June 15, 2025 • 28 mins
The absence of fathers in American homes has reached epidemic proportions, with one in four children growing up without a dad—three times the global average. Behind these statistics lie troubling outcomes: 90% of runaway children, 75% of teenage murderers, and 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. These aren't just numbers; they represent a generational crisis affecting communities nationwide.
Frank and Darcie Montgomery dive into this critical topic with personal vulnerability, sharing their own experiences with fathers. Frank reflects on losing his dad just before their son was born, yet carrying forward the invaluable lessons of work ethic and faith his father instilled. Darcie opens up about navigating relationships with three father figures throughout her life—her biological father, with whom reconciliation came only recently; her stepdad who raised her; and her mom's current husband. Their stories highlight how fathers shape us, for better or worse, and how healing can occur even after years of disconnection.
At the heart of effective fatherhood lies presence—not just physical proximity, but genuine emotional availability. "Your children are always watching," Frank emphasizes, noting that kids learn more from what we do than what we say. This presence requires balancing grace with discipline, creating an environment where children feel safe to make mistakes without fear of rejection, yet understand boundaries and consequences. Perhaps most profoundly, fathers teach their children how relationships should function. How a father treats his wife becomes the template for how sons will treat women and what daughters will expect from men in their lives.
Whether you're a father, stepfather, spiritual father, or someone who simply recognizes the critical importance of male leadership in children's lives, this conversation offers practical wisdom for strengthening families and communities. Ready to become the father your children need? Listen now and discover how transformative intentional fatherhood can be for the next generation.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:19):
you were listening to the restored podcast with frank
and darcy montgomery heyeverybody.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We're so glad you could join us today.
Thank you for listening.
Today is Father's Day, so happyFather's Day to you, Frank.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
And we'd also like to wish happy Father's Day to all
the stepfathers, bonus fathers,biological fathers, spiritual
fathers.
If you make an impact as afather figure of any type, happy
Father's Day to you.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Fact of the matter is is that young children need a
strong male influence in theirlife.
You sent me a graphic earliertoday that kind of surprised me
in a way, but it didn't.
I don't know the source of this.
One in four children in Americalive without a father in the
(01:06):
home.
America now leads the world infatherlessness by three times
the global average.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
That's astonishing.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Here's what homes that don't have a father present
create.
90% of runaway kids come from afatherless home.
75% of all teenage murders comefrom a fatherless home.
High school dropouts.
71% of high school dropoutscome from a fatherless home.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
come from a fatherless home 70% of people
incarcerated come from afatherless home 63% of youth
suicides happen in a fatherlesshome and 60% of all rapists come
(02:04):
from a fatherless home, sobasically what that says is that
fathers have a huge impact.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
The epidemic that we are facing in America today,
with crime, with violence, withuneducation, with violence, with
uneducation, with the sexualimmorality that's running
rampant.
It all goes back to a dad afather not being in the home.
(02:36):
God created the family andcreated the home with a man, the
father, the head of the house,with a mom, a woman, who is
nurturing, caring and submissiveto the husband.
And when I say that it meansthat the children see the mom
(02:59):
allowing the dad, the head ofthe house, to lead, it doesn't
mean mom does whatever dad says.
It just means that mom allowsdad to lead and the children see
that when you have a homenucleus like that, like the way
God intended, people flourish.
(03:19):
So today we want to talk aboutwhat it means to be a dad and
then also honoring our dads.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And I wanted to start by honoring my dad, who is no
longer with us.
It's days like today that Imiss him a little more Right,
days like today that I miss hima little more Right.
I haven't had my dad my entireJourney as a father, journey as
a father.
My dad passed away the daybefore Hayden was born, and so I
(03:58):
really didn't have him to turnto for advice and wisdom during
raising Hayden.
There were some other men thatI could turn to if I needed, and
I did, but my dad taught me afew things that I really I mean
(04:22):
he's the only reason.
I mean he's the only reason.
First of all, is my work ethicto if you're going to work for
somebody, you give it all you'vegot.
If you're going to work foryourself, you give whatever you
(04:42):
do.
You give it your all.
You do your best.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
And you do it as unto God.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
The other thing he taught me was to love God, and I
carry those two things with mebecause of him.
There's a little funny story,and this is the kind of dad my
(05:09):
dad was.
I was probably I don't knowfive, six years old and we were
out on the farm and at that I,at that age, I was terrified of
stickers like little graspers,stickers that and out in the
country.
I mean, they're everywhere youhad those, but you also had big
(05:31):
old cockaburras.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And I mean just the fear that I would have whenever
I got those in my shoes, becauseevery time I touched them I
poked myself and it hurt.
