February 22, 2025 • 31 mins
The journey of restoration begins with true repentance, a heartfelt recognition of our shortcomings and a commitment to change. By understanding grace, embracing forgiveness, and engaging in spiritual disciplines, we open the door to profound healing and transformation in our lives.
• The definition and significance of true repentance
• The difference between grace and condemnation
• The role of unforgiveness in hindering restoration
• Practical steps for fostering forgiveness in relationships
• The importance of committing to spiritual disciplines
• The gradual nature of the restoration process
• The power of prayer in personal transformation
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Thank you to the Restored Podcast with Frank and
Darcy Montgomery.
So when we talk aboutrestoration, we are talking
about something being restoredand that means that it's being
(00:40):
brought back to its originalcondition.
I think when God restoressomething, he brings it back to
the condition that he originallycreated it for.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Wow, I've never thought about it that way, but
that's a good perspective.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So I think we should name this episode the Road to
Restoration, because we're goingto talk about you know what
that restoration looks like?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
And what it needs to occur.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And where it begins.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Is repentance Honest, true repentance, true
repentance.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
And maybe somebody's listening that is not a
Christian or doesn't know whatrepentance is.
And first of all I would saythat we have, and this is gospel
.
This is the gospel.
We have to admit that we aresinners in need of a Savior.
(01:44):
We have to believe that we aresinners in need of a Savior.
We have to believe that JesusChrist is Lord, he is God in
flesh and he died on the crossfor our sins.
He made that ultimate sacrificefor us and then we have to
confess those sins and wheneverwe confess those sins, we ask
for forgiveness and we repent ofthose sins.
(02:06):
And to repent means that youturn your back on, you turn away
from, but that is absolutelyfirst in the restoration process
.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
And so.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
And when we truly repent, that means to walk away
from and change.
I mean we have to make aconscious effort to change.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Right.
It doesn't mean that you'renever going to do that again.
Your desire should be that younever do that again, but chances
are you're going to screw up,you're going to mess up.
We live in a fallen world.
We are flesh.
Our flesh desires things thatmaybe aren't pleasing to God,
(02:59):
but we have to continually be inthat mindset of I don't want to
do that.
It's not.
You know, for so long Istruggled with pornography
You're well aware of that and Iwould ask for forgiveness.
And then I would find myselfdoing it again later that day,
(03:22):
or the next day, or you know,and it just seemed like this
evil cycle of I'm asking forforgiveness, but yet I keep
doing it.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
And how did you get past that, and how did you
finally repent, to where that'snot an issue anymore?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Well, first of all, I had to recognize that, even
though I was asking forforgiveness, I felt like I was
beginning to abuse the grace ofGod, and Paul teaches us in his
(04:04):
writings that grace abounds, butthat doesn't mean that we keep
sinning.
That grace is there.
I would feel condemned.
(04:26):
You just don't lay there inthat condemnation and say, oh,
that's who I am, that's who I'malways going to be.
That grace gives you thefreedom to pick yourself back up
.
Yes, I messed up.
God still loves me, god stillsees me as righteous and
(04:48):
whenever I ask for forgiveness,he forgives, he forgets about it
and you move on.
Our mind wants to stay in that.
So when I realized truly whatgrace was and that just because
(05:11):
I mess up doesn't mean that'swho I am and that's who I'm
always going to be pretty easy.
But it also happened where Ibegan filling my mind with other
stuff.
(05:32):
Whenever I had an alone timewith my phone and my first
instinct would be hey, let's gosee what's new on this website.
I would open up the Bible app,or I would turn on worship music
, or I would pray.
I would spend that.
(05:52):
You know, whenever thattemptation came, I would turn to
God instead of turning in tothat temptation, and that's what
we have to do as Christians.
We're called to be Christ-like,and in order to be Christ-like,
you have to know Christ right.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So, in order to know Christ how do you get to know
Christ?
You spend time with him,whenever.
We were dating for that verybrief period, but even after we
were dating, to get to know eachother, we spent time together.
We spent learning each other,getting to know what you like,
(06:37):
what you dislike, and so that'swhat you do with Christ.
And the way you do that is byreading the word of God, reading
the Bible.
You want to know what God islike.
Read the Bible.
It's all there, from Genesis toRevelation.
You want to spend time with him, pray with him, pray to him,
(07:04):
talk to him, allow him pray withhim.
Pray to him, talk to him, allowhim to talk to you, spend time
in worship.
And when you do those things,you know.
The Bible tells us to renew ourmind, and I don't know the exact
study that was done, but therewas a study done not too long
(07:27):
ago that proves you can changethe neural pathways in your
brain, the way your brain reactsto things when you do things,
and we look at those, maybe, ashabits, saying that once you do
(07:51):
something for 14 days in a row,it becomes a habit.
Well, what you're doing bydoing those things 14 days in a
row is you are changing yourneural pathways in your brain to
where that becomes automaticfor you.
