July 13, 2025 • 54 mins
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
Explore the depths of mindfulness, ancient wisdom, and the pursuit of true happiness in this episode of the Revolutionary Man Podcast with Alain Dumonceaux. Special guest Bob Martin shares his extraordinary journey from a high-powered lawyer to a meditation teacher. Key takeaways include understanding the balance of going with the flow, the voice of internal validation, the importance of present-moment awareness, and how curating one's environment contributes to happiness. Join us in this transformative discussion and learn how to live with clarity, purpose, and flow.
Key Moments in this episode:
04:26 Bob Martin's Hero's Quest
12:08 The Concept of Going with the Flow
21:56 The Influence of Eastern Philosophy on Modern Spirituality
28:08 Understanding Thoughts and Meditation
29:29 The Role of External Validation
31:00 The Work Ethic of Happiness
33:53 The Power of Beginning Again
41:05 Curating Your Environment for Mental Health
45:42 Practical Steps to Manage Emotions
51:35 The Significance of Yin and Yang
How to reach Bob:
Website: https://awiseandhappylife.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/awiseandhappylife
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bob-martin-995b30127/
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. For more information about our programs, please use the links below to learn more about us. It could be the step that changes your life.
Want to be a guest on The Revolutionary Man Podcast? Send Alain Dumonceaux a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/revolutionarymanpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Imagine living a life that looks successful on the
outside thriving career,financial stability and social
status only to realize that,deep down, something is missing.
You're constantly pushing,striving and grinding, and yet
the sense of peace andfulfillment that you crave
remains just out of reach.
Society teaches men thatsuccess is about control and
(00:26):
power, but what if true masterycomes from surrendering to the
natural flow of life?
What if the key to happiness isfound in doing more, in
learning how to let go, adaptand to move with intention?
In today's episode, we're goingto explore the power of
mindfulness, the wisdom ofancient traditions and the
(00:47):
science behind happiness, givingyou the tools to align your
life with purpose, clarity anddeep satisfaction.
And so, if this sounds like atopic that you'd be interested
in, I want you to take a momentand hit subscribe and even leave
a comment on today's episode,and do please help share the
show so that others can findthis much content as well.
(01:07):
It's your engagement that helpsus spread this message and
empower more men to live withconfidence and purpose.
With that, let's get on withtoday's episode.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purpose through life.
Many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(01:39):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
I'm the founder of the Awakenedman Movement and your host,
alan DeMonso.
How would your life change if,instead of fighting against the
currents of life, you learnedhow to move with them?
And what if success, happinessand fulfillment weren't things
you had to chase, but ratherstates of being you could
(02:09):
cultivate from within?
You know, mastery in life isabout forcing outcomes, or it
isn't about forcing outcomes.
I should say it's aboutlearning how to align with
life's natural rhythms,cultivating with the mindset
that leads to a lastingfulfillment.
(02:30):
Today we are going to explorehow mindfulness, ancient wisdom
and intentional living cantransform our lives and how
experience, success, happinessand relationships are the key to
living a fulfilling life.
To do that, allow me at thismoment to introduce my guest.
To do that, allow me at thismoment to introduce my guest.
Bob Martin is my guest todaywith a story that is truly
extraordinary and entertainingand fun From a high-powered mob
(02:53):
lawyer during Miami's wildcocaine cowboy days to a
certified meditation teacherTalk about hitting two ends of
the spectrum and is now with hismaster's in MSW to go with it
and with his JD, bob has helpedthousands of men to redesign
their lives, their thinking andthe life they totally dreamed of
.
Bob's journey isn't anythingbut extraordinary.
(03:15):
Now, as a two-time publishedauthor and professor of wellness
at Elon University, bob blendsTaoist wisdom, brain science,
psychology and humor to tackleeverything from breaking free
from limiting beliefs andfinding clarity and resilience
in life's chaos.
Welcome to the show, bob.
How are things, my friend?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Things are wonderful and I was enthralled by your
introduction.
There were so many great thingsthat you said, so many great
things that you said, and eachone of them would be a podcast
in and of itself, and I am justso looking forward to our
conversation.
That was just a beautiful intro.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Thank you so much, my friend, and I am so excited
about having this conversationwith you.
As I was preparing and gettingready for this conversation, I
just felt this need, this I thisidea to be able to share this
with the world and be anopportunity to help men really
understand.
We're in a really criticalstage in life today.
We're shifting the perspectiveof what it means to be a man is
(04:19):
so important for us, and whilewe need to blend some of the old
, ancient wisdom, we also haveto look at how that can happen
today.
And so, to start us off, I'dlike to ask you about your
hero's quest we always talkabout we're all on these heroes
quests and tell us about yourdeath and rebirth moment and how
that experience shaped you intothe man you are today and the
(04:40):
work that you're doing.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Wow, was there a moment?
Yes, if that it was an extendedmoment, I suppose if it was
like bullet points, there wouldbe the one and then there'd be
the A and the B and the C.
That's after it.
One of those points was readingTo Kill a Mockingbird.
(05:07):
When I was in my teens andlearning about Atticus Finch,
and I think I fell in love withAtticus Finch.
I wound up being a lawyer, soI'm guessing it might have had
something to do with that, butit was his gentle heroism, and I
think that's the way to expressit A gentle heroism, just
(05:31):
simply doing what the next rightthing is, not in an arrogant
way, not for a pat on the back,but simply because it's the next
right thing to do, and it ain'tno big thing, it's just the
next right thing to do.
There was something about thathumility and his ability to
(05:53):
stand against the forces that hestood against that really moved
me, so that would be one.
I suppose.
Another character that had someeffect on me was Don Quixote de
la Mancha.
To dream the impossible dream,to fight the unbeatable foe,
(06:15):
that kind of idealism that isnot really realistic.
It's funny.
Can I share something with youthat just happened?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
So a friend of mine saw an old George Carlin skit
and in that George Carlin skithe was berating the idea of
rights and he was criticizinghow we seem to think that rights
are so important when it'sconvenient to us, but when and
(06:49):
he goes on to say when theJapanese were interred during
the Second World War, it didn'tseem they had very many rights.
And my friend asked me for mythoughts on that.
So I was thinking about it fora while and it occurs to me that
we are imperfect creatures butwe have perfect aspirations.
(07:11):
We try to create the idealworld that we would like to have
, the impossible dream, theunbeatable, and then we try to
live into it and we fail for themost part.
But it's okay because we'reimperfect creatures.
But at least we have theaspirations, at least we have
(07:34):
the dream, at least we know thedirection, and if that has to be
enough, then that has to beenough and it's okay.
And I think those were some ofthe things early on that formed
my character.
And then, like you said in yourintroduction, we come to a
(07:55):
place where we're losing it andit's all falling out of control.
Maybe professionally we mightbe at the top of our game might
be making money hand over foot.
We go home, the first thingthere's the bottle here and the
wife's an alcoholic and the kidsare forgotten and everything's
(08:16):
falling apart and we feel out ofcontrol and we feel like our
whole lives are nothing but afake mask that we put on for the
whole world.
And if they only really knew,if they only really knew who I
really am, that imposter thing.
And Madison Avenue and theadvertisers they don't help out
(08:37):
much.
They came up with the Marlboroman.
You know the Marlboro man?
You know the Marlboro man, thehe-man.
He-man sitting on his loyalsteed with his fur-lined collar,
overlooking his herd ofstallions, smoking a cigarette.
Yeah, and that's the image of aman.
We deal with all that.
But the next thing that happenedwas I got a teacher.
(09:00):
I found a teacher.
It was in my 30s.
I found a teacher.
(09:29):
It was in my 30s.
I was seeing a therapist and Ifound out that he was a top
student and also the Englishlanguage editor for a 72nd
Shaolin Taoist master from theShaolin Temple, the Kung Fu
Bruce Lee's temple.
And imagine 72 generations ofhanding wisdom down from father
to son Just incredible.
And I met him.
And sometimes you meet peopleand you just say, wow, I know
you got it and I want it, pleaseteach me, please, please teach
me.
And then there was that.
And I have to tell you oneother thing.
(09:49):
There was a friend of mine,john Berman, and the best way
for me to describe him is thathe was the Woody Allen type of
fellow that always walks aroundwith a cloud over his head and
it always seems to be raining onJohn and he.
I flunked out of BostonUniversity.
I had a football scholarshipand lost it, and I was living in
(10:14):
a hippy-dippy apartment in 1969.
And John kept telling me that Ishould be a lawyer.
And he disappeared for a coupleof weeks and came back.
He had an envelope and in theenvelope there was a postal
money order, so I couldn't cash.
It made out to the educationaltesting service for $350, which
(10:37):
was the entrance fee to the lawschool aptitude test, and he
said you should be a lawyer, gotake this test.
And one law school took a chanceon me one, and John was a
heroin addict and he went cleanthe day I got accepted and he
went into and he was going to bea paralegal and I was going to
(10:58):
be Perry Mason.
He was going to be my PaulDrake.
Many of you might not know thatreference.
I was going to be.
He was going to be myinvestigator.
Yeah, and he stayed with me andby my side and three days after
I was sworn in through the barexam, through law school,
through the bar exam, three daysafter I was sworn in, he met
(11:19):
some chick on the road whodecided to get high and he
overdosed and died.
Oh man, road and decided to gethigh and he overdosed and died.
Oh man.
And so I don't know.
You know what the divine is?
It's above my pay grade.
To me it's not a very importantquestion because I'll find out
when I die, and that's goodenough.
