November 23, 2025 • 39 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
In this powerful episode, Alain Dumonceaux, host of The Revolutionary Man Movement, delves into the often-overlooked aspect of true leadership within the home. Joined by Mitchell Osmond, leadership advisor and founder of Dad Nation, the conversation unpacks the painful tension many men feel between career success and personal struggle. Highlights include Mitchell's personal transformation from hitting rock bottom. These pivotal moments spurred change, the importance of physical fitness in leadership, and actionable steps for men seeking to break generational cycles and rekindle family connections. Don't miss the practical tools and heartfelt discussion aimed at helping men lead with power, integrity, and impact.
Key moments in this episode:
01:43 Meet Mitchell Osmond: A Journey of Transformation
05:58 Rebuilding and Finding Purpose
14:53 The Power of Connection: The Connection Code
19:02 The Importance of Fitness and Mindset
21:22 Building Self-Confidence and Respect
26:23 Choosing Your Hard: Embracing Challenges
28:01 Breaking Generational Cycles
31:28 Leaving a Legacy
34:54 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
How to reach Mitchell:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dadnationco
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mitchell-osmond-5a07a210a/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/mitchellosmond/
Free Course: The Connection Code
Podcast: The Dad Nation Podcast
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. For more information about our programs, please use the links below to learn more about us. It could be the step that changes your life.
👉To join our movement:
⛰The Integrity Challenge
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
Allow me to ask just a couple of questions to get our
day started.
What does true leadership looklike?
Not in your business, but inyour home.
And when was the last time thatyou looked in the mirror and
truly like the man staring backat you?
If you've ever felt that winningin your career was all that it
was supposed to be, but thenfalling totally short where it
(00:24):
matters most, then I think thisepisode might be for you.
So in order to do that, hitsubscribe, like, and share this
podcast because there's going tobe someone else other than just
you listening today thatprobably is going to need to
hear this message.
And if we can do that, then I'msure we can start working from
the inside out today.
And with that, let's get on withtoday's episode.
SPEAKER_00 (00:48):
The average man today is sleepwalking through
life.
Many never reaching their truepotential, let alone never
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs, and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align himself forgreatness.
(01:10):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
Welcome back, friends.
My name is Alan DeMonson.
I'm the host and the founder ofthe Revolutionary Man movement.
And we're here to help lead menwith power, at an impact, and
with integrity.
And before the break, I asked acouple of tough but really
important questions about whatit really means to lead home in
the same intensity that we wouldlead our life at work.
And so today's episode is forany man who's ever felt that
(01:39):
painful tension between publicsuccess and private struggle.
And to help us unpack this, I'mjoined by Mitchell Osman, and
he's a leadership advisor,podcast host, and founder of the
DAD Nation and Mitchell'spersonal transformation from
rock bottom to redefiningpowerful fatherhood and marriage
can what that can totally looklike.
And he's inspired tens ofthousands of men from around the
(02:01):
world.
And so allow me to welcomeMitchell to the show.
How are things, brother?
SPEAKER_02 (02:06):
Thank you for having me on the show today, Alan.
Things are going great andlooking forward to having a
coven, having a powerfulconversation with another
Canadian.
It's going to be great, man.
SPEAKER_01 (02:16):
So thanks for having me.
Brother, really looking forwardto this.
And here at the RevolutionaryMan, we always talk about all of
us being on our own version of ahero's quest.
And so tell me about that deathand rebirth moment in your life
when that really was someopportunity for you to change
the way you perceived yourselfand into the man that you are
today.
SPEAKER_02 (02:37):
Yeah, this it's a great place to start.
I think a lot of people wonderwhat was your transformation
moment, what was your turningpoint?
And for me, there were two keypivotal moments.
One was a fight, and one was afuneral.
Okay.
So let me start with the fight.
I want you to picture me and mywife were sitting in the living
room, and it all hit the fan.
We had a big fight about money.
(02:58):
It morphed into a fight about meworking too much, and it went on
from topic to topic.
And at this point, we had beenmarried for about three years,
and it was a hard three years ofstruggling.
But today, this fight was ourrock bottom.
We had never used the worddivorce.
This day we did.
This was different.
I felt like I couldn't fix thisone.
(03:18):
And deep down I knew that ifsomething didn't change, then
this was gonna be over.
Now, to give you to back up andgive you a little more context,
I was recently let go from asenior leadership position.
And my career was everything asmen, we can identify with that.
It was my calling, it was myidentity.
I spiraled into depression.
I was 60 pounds overweight.
We were a hundred grand in debt,medicating with drugs and
(03:40):
alcohol, just trying to cope.
And I was getting dangerouslyclose to divorce, like I talked
about.
I was losing hope, stressed out,checked out, burned out.
And I had seen so much successprofessionally and in
leadership, Alan, but in like ingrowing organizations and all
those things.
But why couldn't I figure out mylife personally?
Why was it I was so powerful atwork, but powerless at home?
(04:01):
Maybe your listeners have beenthere.
I want to take it back a stepeven more.
I was raised in a verydysfunctional home.
I had a non-existentrelationship with my father.
Alcoholism, drugs, and crimewere littered throughout my
family growing up.
And so I was caught in themiddle of it all.
I knew where I came from and Iknew I wanted something
different for my life, but Icould feel myself getting pulled
back into the trauma of mychildhood and making the same
(04:25):
mistakes my family made and myfather made and his father made.
And when I would yell, I couldhear his voice in mine.
And at times it felt like I wastwo different people trapped in
the same body.
I could lead board meetings andI could do all that stuff.
But when I came home, I didn'tknow how to talk to my own wife.
It was a there was a dualitythat I was experiencing that was
(04:45):
tearing me apart.
Now, the second turning, thesecond part of my story was the
funeral.
And that was about a week afterthis big fight we had.
And so I was invited to sing atthe funeral of this wealthy,
philanthropic man.
And after hearing about theman's accomplishments and all
that he had done, I was puttingon my guitar, getting ready to
(05:05):
sing the last song.
And the minister asked thecongregation, the people at the
funeral, he said, Are you livinga life worthy of imitation?
If you were to die tomorrow,would you be proud of the legacy
that you left?
And Alan, as I began to try tosing the last lyrics, the lyrics
of that last song, I couldbarely choke at the lyrics
because all I could think was,if this were my funeral, then no
(05:29):
one would be saying, I want themarriage that he had, or I want
to live like he did.
I want the how to be a presentfather like he was.
They would probably say at thatpoint he struggled, his life was
hard, and then it ended.
And that's the thing withfunerals is people told stories
of this man, and that's what wedo because at the end, that's
all we have left.
(05:49):
And so I was determined that daywhen I left that funeral that I
would rewrite my story, not justfor me, but for my family.
I committed to writing newchapters, and I know it sounds
intense, but I knew that Ineeded to die to the man that I
was in order to become the manthat I knew I needed to be for
my family.
And if I wanted to, if I wanteddifferent results, I had to make
(06:13):
different decisions.
It's like Einstein's olddefinition of insanity.
It's doing the same thing andexpecting different results.
And so after that point, Istarted to surround myself with
men who were living where Iwanted to go.
These men, like my ceiling, wastheir floor.
Where I ended, they began.
And they gathered around me.
They held me accountable to thethings that I said I wanted.
(06:34):
They they encouraged me,celebrated with me in my
victories, and also stood withme in my losses.
They showed me what waspossible, not just how to do it,
but helped me to see it formyself.
And within 18 months, within ayear and a half, paid off 100
grand of debt, completelyrestored our marriage, lost the
60 pounds, and I was clean,focused, sober, and just ready
(06:58):
to go, focused and on fire, man.
And so, really, that was theturning point.
And then I just started helpingfriends of mine, buddies who
were having a hard time withfinancially earned their
marriage with the practices andsystems that I used.
And then so someone challengedme.
A mentor said, Hey, if youreally want to have impact, you
should start a podcast.
All right, so then I launched aDad Nation podcast.
And then within six months orso, I had listeners around North
(07:21):
America, and then they wouldreach out and say, Hey, could
you help me?
Can I hire you to coach me withthis?
And so I figured out how tolaunch a coaching business and I
started helping men all overNorth America in the same things
that I saw transformation in.
Because I help high-performingmen or career-driven men reclaim
their home, their health, andtheir happiness.
(07:41):
And so that's how I started todo this, how I got here.
And man, to bring it full circleat the end of the day, for me,
what's what does it look likefor me to live a life worthy of
imitation is a life that isdedicated to helping other men
end those generational cyclesand show up powerfully at home,
like they do at work, to restoremarriages and to restore
(08:01):
families.
And so that's how I got here,man.
SPEAKER_01 (08:04):
Man, what a powerful story, Mitchell, to open us up
today with this conversation.
And I was furiously writing downnotes as you'll catch me do this
throughout our episode.
And some so many truth bombsthere.
And the first one that I wasable to jot down was how
attached we are as men in ouridentity to what we do for a
living than who we are asindividuals.
