February 13, 2025 • 28 mins
What if sharing your story could transform not only your life but also the lives of those around you? In our latest episode of the Restored Podcast, Frank and Darcie Montgomery join us to unpack the profound journey of embracing authenticity and transparency. Frank bravely recounts his battle with feelings of shame and embarrassment as he revealed his past struggles and how spiritual guidance played a pivotal role in his healing. You'll hear about the unlikely genesis of our podcast, fueled by divine inspiration and a leap of faith out of our comfort zones, proving that personal stories have the power to inspire hope and foster faith.
Love isn't just a fleeting emotion—it's a daily choice and a covenant. Through stories from our own lives and lessons passed down from family, explore the enduring nature of love and commitment, even amidst external pressures and modern misconceptions. We challenge the idea that happiness is dependent on others, highlighting instead the personal responsibility and conscious effort required to nurture relationships. As we wrap up, we underscore the power of choosing love over anger daily and invite you to engage with us on our journey. Connect with us through our Facebook page or email, and carry the message of love and faith into your week.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Frank (00:19):
You are listening to the Restored Podcast with Frank and
Darcy Montgomery.
So here we are, episode numbertwo.
On the first episode, we sharedour testimony.
Darcie (00:34):
Yeah, you did.
Frank (00:36):
And everything that that entailed.
Darcie (00:40):
Right, and that's the first time you've ever spoken
about it.
So how did that make you feel?
Frank (00:46):
I was embarrassed.
Ashamed because for so long Ihad put on this persona outside
the house that we were, I won'tsay the perfect family, but put
on a persona that you know wehad it all together.
(01:09):
Everything was functioning theway that it should.
I was, you know, a good guy,and all of that, and for people
to know my dirty, dark secretsof what life was really like,
was embarrassing, to say theleast.
(01:29):
But later that night the HolySpirit dealt with me and pointed
out that I don't have a reasonto be embarrassed.
I don't have a reason to beashamed because that's all under
the blood.
It was something that happenedand, yes, that's who I was, yes,
(01:58):
that's the way I acted, butthat's not who I am anymore.
But that's not who I am anymore.
And when God looks at me, hedoesn't see Frank the abuser,
Frank the gambler.
(02:19):
He sees a righteous son.
Darcie (02:22):
Right.
Frank (02:23):
And so, after that little reminder from the Holy Spirit,
it was almost freeing that Ididn't have to hide that anymore
.
I didn't have to, you know,skirt the subject because we had
shared our testimony before.
I had but it had always beenyou.
Darcie (02:42):
Right and you had never really spoke on it.
But it had always been youRight and you had never really
spoke on it.
And so I mean I know that hadto be hard, but it had to bring
some sort of freedom right.
Frank (02:50):
No, absolutely it did.
Lifted a weight.
I'm able to, you know, a notcare what people think, because
I know what God thinks and he'sso much better than people
thinks and he's so much betterthan than people.
If people want to look at frankand diss me because of that,
(03:11):
then so be it, but that's notwho I am anymore right and I
mean we had shared with smallgroups before and in small
circles.
But I want to ask you the samequestion how do you feel after
putting it out there I meanpotentially for the entire world
(03:33):
to hear?
Darcie (03:35):
I felt excited, I felt free and I felt expectation and
you know, knew that God wasgoing to use this, so any other
feelings really didn't matter.
It was just.
You know, I knew God was goingto use it and I was excited to
see what he did with it.
Frank (03:57):
Yeah.
Darcie (03:58):
Yeah.
Frank (03:59):
I'm glad it's out there.
Um, I you know my hope andprayer is that maybe somebody in
a similar situation will findhope and will find strength and
knowing that you know god canchange whatever situation
they're in, whether they are aguy like me who didn't know how
(04:22):
to control his emotions, lovesyou know that other person but
you know takes out all of theiranger on them.
Or if it's somebody in yourshoes that you know is on the
receiving end and maybe they'resee something in their spouse
that you know same thing thatyou saw in me and and you know,
(04:43):
just let them know that look,there is hope there.
You know God can restore, butyou know I hope that people get
that out of this podcast.
And the word tells us thatfaith comes by hearing.
So, even though that might havebeen hard for me to share, for
(05:08):
you to share out there sopublicly, the faith that can
come to somebody else by hearingour testimony, I think is all
worth it.
Darcie (05:20):
And that's the whole point of this podcast.
I mean that's to bring glory toGod and to help others, and I
think that's why it was laid onmy heart like it was.
Frank (05:35):
What was laid on your heart.
Darcie (05:36):
To do this podcast.
Frank (05:40):
Because this is completely out of your comfort
zone.
Darcie (05:45):
Yes, it is.