But I always felt that he hadperformed his mission and there
(11:46):
was something very special aboutthe fact that I had become a
lawyer and so I owed him a greatdeal.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
So I guess those were the big moments, those are
fantastic moments, and I'mlistening to you share your a
bit of your story there and thethought that was going through
my mind is just how you reallymaybe even before you recognize
it you really just went with theflow, and I know you talk a lot
about that today in your work,and so I think for many of us,
(12:17):
especially men, we may tend tofight that a bit and not want to
listen to that direction,whether that's something that's
that little voice inside orsomebody else is asking us.
But when we do trust enough,wonderful things start to happen
for us.
So let's talk a little bitabout what you mean about going
with the flow, and how that hastruly impacted your life and can
(12:42):
impact our lives.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
So Master Nee was just very special.
I'm not kidding.
If we would play the game ofhide and seek, you could never
find it One day.
We were kidding around with himand we said why do they call
you Master?
And he goes, because I havemastered life.
(13:08):
And he chuckled and he walkedaway.
Let us think about that.
So we cornered him a littlelater and we said to him no,
come on, tell us what does itmean to master life?
And he said when you havelearned to interfere the least
and have the appropriate effect,you have begun to master life.
(13:33):
And he was dead serious, yeah,and I was left with what does
that mean?
Interfere the least?
But then he taught us and Iunderstand what he meant.
Now my wife is a real type, atask oriented woman, and I love
her for it and she's verydetailed oriented and I couldn't
(13:55):
survive without her because Iam the big visionary type.
She goes what direction do wego in?
And I go.
We go left and she goes.
Okay, I'm going to show you howto get there.
So praise God for her.
We don't, our brains don't actalike, but I couldn't survive
(14:16):
without her.
Anyway, sometimes she wants togo do something because it is a
task.
It's on her desk, she wants toget it done.
The important thing, it's atask that needs to be completed.
And she'll say, hey, hon, let'sdo this.
And I go no, not now.
(14:37):
And she goes why not?
And I say, I don't know, justnot now.
And then a day or so latersomething will happen that would
have made all of the effort wewould have put into the task
irrelevant.
And she'll look at me.
She goes oh, I hate it when youdo that.
So timing is a piece of it.
(15:00):
A timing is a piece of goingwith the flow.
I would say that there are twoparts of going with the flow.
One of them we have amisconception that somehow going
with the flow means taking ourhands off the wheel and allowing
things to occur which, inanother word, would be a wimp.
(15:25):
If you're too far into goingwith the flow, then you can be
taken advantage of.
You're conciliatory.
You yes, let's do it anythingyou want to do, and that's not a
happy way to live either.
If you are overly aggressive,you're going to waste a lot of
(15:46):
energy and tick a lot of peopleoff.
Somewhere in the middle iswhere that balance is, and you
only get there by making a lotof mistakes and growing older
and having wisdom.
So the two things that you needto know is what is the
(16:07):
characteristic of the flow thatyou're in?
That's the question peopledon't ask.
And then the second is how do Ialign myself appropriately to
this particular flow?
So if I'm on a river in a canoeand hopefully I'm going to go
downstream, first of all that'sthe first thing you don't want
(16:29):
to paddle upstream.
That makes no sense.
You've got to paddle downstream.
You're on a nice, quiet river,paddling downstream.
Life is but a dream.
Everything's nice, sweet, lifeis good.
We've all experienced thosetimes.
But then there are times whenthere's white water, and then
(16:50):
there's times when we look downthe stream and there's a
waterfall.
And there are times when thereare hurricanes and floods, and
there are times when there aregentle rains and there are times
when there are beautifulsunsets.
So all of these are differentflows and there are times when
there are beautiful sunsets.
So all of these are differentflows and you act differently
when you're in those flows.
(17:10):
You don't act the same inwhitewater that you act in calm
water.
You are attending to your canoe.
When you're in whitewater,you're attending to it.
You don't have to attend to itso much in calm water.
I often say that there are ifyou're out in the ocean, and I'm
(17:34):
not talking about a riptide,but if you're out in the ocean,
you simply want to get intoshore, and it's a good distance.
You know that there are threeways.
One is you can panic and drown.
Right, that's not helpful.
The next is that you can belike my wife I have a task, I
(17:55):
need to get to shore.
I'm going to swim.
Let's get it done.
Swim and you will get to shore,but you'll probably be
exhausted.
The other way is to take a lookat the pattern and the cycle of
the motion of the flow and seethat sometimes it's going
towards shore and sometimes it'sgoing away from shore.
(18:16):
So the appropriate way ofaligning yourself when it's
going towards shore is to attendto it and swim back.
Give it all your energy.
This is the time to expendenergy, but then, when it turn
around and it goes against you,you don't want to take your
hands off and be swept out tosea, so that's not the right way
(18:38):
.
So you need to expend someenergy, but you also have a
chance to reserve your energyand allow it to build up,
because you know that the tideis going to change, and then you
will have the energy to swimback.
That way you will have gottento shore with the least effort
(18:58):
possible and be ready to go dosomething else.
You won't have exhaustedyourself.
And so there, I think we canunderstand Master Nee when he
said interfere the least, yethave the appropriate effect.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Go right ahead and keep going.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
In human behavior.
I have a great idea and I say,alan, I got a great idea.
But like you're thinking aboutmeeting up with your bowling
buddies this weekend, the timeis just not right for me to
force my idea upon you.
The listening's not there Right.
(19:43):
So I can either force myselfupon you, which is going to
probably be ineffective and awaste of energy, I can just
grumble that you don't want tolisten to me and waste the time
while I'm waiting.
Or I can say, oh, let me thinkabout what I wanted to tell him
and can I polish it a little bit.
(20:05):
And if I use the time ofwaiting to polish what I want to
tell you, or maybe even thinkit over, or maybe I realize,
maybe it wasn't such a greatidea, there's a whole bunch of
stuff.
If I contemplate, use themoment to reflect and then when
you turn around and say, so, bob, what was it you wanted to tell
(20:28):
me?
Now I'm ready to tell you,probably with fewer words, in a
more polished way, in alistening that's open.
I have interfered the least andI've had the appropriate effect
the way you've really unpackedthis for me is really
(20:49):
outstanding.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
And what I appreciated about is that you
started talking and explainingto us that this idea of going
with the flow is like a spectrumfor us to be mindful of where
we're sitting in that spectrum.
And then, as soon as you gotinto the analogy of the riptide,
it really made to me.
It isn't about going with theflow, isn't about not doing
(21:11):
anything, like you were saying,and then end up by maybe being
taken advantage of or you're notreally accomplishing things
that you're setting forth to do,but to know when to exercise
that energy and when it's timeto go and then when it's time to
hold back a little bit andconserve and think and
contemplate, to do that so thatyou can be prepared to when it's
time to go and then when it'stime to hold back a little bit
and conserve and think andcontemplate, to do that so that
(21:31):
you can be prepared to when it'stime to go again.
And I had never really had thatexplained, had the idea of flow
explained that way, and that theconcept of the riptide really
resonated with me.
And so I can tell that thiswork that you've been doing with
your teacher that has helpedyou and moved you along, and how
the Taoist philosophy hasreally settled in deeply for you
(21:55):
.
And I'd like to talk a littlebit now about how the between
today, I really feel thatthere's a big shift in the
spirituality movement, in thereligious movement, even in how
Christianity is starting toreshape and refine itself, and a
lot of this is because ofEastern philosophies, things
like Taoism, and so I want totalk a little bit about what.
(22:17):
What lessons can we take as men, regardless of what tradition
that we come from, some of thesethings that have been sitting
there but we really haven't beenable to implement them in our
lives.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, so you mentioned Christianity, and I
think that's a great place tostart, because you know whether
(22:51):
it was Lao Tzu writing in 500 BC, or whether it was the creation
of the I Ching 4,000 years ago,or whether it was the teachings
of Jesus, they all are theteachings.
I mean, the cosmologies may bedifferent, but the teachings are
all the same.
And let's just take a look fora moment at the two great
commandments.
Look for a moment at the twogreat commandments, okay, which
is when anybody who is biblicalwill say there are all these
(23:12):
rules in the Old Testament, butJesus came and he gave us the
two rules that we're to live by.
One is love your God with allof your heart, your soul and
your mind.
If we're full of self-doubt, ifwe're full of self-criticism, if
that committee in the head istelling us that we're not good
(23:34):
enough or that we're not readyor all of those other things,
then our mind is full of that.
How can we follow thecommandment to love our God with
all of our mind when our mindis littered with a bunch of junk
which is not even ours?
It's really just theconditioning that we grew up
(23:57):
with.
So was Jesus then commanding usto clear our minds.
I don't mean to clear ourthoughts, which is different,
because people think meditationis about quieting your thoughts,
and it is not Right.
That's relaxation.
Relaxation is about quietingyour thoughts, not meditation,
(24:21):
but managing becoming a skillfulmanager of your thoughts
manager of your thoughts Nowgoing into the attic of your
mind and saying, oh, I justnoticed I keep having this
repetitive thought and it's notvery helpful.
Maybe I don't need it, butthat's another process.
The other commandment was tolove your neighbor as yourself.
(24:45):
It was his commandment.
What if you don't love yourself?
What if you are highly criticalof yourself?
And look at the way he phrasedit Not to love your neighbor,
like he said, as yourself.
(25:06):
Was he saying if we areself-critical, then we should be
self-critical of our neighbor.
Or was he saying that we needto learn how to love ourselves?
And if, from the Christiantradition, from the Christian
perspective, what I would say iswe need to love ourselves the
way God loves us in order toreally be able to love our
(25:29):
neighbor, and so these areantithetical to the idea of
being manly and selfish,self-absorbed, mamby-pamby, what
is this self-compassion stuff?
You need to do that, you needto do that and so learning to do
(25:52):
that.
So people say, okay, thatsounds nice.
So how do I do that?