(08:25):
And your story resonates deeplywith me because I had the same
similar experience in my 30s asa successful chef and having a
great external life, but it costme everything at home.
I wasn't as fortunate at thattime to save and salvage my
marriage.
But it was such a pivotal pointthat it forced me to really look
(08:47):
at the man in the mirror andchange.
And so thank you so much forbringing that forward because I
still think even today, we stillat times focus on one aspect of
our life.
And maybe it isn't just on thework, maybe it is all about
home.
And I still think that can be atrap in and of itself that we
lose ourselves.
And I think that's what you'rereally saying is getting lost in
(09:08):
something.
We can take that step back.
And right, and so many of us arefeeling like we're juggling all
this stuff.
So, what do you have to say thento those high-achieving leaders
who really do feel successful intheir personal in their business
life, but they are powerless athome?
What would be a step forward forthem?
SPEAKER_02 (09:26):
Yeah, I would say the most important thing we can
do is to begin with the end inmind.
Now, Stephen Covey in his book,The Heavy Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People, chapter two,is dedicated to beginning with
the end in mind.
Napoleon Hill, one of the mostfamous thought leaders of our
time, begin with the end ofmind.
My funeral moment, you know, wasme beginning with the end of
mind, literally.
(09:46):
And so I would say, well, nowwhy is that so important?
It's because you cannot escapetruth.
You cannot escape raw honesty.
And that honesty, that truth isthat one day you will take a
final breath.
When you take that final breath,how will you feel about the life
that you lived?
So, questions like, what do youwant to be known for?
(10:09):
So, for example, I take all ofmy clients through a eulogy
writing exercise where theyactually write their eulogy for
their partner, their wife, ortheir children.
What would they say about you asthey stood over your coffin and
your memorial service?
Today, what would they say?
And now let's write a version2.0 about if you were 100% the
(10:30):
man you wanted to be, and thenyou knew you could be, write it
again because therein lies thetension is the man that we are
currently and the man that weknow we could be if we really
went all in.
And this gap that's what eats usalive.
And though that that I think isa great place to begin of like
getting raw and honest.
(10:51):
And I ask like a lot of myclients, man.
90% of the guys I ask, like,what do you want?
They don't know, right?
They have no idea.
They're like, I just I spent thelast 15 years building this
business.
You know, I don't know my kids.
I'd love to know my kids.
My wife doesn't respect me.
I'd love to gain her respectagain.
Okay, so let's talk about thatthen.
(11:12):
Because what you're wanting,what you say you want, is
different than what your actionsare telling your family and the
world.
And there's a disconnect becauseyou're saying you want this,
closeness at home, all thosedifferent things, but yet your
actions say all you care aboutis work.
And so let's actually get someclarity here and begin with the
end in mind and get raw andhonest about what truly matters
(11:34):
to you the most.
Because I'll tell you what, inevery single time I've done this
exercise with men, never oncedid they write in their eulogy
that they wanted their wife totalk about how many businesses
they built or how many milliondollars they made.
Never once.
Or they're they they nevertalked about how they want their
kids to build their empire.
(11:55):
It was it's all about how he waspresent and how he loved them
and how he built into them andhow he gave back to his family
and his community.
But those aren't the things thatwe focus on in the day to day.
And so for me, that that isalways a very powerful place to
begin.
Another question outside of whatdo you want is what do you want
(12:15):
to be known for?
Which is a very more uh morespecific question of whether
it's your buddies at a barhaving a pint, thinking about
you, or whether your wife istalking to her girlfriends or
your colleague or your boss.
What do you want to be knownfor?
Do you want to be known for asthe person who shows up, who's a
man of his word, who loves hiskids fiercely, who cherishes his
wife, or do you want to be knownfor someone who made a lot of
(12:39):
money but was empty?
Because here was another thingthat I was faced with, Alan, in
this whole pivotal point, thisturning point for me, because I
had this realization of what'sthe point of all this leadership
and all this influence and thiswealth if I'm gonna be sitting
around the Christmas tree alonethis year.
Yeah, and that was a realitythat that was very close to me
(13:02):
with my family celebrating inthe house that we built
together, and I'm renting out anapartment down the street alone,
you know.
Is that what I want?
And so you can't, that'svisceral, man.
That's raw, and you can't getaway from that.
And so when men get honest,begin with the end in mind, that
is really what draws people inand helps them get clarity or at
(13:24):
least start taking the steps.
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01 (13:26):
Completely.
And that makes so much sense.
And for us, we apply a similarprocess.
And what I do is take themthrough a values and a belief
exercise.
The purpose of it is, and youmentioned in here this for them
to recognize the disconnect.
I say that I value five myfamily and that I care for them.
Okay, how do your actions alignwith that?
(13:47):
Oh, I haven't spent any timewith them.
And when the reality sets inabout how we start, how we're
actually showing up, what wethink we stand for is very
different in some aspects of ourlife.
And so starting there is a greatplace.
I always say men are ready forchange when we're ready to
accept where we are and takeresponsibility for where we are
(14:10):
in life, because all thedecisions, everything we've
done, every every action we'vetaken has led us to where we are
today.
Then you got to takeresponsibility for who you are.
You are that man.
You're the man that made thosedecisions.
And like you said, to moveforward, now take responsibility
for who the man you want tobecome.
And I always like them to finishthe sentence, I'm the kind of
(14:33):
man who.
And then whatever you put at theend of that sentence is your
intention for how you're goingto live that day, that moment,
that week, that year.
And so I think it's really greatthat we use these types of
frameworks, frames to help ushelp men understand, because
that's how we're wired, isn'tit?
That we have this.
And you have a great one.
You call the connection code.
(14:53):
And I just thought if we couldunpack that a little bit, but
what it is and how are you usingthat to help men really reignite
the marriages?
SPEAKER_02 (15:00):
Yeah.
Oh man, thanks for asking thatquestion because I think it's a
really helpful tool.
And so if you're listening todayand to the show, it's just a
free gift that I want to giveyou.
And like Alan said, it's calledthe Connection Code.
It's 50 questions that can sparkthe fun and bring the fire back
in your relationship.
Now, these are tried, tested,and true.
They cover everything from yourdreams, your goals, what you
(15:23):
love to do for fun.
They cover like intimacy, allthat kind of stuff from from the
living room to the bedroom.
You know what I mean?
It's all there.
And so I just tell guys all thetime whether it is you want to
go out on a date, take three orfour questions off the list, or
maybe you put the kids down,pour up a glass of wine, and
grab two or three questions.
But the reason why this is soeffective is because, and we
(15:45):
know this, our partners want tobe, especially like our wives,
or if you're with a woman, shewants to be connected in an
emotional way.
We know this is a crazystatistic, though.
We know 70% of all divorces inthe United States today are
initiated by women.
Okay.
That's correct.
Now, in situations where thewife is a high earner or she's
(16:06):
she's educated, that statisticjumps to 90%.
Okay, nine out of 10 divorcesare initiated by women.
Then of those divorces, 80% ofthe time, it's because the wife
feels emotionally disconnectedfrom the man, that he's
emotionally unavailable, that hedoesn't understand how to
connect with her on that kind oflevel.
(16:27):
And so, what does all this tellus?
Well, it tells us that westatistically we've got some
work to do.
You know what I mean?
And we talk about ownership, andso that's exactly why I created
this tool to be like, hey, it'snot the 30s and 40s and 50s
anymore.
We're in the 2020s, okay?
We have tools and resources, andthis is another one, and it's
gonna help literally.
(16:48):
I give it to you on a silverplatter to ask this question at
this time.
And I tell you, Alan, I getpeople, I get women reaching out
to me all the time being like,this thing changed everything
for us.
My husband connected with me somuch more powerfully than and
than he ever has, and it's apowerful tool, it's so simple,
(17:09):
and that's the thing.
We're we're wired backwards whenwe talk about masculinity versus
femininity.
The men women want to beconnected with emotionally
before they can become physical.
Men are the opposite, and youknow this.
We need to be connected withphysically before we can connect
emotionally, and so we literallygo at this backwards, right?
And so this tool helps men speakher language and to connect more
(17:34):
powerfully.
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01 (17:36):
Absolutely, and it's a powerful tool.
I really love the questions.
We actually were using some ofthat the the other night.
So, one of the things we try todo as a couple, not try to do,
we actually have it scheduled isthat this every second Friday,
one of us is responsible for adate night.
And it's more than just dinnerin a movie, it's to go do
something different.
And so we've gone and we'vetaken dancing lessons and we've
(17:57):
done other things.
So, this one happened to be anopportunity for us to practice
really connecting and gettinggetting in into stuff, stuff
that's far deeper than what ourtypical conversation is.
How's your day?
How's things going?
We always do a check-in on ascale one to ten.
How's the relate?
How's the relationship going?
If it's anything less than aseven, what can I do?
(18:18):
That be after a while becamevery rote for us and it was less
meaningful.