Frank (05:46):
I mean, I've known for a couple years, or at least had an
urge, a desire to do a podcastever since submitted my life
back to God and started livingright and accepted that he has a
(06:07):
calling on my life, and so I'vewanted to do this, but I never
told you about it.
I you know.
Darcie (06:14):
I don't know if you saw no, I mean, I really I didn't
know, and even you know, if Ihad an inkling that you wanted
to do it, it was not going to bewith me.
You know, I didn't think thatit would ever be with me right.
Frank (06:29):
And then you came to me and said you had had a dream or
or I don't remember if it was adream or if you, you know, just
felt the unction of the holyspirit guiding you, and that.
Darcie (06:42):
But you came to me and said we're supposed to do a
podcast together, and and thatwas terrifying to say that to
you, because that put it outthere and that made it a little
bit more real.
And then you took it a stepfurther and started planning and
all that and I was like, oh,this is really happening well, I
had to because I knew if Idelayed you would back out.
Frank (07:05):
You would find a reason to back out and question it and
be like is that really what hewas saying?
Darcie (07:13):
Yeah.
Frank (07:13):
But I know that you have a voice that needs to be heard
and a story that needs to beheard, and you have so much as
quiet as you are.
You have a lot of wisdom.
Darcie (07:29):
Thank you.
Frank (07:31):
And life experience and different trials and
tribulations that God is goingto use for you, to help not just
other women, but for you tohelp people in general and help
them see that, look, if yousubmit your life to Christ, if
(07:58):
you follow his will, thatnothing is impossible and
nothing's too big for God.
And if you're in a situationmaybe your life needs to be
restored, or maybe theirmarriage, maybe it's a
relationship, whatever thatmight be, you have that world
(08:25):
experience and your relationshipwith Christ at the same time to
where God is going to use thatto help people.
Darcie (08:34):
Oh, thank you.
That's the sweetest thingyou've ever said.
Frank (08:37):
So, with all of that being said, you sent me a clip
this morning and I want to playit because you have often felt
the same way and before I playit for everybody's um um
knowledge, this is Miss Kay fromthe Robertson family.
(09:02):
I think this was on one oftheir podcasts that they have.
It might have been on theUnashamed podcast, I'm not sure,
but I want to play what shesays because we recently watched
their movie, the Blind, and sawa lot of similarities in their
(09:24):
early relationship and ours.
So here this goes.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
I had a time when he didn't have the Lord in those 10
years, you know Well, when Istuck with him, then everybody
was mad at me because they saidleave him, leave him, leave him.
And I said, no, my grandmothertaught me to stay because that
was what you were supposed to do.
And you just pray and you knowGod will fix it eventually.
(09:53):
Are you glad you did?
Yes.
Are you glad I did?
Darcie (09:58):
Yeah, thank you yes, are you glad I did yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Thank you.
Frank (10:03):
So that's Miss Kay, and I've often heard you say the
same thing that you had a lot ofpeople in your ear.
Darcie (10:16):
I did.
I had people telling me that Ineeded to leave.
I had people acting like I wasweak and stupid and a doormat
and for a little while Ibelieved that.
But I've come to realize thatwasn't a doormat, that wasn't
stupid, that wasn't weak, thatwas love.
That was, you know, truecommitment and you know I'm glad
(10:42):
that I stayed.
Frank (10:43):
I am thrilled to death that you stayed.
I can't imagine my life nowwithout you, but I want to.
I want to talk about thatbecause you said a couple of
things.
You said, first and foremost,love, and I think today's world
(11:10):
struggles with what love is.
They have media, they havemovies, they have all this stuff
.
Media, they have movies, theyhave all this stuff.
Basically, that love is just afeeling that you get inside of
you.
Darcie (11:29):
It's an emotion that you feel and I believe that for a
long time and that's you knowthought too.
But thanks to your mom, youknow she was an example of
Christian love.
She was an example ofcommitment with your dad and I
(11:51):
just watched her.
That woman could love theunlovable, forgive the
unforgivable, you know, find thebest in everybody.
Frank (11:59):
And it really makes you think well, what is love then?
If love is not just an emotionand the word tells us what love
is, and Jesus instructs us thatthe greatest commandment is to
(12:24):
love the Lord, your God, withall your heart, with all your
mind and all your soul, and tolove one another in the same way
that Christ loved us right andso, with with that, your love
for me didn't matter how I madeyou feel right.
Darcie (12:49):
It wasn't based on what you made me feel, what you did
for me, what you did to me, whatyou didn't do, wasn't based on
any of that.
It was just a I love this man,I'm here for this man.
Good, bad, sickness and healthyou know all of that.
Those vows mean somethingabsolutely.
Frank (13:13):
They mean something.
I mean it's a covenant between,between the two parties
involved, the husband and thewife, and it's a covenant with
God and so many people today.
Darcie (13:33):
They don't hold on to that.
They don't hold on to thecovenant.
