February 5, 2025 • 38 mins
Frank and Darcie Montgomery share their powerful journey from chaos to restoration, exploring the trials of early marriage, struggles with domestic violence, and the impact of addiction on their lives. Their heartfelt testimony encourages others to seek help, embrace faith, and understand the transformative power of God’s love.
• Frank and Darcie introduce their love story and the challenges they faced early in marriage
• Discussion on the impact of domestic violence in their lives
• Insight into addiction and its toll on their family dynamics
• Turning point with police involvement leading to profound change
• The role of community and church in their healing journey
• Encouragement for listeners seeking restoration and hope in their relationships
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Frank (00:17):
Welcome to the Restored Podcast with Frank and Darcie
Montgomery.
We're your host and this is ourfirst episode, so we wanted to
take this time and introduceourselves to you, give you our
story, our testimony, and letyou understand a little bit
about who we are.
And through this testimony andthrough this podcast, our main
(00:43):
goal is to shine the light ofJesus, to shine the light of
God's restorative power in ourlives, in our marriage and in
our family, and to help youalong your walk with Christ and
understand that there isabsolutely nothing too big for
(01:04):
God that he cannot handle.
Quick disclaimer we will bediscussing sensitive subjects
such as domestic violence.
I don't know how graphic wewill get in description, but
there's just a little FYI foryou that will be coming up.
(01:25):
So if there are young earsaround and you don't want them
to hear that, and also if youare a victim of domestic
violence, if you find yourselfin an unsafe situation you or a
child we do not advocate for youto stay there.
Or a child, we do not advocatefor you to stay there.
(01:47):
God can do his works Withoutyou living in the same home as
somebody who is with somebodywho is making it unsafe For you
or a child.
You can call the domesticViolence hotline At
1-800-799-7233, or text BEGIN to88788.
(02:10):
Our story begins almost 19years to the day of this
recording.
I was 23 years old when we metand you were 20?
.
Darcie (02:26):
Yes, I had just turned 20.
Frank (02:28):
You just turned 20 in October and we met at the
beginning of February.
We had met online originallyand after about a week of
communicating online, we met inperson.
About a week of communicatingonline, we met in person and
(02:53):
then, approximately a monthafter we met in person, we were
moving in together.
Darcie (02:55):
Yes, I don't recommend that.
Frank (02:59):
Well, we were both young and we were going to do things
our way, and we didn't involveGod in our decision-making at
that time.
Darcie (03:13):
No, we didn't.
Frank (03:15):
So we moved fast, we moved in together and we did
what I call playing house.
We weren't married, but yet wemoved in together and within six
months of our first meeting inFebruary, we got married on July
(03:37):
3rd of 2006.
You were pregnant.
Darcie (03:42):
I was.
Frank (03:43):
And that's part of the reason why we rushed the
marriage.
I mean, I wanted to marry you.
I think I told you that at onepoint, that I wanted to marry
you, I wanted you to be my wife.
But then, when we found out youwere pregnant, because of my
upbringing in the church and myparents I mean they were devout
(04:06):
Christians I knew the rightthing to do was I needed to
marry you Right and make itright.
And that's where all the funreally began.
Darcie (04:22):
Yeah, and that's where all the fun really began.
Frank (04:25):
Yeah, you were diagnosed with epilepsy while you were
pregnant with Hayden.
Darcie (04:38):
Yes, that was coming after a misdiagnosis that I had
had since I was nine, because myseizures didn't present as the
typical seizures.
Frank (04:44):
What do you mean?
The typical seizures?
Darcie (04:48):
Well, what people would think of as normal seizures,
mine presented as staring offinto space, which are called
partial seizures.
And after I got pregnant, Istarted having the typical
epileptic seizures, the typicalepileptic seizures.
Frank (05:05):
So again we're moving at warp speed here.
We've gone from completestrangers.
I had no idea who DarcieWatkins was and you had no idea
who Frank Montgomery was.
Before January 20th I don'tknow the exact date that we met
(05:29):
online, but Right.
And then by July of thefollowing year, we were married,
pregnant.
You had been diagnosed withepilepsy and during that first
year my dad got really sick.
Epilepsy, and During that firstyear my dad got really sick.
(05:51):
It was towards the end of yourpregnancy.
My dad got really sick and forthe last two weeks of his life
he was on a ventilator Helpinghim breathe and we were at the
hospital seven days a week.
Oftentimes we would get up inthe morning by 8 am.
Darcie (06:14):
Sometimes before that.
We'd spend sometimes 12 hours aday there.
Frank (06:19):
Every day and you were nine months pregnant.
Yes, I mean, I have pictures.
You look like you were carryinga beach ball inside your
overalls.
Darcie (06:29):
I had put on about 100 pounds.
Frank (06:30):
yeah, but you did that every day.
Yes, you were there supportingme.
Darcie (06:39):
Yes.
Frank (06:40):
You were there supporting my family.
Yes, and my dad passed away theday before Hayden was born.
We can get into that story inmore details later on, but I
firmly believe that my dadwaited until he had confirmation
that he didn't hold on until hewas born.
(07:03):
But when we told him Hayden'sgoing to be born tomorrow and
we're naming him after you, hewas born through C-section so we
had scheduled that for the nextday.
We scheduled that there was acouple things working in our
favor.
A well, not necessarily Darcy'sfavor, but mine.
(07:28):
Hayden was a big boy, ninepounds two ounces, and I want to
say the circumference that they, through the sonogram, they
measured his head.
It was going to be quite large.
So and then, with everythinggoing on, with my dad not
knowing when he was going topass or any of that, the doctor
scheduled a C-section and thenmy dad passed away that evening
(07:51):
and Hayden was born the next day.
So we're two young adults, wewere kids pretty much, and we'd
gone from living with parentsbecause, even though I was 23, I
hadn't gotten my act togetherand I was living at home with
(08:11):
Mommy and Daddy.
So we'd go from that to marriedchild, living on our own,
living on our own, and becausewe move so fast, we had no idea
who we were marrying or what wewere marrying into or who the
(08:34):
other person was.