Well, one time I remember thisdistinctly and you know the
family farm we were down by thearena area.
(05:56):
I can't remember exactly whatwe were doing, but I looked down
and my shoes were just coveredin stickers and I freaked out.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
And my dad.
Just he calmly came over to me,he picked one out.
He said there, that's how youdo it.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And did you get the rest out?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
He picked me up, he put me on the hood of his truck
and he would not let me downuntil I picked every sticker out
of my shoes that does notsurprise me at all I mean, my
dad was also the type that youknow you, you hear it joking,
but you know and I'm goingextreme here, but you know, if I
(06:50):
were to be walking close to aelectrical outlet with a
screwdriver and again I'm beingfunny over exaggerating but my
dad's the type that would say,let him do it, he won't do it
again.
Yeah, but I miss my dad and Ihonor him by trying to live the
(07:17):
way that I think he would beproud of.
And so I just wanted to, youknow, honor him in that way,
because I don't do that enough,and I think today's a day that
we should honor our dads.
We should honor our dads everyday, but even more so on
Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I have three dads.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
How'd that happen?
I'm doing a lot of honoring Ihave.
My biological dad and myparents divorced when I was six
and after that I didn't reallyhave a relationship with him
until um four or five years agoand you know I'm grateful that
(08:02):
he's back and the Holy Spirithad to do some work in that
situation.
And then my mom remarried and Igot my stepdad, who for
basically my whole life was mydad.
You know, I was 10 years oldand he chose me and my brother.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I mean, whenever I first met you, I had no idea
that that was your stepdad.
Well, at least for a few days.
And if you don't catch thatreference, I mean go back and
listen to episode one.
The first part of ourrelationship moved pretty fast,
but it did.
But, yes, your stepdad.
I mean you didn't call himJames, you didn't call him
(08:44):
stepdaddy, you didn't my mom'shusband.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
No, he was my dad.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
He was your dad.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And he was Hayden's papa and he still is, and we
have a relationship that's good.
And then they divorced and Iended up gaining another stepdad
, who is a wonderful man and Iam grateful that you know he's
in the family now.
So, and I would like to takethis moment to say I am so
(09:16):
thankful, after you read thosestatistics, that you and I were
able to work through everythingand not put Hayden in that
situation.
I don't like divorce.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I mean divorce can do some crazy things.
It can give you three dads, itcan cause whereas in your
relationship with yourbiological dad after him and
your mom divorced, I mean meanthere was still the custody
thing and you saw him, you know,on those, those visitation
(09:52):
times, but because of divorce,um, and everything after divorce
, a new relationships, moving,things like that relationships
can become strained and I meanthat in a nutshell, that's what
(10:12):
happened between you and yourbiological dad and I pray
regularly that that relationshipwill continue to be mended and
I've seen it taking place overthe past few years yeah, but
it's something that you said,you know you, and during those
(10:34):
hard times, there were timeswhere I made all kinds of
mistakes and I said all kinds ofthings that I shouldn't have
said and I felt ways that maybeI shouldn't have felt or express
them in ways I shouldn't havesaid, and I felt ways that maybe
I shouldn't have felt orexpressed them in ways I
shouldn't have expressed them.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And you reminded me that I, what Hayden sees coming
from me, the honor that I showmy parents, even in their
difficult times, is how he'sgoing to learn to honor and
respect us and treat us as hegoes further into adulthood and
he's out on his own, and thatbrought so much conviction but
(11:13):
so much healing to me and mademe intentional in the way that I
honor them, all of them.
Well, good, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Glad I could help you in that matter.
But I mean, it's real simpleand it never stops.
I learned the hard way, youknow.
And there's a country song thatcame out right about the time
Hayden was born and it talkedabout he was he.
(11:46):
He overheard a son, said cussword.
And he's like son, where'd youlearn how to talk like that?
I said Dad, I've been watchingyou, you know.
And then the song goes on andhe watches his little son pray.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
And he said where'd you learn how to pray like that?
And he says, dad, I've beenwatching you and the fact of the
matter is, is dads moms too buttoday's Dad's Day, so we're
focusing on dads.
But, dads, your children arewatching you and it doesn't
matter whether they are 2,whether they are 10, or 32.
(12:22):
They are watching you and theyare going to learn from you.
There's an old saying do as Isay, not as I do.
That doesn't work.
We can tell our children don'tdo this.
We can tell our children that'sbad for you.
We can tell our children don'tdo this.
We can tell our children that'sbad for you.
We can tell our childrenwhatever Right, but they're
watching us and they're going tosee what we are doing.