Your brain automatically saysI'm going to read my Bible.
Your brain automatically sayswhen you get angry, I'm not
(08:12):
going to react in rage.
Your neural pathways say whenyou see me, I'm talking personal
.
Right here, when you see awoman walking down the road
scantily clad.
Right here, when you see awoman walking down the road
scantily clad, instead ofthinking impure thoughts,
because you've changed thoseneural pathways in your brain,
(08:33):
you don't think that anymore.
And that's what it means tobecome Christ-like and that's
what I really think repentanceis about.
We say repent and you're nevergoing to do it again.
Well, fact of the matter isyou're going to do it again Now,
(08:54):
hopefully, if you're repentantfrom something, what we would
consider on earth to be horriblemurder, horrible murder, ie.
Hopefully.
You know you don't do thatagain.
But you know, oftentimes it'sthose little things.
It's how you react in anger.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
I mean it could be as simple as an attitude or a
mindset that needs to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
And so I think, when people are praying for
restoration and they are notseeing that restorative power of
God take place in their lives,my first thought to them would
be take a look at yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Do a heart check.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
What is in your life that is preventing you from
growing closer to God?
What in your life is preventingyou from being more
Christ-alike?
And again, it might not besomething major.
It might be something as youknow defiance, rebellion.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Right and I have struggled with that and I had to
repent from that and I had to,like you said, fill my mind and
my heart with the word music andprayer.
And when I did that, thingsstarted changing.
And not only that, I gotexcited about those habits that
(10:28):
you were talking about.
Like I get excited to read theBible every morning, and before
it was a chore.
So God changed that in me tohelp me draw closer to him, to
fully repent and start my pathto restoration.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
But even when it felt like a chore for you, you still
did it.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
And I mean that's what we're talking about
renewing your mind on a dailybasis, living in that repent,
repentful state.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
A lifestyle of repentance.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
I was trying to say that, but you got the words that
couldn't come to my mind.
You live that lifestyle ofrepentance and understand that
there will come a time when youmake a mistake, but it doesn't
mean you wanted to make thatmistake, and so that is the
(11:36):
first step to restoration.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
And that conviction and condemnation you talked
about.
It shouldn't be condemnation,it should just be conviction to
help you fix that problem.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Right, god will convict, the Holy Spirit will
convict you.
The Holy Spirit will nevercondemn you If you are feeling
condemned, if you are feelingcondemnation that is 1,000% from
the enemy.
Yes, god will never condemn you.
And it goes back to what wewere talking about earlier.
(12:07):
It's that grace that when Godconvicts you, that grace to
understand.
He's convicting me of thatbecause he doesn't like that,
but he's not condemning me.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Right and I just want to make sure that was
understood that God does notbring condemnation, he brings
conviction.
The enemy brings condemnation.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So you have to go through that repentance for
restoration to even begin.
And most of the time, you know,the first thing that's restored
is our relationship with Christthrough salvation.
But other things might need tobe restored because sin has
destroyed them.
And so it begins with thatrepentance and you trying to be
(12:57):
more Christ-like.
And I wanted to get intosomething that I think everybody
struggles with, whether youbelieve it or not, and I think
it goes hand in hand withrepentance.
So I grew up Every day with myparents, at nighttime we would
(13:24):
read the Bible and we would praybefore bedtime and my mom would
pray her prayer.
But before she prayed her prayer, us kids would say the Lord's
Prayer.
And we did that every day.
And as I've gotten older andI've studied more, and you know,
(13:44):
in Matthew 6, where the Lord'sPrayer is, jesus is saying and
when you pray, pray like this.
But I think it goes much deeperthan him just telling us how to
pray.
I think there's moresignificance to it.
And if you look in there, partof the prayer is forgive us our
(14:09):
trespasses.
We're asking God to forgive usof our sins.
But right after that, as weforgive those who trespass
against us, so as we are askingGod to forgive us of our sins,
we in turn have to be forgivingother people of what they've
(14:30):
done to us, and when you don'tdo that, that unforgiveness in
your life takes a hold of you.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
And it can destroy so much.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
It can destroy so much because it's like a cancer.
If you have that unforgivenessin you, it'll spread.
It'll spread to other parts ofyour life.
It'll become anger inside ofyou.
It'll become you know lustinside.
Bitterness, resentment, you nameit.
That unforgiveness will morphand spread.
(15:08):
It's like a cancer in your body.
If it goes untreated.
If it goes, you know you justignoring, hey, there's something
in your body that's not goodfor it it'll spread and it'll
take over and it'll, you know,methodically go through and you
know, take over different organsand just spread throughout your
(15:29):
whole body.
And that's the same thing thatunforgiveness does.
If you leave that unforgivenessthere and do not treat it, it
will spread, it will take overyour body and it'll cause you to
do things that you don't wantto do.