They don't, you know, recognizethat covenant.
They just think, oh, it's alegal agreement or whatever.
Frank (13:44):
Right and when things get , when things get bad, even
though you said those vows forbetter or for worse, you know
it's just easy to get out of themarriage and you know I'm a I'm
not.
I am not saying, if you havebeen divorced, that you know
(14:05):
you're a horrible person.
Darcie (14:06):
No, god can use and does use people who have been
through a divorce.
They are restored, just like wewere restored.
Frank (14:14):
Right.
And just because you've gottena divorce doesn't mean you're a
bad person.
Because you've gotten a divorcedoesn't mean you're a bad
person, it's just, you know.
Is that what God wanted withyou and your former spouse is to
be divorced?
No, he didn't.
He designed man and woman andhe designed the Institute of
Marriage to be forever.
(14:37):
Because those two fleshesbecome one Right to be forever,
because those two fleshes becomeone right.
And in order for those twofleshes to become one, you have
to love one another.
And again, it's not a love ofthat emotion, it's a.
I choose to love you today.
I choose to.
(14:58):
Whether you get my nerves,whether you bring happiness to
my life, today I choose to loveyou.
I choose to stand up for you.
I choose to protect you.
I choose to pray for you.
I choose to pray with you.
I choose to honor you.
I choose to hold you up.
(15:19):
I choose to.
I choose all those things.
I choose to hold you up.
I choose to.
I choose all those things.
Darcie (15:23):
I choose to forgive you, even when it's real hard.
Frank (15:26):
Right and and people.
I had this conversation withHayden a few months ago,
whenever he was dating aparticular person and and he
said that you know, I just dad,I I just don't know if she makes
me happy.
And I was quick to tell him,son, you're not with someone
(15:52):
because they make you happy.
It is your responsibility to behappy.
Darcie (15:56):
I mean, they will add to your happiness, but essentially
you have to be happy on yourown, with or without them.
Frank (16:14):
Absolutely.
And I mean if you chosesomebody, and I mean I look at
our relationship and our history.
I mean we were married withinsix months of meeting the other
person, so we didn't know all ofthose little little things that
would grind on each other'snerves, you know, and and People
(16:40):
jump into relationships likethat and they start finding
those things, oh they, I loveyou.
I love you, you know, let'slet's have sex, let's do this,
let's do that, I love you.
But then whenever that otherperson starts doing things that
they don't like, that doesn'tbring them joy, that doesn't
(17:02):
make them happy, they, they saythey've fallen out of love and I
honestly do not think there issuch a thing.
Darcie (17:11):
I don't think you can fall out of love with somebody,
because if you can, then youwere never in love right.
Frank (17:18):
And you again?
It goes back to that.
You have to choose love, youhave to choose all those things.
And it makes me.
You know, I know it's the mostpopular chapter in the Bible.
When people think of lovethey're automatically going to
say, oh, he's going to firstCorinthians, chapter 13.
(17:40):
Chapter 13.
But I mean it distinctly tellsus Love suffers long and is kind
.
Love does not envy, love doesnot parade itself, is not puffed
up, does not behave rudely,does not seek its own, is not
(18:00):
provoked, thinks no evil, doesnot rejoice in iniquity but
rejoices in the truth.
And how many times, how manytimes during our bad times, did
you know when, when you made memad or whatever I would wish not
(18:22):
something bad happened to you,but you know, oh, you stubbed
your toe in the dark or whatever.
But I mean, you know, lovedoesn't rejoice in that iniquity
, it but rejoices in the truththat bears all things, believes
all things, hopes all things,bears all things, believes all
(18:44):
things, hopes all things,endures all things.
Love never fails and all ofthose things are a decision that
we make every single day.
I'm going to choose not to bejealous of you, of anything you
have, because A we're marriedand what you have, I have, I
(19:07):
think.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah.
Frank (19:11):
But I mean it's not boastful, it's not prideful, all
of those things and I chooseevery day and I have to work at
those every day.
But there at the end, where ittalks about bears all things I
know you have always done thisand I've gotten better protects
(19:52):
it from the elements of theweather.
Love Covers that other personand that's where the term
covering comes from, like whenI'm going to cover you in prayer
and I know you would cover mein prayer on a daily basis.
Darcie (20:12):
I still do.
Frank (20:14):
And you brought up my mom earlier.
I have memories all the yearsgrowing up Every night.
It did not matter, we were mostof the time in my little
sister's room, but we would gettogether and we would read out
of the Bible and then we wouldpray.
(20:36):
Of course, the children, wewere young, so we would pray the
Lord's Prayer and then my momwould close with her prayer and
she would go through the entirefamily.
Darcie (20:54):
And you have a very big family.