So seeing this tool and startingto apply it, I can tell you has
been outstanding and really beena big benefit.
So I appreciate that you've donethat work.
SPEAKER_02 (18:30):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm glad you've enjoyed it, man.
And you can put the link in theshow notes below, or you can
just go to the my website,dadnationco.com forward slash
code, and get it there.
SPEAKER_01 (18:38):
Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_02 (18:39):
We're gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:40):
The other thing you talked about in the intro there
is about losing weight as well,right?
And how that you're 60 poundsoverweight and you need to get
your yourself into shape.
And I see that as men as well.
It's one of the things that wetend to also forget is that if
we can't even lead ourselvesphysically, how can we expect to
lead others?
(19:00):
And so that was a hard lessonfor me to learn.
It's one of the things that wasvery challenging for me.
I cannot be counted on my own tomanage my physical fitness
today, which is why I ultimatelymade the jump to hire a fitness
coach.
And I can tell you it's been thebest decision in my life.
And so let's talk about why it'sso important that the from a
(19:21):
fitness aspect, how not is itjust about transforming how you
look and feel, but how thatreally changes the mindset and
it mindset, I should say, andimpacts your marriage.
SPEAKER_02 (19:32):
Yeah, man.
Wow, that's so good.
And first of all,congratulations on taking your
taking ownership of your fitnessbecause that's huge.
All of my clients have a customtraining plan and a custom
nutrition plan, and that I buildfor them because fitness and
physical health is so much morethan physical.
In fact, I would say physical islike the smallest part of this.
(19:55):
The reason why is there's a fewdifferent there's a few
different things.
Let's talk about emotionally,psychologically, and then we'll
talk about our self-confidence,what it does.
So, first of all, theneuroscience doesn't lie about
this.
When you physically exercise,right, if you want to get more
effective in business and to bea stronger leader, not just
(20:15):
physically, you need to trainbecause when you exercise, there
are neurochemicals that arereleased, like norepinephrine,
serotonin, dopamine, so manymore, and then actively lower
cortisol levels, right?
They so what that means is itlowers your stress levels, it
helps you, it increases yourcognitive focus, your cognition,
(20:36):
right?
Your ability to think clearly,boosts your mood.
So many different things that itcan help with outside of simply
getting stronger and losing fat.
Some of my best ideas come aftera run or a workout, right?
So we know that from aneurological perspective, it's
highly advantageous to work outbecause you can handle more
(20:56):
stress, you can think morecreatively, you can be more
strategic, you can be morefocused, all that kind of stuff.
And that has seriousimplications on your
professional career.
But then outside of that, whenwe talk about what it does
psychologically for us, so a bigreason why men find themselves
in a big rut is because they'vebroken promises to themselves,
(21:20):
they've not taken ownership.
Okay, so let's talk a little bitabout self-confidence and
self-respect.
So what happens in marriages andrelationships and why they
deteriorate is because ourspouses lose respect in us,
right, for us, and they loseconfidence in us.
And as a man, our two greatestneeds are to feel respected and
(21:42):
to feel competent, right?
And so the problem is when wedon't follow through on the
things that we said we would do,we lose the confidence and the
respect of our partners.
And so they choose, they don'tnecessarily have the same
respect for us, which means wedon't necessarily feel compelled
to love them and cherish thembecause we don't feel respected,
and then we get caught in thiscycle, which we call the crazy
(22:04):
cycle, right?
But outside of this lack ofrespect in the marriage, what
happens internally is if youdon't make promises and keep
them.
So for example, if I said toyou, Alan, I'm gonna get up at 6
a.m.
every morning or 5 a.m.
and I'm gonna train.
Actually, maybe I didn't eventell you this.
I just made a promise to myself.
(22:26):
I may think no one else knowsthat I didn't actually get up.
So what's the big deal?
But your mind does, yoursubconscious mind does.
And what it does then is itbegins to say things like, Why
should anyone trust you if youcan't even trust yourself, that
you can't get up when you set analarm, or you can't put your
phone down and be present withyour kids.
(22:47):
You can't even trust yourself.
And so what happens is the mindgoes to war, right, with
yourself, and then you begin tolose rapport with yourself,
meaning you lack, you loseconfidence in yourself, right?
And that's if me and you say, ifI said, I'm gonna meet you every
one Thursday morning at 9 a.m.
for a coffee, the first Thursday9 a.m., I I didn't show up until
(23:11):
10.
You'd be like, Oh, that's weird.
But then the next week I showedup at 11, and the third week I
never showed it up at all.
You'd feel pretty you'd loseconfidence in me pretty quickly.
So when we talk aboutconfidence, what we're talking
about here is your ability tofollow through and keep the
promises you made, not just toyourself, but to your partner.
(23:31):
And so this is a challenge weget into when it comes to these
challenges that we face, when itcomes to yeah, our
self-confidence and all thethings we've talked about.
And so the best thing we can doas men is to focus on taking
complete ownership and saying,what are three small promises
that I can make?
And the reason why this happensis because when I get up and I
(23:54):
go to the gym when I said Iwould, or I choose a chicken
salad over the cheeseburger andpoutine when I said I would,
what happens is I began to be, Ibegin to be more self-confident,
right?
Yeah, and so it's as men forthis, we can be very, we're very
practical.
We want strategies, we wanttactics.
This is a great way to restoreour self-confidence by training,
(24:17):
by exercising, right?
And then that gives us moreconfidence to face the other
things in our life, right?
I tell guys all the time if youcan get a new PR in your squat
when you're busting your buttdoing this, you that's the
hardest thing you're gonna doall day.
You can take any meeting afterthat, you know.
If you get up first thing in themorning and challenge yourself
(24:38):
this way, and so and the lastthing I would say is when it
comes to you saying yes toyourself in the morning, that's
the first test, right?
When you get when you see thatalarm go off and you say, Nah,
I'm gonna sleep in, and you sayno to the promise you made or no
to yourself, you'repsychologically setting yourself
(25:00):
up to continue breaking promisesthroughout this whole day
because you started off bysaying no, you started off with
a broken promise, and this ispsychology, right?
But when it comes to physicalfitness and training, that's
what I'm saying.
Like neurologically speaking, wecan we have so much more
capacity for so many morethings, and then it helps build
(25:20):
our self-confidence when wefollow through with the promises
we make.
And then, not to mention, wehappen to get stronger and lose
fat and be healthier.
So, those are some big reasons,in my opinion, why it's
important.
SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
Yeah, those are all powerful reasons, and the
reasons, similar reasons as towhy I decided at this stage to
finally take true action with itand to move forward because it
does, it is a different mindset.
Those little wins for yourselfwhen you don't want to get up
and go and do the work, and youdo it anyways.
And maybe it wasn't the bestworkout, it's not about that.
(25:55):
It's about I actually completedand had the self-discipline, the
awareness to follow through.
And I think as we do that, likeanything, it's a muscle, it does
tend to get stronger and better.
We have better days than others,but we just continue to move
forward.
And I think that's theimportance about why physical
fitness can be one of thosecatalysts to help us move
(26:18):
forward and really reshape ourmindset.
So thank you for much for thatpowerful note.
SPEAKER_02 (26:23):
Yeah, and Alan, real quick, I would say a common
mistake we fall into, andperhaps this is the largest gap
we fall into, is that we'rewaiting for this to be easy.
That we're waiting for life tobe David Data in the book The
Way of Superior Man, he calls itthe great masculine error, is
that thinking that one day we'rejust gonna be able to sit on a
beach and sip a margarita, andwe're just gonna be able to,
(26:46):
everything's gonna make sense.
And so no, that's never gonnahappen.
If you're to be on a desertedisland with umbrella drinks for
the rest of your life, you'd goinsane and you'd have diabetes
pretty quick, right?
So that's not the goal.
And I love there's been verymany variations of this of
choose your heart or choose yourpain.
When you think about it, likehaving a great marriage is hard,
(27:07):
divorce is hard, right?
Being in great shape is hard,being overweight is hard, being
rich is hard, being poor ishard, having great friends and
having great relationships takeswork.
It's hard.
Having no friends is hard,working for someone else is
hard, being an entrepreneur ishard.
(27:29):
Literally, there is no suchthing as easy.
And I tell clients this all thetime: the sooner you can accept
that and embrace it, the sooneryou will be content and you'll
be ready to take full ownership.
But it's not as long as you'restriving for that thing that's
literally impossible, yeah,you're never gonna be content.
And so not falling into thattrap of thinking that it's gonna
(27:50):
be easy or that someone's gonnasave you or that the Calvary is
gonna come, or yeah, you knowwhat I mean?
It's a fallacy.
So, anyways, a little tidbit toadd in there.
SPEAKER_01 (27:58):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that bolt on that wasperfect.
Obviously, as a dad and a coach,you've been helping thousands of
men and helping everyone getrealigned with things, but
there's also this idea of thisreally the weight of this
generational cycles that weface.