Like you said, it'll cause youto become bitter and angry.
(15:49):
And when I think aboutunforgiveness, I think about my
own life and how thatunforgiveness for so long caused
me to be an angry person.
Long caused me to be an angryperson.
(16:10):
I had gone through life tellingmyself that I had forgiven my
biological mom and her boyfriendat the time for things that
happened whenever I was younger.
But in reality I hadn'tforgiven them at all.
What I had done was push itdown inside of me and try to
block it from my remembrance.
And I remember at times after Iwould blow up and things had
(16:38):
calmed down and you and I weretalking and you would bring that
up and I would get mad againand say you can't do that.
You can't bring that up becauseI have forgiven them, I've
moved on, but in reality Ihadn't.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
And I knew that.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
And so a lot of people think that unforgiveness
means that you're going to bereconciled with that person, and
I think deep down in my life,in my heart, that's what I
thought it meant to forgive, andin no way did I want to be
reconciled with my biologicalmom.
(17:19):
I had a mom and dad who lovedme, who chose me, who took me in
, who raised me, who taught meright from wrong, and I felt
like, if I forgave my biologicalmom, that I had to be
reconciled to her.
Don't get me wrong God is a Godof reconciliation and if I am
(17:53):
living Christ-like, as I shouldbe, I feel like God's dealing
with me right now, because I dofeel like I am at a point to
where I could be reconciled inthat relationship.
But unforgiveness doesn't meanthat you're reconciled to a
certain relationship, and Ithink that prevents people from
(18:17):
forgiving somebody.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
And forgiveness.
When you do forgive, you haveto make that choice and
intentionally, I am going toforgive this person and then
pray blessings over them.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Right.
You're giving that hurt thatthey caused you.
You're giving that hurt to God.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
And so when you give that hurt to God, you are not
going to dwell on it anymore,you are not going to think about
it anymore.
Now Satan will be in your earquick.
Remember what sister, so-and-sodid to you.
Remember what your mom'sboyfriend did to you and how
(18:58):
your mom reacted.
I would hear that all the time.
And so when you forgive, you'regiving that to God and you're
saying God, it's yours, I'm nolonger going to be hurt by it,
I'm no longer going to feelthose feelings that I felt from
(19:20):
that for all those years.
And one of the ways, like yousaid, is to pray blessings over
that person.
If you are struggling toforgive somebody, simply start
in your prayer life by prayingfor them, praying for blessings
to come to them.
Pray for their finances to beblessed.
(19:42):
Pray for their health to beblessed.
Pray for their health to beblessed.
Pray for their marriage to beblessed.
Pray for their job situation tobe blessed.
Pray for everything theirfamily to be blessed.
And you pray for them to beblessed the same way as you are
praying for your own self, thesame way that you pray.
God bless my family.
God bless my finances.
(20:02):
God bless my finances.
God bless my job, bless this,bless that.
Pray for them the same way thatyou would pray for yourself.
And if you were struggling withunforgiveness, after a little
while of praying those honestprayers to God to bless that
person, you'll stop holding onto that.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
And you actually get into living a lifestyle of
forgiveness to where things donot offend you.
You do not get hurt easily.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Right.
And I mean we're called to beChrist-like and if you look at
the nature of Christ, at thenature of God, his nature is to
forgive.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
And the Bible talks a lot about forgiveness all over
the place.
At the nature of Christ, at thenature of God, his nature is to
forgive.
And the Bible talks a lot aboutforgiveness all over the place
and gives examples, One thingthat comes to my mind.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It's not biblical, but, you know, throughout our
marriage you would reach out todifferent people to try and help
me.
And one of our former pastorsbecame aware of our relationship
and how it was and he begancounseling me.
(21:17):
And one of the things that hetold me to do was to write a
letter to my biological mom,Write a letter to her, Tell her
all about how I feel, how I felt, all those things.
And I didn't do that at thetime.
But later on, whenever I wasgoing through the BIP class and
(21:38):
the you know it, just it cameback to my remembrance that
Randall had told me to do thatall those years ago, and so I
did that.
I wrote a letter in the officeone night after BIP class to my
biological mom.
Now, I never sent it to her.
(21:59):
She has no idea that thatletter ever existed, but I wrote
it.
I got those emotions out of meand onto paper how I felt about
her, how I felt about the wholesituation.
Now that letter is long gone.
I burned it a few days later inthe fire pit.
(22:20):
But I would recommend, ifsomebody is struggling with
something that they're holdingon to, you know, write a letter
to that person, you don't haveto mail it to them, you don't
have to give it to them.
But what it does is it getsthose emotions that you're
feeling, it gets it out of yourbody.
You've expressed those emotions, You've expressed those
(22:43):
feelings, and then you knowthat's a practical thing that we
can do here on Earth.
But you give it to God and yousay God, it's yours, I can't
carry the weight of this hurtanymore.