Frank (20:56):
It wasn't quite as big then, but it was still large,
but she would name every singleperson and call their name out
in prayer, and she did thisevery single night and I think
without, without phil, and Ithink she continued until oh,
(21:17):
absolutely she did you know,right before she passed.
Darcie (21:21):
I guarantee you she did.
Frank (21:22):
Absolutely she did.
I mean, I'm sure she waspraying for me up until her last
breath, but, um, I mean, justthat's what, that's what love
does, and it doesn't.
It doesn't boast that shedidn't go around.
You know, oh, I pray for youevery night.
Now, in our one-on-oneconversations, she would tell me
(21:45):
Frankie, you, oh, my goodness,I just said that, but she would.
She would, um, tell me, youknow, I, I pray for you and
Darcy and Hayden every day.
And I knew that, but she wouldjust confirm it.
But she didn't go aroundboasting to everybody.
(22:05):
You know, that was just whatshe did, out of love and hopes
all things and believes allthings.
And you know, I feel like,looking back, how much you truly
loved me, because I would askyou all the time, why did you
(22:32):
stay?
And your first answer wasalways because I loved you.
And then you would saysomething to the fact that I
knew that wasn't you.
Darcie (22:49):
Yeah, because I had seen the other side and I knew the
real you and I knew that thatguy that would come out was an
unhealed, broken part of you.
Frank (23:00):
And you hoped and believed that God would take
that anger away, that God wouldheal me, because you had seen
that other.
So the love that you had withinyou believed that, hey, this
guy can change, this guy can bethe husband that I need, this
(23:22):
guy can be the dad to Haydenthat he's supposed to be, and
because of that you were able toendure.
Darcie (23:33):
It wasn't easy, but yeah , I mean I just I knew, I knew
that I wasn't supposed to goanywhere.
I knew I was supposed tocontinue to fight for you with
you, beside you, all of it, andI don't regret it.
Frank (23:49):
I can't say it enough how happy that makes me that you
did do that, and I think it'sfitting that we're having this
conversation today about love,because Valentine's Day is right
around the corner.
I think whenever we post this,it'll be the day before
Valentine's Day.
Darcie (24:09):
And you know I love Valentine's Day.
Even though it's kind of cornyand cheesy, I love it.
Frank (24:15):
So if anybody's listening , they can email us and I can
get you ways to send DarcyValentine's chocolates, because
that is her favorite.
Darcie (24:25):
No, it's not.
Frank (24:27):
But I just think it's fitting that we're talking about
love, and it's so differentthan the love that Hallmark
wants you to believe.
What love is when you have thelove of Christ?
Darcie (24:45):
christ, it is so much more than that, and and you can
love that person through anysituation, like you can be there
through any situation.
Frank (24:53):
If you have true love, like nothing is gonna tear you
apart right and you know I, Idon't want people to think that
you know, know, we're sayingstay in any situation.
Darcie (25:07):
I think we not know.
If you're unsafe, leave.
I was never afraid of beingunsafe with you until that time
that I had to call the police.
That's when it reached thepoint and that's why that was
the first time I did that.
I'm not saying anybody shouldstay in a dangerous situation.
Get out and protect yourselfand your children.
Frank (25:34):
Love does not mean tolerating abuse.
Wow.
Darcie (25:38):
Why don't you unpack that a little bit?
Well, you caught me off guard,but I mean you can love somebody
and you do not have to take theabuse from them.
That is not love.
Frank (25:48):
Tolerating it is not love some people would probably call
that tough love, and you didthat a few times with me.
Darcie (25:55):
We separated I did because I I knew who you were
and I wanted you to change.
But I knew if I let you stayhere and it stay in the same
situation, it wasn't going tochange.
But I loved you and I checkedon you.
I mean, still, while we wereseparated, I was praying for you
(26:16):
and I was checking on you andand I think it just all goes
back to that's what.
Frank (26:24):
That's what love is, and you and I are talking about love
between a husband and wife, asignificant other Maybe
somebody's listening and they'renot married yet, but they're
walking down that road tomarriage.
Darcie (26:43):
I mean any situation with love, it's the same.
Frank (26:46):
But as Christ followers, as Christians, we are told to
love our neighbor, to loveeverybody.
Darcie (26:55):
And we're told that you know, if we are his disciples,
we will be known for our love.
Frank (27:00):
Amen.
Darcie (27:00):
That should be what you walk in.
That's what you should be knownfor.
Frank (27:06):
I think that is some great stuff and I hope that
people hear this and maybespread a little bit more love
and choose to love every day andnot be full of anger.
Darcie (27:22):
Right, and you can love people who are difficult.
It's not easy, but you canchoose to love those difficult
people in your life and maybeyour love will change their
difficulty level.
Frank (27:36):
So, before we end this, do you have any last remarks on
what we've talked about today,on on love, on on um?