And so, what's advice would yougive to you talk to men that
maybe came from a similarsituation as you?
Not necessarily fatherlessness,but dysfunctional homes.
(28:21):
And how would you want to leaddifferently if you're coming out
of that environment?
SPEAKER_02 (28:27):
Yeah, I would say, I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant
here because I'm reallypassionate about this.
I would say understand that youhave so much more significance
and so much more impact than youeven realize.
Okay, so for example, in the UStoday, we know that one in four
kids will grow up without afather in the home.
So there's a lot of parts ofsociety that would say men don't
(28:48):
matter, but the numbers sayotherwise.
Let me share some statisticswith you that'll that should
rattle you.
63% of youth suicides come fromfatherless homes.
90% of homeless and runawaychildren come from fatherless
homes.
85% of kids with behavioraldisorders come from fatherless
homes.
And this last one, 71% of allhigh school dropouts come from
(29:14):
fatherless homes.
And so, what's the truth here?
Our kids need us, our spousesneed us, this world needs us,
and we need each other.
And so, if you don't feel likeyou have the courage or capacity
to end this generational cyclefor you, then do it for your
children, then do it for yourfamily because we know
(29:34):
statistically speaking, ourchildren, there's a high
probability.
I was reading some researcharticles, I think it's like 80%.
We have our children have an 86%chance of adopting the behaviors
and the and our lifestylechoices.
And so what that means is ifyou're listening and you have a
son, there's a high probabilitythat he will become the husband
(29:54):
you are today, right?
If you have a daughter, there'sa very high probability that she
will grow up to.
Crave the affection of a manjust like you, and she'll end up
in a marriage just like you.
I know it, I've seen it in myfamily, I see it in my clients'
families.
And so, what do we do aboutthat?
We know that our kids are gonnado what we do, right?
They're not always gonna do whatwe say, but they're gonna do
(30:16):
what we do.
And so, what should we be doing?
We need to model greatness sothat when that girl comes home,
brings home a guy one day.
If we want her to bring home agreat man one day, we need to
model that greatness so she canrecognize it in other men when
she sees it.
You understand what I mean?
So for me, that's what I say allthe time.
I'm like, you know what?
Again, begin with the end inmind.
(30:37):
Think about your children.
If you can't do it for you, doit for them.
Because at the end of the day,that's the kind of impact you
have that literally what you doimpacts generations.
And the statistics that I read,they don't lie.
So that's an encouragement Iwould share.
SPEAKER_01 (30:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
And completely agree with that.
Is we do need to be the models.
And I was having conversationshere in the last two days with
some folks, and that's waspretty much my core message.
It's about modeling.
How can I, how can we modelsomething different?
The thing that we want to havehappen in our life, how can I be
that's embodying the value orthe idea, the belief that we
(31:13):
have so that it's actually canbe seen, it's physically seen.
And so it's it takes it takeswork to do that, to be that in
the moment to recognize it.
Let's fast forward 10 years fromnow, Mitchell, and think about
where you're today.
You talked earlier in thepodcast about legacy.
What kind of legacy do you hopeto leave for yourself?
SPEAKER_02 (31:35):
You know what, Alan?
No one's ever asked me thatquestion.
I don't think I've thought a lotabout it, but I'm usually the
guy asking that question.
Man, that's such a goodquestion.
My my mind always goes back toactually let me grab something
here.
I with the my my man, I havethis, I give them these
journals, and it's hard to see.
If you're watching on YouTube,you can see it.
(31:55):
But if you're listening onaudio, the journal on the front
says, What chapter are youwriting today?
And so it's this idea that wecan write new chapters, that
you're not a victim of yourpast, that you get to write new
chapters, that you get to writeyour story.
I have a framework called theauthor's advantage, meaning that
we actually do this in reverse.
(32:16):
We start with the future, createa very clear future, a clear
picture of what we want ourfuture to look like, and then
strategically reverse engineerthat into daily action steps.
But then also we speak to ourpast and we say we will no
longer will be victim to thepast, and we're gonna pull that
into alignment with our futureand actually bring it some
(32:36):
purpose and to set us on a greattrajectory so that our past
doesn't inhibit us or restrictus in our future, but it
actually now serves our purpose.
And so for me, what my what I'vewhat I want to do here is like
you heard a little bit about mystory, raised in alcoholism and
crime and all those differentthings.
I'm repurposing that past,channeling that, and dedicating
(33:00):
my life to helping other men andthese generational cycles for
them and their families.
My goal through the Dad Nationis to reach 500,000 men through
media and mentorship.
And that means whether it'sthrough the podcast, whether
it's through coaching, theonline programs, you name it.
But when I ask my, and Iliterally had this conversation
with my wife a couple of daysago or a couple of weeks ago
(33:22):
when we were walking, our boy, Isaid, Sam, her name's Sam, I
said, uh, I think I'm finally atthe point that if God forbid I
die tomorrow, I would be able todraw my last breath in peace.
Because I've helped men.
And if I could say at the end ofthe day that I helped one man
restore their relationship andrestore their marriage and show
(33:44):
up for their children and endone cycle, for me, that is a
legacy.
That is a life worthy ofimitation.
That is a life that that Ibelieve that is is noble.
And so for me, what does thatlegacy look like?
Yeah, to keep doing more ofthat, to reach more men and to
help them show up as powerfullyat home as they do at work,
(34:07):
because we got all kinds ofstrategies and tools and
resources on how to getprofessional success.
But what does it look like to bea personal success as well?
And so that's my mission, man.
And nothing sets a fire in mybelly more than getting the
opportunity to work with men inthis capacity or even talking
with other men who are doingthis as well.
(34:27):
So that's I think that's myanswer to what does it look like
for me to leave a legacy?
SPEAKER_01 (34:33):
And that's so powerful, Mitchell.
I totally can see that readyresonate that like through and
through.
It's just been so powerful.
As we talked about now andthroughout this episode, we've
touched on a bunch of things,and maybe there was something we
didn't get a chance to touch on.
What would be the partingmessage of encouragement you
want to have our listeners tohave today?
SPEAKER_02 (34:54):
Yeah, I would say understand that you are not
alone, you are not broken, thatyou have much to offer this
world, but we are a byproduct ofour environment, of how we were
raised.
When we think about how we havea difficult time talking about
our emotions, because it can beeasy to hear us.
If you're listening, you canhear me and Alan talking about
(35:14):
this as if it's easy.
It's not.
When you think about world theworld wars, for example, just a
few generations ago, these mencame home with extreme PTSD and
trauma, and they didn't havetools and resources.
They had the bottle, maybe thelegion, but they stuffed it
down.
They raised sons, and then thosesons raised sons without tools.
And we were told, men don't cry,deal with it, stuff it down.
(35:38):
But now we have tools andresources, and it's a really
great thing.
There's actually a term called apsychological term called
normative male alexithymia,which you can, it's a mouthful,
you can Google it.
But the word alexithymia, theroot from the Greek, actually
means it's broken down towithout sound, I believe it is.
(35:59):
And so it's normal for men to beon unable to share or speak
about how they feel.
And this is because of thesegenerations, and then growing up
in a culture that's even today,it's we're just uncomfortable
talking about our emotions.
So I say all that to say there'sproof around us, there's
generational proof, there'spsychological proof that this is
(36:21):
a part of the male expression.
Now, that is important tounderstand that you're normal,
but we don't use that to justifycontinuing, right?
This is your sign.
If you're listening to thisepisode today, this is your cue.
These are your tools.
Reach out, right?
Because it doesn't have tocontinue.
The moment you take ownership,you begin to change the
(36:43):
trajectory of your entire familyand their family.
So that would be myencouragement today for your
listeners.
SPEAKER_01 (36:49):
What a great way to wrap up today's conversation.
Today I just want to say,Mitchell, thank you so much for
spending time with us today.
And your story is truly ofradical transformation.
You've been extremely vulnerablewith us here, and you are
modeling what true masculineleadership looks like.
And so it's an opportunity forall of us to learn and grow as
we listen to podcasts like thisand get involved in different
(37:12):
programs.
And so, speaking of programs, ifmen are interested in connecting
with you and wanting to takethat next step with Dad Nation,
what's the best way for them todo that?
SPEAKER_02 (37:22):
Yeah, that's thank you for giving me the
opportunity to share, Alan.
I keep it real simple.
I do three things, right?
So content, courses, andcoaching.
So the content is the Dad Nationpodcast, real simple, real free,
easy barrier or easy entry.
Courses is something called thehigh performance husband, which
is all the stuff that I teach myone-to-one clients, which is a
self-guided program you can do.
(37:43):
And then the coaching, which ismy group coaching.
And for the right guy, I canhave a back pocket offer.
I can do one-to-one coaching.
But those are the three things,how I serve men as powerfully as
possible.
Love it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:54):
I'm going to make sure that your website and all
that information, wherever youare on the internet, is going to
be in today's show notes.
And then as we close today, Iwant to leave us, the listeners,
to this one other challenge.