(23:04):
Only you can carry that hurt.
So I'm giving it to you now andI'm not going to be hurt by it
any longer.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, I had my own unforgiveness that we struggled
with when we got married.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
You know the relationship with my dad and my
stepmom.
I held on to that.
I did the same thing you did.
I thought I had forgiven it.
I blocked it, I pressed it downand mine came out differently.
I was very withdrawn.
I guess you would say Iwouldn't let anybody get close.
(23:53):
Walls were built up and throughwatching you and seeing you,
seeing how you dealt with it andhow you learned to forgive and
reading the word and consciouslymaking an effort, I was able to
.
Now I live in a lifestyle offorgiveness.
(24:14):
I don't get offended anymore.
I was easily offended and Idon't live with that anymore.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
You still get offended.
I mean, it's our naturalinstinct.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Right, but it's not like it was.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Not to get offended but you can handle it
differently when that immediatereaction because, again, going
back to our flesh, we are areflesh and our flesh wants to
react certain ways.
But you know, I've seen it,I've seen it in you and I'm sure
(24:48):
if I took a better look atmyself I would see it in myself
at times I see it in you butI've seen it to where you know.
That first immediate reaction Ican see is Darcy was just
offended by that person, butthen within a few minutes a few
(25:11):
minutes, your attitudes change,and what that is is that's the
Holy Spirit coming in andreminding you.
Hey, you are forgiven, Forgive.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Right and, like I said, I try to constantly walk
in that lifestyle of forgiveness, because before my cutoff game
was strong, I would holdresentment.
Yeah, it wasn't a healthy place.
It wasn't a godly place to beplace to be.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I really, I really like where we're at right now in
this podcast, and I think thatthis podcast may be a little
shorter I don't know, I'm notsure about the length of time it
is.
It feels a little shorter, butI think we're at a good stopping
point and just to go back over.
In order for restoration tobegin, it has to start with
(26:13):
repentance, that repentance inour heart and in our life and
that become a lifestyle ofrepentance and then, through
that repentance, we are tryingto be more Christ-like on a
daily basis.
And if you're doing thosethings, your behaviors will
(26:35):
change.
You know, you learn, and that'swhere it comes into.
We have to do our part that'sour part is to change our
behaviors.
God will help us if we're doingthose things, those biblical
chores, as you like to.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I call them biblical disciplines, spiritual
disciplines.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
If you're doing those spiritual disciplines, you are
spending time in the Word of God, you are praying to God, and
not just praying to God, butcommunicating with God, talking
to God and allowing Him to talkto you, and you're worshiping.
If you're doing those spiritualdisciplines and we can get into
(27:17):
more spiritual disciplines thatthere are, but if you are doing
those three main ones, yourmind will be renewed.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Your life will change .
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Your life will change and restoration will take place
.
And again, it doesn't happen inthe blink of an eye.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
No.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
You know, I think about somebody, an example that
comes to mind, somebody that'swanting their finances to be
restored.
They pray, you know God,restore my finances.
I'm tired of living paycheck topaycheck.
I'm tired of not having this,I'm tired of not having that,
(28:01):
I'm tired of not having that.
God, restore my finances.
And they're praying for thatand they're not seeing anything.
And they get a check in themail that they weren't expecting
.
Maybe it's a refund onoverpayment of auto insurance or
you know some overpayment oftaxes or something you know.
(28:23):
And their first reaction whenthey get that check in the mail,
I know my first reaction wouldbe we can go out to eat tonight.
We don't have to cook or cleanthe kitchen.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Trust me, crazy, that that's your go to.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
But what you don't realize is, as we are taking our
steps, doing our part in therestoration process by becoming
more Christ-like, by doing thosethings, god is doing his part
too.
He is good and faithful.
That was sent.
(28:57):
You know, was God beginning theprocess?
But maybe we don't see it likethat, because we are expecting
God to do it immediately.
And you know, you get thatlittle check.
Ok, I'm going to put thattowards credit card debt or some
other debt that I have.
Or maybe you're all caught upon your bills and don't have
(29:20):
credit card debt.
I'm going to put that insavings, I'm going to invest it,
I'm going to use it wisely, andwhen God sees you using it
wisely, when you are a goodsteward of those finances, he
will send more.
Steward of those finances, hewill send more.
(29:47):
But I think we have to open oureyes and realize that, hey,
just because we don't see thebig move, just because we don't
see the full restoration,doesn't mean that God isn't
working, doesn't mean that Godisn't in the restoring process
of your life.
And so I just want to closewith a prayer.
Today I feel like closing with aprayer and so, dear God, thank
(30:12):
you for this conversation thatwe've had today.
Thank you for being such aloving and graceful God that you
would forgive us of our sins,that you would send your son to
die on the cross so that we canbe saved.
I pray that if people arestruggling, that they would turn
to you and that they would lookto you for all the answers.
They would look to your word.