You know our feelings ofputting our story out there for
everybody to hear no, I'm goodall righty, then.
(28:00):
You've been listening to therestoredored Podcast with Frank
and Darcy Montgomery.
We hope you have a wonderfulweek.
Walk in love, choose love everyday, and we'll see you next
time on the Restored Podcast.
If you have any questions abouttoday's podcast, feel free to
(28:20):
connect with us on Facebook atthe Restored Podcast, or you can
send us an email attherestoredcast at gmailcom.
Thank you for listening and wehope that you have a blessed
week.
You.
You are listening to the Restored Podcast with Frank and
Darcy Montgomery.
So here we are, episode numbertwo.
On the first episode, we sharedour testimony.
Darcie (00:34):
Yeah, you did.
Frank (00:36):
And everything that that entailed.
Darcie (00:40):
Right, and that's the first time you've ever spoken
about it.
So how did that make you feel?
Frank (00:46):
I was embarrassed.
Ashamed because for so long Ihad put on this persona outside
the house that we were, I won'tsay the perfect family, but put
on a persona that you know wehad it all together.
(01:09):
Everything was functioning theway that it should.
I was, you know, a good guy,and all of that, and for people
to know my dirty, dark secretsof what life was really like,
was embarrassing, to say theleast.
(01:29):
But later that night the HolySpirit dealt with me and pointed
out that I don't have a reasonto be embarrassed.
I don't have a reason to beashamed because that's all under
the blood.
It was something that happenedand, yes, that's who I was, yes,
(01:58):
that's the way I acted, butthat's not who I am anymore.
But that's not who I am anymore.
And when God looks at me, hedoesn't see Frank the abuser,
Frank the gambler.
(02:19):
He sees a righteous son.
Darcie (02:22):
Right.
Frank (02:23):
And so, after that little reminder from the Holy Spirit,
it was almost freeing that Ididn't have to hide that anymore
.
I didn't have to, you know,skirt the subject because we had
shared our testimony before.
I had but it had always beenyou.
Darcie (02:42):
Right and you had never really spoke on it.
But it had always been youRight and you had never really
spoke on it.
And so I mean I know that hadto be hard, but it had to bring
some sort of freedom right.
Frank (02:50):
No, absolutely it did.
Lifted a weight.
I'm able to, you know, a notcare what people think, because
I know what God thinks and he'sso much better than people
thinks and he's so much betterthan than people.
If people want to look at frankand diss me because of that,
(03:11):
then so be it, but that's notwho I am anymore right and I
mean we had shared with smallgroups before and in small
circles.
But I want to ask you the samequestion how do you feel after
putting it out there I meanpotentially for the entire world
(03:33):
to hear?
Darcie (03:35):
I felt excited, I felt free and I felt expectation and
you know, knew that God wasgoing to use this, so any other
feelings really didn't matter.
It was just.
You know, I knew God was goingto use it and I was excited to
see what he did with it.
Frank (03:57):
Yeah.
Darcie (03:58):
Yeah.
Frank (03:59):
I'm glad it's out there.
Um, I you know my hope andprayer is that maybe somebody in
a similar situation will findhope and will find strength and
knowing that you know god canchange whatever situation
they're in, whether they are aguy like me who didn't know how
(04:22):
to control his emotions, lovesyou know that other person but
you know takes out all of theiranger on them.
Or if it's somebody in yourshoes that you know is on the
receiving end and maybe they'resee something in their spouse
that you know same thing thatyou saw in me and and you know,
(04:43):
just let them know that look,there is hope there.
You know God can restore, butyou know I hope that people get
that out of this podcast.
And the word tells us thatfaith comes by hearing.
So, even though that might havebeen hard for me to share, for
(05:08):
you to share out there sopublicly, the faith that can
come to somebody else by hearingour testimony, I think is all
worth it.
Darcie (05:20):
And that's the whole point of this podcast.
I mean that's to bring glory toGod and to help others, and I
think that's why it was laid onmy heart like it was.
Frank (05:35):
What was laid on your heart.
Darcie (05:36):
To do this podcast.
Frank (05:40):
Because this is completely out of your comfort
zone.
Darcie (05:45):
Yes, it is.
Frank (05:46):
I mean, I've known for a couple years, or at least had an
urge, a desire to do a podcastever since submitted my life
back to God and started livingright and accepted that he has a
(06:07):
calling on my life, and so I'vewanted to do this, but I never
told you about it.
I you know.
Darcie (06:14):
I don't know if you saw no, I mean, I really I didn't
know, and even you know, if Ihad an inkling that you wanted
to do it, it was not going to bewith me.
You know, I didn't think thatit would ever be with me right.
Frank (06:29):
And then you came to me and said you had had a dream or
or I don't remember if it was adream or if you, you know, just
felt the unction of the holyspirit guiding you, and that.