You had no idea of my childhood, the things that I went through
that made me into the personthat I was, and the baggage that
I carried along with that.
Darcie (08:50):
Right and the same for me.
You had no idea.
And not only that.
When they say opposites attract, that couldn't be more accurate
in this situation.
Frank (09:03):
But you know, I learned something last night.
And you say that oppositesattract.
In Genesis, when God lookeddown and saw that it wasn't good
for Adam to be alone and thathe needed a suitable helper for
him, that he needed a suitablehelper For him.
(09:27):
In the English language we lookat helper as somebody beneath,
Somebody who's not qualifiedenough to.
You know, take the lead.
You know they're subservient Tothe person they are helping.
But that Greek word for helperand I don't have the definition
(09:49):
right in front of me but thegist of that definition is that
the helper is somebody who hasstrength in the areas of the
weaknesses of the person theyare helping.
So when you say oppositesattract you, God is putting two
(10:20):
people together who might appearto be opposite.
But the fact that they'reopposite your strengths or my
weaknesses, and vice versa, mystrengths are your weaknesses.
Darcie (10:40):
Right.
Frank (10:40):
And the world looks at that as opposites attract.
But god has a plan and purposeand god knows exactly what he is
doing yes, he does because someof the stuff that I brought in
to our relationship in our homeis my addictive personality.
It doesn't matter whether it'sscratch offs, whether it's snuff
(11:01):
, whether it's scratch-offs,whether it's snuff, whether it's
smoking pot, no matter what itwas, I had an addictive
personality.
If I was going to do it, I wasgoing to do it.
110%.
Right and you didn't touch anyof that stuff.
No, you didn't touch any ofthat stuff.
Darcie (11:24):
No, and I think that came from seeing it in my life
and seeing it in my family andlosing my brother to addiction,
and I didn't want that and Ialways felt like and it didn't
occur to me until later I had acalling on my life to be a
generational curse breaker andan atmosphere changer.
Frank (11:46):
And you're, God's just so great.
Not only are you breaking thosecurses in your bloodline, but
you've been an example for me,but you've been an example for
(12:14):
me, for me to also break thosecurses so that Hayden has a
fighting chance and Hayden'schildren have a fighting chance.
But we struggled as youngadults trying to raise a family.
We would get involved in thechurch and then we would get
uninvolved in the church.
Darcie (12:29):
Not only that, we wouldn't do what we needed to
outside of the church to buildourselves spiritually Right, to
build that foundation.
Frank (12:36):
I think a lot, at least for me at that time.
I was going to church becausethat's what my family did,
that's what I was supposed to do, but I hadn't completely
surrendered my life to Christ atthat time.
I would put on a good show atchurch.
I would act like everything ishunky-dory and we have no issues
(12:59):
and all hell would break loosethe second we left church.
Darcie (13:08):
Or on the way there.
Frank (13:09):
Or on the way there.
Abuse started before you evenhad Hayden.
I started abusing you.
We would fight.
I would lose my temper.
I didn't know how to control myemotions.
I had a feeling that you lovedme and that you were there for
(13:38):
me.
You were there for me and Ithink that opened the door to
where I didn't have to controlmy emotions with you.
I didn't have to control myselfwith you because you were going
to be there and I was carryingaround so much unforgiveness For
(14:04):
things that I had no controlover as a child and it affected
me to where my anger was out ofcontrol and I began abusing you.
We'd fight and it wasn't aneveryday thing, it wasn't even a
weekly thing.
I mean, we had a lot of goodmoments.
We had a lot of good moments,we had a lot of good times.
But those bad times we could gothree months without a fight
(14:28):
and then have a fight and it'slike that entire three months of
good memories is wiped awaybecause of the fight.
Darcie (14:39):
And.
Frank (14:39):
I would pull your hair.
I would put my fingers in yourface, in your nose, on your
forehead, and not just puttingthem there, but banging my
fingers into your face.
I would hit your leg when wewere sitting in the car.
Um, at home, I'd push you ontothe bed.
I'd push you onto the bed.
(15:00):
I'd push you onto the couch.
I'd drag you off of the bed.
If you went to the bed, forsafety, I wasn't a good person
and we separated Several timesbecause of that.
(15:22):
But along with that I was alsoblowing money like crazy, talked
about my addictions.
I would get paid and before Iwould make it home I would stop
at a convenience store.
Before I knew it, my entirepaycheck, I'd thrown down the
drain buying scratch-off tickets.
Darcie (15:40):
Which caused a lot of issues, because I was a
stay-at-home mom and that waswhat you wanted for me was to be
a stay-at-home mom.
But how am I going to be astay-at-home mom and feel secure
if I can't trust you to handleproviding?
Frank (15:59):
And you were a stay-at-home mom because in my
eyes and not only in my eyes,but we did the math and it was
with the cost of child care andthe fact that you did work a
little bit when Hayden was firstborn after maternity leave and
(16:21):
the sitter that we had would lethim lay around in dirty diapers
all day and he would come homewith rashes all over him and
just really hurting because hehad sat in that dirty diaper all
day.
But aside from that, I mean itwas cheaper for you to stay at
(16:42):
home right than it was for youto work, because by the time we
paid child care, fuel,everything, it would have cost
us money for you to work.
So I convinced you to be astay-at-home mom.
Darcie (16:54):
And I was good with that .
But when your addiction tookover and we weren't able to pay
our bills and there was issuesthere, it was hard for me, it
was scary for me as a wife and amom and again you're 21, 22, 23
during that time frame rightand so you're still young right
(17:18):
with a lot on your plate, andit's only by the grace of god
that we made it through that,and and it gave way to.
I have always struggled withdepression, but postpartum
depression hit and I ended up inthe hospital three different
times because of the mentalhealth issues that were coming
(17:40):
well, and it caused you to startdrinking.
Yes.
Frank (17:43):
And you were hiding that drinking.
Darcie (17:46):
And I hated alcohol.