(30:33):
Father, help us to be more likeyou.
We praise you and we thank youfor your love, for your
restoration, for everything thatyou give to us.
In Jesus' name, I pray.
Amen.
Amen you were listening to therestored podcast with frank and
(31:15):
darcy montgomery.
Thank you to the Restored Podcast with Frank and
Darcy Montgomery.
So when we talk aboutrestoration, we are talking
about something being restoredand that means that it's being
(00:40):
brought back to its originalcondition.
I think when God restoressomething, he brings it back to
the condition that he originallycreated it for.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Wow, I've never thought about it that way, but
that's a good perspective.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
So I think we should name this episode the Road to
Restoration, because we're goingto talk about you know what
that restoration looks like?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
And what it needs to occur.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And where it begins.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Is repentance Honest, true repentance, true
repentance.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
And maybe somebody's listening that is not a
Christian or doesn't know whatrepentance is.
And first of all I would saythat we have, and this is gospel
.
This is the gospel.
We have to admit that we aresinners in need of a Savior.
(01:44):
We have to believe that we aresinners in need of a Savior.
We have to believe that JesusChrist is Lord, he is God in
flesh and he died on the crossfor our sins.
He made that ultimate sacrificefor us and then we have to
confess those sins and wheneverwe confess those sins, we ask
for forgiveness and we repent ofthose sins.
(02:06):
And to repent means that youturn your back on, you turn away
from, but that is absolutelyfirst in the restoration process
.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
And so.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
And when we truly repent, that means to walk away
from and change.
I mean we have to make aconscious effort to change.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Right.
It doesn't mean that you'renever going to do that again.
Your desire should be that younever do that again, but chances
are you're going to screw up,you're going to mess up.
We live in a fallen world.
We are flesh.
Our flesh desires things thatmaybe aren't pleasing to God,
(02:59):
but we have to continually be inthat mindset of I don't want to
do that.
It's not.
You know, for so long Istruggled with pornography
You're well aware of that and Iwould ask for forgiveness.
And then I would find myselfdoing it again later that day,
(03:22):
or the next day, or you know,and it just seemed like this
evil cycle of I'm asking forforgiveness, but yet I keep
doing it.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
And how did you get past that, and how did you
finally repent, to where that'snot an issue anymore?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Well, first of all, I had to recognize that, even
though I was asking forforgiveness, I felt like I was
beginning to abuse the grace ofGod, and Paul teaches us in his
(04:04):
writings that grace abounds, butthat doesn't mean that we keep
sinning.
That grace is there.
I would feel condemned.
(04:26):
You just don't lay there inthat condemnation and say, oh,
that's who I am, that's who I'malways going to be.
That grace gives you thefreedom to pick yourself back up
.
Yes, I messed up.
God still loves me, god stillsees me as righteous and
(04:48):
whenever I ask for forgiveness,he forgives, he forgets about it
and you move on.
Our mind wants to stay in that.
So when I realized truly whatgrace was and that just because
(05:11):
I mess up doesn't mean that'swho I am and that's who I'm
always going to be pretty easy.
But it also happened where Ibegan filling my mind with other
stuff.
(05:32):
Whenever I had an alone timewith my phone and my first
instinct would be hey, let's gosee what's new on this website.
I would open up the Bible app,or I would turn on worship music
, or I would pray.
I would spend that.
(05:52):
You know, whenever thattemptation came, I would turn to
God instead of turning in tothat temptation, and that's what
we have to do as Christians.
We're called to be Christ-like,and in order to be Christ-like,
you have to know Christ right.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
So, in order to know Christ how do you get to know
Christ?
You spend time with him,whenever.
We were dating for that verybrief period, but even after we
were dating, to get to know eachother, we spent time together.
We spent learning each other,getting to know what you like,
(06:37):
what you dislike, and so that'swhat you do with Christ.
And the way you do that is byreading the word of God, reading
the Bible.
You want to know what God islike.
Read the Bible.
It's all there, from Genesis toRevelation.
You want to spend time with him, pray with him, pray to him,
(07:04):
talk to him, allow him pray withhim.
Pray to him, talk to him, allowhim to talk to you, spend time
in worship.
And when you do those things,you know.
The Bible tells us to renew ourmind, and I don't know the exact
study that was done, but therewas a study done not too long
(07:27):
ago that proves you can changethe neural pathways in your
brain, the way your brain reactsto things when you do things,
and we look at those, maybe, ashabits, saying that once you do
(07:51):
something for 14 days in a row,it becomes a habit.
Well, what you're doing bydoing those things 14 days in a
row is you are changing yourneural pathways in your brain to
where that becomes automaticfor you.
Your brain automatically saysI'm going to read my Bible.
Your brain automatically sayswhen you get angry, I'm not
(08:12):
going to react in rage.
Your neural pathways say whenyou see me, I'm talking personal
.