And that's for showing up as menand families that need us.
We need more than just coachingand to be on autopilot.
So if you're ready to lead withclarity, connection, and
(38:14):
conviction, then join me andtake our free integrity
challenge.
Just go tomembers.theawakenman.net.
Your future is waiting for youon the other side of that
decision.
So let's live with intention.
Let's lead with integrity.
And let's get started now.
And thank you again, Mitchell,for being on the show.
Thank you, brother.
It was so good to be here.
SPEAKER_00 (38:42):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
Man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny to become more the man
you're destined to be?
Join the Brotherhood that is theAwakened of Man at
theawakendheman.net and startforging a new destiny today.
Allow me to ask just a couple of questions to get our
day started.
What does true leadership looklike?
Not in your business, but inyour home.
And when was the last time thatyou looked in the mirror and
truly like the man staring backat you?
If you've ever felt that winningin your career was all that it
was supposed to be, but thenfalling totally short where it
(00:24):
matters most, then I think thisepisode might be for you.
So in order to do that, hitsubscribe, like, and share this
podcast because there's going tobe someone else other than just
you listening today thatprobably is going to need to
hear this message.
And if we can do that, then I'msure we can start working from
the inside out today.
And with that, let's get on withtoday's episode.
SPEAKER_00 (00:48):
The average man today is sleepwalking through
life.
Many never reaching their truepotential, let alone never
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs, and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align himself forgreatness.
(01:10):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
Welcome back, friends.
My name is Alan DeMonson.
I'm the host and the founder ofthe Revolutionary Man movement.
And we're here to help lead menwith power, at an impact, and
with integrity.
And before the break, I asked acouple of tough but really
important questions about whatit really means to lead home in
the same intensity that we wouldlead our life at work.
And so today's episode is forany man who's ever felt that
(01:39):
painful tension between publicsuccess and private struggle.
And to help us unpack this, I'mjoined by Mitchell Osman, and
he's a leadership advisor,podcast host, and founder of the
DAD Nation and Mitchell'spersonal transformation from
rock bottom to redefiningpowerful fatherhood and marriage
can what that can totally looklike.
And he's inspired tens ofthousands of men from around the
(02:01):
world.
And so allow me to welcomeMitchell to the show.
How are things, brother?
SPEAKER_02 (02:06):
Thank you for having me on the show today, Alan.
Things are going great andlooking forward to having a
coven, having a powerfulconversation with another
Canadian.
It's going to be great, man.
SPEAKER_01 (02:16):
So thanks for having me.
Brother, really looking forwardto this.
And here at the RevolutionaryMan, we always talk about all of
us being on our own version of ahero's quest.
And so tell me about that deathand rebirth moment in your life
when that really was someopportunity for you to change
the way you perceived yourselfand into the man that you are
today.
SPEAKER_02 (02:37):
Yeah, this it's a great place to start.
I think a lot of people wonderwhat was your transformation
moment, what was your turningpoint?
And for me, there were two keypivotal moments.
One was a fight, and one was afuneral.
Okay.
So let me start with the fight.
I want you to picture me and mywife were sitting in the living
room, and it all hit the fan.
We had a big fight about money.
(02:58):
It morphed into a fight about meworking too much, and it went on
from topic to topic.
And at this point, we had beenmarried for about three years,
and it was a hard three years ofstruggling.
But today, this fight was ourrock bottom.
We had never used the worddivorce.
This day we did.
This was different.
I felt like I couldn't fix thisone.
(03:18):
And deep down I knew that ifsomething didn't change, then
this was gonna be over.
Now, to give you to back up andgive you a little more context,
I was recently let go from asenior leadership position.
And my career was everything asmen, we can identify with that.
It was my calling, it was myidentity.
I spiraled into depression.
I was 60 pounds overweight.
We were a hundred grand in debt,medicating with drugs and
(03:40):
alcohol, just trying to cope.
And I was getting dangerouslyclose to divorce, like I talked
about.
I was losing hope, stressed out,checked out, burned out.
And I had seen so much successprofessionally and in
leadership, Alan, but in like ingrowing organizations and all
those things.
But why couldn't I figure out mylife personally?
Why was it I was so powerful atwork, but powerless at home?
(04:01):
Maybe your listeners have beenthere.
I want to take it back a stepeven more.
I was raised in a verydysfunctional home.
I had a non-existentrelationship with my father.
Alcoholism, drugs, and crimewere littered throughout my
family growing up.
And so I was caught in themiddle of it all.
I knew where I came from and Iknew I wanted something
different for my life, but Icould feel myself getting pulled
back into the trauma of mychildhood and making the same
(04:25):
mistakes my family made and myfather made and his father made.
And when I would yell, I couldhear his voice in mine.
And at times it felt like I wastwo different people trapped in
the same body.
I could lead board meetings andI could do all that stuff.
But when I came home, I didn'tknow how to talk to my own wife.
It was a there was a dualitythat I was experiencing that was
(04:45):
tearing me apart.
Now, the second turning, thesecond part of my story was the
funeral.
And that was about a week afterthis big fight we had.
And so I was invited to sing atthe funeral of this wealthy,
philanthropic man.
And after hearing about theman's accomplishments and all
that he had done, I was puttingon my guitar, getting ready to
(05:05):
sing the last song.
And the minister asked thecongregation, the people at the
funeral, he said, Are you livinga life worthy of imitation?
If you were to die tomorrow,would you be proud of the legacy
that you left?
And Alan, as I began to try tosing the last lyrics, the lyrics
of that last song, I couldbarely choke at the lyrics
because all I could think was,if this were my funeral, then no
(05:29):
one would be saying, I want themarriage that he had, or I want
to live like he did.
I want the how to be a presentfather like he was.
They would probably say at thatpoint he struggled, his life was
hard, and then it ended.
And that's the thing withfunerals is people told stories
of this man, and that's what wedo because at the end, that's
all we have left.
(05:49):
And so I was determined that daywhen I left that funeral that I
would rewrite my story, not justfor me, but for my family.
I committed to writing newchapters, and I know it sounds
intense, but I knew that Ineeded to die to the man that I
was in order to become the manthat I knew I needed to be for
my family.
And if I wanted to, if I wanteddifferent results, I had to make
(06:13):
different decisions.
It's like Einstein's olddefinition of insanity.
It's doing the same thing andexpecting different results.
And so after that point, Istarted to surround myself with
men who were living where Iwanted to go.
These men, like my ceiling, wastheir floor.
Where I ended, they began.
And they gathered around me.
They held me accountable to thethings that I said I wanted.
(06:34):
They they encouraged me,celebrated with me in my
victories, and also stood withme in my losses.
They showed me what waspossible, not just how to do it,
but helped me to see it formyself.
And within 18 months, within ayear and a half, paid off 100
grand of debt, completelyrestored our marriage, lost the
60 pounds, and I was clean,focused, sober, and just ready
(06:58):
to go, focused and on fire, man.
And so, really, that was theturning point.
And then I just started helpingfriends of mine, buddies who
were having a hard time withfinancially earned their
marriage with the practices andsystems that I used.
And then so someone challengedme.
A mentor said, Hey, if youreally want to have impact, you
should start a podcast.
All right, so then I launched aDad Nation podcast.
And then within six months orso, I had listeners around North
(07:21):
America, and then they wouldreach out and say, Hey, could
you help me?
Can I hire you to coach me withthis?
And so I figured out how tolaunch a coaching business and I
started helping men all overNorth America in the same things
that I saw transformation in.
Because I help high-performingmen or career-driven men reclaim
their home, their health, andtheir happiness.
(07:41):
And so that's how I started todo this, how I got here.
And man, to bring it full circleat the end of the day, for me,
what's what does it look likefor me to live a life worthy of
imitation is a life that isdedicated to helping other men
end those generational cyclesand show up powerfully at home,
like they do at work, to restoremarriages and to restore
(08:01):
families.
And so that's how I got here,man.
SPEAKER_01 (08:04):
Man, what a powerful story, Mitchell, to open us up
today with this conversation.
And I was furiously writing downnotes as you'll catch me do this
throughout our episode.
And some so many truth bombsthere.
And the first one that I wasable to jot down was how
attached we are as men in ouridentity to what we do for a
living than who we are asindividuals.
(08:25):
And your story resonates deeplywith me because I had the same
similar experience in my 30s asa successful chef and having a
great external life, but it costme everything at home.
I wasn't as fortunate at thattime to save and salvage my
marriage.
But it was such a pivotal pointthat it forced me to really look
(08:47):
at the man in the mirror andchange.
And so thank you so much forbringing that forward because I
still think even today, we stillat times focus on one aspect of
our life.
And maybe it isn't just on thework, maybe it is all about
home.
And I still think that can be atrap in and of itself that we
lose ourselves.
And I think that's what you'rereally saying is getting lost in
(09:08):
something.
We can take that step back.
And right, and so many of us arefeeling like we're juggling all
this stuff.