Darcie (06:42):
But you came to me and said we're supposed to do a
podcast together, and and thatwas terrifying to say that to
you, because that put it outthere and that made it a little
bit more real.
And then you took it a stepfurther and started planning and
all that and I was like, oh,this is really happening well, I
had to because I knew if Idelayed you would back out.
Frank (07:05):
You would find a reason to back out and question it and
be like is that really what hewas saying?
Darcie (07:13):
Yeah.
Frank (07:13):
But I know that you have a voice that needs to be heard
and a story that needs to beheard, and you have so much as
quiet as you are.
You have a lot of wisdom.
Darcie (07:29):
Thank you.
Frank (07:31):
And life experience and different trials and
tribulations that God is goingto use for you, to help not just
other women, but for you tohelp people in general and help
them see that, look, if yousubmit your life to Christ, if
(07:58):
you follow his will, thatnothing is impossible and
nothing's too big for God.
And if you're in a situationmaybe your life needs to be
restored, or maybe theirmarriage, maybe it's a
relationship, whatever thatmight be, you have that world
(08:25):
experience and your relationshipwith Christ at the same time to
where God is going to use thatto help people.
Darcie (08:34):
Oh, thank you.
That's the sweetest thingyou've ever said.
Frank (08:37):
So, with all of that being said, you sent me a clip
this morning and I want to playit because you have often felt
the same way and before I playit for everybody's um um
knowledge, this is Miss Kay fromthe Robertson family.
(09:02):
I think this was on one oftheir podcasts that they have.
It might have been on theUnashamed podcast, I'm not sure,
but I want to play what shesays because we recently watched
their movie, the Blind, and sawa lot of similarities in their
(09:24):
early relationship and ours.
So here this goes.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
I had a time when he didn't have the Lord in those 10
years, you know Well, when Istuck with him, then everybody
was mad at me because they saidleave him, leave him, leave him.
And I said, no, my grandmothertaught me to stay because that
was what you were supposed to do.
And you just pray and you knowGod will fix it eventually.
(09:53):
Are you glad you did?
Yes.
Are you glad I did?
Darcie (09:58):
Yeah, thank you yes, are you glad I did yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Thank you.
Frank (10:03):
So that's Miss Kay, and I've often heard you say the
same thing that you had a lot ofpeople in your ear.
Darcie (10:16):
I did.
I had people telling me that Ineeded to leave.
I had people acting like I wasweak and stupid and a doormat
and for a little while Ibelieved that.
But I've come to realize thatwasn't a doormat, that wasn't
stupid, that wasn't weak, thatwas love.
That was, you know, truecommitment and you know I'm glad
(10:42):
that I stayed.
Frank (10:43):
I am thrilled to death that you stayed.
I can't imagine my life nowwithout you, but I want to.
I want to talk about thatbecause you said a couple of
things.
You said, first and foremost,love, and I think today's world
(11:10):
struggles with what love is.
They have media, they havemovies, they have all this stuff
.
Media, they have movies, theyhave all this stuff.
Basically, that love is just afeeling that you get inside of
you.
Darcie (11:29):
It's an emotion that you feel and I believe that for a
long time and that's you knowthought too.
But thanks to your mom, youknow she was an example of
Christian love.
She was an example ofcommitment with your dad and I
(11:51):
just watched her.
That woman could love theunlovable, forgive the
unforgivable, you know, find thebest in everybody.
Frank (11:59):
And it really makes you think well, what is love then?
If love is not just an emotionand the word tells us what love
is, and Jesus instructs us thatthe greatest commandment is to
(12:24):
love the Lord, your God, withall your heart, with all your
mind and all your soul, and tolove one another in the same way
that Christ loved us right andso, with with that, your love
for me didn't matter how I madeyou feel right.
Darcie (12:49):
It wasn't based on what you made me feel, what you did
for me, what you did to me, whatyou didn't do, wasn't based on
any of that.
It was just a I love this man,I'm here for this man.
Good, bad, sickness and healthyou know all of that.
Those vows mean somethingabsolutely.
Frank (13:13):
They mean something.
I mean it's a covenant between,between the two parties
involved, the husband and thewife, and it's a covenant with
God and so many people today.
Darcie (13:33):
They don't hold on to that.
They don't hold on to thecovenant.
They don't, you know, recognizethat covenant.
They just think, oh, it's alegal agreement or whatever.
Frank (13:44):
Right and when things get , when things get bad, even
though you said those vows forbetter or for worse, you know
it's just easy to get out of themarriage and you know I'm a I'm
not.
I am not saying, if you havebeen divorced, that you know
(14:05):
you're a horrible person.
Darcie (14:06):
No, god can use and does use people who have been
through a divorce.
They are restored, just like wewere restored.
Frank (14:14):
Right.