I got all these thoughts goingon in my head and everything
else and that's like walkinginto a gym and saying, oh, I
like the way the guy's doingbicep curls with a 50 pound
barbell.
(26:12):
How do I do that?
Yeah, you start with a fivepound.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
You start with it.
It's a process of starting withvery simple, easy exercises and
learning to watch your thinking, and you don't start to
cultivate things like generosityand loving kindness before you
(26:41):
develop the basic skill of beingable to watch your thoughts.
Most of us live inside of ourthoughts, right?
That's not?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
true being able to watch your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Most of us live inside of our thoughts, right?
We don't even think.
We don't most of the time wedon't think about our thoughts,
but sometimes we do.
Alan, I'm sure you've had theexperience where you're talking
to somebody and you're thinking,oh this isn't going very well.
Or the guy's not listening to me, or the guy's really interested
, or he's really going to laughwhen yes, or the guy's not
listening to me, or the guy'sreally interested, or he's
really going to laugh when Itell him the punchline.
(27:13):
We've had this.
That's meditation.
That is meditation, but it'sauto-drived meditation.
It's not intentional meditation, intentional meditation.
(27:35):
And so if we can just learn howto have that same experience,
but intentionally, in a way thatwe're actually being aware of
it happening and being awake toit, I don't know if I'm making
sense.
Let me see If I say, alan, Ihad a thought, now, even though
I generally live inside mythoughts, I am recognizing there
(27:58):
that I had a thought.
So when I say I had a thought,I'm recognizing that I'm not my
thought, it's something I had.
That's right.
Right.
All of our thoughts are thingsthat we have, even the ones
which say I don't like that guy,or he shouldn't wear his pants
like that, or that wasdisrespectful.
(28:19):
It's still just thoughts thatI'm having, although they don't
feel like that.
They feel like it's me.
But the fact of the matter isthey are thoughts that we're
having and what we do inmeditation through a very simple
practice that doesn't takeyears and you don't have to sit
on a cushion.
There is a practice which,inside of a week or two, you
(28:44):
begin to identify with the I.
When you say I had a thought,who is the I?
You begin to identify with theI.
That's having the thoughts.
And the moment we can start toI know it sounds weird
multi-personality.
(29:05):
We've had the experience oh,this is going well when we had
that other.
So the moment we can reallystart to work that a little bit,
the five pound weights, andmove into that observer of our
thoughts, that's where we canstart to do the work.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Completely agree.
I think for me, when I starteddoing this podcast and doing
men's work, what really wasdrawing me to this was I
recognized in myself how muchexternal validation I needed in
my life in order to feelsomewhat okay.
And hearing you share todayduring this episode, I recognize
(29:49):
that there's so much more workthat still needs to be done, not
just for me, but for all men.
And then the reason I say thatis we still we live in a society
here in the west that is verymuch externally driven
validation, right, that kind ofwhat kind of house do you live
in, what kind of car do youdrive, you know what status are
you at, and when we recognizethat our power truly is more
(30:13):
really about being able tomaster ourself.
And I like how you talked aboutand brought introduced
meditation in the idea of I hada thought and that is meditation
.
And many of us think that wehave to be sitting on a cushion,
cross-legged, doing OM, andthat's meditation.
And while that's an aspect,that is one part of it, we
(30:37):
meditate maybe different anotherword to use it is we cogitate
or we contemplate things thatwe're working on, things that
we're working on, and when we dothat and we go back to our
other thought about flow, thenwe're allowing the transmission
(30:57):
of that information to come tous and through us.
And so I love the way thatwe're stitching this
conversation today togetherbecause I want to go to how.
Really, what I'm also talkingabout here is don't think I
don't think we're as happyanymore as we used to be, and
you talk about in your work, thework ethic of happiness.
So let's start to, let's startto unpack that and how that the
(31:19):
idea have what happiness is allabout, how that can really be
make a profound change in ourlife before we go there.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
There, I want to go back.
I love the use the word stitch,because that's what we're doing
we're stitching it together.
But I want to go back tosomething you just said about
self-validation.
Yeah, okay.
So the first meditation that welearn is breath awareness.
I'm going to take a moment withthis, because it goes right to
that point.
Take a moment with this,because it goes right to that
(31:47):
point.
So the instructions arebasically to form an intent.
Have you ever been talking tosomebody and realize that you're
not listening to them anymore?
Speaker 1 (31:58):
My wife.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
And have you noticed that when you notice that you're
not listening, there's a littlefeeling of startle?
It's like almost you say toyourself oh, it's like your
brain knew on some level thatyou wanted to listen and it goes
yeah, not listening, right?
(32:23):
We call that waking up, becausethe moment before that you were
in a fog of rumination andprojection about what you should
have said and whether you leftthe stove on and blah, blah,
blah, which is a normal defaultplace of the brain.
And I can get into evolutionarypsychology and tell you why
it's appropriate and why we doit.
(32:45):
But just take it for now.
It is a normal, appropriateaction of the brain.
In meditation, the instructionsare simply form an intention to
put your attention on yourbreath or on a candle.
I'll make it on a candle.
Within two seconds your mindgoes nuts.
(33:05):
You start thinking about thisand what I gotta do and your
list of stuff and what my wife'sgonna think and I didn't do
this for my kids and birthday'scoming up and all this stuff.
for some of a lot of it'scritical yeah but then at some
point your mind's gonna go hey,you're not paying attention to
(33:25):
the candle.
And then there's going to be aflood of judgments oh, I'm not
doing it right, I didn't focus.
If you hang with it for alittle bit, you run out of
criticisms.
You literally run out.
You said all the criticisms youcould possibly say.
So now all you're left with islooking at the candle and saying
(33:49):
let me put my attention back onthe candle and let me begin
again, begin again.
Then your mind goes off.
You wake up, you return and youbegin again.
Then your mind goes off and youreturn and you begin again.
Alan, it's in the coming backand beginning again where the
(34:10):
healing occurs.
It's not the lack of focus,that's not what it's about.
It's in coming back andbeginning again, because every
time you do that, you'revalidating yourself.
That validation that you lookfor from the outside, you start
generating it from within,because you're saying I can do
(34:32):
this.
I can fail and start over.
I can fail and start over.
And that very fact of beginningagain, coming back and
beginning again, teaches you totolerate discomfort.
It teaches you that you're okay.
It teaches you that it's okayto fail and, as you learn it's
(34:52):
okay to fail, you develop thestrength of tolerating
discomfort, and that allows youto step out and try new things
in life and after a while itgets you to the place where you
can say to the world I am what Iam and I is what I is, and I'm
Popeye the Sailor man too.
And that's where the strengthand stability of meditation
(35:16):
comes from in coming back andbeginning again and beginning
again.
So it's not about losing focus.
It's about beginning again.
It's about getting back up onthe horse.
So we tell our kids, get backup on the horse.
But every time we begin again,we're forming a neural pathway
(35:38):
that says that's who we are,that's who I am.
I'm the person that tries stuff, and when it doesn't happen, I
begin again.
And people that can begin again, that have that skill of being
able to begin again, these arethe people that develop their
courage and theirstand-up-edness, and so that's
where the healing happens.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Love that.
Wow, just some great truthsthere.
And I hadn't really consideredthe idea, because I have a
morning practice, excuse me,where I step in and say do a
little prayer, and then I havesome meditation time.
And today was one of thosetypical days where my mind's
everywhere and it's thinkingabout everything and and and
(36:23):
I've learned now to try not tojudge that too much and to be
with it and but I hadn'tconsidered the idea of it was
building strength, becausethat's where the healing was and
that's where it's happening.
So I love that you've tied thattogether and it I'm already
projecting my tomorrow when I'mback doing my tomorrow's routine
(36:46):
.
This idea of healing.
Oh, isn't that interesting.
I was just thinking aboutwhatever I didn't do the dishes
last night and I can just comeback.
Okay, I'll just start again.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
Just start again, just start again.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
And I think, for when we think of it from a masculine
perspective, we're trulylearning how to master ourselves
, and that's where true strengthlies.
Isn't about having the biggestbiceps or the, the muscle car or
any of this other stuff that wewould think is masculine.
It's about being in, beinghaving opportunity to master who
we are, and so I reallyappreciate that we're bringing
(37:25):
masculinity into this conceptand this idea.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Yeah, it reminds me of Thomas Edison's quote I never
failed, but I did discover hownot to make a light bulb 1,400
times.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah, no, kidding For sure.
So I had said in the intro, youstarted your career and you
mentioned it as well about beinga lawyer, and then you've
shifted from that and you'reteaching and using from a Taoist
philosophy.
But through that journey you'veseen the idea of what the human
nature is all about.
(38:00):
And so let's talk a little bitabout how this transition and
how we can transform ourselveswhen we're in careers whether
it's we're lawyers or whateverit is that we're doing and when
we allow ourselves to betransformed, how that can also
make an impact in our lives.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
So the Buddha said, you must put guardians at the
portals to your mind.
And in saying that hediscovered something that brain
science says has confirmed astrue and again I could go into
evolutionary psychology and wewere hunters, gatherers, in very
(38:40):
dangerous, physically demanding, very low caloric environments
for 1.7 million generations.
That's the creature that we are, that is the body and mind that
has evolved.
We've only had agriculture for500 generations, so we have not
(39:02):
evolved into a modern version ofHomo sapiens.
We are still thehunter-gatherers, and because of
that our brains work in acertain way, and the most
powerful thing in our brain isthe avoidance of danger and
survival.
That you got to be able tosurvive, to do anything else,
and so our brain is highlysensitive to anything that may
(39:26):
present danger.
Unfortunately, today, danger isno longer a snake or a tiger,
it's a deadline.
Right, it's a deadline, right,it's the girl saying yes, it's
having to wait at the bar, it'shaving too long a line, it's
being caught in traffic.