I hated alcohol.
I hated alcohol.
I didn't hate the alcoholicsthemselves, but I hated the
disease.
I had seen it affect my family.
I had seen it affect my brother.
I lost my brother to addiction.
So I didn't want any kind ofaddiction or anything
controlling my life.
But it had gotten to that point, just so I could cope.
Frank (18:12):
Because, like we had said , we were basically just going
to church for show, right, wedidn't lean on God when times
got rough.
Darcie (18:21):
And I'll be honest, I had a hard time leaning on God.
My grandmother was a wonderfulChristian woman.
My grandfather was a pastor forover 50 years.
I knew God.
I had a relationship at onepoint, but when everything was
going on, I had a hard timetrusting him, because why would
he let all this happen?
Frank (18:43):
Well, same.
I mean, I grew up in the church.
I was adopted by a family thatwas very strong in their faith
and they instilled that in me atan early age.
I would every night with my momand most of the time my dad,
but he would fall asleep earlysometimes.
(19:05):
We would read the Bible.
We would start at Genesis andread all the way through, and
when we got to the end ofRevelation we would start back
over in Genesis.
We would do that every nightand we would pray, and I had
that foundation.
I knew Christ as a young child.
(19:28):
I felt the power of the HolySpirit as a young child, as a
child in junior high, at youthconventions, at youth camp.
But again, I hadn't surrenderedmy life.
Whenever I got older andstarted doing my own thing, I
(19:49):
wasn't surrendering to God.
I was doing what I wanted to doand again we were just going to
church because that's what youwere supposed to do.
Darcie (19:59):
Right.
Frank (20:00):
And you can go to church.
You can sit in church everytime the doors are open.
But if you don't submit yourlife to Christ and follow the
lead of the Holy Spirit, thengoing to church does you
absolutely no good.
Darcie (20:19):
Right.
Frank (20:24):
There was also infidelity in our good Right.
There was also infidelity inour marriage.
Yes, we've been separated atotal of three times, four times
, and all of those, except one,were because of the way I
(20:47):
treated you physically andemotionally.
Darcie (20:50):
Right.
Frank (20:52):
But one time was because I wanted my cake and I wanted to
eat it too.
My cake, and I wanted to eat ittoo.
And I had a.
She was a young girl at thetime.
I mean, she was of age, don'tget me wrong, but she was a good
(21:16):
.
She was your age when we met,but I didn't do anything sexual
with her, but yet I was spendingall my time with her.
I was spending money on her,taking her out to eat, buying
her little gifts.
Darcie (21:36):
And at this time and for the most part At the beginning
of our marriage and ourrelationship, you didn't
celebrate special times with me,you didn't take me out and make
a big deal about it, you know,and that hurt and this.
(21:57):
That was one of the mostpainful times and in our
relationship, trust was alwaysan issue.
There was always an issue oftrust on both sides, because
both of us came from painfulchildhoods and we had to work
through that too, on top ofeverything else so we separated
(22:23):
because of that and I ended upchoosing you over her which was
a good choice amen.
Frank (22:34):
Um, I came home but I still wasn't happy and at some
point I manipulated, I coercedand I convinced you that we have
(22:55):
sexual needs and it's okay togo outside of the marriage as
long as we're both aware and onboard with it.
And during that time I did gooutside of our marriage
physically and I forced you todo the same.
(23:17):
You slept with another manbecause I wanted that yeah, I
did and it was.
Darcie (23:28):
It was soul crushing.
It was one of the hardestthings that I've ever been
through and afterwards I I had ahard time.
I had a really hard timeemotionally and I had a really
hard time with you.
I didn't know how to feel aboutyou at that point.
Frank (23:55):
And remember, during all of this, I'm still losing my
temper and acting a foolwhenever I get mad.
Darcie (24:03):
Right.
Frank (24:07):
And fast forward to March of 2020.
The whole world seems like it'sfalling apart.
We were business owners.
On March 17th, I had to lay off27 employees, including you.
You were an employee of thecompany.
Darcie (24:26):
Right.
Frank (24:31):
I didn't have to lay myself off because I was an
employee of the company, but asthe owner I had no income coming
in either.
Darcie (24:38):
Right.
Frank (24:39):
I think between march 15th and march 16th we had
refunded over six hundredthousand dollars to clients that
had booked service that werenow counts canceling because
nobody could fly, nobody couldtravel, everybody had to home.
(24:59):
You couldn't go out celebratebirthdays, you couldn't go out
celebrate anniversaries.
So, as a man, my God-givennatural instinct to provide for
my family is being thrown away.
Right, and there's no excuse tomy actions and that's no excuse
(25:21):
to my actions.
I mean, my actions for theprevious 13 years prior to that
were the same, but it got worseon March.
Darcie (25:36):
Either 21st or 20th, 20th or 21st.
Frank (25:41):
And I remember it very distinctly, our niece had stayed
the night with us.
I think we were actually goingto church that morning?
I think so.
But for some reason a fightstarted and I remember pushing
(26:07):
you onto the bed and this wasafter we had already been going
at it for probably five to tenminutes, Yelling and screaming
and cussing and whatever else.
And we were in our room because, even though our niece and
(26:28):
Hayden could hear everything, Ididn't want them seeing it.
But I remember pushing you ontothe bed, jumping on top of you,
straddling you to hold you down.
I don't remember if I was goingfor your shoulders, for your
neck or for your mouth, becauseyou were screaming and crying
(26:48):
and whatever else but I remembertelling you do you want to die?
Darcie (26:55):
And I thought I was going to die.
That day I was terrified andheartbroken and worried about
the kids.
Frank (27:04):
And you did something that day.
Darcie (27:07):
I called the police for the first time.
I had never involved lawenforcement in 13 years, but I
felt like I had to.
Frank (27:20):
And looking back, by you having the courage to do that,
literally saved my life.
I know there's been regrets.
I know Satan has thrown it upto you that you've ruined my
(27:41):
life because I can't own a gunanymore.
Right, I can't carry a gun.