(12:44):
They're going to see how we act, how we react.
They're going to see how wetalk about other people when
those other people aren't around, and they're learning from us
by just watching.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Right, and that's why we're called to be an example.
I mean, our example means more,and the way we live our life
means more than anything wecould say, and I think you've
done a really good job of beingthat example for Aiden.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I haven't always done a good job about that, but I've
tried to be more intentional.
You know so many, I remember somany things people would say
whenever hayden was first born.
And it's all those clichethings be careful, daddy
hayden's watching you now.
(13:31):
Yeah, be careful what you say.
Little little ears, you'relistening.
It's true.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Enjoy these moments.
The time flies by so fast.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, and there's another.
I mean you've always well, notalways, but in recent years,
since your healing came and allof that you have been very
intentional about being present,even if you've worked long
hours or you've had earlymornings, late nights, and
you've been present when you gothome.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
It's real simple.
A lot of men think that theyhave to be playing a sport with
their child, whatever it mightbe.
They have to constantly bedoing something, but that's just
not the case.
Just be there.
(14:24):
So much goes on in a child'slife and in a child's mind, and
just the comfort for them toknow that dad is there.
Right, it's big.
I look at, I look at my role asa dad, I look to God and the
(14:51):
first thing that comes to mindis God will never leave you nor
forsake you.
Right is God will never leaveyou nor forsake you.
Right?
And that's how we should be asearthly fathers to our children
here on earth.
They should know that we willnever leave them nor forsake
them.
And I'm not even going down thedivorce route with that
(15:11):
statement.
I'm talking about dads that arehappily married to their
children's mom and they live inthe house together and they're
physically present, and they'rephysically right.
Um, maybe they're not presentmentally yeah they check out.
Um, it's easy to do.
You have a hard day at work.
You just want to come home andchill and relax and not have an
(15:33):
an annoying, nagging littletoddler, you know.
Or teenager Messing around, butjust be there.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Just be present For that child to know that if
they've had a bad day, dad willbe there for me.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Right.
And not only were you there,you kept those lines of
communication open, open, and sohayden always felt comfortable
going to you with anything I've,I've tried really hard and um
(16:15):
and I don't think he ever feltjudged when you would talk to
him either, like there was nojudgment coming against him,
even when he was in trouble.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
And again I take that from God and I look at how God
forgives us and the grace thatGod shows us, and you try to
give that to your children aswell, and I've always wanted
hayden to know look, I love you.
(16:45):
There's nothing in this worldthat you can do that will make
me love you any less.
Right, probably.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Probably.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
There's a chance.
But am I going to love you anyless?
No, am I going to thinkanything different of you?
No, and I've told him that timeand time again, and I know
there's still some stuff that hewon't come to me with.
But the fact that he knows thatI love him and I'm not going to
(17:26):
judge him, I'm not going totreat him any differently.
I'm going to give him my adviceand move on.
And you know, as far as thegrace component of it goes, you
know if it's something that hemade a big mistake and is
needing help with, it's notgoing to do him any good if I
(17:49):
just come down on him harder.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And I'm so glad that you had that discernment and
that you got that from the HolySpirit, because I supposed to be
the nurturing, loving one wouldbe like drop the hammer on him,
that's enough is enough.
And you're like wait, that'snot how we handle that.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
And there comes a time where that is needed, where
you have to draw a hard line inthe sand and you know this will
not happen.
But again I look to God andPaul tells us about grace,
teaches us about grace and howgrace doesn't give us an excuse
(18:29):
to keep on sinning.
Grace gives us that freedom toget back up after we sinned.
And that's what I wanted Haydento know and I think that's what
fathers should be instilling intheir children by showing that
grace.
And again, I'm not saying no,punishment's all grace.
(18:50):
There's got to be punishmentsor else corrective action, or
else the behaviors will notchange.
But if a child makes a mistakeand they come to you with that
mistake and you just beat themdown and you punish them A
they're going to shut down.
They're not going to come toyou anymore with their mistakes,
(19:11):
but most likely they're goingto stay down and stay stuck in
that place, Whereas the gracegives them the freedom.
I might have messed up.
I might have made that mistakeat school, I might have messed
up with dad.
(19:32):
I might have pissed him off, butI can get back up and I can try
again tomorrow Exactly, andthat's the grace that God gives
us, and we should be showingthat same grace to to everyone.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
But, today being father's day, focusing on dads
and, of course, if you're a dad,you have a child or a spiritual
child or somebody.
So that's where that is, butthat's always been my philosophy
is as God gives me that grace,I'm going to give that grace to
Hayden because I know howfreeing that grace can be, and
(20:06):
because I know how freeing thatgrace can be.