So, what do you have to say thento those high-achieving leaders
who really do feel successful intheir personal in their business
life, but they are powerless athome?
What would be a step forward forthem?
SPEAKER_02 (09:26):
Yeah, I would say the most important thing we can
do is to begin with the end inmind.
Now, Stephen Covey in his book,The Heavy Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People, chapter two,is dedicated to beginning with
the end in mind.
Napoleon Hill, one of the mostfamous thought leaders of our
time, begin with the end ofmind.
My funeral moment, you know, wasme beginning with the end of
mind, literally.
(09:46):
And so I would say, well, nowwhy is that so important?
It's because you cannot escapetruth.
You cannot escape raw honesty.
And that honesty, that truth isthat one day you will take a
final breath.
When you take that final breath,how will you feel about the life
that you lived?
So, questions like, what do youwant to be known for?
(10:09):
So, for example, I take all ofmy clients through a eulogy
writing exercise where theyactually write their eulogy for
their partner, their wife, ortheir children.
What would they say about you asthey stood over your coffin and
your memorial service?
Today, what would they say?
And now let's write a version2.0 about if you were 100% the
(10:30):
man you wanted to be, and thenyou knew you could be, write it
again because therein lies thetension is the man that we are
currently and the man that weknow we could be if we really
went all in.
And this gap that's what eats usalive.
And though that that I think isa great place to begin of like
getting raw and honest.
(10:51):
And I ask like a lot of myclients, man.
90% of the guys I ask, like,what do you want?
They don't know, right?
They have no idea.
They're like, I just I spent thelast 15 years building this
business.
You know, I don't know my kids.
I'd love to know my kids.
My wife doesn't respect me.
I'd love to gain her respectagain.
Okay, so let's talk about thatthen.
(11:12):
Because what you're wanting,what you say you want, is
different than what your actionsare telling your family and the
world.
And there's a disconnect becauseyou're saying you want this,
closeness at home, all thosedifferent things, but yet your
actions say all you care aboutis work.
And so let's actually get someclarity here and begin with the
end in mind and get raw andhonest about what truly matters
(11:34):
to you the most.
Because I'll tell you what, inevery single time I've done this
exercise with men, never oncedid they write in their eulogy
that they wanted their wife totalk about how many businesses
they built or how many milliondollars they made.
Never once.
Or they're they they nevertalked about how they want their
kids to build their empire.
(11:55):
It was it's all about how he waspresent and how he loved them
and how he built into them andhow he gave back to his family
and his community.
But those aren't the things thatwe focus on in the day to day.
And so for me, that that isalways a very powerful place to
begin.
Another question outside of whatdo you want is what do you want
(12:15):
to be known for?
Which is a very more uh morespecific question of whether
it's your buddies at a barhaving a pint, thinking about
you, or whether your wife istalking to her girlfriends or
your colleague or your boss.
What do you want to be knownfor?
Do you want to be known for asthe person who shows up, who's a
man of his word, who loves hiskids fiercely, who cherishes his
wife, or do you want to be knownfor someone who made a lot of
(12:39):
money but was empty?
Because here was another thingthat I was faced with, Alan, in
this whole pivotal point, thisturning point for me, because I
had this realization of what'sthe point of all this leadership
and all this influence and thiswealth if I'm gonna be sitting
around the Christmas tree alonethis year.
Yeah, and that was a realitythat that was very close to me
(13:02):
with my family celebrating inthe house that we built
together, and I'm renting out anapartment down the street alone,
you know.
Is that what I want?
And so you can't, that'svisceral, man.
That's raw, and you can't getaway from that.
And so when men get honest,begin with the end in mind, that
is really what draws people inand helps them get clarity or at
(13:24):
least start taking the steps.
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01 (13:26):
Completely.
And that makes so much sense.
And for us, we apply a similarprocess.
And what I do is take themthrough a values and a belief
exercise.
The purpose of it is, and youmentioned in here this for them
to recognize the disconnect.
I say that I value five myfamily and that I care for them.
Okay, how do your actions alignwith that?
(13:47):
Oh, I haven't spent any timewith them.
And when the reality sets inabout how we start, how we're
actually showing up, what wethink we stand for is very
different in some aspects of ourlife.
And so starting there is a greatplace.
I always say men are ready forchange when we're ready to
accept where we are and takeresponsibility for where we are
(14:10):
in life, because all thedecisions, everything we've
done, every every action we'vetaken has led us to where we are
today.
Then you got to takeresponsibility for who you are.
You are that man.
You're the man that made thosedecisions.
And like you said, to moveforward, now take responsibility
for who the man you want tobecome.
And I always like them to finishthe sentence, I'm the kind of
(14:33):
man who.
And then whatever you put at theend of that sentence is your
intention for how you're goingto live that day, that moment,
that week, that year.
And so I think it's really greatthat we use these types of
frameworks, frames to help ushelp men understand, because
that's how we're wired, isn'tit?
That we have this.
And you have a great one.
You call the connection code.
(14:53):
And I just thought if we couldunpack that a little bit, but
what it is and how are you usingthat to help men really reignite
the marriages?
SPEAKER_02 (15:00):
Yeah.
Oh man, thanks for asking thatquestion because I think it's a
really helpful tool.
And so if you're listening todayand to the show, it's just a
free gift that I want to giveyou.
And like Alan said, it's calledthe Connection Code.
It's 50 questions that can sparkthe fun and bring the fire back
in your relationship.
Now, these are tried, tested,and true.
They cover everything from yourdreams, your goals, what you
(15:23):
love to do for fun.
They cover like intimacy, allthat kind of stuff from from the
living room to the bedroom.
You know what I mean?
It's all there.
And so I just tell guys all thetime whether it is you want to
go out on a date, take three orfour questions off the list, or
maybe you put the kids down,pour up a glass of wine, and
grab two or three questions.
But the reason why this is soeffective is because, and we
(15:45):
know this, our partners want tobe, especially like our wives,
or if you're with a woman, shewants to be connected in an
emotional way.
We know this is a crazystatistic, though.
We know 70% of all divorces inthe United States today are
initiated by women.
Okay.
That's correct.
Now, in situations where thewife is a high earner or she's
(16:06):
she's educated, that statisticjumps to 90%.
Okay, nine out of 10 divorcesare initiated by women.
Then of those divorces, 80% ofthe time, it's because the wife
feels emotionally disconnectedfrom the man, that he's
emotionally unavailable, that hedoesn't understand how to
connect with her on that kind oflevel.
(16:27):
And so, what does all this tellus?
Well, it tells us that westatistically we've got some
work to do.
You know what I mean?
And we talk about ownership, andso that's exactly why I created
this tool to be like, hey, it'snot the 30s and 40s and 50s
anymore.
We're in the 2020s, okay?
We have tools and resources, andthis is another one, and it's
gonna help literally.
(16:48):
I give it to you on a silverplatter to ask this question at
this time.
And I tell you, Alan, I getpeople, I get women reaching out
to me all the time being like,this thing changed everything
for us.
My husband connected with me somuch more powerfully than and
than he ever has, and it's apowerful tool, it's so simple,
(17:09):
and that's the thing.
We're we're wired backwards whenwe talk about masculinity versus
femininity.
The men women want to beconnected with emotionally
before they can become physical.
Men are the opposite, and youknow this.
We need to be connected withphysically before we can connect
emotionally, and so we literallygo at this backwards, right?
And so this tool helps men speakher language and to connect more
(17:34):
powerfully.
Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01 (17:36):
Absolutely, and it's a powerful tool.
I really love the questions.
We actually were using some ofthat the the other night.
So, one of the things we try todo as a couple, not try to do,
we actually have it scheduled isthat this every second Friday,
one of us is responsible for adate night.
And it's more than just dinnerin a movie, it's to go do
something different.
And so we've gone and we'vetaken dancing lessons and we've
(17:57):
done other things.
So, this one happened to be anopportunity for us to practice
really connecting and gettinggetting in into stuff, stuff
that's far deeper than what ourtypical conversation is.
How's your day?
How's things going?
We always do a check-in on ascale one to ten.
How's the relate?
How's the relationship going?
If it's anything less than aseven, what can I do?
(18:18):
That be after a while becamevery rote for us and it was less
meaningful.
So seeing this tool and startingto apply it, I can tell you has
been outstanding and really beena big benefit.
So I appreciate that you've donethat work.
SPEAKER_02 (18:30):
Yeah, yeah.
I'm glad you've enjoyed it, man.
And you can put the link in theshow notes below, or you can
just go to the my website,dadnationco.com forward slash
code, and get it there.
SPEAKER_01 (18:38):
Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_02 (18:39):
We're gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:40):
The other thing you talked about in the intro there
is about losing weight as well,right?
And how that you're 60 poundsoverweight and you need to get
your yourself into shape.
And I see that as men as well.
It's one of the things that wetend to also forget is that if
we can't even lead ourselvesphysically, how can we expect to
lead others?