Darcie (27:49):
Right.
Frank (27:49):
I can't protect my family if need be, and I'm out late
nights in some not so greatParts of town and you've blamed
yourself For that.
But I am so thankful that youmade that call that day.
(28:12):
Um, I ended up in jail.
I think they came and arrestedme At home.
Like Ten 10 marshals withassault rifles first thing in
the morning banging on the doorfirst thing in the morning I'm
in my pjs.
(28:32):
They wouldn't let me go change,they wouldn't let me put shoes
on or anything um and I wasn'there at that point.
Darcie (28:41):
A restraining order to no contact order had been put in
place about a week before thatright that had been put in place
.
Frank (28:48):
The second, the cops came to the house, um, but I was
arrested.
I spent two full days and I wasbegan the discharge process
about 4 or 5 am on the secondnight and it was your mom that
helped me bond out.
I'd called other friends.
(29:11):
And they were just learning whoFrank was.
Your mom had known all theseyears.
Darcie (29:26):
Yeah, a lot of people had known I wasn't quiet about
it, but nobody listened andnobody took me seriously but
your mom was the one that wasthere.
Frank (29:37):
Um, obviously, through your blessing.
Um, obviously, through yourblessing Right, even if we
weren't going to get backtogether, which I had no idea if
that was even an option at thetime.
But you allowed her to help meat least bond out.
(29:59):
She co-signed on the bond, um,and that day, whenever I got
released from jail, is wheneverGod changed my life.
We have a guy who is now ourpastor, but at the time he was a
pastor then.
But he wasn't my pastor, hewasn't our pastor, he was a
(30:21):
friend.
He had worked for the companyand we had remained in contact
and maintained our friendshipafter he had left the company
and, just random, he had no ideawhat had happened in the
Montgomery house in the pastweek and a half.
But he sent me text that day,and I don't remember the exact
(30:43):
words, but he sent me a textthat said something along the
lines of this is not the end,this is just the beginning, and
A it told me at that moment thisguy's real Right.
(31:05):
He listens to the Holy SpiritBecause, again, he had no clue,
right.
But those are the words that Ineeded to hear, because at that
point I'm at the lowest point ofmy life.
I just got out of jail forbeing an abuser.
I didn't know if I still had mywife and, in turn, my son, and
(31:33):
it was that moment.
We got a lot of secular helpbecause CPS got involved
whenever the police were called.
Darcie (31:43):
Right.
Frank (31:44):
You got into some individual not individual, but
some group support groups forwomen through Safe Haven and I
began taking a BIP class.
I began taking a BIP classBattery, intervention and
(32:04):
Prevention class I think is whatthat stands for.
It's about 20 weeks long.
Every Tuesday night it wasCOVID, so I didn't have to go in
person, but it was Zoom everyTuesday night in 20 weeks, and
that secular help helped merealize how to handle my
(32:26):
emotions, helped me realize whatI was doing wrong and it gave
me some coping mechanisms.
But more importantly than thatsecular help, we started going
to church at True Grace Church,which is now our home church,
where my friend and formeremployee Troy is pastor.
(32:50):
We are now accountable to himand his leadership.
But that's where the realchange happened.
We got in church and we laiddown our lives and said, okay,
god, we're here for a reason.
Darcie (33:10):
Which you knew all along , you were just stubborn.
Frank (33:21):
Well, maybe, stubborn, well maybe, but that that's
where the change really happened.
we got in church and we weren'tgoing to church this time, just
because that's what we weresupposed to do right when we
first started going to churchagain, it was covid and most
(33:41):
churches were just online, right, but I love my pastor and I
love the way he operates and hedid drive-in church.
I don't know if you rememberthat, but I do.
They would pull out a stageoutside the church and run PA
system and everything and it'dbe 90 degrees at 10am and Troy's
(34:09):
out there preaching in the heatbecause he believes so much in
the power of corporate worshipand being present, not just, but
we committed ourselves toChrist at that time and we said,
okay, god, you've brought us tothis point for a reason and
(34:31):
we're going to give our lives toyou.
And it's been a journey.
But it's led us here to thispodcast.
And, if anybody knows you at all, you are terrified by that
(34:52):
microphone sitting in front ofyou and that's not the reason
why you've been so quiet today.
You're still getting over theflu and your voice is a little
scratchy and you start coughingif you talk too much.
But you were terrified of doingthis and I've known for a
couple years.
I was supposed to do a podcastright and I never said anything
(35:16):
to you.
I think you would see whenever Iwas looking in Amazon at
different stuff, but I neverreally shared that with you
because I didn't even considerthat you were going to be a part
of the podcast.
Because you are so shy.
Darcie (35:32):
This podcast is a complete act of obedience.
It's not something that I everwanted.
It's not something, like yousaid, I thought I'd ever be a
part of, but it was somethingthat I felt led by the Holy
Spirit for us to do together.
Frank (35:51):
And when you brought that to me, I guess a couple months
ago now, there was no hesitationin me because I knew that if
God put that on your heart andyou were speaking that out, that
it was of God, because it wasdefinitely not something that
(36:12):
you necessarily wanted to do.
And that's why we are doingthis podcast.
That's why we are doing thispodcast and I hope and pray that
our story, things that we'velearned, things that we've lived
(36:35):
through, are able to help yousomeday in the future, maybe
where you're at right now.
But, most importantly, we wantyou to see and hear God's
restorative power in our lives,god's restorative power in our
marriage and in our family, andwe want God to be glorified
(37:00):
through this.
And we want you to know I'vesaid it before and I'll say it
again there's absolutely nothingtoo big for God.
And we're going to wrap up thisfirst episode.
That was a quick overview ofour story, of our testimony, of
(37:23):
what God has brought us throughand where he's brought us to,
and we'll share some thingsabout where God is taking us in
the future.
But we want God to be glorifiedthrough this and we want him to
receive all of the honor andall of the praise and want you
to know that we are nothingWithout God and we are nothing
(37:47):
Without the blood of Jesus thathas made us whole again.