If I get reprimanded and beatdown every time I make a mistake
, there's no point in me evengetting up and trying again,
because the next time I make amistake I'm just going to get
beat back down Right.
Another big key for dads totake away, and it all ties in
(20:43):
with everything that we'vetalked about.
Guys, your sons are watchingyou how you treat your wife, how
you interact with your wife.
You are teaching them and theyare learning from you and that's
how they're going to treattheir wife when they're older.
(21:05):
And vice versa with littlegirls, dads, if you have little
girls, how you treat your mom,how you treat that little girl's
mom, shows that little girlwhat to expect in a man when
she's older, if she sees youtalking down to her mom, if she
(21:26):
sees you abusing her mom, thenshe's going to find that
acceptable later on, when she'solder and there might be a man
who talks down to her and she'sgoing to accept it because she
always saw dad talking to momthat way, because you set the
standards.
(21:49):
You set the standards for whatthey experience and, you know,
accept later on in life and youknow that's and and again it
ties back into your kids arealways watching you.
But, man, stand up, be theleader of the house that god has
called you to be.
Be the father that God hascalled you to be.
Lead your children with graceand discipline.
(22:11):
Don't spare the rod.
Give that grace, don't sparethe rod.
If you spare the rod, you'regoing to raise a little entitled
jerk who has no boundaries andhas no heart and thinks that
they can do whatever becausethey haven't faced repercussions
for when they were out of line.
But, guys, there is hope to Godand you don't just talk about
(22:51):
it on Sundays, but the way youact Monday through Saturday at
home as an example to yourchildren.
If you are walking in thatheadship that God has called you
to, then you don't have toworry about not being a good dad
.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
And peace comes to your family and your family
grows in strength.
And I've seen it personally.
We've talked about it in thefirst episode, everything we
went through and where you arenow, you have become that leader
, you have become that father,you have become that husband,
and I'm so proud of you and I'mso grateful for you.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Thank, Thank you.
Your son made me cry today.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Why.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
The card he gave me at lunch.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
What'd it say?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Just basically along those same lines how he looks up
to me and that's always been mybiggest fear and a lot of my
reasoning for lack of punishmentand lack of all of that stuff
for so much of his life, becauseI wasn't that example and I
(23:56):
felt hypocritical getting on tohim for something that I was
doing.
But he has seen the change.
He has seen the change.
Yes, he has lived the change.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
And I see him turning back to God and I think you're
the example that has helped himcontinue to walk that way.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Well, even when we weren't right, we did our best
to keep him in church.
And the Bible tells us what isit?
Exodus?
No, exodus something.
Train up a child.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
No, no, it's not Exodus, no.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
That's honoring your parents.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
It's in Proverbs 22.6 .
Speaker 1 (24:40):
What does it say?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
It says train up a child in the way he should go,
teaching him to seek God'swisdom and will for his
abilities and talents.
Even when he is old, he willnot depart from it.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
See, in that last part of that verse.
I think so many people areconfusing that verse, thinking
that okay, if I raise my childin church, they're going to grow
up and it's going to be happilyever after all smooth sailing.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
No, but if they do depart, that's what that's
saying.
If they do depart, they willcome back because they have that
foundation.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Here's what it is, and Pastor talked about it in a
sermon today and I'm not goingto try to steal too much of his
sermon, but he used himself asan example of how every time
he's gone through a hard time ora trial or something's come his
way, or, to use his terminologyfrom his sermon today, when he
(25:39):
was walking through the fire, hewould cry out to God and his
family would see him crying outto God.
And he knows, and he has thatassurance that whenever they're
older, or even now where theyare, that when they walk through
the fire, when they're facedwith tribulation, they'll know
(26:00):
to cry out to God just as theirdad had cried out to God.
And that's what I hold on to.
Whether it's our own son Haydenor whether I'm talking to a
friend of mine who has a waywardchild, the fact of the matter
(26:20):
is, if you plant that in them,it is there.
They may not want to have arelationship with Jesus at the
time.
They as as Phil Robertson wouldsay, they might want to run
with the devil for a littlewhile.
(26:40):
And if, if that's the case,parents rest easy knowing that
you have planted that in themand they have that and that's
part of their upbringing andtheir core and they will always
have that to turn back to andI'm living testament of that.
(27:03):
I was raised in church.
I knew that I could turn to Godwhen times got hard.
I knew that he was there for me, that he was always there for
me, no matter what.
But even when I was not livingright and I was doing my own
thing, when things got hard,what did I do?
I cried out to God, becausethat's what my parents taught me
(27:25):
to do.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Right.