All has the same physiologicaleffect as seeing a poisonous
(39:51):
snake in front of you, and we'redesigned to be sensitive to it
and to take it in.
The only problem is we can nolonger identify the danger, and
so we're chronically stressedout, looking for the solution,
which is undefined and it'stough.
We're not designed for theworld that we're living in
(40:14):
Evolutionarily.
We're just not that we'reliving in evolutionarily, we're
just not.
So we have to do something tobalance it out intentionally,
because otherwise life will takeus down the rabbit hole.
And we are designed for thehunter-gatherer that we are.
Look, we go to a gym.
(40:35):
Right, why do we go to a gym?
We go to a gym because we don'tspend the whole day hunting.
We should be out hunting allday, but we don't.
So we know that there'ssomething wrong with our bodies
and feel they feel like crapbecause they're not getting
enough physical exercise.
So we artificially increase itby going to the gym, and we know
(40:56):
that's healthy and that's goodfor us.
Yeah, we don't pay the sameattention to our minds.
Our minds are also from backthen.
So I would say this one is aneasy answer.
It really is Curate yourenvironment, put beautiful
things around you.
(41:16):
If there is a picture of a timewhen you were deeply moved by
something, put that in yourworkspace.
If there is a particular thingthat you saw at a little
marketplace, get it and put iton your thing.
Put little tasty snacks in it.
Experience awe.
(41:43):
Modern research is telling usthat awe is the positive side of
PTSD, that when you experienceawe it immediately rewires your
brain, just like PTSD rewires itfrom trauma.
So curate your environment.
Put beauty in your life.
We have a responsibility.
We put it in those starkestterms we have a responsibility
(42:06):
to beauty.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Love that, love that I'm sitting here thinking about
the episode and the things thatwe're talking on, and I just
can't help but wonder that theremight be a man that's listening
to this podcast and maybe he'sfeeling lost or he's stuck and
he's at his death and rebirthmoment, and so what would you
say to that gentleman, thatindividual?
It would be the first step forhim to take today to shift his
(42:32):
mindset and move towards more,maybe have a life that's more
fulfilling.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
I would start with this statement this is suffering
.
This is suffering, I amsuffering.
This is what suffering feelslike.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
This is it.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
I'm in it.
I would recognize this issuffering minute and I would
recognize this is suffering.
And then I would say I'd askstart thinking about two things
what are the words?
The precise words, not the kindof words.
Oh, I'm thinking, I'm beingself-critical, I don't want that
(43:15):
.
What are the exact words thatyou're saying?
Are you saying you're not goodenough?
Are those the exact words?
Think about what are the exactwords and then think about where
you are feeling the sense ofoverwhelm, where is the physical
(43:35):
sensation of it?
What are the words?
Where is the physical sensation?
Where do you feel it?
Probably that will be a verydifficult question, because
we've become so disconnected tothe physical sensation of our
(43:55):
emotions that we generalize themso much that, oh, all over, or
I feel it in my head, or it'sjust I feel hot.
Stay with it.
Where I just worked with ayoung lady who had come to the
conclusion that she did notdeserve to be happy and after a
while we were able to identifyit.
(44:16):
It's really weird.
I've never had this before, butshe was able to identify a
place that was about threeinches below her left collarbone
.
Once she said it's not my heart, it's right here, she was able
to actually find the dot whereshe said and then I think that
you will notice that when youconcentrate on the thoughts that
(44:38):
you're having and the physicalsensations that you are having,
you're grounding yourself in thepresent moment.
You can't be aware of a physicalsensation in the future or the
past.
You have to be right here rightnow.
Have to be right here right now, and you may notice that by the
(45:01):
time you spend a little timethinking about the exact words
and the physical sensations thatyou're having, you may come to
the conclusion that there reallyis nothing happening in this
present moment.
That's dangerous.
So all of that sense ofoverwhelm and everything else,
you're catastrophizing in thefuture.
Now I can say to you oh, justbring yourself into the present.
(45:25):
That doesn't mean anything.
But if you actually look andtry to examine what the physical
sensations are that you'refeeling, you are bringing
yourself into the present moment.
And when you look around yousay, oh really, there's no tiger
or snake in here.
There's nothing right now.
That is putting me in danger.
And that's a practice that itgets easier.
If you do it once, it's alittle difficult, it's a little
(45:48):
less difficult the next time.
But one of the tricks thatmeditators always use in order
to be able to better managetheir emotions is what am I
thinking?
Where am I feeling it?
What am I thinking?
Where am I feeling it?
We even will do things like ifI'm really having trouble
(46:12):
controlling an emotion, I mightstart asking myself things like
where is my emotion?
What shape is my emotion?
What color is my emotion?
If my emotion could hold water,how much water would it hold?
So I really start putting acolor and a feeling and the
moment I start doing that, itbrings me into the present
(46:36):
moment and I realized thatthere's no danger at my
breathing close, my breathingslows down.
The other thing, another thingto be very practical
intentionally slow yourbreathing, intentionally, even
if you have, I like, I like thefour eight breathing yeah,
(46:56):
breathe in to a 4 count and outto an 8 count.
So it's in 2, 3, 4, out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
What happens just this ishelpful to know is that when you
slow your breathing downintentionally, you are slowing
(47:19):
the movement of your diaphragm.
Diaphragm is connected to anerve called the vagus nerve.
The vagus nerve is the longestnerve in your body and it
touches all of your organs andwhen you intentionally slow down
the motion of your diaphragm,it sends a signal to your brain
that you're out of danger andyour brain will send a signal to
(47:41):
your heart to slow down.
So you can reverse the processof I'm scared and it sends it
down and my heart starts pumpingand my diaphragm starts.
It goes from here to here.
You can actually go from thereto there.
You can actually go from thediaphragm to the head.
So if you intentionally slowyour diaphragm down, even if
(48:04):
it's, you want to breathe faster, because mostly when you're
scared you're a chest breatherand now you're going to try to
drop it down a little.
But it may seem difficult, itmay seem like your body doesn't
want to slow down.
Yeah, just do it with countingor just slow your breathing down
.
Don't try to, don't try tode-stress yourself, don't try to
(48:29):
stop the thinking, don't try tomake yourself feel better.
Your only intention is to slowyourself, feel better.
Your only intention is to slow,literally physically slow your
breathing down.
Okay, and it won't take five,10 breaths before you start to
feel it.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
That's perfect.
What a great way to do it.
Really practical steps for usto be able to start to get
re-centered.
I just love that's outstanding.
You mentioned at the start ofthis conversation a few
important people that have comeinto your life, and so somebody
and maybe it was one of thoseindividuals, or from somewhere
else, maybe it was out of a book, but what would be, would you
(49:10):
say, would be.
It was the best piece of advicethat you've been given, and how
is that still serving you today?
Speaker 3 (49:16):
Best piece of advice.
How is that still serving youtoday, best piece of advice.
There's so many that are runningthrough my head right now, but
what comes to mind is Carl Saganhas a little YouTube video
(49:37):
called A Pale Blue Dot and it isa picture of the Earth from
outside of Jupiter and all it isa pale blue dot hanging in a
stream of sunlight.
So incredibly insignificant,and I know this sounds bad.
(50:02):
Life is hard and then you die,and that's all there is to it,
man, that's it.
Life is hard and then you die.
So you know we really areincredibly insignificant.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
And there is something that gives us the
ability to be so much biggerthan we are in recognizing our
insignificance.
Not meaning anything allows meto mean anything I wanted to be.
I don't know, that's a little,maybe that's a little weird, but
that's what comes to mind.
(50:37):
Go watch that Pale Blue Dot byCarl Sagan on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Absolutely.
We sure will.
You know, bob, of everythingthat we spoke about today, and
maybe there was something wedidn't get a chance to touch on,
what would be a takeaway you'dwant our listeners to have?
Speaker 3 (50:54):
That you're not your thoughts.
You're so much bigger than yourthoughts.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
You're so much more than your thoughts.
You're the about living withpurpose, and so your insights
has really given us someframework now that we can start
finding some balance, hopefullysome inner peace for those that
are listening today and start tomaster our life and both men
are interested in getting a holdof you and participating in
your work.
What's the best way for them todo that?
Speaker 3 (51:33):
And one more thing I want to say.
The symbol of Taoism is the yin, yang, yes, the male and female
energy.
Don't be mistaken in thinkingthat men are made out of yang
and women are made out of yin.
We are a combination, all of usare a combination of male and
female energies.
If we didn't have the femaleenergy in us, we wouldn't be
(51:57):
able to relate to women.
If they didn't have the femaleenergy in us, we wouldn't be
able to relate to women.
If they didn't have male energyin them, they wouldn't be able
to relate to us.
So, honor the two energies.
Okay, I just had to say that.
Yeah, if you want to knowanything, I have some e-books
that are free and downloadablethat answer all these questions,
(52:19):
because everybody keeps askingthem.
So I figured I'd write it downand I tell you.
I'm coming up, I just finishedand I'm going to post.
It is a self-assessment on howmindful are you, and I'm going
to post that on my website aswell.
It's going to be fun, butanyway, go to my website and
everything is thereawiseandhappylifecom.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
Perfect.
I want to make sure thatinformation's in today's show
notes, as well as wherever elsethat you're hanging out on the
internet, and so, as we closetoday's episode, I want to
challenge all of us with asimple but profound question Are
you truly living with clarity,purpose and flow?
Too often we get caught up,trying to control everything,
missing the opportunity to alignourselves with what life is
(53:05):
offering us, and that's why Ialso want to introduce you some
work that we're doing here, andit's called Living With
Integrity.
This is a program that'sdesigned to help men reconnect
with their purpose, master theirmindset and create a life of
balance and fulfillment.