If you have any questions, ifyou'd like us to pray for you,
you can email us and I'll putthe email in the description,
but the email is therestoredcastat gmailcom.
(38:11):
Email us your testimonies,email us your prayer request and
we will pray for and with youUntil next time.
This has been the RestoredPodcast with Frank and Darcy
Montgomery Bye.
Welcome to the Restored Podcast with Frank and Darcie
Montgomery.
We're your host and this is ourfirst episode, so we wanted to
take this time and introduceourselves to you, give you our
story, our testimony, and letyou understand a little bit
about who we are.
And through this testimony andthrough this podcast, our main
(00:43):
goal is to shine the light ofJesus, to shine the light of
God's restorative power in ourlives, in our marriage and in
our family, and to help youalong your walk with Christ and
understand that there isabsolutely nothing too big for
(01:04):
God that he cannot handle.
Quick disclaimer we will bediscussing sensitive subjects
such as domestic violence.
I don't know how graphic wewill get in description, but
there's just a little FYI foryou that will be coming up.
(01:25):
So if there are young earsaround and you don't want them
to hear that, and also if youare a victim of domestic
violence, if you find yourselfin an unsafe situation you or a
child we do not advocate for youto stay there.
Or a child, we do not advocatefor you to stay there.
(01:47):
God can do his works Withoutyou living in the same home as
somebody who is with somebodywho is making it unsafe For you
or a child.
You can call the domesticViolence hotline At
1-800-799-7233, or text BEGIN to88788.
(02:10):
Our story begins almost 19years to the day of this
recording.
I was 23 years old when we metand you were 20?
.
Darcie (02:26):
Yes, I had just turned 20.
Frank (02:28):
You just turned 20 in October and we met at the
beginning of February.
We had met online originallyand after about a week of
communicating online, we met inperson.
About a week of communicatingonline, we met in person and
(02:53):
then, approximately a monthafter we met in person, we were
moving in together.
Darcie (02:55):
Yes, I don't recommend that.
Frank (02:59):
Well, we were both young and we were going to do things
our way, and we didn't involveGod in our decision-making at
that time.
Darcie (03:13):
No, we didn't.
Frank (03:15):
So we moved fast, we moved in together and we did
what I call playing house.
We weren't married, but yet wemoved in together and within six
months of our first meeting inFebruary, we got married on July
(03:37):
3rd of 2006.
You were pregnant.
Darcie (03:42):
I was.
Frank (03:43):
And that's part of the reason why we rushed the
marriage.
I mean, I wanted to marry you.
I think I told you that at onepoint, that I wanted to marry
you, I wanted you to be my wife.
But then, when we found out youwere pregnant, because of my
upbringing in the church and myparents I mean they were devout
(04:06):
Christians I knew the rightthing to do was I needed to
marry you Right and make itright.
And that's where all the funreally began.
Darcie (04:22):
Yeah, and that's where all the fun really began.
Frank (04:25):
Yeah, you were diagnosed with epilepsy while you were
pregnant with Hayden.
Darcie (04:38):
Yes, that was coming after a misdiagnosis that I had
had since I was nine, because myseizures didn't present as the
typical seizures.
Frank (04:44):
What do you mean?
The typical seizures?
Darcie (04:48):
Well, what people would think of as normal seizures,
mine presented as staring offinto space, which are called
partial seizures.
And after I got pregnant, Istarted having the typical
epileptic seizures, the typicalepileptic seizures.
Frank (05:05):
So again we're moving at warp speed here.
We've gone from completestrangers.
I had no idea who DarcieWatkins was and you had no idea
who Frank Montgomery was.
Before January 20th I don'tknow the exact date that we met
(05:29):
online, but Right.
And then by July of thefollowing year, we were married,
pregnant.
You had been diagnosed withepilepsy and during that first
year my dad got really sick.
Epilepsy, and During that firstyear my dad got really sick.
(05:51):
It was towards the end of yourpregnancy.
My dad got really sick and forthe last two weeks of his life
he was on a ventilator Helpinghim breathe and we were at the
hospital seven days a week.
Oftentimes we would get up inthe morning by 8 am.
Darcie (06:14):
Sometimes before that.
We'd spend sometimes 12 hours aday there.
Frank (06:19):
Every day and you were nine months pregnant.
Yes, I mean, I have pictures.
You look like you were carryinga beach ball inside your
overalls.
Darcie (06:29):
I had put on about 100 pounds.
Frank (06:30):
yeah, but you did that every day.
Yes, you were there supportingme.
Darcie (06:39):
Yes.
Frank (06:40):
You were there supporting my family.
Yes, and my dad passed away theday before Hayden was born.
We can get into that story inmore details later on, but I
firmly believe that my dadwaited until he had confirmation
that he didn't hold on until hewas born.
(07:03):
But when we told him Hayden'sgoing to be born tomorrow and
we're naming him after you, hewas born through C-section so we
had scheduled that for the nextday.
We scheduled that there was acouple things working in our
favor.
A well, not necessarily Darcy'sfavor, but mine.
(07:28):
Hayden was a big boy, ninepounds two ounces, and I want to
say the circumference that they, through the sonogram, they
measured his head.
It was going to be quite large.
So and then, with everythinggoing on, with my dad not
knowing when he was going topass or any of that, the doctor
scheduled a C-section and thenmy dad passed away that evening
(07:51):
and Hayden was born the next day.
So we're two young adults, wewere kids pretty much, and we'd
gone from living with parentsbecause, even though I was 23, I
hadn't gotten my act togetherand I was living at home with
(08:11):
Mommy and Daddy.
So we'd go from that to marriedchild, living on our own,
living on our own, and becausewe move so fast, we had no idea
who we were marrying or what wewere marrying into or who the
(08:34):
other person was.
You had no idea of my childhood, the things that I went through
that made me into the personthat I was, and the baggage that
I carried along with that.
Darcie (08:50):
Right and the same for me.
You had no idea.
And not only that.
When they say opposites attract, that couldn't be more accurate
in this situation.