They taught you how to fightthose battles.
They taught you your war plan.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
So do you have anything else to add to this
wonderful Father's Daydiscussion?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Happy Father's Day.
Thank you, you're welcome Happy.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Father's Day Thank you.
You're welcome.
So, once again, to all the dadsout there, happy Father's Day.
Let me be if no one has toldyou today.
You're doing a good job, dad.
Keep it up, Keep trusting God,Keep standing firm.
(28:05):
Be in the leader of your houseand doing what God has called
you to do, as always.
Find us on Facebook at theRestored Podcast, or you can
email us at therestoredcast atgmailcom.
We'd love to hear your praisereports and your prayer requests
and your prayer request Untilnext time you've been listening
(28:49):
to the Restored Podcast.
you were listening to the restored podcast with frank
and darcy montgomery heyeverybody.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We're so glad you could join us today.
Thank you for listening.
Today is Father's Day, so happyFather's Day to you, Frank.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
And we'd also like to wish happy Father's Day to all
the stepfathers, bonus fathers,biological fathers, spiritual
fathers.
If you make an impact as afather figure of any type, happy
Father's Day to you.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Fact of the matter is is that young children need a
strong male influence in theirlife.
You sent me a graphic earliertoday that kind of surprised me
in a way, but it didn't.
I don't know the source of this.
One in four children in Americalive without a father in the
(01:06):
home.
America now leads the world infatherlessness by three times
the global average.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
That's astonishing.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Here's what homes that don't have a father present
create.
90% of runaway kids come from afatherless home.
75% of all teenage murders comefrom a fatherless home.
High school dropouts.
71% of high school dropoutscome from a fatherless home.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
come from a fatherless home 70% of people
incarcerated come from afatherless home 63% of youth
suicides happen in a fatherlesshome and 60% of all rapists come
(02:04):
from a fatherless home, sobasically what that says is that
fathers have a huge impact.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
The epidemic that we are facing in America today,
with crime, with violence, withuneducation, with violence, with
uneducation, with the sexualimmorality that's running
rampant.
It all goes back to a dad afather not being in the home.
(02:36):
God created the family andcreated the home with a man, the
father, the head of the house,with a mom, a woman, who is
nurturing, caring and submissiveto the husband.
And when I say that it meansthat the children see the mom
(02:59):
allowing the dad, the head ofthe house, to lead, it doesn't
mean mom does whatever dad says.
It just means that mom allowsdad to lead and the children see
that when you have a homenucleus like that, like the way
God intended, people flourish.
(03:19):
So today we want to talk aboutwhat it means to be a dad and
then also honoring our dads.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And I wanted to start by honoring my dad, who is no
longer with us.
It's days like today that Imiss him a little more Right,
days like today that I miss hima little more Right.
I haven't had my dad my entireJourney as a father, journey as
a father.
My dad passed away the daybefore Hayden was born, and so I
(03:58):
really didn't have him to turnto for advice and wisdom during
raising Hayden.
There were some other men thatI could turn to if I needed, and
I did, but my dad taught me afew things that I really I mean
(04:22):
he's the only reason.
I mean he's the only reason.
First of all, is my work ethicto if you're going to work for
somebody, you give it all you'vegot.
If you're going to work foryourself, you give whatever you
(04:42):
do.
You give it your all.
You do your best.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
And you do it as unto God.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
The other thing he taught me was to love God, and I
carry those two things with mebecause of him.
There's a little funny story,and this is the kind of dad my
(05:09):
dad was.
I was probably I don't knowfive, six years old and we were
out on the farm and at that I,at that age, I was terrified of
stickers like little graspers,stickers that and out in the
country.
I mean, they're everywhere youhad those, but you also had big
(05:31):
old cockaburras.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
And I mean just the fear that I would have whenever
I got those in my shoes, becauseevery time I touched them I
poked myself and it hurt.
Well, one time I remember thisdistinctly and you know the
family farm we were down by thearena area.
(05:56):
I can't remember exactly whatwe were doing, but I looked down
and my shoes were just coveredin stickers and I freaked out.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
And my dad.
Just he calmly came over to me,he picked one out.
He said there, that's how youdo it.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
And did you get the rest out?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
He picked me up, he put me on the hood of his truck
and he would not let me downuntil I picked every sticker out
of my shoes that does notsurprise me at all I mean, my
dad was also the type that youknow you, you hear it joking,
but you know and I'm goingextreme here, but you know, if I
(06:50):
were to be walking close to aelectrical outlet with a
screwdriver and again I'm beingfunny over exaggerating but my
dad's the type that would say,let him do it, he won't do it
again.