So, if you're ready to stopresisting and to start flowing,
take the first step today.
Go to memberstheawakenedmannetand take our free integrity
(53:29):
challenge.
It's an opportunity for you tolive with purpose, lead with
clarity, so let's get startedright now.
Thank you so much for listening.
Have a great day.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
Imagine living a life that looks successful on the
outside thriving career,financial stability and social
status only to realize that,deep down, something is missing.
You're constantly pushing,striving and grinding, and yet
the sense of peace andfulfillment that you crave
remains just out of reach.
Society teaches men thatsuccess is about control and
(00:26):
power, but what if true masterycomes from surrendering to the
natural flow of life?
What if the key to happiness isfound in doing more, in
learning how to let go, adaptand to move with intention?
In today's episode, we're goingto explore the power of
mindfulness, the wisdom ofancient traditions and the
(00:47):
science behind happiness, givingyou the tools to align your
life with purpose, clarity anddeep satisfaction.
And so, if this sounds like atopic that you'd be interested
in, I want you to take a momentand hit subscribe and even leave
a comment on today's episode,and do please help share the
show so that others can findthis much content as well.
(01:07):
It's your engagement that helpsus spread this message and
empower more men to live withconfidence and purpose.
With that, let's get on withtoday's episode.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
The average man today is sleepwalking through life,
many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purpose through life.
Many never reaching their truepotential, let alone ever
crossing the finish line toliving a purposeful life.
Yet the hunger still exists,albeit buried amidst his
cluttered mind, misguidedbeliefs and values that no
longer serve him.
It's time to align yourself forgreatness.
(01:39):
It's time to become arevolutionary man.
Stay strong, my brother.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast.
I'm the founder of the Awakenedman Movement and your host,
alan DeMonso.
How would your life change if,instead of fighting against the
currents of life, you learnedhow to move with them?
And what if success, happinessand fulfillment weren't things
you had to chase, but ratherstates of being you could
(02:09):
cultivate from within?
You know, mastery in life isabout forcing outcomes, or it
isn't about forcing outcomes.
I should say it's aboutlearning how to align with
life's natural rhythms,cultivating with the mindset
that leads to a lastingfulfillment.
(02:30):
Today we are going to explorehow mindfulness, ancient wisdom
and intentional living cantransform our lives and how
experience, success, happinessand relationships are the key to
living a fulfilling life.
To do that, allow me at thismoment to introduce my guest.
To do that, allow me at thismoment to introduce my guest.
Bob Martin is my guest todaywith a story that is truly
extraordinary and entertainingand fun From a high-powered mob
(02:53):
lawyer during Miami's wildcocaine cowboy days to a
certified meditation teacherTalk about hitting two ends of
the spectrum and is now with hismaster's in MSW to go with it
and with his JD, bob has helpedthousands of men to redesign
their lives, their thinking andthe life they totally dreamed of
.
Bob's journey isn't anythingbut extraordinary.
(03:15):
Now, as a two-time publishedauthor and professor of wellness
at Elon University, bob blendsTaoist wisdom, brain science,
psychology and humor to tackleeverything from breaking free
from limiting beliefs andfinding clarity and resilience
in life's chaos.
Welcome to the show, bob.
How are things, my friend?
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Things are wonderful and I was enthralled by your
introduction.
There were so many great thingsthat you said, so many great
things that you said, and eachone of them would be a podcast
in and of itself, and I am justso looking forward to our
conversation.
That was just a beautiful intro.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Thank you so much, my friend, and I am so excited
about having this conversationwith you.
As I was preparing and gettingready for this conversation, I
just felt this need, this I thisidea to be able to share this
with the world and be anopportunity to help men really
understand.
We're in a really criticalstage in life today.
We're shifting the perspectiveof what it means to be a man is
(04:19):
so important for us, and whilewe need to blend some of the old
, ancient wisdom, we also haveto look at how that can happen
today.
And so, to start us off, I'dlike to ask you about your
hero's quest we always talkabout we're all on these heroes
quests and tell us about yourdeath and rebirth moment and how
that experience shaped you intothe man you are today and the
(04:40):
work that you're doing.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Wow, was there a moment?
Yes, if that it was an extendedmoment, I suppose if it was
like bullet points, there wouldbe the one and then there'd be
the A and the B and the C.
That's after it.
One of those points was readingTo Kill a Mockingbird.
(05:07):
When I was in my teens andlearning about Atticus Finch,
and I think I fell in love withAtticus Finch.
I wound up being a lawyer, soI'm guessing it might have had
something to do with that, butit was his gentle heroism, and I
think that's the way to expressit A gentle heroism, just
(05:31):
simply doing what the next rightthing is, not in an arrogant
way, not for a pat on the back,but simply because it's the next
right thing to do, and it ain'tno big thing, it's just the
next right thing to do.
There was something about thathumility and his ability to
(05:53):
stand against the forces that hestood against that really moved
me, so that would be one.
I suppose.
Another character that had someeffect on me was Don Quixote de
la Mancha.
To dream the impossible dream,to fight the unbeatable foe,
(06:15):
that kind of idealism that isnot really realistic.
It's funny.
Can I share something with youthat just happened?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
So a friend of mine saw an old George Carlin skit
and in that George Carlin skithe was berating the idea of
rights and he was criticizinghow we seem to think that rights
are so important when it'sconvenient to us, but when and
(06:49):
he goes on to say when theJapanese were interred during
the Second World War, it didn'tseem they had very many rights.
And my friend asked me for mythoughts on that.
So I was thinking about it fora while and it occurs to me that
we are imperfect creatures butwe have perfect aspirations.
(07:11):
We try to create the idealworld that we would like to have
, the impossible dream, theunbeatable, and then we try to
live into it and we fail for themost part.
But it's okay because we'reimperfect creatures.
But at least we have theaspirations, at least we have
(07:34):
the dream, at least we know thedirection, and if that has to be
enough, then that has to beenough and it's okay.
And I think those were some ofthe things early on that formed
my character.
And then, like you said in yourintroduction, we come to a
(07:55):
place where we're losing it andit's all falling out of control.
Maybe professionally we mightbe at the top of our game might
be making money hand over foot.
We go home, the first thingthere's the bottle here and the
wife's an alcoholic and the kidsare forgotten and everything's
(08:16):
falling apart and we feel out ofcontrol and we feel like our
whole lives are nothing but afake mask that we put on for the
whole world.
And if they only really knew,if they only really knew who I
really am, that imposter thing.
And Madison Avenue and theadvertisers they don't help out
(08:37):
much.
They came up with the Marlboroman.
You know the Marlboro man?
You know the Marlboro man, thehe-man.
He-man sitting on his loyalsteed with his fur-lined collar,
overlooking his herd ofstallions, smoking a cigarette.
Yeah, and that's the image of aman.
We deal with all that.
But the next thing that happenedwas I got a teacher.
(09:00):
I found a teacher.
It was in my 30s.
I found a teacher.
(09:29):
It was in my 30s.
I was seeing a therapist and Ifound out that he was a top
student and also the Englishlanguage editor for a 72nd
Shaolin Taoist master from theShaolin Temple, the Kung Fu
Bruce Lee's temple.
And imagine 72 generations ofhanding wisdom down from father
to son Just incredible.
And I met him.
And sometimes you meet peopleand you just say, wow, I know
you got it and I want it, pleaseteach me, please, please teach
me.
And then there was that.
And I have to tell you oneother thing.
(09:49):
There was a friend of mine,john Berman, and the best way
for me to describe him is thathe was the Woody Allen type of
fellow that always walks aroundwith a cloud over his head and
it always seems to be raining onJohn and he.
I flunked out of BostonUniversity.
I had a football scholarshipand lost it, and I was living in
(10:14):
a hippy-dippy apartment in 1969.
And John kept telling me that Ishould be a lawyer.
And he disappeared for a coupleof weeks and came back.
He had an envelope and in theenvelope there was a postal
money order, so I couldn't cash.
It made out to the educationaltesting service for $350, which
(10:37):
was the entrance fee to the lawschool aptitude test, and he
said you should be a lawyer, gotake this test.
And one law school took a chanceon me one, and John was a
heroin addict and he went cleanthe day I got accepted and he
went into and he was going to bea paralegal and I was going to
(10:58):
be Perry Mason.
He was going to be my PaulDrake.
Many of you might not know thatreference.
I was going to be.
He was going to be myinvestigator.
Yeah, and he stayed with me andby my side and three days after
I was sworn in through the barexam, through law school,
through the bar exam, three daysafter I was sworn in, he met
(11:19):
some chick on the road whodecided to get high and he
overdosed and died.
Oh man, road and decided to gethigh and he overdosed and died.
Oh man.
And so I don't know.
You know what the divine is?
It's above my pay grade.
To me it's not a very importantquestion because I'll find out
when I die, and that's goodenough.
But I always felt that he hadperformed his mission and there
(11:46):
was something very special aboutthe fact that I had become a
lawyer and so I owed him a greatdeal.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
So I guess those were the big moments, those are
fantastic moments, and I'mlistening to you share your a
bit of your story there and thethought that was going through
my mind is just how you reallymaybe even before you recognize
it you really just went with theflow, and I know you talk a lot
about that today in your work,and so I think for many of us,
(12:17):
especially men, we may tend tofight that a bit and not want to
listen to that direction,whether that's something that's
that little voice inside orsomebody else is asking us.
But when we do trust enough,wonderful things start to happen
for us.
So let's talk a little bitabout what you mean about going
with the flow, and how that hastruly impacted your life and can
(12:42):
impact our lives.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
So Master Nee was just very special.
I'm not kidding.
If we would play the game ofhide and seek, you could never
find it One day.