Frank (09:03):
But you know, I learned something last night.
And you say that oppositesattract.
In Genesis, when God lookeddown and saw that it wasn't good
for Adam to be alone and thathe needed a suitable helper for
him, that he needed a suitablehelper For him.
(09:27):
In the English language we lookat helper as somebody beneath,
Somebody who's not qualifiedenough to.
You know, take the lead.
You know they're subservient Tothe person they are helping.
But that Greek word for helperand I don't have the definition
(09:49):
right in front of me but thegist of that definition is that
the helper is somebody who hasstrength in the areas of the
weaknesses of the person theyare helping.
So when you say oppositesattract you, God is putting two
(10:20):
people together who might appearto be opposite.
But the fact that they'reopposite your strengths or my
weaknesses, and vice versa, mystrengths are your weaknesses.
Darcie (10:40):
Right.
Frank (10:40):
And the world looks at that as opposites attract.
But god has a plan and purposeand god knows exactly what he is
doing yes, he does because someof the stuff that I brought in
to our relationship in our homeis my addictive personality.
It doesn't matter whether it'sscratch offs, whether it's snuff
(11:01):
, whether it's scratch-offs,whether it's snuff, whether it's
smoking pot, no matter what itwas, I had an addictive
personality.
If I was going to do it, I wasgoing to do it.
110%.
Right and you didn't touch anyof that stuff.
No, you didn't touch any ofthat stuff.
Darcie (11:24):
No, and I think that came from seeing it in my life
and seeing it in my family andlosing my brother to addiction,
and I didn't want that and Ialways felt like and it didn't
occur to me until later I had acalling on my life to be a
generational curse breaker andan atmosphere changer.
Frank (11:46):
And you're, God's just so great.
Not only are you breaking thosecurses in your bloodline, but
you've been an example for me,but you've been an example for
(12:14):
me, for me to also break thosecurses so that Hayden has a
fighting chance and Hayden'schildren have a fighting chance.
But we struggled as youngadults trying to raise a family.
We would get involved in thechurch and then we would get
uninvolved in the church.
Darcie (12:29):
Not only that, we wouldn't do what we needed to
outside of the church to buildourselves spiritually Right, to
build that foundation.
Frank (12:36):
I think a lot, at least for me at that time.
I was going to church becausethat's what my family did,
that's what I was supposed to do, but I hadn't completely
surrendered my life to Christ atthat time.
I would put on a good show atchurch.
I would act like everything ishunky-dory and we have no issues
(12:59):
and all hell would break loosethe second we left church.
Darcie (13:08):
Or on the way there.
Frank (13:09):
Or on the way there.
Abuse started before you evenhad Hayden.
I started abusing you.
We would fight.
I would lose my temper.
I didn't know how to control myemotions.
I had a feeling that you lovedme and that you were there for
(13:38):
me.
You were there for me and Ithink that opened the door to
where I didn't have to controlmy emotions with you.
I didn't have to control myselfwith you because you were going
to be there and I was carryingaround so much unforgiveness For
(14:04):
things that I had no controlover as a child and it affected
me to where my anger was out ofcontrol and I began abusing you.
We'd fight and it wasn't aneveryday thing, it wasn't even a
weekly thing.
I mean, we had a lot of goodmoments.
We had a lot of good moments,we had a lot of good times.
But those bad times we could gothree months without a fight
(14:28):
and then have a fight and it'slike that entire three months of
good memories is wiped awaybecause of the fight.
Darcie (14:39):
And.
Frank (14:39):
I would pull your hair.
I would put my fingers in yourface, in your nose, on your
forehead, and not just puttingthem there, but banging my
fingers into your face.
I would hit your leg when wewere sitting in the car.
Um, at home, I'd push you ontothe bed.
I'd push you onto the bed.
(15:00):
I'd push you onto the couch.
I'd drag you off of the bed.
If you went to the bed, forsafety, I wasn't a good person
and we separated Several timesbecause of that.
(15:22):
But along with that I was alsoblowing money like crazy, talked
about my addictions.
I would get paid and before Iwould make it home I would stop
at a convenience store.
Before I knew it, my entirepaycheck, I'd thrown down the
drain buying scratch-off tickets.
Darcie (15:40):
Which caused a lot of issues, because I was a
stay-at-home mom and that waswhat you wanted for me was to be
a stay-at-home mom.
But how am I going to be astay-at-home mom and feel secure
if I can't trust you to handleproviding?
Frank (15:59):
And you were a stay-at-home mom because in my
eyes and not only in my eyes,but we did the math and it was
with the cost of child care andthe fact that you did work a
little bit when Hayden was firstborn after maternity leave and
(16:21):
the sitter that we had would lethim lay around in dirty diapers
all day and he would come homewith rashes all over him and
just really hurting because hehad sat in that dirty diaper all
day.
But aside from that, I mean itwas cheaper for you to stay at
(16:42):
home right than it was for youto work, because by the time we
paid child care, fuel,everything, it would have cost
us money for you to work.
So I convinced you to be astay-at-home mom.
Darcie (16:54):
And I was good with that .
But when your addiction tookover and we weren't able to pay
our bills and there was issuesthere, it was hard for me, it
was scary for me as a wife and amom and again you're 21, 22, 23
during that time frame rightand so you're still young right
(17:18):
with a lot on your plate, andit's only by the grace of god
that we made it through that,and and it gave way to.
I have always struggled withdepression, but postpartum
depression hit and I ended up inthe hospital three different
times because of the mentalhealth issues that were coming
(17:40):
well, and it caused you to startdrinking.
Yes.
Frank (17:43):
And you were hiding that drinking.
Darcie (17:46):
And I hated alcohol.
I hated alcohol.
I hated alcohol.
I didn't hate the alcoholicsthemselves, but I hated the
disease.
I had seen it affect my family.
I had seen it affect my brother.
I lost my brother to addiction.
So I didn't want any kind ofaddiction or anything
controlling my life.
But it had gotten to that point, just so I could cope.
