlier kind ofjoking, it's actually very true
I like to take a moment todisconnect from what feels like
(41:56):
it's contributing to burnout,because that is an indication we
feel those things, things thatwe need space, we need time and
we need perspective, we needrestoration.
We do not need to do anythingelse, and that isn't just a
reflection in this moment.
(42:17):
It is a warning to people outthere when it comes to burnout,
because stress can quiteliterally kill you.
It can just cause your body toshut down.
So when we feel as if we're ina moment of burnout, we need to
find ways to take space fromwhat we are currently doing and
(42:40):
if we find that that is notpossible, we need to find
effective support within theenvironment that we're
experiencing.
Some of the burnout and case inpoint for me, earlier on in my
career as a therapist hearingclient stories, especially of
traumatic nature, quitenaturally felt overwhelming.
(43:01):
You take a lot of that home andsome people out there even
experience what's calledvicarious traumatization,
whereupon which hearing traumawill allow your body to
replicate the traumatic symptomsthat someone else is telling
you right Sure, and I found thatfor me, if I'm not able to take
(43:22):
space away, finding support inthe environment where I'm
contextualized is valuable.
So speaking with othertherapists, attending
supervision groups, caseconsultations, things of that
nature, really, really supportme in the expansion of capacity
to manage what's currentlyhappening.
(43:42):
And the expansion of capacityto manage what's currently
happening and honestly, maybe inreflection on burnout, you
might decide you don't want togo back to what you were doing
that caught you, and that'svaluable too.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Well, in talking to people in community, you're also
inting serves a purpose.
Right, you're sharing astruggle, you're getting it out
of your body.
Right, you're moving thatenergy through.
And there's a fine lineobviously between the venting
never ending versus like, oh, Iactually do feel better after
talking to a friend about howfrustrating this client has been
(44:15):
, or whatever.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
It's because I love that assertion Venting.
It gives honor to ourexperience of anger that is
valid and might change over time.
And I think what feels so goodabout venting is we are able to
be witnessed and acceptedunconditionally.
(44:41):
Witnessed and acceptedunconditionally.
And if you ask Gabor Mate, whowrote a really, really great
book on not only just traumawork but also societal issues
it's called the Myth of Normalhe shares that with regard to
trauma research, in order for ahuman to effectively develop
(45:04):
into a well-adjusted adult, theyneed to have spaces in
childhood where they are seen,witnessed, encouraged and
accepted for whatever they areexpressing in that moment.
And as adults, we still feelthat and as adults, we still
feel that, we still appreciatethat, we still love that sort of
(45:26):
attunement where upon which wecan be just like, viscerally
upset with our closest friendsand share that.
And in the space of just beingheard, understood, validated, we
might say, okay, I'm ready toget back into my life now.
I just needed that time, right.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
Needed that time.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
And I think, like when you're talking about IFS
work and somatics too, have youread the book by the sisters who
wrote the burnout book, nagoski?
It's called Burnout.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
You know I've actually never read the book.
I'm going to add it to my listnow.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
It's great because they really talk about the
difference between the stressand the stressor, like the
difference between being chasedby the bear and then how your
body actually processes it.
So getting away from the bearis not actually the solution to
the stress you felt from thebeing chased, it's.
It's when you come back and youlike tell your friends like oh
my god, there's a bear chasingme and all this thing happened
(46:23):
and your voice doing the vocalcord release of vagus nerve,
like all of that, that's therelease.
Speaker 2 (46:31):
And so when you're not able to complete the stress
cycle, that stress builds up inour bodies yeah, yeah, we can
often displace our emotionalreactions and project them to
places where it really serves usno purpose.
But in the moment we aren'tthinking that way, which is
(46:51):
something valuable that I alsospeak to in the stress blueprint
as well, which the heightenedexperience of emotion limits the
amount of cognitive functionthat we can actually exhibit, so
We've got to run away from thebear.
Yeah, it's difficult to plan, toassess, to reflect all of these
(47:16):
executive functioning tasks.
It's really difficult to dowhen we're in the midst of a
heightened emotional situationor if we haven't effectively
allowed that emotion to resolve.
So I appreciate that call out.
I'm excited to take a look atthe book and, as you share some
(47:37):
of the themes in it, it soundsvery much so in alignment with
some of the things I attempt toencourage people to do in their
lives and cultivate the spacefor, amidst a very hectic and
chaotic existence, it can oftenbe from time to time, you know
(48:00):
Well, as we're kind of nearingthe top of the hour here, are
there any thoughts, questions orthings we didn't get to with
your role that you play withCompass and in the world at
large that you'd like to share?
That's a good question.
I'd like to share that.
I really love what I do.
I feel a strong sense ofconnection to what I do and I've
(48:26):
had the experience of makingvalue, aligned decisions from a
place of authenticity andcourage that have really
benefited my life in ways that Ihadn't seen imaginable, and the
same journey that I'm on in mylife in terms of meeting myself,
encouraging myself, resolvingconflicts beneath the surface.
(48:50):
I hold that same space forother people, so I really,
really enjoy the work that I'mable to do and for everyone
listening, you can subscribe tomy newsletter, mindful Monday.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
I was just going to say how do people find you?
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yes, you can subscribe to my newsletter,
mindful Monday.
It's where I share just quick,brief, practical insights every
Monday that you can action intothe week.
So my intention is that I'msharing these universal human
challenges and at the end of thenewsletter you have the
(49:27):
opportunity to step away withsome practical strategies to try
.
So you can subscribe there.
At charimbashircom and also forCompass agents out there, I
will be speaking at the upcomingsecond annual Black at Compass
Summit in North Carolina.
(49:47):
So really looking forward tosharing space with other agents
and I guess, to make it seemsomewhat reductive, I am just on
a journey to support myselfwith deeply compassionate
interactions that move meforward and I'm deeply motivated
(50:09):
to create that space for otherpeople.
So if any of this resonates,feel free to find me.
Karan Bash everywhere.
It's a unique name.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
All of Sharon's number information is going to
be in our show notes.
All the links will be there.
Well, thank you so much fortaking the time to do this and
hang out on an afternoon andshare your wisdom and just so
much gentleness and compassionin your approach of how and
tactical tools as well, which Ireally appreciate.
So thank you for all of that.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Thank you, it's always great to connect.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Thank you again for joining me on this episode of
the Rested Real Estate Agent.
All of Charin's information andall your ways to contact him
will be in the show notes, alongwith mine.
If you'd like to sign up for mynewsletter that I send out
twice a month, all the linkswill be there for that too, and
if you found this episode usefulor interesting, please share it
with a friend.
Still new, so any shares andhelp is greatly appreciated.
(51:05):
Stay safe out there, y'all.
Bye.
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