Right here, when you see awoman walking down the road
scantily clad.
Right here, when you see awoman walking down the road
scantily clad, instead ofthinking impure thoughts,
because you've changed thoseneural pathways in your brain,
(08:33):
you don't think that anymore.
And that's what it means tobecome Christ-like and that's
what I really think repentanceis about.
We say repent and you're nevergoing to do it again.
Well, fact of the matter isyou're going to do it again Now,
(08:54):
hopefully, if you're repentantfrom something, what we would
consider on earth to be horriblemurder, horrible murder, ie.
Hopefully.
You know you don't do thatagain.
But you know, oftentimes it'sthose little things.
It's how you react in anger.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
I mean it could be as simple as an attitude or a
mindset that needs to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
And so I think, when people are praying for
restoration and they are notseeing that restorative power of
God take place in their lives,my first thought to them would
be take a look at yourself.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Do a heart check.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
What is in your life that is preventing you from
growing closer to God?
What in your life is preventingyou from being more
Christ-alike?
And again, it might not besomething major.
It might be something as youknow defiance, rebellion.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Right and I have struggled with that and I had to
repent from that and I had to,like you said, fill my mind and
my heart with the word music andprayer.
And when I did that, thingsstarted changing.
And not only that, I gotexcited about those habits that
(10:28):
you were talking about.
Like I get excited to read theBible every morning, and before
it was a chore.
So God changed that in me tohelp me draw closer to him, to
fully repent and start my pathto restoration.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
But even when it felt like a chore for you, you still
did it.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
And I mean that's what we're talking about
renewing your mind on a dailybasis, living in that repent,
repentful state.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
A lifestyle of repentance.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
I was trying to say that, but you got the words that
couldn't come to my mind.
You live that lifestyle ofrepentance and understand that
there will come a time when youmake a mistake, but it doesn't
mean you wanted to make thatmistake, and so that is the
(11:36):
first step to restoration.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
And that conviction and condemnation you talked
about.
It shouldn't be condemnation,it should just be conviction to
help you fix that problem.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Right, god will convict, the Holy Spirit will
convict you.
The Holy Spirit will nevercondemn you If you are feeling
condemned, if you are feelingcondemnation that is 1,000% from
the enemy.
Yes, god will never condemn you.
And it goes back to what wewere talking about earlier.
(12:07):
It's that grace that when Godconvicts you, that grace to
understand.
He's convicting me of thatbecause he doesn't like that,
but he's not condemning me.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Right and I just want to make sure that was
understood that God does notbring condemnation, he brings
conviction.
The enemy brings condemnation.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So you have to go through that repentance for
restoration to even begin.
And most of the time, you know,the first thing that's restored
is our relationship with Christthrough salvation.
But other things might need tobe restored because sin has
destroyed them.
And so it begins with thatrepentance and you trying to be
(12:57):
more Christ-like.
And I wanted to get intosomething that I think everybody
struggles with, whether youbelieve it or not, and I think
it goes hand in hand withrepentance.
So I grew up Every day with myparents, at nighttime we would
(13:24):
read the Bible and we would praybefore bedtime and my mom would
pray her prayer.
But before she prayed her prayer, us kids would say the Lord's
Prayer.
And we did that every day.
And as I've gotten older andI've studied more, and you know,
(13:44):
in Matthew 6, where the Lord'sPrayer is, jesus is saying and
when you pray, pray like this.
But I think it goes much deeperthan him just telling us how to
pray.
I think there's moresignificance to it.
And if you look in there, partof the prayer is forgive us our
(14:09):
trespasses.
We're asking God to forgive usof our sins.
But right after that, as weforgive those who trespass
against us, so as we are askingGod to forgive us of our sins,
we in turn have to be forgivingother people of what they've
(14:30):
done to us, and when you don'tdo that, that unforgiveness in
your life takes a hold of you.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
And it can destroy so much.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
It can destroy so much because it's like a cancer.
If you have that unforgivenessin you, it'll spread.
It'll spread to other parts ofyour life.
It'll become anger inside ofyou.
It'll become you know lustinside.
Bitterness, resentment, you nameit.
That unforgiveness will morphand spread.
(15:08):
It's like a cancer in your body.
If it goes untreated.
If it goes, you know you justignoring, hey, there's something
in your body that's not goodfor it it'll spread and it'll
take over and it'll, you know,methodically go through and you
know, take over different organsand just spread throughout your
(15:29):
whole body.
And that's the same thing thatunforgiveness does.
If you leave that unforgivenessthere and do not treat it, it
will spread, it will take overyour body and it'll cause you to
do things that you don't wantto do.
Like you said, it'll cause youto become bitter and angry.
(15:49):
And when I think aboutunforgiveness, I think about my
own life and how thatunforgiveness for so long caused
me to be an angry person.
Long caused me to be an angryperson.