Frank (18:12):
Because, like we had said , we were basically just going
to church for show, right, wedidn't lean on God when times
got rough.
Darcie (18:21):
And I'll be honest, I had a hard time leaning on God.
My grandmother was a wonderfulChristian woman.
My grandfather was a pastor forover 50 years.
I knew God.
I had a relationship at onepoint, but when everything was
going on, I had a hard timetrusting him, because why would
he let all this happen?
Frank (18:43):
Well, same.
I mean, I grew up in the church.
I was adopted by a family thatwas very strong in their faith
and they instilled that in me atan early age.
I would every night with my momand most of the time my dad,
but he would fall asleep earlysometimes.
(19:05):
We would read the Bible.
We would start at Genesis andread all the way through, and
when we got to the end ofRevelation we would start back
over in Genesis.
We would do that every nightand we would pray, and I had
that foundation.
I knew Christ as a young child.
(19:28):
I felt the power of the HolySpirit as a young child, as a
child in junior high, at youthconventions, at youth camp.
But again, I hadn't surrenderedmy life.
Whenever I got older andstarted doing my own thing, I
(19:49):
wasn't surrendering to God.
I was doing what I wanted to doand again we were just going to
church because that's what youwere supposed to do.
Darcie (19:59):
Right.
Frank (20:00):
And you can go to church.
You can sit in church everytime the doors are open.
But if you don't submit yourlife to Christ and follow the
lead of the Holy Spirit, thengoing to church does you
absolutely no good.
Darcie (20:19):
Right.
Frank (20:24):
There was also infidelity in our good Right.
There was also infidelity inour marriage.
Yes, we've been separated atotal of three times, four times
, and all of those, except one,were because of the way I
(20:47):
treated you physically andemotionally.
Darcie (20:50):
Right.
Frank (20:52):
But one time was because I wanted my cake and I wanted to
eat it too.
My cake, and I wanted to eat ittoo.
And I had a.
She was a young girl at thetime.
I mean, she was of age, don'tget me wrong, but she was a good
(21:16):
.
She was your age when we met,but I didn't do anything sexual
with her, but yet I was spendingall my time with her.
I was spending money on her,taking her out to eat, buying
her little gifts.
Darcie (21:36):
And at this time and for the most part At the beginning
of our marriage and ourrelationship, you didn't
celebrate special times with me,you didn't take me out and make
a big deal about it, you know,and that hurt and this.
(21:57):
That was one of the mostpainful times and in our
relationship, trust was alwaysan issue.
There was always an issue oftrust on both sides, because
both of us came from painfulchildhoods and we had to work
through that too, on top ofeverything else so we separated
(22:23):
because of that and I ended upchoosing you over her which was
a good choice amen.
Frank (22:34):
Um, I came home but I still wasn't happy and at some
point I manipulated, I coercedand I convinced you that we have
(22:55):
sexual needs and it's okay togo outside of the marriage as
long as we're both aware and onboard with it.
And during that time I did gooutside of our marriage
physically and I forced you todo the same.
(23:17):
You slept with another manbecause I wanted that yeah, I
did and it was.
Darcie (23:28):
It was soul crushing.
It was one of the hardestthings that I've ever been
through and afterwards I I had ahard time.
I had a really hard timeemotionally and I had a really
hard time with you.
I didn't know how to feel aboutyou at that point.
Frank (23:55):
And remember, during all of this, I'm still losing my
temper and acting a foolwhenever I get mad.
Darcie (24:03):
Right.
Frank (24:07):
And fast forward to March of 2020.
The whole world seems like it'sfalling apart.
We were business owners.
On March 17th, I had to lay off27 employees, including you.
You were an employee of thecompany.
Darcie (24:26):
Right.
Frank (24:31):
I didn't have to lay myself off because I was an
employee of the company, but asthe owner I had no income coming
in either.
Darcie (24:38):
Right.
Frank (24:39):
I think between march 15th and march 16th we had
refunded over six hundredthousand dollars to clients that
had booked service that werenow counts canceling because
nobody could fly, nobody couldtravel, everybody had to home.
(24:59):
You couldn't go out celebratebirthdays, you couldn't go out
celebrate anniversaries.
So, as a man, my God-givennatural instinct to provide for
my family is being thrown away.
Right, and there's no excuse tomy actions and that's no excuse
(25:21):
to my actions.
I mean, my actions for theprevious 13 years prior to that
were the same, but it got worseon March.
Darcie (25:36):
Either 21st or 20th, 20th or 21st.
Frank (25:41):
And I remember it very distinctly, our niece had stayed
the night with us.
I think we were actually goingto church that morning?
I think so.
But for some reason a fightstarted and I remember pushing
(26:07):
you onto the bed and this wasafter we had already been going
at it for probably five to tenminutes, Yelling and screaming
and cussing and whatever else.
And we were in our room because, even though our niece and
(26:28):
Hayden could hear everything, Ididn't want them seeing it.
But I remember pushing you ontothe bed, jumping on top of you,
straddling you to hold you down.
I don't remember if I was goingfor your shoulders, for your
neck or for your mouth, becauseyou were screaming and crying
(26:48):
and whatever else but I remembertelling you do you want to die?
Darcie (26:55):
And I thought I was going to die.
That day I was terrified andheartbroken and worried about
the kids.
Frank (27:04):
And you did something that day.
Darcie (27:07):
I called the police for the first time.
I had never involved lawenforcement in 13 years, but I
felt like I had to.
Frank (27:20):
And looking back, by you having the courage to do that,
literally saved my life.
I know there's been regrets.
I know Satan has thrown it upto you that you've ruined my
(27:41):
life because I can't own a gunanymore.
Right, I can't carry a gun.
Darcie (27:49):
Right.
Frank (27:49):
I can't protect my family if need be, and I'm out late
nights in some not so greatParts of town and you've blamed
yourself For that.
But I am so thankful that youmade that call that day.
(28:12):
Um, I ended up in jail.
I think they came and arrestedme At home.