We were kidding around with himand we said why do they call
you Master?
And he goes, because I havemastered life.
(13:08):
And he chuckled and he walkedaway.
Let us think about that.
So we cornered him a littlelater and we said to him no,
come on, tell us what does itmean to master life?
And he said when you havelearned to interfere the least
and have the appropriate effect,you have begun to master life.
(13:33):
And he was dead serious, yeah,and I was left with what does
that mean?
Interfere the least?
But then he taught us and Iunderstand what he meant.
Now my wife is a real type, atask oriented woman, and I love
her for it and she's verydetailed oriented and I couldn't
(13:55):
survive without her because Iam the big visionary type.
She goes what direction do wego in?
And I go.
We go left and she goes.
Okay, I'm going to show you howto get there.
So praise God for her.
We don't, our brains don't actalike, but I couldn't survive
(14:16):
without her.
Anyway, sometimes she wants togo do something because it is a
task.
It's on her desk, she wants toget it done.
The important thing, it's atask that needs to be completed.
And she'll say, hey, hon, let'sdo this.
And I go no, not now.
(14:37):
And she goes why not?
And I say, I don't know, justnot now.
And then a day or so latersomething will happen that would
have made all of the effort wewould have put into the task
irrelevant.
And she'll look at me.
She goes oh, I hate it when youdo that.
So timing is a piece of it.
(15:00):
A timing is a piece of goingwith the flow.
I would say that there are twoparts of going with the flow.
One of them we have amisconception that somehow going
with the flow means taking ourhands off the wheel and allowing
things to occur which, inanother word, would be a wimp.
(15:25):
If you're too far into goingwith the flow, then you can be
taken advantage of.
You're conciliatory.
You yes, let's do it anythingyou want to do, and that's not a
happy way to live either.
If you are overly aggressive,you're going to waste a lot of
(15:46):
energy and tick a lot of peopleoff.
Somewhere in the middle iswhere that balance is, and you
only get there by making a lotof mistakes and growing older
and having wisdom.
So the two things that you needto know is what is the
(16:07):
characteristic of the flow thatyou're in?
That's the question peopledon't ask.
And then the second is how do Ialign myself appropriately to
this particular flow?
So if I'm on a river in a canoeand hopefully I'm going to go
downstream, first of all that'sthe first thing you don't want
(16:29):
to paddle upstream.
That makes no sense.
You've got to paddle downstream.
You're on a nice, quiet river,paddling downstream.
Life is but a dream.
Everything's nice, sweet, lifeis good.
We've all experienced thosetimes.
But then there are times whenthere's white water, and then
(16:50):
there's times when we look downthe stream and there's a
waterfall.
And there are times when thereare hurricanes and floods, and
there are times when there aregentle rains and there are times
when there are beautifulsunsets.
So all of these are differentflows and there are times when
there are beautiful sunsets.
So all of these are differentflows and you act differently
when you're in those flows.
(17:10):
You don't act the same inwhitewater that you act in calm
water.
You are attending to your canoe.
When you're in whitewater,you're attending to it.
You don't have to attend to itso much in calm water.
I often say that there are ifyou're out in the ocean, and I'm
(17:34):
not talking about a riptide,but if you're out in the ocean,
you simply want to get intoshore, and it's a good distance.
You know that there are threeways.
One is you can panic and drown.
Right, that's not helpful.
The next is that you can belike my wife I have a task, I
(17:55):
need to get to shore.
I'm going to swim.
Let's get it done.
Swim and you will get to shore,but you'll probably be
exhausted.
The other way is to take a lookat the pattern and the cycle of
the motion of the flow and seethat sometimes it's going
towards shore and sometimes it'sgoing away from shore.
(18:16):
So the appropriate way ofaligning yourself when it's
going towards shore is to attendto it and swim back.
Give it all your energy.
This is the time to expendenergy, but then, when it turn
around and it goes against you,you don't want to take your
hands off and be swept out tosea, so that's not the right way
(18:38):
.
So you need to expend someenergy, but you also have a
chance to reserve your energyand allow it to build up,
because you know that the tideis going to change, and then you
will have the energy to swimback.
That way you will have gottento shore with the least effort
(18:58):
possible and be ready to go dosomething else.
You won't have exhaustedyourself.
And so there, I think we canunderstand Master Nee when he
said interfere the least, yethave the appropriate effect.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Go right ahead and keep going.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
In human behavior.
I have a great idea and I say,alan, I got a great idea.
But like you're thinking aboutmeeting up with your bowling
buddies this weekend, the timeis just not right for me to
force my idea upon you.
The listening's not there Right.
(19:43):
So I can either force myselfupon you, which is going to
probably be ineffective and awaste of energy, I can just
grumble that you don't want tolisten to me and waste the time
while I'm waiting.
Or I can say, oh, let me thinkabout what I wanted to tell him
and can I polish it a little bit.
(20:05):
And if I use the time ofwaiting to polish what I want to
tell you, or maybe even thinkit over, or maybe I realize,
maybe it wasn't such a greatidea, there's a whole bunch of
stuff.
If I contemplate, use themoment to reflect and then when
you turn around and say, so, bob, what was it you wanted to tell
(20:28):
me?
Now I'm ready to tell you,probably with fewer words, in a
more polished way, in alistening that's open.
I have interfered the least andI've had the appropriate effect
the way you've really unpackedthis for me is really
(20:49):
outstanding.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
And what I appreciated about is that you
started talking and explainingto us that this idea of going
with the flow is like a spectrumfor us to be mindful of where
we're sitting in that spectrum.
And then, as soon as you gotinto the analogy of the riptide,
it really made to me.
It isn't about going with theflow, isn't about not doing
(21:11):
anything, like you were saying,and then end up by maybe being
taken advantage of or you're notreally accomplishing things
that you're setting forth to do,but to know when to exercise
that energy and when it's timeto go and then when it's time to
hold back a little bit andconserve and think and
contemplate, to do that so thatyou can be prepared to when it's
time to go and then when it'stime to hold back a little bit
and conserve and think andcontemplate, to do that so that
(21:31):
you can be prepared to when it'stime to go again.
And I had never really had thatexplained, had the idea of flow
explained that way, and that theconcept of the riptide really
resonated with me.
And so I can tell that thiswork that you've been doing with
your teacher that has helpedyou and moved you along, and how
the Taoist philosophy hasreally settled in deeply for you
(21:55):
.
And I'd like to talk a littlebit now about how the between
today, I really feel thatthere's a big shift in the
spirituality movement, in thereligious movement, even in how
Christianity is starting toreshape and refine itself, and a
lot of this is because ofEastern philosophies, things
like Taoism, and so I want totalk a little bit about what.
(22:17):
What lessons can we take as men, regardless of what tradition
that we come from, some of thesethings that have been sitting
there but we really haven't beenable to implement them in our
lives.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yeah, so you mentioned Christianity, and I
think that's a great place tostart, because you know whether
(22:51):
it was Lao Tzu writing in 500 BC, or whether it was the creation
of the I Ching 4,000 years ago,or whether it was the teachings
of Jesus, they all are theteachings.
I mean, the cosmologies may bedifferent, but the teachings are
all the same.
And let's just take a look fora moment at the two great
commandments.
Look for a moment at the twogreat commandments, okay, which
is when anybody who is biblicalwill say there are all these
(23:12):
rules in the Old Testament, butJesus came and he gave us the
two rules that we're to live by.
One is love your God with allof your heart, your soul and
your mind.
If we're full of self-doubt, ifwe're full of self-criticism, if
that committee in the head istelling us that we're not good
(23:34):
enough or that we're not readyor all of those other things,
then our mind is full of that.
How can we follow thecommandment to love our God with
all of our mind when our mindis littered with a bunch of junk
which is not even ours?
It's really just theconditioning that we grew up
(23:57):
with.
So was Jesus then commanding usto clear our minds.
I don't mean to clear ourthoughts, which is different,
because people think meditationis about quieting your thoughts,
and it is not Right.
That's relaxation.
Relaxation is about quietingyour thoughts, not meditation,
(24:21):
but managing becoming a skillfulmanager of your thoughts
manager of your thoughts Nowgoing into the attic of your
mind and saying, oh, I justnoticed I keep having this
repetitive thought and it's notvery helpful.
Maybe I don't need it, butthat's another process.
The other commandment was tolove your neighbor as yourself.
(24:45):
It was his commandment.
What if you don't love yourself?
What if you are highly criticalof yourself?
And look at the way he phrasedit Not to love your neighbor,
like he said, as yourself.
(25:06):
Was he saying if we areself-critical, then we should be
self-critical of our neighbor.
Or was he saying that we needto learn how to love ourselves?
And if, from the Christiantradition, from the Christian
perspective, what I would say iswe need to love ourselves the
way God loves us in order toreally be able to love our
(25:29):
neighbor, and so these areantithetical to the idea of
being manly and selfish,self-absorbed, mamby-pamby, what
is this self-compassion stuff?
You need to do that, you needto do that and so learning to do
(25:52):
that.
So people say, okay, thatsounds nice.
So how do I do that?
I got all these thoughts goingon in my head and everything
else and that's like walkinginto a gym and saying, oh, I
like the way the guy's doingbicep curls with a 50 pound
barbell.
(26:12):
How do I do that?
Yeah, you start with a fivepound.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
You start with it.
It's a process of starting withvery simple, easy exercises and
learning to watch your thinking, and you don't start to
cultivate things like generosityand loving kindness before you
(26:41):
develop the basic skill of beingable to watch your thoughts.
Most of us live inside of ourthoughts, right?
That's not?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
true being able to watch your thoughts.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Most of us live inside of our thoughts, right?
We don't even think.
We don't most of the time wedon't think about our thoughts,
but sometimes we do.