(16:10):
I had gone through life tellingmyself that I had forgiven my
biological mom and her boyfriendat the time for things that
happened whenever I was younger.
But in reality I hadn'tforgiven them at all.
What I had done was push itdown inside of me and try to
block it from my remembrance.
And I remember at times after Iwould blow up and things had
(16:38):
calmed down and you and I weretalking and you would bring that
up and I would get mad againand say you can't do that.
You can't bring that up becauseI have forgiven them, I've
moved on, but in reality Ihadn't.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
And I knew that.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
And so a lot of people think that unforgiveness
means that you're going to bereconciled with that person, and
I think deep down in my life,in my heart, that's what I
thought it meant to forgive, andin no way did I want to be
reconciled with my biologicalmom.
(17:19):
I had a mom and dad who lovedme, who chose me, who took me in
, who raised me, who taught meright from wrong, and I felt
like, if I forgave my biologicalmom, that I had to be
reconciled to her.
Don't get me wrong God is a Godof reconciliation and if I am
(17:53):
living Christ-like, as I shouldbe, I feel like God's dealing
with me right now, because I dofeel like I am at a point to
where I could be reconciled inthat relationship.
But unforgiveness doesn't meanthat you're reconciled to a
certain relationship, and Ithink that prevents people from
(18:17):
forgiving somebody.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
And forgiveness.
When you do forgive, you haveto make that choice and
intentionally, I am going toforgive this person and then
pray blessings over them.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Right.
You're giving that hurt thatthey caused you.
You're giving that hurt to God.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
And so when you give that hurt to God, you are not
going to dwell on it anymore,you are not going to think about
it anymore.
Now Satan will be in your earquick.
Remember what sister, so-and-sodid to you.
Remember what your mom'sboyfriend did to you and how
(18:58):
your mom reacted.
I would hear that all the time.
And so when you forgive, you'regiving that to God and you're
saying God, it's yours, I'm nolonger going to be hurt by it,
I'm no longer going to feelthose feelings that I felt from
(19:20):
that for all those years.
And one of the ways, like yousaid, is to pray blessings over
that person.
If you are struggling toforgive somebody, simply start
in your prayer life by prayingfor them, praying for blessings
to come to them.
Pray for their finances to beblessed.
(19:42):
Pray for their health to beblessed.
Pray for their health to beblessed.
Pray for their marriage to beblessed.
Pray for their job situation tobe blessed.
Pray for everything theirfamily to be blessed.
And you pray for them to beblessed the same way as you are
praying for your own self, thesame way that you pray.
God bless my family.
God bless my finances.
(20:02):
God bless my finances.
God bless my job, bless this,bless that.
Pray for them the same way thatyou would pray for yourself.
And if you were struggling withunforgiveness, after a little
while of praying those honestprayers to God to bless that
person, you'll stop holding onto that.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
And you actually get into living a lifestyle of
forgiveness to where things donot offend you.
You do not get hurt easily.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Right.
And I mean we're called to beChrist-like and if you look at
the nature of Christ, at thenature of God, his nature is to
forgive.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
And the Bible talks a lot about forgiveness all over
the place.
At the nature of Christ, at thenature of God, his nature is to
forgive.
And the Bible talks a lot aboutforgiveness all over the place
and gives examples, One thingthat comes to my mind.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It's not biblical, but, you know, throughout our
marriage you would reach out todifferent people to try and help
me.
And one of our former pastorsbecame aware of our relationship
and how it was and he begancounseling me.
(21:17):
And one of the things that hetold me to do was to write a
letter to my biological mom,Write a letter to her, Tell her
all about how I feel, how I felt, all those things.
And I didn't do that at thetime.
But later on, whenever I wasgoing through the BIP class and
(21:38):
the you know it, just it cameback to my remembrance that
Randall had told me to do thatall those years ago, and so I
did that.
I wrote a letter in the officeone night after BIP class to my
biological mom.
Now, I never sent it to her.
(21:59):
She has no idea that thatletter ever existed, but I wrote
it.
I got those emotions out of meand onto paper how I felt about
her, how I felt about the wholesituation.
Now that letter is long gone.
I burned it a few days later inthe fire pit.
(22:20):
But I would recommend, ifsomebody is struggling with
something that they're holdingon to, you know, write a letter
to that person, you don't haveto mail it to them, you don't
have to give it to them.
But what it does is it getsthose emotions that you're
feeling, it gets it out of yourbody.
You've expressed those emotions, You've expressed those
(22:43):
feelings, and then you knowthat's a practical thing that we
can do here on Earth.
But you give it to God and yousay God, it's yours, I can't
carry the weight of this hurtanymore.
(23:04):
Only you can carry that hurt.
So I'm giving it to you now andI'm not going to be hurt by it
any longer.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, I had my own unforgiveness that we struggled
with when we got married.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
You know the relationship with my dad and my
stepmom.
I held on to that.
I did the same thing you did.