Like Ten 10 marshals withassault rifles first thing in
the morning banging on the doorfirst thing in the morning I'm
in my pjs.
(28:32):
They wouldn't let me go change,they wouldn't let me put shoes
on or anything um and I wasn'there at that point.
Darcie (28:41):
A restraining order to no contact order had been put in
place about a week before thatright that had been put in place
.
Frank (28:48):
The second, the cops came to the house, um, but I was
arrested.
I spent two full days and I wasbegan the discharge process
about 4 or 5 am on the secondnight and it was your mom that
helped me bond out.
I'd called other friends.
(29:11):
And they were just learning whoFrank was.
Your mom had known all theseyears.
Darcie (29:26):
Yeah, a lot of people had known I wasn't quiet about
it, but nobody listened andnobody took me seriously but
your mom was the one that wasthere.
Frank (29:37):
Um, obviously, through your blessing.
Um, obviously, through yourblessing Right, even if we
weren't going to get backtogether, which I had no idea if
that was even an option at thetime.
But you allowed her to help meat least bond out.
(29:59):
She co-signed on the bond, um,and that day, whenever I got
released from jail, is wheneverGod changed my life.
We have a guy who is now ourpastor, but at the time he was a
pastor then.
But he wasn't my pastor, hewasn't our pastor, he was a
(30:21):
friend.
He had worked for the companyand we had remained in contact
and maintained our friendshipafter he had left the company
and, just random, he had no ideawhat had happened in the
Montgomery house in the pastweek and a half.
But he sent me text that day,and I don't remember the exact
(30:43):
words, but he sent me a textthat said something along the
lines of this is not the end,this is just the beginning, and
A it told me at that moment thisguy's real Right.
(31:05):
He listens to the Holy SpiritBecause, again, he had no clue,
right.
But those are the words that Ineeded to hear, because at that
point I'm at the lowest point ofmy life.
I just got out of jail forbeing an abuser.
I didn't know if I still had mywife and, in turn, my son, and
(31:33):
it was that moment.
We got a lot of secular helpbecause CPS got involved
whenever the police were called.
Darcie (31:43):
Right.
Frank (31:44):
You got into some individual not individual, but
some group support groups forwomen through Safe Haven and I
began taking a BIP class.
I began taking a BIP classBattery, intervention and
(32:04):
Prevention class I think is whatthat stands for.
It's about 20 weeks long.
Every Tuesday night it wasCOVID, so I didn't have to go in
person, but it was Zoom everyTuesday night in 20 weeks, and
that secular help helped merealize how to handle my
(32:26):
emotions, helped me realize whatI was doing wrong and it gave
me some coping mechanisms.
But more importantly than thatsecular help, we started going
to church at True Grace Church,which is now our home church,
where my friend and formeremployee Troy is pastor.
(32:50):
We are now accountable to himand his leadership.
But that's where the realchange happened.
We got in church and we laiddown our lives and said, okay,
god, we're here for a reason.
Darcie (33:10):
Which you knew all along , you were just stubborn.
Frank (33:21):
Well, maybe, stubborn, well maybe, but that that's
where the change really happened.
we got in church and we weren'tgoing to church this time, just
because that's what we weresupposed to do right when we
first started going to churchagain, it was covid and most
(33:41):
churches were just online, right, but I love my pastor and I
love the way he operates and hedid drive-in church.
I don't know if you rememberthat, but I do.
They would pull out a stageoutside the church and run PA
system and everything and it'dbe 90 degrees at 10am and Troy's
(34:09):
out there preaching in the heatbecause he believes so much in
the power of corporate worshipand being present, not just, but
we committed ourselves toChrist at that time and we said,
okay, god, you've brought us tothis point for a reason and
(34:31):
we're going to give our lives toyou.
And it's been a journey.
But it's led us here to thispodcast.
And, if anybody knows you at all, you are terrified by that
(34:52):
microphone sitting in front ofyou and that's not the reason
why you've been so quiet today.
You're still getting over theflu and your voice is a little
scratchy and you start coughingif you talk too much.
But you were terrified of doingthis and I've known for a
couple years.
I was supposed to do a podcastright and I never said anything
(35:16):
to you.
I think you would see whenever Iwas looking in Amazon at
different stuff, but I neverreally shared that with you
because I didn't even considerthat you were going to be a part
of the podcast.
Because you are so shy.
Darcie (35:32):
This podcast is a complete act of obedience.
It's not something that I everwanted.
It's not something, like yousaid, I thought I'd ever be a
part of, but it was somethingthat I felt led by the Holy
Spirit for us to do together.
Frank (35:51):
And when you brought that to me, I guess a couple months
ago now, there was no hesitationin me because I knew that if
God put that on your heart andyou were speaking that out, that
it was of God, because it wasdefinitely not something that
(36:12):
you necessarily wanted to do.
And that's why we are doingthis podcast.
That's why we are doing thispodcast and I hope and pray that
our story, things that we'velearned, things that we've lived
(36:35):
through, are able to help yousomeday in the future, maybe
where you're at right now.
But, most importantly, we wantyou to see and hear God's
restorative power in our lives,god's restorative power in our
marriage and in our family, andwe want God to be glorified
(37:00):
through this.
And we want you to know I'vesaid it before and I'll say it
again there's absolutely nothingtoo big for God.
And we're going to wrap up thisfirst episode.
That was a quick overview ofour story, of our testimony, of
(37:23):
what God has brought us throughand where he's brought us to,
and we'll share some thingsabout where God is taking us in
the future.
But we want God to be glorifiedthrough this and we want him to
receive all of the honor andall of the praise and want you
to know that we are nothingWithout God and we are nothing
(37:47):
Without the blood of Jesus thathas made us whole again.
If you have any questions, ifyou'd like us to pray for you,
you can email us and I'll putthe email in the description,
but the email is therestoredcastat gmailcom.
(38:11):
Email us your testimonies,email us your prayer request and
we will pray for and with youUntil next time.
This has been the RestoredPodcast with Frank and Darcy
Montgomery Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.