Yeah, but I miss my dad and Ihonor him by trying to live the
(07:17):
way that I think he would beproud of.
And so I just wanted to, youknow, honor him in that way,
because I don't do that enough,and I think today's a day that
we should honor our dads.
We should honor our dads everyday, but even more so on
Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I have three dads.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
How'd that happen?
I'm doing a lot of honoring Ihave.
My biological dad and myparents divorced when I was six
and after that I didn't reallyhave a relationship with him
until um four or five years agoand you know I'm grateful that
(08:02):
he's back and the Holy Spirithad to do some work in that
situation.
And then my mom remarried and Igot my stepdad, who for
basically my whole life was mydad.
You know, I was 10 years oldand he chose me and my brother.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I mean, whenever I first met you, I had no idea
that that was your stepdad.
Well, at least for a few days.
And if you don't catch thatreference, I mean go back and
listen to episode one.
The first part of ourrelationship moved pretty fast,
but it did.
But, yes, your stepdad.
I mean you didn't call himJames, you didn't call him
(08:44):
stepdaddy, you didn't my mom'shusband.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
No, he was my dad.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
He was your dad.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And he was Hayden's papa and he still is, and we
have a relationship that's good.
And then they divorced and Iended up gaining another stepdad
, who is a wonderful man and Iam grateful that you know he's
in the family now.
So, and I would like to takethis moment to say I am so
(09:16):
thankful, after you read thosestatistics, that you and I were
able to work through everythingand not put Hayden in that
situation.
I don't like divorce.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I mean divorce can do some crazy things.
It can give you three dads, itcan cause whereas in your
relationship with yourbiological dad after him and
your mom divorced, I mean meanthere was still the custody
thing and you saw him, you know,on those, those visitation
(09:52):
times, but because of divorce,um, and everything after divorce
, a new relationships, moving,things like that relationships
can become strained and I meanthat in a nutshell, that's what
(10:12):
happened between you and yourbiological dad and I pray
regularly that that relationshipwill continue to be mended and
I've seen it taking place overthe past few years yeah, but
it's something that you said,you know you, and during those
(10:34):
hard times, there were timeswhere I made all kinds of
mistakes and I said all kinds ofthings that I shouldn't have
said and I felt ways that maybeI shouldn't have felt or express
them in ways I shouldn't havesaid, and I felt ways that maybe
I shouldn't have felt orexpressed them in ways I
shouldn't have expressed them.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And you reminded me that I, what Hayden sees coming
from me, the honor that I showmy parents, even in their
difficult times, is how he'sgoing to learn to honor and
respect us and treat us as hegoes further into adulthood and
he's out on his own, and thatbrought so much conviction but
(11:13):
so much healing to me and mademe intentional in the way that I
honor them, all of them.
Well, good, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Glad I could help you in that matter.
But I mean, it's real simpleand it never stops.
I learned the hard way, youknow.
And there's a country song thatcame out right about the time
Hayden was born and it talkedabout he was he.
(11:46):
He overheard a son, said cussword.
And he's like son, where'd youlearn how to talk like that?
I said Dad, I've been watchingyou, you know.
And then the song goes on andhe watches his little son pray.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
And he said where'd you learn how to pray like that?
And he says, dad, I've beenwatching you and the fact of the
matter is, is dads moms too buttoday's Dad's Day, so we're
focusing on dads.
But, dads, your children arewatching you and it doesn't
matter whether they are 2,whether they are 10, or 32.
(12:22):
They are watching you and theyare going to learn from you.
There's an old saying do as Isay, not as I do.
That doesn't work.
We can tell our children don'tdo this.
We can tell our children that'sbad for you.
We can tell our children don'tdo this.
We can tell our children that'sbad for you.
We can tell our childrenwhatever Right, but they're
watching us and they're going tosee what we are doing.
(12:44):
They're going to see how we act, how we react.
They're going to see how wetalk about other people when
those other people aren't around, and they're learning from us
by just watching.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Right, and that's why we're called to be an example.
I mean, our example means more,and the way we live our life
means more than anything wecould say, and I think you've
done a really good job of beingthat example for Aiden.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I haven't always done a good job about that, but I've
tried to be more intentional.
You know so many, I remember somany things people would say
whenever hayden was first born.
And it's all those clichethings be careful, daddy
hayden's watching you now.
(13:31):
Yeah, be careful what you say.
Little little ears, you'relistening.
It's true.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Enjoy these moments.
The time flies by so fast.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah, and there's another.
I mean you've always well, notalways, but in recent years,
since your healing came and allof that you have been very
intentional about being present,even if you've worked long
hours or you've had earlymornings, late nights, and
you've been present when you gothome.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
It's real simple.