(19:00):
And so that was a hard lessonfor me to learn.
It's one of the things that wasvery challenging for me.
I cannot be counted on my own tomanage my physical fitness
today, which is why I ultimatelymade the jump to hire a fitness
coach.
And I can tell you it's been thebest decision in my life.
And so let's talk about why it'sso important that the from a
(19:21):
fitness aspect, how not is itjust about transforming how you
look and feel, but how thatreally changes the mindset and
it mindset, I should say, andimpacts your marriage.
SPEAKER_02 (19:32):
Yeah, man.
Wow, that's so good.
And first of all,congratulations on taking your
taking ownership of your fitnessbecause that's huge.
All of my clients have a customtraining plan and a custom
nutrition plan, and that I buildfor them because fitness and
physical health is so much morethan physical.
In fact, I would say physical islike the smallest part of this.
(19:55):
The reason why is there's a fewdifferent there's a few
different things.
Let's talk about emotionally,psychologically, and then we'll
talk about our self-confidence,what it does.
So, first of all, theneuroscience doesn't lie about
this.
When you physically exercise,right, if you want to get more
effective in business and to bea stronger leader, not just
(20:15):
physically, you need to trainbecause when you exercise, there
are neurochemicals that arereleased, like norepinephrine,
serotonin, dopamine, so manymore, and then actively lower
cortisol levels, right?
They so what that means is itlowers your stress levels, it
helps you, it increases yourcognitive focus, your cognition,
(20:36):
right?
Your ability to think clearly,boosts your mood.
So many different things that itcan help with outside of simply
getting stronger and losing fat.
Some of my best ideas come aftera run or a workout, right?
So we know that from aneurological perspective, it's
highly advantageous to work outbecause you can handle more
(20:56):
stress, you can think morecreatively, you can be more
strategic, you can be morefocused, all that kind of stuff.
And that has seriousimplications on your
professional career.
But then outside of that, whenwe talk about what it does
psychologically for us, so a bigreason why men find themselves
in a big rut is because they'vebroken promises to themselves,
(21:20):
they've not taken ownership.
Okay, so let's talk a little bitabout self-confidence and
self-respect.
So what happens in marriages andrelationships and why they
deteriorate is because ourspouses lose respect in us,
right, for us, and they loseconfidence in us.
And as a man, our two greatestneeds are to feel respected and
(21:42):
to feel competent, right?
And so the problem is when wedon't follow through on the
things that we said we would do,we lose the confidence and the
respect of our partners.
And so they choose, they don'tnecessarily have the same
respect for us, which means wedon't necessarily feel compelled
to love them and cherish thembecause we don't feel respected,
and then we get caught in thiscycle, which we call the crazy
(22:04):
cycle, right?
But outside of this lack ofrespect in the marriage, what
happens internally is if youdon't make promises and keep
them.
So for example, if I said toyou, Alan, I'm gonna get up at 6
a.m.
every morning or 5 a.m.
and I'm gonna train.
Actually, maybe I didn't eventell you this.
I just made a promise to myself.
(22:26):
I may think no one else knowsthat I didn't actually get up.
So what's the big deal?
But your mind does, yoursubconscious mind does.
And what it does then is itbegins to say things like, Why
should anyone trust you if youcan't even trust yourself, that
you can't get up when you set analarm, or you can't put your
phone down and be present withyour kids.
(22:47):
You can't even trust yourself.
And so what happens is the mindgoes to war, right, with
yourself, and then you begin tolose rapport with yourself,
meaning you lack, you loseconfidence in yourself, right?
And that's if me and you say, ifI said, I'm gonna meet you every
one Thursday morning at 9 a.m.
for a coffee, the first Thursday9 a.m., I I didn't show up until
(23:11):
10.
You'd be like, Oh, that's weird.
But then the next week I showedup at 11, and the third week I
never showed it up at all.
You'd feel pretty you'd loseconfidence in me pretty quickly.
So when we talk aboutconfidence, what we're talking
about here is your ability tofollow through and keep the
promises you made, not just toyourself, but to your partner.
(23:31):
And so this is a challenge weget into when it comes to these
challenges that we face, when itcomes to yeah, our
self-confidence and all thethings we've talked about.
And so the best thing we can doas men is to focus on taking
complete ownership and saying,what are three small promises
that I can make?
And the reason why this happensis because when I get up and I
(23:54):
go to the gym when I said Iwould, or I choose a chicken
salad over the cheeseburger andpoutine when I said I would,
what happens is I began to be, Ibegin to be more self-confident,
right?
Yeah, and so it's as men forthis, we can be very, we're very
practical.
We want strategies, we wanttactics.
This is a great way to restoreour self-confidence by training,
(24:17):
by exercising, right?
And then that gives us moreconfidence to face the other
things in our life, right?
I tell guys all the time if youcan get a new PR in your squat
when you're busting your buttdoing this, you that's the
hardest thing you're gonna doall day.
You can take any meeting afterthat, you know.
If you get up first thing in themorning and challenge yourself
(24:38):
this way, and so and the lastthing I would say is when it
comes to you saying yes toyourself in the morning, that's
the first test, right?
When you get when you see thatalarm go off and you say, Nah,
I'm gonna sleep in, and you sayno to the promise you made or no
to yourself, you'repsychologically setting yourself
(25:00):
up to continue breaking promisesthroughout this whole day
because you started off bysaying no, you started off with
a broken promise, and this ispsychology, right?
But when it comes to physicalfitness and training, that's
what I'm saying.
Like neurologically speaking, wecan we have so much more
capacity for so many morethings, and then it helps build
(25:20):
our self-confidence when wefollow through with the promises
we make.
And then, not to mention, wehappen to get stronger and lose
fat and be healthier.
So, those are some big reasons,in my opinion, why it's
important.
SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
Yeah, those are all powerful reasons, and the
reasons, similar reasons as towhy I decided at this stage to
finally take true action with itand to move forward because it
does, it is a different mindset.
Those little wins for yourselfwhen you don't want to get up
and go and do the work, and youdo it anyways.
And maybe it wasn't the bestworkout, it's not about that.
(25:55):
It's about I actually completedand had the self-discipline, the
awareness to follow through.
And I think as we do that, likeanything, it's a muscle, it does
tend to get stronger and better.
We have better days than others,but we just continue to move
forward.
And I think that's theimportance about why physical
fitness can be one of thosecatalysts to help us move
(26:18):
forward and really reshape ourmindset.
So thank you for much for thatpowerful note.
SPEAKER_02 (26:23):
Yeah, and Alan, real quick, I would say a common
mistake we fall into, andperhaps this is the largest gap
we fall into, is that we'rewaiting for this to be easy.
That we're waiting for life tobe David Data in the book The
Way of Superior Man, he calls itthe great masculine error, is
that thinking that one day we'rejust gonna be able to sit on a
beach and sip a margarita, andwe're just gonna be able to,
(26:46):
everything's gonna make sense.
And so no, that's never gonnahappen.
If you're to be on a desertedisland with umbrella drinks for
the rest of your life, you'd goinsane and you'd have diabetes
pretty quick, right?
So that's not the goal.
And I love there's been verymany variations of this of
choose your heart or choose yourpain.
When you think about it, likehaving a great marriage is hard,
(27:07):
divorce is hard, right?
Being in great shape is hard,being overweight is hard, being
rich is hard, being poor ishard, having great friends and
having great relationships takeswork.
It's hard.
Having no friends is hard,working for someone else is
hard, being an entrepreneur ishard.
(27:29):
Literally, there is no suchthing as easy.
And I tell clients this all thetime: the sooner you can accept
that and embrace it, the sooneryou will be content and you'll
be ready to take full ownership.
But it's not as long as you'restriving for that thing that's
literally impossible, yeah,you're never gonna be content.
And so not falling into thattrap of thinking that it's gonna
(27:50):
be easy or that someone's gonnasave you or that the Calvary is
gonna come, or yeah, you knowwhat I mean?
It's a fallacy.
So, anyways, a little tidbit toadd in there.
SPEAKER_01 (27:58):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that bolt on that wasperfect.
Obviously, as a dad and a coach,you've been helping thousands of
men and helping everyone getrealigned with things, but
there's also this idea of thisreally the weight of this
generational cycles that weface.
And so, what's advice would yougive to you talk to men that
maybe came from a similarsituation as you?
Not necessarily fatherlessness,but dysfunctional homes.
(28:21):
And how would you want to leaddifferently if you're coming out
of that environment?
SPEAKER_02 (28:27):
Yeah, I would say, I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant
here because I'm reallypassionate about this.
I would say understand that youhave so much more significance
and so much more impact than youeven realize.
Okay, so for example, in the UStoday, we know that one in four
kids will grow up without afather in the home.
So there's a lot of parts ofsociety that would say men don't
(28:48):
matter, but the numbers sayotherwise.
Let me share some statisticswith you that'll that should
rattle you.
63% of youth suicides come fromfatherless homes.