And just because you've gottena divorce doesn't mean you're a
bad person.
Because you've gotten a divorcedoesn't mean you're a bad
person, it's just, you know.
Is that what God wanted withyou and your former spouse is to
be divorced?
No, he didn't.
He designed man and woman andhe designed the Institute of
Marriage to be forever.
(14:37):
Because those two fleshesbecome one Right to be forever,
because those two fleshes becomeone right.
And in order for those twofleshes to become one, you have
to love one another.
And again, it's not a love ofthat emotion, it's a.
I choose to love you today.
I choose to.
(14:58):
Whether you get my nerves,whether you bring happiness to
my life, today I choose to loveyou.
I choose to stand up for you.
I choose to protect you.
I choose to pray for you.
I choose to pray with you.
I choose to honor you.
I choose to hold you up.
(15:19):
I choose to.
I choose all those things.
I choose to hold you up.
I choose to.
I choose all those things.
Darcie (15:23):
I choose to forgive you, even when it's real hard.
Frank (15:26):
Right and and people.
I had this conversation withHayden a few months ago,
whenever he was dating aparticular person and and he
said that you know, I just dad,I I just don't know if she makes
me happy.
And I was quick to tell him,son, you're not with someone
(15:52):
because they make you happy.
It is your responsibility to behappy.
Darcie (15:56):
I mean, they will add to your happiness, but essentially
you have to be happy on yourown, with or without them.
Frank (16:14):
Absolutely.
And I mean if you chosesomebody, and I mean I look at
our relationship and our history.
I mean we were married withinsix months of meeting the other
person, so we didn't know all ofthose little little things that
would grind on each other'snerves, you know, and and People
(16:40):
jump into relationships likethat and they start finding
those things, oh they, I loveyou.
I love you, you know, let'slet's have sex, let's do this,
let's do that, I love you.
But then whenever that otherperson starts doing things that
they don't like, that doesn'tbring them joy, that doesn't
(17:02):
make them happy, they, they saythey've fallen out of love and I
honestly do not think there issuch a thing.
Darcie (17:11):
I don't think you can fall out of love with somebody,
because if you can, then youwere never in love right.
Frank (17:18):
And you again?
It goes back to that.
You have to choose love, youhave to choose all those things.
And it makes me.
You know, I know it's the mostpopular chapter in the Bible.
When people think of lovethey're automatically going to
say, oh, he's going to firstCorinthians, chapter 13.
(17:40):
Chapter 13.
But I mean it distinctly tellsus Love suffers long and is kind
.
Love does not envy, love doesnot parade itself, is not puffed
up, does not behave rudely,does not seek its own, is not
(18:00):
provoked, thinks no evil, doesnot rejoice in iniquity but
rejoices in the truth.
And how many times, how manytimes during our bad times, did
you know when, when you made memad or whatever I would wish not
(18:22):
something bad happened to you,but you know, oh, you stubbed
your toe in the dark or whatever.
But I mean, you know, lovedoesn't rejoice in that iniquity
, it but rejoices in the truththat bears all things, believes
all things, hopes all things,bears all things, believes all
(18:44):
things, hopes all things,endures all things.
Love never fails and all ofthose things are a decision that
we make every single day.
I'm going to choose not to bejealous of you, of anything you
have, because A we're marriedand what you have, I have, I
(19:07):
think.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah.
Frank (19:11):
But I mean it's not boastful, it's not prideful, all
of those things and I chooseevery day and I have to work at
those every day.
But there at the end, where ittalks about bears all things I
know you have always done thisand I've gotten better protects
(19:52):
it from the elements of theweather.
Love Covers that other personand that's where the term
covering comes from, like whenI'm going to cover you in prayer
and I know you would cover mein prayer on a daily basis.
Darcie (20:12):
I still do.
Frank (20:14):
And you brought up my mom earlier.
I have memories all the yearsgrowing up Every night.
It did not matter, we were mostof the time in my little
sister's room, but we would gettogether and we would read out
of the Bible and then we wouldpray.
(20:36):
Of course, the children, wewere young, so we would pray the
Lord's Prayer and then my momwould close with her prayer and
she would go through the entirefamily.
Darcie (20:54):
And you have a very big family.
Frank (20:56):
It wasn't quite as big then, but it was still large,
but she would name every singleperson and call their name out
in prayer, and she did thisevery single night and I think
without, without phil, and Ithink she continued until oh,
(21:17):
absolutely she did you know,right before she passed.
Darcie (21:21):
I guarantee you she did.
Frank (21:22):
Absolutely she did.
I mean, I'm sure she waspraying for me up until her last
breath, but, um, I mean, justthat's what, that's what love
does, and it doesn't.
It doesn't boast that shedidn't go around.
You know, oh, I pray for youevery night.