A lot of men think that theyhave to be playing a sport with
their child, whatever it mightbe.
They have to constantly bedoing something, but that's just
not the case.
Just be there.
(14:24):
So much goes on in a child'slife and in a child's mind, and
just the comfort for them toknow that dad is there.
Right, it's big.
I look at, I look at my role asa dad, I look to God and the
(14:51):
first thing that comes to mindis God will never leave you nor
forsake you.
Right is God will never leaveyou nor forsake you.
Right?
And that's how we should be asearthly fathers to our children
here on earth.
They should know that we willnever leave them nor forsake
them.
And I'm not even going down thedivorce route with that
(15:11):
statement.
I'm talking about dads that arehappily married to their
children's mom and they live inthe house together and they're
physically present, and they'rephysically right.
Um, maybe they're not presentmentally yeah they check out.
Um, it's easy to do.
You have a hard day at work.
You just want to come home andchill and relax and not have an
(15:33):
an annoying, nagging littletoddler, you know.
Or teenager Messing around, butjust be there.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
Just be present For that child to know that if
they've had a bad day, dad willbe there for me.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Right.
And not only were you there,you kept those lines of
communication open, open, and sohayden always felt comfortable
going to you with anything I've,I've tried really hard and um
(16:15):
and I don't think he ever feltjudged when you would talk to
him either, like there was nojudgment coming against him,
even when he was in trouble.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
And again I take that from God and I look at how God
forgives us and the grace thatGod shows us, and you try to
give that to your children aswell, and I've always wanted
hayden to know look, I love you.
(16:45):
There's nothing in this worldthat you can do that will make
me love you any less.
Right, probably.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Probably.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
There's a chance.
But am I going to love you anyless?
No, am I going to thinkanything different of you?
No, and I've told him that timeand time again, and I know
there's still some stuff that hewon't come to me with.
But the fact that he knows thatI love him and I'm not going to
(17:26):
judge him, I'm not going totreat him any differently.
I'm going to give him my adviceand move on.
And you know, as far as thegrace component of it goes, you
know if it's something that hemade a big mistake and is
needing help with, it's notgoing to do him any good if I
(17:49):
just come down on him harder.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And I'm so glad that you had that discernment and
that you got that from the HolySpirit, because I supposed to be
the nurturing, loving one wouldbe like drop the hammer on him,
that's enough is enough.
And you're like wait, that'snot how we handle that.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
And there comes a time where that is needed, where
you have to draw a hard line inthe sand and you know this will
not happen.
But again I look to God andPaul tells us about grace,
teaches us about grace and howgrace doesn't give us an excuse
(18:29):
to keep on sinning.
Grace gives us that freedom toget back up after we sinned.
And that's what I wanted Haydento know and I think that's what
fathers should be instilling intheir children by showing that
grace.
And again, I'm not saying no,punishment's all grace.
(18:50):
There's got to be punishmentsor else corrective action, or
else the behaviors will notchange.
But if a child makes a mistakeand they come to you with that
mistake and you just beat themdown and you punish them A
they're going to shut down.
They're not going to come toyou anymore with their mistakes,
(19:11):
but most likely they're goingto stay down and stay stuck in
that place, Whereas the gracegives them the freedom.
I might have messed up.
I might have made that mistakeat school, I might have messed
up with dad.
(19:32):
I might have pissed him off, butI can get back up and I can try
again tomorrow Exactly, andthat's the grace that God gives
us, and we should be showingthat same grace to to everyone.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
But, today being father's day, focusing on dads
and, of course, if you're a dad,you have a child or a spiritual
child or somebody.
So that's where that is, butthat's always been my philosophy
is as God gives me that grace,I'm going to give that grace to
Hayden because I know howfreeing that grace can be, and
(20:06):
because I know how freeing thatgrace can be.
If I get reprimanded and beatdown every time I make a mistake
, there's no point in me evengetting up and trying again,
because the next time I make amistake I'm just going to get
beat back down Right.
Another big key for dads totake away, and it all ties in
(20:43):
with everything that we'vetalked about.
Guys, your sons are watchingyou how you treat your wife, how
you interact with your wife.
You are teaching them and theyare learning from you and that's
how they're going to treattheir wife when they're older.
(21:05):
And vice versa with littlegirls, dads, if you have little
girls, how you treat your mom,how you treat that little girl's
mom, shows that little girlwhat to expect in a man when
she's older, if she sees youtalking down to her mom, if she
(21:26):
sees you abusing her mom, thenshe's going to find that
acceptable later on, when she'solder and there might be a man
who talks down to her and she'sgoing to accept it because she
always saw dad talking to momthat way, because you set the
standards.