Alan, I'm sure you've had theexperience where you're talking
to somebody and you're thinking,oh this isn't going very well.
Or the guy's not listening to me, or the guy's really interested
, or he's really going to laughwhen yes, or the guy's not
listening to me, or the guy'sreally interested, or he's
really going to laugh when Itell him the punchline.
(27:13):
We've had this.
That's meditation.
That is meditation, but it'sauto-drived meditation.
It's not intentional meditation, intentional meditation.
(27:35):
And so if we can just learn howto have that same experience,
but intentionally, in a way thatwe're actually being aware of
it happening and being awake toit, I don't know if I'm making
sense.
Let me see If I say, alan, Ihad a thought, now, even though
I generally live inside mythoughts, I am recognizing there
(27:58):
that I had a thought.
So when I say I had a thought,I'm recognizing that I'm not my
thought, it's something I had.
That's right.
Right.
All of our thoughts are thingsthat we have, even the ones
which say I don't like that guy,or he shouldn't wear his pants
like that, or that wasdisrespectful.
(28:19):
It's still just thoughts thatI'm having, although they don't
feel like that.
They feel like it's me.
But the fact of the matter isthey are thoughts that we're
having and what we do inmeditation through a very simple
practice that doesn't takeyears and you don't have to sit
on a cushion.
There is a practice which,inside of a week or two, you
(28:44):
begin to identify with the I.
When you say I had a thought,who is the I?
You begin to identify with theI.
That's having the thoughts.
And the moment we can start toI know it sounds weird
multi-personality.
(29:05):
We've had the experience oh,this is going well when we had
that other.
So the moment we can reallystart to work that a little bit,
the five pound weights, andmove into that observer of our
thoughts, that's where we canstart to do the work.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Completely agree.
I think for me, when I starteddoing this podcast and doing
men's work, what really wasdrawing me to this was I
recognized in myself how muchexternal validation I needed in
my life in order to feelsomewhat okay.
And hearing you share todayduring this episode, I recognize
(29:49):
that there's so much more workthat still needs to be done, not
just for me, but for all men.
And then the reason I say thatis we still we live in a society
here in the west that is verymuch externally driven
validation, right, that kind ofwhat kind of house do you live
in, what kind of car do youdrive, you know what status are
you at, and when we recognizethat our power truly is more
(30:13):
really about being able tomaster ourself.
And I like how you talked aboutand brought introduced
meditation in the idea of I hada thought and that is meditation
.
And many of us think that wehave to be sitting on a cushion,
cross-legged, doing OM, andthat's meditation.
And while that's an aspect,that is one part of it, we
(30:37):
meditate maybe different anotherword to use it is we cogitate
or we contemplate things thatwe're working on, things that
we're working on, and when we dothat and we go back to our
other thought about flow, thenwe're allowing the transmission
(30:57):
of that information to come tous and through us.
And so I love the way thatwe're stitching this
conversation today togetherbecause I want to go to how.
Really, what I'm also talkingabout here is don't think I
don't think we're as happyanymore as we used to be, and
you talk about in your work, thework ethic of happiness.
So let's start to, let's startto unpack that and how that the
(31:19):
idea have what happiness is allabout, how that can really be
make a profound change in ourlife before we go there.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
There, I want to go back.
I love the use the word stitch,because that's what we're doing
we're stitching it together.
But I want to go back tosomething you just said about
self-validation.
Yeah, okay.
So the first meditation that welearn is breath awareness.
I'm going to take a moment withthis, because it goes right to
that point.
Take a moment with this,because it goes right to that
(31:47):
point.
So the instructions arebasically to form an intent.
Have you ever been talking tosomebody and realize that you're
not listening to them anymore?
Speaker 1 (31:58):
My wife.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
And have you noticed that when you notice that you're
not listening, there's a littlefeeling of startle?
It's like almost you say toyourself oh, it's like your
brain knew on some level thatyou wanted to listen and it goes
yeah, not listening, right?
(32:23):
We call that waking up, becausethe moment before that you were
in a fog of rumination andprojection about what you should
have said and whether you leftthe stove on and blah, blah,
blah, which is a normal defaultplace of the brain.
And I can get into evolutionarypsychology and tell you why
it's appropriate and why we doit.
(32:45):
But just take it for now.
It is a normal, appropriateaction of the brain.
In meditation, the instructionsare simply form an intention to
put your attention on yourbreath or on a candle.
I'll make it on a candle.
Within two seconds your mindgoes nuts.
(33:05):
You start thinking about thisand what I gotta do and your
list of stuff and what my wife'sgonna think and I didn't do
this for my kids and birthday'scoming up and all this stuff.
for some of a lot of it'scritical yeah but then at some
point your mind's gonna go hey,you're not paying attention to
(33:25):
the candle.
And then there's going to be aflood of judgments oh, I'm not
doing it right, I didn't focus.
If you hang with it for alittle bit, you run out of
criticisms.
You literally run out.
You said all the criticisms youcould possibly say.
So now all you're left with islooking at the candle and saying
(33:49):
let me put my attention back onthe candle and let me begin
again, begin again.
Then your mind goes off.
You wake up, you return and youbegin again.
Then your mind goes off and youreturn and you begin again.
Alan, it's in the coming backand beginning again where the
(34:10):
healing occurs.
It's not the lack of focus,that's not what it's about.
It's in coming back andbeginning again, because every
time you do that, you'revalidating yourself.
That validation that you lookfor from the outside, you start
generating it from within,because you're saying I can do
(34:32):
this.
I can fail and start over.
I can fail and start over.
And that very fact of beginningagain, coming back and
beginning again, teaches you totolerate discomfort.
It teaches you that you're okay.
It teaches you that it's okayto fail and, as you learn it's
(34:52):
okay to fail, you develop thestrength of tolerating
discomfort, and that allows youto step out and try new things
in life and after a while itgets you to the place where you
can say to the world I am what Iam and I is what I is, and I'm
Popeye the Sailor man too.
And that's where the strengthand stability of meditation
(35:16):
comes from in coming back andbeginning again and beginning
again.
So it's not about losing focus.
It's about beginning again.
It's about getting back up onthe horse.
So we tell our kids, get backup on the horse.
But every time we begin again,we're forming a neural pathway
(35:38):
that says that's who we are,that's who I am.
I'm the person that tries stuff, and when it doesn't happen, I
begin again.
And people that can begin again, that have that skill of being
able to begin again, these arethe people that develop their
courage and theirstand-up-edness, and so that's
where the healing happens.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Love that.
Wow, just some great truthsthere.
And I hadn't really consideredthe idea, because I have a
morning practice, excuse me,where I step in and say do a
little prayer, and then I havesome meditation time.
And today was one of thosetypical days where my mind's
everywhere and it's thinkingabout everything and and and
(36:23):
I've learned now to try not tojudge that too much and to be
with it and but I hadn'tconsidered the idea of it was
building strength, becausethat's where the healing was and
that's where it's happening.
So I love that you've tied thattogether and it I'm already
projecting my tomorrow when I'mback doing my tomorrow's routine
(36:46):
.
This idea of healing.
Oh, isn't that interesting.
I was just thinking aboutwhatever I didn't do the dishes
last night and I can just comeback.
Okay, I'll just start again.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
Just start again, just start again.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
And I think, for when we think of it from a masculine
perspective, we're trulylearning how to master ourselves
, and that's where true strengthlies.
Isn't about having the biggestbiceps or the, the muscle car or
any of this other stuff that wewould think is masculine.
It's about being in, beinghaving opportunity to master who
we are, and so I reallyappreciate that we're bringing
(37:25):
masculinity into this conceptand this idea.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Yeah, it reminds me of Thomas Edison's quote I never
failed, but I did discover hownot to make a light bulb 1,400
times.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah, no, kidding For sure.
So I had said in the intro, youstarted your career and you
mentioned it as well about beinga lawyer, and then you've
shifted from that and you'reteaching and using from a Taoist
philosophy.
But through that journey you'veseen the idea of what the human
nature is all about.
(38:00):
And so let's talk a little bitabout how this transition and
how we can transform ourselveswhen we're in careers whether
it's we're lawyers or whateverit is that we're doing and when
we allow ourselves to betransformed, how that can also
make an impact in our lives.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
So the Buddha said, you must put guardians at the
portals to your mind.
And in saying that hediscovered something that brain
science says has confirmed astrue and again I could go into
evolutionary psychology and wewere hunters, gatherers, in very
(38:40):
dangerous, physically demanding, very low caloric environments
for 1.7 million generations.
That's the creature that we are, that is the body and mind that
has evolved.
We've only had agriculture for500 generations, so we have not
(39:02):
evolved into a modern version ofHomo sapiens.
We are still thehunter-gatherers, and because of
that our brains work in acertain way, and the most
powerful thing in our brain isthe avoidance of danger and
survival.
That you got to be able tosurvive, to do anything else,
and so our brain is highlysensitive to anything that may
(39:26):
present danger.
Unfortunately, today, danger isno longer a snake or a tiger,
it's a deadline.
Right, it's a deadline, right,it's the girl saying yes, it's
having to wait at the bar, it'shaving too long a line, it's
being caught in traffic.
All has the same physiologicaleffect as seeing a poisonous
(39:51):
snake in front of you, and we'redesigned to be sensitive to it
and to take it in.
The only problem is we can nolonger identify the danger, and
so we're chronically stressedout, looking for the solution,
which is undefined and it'stough.
We're not designed for theworld that we're living in
(40:14):
Evolutionarily.
We're just not that we'reliving in evolutionarily, we're
just not.
So we have to do something tobalance it out intentionally,
because otherwise life will takeus down the rabbit hole.
And we are designed for thehunter-gatherer that we are.