I thought I had forgiven it.
I blocked it, I pressed it downand mine came out differently.
I was very withdrawn.
I guess you would say Iwouldn't let anybody get close.
(23:53):
Walls were built up and throughwatching you and seeing you,
seeing how you dealt with it andhow you learned to forgive and
reading the word and consciouslymaking an effort, I was able to
.
Now I live in a lifestyle offorgiveness.
(24:14):
I don't get offended anymore.
I was easily offended and Idon't live with that anymore.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
You still get offended.
I mean, it's our naturalinstinct.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Right, but it's not like it was.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Not to get offended but you can handle it
differently when that immediatereaction because, again, going
back to our flesh, we are areflesh and our flesh wants to
react certain ways.
But you know, I've seen it,I've seen it in you and I'm sure
(24:48):
if I took a better look atmyself I would see it in myself
at times I see it in you butI've seen it to where you know.
That first immediate reaction Ican see is Darcy was just
offended by that person, butthen within a few minutes a few
(25:11):
minutes, your attitudes change,and what that is is that's the
Holy Spirit coming in andreminding you.
Hey, you are forgiven, Forgive.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Right and, like I said, I try to constantly walk
in that lifestyle of forgiveness, because before my cutoff game
was strong, I would holdresentment.
Yeah, it wasn't a healthy place.
It wasn't a godly place to beplace to be.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
I really, I really like where we're at right now in
this podcast, and I think thatthis podcast may be a little
shorter I don't know, I'm notsure about the length of time it
is.
It feels a little shorter, butI think we're at a good stopping
point and just to go back over.
In order for restoration tobegin, it has to start with
(26:13):
repentance, that repentance inour heart and in our life and
that become a lifestyle ofrepentance and then, through
that repentance, we are tryingto be more Christ-like on a
daily basis.
And if you're doing thosethings, your behaviors will
(26:35):
change.
You know, you learn, and that'swhere it comes into.
We have to do our part that'sour part is to change our
behaviors.
God will help us if we're doingthose things, those biblical
chores, as you like to.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I call them biblical disciplines, spiritual
disciplines.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
If you're doing those spiritual disciplines, you are
spending time in the Word of God, you are praying to God, and
not just praying to God, butcommunicating with God, talking
to God and allowing Him to talkto you, and you're worshiping.
If you're doing those spiritualdisciplines and we can get into
(27:17):
more spiritual disciplines thatthere are, but if you are doing
those three main ones, yourmind will be renewed.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Your life will change .
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Your life will change and restoration will take place
.
And again, it doesn't happen inthe blink of an eye.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
No.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
You know, I think about somebody, an example that
comes to mind, somebody that'swanting their finances to be
restored.
They pray, you know God,restore my finances.
I'm tired of living paycheck topaycheck.
I'm tired of not having this,I'm tired of not having that,
(28:01):
I'm tired of not having that.
God, restore my finances.
And they're praying for thatand they're not seeing anything.
And they get a check in themail that they weren't expecting
.
Maybe it's a refund onoverpayment of auto insurance or
you know some overpayment oftaxes or something you know.
(28:23):
And their first reaction whenthey get that check in the mail,
I know my first reaction wouldbe we can go out to eat tonight.
We don't have to cook or cleanthe kitchen.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Trust me, crazy, that that's your go to.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
But what you don't realize is, as we are taking our
steps, doing our part in therestoration process by becoming
more Christ-like, by doing thosethings, god is doing his part
too.
He is good and faithful.
That was sent.
(28:57):
You know, was God beginning theprocess?
But maybe we don't see it likethat, because we are expecting
God to do it immediately.
And you know, you get thatlittle check.
Ok, I'm going to put thattowards credit card debt or some
other debt that I have.
Or maybe you're all caught upon your bills and don't have
(29:20):
credit card debt.
I'm going to put that insavings, I'm going to invest it,
I'm going to use it wisely, andwhen God sees you using it
wisely, when you are a goodsteward of those finances, he
will send more.
Steward of those finances, hewill send more.
(29:47):
But I think we have to open oureyes and realize that, hey,
just because we don't see thebig move, just because we don't
see the full restoration,doesn't mean that God isn't
working, doesn't mean that Godisn't in the restoring process
of your life.
And so I just want to closewith a prayer.
Today I feel like closing with aprayer and so, dear God, thank
(30:12):
you for this conversation thatwe've had today.
Thank you for being such aloving and graceful God that you
would forgive us of our sins,that you would send your son to
die on the cross so that we canbe saved.
I pray that if people arestruggling, that they would turn
to you and that they would lookto you for all the answers.
They would look to your word.
(30:33):
Father, help us to be more likeyou.
We praise you and we thank youfor your love, for your
restoration, for everything thatyou give to us.
In Jesus' name, I pray.
Amen.
Amen you were listening to therestored podcast with frank and
(31:15):
darcy montgomery.
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