(21:49):
You set the standards for whatthey experience and, you know,
accept later on in life and youknow that's and and again it
ties back into your kids arealways watching you.
But, man, stand up, be theleader of the house that god has
called you to be.
Be the father that God hascalled you to be.
Lead your children with graceand discipline.
(22:11):
Don't spare the rod.
Give that grace, don't sparethe rod.
If you spare the rod, you'regoing to raise a little entitled
jerk who has no boundaries andhas no heart and thinks that
they can do whatever becausethey haven't faced repercussions
for when they were out of line.
But, guys, there is hope to Godand you don't just talk about
(22:51):
it on Sundays, but the way youact Monday through Saturday at
home as an example to yourchildren.
If you are walking in thatheadship that God has called you
to, then you don't have toworry about not being a good dad
.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
And peace comes to your family and your family
grows in strength.
And I've seen it personally.
We've talked about it in thefirst episode, everything we
went through and where you arenow, you have become that leader
, you have become that father,you have become that husband,
and I'm so proud of you and I'mso grateful for you.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Thank, Thank you.
Your son made me cry today.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Why.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
The card he gave me at lunch.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
What'd it say?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Just basically along those same lines how he looks up
to me and that's always been mybiggest fear and a lot of my
reasoning for lack of punishmentand lack of all of that stuff
for so much of his life, becauseI wasn't that example and I
(23:56):
felt hypocritical getting on tohim for something that I was
doing.
But he has seen the change.
He has seen the change.
Yes, he has lived the change.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
And I see him turning back to God and I think you're
the example that has helped himcontinue to walk that way.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Well, even when we weren't right, we did our best
to keep him in church.
And the Bible tells us what isit?
Exodus?
No, exodus something.
Train up a child.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
No, no, it's not Exodus, no.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
That's honoring your parents.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
It's in Proverbs 22.6 .
Speaker 1 (24:40):
What does it say?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
It says train up a child in the way he should go,
teaching him to seek God'swisdom and will for his
abilities and talents.
Even when he is old, he willnot depart from it.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
See, in that last part of that verse.
I think so many people areconfusing that verse, thinking
that okay, if I raise my childin church, they're going to grow
up and it's going to be happilyever after all smooth sailing.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
No, but if they do depart, that's what that's
saying.
If they do depart, they willcome back because they have that
foundation.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Here's what it is, and Pastor talked about it in a
sermon today and I'm not goingto try to steal too much of his
sermon, but he used himself asan example of how every time
he's gone through a hard time ora trial or something's come his
way, or, to use his terminologyfrom his sermon today, when he
(25:39):
was walking through the fire, hewould cry out to God and his
family would see him crying outto God.
And he knows, and he has thatassurance that whenever they're
older, or even now where theyare, that when they walk through
the fire, when they're facedwith tribulation, they'll know
(26:00):
to cry out to God just as theirdad had cried out to God.
And that's what I hold on to.
Whether it's our own son Haydenor whether I'm talking to a
friend of mine who has a waywardchild, the fact of the matter
(26:20):
is, if you plant that in them,it is there.
They may not want to have arelationship with Jesus at the
time.
They as as Phil Robertson wouldsay, they might want to run
with the devil for a littlewhile.
(26:40):
And if, if that's the case,parents rest easy knowing that
you have planted that in themand they have that and that's
part of their upbringing andtheir core and they will always
have that to turn back to andI'm living testament of that.
(27:03):
I was raised in church.
I knew that I could turn to Godwhen times got hard.
I knew that he was there for me, that he was always there for
me, no matter what.
But even when I was not livingright and I was doing my own
thing, when things got hard,what did I do?
I cried out to God, becausethat's what my parents taught me
(27:25):
to do.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
Right.
They taught you how to fightthose battles.
They taught you your war plan.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
So do you have anything else to add to this
wonderful Father's Daydiscussion?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Happy Father's Day.
Thank you, you're welcome Happy.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Father's Day Thank you.
You're welcome.
So, once again, to all the dadsout there, happy Father's Day.
Let me be if no one has toldyou today.
You're doing a good job, dad.
Keep it up, Keep trusting God,Keep standing firm.
(28:05):
Be in the leader of your houseand doing what God has called
you to do, as always.
Find us on Facebook at theRestored Podcast, or you can
email us at therestoredcast atgmailcom.
We'd love to hear your praisereports and your prayer requests
and your prayer request Untilnext time you've been listening
(28:49):
to the Restored Podcast.
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