Look, we go to a gym.
(40:35):
Right, why do we go to a gym?
We go to a gym because we don'tspend the whole day hunting.
We should be out hunting allday, but we don't.
So we know that there'ssomething wrong with our bodies
and feel they feel like crapbecause they're not getting
enough physical exercise.
So we artificially increase itby going to the gym, and we know
(40:56):
that's healthy and that's goodfor us.
Yeah, we don't pay the sameattention to our minds.
Our minds are also from backthen.
So I would say this one is aneasy answer.
It really is Curate yourenvironment, put beautiful
things around you.
(41:16):
If there is a picture of a timewhen you were deeply moved by
something, put that in yourworkspace.
If there is a particular thingthat you saw at a little
marketplace, get it and put iton your thing.
Put little tasty snacks in it.
Experience awe.
(41:43):
Modern research is telling usthat awe is the positive side of
PTSD, that when you experienceawe it immediately rewires your
brain, just like PTSD rewires itfrom trauma.
So curate your environment.
Put beauty in your life.
We have a responsibility.
We put it in those starkestterms we have a responsibility
(42:06):
to beauty.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Love that, love that I'm sitting here thinking about
the episode and the things thatwe're talking on, and I just
can't help but wonder that theremight be a man that's listening
to this podcast and maybe he'sfeeling lost or he's stuck and
he's at his death and rebirthmoment, and so what would you
say to that gentleman, thatindividual?
It would be the first step forhim to take today to shift his
(42:32):
mindset and move towards more,maybe have a life that's more
fulfilling.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
I would start with this statement this is suffering
.
This is suffering, I amsuffering.
This is what suffering feelslike.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
This is it.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
I'm in it.
I would recognize this issuffering minute and I would
recognize this is suffering.
And then I would say I'd askstart thinking about two things
what are the words?
The precise words, not the kindof words.
Oh, I'm thinking, I'm beingself-critical, I don't want that
(43:15):
.
What are the exact words thatyou're saying?
Are you saying you're not goodenough?
Are those the exact words?
Think about what are the exactwords and then think about where
you are feeling the sense ofoverwhelm, where is the physical
(43:35):
sensation of it?
What are the words?
Where is the physical sensation?
Where do you feel it?
Probably that will be a verydifficult question, because
we've become so disconnected tothe physical sensation of our
(43:55):
emotions that we generalize themso much that, oh, all over, or
I feel it in my head, or it'sjust I feel hot.
Stay with it.
Where I just worked with ayoung lady who had come to the
conclusion that she did notdeserve to be happy and after a
while we were able to identifyit.
(44:16):
It's really weird.
I've never had this before, butshe was able to identify a
place that was about threeinches below her left collarbone
.
Once she said it's not my heart, it's right here, she was able
to actually find the dot whereshe said and then I think that
you will notice that when youconcentrate on the thoughts that
(44:38):
you're having and the physicalsensations that you are having,
you're grounding yourself in thepresent moment.
You can't be aware of a physicalsensation in the future or the
past.
You have to be right here rightnow.
Have to be right here right now, and you may notice that by the
(45:01):
time you spend a little timethinking about the exact words
and the physical sensations thatyou're having, you may come to
the conclusion that there reallyis nothing happening in this
present moment.
That's dangerous.
So all of that sense ofoverwhelm and everything else,
you're catastrophizing in thefuture.
Now I can say to you oh, justbring yourself into the present.
(45:25):
That doesn't mean anything.
But if you actually look andtry to examine what the physical
sensations are that you'refeeling, you are bringing
yourself into the present moment.
And when you look around yousay, oh really, there's no tiger
or snake in here.
There's nothing right now.
That is putting me in danger.
And that's a practice that itgets easier.
If you do it once, it's alittle difficult, it's a little
(45:48):
less difficult the next time.
But one of the tricks thatmeditators always use in order
to be able to better managetheir emotions is what am I
thinking?
Where am I feeling it?
What am I thinking?
Where am I feeling it?
We even will do things like ifI'm really having trouble
(46:12):
controlling an emotion, I mightstart asking myself things like
where is my emotion?
What shape is my emotion?
What color is my emotion?
If my emotion could hold water,how much water would it hold?
So I really start putting acolor and a feeling and the
moment I start doing that, itbrings me into the present
(46:36):
moment and I realized thatthere's no danger at my
breathing close, my breathingslows down.
The other thing, another thingto be very practical
intentionally slow yourbreathing, intentionally, even
if you have, I like, I like thefour eight breathing yeah,
(46:56):
breathe in to a 4 count and outto an 8 count.
So it's in 2, 3, 4, out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
What happens just this ishelpful to know is that when you
slow your breathing downintentionally, you are slowing
(47:19):
the movement of your diaphragm.
Diaphragm is connected to anerve called the vagus nerve.
The vagus nerve is the longestnerve in your body and it
touches all of your organs andwhen you intentionally slow down
the motion of your diaphragm,it sends a signal to your brain
that you're out of danger andyour brain will send a signal to
(47:41):
your heart to slow down.
So you can reverse the processof I'm scared and it sends it
down and my heart starts pumpingand my diaphragm starts.
It goes from here to here.
You can actually go from thereto there.
You can actually go from thediaphragm to the head.
So if you intentionally slowyour diaphragm down, even if
(48:04):
it's, you want to breathe faster, because mostly when you're
scared you're a chest breatherand now you're going to try to
drop it down a little.
But it may seem difficult, itmay seem like your body doesn't
want to slow down.
Yeah, just do it with countingor just slow your breathing down
.
Don't try to, don't try tode-stress yourself, don't try to
(48:29):
stop the thinking, don't try tomake yourself feel better.
Your only intention is to slowyourself, feel better.
Your only intention is to slow,literally physically slow your
breathing down.
Okay, and it won't take five,10 breaths before you start to
feel it.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
That's perfect.
What a great way to do it.
Really practical steps for usto be able to start to get
re-centered.
I just love that's outstanding.
You mentioned at the start ofthis conversation a few
important people that have comeinto your life, and so somebody
and maybe it was one of thoseindividuals, or from somewhere
else, maybe it was out of a book, but what would be, would you
(49:10):
say, would be.
It was the best piece of advicethat you've been given, and how
is that still serving you today?
Speaker 3 (49:16):
Best piece of advice.
How is that still serving youtoday, best piece of advice.
There's so many that are runningthrough my head right now, but
what comes to mind is Carl Saganhas a little YouTube video
(49:37):
called A Pale Blue Dot and it isa picture of the Earth from
outside of Jupiter and all it isa pale blue dot hanging in a
stream of sunlight.
So incredibly insignificant,and I know this sounds bad.
(50:02):
Life is hard and then you die,and that's all there is to it,
man, that's it.
Life is hard and then you die.
So you know we really areincredibly insignificant.
Speaker 1 (50:15):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
And there is something that gives us the
ability to be so much biggerthan we are in recognizing our
insignificance.
Not meaning anything allows meto mean anything I wanted to be.
I don't know, that's a little,maybe that's a little weird, but
that's what comes to mind.
(50:37):
Go watch that Pale Blue Dot byCarl Sagan on YouTube.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Absolutely.
We sure will.
You know, bob, of everythingthat we spoke about today, and
maybe there was something wedidn't get a chance to touch on,
what would be a takeaway you'dwant our listeners to have?
Speaker 3 (50:54):
That you're not your thoughts.
You're so much bigger than yourthoughts.
Speaker 1 (51:13):
You're so much more than your thoughts.
You're the about living withpurpose, and so your insights
has really given us someframework now that we can start
finding some balance, hopefullysome inner peace for those that
are listening today and start tomaster our life and both men
are interested in getting a holdof you and participating in
your work.
What's the best way for them todo that?
Speaker 3 (51:33):
And one more thing I want to say.
The symbol of Taoism is the yin, yang, yes, the male and female
energy.
Don't be mistaken in thinkingthat men are made out of yang
and women are made out of yin.
We are a combination, all of usare a combination of male and
female energies.
If we didn't have the femaleenergy in us, we wouldn't be
(51:57):
able to relate to women.
If they didn't have the femaleenergy in us, we wouldn't be
able to relate to women.
If they didn't have male energyin them, they wouldn't be able
to relate to us.
So, honor the two energies.
Okay, I just had to say that.
Yeah, if you want to knowanything, I have some e-books
that are free and downloadablethat answer all these questions,
(52:19):
because everybody keeps askingthem.
So I figured I'd write it downand I tell you.
I'm coming up, I just finishedand I'm going to post.
It is a self-assessment on howmindful are you, and I'm going
to post that on my website aswell.
It's going to be fun, butanyway, go to my website and
everything is thereawiseandhappylifecom.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
Perfect.
I want to make sure thatinformation's in today's show
notes, as well as wherever elsethat you're hanging out on the
internet, and so, as we closetoday's episode, I want to
challenge all of us with asimple but profound question Are
you truly living with clarity,purpose and flow?
Too often we get caught up,trying to control everything,
missing the opportunity to alignourselves with what life is
(53:05):
offering us, and that's why Ialso want to introduce you some
work that we're doing here, andit's called Living With
Integrity.
This is a program that'sdesigned to help men reconnect
with their purpose, master theirmindset and create a life of
balance and fulfillment.
So, if you're ready to stopresisting and to start flowing,
take the first step today.
Go to memberstheawakenedmannetand take our free integrity
(53:29):
challenge.
It's an opportunity for you tolive with purpose, lead with
clarity, so let's get startedright now.
Thank you so much for listening.
Have a great day.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary
man podcast.
Are you ready to own yourdestiny, to become more the man
you are destined to be?
Join the brotherhood that isthe Awakened man at
theawakendmannet and startforging a new destiny today.
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