Now, in our one-on-oneconversations, she would tell me
(21:45):
Frankie, you, oh, my goodness,I just said that, but she would.
She would, um, tell me, youknow, I, I pray for you and
Darcy and Hayden every day.
And I knew that, but she wouldjust confirm it.
But she didn't go aroundboasting to everybody.
(22:05):
You know, that was just whatshe did, out of love and hopes
all things and believes allthings.
And you know, I feel like,looking back, how much you truly
loved me, because I would askyou all the time, why did you
(22:32):
stay?
And your first answer wasalways because I loved you.
And then you would saysomething to the fact that I
knew that wasn't you.
Darcie (22:49):
Yeah, because I had seen the other side and I knew the
real you and I knew that thatguy that would come out was an
unhealed, broken part of you.
Frank (23:00):
And you hoped and believed that God would take
that anger away, that God wouldheal me, because you had seen
that other.
So the love that you had withinyou believed that, hey, this
guy can change, this guy can bethe husband that I need, this
(23:22):
guy can be the dad to Haydenthat he's supposed to be, and
because of that you were able toendure.
Darcie (23:33):
It wasn't easy, but yeah , I mean I just I knew, I knew
that I wasn't supposed to goanywhere.
I knew I was supposed tocontinue to fight for you with
you, beside you, all of it, andI don't regret it.
Frank (23:49):
I can't say it enough how happy that makes me that you
did do that, and I think it'sfitting that we're having this
conversation today about love,because Valentine's Day is right
around the corner.
I think whenever we post this,it'll be the day before
Valentine's Day.
Darcie (24:09):
And you know I love Valentine's Day.
Even though it's kind of cornyand cheesy, I love it.
Frank (24:15):
So if anybody's listening , they can email us and I can
get you ways to send DarcyValentine's chocolates, because
that is her favorite.
Darcie (24:25):
No, it's not.
Frank (24:27):
But I just think it's fitting that we're talking about
love, and it's so differentthan the love that Hallmark
wants you to believe.
What love is when you have thelove of Christ?
Darcie (24:45):
christ, it is so much more than that, and and you can
love that person through anysituation, like you can be there
through any situation.
Frank (24:53):
If you have true love, like nothing is gonna tear you
apart right and you know I, Idon't want people to think that
you know, know, we're sayingstay in any situation.
Darcie (25:07):
I think we not know.
If you're unsafe, leave.
I was never afraid of beingunsafe with you until that time
that I had to call the police.
That's when it reached thepoint and that's why that was
the first time I did that.
I'm not saying anybody shouldstay in a dangerous situation.
Get out and protect yourselfand your children.
Frank (25:34):
Love does not mean tolerating abuse.
Wow.
Darcie (25:38):
Why don't you unpack that a little bit?
Well, you caught me off guard,but I mean you can love somebody
and you do not have to take theabuse from them.
That is not love.
Frank (25:48):
Tolerating it is not love some people would probably call
that tough love, and you didthat a few times with me.
Darcie (25:55):
We separated I did because I I knew who you were
and I wanted you to change.
But I knew if I let you stayhere and it stay in the same
situation, it wasn't going tochange.
But I loved you and I checkedon you.
I mean, still, while we wereseparated, I was praying for you
(26:16):
and I was checking on you andand I think it just all goes
back to that's what.
Frank (26:24):
That's what love is, and you and I are talking about love
between a husband and wife, asignificant other Maybe
somebody's listening and they'renot married yet, but they're
walking down that road tomarriage.
Darcie (26:43):
I mean any situation with love, it's the same.
Frank (26:46):
But as Christ followers, as Christians, we are told to
love our neighbor, to loveeverybody.
Darcie (26:55):
And we're told that you know, if we are his disciples,
we will be known for our love.
Frank (27:00):
Amen.
Darcie (27:00):
That should be what you walk in.
That's what you should be knownfor.
Frank (27:06):
I think that is some great stuff and I hope that
people hear this and maybespread a little bit more love
and choose to love every day andnot be full of anger.
Darcie (27:22):
Right, and you can love people who are difficult.
It's not easy, but you canchoose to love those difficult
people in your life and maybeyour love will change their
difficulty level.
Frank (27:36):
So, before we end this, do you have any last remarks on
what we've talked about today,on on love, on on um?
You know our feelings ofputting our story out there for
everybody to hear no, I'm goodall righty, then.
(28:00):
You've been listening to therestoredored Podcast with Frank
and Darcy Montgomery.
We hope you have a wonderfulweek.
Walk in love, choose love everyday, and we'll see you next
time on the Restored Podcast.
If you have any questions abouttoday's podcast, feel free to
(28:20):
connect with us on Facebook atthe Restored Podcast, or you can
send us an email attherestoredcast at gmailcom.
Thank you for listening and wehope that you have a blessed
week.
You.
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