90% of homeless and runawaychildren come from fatherless
homes.
85% of kids with behavioraldisorders come from fatherless
homes.
And this last one, 71% of allhigh school dropouts come from
(29:14):
fatherless homes.
And so, what's the truth here?
Our kids need us, our spousesneed us, this world needs us,
and we need each other.
And so, if you don't feel likeyou have the courage or capacity
to end this generational cyclefor you, then do it for your
children, then do it for yourfamily because we know
(29:34):
statistically speaking, ourchildren, there's a high
probability.
I was reading some researcharticles, I think it's like 80%.
We have our children have an 86%chance of adopting the behaviors
and the and our lifestylechoices.
And so what that means is ifyou're listening and you have a
son, there's a high probabilitythat he will become the husband
(29:54):
you are today, right?
If you have a daughter, there'sa very high probability that she
will grow up to.
Crave the affection of a manjust like you, and she'll end up
in a marriage just like you.
I know it, I've seen it in myfamily, I see it in my clients'
families.
And so, what do we do aboutthat?
We know that our kids are gonnado what we do, right?
They're not always gonna do whatwe say, but they're gonna do
(30:16):
what we do.
And so, what should we be doing?
We need to model greatness sothat when that girl comes home,
brings home a guy one day.
If we want her to bring home agreat man one day, we need to
model that greatness so she canrecognize it in other men when
she sees it.
You understand what I mean?
So for me, that's what I say allthe time.
I'm like, you know what?
Again, begin with the end inmind.
(30:37):
Think about your children.
If you can't do it for you, doit for them.
Because at the end of the day,that's the kind of impact you
have that literally what you doimpacts generations.
And the statistics that I read,they don't lie.
So that's an encouragement Iwould share.
SPEAKER_01 (30:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
And completely agree with that.
Is we do need to be the models.
And I was having conversationshere in the last two days with
some folks, and that's waspretty much my core message.
It's about modeling.
How can I, how can we modelsomething different?
The thing that we want to havehappen in our life, how can I be
that's embodying the value orthe idea, the belief that we
(31:13):
have so that it's actually canbe seen, it's physically seen.
And so it's it takes it takeswork to do that, to be that in
the moment to recognize it.
Let's fast forward 10 years fromnow, Mitchell, and think about
where you're today.
You talked earlier in thepodcast about legacy.
What kind of legacy do you hopeto leave for yourself?
SPEAKER_02 (31:35):
You know what, Alan?
No one's ever asked me thatquestion.
I don't think I've thought a lotabout it, but I'm usually the
guy asking that question.
Man, that's such a goodquestion.
My my mind always goes back toactually let me grab something
here.
I with the my my man, I havethis, I give them these
journals, and it's hard to see.
If you're watching on YouTube,you can see it.
(31:55):
But if you're listening onaudio, the journal on the front
says, What chapter are youwriting today?
And so it's this idea that wecan write new chapters, that
you're not a victim of yourpast, that you get to write new
chapters, that you get to writeyour story.
I have a framework called theauthor's advantage, meaning that
we actually do this in reverse.
(32:16):
We start with the future, createa very clear future, a clear
picture of what we want ourfuture to look like, and then
strategically reverse engineerthat into daily action steps.
But then also we speak to ourpast and we say we will no
longer will be victim to thepast, and we're gonna pull that
into alignment with our futureand actually bring it some
(32:36):
purpose and to set us on a greattrajectory so that our past
doesn't inhibit us or restrictus in our future, but it
actually now serves our purpose.
And so for me, what my what I'vewhat I want to do here is like
you heard a little bit about mystory, raised in alcoholism and
crime and all those differentthings.
I'm repurposing that past,channeling that, and dedicating
(33:00):
my life to helping other men andthese generational cycles for
them and their families.
My goal through the Dad Nationis to reach 500,000 men through
media and mentorship.
And that means whether it'sthrough the podcast, whether
it's through coaching, theonline programs, you name it.
But when I ask my, and Iliterally had this conversation
with my wife a couple of daysago or a couple of weeks ago
(33:22):
when we were walking, our boy, Isaid, Sam, her name's Sam, I
said, uh, I think I'm finally atthe point that if God forbid I
die tomorrow, I would be able todraw my last breath in peace.
Because I've helped men.
And if I could say at the end ofthe day that I helped one man
restore their relationship andrestore their marriage and show
(33:44):
up for their children and endone cycle, for me, that is a
legacy.
That is a life worthy ofimitation.
That is a life that that Ibelieve that is is noble.
And so for me, what does thatlegacy look like?
Yeah, to keep doing more ofthat, to reach more men and to
help them show up as powerfullyat home as they do at work,
(34:07):
because we got all kinds ofstrategies and tools and
resources on how to getprofessional success.
But what does it look like to bea personal success as well?
And so that's my mission, man.
And nothing sets a fire in mybelly more than getting the
opportunity to work with men inthis capacity or even talking
with other men who are doingthis as well.
(34:27):
So that's I think that's myanswer to what does it look like
for me to leave a legacy?
SPEAKER_01 (34:33):
And that's so powerful, Mitchell.
I totally can see that readyresonate that like through and
through.
It's just been so powerful.
As we talked about now andthroughout this episode, we've
touched on a bunch of things,and maybe there was something we
didn't get a chance to touch on.
What would be the partingmessage of encouragement you
want to have our listeners tohave today?
SPEAKER_02 (34:54):
Yeah, I would say understand that you are not
alone, you are not broken, thatyou have much to offer this
world, but we are a byproduct ofour environment, of how we were
raised.
When we think about how we havea difficult time talking about
our emotions, because it can beeasy to hear us.
If you're listening, you canhear me and Alan talking about
(35:14):
this as if it's easy.
It's not.
When you think about world theworld wars, for example, just a
few generations ago, these mencame home with extreme PTSD and
trauma, and they didn't havetools and resources.
They had the bottle, maybe thelegion, but they stuffed it
down.
They raised sons, and then thosesons raised sons without tools.
And we were told, men don't cry,deal with it, stuff it down.
(35:38):
But now we have tools andresources, and it's a really
great thing.
There's actually a term called apsychological term called
normative male alexithymia,which you can, it's a mouthful,
you can Google it.
But the word alexithymia, theroot from the Greek, actually
means it's broken down towithout sound, I believe it is.
(35:59):
And so it's normal for men to beon unable to share or speak
about how they feel.
And this is because of thesegenerations, and then growing up
in a culture that's even today,it's we're just uncomfortable
talking about our emotions.
So I say all that to say there'sproof around us, there's
generational proof, there'spsychological proof that this is
(36:21):
a part of the male expression.
Now, that is important tounderstand that you're normal,
but we don't use that to justifycontinuing, right?
This is your sign.
If you're listening to thisepisode today, this is your cue.
These are your tools.
Reach out, right?
Because it doesn't have tocontinue.
The moment you take ownership,you begin to change the
(36:43):
trajectory of your entire familyand their family.
So that would be myencouragement today for your
listeners.
SPEAKER_01 (36:49):
What a great way to wrap up today's conversation.
Today I just want to say,Mitchell, thank you so much for
spending time with us today.
And your story is truly ofradical transformation.
You've been extremely vulnerablewith us here, and you are
modeling what true masculineleadership looks like.
And so it's an opportunity forall of us to learn and grow as
we listen to podcasts like thisand get involved in different
(37:12):
programs.
And so, speaking of programs, ifmen are interested in connecting
with you and wanting to takethat next step with Dad Nation,
what's the best way for them todo that?
SPEAKER_02 (37:22):
Yeah, that's thank you for giving me the
opportunity to share, Alan.
I keep it real simple.
I do three things, right?
So content, courses, andcoaching.
So the content is the Dad Nationpodcast, real simple, real free,
easy barrier or easy entry.
Courses is something called thehigh performance husband, which
is all the stuff that I teach myone-to-one clients, which is a
self-guided program you can do.
(37:43):
And then the coaching, which ismy group coaching.
And for the right guy, I canhave a back pocket offer.
I can do one-to-one coaching.
But those are the three things,how I serve men as powerfully as
possible.
Love it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:54):
I'm going to make sure that your website and all
that information, wherever youare on the internet, is going to
be in today's show notes.
And then as we close today, Iwant to leave us, the listeners,
to this one other challenge.
And that's for showing up as menand families that need us.
We need more than just coachingand to be on autopilot.
So if you're ready to lead withclarity, connection, and
(38:14):
conviction, then join me andtake our free integrity
challenge.
Just go tomembers.theawakenman.net.
Your future is waiting for youon the other side of that
decision.
So let's live with intention.
Let's lead with integrity.
And let's get started now.
And thank you again, Mitchell,for being on the show.
Thank you, brother.
It was so good to be here.
SPEAKER_00 (38:42):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
Man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny to become more the man
you're destined to be?
Join the Brotherhood that is theAwakened of Man at
theawakendheman.net and startforging a new destiny today.
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